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okmissgirl · 10 months

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Absolutely Normal Nonsense

HEHE I'm still alive and this some real nonsense y'all 💀

Also happens to fulfill the Future catagory for HellCheer Aniversary Week day 4.

<- Last Nonsense

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🥜 Sweet Nothings (and sour somethings) 🥒

To you I can admit

That I’m just too soft for all of it

“You gotta try it with peanut butter.”

“I — what?”

“Take your spoon, scoop some of it up—”

“Is this—?”

“Nuh-uh, you have to get a lot more. Like a heaping scoop. Here, let me—”

“Sweetheart, I know the logistics of it, I can… okay that’s — Chrissy that’s just straight up peanut butter.”

“But it tastes good! Especially when you spread a bunch on top of the pickle and the juice is still there, ugh, the contrast is phenomenal… I feel like I’ve ascended or something.”

“Ascended? Peanut butter and pickles is a religious experience for you?”

“Yes and I am a staunch believer and no sacrilege will be permitted in my house, so here comes the um, starfighter airplane jet thing… and…”

“Wha— don’t just! Baby, I am agnostic at best—”

“And you will see the light and be compelled if you would only open wide—”

“Ok princess, first, before I poison myself, how did you go from oreo and peanut butter cookies to this?”

“...put it in your mouth first.”

“Wh— I am not—”

“Please? Pretty please? For me?”

“Oh baby doll, you’re so sweet. No.”

“But—”

“No ma’am.”

“Ed-die!”

“Chris-sy!”

“Give it a chance, the flavors, the textures — look at me baby, would I ever steer you wrong?”

“...”

“Eddie!”

“Sorry, but I am very sure you would, case in point, I can’t even see the beaten path right now—”

“Oh boo, where’s your sense of adventure? Where’s the man I fell madly in love with who used to do those disgusting beer kegs in college and use the same towel every week for months?”

“Jesus Christ, woman — that dumbass is dead. Hallelujah.”

“But I want him back! Just for tonight? C’mon sweetie, one lick.”

“Oh my god.”

“I’ll eat the rest?”

“And you’ll tell me who put you up to this? I brought that jar yesterday — there are only three pickles left mamacita — I know you’ve been going to town on these all day. That acid reflux is gonna be righteous tonight.”

“I promise it’s 8/10 worth the heartburn — that’s how good they are! … And I was bored, so…”

“Bored?”

“Eh okay well, not completely, but that’s besides the point! Try it? Please?”

“Ughhh, fine, fine…”

“Really?! Aw, Eddie—!”

“Hmm, since you asked so nicely… bottoms up, I guess…”

“Hehe, enjoy…”

“...”

“...and?”

“Uh, cool your jets — I gotta analyze the flavor, the texture and all that shit…”

“Oh… well, hurry up!”

“My word, where is your patience, Christine? Hmm, I guess… it’s um… huh.”

“Huh?”

“...s’not bad.”

“Not bad? So that means… you like it?”

“I do not hate it.”

“You love it!”

“It’s palatable, princess.”

“See!! Oh my gosh, I told you! I told you, it’s the fucking contrast — like peanut butter and jelly!”

“Uh, strong comparison, but I get what you’re saying. Now, who rummaged through our cupboards and got pickle juice all up in the peanut butter jar? ‘Cause I know it wasn’t you — that’s something you’d get mad at me for.”

“Well… Robin came over…”

“Of course. Of course — you know, I walked into that one. Like in the back of my mind I thought “Eddie, what if it’s Bucklely who’s eating all your shit?” and at the time I didn’t wanna believe it but, tsk… should’ve known.”

“What! How could you say that? Robin’s so much fun!”

“Yeah, until she starts packing our food in tupperware boxes and taking it to her place.”

“She does not do that.”

“I’ve seen it with my own two eyes, Missus Munson.”

“Edward Munson! You know how boring it is, staying at home 24/7?! All I ever do is fold, wash, and dry all the clothes we brought and then dig out some more for tomorrow to fold again and then I eat and watch reruns of Seinfeld. I try to cook but then my feet hurt. I try to drive to the grocery store but no, I can’t get behind the freaking wheel! I want to practice the stretches we learned in class so I put on exercise videos but I can’t even follow along with them! I sit there like a beached whale! There’s no one to call and everyone’s at work except me! There’s nothing to do, I’m slowly going out of my mind and, and… you know what, give me that—”

“What are you — hey! I was gonna—”

“NO! You don’t deserve a peanut butter pickle! Shame on you, making fun of me like that when Robin was so kind to come over and watch a movie with me, help make cookies, and introduce both of us to this delicious delicacy. You should be thankful!”

“Aw Chris, I am thankful; just didn’t know you had it so rough baby—”

“Ey! Get away, you! Don’t try to kiss me! I’ll stick this glob of peanut butter in your hair—”

“No you won’t.”

“I will.”

“Uh, okay… I’ll just eat it off, but sure. “

“Eddie!”

“Okay, okay pretty girl — I’m thankful that Buckley broke into our house so you could have some adventure for the day—”

“— I mean, you told her where the house key is buried, so that’s kinda on you—

“However, I’m at your beck and call whenever you need me.”

“... I guess.”

“You guess?”

“I dunno, Munson. The way you look at those campaign sheets sometimes… kinda has me worried, is all…”

“Perish the thought, fair maiden! For I find you tantalizing, bewitching — the object of many a man’s desire but alas, you are mine, Christine, and I’ll fall upon my own sword if there ever is a day I find myself blind to such godlike beauty…”

“... hmm…”

“Hmm? Too much?”

“No… I never said that… “

“Then pray tell… hmm, what? Is it a secret? Would you whisper in my ear? Don’t be afraid, you can tell me…”

“No, no secrets here.”

“Oh…? “

“I do have a question though.”

“And I await with bated breath to hear it.”

“.... you fancy me a goddess, good sir?”

“Of course I... yes.”

“Am I to believe I am just a simple spirit you found looking into the glade?”

“N-no, never you are not just any goddess. You are more brilliant than Aphrodite herself.”

“You swear?”

“On my life…”

“...”

“... Chris—”

“Alright, help me get down from here.”

“Oh! Uh, sure, but why do you—”

“Honestly, my ass is getting numb and I didn’t really think this through once I actually got up here so…”

“Well, can’t have a sore ass on my watch, sweetheart — just lift your—”

“I’m heavier than before okay, so be careful with you back and don’t—”

“Pfft, babycakes you weigh 30 pounds soaking wet as we speak… there we go. Hmm.. I kinda like it, actually.”

“Like what?”

“You know…”

“I don’t, actually.”

“Well… I’ve been meaning to ask… is my queen gonna claim her throne tonight?”

“... Eddie—”

“I’ve been waiting. Thirsting. Praying fervently that I could show my fealty to you once more. So… please…I—”

“What… what if I’m… I’m not… too…”

“Never, never… ah… never, Christine…”

“Shi… I… okay.”

“Okay?”

“Please.”

Oftentimes, Eddie is struck by the fact that he gets to come home to Chrissy Munson née Cunningham everyday. To find his wife sitting on the kitchen counter, scooping peanut butter onto a pickle stick, so far removed from the hustle and bustle of his chaotic workday. But he guesses that’s natural.

He hopes the feeling lasts a lifetime.

*BONUS*

“fifty-eight one-thousand, fifty-nine one-thousand… and… okay… okay, that’s…”

“...Chrissy? Chris, what are you doing in the shower? Is everything okay…? Cause uh, I woke up and your side of the bed was like wet with… something. I didn’t smell it or anything but uhh… you can wake me up when stuff like that happens. I know it’s normal and I can help—”

“Eddie! You thought I wet the bed? I’m no child!”

“Well yeah, I know that… but you’re also—”

“I’m in labor. Well, I’m pretty sure I am, at least. My water broke in bed.”

“...what.”

“Yeah, I woke up and it was like, everywhere, and it kept dripping down my legs… kinda gross. I wanted to take a shower.”

“Wha… holy fuck, can you rewind to, uh, Jesus… um, are you really, seriously—”

“Yup, I think so. Can you help me get out of here please?”

“Uh, uh, okay, yeah, no problem I can — I can do that.”

“Great!”

“Shit… maybe we shouldn't have done so much last night?”

“No. We do a lot most nights. I don’t think that made a difference here.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Honestly? I think it was the pickles.”

#hellcheer #eddie x chrissy #eddissy #eddie munson #chrissy cunningham #hellcheer anniversary week #first baby #oneyearofhellcheer #day four #should i start numbering these?#somebody let me know 👀

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halukayube · 2 years

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Baby Essentials: The Complete List For New And Expecting Parents

Getting ready to welcome a baby into your home can be exciting, overwhelming, and everything in between. One of your biggest tasks is to fill your house with the things you’ll need to take care of your little one. But it can be hard to know which items are baby essentials and which ones you can live without.

To help you figure out what to buy, we have organized the baby essentials into seven categories: nursery, clothing, diapering, bath time, feeding, health and safety, and playtime and carrying. We’ll tell you the must-haves for each category, and you can let your family’s preferences dictate the rest.

At the end of the article, we’ll leave you with a few other tips to get your family ready for your baby’s arrival. Preparing your family is, after all, just as much of a “baby essential” as diapers and burp cloths!

That said, let’s start with baby essentials for the nursery.

Baby Essentials: The Nursery

Designing your little one’s nursery can be one of the most enjoyable parts of expecting a baby! Take your pick from plenty of colors and themes to create an attractive and safe space for your baby, where they will play, grow, and sleep the night away.

There are lots of ways to make your baby’s nursery cute and charming. But what are the most basic baby items you need to have in your nursery to keep your baby safe and comfortable?

Crib

The first nursery necessity is a place for your little one to snooze.

The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that you share your room (but not your bed!) with your baby for at least the first six months of life. If your baby is going to sleep in your room before moving to their nursery, you may want to consider a cradle or bassinet to save space.

That said, your baby can immediately start sleeping in a crib if you prefer. This can be a bonus because your little one won’t outgrow a crib as fast as they will a bassinet or cradle — in fact, a convertible crib can even see your child through their toddler years.

Crib Mattress

If you’ll be putting your newborn to sleep in a bassinet, you probably won’t have to choose a mattress because most bassinets come with one. That said, read our bassinet mattress buyer’s guide here so you are prepared.

If your baby is sleeping in a mini-crib or standard-sized crib, opt for a crib mattress that’s safe and easy to clean. After all, your baby will spend lots of time in their crib, whether they’re sleeping or quietly entertaining themselves. You want it to be a secure place for them to be.

Fitted Crib Sheets

A fitted sheet is next on our baby essentials list.

What about other baby items that go in the crib like crib bumpers, top sheets, blankets, and baby pillows? They are all non-necessities. In fact, they’re not only unnecessary — they’re unsafe.

For the safest sleep possible, put your baby to sleep in a bare crib. All that should be found in the crib is a fitted sheet on the mattress, your little one, and a pacifier (if they use one).

Other Nursery Necessities

In addition to a safe place to sleep, what are the other nursery necessities?

First, a baby monitor. Having one will give you peace of mind, allowing you to listen to and see your baby without having to pop into the nursery.

You’ll also need somewhere to store clothes and change diapers. Use a traditional changing table, or simplify by using a dresser or chest as a changing table as well (if the space and height are right).

Here are a few other nursery items you’ll want to have:

Rocking chair or glider

Nightlight or lamp

Clothes hamper

Humidifier

Cart

Stroller

Walker

High Chair

Hammock

Placing a small table next to your rocking chair is a good idea, too, since you’ll inevitably have a book, your phone, or a cup of water with you while you’re nursing your baby or rocking them to sleep.

Baby Essentials: Clothing

Between spit-up, blowouts, and other inevitable messes, your new baby will go through a lot of clothes! How many of each item you should buy depends largely on how often you plan to do laundry.

Here are the essentials you’ll need (based on doing laundry once or twice per week):

Onesies (5-7)

Sleep sack or swaddle (2-3)

One-piece footed pajamas (4-5)

Sweaters or jackets (1-2)

Dress-up outfits (1-2)

Pairs of socks or booties (5-7)

Newborn hat (2)

Winter hat (2)

Summer hat for the sun (1)

Pants (5)

Shirts (5)

Scratch mittens (3-4)

Winter mittens (1)

Swimsuit (1)Pre-shrunk, 100% organic muslin cotton is machine washable for easy care and use.

If seeing “swaddle” on this list raises all sorts of questions because you don’t know the first thing about swaddling a newborn, don’t worry. You’ll get the hang of it in no time.

Last but not least, don’t forget to stock up on baby hangers and gentle laundry detergent to keep everything clean and tidy.

Baby Essentials: Diapering

From day one, you’ll need to have the diapering essentials on hand. Your baby will go through a lot of diapers! Before purchasing supplies, decide if you want to use disposable or cloth diapers.

Disposable Diapers

If you opt for disposable diapers, stock up! Babies typically go through fewer diapers as they get older, but in their first month or so, expect to use up to 10 diapers per day. That’s somewhere around 300 diapers!

Cloth Diapers

If you’re using cloth diapers, buy at least 15 (more if you don’t plan on washing every other day). Don’t forget you’ll also need diaper covers and fasteners for cloth diapers.

General Diapering Necessities

No matter which diaper option is best for your family, you’ll also need these basics for diaper changing:

Changing pad

Diaper pail and liners

Diaper rash cream

Diaper wipes

Diaper bag

Expert tip: While we’re on the subject of leaky diapers, blowouts, and the like, having an extra mattress cover and a waterproof mattress pad will make your life easier when your little angel leaves you with a mess in the crib.

Baby Essentials: Bath Time

When it comes to bath time, there are several cute (but unnecessary) products and fun bath toys to choose from. For now, let’s stick to the basics that you’ll need to keep your baby squeaky clean.

To start with, you need a baby bathtub. Once you have a place to bathe your little one, the rest is pretty simple.

Before The Bath

Always test the water temperature before putting your little one in the bath. A bath thermometer will help you keep the water at the perfect temperature so your baby isn’t too chilly or too warm.

Additionally, put a faucet guard in place so your little one doesn’t bump their head on the hard bath or sink faucet.

During The Bath

To cleanse your little one, you’ll need several soft baby washcloths, a gentle baby soap or bath wash, and baby shampoo (to make things even simpler, consider getting a two-in-one baby body wash and shampoo).

Tip: Keep a plastic cup in the bathroom to easily rinse the soap off of your baby.

After The Bath

To finish up your bathtime routine, you’ll want to have a baby hairbrush and towel on hand (the hooded baby towels are especially adorable, but you can also use a regular towel).

Post-bathtime is also an ideal moment to moisturize your baby’s delicate skin with a gentle lotion. For gentle, safe moisture, choose a hypoallergenic moisturizer designed specifically for baby skin.

Baby Essentials: Feeding

When it comes to feeding your infant, the big decision you have to make is if you’re going to breastfeed or formula feed. Later, your baby will eat solid foods and will need a highchair and several baby spoons, but let’s focus on the essentials for those first few months.

Formula Feeding Essentials

If you’ve chosen to formula feed, here’s a list of must-haves:

Bottles with nipples

Dishwasher bottle basket

Bottle-cleaning brush

Baby formula

Bibs (lots of them!)

Burp cloths

Insulated bottle carrier for traveling

Breastfeeding Essentials

If you plan on breastfeeding, you’ll need the items from the list above (except the formula) in order to bottle feed when you’re unable to nurse. In addition, you’ll need a breast pump and breast milk storage containers.

Nipple cream and nursing bras are also important for making things as easy and comfortable as possible for you. Breast pads will come in handy, too. They are placed inside your bra (a regular bra or nursing bra) to keep you from leaking through.

For a nursing cover, all you really need is a light blanket. These multipurpose blankets serve not only as swaddles but also as nursing covers, changing pads, stroller covers, and burp cloths.

Baby Essentials: Health And Safety

Whether you’re giving medicine or buckling your little one in for a car ride, your baby’s health and safety is your top priority.

First-Aid Supplies

To care for your baby when they’re sick and to keep them in tip-top shape daily, stock up on these health and first-aid supplies:

Nail clippers (or nail scissors or a file)

Bulb syringe

Baby thermometer

Medicine spoon

Medicine Syringe

Cotton balls

Cotton swabs

Petroleum jelly and gauze (if you have a circumcised little boy)

Baby medicine (talk to your pediatrician about what you should have)

Baby-Proofing Supplies

As soon as your little one figures out how to roll over, you’ve got a baby on the move. Time to babyproof!

When it comes to purchasing babyproofing gear, at the very least you’ll need baby gates for the top and bottom of stairs, cabinet and drawer latches, outlet covers, and a fireplace bumper if your home has a fireplace.

Another note on safety for your rolling baby: It’s important to stop swaddling your baby when they show signs of starting to roll over. This is when you can transition them to a sleep sack instead.

Car Safety

A car seat should be at the top of your baby essentials list. You’ll need a car seat just to get your baby home from the hospital, so make sure you purchase one well before your due date!

Baby Essentials: Playtime And Carrying

Between reading books and enjoying tummy time on the floor, it’s important to have the right toys available for your little one. While there’s no one toy that’s a must-have, consider things like a baby swing or bouncer, baby books, rattles, soft blocks, or a bouncer seat.

You’ll also want to have the right baby equipment for the activities that your family enjoys. A stroller is a must-have for most families.

Think about your family’s hobbies — for example, if you and your family love hiking, a baby carrier will be a necessity for you while other parents will be content with a sling to use around the house.

Prepare Your Heart And Home

We’ve just covered the baby essentials, like diapers, bottles, a crib, and all the rest. However, welcoming a new baby into your home, heart, and family also includes preparing for the birth as well as preparing financially, medically, emotionally, and relationally.

This preparation will look different for each family, but before we bid you farewell, let’s discuss a few guidelines for getting ready.

Prepare For The Birth

In this article, we focused on the baby essentials you’ll need to take care of your little one day in and day out. But before they make their appearance, you’ll head to the hospital or birthing center to do the amazing work of bringing a child into the world.

Get ready by touring the hospital and creating a birth plan. Pack your hospital bag with essentials for delivery day, such as comfy clothes, your favorite drinks, toiletries, underwear and pads, your cell phone charger, and the like.

Prepare Financially

As you might imagine, acquiring all of the items we mentioned in this article isn’t free. Pregnancy, childbirth, and raising a little one involve quite a bit of money, so it’s worth making a plan and setting aside some cash now.

Keep in mind that second-hand or hand-me-down baby items are a great way to pinch pennies, but, for health and safety reasons, it’s best to buy these items brand new:

Crib

Crib mattress

Car seat

Breast pump

Baby carrier or sling

Nipples for bottles

Pacifiers

In addition to saving money and making a budget, take a look at your health insurance to know what costs are covered and what will be out of pocket. Check in with work as well to be sure you understand your maternity or paternity leave.

Prepare Medically

With a baby on the way, there are three things to prepare medically: your prenatal care, where you’ll deliver your baby, and who your baby’s pediatrician will be.

At this point, you’ve probably already been to the doc for yourself and your growing baby bump. So, plan to continue taking care of yourself and your baby by continuing to go to the recommended appointments.

During this process, you’ll also decide exactly where you’ll give birth. Wherever you choose to deliver should be comfortable for you, provide excellent care, and suit your needs and preferences.

Lastly, when choosing a pediatrician, take into consideration the location of the office, their hours, the pediatrician’s credentials and training, and whether or not they accept your insurance.

Prepare Emotionally And Relationally

Bringing a new baby into the family is an exciting and wonderful change, but it’s still a change.

Prepare with your partner by sharing your expectations, fears, concerns, and joys. Discuss how you’ll support each other as your family grows. Strengthen your bond, and spend time enjoying each other’s company.

If this is not your first child, prepare your other kids for the arrival of their new sibling. Talk about what it will be like to have a new baby in the family, involve them in preparing the nursery, and explain who they’ll be with on the day that mom goes to deliver the baby.

As for you, give yourself plenty of grace and start learning now (if you haven’t already) how to take good care of yourself.

Before your baby comes is also a good time to connect with your friends, family, and support system. In addition to having fun together, you can use this time to have any necessary conversations regarding the baby’s arrival and who will be helping out with various tasks.

Prepare Your Home With The Baby Essentials

With this guide, you can be sure that your home and nursery are outfitted with the true baby essentials — like diapers, a car seat, a crib, and a mattress.

At the end of each day, you’ll be able to rest easy knowing your little one is getting the sound, safe sleep they need on a breathable, comfortable, and durable crib mattress.

Now all that’s left to do is eagerly await the arrival of your sweet baby!

#baby #family #first baby #expecting #pregnancy #baby essential #baby needs #crib #stroller #bottle #baby bottle #baby shower #hospital #mom

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