#find out probably never lmao

[alexisntedgy]

thomas is such an interesting character because everything he does is so affected by his trauma. and even though there’s layers to that trauma, all of those layers stem from or ultimately come back to one event (his death). his trauma is complex, but at the same time it happened in a millisecond.

we don’t see other characters react the way he does to sudden loud noises (save for the captain at times, but that’s just him I think) or have the obviously deeply flawed thought processes he has. he’s stuck in a cycle of almost recreating the build-up to the traumatic event or searching for the same thing over and over again (women who look like Isabelle did, frankly). obsessing over things, but especially women, to the point where at times he is actively trying to convince himself he’s in love.

we see this very clearly in season 3 with his rapid switching of love interests between two women who happen to look alike, and he even twists Mary’s words so it affirms to him that what he is experiencing is infatuation and not a very, very long lived and deeply ingrained trauma response.

his lack of boundaries is not okay by any means, but ultimately I’ve met so many people with complex trauma (which I also have) who have shockingly similar thought patterns. his understanding of love is both immature/underdeveloped and tainted by the pain his mind associates with it by default.

final note for this rant: the fact thomas touches his wound when romance or death are brought up is such a clever detail regarding all of this.

#I mock thomas so much but he deserved a chance to develop as a character #I really think somebody could’ve broken those walls of flawed and intense thinking down #it does make sense that he never quite reached that point though #because he didn’t even find out how he actually died until season 2 #which probably made everything even worse lmao #like even the captain was entirely himself by the end of the show #thomas was still locked behind those Trauma Doors ya know #bbc ghosts #ghosts #six idiots #thomas thorne #thomas ghosts

[revenantghost]

There are a lot of very different, very strong opinions on this scene--but I personally love how they handled it.

Nai is a character that commits many, many atrocities. Multiple genocide attempts, that whole thing with Vash and the dependents, so fucking much. But every villain is the hero of their own story.

And don't get me wrong, the scene where Knives chops off Vash's arm in Trimax? Absolutely brutal, shocking, and impactful. I love it. But this moment, for me, highlights that Knives isn't purely made of spite and hatred. He's full of fear. He's so afraid to lose what he loves.

I hate him. I hate what he does to the characters I care for, I hate how he demeans and violates others, I hate, you know, the excessive murder. But I get it. I've made fucked up choices trying to protect those I care about, I'll probably do it again. And that's what makes him one of the best antagonists I've ever seen.

#Trigun #Tristamp #Trigun Stampede #TristampParty #Blood #I think about this scene A LOT #I love Trigun and its nuanced antagonists #It's so fucking good #I could never #Me: I hate this character #Trigun writers: Do u tho? Can you hate every part of them with your whole heart? #Or can you find that slice of empathy that Vash always has? #I'd still defenestrate the fuck out of Knives given the chance tho lmao #Would it kill him? Probably not #Would I feel better? Yes

[not-poignant]

Tbh one of the reasons I haven't gotten around to Palmarosa yet is because I knew I had to do a fuckton more worldbuilding research and couldn't be bothered because I was like 'this is going to be a lot more work than it needs to be.'

And after 4 straight hours and over 50 tabs which distilled down into 2000 words of worldbuilding that isn't even me getting to the chapter yet, I was right lmao. But in good news, it means I can officially get started! We're going to Luskan, folks :D

#palmarosa #thespectaclesofthor #i've got a bunch of new characters whose names we'll probably never learn #even though they have names #and i've researched more into espruar than i ever cared to #and then had to invent some new terms #anyway i tried to keep the worldbuilding as short as possible #i could write *two chapters* in four hours with the right motivation #so sometimes i get a little annoyed at how long worldbuilding takes #when most of it never ends up in the story lmao #sdalkjfsdlakfjas #i also found a line of scandinavian perfumes i kind of want to try #only to find out they don't ship to australia so

[bonefall]

mistystar n who

I think fratboy Podlight who sends his powerful grandmother stupid texts is a VERY funny concept.

"My dad didn't love me because he could never move on from the lover he had in his 20s. My sister is up to no good. I party hard at Aftergatherings about it, are you rockin' with me?"

He is 38 cat-years-old.

#BB!Podlight #Aftergatherings #Better bones au #Fennelposting #There's a secret AU of the AU where everything is exactly the same but the cats have the ability to text tbh #I do occasionally just for fun imagine what their phones would be like for no particular reason #Misty is the sort of old person you think you'll have to teach how to use an app #But the moment never comes and you find out she actually has a whole ass burner phone and even refuses to upgrade to-- #--a more modern model because she doesn't trust a device she can't take the battery out of #And your blood goes cold for a moment because like... Gamgam?? Silly funny gamgam with the long speeches at gatherings??? #When pressed she's just like ''once you give a secret to the world you can never take it back. Knowledge is power and power is a weapon.'' #It's fun. I wish I had a way to translate half of these fun phone thought experiments into canon compliance lmao #Btw just as an aside. If this ever DID become an original project it would probably take some inspiration from like... #I really love the new Zelda games' magitech take on an apocalypse. VERY cool idea. #Months ago I had a passing thought of Fallen causing such an apocalypse and entertained it for fun for a while. #Put it down ofc because I like the project in its current form #But it was a fun thought.

[mattodore]

new questionnaire photos <3

#good morning!!! woke up and started editing these right away bc i'm in the hospital with oc plague unforch 😔</3 #i just updated the old questionnaires with these actually ‼️ #i want to make individual photos for the old ones too with all the bells and whistles but for now these will be the placeholders! #river dipping #theodore doe #matthias evanoff #echthroi #ts4 #ts4 edit #simblr #also yeah finally took off the slutty turtleneck only to replace it with a slutty mock neck instead. had to get rid of the label tho #matthias hates branded lettering or imagery on clothes... you would never find this man wearing a graphic t-shirt i think he'd rather die #he's SOOOO snobby lmao #these are from when i was fixing their sims and saving a proper version of their household the other day #i’m still cleaning out my library of trays and getting their outfits in order! #but i’m so close to being ready to rip their sims for poses 🧎 #i have so many pose ideas now!! but i think i should probably start working on their homes first #just so i have layouts and everything in mind while making poses #i think theo’s apartment and matthias’s chateau are the ones to work on… #theo’s apartment should be the easiest bc it’s the smallest #but. knowing me… even an apartment is going to take me weeks to make #i really want to start though. #i think of theo’s bedroom in his apartment all the time like in my head it's really cluttered with all these little trinkets #these things theo's picked up over the last three years since he's been living on his own #and it's all dark browns and greens... stained glass... beautiful tiles... ugh #his apartment is so gorgeous in my head!!! trust me!!! #...also by new questionnaire photos i do mean i'm writing a new one lmao jnhkjf not that these are new pics for the old ones—tho they are! #i'm glad to actually be writing abt mattodore again bc the last month or so i was like. controlled by the urge to make edits #like!! enough visuals!! let's write!!!

[justarandombrit]

goat man goat man goat ma-

#its everyone's favourite tumblr-sexyman-ified bastard of time #anyway i havent been drawing a lot recently so this definitely isn't my best #also i never want to look at the colour yellow again lmao #tinky #t'noy karaxis #tnoy karaxis #hatchetverse #hatchetfield #nerdy prudes must die #the summoning #curt mega #(how does it feel to be a tumblrified goat man curt?) #(oh shit he actually has tumblr doesn't he... he probably knows about the sexymen-ified lords in black) #starkid fanart #starkid #team starkid #since i swapped fandoms ive been having to learn to draw all new characters so most of my recent stuff has been sub-par #this was just a doodle i liked and decided to flesh out #fingers crossed ill get back to posting more art more often #(i have a drawing of owen that every week or so ill go back and edit because i find another part i dislike... i might post it eventually)

[politemagic]

eepy bois & their tamagotchis

i was having fun perusing this site & decided that they needed a tamagotchi to care for on tour.

#i truly have no idea what compelled me to do this. i saw this website and once i saw the one i picked for iv and my brain said 💡 #iii is absolutely forgetting about it. he's so careful for the first few days but then he forgets/loses it & it dies. #when he finds it he probably has a funeral for it. he writes a eulogy and talks about how he'll never love another lil guy again. #vessel wants to take care of it but the first time it starts beeping too much and annoying him he's out i feel like lmao #whereas iv is caring very dearly for his little fellow. he takes this responsibility very seriously. #ii would never admit it but he ALSO takes this responsibility very seriously. taking care of his lil guy makes him happy #i'm mentally preparing myself for this post to be an absolute flop lmaoooooo. but i couldn't keep these in my head i had too much fun #worshitposting #em's worshitposting

[otaku553]

Oc aged up? Redesign? Doodle

#goal was to make him 2x as unlikeable than before lmao #I think story bits are putting themselves together #older cot is now in a position of leadership #Vv left the team or retired for reasons after a big fight #during which xieran lost an eye and all of them got traumatized #cot grapples with the feeling of betrayal from Vv leaving them but also understanding of their reasons and cot’s own desire to retire #cot doesn’t like playing by the rule book anymore and actively goes out of their way to make things difficult for everyone besides xieran #ie getting paperwork done on time and then hiding it so the people who need it can’t find it or have to go to extreme lengths to find it #stops caring altogether for the organization which they work for #maybe even has several contingencies or leverage to bring the organization down to its knees #and instead of using it just dangles it over their head for the amusement of their grappling and vulnerability #their own petty revenge for what he perceives as the organization forcing his closest friend to break under pressure and leave #he also knows fully well that bringing down the organization would be forcing the several hundreds under their employment into poverty #which he doesn’t do mostly because xieran still exists as a voice of reason for them #probably feels some amount of guilt for being the only unharmed out of the battle that injured xieran and pushed Vv to retirement #after all their role is never at the front line. at the best they are a distance attacker #because they insist on bringing a gun to a sword fight

[von-karmas-a-bitch]

pov you're franziska and you're 11 years old and you just started your first period and papa has NOT been helpful but your brother has conducted extensive research and is handling it surprisingly well

#i am never gonna finish this so have the wip lmao #do you have any idea how difficult it is for me a furry. to draw not only a human but a human with kinda yaoi proportions #by tracing him over eminem's lanky ass. of all people #im honestly amazed it didn't turn out a lot worse #i spent way longer on this than i thought i would #i didn't think it would even result in something i was comfortable posting lmao but here we are #also i thought abt looking up what people use in germany and/or finding the german packaging of products we have in the uk too #but with the god-awful-to-nonexist transparent png's online shops be uploading for their websites i can only assume are ran by boomers #i was like yknow what im just gonna use what im familiar with and consider high end and/or bougie #i would not be caught dead using nurofen and neither would most people i know on account of generic stuff is cheaper + works the same #but i imagine they must make their money somehow. probably from people who are well off enough to not really think abt that stuff #and being the perfectionists they are the von karma household are not gonna use the german equivalent of tesco's own version of anything #so. we've got what in my heavy period having opinion are The Only Acceptable Pads #then we've got expensive ice cream with a european-sounding name bc of course #then we've got the chocolate 11yo me was always craving but could rarely have bc ny dad was a cheapskate so. i assume it's expensive #the nurofen of course #and. i don't know much abt what paracetamol brands are considered bougie and was already soso tired #so i just. grabbed one that wasn't a generic tesco version and went with it #i was also gonna put a hot water bottle in a cute fluffy case but i forgor so just pretend it's there #fanart #shitpost #miles edgeworth #sibling brainrot #my art #my shitposts #im..... not putting this in the aa tag #not bc im embarrassed abt the art itself but bc im afraid that if the cis men catch a glimpse of it they'll clown on me and call me gross #bc cis men do not know how to be normal about periods #it's a fact of life grow up this isn't cursed it is incredibly wholesome and sweet to imagine miles reading several wikipedia articles #in order to better understand and assist his little sister through her first period. it's cute it's not gross fuck you

[sluttyten]

My afraid-of-romance ass has just been asked by another regular customer for my number and the stupid thing is that again I do think this guy is kinda cute and I really probably should say yes

#the fear tho lmao #what am I afraid of? I have no fucking clue #this is why I’m still questioning my sexuality lol like what am I? do I even actually like guys? do I like anyone? #in an existential spiral at the moment #but honestly why do they always ask for my number #like dude just give me yours and let me make the decision when you’re not right here in front of me #but I felt bad telling him no today just because the last time a customer asked and I said yes I almost immediately regretted it #and then that didn’t work out because I thought he was too young #young* and now he still sometimes comes by and I just feel awkward about it #maybe I should turn to Facebook and see if I can find him because I have set an age limit for myself and I really don’t want to entertain #anyone younger than that #but I’m……… I know I’m like never active in here anymore #but I just needed to talk about this somewhere #because any of my coworkers would probably tell me I’m being ridiculous or they’d just seriously keep questioning why I keep saying no to #customers that hit on me and my best friend would probably also not get it #idk y’all I just needed to rant about it/talk about it #anyway I’m definitely gonna stress over this until tomorrow #and I’m gonna feel really bad if he stops coming by

[katabay]

it's time for another episode of desk posting!

I'm still in the guts of plotting out Bad Governance, it's a very fun but very dense puzzle to figure out on account of Keeping Track Of All The Election Cycles, which drive the interpersonal drama.

also crammed in there is my current ideas notebook, because I was jotting down some stray thoughts I had about Jack the Giant Killer, and I'll probably cycle back to it in a month or two with another idea that ties everything together and transforms it from a collection of thoughts to 'ohhhhh I want to turn this into a comic for real.'

#lmao i meant to do these once a week as an informal hang out type of post and immediately. my sense of time. gone! #where is november. where did it go. where am i. WHO am i. a collection of pens probably. #desk posting tag #i might curate some kind of reading tag but frequently i read stuff and go 'wow! loved that!' and then think about the critical #reading skills ive seen on the topic and go 'oh I DONT like that' and while i believe that you should never assume the worst #i find myself. unwilling. to wade into those waters just yet. #soon tho. i have thoughts about grail quest narratives and i will. heugh. hdhdhrughh. ehgh.

[zinniapetals]

do you think Ango is ever like ‘yeah sometimes i think about dying haha who hasnt’ and goes back to work and his coworkers are like what the fuck

#bsd #bsd ango #ango sakaguchi #ango is like yeah I wanna die but the grind never stops #I wonder if being around Dazai and oda changed his sense of humor / perception #Dazai saying I want to die and oda being like same but not really and ango being like wtf no #flashfoward to the end of their lupin days and ango is like lmao same but I can’t I have too much work #anyways I think about ango a lot and how he probably finds a case that’s like so poorly done #and he’s like these are rookie numbers they only embezzaled how much #I knew someone that did x amount with half the time #and his coworkers are like wow you know so much ango #and he’s like….yeah I guess…. #dark era novel has him pretty levelheaded but he was with oda and Dazai so he had to be the adult #anyways ango used slang that’s going out of style and tsujimura is like bestie…no #ango joking and it being super dark humor and his coworkers are asking him if he’s okay #him thinking oda would have laughed or Dazai would have made a darker joke in reply #text #liztalks

[analyzingadventure]

You know I actually never realized this before-- so you remember how tri. retconned Original Chosen fighting and defeating Apocalymon into them fighting the Dark Masters instead? (To be fair it is possible they could've ALSO fought Apocalymon afterwards but that isn't the Epic Final Showdown tri. decided to depict so it's borderline a retcon)

If the Original 5 Chosen fought and defeated the Dark Masters once in the distant past, doesn't that mean that

A) They survived and hid for just a few thousand years until they came back for a Round 2 at conquering the world

B) They died, were reborn, and THEN went for the Round 2

You know I've just DYING with curiosity, desperately wanting to know if any of the villians in Adventure would ever be reborn after Adventure, right. Because according to the lore they should, right (unless their data was like somehow absorbed by Apocalymon and destroyed along with him (though that would still leave Piemon as an exception (and Vamdemon but we all know what happened to him) and the sole survivor))

And what tri. has essentially done is confirm that most of them should, in fact, be reborn sooner or later

But that just raises the question of if Apocalymon was lowkey driving the Dark Masters nuts (as suggested by the novels), and if tri. was kind of about destroying the last remnants of Apocalymon's data (within Meicoomon), if they were reborn this time would they be free of Apocalymon's influence

If so, would their third (?) lives then turn out different? Would they still try to take over the world all over again for funsies (this time just without Apocalymon giving them power etc), or were they just the same as Ken was in Zero Two? I mean Apocalymon was supposed to be a spawn of Milleniummon and Ken was infected with Mille's malice directly, so while it may have been a bit filtered it was still the same source of malice and corruption, right

And like regardless of how their next lives would turn out, shouldn't the kids (OR AT THE VERY FUCKING LEAST GENNAI) like realize that this is going to happen eventually and like. Go and see if they can find them (either as their pre-Ultimate forms or even when they're still in their Eggs) and try to figure out what to do BEFORE shit hits the fan

I JUST

#Sorry I'm rewatching the second half of Adventure while working (it improves my focus actually) and #Oh the brainworms are real #Text post #I'm sorry I'm just thinking about Pinocchimon. My sweet poor murder child just needed friends 😭 #But even if he was reborn without the craving for blood- who would be friends with him. After all he did in his past life #Who would want to be friends with him. Who would forgive him #IS HE GONNA BE DOOMED TO BE ALONE FOREVER. I'M 😭😭😭 #Meanwhile for all we know Piemon is still stuck in that other dimension 10 years later lmao #Depending on if tri.'s reboot ever affected him at all or not because god fucking knows we'll never find out #(Or if he even COULD be affected by the reboot to begin with. God knows Wizarmon seemed to be fucking IMMUNE to it) #(Even though it was supposed to reset EVERYBODY) #But also that could have horrifying implications too if Piemon was just left to cook overnight with a part of Apocalymon #Like Apocalymon is just a collection of grudge and hate from Digimon who've gone extinct right #What's stopping that part of Apocalymon from just restarting the collection of hatred and grudge all over again #This time using Piemon as a vessel to just contain it #Like Apocalymon came from beyond the Wall of Fire to begin with so it's not like dimensional barriers should stop him either #I mean the good news is that there probably haven't been that many Digimon species that've gone extinct after Adventure #But still kids. Y'all might have a timebomb on your hands #Edited to remove some of excessive cursing lmao. I was feeling very intense when writing this sorry lmao

[altruistic-meme]

if you could... describe aftg in 5 words

oh this is not as easy a question to answer as it should be akfhsdkf bc like. i could describe its plot, or my thoughts on it as a fan, or how it makes me feel, or just make a joke, or or or and bc idk why you're asking it makes it harder :'))

but let's see...

plot: gay sports mafia found family.

fan: drama, familiarity, trauma, comedy, home

feelings: love, understanding, chaos, joy, comfort

joke: you know, i get it-

(as you can see, i couldn't pick which one to go with, so choose whichever 5 words you want lmao)

#anyway the hard part is cus like. if you're already a fan then you KNOW it's plot #and i would go with either feelings or joke probably #if you aren't a fan you won't understand joke and maybe want the plot to see if you'd want to read it #in which case getting my feelings or thoughts on it could also help you decide #especially bc 'gay sports mafia' is something it has been described as OFTEN #and thus you wouldn't necessarily need ME to tell you that #anywya #i spent WAY TOO MUCH TIME thinking about this so ya know. i do hope you see this kshdfhsd #i know how it can be sending anon asks #especially if you don't follow the person you sent it to like MAN rememebring to check in and then scrolling the blog to find it???? #so sorry i never shut up here #anyway if you ARE someone who hasn't read it yet and are interested; please feel free to reach out to me with any questions!!! #aftg contains a lot of potentially triggering material so it's good to have some understanding of what you're walking into! #(i did not but thankfully i'm not easily triggered by most things lmao but it still is nice to have that warning) #aftg #askers #anon #shh ac #also if you HAVE read it please appreciate my joke. i think im very funny.

[natelia-aldelliz]

Guys... Listen I know I said I'd draw something for valentine's day but I had a bit of a rough week sooooo I'm just going to write it out instead, maybe I'll finish drawing it some day, maybe not. It's behind a show more because it's long.

(also there's talks about having sex but no actual sex, and like, general warnings about Ghost's backstory but it's very vague here).

Soap was hanging around outside, trying to bring himself to do something, anything. But the weather was nice for a February day, and the sun was out, and it was making him feel like a cat basking in the heat.

An arm wrapped itself around his shoulders, a huge body suddenly weighing on him. Ghost.

Soap hummed comfortably. This day was getting better by the minute. Any chill he might have felt from being outside in a tank top out of pure Scottish spite was instantly soothed.

Simon often times saw himself as a cold man, freezing to the touch, hidden behind a layer of ice. A proper little Elsa, Soap almost snorted out loud. The truth was that while yes, his fingers and toes' temperature was sometimes abysmal, especially in bed, the rest of him was the warmest place Johnny had ever been.

"I've got something for you in our room," Ghost whispered against his throat, making Soap shiver.

Simon had begun calling Soap's room theirs a few weeks ago and Johnny couldn't have enough of it. He was so in love it genuinely hurt sometimes to restrain himself from squeezing him to death.

"Is that so?" he purrs, knowing how Ghost likes that. If this day didn't end in sex he'd be very surprised. He'd long learned to recognize when Simon wanted sex and when he didn't, and the way he squeezed his pec in response to his voice was a very easy tell.

But then again Simon was way less subtle than he thought he was.

They made their way back to their room, and there it was, a repurposed shoebox, badly wrapped with cheap wrapping paper. Johnny couldn't be more excited, he had never received any gift from a significant other. To be fair he adored gifting but always felt awkward receiving.

But this was Simon. Something that Simon had chosen to give him.

He sat on the bed, leaving enough space behind him for Ghost to sit there so he could use him as a very comfortable backrest. When he did, he grabbed the gift and began opening it.

He knew that Ghost liked to tear the wrapping paper, liked the sound of it and liked tearing it into the smallest pieces possible after, but he himself loved carefully unwrapping it and folding it flat so he could later maybe do an origami with it or put a piece in his journal. Probably both.

This one was full of tape but he still very much enjoyed himself, considered it a challenge. He enjoyed the chase, wanted to drag it on. Ghost huffed impatiently behind him, a bit tense, probably nervous.

Inside the box was a weird old fashioned clunky thing. It was bright red, looked slightly like binoculars, definitely from the 70's, with a wheel of tiny pictures wedged in the top of it. Memories hit him all at once.

"Oh my god ah remember, my Ma had one of these when ah was a child! My sister and I loved it, it had pretty landscapes in!"

He put it against his eyes, excited to see what this one came with. At his biggest surprise, it was a picture of them. Simon had customised it.

The picture showed the back of himself a bit further away from the camera, pointing at something while in full gear, in a dilapidated town, Ghost's face in the foreground looking at the camera. It looked like Soap was talking to someone, but that person was cut by the framing.

"Wait, ah remember that mission, it's when ah saved Gaz from a landmine just to be shot seconds later," he laughed. "ah spent two fucking weeks in the hospital, ah was miserable. Ye kept joking ah should hiv left Gaz explode while staring at him, he was convinced ye actually wanted him dead!"

Then the next picture was indeed him in his hospital bed, unconscious but the state of his injuries told him he was probably just sleeping at least a few days after his admission, his life no longer in danger. In this one, Ghost was sleeping too, head in his elbow near Soap's head and his other hand holding Soap's hand.

"Who took this one?" Soap asked, moved by the tenderness of Ghost's hold on him in the picture. It would have been right after Johnny had admitted to maybe liking him more than friends, before they were officially dating.

"The hospital one?"

Soap hummed.

"Price did. Said it was for blackmail. Should have seen him, he looked like his child had just married the person of their dreams and had ridden off into a rainbow on a unicorn or some shit. Old man's sentimental as fuck, but I didn't call him on his bullshit, he's already old, that's punishment enough."

Soap giggled in response. The next few pictures were all of them together but each time he was either turning his back or asleep.

"Why the fuck am ah never looking at the camera?" he whined. He wanted some cute couple pictures, dammit!

"Couldn't have you suspecting what I was planning," Simon said, kissing his shoulder soothingly. Only then Soap noticed that he had taken his mask off at some point and turned to ask for a proper kiss, which he immediately got.

"Keep going, there's more pictures," Simon whispered against his lips when he tried to turn around to kiss him some more. His pouting only got him a smirk in response, so he got comfortable again and brought the slide viewer back against his eyes.

He was happy he did. The next picture waiting for him was just Simon in the mirror, almost in full gear, but with one gloveless hand dragging his trousers down so the camera could see the bottom of his stomach, follow along his happy trail and reaching the very top of his pubic hair. The picture cut of his head, but he could see that his mouth was uncovered and he was holding the glove with his teeth.

Soap groaned. "Steaming Jesus, love, you're so hot."

He felt Simon hide his face in the back of his neck, warmer than usual, and chuckled a bit. He loved him so fucking much.

There were four more pictures of Simon, in various suggestive poses and states of undress, some almost showing his cock but never quite committing, making Johnny feel like he was being teased.

He was getting hard though and so ready to be done with the pictures and access the real thing. But Simon was still tense behind him. In fact, he had only gotten tenser and tenser with each click.

Soap was unsure why. They never had a problem with their sexual life, Simon had already changed his mind about having sex after starting and Soap had absolutely no problem with that, was glad to hug him instead and reassure him when he had tried to apologize.

Simon knew that there was no pressure, ever, to have sex. Hell, Johnny would still be happy even if Simon decided that he never wanted to have sex again, and he had made sure to make Simon understand that.

Then he got to the last picture and immediately understood.

It wasn't a picture of either of them, just a little bit of paper, with a few words written in Ghost's awful handwriting.

Just a few words that made Johnny drop the viewer on the covers and turn around to grab Simon's face, worriedly looking in his eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asked, looking for any trace of Simon forcing himself. "Baby, ah'm happy to bottom for the rest of mah life, there's no pressure, okay?"

Simon looked at him with warmth in his eyes and his cheeks completely red, a wrapping bow added on top of his head. "I know," he said simply. "I just want to. I don't want to be haunted by memories anymore. I used to like it, and I want to like it again. With you. Just.... Be gentle, okay?"

Johnny kissed his forehead. "Ah dinnae think ah ken how no tae be gentle with ye, love."

#cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #ghostsoap #soapghost #listen i'm sure there are romantic people somewhere who think it's valentine's day everyday so how late can that be #to be fair i am terrible at deadlines i don't know why i keep giving them to myself cause i soon as i do i know i'm never doing the thing #i've also burnt out my drawing capacities for now so probably expect more writing than drawing for a bit while my poor tiny brain recovers #if anyone is wondering yes soap forgot it was valentine's day #not because he forgot about it - he just forgot to track the days and didn't know they were the 14th he had a gift ready tho #he got ghost a chocolate tablet that ghost had once complained about not being able to find anymore that's actually just me complaining irl #that my supermarket doesn't seem to have white chocolate tablets with puffed rice inside like they did when i was a child #i have no idea how that applies to anywhere else lmao maybe other supermarkets have them but i hate going to supermarkets i don't know #anyway lmao sorry my love language is ranting #soap doesn't generally like receiving gifts because he feels like he doesn't deserve them like he didn't have to work for them #and so he feels guilty when he gets one but he hasn't told anyone about that #he was happy there but if ghost gives him ''too many'' gifts he's gonna start feeling bad bc he has just as much issues as everyone else #just hides them better

[manasurge]

.

#sometimes I wish drawing wasn't such a lonely activity #am in a bit of a social mood but can't find anything to socialize about #i also wish I didn't need to spend ALL DAY trying to prep my brain to try to draw; despite it being something I wanna do and enjoy #why must i have executive dysfunction over my hobbies #this is why it takes me one million years to something I can actually get done in a few days at most #i'm so incredibly frustrated and it's super depressing and bumming me out #it's just so frustrating and i'm so irritated at myself #i know it's shark week so maybe it's why i'm a bit of a mess; but usually it doesn't affect me during the time so idk #also i love how every night I get to deal with the crippling dread and lowkey anxiety attacks bc everything i'm avoiding/afraid of and it- #- keeps festering in my mind and makes me avoid sleep for as long as possible and i'm stuck in an eternal negative feedback loop #i can't even do the thing i enjoy bc my brain is making it hard for me #not to mention that I constantly get those thoughts about how i'm never getting anywhere in life and i am in fact; ALONE #no irl friends or family and it still scares me to think about how worse things will get in the future for me. #not to mention not having a career or being capable of doing any kind of secondary schooling makes the dread even worse #but again frustrated and i can't even apply positive activities like how I'd usually do; not to mention i'm just always mad at myself about #-everything lmao #stupid brain just let me enjoy me hobby bc i wanna do it and you're not letting me and it's making me feel worse #delete later probably idk lmao