#for all the people i am yet to meet

[scootarooni]

The goobers!!!!

I'll be giving out stickers of these two, Meiko, Kaito, Luka and Miku at Miku Expo in Newark, NJ 🎉If you see me, come say hi :3

#I dont have miku in this style done yet but i do have back ups in case i run out of time!! becos im currently fighting a sinus infection lol #also dont worry i dont bite!! i am also very anxious abt meeting new people lol #ill just be out and abt asking ppl their fave cryptonloids and handing out stickers accordingly #so if u see me u could point at me like 🫵 and ill be like 🫵 right back heheh #we're all vocaloid nerds here :^D #kagamine rin and len #kagamine rin #kagamine len #rin and len kagamine #vocaloid #miku expo

[lvstharmony]

​beyond grateful for the people that are surrounding me in my life, just as i am grateful for the people i’ve parted ways with, for without them, i would not be the person i am today.

#i have left so many people throughout my life #and #if someone would ask me if i’d regret any choice i’ve made i would say no #i regret hurting people yet i wouldn’t change a thing if i could #without the suffering the sacrifices and the lessons i would not be the person i am today that i can finally say i’m proud of #whenever i read the question “would you want to be your friend if you’d meet yourself?” deep down my answer was no #i was a good friend and i always tried my best to be there for everyone #but i was so blinded and overwhelmed by my pain that i tried so hard not to project on others that it was exactly the thing i’ve done #i was extremely caring sensitive loving and selfless but my ”bad“ traits were just as extreme #my emotions were so overwhelming that they were scattered all over the place that it didn’t allow me to have any control over them #i used to be so terrified of being alone. all i’ve felt was a great loneliness that was residing within me #until i’ve gathered the strength to leave an entire friendgroup with people that meant the world for me #they weren’t good for me anymore just as i wasn’t for them #since that day i’ve grown a lot i became a better and healthier version of myself #i learned how to be alone and to find the peace in it and in myself #all i’ve had was Allah swt. and He is all i will ever need. #without the hardships in terms of friendship i wouldn’t have been able to learn how to be alone and love and enjoy it #without it i could not say that i could easily give up the people in my life #i could if i had to bc i have Allah swt. #but i’ve learned how to choose and to choose the right people #i don’t need you and never will but i choose you bc i want you in my life and i think that makes it so much more special #i can finally say that i love the person i am today and can’t wait to see myself grow even more as the cycle of growing is never ending #I still have so much to learn and I will let it come to me with open arms #an open mind and an open heart #above all the most precious gift i’ve earned is to learn how to have tawakkul. #everything that happens every trial that is afflicted upon us has meaning #and it’s beautiful. #being able to pick out the khair in everything is the biggest blessing #alhamdulillah for the things that bruised my soul alhamdulillah for the things that mended it #alhamdulillah for everything bc truly; Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear.

[hexenjagd]

𝟐-𝟓 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐍 𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐋𝐘 𝐁𝐄 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐅𝐈𝐄𝐃 𝐁𝐘

𝐂𝐎𝐋𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒 - —001. Ash gray-- the remains of a bonfire the hint of divination, made from wood or bone. —002. Black-- like the open night skies or the ink marked upon her skin or used to sketch and composes spells and recipes on parchment. —003. Silver-- many things. The kiss of first frost, the light of phantasmal candle trees, the pale flicker of ghostflame, or the glint her silvern gaze. —004. Sage green-- the expanse of wild foliage that dot the lands between. —005. Wedgewood-blue (or gray-blue if you will)-- the likeness of hazy winter skies, medicinal powders and glint stones.

𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 - —001. Wild flowers, freshly harvested or long dried. —002. The thickness of wood smoke of a lit fire, or the churning of ash--concoctions in the night hours. —003. The heady scent of mossy soil, earthy and wooden, an inkling of death. —004. Dried herbs by the fire side. Warming, earthy.

𝐅𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐎𝐍 - —001. The prisoners garb; aged, formally tattered and mended time and again. Now purged of filth, the age still shows. With a careful hand she carefully readjusted it to sit appropriately at her shoulders and waist. —002. Loosely fitted tunics that hang wide at the throat or tied tight to the neck that clings limply to her frame, lightly tucked into breeches. —003. Tarnished armor, the silvery gleam stained with age, forgotten with time-- the metal cut specific to her shape. —004. Layered hooded cloak, with tufts of feather plumage sat about the shoulders, partially worn with time-- stark black in color and embroidered on the interior hem with pale thread. Along the interior hem, careful and meticulous design of hidden spell work; a phrase that cannot be deciphered. It is a rather weighty garment that can conceal armor if she saw fit. —005. Ornamental silken robes that hold close to the shape and curve, off-cream in color and singed, bedecked in symbols and meanings that hold no place in the lands between.

𝐎𝐁𝐉𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐒 - —001. A modest hand sickle: used to collect herbs and tinder —002. A round: flat type of winnowing basket; weaved from various plant fibers. A multitude of uses. —003. Bone char: constructed from personal recipe formed through the years that she makes active use of with every harvest. —004. Ornate lantern: pale-silvery hand-lantern. A lantern of fantastical design that she snatched from a stray noble encampment. —005. Hair braid rope: a lengthy cord of woven hair rich black in color and quite durable-- the use is unclear.

𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐔𝐀𝐆𝐄 - —001. A slow cant of the head; an act of inquiry or preformed out of amusement. —002. An extended arm and open hand, palm offered to those willing to reach back or when she is beckoning. —003. Shoulders hung lax, head raised and arms part as if in calling. Offering her embrace; a promise of rest. —004. A narrowed gaze, the faintest crease in her brow, a stare unbroken-- if a gaze could cut it would. —005. A smile settled upon lush lips that conveys a deep warmth, a gentleness unexpected of her by those who may not know.

𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 - —001. The space between the sacred and the profane; of knowledge and blindness, the line between heretical and divine; and to be idolized and damned. A body as sacrificial altar, vessel of worship, and final resting place. —002. A many headed beast in human shape; the siren-- the hunter--the serpent-- the wanderer-- the witch-- the heretic-- the healer-- the beast. To be as legend of many names, faces, and alleged forms but for very few to ever know a true face and name. To harm; to heal. The uttering of many voices converged into one. —003. Death and resurrection as rebirth, a cycle. To not die when one should have. A vacant space between life and death. —004. The vastness of long abandoned battle fields, over grown with lush flowers tangled through the remains. A place no longer occupied by the struggles of long-gone soldiers who come to rest within her embrace. A place that is little more than a silent graveyard. She wanders these lands, eternal and inevitable. —005. Bejeweled dead, the weighing of the heart, sun bleached bones, tufts of feathers, flowers and singed herbs bound in cloth, cremation pyres, wrapped urns coveted close-- funerary rite and ceremonies from a bygone era. Something old, something ancient, something forgotten. A cacophony of unquiet spirits follow close.

SONGS- —001. Do You Believe In Witchcraft? - The Green Knight OST —002. The Witch's Garden (prelude) - Abandoned toys —003. A Fairytale About Slavery - Miranda Sex Garden —004. Andras Sodom - Lustmord —005. Alfadhirhaiti - Heilung

Tagged by: No one, this time. Just moving it over from the old blog Tagging: @necrophcge @izar-tarazed @renatvvs (Cillian) @illholy @rotten-pest @creatrix-mea (athena) @luckyberet @sihilkaah @wolfbrawn and @prismaiden @casketdweller @wolfofwinchester @knife-edged-dreams @sunpraised @goldenfists @spellbladerogier @miserycorde @bcwblade @despairforme @fulgurantfirstborn @oathloathed and anyone else who would like to.

#Merriment and maybe misery || prompts & memes; #Alot of fun much to consider #I focused on people I know haven't been tagged to do this yet since moving it over-- if I tagged you before though I am sorry #In many ways she is supposed to reflect and give off a few different things; a funerary rite; a forgotten pantheon; a Odin-Hekate figure #The encroaching end or the one you meet in between and one that she may not be aware of to the fullest extent #Someone you may ask; 'who are you?' To which she'll answer; 'No one of consequence.' Because that line between then and now is vast #What she is; what she was; all that she will ever be will be confined in that moment despite her nature #Part of that is because she isn't supposed to be something grasped in full in every way because of a disconnect #she stands between the distant past and the current; between worlds and the transitional eras of the lands that call to her and reject her #as not everything is supposed to be 1000% understood this time; but it's also not supposed to be so unclear you're left with nothing at all #An old story can have many paths; many retellings and many branching endings or even new beginnings-- all hardly or half remembered #A purged era in many ways; forgotten heroes; villains; and gods #And she remembers what she can-- maybe not as much as those who have come before but much died with her #In many ways very few will ever see her beyond the frame and what that means varies between those who have that opportunity #No matter where they stand #hence the overall vibe of things I have picked and the running themes and what they mean for a story I know thoroughly #oh look a tag essay-- that I myself moved over because apparently I couldn't create a post; yeah it's somethin #also I added the SONGS section so... if you wanna do it then do it #facts; i almost gave her a tibia mariner horn-- I may still do that if I can make sense of the why #in anycase... we have fun here

[bluesidedown]

🛫

#we have 16 days and 3 more countries until we get home. #if you think to pray for me and my team we'd really appreciate it. we're all exhausted and we need to keep caring #about the new people we meet and engaging despite cultural differences and language barriers #rn I am filled with a little bit of dread at the thought of getting up and getting on yet another airplane at 630am tomorrow :( #but God is faithful and we have just had a genuinely wonderful few days here and made some amazing connections #unfortunately that also makes it hard because we have to leave.

[mobbothetrue]

Spotify prompt! Knuckles and tails, an 19 :)

Oh hoho! You managed to land FightSong by EVE (<- YouTube link), a song that by all rights shoulda been #2 (<- I refuse to pay Spotify money).

Hmm…. It’s been a while since I’ve done anything with Super Sonic Speed, but I always did intend to write follow-ups…

.•.•.•.

The city is unbelievably loud. They’re in what Sonic had called a shopping district, and it’s apparently very popular. Knuckles would kind of like to go home, a lot, actually, but Tails is flirting from one shop to another and he doesn’t have it in him to shut the kid down. Sonic is somewhere on the periphery of their little group— he and Tails had bonded, thick as thieves, and Knuckles— well, he tolerated the guy.

Tails gasps like he’s seeing the sun rise for the first time, excited enough that he’s lifting off the ground. Knuckles ambles over, grabs him by the ankle, and pulls him back down. He’s looking at some sort of… thing. Knuckles can’t make heads or tails of it, but it’s definitely saying something to Tails.

Hmm. He is, at least, familiar with the idea of shops. Chao liked to set them up, sometimes, selling fruit or handmade crafts for rings, but Knuckles has no idea if their idea of currency and everyone else’s aligns. Would the shopkeep accept a fruit? Most chao did. It isn’t like rings are a problem, so…

Knuckles turns, seeking out Sonic in the crowd. There he is— stiff as anything, glancing frantically back and forth between Knuckles and some other hedgehog, a pink one. One of his friends, maybe? They look irritated, maybe not. Knuckles steps away from Tails, invites himself into their conversation.

“and you just RAN OFF—“ the hedgehog is shouting. Sonic cracks his mouth open, a faint wheeze escaping.

“Hey,” Knuckles says.

“—do you have ANY IDEA how WORRIED I was—“

This looks like a battle Sonic is better off fighting on his own. Still, Knuckles needs his question answered. “Hey,” he repeats, slightly louder.

“—I mean, I knew you were alright because my cards said so, but—“

“Hey Knuckles,” Sonic manages to crack out, “this is Amy.”

Amy tilts her head at him, and then gives him a sharp, discerning once-over. “Are you one of his other friends?” She asks.

“Yeah, sure,” Knuckles says, and then “do rings work as currency down here?”

She blinks at him, as if this is a weird thing to ask. “Yes?” She says.

“Okay,” Knuckles says, nodding, “try not to scare him too bad.”

Any lingering confusion evaporates, and she whirls around to find Sonic trying to sneak away. “AGAIN!” she shouts, full of conviction, and Knuckles makes his way back to where he left Tails. He isn’t pressed up against the glass anymore, so Knuckles steps into the store. Yeah, there he is. Hovering— literally— over the same display.

Knuckles takes a moment to properly observe, rooting around for the terms Tails would use, in an attempt to ensure he gets the right thing. There’s a looping track, and a few other gadgets on the sides. A switch, one of them looks like, and some barricade, and a few blinking lights. On the track itself is a… sideways cylinder, set on wheels, connected to a few boxes, puffing out smoke— or steam, maybe. Tails is absorbed enough in watching it chug along that he doesn’t even realize Knuckles is standing right next to him. Knuckles’ll just have to make sure he comes up for air, occasionally.

He casts about the rest of the store, vaguely lost. There are a lot of displays, and a lot of colourful boxes. Knuckles picks up one, flips it over, and realizes swiftly he is out of his depth. He brings the box over to Tails, handing it to him. Tails holds onto it for a full few seconds, watching with bated breath as the cylinder switches tracks, before he looks down. His fur all along his spine puffs up, and he turns to look at Knuckles so fast he has to wonder if Sonic hasn’t started to rub off on him in more ways than one. That’s the right box, for sure.

“Really?” Tails asks, voice breathy with excitement, and Knuckles ruffles his fur instinctually.

“‘Course.”

Maybe the shopping district isn’t that bad.

#eggthew #prompt fill #askbox #uhhh so. I kind of barely followed fightsong at all I CAN EXPLAIN #went off the visuals instead of the lyrics. two people running around in city. ooh I could do knuckles protecting tails from Eggman in some #kind of egg city! ah hang on there’s the eggperial city arc in idw and I haven’t read that yet. so I’m not confident in portraying it. hmmm #I could do a Different egg city… man Knuckles and Tails. what a great pair. I really enjoyed writing them in super sonic speed. hey! I could #do super sonic speed’s Knuckles’s first time in a city! maybe he gets kind of freaked out? escape from the city haha #well tails would be familiar with cities. and sonic would be there ofc but I’ll shuffle him off to the side so he doesn’t hog the spotlight #I could do tails looking at a shop! yeah! and knuckles needs to ask how currency works but sonic is… busy? hmm. oh! a city!!!! amy lives in #a city!! she runs into sonic! which keeps him from coming back over with knuckles. I always did mean to write her reunion with sonic. #that’ll be nice to do. alright. perfect. it’s all working out. get to the final few lines. think ‘hey how did I end up with this anyway.’ #pulse of adrenaline as my brain goes OH YEAH FIGHTSONG. ach. #I’m happy w this though :) #knuckles: I Tolerate sonic. at best. #sonic: hey I am in a vaguely uncomfortable situation #knuckles *rolling up metaphorical sleeves*: do I need to kick ass #Amy making a mental note: sonic apparently befriending a space alien okay okay cool #they meet up for ice cream. knuckles is inflicted with curse of immediate brainfreeze. tails is So Excited about his new model train set #within a week he mods it to A) be strong enough to pull the Master Emerald and B) be armed.

[deeisace]

..

#sorry sorry I just woke up and im having yesterday-was-weird thought again #and they are going here so i don't have to talk to the person that they're um about yet #basically im glad that im in a good enough space now that um #someone ive ive had text-based sex with and uhhh sent an ill-advised video to in like oct when i was Feeling Bad™ and doing. hm. too much. #like 6 months post text-based sex/ill adised video now aha and we've not spoke at all since like january and that was 'how was hols' #they asked to meet up 'not for sex just as friends' or i forget exact wording but basically that #no-pressure museum not-a-date #and i said I'd think about it. because i am as everyone knows a fucking idiot. #basically im glad that im in a better place now than the last time someone like expressed an interest in me as a person #because while this did give me a day long wobble i didn't have a full weekend long actual panic about it #tho they are two v different situs #an ace poly friend asking to go out with me vs someone i uh virtually fucked aha um asking to meet up for (mostly) being-friends purposes #same several-hours-later 'oh god no what have i done bad bad bad no thank you actually no sorry i cant sorry' but less intense this time #but at least i only said ill think about it? #and not actually immediately said yes because it's nice to feel wanted #and then gone Maximum Regret™ because actually all of this is way too much i don't like it i don't want it thank you but im sorry no #weird. i guess i don't have such a high baseline stress level any more? since i'm not at uni n stuff #and someone over messages going no pressure you want to be irl friends (maybe fwb no pressure)? is um #is different. to someone irl going you want to go out acely? yeah? awesome lets hold hands here is the discord with a whole buncha people #i guess #but i am being equally aro-not-super-ace Autism™ about it aha #and i am. eventually. going to be like. thought about it and no sorry. eventually. #if they ask again #i am kinda hoping they'll leave it there and forget they asked so i don't have to navigate social stuff #im much better at navigating canals everybody leave me alone please thank you #(everybody over there leave me alone. y'know. you guys are fine.)

[sunburnacoustic]

When I left I got an award for being the latest person in the history of the school. If you got three late marks for being over fifteen minutes late you’d get an after school detention. I got something like 257 marks. And I only lived about ten minutes away.

—Matt Bellamy [in Q Magazine, 2001]

"What were you like at school?"

#no but this is literally every kid who lives 10 minutes away (source: me) #if I have to take a bus and travel I am soooo punctual #if you are nearby and let me walk I am AWFUL. And ever apologetic but AWFUL awful. I've left the house after when I've #scheduled to meet people and all my friends know about it and it's awful and I feel terrible about it and yet I've done it #matt bellamy #muse band #muse #muse interviews #Q Magazine #2001 #Origin of Symmetry #OoS era #matt from muse #rebellious baby matt #awful awful

[ruffgem]

group work is Not It. I should have known better than to enroll in an engagement course that involves planning workshops with a group of other students……. guess who is doing all the work! :^) Back in tha day my teachers called me a ‘natural leader’… fun fact!!!! I am actually not! I do not like being in charge! it is actually just that people take advantage of me! Hope this helps

#God. I wanted to take the class so bad bc it’s about the history of art in prison systems #and it involves a weekly art workshop in a prison #the group that runs it is pretty blatantly abolitionist and partially run by formerly incarcerated ppl #so it’s made pretty clear that we're not ‘teaching’ art bc thats weird and enforcing a hierarchy if ur a 'teacher' #its more like a way to get materials inside and basically hang out with and make art alongside incarcerated ppl #under the guise of ‘volunteering’ as the dept of corrections labels it #anyway that’s all off topic but basically I am doing all the fucking work lmao we’re supposed to go in for the first time tomorrow and #my group members suck shit at communicating and the person who’s supposed to drive is like radio silent whenever I ask #where we should meet and shit #FUCK!!! I hate logistical shit like this #its taken us a million years to get cleared by the system (on purpose i stg) so its literally midterm time and we havent gotten in yet #i swear if our first one gets jeopardized by this girl who refuses to check her damn texts or emails or even come to class im gonna be so #pissed. lmfao #goddddd this is giving me flashbacks to when i took the class where we were supposed to do workshops at an elementary school #different vibe because in that scenario it was definitely supposed to be educational and we lowkey were 'teachers' #but my classmates also didnt do shit and i also ended up doing literally everything #WHY TAKE A CLASS LIKE THIS IF U DONT WANNA DO IT LIKE SERIOUS QUESTION #maybe they just want to put it on their resume LOL #they need a vetting process for this class i stg like interview these bitches before they enroll #cuz some of these people fr do not care

[atalana]

having one of those nights where i'm just. extremely frustrated about fatphobia's existence and the fact that whatever i do to try and change it will be a drop in the ocean and there'll always be people who think i'm just saying this because i'm lazy

#and by night i mean its 5am but shhhhh #what sucks is i was actually building my acting confidence back up quite a bit with my delirium stuff #and i still do wanna do more of that! #but i got reminded that regardless of how good an actor i am i don't meet the 'must be this skinny to have emotions' bar #so i could only ever play her over the internet where people can't see my body #which is especially dumb bc she has like 60% of a physical form at best and yet its always a skinny one #and like i love sandman but it has a fatphobia problem. and the show has not exactly rectified it #kinda wanna draw despair skinny and the other endless not to turn the whole depression = overweight thing on its head #bc hell depression also = underweight and frankly i'd rather have no fat characters at all than her be the only one #but i fear that would get misconstrued and i don't wanna bring down that kinda hate on my head #and like i know i can't change what i look like i've tried i gotta be happy with this eventually #but i see no difference between comic despair and myself in the mirror #and sometimes it makes me feel like im two minutes away from growing tusks #so whoooooo oversharing on the internet #just. i wanna punch something but the something is society so unfortunately that's not really possible #okay to rb if you want i give zero fucks about this being shared im just keeping it in the tags bc that's polite

[the-furies]

i fucking hate being an adult stop contacting UUUUSSSSSS AUGH

#pk;m Conceptualization🔵 #WDK WHO YOU PEOPLE ARE LEAVE US OLONE™ #we already have a therapist girl why do we need more meetings with other people #this one guy is trying to schedule an appointment or some shit . and im like Ok! he's with the place our therapist works at it's fine #and im like Hi ok! why are there only in person meetings available tee hee. #aren't you guys based like HOURS AWAY FROM OUR HOUSE. #WE CAN'T DO IN PERSON MEETINGS! AUGH #so anyways i tell them that in Nice Person #['it looks like your site only has in person appointments available. would it be possible to schedule a zoom appointment?'] #and they have yet to respond. screams! #we also have another appointment with someone who works here WHO ISN'T OUR THERAPIST this week OUT OF NOWHERE WE DON'T KNOW THESE GUYUYYYSSS #LEAVE US ALONEEEEEE! HELLO #deletey #im so annoyed. why am *I* the therapist handling person all of a sudden! nfjxjzmfkfxksj

[hildegardladyofbones]

Kind of annoying how when I mention death at all adults (however other people my age do it too) are always like "here comes another teen obsessed with death" and like. If every teen have the same thoughts I have, then they would be talked about more. So far I've never seen anyone else claim to be as dead (in a non suicidal way) as I am.

#exhumed takes #not saying i invented that worldview but i came to that conclusion on my own #open to meeting people with the same worldview but i just havent yet #and im not just fascinated with death- that fascination has been here since the middle ages- i am actively dead. yet all people hear when i #talk is “hee hee hoo hoo decay” #people fr think im a “quirky girl” when i say i have a skeleton in my closet. maybe i am a quirky girl but pls realise that i am a corpse

[lunarr-stuff]

...

#its been so long since i actually made a friend #vent #that its hard #to realize that they like me #that they want me there #and that they miss me #that i assume that they dont care and they wouldnt want me there anyway #after who would care about lil ole me #and then they ask #hey where were you why didnt you come #didnt you say you wanted to meet #im just too used to pulling away at the slight bit of disinterest #that it surprises me that they like me #the concept is so foriegn to me #i feel like if i get too close im going to be so dissapointed #know ing so many times that i got sttached that i loved and got spat in the face on #the amount of times i decided to pull away for a bit and then we never talked again #it had happened so many times that it has affected my self esteem to the point the thought that i am a useless person that no one could car #for let alone even see had become a fact in my mind i feel so damn invisible sometimes i cant even feel myself #when people show interest i smile and wave knowing fully well that its all just temporary and i wont see them after the first 3 meetings #it hurts so much #i feel unlovable yet when someone tries i cant believe it and end up ghosting them #i need to believe in myself more #i need to learn to love abit more #even if it ends up hurting me #im sorry #but i need to do this for myself #this person feels like a good person #i should give them a chance #even if it feels like ive already messed up

[13eyond13]

.

#how do people casually bring up that theyre gay at work hahahaha #asking for a friend and MAYBE because i find one of my coworkers cute and she is def of the sort of vibe where its like #i could see her being straight or gay both easily you know #anyways how do i just like float that without it being awks you know what i mean #im not one of those obvious lesbians people default to thinking im straight mostly #anyways!!! girl help i am SO BAD at showing interest and availability but #i feel like some groundwork needs to be laid before i flirt you know #and #im not interested in the game of 'oh you dont know what you are yet or youre probably straight but maybe i can change your mind' hahaha #im too old and tired for that now i just wanna meet someone #who knows for sure they like girls #not just like girls but you know... would be happy to spend the rest of their life with a girl #so i gotta find out #and we never really talk about stuff like dating or relationships so its hard to just casually mention it without it seeming forced #actually maybe this is why social media is useful sometimes you dont always have to find out by asking but #unfortunately i dont use it like at all except for shit like this anymore hmmm ooops #p

[thebeautifulfantastic]

<3

#been thinking a lot about how whenever i have a dream or an idea marinating in my brain for long enough it then becomes something that i am #determined to pursue. and that no one can really dissuade me from #it simply becomes a permanent part of my creative direction in life #i guess you could say that's kind of the same thing as having a special interest but not QUITE #like for example. what i'm thinking of right now is my desire to start a band #and i come up with a lot of crazy ideas on a day to day basis but a good amount of them end up being simply fleeting or dictated by my mood #the ones that stay though... those are the one that actually HAPPEN #i've wanted to sing in a band for at least a year now #to be honest it's probably been longer but it's been at least a year of me being consciously aware of it #and it just made me realize. this desire has stuck around in my brain for quite a while now #and i think that means it is going to happen someday #i don't know exactly how yet because the way i originally thought it might happen (me going to music college) didn't work out #but it's been a year and i'm still thinking about it and keeping my eyes open in case i meet the right people to make music with #i know from experience that when i put my mind to something i WILL get it done #in the sense that i will surprise myself with how stubborn i can be when it comes to not stopping chasing my dreams #and i've had big goals in the past that i did achieve because of this #i'm also like. surprisingly adaptable??? i only recently learned that about myself but i be pulling Plan B's out of my sleeves #so that's all to say -- i'm choosing to believe that i will start my band someday and it will be better than i can imagine right now #and in general i'm choosing to believe that the things i truly love and truly want in my life will only become more clear over time #even if i'm confused and lost at times NOW... if i keep moving forward in time it will all make sense #and a lot of times situations do work out exactly the way they were meant to but in the most unexpected of ways #i don't know how coherent this all was but yeah #starting a band is only the most recent example #belle speaks

[pepprs]

june 27th give it up for june 27th

#purrs #delete later #sure would be an INFINITELY more special and auspicious day if there wasn’t going to be • thunderstorms all day • a budget meeting • two #back to back orientations where i am going to have to take on 2X THE FACILITATION ROLESSSSS 🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪🤪 bc we’re doing that now. LMFAOOOOOO #<- and by that i mean splitting up the facilitation so instead of 4 ppl shari ng responsibility for talking AND doing logistics there’s 2 #ppl talking and 2 ppl doing logistics. and mutuals need i remind you that facilitating this specific session requires being extremely high #energy and mobile and getting ppl ‘hyped’ and there are 383729473 reasons why that is difficult for me to do in front of 100+ new students #plus three cofacilirators i am scared of / intimidated by for various reasons. im going to be sick soooo genuinely. i HATE this 😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 #anyways yeah. today is my one year anniversary and also my first day as an fte so. 🫠 and one year ago today was pretty awful too like my #first day was actually extremely extremely bad and i cried like multiple times every day that week bc it kept getting worse so. love how #things have changed so substantially since then and the things that triggered me on that day aren’t an issue anymore <3 (they are very much #still an issue it’s just the specific people involved have changed bc half the ppl working here including one of my dearest closest #mentors who was deeply involved in that situation have left the university and now it is utterly unrecognizable and every day i wake up in #an alternate universe i know deep down i am not supposed to be in and yet im trapped in it irreversibly and this IS my universe now. lolll 🥰 #)) also ik it’s stupid to still be grieving over this but like. the entire way it all went down + the fact that it even did in the first #place and the STAGGGERING consequences of it. are kind of insane. every new development makes me feel more and more like im living in a fake #reality and nothing that is happening is supposed to be happening and im dreaming it all but it’s a bad dream. and idk how to accept #that this is NOT. a dream and that what happened happened and now i have to live with it and stop curling in on myself like a prey animal an #and isolating myself from everyone i love and taking every single conceivable situation badly. like tfw da therapy isn’t working 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 #anyways i need to go get ready and practice the fucking 16 page facilitation guide 🙄 see u on the other side lol