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finiteuniverse13 · 3 years

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Bravo's Banned List

With the help of @bravo-four-seal-team, @@jayhalsteadfan-2417 and @rebelwrites, we made a list.

A list, posted on various walls throughout the Naval base, the plane and the cage room. About 1/3 of it is typed up, the rest is in hastily written pen. Made by Blackburn to try and corral Bravo. It's doing its best.

Tag: @rebelwrites @chibsytelford @bravo-four-seal-team @velvetcardiganbucky @supervalcsi @abby-splace @itsonautopilot @thegirlwhoisalwayswriting @pinkrockstar19 @softi92 @mrsmarvelous1995 @jayhalsteadfan-2417

Just so you're all aware, this is a 6.5-page document.

0: On the days of Adam and Swanny’s Death, leave the group be to remember them. I will not protect you.

1: Brock Is Not Allowed Coffee. No exceptions.

1.1: Do not leave Metal alone with Brock when Coffee is around.

2: Dick jokes are not required in briefings

3: If a single one of you bastards get between me and my coffee, we will be having issues

5: You made the dog sad; you die.

8: DO NOT GIVE THEM NERF GUNS

9: WHO THE HELL GAVE THEM WATER GUNS

9.1: STICKS DO NOT GIVE THEM STICKS THEY WILL PRETEND THEY ARE GUNS

10: Dirt bikes (don’t ask)

11: ARCHERY IS A BIG NO

12: FISHING. WHY AM I BANNING FISHING

13: Fire. That is all

14: KNIVES. WHY ARE YOU GIVING THEM KNIVES?

15: LADDERS (NEVER AGAIN)

16: PLASTIC CUTLERY ONLY UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES GIVE THEM METAL CUTLERY

16.1: Scratch that, they stab people with the metal cutlery. Let them suffer the consequences of their actions. They can eat with their hands.

17: MEMES ARE NOT ALLOWED IN THE MEETING ROOM

18: Horse riding. (METAL IT IS NOT A TACTICAL DISMOUNT ITS CALLED FALLING AND GETTING A CONCUSSION)

19: BOY BANDS (not allowed to be played on the plane)

19.1: GIRL BANDS (for the love of god, they will try and imitate them)

19.2 RAP MUSIC (they think they are the next Eminem and will make your ears bleed)

20: Do not tell Jason he is not allowed to do something. He finds a way to do it

20.1: Apparently Ray will do the exact same without question

21: Do not leave any members of the team with upper brass. (How did you make an Admiral with years of combat CRY!)

22: Clay is under Jason’s protection don’t go after him they will not find your body

22.1: If Clay calls Jason dad just leave it ok

22.2: Actually, check on Jason, he’s been standing staring for the past hour now

23: Hairdryers are banned (HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET YOUR BEARD CAUGHT SONNY)

24: Only Trent is allowed to call Metal by his legal first name. Ensign Williams learnt that one the hard way.

25: Paintball is banned from the base the last time it was extreme and got violent

26: The transformers movies because clay tried to do a stunt it ended badly

27: Thumbtacks apparently

28: Any Marvel movie (Jason you’re not Captain America)

28.1: DC movies are out as well

28.2: Disney Princess movies as well (don’t ask)

30: Do not leave phone unlocked around Sonny, he will not hesitate to change everything

36: DO NOT LET THEM GET SO DRUNK THEY START SINGING. IF I HEAR IN THE NAVY ONE MORE TIME, I WON'T BE HELD RESPONSIBLE FOR MY ACTIONS

37: IF THERE IS SILENCE DROP EVERYTHING AND START HUNTING AND PANICKING

38: Grenade launchers are not required for every mission Trent

39: WHO GAVE METAL A SWORD

42: Yes, Clay does know an Admiral by name. Don't ask questions you don't want answers to.

45: If Clay starts angrily ranting in a foreign language, don't worry. He's thinking out loud, not plotting to destroy the base

45.1: If Clay is calmly talking in a foreign language just back away slowly

48: SpongeBob is a Bad Idea because they are way too Annoying and make References (I’m looking at you, Clay)

52: Sharpies. When I find whoever gave me this sharpie tattoo sleeve, there will be hell to pay

56: DO NOT LET CLAY HAVE A GRIMM REAPER OUTFIT! THIS IS THE THIRD TIME HES NEARLY GIVEN SONNY AND TRENT A HEART ATTACK AT 3 AM

57: Red paint. I went to check something at 3 am and Clay was painting a satanic ritual on the floor

58: 3 am checks are a bad idea. (I have seen things, people!)

62: Explosives are to be locked away when not on mission Sonny and Clay will try and play catch with a live homewrecker

62.1: I expected Metal as a Master Chief to know better - he falls under the same rule as Clay and Sonny.

63: Don't wake Clay when he is sleeping back away slowly and leave the room

64: If I'm sleeping, back away and leave the room. Interrupt me if they've broken a rule, or if the base is actively being bombed. If not, I don't care.

65: Have multiple phone chargers or they will disappear and you’re not getting them back

68: If you call Clay anything other than a nickname expect to get punched or stabbed or sniped in the ass when least expected

68.1: Metal will stab you. Please remember he has a shovel and lye in his truck (WHY DO YOU HAVE IT)

68.2: Don't try to take the shovel and lye off of Metal

69: NEVER say the number 69 around them they are all immature children and expect tongue in cheek comments

70: NEVER interrupt Sonny when he is eating breakfast, he is grumpy in the morning

72: If they are all asleep make no sound - YOU WAKE THEM THEY ARE YOUR PROBLEM NOT MINE

73: For the love of god, stop giving Clay earth mineral nicknames. This is the third time this week I've watched Sonny empty limestone dust from his pack

75: Do not give them hammers! What is wrong with you people?

79: Do Not talk to Trent unless it’s after 2 coffees

83: For the love of god, don't ask Metal if he ever did nude modelling in art school. He will begin stripping, literally anywhere

91: Cerberus is a good boy and you hurt Brock you die

98: Super Glue (never again)

99: MY COFFEE IS OFF LIMITS WHOEVER PUT SALT IN IT WILL PAY

100: Do not give in to their peer pressure while they are drunk, I will not be doing it again

100.1: WHY AM I HEARING IN THE NAVY AGAIN?!

100.2: Sweet Caroline won't work twice

100.3: WHY ARE YOU SINGING BARBIE

100.4: SONNY, CLAY IS NOT A BARBIE GIRL

103: Don't tell Sonny he looks good in pink because you better believe he will keep wearing it (and probably some girl clothes too) to keep getting compliments

114: I ALREADY WROTE SUPER GLUE WHY DO I NEED TO WRITE IT AGAIN

115: HAIR DYE (Why did you dye Metal and Trent’s hair pink?!)

115.1: Face paint (Sonny, their faces did not need to match their hair)

116: Do NOT touch Clay, Charlie team learnt that, and someone ended up nearly losing a finger. (And it wasn’t because of the dog)

117: If they offer you a drink whilst smirking DO NOT take it

118: Sea shanties – if I hear one more SEA SHANTY while we are FLYING

119: If you hear someone shout incoming, run, it’s not an attack, it is Bravo, someone has done something and they’re coming to tell me

120: Vegemite is not allowed in the base after Jason let Clay eat it

121: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (JASON I DONT CARE IF YOU THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY TO ACT LIKE LEO IT WAS A BAD MOVE)

122: Hawaii 5-0, if I hear one more thing about how we should hang people of the rook of buildings I am going to shoot someone

124: Mortal Kombat (Clay was acting like Scorpion for a month)

130: Itching Powder (looking at you Brock)

131: DO NOT TOUCH JASONS TOMATOES - you will get a bamboo cane jammed into your thigh

134: Capes - YOU ARE NOT SUPERMAN CLAY STOP PRETENDING YOU CAN FLY BY JUMPING OFF THE HOOCHES

134.1: Edna Mode said NO CAPES - I EXPECT NO CAPES WORN BY ANYONE ON MY TEAM

138: Laser Tag is fun until someone gets hurt (Sonny and Clay you know what happened)

138.1: Laser Tag! (Ray needed to go to the hospital guys, come on)

143: Basketball. My nose will never be straight again.

144: Bravo and Ice skates don’t mix (the only person good on them is Jason but no other member of Bravo is allowed on the ice again)

144.1: Same goes for rollerblades

145: Ash Spencer is not allowed to be alone with Clay (Jason punched him last time he was on base)

145.1: Do not leave Jason, Metal or Sonny alone with Ash Spenser, it’s going to end up with a murder charge.

146: Clay is Jason’s adopted kid and needs to be supervised when Jason is away

151: SLIME - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT GIVE THEM SLIME

152: GLITTER WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

153: SCISSORS - Jase cut a chunk of Clay’s hair in the night now the base is a war zone

153.1: DONT FUCK WITH COVERBOY'S HAIR see point 68 for consequences

154: NAIR (why do you even have it?)

156: Call Of Duty (Clay must be supervised when playing it)

157: Do Not leave Clay unattended with Metal (They are both recovering from the ONE CHIP/DEATH CHIP Challenge)

158: Marshmallows (don’t ask)

163: The Hunger Games (are not a good training exercise)

164: The Olympus Has Fallen movies are not allowed to be mentioned in any given time)

173: If you mention the word ice-cream just run, run for your life

176: If I am sleeping STOP THROWING PAPER AT ME

177: Yelling FOR NARNIA is not an appropriate battle cry

178: The Fast And Furious movies (Clay you are not Brian so stop)

182: Nap time is important if their asleep do something else but if you wake them run like hell

190: Any movies about WAR are BANNED (I need a drink to talk about that one)

200 (From Bravo): Blackburn isn't allowed any more paper

200.1 (From Bravo): or pens

200.2: (Blackburn) Handcuffs. They handcuffed me to my desk and wrote that

200.3 (Blackburn): Bravo will not be allowed to tell their Commanding Officer what to do

202: Who keeps giving them superglue? This is the 8th time we are having to unglue Sonny and Clay’s hands

203: Do not let any of them take point on Briefing EVER

205: Are you serious? Paperclips! Do not give them PAPERCLIPS

206: Leaving anyone unattended with fire is a bad idea - I can still smell burning

210: This is Sparta (Jason don't kick people off the roof)

210.1: JASON I SAID NO KICKING PEOPLE YOU DONT LIKE OFF THE ROOF

213: Ash Spenser is not allowed on base. DEVGRU heard about what kind of dad he is, and now its kill-on-sight

213.1: WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT ASH BEING ON BASE

214: Puppy dog eyes because Clay has been using them on anyone to get out of doing paperwork

215: RAY STOP DOING JASONS PAPERWORK

216: GO TO A HOSPITAL IF INJURED, TRENT HAS A LIFE OUTSIDE OF YOU LOT

217: THE GLEE CAST SOUNDTRACK IS NOT TO BE USED ON THE BASE

218: DO NOT PUT LION KING ON - they will cry like babies and there’s no consoling them over Mufasa

220: If I have to explain why BRAVO will not be joining teaching GREEN TEAM please see rule 1 and understand from that then ask the Green Team Instructor. (Brock terrified them by running the O Course in 30 minutes, all because someone gave him coffee)

220.1: And yes, that is the on the 50-minute-record O course. The time hasn’t been counted since it involved performance-enhancing substances

221: WHO THE HELL INTRODUCED THEM TO FROZEN

221.1 NO I DONT WANT TO BUILD A BLOODY SNOWMAN

221.2: WE WERE DEPLOYED TO SERBIA YOU BASTARDS

222: Gray’s anatomy (That is all)

227: VAPES - YOU DONT SMOKE AND ARE NOT PUFF THE MAGIC FUCKING DRAGON (clay I’m looking at you)

228: HATS ARE NOT ALLOWED IN BRIEFINGS (Sonny you know what you did)

229: MAGIC MIKE AND MAGIC MIKE XXL (still haunts my dreams)

233: I am begging you can you please BE NICE TO THE FLEET ADMIRAL (it's the 3rd time he's left in tears)

234: Chocolate - just run ok

235: Please stop re-enacting the screen from titanic when we are on a boat (I’m looking at you Brock)

235: PIZZA NIGHT IS A FREE FOR ALL AND IF YOU DONT WANT A BROKEN NOSE JUST BACK AWAY

236: Jokes. JOKES ARE BANNED - IF I NEED TO EXPLAIN WHY I WON'T BE HAPPY – NO ITS NOT FINE TO JOKE ABOUT THE FACT YOU HAVE BEEN STABBED CLAY

236.1: STAB WOUNDS ARE NOT ADDITIONAL POCKETS

237: Monopoly got violent last time and Jason got punched

237.1: In fact, any board games turn violent even snakes and ladders

237.2: Board games. Just please stop playing board games

240: Why am I revisiting the nerf guns people? IT WAS A FAMILY BARBECUE! (You lot need to learn to let your kids win!)

241: Brock is banned from Cooking - I do not want food poisoning again

244: WE DO NOT NEED A FLASH MOB EVERY TIME DONT STOP MOVING BY SCLUB 7 COMES ON

246: If they pass out around the fire pit for the love of god move them Clay and Sonny tend to like melting the sole of their boots on the flames even when passed out

251: Plastic cups only (this rule is to stop sonny from smashing them)

254: Why am I needing to revisit Sharpies? They aren’t allowed them, give them Crayola's or crayons

254.1: Scrap that YOU CAN’T EAT THE CRAYONS

256: Clay you are not Spiderman get off the walls

257: WHO GAVE COFFEE TO BROCK!!

257.1: THIS IS RULE ONE ON THE LIST WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU

258: Don't mention Hawaii five 0 just don't

258.1: They will attempt the intro to it, it’s just painful

259: Don't mention Harry Potter because they will all cry over different characters deaths

287: Soup is now banned (Ray. I honestly thought you were the normal one of the team. I am disappointed)

321: If you see Clay and Sonny cuddling just walk away, pretend you didn’t see anything, one of them had a bad day and the other is the only one they will confine in

322: Don't mention the Philippines or India just don't

330: If Metal and Trent are talking, just leave them be. (No one wants to know if Metal is yelling about something stupid Trent did)

331: Popcorn is not allowed on base it ended up in everyone's gear

342: Non-Aerosol Deodorant. (Two of them tried to eat it before realising it wasn't edible)

344: Aerosol Deodorant. (Metal and Sonny used it with lighters. to create a flamethrower)

344.1: Side note LIGHTERS ARE BAD

345: Headphones. DO NOT ASK

346: Rubber bands are not slingshots

FINAL NOTE: FROM BRAVO - BLACKBURN LOVES US REALLY PLEASE IGNORE THE ABOVE LIST ITS ALL LIES

#seal team #eric blackburn #clay spenser #cerberus #pepper #brock reynolds #trent sawyer #sonny quinn #ray perry #jason hayes #fanfic #cross published on ao3 #we wrote this in maybe 2 hours #it probably shows #chaos #discord chaos #discord friends #discord nonsense

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smut4bangtan · 3 years

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Room 739 (Taehyung, One Night Only Anthology)

"I'd like to get a refill," you said as soon as the bartender walked in front of you. He took the glass from your hand with a slight smile, walked towards where the rum bottles were and silently returned with your refilled glass.

This bartender is one of the reasons why you're loyal to this hotel-bar despite its high prices compared to the normal bars. Though he's a little mysterious and quiet (unlike a lot of bartenders since it's basically a part of their job to be quite entertaining), there's something about him that makes you feel comfortable.

You've talked to him several times before about your problems about love, work, family, friends and life. There are nights when you would talk and there are nights when you wouldn't and that's alright. He's basically like a diary that's barely used, but is just waiting to get written on whenever you feel like it.

VINCENT. That's what his name is, according to the nametag at least. A lot of bar employees don't use their real names for some reason.

“Vincent?” You called with a seemingly lazy tone. It’s probably the alcohol; you’re starting to get a little dizzy.

He was about to enter the kitchen when he heard you, so he hurriedly came back. “Yes, ma’am?”

“What’s your real name?”

He smiled but it was obvious that he was iffy about the situation. “…I’ll just tell you my initials: KTH.”

You couldn’t help but smirk and slightly let out a chuckle. “You guys are so secretive. Someone here goes by name Dandelion. The other one’s Sunny. It’s not like you’re doing something illegal. What’s up with that?”

This time, he didn’t answer and just slowly walked away—still wearing that awkward smile.

You bowed down and closed your eyes for a while before turning your head around to look at the whole bar. The number of customers present aren't even more than the number of your fingers. That's why it felt extra lonely tonight. No one else is even sitting at the station with you.

"Is everything alright?" asked Vincent who was carefully wiping the glasses in front of the two of you. You just stared at him. "S-sorry for bothering you, I was just a little worried."

You giggled, "No, no. I was just surprised to hear you open the conversation for the first time." You took a sip from your drink—not removing your gaze at him—while he just showed a shy smile. "I finally had the courage to send my resignation letter to my boss today."

"Finally," he said with a big smile. "It's funny how we thought of actually quitting at almost the same time."

"Huh?"

"Tonight's my last," he replied. "I got accepted to the bartending job I applied for.”

"Oh, the Spain one?" He just nodded on your question.

You should be celebrating now because you finally got out of the job that has been strangling you for years already, but actually quitting has made you feel bad for some reason. And now this.

"Can I get a refill?" You asked again as you handed your yet-again empty glass to him. He just took it without saying anything and brought it back to you after getting the refill.

"Will you be able to drive home tonight? It's already your fifth glass and your face is looking really red already."

You waved your hands while shaking your head. "I booked a room. I'm not planning to go home tonight. You?"

Vincent’s eyes widened and unknowingly held his breath. "H-huh?"

"Oh, sorry," you said while laughing. You just realized that it sounded a little weird and confusing. "What I was supposed to ask you was about how you're planning to celebrate your achievement." You sighed in embarrassment. "Sorry about that."

You looked straight at his face before taking a sip on your drink and saw his face that's now redder than red. He just kept wiping the glasses with his body so stiff, though his mind is probably thinking 100 thoughts per minute at this point.

"It's alright," he replied. "I also wouldn't go home tonight if I had the chance..." he shyly whispered.

He looked back at you but immediately cut the contact off in awkwardness which made you smirk. That was cute... and kinda tempting.

"What time are you going out?" You suddenly asked.

"At 2 a.m.," he replied and once again showed a shy smile though awkwardly. You looked at the clock: it's 1:30 a.m.

You pulled out the pen and rim of paper from his chest pocket which made him touch his chest in surprise. You removed the cap of the pen and wrote 'ROOM 739' on the paper. "I'll be waiting for you until 2:30 a.m."

You handed the paper then drank your remaining drink in one shot before getting out of your seat and walking away.

—

After taking a bath, you wore only a robe and nothing more. You checked your phone. It said 2:25 a.m. Five minutes more.

Just when the hands of the clock were about to land exactly at 2:56 a.m., Someone lightly knocked on the door. You hurriedly got up and walked towards the door. To make sure that it was Vincent, you peeked at the peephole. Positive.

You pulled the collar of your robe a little to show more of your chest while you tightened your belt to make your butt look curvier. You heaved a sigh before finally opening the door. It’s been a while since you had a one night stand and you can’t believe it’s going to be with someone you’ve been lowkey fancying for a long time already.

As soon as he saw you on that white robe, his lips formed a slight simper—as if he’s already imagining the things that may happen in a few minutes. His black hair that’s usually straightened and styled has showed its true curls after apparently taking a shower. This made him even sexier in his plain white shirt and black knee-length shorts (which did a good job in flexing his muscular thighs, by the way).

“I was afraid that you weren’t going to come by,” you said while leading him inside the hotel room.

Vincent sat on the bed as he put his backpack on the floor. “Why would I not?”

You turned the lights off except for the yellowish mood light around the corners of the walls. After that, you finally sat beside him. “I don’t know… maybe you were not as interested as I imagined.”

“How should I prove to you that I’m interested, then?”

You didn’t say anything and just gently kissed him on the lips. Vincent immediately responded as he held the back of your head. He gently touched your upper lip using his tongue and so you let him in. You moaned without even knowing which obviously turned him on big time; his kisses became deep and his tongue became harder. Your whole body was heating up and your pussy kept salivating. It’s all over the robe since you didn’t have anything else on.

The two of you let go for him to start removing his clothes. When he was about to remove his underwear, you stopped him and touched his slightly sculpted torso, down to his cock that was begging for his owner to release him from the dungeon.

“Fuck,” uttered the bartender who was slowly losing his breath. You smirked at him and gently messaged the head of his cock. You untied the ribbon of your robe with your other hand and slowly removed it from your body, revealing your healthy breasts and everything else.

Vincent pushed you on the bed and hopped on top of you. He lightly placed his palms on the top of your nipples and slowly moved them in a circling motion. You could feel your nipples become harder and harder the longer he did it. “O-oh...” You softly moaned after your pussy released a great amount of juice.

“Do you like it?” He asked with an assertive voice as if he was expecting you to say yes. You nodded. He just smirked and started to knead your breasts with his hands. Your eyes were rolling on its own and your body kept shivering. “You're ticklish.” He then slowly ran his fingers down to your wet pussy. He started to massage your clit in different ways and tempos, which makes you jerk.

“Fingerfuck me, please,” you begged. “I need that inside me now.”

“If you say so,” he replied, suddenly pushing his middle finger inside you. Your eyes rolled for the nth time, and before you could even recover, two of his fingers are already inside you—getting pulled in and out. You used your fingers to spread the cheeks of your pussy even wider.

“I’m gonna fucking cum!” Before he could pull his fingers away, you already squirted all over his underwear.

You sat in front of him and pulled down Vincent’s remaining garment. You immediately put his cock in your mouth while your hands massaged his balls. His fat and long cock was a little too much for you to handle but it’s not a problem. Who says no to big dicks?

When your pace was gradually getting slow, he started to push and pull your face from his dick. What’s better than fingerfucking is facefucking, of course. His cock was almost reaching your tonsils but you want more and more. You didn’t mind getting choked.

He suddenly pulled out when he was about to cum, making tons of combined saliva and pre-cum flow out of your mouth. “That was close,” he said.

You lied in front of him again. This time, you spread your legs and held onto them. “I want that big dick inside me.”

“You’re so gonna get fucked.” Vincent placed the head of his cock in front of your hole before gently moving forward and backward.

“Oh,” you repeatedly let out as he filled you up. Vincent put his middle and index fingers in your mouth while you sucked them clean. He finally started to pound on you "Harder..." you quickly said, trying not choke on his fingers.

As you wished, he leaned on you and fucked you faster, balls-deep. Without even knowing it, you started to rocked your body against him. You strummed your clit as fast as you could until your second quirt came.

"Shit!" He immediately pulled himself out and tapped your pussy with the head of his cock.

"God," you uttered with a shaky voice. "You're so good."

"That's not everything yet," he said, pushing you to make you lay on your breasts. He slapped your ass before entering you again.

Like a dog, you were fucked from behind. Vincent easily sped up his pace. Your hungry pussy was wholeheartedly welcoming him inside as if it didn't want to let go anymore. "Ravage me. Oh, yes. There. Fuck. You make me wanna cum!"

He fucked you even harder upon hearing what you said. He reached for your arms and pulled it, making his cock get buried deeper into your pussy. "Ah!" You moaned helplessly.

"D'you fucking like that? Huh?" He asked, slapping your ass once again. You could hear his heavy breathing from where you are and he seemed to be enjoying it very much.

Suddenly, he pulled out from you. You looked at him to see that he was almost cumming. You held his cock and briskly moved it up and down. He held your head tightly as you opened your mouth. Just in time, his sweet cum splattered all over your face.

Vincent fell on top of you after that, trying to catch his breath. He stroked your hair gently, while you scraped some of his cum off of your face to taste it again.

"Now, can you tell me your real name?" You asked, touching his sweaty ass.

"It's Taehyung," he replied. "Kim Taehyung."

#taehyung smut #taehyung #kim taehyung #bts smut #bts #bts imagines #taehyung imagines #taehyung x reader #v smut #v imagines #taehyung x you #v x you #v x reader #bts x reader #bts x you #s4b: one night only #kpop smut

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madeofitzits · 4 years

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In honor of the impending return of Brooklyn 99, here are 99 reasons that...

1. He was precocious enough to know, at 5 years old, that he wanted to change his name (x)

2. He has a bunch of nicknames: Sandy Amberg, Young Sandwich, etc. but the most endearing one is 'Droidy', his family's name for him (x)

3. He is still super close friends with people he's known since: Elementary School (Chelsea Peretti) (x)...

4. Junior High/High School (Kiv and Jorm) (x)

5. … Summer Camp (Irene Neuwirth) (x)

7. ...and Film School (Chester Tam) (x)

8. Before he met Joanna, he dated other famous ladies but - out of respect - he never discussed it/them (x)

9. He loves turtles and tortoises. When he was a kid, he had a pet turtle that he named 'Squirt' because the first time he held it, it peed on him. His Mom, Margie, accidentally killed Squirt when Andy was at Summer camp... (x)

10. … Maybe this is why, when shooting 'Popstar', Andy fell hard for Maximus (Conner 4 Real's turtle). He says they "had a good thing going" and that he wanted to adopt him. In the end, he decided against it because there are a bunch of coyotes in his neighborhood and he was worried the little guy wouldn't be safe. (Popstar: DVD Commentary)

11. Speaking of his Mom, despite being a super private person, he appeared on 'Finding your Roots' so that he could help her track down her birth family (x)

12. When he succeeded he cried (although we never got to see it on camera) (x)

13. That's because, like all good boys, he loves his Mama which is why - as part of the same episode - he said "My mom is basically the kindest person I know… and many people would corroborate that" (x)

14. Andy's Sisters, Hannie (Johanna) and Darrow, used to make him wear diapers and put his hair in pigtails until he was 5 years old. He says he didn't mind because he just liked that they were paying attention to him (x)

15. That's why he sees his identity in comedy as being 'America's kid brother'. When he was young, he would annoy his sisters until they laughed and he claims to have been replicating that approach to entertainment ever since

16. Although a bunch of his characters have 'Daddy Issues', Andy definitely doesn't. He's super close with his Papa (Joe) and has said "he's a good man" and "the best Dad in the world" (x)

17. Joe was Andy's youth soccer coach and in one scene in 'Hot Rod', Joe's favorite photograph can be seen in the background. It shows a very young Andy posing with a soccer ball, after "scoring the winning goal against Mersey" (x)

18. He's been a loyal Golden State Warriors fan since he was a little kid, living in Oakland (then Berkeley) and, in 2010, he correctly predicted that they would "win a Championship in my lifetime" (x)

19. The proceeds from his Umami Burger ('The Samburger') went to a deafness early detection program in Berkeley. This cause is close to his heart because Margie uses hearing aids and used to work in the special needs program, teaching deaf kids (x)

20. He, Kiv, and Jorm have made multiple donations to their old school district, including $250 000 to its theater program (x)

21. On the subject of The Lonely Island; Andy always goes out of his way to make sure that everyone knows how much he owes to his buddies. For instance, he told Marc Maron, during his WTF appearance, that "I get a lot of credit for what Kiv and Jorm have done" (x)

22. He makes this face when he knows he’s said something naughty…

(Gif credit: @andrewsambags)

23. During his 'Wild Horses' appearance, he said that he can't watch scary movies because they freak him out too much. He told 'Complex' that he's still scared of 'The Shining' (x)...

24. … Similarly, when he was at UC Santa Cruz he worked at the Del Mar movie theater and he had a hard time coping with screenings of 'Species 2' (x)

25. He fell in love with Joanna, the moment he met her, when she greeted him by addressing him as 'Steve the C**t' (x)

26. He listened to 'Ys', everyday for a year, before he and Joanna started dating (x)

27. He bought the original portrait that was used as the basis of the cover art for 'Ys' and gave it to Joanna as a Christmas present, so that she could hang it in her music room (x)

28. He loves birds and goes hiking and birding with Joanna (x)

29. Every new comment he makes about Joanna becomes an instant contender for 'most beautiful thing a person has ever said about their spouse' (x)

30. For example, he readily admits that Jake's iconic heart eyes are the result of him thinking about his amazing wife (x)

31. There are many stories about how incredibly romantic Andy and Joanna's wedding was and Jorm has said that it featured "the most magical vows I've ever heard" (x)

32. The Newsombergs now live in Charlie Chaplin's old house (x)

33. On the Emmys Red Carpet (2015), the year he hosted, they took a momentary break from posing for the world's press to whisper 'I love you' to each other (x)

34. At last year's Vanity Fair party, Andy carried Joanna's purse for her so she could grab a snack (x)

35. He was a semi-permanent fixture in the audience for her recent run of shows for the 'Strings/Keys Incident' tour, even officially confirming his status as the 'President of her Fan Club' (x)

36. He used his Golden Globes monologue to call out the government for framing and murdering the Black Panthers (x)

37. On the Carpet for the Guy's Choice Awards, he called the event "a ridiculous farce", adding that "men already have it so easy - it's insane that there's a show that celebrates them". That makes sense when you consider that he, Kiv and Jorm have made an entire career out of parodying toxic masculinity (x)

38. He once said that only "idiot-ass men" think that women aren't funny (x)

39. He’s been wearing glasses since 7th Grade and he has the most heartbreakingly cute habit of nudging them up his nose, (especially when he wears his Sol Moscot frames) (x)...

40. ... and of rubbing his eyes under them (x)

41. He barely ever wears glasses for roles but he also avoids contacts (because he doesn't like touching his eyeballs) which means he's almost always 'acting blind' (x)

42. He has worn his glasses in character a few times - as 'himself' ('Lady Dynamite'), as 'Paul' ('I Think You Should Leave') and during a very small number of SNL sketches (e.g. during his one appearance in a 'Gilly' with Kristen Wiig) (x)

43. He can't tolerate glare and when that makes him squint it's a sight that's too cute for words (x)

44. He owns about six outfits and has been rotating them for well over a decade (x)

45. He barely ever breaks during shooting/while performing, so when he does it's aggressively adorable. (x), (x)

46. He's a grown ass man who persuades people to come with him to the bathroom because if he goes by himself he'll get lonely (x)

47. He didn't announce he was leaving SNL, until after his last appearance, selflessly choosing not to detract from Kirsten Wiig's huge and emotional send-off (x)

48. He undertook a quest to smell like Lorne Michaels (x)

49. He's ageing like a fine wine (x)

50. To protect their daughter's privacy, Andy and Joanna never announced that they were expecting. They've never released their little girl's name or date of birth and most news outlets still report that they became parents in August 2017 (even though that's inaccurate) (x)

51. Although he's careful not to talk about his daughter often, sometimes he can't keep from gushing about her. For example, when asked about his first year of fatherhood he said: "It’s been the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Just like a beautiful, incredible dream. It has surpassed every expectation I ever had. It’s definitely been very blissful" (x)

52. After their daughter was born, Andy and Joanna spent the first 40 days at home with her (in a practice known as 'confinement'). He's described it as being "a really special time". (x)

53. Andy is famously mild-mannered but, when asked about what triggers his 'Dad claws', he admitted that if anyone attempted to touch his daughter, without permission, he'd "probably sock them hard in the face"…

54. ...Characteristically, he went on to add that he hopes that never happens, since he hasn't been in a fight since 6th Grade (x)

55. Cyndi Lauper was his first celebrity crush and he plays her record ('She's so unusual') for his daughter all the time. (x)

56. His is the very definition of a precious laugh (x)...

57. It's made even more wonderful by the way it makes his voice go high-pitched (x)

58. … and the way it causes his eyebrow to rise involuntarily

59. It's impossible not to smile at his impression of his Mom (x)

60. And laugh at his impression of John Mulaney (x)

61. He was so convinced he wouldn't win the Golden Globe for Best Actor in a Comedy or Musical, that he didn't prepare a speech. Instead, as he explained to David Letterman, he "just went… and started drinking". The resulting list of improvised 'thank yous' was perfect in every way (x)

62. As producers, Andy, Kiv and Jorm have given life to some amazing projects ('Alone Together', 'Brigsby Bear', 'I Think You Should Leave')...

63. … and gone out of their way to support women in comedy ('Party Over Here', 'PEN15') (x)

64. As well as being a comedy legend, he's a super-talented dramatic actor, who gave the performance of a lifetime in 'Celeste and Jesse Forever' but, after the movie wrapped, and it was time to do press for it, he was straight back to goofing around (x)

65. His lip bite should be illegal (x)

66. Even though he wears the same vanishingly small number of outfits, over and over, he has a vast collection of the most excellent socks (x)

67. He always gives 'editing notes' during his own interviews (x)

68. He has a super sweet and sincere way of thanking interviewers when they compliment him (x)

69. He adjusts his hoodie constantly (x)

70. The two most perfect Jake laughs in b99 are actually real Andy laughs 'https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=W38A_xuXaeg https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=sVm9nYrTWRQ

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71. Virtually everyone who has ever worked with Andy has talked about what a wonderful person he is. This explains why so many of them have been involved with more than one of his projects (x)

72. It's not only his colleagues who talk about what a delight he is (x), (x)

73. This lovestruck fool wore his own wife's merch when he went out to dinner (x)

74. No one else uses the word 'dinky' quite like Andy (x). The same goes for 'snacky' (see point 70)

75. He does this with his tongue (x)

76. He still likes to play soccer but his eyesight is so bad that he has to keep his glasses on for it

77. When he lets his gorgeous floofy hair grow a little it sits perfectly over the arms of his glasses (x)

78. He gifted the world with Jakey's little curl (x)

79. At the James Franco Roast, he couldn't bring himself to be mean to anyone except himself (and Jeff Ross, a little!) (x)

80. In fact, he's always been willing to laugh at himself (x) and he still is (x)

81. He changes b99 scripts to make them more feminist (x)

82. Despite their humble insistence that they just benefited from 'good timing', the reality is that Andy, Kiv and Jorm (along with Chris Parnell) revolutionized digital media, when 'Lazy Sunday' popularized YouTube, increasing its traffic by 85% overnight (x)

83. He once attended the Vanity Fair party because his Mom told him to (x)

84. He has an amazing way of subtly but firmly shutting down inappropriate questions, like when this interviewer suggested that Holt being gay was something that could have been played for laughs https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=idQsYQfkR5o

85. He auditioned for SNL at the same time as Bill Hader. Hader thought he'd blown it because Andy had a bunch of props and Bill had none. In the meantime, Andy thought he'd blown it when he saw Hader and realized 'this guy doesn't need any props' (x)

86. His bromance with Seth Meyers is one for the ages (x)

87. Every single second of this video is proof of why Andy, Kiv and Jorm deserve the world (x)

88. He once dragged Mulaney up on stage for SNL Goodnights, even though writers weren't allowed to join in (x)

89. He has a hilarious phobia of pooping anywhere except his own bathroom (x)

90. His beautiful, beautiful, face: His smile (radiant), his eyes (caramel - hella disarming), his ears (adorably asymmetrical), his nose (perfect), His chin (the dimple… *swoon*), his jaw (could cut glass), The 'Sambeard' (another amazing layer of pretty) (x)

91. His body: His butt (x), his thighs, (x) his soft lil tummy (The ‘Sambelly’) (x), his hands. (x), his arms (x), his hips…

(Gif credit: @amystiago /@badpostandy on Twitter)

92. All signs point to the fact that, like Jake, Andy uses his glasses case as a wallet (x)

93. Jake's "cool-cool-cool-cool-cool-cool" is an irl Andy-ism that the writers worked into b99 scripts. What's even better is that Joanna does it, too (x)

94. He has a really good arm and is low key competitive, which is super hot https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=e32K_nBDy3Q

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95. He's one half of the cutest Red Carpet pose of all time (x)

96. He barely ever seems to get mad but if angry Jake is anything to go by, maybe he should... (x)

97. He's a huge nerd, who geeks out over GOT, LOTR, 'Star Wars', 'Alien(s)' and anything relating to time travel (x), (x)

98. He has a gorgeous speaking voice, especially when he’s tired or a little sick. (Bonus points for any time he uses the word ‘correct’. See point 30) (x)

99. He’s still so committed to his b99 fans and fam, even after all this time and is as excited as the rest of us that...

#99 reasons to love #andy samberg #brooklyn nine nine #b99 #a masterpost for the best boy there is

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kbstories · 4 years

Text

impression//expression

"It’s not like Kirishima had come all this way to U.A. to immediately break the promise he made to himself upon arrival.

It’s just that Bakugou is as feral as they come, and the moment Kirishima recognizes it’s fear he felt crawling up his spine that day, he makes it his personal mission to face it head-on until it’s gone."

(Or: Being friends with Bakugou Katsuki is anything but a linear experience. Kirishima Eijirou would have it no other way.)

Tags: Kirishima POV, Developing Friendships, Protective Kiri, Soft Baku, Chatting

Chapter 1. No additional content warnings apply. Chapter 3. Chapter 4. Chapter 5. Chapter 6. Chapter 7. Chapter 8. Chapter 9.

***

The routine goes as follows:

Bakugou waits for Kirishima at the front door, arms crossed and a varying degree of pissed off depending how late he's running. Kirishima complains about the train being postponed or too full or delayed in some way – which is true, damn it, it’s like the universe has doomed his train line and none other in all of Japan to be the statistical outlier in an otherwise spotless record of punctuality – and begs for forgiveness, usually by bribing Bakugou with some post-workout coffee.

It works surprisingly well. A month into this and Kirishima is about ready to join one of those conspiracy theory servers Kaminari is so fond of because Bakugou is actually pretty lenient, death threats and crackling palms aside.

(That being said, Kirishima enjoys life and living and chasing after his dreams, so he will never breathe a word about that particular observation to anyone, least of all Bakugou himself.)

They usually got the gym to themselves, the employees on the early shift always looking vaguely relieved that at least someone is making use of their opening hours. Kirishima’s never been a regular anywhere aside from perhaps the manga store a few blocks from his home, so it feels a bit special to have this implicit claim to the training area made for heat-based quirks every Saturday morning.

Bakugou snorted when Kirishima told him that, muttering what sounded like fucking nerd under his breath.

The rest is pretty straight-forward. Kirishima’s been on a daily workout schedule for a good year by this point, and it’s clear Bakugou is used to it too. They stretch, do some warm-ups (in Bakugou’s case, quite literally) and off they go.

The thing is: It’s fun. Like, really, really fun. Really loud, too, especially when Bakugou’s got his sweat on and comes at him point-blank and flashy like fireworks personified. By the first session, Kirishima already realized it’s a lost cause trying to talk during training because all Bakugou replies with is an exasperated “Hah?!” no matter what he says.

It’s not like Kirishima could’ve heard himself speak anyways, his ears always left ringing something fierce from all the close-quarter explosions. Bakugou is a stranger to the concept of holding back or taking things by half measures, that much hasn’t changed.

Elsewhere, it might’ve taken a while for Kirishima to push his quirk to the point where his skin breaks out in cracks and ridges, his arms and shoulders and hair turning unyielding and clear-cut like miniature mountains. Not here, though: Not when the choices are to put his best foot forward with every move, or have Bakugou tear his throat out for daring to waste his time. There’s something so freeing about letting loose like that – a thrill that sends Kirishima’s heart on a war path and his pulse soaring until all that’s left are his instincts and quick reflexes.

Like this, every time he gets a hit in or a blast manages to leave a mark on his body, Bakugou grins and Kirishima grins back. Like this, the bruises and lost hours of sleep pale in comparison to just how bright Bakugou’s eyes can shine.

Kirishima brushes off the last traces of carbon dust off his arms to start massaging the sore muscles there. With U.A.’s Sports Festival a mere handful of days away, both of them kept going until their quirks started to sputter.

A strange comfort, to sit in mutual exhaustion like this. It’s not even noon but Kirishima could totally go for a nap, right there on the black, fire-proof tiles. Leaning back on his hands, he hums and asks:

“So. What’s the deal with Midoriya?”

A few feet from him, Bakugou pauses in rolling his shoulders. The black tank top he’s wearing is positively plastered to his body with sweat, his track pants saved from the same fate by how bulky they are.

“What?”

Too late, it occurs to Kirishima to feel nervous. The sensation is dim against the warmth still clinging to his skin though, that minute ache that comes with becoming stone for too long. “Being around him pisses you off. What’s up with that?”

Bakugou stares at him. His expression is hard to read, firmly within the realm of his default frown. “The fuck, Shitty Hair. What’s it to you?”

Uh oh. Kirishima sits up, mostly to raise his hands in a placating gesture, palm-up. “Just curious, bro. Honest. Been wondering for a while so I thought I’d ask, y’know?”

As bold as Kirishima aims to be, lying Bakugou in the face when his gaze is sharp enough to cut a bitch would be a monumentally stupid move. Bakugou seems to come to the same conclusion, even if his scoff is plenty aggressive.

“None of your fucking business, that’s what’s up with it. Fucking… Deku, bah.”

To say the silence that follows is loaded is the understatement of the century. Kirishima chews on his tongue, about a thousand questions balancing on its tip; it’s like the Midoriya he sees is the polar opposite of the one Bakugou blows a fuse over on a regular basis, and the why behind it is kind of starting to haunt him. (It doesn’t help that everyone in 1-A treats him as some sort of expert in all things Bakugou instead of interacting with the guy directly.)

One glance at Bakugou and he swallows it all down. Only now, with any and all traces of it gone, does Kirishima realize how calm he had looked. “…Coffee?”

Bakugou picks himself off the ground and leaves without another word.

Baku 💣💥

it’s bullshit dude (sent 18:23)

u know that right? (sent 18:23)

right? (sent 18:48)

like the whole chains + muzzle thing was ass i’m still fuming (sent 19:10)

and the press can go duck themselves lol (sent 19:12)

fuck** (sent 19:12)

it’s ur right to refuse the thing if u don’t want it (sent 19:15)

idk man it just sucks (sent 19:20)

baku? (sent 19:35)

:( (sent 19:55)

i know (received 19:56)

stop blowing up my phone (received 19:57)

baku!! ❤️ (sent 19:57)

sry haha (sent 19:57)

u ok tho? (sent 20:00)

fuck off (received 20:01)

sry sry (sent 20:01)

(my moms say hi btw 💪🏻💪🏻) (sent 20:32)

((and congrats but i told em u don’t wanna hear it lmao)) (sent 20:33)

hi back (received 20:40)

💪🏻 (sent 20:42)

Lord Explosion Murder?? (Baku 💣💥 )

so like (sent 6:20)

ur hero name (sent 6:20)

? (received 6:21)

oh! morning lol (sent 6:22)

ok so. it’s a bit of a mouthful (sent 6:24)

manly! (sent 6:24)

but y’know (sent 6:24)

k (received 6:25)

what about nitro? or smth (sent 6:30)

it’s snappy and cool! like u hehe (sent 6:33)

WAIT NO (sent 6:33)

LIKE (sent 6:33)

UM (sent 6:34)

kirishima (received 6:34)

yea? (sent 6:34)

OH SHIT DID U JUST (sent 6:36)

pls don’t kill me (sent 6:36)

bro? (sent 6:40)

bakubro? (sent 6:48)

nitro? 👀 (sent 6:53)

… (sent 6:57)

at least lemme say bye to my dog man (sent 7:00)

no (received 7:00)

RIP in pieces me (sent 7:00)

Nitro!! (Baku 💣💥 )

oi dipshit (received 8:02)

?? 👀 (sent 8:02)

you owe me coffee (received 8:03)

!!! (sent 8:03)

[train_view.jpg] (sent 8:18)

omw 💪🏻 (sent 8:19)

k (received 8:19)

>>Chapter 3

#my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bnha #mha #kiribaku #kirishima eijirou #bakugou katsuki #bnha fanfiction #kiri is braver than any marine: the fic #(let's hope tumblr doesn't kill the formatting on this one)#this fic is also on AO3!!#my stuff

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bobbystompy · 3 years

Text

My Top 88 Songs Of 2020

Previously: 2019, 2018, 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011

Though we couldn’t get as trim as last year’s 75, still very happy to keep this under 100 for the second year in a row. This was a very difficult year in many ways, but music helped make it more bearable.

As always, criteria and info:

This is a list of what I personally like, not ones I’m saying are the “best” from the year; more subjective than objective

No artist is featured more than once

If it comes down to choosing between two songs, I try to give more weight to a single or featured track

Each song on the list is linked in the title if you wanna check them out for yourself; there is also a Spotify playlist at the bottom that includes the majority of the songs

Usually a pump up video goes here, but 2020 had a different energy, so Michael, take us in.

88) Katy Perry - “Smile”

Even Katy Perry’s good songs are a swirling spiral of maxed out auto-tune. This one is just fine. It’s... fine.

87) All Time Low - “Trouble Is...”

Is All Time Low the Katy Perry of pop punk?

86) Tee Grizzley f/ Payroll Giovanni - “Payroll”

I have never heard of Payroll Giovanni, but I have two questions:

1) Is this his song, and he got Tee to jump on it?

2) Or, did Tee write a song called “Payroll” and think to himself “You know who would be great on this? Payroll Giovanni!”

Favorite stretch:

Listen, we is not the same, you say "door", I say "dough" You say "floor", I say "flow", you say "for sure", I say "fa'sho"

85) Lady Gaga & Ariana Grande - “Rain On Me”

Coming out in 2020 probably hurt this song, because I have no, like, out of the house memories with it. You can only have so much fun with Big Singers Singing over a pulsing beat when it’s coming from the phone in your kitchen as you’re indifferently scrambling eggs.

84) Benjamin Gibbard - “Life In Quarantine”

Now this is a song you can do nothing to; almost feels like it’s reluctant to even exist. It got released in March of 2020, so the outro (“No one is going anywhere soon”) served as a too sad reminder/mantra for what the year was about to be. Second shout out to Gibbard for the many YouTube sets he put together during the early stages of the pandemic (when so many of his peers were trying to figure out the next move).

83) Cardi B f/ Megan Thee Stallion - “WAP”

This felt less like a song and more of a “whoa, did you see the music video?!” and/or a means to relitigate the eternal question “What is the sexual line in music?” And while it was fun to watch people freak the fuck out... the quality itself really needed to be better.

(Note: YouTube video is the edited chorus; explicit version here)

82) McKayla Maroney - “Wake Up Call”

Former Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney -- of medals and memes fame -- dips her toe into the music waters. It’s inside-the-box modern pop music. One thing that’s hard to escape: it doesn’t really sound like her.

81) Chelsea Cutler - “Sad Tonight”

He vocals really remind me of Alessia Cara.

80) blink-182 - “Quarantine”

Blink doing a Bad Religion impression. Docked a few points for the very weak chorus lyrics (“Quarantine, fuck this disease”). That said, as serious as the song comes off, there are some clever punchlines to be found.

79) Dave Hause & Brian Fallon - “Long Ride Home”

This is kind of a nothing song, but it’s easy listening. Also, if your guitar leads can’t clear the “Could Bobby have written or performed this?” bar, then said leads are probably pretty weak.

78) Travis Scott & Kid Cudi - “THE SCOTTS”

Two artists who pair so well together, it’s hard to tell who exudes more influence on the track (eh, that’s not true, it’s Travis Scott, but Kid Cudi is more of a roommate than guest). They want you to be high by the time the instrumental outro hits.

77) The Strokes - “Bad Decisions”

The beginning sound feels somewhat evolved, but by the time Julian Casablancas croons “Making bad decisions”, the song feels like it could be on their debut album “Is This It?”. And it goes in and out like that from there.

76) Thundercat - “Dragonball Durag”

Thundercat is one of those artists I wish I liked more, but when the occasional track does hit, it’s a momentary glimpse into what real fans seem to always see.

75) TI f/ Lil Baby - “Pardon”

Standard fare. Lil Baby’s cameo is very meh.

74) Porches - “Do U Wanna”

For a song that repeatedly asks “Do you want to dance?”, it sure makes you feel like you’re moving in slow motion.

73) NOFX - “Thatcher Fucked The Kids”

On the best-named album of the year (“West Coast vs. Wessex”), Frank Turner and NOFX cover each other’s material. To start us off, the legends take a song from 12 years ago about British politics from 40 years ago and, well, very easily apply it to right god damn now in America.

72) The Bombpops - “Dearly Departed”

Ahh, my year’s first cancelled concert. The listed names in V1 always make me want to skip this song -- but patience, grasshopper. Chorus is aight.

71) Ratboys - “Alien With A Sleep Mask On”

This band name will never match what the music sounds like.

70) Rolling Blackouts Coastal Fever - “She’s There”

The vocals in this song channel, like, four completely different singers for me, ranging from Bob Dylan to Cloud Nothings.

69) NOBRO - “Don’t Die”

An anthemic chorus meant to be belted in a room with sweaty strangers.

68) Oliver Tree f/ blink-182 - “Let Me Down”

The original solo version of this song is 1:52, and though the blink cameo pushes it over the dreaded two minute mark, it adds enough diversity to justify the choice (keep an eye out for the quick Green Day lyrical nod in the back half).

67) AJJ - “Normalization Blues”

This dropped in January, and if you thought the year was bad then. Punk News:

I'll admit I do want the album to age badly because I really don't want to have to listen to it years later and still say this is the world we're living in.

Said album being titled “Good Luck Everybody” is straight cryptic.

66) Selena Gomez - “Rare”

Very chill for big pop; triplet rhythm singing in the chorus gets me erry time.

65) Kid Cudi & Eminem - “The Adventures Of Moon Man & Slim Shady”

Cudi’s second split collab yields bigger results than his Travis Scott joint (admittedly with a worse beat here). It rarely ever hurts to let Eminem do the heavy lifting.

64) Alkaline Trio - “Smokestack”

A little cheerier than the average Alk3 song, but Dan Andriano seems like he’s been in a great place for a long time now; confident and in control. For me, the whole song builds up to the “You changed my life” chorus.

63) Frank Turner - “Scavenger Type”

Here, Frank takes on the acoustic closer to NOFX’s legendary 1994 album “Punk In Drublic”. Though the energy boost is most noticeable, my favorite part is how you can hear how much Turner loves this song as his melody bursts on the verses.

62) Mike Posner - “Alone In A Mansion”

Mike Posner, an artist I have a very soft spot for, released a storytelling concept album in 2020. From the intro track:

This album was written, recorded, and produced over a period of two weeks in Detroit, Michigan in my parents' basement. It's meant to be listened to all the way through. At least on the first listen. And it's about 36 minutes long. If you can't devote 36 minutes of undivided attention to this album, I again politely ask that you turn it off and return at a later time. I love you and I thank you for taking the time to listen in the first place. Also, it's important to note that the characters and the stories in this album are completely fictional. In addition, anyone struggling with a mental illness - depression, schizophrenia - should not listen to this album. Turn it off.

So those are the stakes. Pulling this song -- the record’s closer -- feels unfair void of context, but them’s the breaks.

61) Nada Surf - “Just Wait”

Heavy hitting chorus without having to be heavy; this could really work in a movie.

60) Matt Pond PA - “Wild Heart”

This having only 805 views on YouTube is criminal.

59) Liquid Death - “Unnecessary And Unimpressive”

Liquid Death -- in this iteration -- is a punk rock supergroup with members of Rise Against, Anti-Flag, The Lawrence Arms, and The Bombpops. If that didn’t interest you enough, all lyrics in the project (which, I believe, is for charity) come from hateful comments or negative reviews. Of the four artists involved, this sounds most like a Bombpops song, with Jen on lead vocals as others chime in.

58) PUP - “Rot”

Off my silver medalist for album name of the year (“This Place Sucks Ass”), PUP doesn’t do anything new here, but it was relieving to see them still going in 2020 when so many others got roadblocked, both physically and creatively.

57) Paul Harrold and the Nuclear Bandits - “Massanutten”

This reminds me of local Chicago artist Al Scorch. So much earnestness in the vocals, but a little more prairie for Harrold compared to speakeasy for Scorch. This would be a good road trip song. And I’m not talking about singalong... more for the stretch where you want to sit in silence and look out at the sun-kissed land blazing by. The song’s greatest victory is getting me to like something that cracks 6:00.

Note to future me: Massanutten is in Virginia (saved you a Google).

56) Kesha f/ Sturgill Simpson, Brian Wilson & Wrabel - “Resentment”

Kesha has been vulnerable in the past but never this stripped down sonically; the chorus would feel right at home on a country radio station. Love a good bridge, too.

55) Megan Thee Stallion f/ Beyoncé - “Savage (Remix)”

An up-and-comer pairing with a legend rarely lets down when both sides are this locked in. Bey wins. Fav line: “If you don't jump to put jeans on, baby, you don't feel my pain”.

She matches flows with Megan but also brings melody. Her blessing takes this song from pretty damn good to undeniably great.

That beat, too.

54) Red City Radio - “Baby Of The Year”

If all you want to do right now is grab a drink in a bar, here is a video built to troll.

(Also: a Liquid Death cameo?!)

53) Nathaniel Rateliff - “And It’s Still Alright”

The last time Mr. Rateliff had our attention, he just wanted a drink. That hit had a chorus with the very-sad-when-removed-from-the-song “If I can't get clean, I'm gonna drink my life away” lyric. Well, our man got sober since. And when the party is over, the introspection comes.

52) Direct Hit! - “HAVE YOU SEEN IT?”

Listening to slowed down Direct Hit! is like watching Usain Bolt lightly jog. It kinda makes sense because the core action is there, but it also feels sort of incorrect.

51) Hayley Williams - “Dead Horse”

Solo Hayley songs have this feel like they could do anything at any time... but then don’t. This one does the same until a very fun chorus breaks it up.

50) Kid Cudi f/ Phoebe Bridgers - “Lovin’ Me”

Probably the most improbable collab on this list (if 2020 hadn’t repeatedly taught us to not be surprised by anything).

49) The Homeless Gospel Choir - “Don’t Compare”

Listening to The Homeless Gospel Choir is kind of like getting a dedicated pep talk from a good friend... while fire rains down from the sky.

48) Carly Rae Jepsen - “Let’s Sort The Whole Thing Out”

Queen vocals with one prince of a tempo; this chorus is Sour Patch Kids riding Twix logs down a soda pop waterfall -- and it’s a b-side.

47) Green Day - “Meet Me On The Roof”

I like this song because it reminds me of summer and because it doesn’t really sound like Green Day (but still totally does).

46) Broadway Calls - “Meet Me On The Moon”

Promise -- swear -- I was gonna compare this Broadway Calls song to Green Day before realizing they both had titles about meeting in an escalated location. That said, I did put them next together on purpose to more coherently make this point.

45) David Rokos - “Building Bridges”

My buddy Dave wrote this song, and I think I’ve asked him three times what “burning sugar” meant (he says it’s a reference to absinthe). This song will make you want to travel to enjoy not only the places but the people around you.

44) Charli XCX - “claws”

Charli XCX keeps it futuristic in a video that could be described as sexy, cheesy, goofy, and playful-yet-serious.

43) Brian Fallon - “Lonely For You Only”

This is too easy and should not work (and maybe doesn’t). But that chorus... that circular phrasing... it still takes me all the way out. But I’m the same cat who proposed while a Gaslight Anthem cover was playing.

42) Waxahatchee - “Fire”

This song could be in a different language and hit just as hard.

41) Harry Styles - “Adore You”

Purifying pop.

40) Local H - “Hold That Thought”

Hardest rock song thus far. Local H was one of the first artists to play “live” once the lockdown hit (on a simultaneous YouTube/Facebook stream), and watching them attack music in their Chicago practice bunker felt a little bit like taking in the end of the world. New songs, old songs, covers -- it didn’t matter; their cool, unmatched apathy fits a pandemic or peacetime.

Ironically, was able to see them live in 2020, as they played a socially distanced, outdoor drive up concert in a minor league baseball parking lot. It wasn’t the same, but it was still something.

39) Crazy & The Brains - “I Don’t Deliver Pizza Anymore”

This song is just cool*. The verses feel tense and crucial, it starts to unspool in the pre-chorus, and the chorus itself feels like a light comedown more than anything else.

(* - though the lyric video is docked some points for spelling y’all as “ya’ll”)

38) Drake f/ Fivio Foreign & Sosa Geek - “Demons”

Menacing Drizzy can be very fun from time to time. Also more than happy to keep “Toosie Slide” very far away from this list.

37) Hey Dad!!! - “Life’s Alright”

Small band, big song; though summer feels light-years away.

36) insignificant other - “i’m so glad i feel this way about you”

This song lands a big haymaker in the first few seconds, so it was probably a good call to pull back some for the chorus and, eventually, outro.

35) BTS - “Dynamite”

Heard they made the lyrics bad on purpose for their English hit, which makes sense, because they’re bad. That said, if you listen knowing they’re supposed to be bad, it kinda makes them... good? Listen, 771 million views would have me singing nursery rhymes in Pig Latin.

34) DaBaby f/ RODDY RICCH - “ROCKSTAR”

Someone said this could be the song of the summer, but, because there wasn’t really a summer, I feel like I only heard it once all year. Also, are we really pretending Post Malone* didn’t just do a “like a rockstar” song three years ago?

(* - and N.E.R.D. before that and Cypress Hill before that... though N.E.R.D. only waiting a year after Cypress, so maybe DaBaby actually was patient)

33) The Front Bottoms - “the hard way”

Don’t take it easy on the animal / I am the animal

Not quite sure what this line means, but I fixate on the phrasing every single time. This song sounds resigned in a very self-aware way.

32) The 1975 - “If You’re Too Shy (Let Me Know)”

For a band called The 1975, they sure sound like they’re on their ‘80s shit here. Also, a real thing that happened:

Me: Is he coercing her to get naked?! I thought this band was woke.

/scans lyrics

/notices “She said” before the “Maybe I would like you better if you took off your clothes” line

Me: Ahh.

Sax solo, take us out.

31) Charly Bliss & PUP - “It’s Christmas And I Fucking Miss You”

A song that is already a forever staple on all my future Xmas playlists.

30) 2 Chainz f/ Ty Dolla $ign & Lil Duval - “Can’t Go For That”

Shorty said she love me / I said “I love me back”

This is a real genre blur; rap at its core, but also soulful, funky, and very danceable. Damn creative.

29) Billie Eilish - “Therefore I Am”

Billie's 2020 gave a few singles -- but no new album -- and a body shaming scandal where the backlash to the backlash probably caused more headlines than the tweet that started it all. Still, she stays on cruise control above the clouds; can all eyes be on you if they can’t even make you out?

Video for this is fun, too. Not sure if her running amok in an empty mall is more of a COVID necessity or commentary on the dying retail industry. As always with her, fill in your own blanks for now.

28) Future f/ Drake - “Life Is Good”

This was my most listened to rap song in the first half of the year, and bumping again now, almost forgot how good it is. Drake just chasing one-liner Instagram captions in the first half:

- “Haven’t done my taxes, I’m too turnt up”

- “N****s caught me slipping once, OK, so what?”

- “B****, this is fame not clout, I don’t even know what that’s about”

And, of course, “Workin’ on the weekend like usual”. The man could make anything glamorous. Let’s hit that H&R Block, bro!

Future’s back half is a totally different song and feels mostly like noise, but the vibe is cool, so I don’t even totally mean that in a bad way. You can even make out a “Got Promethazine in my blood and Percocet” lyric to mark your Future bingo card and immediately move on.

27) I’m Glad It’s You - “The Silver Cord”

This song feels like cold air blowing on the back of your neck.

(Sidebar: thought this band was called The Silver Cord until literally right now)

26) The Spill Canvas - “Mercy”

A dreamy, distorted, at-home version of whatever you remember The Spill Canvas sounding like. This song is confessional and at peace, with the Grade A self-loathing we’ve come to love from this band.

25) 100 gecs f/ Charli XCX, Rico Nasty & Kero Kero Bonito - “ringtone (remix)”

100 gecs first hit my radar with the explosively obnoxious “money machine”, but that’s a 2019er, so this remix to “ringtone” will have to do. It’s catchy like a younger sibling persistently singing a song you’re sick of hearing*.

(* - /only child trying to work in sibling analogies)

24) iann dior f/ Machine Gun Kelly & Travis Barker - “Sick And Tired”

Iann Dior -- ...yeah -- channels Juice WRLD on the hook, and MGK/Travis Barker buoy a track that, honestly, doesn’t really even need the help.

23) Nick Lutsko - “Unleash Your Spirit”

Lutsko hit my radar on Twitter with some legendary political anthems (word to the RNC and Dan Bongino + his Dashboard Trump parody). “Unleash Your Spirit” is the song I most fear hearing (or even thinking of) within a few minutes of going to bed. Not because it’s Halloween theme is scary -- because it’s that god damn catchy. It permeates your brain. True story: a week ago, I woke up in the middle of the night with “Bobbing for apples with the boys” so ingrained in my head, it felt like someone was standing there yelling it through a megaphone.

22) Dogleg - “Kawasaki Backflip”

Bad 2020 robbed many concerts from us, and not getting to see this band live might take the cake. I end the year liking them but could have been *all in* with the right performance and the right venue. Also, Song Title of the Year until further notice.

21) Eminem f/ Juice WRLD - “Godzilla”

Eminem has all of the words and all of the lyrical dexterity, but sometimes it feels like there isn’t anything to ground him. Enter: one of the best beats he’s ever spit on and a Juice WRLD hook to give it pop angle. But let’s not put Slim in the corner -- when he starts accelerating at the end, it’s is a true “holy fuck” moment. It sounds faster than if you actually fast forwarded.

The video ends with a touching audio message from Juice WRLD.

20) Soccer Mommy - “circle the drain”

This song is so gloriously ‘90s; it leans in and does not care.

19) Sam Russo - “Always Lost”

The first time I met you, we were on the last bus You passed me a bottle, and I knew you were one of us

Took 25 words to hook me; I was txting friends before the first chorus even hit.

18) Sincere Engineer - “Trust Me”

Deanna Belos pushes her vocals in this one. I asked about the performance, and she said it was one of the first ones they recorded in the studio, but when they were done and listening back to everything, she re-did this track because her throat was much more used to what the song required.

“That’s why it sounds like I’m on roids lol,” she added.

17) Jay Electronica f/ JAY-Z - “Flux Capacitor”

Jay Electronica signed to Roc Nation in November of 2010. At of the start of 2020, he had still -- STILL HOW FUCKING STILL -- not released a debut album. When he announced it was finally dropping in February, it was met with skeptic eyes. He’d “announced” before. Shit, he’d even posted track lists of albums that never saw the light of day. He was a tease’s tease. It ended up getting a release date of March 12. As the pandemic got really bad in the March 11 zone, he finally had an actual reason to delay the proceedings (the plan: a studio live stream listening party*).

But no -- this is Jay Electronica. Why wouldn’t he drop as the world was ending? The same reason why his costar wouldn’t not have a watch like a Saudi prince. It had to end for it to happen. I wish I saved the memes, because they were fantastic. All I have is my own Twitter memory to prove it happened:

I love this song entirely: the “get the gat” hook (soooo New Orleans), Hov calling out the NFL/acquaintances clout chasing his potential death/rapping forever bars, Jay Elect’s ham-fisted and awkward ass Farrakhan line. Everything is exactly where it should be.

Final verdict on the full album: I don’t know, a B or B+? It had a lot more Jay-Z than expected (wooo), but -- and I rarely say this -- it could have actually been longer.

16) New Found Glory - “Greatest Of All Time”

NFG with a song referencing the Jordan-Rodman-Pippen Bulls only a few months before “The Last Dance” aired. Dare we call it marketing genius? The punk beat does not care; the punk beat is too busy taking souls.

15) Dave Hause f/ Amythyst Kiah & Kam Franklin - “Your Ghost”

“I can’t breathe”

On the heels of the George Floyd/BLM protests came Dave Hause’s somber attempt to capture the moment, desperation, and hurt. On a podcast, he said he was aware he might not ever lead the movement but still wanted to contribute something in an effort to use his platform as a white artist to change someone, anyone’s mind going forward.

14) Taylor Swift - “this me trying”

The chorus makes me feel like the crowd is parting like the Red Sea on a high school -- shit, no, middle school -- dance floor; smoke machine and all. Your crush is waiting for you on the other side. What are you going to say?

13) Phoebe Bridgers - “Kyoto”

Phoebe is one of the best lyricists out because of her specificity, but even though this song is about her dad, you can really fit it to your own narrative.

12) The Lawrence Arms - “Last, Last Words”

The Lawrence Arms wrote their new record (which singer Chris McCaughan described as “this end of the world outpost”) prior to the pandemic, but once you start to process album themes -- and research its namesake -- you do wonder. All of this, combined with some “Catcher In The Rye” references, and we’ve got ourselves a winning formula.

Dressed to kill for oblivion

11) New Lenox - “Fairytale Of Gary, Indiana”

Your boy plays drums and is on the cover art for this one. Dave Rokos wrote the tune, which references The Pogues’ “Fairytale of New York”. Good news: no slurs in the Gary version. We’ll have you in and out in 90 seconds. Also: say hello to the recording debut of Alisa Caruso (some backup vox at the end).

10) Beach Slang - “Tommy In The 80s”

My most played song of 2020, but it really was more of a byproduct of how early in the year the album dropped. I’m still such a sucker for it, though. Other than forced nostalgia, not totally sure what the track is about. Did learn Beach Slang recruited former Replacements bassist Tommy Stinson to play on their LP, which was named -- /deepest of breaths -- “The Deadbeat Bang of Heartbreak City” (so maybe it has something to do with that).

9) Juice WRLD f/ Mashmello - “Come & Go”

The :55 mark. Wait until the :55 mark. When the guitar kicks in and tempo doubles, we have a real “oh, shit!” moment. I knew who Juice was when he passed but only “Liquid Dreams”. His 2020 album (“Legends Never Die”) showed us of what could have been; 55 minutes, loaded with cameos and creativity and experimentation. This song had me in its gravitational pull immediately. By the end of the year, they were using it on sports broadcasts, and it felt like a ubiquitous part of the culture.

One of my favorite days of 2020 was visiting the Juice mural in Chicago with my wife. We went impulsively during the day after someone posted a picture on Twitter.

I snapped one of my own and posted to IG with the Signals Midwest lyric “There is such quiet grace in private moments in public spaces”. The band responded with “RIP JUICE”; the perfect online exchange.

Shortly after, I was out with a different group of friends, and we went back at night. This time, it was protected by a fence you had to squeeze past. When we got through, there were kids in there smoking, taking pictures, just hanging out; empty liquor bottles lined the bottom of the mural. Even though it didn’t take all that long to make it there, it still felt like a journey and total ‘movie moment in real life’; a complete rarity in a year like 2020.

8) Mac Miller - “Good News”

Maybe I’ll lay down for a little...

Sadly continuing the theme of artists gone too soon, we have this reflective Mac Miller single, which feels more like self-eulogy than traditional rap. You feel it the entire time. The song crests with “There’s a whole lot more for me waitin’ on the other side”, and it conveys a readiness for whatever happens next.

7) The Dirty Nil - “Done With Drugs”

I don’t pray to Jesus or even own a suit

We lost the creators of our last two songs to substances, and, if we are to take this song at face value, The Dirty Nil don’t want to go down the same path. Drying out never sounded so cool and defiant... until the IKEA suggestion.

6) The Weeknd - “Blinding Lights”

Uptempo Abel is undefeated. My favorite pop song of 2020 has you feeling like you’re speeding through the empty streets of nighttime Las Vegas in a stolen car; indifferent to your environment, only tuned in to your personal desire.

And, on the lamer side of the spectrum, it spawned a catchy TikTok dance.

5) Spanish Love Songs - “Self-Destruction (As A Sensible Career Choice)”

It won’t be this bleak forever... yeah, right.

SLS has always been over-the-top with their lyrics spotlighting the hopelessness of the human condition -- so it was the *perfect* combo to being locked inside with nothing looking to forward to. Bonus: fun cake video.

Though the song’s core is uncut despair, a random moment I remember from 2020 was my wife telling me “I can hear you smiling as you’re singing” from another room as I belted the despondent chorus.

4) Worst Party Ever - “False Teeth”

This song sounds like The Front Bottoms; insecure yet so full.

3) Run The Jewels - “the ground below”

There were a lot of songs *about* 2020, but I’m not sure any artist soundtracked what being alive now is like more than RTJ. My favorite rap song and rap record of 2020.

Fav Killer Mike line: “Not a holy man, but I'm moral in my perversiveness / So I support the sex workers unionizing their services”

Fav El-P line: “I'll slap a dying child he don't pronounce my name correct”

2) The Menzingers - “America Pt. 2″

The Menzingers unexpectedly released an acoustic, re-done version of 2019′s “America (You’re Freaking Me Out)” single. It dropped on my birthday -- June 5th, 2020 -- as the rage in this country boiled over and protesters took to the streets. Though some of the lyrics remained the same, the new ones were changed with true purpose:

Well George Floyd was murdered by a cop The whole world saw the video and watched Now justice is long overdue Grab your pitchforks, we’re heading to Pennsylvania Avenue

I had nothing left when the first pre-chorus hit: “I hope the Devil and Donald and Mitch McConnell rot in hell for all tomorrows”. Tattoo this on my fucking soul.

All funds from the song were donated to Community Bail Funds (via Act Blue) & Campaign Zero. I purchased the track before hearing a note.

1) Machine Gun Kelly - “My Bloody Valentine”

Going into the year, I couldn’t tell you the difference between Machine Gun Kelly and Mac Miller -- now they’re both fixtures in this Top 10. All I really knew about MGK involved tattoos and a rap battle lost to Eminem (not that anyone ever beats Eminem).

In 2020, he took a punk/emo turn, with the services of GOAT drummer Travis Barker and new squeeze Megan Fox at his side. This song’s lyrics could potentially be cheesy but aren’t -- they all land. From the simulation going bad to not wanting “fake love” to all the damn second guessing and the earnestness that just won’t let you off the mat.

Every piece to the puzzle adds something: the messy hair, the Ken doll build, the forced iconic pink guitar that now feels actually iconic. It was almost like no one had any fun this year so he could have all of it on our behalf. There’s a half second shot of him sticking his tongue our during the pre-chorus, a joy 99.99% of us never got to feel.

The album itself was just as fantastic*; a 2000′s pop punk throwback with a Halsey duet, horrible skits (hi, Pete Davidson FaceTime), OpIvy lyrical nod (complete with a royalty check), a warp speed punk track that doesn’t even crack the minute mark, your token 6/8 ballad, acoustic closer (about his daughter), and some experimentation that leaves the new genre but still stays nearby; shades of Lil Peep, if he had Blink-182 as his backing band. Speaking of, please do not miss Travis’ fill at the 2:30 mark.

(* - named “Tickets To My Downfall”... woof)

MGK could get cancelled tomorrow, but we’ll always have this year in a bottle. The acoustic version of the song (sung in a lower resister), the 10 minute making of video (that I watched, uh, twice)... shit, he even turned it into a medley at the start of 2021.

It might be cliche to say “stay winning”, but when someone stacks this many W’s with no end in sight, what the fuck else do you call it? Real love.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading. Here is the Spotify playlist (includes 87 of the 88 songs).

14 notes · View notes

lady-divine-writes · 4 years

Text

ACITW AU one-shot “Together Apart” (Rated M)

Summary: With Kurt in New York, performing in New Year's Rockin' Eve, and Sebastian partying with his brother in Westerville like old times, it looks like Kurt and Sebastian will be spending this holiday apart ... and Kurt is not okay with that. (2515 words)

Notes: I always liked this one because it showed that just because Sebastian is rich and could easily take care of Kurt for the rest of his life, Kurt never gave up his dreams. He went to NYADA and is now performing on Broadway. Besides, I'm a sap for stories that manage to pull it all together at the buzzer, so to speak. Fluff and romance with plenty of throwbacks to the original story.

Read on AO3.

“Stupid … frickin’ … useless … WiFi …” Kurt mutters, slapping his phone against the palm of his hand with each word, as if battering the thing will jostle the electronics and force it to work. “Overpriced … piece … of garbage …”

“Still can’t get FaceTime to connect?”

“No,” Kurt growls. “I’ve deleted it and downloaded it about a dozen times and it keeps freezing up on me. Instagram, too. Dammit! Why do we let AT&T soak us for Broadband if it’s not going to work during the important times, like bank holidays and inclement weather?”

“That’s my bad,” Sebastian says. “I forgot to select the Defy Act of God add-on when I renewed our service.”

“Bastard. Always letting me down.” Kurt spins on his his heel and flops down on his back on the bed. “I guess we’re going to have to talk into the phone … like cavemen.”

“Ooo … cavemen,” Sebastian purrs. “We haven’t roleplayed that before. Sounds primal. Now that’s a concept I can get behind.”

“It’d be easier for you to get behind it if you were actually here.”

“I know, babe, I know. But on the bright side, phone sex is a viable option.”

Kurt closes his eyes and sighs, deflating into his pillowcase and his down duvet. The fingers of his free hand find his forehead and massage, attempting to knead away the pounding in his sleep deprived brain. “Are we really going to do this over the phone?”

“Yes. Hence the mention of phone sex.”

“No, I mean celebrate New Year’s. The way things stand, we’re better off calling it a night, wait till you get here tomorrow to celebrate. I really want to take off my clothes, hop in a hot shower, and boil the skin off my bones.”

“Without me?”

“Again, you’re not here …”

“Exactly! We’ve never missed a New Year’s together! Even when we were separated, you were my New Year’s kiss! Now I know you’ve spent yet another taxing evening as a winged marmoset but I’m sorry. You’re going to have to wait one more hour to turn yourself into human stew because I am not spending New Year’s Eve without my kiss!”

Kurt bites his lower lip, holding back a laugh. He doesn’t want to encourage Sebastian. But he ends up snorting which, in terms of laughter, is much worse. Sometimes Kurt thinks Sebastian should have attended NYADA and been the musical theater major since he’s the real drama queen in their relationship. “And how do you intend on getting a kiss from me from over five hundred miles away when we can’t even FaceTime?”

“May I bring your attention back to the topic of phone sex? It’s something I know you’re exceedingly familiar with.”

“Ha … ha …”

From somewhere in the distance, a wave of laughter erupts, as if half the population of Westerville has been listening to Sebastian ply his adolescent wit. Kurt rolls his eyes, grimacing at his phone so hard, his head goes from dull pang to steady throb.

“Why bother?” he sniffs. “From the sounds of it, you’re having the time of your life at your folks’. What? Did Julian and Cooper rope you into one of your famous parties while your parents are away? Trying to recapture the good old days?”

Sebastian makes a non-committal noise. “It’s not a party without you. Besides, I’m not about that life anymore.” He huffs. “Even when I was about that life, I wasn’t about that life.”

“Liar.”

“Fine. Let’s say I wasn’t about that life after I fell head over heels in love with you.”

“And when was that?”

“Earlier than you’re willing to believe.”

“Sure,” Kurt grumbles, proving Sebastian right. It’s not that he doesn’t believe Sebastian. He’s too bitter at the moment to think favorably about anything. He sighs again, debating between climbing underneath the covers fully clothed or trundling off to the kitchen for a bottle of water and a couple aspirin.

Neither wins.

“So what is going on where you are right now?” he asks, his insides roaring with jealousy before he even gets an answer.

“Where I am right now?” Sebastian repeats, singling those words out - the lynchpin to a loophole. Because the party of the century could very well be bumping in the house around him, but if Sebastian has holed himself up in a bathroom, or his old bedroom, then technically he’s not partaking in the festivities. But from the constant static of music and laughter behind him, Kurt doesn’t think that’s the case. “Not much. Hanging with a bunch of drunk randos I don’t know, listening to music that makes me want to puke in my shoes.”

“There’s an image.” Kurt chuckles, not for long but loud enough to regret it. “Can I assume then that you’re a bit sloshed yourself?”

“Not at all. I’ve had the sum total of one Seagram’s.”

Kurt makes a face. If that’s what Julian is supplying their guests, he’s really scraping the bottom of the barrel. Or did they run out of the good stuff early on and have to make a 7-11 run? Or, more to the point, have some poor schlub from DoorDash make a 7-11 run? “Would that be vodka or gin?”

“Uh … no.” Sebastian clears his throat uncomfortably. “More like … uh …”

Amusement and confusion burn a slow smile across Kurt’s tired mouth. What in the world could it be that it’s taking Sebastian this long to answer? “Come on, Smythe! Cough it up! What was this mystery drink?”

“It was … an … ahem … Orange Sassy Swirl.”

The last three words tumble out of Sebastian’s mouth like a skydiver without a parachute.

“Oh, Sebastian. No,” Kurt commiserates earnestly, wondering at what level of desperation Sebastian would actively submit to imbibing anything that goes by the name Orange Sassy Swirl when he had once balked at ordering Kurt a much more respectable apple-tini. “Say it ain’t so.”

“What about you?” Sebastian side-steps swiftly, obviously unwilling to divulge what led him to pick a beverage with such a ludicrous name. “Hit up any noteworthy shindigs?”

“Nope. I took off my makeup after we recorded our part for New Year’s Rockin’ Eve and headed straight back to our place.”

“None of your theater buddies had anything planned? You guys have some heavy hitters in your cast of Wicked. Not a one of them is throwing a party?”

“It’s not that. Idina and Kristin both had prior engagements, of course, but most of the cast had somewhere to go. A few invitations made it my way, I won’t lie. Being a Flying Monkey has its perks after all. But that’s not the point.”

“And what is the point, monkey man?”

“The point is that even though I’m living the dream, I’d much rather be with you, drinking your brother’s wacky alcoholic concoctions in his never ending quest to get me as drunk as possible. We’d stumble upstairs to slow dance in your old bedroom till midnight then, right when the ball drops …”

“Yeah?”

“We’d bone.”

Sebastian barks a laugh the way Kurt had hoped. God, he misses that laugh, the smile that accompanies it, the way both light up Sebastian’s face. With his eyes shut and Sebastian’s voice in his ear, Kurt can see his face so clearly it makes his heart hurt.

“There’s my hopeless romantic,” Sebastian says when he catches his breath.

“And even though New Year’s is a completely made up holiday …”

“Kurt! They’re all made up!”

“I mean the whole concept of a holiday that celebrates the passage of time without the inclusion of some sort of harvest because time itself is a man-made construct …”

“Here we go again …” Sebastian mumbles under his breath. Oddly, he sounds like he’s out of breath and racing through traffic. Most likely multitasking, Kurt thinks. Playing a video game while talking on the phone. Kurt remembers way back when when he, Sebastian, Julian, Finn, and Puck would spend the bulk of Julian and Sebastian’s annual New Year’s Eve blowout kicking each others’ asses at GTA - much to the dismay of their hornier guests, who’d been banking on some kind of show from the Smythes. They eventually did get one since their friendly game turned into strip GTA once Julian, Finn, and Puck got decently buzzed. Any fans of Sebastian’s went away disappointed though since that was around the time he’d squirrel Kurt upstairs so they could ring in the New Year in private.

“There was a time when the calendar didn’t have twelve months. If it wasn’t for the tremendous egos of the Caesar bros …”

“Otherwise known as the salad mavens of ancient Rome …”

“There’d only be ten months!”

“Not to put a wrench in your tirade,” a suddenly winded Sebastian interrupts, “but I don’t think that’s entirely accurate ...”

“I’d be 56 years old!” Kurt rails, uncaring.

“On the up side,” Sebastian says, abandoning his point, “you’d look magnificent for your age. As would I.”

A comfortable but tense silence settles between them, Kurt straining to hear more of what’s going on on Sebastian’s end of the phone while picturing what sort of bedlam Julian has unleashed. But the murmurs of celebration Sebastian is caught up in sound fuzzy and disjointed, shifting and changing as Sebastian (presumably) walks through the house in search of a quiet place to converse.

“Come on, babe,” he says finally. “Tell me what’s on your mind. What’s got you so down on this joyous non-holiday? You usually don’t wax historical unless you can tie it back to the moral of a Sondheim musical.”

“I …” Kurt struggles to come up with a lighthearted, funny response to complement Sebastian’s jab, maybe some mention of his obsession with Indie rock, but he can’t come up with anything. He’s crashing, physically and emotionally, but it’s the emotionally that’s threatening to dismember him on impact. He suddenly can’t help himself his feelings. They’re too overwhelming to control. He knows that the long hours he spent practicing over the past few days set him up for this; the fact that he skipped out on dinner and then completely bypassed the craft services table in his eagerness to get home didn’t help. But it’s the prospect of starting this New Year off alone, for some reason, that’s become too soul shattering to bear. They’re not in high school anymore, where every emotion becomes ratcheted beyond its limits, every moment feels do or die. This shouldn’t be as big a deal as it is. “I miss you. I know we’ve only been apart three days and I know I’m going to see you tomorrow - like, eight short hours from now but … I really miss you. I learned a long time ago that I don’t like being away from you for too long, especially on nights like tonight when pretty much every person in the world is paired up with someone, preparing to share a kiss come midnight, real holiday or no.”

“I feel you …”

Kurt frowns as the sound of a car horn drowns out the end of Sebastian’s sentence. If he’s not actually out in traffic, Kurt has to say the sound effects in GTA 5 are incredible. With that in mind, he wonders if the makers of GTA 5 included a slurring crowd counting down the seconds till midnight as some kind of too-on-the-nose Easter Egg.

“And so it begins.” Sebastian exhales long and deep, and for the first time that night, he doesn’t sound anywhere near festive. He sounds defeated. “How about you count it off for us, babe?”

“Yeah, all right,” Kurt agrees, clearing a sharp-cornered sob from his throat. “10 … 9 … 8 …” He counts by rote, not really listening to himself but to Sebastian’s breathing over the phone, waiting for Kurt to reach one so he can make some ridiculous ‘Mwah!’ noise and go back to his game. Behind closed eyelids, Kurt imagines being at the Smythe house with him, arms wrapped around his waist, lips ghosting his neck as he tries his best to distract him.

He’d succeed, but Sebastian would still win his game. He’s that good.

“... 5 …” Kurt’s voice wavers, his eyes beginning to burn “… 4 … 3 … 2 …”

“... 1 …”

A familiar voice and the press of warm lips against Kurt’s mouth make his eyelids spring open. Moss-green eyes peer into his, steeped in the same level of exhaustion, but even more so, the same level of longing. With his eyes shut, Kurt didn’t see Sebastian come in; didn’t hear him unlock the front door or open the bedroom door over the revelry going on outside, echoing from the TV that he’d put on for white noise and forgotten all about. Besides, Sebastian could walk as quietly as the dead when he wanted to - a talent garnered from years of sneaking out of his house, climbing down trellises and jumping off rooftops in the middle of the night with his parents none the wiser.

“You’re here,” Kurt whispers in a hoarse, relieved voice.

“I am,” Sebastian replies with the addition of another kiss … then another as he climbs onto the bed and straddles his boyfriend.

“You … you didn’t tell me you were coming. You didn’t even hint that you were in the city.”

“I didn’t know if I would make it in time. I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“How did you get here?”

“Train. Then an Uber. Until the roads became blocked by pedestrians and I had to get out and hoof it.”

Kurt nods slowly. That explains the incongruous sounds of people interspersed with cars and traffic on his end of the phone. “You’re an asshole.”

“True. But I’m your ...” Sebastian’s face pinches, stuck somewhere between a laugh and scowl when he thinks about the way his comment is about to come across out loud. “You know what? Let’s just say jerk.”

“It would have been nice to have something to look forward to,” Kurt says, shaky arms creeping up around Sebastian’s neck.

“I know.” Sebastian runs the tip of his nose lightly against Kurt’s. “But on the off chance things didn’t work out, I didn’t want to let you down.”

“Makes sense, I guess,” Kurt says with the slightest of shrugs.

“Are you happy I’m here?”

“I’ll be happier in five minutes.”

Puzzled, Sebastian’s brows pull together while he fights not to yawn. But he’s so comfortable here in his own bed, with Kurt’s body underneath him, miles away from the mounds of people vying for his attention back in Ohio. “Why? What’s happening in five minutes?”

Kurt’s sad, tired expression grows into a smile that’s positively devious. “You’ll be ready for round two.”

Sebastian grins, reaching over Kurt for the remote to turn off the lights, willing to admit that he walked straight into that burn with his eyes wide open. But an entire morning spent entwined in the arms of the man he loves? That’s worth a little sizzle. “Ouch.”

#Kurtbastian #acitw #acitw au #sebkurt #sekurt

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

Lemon's Misadventures in Dating, Chapter 3 (Lemon x Everyone) - Mermelada

A/N Hi everyone, I’ve been sitting on this chapter for a wee while but couldn’t quite get it right, so I hope this will do! Lots of love to you all!

As soon as Lemon had arrived home after her date with Kyne – at 9 o’clock the following morning – she flopped onto her bed and checked her phone. She opened the app to be greeted with a number of new messages.

[08:48] Hope you got home safe baby, please try not to fall in love with me now xx

The first one she read, from Kyne, made her chuckle, she’d actually had a really, REALLY good time last night. It turned out that there was actually a very easy way to get the girl to stop talking. Kyne had every reason to be cocky, and Lemon hadn’t been made to feel so good for a very long time. She had even managed to go a couple of hours without thinking of her. Speaking of her, they still hadn’t matched, which was definitely for the best, as Lemon didn’t think she could stand the inescapable mutual awkwardness if they did. But then did that mean that Juice had swiped left on her? Deciding to stop the mental tennis before it got out of hand, she pulled up the bottom message on her list, from yesterday.

[16:04] Bonjour hi, Miss Lemon! Tu parles français? Or am I needing to practice my English? :-)

Rita. From her profile, she looked every bit the no-shit-taking dom top with a major mommy’s little girl kink, but her message was kind of sweet. The fact she had even bothered to check what language Lemon spoke was cute, she supposed, but she crossed her fingers that Rita had an edge and wasn’t all politeness and niceties. Now that Lemon had had her first taste of Tinder hook-ups, she was ready to dive in with no fear. Well maybe just a tiny bit of fear. She quickly typed out a reply, partly assisted by the internet, and sent it off.

[09:09] I’m assuming you don’t count ‘voulez-vous coucher avec moi’ as proper French 😉

Is it completely cliché and unoriginal? Yes. Has Rita probably already received hundreds of messages saying the same thing? Yes. But I’m tired and still feeling fucked out, so it’ll do. If she likes me, she’ll bite. Hopefully for real, soon…

Following on, she finally had a reply from Kiara.

[19:20] Hi girlie! I am SO sorry for replying so late, I have been working all day and all night this week ☹️ but seeing your profile made me feel better 🙂 how are you??

Double-checking quickly in case she’d missed something important, she realised that the girl’s profile didn’t say what she did as a job, so that seemed like a good place to start.

[09:13] Don’t worry at all, hon! But I’m glad I can help 😉 I’m doing okay thanks, and u? What do you do for work? x

Is a kiss on the end too forward or too friendly, she pondered, trying to remember if she’d done the same for Rita and Kyne before her. It’s done now, I’ll soon find out, I guess!

[23:56] You’re named after the wrong fruit, because you’re definitely a fineapple

The third message was from Boa, who she must have matched with during the night. She loved it. She wanted it on a cross-stitch, framed above her bed. She’d definitely made the right choice with this girl. Now, how to match her at her own game…

[09:15] You udderly impressed me with that one!

As soon as it had sent, Lemon was hit with a massive wave of self-doubt: what if Boa didn’t get the pun and just thought she was weird? She’d always thought she was quite funny, but what if that was all a lie? There was still time to rectify it.

[09:15] Because of the cow costume, get it?

[09:15] It’s so cute!!!

[09:16] You seem really fun 😀

[09:16] And it helps that your hot

[09:16] You’re^

Shit shit shitting shit, that is way overboard for a reply. What the fuck have I done? Oh dear lord, well Boa, it was nice knowing ya! I don’t blame you for blocking me and running to the hills!

Some more general swiping ensued as Lemon awaited some replies, she started aimlessly swiping again through the single ladies of Ontario.

Scarlett, 29

Within 10 miles

Hmm, she looks like she has a bit of filler in those lips but she still looks hot, I like her tattoos, and HOLY SHIT SHE’S EATING FIRE fuck yeah, okay Scarlett! I’ll take that!

Ilona, 25

Within 10 miles

Okay I love her make-up, I love her style… all her photos are selfies, does that mean she has no friends? Don’t be silly, Lem, my camera roll is full of selfies and I’m just fine. I think. Hey, Ilona!

Starzy, 38

Within 10 miles

Oh wow, she’s hot. Her bio literally says, “Call me mother”. That has to be the hottest thing I have ever read, yes please!

After a few more likes and dislikes, Kiara’s name lit up at the top of her screen. Not wanting to seem too keen, she waited a monumental thirty seconds before checking the message.

[09:22] I work on a movie set, but nothing glamorous, I help with hair and makeup. It pays my rent 🙂 I am pretty tired today but I have a deadline soon so I have to keep writing ☹️ where do you work? x

Just as she was thinking of the best way to word her current, work-less situation, a reply also came in from Rita, which Lemon accidentally clicked on sooner than she meant to, completely blowing her cool façade.

[09:25] I’ve never heard that one before…

Lemon’s heart sank at the thought of her impending rejection, but a new message arrived seconds later.

[09:25] At least look up how to say it less formally, I’m not that old!!!!

Smiling at the thought of Rita not automatically hating her – not outright rejecting her – Lemon started to type a reply, but stopped when a third message appeared.

[09:26] Mais si je dis oui, es-tu vraiment libre ce soir? ;-)

Somehow, the more Lemon stared at the words, the less sense they made. She now severely regretted passing her time in French class admiring Madame Benet’s assortment of leopard-print clothing, rather than actually learning. But there was a winky face at the end, which made her heart race, even without understanding the rest of it. Highlighting the text and taking it straight to Google, she couldn’t help but bite her lip as she got Rita’s point.

[09:30] Wee wee, madame 💛 give me a place and a time xx

As much as she may have been looking forward to a good night’s sleep tonight, she still felt the swarm of butterflies flap around her tummy at the thought of Rita’s hands on her, telling her she was a good girl… Don’t get carried away yet, dummy, save it for tonight! I need a cold shower if I’m going to survive the next few hours. Before jumping into action mode, though, the first thing Lemon needed was a nap.

Rousing awake a few hours later, she padded downstairs to make herself a sandwich and a tea, continuously checking her phone with the hope tha Rita had replied. Met with silence, she then took her time to shower, deep conditioning her golden blonde hair and shaving everywhere she could, so she could at least feel better prepared than she had yesterday. Not that a grown-up adult lady like Rita would mind, of course, but it’s all part of getting in the zone, Lemon hummed to herself as she let the water wash away any anxiety she might have had about tonight.

She already knew what underwear she would wear: her favourite black bra with a light furry trim around the cup, and a lacy black thong. She was so sure that Rita was on the same page about how the night would end, she felt like she didn’t have to worry too much about what went over it, opting for indigo skinny jeans and a beige polo-neck. By the time she had finished her makeup, it was almost 5pm, and she still didn’t know the plan. Sitting up on her bed, contemplating how she would explain to her parents that she was spending the night out again, she once again opened the app, hoping that Rita hadn’t backed down. With still no reply, she couldn’t help the frustration which bubbled inside her, she didn’t spend so long stretching to shave the backs of her thighs for nothing! Even more discouraging was the lack of reply from Kiara… until she looked at the last message sent, and realised that she’d unwittingly left the poor girl on read.

Shit, I thought I’d replied already! That explains it… now how to explain that I’m a dancer who doesn’t dance anymore and has moved back in with my parents with no ambition to find anything else anytime soon?

[16:58] You’re a busy lady! What do you study? 😊

[16:59] I’m a dancer, currently hopping from audition to audition, hoping somebody likes me enough!

The reality was that Lemon hadn’t attended any auditions for over a month. She had tried to throw herself into her work after the break-up, but had soon realised that with a broken heart came an enormous lack of drive. She told the contemporary company she was a member of that she needed a break, and they told her to not bother coming back. So here she was, hoping that one day she’d once again wake up with a flame inside of her. Luckily, Kiara didn’t push her to expand on anything just yet.

[17:04] So a bit like Tinder then! Don’t worry, I’m sure lots of people will like you enough… in dance and Tinder!

[17:05] I study film and theatre, it’s fun 🙂 but a lot of essays to write in English which takes me forever lol

[17:06] That makes me sound like an idiot!! I promise I’m not, just Québéquoise!!

[17:06] Are you from Toronto? 🙂

Well at least if tonight doesn’t go ahead, I’ve still got a French option for the future, she sighed, running her fingers through her hair as she thought of an answer.

[17:08] Haha, I believe you 😉 my dad is from Portugal, but I think there are 2 year olds who speak better Portuguese than I do 🥺

[17:08] That sounds super interesting! Your job on the side must help a bit then?

[17:08] And I am, Toronto gal born and bred! How long have you lived here?

Just as she was about to put her phone down for the evening and fall into another nap, the message she’d been waiting for finally arrived, and Lemon found herself scrambling to read it.

[17:09] Sorry, lovely Lemon, work was kicking my ass all day. Does Mado’s at 8pm work for you? X

Lemon couldn’t resist one final reply, cementing her intentions.

[17:10] Sounds great, I’m sure I can help that ass feel better 😘 see you soon!! 💛💛

A/N It’s me again, your friendly neighbourhood translator!

“Voulez-vous coucher avec moi ce soir?” - Do you want to sleep with me tonight?

“Mais si je dis oui, es-tu vraiment libre ce soir?” - But if I say yes, are you really free tonight?

#rpdr fanfiction #drcan #lemon #kyne #kiara #rita baga #scarlett bobo #ilona verley #anastarzia anaquway #lmid #mermelada #submission #can1

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thefallennightmare · 5 years

Text

Soldat [2/10]

Paring: Bucky Barnes x Reader and Steve Rogers x Reader

Warnings: language, angst, fluff, violence, smut(eventually)

Summary: Captain America and Reader have worked together at SHIELD for over a year. What happens when they have a run in with The Winter Solider and Steve finds out the secret Reader had been hiding from him all this time?

A/N: Here is chapter two! Sorry it’s so short! I know it may seem like a Steve Rogers story right now but trust me, the angst/fluff with Bucky is coming! And honestly, who could be mad with a little bit of Rogers love? Let me know what you guys think! :)

People always say that losing someone is never easy, especially someone that you looked up to and respected. Nick Fury was gone, not surviving the three gunshot wounds to his chest, and all I could think about was the shooter; the man responsible.

The muffled voices of Nat, Steve, and Maria Hill were a mere annoying pest in my ear as I burned holes into the ground of the hospital hallway.

54, 55, 56.

“Y/N!”

Snapping my head in the direction of Natasha’s voice, I stopped counting the tiny squares in the floor and let out a deep breath.

“Did you say something?” I questioned.

“You haven’t said one word since you guys arrived an hour ago,” Nat pointed out with a creased brow.

“I’m grieving, Nat.” I shrugged.

Steve shook his head before stepping closer to me. “You’ve been distant since we chased the shooter.”

“Jesus, can you just give me a damn minute!” I snapped while pushing myself off from the wall. “I just watched my friend get shot and die right in front of me so sue me if I’m not my chatty self!”

Running a stressed hand through my hair, I turned on my heel to leave however felt a tight grip on my elbow. My eyes glanced to Steve’s worried ones and I felt my attitude lighten.

“Y/N, what’s going on? You froze on that roof and almost got yourself killed.” Steve spoke softly, so the others wouldn’t hear.

“Steve, please drop it,” I begged while clasping my shaking hands together.

His soft mouth opened to speak but shut it when a voice stopped him.

“Cap, you’re wanted at Shield Headquarters.”

We both looked over to Rumlow and Steve nodded. “I’ll be a minute.”

“Now,” Rumlow demanded.

“I’m having a private conversation.” Steve nodded towards me.

“They want Y/N too.” Rumlow announced.

I squinted as I tried to read his body language, my specialty, but when I couldn’t get a good read all I did was nod before looking at Steve.

“Don’t want to keep the boss waiting,” I joked, speaking of Alexander Pierce, and walked past Rumlow with Steve trailing close behind.

Feet scurried passed as I sat in the uncomfortable chair outside of Pierces office waiting for Steve. There was an unreadable, thick, tension the second we stepped through the door of headquarters and we were worried what exactly was going to happen. My mind tried to think of what Pierce could want with Steve and I, however, all I could think about was the man from the roof.

I squeezed my eyes shut, covering them with my hands hoping that would keep the past memories from playing in front of me like I was sitting in a movie theater. It had been almost three years since those thoughts have haunted me, giving me nightmares, so I would be damned if that happened again. It was the worst 5 months of my life. I couldn’t go back to that. I wouldn’t.

“Time to go.”

Steve, not too gently, pulled me from my chair as he exited Pierce’s office and dragged me down the long hallway.

“But I haven’t talked to him yet.” I tried to turn back towards the office but he continued to pull me down the hallway.

“Trust me, you shouldn’t say one more word to him. We need to leave.” Steve demanded.

“Wait, Steve. Slow down.” I intertwined our fingers and gave a gentle tug of his hand. “What happened?”

Steve came to a halt before looking into my eyes with a sigh. “They think I killed Nick.”

My mouth dropped while I shook my head. “You didn’t! I was with you when it happened!”

“Pierce doesn’t care. They’re just trying to find anyone to blame which is why we need to get out of here.”

We started walking again and as we turned the corner, Steve’s shoulders straightened and his face became hard as we walked past a familiar one.

“Captain,” the blonde started.

“Neighbor,” Steve snapped, fingers still intertwined with mine.

I ignored the way my heart fell to my stomach when Steve dropped our hands as we stepped onto the elevator. As we waited for it to descend, I studied his back as it tensed under his suit while he stared outside. Steve was carrying so much quilt on his shoulders for what happened to Nick, I could practically see the words my fault sitting on his shoulders.

“It wasn’t your fault,” I spoke softly.

He nodded. “It wasn’t yours either.”

We smiled at each other before the elevator doors opened with a ding, Rumlow and two other men from the Strike Team stepping inside. Sliding into the corner of the elevator, Steve remained in his spot; the middle.

“Cap, I just got word that forensics got a fiber from the roof where the shooter was. Want me to get the tac team ready?” Rumlow suggested.

Steve shook his head. “No, let’s wait to see what they find.”

Rumlow gave him a curt nod before silently having a conversation with one of the men he stepped on with. I studied the way his lips barely moved, almost knowing that I would be watching. The other man had his hand close to his holster guns; not directly on them but close in case he needed to use them. Biting my lip, I remained calm as the doors opened again, more men from The Strike team stepping inside followed by a few more men dressed in business suits, one of them clutching a briefcase close to him.

Steve looked around himself, studying intently the way one guy couldn’t help but sweat in the cool elevator, and suddenly pulled me closer to him, his lips grazing my ear.

“You have your knives right?”

Ignoring how much I loved feeling his breath on the back of my neck, I gave him a slight nod.

“Good, get ready to use them.”

Steve looked into my eyes and I gave him another nod, understanding what was about to happen.

“Before we get started, does anyone want to get off?” Steve questioned the group of men.

An eerie silence flooded the elevator before all hell broke loose. Bringing my elbow back into the man’s stomach behind me, I sent my heeled boot into the man’s face in front of me. Arm’s wrapped around my stomach and threw me into the glass windows of the elevator. Landing on the ground with a groan, I reached for the knife in the side of my boot but Rumlow was a step ahead of me, grabbing my wrist and wrenched it behind my back while pulling to my feet. I screamed out in pain as I felt him press his body into my back.

“Leave her alone!” Steve bellowed from the other end of the elevator.

Some of the men had him trapped, making him unable to move.

“You know, I’ve always wondered what Cap saw in you, Y/N. I mean you don’t have that cute of a face but your tac suit does wonders for your ass,” Rumlow groaned in my ear.

“Fuck you!”, Steve spat after landing a punch to someone’s face.

“You know what I’ve always wondered about, Rumlow?” I ignored the way his hand slowly ghosted over my leather covered ass and continued, “I’ve always wondered how the hell you got on Shield’s Strike team when you didn’t even notice when a girl has reached for the knife she had hiding in her hair?”

“What?” Rumlow questioned.

Bringing my head back into his nose, immediately hearing a crack, I pressed my forearm into his throat and my eyes sliced into his.

“If you ever touch me like that again, I’ll make sure your sex life is non existent,” I seethed, pressing the knife into his crotch.

By now Steve had broken free from the grasp of the other men and we fought back to back, throwing kicks and punches. Soon it was just Rumlow and us, him holding his taser charged batons.

“Easy there, big guy. I just want you to know this isn’t personal.” Rumlow said, out of breath.

Steve blocked a few of his punches and threw him up into the ceiling, Rumlow’s body falling to the floor with a thud.

“It kind of feels personal,” Steve breathed, kicking his shield up towards him, catching it with an attractive ease.

“Are you okay?” He asked while cupping my face.

“I’m fine.” I assured him with a smile. “But we need to get out of here.”

He nodded before pressing the button to open the doors, more men dressed in black and guns drawn surprising us.

“Drop the shield and the knives and put your hands in the air!” Someone ordered.

I frantically pushed the button to close the doors as Steve broke the wire to the elevator, dropping thousands of feet in mere seconds. He pried the door open but cursed, quickly closing them.

“What?”

“Give it up, Rogers. Open the door! You’ve got nowhere else to go!” Muffled voices shouted.

Steve looked out the window before locking eyes with me.

Rolling my eyes with a groan, I slipped my knife back into my pocket. “Fuck you, Rogers. I’m still picking out the shards of glass from my hair from last night.”

“Later.”

I didn’t have time to register the bluntness of Steve’s flirting because he pulled me into his chest and we both jumped out of the window falling straight through a ceiling. Steve’s body landed on top of his shield with a thud while his arms were wrapped tightly around me to protect my fall.

Scream echoed around us as I shook the shards of glass out of my hair and just for a fraction of a second, I marveled at how blue Steve’s eyes actually were.

“We need to go,” Steve breathed.

“Right,” I nodded, pulling Steve to my feet with me before running out of headquarters, a group of men following close behind.

TAGS:

@kat002nd

#steve rogers #steve rogers and reader #captain america #bucky barnes #bucky barnes and reader #the winter soldier #the winter solider x reader

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bobasheebaby · 4 years

Text

Penny Prompts

1 “If I take it off, NAME wins.” “Sweetie, every night you don't kill him/her in his/her sleep, he/she wins.”

2 “Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.” “Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.”

3 “NAME, what did we say about being a nicer friend?” “Thank you.” “NAME, what did we say about being a gullible weeny?”

4 “I'm not signing a prenup.” “All right, NAME, listen up! You sign anything he/she puts in front of you, because you are the luckiest man/woman alive. If you let him/her go, there is no way you can find anyone else. Speaking on behalf of all men/women, it is not going to happen, we had a meeting.”

5 “What am I supposed to do?” “Err, keep your mouth off other men/women.”

6 “So you have a song stuck in your head. It happens to everybody.” “Well, I'm not everybody. I have an eidetic memory. I should be able to remember what song this is, but I can't. Something's wrong with me.” “I told you if we were patient, he'd/she’d figure it out for himself/herself.”

7 [Person a knocks on NAME’s door three times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.” [Knocks 3 times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.” [Knocks 3 times] “Who do we love?” “NAME.”

8 “NAME 's mad at me, and I'm not clear why.” “Okay, were you talking before he:she got upset?” “Yes.” “That's probably it.”

9 “Ignore them, NAME. They're just jealous because they'll never have a relationship as good as ours.” “Isn't this when he/she says "bazooka" or something?”

10 [looking at caller ID] “Ooh, looks like I'm gonna have sex tonight.” [answering phone] “Hey, baby...” “His/her right hand is calling him/her?”

11 “Doesn't he/she know you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” “He/She doesn't have a boyfriend/girlfriend he/she has a NAME.”

12 “What kind of teenager did you think I was?” “Slutty.” “Easy.” “The word is 'popular'.”

13 “Once you open the box it loses its value.” “Yeah, yeah. My mom gave me the same lecture about my virginity. I gotta tell you, it was a lot more fun taking it out and playing with it.”

14 “Is that all you have? Shop-worn tidbits like ‘talk to him/her’ and ‘let it go’? Gee, NAME, life's given me lemons, what should I do?” “Well, you could shove them somewhere.”

15 “More Halloween candy. Didn't you just buy a bunch of it yesterday?” “Oh, yeah. That's gone. It's a rough month when Halloween and PMS hit at the same time.”

16 “I don't believe it. What's gotten into him/her?” “Oh, maybe a couple of virgin Cuba Libres that turned out to be kinda slutty.” “You didn't.” “Hey, you do your experiments, I do mine.”

17 “Come on, we are not old, boring people. We can do better than this.” “That's true. How late did we stay up last night?” “Almost 1 am.” “Damn straight almost 1 am. And we weren't even watching TV, we were watching Netflix like the kids do.” “Yeah. Is it a comedy, is it a drama? Nobody knows!”

18 “You gotta help me get my arm into my sleeve.” [Eyes closed] “Okay!” “Is that my arm?” “It doesn't feel like an arm.” “Then maybe you should let it go.”

19 “Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?” “I don't know, a psychiatrist?”

20 “Why would you buy peppermint schnapps?” “Because I like peppermint, and it's fun to say schnapps!”

21 “You wanna turn yourself into some sort of robot?” “Essentially, yes.” “Okay, here's my question: Didn't you already do that?”

22 “I would ask you to find some way to suppress your libido.” “I could think about you.” “Whatever works.”

23 “We cover ourselves in body paint and then we get on this big canvas and do our thing.” “Woah, that's kind of a big step for a guy/girl who only recently agreed to take his/her socks off.”

24 “He’s/She's only been here a day and a half, and I'm seriously considering alcoholism as a new career path.” “Hey, I talked to him/her for five minutes yesterday, and I've been half bombed ever since.”

25 [To NAME’s dog] “Bark once if you need me to call PETA.”

26 “NAME, that's not what boyfriends/girlfriends are for. Although you don't use them for what they're for, so what do I know?”

27 “Don't you dare knock!”

28 “Don't you think if a man/woman was living with me I'd be the first one to know about it?” “Oh, sweetie, you'd be the last one to know about it.”

29 “Good morning, slut!” “What?” “Oh, please! I recognise the walk of shame when I see it. All you're missing is a little smeared mascara and a purse with panties wadded up in it!”

30 “They're gonna get beaten up at that club.” “They're gonna get beaten up at Walgreens.”

31 “Holy crap on a cracker!”

32 “And then you put it back, compromising the rest of the onion rings.” “Aw honey, the buses don't go where you live do they?”

33 “What's up, buttercup?”

34 “And what kind of doctor removes shoes from asses?”

35 “Really still can't talk to me?”

36 “This is banana bread.” “This is a door knob.”

37 “Oh, I don't know. I don't want to manipulate him/her with sex.” “Oh, sweetie, that's what sex is for.”

38 “I'm a little low on cash.” “How much you got?” “Nothing.” “How can you walk around with no money?” “I'm cute, I get by.”

39 “And this is also not the right time. Do not propose.” “What?!” “I know that face. That's your proposed face.”

40 “Don't come to the hospital. We're headed home.” “Oh, that was fast. Did she sneeze the baby out?”

41 “NAME, will you marry me?” “Oh my god, yes!”

42 “Is this the stuff you want me to try on?” “No this is the stuff I want you to throw out. Seriously, don't even give it to charity. You won't be helping anyone.”

43 “If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?” “Well, not to steal from the bible, but turning water into wine sounds pretty good.”

44 “Oh, my God, you’re about to jibber jabber about jibber jabber.”

45 “I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one.”

46 “We can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we gave you.”

47 “You know deep down inside, NAME’s a nice guy.” “The problem isn't what's on the inside. It's the creepy candy coating.”

48 “Um, you know it's kinda early. Do you wanna maybe come in for some coffee or something?” “Oh gee, its a little late for coffee isn't it?” “Aw, you think coffee means coffee. That is so sweet.”

49 “The thing about tomatoes, I think you will really enjoy this, is that they are shelved with the vegetables but they are technically a fruit.” “Interesting.” “Isn't it!” “No, I mean what you find enjoyable.”

50 “Do or do not do there is no try.” “Did you just quote Star Wars?” “I believe I quoted The Empire Strikes Back.”

51 “You can't let him/her get into your head.” “It's too late for me, my head is his/her summer house.”

52 “Well, while they're acting like teenagers we could do something grown up.” “Ooh, you mean like a museum?” “Yes, like a museum but anything else!”

53 “NAME’s being reasonable.” “Yeah, it's freaking me out. I'm gonna go.”

54 “Oh, my God, he/she won't stop.” “How does he/she keep coming up with new ways to be annoying?” “Nobody knows. That's why he’s/she's number one.”

55 “I love you.” “Who cares?”

56 “You're okay with an experiment where you have to answer awkward questions about your innermost feelings?” “Yes.” “Please can I do it with him/her, please.”

57 “Don't be like that. You two need to talk this out.” “Yeah, because you sound really funny.”

58 “I really thought he/she was going to say ‘let it go’.”

59 “Honey, you don't have to thank me every time we have sex, sweetie.”

60 “I finally realize I don't need to be famous or have some big career to be happy.” “Well what do you need?” “You, you stupid Poptart.”

61 “What are you saying? That I'm using my body to get dinner? That I'm some sort of Chinese food prostitute?”

62 “I was unstoppable. I was on fire. It was like my mind and my body were totally connected, like athletes must feel when they're in the zone.” “Again, it was miniature golf.” “Admit it, you're a little turned on.” “You can't be this proud.” “Why not?” “Because I beat you.”

63 “How do you not know how to use glue? Did you ditch pre-school?” “Yeah, but only because I was dating a second-grader.”

64 “Come on. How can you be sad when you're going home with all five foot six of this?” “You think you're five foot six? That's funny.”

65 “Look, I'm telling you I've done it. I clearly remember the cow standing up and then a cow on its side.” “Were you drunk?” “I was sixteen and in Nebraska, what do you think?” “I think you're the one who fell over.” “Well that would explain why the sky was also on its side.”

66 “I need to go back to dating dumb guys/girls from the gym.”

67 “We'll take you to the mall to get it done.” “Why? I can do it right here.” “Really? You have a piercing gun?” “No. All you need is a needle and an ice cube. I've done it, like, a dozen times.” “Oh, I don't know.” “Oh, come on. I'll be gentle. Let me take your ear virginity.” “This party's weird.”

68 “So is that it? Are we engaged?” “Yeah, I think so.” “All right.” “What's wrong?” “I'm not sure. It just feels a little anti-climactic.” “Yeah, it kinda does, doesn't it?”

69 “I promise next time I get married, it won't be a joke. It will be for love ... or money.”

70 “I don't understand, exactly how did he/she get any friends in the first place?” “We liked NAME.”

71 “Here, have some pizza, sweetie.” “You know I'm lactose intolerant.” “I know; I just need you to stop talking.”

72 “So, what do you think?” “I thought it would be a little more ... just more.” “I'm not even sure why we were out of breath.”

73 “I mean I was on fire. I was in the zone like an athlete.” “Sweetie, I beat you at this, too.”

74 “Well, I can't eat like a ten-year-old all the time.” “You're dating somebody! Who is it?” “What? What are you talking about?” “You only watch what you eat when you're afraid you might have to take your shirt off.”

75 “So I'm like a bran muffin?” “What? No, that's not what I'm saying.” “No, that's exactly what you're saying. I'm the boring thing you're choosing because I'm good for you.” “What does it matter? I'm choosing you.” “It matters a lot. I don't want to be a bran muffin. I want to be a cinnabon, a strawberry pop tart. Something you're excited about, even if it could give you diabetes.” “Sweetie, you can be any pastry you want.”

#big bang theory quotes #big bang theory prompts #penny #dialogue prompts #writing prompts #i live in covid 19 hell #quaratine sucks and making these keeps my mind busy

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oliivverwood · 5 years

Text

retweet

marcus/oliver + social media for @rlversongs

LONG POST- idk how to put the keep reading from my phone sorry

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial

Are you ready for thrilling Raptors vs Bucks Eastern Conference Final game 5? Tune in on YouTube 2nite aftergame for play by play analysis + predictions. Watch for live tweets. #NBA #Basketball

12:00 PM 2,340 likes 1,226 retweets

montyyyyy @grahamcracker

yo @casswarr five dollas on raps making history. wood has been straight sniping this year. bucks have no chance with that offense. #rapsin5

12:48 PM 5 likes 3 retweets

cassius ;) @casswarr

@grahamcracker ur fuckin insane if u think its gonna be easy for the raps. diggory's been an absolute wall this szn. he'll block potter's nasty dunks easy

1:05 PM 4 likes 1 retweets

oliver wood #0 @oliverw00dofficial

Game 5. Tonight. Air Canada Arena. #WeTheNorth

4:00 PM 1,904 likes 837 retweets

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial

5 into 1st quarter, Wood from the Raps with the filthy cross on Malfoy, ballhandling like a dream. #NBA #NBAGame5 #Basketball

8:43 PM 734 likes 437 retweets

pants park (marky flints cuzzy) @panzyparkkk

@marcflintofficial im sure handling his balls is your dream ;))

8:50 PM 523 likes 277 retweets

marcus flint for NBA (@marcflintofficial) blocked pants park (marky flints cuzzy) (@panzyparkkk)

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial

Potter steals from Diggory, lobs it to Weasley, throws it up to Wood for a dunk on Bole. The Raptors chemistry is off the charts this game. #NBA #NBAGame5 #Basketball

9:22 PM 256 likes 153 retweets

mclaggen the frat god @nolaggingmclaggen

yo why the fuck is flint being so nice about the raps rn. i don't want wood favouritism, i miss asshole flint. talk shit about bole's shitty defense, please.

10:00 PM 333 likes 457 retweets

oliver wood #0 (@oliverw00dofficial) liked a tweet by mclaggen the frat god (@nolaggingmclaggen)

oliver wood #0 @oliverw00dofficial

Eastern Conference dubs, absolutely ecstatic. See you against the Warriors for NBA finals. #WeTheNorth

11:54 PM 937 likes 765 retweets

HARRY POTTER #3 @harrypottter

to the finalsssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!! #WeTheNorth

11:56 PM 832 likes 655 retweets

YouTube

NBA by Marcus Flint

1,267,457 subscribers

Recent Posts:

*Blurry picture of two male figures, seemingly joined by the hand. One of them is brunette, the other black haired. Both tall. One is dressed in a grey tracksuit and clunky basketball shoes, the other in a pressed white shirt and black pants, tie looseness. They are smiling - the photo is too blurry to specify exactly who it is.

marcusflintbae this is obviously marcus flint and oliver wood, that's the tea. im so jealous of wood ugh.

Posted 1 hour ago

Liked by ginnywheeze, percyweasley, panspark, terhiggs, adrianpuc3y, k8iebell, hazzapotter, fredwheeze and 2943 others

Private Chat between Oliver Wood and Marcus Flint

oliver wood: marcus ur an idiot

marcus flint: how is this my fault

oliver wood: u were too nice to me on highlight analysis

oliver wood: and u forgot to tell parkinson that we're not public yet

marcus flint: well u should be happy u wanted to go public like six months ago

oliver wood: nOT LIKE THIS

oliver wood: let's announce it on twitter we've let them suffer long enough

marcus flint: don't use the photo that im wearing the purple tie in

marcus flint: it's ugly

oliver wood: you are in no position to be making demands

oliver wood: im not going to use a photo, i love you, I'll call you later

marcus flint: love u too babe

marcus flint for NBA @marcflintofficial

I'm dating Oliver Wood. I'm not biased to the raptors at all, don't tell him but I actually bet on the Warriors. #NBAFinals

9:03 PM 608,767 likes 438,898 retweets

oliver wood #0 @oliverw00dofficial

Marcus Flint and I have BEEN dating. Keep up. He fr didn't bet on us. If you stop watching him I'll request a trade. Joking. Not really. #NBAFinals

9:06 PM 453,738 likes 234,725 retweets

69 notes · View notes

lovemesomesurveys · 4 years

Text

1. Had sex? Nope.

2. Bought condoms? Nope. 3. Gotten pregnant? Well, no. 4. Failed a class? Once. I failed a math course in community college. I retook it with a different teacher and did well, so.

5. Kissed a boy? Yeah.

6. Kissed a girl? No.

7. Used a little paper bag for lunch? Aw, yeah. Also, my cousin and I used to love playing school and we’d make our little lunches and put them in brown bags haha. 8. Had a job? Nope. 9. Slipped on ice? Nope. 10. Missed the school bus? I didn’t take the school bus, but I missed the public bus a couple times. 11. Left the house without my wallet? I don’t have your wallet, but I’ve left without mine. 12. Bullied someone on the internet? Noooo. 13. Sexted? Yeah. 14. Had sex in public? No. 15. Played on a sports team? Nope. Sports was never my thing. 16. Smoked weed? Yeah. 17. Smoked cigarettes? No. 18. Smoked a cigar? No. 19. Drank alcohol? Yes. 20. Watched “The Breakfast Club”? Yeah, several times. 21. Been overweight? No. 22. Been underweight? Yes. I’m currently underweight. 23. Had an eating disorder? Not an eating disorder per se, but I have other issues that affect my eating and appetite. 24. Been to a wedding? Yeah, just a few. 25. Made fun of someone for being fat? Absolutely not. 26. Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? Yep. 27. Watched tv for 5 hours straight? Yep. 28. Been late for work? I’ve never had a job. 29. Been late for school? It was very rare, but yes. 30. Kissed in the rain? Yes. 31. Showered with someone else? No.

32. failed my drivers test? I failed my permit test the first time I took it. I’ve never taken the driver’s test. 33. Ran a mile in less than 10 minutes? No. 34. Been outside my home country? Okay I won’t be a sarcastic ass anymore. Yes, I’ve been out of the country once. 35. Been on a road trip longer than 5 hours? Yes. 36. Had lice? When I was a kid. NOT fun. 37. Gotten my heart broken? lol the wording annoys me in this survey I’m sorry, but yes I’ve had my heart broken. 38. Had a credit card? I have a few. 39. Been to a professional sports game? Yes. 40. Broken a bone? Yes. 41. Been unhappy about my weight? I’ve been unhappy about my weight the past few years.

42. Won a trophy? Nope. 43. Cut myself? Yes. 44. Had an STD? No. 45. Got engaged? No. 46. Been on a diet? I’ve been on protein and high caloric diets. I’m supposed to be doing that now, too. 47. Tried out to be on a tv show? No. 48. Rode in a taxi? Yes. 49. Been to prom? Yes. 50. Played a drinking game? Yep. 51. Stayed up for 24 hours or more? Yeah. I think the longest was 36 hours. 52. Been to a concert? I’ve been to several. It’s been over 10 years since my last one, though. D: 53. Had a three-some? No. 54. Had a crush on someone of the same sex? No. 55. Been in a car accident? No, thankfully. 56. Had braces? Yes, but not for my teeth. 57. Learned another language? I took Spanish all 4 years of high school and one semester in college. 58. Killed an animal? No!

59. Been at a yard sale? Yeah, a family friend used to have them often when I was a kid and we’d help out. 60. Been to a Japanese steakhouse? No. 61. Wore make up? Yeah. It’s been almost 3 years since I’ve worn any, though. :O 62. Talked to someone via webcam? Yes. 63. List my virginity before I was 16? I’ve made it quite clear that I’m still a virgin. 64. Had my wisdom teeth taken out? Yes. 65. Kissed someone a different race than myself? No. Not because I wouldn’t, but I’ve only kissed 3 people and it just so happens they were white and/or Mexican and so am I. Ty is Asian, but we never got that far. Unfortunately. :/ 66. Snuck out of the house? Nope. 67. Bought porn? No. 68. Had a virus on my computer? Yeah, back in the day. I made the stupid mistakes of falling for the ol’ “your computer has a virus, buy this virus remover quick!!” scam. And probably from downloading music illegally. :X 69. Had oral sex? Nope. 70. Dyed my hair? Yeah, numerous times. 71. Gone skinny dipping? Noooo. 72. Graduated from college? Yes. 73. Wore someone else’s clothes? When I was younger I’m sure my cousin and I wore each other’s clothes sometimes. 74. Voted in a presidential election? Yes, all of them since 2008. 75. Rode in an ambulance? Yes. 76. Rode in a helicopter? Yes. I was flown to another hospital after my accident happened. 77. Caught the stove on fire? No. 78. Got in a verbal fight? Yeah. 79. Met someone famous? Yes. 80. Been on vacation? Yes, many. 82. Been on a boat? Yes. 81. Been on an airplane? Yes. 83. Broken something expensive? Yes, like electronics. 84. Had surgery? A few. 85. Kissed someone before I was 14? No. 86. Beat a video game? Yeah, a few. 87. Found something valuable on the ground Money. 88. Made a survey? I made one several years ago. I wish I could find it. I’m not sure if I’d recognize it as mine, though. 89. Stalked someone on a social network? Not in a creepy way, but I’ve looked up certain people on Facebook. 90. Prank called someone? In middle school my friends and I did that sometimes. So stupid lol. 92. Spent over $100 shopping in one day? Yeah. 91. Been to a library outside of school? Yep. 93. Cut my hair and hated it? Yes. 94. Peed outside? No. 95. Went fishing? Once. 96. Helped with charity? Yes. 97. Taken a pregnancy test? It was required before my surgical procedures. 98. Been rejected by a crush? Yep. 99. been suspended from school? No. 100.broken a mirror? “I’m so ugly, but it’s okay cause so are you. We broke our mirrors.”

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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piixelatedpastries · 4 years

Note

Sorry not sorry but I need all 93 of those for my baby blue bird please and thank you!

OMG that took foreverrrrrrr!!!! Here you go!

93 questions…read below cut at your own risk!

Basics:

1. What is their gender? Female

2. What is their sexuality? Straight

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames? She was given the name Blue Reign by the fire chief because she arrived in the middle of the largest storm the city had seen, a storm that ended the day of her arrival. Cache calls her Blue Bird or Little Blue Bird

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger? Which sibling are they the closest with? None that they know

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives? Non existent, she doesn’t know who her parents are.

6. What would they give their life for? Her unborn baby

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet? Nope

8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them? Not something she thinks of too much, but no she doesn’t really believe in an afterlife.

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal? Her favorite color is red and her favorite animal is the elephant

10. What are some of their talents/skills? She secretly writes poetry

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be?

12. How old are they? When is their birthday? 18 years old October 10th

13. What do they do for fun? She loves playing video games and swimming…anything outdoors really

14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it? Steak and twice baked potatoes and almost never it’s too expensive, her favorite go to though is cheeseburgers, the greasier and cheesier the better. She eats those all the time.

15. What was something their parents taught them? That kids were disposable

16. Are they religious? Nope

17. Where were they born? New York is all she knows for certain, she assumes City of Dreams since that is where she was left.

18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages? Just English

19. What is their occupation? Waitress at 2 men and a griddle

20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them? no

Personality:

21. What is their favorite thing about their personality? She can be very blunt

22. What is their least favorite thing about their personality? She can be very blunt

23. Do they get lonely easily? In a way she has been lonely her entire life, but not being lonely means trusting and that’s very hard for her.

24. Do you know their MBTI type? INFP would be maybe closest?

25. What is their biggest flaw? She doesn’t always think things through completely

26. Are they aware of their flaws? She usually sees it after the fact but in the moment not so much

27. What is their biggest strength? She’s very passionate about what is important to her

28. Are they aware of their strengths? She doesn’t see it so much as a strength

29. How would they describe their own personality? Loves to laugh and have fun, kind of moody at times…general pain in the ass.

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”? Fight

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this? She is learning to with the baby she is carrying, and she has in foster care before helping other people that were being treated unfairly.

32. What is their self esteem like? Pretty low in most ways

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it? Ending up a complete failure, she is doing everything she can not to have to face that, although she already has in a way with getting pregnant.

34. How easily do they trust others with their secrets? With their lives? They don’t trust anyone with their secrets, Cache is the only one she has trusted in the past and that was years ago so she’s wary of trusting him now because as she would say “people are always changing.”

35. What is the easiest way to annoy them? Chew with your mouth open

36. What is their sense of humor like? Give an example of a joke they would find humorous. She has a corny sense of humor. A type of joke she would tell…2 men walk into a bar the third one ducks..

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it?

She has never said it to anyone

38. What do others admire most about their personality?

Hmmm if you ask her no one has ever admired her, but a girl in the home she was in last looked up to her because she was always standing up to the adult caretakers telling them off when they were treating people unfair, and she got into more than one fight protecting younger kids from older bullies.

39. What does their happily ever after look like?

Learning to love and trust enough to fall in love and make real friends, raising her baby to be healthy and loved and well-adjusted and being able to give him or her everything she didn’t have.

40. Who do they trust most? Is that trust mutual? Cache would be the only one she even kind of trusts..and she don’t know yet..

Physical Profile:

41. What does their laugh sound like? Do they snort when they laugh? How often do they laugh? She is definitely a giggler and yes she gives little tiny snorts if she laughs hard.. lately she doesn’t laugh much.

42. What is their favorite thing about their physical appearance?

Her eyes

43. What is their least favorite thing about their physical appearance?

Her freckles

44. Do they have any scars? If so, what are the stories behind those scars?

She has a scar on her thigh from a kid that pulled a knife in one of the homes and tried to violate her, he was caught before it went too far (is there such a thing really?) and sent away. She also has a few small circular burns on her left shoulder, from a foster mom that thought she needed the devil removed when she was young. She won’t speak about either incident.

45. How would they describe their own appearance?

A freckled mess

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions?

She has no problem acting happy or being excited, deeper emotions though she keeps very close to her chest, she’s not the kind of girl that lets just anyone see her hurt or cry because she views vulnerability as weakness and weakness has always been dangerous to show.

47. What’s their pain tolerance like? Pretty high actually

48. Do they have any tattoos? What are the stories behind those tattoos? nope

49. Do they have any piercings? Just her ears

50. How would you describe their style of clothing? How would they describe their style of clothing?

Whatever she can afford at the thrift store. Thrift store fumpulous !

51. What is their height? Weight? 4 ft 10 inches 80 lbs

52. What is their body type? Are they muscular, chubby, skinny, etc?

Too thin

53. What is their hair color? Eye color? Skin tone?

Light brown hair, very blue eyes, ivory skin

54. What is their current hairstyle? What have been some of their past hairstyles? Which was their favorite hairstyle? Pony tail she’s had it cut short before, but prefers it longer.

55. What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they? How bad are their hangovers?

Pretty high for her size but that doesn’t say much..she is a very rowdy drunk and doesn’t get hangovers

56. What do they smell like? Why do they smell like this? (Is it the things they’re around or a perfume they wear?)

Soft vanilla except after work..then she smells like a diner…

57. How do they feel about sex? Are they a virgin?

Not a virgin but hasn’t had a good sexual experience

58. What is their most noticeable physical attribute?

Gonna have to say her eyes?

59. What does their resting face look like? Do they have RBF?

Definitely has a resting bitch face probably because she is so guarded all the time..

60. Describe the way they sleep.

Well she use to sleep with her arms tucked under her on her stomach, now she has to sleep on her side or back

Environment:

61. Which season is their favorite season?

Spring because its fresh and new

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others?

Too many times to count and she doesn’t trust

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

Sweets generally do the trick..

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily?

Normally she gets cold very easily..now she is more likely to overheat

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick?

Hardly ever gets sick but when she does she is miserable

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there? City of Dreams, New York. Its where she’s always lived so there is comfort in the familiar.

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room?

Nope her home is pretty poor and old and run down but she tries to keep it tidy

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality?

She grew up in a lot of chaos and nothing ever being hers really, so she is very attached to her stuff and needs a space that is quiet and just hers.

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality?

Most people taught her to be wary of people to not trust anyone, but Cache taught her that there were some good out there..and also gave her the bravery to stand up for others after he left.

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets? She loves animals but doesn’t have time for a pet.

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?

She is pregnant now, but hasn’t really been around small children since she was a child herself..

72. Would they rather have stability or comfort?

She wants both but forced to choose she would choose stability

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors?

outdoors

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms?

Thunderstorms so yes she loves them

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

She’d fill it with words

76. How organized are they?

With stuff very organized..with her life and time management..not at all

77. What is their most prized possession?

Her journal

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend? I guess Cache but she wouldn’t call him a best friend because they just reconnected..just the only friend she has at this time

79. What is their economic situation? Very poor

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl? Night owl

Miscellaneous:

81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood?

Nope

82. What is their handwriting like?

delicate

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim?

She adores swimming so yes and she can swim pretty good

84. Which deadly sin do they represent best?

Envy I guess? Because she envies those who have easier lives and families and such

85. Do they believe in ghosts? Nope

86. How do they celebrate holidays? How do they celebrate birthdays?

She doesn’t celebrate either

87. What is something they regret?

Meeting Chris

88. Do they have an accent?

89. What is their D&D alignment? Chaotic Neutral or Chaotic Good…depends on the day..so probably definitely Chaotic neutral lol

90. Are they right or left handed?

Right handed

91. If they were a tweet, what tweet would they be?

A meme? Not sure really

92. Describe them as a John Mulaney gif.

Why do you do this?

93. What’s the most iconic line of dialogue they’ve ever said? Blue is my name not my state of mind..

#blue reign #sims 3 rp #character development #sims 3 #pastlivesandtwistedart

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duhragonball · 4 years

Text

Dragon Ball GT Retrospective (6/7)

[Note: This was originally written on January 15, 2013.]

So now we come to the end of the Shadow Dragon Saga, with only one composite Shadow Dragon left to go.

youtube

What sucks about Omega Shenron is that he's so lukewarm as a villain. He's supposed to be the most powerful bad guy ever, but he mostly stands around gloating, and he's incapable of actually finishing anyone off. All of the major Dragon Ball villains left a pretty heavy toll before they were finally beaten. The only guy Omega manages to kill is his own teammate Nuova Shenron, and he has to do that twice. He's immune to every attack, shrugging off the combined offense of two Super Saiyan 4's, and yet he kicks Mr. Satan in the gut without hurting him. The result is a long, boring slog where neither side make any progress. Now, by comparison, my favorite Dragon Ball villain is Cell. Cell kills thousands of civilians to gather strength, and he cowardly flees the Z-fighers when they try to force a confrontation. He can recover from injuries, but he still has to resort to guile in order to gain the upper hand. He then absorbs the Androids to attain his final form, which carries dramatic weight because Krillin was in love with Android 18. He then flaunts his superiority by holding a tournament, daring anyone to oppose him. Goku is no match for Cell, but he still gets his licks in, and that's an important element for any domineering villain. Cell mocks Gohan for challenging him next, and tortures the other good guys to amuse himself, and this backfires disastrously. Gohan begins demolishing Cell, and suddenly he's reduced to a pathetic mess. He miraculously survives a desperate suicide attack, but he overplays his hand, returning to the battlefield for one last attack, which Gohan manages to overcome. While he's a dangerous and supremely powerful bad guy, Cell always managed to be just vulnerable enough to make you think the good guys had a chance. Omega Shenron offers none of that. When he absorbs all seven Dragon Balls he claims to have all the powers of the other Shadow Dragons, but so what? He was kicking Goku's ass without any of that. Besides, the other Shadow Dragons sucked. Goku laughs off their powers, but Omega no-sells all of Goku's best moves, including the Super Dragon Fist (again). Omega can just reassemble his body, so it's no use. Goku decides the only course is to self-destruct while holding Omega's arms behind his back, but Vegeta shows up in the nick of time and convinces him that it won't work. Omega then presses his advantage by standing perfectly fucking still and watching while Bulma drives a Blutz Wave Generator Truck onto the battlefield. She fires it at Vegeta, who turns into a Great Ape. Everyone worries that Vegeta will go on a rampage, except the fans, who remember that Vegeta could retain his intelligence while in Giant Ape form. Vegeta goes on a rampage anyway, then reveals he was just playing a little joke. This wouldn't annoy me so much except this entire process takes like a hundred years to get through. Vegeta finally turns into a Super Saiyan 4, and Omega Shenron just takes it in like none of this matters. After all that, Vegeta admits that his joining the battle will make little difference, and he suggests to Goku that they should use the Fusion Technique. See, this is what pisses me off so much about Dragon Ball GT. One of the few lasting concepts from the show that anyone cares about is the Super Saiyan 4 form. It looks really stupid, but fans dig it anyway, if only because it's the ultimate power in the Dragon Ball franchise. They put SSJ4 Goku on the cover of the DVD box set I bought. But the dirty little secret of GT is that SSJ4 barely gets used. Goku doesn't even transform into Super Saiyan 4 until the series is more than halfway over. Once he learns the power, he seems to be able to use it whenever he wants, as long as he wants, but he barely ever takes advantage of it. Super 17 defeats SSJ4 Goku, so Goku kills him in base form instead. There's (a little) internal logic to that scenario, but what was the point of introducing a new power-up to the franchise if they weren't going to use it? The Shadow Dragons are the same deal. Most of them weren't even worth using Super Saiyan 4, so why were they introduced in the first place? The ones who were worthy opponents don't show up until near the end, and SSJ4 Goku doesn't really get rolling until Episode 56. Meanwhile, the fans want to see if Vegeta can do it too, and he can, but by the time he pulls it off, they don't even let him do anything. You have to wait until the series is nearly over before you get to see SSJ4 Vegeta, and then it's straight into the Fusion. And guess what? The Fusion's a one-off deal, too. Goku and Vegeta manage to to the Fusion Dance to become Super Saiyan 4 Gogeta, but the fusion wears off by the end of that episode. They spend most of that one episode talking about fusion instead of letting the audience enjoy Gogeta's cool powers. The whole point of GT is that, without the schedule headaches of adapting a comic book serial, Toei could tell a streamlined story without using filler. And yet something as crowd-pleasing as SSJ4 Gogeta gets maybe 15 minutes of airtime. How many episodes was Master Daltaki in? Remember, the guy who liked to play with dolls and he wanted to take off Pan's clothes? "Gosh, Master Daltaki's my favorite character!" said absolutely no one, ever. What really, really, sucks about the limited use of SSJ4 Gogeta is that Gohan, Trunks, and Goten run interference so Goku and Vegeta can have time to create him. This is in spite of the fact that they were no match for Omega Shenron to begin with, and they already spent their insufficient energy in a failed bid to recharge Goku. Somehow Trunks manages to not only survive against Omega, but he manages to get in a decent kick while he's at it. If base form Trunks can surprise Omega Shenron, then what do they need with a Fused Super Saiyan 4? Why buy any time at all if every character is treated as interchangeable? Anyway, SSJ4 Gogeta nearly beats Omega Shenron, but he spends too much time screwing around, and the fusion wears off. Omega does seem to be worn down some from the assault, but he just re-absorbs the Dragon Balls and he seems to be back at full power. You know, it would have been a lot more tolerable if Omega had shown at least some fatigue from all of this. What made Vegeta and Nappa's invasion so classic was that the Z-Fighters were hopelessly outclassed, but they managed to chop down the big oak by hanging in there and taking every advantage they could find. Goku does manage to swipe the four-star Dragon Ball, preventing Omega from absorbing the full set. The problem is that it appears to make no difference whatsoever. Goku swallows it for good measure, and he and Vegeta spend a whole episode trying to fuse again, even though you have to wait at least an hour between Fusion Dances. Finally, Omega Shenron toys with them by allowing them to do the dance unhindered, but by that time Goku has run out of gas. He reverts to base form, which means he's no longer compatible to fuse with Vegeta because he's a little kid. You'd think he could try fusing with Pan, but no one ever bothers to point out alternatives. So now it looks like Vegeta will have to tackle Omega Shenron by himself, except at this juncture the four-star Dragon Ball pops out of Goku's forehead, and Nuova Shenron reappears. At first he seems to be evil again, but he turns on Omega and traps him in an inescapable sphere of flame. I don't see why this would be fatal to Omega Shenron since nothing else works on him, but Nuova is convinced that this will kill Omega and spare himself, because only his body is protected from the intense heat. Omega simply possess Nuova's body, and we're right back where we started. Oh, and Vegeta runs out of gas too, so that's also an issue. Omega Shenron finally quits screwing around, and launches a big-ass energy ball at Goku. Despite being completely exhausted, Goku not only holds back the attack, but survives it when Omega makes it blow up. Vegeta and their sons make a last-ditch effort to fight Omega, and this goes about as well as you'd expect. They're all hopelessly outmatched, yet Omega fails to kill a single one of them. Finally, Goku emerges from the rubble with a Spirit Bomb. He asks King Kai to help him summon energy from people all over the universe, so that the Spirit Bomb will be big enough to work. This is smart thinking, and my only objection is that Toei just cribbed this strategy from the end of the Majin Buu arc. Of course, GT Logic is an original creation of Toei, so while Goku readies the Spirit Bomb, Omega Shenron fires energy blast at him from pointblank range, and it doesn't hurt Goku at all. Seriously, why did they worry so much about the fusion dance when Base Form Kid Goku was stronger than Omega Shenron the entire time? Goku finally launches the damn attack, and it's the only thing that works on Omega, ever, so the fight is over. All that's left are the Dragon Balls, which spontaneously spit out the original Shenron, now back to normal. Shenron explains that he must exile himself from the Earth, but he grants one final wish from Goku to resurrect all the innocents killed in the conflict. For no apparent reason, Goku then jumps on Shenron's back and leaves with him. He makes a couple of pit stops to say good bye to Krillin and Piccolo, then he falls asleep on Shenron's back. The Dragon Balls then float up to Goku's body, where they are absorbed somehow. I have no idea what any of that means. Goku doesn't even explain to his friends and family what he's doing or where he's going. The Kais, who usually provide exposition for things like this, are never heard from again. It's like Toei just assumes you can understand why this is necessary. It's also unclear where Goku and Shenron went. Is Goku dead? Because Pan discovers his clothing lying on the ground, as if he faded away like Yoda. In the GT Movie, which is set one hundred years later, an elderly Pan prays at Goku's gravesite. So it makes sense that he was presumed dead at some point. My guess has always been that Toei wanted to write Goku out of the story to end things once and for all, but he's been dead twice before already, so the only way to send him away for good was to do it so ambiguously that no one was sure where he went. Trunks speculated that when the people of Earth learned to get along without the Dragon Balls, Shenron would eventually return. Since the Balls were stuck in Goku, you'd have to assume he'd show up as well. This was addressed by the Dragon Ball AF rumormongers, who held that Goku would return in that nonexistent series as "The Dragon God". While Goku's motives are never revealed, the final episode of GT at least makes it clear that he never returned in a meaningful way. A century later, Pan watches her own grandson fight one of Vegeta's descendants in the World Martial Arts Tournament. She spots Goku in the crowd, but she can't find him, and decides it wasn't real. Instead, Goku wanders around the stadium, apparently taking in the sights before he jumps into the air and flies away. That doesn't answer a lot of questions, but it does demonstrate that he never visited Pan, or she would have been less likely to dismiss this sighting as an illusion. No, the other Dragon Ball heroes are long dead, barely remembered by their descendants. Goku doesn't seem to be dead, but in a world that moved on in his absence, he might as well be a ghost. Whatever he's become, it'll never go back to the way it once was. Personally, I find the ending of GT pretty weak. For one thing, they ended Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z in similar fashion. Goku leaves the World Tournament to marry Chi-Chi, then Goku leaves another World Tournament to train Uub, then Goku leaves another World Tournament... for no clear reason. The first two represented phases in Goku's life. He becomes a young man and starts a family, then he becomes a middle-aged man and takes an apprentice. The GT ending fittingly avoids any such milestones of life, since it spent the whole series cramming a fifty-something Goku into a ten-year-old body. I've heard of fans crying at the end of GT, but I think it has more to do with the fact that the series is utterly finished, rather than the drama of a beloved character moving on to whatever it is he's going to do. I think I would have preferred a proper epilogue, something to show us what happened to the rest of the cast, and why Goku left and what will become of him now. But after sixty-four episodes of crap, I should be used to disappointment by now. NEXT: 100 Years Later

#dragon ball gt #really sucks #i mean come on #2013gt

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1112lw · 5 years

Note

Every question!!

SDFFSDFG DAM OK SIS

LONG POST AHEAD IF U LITERALLY WANNA KNOW ME PERSONALLY JUST READ THIS LMFAO

1: Name: Arche/Jupiter, my close friends know my real name so!

2: Age: High school has just been done so try to guess

3: Fears: Heights, oral presentations, the dark

4: 3 things I love: Drawing, men- concept art n stuff like that

5: 4 turns on: Oh here we go- uhh thighs, messy hair? when they give u The Look or when they. say things i will not talk about here HHGBDF n uhhh Arms 👀👀

6: 4 turns off: weird macho attitude, overly confident bullshit, being selfish and fuckboys in general

7: My best friend: not sure what this means but my bff is named Daphnée n i love her and ive known her my whole life so

8: Sexual orientation: homosexuale

9: My best first date: :))))))) as if

10: How tall am I: sigh. I’m 5″4

11: What do I miss: sometimes i miss the feeling loved ig

12: What time were I born: 12:19

13: Favourite color: pink!

14: Do I have a crush

15: Favourite quote: My senior quote!! “if what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger, I’m telling you I’m immortal”

16: Favourite place: well? my room ig? I like my yard too

17: Favourite food: ugh ramen,,,korean dishes are TASTE as fuck but i also like classic ass spaghetti so like lol

18: Do I use sarcasm: does it look like i dont

19: What am I listening to right now: dr.phil LMFAO

20: First thing I notice in new person: Hair and eyes!! also how they laugh

21: Shoe size: Like. a 7-8 in women’s 6 in men’s

22: Eye color: Hazel/Golden yes bitch let me be special

23: Hair color: it’s either dark brown or golden brown idk

24: Favourite style of clothing: bruv its either kpoppie fuckboy or uwu skirts pastels

25: Ever done a prank call?: no i have anxiety

26: Meaning behind my URL:

27: Favourite movie: rise of the guardians and HTTYD

28: Favourite song: Comeback Home (BTS cover)

29: Favourite band: looks in the camera i dont know nan molla huh

30: How I feel right now: I’m fine im hungry

31: Someone I love: shoutout to my babeys in my server ily

32: My current relationship status: Single(tm)

33: My relationship with my parents: theyre fine ig just a bit tired

34: Favourite holiday:

35: Tattoos and piercing I have: Ear piercings? that’s it

36: Tattoos and piercings I want:

37: The reason I joined Tumblr:

38: Do I and my last ex hate each other? I sure hope not?

39: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? A bit ig?

40: Have I ever kissed the last person you texted? Literally no

41: When did I last hold hands? Like last Friday

42: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 20 minutes

43: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? no i havent shaved in like months

44: Where am I right now? in my room, in quebec, canada

45: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? bitch i sure hope my friends would

46: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? fuck my ears

47: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? yeah

48: Am I excited for anything? yeah? yeah

49: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? ig? always

50: How often do I wear a fake smile? just at work tbh

51: When was the last time I hugged someone? not long ago i cant tell but my friends r cuddle monsters so

52: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? i havent kissed anyone so

53: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? lemme think uhhh no not rlly im not dumb

54: What is something I disliked about today? i woke up n i thought i had school lol

55: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? oh john cock i want to be ur best friend

56: What do I think about most? i daydream 24/7

57: What’s my strangest talent? uhhh i can put my thumb behind my hand?

58: Do I have any strange phobias? trypophobia, if thats “weird”

59: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? depends on what the video is, mostly behind

60: What was the last lie I told? idk answering to my deadname

61: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? online

62: Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens? I slightly believe in ghosts? also aliens GOTTA exist so

63: Do I believe in magic? i think!

64: Do I believe in luck? yeah

65: What’s the weather like right now? very pretty i filmed a video outside!!

66: What was the last book I’ve read? L’Étranger d’Albert Camus in french class

67: Do I like the smell of gasoline? yes my dad’s a mechanic

68: Do I have any nicknames? a lot a lot

69: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? bitch @ my birth #neverforget

70: Do I spend money or save it? i have 40$ in my name right now

71: Can I touch my nose with a tounge? no

72: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? yes highlighter

73: Favourite animal? cats or otters

74: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? FBISDFD NO WE DONT TALK ABOUT IT

75: What do I think is Satan’s last name idk he can have any last name he wants!!!

76: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? everytime i start hearing “waiting for you anpanman” or “i just wanna go home” 👀👀

77: How can you win my heart? aaahh. be a twink. b fashionable. b funny. cheesy. pls romance me like a npc in the sims 2

78: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? s(he) died smh

79: What is my favorite word? cunt is SUCH a satisfying word

80: My top 5 blogs on tumblr? oh great uh honestly cant be fucked

81: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? please have brain. PLEASE

82: Do I have any relatives in jail? i sure hope the fuck not?

83: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? either invisibility or mind reading

84: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? ahaaa “what are your intrusive thoughts”

85: What is my current desktop picture? my lesbian sims getting married LMFAO

86: Had sex? no

87: Bought condoms? no

88: Gotten pregnant? NO

89: Failed a class? i think yeah maths last year

90: Kissed a boy? :(((

91: Kissed a girl? no

92: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? no

93: Had job? I have a job rn so

94: Left the house without my wallet? yeah when i go to school

95: Bullied someone on the internet? define bullying?

96: Had sex in public? virgin squad

97: Played on a sports team? yeah

98: Smoked weed? no ew

99: Did drugs? no ew

100: Smoked cigarettes? NO EW

101: Drank alcohol? yep

102: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? no i’d die

103: Been overweight? i’m twig

104: Been underweight? i think i was underweight when i was young? i was very Small

105: Been to a wedding? yes very long boring

106: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? bruh. everyday

107: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? probably?

108: Been outside my home country? ONCE

109: Gotten my heart broken? TWICE !

110: Been to a professional sports game? yesss canadians game!!

111: Broken a bone? no

112: Cut myself? not technically

113: Been to prom? SOON SOON SOON SOSOSNSBFSHDD

114: Been in airplane? once

115: Fly by helicopter? i am not rich bitch

116: What concerts have I been to? noneeee- WAIT NO MARIE MAI

117: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? not sex but for the purpose of pretending i have a penis yes plenty

118: Learned another language? yeah!! i learned english, i almost learned spanish and i’m trynna learn korean now

119: Wore make up? i try!! but i’m not super good

120: Lost my virginity before I was 18? not 18 yet but it’s goin that way

121: Had oral sex? as if

122: Dyed my hair? i wishhh

123: Voted in a presidential election? I WISH THE ELECTIONS R ONE MONTH B4 MY BIRTHDAY

124: Rode in an ambulance? nope

125: Had a surgery? yes at a week old

126: Met someone famous? i think yes but i was super small

127: Stalked someone on a social network? define stalked?

128: Peed outside? yes

129: Been fishing? YES

130: Helped with charity? i think? we do volunteering so

131: Been rejected by a crush? not directly

132: Broken a mirror? no

133: What do I want for birthday? boyf......boy..boyff

134: How many kids do I want and what will be their names? oh man uhh maybe 2-3, i dont know their names yet honestly

135: Was I named after anyone? MY DAD NAMED ME AFTER A FUCKIN CLIENT HE MET. as for my actual name now I named myself after my fav video game character. lit

136: Do I like my handwriting? yeah!!

137: What was my favourite toy as a child? bitch hot wheels

138: Favourite Tv Show? hells kitchen,,,,judge judy,,,anythin like that

139: Where do I want to live when older? honestly i wish i could just live in japan or tokyo, or new york? but i will most likely end up in montreal

140: Play any musical instrument? i used to play the clarinet last year!!

141: One of my scars, how did I get it? the one on my knee, i scratched my desk with my knee

142: Favourite pizza toping? my dad makes AMAZING sea food pizzas,,,

143: Am I afraid of the dark? a lot

144: Am I afraid of heights? A LOT

145: Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad? idk prolly? im a bit of a goody two shoes or however u spell it

146: Have I ever tried my hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end: dont we all

147: What I’m really bad at: organizing my anxiety n shit i get overwhelmed

148: What my greatest achievments are: finishing high school

149: The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me: honestly has to be that time someone dug up my vent post about being dysphoric to try to say i hated myself with some dumbass DySphorIa Is SelF HaTRed argument

150: What I’d do if I won in a lottery: pay my parents’ debt off, buy 284223$ of BT21 merch, pay my whole college/uni and transition

151: What do I like about myself: idk i like how i literally do not give a fuck anymore and ive learned to love myself instead of trynna care

152: My closest Tumblr friend: @peptobismol-official @ace-landofthesun @dorkalisious and ana but idk her @ anymore :((( ana pls

153: Something I fantasise about: we dont talk about that

154: Any thoughts on the paranormal?: lit. please stop crawling in my ceiling !

ok now that u know my whole biography. go doxx me ig. bye bye

#Arche.txt #asks #ask #long post

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jeffrinamichelle · 5 years

Text

Ugly Christmas Sweater

So my Pitchmas recipient is @magda-adgam. It totally won’t let me tag your blog. Lame.

Anyway, I am hella sorry that you are getting this late. And trust me, I feel like a total dick about it. But, emergencies happen and they always seem to happen to me. So, to make it up to you, I am going to give you at least two parts to this story. Maybe three. I like to ramble when I write.

You won’t have to wait 100 years for the next installment. I am almost done with it.

Once again, I am so sorry. Merry Pitchmas/New Year!!!

How losing a bet and having to buy ugly Christmas sweaters changed Beca’s life.

Read on AO3

There were few things in life that Beca hates more than movies. If she had to pick one thing that was almost as painstakingly awful as losing two hours of her life to some predictable cinematic snorefest, it would have to be Christmas. Without a doubt. One would think that she would hate Valentine’s Day more, seeing as she was perpetually single, but no. The only reason why she could stomach Valentine’s Day just a smidgen more is because she has a soft spot for the candy hearts. Her best friend Stacie makes fun of her all the time because she tells Beca that they taste like chalk. And maybe they do, but Beca still thinks that they are delicious.

Maybe the reason behind Beca’s distain for Christmas is the fact that she worked retail throughout high school and college. Stacie never knew the horrors of dealing with bitchy people who absolutely needed the newest video game console for their bratty child. She is insanely smart and got into college on a full ride scholarship. Beca wasn’t dumb by any means, she was just lazy in high school. After she graduated, she tried to talk to her father about her college plans. She wanted to major in music management and production. He immediately freaked out and told her that he wouldn’t pay for her college education if she chose that path. According to him, she needed to major in something that would give her a lucrative career. He wanted her to be a college professor like he was. They argued about it for months. There was no way in hell that Beca was going to become a teacher. Not that she didn’t respect teachers or anything, that just wasn’t the career choice for her. Since she was a child she had loved music, and she’d be damned if her father stopped her from going to school for her dream job. So, at the end of the argument, she refused to change her career path. In turn, her father refused to pay for her school. So, she put herself through college working a horrible retail job. It paid well, but she was miserable for the entirety of it. Thus came her hatred for the whole holiday season.

Aside from Beca’s affinity for the chalky heart candies that made Valentine’s Day, she can never seem to turn down a bet. Most of the time when she bets against Stacie, she loses. But for some reason she can never stop herself from agreeing to Stacie’s outrageous bets. After fifteen years of friendship, she should know better. But, she just can’t help it.

~*~*~*~

“Come on Becs, let’s go dance.” Stacie eyes her best friend with a grin before slamming back the last of her jack and coke.

“Ugh, why? You know that I hate dancing.”

“Yeah, I know. But you’re so good at it. And I need you to be my wing woman.”

“What lucky dude does the hunter have his eye on this evening?” Beca asks with a grin as she finishes her tumbler of whiskey.

Stacie tsks softly, cupping Beca’s chin with the palm of her left hand. She leans down to lightly kiss the corner of her best friend’s mouth.

“Now Bec, you know that the hunter doesn’t discriminate when it comes to sex.”

“I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget that the hunter is so fluid. So, let me rephrase. Who is on the hunter’s radar tonight? Which lucky lady or guy will you be attempting to seduce tonight?”

“I’m getting some very sexy, sapphic vibes from a tantalizing brunette at the bar.”

“Stace, I don’t even know what the hell that means.” Beca turns her head to look over at the bar, only to be stopped by Stacie’s hand gripping her chin tightly.

“Don’t look over there. You’ll ruin the air of mystery.”

“What the fuck are you talking about, woman?”

“She thinks that we here together. That’s why I need you to dance with me. It’s like she’s having some kind of internal battle on whether she should come over here and talk to me or not.”

“Any how exactly does us dancing together help this situation?”

“Because, jealousy is going to seal the deal. After she comes over to break up our dance, I’m going to take her back to our apartment so that I can make her squeal.”

Beca scowls at Stacie’s choice of words before smacking her arm lightly. “Ew! Dude, that’s so crass. You sound like a fuckboy when you talk like that.”

“I am anything but a fuckboy, Bec. I know how to treat a lady. I won’t apologize for being crass. Now are you going to help me bag this babe or not?” A perfectly sculpted eyebrow raises in question as Stacie eyes her best friend.

“Okay, fine. But when this girl shuts you down or punches you, I’m going to laugh.”

“Keep talking crap Becs and I’ll hide your beats that I bought you when we get home. And then I will fuck that hottie all night long.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”

“Wanna bet?”

“No, because I know that you’ll do it. I love you but you’re kind of an asshole.”

“Right back atcha, babe. But since you are so doubtful of my seduction skills, how about a little bet?”

Honestly, Beca is also well aware of her best friend’s sexual prowess. She has fallen victim to it many times in their fifteen year friendship. Beca isn’t ashamed of it either, she knows that her best friend is insanely attractive. And Beca is very, very gay. When the opportunity presented itself, she would’ve been a fool to say no. It hasn’t made their friendship suffer in any way either, which is something that Beca is monumentally thankful for. Stacie has a high sex drive, and rather than risk getting some sort of std, she made a deal with Beca. When Beca is single, which is more often than she’d like to admit, they sleep together. It keeps Stacie safe and it keeps them both satisfied.

So, taking this bet is really a horrible idea. But Beca has the best punishment if she manages to beat Stacie.

“Fine. What’s the bet?”

“I bet you that I can take this girl home tonight.”

“That’s it?” Beca looks over her shoulder at the girl that Stacie is talking about. She’s attractive, yeah. Tall, brunette, and she looks kind of bitchy. She’s exactly the type of girl that Stacie usually goes for. And she’s totally flirting with the very male bartender. There’s no way in hell that Stacie is going to win this bet, because this girl is totally straight. Beca smirks in the girl’s direction, Stacie totally oblivious as she runs her hands up the bartender’s bicep. “You just want to bet that you’re going to take this girl home?”

“Yup,” Stacie pops the ‘p’ loudly, biting down on her bottom lip with a smirk. “I can’t wait for you to lose this bet. I have plans for you.”

The tone of Stacie’s voice makes Beca shiver. She just hopes that whatever Stacie has planned for her is as awesome as her plan.

“Deal.”

“Oh, babe, you are so going to regret this.”

~*~*~*~*~

As it turns out, Beca didn’t stand a chance when it came to this bet. They didn’t even make it through the first song of their dance before the brunette approached them. She introduced herself as Aubrey, eyes raking over Stacie’s body shamelessly. Honestly, the way the two women were eyeing each other made Beca incredibly uncomfortable. So uncomfortable, in fact, that she quickly excused herself so that she could make a beeline for the bar. She’s positive that Stacie and her flavor of the night didn’t even notice her absence.

The bartender gives Beca a sympathetic look as she slides a tumbler of whiskey over to her.

“Tough night, Becs?”

“You have no idea, C.R,” Beca mumbles from around the rim of her glass. She swallows her drink with a grimace. “I didn’t even want to come out tonight.”

“So, why did you?”

“Stacie needed to get laid. Finals have been kicking her ass.”

C.R. chuckles softly, wiping the countertop with her rag. She turns her attention to a customer, quickly making them a drink before turning her attention back to Beca.

“She’s the one that decided to go after her graduate degree. Nobody forced her to stay in school, therefore she has nobody to blame but herself.”

“This is true, but that girl is so fucking smart. She’s going to change the world.”

“Or destroy it.”

The two women share a laugh as Beca drains the last of her drink. C.R. is quick to refill Beca’s glass, pouring way too much into the tumbler.

~*~*~*~*~

The night drags on as Beca waits for Stacie to seal the deal with the angry brunette. Beca knows that she’s lost this damn bet, so she’s going to drown her sorrows in whiskey. Whiskey that Cynthia Rose isn’t going to let her pay for at the end of the night. The upside to having a close friend that is a bartender is free drinks. As long as Beca doesn’t ask for expensive, high end drinks, that is. But, she’s a college student, she will drink Jack Daniels if she doesn’t have to pay for it.

It’s nearing two a.m. when she hears her phone notification ping. She’s pleasantly buzzed, nearing on being drunk. She fumbles with her cell phone as she pulls it out of her tight jeans. Her vision is a little blurry, but she’s just going to blame it on the fog lights. Yeah, definitely not the Jameson that she has been borderline binge drinking for the last three hours. She just has to squint a little bit in order to read the text.

Best Sex Ever: (1:55 a.m.) Aubs and I took a Lyft home. Thought that I should let you know so that you don’t worry about me.

Broody Bitch: (1:56 a.m.) Did you change our contact names again?

Best Sex Ever: (1:56 a.m.) Like two weeks ago, babe. Lolz.

Broody Bitch: (1:57 a.m.) What the fuck, dude? Why?

Best Sex Ever: (1:57 a.m.) Aww, baby, don’t be mad. You know that I love you the most.

Broody Bitch: (1:57 a.m.) It’s weird that you’re telling me this while you are probably fucking another girl.

Best Sex Ever: (1:58 a.m.) Aww, Bec, are you jealous?

Broody Bitch: (1:58 a.m.) Not even close, dude. I’m just worried about the hunter’s sexual prowess. Why are you texting me, instead of making that hot chick ‘squeal?’

Best Sex Ever: (1:59 a.m.) Oh, I fully intend on making her squeal. And you know first hand just how much sexual prowess the hunter possesses. How many times have I made you scream?

Broody Bitch: (2:00 a.m.) That statement goes both ways, asshole.

Best Sex Ever: (2:00 a.m.) I’m not going to deny that you know how work this body. You just didn’t seem to be in the mood tonight. So, I decided to bring somebody home.

Broody Bitch: (2:01 a.m.) You know the rules. Also, it’s not my fault that work was a bitch today. I really just wanted to crawl into bed and sleep until tomorrow. But I know that you needed some sort of release.

Best Sex Ever: (2:02 a.m.) I’m sorry babe. You manage the studio though, so you could just fire all of the incompetent assholes that work for you.

Broody Bitch: (2:02 a.m.) I know that. Stacie, remember the only rule that we have.

Best Sex Ever: (2:02 a.m.) No fucking on the couch.

Broody Bitch: (2:03 a.m.) Thank you.

Best Sex Ever: (2:03 a.m.) I don’t know why we still have that rule. We have sex on the couch all the time.

Broody Bitch: (2:04 a.m.) That’s different.

Best Sex Ever: (2:04 a.m.) It’s literally the same thing, but whatevs. I gotta go, Aubrey is all sorts of naked on my bed right now. Love you, bitch.

Broody Bitch: (2:05 a.m.) Love you too, asshat! Also, I hope this goes without saying, but don’t fuck that girl in my bed!

Best Sex Ever: (2:06 a.m.) I’m sorry, the person you’re trying to reach is currently preforming cunnilingus. Please try again later.

Broody Bitch: (2:07 a.m.) Anastacia Marie Conrad, I swear to Lesbian Jesus that I will tit punch you if you have sex in my bed again.

Beca slams her phone down on the bar top with an annoyed sigh. Cynthia Rose smirks at her friend as she refills Beca’s tumbler. She should probably cut Beca off, but she knows that the brunette can hold her liquor. Despite her small stature, Beca can definitely drink with the best of them.

“Last one, Becs.”

“Whyyyy? C.R., you’re killing me.”

“I’m not in the business of letting you get white girl wasted. Remember what happened the last time that you did.”

“It wasn’t my fault, dude. That skeezy guy wouldn’t take no for an answer. I told him that we played for the same team and he refused to leave me alone. He even grabbed my ass.”

“So that gives you the right to break his nose?”

“He touched me first. Sorry, not sorry.”

“Regardless, you are not allowed to get wasted when Stacie isn’t here to keep you from kicking the shit out of somebody.”

“I have you.”

“I have to close the bar. And I’m sure that I have other people to get drinks for before I kick everybody out.”

“Ugh, fine. Take away all my fun.”

“Whatever, you love me.”

“Hardly.”

~*~*~*~*~

The buzz of her alarm startles her awake at what she knows is a godawful hour. Her head feels like somebody is jackhammering inside of it, and her mouth is as dry as the Sahara. Beca groans painfully as she stretches out her sore muscles.

“I’m never drinking again,”Beca grumbles to the otherwise empty room. She reaches out blindly, scrambling to grab her phone off of the bedside table. Her hand smacks softly against a glass cup that definitely wasn’t there when she went to bed at three a.m. She opens one eye slowly, looking over at the table. A fresh glass of water is sitting where her phone was last night. Two round orange pills are next to the glass, sitting on top of a folded piece of paper.

“What the fresh hell?”

Beca grabs the pills hastily, throwing them into her mouth and swallowing them dry. She sits up with another groan, rolling her shoulders to work out the knots. She grabs the glass and chugs down the water, slamming the glass back onto the table a little too hard, wincing at the loud clunk. She then turns her attention to the folded up piece of paper that she knows for sure wasn’t there this morning. She grabs the paper and unfolds it, tired eyes roaming over Stacie’s loopy scrawl.

Becs,

You lost our bet, babe. I don’t know why you continue to bet against me when you almost always lose, but whatever. I’ll bask in my glory.

I made a fresh pot of coffee. When you’re feeling human enough to leave your room, come get some. Aubrey and I are in the living room. You and I have a date to go shopping this afternoon.

Love ya,

Stace xoxo

Beca groans, crumpling up the note and tossing it onto the bed. She gets up, wincing at the painful throb in her entire body. She walks to her en suite, stripping off her dirty clothes and leaving them carelessly in her wake. If she has to go shopping, taking a shower is a must.

She just hopes that whatever Stacie has planned for shopping isn’t completely horrible.

~*~*~*~*~

“Stacie, no.”

“Stacie, yes.”

“I’m not going in there.”

“But you are.”

“Why?” Beca whines petulantly, frowning at her best friend.

“Because you lost our bet. And my punishment for you is that for the next two weeks, you have to wear ugly Christmas sweaters. A different one each day, to be exact.”

“I….but you know that I hate Christmas time.”

“I know.” Stacie laughs softly. “That’s what makes this punishment even sweeter.”

“You know, when you said that we were going shopping, I thought that this punishment might be fun.”

Stacie grips Beca’s shoulder as they walk through the front door of the store. The fluorescent sign above the door says ‘Aca-amazing Threads.’ Just the name alone makes Beca want to vomit. She can tell before they walk in that there is going to be a really perky, annoying salesperson. The store will more than likely be playing Christmas music, even though it’s barely the fourth of December. A tiny bell announces their presence before Beca can make a stealthy escape.

“Hi!” An all too perky voice calls out as Stacie and Beca make their way into the building. Beca hasn’t completely recovered from her hangover, so that cheery voice just makes her cringe.

“No, Stace. For lesbian Jesus’ stake. I am too hungover to deal with that voice.”

“Beca, you seriously don’t have a choice in this matter.” Stacie’s grip on Beca’s shoulder tightens slightly. Beca winces at the movement, but not in pain. To be honest, the forcefulness of her best friend is kind of turning her on a little bit. But now is not the time or the place for that.

“Dude, I will literally do anything else.”

“Nope, I think that this is the right punishment. Aubrey actually helped me come up with it.”

“Of course she did. I knew that she looked evil as hell.”

“That woman is amazing, not evil.”

“Awww, Conrad. Are you getting soft on me?”

“Hardly. I’m just letting you know that I’m going to marry that girl one day. So you should probably be nice to your future….I was going to say sister-in-law but that thought just kind of makes me want to puke. It makes us sound like sisters.”

“Ew, dude. Sisters don’t do the things that we’ve done to each other.”

“At least, not normally.”

“Welcome to Aca-Amazing Threads, ladies. Are you looking for anything in particular?” The chipper voice is closer now, making Beca finally turn her attention away from her best friend.

The first look that Beca gets of this chipper woman takes her breath away.

The woman is gorgeous. Absolutely stunning.

She’s a little bit taller than Beca, with bright blue eyes. Her red hair makes her eyes look ridiculously blue. Her smile is so bright that it makes Beca’s sensitive eyes hurt. Beca does a once over of the other woman, looking at her nametag after what she hopes is a subtle glance at her boobs.

Beca is so, so gay and this woman is one thousand percent her type.

Her subtle staring might not be so subtle because before she knows it, Stacie is jabbing her in the stomach with her elbow.

“Ouch, what the fuck dude?”

“Becs, tell Chloe the reason why we’re here.”

“I need a sweater….” Beca mumbles quietly, still gob smacked by this outrageously attractive woman.

“Okay, that’s a start. What kind of sweater are we looking for?” The woman enthusiastically grabs Beca’s hand, pulling the brunette alongside her.

“What my best friend is looking for is a Christmas sweater.”

“Okay. We have plenty of Christmas sweaters. Tis the season after all.”

“I hate you so much right now, Anastacia.” Beca grumbles as Chloe stops them in front of a very elaborate display of Christmas sweaters. She turns her head to glare at the best friend, scoffing when she is nowhere in sight. After looking around the store, Beca notices her, standing by the front doors, looking down at the phone with a goofy grin.

She’s probably texting that girl from last night. Amanda or Ashley or whatever her name was. Beca makes a mental note to give Stacie so much shit when they get home.

“Are you guys looking for matching sweaters? I always love it when couples have matching sweaters.”

“Oh no, we aren’t a couple.” Beca’s eyes roam over Chloe’s body once more. It dawns on her at that moment that Chloe is still holding her hand. Her entire body feels warm next to the other girl. She wants nothing more in that moment than to pull Chloe’s body against hers.

Whoa. You’re treading dangerous waters here, Mitchell.

“No? You guys sure argue like one.”

“No. Not even close. She’s just my best friend. We’ve known each other for a long time.”

“Gotcha.” Chloe clears her throat softly. “So, do you see any sweaters that catch your eye?”

“Yeah, that one.” Beca blindly points to the sweater that is closest to Chloe. She has literally no idea what the sweater looks like, to be honest. She just needs to get far away from this girl before she does something stupid.

She’s actually surprised that she can still form coherent sentences at this point. Usually she becomes a useless mess around pretty girls.

Chloe is so breathtakingly beautiful that Beca should probably be drooling troll by now.

Beca watches Chloe as she walks away to look for the sweater in her size, which she totally didn’t tell the other girl. She is about to call out to the other woman, but all the can think about is how cold her hand feels without Chloe’s wrapped around it.

“Becs? I am going to leave you here in Chloe’s very capable hands. I’m meeting Aubrey for lunch down the street.”

Stacie’s voice breaks Beca out of her reverie.

“How am I supposed to get home? You drove here.”

“Well it just so happens that the bistro that we’re going to is like five blocks down the road. So, after Chloe helps you pick out your sweater, you guys can meet us there.”

“Fine. That’s fine.” Beca’s eyes widen as Stacie’s words sink in. “Wait, what?”

“Oh didn’t I tell you? Chloe is Aubrey’s best friend.”

“What the fuck dude?!” Beca hisses under her breath. “I can’t go to lunch with her.”

“Why?”

“Because, dude, she is so fucking attractive.” Beca huffs indignantly, crossing her arms over her chest. “You know how I get around pretty girls, Stace.”

“I know. You become a useless lesbian.”

“I can’t be around her. I’ll make a fool of myself.”

“Would it help matters or make them worse if I told you that she thinks you’re totally hot.”

“That doesn’t help, at all Stacie!” Beca squeaks, her neck flushing with embarrassment. “Also, how do you know that?”

“Um, so I’ve maybe been dating Aubrey for the past month,” Stacie whispers. “Look, Bec….”

“Are you fucking kidding me!?!?” Beca yells at her best friend, waving her arms in the air.

“Seriously Becs, I’ve been meaning to tell you. It just hasn’t come up.”

“That’s a copout and you know it. We spend a lot of time together, you could’ve told me at any point. Were you guys dating while we were still sleeping together?”

“Yes.”

“Stacie….”

“No, you gotta hear me out. We were only kind of seeing each other. It wasn’t anything serious. But I really like her Beca. And for the first time since I dated Joey Presley sophomore year of high school, I can see myself falling in love with her.”

“That’s great.” Beca shoves her hands into the back pockets of her skinny jeans. She’s mad, sure. But she hasn’t seen this look in Stacie’s eyes in the last eight years. So, really she wants to support her best friend, but fuck, she really hates it when people lie to her. “Really it is, Stace. I’m happy that you found somebody to make you want to settle down. But you didn’t have to lie to me.”

“I didn’t lie to you.”

“You kind of did though. Lying by omission is still a lie. And what’s worse is that you felt like you couldn’t tell me that you met somebody.”

“Becs, I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Save it. I’m gonna go. Have a good lunch with your girl. I’ll see you later.”

“Beca…”

Beca holds a hand up to stop Stacie.

“Just, don’t right now. I don’t want to talk about it.”

Without another word, Beca walks out of the store.

~*~*~*~*~*

The next three days are absolute torture for Beca. She doesn’t like fighting with her best friend. But she is mad and a little bit hurt. Not because Stacie found somebody that she wants to be exclusive with, because honestly Beca wants that for her best friend. It just kind of makes her feel gross to know that Stacie was still sleeping with her while dating another person. Just because it makes her feel like a little bit like a homewrecker, even if they weren’t technically together.

So, for the past three days Beca’s been crashing on Cynthia Rose’s couch. She’s pretty sure that C.R.’s girlfriend Denise is ready to scream from having little to no privacy. But she’s too nice to say anything.

She’s done her fair share of housework and cooking to try and make up for the fact that she’s basically freeloading. She also hid money inside of C.R.’s refrigerator last night. She’s not planning on telling her until after she leaves the apartment, because she knows that C.R. will find a way to slip it back into her bag.

Stacie has tried texting and calling her nonstop since she stormed out of the clothing store. Beca wasn’t ready to talk to her, so she has been ignoring her best friend’s messages. If she’s completely honest, she’s still not quite ready, but she’s out of clean clothes and C.R.’s laundry room is out of order. So, if that isn’t a sign from Lesbian Jesus that she needs to go home, then Beca doesn’t know what is.

Luckily, when Beca gets dropped off by Denise, Stacie is still in class. Beca thanks Denise before trudging up the two flights of stairs that lead her to her and Stacie’s apartment. She goes into Stacie’s room to grab her dirty clothes so that she can wash them along with her own. After starting the washing machine, Beca grabs a beer out of the fridge and plops her body onto the living room couch. She puts something menial on television to pass the time until the inevitable conversation the she will have with her best friend.

She’s so immersed in the cooking competition on the television that she doesn’t notice the box on the table right away. It isn’t until she goes to put her feet up on the table that it finally catches her attention. Well, the attention of her feet, anyway.

Beca grabs the box and pulls it into her lap. She studies the box curiously. She’s not quite sure what it is, but her name is written on top of it. It’s in a loopy cursive scrawl that she knows isn’t Stacie’s. She unties the ribbon on the box and opens it.

Beca isn’t able to stop the sarcastic chuckle from escaping her lips when she sees the most godawful Christmas sweater that she’s ever seen in her life. On top of the sweater is a folded up piece of paper. Beca grabs the piece of paper out of the box and then sets the ugly ass sweater on the couch beside her.

With a sigh, Beca reclines her body against the couch and unfolds the paper.

Beca,

Here’s the sweater that you picked out. Although, I’m pretty sure that you just blindly pointed to one. Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas sweaters but this one is just terrible. You left before I could bring it out to you, so I bought it and had Stacie bring it home for you.

I’m pretty bummed that you didn’t come out to lunch with Stacie, Aubrey and I. While we were eating, Stacie told me about the whole not telling you about her relationship with Aubs. I’m sorry that she kept that from you, it totes sucks.

I know that I didn’t really get to talk to you much while you were in the store, but here is my number in case you want to get together sometime. I think that we’ll be fast friends.

Enjoy the sweater!

Chloe XOXO

Beca laughs softly at the cheekiness of the redhead. She pulls her phone out of her pocket and immediately opens up her text messages. She types in Chloe’s phone number and creates a contact, listing her under ‘Redheaded Babe.’ She starts a new message thread using the acquired phone number.

Beca takes her time planning out her message to Chloe. She doesn’t want to sound like a complete idiot if she actually sacks up and sends the text. She barely knows this girl, there is no reason for her to be so damn nervous. She’s such a gay disaster and Chloe just might be her undoing.

After much deliberation, she finally types out the message. She presses send before she can talk herself out of it.

Unknown (4:30 p.m.) Hey.

When she rereads what her ridiculous brain actually came up with, she wants to punch herself in the throat.

‘Hey.’ So freaking eloquent, Beca.

If Chloe didn’t think that you were an idiot before, she surely will now. There’s no way Chloe’s going to respond to that stupid message. No way in hell.

With a resigned sigh, Beca tosses her cell phone onto the couch cushion next to her. She’s just going to sit in place and die of embarrassment now. She leans back against the back of the couch, bringing her left hand up to her face to pinch the bridge of her nose in annoyance. She’s so busy chastising herself that she doesn’t hear the ping of her phone.

TBC

#pitchmas 2018 #bechloe au #beca mitchell #chloe beale #staubrey #stacie conrad #aubrey posen #side steca #pitchmas exchange

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