#fine. i guess i'll at least *try* to sleep a bit. jeez.
welcome to the day a duck ruins your perception of items in genshin impact.
i uh. made some items in genshin impact as yandere boys and what they're like sort of??
you could try and burn your eyes now.
;)
adepti seekers stove- he's going to be a tsundere no buts or uhts. he's the type of yandere that's trying to be protective and failing miserably everytime. so being impatient and angsty. so, he resorts in kidnapping you instead. but hey look on the bright side! even when you're kidnapped you can have delicious meals and snacks! secretly likes to cook for you a lot, but he won't admit it even in death. just don't question why there's a lingering scent of sleeping potions in your meal and you'll be good as jolly jee! probably wants you to help him in the kitchen, since he once heard that couples do that. would probably give you self esteem issues down the line. "didn't i tell you to not get hurt? are you that much of an idiot?? here. have this it'll lessen the pain just a bit so we can walk back home. just drink it already."
windsong lyre- smug bastard, smug shit. he's probably a player or just overly dramatic with everything. maybe he's righteous or something.. likes to show off his music skills a lot. he sucks at it tho. gaslights you probably in public places to add more pressure, because people are staring like you're having a performance or something. calls you love even if he's pissed at you for not listening to him, or accusing him of being toxic or suspecting him of being your stalker that always watches you from your window at 2am! would make you paranoid a lot. loves kissing your cheek and tickling you. he's a closeted pervert. you're gonna have to move in an isolated place too, he will spread rumours of you being his lover. "love, I'm sure that you're just overreacting. plus even if i was the stalker that you're talking about I wouldn't be oh so casually talking to you in public when I could've been hiding! jeez it's like your going crazy."
wind-blessed harpastrum- such sweety! just so wholesome bakes you a pie in tuesday sweet. seems patient too but beware he will break your legs when you get a little bit too bratty for his tastes. touch starved too and it shows, that's why he loves to cuddle you lots! really obsessed with what you think of him. if you say you hate him he'll tear up and try to convince you that he's good, but if you pretend that you like him he'll shower you with uncomfortable affection and confessions. really great at making bombs and torture weapons too. probably sewed in a bomb inside your body threatened that he will kill you with it if you leave. bad at darts and archery. if you say that to him he'll laugh and take out his diploma saying that he's too smart for those childish games. he's impulsive in decision making. "haha. you know. you almost escaped from me back there. but hey! now you won't do anything stupid like that ever again if you can't walk."
windblume balloon: listen man. im going to be killed but he's an airhead, pun intended right there. probably lowkey manipulative and doesn't even know it yet or chooses to ignore it. protective of you a lot. really delusional to the point that he rationalizes your escape as someone kidnapping you. so say goodbye to whoever poor stranger who was trying to help you escape they'll be greeted by an arrow through their head once he finds you. has a habit of holding your hand because he's afraid you might disappear from his line of sight and leave him all alone. if you let go tho he'll gorilla grip your hand, might crush it too. just very overprotective. he also doesn't know that he's an airhead. yeah."hm? why do i like holding you hand..? i just like it.. your hand makes me feel... uh. safe..? is that the word for it? ah. it was the word loved."
wind catcher- he's a full on sadist. throw all of your escape plans out the window, this guy will climb a mountain and ride any wind current available to catch and torture you. persistently trying to make you like him atleast a bit. yeah, he's that kind of delusional. would teasingly push you
of a cliff as a 'light' punishment. dark humour and likes to joke about killing you from time to time. note: he can kill you. and he would also do it by ripping you in half with the wind current so just stay in his house and be a good lover that'll shower him in kisses, okay? okay. he mostly sees you as a tool of interest, but not just any tool- you're his favourite tool. "pfft! hey stop crying now! you're making me feel bad! hm? oh? why am i doing this? well i mean maybe I'm angry that someone was trying to escape. again."
warming bottle- he will absolutely leave you in the cold if you were being a brat towards him. lives in dragonspine to spite you, also because he can just turn take away your blankets and anything that can give warmth so you gotta ask him to cuddle you to survive. he usually does this when he's feeling a little petty. which is so frequent. that you can almost give it a schedule. but don't tell him that. kind of a tsundere but only when it comes to physical affection since he's shy. that's why he has to take away your blankets so it looks like he's just mocking you but not because he's touch starved. he's not at home that much too but don't worry, he will make it up to you by uh.. physical activities.. "what? you're freezing? no shit we're in dragonspine. oh? you want me to hug you..? hm. fine. I'll indulge you for a bit. I am quite merciful."
parametric transformer- businessman that scams you a lot lol. he's going to be a masochist because i said so, yeah i know the electric stone thing gag that's why i made him a masochist. really likes to collect useless stuff and spoiling you, so expect your room to be filled with a lot of random things from jewelry to mushrooms and crabs. has a you should be grateful i even give stuff mindset. thinks that giving someone something of vaue would make them fall in love with him instantly. also probably loves it when you fight back especially when you successfully land a hit on him, he will enjoy it. but be careful he has different responses whenever you hit him. pick your poison. spends a ton of resources on everything to keep you in line. that rope costed him 700 pinecones. "why do you even wanna escape? i give you a ton of stuff so you won't get bored! hah. maybe if i had picked up someone else they would've been grateful."
portable waypoint- throw out your escape plans the season sequel. he's very quiet but has a small temper that won't last that much. maybe he's like that since he tries so hard to repress it. listen he's trying okay? escape always fails so quickly. one minute you're in springvale shouting, crying, begging for anyone to help you and then back to his house to see him sipping some tea. his punishments are cruel too- he makes sure to leave you in a den of monsters and ruin guards, waits until your in the brink of death and teleports you back to him. has a superiority complex over everyone too. probably likes to make you feel weak when you have to rely on him. loves to crush your self esteem. wants to be affectionate but thinks that you, as an inferior being, should be affectionate with him instead. so tsun. "see? this is what i was trying to tell you. you're too weak to actually survive out there. you even had to rely on me to save you. pathetic."
memento lens- mysterious and elegant. he's quite cryptic to say the least. likes to watch you from a far if he's feeling a bit angsty. you try to make sense of what he says and it just leads to you being confused even more. and he likes that about you. you actually try to understand him, even if what you guess is wrong. you're going to have a tough time with this guy if you wanna escape. just avoid any fox statues and you'll be good. the problem is the shrine maidens. they basically want the two of you to end up together so they don't have to deal with him. he's actually very gentle with you punishments still suck but atleast he doesn't do it physically, he just makes you write that you're sorry over and over until your wrist are tired. loves poetry and solving puzzles, riddles, scriptures. he's
smart but soft. "spring blossoms even in the darkest depths of uncertainty, is that why you have the courage to try and escape me..?"
kamera- perfectionist stalker. wants to make sure that the photos he takes of you are perfect to every extent. colour, lighting, and expressions. even if it means going inside your room and having the possibility of waking you up from your sleep. likes to take pictures of everything too. kind of like this; both of you are walking somewhere and he stops to take a picture of a sunset. he takes twenty minutes trying to find the correct angle. but the sun is already gone so he sulks. maybe- you can cheer him up by volunteering to be his model? you'll do that? right? also worships you like a god so if someone dared to even say something breath near you or celestia forbid insult you, best to say they'll be quickly disposed of by blackmail and fake shit. would not steal any of your belongings, he would just take pictures of it. so he's not that bad. "i consider everything in this world is beautiful, but you have surpassed that. so that is why im keeping you here. no one deserves even a glimpse of you!"
waverider toolbox- he's such a gentlemen and a sweetheart. always there to help you with repairs, sometimes he'd add some updates to it too. just ignore the stuff going missing inside your boat thing. he probably guilt-gaslight you into staying with him in his waverider then bam your in an island stranded. ahaha, now both of you just have to survive by working together ya know? like a loving couple likes hugs and physical affection a lot! bonus points if it's given when he's tired from doing his job. as i said tired guy so appreciates all the things you do for him whether it's paying for his meal or giving him a gift. next time, he'll make sure that you won't leave the island permanently. thinks that stranded island equals date smh. " ahh? oh! is this for me? really? thank you.. i don't usually receive gifts but that just makes this even more special! say, do you wanna go on a trip? i just fixed the waverider from last time."
red feather fan- mischievous little shit. likes to scare you a lot by appearing on trees and just jumping on you. knows that you're trying to escape but pretends not to since he likes to try and guess which direction you would run to. hugs you a lot even before he kidnaps you really touchy even if you say no he'll use the good ol puppy eyes! doesn't work? okay he'll just smell your clothes when you're sleeping as compensation. he likes to flirt with you a lot. some pickup are cheesy.. but others are a little- personal? acts cool by making a dramatic entrance everytime even. you know those radical superhero landing stuff? that's him. he would build a nest as your house even being a dick and placing it on top of a mountain, goodluck on trying to get down. "caught you! going to the shore was so predictable by the way. maybe you should try a different place next time, dear? hm? maybe a restaurant so we can have date? sounds great right?"
serenitea pot- unhinged malewife that wants to make a the perfect living space for you- ehem. probably a perfectionist if you squint hard enough. he's delusional but just a little lucid about the stuff he does to you. likes to make a ton of furniture too! personalized the room you're trapped in with a ton of valuable and expensive materials. just don't try to escape he'll cut your limbs off just like a damn tree shawtie. owns a shit ton of pets ranging from boars to cats. all of them are like bodyguards to you during your stay. dreams about having a peaceful life with you in the realm someday, sigh. he sometimes has burnouts where he just places a bunch of furniture on a single room and call it a day. "and here is your room! do.. do you like it? i made it just for you! i didn't know what wood you would prefer so i just settled on whatever i can find! ahaha. we're kind of like a married couple living together now... right?"
nre menu- he's probably going to be from the adventurers guild. really awkward and shy. takes for him a long time to
open up to you. when going on quests he's the one in charge of carrying the food and healing shit you need. really patient and nice! slightly uh mean with other people trying to talk to you but other than that everything is normal. everything is normal the long loving gaze he gives you every now and then and some food being left on your doorstep. yeah let's not question it i mean he's just so shy! he would never do anything wrong? right?? he's a closeted pervert, cliche i know but he's a pervert with a line to not cross. he just checks you out. good for him. would cry if given any ounce of affection. sweet baby. "t-that was a tough commission.. oh u-uh.. do you need some food to replenish your energy? we need to do the other commissions you know.. hm? why aren't you eating it.. something wrong with the food..?"
seelies- spoiled. that's the word to describe him. really straight forward with his courting kind of dumb? but he's so damn lucky for some unknown reason that your plans to avoid him always fail. yeah the high quality rope you just bought for 1000 mora? it broke and you fell into his arms. he's probably rich by sheer dumb luck too. finds a ton treasure chests even in the places you didn't expect. people pressure you into spending time with him. since he's just so cute! how could say no to such a face? it really feels like the gods are on his side ya know? he throws a lot of very very aggressive tantrums if you're not with him. thinks he's doing a good job at courting you, with rationalize rejection as a playing hard to get. "tada! look i got you this crystal i found while i was walking! it looks like a diamond and it has a ton of colours too?? is it valuable?? would you kiss me if i give it to you??"
endora- majestic, regal, and likes to explore a lot. he uh. probably trapped you in a bubble once or twice too. really curious about his surroundings, also has no personal space since it's first time going out. he would cuddle you when he feels like it homie. kidnapped you and made you his tour guide. don't try to fool him he learns quickly about stuff. fast swimmer, so no joining any expeditions in water if you don't want their ship to be wrecked by a mysterious being of the teyvat seas. he likes to see you cry. it's not a kink he just feels connected to you when you cry. doesn't have a house so you just live in a run down boat. he's doesn't know when you're lying to him sometimes. god complex bastard. "this world. at first i wasn't sure if i was going to like it or not, but ever since I've met you... I've grown to tolerate some parts.. so you should be thankful, you've convinced me. mortal."
intertwined fate/older twin- listen. he's just so smug about everything he does. and he knows you love him. probably invites you out on dinner only for him to not show up. so basically he's an asshole without a doubt. toxic boyfriend that gives you false hope and has a ton of admirers. you probably think he won't settle for you right? ah, he's not that cruel. so picks you as his lover out of all the billions of people. you should be grateful! he even kidnapped you! do you know how hard it was for him to go all the way from his home to yours? anyways yeah. asshole. he likes to do the open the door for darling trick where he just gives you a small crack on the door and watch you make a decision. it's an act of your loyalty. if you escape he'll make you feel pain. if you don't then he'll reward your patience. god complex bastard 2."sigh. did you try to escape? again? patience is the key to everything you know. maybe you should learn that. i expected more smart from you."
acquaint fate/younger twin- cinnamonroll he's such a sweet guy. he's always there for you when you need him. okay- he has a nice guy complex, fucking damn it. probably uses the but I've been there for you since the start trick unintentionally a lot. he just doesn't know he wants some action, so be thankful that he didn't just jump on you like a barbarian. he's kind of contradicting himself too. one hand he wants you to love him, on the other hand he doesn't
believe he deserves you. loves to give you the same things, remember that one painting you liked from two years ago? he got you that. quantity beats quality. surprisingly, he's really patient but would have bursts of anger every now and then. has a self value issues?? yeah, but did i tell you he's a touch starved guy. punshments are just him softly lecturing you about what's good and what's wrong."i always viewed myself as inferior, that i didn't deserve anything.. but this time. i want to be greedy just once."
that's it- :'D i haven't proofread this but here you go mer! ill probably continue with more humanisations of items in genshin later.. if you ask why i ruined your day with this crazy idea i was watching that one video of a person humanising social media and got this idea.
also i discovered how to bold out texts... i have power..ejwjdhshaj
so yeah have a great day! -🦆anon
I AM IN AWE?!?! WHOA OMG!!!!! 🦆, THIS IS FANTASTIC!! AAAAAA (≧∀≦)
All of the various characterizations… *chef’s kiss* It’s literally so good! With each one I read I kept thinking okay this guy is my favorite and then I would read the next description and my heart was stolen again. I can’t pick a favorite now. T_T
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(UL) Clayfield
Warnings: Descriptions of corpses, language
Word count: 1843
Masterpost
———
A gentle petting of his head eventually stirred him awake. Warren blearily opened his eyes and was immediately met by the daunting height above the ground while propped up on Lexie's shoulder. Walking had been peaceful, and the gentle swaying motions of the giant's strides must have lulled him to sleep. He could see that the sun was about to rise.
"Jeez, you slept like a rock," Lexie chuckled. "We'll be at Clayfield in a bit,"
Warren yawned, stretching as much as he was able from his position. "Were you... petting me?"
"You sleep like a little kitten, it's adorable. I had to," Lexie patted his head again for good measure. Warren smiled. Well her cheery attitude was at least lifting his spirits a little.
“Am I a kitten or a rock? Make up your mind?”
“Hmmmm stone kitten!” Lexie grinned.
"You doing alright?" Rubin asked from below. He looked pretty tired. Well, they had been walking all night, so it could only be expected.
Warren held a thumbs up in response. The nightmares plagued him as usual, and they were abundantly worse this time, but at least he had some rest.
"Good. You barely stirred all night. Lexie was talking to you for a couple hours before they realized you were asleep," Rubin sniggered.
"I guess I needed a good rest." Warren said. He looked up ahead where he could see a clearing in the trees. Clayfield wasn't far. He patted Lexie's shoulder. "You can set me down and switch to camo. I don't want any of the town's hunters to kill you at first sight."
"Are you sure?" Lexie looked concerned.
"It's fine," Warren insisted. "I'll manage."
"Oookay, if you say so,"
Lexie set him down on the forest floor. He immediately stumbled onto the ground, unable to properly stand. He pulled himself across the ground, feeling around for a sturdy-looking branch. Behind him, he could hear the familiar cracking, shifting sound of Lexie shrinking into their smaller form. Rubin's footsteps treaded closer to him, and he held out a nice long, sturdy branch.
"You think this would work?" He offered.
Warren made a small smile, taking hold of the branch and used it to hoist himself to his feet. "This is perfect, thank you,"
"No problem," Rubin grinned. "Now just let us know if you'll need any breaks along the way."
Warren nodded, then hobbled forward with the branch's help. It was quickly exhausting, especially through the rough terrain of the forest, though thankfully, he didn't have to do this for long.
They eventually pressed through a break in the trees and were met by an alien sight.
A long, tall wall stretched far on either side. It was far from pretty, and it was mostly made of spikes of sharp logs, plywood, and scraps of metal, topped with barbed wire coils running the whole length of the wall. The wall stood about nine feet high, and while flimsy in structure, it didn't seem to be quite enough to hold off any monsters. Then why was it unscathed?
"Whoa, they came prepared!" Lexie marveled, reaching out to touch it.
"Wait!" Warren shouted.
She stopped.
"This wall hasn't been touched by monsters, even though it's flimsy. There might be some magic or alchemy on it... it could be a trap,"
Lexie glanced back up at the wall, pondering this. "Hmm... Maybe. I don't smell anything, though. But if they're smart, they might've thought ahead of that,"
"What do you smell on this wall?" Rubin asked.
"I do smell... Giants." Lexie realized. "Their scent is fresh. And..." She glanced down the wall. "I smell blood. From humans,"
She began to hurry in that direction, sniffing the air.
"Wait— you're going towards the smell of blood?" Warren squeaked.
"The humans might still be alive. We have to try. And I'm still a giant. If they try to attack, I should be fine. I'll make sure they don't hurt you guys,"
Warren still appeared uneasy about this idea. His breaths quickened and he squeezed his eyes shut. A panic attack tugged at him, but he tried to calm himself.
He flinched when he felt a hand on his shoulder, and looked to the side to realize it was Rubin, trying to give him a reassuring look. "Let's just be quick, okay?"
"On it," Lexie said. They continued alongside the wall as the sun rose higher into the sky, illuminating the area in a golden light. It was tough even finding a way into the town. Lexie took the lead several paces ahead. Warren followed behind at a limp with Rubin steadying him.
"Holy— God—!"
Lexie's voice suddenly alarmed them up ahead. She was standing near a tree near the town wall, clapping her hands around her lower face with a look of horror. Warren grew aware of a rotting smell as they neared, and coughed.
"What is it?" Rubin asked.
Lexie grimaced, motioning towards them mutely. Once they joined her side, they could see it.
It appeared to have once been a whole person tied to the tree by their wrists above their head. But most of them was missing. Their chest cavity was messily hollowed out, both legs were missing, and the arms had been chewed to the bone. The face was bleeding and their jaw hung open with a frozen look of agony. It appeared just a few days old, and it reeked like hell.
Warren gagged, immediately coughing into his sleeve just from the smell. He nearly threw up. He stumbled backwards away from it, and Rubin caught him.
"Jesus... who could have done something like this?"
Lexie stiffened beside them. "Uh, guys—?"
They pointed up ahead. Warren rode off another wave of nausea, then looked up to follow her gaze. About a hundred yards away, two giants stood near the town wall. They seemed to be speaking to a small human figure who was holding a white umbrella. Warren's breath caught in his throat. His eyes grew wide. He began to shake uncontrollably.
"W-we— we have to go— we have to get out of here,"
"Warren, it's okay." Lexie said, "I'll just go ahead and see what's going—"
One of the giants turned to face them. Warren's heart skipped a beat. The others' attention was drawn towards them, and they quickly began to approach.
"Shhhhhhit." Lexie peeped. Her bones cracked and groaned and she shifted to her larger form. Warren tensed at the sight of it. Rubin wrapped his arm around his shoulder in an attempt of reassurance.
"What's the human doing outside the walls?" The mismatch-eyed giant growled.
Warren glanced between him and Rubin. Could the giant not count?
"Heyo there!" Lexie chirped. "Uh— we were just traveling from out of town. What's going on here?"
"Ah, so you're not locals. That explains a lot," The silver-eyed one frowned, then gestured to the small man under the umbrella. "Go with Jimenez, then. He'll have you checked,"
"Uh, checked?" Rubin appeared uneasy.
"Oh, just a little background check to make sure you guys are safe to bring into the town," Jimenez said. "The giant and the werewolf should be fine. It's just you who needs to be checked," the man eyed Warren.
He felt a shiver of unease. Wait— werewolf? He glanced to his side at Rubin, who's face turned bright red, and he cringed, glancing to the side. But now wasn't the time to ask him about it. Warren had to worry about himself.
“I— I don’t want any trouble here. I just came with them. Uh— what happens if I don’t pass your test?” Warren asked.
“Well if I told you, that would make you more obliged to lie in order to pass the test, yes?” Jimenez didn’t seem to have the patience for this. He sighed, motioning for them to follow. “Come with me. We’ll get you inside the town.” He glanced back up at the two giants. “We’re done here. Tell Ackerly what I told you. We’ll have your rations by the end of the week if all goes well.”
The giants seemed pleased by this, then headed off into the forest. Warren felt like he could only let out the breath he had been holding once they were out of sight.
He fell behind Jimenez as the man led them towards the entrance of the town. The man pushed open a heavy gate composed of scraps, then motioned for the three to come inside. Lexie shrunk down to her smaller form again, before following. Warren felt uncomfortably exposed as they entered.
The town wasn’t anything how he had expected. Autumn Ridge had been reduced to ash and ruins. But Clayfield? This little town seemed mostly normal. Almost every building was still intact, and those that had been damaged had been sufficiently patched up. It was surreal to see all of this after living for awhile as a survivor of a destroyed town.
Jimenez brought them to the police station. A few other figures waited inside. One was sitting on a desk casually while sorting through some papers, while the others appeared to be discussing a matter. They stopped once the three newcomers were brought inside, and eyed Warren skeptically. Jimenez didn’t seem to pay any mind to them.
He paused here, telling Lexie and Rubin to wait here, before bringing Warren into a private room in the back. The man folded up his umbrella and stowed it in the corner, then took a seat at his desk, motioning for Warren to take the seat across from him. Warren practically collapsed into the chair in relief. It had been near impossible hobbling around with one leg and a walking stick, and his arm was hurting from having to support him.
“So. Do you have a name?” Jimenez spoke finally. He reached into a drawer and took out a huge stack of files.
Warren eyed it with confusion, then glanced back up at the man. “Warren Pace. I’m from Autumn Ridge,”
“Pace, Pace,” Jimenez murmured, then flipped through the files, eventually stopping on a certain page and trailed through a list with his finger.
He stopped, then locked eyes with Warren again coldly. “You’re with the Unseen Legion,”
It was spoken like an accusation. Warren shook his head nervously. “N-no, no, not anymore. I never killed anything for them. I quit almost as soon as I joined,”
Jimenez’s eyes remained narrowed at him for a cold moment. He finally rose to his feet. “Pace, you’ll have to come with me,”
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Delivery Lemur Logbook : 8
<view full logbook>
December 35th, 3431
Here's me, Delivery Lemur, now with a very violent murderer as my assigned sidekick. Haha he's not so bad.
I almost overfilled my coffee cup. I had to walk very slowly and carefully back to my beanbag to avoid spilling it. Lopcorn had come aboard with a big can of real coffee and generously let me have as much as I want. I spilled 2 of my first 3 cups. The 2nd spill was twice as embarrassing as the first time. I'm afraid if I waste any more he'll think I'm doing it on purpose.
We are halfway across Galaxy-1, still a long way from planet Clockmarsh, where I've gotta deliver a letter. If u didn't know, that's the most remote part of all inhabited space. The universe is pretty much in chaos now so I'm happy to have an official reason to ride out into the void.
I'm not used to having a passenger. It's fine I guess. He's snoozing right now in his army-issue pink-striped sleeping bag. Lopcorn sleeps twice as much as me. When he's awake he reads his phone, or just sits quietly. There's a funny aura of contentment around him. I think he's happy to be away from his, uh , work life. He used to do exercises but he gave it up; I think he thought I thought it was annoying (I kinda did).
I stare out the window and do nothing but drink coffee for a nice long time. Eventually my bodyguard wakes up and checks his phone before rising to pace the cabin.
“Sup,” Lopcorn mumbles.
“Just flying.” I really ought to brush my teeth, I bet my breath is kinda intense. So I do that, but halfway through the faucet jams or something and I can't rinse my mouth. I wiggle the tap around but nothing comes out.
“Blglglgllglg,” I froth.
“Huh?”
I spit. “We're out of water.”
“Huh, shit.” Lopcorn tried the faucet himself and couldn't get any water either. He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. “Where's the closest place to get water?”
With minty bubbles trickling down the corners of my mouth, I go over to the controls and initiate an H2O scan.
“There's a wet planet at coordinates 0,0,0,” I relay. “What are the odds of that, right in the center of the chart?”
The seawater's worse than anything my purifier can take, but the ice should be okay. So. We land on Earth and I try to find some gloves cause it's snowing. I couldn't find a matching pair and had to put a left glove on my right hand which feels really stupid. I flip the switch to pop open the spout cap thing and follow Lopcorn outside with a spade. There's nothing around here but one crumbling stone tower. Lopcorn makes a snowball and gives me a “wanna play” look. I give him a wide-eyed “Please don't” look, and he desists. I get started shoveling big lumps of snow into the tank. I let Lopcorn take over when he offers since I'm getting tired, and in about one second he's got the thing filled. A seagull shows up and starts making weird noises.
“Sorry, is this your snow?” I ask. The bird just squawks in no kinda real language and flies away. “Jeez, what's wrong with him?”
Anyway, that's planet Earth. We get back in and I fire up the engines. As soon as we take off there's a loud ripping metal sound and a heavy thump.
“Did you retract the intake?” Lopcorn asks. I think about it, but I don't remember.
“I don't remember. I'll check.”
I check and it looks like the water tank got ripped out cause it was stuck in the snow. Luckily, about half a cup of H2O had made its way into the pipes so I was able to rinse my mouth. But now we are out of water again, 100%. I thought my shipmate might panic but he just sat against the wall and put his headphones in. He looked completely at ease.
“We'll have to do a little pit-stop,” I say to Lopcorn.
He nodded and said “Mmhm.”
“Sodapool is close. Or Heid Station, but it's full of Tax Cats.”
“Heid station sucks. Sodapool's being searched for terrorists, the garrison won't let anyone land.”
“Oh, uhh how about Orcavíbora Station? Party central this time of year. It's two hours away though, how thirsty are you?”
“I'll make it,” he says.
In six hours we arrive. A big place like this - I can't imagine them not having a water tank compatible with my spaceship. I try to fax the visitor's center to connect me with a mechanic but the network is down. I am detecting ZUD particles in those upper domes. The rest of the station is a mixed psy/normie population.
Aahh I don't like spinning signs like this. I end up going in the wrong way - occasionally. Looks like the courier's discount parking they used to offer is gone, unless you're hauling foodstuffs. I was hoping to stay by the gate but we're gonna have to find a spot way lower.
It's really loud in here. Electric guitar and thundering copper drums echoed fore and aft. The two-week-long Festival of Year's End was in full swing, and the music would not stop until January 1st dawns. The daily feasts must be austere compared to traditional glut of fatcakes, foi tong, miguelitos, hot nachos, cold nachos, steamed butter, and jam crust. This year they're eating freeze-dried kelp and hornwort like the rest of the world, but prepared with special effort and artful presentation. Apparently the hungriest five million or so inhabitants of the station had been rioting right up until the first day of the festival, but the seasonal mood took over and no one could resist the non-stop concerts, carnivals, parades, household fêtes, weddings, games, and every other kind of noisy debauched merrymaking. Humans wore their hair Gibson-n-Glitter style. Dogs groomed themselves in a purely local fashion, with all their fur gelled forward. Snakes were done up with white carnauba lipstick and rainbow scalepaint. Glass jewellery manufactured to resemble uncut carnelian and citrine gemstones abounded on toes, tails, fingers, and ears.
We got a pretty lucky parking spot (3 hour limit) on the edge of the cheapest commercial dock just as a karaoke barge full of flamingos took off. I got a physical copy of the services index and found directions to a nearby garage. It was closed, but when we knocked, a ferret emerged from the little house on top of it and invited us upstairs. It was a low-ceiling modular dwelling probably meant for snakes. The mechanic's family was clustered around the kitchen table watching a pop-rock broadcast. They greeted us warmly and the grandma demanded to dance with Lopcorn. He was a good sport and indulged her while I explained to our host about the repairs we needed done. She was taken aback.
“Today? During the carnival? I am sorry. No one's gonna put in a water tank for you today.”
“Oh,” I said. It would be bad to get stuck here. There's gonna be a cataclysmic fine if I run out the parking meter. Besides, I'm on a serious mission. “Please do it?”
She sighed. “I'm spending time with my family tonight. If you can get us a party-size tub of coconut ice-cream, then AFTER supper I'll help you out. And I'm charging you double! That work for you?”
It'll have to do. Me and my bodyguard begin a systematic search of the station for ice cream. All the confectioners laugh when we ask for something so fancy. The nearest approximation available seemed to be blanched lakegrass in sucralose, molded into fun shapes like Oval or Circle. Someone offered us frosted seaweed cream that was about 1/8th real dairy for a staggering &49.99R per scoop. Yikes. It took a bit of running around but finally we found a beagle who could help.
“I can make it,” he began. “But it'll cost you. A party-size will take all my leftover coconut powder. I might have the last jar in the city. It's priceless.”
“Oh gosh. How much do you want for it?”
“I want a ticket to the ballet. I know – it's gonna take a miracle. But you're asking for is crazy. This is fair.”
“OK it's a deal,” I decide. “Get cooking, we won't be long.”
So we start another adventure to get a ballet ticket, but they're completely sold out. The long-awaited performance of anaconda ballerina Ssssssusan Sssisisis is tonight's hottest event. A wrinkled human we meet says he'll give us his ticket but he wants a brand new TV (television) for it so he can still see the show. We go to the television store which is (of course) closed. I fax their email and reach the owner who is bedridden with a swing dancing injury. They'll give us any TV we want if we bring them a bottle of ibuprofen.
So we start an ibuprofen adventure which is weird because I thought painkillers were free. The hospital stopped giving them out. We track down a python who's got a stash but he'll only trade some for a skateboard. To get that, we need a barbecue. And for that, a xylophone. And for that, a DVD burner.
Jeez, this day.
Walking briskly, we find the sketchy computer place we were tipped about and step inside. It's dim and stuffy.
“ผบ” rasps somebody. Lopcorn halts at once. His arm comes up defensively in front of me. His demeanor suddenly shifts. I remember for the first time that day that he's killed at least 1,000,006 people. Behind the counter of the little shop is a big badger. The off-white glow of a computer monitor hit his face at an upward angle. The effect was ghoulish. Sundry computer parts and sugary desserts covered every inch of his desk. “Wasn't expecting to see you again.”
“Hey dude,” said Lopcorn. His voice was level and controlled, but his posture screamed alertness and energy.
“You here to kill me?”
“Nope.”
“Ah... Just in case...” The badger poured out a cup of whisky from a dainty crystal decanter. He gulped down about half. There was so much sweetener in it that it was thick as syrup. “Are you selling that lemur? I might know someone.”
“No.”
“Pity. Introduce me then.”
“This is Rolando, who used to work with me.” said the hare.
“Just as a network tech,” Rolando told me. “I sat by the fax machine while Commander Lopcorn went on his rampages.” He turned to Lopcorn. “I laughed when I heard Bookbean died. Good fucking riddance. You see the news tonight? La Soup got killed too. I hope Welker's next.”
“Is that so?” Lopcorn sounded impassive.
“And someone tried to get Felix Rølvag. Botched the job though - only blew up his body double. It's not on the news yet. I'll tell you who did it if you wanna know.” Rolando finished his drink and started munching on churros. “What's this secret mission you're on?”
“Just taking a letter to Clockmarsh,” I tell him. Lopcorn cringed.
Rolando arched an eyebrow. “Right. What are you doing here then?”
“We need a skateboard xylophone,” I said.
“Uh-huh.” Rolando took a piece of custard-stuffed-squash and bit off half of it. “Are you sure you're not here to kill me?”
“No, man.” Lopcorn stepped forward and took the whiskey away as Rolando was about to reach for a refill. “There's been a big leak, I'm guessing? Is the Floom Report out?”
“I've got...” Rolando began, reaching under the counter. He procured a second whiskey bottle. “...more of those." He refilled his cup. "Minister La Soup's cybersecurity system isn't running so well - with him being dead. No, the Floom Report is not out, but everything else is. I made more money yesterday ripping government data than I made in all my years in the army. Ever hear of the Zag-IX Census?”
“Zag-IX was evacuated when they found weird radiation or whatever.”
“I found a list of survivors. I wouldn't have noticed it but it's the second most heavily protected file I've ever seen. You'll see why. Here, have a copy.” Rolando flicked a .ZIP over to both our phones.
My eyes glaze over at this kinda stuff. Lopcorn is scrolling through documents intently. Rolando watches him.
“Could this be fake?” Lopcorn asked.
“I was going to ask you that. Gault never brought this up while you were the commander? Her and Welker are desperate to get a pet mutant from Zag-IX to fight the aliens, people say.” Rolando leaned forward a little. “But I think it's about you. President Gault's popularity is going down the shitter. She's afraid Berg or his friends will overthrow her if they can get you on board; there's no one that can physically stop you. So she wants a monster.”
“She's a dumbass to worry about that.”
Rolando's jaw tensed. “That's true. You'll just follow your orders no matter what they do to you. You're happy to be the lowest pawn.”
“I get less of the bad karma now.”
“How nice for you,” said Rolando wryly. His eyes were full of bitterness. He slumped over then, and heaved a deflating sigh. He glanced down at his snacks, like he was thinking about what to have next. Then he broke the sound barrier, launching himself at Lopcorn with so much force that the whole building shook. He went straight for the throat. But Lopcorn was even faster and caught him in an instant, locking the badger's claws in his grip. Oh gosh, here comes the decapitation, I think. I look away... And I see a party-size tub of coconut ice cream on the end of the counter.
“Oh! May I have that?” I ask.
“Sure, I don't give a shit,” Rolando spat. Lopcorn let go of him and he sat back down. I pick up the ice cream. I can barely lift the thing.
“Thanks,” I say, but he's ignoring me.
“You fucking idiot. You should have listened to me on Bolo Gamma,” Rolando chided, his voice choked by fury and helpless regret. “You're shit. Get the hell away from me, or I'll gut your little friend. I'm gonna piss on your fucking grave when this is all over. Get out of my sight.”
“I-”
“Parking meter, parking meter!” I whisper very loudly, nudging Lopcorn out the door, leaving Rolando with his liquor and junk food.
Jeez. Anyway. We hurry back to the garage and surprise the ferret mechanic with the ice cream. True to her word, she installs a beautiful new water tank for me. Her family insists we sit with them for dessert and watch the live broadcast of the snake ballet. That dancing anaconda put on a really beautiful show. I never saw anyone dance like that before, it was entrancing. My guard was looking at his hands the whole time, I don't think he saw even five seconds of it.
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Title: Between Close Friends
Rating: General Audience
Chapters: 1/1
Relationship: Ted Lasso/Rebecca Welton
Summary: Ted is bad at social media, but is that a bad thing?
Ted, what the fuck are you doing????
Ted peers at his phone, rubbing sleep from his eyes and reads the message again.
He scrolls down and sees he has twelve more texts and three missed calls all from Keeley Jones. He turns off his nighttime notifications with a few exceptions for emergency contacts, so it’s not surprising he slept through the messages.
He scratches at the stubble along his cheek and checks his clock. It’s seven o’clock here in Kansas, so it must be . . . early afternoon in London. He thinks through the last day, but he can’t remember anything interesting enough to have Keeley on the case.
Henry came over to his extended-stay hotel, they went to an American football game, got a late dinner in downtown Wichita, and watched a movie before bed.
They did make it on the Jumbotron for the Lasso-off, the team’s half-time dance contest, but his moves weren’t especially embarrassing. At least not in his opinion. Unless one of the moves was actually an insult to the English in which case, oh jeeze, he needs to get on this quick.
The call barely connects before Keeley’s voice echoes in his ear.
“Oy! Ted!”
“Keeley, I am so sorry for whatever I did to offend the great people of the United Kingdom. I am ready to make a statement and an apology tour as soon as you tell me which dance move I need to retire immediately.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I need you to log out of the AFC Richmond Instagram account. Like, now.”
That stops Ted in his tracks.
Does he even have access to that? He remembers a post-it note of accounts and passwords from Beard on their first day with Richmond.
There was an account run by the previous manager, but Keeley had taken it over long ago, converting it to the official team account. She had also made Ted a personal Instagram for his own use and brand development, but he never posted publicly.
He puts her on speaker phone and opens the Instagram app. She’s right. He’s logged into the team account with all 25 million followers. Well, shoot.
There are about a dozen stories posted from last night. All of Ted and Henry’s day together. There’s puns (“having a cow” at dinner with an image of Henry holding up a beef rib and screaming his head off), Ted and Henry singing at a dueling piano bar, the two brushing their teeth together in the bathroom mirror.
“No offense, but I think this may delay the Tom Ford deal you asked me about.”
“Yeah. I get that.”
“It’s just, you know, dads aren’t quite their brand. Or our brand. I mean we’re not anti-dorky dad, but you know with the whole comeback narrative during the season hiatus . . .”
“No I get it. You’ve put a lot of work into rebranding this team and I just undermined that.”
She sighs, but it’s fond.
“Sorry, Ted. It’s not like what you posted was bad, it’s rather sweet actually. It’s just a little different from the posts I had scheduled.”
Ted nodded. It wasn’t the most embarrassing thing that had ever happened to him, but he felt bad for making Keeley’s job harder than it needed to be.
“No, I’m sorry Keeley. I swear, it won’t happen again.”
****
“Can you believe what Ted did last night? I’ve never seen someone so bad at social media.”
Rebecca has no idea what Keeley is talking about when she walks into her office. She flops onto the couch, feet splayed on the coffee table, clearly exhausted by whatever Ted has done from 4,438 miles away.
“So many puns. Which, don't get me wrong, I love word play more than most people. But I don’t think it’s right for the team right now.”
Rebecca shuts her laptop.
“You’re right about puns not being part of the team plan, but what’s this about Ted? What did he do, exactly?”
Ted hasn’t posted anything in at least 24 hours. Not that Rebecca is keeping track.
“Oh he managed to switch to the team account on Instagram and posted about his entire evening out with Henry. It was quite sweet, actually. The ones that made sense,” but then she pulled a face.”He’s like, really, really bad at social media.”
Oof. Well that isn’t great, but Rebecca doesn’t think there’s anything particularly terrible about Ted’s social media use normally.
“But everything seems under control? No big PR actions needed.”
“It’s fine. I had him log out and wrote a post about Coach Lasso’s surprise social media takeover from America.”
Rebecca nods. Okay, so it was all sorted. Keeley has things totally under control.
But she reaches for her phone anyway. She opens Instagram, taps through the AFC Richmond stories, and snorts at the image of Henry with the rib as big as his head.
“Are people at least being kind?” Rebecca hopes Ted logged out without seeing any messages about Henry. Not that she could see any reason for it, but people were shitheads on the internet.
“Well, wanker is still the most common response. But many of them are wanker with a little heart at the end, so I think it’s fine. We actually got a lot of responses, proper engagement and all that,” she looks up at the ceiling, considering it for a moment before rolling her head to look back at Rebecca.
“If we weren’t trying to present the team as a badass phoenix rising from the ashes, I’d say a Ted takeover isn’t a bad idea. He just needs some supervision. Maybe a phone with a better camera.”
Rebecca is only half listening as she taps to the next story.
“Aw, they went to dueling piano night. That must have been fun for Henry.”
She’s smiling at her phone when Keeley asks, “Dueling piano night?”
“Yeah, you know at Jim Bob’s Bar.”
Keeley is looking at her blankly.
“Fine. I know it’s not really Jim Bob’s bar. It’s probably not even a bar if Henry’s there. But I can’t remember the real name off the top of my head.”
She’d looked it up once, after Ted first posted about the dueling pianos. For some reason she started calling it Jim Bob’s. Ted didn’t seem bothered and had even started calling it that himself.
When she looks up again, Keeley is staring at her, eyes narrowed.
“What are you talking about?”
“What do you mean?”
“How do you know so much about some bar in Kansas?”
That gives Rebecca pause. She isn’t sure what Keeley means by the line of questioning.
“It’s not some totally random bar. Ted posts about it whenever he goes for dueling pianos.”
If he gets to the bar early or she has a particularly late evening, Rebecca catches the story before going to bed. When she does, she always asks him to put in $5 for Wannabee by the Spice Girls. She owes him a small fortune by now, but it’s worth it to see the bar explode with cheers and jeers.
Some nights she misses the story, but he puts money in anyways and she wakes up to a shaky video of, Yo, I'll tell you what I want, what I really, really want.
Rebecca thinks this is a good enough explanation, but Keeley is still staring at her.
“I’ve literally no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Keeley, you know social media is not my thing. All I know is that sometimes Ted posts about this bar on his tiny friends list thing,” she waves her hand around, trying her best to describe it. “The one with the green ring around it.”
Keeley leaps to her feet, eyes wide.
“Am I not on Ted’s Close Friends list??”
Before Rebecca can say a word, Keeley is halfway out the door, texting furiously.
“Roy, better not be on there, if I’m not on there. Ted knows how I feel about being left out!” she shouts over her shoulder. “Sorry Rebecca, I need to do some investigating, asap.”
Oof. She may have just created a problem. It’s probably best to give Ted a heads up before Keeley gets through interrogating Roy.
She drafts a text once, twice, then deletes it and presses call instead.
“Hey Boss, let me guess. Keeley got a hold of you?”
It’s been a while since they’ve chatted, what with the time difference. It’s bizarre how familiar his American accent has become.
“She just left my office, yes.”
There’s a loud crack in the background and a metal clang.
“Where are you?”
“Oh, just the batting cages with Henry,” he says, cheering loudly. “Hey, do you guys have a sport called baseball that has nothing to do with American baseball? You know, like football and football?”
She chuckles, “I don’t believe we do. However there is always cricket.”
He hums, considering it.
“Now Ted, I think there’s something you should know.”
“Lay it on me Boss. I know I caused a headache this morning, what’s the damage? What do you need me to do? I am at your disposal or I’ll lay really, really low as long as you need me to.”
“It’s not that Ted. It’s Keeley.”
“Keeley?”
“Yes, she’s on a bit of a mission at the moment. It seems you left her off your Close Friends list? I think that’s right. On Instagram?”
“Huh. How did that come up?”
“I was telling her about Jim Bob’s. Apparently she had never heard of it and realized you had a whole social media life she was unaware of.”
“Right . . .”
“So do what you will with that.”
“You haven’t talked to anyone else about this yet, have you?”
Rebecca is confused by this new direction.
“No. Why? Ted, is something wrong?”
It takes a long moment for Ted to respond.
“What can I say, I’m just really bad at this social media stuff.”
It's a non-response and an overly folksy one at that. But Rebecca can’t be fooled by the aw shucks routine—not anymore. She tries again.
“Ted. Who is on your close friends list?”
“Uh. Not a lot of people.”
“That doesn’t answer the question.”
“What can I say?” He huffs, a little frustrated. She would feel bad for prying, but she can't help herself. “The list of people I want to share silly life things with is small.”
“How small?” she wonders.
“Very small.”
The line goes silent and Rebecca swears she lost him. But then she hears him take a deep breath.
“It’s you. You’re the list.”
Rebecca feels flush. That’s not where she was expecting this conversation to go.
“I know that might be a lot. You don’t have to say anything. I just, that’s the honest truth and I’d like to get ahead of it before Keeley harangues the entire team.”
It’s a lot to take in, but it makes sense. Sometimes when she’s watching his posts, she wonders about his audience. Who else cares about his biscuit recipe improvements or Broadway Sundays (a recent development that’s turned into a shared movie night.)
“Rebecca?”
She realizes she’s been quiet for a while. The moment feels tenuous and she worries about saying the wrong thing, sending him running faster than Keeley during a social media snafu.
Finally she settles on, “You know, you’re welcome to text me silly life things. It wouldn’t be a bother.”
She brushes invisible crumbs from her desk, listening carefully to his breathing on the other end of the line.
“Yeah?”
“Yes. Maybe I can send some, too?”
Rebecca can hear his smile from across the Atlantic.
“Well, alright then.”
****
That night, Ted’s phone pings and he rolls over to see a text message from Rebecca. It’s a picture of the sun rising over her garden wall.
Something silly to start the day.
But it doesn’t feel silly. Not at all.
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Somewhere In Between
AO3 | 1
Summary: It made perfect sense to Marinette that her Chat Noir turned out to be Adrien Agreste. However that didn't make it any easier for her to decipher her feelings for him. She thought things were supposed to get easier when they told each other their identities not more complicated... (A series of interconnected one-shots in which Adrien can't sleep and Marinette can't leave her kitty out in the cold.)
(also in which I am a sucker for post-reveal pre-relationship love square)
1. Cold Kitty
"Marinette," Sabine poked her head out the trap door leading to the balcony, "What are you doing out here is the freezing cold."
"I'm fine, Mama," Marinette said, "I need to get this sketch done, and this is the only place that's given me any inspiration."
Sabine hesitated, "Well, don't stay out to long. We don't want you to catch a cold."
"Don't worry. I'll be inside soon."
"Alright, sweetie," Sabine went back inside.
Marinette turned back to her sketch. She was nearly done. She just needed one more element to draw inspiration from and then she would at least have a basic plan for Gabriel Agreste's next contest. Two weeks was all she had left, so if she wanted to finish she had to work nonstop, which would be much easier if her life hadn't become so much more complicated in the last week. Who knew that her long time crush and superhero akuma-fighting partner were the same person? Not Marinette. Now, she can't stop thinking about how many times Adrien had flirted with her (well, Ladybug) and how many times she turned him down. Then again, she wasn't even sure if all of Chat's flirting was even serious. Maybe he was just playing around?
Oh my God! She kissed Adrien Agreste!
Ugh, this is too much, she slammed her head against her sketchbook.
"You alright, Princess?"
Speak of the Devil.
Marinette jumped, "God, Adrien, you scared me!"
"Sorry, My Lady, didn't mean to startle you. You didn't answer my question though," he said. Marinette noticed the playful glint in her partner's eyes wasn't quite there.
"Yup. I'm fine," she answered way too quickly. "But, I should ask the same thing to you, Kitty," she bopped his nose, trying to act as normal as possible while the butterflies in her stomach raged on, "Everything alright?"
He sighed, "Yeah, you know just making sure the city's safe."
"In this 0° weather? Where's your coat?"
"Aw, My Lady cares about me!"
She blushed, "Of course I do, you stupid cat! Now, what's the real reason you're out and about?"
He sighed, "You know me too well... I couldn't be home anymore. It's too empty."
"Your father still hasn't come home from that business trip?"
"No," he said, "I'm used to him not being around, but it gets a little lonely during the holidays."
"I'm so sorry, Adrien."
"Why? It's not your fault."
She fiddled with the ends of her scarf, "Well, I'd be happy to keep you company whenever you feel lonesome."
"Really? Whenever?" He smiled, "Even if I show up at 4 am? I know how much you value your sleep."
"Whenever," she affirmed, "Though I don't know if 4am is the best idea for your safety. I can get a bit grumpy on no sleep."
He pulled her into a hug, "Thank you, Marinette."
"You're welcome," she whispered, returning the embrace.
She honestly didn't know if he would seriously take her up on the offer, but she did mean it. Adrien was her friend no matter how confused she was about his dual identity, and she had no intention letting him spend the holidays alone.
She was still a little surprised when she heard a knock on the trapdoor to her balcony the very next day shortly after midnight.
"Adrien?" She opened the door only half awake.
"I'm sorry," he said, "I should've told you I was coming. Do I even have your phone number?"
"Don't worry about it. I told you you're always welcome here," she smiled, "I'll give you my number later. Now, what's up?"
He mumbled something under his breath.
"What was that?"
"The mansion makes noises when it's empty. I couldn't sleep..."
"The mansion makes noises..." she repeated, her tired brain taking a moment to process what he just said. "You came here...to sleep?"
"Yes?" He smiled shyly, "God, that sounds pretty stupid when you say out loud. I'll just go."
"No!" She blushed not meaning to sound so desperate, "I mean, you can--uh--come in if you want."
"Thank you," he dropped down into the room and detransformed.
Plagg zipped right to marinette, "Cheese?"
"With Tikki's cookies."
"CHEESE!" He zoomed off.
Marinette turned to Adrien, "You can have the b--That's my face on your shirt…"
He was wearing a white baseball shirt with red sleeves and a picture of Ladybug on the front paired with black-spotted flannel pants. Marinette didn’t know what to with this information.
"What?" He looked down and noticed his Ladybug themed pajamas and turned bright red, "Oh god."
Marinette laughed.
"Oh my god! I forgot I was wearing these… This is so embarrassing," he covered his face with his hands.
"No, no. It's cute," she said before quickly adding, "You're cute..."
Wait, did she actually say that out loud?
This made Adrien blush even harder than before.
"Plus, I think I finally have a reason to wear this," she pulled a Chat Noir onesie out of her bottom drawer. "We can match."
"My Lady, did you make yourself a Chat Noir onesie?"
"Why, yes. Yes, I did."
Adrien smirked, "I knew you were secretly a fan."
"Shut up!" Marinette turned bright red. Jeez, tonight's a blush-fest apparently, "I just saw tons of Ladybug merchandise and thought you deserved some too..." She trailed off, noticing Adrien was looking at her with such adoration that it made her heart race. She tried to remind herself that this is her partner. He shouldn't be able to affect her like this, but he's also her long-time crush. This double identity thing is so confusing. If course, it made perfect sense that Adrien is Chat Noir once she thought about it, but that didn't make it any easier to decipher her feelings for the boy.
"Well, I'm gonna go change," she broke the silence.
Adrien snapped out of his daze, "Yeah, okay. I'll…be here."
Pull yourself together, Marinette, she thought as she splashed her face with cold water, You're never gonna survive the night if you can't control your feelings.
"Well, how do I look?" She emerged from the bathroom to show off her creation.
"Why are there pictures of me in your trash can?"
She gasped, "What?"
"There's like a lot of pictures of me in the trash…"
The pictures. The ones that used to be on her wall. She took them down when she found out Adrien was Chat. Her little crush on him felt so silly. Turns out, she knew Adrien so well without even realizing it. The pictures made it feel like nothing more than a celebrity crush, and that wasn't fair to Adrien. How can she get out of this without hurting his feelings or mentioning her huge crush on him?
"Oh, uh, I was getting rid of old fashion magazines I had."
He raised an eyebrow, "But only the pictures of me?"
"Why were you snooping through my trash anyway?"
"Plagg."
"Oh," she said, "Well, I was just getting rid of some clutter in my room."
He gave one of his famous Chat Noir smirks, "My Lady, you had pictures of me in your room?"
She covered her face with her hands, "Can we please stop talking about this? And I think you forget that I'm literally on your shirt right now."
He did forget, "Right, but I think you forget you said I looked cute in it."
"And I stand by it," she blurted out without thinking.
"Will, you two just shut up and make out already?" Plagg interrupted causing both heroes to get even more flustered.
"Plagg!" Tiki scolded, "Leave them alone."
"Humans waste so much time talking!"
"I know. Come on," Tikki dragged him back into the cabinet they had been.
Marinette cleared her throat, "Well, it's getting pretty late. We should probably get to sleep. You can have my bed. I'll just sleep on the chaise."
"No, I couldn't--"
"Yes, you can. You're too tall to sleep comfortably in the chaise, so I'll just do it."
"But I wouldn't want you to get a bad night sleep because of me..."
"Oh, it'll be fine. I can run on very little sleep."
"But I couldn't sleep well knowing that you're not sleeping well because of me."
They reached a stalemate. Both of them just stood there defeated.
"You know," Adrien's cheeks flushed, "you have a pretty big bed."
"I mean, I guess so…" she trailed off realizing what he meant, "Oh, you mean like share--?"
"Only if your comfortable with that! I wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable. I know that sharing a bed has certain implications, but like its not like that! Not that I would be totally opposed to it being like that. It's not like I've never thought about you like that--I mean, I would be comfortable sharing a bed just sleeping… But not too comfortable! Oh my god, what am I even saying?" He covered his face with his hands. Plagg snickered from the cupboard.
"Um, yeah, we can do that," she said barely over a whisper, internally screaming over everything the boy just said.
"Well, okay," he smiled shyly.
This boy is gonna be the death of me, She thought.
The two awkwardly shuffled towards the loft and positioned themselves as far away from each other as they could be on Marinette's double bed.
"Goodnight, Kitty."
"Goodnight, Princess."
It wasn't long before they both drifted off to sleep.
"Marinette! Marinette! Wake up!" Tikki's frantic voice called out.
Marinette began coming to, feeling a weight on her stomach that she couldn't explain, "Tikki, what is it?"
"Your mom is calling you," She said, "Adrien needs to leave before she comes up here."
"Adrien?" That's when she realized it. The weight on her stomach was Adrian's arm. She and Adrien had moved to a spooning position in their sleep, "ADRIEN! YOU NEED TO GO!"
"Wha--?" Was all Adrien could get out before Marinette heard footsteps coming up her stairs and slammed her hand over his mouth.
"Just stay under the blanket and don't move," she warned.
"Marinette?" Sabine peeked her head in through the trap door.
Marinette climbed down from the loft, "Yes, mama."
"Make sure you get those deliveries done by the end of the day. They're really starting to pile up," she said.
"I'm so sorry, Mama. I forgot. They'll be done."
"Alright. Sorry if I woke you." And with that she was gone.
Marinette breathed a sigh of relief, "Oh my god. That was close."
"I'm so sorry, Marinette! I meant to leave early in the morning before anyone woke up, but I was just so comfortable-"
"Yeah, comfortable using Ladybug as a teddy bear," Plagg commented reminding both teenagers of the rather intimate position they woke up in.
The two heroes sprung apart from each other.
Adrien cleared his throat, "Well, thanks for the company."
"Like I said anytime," she gave an awkward salute.
"I guess I better be going…"
She nodded, "Right, have a safe trip home."
"Bye."
"Bye," they smiled sheepishly at each other.
"Alright, Adrien let's go," Plagg said.
"Right," Adrien said before transforming and leaving Marinette alone (with Tikki.)
"I didn't know kids saluted each other these days," Tikki said
Marinette's eyes widened, "Oh my god, did I salute?"
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The Detective and his Little Assistant (part 6)
(Part Index)
Chapter 4: Compiling the Evidence
Tuesday, June 14th
*Akechi's P.O.V*
I slapped the snooze button on my alarm, growling as pain shot through my hand. I lifted it up to my face as I cracked my eyes open, there was a noticeable purple tone to part of my hand.
"Great..." I groaned, happy I normally wore gloves so Kaito-kun wouldn't worry. I actually had bruised my hand when I slammed it against the table last night. "Damn, I really did lose my cool last night, guess this morning will be running instead of cycling." I murmured, 'I only lost my cool because he's a good asset and consultant on cases I'm having trouble with...and friend, that gave me a second chance after he realized I was using him...and didn't even threaten to go to the media, or even ask the big question I knew he wanted to...' "And that's the cue to get out of my head, and bed for that matter." I mutter before doing exactly that to head out for a morning run before heading to school.
*Akira's P.O.V*
The alarm on my phone went off, I groaned shutting it off. I rubbed my eyes of sleep, before sitting up with a start, remembering that student council president found out about the Phantom Thieves.
"Do we have to meet up with her after school?" I groaned, both dreading and curious as to who her target was.
"Don't forget, boss wanted you to talk to that kid who was with the stupid detective yesterday." Morgana sighs, next to me on my bed.
"Oh, yeah..." I sigh, really hoping this isn't something I'll have to deal with until I'm done dealing with whatever Makoto-senpai wants.
"Well, let's get ready and head out." Morgana smirks, hoping off my bed, me following in suit and getting ready.
***
I was looking around the platform for that kid 'Sasaki-kun...was it?' I thought, before spotting him. He was leaning against a wall, on his phone, in a spot with a less dense amount of people. I starting heading over.
"His name's Sasaki Kaito, and he's the same year as you, if I'm remembering correctly." Morgana reminds.
"Thanks." I murmur, reaching the shorter boy. "Um, Sasaki-kun?" I ask, the boy quickly looked up, before pocketing his phone.
"Kurusu-kun." He greets with a bow of his head, though keeping his eyes to the ground, standing straighter against the wall. "You s-spoke with Akechi-senpai yes-yesterday, is there something you n-need?" He asks, stuttering slightly.
'Jeez, just how shy is this boy?' I thought, sighing. "Well um, you came up in a bit of small talk between Sojiro-san and I, and he wanted me to let you know there's still chai for you at Leblanc." I relay to him, though not missing how his head snapped up enough for me to see his storm cloud eye as soon as I mentioned Boss.
He smiles slightly. "Thanks, and t-tell Soji-san I'll b-be there as u-usual." He smiles, making me blink in shock.
"Soji-san...?" Morgana asks.
"Can I pet him?" Sasaki-kun asks energetically, reminding me Morgana sounded like a cat to normal people, as the boy was now looking around my arm to Morgana, who'd poked his head out of the bag.
"Umm, sure." I said, a little shocked ‘does he have.
Sasaki-kun put his hand up to Morgana's face to let Morgana sniff him like a normal cat would, and thankfully Morgana did, after which he started petting Morgana gently. "Are you taking him to the vet by Shujin?" He asks, smiling as he pets Morgana, who seemed to actually be enjoying it by the lack of teeth and claws.
"Uh, yeah." I lie, wondering how he knew my school, then wondering when he'd gotten a good enough look at my uniform to tell.
"Why? There doesn't seem to be anything wrong with him, though he does have some really pretty eyes." He asked, looking at Morgana as much as he could without moving or taking him out of the bag.
"He's, uh, got an upset stomach." I lied again, happy Sasaki-kun moved his hand to scratch Mona's neck, making him purr before he could counter that lie.
"Oh, poor thing, did he throw up?" He asks worriedly, using both hands to scratch mona's neck and under his collar, making Mona purr louder, and seem almost like putty in the kid's hands.
"Yeah.." I continue, not knowing why I didn't just tell him I was taking Mona to school with me at this point.
"Haha, of course there's an animal involved for you to be so friendly so quickly." A voice chuckled from the side, Sasaki-kun seeming to jump a little as all of our heads snap over, to see none other than Akechi Goro, Ace Detective
*Kaito's P.O.V*
"Haha, of course there's an animal involved for you to be so friendly so quickly." A voice chuckled from the side, making me jump slightly as we all looked, though just seeing Akechi-senpai.
"Heh heh, you caught me red-handed. But, just look at him, he's so cute, and his eyes are so pretty." I smile, as I pull my hands away from the cat's face, causing him to shake his head and look to me with his unique blue eyes. Akechi-senpai blinked in shock at them, 'heh, the cat and Akechi senpai are a little alike, they both have unique, beautiful eyes, and they're both quite adorable at times' I quickly looked down, feeling my cheeks burn slightly at my thoughts.
"Anyway, why are you taking him with you to school you?" Akechi-senpai asks Kusuru-kun
"He's taking him to the vet near Shujin, apparently the poor thing threw up this morning." I answer for him, though pretty I was sure it was a lie. Considering I knew Soji-san, and even though he had a soft spot for small and furry animals, if one threw up in his beloved cafe, he wouldn't let it back in the house for at least three days. Even if it had done so in the attic, where Kusuru-kun was probably staying, since I'd never heard his name before yesterday, and I'd known Soji-san for almost 6 years now, well all that plus his unsureness of his voice in his answers. Though, since he didn't go to Aoyama, or like he'd be a suspect in Akechi-senpai's current cases, I just left it alone and covered for him.
"Oh, well, I hope he feels better soon." Akechi smiles, and his smile was actually slightly more honest than that stupid TV smile I constantly saw, only slightly though...
"Me too, though we should probably head to the spots to catch our trains, it was nice talking to you both." Kusuru-kun smiles before heading off. I nod as he leaves and Akechi-senpai and I head off too.
*Akira's P.O.V*
"You should probably watch out for him, he's probably sharper than he looks if he and that stupid detective are friends. And he'll probably show up at the cafe if Sojiro-san knows him well enough to ask you to talk to him." Morgana warns as we head off to my train.
"I know, I know." I sigh, thinking 'this really couldn't wait till after Makoto-senpai's thing'. "Anyway, we'll have to focus on him later, until the bit with the student council president is dealt with at least."
"Hopefully he'll wait that long to pop up." Morgana sighs as if reading my mind, before hiding in my bag as I stepped on the train.
*Akechi's P.O.V*
Kaito-kun and I get on our train as he gives me a seat while he stands, as was usual if there only one seat. I'd quickly learned not to fight him on this.
"So, Kaito-kun, I noticed you were blushing slightly after you pointed out the cat's eyes to me, was the feline really that cute?" I smirk, chuckling as he gasps slightly and looks away, even the tops of ears tinting pink this time 'he's so cute when he-wait, why am I thinking this?!' I quickly shake my head, looking to my lap, only to feel my chin gently being lifted up, only to be met with Kaito-kun's face a couple inches from mine, his hand being what lifted my chin.
His storm cloud eye narrowed. "How much sleep did you get last night?" He asks fatly, though annoyance lacing his features.
'Damn, I forgot he can always tell when I don't get enough sleep faster than I can tell on him' "Umm, would you believe 7 hours?" I chuckle a little nervously, I hadn't had the time to even try hiding the sleep deprivation under my eyes with make-up this morning.
His hand dropped back to his side with a sigh before he snorted, pretty much in my face considering he hadn't moved his. "I'd believe half that." He groans annoyedly.
"Fine, four and a half, maybe five." I sigh, giving in.
"It'll be another 45 minutes before we reach our stop, try to rest and I'll tell you when we get there." He sighs, finally pulling back and reaching in his bag, pulling out a pair of dark sunglasses and handing them to me.
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