So I'm eight days post partum, happily married to my husband, checking out Kate Moennig online in the middle of the night when I can't sleep to bring back the balance in my sexuality, in my personality, in my identity. Because well now, as a mother, who am I?
Sometimes you just have to put on those knee-high socks, an oversized t-shirt and sit on your bed with the music blasting. I know I am not an angsty teen anymore, but nothing makes me feel more like myself.
Here I am one year postpartum (almost 13 month!) and I finally feel like I'm finding myself again.
I find joy in things I do for me again. I want to buy things for me again. It's great.
The other day I went to get a haircut and it felt soooo good to have someone take care of my hair after such a long time. It also felt nice to talk about me for a second. What kind of cut I want. She recommended me a hair oil. It was so nice. She also worked really quick. It was amazing. The whole experience left me with so much joy and energy. I did not have to drive far and she was super quick which led to me being away for less than an hour, but this short time gave me soooo much of myself and my energy back.
Other things I've been doing for myself:
- planting some seeds
- coloring in my adult coloring book
- sewing
I also look forward on sharing some of these experiences with my little one. Like watering my plants with him or drawing together. He is so much more fun these days and I truly feel like we got it together. Finally.
i'm relearning how to write on my mother language. i've used english as a safe space for most part of my life. i've read and written in english because my family couldn't (can't) understand it, so i took it as the only way to keep my secrets safe. they can't touch it here, they can't absorb it here. but i've lost so much in doing so. i don't know how to use my own language to tell the stories i bleed and english is not enough anymore because i don't live with it. and i'll always be grateful for everything english has provided me, but, right now, i believe is the right moment to find my roots, find the kid who hid behind a translation barrier and take their hand and show them that it's okay to be themself. we don't need to hide. not all the time. it's not going to be easy, but i'll try so hard and i will make it. you'll see. i'll shine again. in more languages now.
you can now support me on ko-fi ! i do not take commissions at the moment and i hope i never will have to ever again tho !!!! thank u for understanding <33