#focus and motivation are not my friends

[zero1qn2]

a piece that will most likely be unfinished + sketches (second one directly inspired by @indigo-constellation writing)

#what if we lied on the steppe just you and me looking into each other’s eyes #like colleagues do #good friends that are completely platonic and nothing more at all #not yet done with drawing these two and thinking about them daily #sorry not sorry #pathologic #мор утопия #daniil dankovsky #pathologic 2 #burakhovsky #artemy burakh #the bachelor pathologic #the haruspex #i have a multitude of drawings started and unfinished because of inability to focus and get motivation #which I am very sorry for however my mortal coil is keen on actively making my life worse #however. still hope to finish some more patho art soon…

[taeyungie]

hi ♡ i guess i'm back? 🥹

here's a little life update! i think you guys deserve it after my absence that lasted longer than even i expected it to last ;( i am very sorry about that. i miss everyone here and bangtan so much, you have no idea. the reason for all that is that for the past months i have been going through a lot of things and changes in my life. there were good and bad things happening, time flies extra fast, days melt into one and i didn't even notice the past half a year pass. although i think my absence was unavoidable in these circumstances i just thought that you guys deserve to know what's been up with me for the past months haha i have received a lot messages and reminders that people remember about me and that they miss me and i just want to send all of you my biggest apologies for leaving you for so long with no response, as well as all my love and gratitude! 🥺 i think i've been always fairly transparent on here so if anyone wanted to know more I'll leave some more details in the tags but basically I just hope that soon i will be able to become more active again and respond to messages ❤️❤️❤️ i hope everyone is doing great 🥰

#honestly... it was yoongi's comeback that made it happen. that made me have motivation to come back. i didnt expect it but here we are LOL #because for the past months i have been struggling a lot and i almost lost all the connections with my friends family and bangtan #i lost all my feelings and thoughts #i didnt miss anyone i didnt want to do anything i didnt want to be anywhere. i was completely submerged into my own head #i still am. it didnt exactly get better but.. its just yoongis impact jasbhdjdjd he made me remeber a lot #in october last year i developed a very agressive eating disorder and its gotten a lot worse at the begging of this year #and it has taken everything from me. it sucked me dry and still continues to do so. it made my mental health so much worse on every level #but im still here and thats what matters in the end right ❤️ #from the good things - after long unfortunate and very stressful job hunting i finally got a stable job 🥰 and i continue my uni so far #that's why i was absent here most of the time. i decided to focus on my life and on trying to change something and to fight a little more #after jin's enlistment announcement... it was a wake up call for me #and maybe soon i will be back on track but im taking things slow. especially that its not easy for me at all #but i just wanted you to know that theres been a lot happening here so ❤️ im not just getting bored of tumblr and bts haha #i never stopped following the fandom i never turned off my notifications from media i never stopped looking up what they're up to each day #i just didnt have time and motivation to be active. because of my health i wanted to be quiet and away from eveyone and everything :/ #even from my comfort people and activities #that sounds sad but. it's alright so please don't worry about me ❤️ I'm holding on just fine. got used to some things ❤️ trying to heal #so yeah i think thats that haha i think its enough and all basically #it may seem like very little but my life has always been very slow when it comes to big actions haha #anyway. love you all so much ❤️ thank you for not forgetting about me ❤️ #soon i will try to answer some mesdages from my inbox. please wait for me just a little bit more ❤️ im very overworked right now #but im so sorry that you have to wait so long ❤️

[pekoeboo]

hhh i've had like. no drive to work on any art or writing projects. ;n; my heart is still so invested in the stories and characters I've created, but the motivation to take those feelings and put it into some form of content is next to nil. i don't know why it's been like that but it's kinda sad :c

don't get me wrong - i'm happy with most of the things i've created lately, but it's also been this strange game of doubt and comparison going on in my head when it comes to actually sharing what I make. there are a lot of pieces of art and writing that i just haven't posted because i feel like it's not in a place where it's good enough for anyone other than myself. the idea of editing and actually finishing some projects so that i can make sense of them online is overwhelming even tho i would love to just... get some of those ideas out for anyone who might be interested in hearing about them, you know?

anyway. probably just need to let myself take some kind of break?? idk what that would really entail at this point tho. it's just been a weird mental state that I need to work out i guess.

#so like. not quite a hiatus but some Secret Other Thing #i'm hoping the motivation to actually finish projects and share them will come back to me #but right now i think i need to either just focus on drawing or writing stuff without any intention of sharing it #or maybe i shouldn't draw/write at all for a while instead #but i'd still love to talk about the characters and stories with y'all?? #unfortunately that really only seems to work best within like personal messages between friends or whatever #i've tried posting random content about characters on here but it feels weird without any art to go along with it #(like when i wrote that post about khalan's backstory that one time) #so i just dont talk about them at all outside of that because i can't tell if ppl would actually want to hear about them #and even if ppl do i have no idea where to start without any prompts or specific questions to build off of kdjfg #anyway #i'm rambling now oops #dont know what the point of this post is but i'll probably delete it eventually #my ramblings #text post

[beebundt]

i have. 35 attacks left. to revenge. ive gotten like. 15 out of 45 or smth i dont remembor the number

i naur realistically i dont have to revenge them all but also. i really really do love and appreciate the arts wahhhh. i want to hang all of them on my wall to look at forever. and i def want everyone to know i appreciate and that every art is rlly meaningful to me 🥺

#me looking at friends whoeve warned me ahead of time 🫣 #dont get me wrong its so fun but also im trying not to burn myself out so im taking it slow WAHHH #my goal rn is focus on mutuals and friends. then the rest #im motivated fr though. i just dont want get art block and get tired halfway thru by trying to rush thru everything #i shall do what i. can. i am excited though #bee buzzes #also i cant even explain the overwhelming inspiration seeing my characters in dif styles and takes has on me ??? #i licherally want to draw all of them immediately. like this is the biggest motivator ever its insane #like me taking breaks from artfight by doing some enako stuff. and tbh i think its really great. ive been messing more with backgrounds #and environments and etc etc #i think its perhaps been the best ive been in a long time? experimentally too. and im having fun! i feel less... stuck and so s unmotivated #and the best part is that its all been really fun. geniunely. if anything im proud of myself thinyear #this year i mean

[freebooter4ever]

Now that my dripping nose has slowed down and im feeling more myself, i want to draw, and. Well. Drawing with ADD when focus requires more effort than usual (sick!) is like:

Want to draw, but brain not cooperating, need something in the background to satisfy that restlessness, turn on tv show

Tv show somehow not enough to settle down??? After one episode thoughts still circling to other things. Change tv show.

Second tv show STILL not working. Suddenly brain changes track to thinking about something random.

Switch to a documentary about that random thing. Ten minutes in discover that this is too literal

Switch to a movie vaguely related to the thing.

Movie works for about two hours. Then it ends. Very frustrating, need to find new thing.

Decide to switch to music. Absolutely not working. Doesn't satisfy that ‘ive been alone in the house and i need human interaction’ itch. :/

Attempt to listen to an audio book. Sickly and feeble brain cannot hear words spoken in a dull voice anymore they become a distant hum that does absolutely nothing to help. Why do all audiobooks have the worst readers? The only exception to this is joe mazz*llo and i suspect its cause he's an actor. Or i just like his voice in a southern accent, who knows.

Finally accidentally stumble on a well written tv show with (THANK YOU) over 10 episodes an hr long each that will sooth your restless soul and let you draw for the rest of the day, wow. It only took like...four hours to do this.

FUNNY ENOUGH? The best background distraction to get me in the drawing zone ever turns out to be live hockey. But it has to be live, it can't be a game where i already know the outcome. And it has to be a team i care about. Like i know i would joke about listening to the games at work and how they were distracting but the truth is beyond taking breaks to type out commentary ocassionally live hockey worked like what i imagine adderall would be like to make my brain fucking focus. I absolutely did not expect that. Something about how its happening LIVE combined with needing to know all the terminology combined with my brain in the background trying to vizualize the action on ice while vizualizing the stuff im working on just...is peak attention span for me. :/ brains are so fucking weird. (try explaining to your boss that your productivity every other day decreased at work because the penguins got booted out of the playoffs and that was what you were using to focus for like...months.)(i dont know what im going to do now that the rangers are in the same boat :/)

#Journal shit #Once upon a time when i was in high school the ONLY thing that could get me to focus was music #I had a casette tape (haha remember those) that i would play while doing math and one i would play while doing science #I hated math and science it was the only thing (beyond my dad being terrifying) that could get me motivated to get A's in that stupid class #That music trick stopped working by the time college rolled around #BUT luckily in college there was this magic thing called study groups #Where suddenly i was surrounded with friends and not lonely and computer science became fun???????

[mrpsychokiller]

do you think if i went to college id have the opportunity to hang out with friends and kiss cute boys. is this where im gonna need to find the motivation to go to college

#everytime i go to therapy its always the same thing my therapist just talks about how i need to stop mopping and doing nothing #and go to college and do something with my life. its what my friends and my parents say too and what i know i should do #but my response is always ''i dont know'' and i dont make any plans or do anything #i dont know. i have nothing im interested in enough to study. nothing i want to go to college for. nothing id like to work with forever #i cant get the energy to leave my bed and i cant imagine getting the energy to study hard for several years and then work hard forever #with how i feel right now i cant imagine myself having the energy or the strength or the motivation or the focus to do anything like that #all i spend my time hoping for is just the general idea of feeling better. i want to make friends i want to hang out #i want to date i want to transition i want to play videogames i want to live by myself and not have to worry about money or about my parents #but i imagine these distant things refusing to admit that to achieve them i need to do these impossible things first #so i come back to having to think of college. and im stuck again #blehhh #ALSO SORRY FOR THE TONE SHIFT BTW the original text post was supposed to be a joke but then i start actually ranting in the tags

[dido-main]

i might be planning quiting writing for a while after i finish 5 request i have and yeonjun's bday event. i have 4 other works in process too but i will be writing them slowly. but i am not sure. gonna rant in the tags

#maybe those will be my last 10 works #i won't quit tumblr tho #i might come back again #been feeling like getting a grip #putting myself together #focusing on other things #it has been fun #i feel sad and emotional for some reason #maybe i lost motivation due to low notes i am getting but i don't think so since i have been a writing machine recently #and also school will start probably after these 10 works i am talking about #it is not like i am the only pebble on the beach but still wanted to let you guys know #i will also focus on my actual writing ideas like not for tumblr and not in english that might turn into comics #i have a lot of things that i should learn for them #also i think i became kinda obsessed with tumblr so it will be a good thing #like i check my notifications as frequently as i can #definitely not healthy #but i don't plan quiting probably will keep reblogging stuff i like and stuff #also i love my friends and moots here #i never got hate and i also want to thank you guys for that #things i will focus on include myself astrology tarot reading skincare exercising dieting studying using my phone less making friends #and more #also my creative juice ran out #didospeaks #didorants #i might come back #this is not the end #but definitely taking a break #love you all

[eyeslikewatercoolers]

Me: Wow, I think I want to write tonight

Also me: *looking at the 1 wip I have atm* Not that one tho 🙃

#this motivation won’t last long #also my friend got me in a weird mood so I need to focus on something else

[masquenoire]

Stolen from @ratwhsprs and @umtplex!

Archived template can be found here [X]

#💀 || aesthetics #💀 || dashboard games #💀 || musings #Couldn't focus on much today but I did have a lot of fun with this meme! #Got work tonight and tomorrow and some long shifts incoming next week so my motivation is a bit whiffy #Going to keep positive though <3 #fire tw #fire cw #gun tw #gun cw #I know Roman isn't an OC but even so #Good game friends

[inga-don-studio]

No okay I need to try to get one new cosplay ready for the convention next month - that has to be my priority. Making horrifying art dolls on the side if I have time. As a treat.

#🎃 cryptid sighting #Got a shower. My priorities are back in focus #But also since it was a shower -where the best ideas spring forth- two more doll ideas popped into my head hfhfjfj #Plus seeing a couple friends’ recent sculpture work has me hankering to poke at clay again #I wanna make some little guys. Some dudes. #But I have to make an earnest push to have the headcrab zombie cosplay done in time for con #Fortunately nothing motivates me better than the semi-panic of con crunch

[lyriumsings]

i think i have 9 ocs for the mutual thing and i’ll probably cap it off at 12 and do two batches bc these are all gonna be portrait studies basically and i’m gonna really try to experiment with positioning, poses etc thank you everyone for donating your children to my little art endeavors <33

#and please feel free to add on to it until i hit 12 lolol #this is a very long term very sloooww process so i won’t put pressure on myself #lyriumsings txt #motivating myself to draw for at least an hour everyday #it’s just i kinda hate doing studies??? SJSJ but i love drawing my friends and moots ocs #so i am gaming my sick little brain #into doing the work but also making it ✨fun✨ #plus nothing is greater practice than realizing other people’s designs tbh #and i’m still prioritizing my comms ofc #this just gives me a focus point for studying and warm ups bc i hate not knowing what to draw!? #so this helps a TON

[tismeandmylife]

that deep, choking feeling of sadness and loneliness

#lonely #that choking feeling in my chest from a lack of real happy close social interactions #my friends moved away #and we're all stupidly busy in school #and my other friend just stopped talking to me out of the blue #so #yeah #loneliness is mostly what im feeling #barely have the motivation to get out of bed #and doing schoolwork is stupidly hard #focus is non-existent #more so than normal lol #not fun

[fly-sky-high-bug-games]

Broke: Making an original story. Woke: Creating an empire with Hollow Knight butterflies. Bespoke. Making an original story set in the empire of Hollow Knight butterflies without focusing on the wider Hollow Knight Universe.

I'm telling you, if worried about whether you interprete canon stuff right or not or if you're using the canon characters right, the best way to set yourself free from those is to just make stuff up with only sprinkles of connection with canon stuff~

That, but also

I just really enjoy expanding the universe that I like with stuff I want or have fun with :3c I grew up making so many fan characters for so many things it's been a fun hobby for me that gives my brain enrichments

Don't ask me about actual original stuff though, I am NOT good with those. I enjoy using the base of existing worlds to make something new from them.

When it comes to making something original from scratch I just can't make myself settle on a single thing to focus on and make. I have no doubts in making at least somewhat interesting characters and I understand the concepts well enough to make something but ough

How does one settle for one cool idea they want to work with *holds my head*

There is also a general bonus of existing franchises and fans of those that already know the story. With original stuff, you gotta wait until your friends or others are introduced well enough to really keep the motivation flowing well without stopping at one point and going "well, there goes that drive, now I wanna try make this cuz I have a drive for that!" and the cycle is hard to break

#sky rambles #i am real shambles when it comes to picking one thing to focus on #impossible.... #i actually have few concepts I tossed on paper for a bit until #I realized I didn't know what to do with them #i hope to figure out at least one thing I want to work on for a long time #but I need friends or folks interested to keep my motivation going? #i think that's what I figured at least #it's just easier if there is someone who wants to be around for stuff you make

[theygender]

Trying to get back into exercising but it's hard bc I'm disabled and honestly a weenie and ADHD means I have a very hard time finding any sort of intrinsic motivation for anything. So far I've been trying to find extrinsic motivation to get me to do it, like imagining being able to punch my QPP's shithead exes square in the face, and that works a little bit but it hasn't really been enough to keep me exercising consistently. I've also tried to imagine finally having my body look the way I want it to, and that's definitely a good goal but unfortunately it's also a very nebulous one. How do I know how my body will look when I have muscles? What if it's not the same as in my head? I do like building my strength though, and I just imagined myself being able to actually do a pull up (or even multiple pull ups—easily!) and got hit with the biggest wave of gender euphoria I've ever experienced. Y'all... I've cracked the fucking code. I'm gonna use gender to hack self care

#rambling #ive said in the past that i want to be able to do 200 push ups a day like gideon nav and thats still true #but tbh thats not a very good goal to think about bc even if i was able to do so easily it still sounds boring and kinda tedious #imagining being able to do one (1) pull up tho? that seems very attainable with the proper work #and the first time im able to do a pull up i think im gonna flip my shit (in a good way) #gonna tell all my friends and celebrate it like i just scored a winning touchdown or smth #and being able to do MORE than one pull up? #yes. gender. transition goals. I WANT IT #so no more thinking of external things to motivate me #no more trying to imagine being buff and then being disappointed that im not seeing any immediate changes #im gonna specifically focus on building my strength enough to one day be able to do a pull up #my therapist would be so proud

[writeastorywhere]

I’ve been trying to publish my novels for around a year now, maybe more if you count very isolated incidents going back to 2019. I was struggling a lot with feeling disheartened about my work, especially since I started in earnest and got an average of one form rejection a week for six months. 

I don’t know if it’s vain or whatever, but I have for a while now considered myself to be a good writer. But the constant string of rejections had me questioning that. Or, worse, what if I was good--just not good enough? What if my writer friends liked my work, but it wouldn’t click with publishers or readers?

I was starting to feel like nobody would ever end up reading some of my works, so I started giving out links to the Google Docs to my coworkers at my day job (only if they asked lmao I wasn’t just sending people links out of nowhere). And a couple people I haven’t really heard back from, but at least one of them read through an entire 70k manuscript and left comments the whole way and asked for more. And it gave me the motivation to keep applying (and keep getting rejected. lol) through the rest of that six months and into this year.

It feels kind of obvious in retrospect, and it won’t apply to everyone, but like... share your work. It’s worth it.

#writing #writeblr #publishing #congregation by the foofighters. play now on spotify #i also DO want to give a big shoutout to my writer friends & teachers even though they're not the focus of this one #ALSO a big portion of my motivation