Don’t mind the blue cat
Danny’s love for the sky becomes part of him a little more literally and this is cause for some confusion and some misunderstandings.
Danny sits up in bed and stretches before sighing down in the general direction of his legs. Honestly, if it weren’t for weird half-ghost physiology and all the constant fighting, his legs would probably have so little muscle mass that they wouldn’t really be useable anymore.
It wasn’t because of some condition or injury or even laziness. No. It was because he had sort of lost the fondness for the ground that pretty well all humans had. If he could get away with floating, then he did. Even if he was barely off the ground by centimetres.
I call her, “Redrum”. Cause she’s a killer on the water, oh and the boat is red. So.
Today, I wake up beside my best friend, in a hotel we picked yesterday, on a whim. It’s HOURS until our alarm goes off, but her gentle breathing can’t seem to lull me back into sleep.
Today, we see the ocean. We will be so very far away from everyone else - how lovey is that? Permission - no, a mandate, to stay far away from everyone and enjoy just each other’s company.
I will cast myself into the waves for a few hours today, and let all my negative energy sleep away. I will pour my heart into the ocean and refill this vessel with only good. I have less to pour out of me than last time, but I am so very full…
In the last year, I came out to my husband. I had to research on my own to figure out what my sexuality was called. Pansexual. I am so in love with loving people, that their form and identity does not affect how I see their hearts. I had to prove this attraction didn’t make me any less loyal to my greatest love. It has been a struggle for him to accept and understand, but he has held me so very delicately when I have cried and tried to understand myself. We’ve learned a lot together.
I have not managed to break into my career, because of a virus that wasn’t handled well. I desire to teach - because more students need someone they feel safe with. I have failed myself over and over with fear, and not applying when times were right - then this mess happened. Now I am more afraid to follow through, despite the fact I finally got my shit together to finish my degree (which I put off finishing for a whole year). I am struggling to mature despite having experience. I am so excited to begin treading my path, but I am terrified of not being enough.
It’s always come back to that feeling: enough. Most of our friends don’t know this, but we tried to start a family last fall. For a month, we tried, then I had doubts. I doubted I could get a teaching job in the spring that would hire me back in the fall if I had a kid in the summer. That first period after trying broke my heart, because I had a sigh of relief. My delusions of grandeur made me think we could have all of our shit together before 24. Why did I believe that? Then the job hunt fell through, because everyone wanted me to finish that 3 hour course first. Maybe it was a sign. I’ve had so many feelings since then proving I’m not mothering material. I have come to the comfortable conclusion that I don’t have to be, but it took so many uncomfortable conversations and google searches to reach that point. I might not ever have kids. I’m okay with that. If I do though, they will be under a secure roof, with steady income and nourishment, not just an unshakable love. I will not give just love when I can give stability.
My parents have hurt over so much this year. They have been taken advantage of my whole life, and their aging bodies are starting to show it. Despite how many things I do not tell them, I desire to make them happy someday. If I could give anyone anything, I’d give them a beautiful house, paid in full. They could go to better doctors and maybe hurt a little less if they didn’t have to take care of my childhood home.
I have these weights and just a few more to cast off. The ocean is so good at restoring my buoyancy, making me light again. I have too many people to smile for, myself included, to keep dragging these feelings around in my jaws. Today, I will be freed for a bit, practically reset.
For now, I admire the current in my friend’s breathing. Even after all these words and the tears trying to escape me, she has not flinched or altered her pattern. What safety and grace she gives me, when I am a wretch lost to thought! I can’t believe I’m lucky enough to have someone to share my weights until we reach the shore. I have found such blessings in kinships like her.m, friends who keep me afloat despite how heavy I must be to them.
Today, I will thank her, probably profusely, for all she does.
I feel like I’m floating. Taking care of everyone in my path with no stability for myself. Not grounded. Not safe. I just need someone to hold me for hours. In the most innocent sense of the phrase.
pushed myself out of my bed this morning, fell on the floor like lead. never noticed how the air danced, does it always swirl with these colors? roll over. i feel heavy but there is no body weighing me down, what am i doing in this state? its odd. im facing my closet, being drawn to the window, there’s no glass just a gentle pull out and out and out. im floating now with an anchor to my heart ticking at my essence. how far there is to go and how this rhythm sings.
“I wished on the moon
For something I never knew…”
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I finished it. :)
My little dreamy constribution to Flynn Friday~ 🌛
The moon actually does glow in the dark. :)
I have made the ultimate cry playlist
(Concept: you’re a fallen angel from heaven, expelled from everything you’ve ever known for your sins and pride)
My Bae! KEEEEFF!!!
Ya know your girl had to draw em! Keith in both his Voltron suit and BoM suit! I love it so much. Eeeeee!!
Kay, time to go binge more Voltron! Byeee!