Couldn’t stop thinking about @kibutsulove post about autistic Ozai and Ursa so I made this headcanon. Someone please, please, please, please tell me if this is bad.
Headcanon - The entire family hates touch. They tolerate shaking hands with people and friendly hugs but it makes their skin crawl and they’ll switch out during galas and stuff to give one family member a break. Aang only learns about Zuko and Azula’s aversion to touch two months after the war ends. He’s always so upset and constantly apologizes because he feels like he violated their boundaries.
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Trigger Warnings: mentions of abuse in the marriage and child abuse
Something that got my interest about Ursa’s relationship with Zuko and Azula is the level of difference in how she adapted to raising her children in a warmongering family and being the wife of a monstrous man.
While she had an easy time dealing with Zuko, she was incredibly maladaptive with Azula. Her neglectfulness and shortcomings aren’t excusable because she had a duty as a parent to be there for both children but instead she went only for Zuko’s aid leaving Azula with the idea that she was a monster to her mother and therefore unlovable. Of course, Ursa isn’t blame-filled 100% because she was forced into a loveless, political, and abusive marriage and Ozai took advantage of her mistakes to deepen the wedge between Azula and her.
Now talking about maladaptive parenting, it all comes down to two things: projection and evasion. The first one is to projecting her fears and trauma caused by Ozai into Azula as seeing her as a mini him. Sure, those worries might be farfetched or overthinking things but the question “What’s wrong with that child?” might hide the terror Ursa felt of a future where Azula has emulated her father to the point of being Ozai 2.0. To the point of being too dangerous to be around which can be extremely triggering.
It is like what happened with Shoto’s mother in My Hero Academia if any has watched the anime. His mother was so on edge due to Endeavor’s abuse of the family, that she snapped after watching Shoto’s face thinking his eyes were Endeavor’s, and threw a kettle full of boiling water, scarring him physically and emotionally.
The next one is evasion, it is more explicit than projection because it hides behind an act Ursa resorts to too often: reprimands. But if she was reprimanding Azula, how can that be evasion? Easy, a parent scolding their child if they misbehave or do something that isn't right is an important aspect of raising children because it creates structure and guides them to be better. However, Ursa’s scolding ran hollow as she never explained to Azula why what she was doing was wrong, how was it wrong, and the importance of changing that behavior. She evaded her responsibility with “spit and glue” AKA angry reprimands to spend less time with Azula and checking on Zuko.
And this is where it gets more complex, her whole focus on Zuko for being the “safe to be around” kid, the easy and predictable one, the no-triggering one, her refusal or poor attempts (if there ever were some) to find common ground between her and Azula and separate her Ozai-based trauma and her daughter’s identity led her to expand that trauma on Azula as she got closer to Ozai and let him twist her more and more with the sole purpose of getting some attention and validation.
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Little Zuko: *crying*
Ozai: Oh, that's an ugly noise, son. Here, how about you cease this bitch crying?
Little Zuko: *cries harder*
Ozai: Huh. That usually works.
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I just thought about what if Zuko and Azula had a little sibling that hadn’t been old enough to remember Ursa? What if they loved both of their siblings but, now that Ozai wasn’t relying on nannies and nurses to raise them, it was becoming apparent that Ozai’s influence was taking root? and they were scared for both of their siblings but didn’t know how to help them because Zuko was going against everything they’d been taught, but Azula was becoming more and more paranoid and unraveled
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Prince Lu Ten has tasted the bitter taste of betrayal, the adults have told him to tire out the children, he did not know, he was included.
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Ursa: Ozai, did you have a good day?
Ozai: Does it matter? Whatever I do, I'll always be the bad cop and you'll always be the favorite!
Ursa: Favorite? What are you talking about?
Ozai: It's easy for you, but someone has to keep these kids in line, and if that means I lose the popularity contest-
Ursa: Ozai, parenting is not a competition.
Ozai: What? Afraid you'll lose?
Ursa: I really doubt that, but it's not about-
Ozai: Oh, yeah? [ Points to Zuko and Azula ] You two, in the carriage now!
Zuko: Why?
Ozai: Because there's only one way to guarantee your children's affection-you buy it!
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Toph and Zuko in the palace greenhose.
Toph trusts him so much she is keeping her feet off the ground.
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OH, BROTHER WHERE ART THOU ? — atla prequel fic
TRADITION : fire lord azulon, casted with jet li, CUNNING : fire lady ilah, casted with michelle yeoh, TALENT: prince iroh, casted with remy hii, BRUTALITY : prince ozai, casted with dylan wang, INNOCENCE : lady ursa, casted with lola tung, FREEDOM: aliya, casted with simone ashley, VIRTUE : lady saori, casted with jamie chung
this is mostly for @introverted-indigo
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