#fingers crossed i get that extra contract next year that'll boost my earnings above poverty level

[trans-cuchulainn]

ahhhhhh i’m just so stressed about the whole... state of the world situation. at least when i lived alone i could go full hermit and batten down the hatches and never go out / see anyone but now i live with Other People and i don’t control what the household does or who comes here. and don’t get me wrong, nobody here is being irresponsible, they’re all testing and masking and stuff, but it’s still not my call whether relatives come for christmas etc, so i cannot go as hermit as i would like to and i’m stressed >:(

this is the least control over my living situation that i’ve had since the start of the pandemic and i think that makes me a lot more scared than any of the previous waves have, plus the general sense of stress and loss of control over my life (e.g. i don’t do the food shopping so i don’t have as much power over my meals, what food is in the house, that kind of thing, and the scrutiny of what time of day i’m awake doesn’t make me more diurnal it just makes me stressed about being nocturnal)

hngh i gotta move out but how and where

#plagueblogging #really hoping that interview in january works out for me #since it would DEFINITELY enable me to move #it's not a case of 'and then i could possibly move out' #it's 'if i get that role i WILL be moving out' #also because i just don't know how much i'll enjoy living at home in the immediate post-top surgery recovery period #like sure it'll be helpful to have help but my dad is so anti- the whole thing i feel like it'll be really pass-agg the whole time #i would quite honestly rather deal with the pain of doing things on my own or the embarrassment of asking flatmates #my mum told me she hasn't even told him the surgery date yet so like. i can't bring it up in case it surprises him and makes drama #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #he has used the correct pronouns for me twice this week which is more than zero #but has still used the wrong ones more times than that so you know the progress is very slow #anyway i hate living at home!!! god i wish my day job paid me more!!! #fingers crossed i get that extra contract next year that'll boost my earnings above poverty level #being kind of freelance is so unpredictable in terms of salary -_- #also don't get me wrong i love my parents and stuff #i just don't like living with them #i am too old to be able to deal with the loss of independence #i've spent too much time living as an adult to be comfortable coming home #personal #WOW tag rant sorry