#for characters that attack the pendragons when it's just like. no. they have a point & even if they didn't | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

autumnsorbet · 18 days

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New nnt au I'm working on I'm wish to focus on

🐉Name:Arthur O. Pendragon

🌳Age after time skip 21-22

Sorry I'm just going to be rambling here about the idea of what's going to be this au I've been thinking of for months and I just really want to act on it now since I'm not going to be as involved in doing stuff related to RWBY for some time

📜Set in Nanatsu no zaitai after season 1/ first arc after saving lions/ Leones (or however you say the kingdom's name)

The seven deadly sins are gone for several years and during that time Arthur Florence the knights of the round table and becomes very well known throughout the kingdom even more

And he all so meets a traveling knight blue lance (stand in for Lancelot from the story's)

💜

He and Arthur don't start off as friends but after several years of fighting together and then fighting with each other on and off they become good friends and one time after Arthur does manage to beat Lance he asked him to become his right hand Knight after he gets blinded

This is set after like the first season / first Big Arc is over after Leona's was saved I have it where the sins go on a mission for the King after saving the kingdom and they get trapped away in time and end up meeting the ten commandments and they end up trapped away in time for about 7 years you know matching the number of the seven deadly

sins and they come back to big changes throughout Britannia after the demons still do end up coming there and attacking everyone during this time skip Arthur still loses his arm to estarosa but during his fight when he loses his arm and his eyesight he uses Excalibur on him and that's how they find out that he's the Lost archangel I'm actually going to give him more to do in my Au

💖

I also have it where Arthur unlocked chaos and instead of him having all of it before Merlin disappear she locks half of it or more away

Because let's be real in the sequel series The only reason Arthur is evil is because Merlin literally gave him all the power of God and it's probably corrupted his mind she probably should have gave him like 20 or 30% of that power we've seen her divide people's Powers before she did it to meliodis I don't know why she couldn't do it to Arthur and have it where he only had like a small percentage or half his power so that's what I'm doing here

He can still change the environment around himself he didn't know how to heal himself till later so that's why he's blind and still missing my arm I won't be adding

Cath to this

🎂

Big things I'll be changing is this au Merlin is not really a kid in this version she's just the adult woman we see

Meliodas retires from fighting to give other nights the chance to shine and have a fight and since the ten commandments got fully sealed away or whatever and other stuff got fixed with the fairy Kings and Giants and whatever we won't be seeing a lot of that if I really do pull through with this au and make more of it

Elizabeth is 19 in this version as well when the series first starts cuz I do want to like add some stuff from the beginning Arc into this but I'm going to have it where she's 19

💛

I'm also going to introduce chaos earlier along with several other deities I'm just going to add in here I'm also going to have it where Merlin was a deity but she got killed and reincarnated into the little girl we all know she was in the story but then she grew up got her memories back of who she was and at some point doing the first holy war she sacrificed half of her magic so that way people could be born with magic throughout the land and be able to defend themselves

💚

I'm probably not going to introduce escanor till later on because I am not sure what to do with his character as of right now he plays such a big role in later arcs but since he wasn't in the first season really to this season maybe I'll just have it where he shows up at the end after everyone's saved and he just meets back up with everyone and that's how the sands get reformed and then they get sent on a mission they find out the ten commandments are about to come back and then they get trapped away and like some different portal thing that drops them away for 7 years

Sorry for yapping for so long

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husbandomail · 1 year

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Obscure characters u say?? Well I'm not sure if he's obscure but I love him anyways. Can I request Arthur Pendragon from seven deadly sins please? With a strong s/o who calms him down during his anxiety attacks and is aggressive and unrelenting with everyone but soft with him? I just love the grumpy x sunshine trope sm

I hope this is okay!! this made me finally wanna watch this anime lmao

It was a familiar routine by now. He may have tried to be quiet about it, but that wouldn’t change the way the shared bed shifts underneath you as his nightmares jolt him awake.

You roll over— it takes far too much effort, with your legs tangled up in the thick comforter— and toss your arm over Arthur’s heaving chest. He tenses immediately, his breath growing quick and shallow as he tries to force his voice not to waiver. “Sorry,” he hisses into the dark, “I didn’t intend to wake you—”

“Well, you did,” you sigh in turn, although there’s no bite to your voice. It wasn’t a cruel statement, it was simply the truth. In fact, you were so used to his nightly flashbacks at this point, you no longer bothered with opening your eyes. “Is something new bothering you?”

Arthur shudders as your breath rolls across his sweat-slicked skin. He hesitates— you can feel his chest rising and falling, feel the low rumble of his voice as it finally finds purchase in his throat.

“It’s nothing, really.”

That’s when you let one eye slide open. Moonlight filters into the bedroom through the distant window, with thick shadows outstretched and crawling forth as if to sink their fangs into your fragile dreams. Even in the cloak of shadow, your husband’s bright orange hair shines like a beacon. “Arthur Pendragon, you did not wake me up because of nothing.”

His eyes roam your face for a moment, and you hold his gaze as fiercely as you can in the middle of the night. Your husband has always been a gorgeous man, but there’s something about nights like this, with his unruly hair like wild flames, with a vulnerability in his eyes that you knew nobody else could ever see. Absently, you began to trace patterns across his chest with your fingertips, committing the patterns of his breathing to memory. He relaxes as you drag your fingers across his skin.

“It’s—” he immediately stops, his eyes searching the dark room as if it can answer his questions. “Do you think I— made the right choice?”

You know immediately what he’s referring to; a previous battle, one that had technically been won, but at the cost of innocent lives. It’s not surprising that it still weighs on his mind. You sigh and nuzzle closer to him. “You didn’t have many options to begin with,” you reminded him, “and you did your best to protect everyone. That’s what matters, Arthur— that’s what makes you a good king.”

He flinches at that, jerking out of your grasp and rolling over so you couldn’t see his face. Your chest tightens; you know he doesn’t believe when you say things like that. You say them anyways.

The comforter tangles further around your legs as you drag yourself closer, burying your face between his shoulder blades, running your hand up and down his arm in what you hope is a soothing rhythm. You lay in silence together; his breathing steadies out enough that you think he’s finally fallen back asleep, but then he lets out a loud sigh and rolls back over to face you.

“Will you tell me a story?”

It was a familiar routine by now. The good king, curled up in bed, his strong arms wrapped around your body to hold you in place, his face buried in your chest. You run your hands through his hair over and over, rambling endlessly as he falls asleep to the sound of your voice.

#fading out of obscurity #seven deadly sins #arthur pendragon #scenarios #imagines #anon

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grailfinders · 2 years

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Fate and Phantasms #3p: Artoria Pendragon (Alter)

Everybody’s got a dark side and on today’s Fate and Phantasms we’re exploring Artoria’s for like the eighth time thanks to Artoria Pendragon Alter! She’s still a champion for those sweet sweet swordbeams, but I think you’ll find there’s plenty of difference between the original and the remix.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Baby.

Ancestry

Now, Artoria Alter is still human, she’s just mixed up with some evil shadow juice. Fortunately that’s exactly what Fetchlings are too! As a Resolute Fetchling, she gets bonuses to Dexterity and Charisma, as well as free Darkvision. She’s also a lot less flappable than Artoria- when she makes a success against an emotion effect, she always has a critical success. She’s also Hard to Fool, giving her a +1 bonus on checks and saves against illusions and shadow effects. A tyrant’s rule is unwavering.

At level 5 you have a Clever Shadow, letting you interact with items with your hands full with, say, a giant sword. Like Artoria we can’t really get you anything to summon your sword, but this’ll let you be ready for a fight without having to fumble with doors and the like.

Ninth level fetchlings can have Shadow Sight for a minute per hour, giving you greater darkvision, so even if a peasant uses a darkness spell to make an escape, you can still track them down.

At level 13 you can use a Shadow’s Assault to cast shadow blast once a day at 5th level. This spell’s super versatile, letting you choose the damage type and shape to attack in. For an Excalibur-tier blast I’d suggest Electricity or Force and the 50’ line.

At level 17 you can Pierce the Light to plane shift twice a week targeting yourself. Grail mud can be one hell of a transportation service, if you can survive it.

Background

As for your background, you are, of course, Shadow Haunted, boosting your Intelligence and Strength, training you in Intimidation and Shadow Plane Lore, as well as gaining the Quick Coercion feat. This lets you coerce a creature after one round of talking instead of one minute. You’re a busy ruler, it’s best to get to the point.

Class Levels

1. So, let’s start with the basics again. Key ability: Strength. That determines your class DC, plus you get another boost for it. You’re trained in perception, religion, reflex saves, class DC, all attacks, and all armor. You’re also an Expert in Fortitude and Will saves, and there’s a number of spells you retroactively get as you gain intelligence: Occultism, Athletics, Survival, Arcana, Deception, and Medicine.

At level one you get yet another round of Ability Boosts for Strength, Charisma, Constitution, and Intelligence. You also get your own Deity’s Domain: Ambition. Admittedly Blind Ambition isn’t particularly in character, but we need this spell to get another one later. If your target beefs their will save their ambition grows, giving them a penalty to defend against coercion, requests, or mental effects that will advance its own place in the world. Again, very out of character since Salter probably thinks everyone’s place is beneath her, but a little infighting can help in the long run. She takes up the Tenets of Evil, ruling that she can’t commit good acts, or put another’s needs above her own.

As a Tyrant, you can use the Iron Command reaction after someone near you hits you, forcing them to take one of two options. They must either kneel, dropping prone, or take mental damage that scales with your level. You’ll also deal extra damage to that target for a round, picking either Evil or Negative damage. For your devotion spell, you can spend focus points on a Touch of Corruption, which is basically healing hands reversed- damage and negative AC on the living, healing on the undead, and if you’re undead and using it on yourself, a +2 bonus to damage for a round.

You also get three more tenets:

Let no one who is lesser than you wield power over you or lead you.

Mercilessly enforce established hierarchies of masters and servants. Topple or seize control of illegitimate hierarchies, such as democratic governments or the arrogant arrogant echelons of the celestial planes, and fill power vacuums by taking that power for yourself. This is so getting us put on a list…

Bind the weak to serve you. This tenet doesn’t require you to spare foes’ if they’ll likely be disloyal, nor do you need to keep more servants than practical.

Also, you get training in Nature. Yay! You’re also trained in divine spells, plus you get the shield block feat, though again, greatswords don’t help with that.

2. Now that half the writing’s done, we can move on to level 2. Your champion feat prescribes Iron Repercussions for those who refuse your Iron Command, letting you deal persistent mental damage for a minute.

We’re also taking the Marshal Dedication right away for extra training in Intimidation. If you don’t care for the original Artoria we’ll go over what this means again. You have a marshal’s aura in a 10’ radius around you, granting allies in it a +1 bonus on saves against fear effects. The only scary thing around you is you.

That means we have just enough training for Intimidating Prowess, giving you a +1 bonus on intimidation checks to Coerce or Demoralize, and you ignore the penalty for not sharing a language. Cutting a man in half is pretty universal. When your strength goes above 20 and you’re a master in intimidation, you get a +2 bonus instead. We’ll get there, promise.

3. At third level you get a Divine Ally in your blade, letting you add the effect of a fearsome, returning or shifting rune to Excalibur. Returning lets you return a weapon you throw to your hands, and it’s worthless on a sword. Shifting lets you turn one weapon into another, which is cool, but not useful. The only one we need is Fearsome, which frightens creatures you critically hit, reducing all checks and dcs they use by 1 for a turn.

You also have Lasting Coercion, extending its length to up to a week. If you’re Legendary in Intimidation (we’re getting there), it lasts up to a full month.

We’ll also become an expert in Occultism to look into this grail mud stuff a bit more.

4. At fourth level you exude an Aura of Despair, a 15’ aura giving enemies a -1 penalty against fear saves. They also can’t reduce their frightened scores to 0 in that area, so they’ll always be a little off their game fighting you. Even worse, you have a Terrifying Resistance to those you’ve demoralized. For 24 hours afterwards, you have a +1 bonus to saves against their spells. Finally, you can enter a Dread Marshal Stance, so every creature in that aura deals extra damage and they also frighten their target with critical hits. You can’t pick your friends in a grail war, so its up to you to make sure they’re worthy of being by your side.

5. At fifth level you get another Ability Boost in Strength, Constitution, Intelligence, and Charisma. You’re also an expert in Athletics now for general strong-arming, plus all weapons for that hitting thing you like so much.

6. At sixth level you can Smite Good, both in the sense you can hit things well, but also that you hit good things better. As an action you can deal extra evil damage on all attacks against one creature for a round, though this is extended if they fight back. This only works on good creatures though.

You can also channel that mana burst energy in to a Powerful Leap, increasing the distance of long and high jumps.

As a marshal, you can command your ally to Steel Yourself!, giving them temporary HP and a bonus to Fortitude saves for a round.

7. You’re now an expert in armor, and a master in intimidation. Y’know, I don’t think our coercion is good enough yet, let’s coerce whole crowds with Group Coercion, letting you target up to 10 creatures at once. Which you already have a +1 bonus on, can do it in a single action, and it lasts up to a week. I think you’re pretty scary, but I’m just not sure.

You also get a Weapon Specialization for more damage! Gee, I think there’s a bit of a theme here.

8. I think it’s time we really split off from Artoria. Your Advanced Deity’s Domain comes into play this level, adding another focus point to your pool and granting you a Competitive Edge. For up to a minute, you have a +1 bonus to attacks and skill checks. Plus, if an enemy critically succeeds on an attack or skill your bonus in that specific kind of roll increases to a +3 for a round, because you are the best.

You can also let out a Battle Cry when you roll initiative, to demoralize a foe as a free action. Once you’re a legend in intimidation, you can do this again every time you crit on an attack roll.

To really set us apart, let’s become a Mauler with their dedication. This doesn’t add much right now since we’re already trained with two-handed weapons, though you get their critical specialization effect earlier than expected.

9. At ninth level you’re an expert in class effects as well as reflex saves, and you’re also a master in fortitude saves and Occultism.

The one new thing you get this level is your Divine Smite. If an enemy refuses you they take persistent evil damage as well. Kind of a letdown tbh since a level 2 feat gives you persistent damage that affects everyone and not just good creatures, but it’s free damage.

10. At level 10 you get an Ability Boost in -say it with me- Strength, Constitution, Intelligence, and Charisma! Salter’s many things, but she’s always consistent.

Like her other, she has a Radiant Blade Spirit, giving her access to three more runes: flaming, axiomatic, and unholy. The first does fire damage- yawn- the second deals lawful damage and deals the average amount on crits, while the final rune deals extra evil damage, and as a reaction after critically hitting a good creature, you can make them take persistent bleed damage. Yeah, that one sounds about right.

You also have Disturbing Knowledge, making an occultism check against an enemy’s will DC of a nearby enemy, possibly frightening and confusing them for a bit. Grail mud, works wonders on pesky heroes!

You can also deliver a power attack, a single strike dealing even more damage. It counts as two strikes for your penalties, but on a hit it deals two extra dice of damage, increasing to three at level 18.

11. At eleventh level you can Exalt your Iron Command, forcing nearby creatures to make the same choice as the triggering one. The extras will only take minimum damage though, and you can’t use effects like Iron Repercussions to add more on later. You also become an expert in perception and a master in will and athletics.

Finally, we’ll grab Express Rider for you as well. Even as a brainwashed monster, Artoria still has the riding skill.

12. At twelfth level you can dish out an Attack of Opportunity on a creature who gets distracted in your reach, making a strike against them as a reaction. If you score a hit and they’re manipulating something, you even interrupt the action!

You can also force enemies into a Terrified Retreat for a round if their level is lower than yours. Just crit succeed at demoralizing them, and you’re good to go!

Finally, as a mauler you can Knockdown opponents, making an attack against them and then making an athletics check to trip them. If they won’t bow to you by choice, you’ll just force the issue.

13. This level’s a slow one. You’re a master in all armor and attacks now, and we’ll also train you in acrobatics. You’re as good at fighting in a dress as she is, after all.

14. 14’s spicy though. Your focus pool hits its max of three thanks to your new focus spell Litany of Depravity, giving a good target weakness seven to evil. There’s no save to this. Given all your evil effects, this can be a devastating amount of damage.

You can also Quick Climb, focusing your mana into empowering your climbing speed as much as it does your sword. Gotta get those anime hops in, after all.

Finally, you can deliver a Brutal Finish as an action, ending your turn with a single strike. This strike deals an extra die of damage (or two at level 18), but if you fail to hit the target you still deal one die of damage (or two at level 18).

15. Level 15 isn’t quite as wild, but it’s hard to top level 14. Another Ability Boost is nice though, giving you a bonus in Strength, Dexterity, Constitution, and Charisma.

You’re also a Prescient Planner, effectively letting you retroactively buy a common piece of adventuring gear. Heroes have to work for their plans to succeed, which is why being a villain is so much more fun.

You have Greater Weapon Specialization for even more damage, and you’re finally legendary when it comes to intimidation, letting you coerce up to 25 people in a single action for up to a month with a +2 bonus against all of them.

16. Level 16 is another spicy one. You’re now an Instrument of Slaughter, dealing persistent bleed damage on crits done to an Iron Commanded enemy equal to two weapon damage dice.

You can also Scare to Death enemies as an action, making an intimidation check against the will dc of a nearby creature. On a success or failure, they’re frightened. On a critical success, they must then make a fortitude save or die outright. Even if they succeed, they’re still frightened and fleeing for a round.

Finally, you can even perform an Avalanche Strike using three actions, making a melee strike against every enemy within reach and without applying an attack penalty until your fury is over.

17. 17’s another slow one. You’re a master at your class DC, plus a legend in terms of armor and Occultism. I’m pretty sure you’re literally made of grail mud at this point, makes sense you know all about it.

18. At eighteenth level you can expand aura, doubling the reach of one champion aura for a turn. Have you ever tracked mud into the house? Shit gets everywhere.

You can also use Deceptive Worship to act like you’re still a Christian. I mean you’re definitely interested in the grail, just not for good reasons. Now you can use your Occultism instead of Deception to impersonate a worshipper of another faith, though you can’t impersonate a specific person this way.

Oh right you’re here for combat. You can Topple a Foe as a reaction after an ally hit them, attempting to trip them and knock them prone. Teamwork makes the dream work, I guess. If the dream is murder.

19. At nineteenth level you can force your allies to Pick up the Pace, hustling your group for up to another 20 minutes to move at twice your normal traveling speed.

We also get the classic Hero’s Defiance spell, which has a hilariously ironic name at this point. If you’d die, you can heal yourself once per refocus. You can’t use this against disintegrate or instant death, and there’s a chance it doesn’t actually stop you from dying.

You’re also legendary in Athletics now since grail mud is one hell of a steroid.

20. Our last level is pretty tame compared to 14-16. We get one last Ability Boost for Strength, Dexterity, Wisdom, and Charisma, the Radiant Blade Master feat gives us access to the Keen rune (plus some others that don’t matter) giving you a critical hit on 19s as well as 20s. Now that’s scary!

You can also Cloud Jump, mana-ing your boost to triple your long jump distance and high jumping as high as you long jump.

Our final Mauler feat is an Improved Knockdown, turning your knockdown into a single strike that applies a critical success trip to the attack. You can even use a 1d12 instead of the regular d6 for trip damage!

Pros and Cons

Pros

Just about everything you do is geared towards damage, and boy howdy can you do a lot in a little bit of time. It’s not exactly a paladin smite, but your finishing moves deal four times the damage of a regular attack, and you can pull those off every turn if you want.

You’re also great a cowing crowds, coercing large groups of people to obey your will for extended periods of time. Honestly though you’re just terrifying in general. You have a huge bonus to intimidation, and if it works on someone they can get frightened (pseudo-permanently near you), run away screaming, or even die outright. Also, in 5e the frightened condition only messes with skill checks and attacks. Here? It lowers their save power, so they get frightened more. It lowers the saves on their spells, so you get hit less. It lowers their fucking AC so you hit them more. Fear is a powerful tool, and you use it to its fullest.

You’re also great at knocking enemies around, knocking them prone. Being prone is yet another way to lower an enemy’s AC, making it even easier to hit and crit them. Deal more damage, add more fear, it’s a vicious cycle.

Cons

Your range is an even bigger issue than Artoria’s! Shadow Blast is cool and all, but it only works once a day to the Sun Sword’s three+. Once that’s over, flying enemies make you look like a joke.

Another problem is that coercing people is great short-term, but if you’re playing a longer game it’ll cause problems later on. Tyrants tend to end up with peasant revolts on their hands, after all. Be glad we haven’t built Spartacus yet.

Frightening enemies is super useful, but your frighten abilities don't stack, so they kind of pile up on each other. That being said, Demoralize is once a fight per creature, and most of the others are on-crit, so it's not terrible to have backups like Disturbing Knowledge on hand. Just be careful you don't try to frighten something that's already been scared.

#fgo #fate grand order #pf2e #pathfinder 2e #Artoria Alter #Champion #Marshal #Mauler

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coockie8 · 9 months

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you mentioned dorman as one of your characters someone might consider a mary sue but what exactly is he i know youve posted about him before

Okay, but this is going to be long because there's a lot of context required to understand exactly what Dorman is lol

Dorman is the first-born son of Arthur Pendragon and Merlin (yes this is canon in the novel lol), so when he was born he was mostly just a normal human child.

Now in my lore, Merlin is a true immortal (meaning, arguably, nothing can kill him and he will survive The Fall of the Universe) and his soul is literally made of magic; he was just born this way and no one knows why. Anomalies are a pretty big theme in these books lol.

Arthur has a Perpetually Pure soul, which just means no actions he takes in life will cause his soul to become tainted, and he, ultimately, has a kind, and caring personality, so he's not likely to willingly do anything that would taint his soul anyway. Arthur was the first Perpetually Pure soul born in Beauty's Universe (the current one).

Now, Dorman wasn't born out of love or anything, although Arthur and Merlin do get together later on in the books and have three more children, but that's a whole different post. The details haven't exactly been worked out, but a small group of the Main Cast do end up getting captured by Um'Qua, a secondary Antagonist and Embodiment of Limbo (basically the Ghost King), who gets his kicks out of torturing people (this is also a common character arch-type in the books, just to varying degrees lol) and is dangerously obsessed with Mieliaru (we'll get to her).

Anyway, long story short, Um'Qua forces Arthur and Merlin to have sex, Merlin becomes pregnant, and Dorman is born, all within Um'Qua's captivity. There comes a point during their captivity where Merlin (or Arthur, it may be Arthur, actually) says something that really pisses Um'Qua off, and he retaliates by snapping infant Dorman's neck.

Overcome with grief, Merlin is at risk of a Magical Fallout (basically popping from emotional duress), so Mieliaru, who is Merlin's 74 billion-year-old Dragon Mount, emerges from where she hides around Merlin's spirit and breathes life back into Dorman, but at a price; Dorman is no longer human.

They don't learn the true extent of what Mie has done (Mie knows, but Mie's English is shaky at best and doesn't know how to explain it) until months later when the children are much older (the magical influence in the group causes the children to age rapidly until around 16 where they slow down. This is explained in the books), when Dorman and Tetsuya get kidnapped by a Trafficker named Malik, who has a Perpetually Tainted soul.

Dorman is sassy, stubborn, and mouthy like his parents, and Malik ends up poisoning him with something called The Dragon's Bane, which is a flower Tebius (main antagonist) created, and it is capable of killing even Voidlings by attacking the soul at it's core. This trauma causes Dorman's Altered Soul to awaken in defence of the Poison, and Dorman becomes more powerful than a Voidling, but basically loses all ability to feel.

Drakaerys (Cosmic Entity of Power and Creator of the First Universe) birthed Mieliaru as it exists by accident. They never meant to create something more powerful than them, let alone something that could create things more powerful than them, but Cosmic Entities oopsing and creating things more powerful than they are is also a common theme. Limitless power means on occasion you accidentally fart out a nuke lol Sakura's (Cosmic Entity of Beauty) nuke was Tebius, Drakaerys' nuke was Mieliaru; the Dragon's Bane and the Altered are the Fallout from those nukes.

So long story short, Dorman is Altered. That's it. He's was just revived wrong. It just so happens that he was revived wrong by the Oldest living non-Voidling creature in existence who happens to be more powerful than the Cosmic Entity of Power. He is literally running on a tiny piece of Mieliaru's Soul.

#original lore #coockie8 original character #coockie8 original lore #trash king rambles #feel free to ask me for further context #I know this is a *lot* to take in lol

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booksandwords · 11 months

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Why Love Matters by Jay Northcote

Read time: 1 Days Rating: 4/5 Stars

The Quote: “I get that you don’t like to be touched,” Martin said carefully. “But surely you can deal with it if you have to?” “It makes me feel sick,” Alastair tried to explain. “My skin crawls. I blush, and go as stiff as a board.” Martin snorted and Alastair glared at him. “Not like that, you idiot!” “I know… sorry, I couldn’t resist.” — Martin Ellis and Alexander Pendleton

For a novella this review gets quite out of control. Why Love Matters is so short and sweet. Alistair and Martin are cute and made me smile, I needed it after finishing another story that was heavy. The heaviest part of this is the confrontation of anxiety. There is much focus on communication, openness and overcoming internal limitations. Oh lord the communication, we do love to see it, there is brutal honesty between Martin and Alastair. Combine that with the not quite a trope of darkness breeds courage and confidence, it was like catnip for me.

I have a couple of quotes and comments I want to share.

He had three weeks. Three weeks in which to overcome a lifetime of being uncomfortable with physical intimacy. Fuck. — I can hear this. Just the pause before the fuck. The whole line is so visceral.

Alastair stalked back to his own office and went straight to the window. He clenched his fists on the sill, looked out at the London skyline and took a deep breath to try and centre himself. — I really like this as imagery. You can feel his anxiety, you know if you were to see him you could sense it.

He enjoyed sex with women; he took pleasure in their bodies and their responses to his touch. But sex with another man was something different entirely. When Alastair picked up some guy in a club and surrendered his body to be fucked, he forgot who he was, forgot his responsibilities. All his defences were stripped away leaving him raw and wanting and vulnerable. — Alistar is written as bi but a form of bi that I don't see commonly in fiction. Bisexuality is a spectrum a person can land anywhere on it, and that includes having a physical preference for one or the other. It was a joy to read a character written with a preference.

Martin was made of contrasts. His black hair and pale skin, the angles of his cheekbones and the soft curves of his lips, the awkward grace of his lanky body. — When you realise who this is describing (Colin Morgan, circa 2010) it is a wonderful fit. Also I really just like it.

Although sexual experimentation between boys at Alastair’s public school was commonplace enough to almost be expected, it was generally assumed that as soon as you were old enough to get your hands on a girl instead, you put same-sex experimentation behind you. — Sounds familiar. I work in an all-boys school. Our boys are extremely tactile and if I had to guess experimenting (those that aren't openly LGBT). I know quite a few come from families that expect hetero-conformity even now.

I feel like I need to point out that Jay Northcote themselves admits that Why Love Matters was originally written as Merlin, presumably Merthur, fanfic as a modern au. With Alexander Pendleton for Arthur Pendragon and Martin Ellis for Merlin (Emrys? is the surname I see a lot). It was published for charity in 2016 in the wake of Pulse Nightclub attack in Orlando (see this blog post). Though it is now available for free through either Amazon or Smashwords. When you look at it with this knowledge it does explain some of the extremely visual elements in the description. Particularly the line "Alastair followed as his father swept regally into his office. Alastair closed the door behind them and turned to face Theodore who sat in his high-backed leather chair as though it was a throne. He gestured for Alastair to sit.". Theodore is Uther. Props for the use of the name Poppy for Hunith even if it is unintentional. There is a link between the origins of Hunith (Hunydd) and Poppy, Hunydd partially originates from a word for sleep (yes I had to look that up).

#why love matters #jay northcote #book review #ktreviews #read 2022 #merthur #spoilers on goodreads #touch starvation #booklr

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transelyan · 3 years

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i know we’ve already talked at length about how like. most of the messages this show tried to have were undermined by how it wrote magic users, but. genuinely. sometimes the weird morals just drive me insane

#my post #merlin #like the whole thing with sophia in ep 7. that just made me kinda sad?#like. she lost her entire world because of her father's crime & THEN she finds out that she has to lose her father #& THEN her father dies.#& yes. she tried to kill arthur. but did she actually deserve to die?????? it's like there's absolutely no sympathy #for characters that attack the pendragons when it's just like. no. they have a point & even if they didn't #instant death isn't the only option?????? calm down please & thanks #like that one post that's like 'your family committed genocide but i said something rude so now i'm an enemy of the state'#idk man. i'll go back to posting pictures of hands in a bit #obviously this isn't about the massive villains that WOULD have killed everyone but more like. some of the minor villains #no there's no fair justice system for merlin to just. put them through. but i think it would've been interesting if they explored that more #like. magic users who do bad things but aren't Bad. give me more antiheroes #because like. idk. so many of the characters Have A Point but then the show turns around & makes them do something Very Evil #so they can be seen as irredeemable & be killed off without protest #no idea where i'm going with this but. yeah. i wish like. all of these characters had been kept alive because like!!#that dynamic would be so interesting!!#like that post i made a while ago about nimueh dying in s5 rather than s1. it was a short post but i think about it. ALL the time.#like. anti-pendragon characters who are vague allies of merlin or just enemies of morgana #who fight on merlin's side/help him DESPITE not actually supporting arthur. & then maybe they come around to arthur's rule #please my computer is at. 1% but. YEAH hudjisjdko i think about this stuff a lot

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phantomchick · 3 years

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Merlin fic rec list

To Be A King by clotpolesonly Teen And Up, No Archive Warnings Apply, Gen, Merlin and Arthur, Merlin and Mordred, Gwen/Arthur, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Merlin's Magic Revealed, Canonical Character Death, BAMF Merlin, Dragonlord Merlin, Original setting, Magical kingdom, King Merlin, Royal!Merlin Summary: When Merlin discovers that his father was an estranged prince and he himself is now the only heir to the throne of a magical kingdom, he is forced to leave Camelot for the perils of a royal court. Will Merlin be able to win Arthur's favor again before Morgana launches an attack on a defenseless Camelot? Will he be able to defend his own kingdom at the same time or will all be lost? -

A Matter of Sovereignty by Kizmet Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply, Friendship Summary A visiting prince takes it into his head to brutalize Merlin, but sometimes the solution to a problem is in how you phrase it.

Bumps and Bruises by platonic_boner merthur, implied/suspected abuse, Protective Arthur, Magic Revealed, pre-relationship, teen an up, canon typical violence,

Summary: Arthur notices Merlin’s constant injuries, and decides he needs to step in and protect Merlin.

Finding Home by riventhorn Arthur/Merlin, Hurt/Comfort Summary: Written for a kinkme_merlin prompt. When Gaius retires a new physician takes over and quickly kicks Merlin out of his room and takes it for himself. Arthur finds Merlin sleeping in the stables...and it's winter.

How To Love A Living Thing by Polomonkey Mature, merthur, Merlin/Arthur, Pendragon (Merlin), Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Violence, Sexual Harassment, Drowning, Guilt, Romance, Protective Arthur, Mild Sexual Content, Redemption, Healing, Canon Era

Summary Guilt ridden and lonely after his confrontation with Nimueh, Merlin slowly begins to isolate himself from Arthur. When two knights take it upon themselves to teach him his place, Merlin finds himself with nowhere to turn. Will he be able to reach out to his prince before it's too late?

Obeisance by casspeach Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply, Merlin/Arthur

Summary: It's not that Arthur won't share his toys, just that he expects to get them back undamaged

All's Well That Ends Well by StormDancer explicit, Merlin/Arthur, Arthur Finds Out, magic reveal Summary: Merlin spent the week and a half that Arthur was gone splitting his time between crafting careful explanations that never ended up explaining the important things, the things that would make Arthur listen, and making half-baked plans to escape to Ealdor. He found a number of fire-proofing spells that would have no effect if they decided to cut his head off, and figured out how to adapt an invulnerability spell he had been trying to find a way to cast on Arthur without him noticing so that it would protect him from being decapitated, but it would have no effect on anything but metal. Despite all his frantic searching, he did not find a teleportation spell, because that would have been too simple and if there was one thing Merlin had learned in his years at Camelot, it was that nothing was ever simple.

Deeds by the5leggedCricket Merlin/Arthur Pendragon, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Episode Related, Oblivious Arthur Pendragon, Teen and Up,

Summary: Arthur is coming of age, and that means he’s about to get Deeds—marks on his body telling him of his soulmate’s greatest accomplishments. But as he tries to find his soulmate, he also makes some worrying discoveries about the kind of person his soulmate is.

Honorable Intentions by smilebackwards Gwaine/Merlin, Guinevere/Arthur Pendragon, Courtship, Protectiveness, Protective!Arthur, Teen and Up, Summary: There are several considerations Arthur would like to go over, starting with the state of Merlin's virtue.

Laundry's Hard Work by supercalvin Gen, Teen and Up, Canon Era, can be read as pre-slash, BAMF Merlin

Summary: Wasn't Merlin supposed to be...tiny? When the hell had he learned to use a sword and not fall on his backside? Where the hell did those scars from? What the hell?

or Arthur still thinks Merlin is the young boy he met ten years ago and he starts to notice things in his manservant that he wasn't aware had changed at all.

Fathom Me Out by supercalvin Merlin/Arthur, Canon Era, Magic Revealed, Teen and up,

Summary: After ten years, Arthur thinks he has Merlin all figured out. But as he watches Merlin, he finds out that he has more questions than answers. The longer he thinks about it, the more uneasy he feels. So he pushes it aside. Except, he can no longer ignore the questions he has about Merlin. Not your everyday reveal!fic

Loyalty Before Royalty by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle Gen, Gwen & Merlin, Arthur and Merlin being the most iconic duo? I think tf not, Gwen and Merlin wreaking havoc? Teaming up against Arthur? That's the most iconic duo there, as usual, Explicit Language, Fluff and Humor, Attempt at Humor, Arthur is so exasperated, someone help him, good thing he loves them both

Summary: "Where did you get that?" Arthur asked, but he already knew the answer. "Gwen." "...and the horse?" "Gwen." "What about the-" "Gwen." Merlin interrupted. Arthur nodded. At this point, he wasn't sure why he even bothered to ask. He was pretty certain his wife was going to knight Merlin any day now.He looked Merlin up and down for a few moments before accepting it all with a sigh. "As long as you get my armor to me tomorrow...I don't care." He finally said, turning away. Merlin cleared his throat. "Gwen gave me tomorrow off." "For the love of God." Or I hate that Gwen and Merlin's friendship kind of withered away in the later seasons so here's a oneshot about her and Merlin abusing her new royal powers because that's what happens when your best friend becomes queen.

Know It All Knight by Shi_Toyu Leon & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table, Magic Revealed, protective leon, Arthur Finds Out, Oblivious Arthur

Summary: Leon couldn’t say for sure when the exact moment was that he figured out Merlin had magic. He’d suspected it for a little while, to be honest. He definitely had it figured out by the time Arthur managed to ‘kill’ the Great Dragon. What Leon could say for sure was the exact moment he figured out that no one else had figured out Merlin had magic.

The Nature of Trust by Lynds Merlin's Magic Revealed, Leon is the Mam Friend, Leon is so done, Protective Gwaine, Lancelot Lives, Canon Era, Arthur Finds Out, Hurt Merlin, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, reference to hunting and cooking animals Summary: Leon starts to notice that the knights, one by one, are starting to trust Merlin's judgement. That he keeps warning Arthur about danger, and being right. Is there more to Merlin than meets the eye?

Repercussions by PeaceHeather Fix-It of Sorts, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Lecture, Rants, Episode: s02e06 Beauty and the Beast, Episode: s02e05 Beauty and the Beast, Canon Era, One Shot, Gen Summary: Uther married a troll. In canon, that all worked out fine eventually. In this slight canon divergence, there is at least one noble who's not willing to let it slide so easily.

No Harm Will Come to You Here by fancyh Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Season/Series 05, Merlin's Magic Revealed, Fluff and Angst, temporary amnesia, teen and up,

Summary: "That was magic," Arthur accuses.

"Oh." Merlin just nods, looking unperturbed.

Arthur fights to keep his expression calm, mind racing and heart pounding. "Sorcery is outlawed in Camelot. On pain of death."

Merlin splutters, finally fixing Arthur with an affronted glare. "It's not like I meant to do it!"

***

Merlin gets hit with a spell meant for Arthur and loses his memory. Revelations ensue. Set sometime after 5x02.

Metamorphose by clotpolesonly Merlin/Arthur, Teen and Up, Between Seasons/Series, Episode: s03e01 The Tears of Uther Pendragon (Part I), Episode: s03e02 The Tears of Uther Pendragon (Part II), Mpreg, Magic Reveal, Angst with a Happy Ending, Pining, morgana redemption, some transphobic language from Merlin when he finds out he’s pregnant because of magic but it’s mostly just the shock that does it Summary: When Merlin falls into bed with Arthur, he doesn't expect for to wake up alone. He doesn't expect Arthur to give him the cold shoulder either, but there is something else he expects even less which forces him out of the kingdom for over a year. He returns to find a traitor in the court, an army on the way, and a love he'd thought all but lost waiting for him with open arms.

Four Days To Fall In Love. by CupCakezys Teen and Up, No archive warnings apply, Merlin/Arthur, Morgana/Gwen, Soulmate AU, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic, Protective Arthur, Mutual Pining, Angst with a Happy Ending, Secret Relationship

Summary: In a world where everyone has a soulmate (or two or three), Arthur Pendragon knows he is destined to be alone. For Arthur can see his heartstring, could follow it to where his soulmate lived, and that could only mean one thing.

His soulmate had magic, and should they ever meet, Arthur would have to kill them.

Sacrificial Lamb by RurouniHime Angst and Humor, Pining, First Time, First Kiss, Post Season 1, Initial Misunderstanding, But it’s resolved, Happy Ending, Fluff with a touch of angst at first

Summary: Arthur's been overworking his knights, so they come to Merlin as a last resort.

Cheers and Spirits by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle Gen, The knights are kinda fools, but the best king, Humour, Fluff, Fluff and Humour, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin

Summary: Despite all the supposed trips to the tavern none of the knights have seen Merlin drunk. They decide to rectify that. A poor decision, really.

Circle 'round the Truth by enviropony Merlin + Knights friendship, Gen, Magic Reveal, Oneshot, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin Summary: They know about the magic. Or, more accurately, Merlin's magic is the truth the knights circle around, and Merlin's loyalty is the one 'round which they rally. (A character study with some yelling, an action sequence, and a bit of walking.) Post-S4.

Strict Justice by schweet_heart mutual pining, BAMF Arthur, magic reveal, canon au, oneshot, teen and up

Summary: After a particularly grueling battle, Merlin and Arthur share a quiet moment in their tent.

before it breaks by schweet_heart Teen and Up, Hurt/Comfort, Angst, merlin whump, magic reveal, merlin & arthur, merthur

Summary: “It’s not what it looks like,” he says, hand still outstretched, barely a waver in his voice as he lies, outright, to Arthur’s face. “Sire, I can explain.”

“Can you,” Arthur says. He’s aware that he’s trembling, a seismic reaction to the outrage and denial still fighting it out inside his head, but he knows what he’s seen. What it must be. “Well, then, you’d better be quick about it, because it looks a lot like magic.”

Until the Day I Die by Cookie Teen and Up, Oneshot, Angst, Temporary Character Death, Angst with a Happy Ending

Summary: Arthur believed Dragoon had killed his father, and so he plunged his sword deep into the sorcerer. Now Merlin was dying in his arms and Arthur was facing the future alone.

These Castle Walls Bleed Lies by marguerite_26 Mature, hurt/comfort, Magic Reveal, Angst, Merthur, mentions of arthur/gwen, Gwen/Lancelot

Summary: With his father unfit to rule and Camelot decimated, Arthur must assume the role of King. But the truths he discovers shake the foundation of all he holds dear.

before his eyes (he now sees clear) by hwc Teen And Up Audiences, Uther Pendragon is terrible and complicated, Merlin/Arthur

Summary: It takes Uther half a second to see Balinor in Merlin, and he's almost sure of what he should do.

Keep Your Secrets by new_kate, orphan_account Mature, rape/non-con, torture, captivity, romance, alternate universe - canon, canon typical violence, hurt/comfort

Summary: Arthur Pendragon is captured by the bandits. While he waits to be ransomed, he slowly gets to know Merlin, the prisoner being held in the next cell.

Crossing the Line by Ultrageekatlarge BAMF Merlin, Gen, Crack, Oneshot, Magic Reveal, Hurt! Merlin, Humour

Summary: In which Merlin gets bludgeoned, strangled, attacked, smothered, shot with glass, and tossed out a window, burned, whipped, stabbed, thrown down stairs, nearly drowned on dry land, and harpooned, and still manages to save Camelot from seven evil sorcerers, before lunch.

Your Touch Is My Salvation by elirwen Magic Reveal, Canon Era, Oblivious idiots in love, Curses, Teen and Up, Oneshot, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: Merlin suffers from an effect of a curse. Arthur can help more than he initially thought.

A Heavy Heart to Carry by Thursday_Next Rescue, Hurt/Comfort, Magic Reveal, Oneshot, Mature, Merlin/Arthur Pendragon

Summary: When Merlin is captured and injured, Arthur must face up to his own feelings for his manservant as well as the many secrets he discovers are being kept from him.

Can you do that? by no_nutcracker Merlin/Mithian, no archive warnings apply, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s04e11 The Hunter's Heart, Arthur & Merlin friendship

Summary: Merlin should be overjoyed. He just found his soulmate. If only she was not betrothed to Arhur.

His Remedy for Care by ArgentSleeper Teen and Up, canon au, Episode: s02e13 The Last Dragonlord, Angst, Canon Typical Violence, Hurt/Comfort, Fix It

Summary: Injured in the dragon attack in lieu of Arthur and afraid of being stopped from going on the mission, Merlin kept away from Gaius and never learned that Balinor was his father. Instead it's Arthur that puts two and two together as he seeks the dragonlord out, first to save his servant (not friend- they can't be friends), then to save his kingdom.

A Considerable Head Start by ughbutidontwantto BAMF Merlin, Gen, when villains have more regard for you than friends, Camelot has a serious class problem, Merlin deserves better

Summary: Merlin is frighteningly competent and his friends are correctly concerned. Obviously they're going to follow him out to the woods. And obviously they're not going to like what they hea

The Conscience of the King by ughbutidontwantto Gen, Post-Magic Reveal, Legal Drama, Oneshot, Friendship feels

Summary: Merlin's magic was revealed and now everyone has to deal with it in an official capacity since tragically most of these characters work in government. Arthur, predictably, is struggling to cope.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind by BabyStepsAreStillSteps Merlin Deserved Better, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Episode: s05e09 With All My Heart, Fix It

Summary: When Arthur turned his back on the Dolma that he didn’t know was his manservant, Merlin reminded him that he was missing a very important member of their rescue party.

What if he hadn’t?

What They Owe Us by ironspidereilish Merlin/Arthur, Alternate Universe, Aredian’s a tax collector instead of a witch hunter but he’s still a bastard, Hurt/Comfort, Poverty, Angst with a Happy Ending, Protective Arthur Pendragon, BAMF Arthur, Canon Era, Romance, sexual coercion mentioned, BAMF Merlin

Summary: When Arthur finds out that the castle staff are having their wages held for weeks at a time and can no longer afford food or their homes, he will not rest until they are protected and Aredian is stopped.

The fact that Merlin’s stomach is rumbling while he delivers the prince his breakfast, and Arthur hates the thought of him suffering, only serves as extra motivation to fix this.

royal blood by Rona23 crack!fic, humour, comedy, Balinor Lives, Dragonlord things, Golden Age, Bamf Arthur, Bamf Balinor, Bamf Merlin, Fix It, Magic reveal, Oblivious Arthur, Merthur

Summary: ..... as if Balinor could be killed by Bandits O.o

Alternatively: An alternative take on Balinor surviving and saving Camelot. ... And then proceeding to hold the entire kingdom hostage, because he has a frigging Dragon at his disposal :)

- The way by Naelyn Episode: s04e11 The Hunter's Heart, POV Arthur Pendragon, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Oblivious Arthur, Until He’s Not, Hurt/Comfort, Merlin Deserved Better, Communication or lack thereof, Canon Divergence

Summary: "One more word out of you, and I swear to God I will send you into exile."

He knows it’s not the pyre, knows there’s much worse, but banishment would mean staying away from Arthur forever – and, as pathetic as that might sound, he thinks he would rather die than let that happen. It is clear that the feeling is not reciprocated, clear that in Arthur’s eyes, he will never come first. There’ll always be people coming before him, and he’s made peace with that long ago – but if even Agravaine can come before him, then anyone could, no? Anyone could replace him. Call Merlin a traitor and have Arthur get rid of him. Anyone could.

Merlin no longer feels safe in Camelot.

or: Arthur threatens Merlin of banishment. To Arthur's eyes, it's all forgotten. To Merlin's, however... Well, let's just say that his faith in their mutual destiny, once unwavering, finds itself faltering at a dangerously quick rate.

Better in the Mourning by CaffeinatedFlumadiddle Gen, Lancelot & Merlin, Knights of the Round Table & Merlin, Grief, Fluff and Angst, Gwen/Lance mentioned, let the characters grieve, 5 Knights of Grief

Summary: Merlin mourns Lancelot's death. The rest of the knights help out. (AKA Merlin gets to take advantage of not having to keep a dead loved one a secret and gets some goddamn support in this castle)

I suppose that I look different (without the robes and crown) by WingedWolf121 Canon Era, Episode: s05e03 The Death Song of Uther Pendragon, Uther Pendragon’s A + Parenting, Ygraine/Uther, Arthur/Merlin, Balinor/Hunith, Dragonlord Merlin, BAMF Merlin, Fix-It, Angst with a Happy Ending

Summary: When Arthur blows the horn of Cathbdhah for the second time, the horn doesn’t just send Uther to the other world. It sends Arthur away as well – to a world where Ygraine never died, the Great Purge never happened, and magic lives freely at court. As do those who practice it.

For Your Information by reni_days Merlin & Uther, Merlin/Arthur, Modern Era au, Oneshot, Teen and Up

Summary: Merlin sighs. "After your...announcement," he explains, "your father decided he needed a bit more information. Which is apparently where I come in. I'm sort of like his gay tutor, it's hard to explain."

Good Fortune by platonic_boner Canon Era, Fluff, Merlin/Arthur, Oneshot

Summary: Arthur makes Merlin a lord, and Merlin does an astonishingly good job of running a village.

Within Reach by foxy_mulder Explicit, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Sex, Merlin/Arthur, Angst with a Happy Ending, Oneshot, Slowburn

Summary: Nobody touches Arthur.

Merlin realizes it slowly, and when he does, he wants to kick himself for not seeing sooner. ___________ (Or, Arthur and Merlin's relationship with touch over time.)

Moment of Weakness by TheAsexualofSpades Gen, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic, Protective Knights, Protective Arthur Pendragon, Protective Merlin, Whump, Oneshot, Merlin/Arthur

Summary: After all Merlin's gone through, you'd think it would take some world-ending magic spell or an almost successful attempt on Arthur's life to shake him properly.

It isn't one of those, and Merlin has no idea why.

He just knows he can't be weak.

The Only Reward Bestowed Upon Me by greatdumbking Gen, Oneshot, Merlin/Arthur, angst, hurt/comfort, angst with a happy ending, Episode: s04e05 His Father's Son, Fix-It, Agravaine, Canon Era, Love Confessions

Summary: “You’re wrong Merlin. I don’t need anyone. I can’t afford that luxury. The kingdom's my responsibility now, and mine to bear alone. And you must learn to accept that.”

How could this hurt so much, a third time? Merlin could feel the façade of his casual indifference faltering. His face fell, tears were clawing at his throat, creeping into his eyes. It took all his effort to nod, steel his eyes, and swallow down the rising sob.

(How did Merlin get chosen the be the bait? Why did Arthur start pushing Merlin away? Why couldn't he see how much it was hurting him?)

Maybe Not the Most Awkward Dinner to Happen in Camelot's Citadel, but it's Definitely Up There by HopePrevails Gen, Gwen/Arthur Pendragon, Merlin, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Oneshot, Humour, past Gwen/Merlin

Summary: When an argument about whether Merlin is remotely attractive or not breaks out over dinner, Queen Guinevere accidentally drops into the conversation that she had a crush on him when he first arrived in Camelot. Arthur takes it... like Arthur.

--x--

“Don’t look so surprised, Merlin.” Gwen said kindly. Perhaps she was the psychic. “You’re sweet and gentle, charismatic-” Arthur snorted. “- and I’m not going to let you walk out of those doors thinking you don’t look the part, either. Remember, even when you first came to Camelot, I-” She stopped herself, snapping her lips tightly shut.

#art by mushroomtale-fanart #their stuff is great #Merlin fic recs #merlin fic rec #merlin (tv)#merlin #arthur pendragon #bbc merlin #bbc merlin fic recs #merlin emrys #fic rec list #fic recs #51 fics total

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megashadowdragon · 3 years

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**1.**Punching Gilgamesh the moment you are summoned/enter a fight/enter a room is not reasonable and should not be done at any time -Gudao

1a. Not even when he barges into the Camelot Room and threatens to everyone, especially when he does it to make your female counterpart marry her -Gudao

1b. Apparently PTSD is not a viable excuse to punch someone when you see him harassing someone. Noted.

2. Just because I am a King, does not mean I can give people nicknames. Makes me wonder how Gareth felt about being called Best Boy by Merlin.

3. Eating contests are apparently not allowed, seems food shortages are common with my counterparts.

4. As it turns out, screaming "To Valhalla" is not the best idea when you step onto Iskandar's Chariot. Especially so when you are right in front of the enemy.

5. Frankenstein is not a doll, do not dress her up. No Arthur, not even if she tilts her head and makes cute growls -Gudao 5a. Okay! Only if its a sundress! -Gudao

6. Getting together four of my other counterparts and forming the Saber Rangers is not allowed, especially if we have Excalizords. Seems the other servants aren't fond of needlessly big robots that take too long to combine.

7. Motorbikes are not to be used at any point or time in Chaldea, no, not even when Iskandar decides to hold the "Chaldea Grand Prix" -Da Vinci

7a. THE SAME GOES FOR OTHER VEHICLES YOU MONGRELS, UNLIKE YOU FUCKS, SOME OF US NEED BEAUTY SLEEP AT 3 AM! -Gilgamesh

8. Just because I can use a sword, doesn't mean I am allowed to attack my Cu Chulainn with it. I swear, he walked into it.

9. Apparently I am not allowed to compliment people? Turns out after I left the beach where I hung out with a sweetie named Kiyohime, along with master, Kiyohime attempted to burn someone alive because I said that master looked like a dashing man. I highly doubt she did.

9a. The smell is still stuck to my trunks Arthur -Gudao

10. My liege... My OTHER liege, please don't ever get Red Saber to sing "Total Eclipse of the Heart" again when I am about to utilize Galatine -Gawain

11. We know you are fascinated in other cultures, but please. Stop talking to the Servants of France about Sasaki Kojirou, we don't know if you made up his nickname, but he is not the "Savior of France" - Jeanne D'Arc

12. I would suggest that you stop entering the Camelot Room by screaming "Where is my love! Guinevere!", while it as funny once or twice, I can't stand to see either Lancelots' become depressed anymore -Arturia Altria

13. No offense... But please stop patting my head so much, I know you are basically my Uncle, but people are getting the wrong idea -Mashu

14. While Proto League is an acceptable nickname for the servants of your war, please don't ever enter a fight and scream it out again. We know you enjoy it, but it can get obnoxious after a while - Random Mob 1

15. Proving that I am male by either fighting or pantsing myself is no longer allowed after Heracles decided to do the same thing when a recently summoned Shakespeare made him question his own gender -Da Vinci

15a. Having the entire male team to pants themselves in front of the enemy is not a viable tactic against Archers, no matter what you watched beforehand and despite how fun it is -Robinhood

16. Just because Merlin suggested it, I shouldn't instantly do it. Its odd, almost like no one trusts Merlin, he seems just like my one.

17. "I saw a pest" is not a viable reason to drop a Corrupted Grail into the Babylon Room, we understand your dislike towards the King of Heroes, but Ishtar and Ereshkigal were caught up in the rage.

17a. "I was bored" is not a viable excuse to kiss a female servant while under the effects of Merlin's illusionary spell, Gudao has yet to leave his... specially enduced Coma.

17b. "I saw this scene-" is not a viable reason to go to a prior singularity and ask Muramasa to create a specific weapon, it is time wasting, no matter how strong the weapon is.

18. Suggesting to Rayshift to the point before someone dies is not a good idea, no matter how much fun it is for you to watch the "Crazy Murder Loli" die.

18a. Getting Fou'd is not a good reason to Rayshift back to your fight against Beast VI just so you can "Finish the Fucker Off".

19. Using a voice manipulator made by Merlin is not a good way to get people to be afraid when you shout a noble phantasm.

19a. Shouting "Stella" is not allowed, Arash prematurely shot off his Noble Phantasm while training and now we have to resummon him.

20. Just because we have a Simulation Room, does not mean I can alter the device to allow me to see someone from the past.

20a. We know you miss her, we do too. If you want to speak, you can come talk to us -Proto League

21. Trying to host an "Engry MIYA" talk between Nameless and Alter is not a good idea, just... Don't.

22. While having a Picnic is fun, please don't host them in the middle of a fight.

23. Just because a rabbit killed Gawain in a movie, does not mean you can threaten to cook Fou alive.

24. We know you love kids but come on, you can't just take Nursery Rhyme and Jack out to "Play Fetch" with the Dragons in France every after-noon.

25. Blaming someone that isn't even a servant isn't a viable way to shift blame.

26. I've been banned from the Kitchen, apparently forcing my way in and cooking the meals before Nameless is not a good idea. He looked ready to cry.

26a. Turns out mentioning the fact that Muramasa was far more willing to let me into his kitchen when I visited him was not a good idea. I don't think Nameless likes me much.

26b. "Just because I have the alcohol" is not a good excuse to get a few of the servants including Mashu drunk at dinner.

27. Just because you technically existed before Back to the Future 1 and 2, does not mean you can threaten to sue the creator, even if you can go back in time freely.

28. NO, NEVER DO THAT AGAIN, NOT EVEN IF KIYOHIME ASKS NICELY, WE SHALL NEVER REPEAT THE EVENTS OF YESTERDAY AGAIN.

29. "Look what I found" is a sentence that I am never allowed to speak when I am holding something bigger than my head or smaller than my hands.

30. Turns out that breaking my own arm is not the best way to get Nightingale to calm down. Never thought Merlin would be wrong.

31. "Sure you can touch my Excalibur" is not the best way to differentiate between Arturia's Excalibur and my own when someone asks to hold it.

31a. "But mine is bigger" is not a good response when Arturia talks about how easy her seals are to remove from her Noble Phantasm, nor is it alright to use when talking about when how she made Mordred.

32. Stealing Gilgamesh's potion of youth and putting it in the Soup that EVERYONE ended up eating is the easiest way to have myself barred from missions for a week.

33. Just because people are afraid of it, doesn't mean you should hug it. Not even if Merlin says to.

34. Just because someone stole your food, does not mean you should "Call in a favor" and have Elizabeth sing until someone gives up who stole it

34a. Update: The above applies to Nero as well.

35. Just because I have an innate fear of the Lancer version of my female counterpart, does not mean I can steal her horse and run away because of that fear.

36. Making King Hassan say "Omae wa mou shindeiru" is not allowed, especially if you reply with "I'm already dead" just to mess with him.

37. You are fond of Mordred, we understand. But please stop teasing her. Calling her cute will be her death - KotR

38. We understand that being locked in a single room with Nobunaga can be hard, but saying it was like prison is not fair.

38a. Quoting an abridged anime is not allowed, especially if it has "Sluts" and "Prison" in the same sentence, we still don't know where you got that swim team outfit.

38b. Making a mini Excalibur and saying "Blade of Promised Prison Riots! SHANKCALIBUR" is not allowed at all, Edmond almost had a heart attack.

38c. It is noted that the Arthur and Nobunaga were almost forced to kiss, but utilizing time manipulation to see Romani's death and threaten him with "Spoilers" is not allowed.

39. Just because Merlin asked, does not mean you should dress up as a "Cutesy Idol" and perform a song with a voice changer on in front of a camera for his "Magi*Mari" stream, Romani has yet to heal from that wound.

40. Looking Mordred in the eye and saying "Mordred, I am your father" is not allowed, especially when you have her surrounded by all the versions of her "Father", even the ones that just look like "Him".

41. "I solomly swear I am up to no good" is not what you say while standing behind the Director in the Lost Room, she died once already, we don't need her worrying about what you will do.

41a. "Remember that time you became a Loli" is not to be said around Olga Marie after what happened after she was... Killed.

42. Quoting Kamina from Gurren Lagann is banned, especially after everyone believed you were actually erased from the throne. Only to find you a month later taking off an invisibilty cloak and sneaking into the mens bathrooms to shave.

43. Anime is fun to watch, but please. Stop trying to explain why a certain character would be within the Throne of Heroes.

43a. Stop. Asking. When. I. Will. Summon. ISSEI HYOUDOU! -Gudao

43b. BOOSTED GEAR SCALE MAIL! -Arthur

43c. BOOSTO? -Siegfried

44. Valentines is a wonderful thing, we get it. But making everyone in Chaldea chocolate by going around and hunting in various areas is not needed, we have too much already.

45. Stop Rickrolling, that was so early 2000s, get with the golden times old man -Kintoki

45a. EX-

46. Commenting on the impractical armors of the female knights that walk around is not needed, we have gotten complaints about how they feel harassed -Staff Member

46a. I just wanted to help out... -Arthur

47. I am not to sing anything ever again, the reason isn't because I am bad, no. Everyone agrees I am quite good. But its the genre I sing coupled with my Charisma rank. Seems love songs should not be sung. How sad.

48. Just because I have cat ears, does not mean you should give me Catnip - Atalanta

48a. The same was repeated for Alter.

48b. Along with Tamamo Berserker.

49. "Merlin told me to do it" is no longer an excuse that is accepted, even if he did make you do it.

50. LITERALLY ALL THE THINGS ON THIS LIST ARE BECAUSE OF MERLIN, STOP LISTENING TO HIM.

51. I'm only responsible for a quarter of these, stop blaming me for your troubles, Normies -Merlin

Kiyohime asks Arthur what to do to catch Gudao's attention. Arthur tells her to turn into his most cherished person. She turns into Gudako and tries to force Gudao into sex.

#fgo #fate grand order #fgo fanwork #fate/grand order #arthur pendragon #fate arthur pendragon #proto arthur #prototype arthur pendragon #fate prototype #f/go

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libradusk · 4 years

Text

Touch Starved | Kix

Word Count: 3,683

Pairing: Clone Medic Kix x Reader

Summary: The pain of losing those you love burns harsher than any shot of liquor ever could.

You’re determined to not let Kix face his demons alone.

Warnings: LOTS OF HURT/COMFORT because I live for this trope, use of alcohol as a coping mechanism somewhat, mention of injury and death that results from war, mention of a medical setting.

a/n: This chapter is dedicated especially to @morganas-pendragons who is so talented and so kind and helped inspire this chapter - I really hope you enjoy this chapter Kayla!

Also the two other characters briefly featured in this are my two medic oc’s, you can find a visual reference for Eir here with a little more info, if you’re curious.

Thanks for all the love on this series so far! I appreciate each and every one of you.

Tagging: @thatonesakudere, @kaminobiwan and @simping-for-fives (Send me a message if you wanna be tagged in any of my future fics!)

When he wasn’t in the mess for supper with the rest of the 501st’s boys, you knew exactly where he was hiding.

That preconceived knowledge turned over itself in your stomach. The feeling was biting, twisting your newly closed stitches tighter until they threatened to knot your rib-cage into black and blue rods of anxiety.

You were woozy, still somewhat unsteady on your feet despite it having been a full 24 hours since you had awoken from the surgeon’s table, bathed in a halo of fluorescent light and with little more than a medical droid for company. But still, despite the stinging in your side and the heaviness of your muscles, you persevered onward, back towards the medbay, back to him - whether he wanted the company or not, you needed to do what you could to ensure he was ok.

For your own sanity, as well as his at this point.

Your stomach protests against your heart’s demand the moment you are hit with the first wave of disinfectant-heavy air, forcing your arm to shoot out and brace your heaving body against the medbay’s entrance. Almost instantly, your knees buckle in response to the flare of pain that shoots over your entire right side. Bile begins to stretch and rise from the hollowness of your stomach, equal parts a reaction to not only the smell and memory of your injury, but also to the agony currently rippling across your hunched form. The force of it makes your heart feel as though it is swelling and threatening to drag itself out of your throat with each breath you take, it takes a good few seconds to recollect yourself and refocus your vision as it stutters.

There's a quiet sense of mourning draped across the wing. Considering what whispered condolences and murmurings had floated past the lips of the surviving soldiers released the same time as you, you’re not surprised. Through the pain poisoning your thoughts, you theorise that the bulk of the medical staff on duty are no doubt stretched between filing out piles of casualty reports and treating what unfortunate souls were not as lucky as you were. Yet despite all this, it's mere moments before you raise your head to find yourself flanked by a small crowd of medical droids. They hobble around you on weighted, gray tinted limbs with a speed that seemed uncanny to the robotic creatures, a concerned droning manifesting through the air as their vocal modulators begin to speak in unison.

Get away from me, I don’t have time for this!

The words lock themselves behind your gritted teeth as you inwardly curse your body for collapsing in on itself before your mission was complete. Thinking only in frustration, you fight past the tremor threatening your wrist to shove at the closest droid’s metallic face-plate, silently urging your senses to adapt to the sterile atmosphere so you could continue to force your tired legs towards their goal.

Yet instead of the chill of durasteel or the sharp prickle of a sedative agent penetrating your flesh, all you feel beneath your fingers is….nothing. You flex them around the air as you force your breathing to return to normal once more, the frantic panic slowly uncaging the rest of your senses until you can reach focus. There's a heavy, latex warmth clamped around your outstretched wrist and a symmetrical weight steadying the hunch of your shoulder. You follow the path they offer until your eyes meet with the concerned gaze serving as the final stitch that keeps you frozen in place - pinning you with a tired glare that makes you feel remorseful and relieved all at once.

“...Eir.”

The clone medic continues to stare down at you long after you regard him and shift your weight backwards. The purple tattoos rimming his eyes bleed almost seamlessly into the dark circles bruising the hollow of their sockets. His hair doesn't look like it's been washed properly in days and he's still donning a set of surgical scrubs atop his uniform. He looks every bit as broken as you feel, yet he's still on duty with no sign of rest in sight. Your heart falls at the thought of how many others have been injured as badly as you in the last attack to warrant him being assigned additional duties within the 501st.

A sigh stretches over Eir’s chest as his dark eyes inspect the state of you.

“You should be resting. I had hoped you would have had the sense to stay away from the medbay for a while longer at least. I’ve got my hands full here as it is without you working yourself to the point of reinstatement straight after being discharged.”

Despite the exasperation sinking across his tone, he releases his hold on your wrist, the hand supporting your shoulder slinking back to join it in shooing away the medical droids as soon as he deems you steady enough to stand to full height again. He clicks his tongue as you absentmindedly ghost a hand over your injured side despite the pain having mostly subsided in its throbbing now. There's another beat where you can't quite bring yourself to look him in the eyes, feeling oddly sheepish at the scene you had just made, and continuing to wither under his knowing gaze. He takes mercy on you then, recognising the determination blazing behind your downtrodden expression and greeting it with a knowing smile so tiny, you don’t even have a chance to notice it before it floats away once he returns his gaze to the rows of medical beds stretching like coffin markers down the hall.

“Come on then if you’re going to find him, I can’t have you pulling at your stitches in the doorway. You know you’ll have to face Faera’s wrath if you ruin her handiwork.”

His voice holds a familiar warmth now as he folds his hands behind him and waits for you to follow his march. A sigh of relief leaves you before you can stop it, the force of it irritates your bruised lungs, but you confine the feeling to the back of your mind and concentrate on pushing your legs to a brisk walk behind the tall clone.

“...You know, he almost fought Faera when she was called in to stitch you up.” The words wring out a fresh admission of guilt from you, if Eir notices the heaviness of your silence, he doesn’t comment on it. You can’t blame him, his mind must be engulfed in a war-zone of its own right now.

“I’ve never seen him-” the surgical room doors seem to spin past each other as you and Eir pass them, each identical to the last. You wonder if the way they seem to blur together into a grey-white smudge makes Eir feel dizzy too, as you wait for him to pick up his sentence where he left it hanging under the pale lights. “-I’ve never seen him so terrified to leave a surgery before…”

Eir comes to a graceful halt at the end of a particularly dark stretch of the medbay corridor. A sigh born from concern hisses across the scar marring his lip and creases his brow. He wrings his gloved hands behind his back as his gaze rests on the final door looming in front of you both.

“...Make sure he’s ok will you? For me too.” Another sigh. Long, dark lashes flutter in contemplation as his fingers continue to twist around the apprehension, the guilt, as it spills away from him in the safety of the dark. “We’ve lost a lot of brothers these past few days… I’ve taken him off duty, but he won’t let me-”

The mess of feelings choke him now and he ducks his body away from you, snapping at the bunched corner of his gloves to steel his mind and breathing. Your voice finally finds itself once more as your fingers move to the door’s switch.

“I promise, Eir. Look after yourself too, okay?”

You stand in the doorway just long enough to see the back of his head tip forwards in a nod before you leave him to confront the very man you had set out to locate.

The moment the blast door closes behind you, all the air slips from your throat once more. The echo of hospital equipment set up across the wards finally numbs, and you’re left with little more than the harsh lighting crawling across the room to distract yourself from the sight in front of you. Your heart keeps on rising until you can taste it: nervous and bloody and wretched.

Kix sits with his back to you atop the surgical table in his blacks - no scrubs, no armour and armed only with a bottle of brandy hanging from his deft surgeon’s fingers. The room itself is heavily sanitised and free from gore and death, not unlike the one you had woken up in that same morning, yet it still manages to conjure a feeling that's downright insidious as the atmosphere crawls over your skin.

The entire base stinks of death today, the sickly pallor of Kix’s skin under the lights appears to indicate that he's danced beside its path far too many times now.

The clack of your boots against the floor is soon smothered by the neon as you edge yourself closer to where he sits, motionless in place. Had the arch of his shoulders not been gently rising with each breath he took, you would have been convinced that death had claimed him too.

“Smuggling in alcohol to the medbay, Kix? I would have expected better from a medic.”

You try to keep your tone light as it always is when you greet each other, but the words tumble out sour and tired, scratching your throat and flooding the gashes they leave with guilt the moment that they’re free. They trip forward and tie themselves around your feet, begging you to turn back around and leave. You ignore them, stepping closer into the room. You find yourself tracing the wedding of tattoos and patterns shaved into the back of his skull to calm yourself in the silence. The bottle remains suspended at his side, an all too familiar barrier for you both.

The seconds feel heavier than ever before he finally shrugs them away, throwing you a backwards half-glance over his shoulder, wordlessly beckoning you closer despite the hesitation that clenches across the muscles in his arms. Your attempt at lightheartedness is all a facade and you both know it. The fact that your hands have begun their crawl up the sides of his biceps to massage the knotted stress out of his shoulder blades is revealing enough of your true intentions.

You don’t waste energy with empty inquiries into if he's ok - none of the GAR medical staff are, after all, statistics and corpses cannot lie.

He leans back into your touch appreciatively, taking the utmost care to keep the brunt of his weight off of you. Kix’s gaze is locked on the swirling golden contents of the bottle in his fist now, the expression branded across them reminds you of the one Eir’s face had mirrored minutes prior. Another lump curdles in your throat as you spread your palms a little wider across his back and lean into the warmth of his body from behind him. The table bites into your thighs.

“I wish I could tell you it matters if I drink on the job or not. I’ve lost every one of the boys I’ve touched in the last ten surgeries.”

The world pauses at his words.

He takes another heavy swig of the bottle, hissing at the sting of the liquid against his tongue. The smell of it between you turns in your stomach, but you press your face into the slope of his neck all the same, urging him to continue with a gentle press of your lips.

“... and then when they brought you in from the field, all bloody and unconscious - a little part of me started screaming to run away.” Kix pulls forward, gently separating you both so he can twist to finally look at you from the edge of his table-top perch. His eyes are painted with remorse, but beneath it they’re as warm as they always are when it comes to you. “I was so scared of killing you too.”

His eyes glass over the moment his fingers can’t fight their shiver long enough to hold the bottle anymore. The emotion in them shatters the same time it hits the table with a resounding thunk.

You rush to gather him up in your arms before the first tears begin to fall, pulling his head to your chest in the hope that your heartbeat could soothe him where your words could not. His fingers are bitten and washed raw, but no amount of scrubbing could ever cleanse his memories of what he had seen, what he was yet to see. They’re blistered around the cuticles, and you press each knuckle against your mouth to try and kiss away the guilt and the pain they carry, anything to ease his burden even a little. You’re not naive, you know nothing short of a miracle would make things better as they currently stood, but you would sooner drop dead than let him be dragged down alone by the weight of it all.

“You did everything you could, you all did.” You whisper the words against the heat of his skin, moving away the bottle so you could coax him closer and away from the table. “You didn’t kill any of them, none of this is your fault. I know it, Eir knows it and so does every single one of the boys in this whole damn army”

He’s carved from solid muscle, yet he’s so beaten down that the defeat aches across his posture and sinks its teeth into his bones as he struggles to find his feet. He breathes in deeply, head lolling heavily in the crook of your neck to ground himself from breaking down and sobbing into you. Each breath is steady, counted, but his heart flutters erratically next to yours as his fingers twitch over where they know your injury lies, too terrified to touch near it in case they somehow unhook each of the stitches and spill your blood across the white room. You dance your own down his spine in drawn-out, fluid movements. Your mind is aflame with the knowledge that though his body may gradually begin to unfurl, as long as he remains planted in this place his mind will be primed to snap again and again, until there is little left for you to reach.

He’s torturing himself by remaining here long after his shift has ended, you note. The realisation punctures something deep and threatens to drag forward fresh tears of your own. You pull back then despite the reluctance of both your limbs and the man tangled between them, gently patting his shoulder once before lacing your fingers against his clammy palm.

“Come on.” It's not a request as much as it's an instruction, one that leaves no room for argument despite the dull pain that throbs across your tone.

Eir is nowhere to be seen when you finally succeed in leading Kix by the hand out of the surgical room, you don't know whether to be relieved or concerned at the fact. The air across the ward still tastes of sickness and fear, it clips you as you push past it and out towards where your quarters are located.

Your room is small and most certainly not designed to house two people, but it's a better place to grieve than on a cold slab of operating table. Perhaps you think, that you’re also a little selfish enough to want him next to you tonight. Just so that you can ensure he isn't falling to pieces in that cold, aseptic cage of a surgical room if nothing else.

Your hands are endlessly gentle as you bundle him into the narrow bed before placing them on the mattress to carefully ease yourself in next to him. He senses your discomfort immediately, shuffling over to help you climb beneath the sheets in a position that takes the pressure off your wound. The care with which he handles you defrosts a little of the sadness freezing your blood, grateful that even when he was hurting so deeply himself, his adoration for you still continued to dapple like sunlight through every action he undertook. You draw him back into your chest again then, engulfing him in the warmth and safety that you extend to him with your entire being. Kix’s eyes shut themselves tightly, lashes fluttering against your pulse as he listens in for the thrum of your heart against your rib-cage. A tiny part of you hopes that it will be enough to lull him into some much needed slumber, but the cynicism dominates and quashes the thought as soon as it bubbles to the surface - its all wistful thinking once again, neither of you will sleep much at all tonight, that much had been foretold the moment you were discharged from the medbay that same morning.

The smell of brandy is weaker on his breath now as he trails his fingers over your torso, having finally found the strength to touch you now that he had been liberated from his self imprisonment. A shudder kisses down your spine at the sensation. It's as though he’s mapping out every little bit of your body, like you will be taken away from him if he doesn’t.

The same bitter cynicism screams in your ear once more, reminding you that in this war there’s no real guarantee you won’t be pulled apart either way.

You force it down alongside a fresh curtain of tears.

His digits halt once they loop towards the medical dressing plastered to your side, it's as if the newfound obstacle has clashed with his memories of your body enough to shock him to an abrupt stop. Slowly, cautiously, his touch withdraws away from the fabric as if it's dangerous.

“It’s proof that I’m alive.” He doesn’t respond outright, but you can feel his shoulders begin to shake underneath your caress, even though his face remains hidden under your chin. “You saved me, Kix, I’m here because of you.”

“My heart hasn’t stopped pounding from the moment they wheeled you in. It only got worse when they called me away to begin another procedure, all I could think about was what I would do if you didn’t wake up - like all the others before you.”

You curl around him tighter, hooking your legs around his own and cupping under his shoulder blades to draw him in even closer, grounding you both as he spills his heart until it bleeds into the sheets beneath you. Tears stream his face, less reluctant now. They veer down in fat streams and look drunk with how they cling to his cheeks and chin.

“...These boys need you, Kix. You would need to carry on, as we all do-”

“I wouldn't want to.”

You let him say it, let it drip like poison from his lips in the hope that it's at least cathartic to the guilt radiating from within him. You snuff out any words that threaten to follow with a kiss to his forehead, prolonged and firm enough to soothe the lump in your throat as much as it is for him. He cranes his head upwards to capture the second kiss with his own mouth. There's nothing gentle about how his lips mesh with your own this time, his kiss is searing with its passion and it steals away what little breath you have left. A hand threads itself behind your nape to pull you impossibly closer in the tiny bed, the other digging into your hip bone as though you would dissolve into starlight if he failed to hold you in place.

His cheeks feel damp as they scrape against your face, dying the kiss salty with tears. They overpower the bite of the brandy on his tongue in the same way they must do to the alcohol burning in his veins. The sheets twist and threaten to slip from the bed frame as you press to turn him onto his back despite the twinge in your side. His eyes snap back open, wide and alert in protest at your overexertion. You shut down the medic side of him with a single finger to his parted lips, a smile blossoming across your face for the first time that day. The thin sheets pool around your hips, binding both sets of the legs beneath it together. He relents with his unvoiced complaint, frown still reluctant, but eyes swimming with golden waves of emotion as he stares up at you.

“I love you.”

He’s said it before, a few times now - but back then the words were always seeped in alcohol and playful bravado. This is different, it's raw and choked with affection that runs deeper than any liquor could ever reach. It decorates across his face in such detail that it puts his tattoos to shame, and it drags forth another wave of tears that have been collecting behind your lashes. They drip into your smile as it splits wider.

“I love you too, Kix. More than you’ll ever know.”

You surge forward to kiss across his face and neck, relying on the peppered heat of your lips and passion to communicate what mere words never could - to reassure every part of him that you were real, alive, and hopelessly in love with him, that come morning, he wasn’t going to wake up to your body laying there cold and accusatory with his failure to save you.

For the first time, Kix allows himself to be treated for his own wounds, as you stitch up his anxieties with each brush of your lips against his.

#kix #kix x reader #touch starved #kix reader insert #clone wars imagine #star wars reader insert #star wars imagine #mine #woooo i loved writing this

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myfandomrambles · 3 years

Text

Morgana Pendragon Character Analysis (pt1)

Introduction:

Morgana Pendragon is one of the most key characters in Merlin. Her role is integral to the character arc of all of the other leads. Her story is about how someone can let their pain consume them whole. As an abuse victim and a member of a marginalised community, she is set up for being isolated and fearful. This alienation is turned both inward and outward making her deeply dangerous to herself and others. She takes this alienation to push almost everyone out of her life and force others to suffer the same way she did. Her righteous anger at her treatment by her father and society goes to waste when none is put to constructive ends.

She allows emptiness, fear and anger to consume her. She replaced her core beliefs with those of “others are out to hurt me” and “the only way to live is through the acquisition of power”. Her ability for both affective and cognitive empathy becomes suppressed as any joy she can drive comes from exerting control over others. She is compelled into implementing her obsessions around revenge and survival. Depression, obsessive thoughts, paranoia, fear and anger fill all corners of her mind leaving her without access to flexible thought and internal peace.

Analysis:

At the start, she is living as a member of court and Uther’s ward. She continually butts heads with Uther. This is due to her being headstrong and fearless. This bravery and stubborn disposition causes more rifts as she is seen to be hysterical and as an object, leaving her subject to gaslighting and other forms of abuse. However, this rarely stops her from being involved when important. Morgana often works with Arthur and Merlin early on. The most key of these events being when they save Mordred. (1x08)

However, her stubbornness isn’t all-consuming, while resisting being forced to do things she dislikes she is smart enough to know when to lie and when to bend the knee. Partly because as a child and young-adult she holds a mix of respect, love and fear towards Uther. She shows skills in court life, this is deeply important to understand as it becomes a useful skill when she works against the kingdom. But in the beginning, it shows someone who lives in the duality of wanting to assert herself and someone who absorbed the social rules she was raised with.

Morgana shows great care for those around her wanting them to be safe and happy. Often stepping up to speak on behalf of them, and generally treating even Gwen and Merlin, people considered her inferiors socially, with respect. Standing up for Gwen's dad, helping protect Elador, helping feed peasants and trying to protect Gwen when they are attacked shows her kindness and loyalty. (1x03, 1x08, 1x10-12)

She doesn’t have a consuming desire for power, no particular plan to marry into or otherwise acquire power. Her later turn to power is reactive and less of an innate drive. It also a drive to be the one who determines her future.

When Morgana's powers start to grow we see the first shift in her character. The development of anxiety and depression colour the way she acts. It adds layers to her abuse and trauma. A great deal of gaslighting is used to convince her she is mistaken and to prevent the acknowledgement of her magic. Which we know Gaius has been hiding since she was a child visa via her prophetic nightmares.

This alienation is from the entire culture she grew up in. When she visits the druids in The Nightmare Begins (2x03) Morgana feels free and desires to stay, she just wants to be herself.

This is similar to the experience marginalised people experience in real life. She knows that if discovered her magic father figure/father would likely kill her. Morgana also believes her other loved ones would at the least disown her.

In reality, there is some nuance. Merlin acts as both an agent of the system while originally trying to help her and Gaius and Gwen would not wish harm on her. But Morgana is understandably afraid and full of anxiety to reach out for help. This anxiety, confusion, fear and alienation become the way she perceives the world. Life is Morgana, then everyone else. This pain drives a wedge between her and everyone she used to care for.

Outside of the gaslighting and threat of violence, she experiences from those close to her during The Witchfinder (2x07) we see her deal with mental assault from an outside force with no support from her family as they don’t understand. This makes her dysregulation, anxiety, depression and isolation worsen.

The next two key events in her first character transformation can be seen at the end of season two. First, Morgana meets Morgause (2x08) and automatically feels a connection to her. Second, Morgana is pushed to verbally disown Uther due to his treatment of Avalar and by extension the rest of the Druids and others born with magic. This is the final relational rupture between them:

Morgana: They are rising up against you! From this day forward, I do not know you. From this day forward, I disown you

King Uther: You will go to your chambers!

Morgana: And you, Uther, you will go to hell.

(2x11)

We then see her move into helping Morgause try and destroy Camelot. At this point, it is driven by the anger she has for Uther and his treatment of others. It has yet to have the drive of becoming queen. Her connection to Morgause also plays a large role as she finally has a person to be close to without the artifice of court life over it. Morgause gives her a choice and with that an illusion of power. At this point, there is a more powerful member of their team. Morgana ends this attempt at Camelot almost being murdered by someone she considered a friend. (2x12)

We then have an interesting moment in her character arch in her year away from Camelot. This time away changes her from someone who while willing to hurt Uther didn’t seem driven for the destruction of Camelot, to one who will hurt everyone. There is also a reprieve from the fear-driven to more controlled anger by the assistance of Morgause.

We are never told what happened in the year. All we know is he stayed with her sister and likely had her hatred of Uther entrenched even further. Her worst tendencies towards vengeance over justice and ego over compassion are reinforced. This shifts her schema farther into negative ones and worsens her ability to think in shades of grey.

When she does return her previous ability to play the game of court life is stronger and utilised to great effect convincing everyone for a while that she is essentially the same person, except for Merlin and by extension Gaius. Gwen is the next to figure it out due to Morgana’s affect control dropping and her real emotion bleeding through over time. (3x08)

As she returns to Camelot she quickly moves to attempt another attack. This attempt is stopped again by Merlin, but in this attempt, we see new cruelty in her willingness to torture Uther and that her magic has grown. This is also the last time I believe her alienation and marginalization is her driving force. After this, I think she fully turns her internalized fear of her magic onto everyone else. Her exchange with Merlin during the battle feels genuine and not at all like manipulation or even just a justification as it becomes later, but a real motivation. She has not yet grown to shut off her empathy for everyone, only Uther and Arthur. (3x1-2)

Soon after her second attempt on the castle, we see another large shift in motivations. She almost dies and is severely injured which puts her in a vulnerable place and during this same time she learns she is Uther’s daughter in blood as well as circumstance. She learns that he never was willing to claim her or even tell her. This pushes her to act rashly, almost committing patricide. (3x05)

Her ability to be cruel in her aims continues to grow, to hurt Arthur she puts Gwen through terrible pain as well as Elyan. (3x07) We see her magic grow, her emotions grow but her ability to hide her intentions failing, at least around Gwen. Her attempts at her family's lives also continue to be cruel as she tries to kill Arthur and Uther in slow and painful ways. (3x08, 3x11)

When Morgana isn’t trying to kill the people she used to love she is trying to mess with their lives in more petty ways. This includes exposing the love Arthur and Gwen have for each other, putting their relationship in jeopardy and Gwen’s over well being. This is over her fear of Gwen being Queen when Arthur would become Queen, something that Morgana gains obsessive thoughts over throughout the rest of the story. (3x10)

Morgana is willing to kill a large number of the people at this point not only those she has a personal issue with. Though she does offer safety to Gwen thought it’s contingent on her considering Morgana to be the rightful queen. She is willing to rule by fear and threat, not understanding how to win over the people. (3x12-13). This attempt fails and Morgana loses her sister and the allies her sister made.

After being defeated and having to flee the castle with her dying sister she spends a year moving around with her ill sister while also gaining more strength and becoming a fully-fledged High Priestess of the Old Religion.

In an attempt to take the castle again she has to kill her sister. Something that caused her great distress as Morgana believed Morgause was the only person who understood and loved her. This event causes great suffering to all, it’s also when Morgana adds her obsession with Emrys along with her obsessive thoughts over Gwen and Uther.

During this first period of exile, she recruits Agravaine to be her spy and aid within the court. They seem to be united by a common cause but Morgana doesn’t treat him as equal, adopting the belief she hated so much from Uther, treating others as tools.

She also accepted a standard of living that is much below that of the ward of the king. Her way of dress and acting also shifts, she’s still cunning and driven but while now being the master of herself she is more erratic and seems to feel just as out of control and obsessed as she was when living a lie. Her affect control, impulse control, regulation and social regulation deteriorated. Fear also returns to being a driving force. (4x01-2)

Morgana succeeds in killing Uther in The Wicked Day (4x03) by cursing a necklace and Agravaine puts it on Uther so that when Arthur uses magic to try and bring back his father from a fatal injury he dies faster. Planning to finally kill her father she also wishes guilt and pain on her brother.

We then see Morgana use both strength and her ability to manipulate to work Queen Annis to try and kill Arthur. Morgana is not against using her history to use another person. However, Annis sees through her when Arthur shows honour and points out that Morgana is much more like Uther than she realises, and in saying this it also refutes the point Morgana tried to make early in the episode that Gorlois was who was her true father. This is true in both the biological sense but also through the fact that Uther spent more time acting as her father and had generally known her own life. This statement also acts as a trigger causing her to show extreme emotions. (4x05)

One of the key lines of dialogue we have to see where Morgana’s mindset is at during this period is

Morgana: Don’t think I don’t understand loyalty because I’ve got no one left to be loyal to

This is important because it shows that the isolation that started by The Nightmare Begins has enveloped her. Now she is no longer even fighting with or for anyone she has devoted herself to revenge and survival.

We also see the fear that drives Morgana as at the site of Emrys her first reaction is flight. During their battle, we see that they are almost evenly matched in magical power, though Morgana only really gets through due to Merlin not being willing to act decisively still. (4x06)

Morgana's obsession with Emrys becomes almost all-consuming. Morgana gives away the most emotionally significant thing left of her sister to obtain information on Emrys. She tries desperately to find the information torturing a man who spent her childhood helping to take care of her. But a layer of contradictions exists as he also tried to make her doubt her reality and is helping the person destined to prevent her ascension to queen and to kill her. This complex relationship is important here for the emotional repercussions of what seems like a straightforward attempt to extract information. (4x07)

Morgana shows no regard for even the laws of life and death gain in her quest in Lancelot Du Lac (4x09) bringing Lancelot back to life. Morgana does not even to directly finish her quest to take the throne but to ruin her once friend, and closest confidant's chance at happiness. This is driven by an obsession with her past nightmare about Gwen becoming Queen. Though of course, it has the added benefit of breaking her brother's heart. The only show of emotional connection we see in her is the fear underlying her actions and her musings on the emptiness the shade Lancelot has.

During The Sword and The Stone (4x12-13), we see Morgana take over the castle by using Agravaine for treason. Morgana is not only ruthless in what would be considered warfare but takes initiative to be cruel to the peasants willing to let them starve to gain control. She then tortures Gawain, Elyan and Gaius not only for information but just because she gains pleasure from it. The ability to empathise with those she deemed her enemies is no longer existent, even those who have not directly harmed her. Her depressive states and emotional nubbing is only broken when she can exert control over other people. She is choosing to hurt others for her pleasure.

This is their first battle when both Morgana and Arthur understand who the other is. Morgana calls him as her “dear brother” as a taunt. We then have this exchange:

King Arthur: What happened to you, Morgana?

King Arthur: I thought we were friends

Morgana: As did I. But alas, we were both wrong.

King Arthur: You can't blame me for my father's sins.

Morgana: It's a little late for that. You’ve made it perfectly clear how you feel about me and my kind. You're not as different from Uther as you'd like to think.

King Arthur: Nor are you.

Morgana: I’m going to enjoy killing you, Arthur Pendragon. Not even Emrys can save you now.

We see Arthur is hurt by what happened and truly did love Morgana and doesn’t like having to fight her like this. And Morgana is consumed by the pain of the past to the inability to care for the present. Arthur, however, is not giving her the power of acknowledging her as his sister. He still says “my father”. He compares her to their father and triggers her anger. We see them attempt to fight, Morgana is unable to use her magic due to Merlin and panics.

She gathers herself, able to make her escape even coming close to killing Gwen. She then almost dies only being revived by Aithusa, who becomes her closest friend from this point on. (4x13)

We then have another time skip of over two years. Two of those years Morgana was being tortured in the pit by The Sarum. This has the effect of taking an already traumatised individual and layering two years of severe chronic trauma on top of it. She has less control of herself as a result of this and loses the little bit of impulse control she had.

We first see Morgana after this when she is searching for the Diamair to try and learn how to beat Arthur. Morgana can capture and lure Arthur to her by kidnapping his men and using spies. She almost finds what she seeks but the creature itself has no wish to be used by her making her search futile. We also see her not even consider a father being willing to do something dangerous to save his daughter, her own acquired lack of compassion colouring her judgement.

This is also the re-introduction of Mordred, a character that acts as the turning point in the rest of the narrative. Seeing Mordred shows some of the only real joy we see from Morgana since her sister died years back. She, however, pushes him away due to her display of rage and dysregulation. Mordred stabs her literally in the back. (5x01-2)

One of Morgana's most cruel attacks is used to try and turn Gwen into a weapon by torturing her for days, breaking down her psychological defences leaving her open to manipulation. This leaves her under control of Morgana thinking that Morgana cares for her. While this is mainly a spell able to be broken there is a part that relies on Gwen's psychology of being compassionate so she will be sympathetic to Morgana’s story and trauma. With the long psychological attacks and this play on Gwen's compassion, we see Morana essentially form a trauma bond. She manipulates Gwen’s perceptions and emotions in a way that is very similar to emotional abusers.

This act also kills Elyan in Morgana's attempt to harm Arthur (5x06) During this control we see how strongly Morgana used it to make Gwen not only a weapon but also they feel like they are friends again, being lonely might have been part of why he chose this method and less of a direct method like she did with Merlin. (5x07-8)

Once Arthur is aware of her curse on Gwen he sets out to break the magic but is almost thwarted by the Dochraid who tells Morgana of his plans to save Gwen. This is interesting as the Dochraid is one of the few magic beings who truly side with Morgana betting on her strength of will over Merlin’s. Morgana is then forced to face off against the one thing other than her dragon, Mordred. Mordred puts up a good fight even saving Merlin’s secret. She felt conflicted in harming him and ends up losing to his surprise attack. (5x09)

After her plan with Gwen fails he returns to her full-tilt hunt for Emrys. She hunts the Catha for information causing terror across multiple kingdoms, then excruciatingly tortures him to try and find out. Hunting anyone down who might know these plans however fail because Alator and Finna believed in something larger and were willing to suffer and die. Morgana no longer understands the bigger picture her idea of a world free for magic isn't her leading drive anymore. After this incident, Morgana is seen to have declared all-out war with Camelot. (5x10)

Mordred acts as the last domino to fall into place before the final battle between Morgana and Arthur Pendragon. When Kara is killed and Merlin and Arthur were the drivers behind her execution, Mordred becomes angry enough at the system of Camelot to move to side with someone he saw as dangerous and broken. He gives Morgana the information she needs on Emrys. (5x11)

With Mordred by her side, Morgana makes her final move, forging a sword just to kill Arthur and finalizing the amassment of an army. She clears the way by removing Emrys from the situation, giving her and Mordred a clean shot at Arthur and the army of Camelot. However, she underestimates Merlin and we see her lose much of her Army and Mordred. This causes Morgana despair as she has to bury the last person she loved. One of the few things that could even start to pierce her depression is ripped away.

This loss isn’t enough to stop the endless patterns of a compulsive need to take out revenge on Arthur.

The final moments of her life she taunts her brother in his death claiming a victory. It’s however short-lived as Merlin kills her with a dragon fire-forged blade right after she claims her immortality. Her pain consumed her, and as the death of her father there is no triumph in hurting her brother as all it does is open her up for her death. (5x12-13)

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panharmonium · 4 years

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hey hey hey my sister and i watched 1.10 and you know what that means -

i’M BACK ON MY BULLSHIT

(not that i was ever off it, exactly, but) -

here’s today’s ‘moment of truth,’ courtesy of a nerd who can’t leave this episode alone:

will is right when he says his neighbors can’t defend their home with a rake, a broom, and a stack of shovels. he is right when he says that arthur and merlin’s inspired ‘defense’ of ealdor is going to get good people killed.

he is absolutely, 100% correct. it’s easy to forget this fact, because we’re supposed to watch this episode and be like, ‘oh, this boy’s just scared and he doesn’t like arthur and he’s mad at merlin so that’s why he refuses to get behind this plan;’ we’re supposed to root for arthur and the Farmers’ Resistance and the inherent Moral Correctness of standing up to bad dudes, but the truth is that will is RIGHT. he is literally proven right in this very episode, when the villagers gives the battle everything they have and they still lose, necessitating merlin’s intervention.

up until that moment, merlin has been saying ‘i’m not going to use my magic; we’re going to do this without me.’ and will, rightfully, looks merlin in the eye and retorts ‘we CAN’T.’ will KNOWS it can’t work like that. merlin is like...he’s an optimist and a dreamer and he’s hopeful to a fault; that’s just who he is, and we love him for it, but will is a bitter realist. he doesn’t just doubt ealdor’s chances. he KNOWS the village can’t win, not without help.

it’s not that the villagers are facing a questionable likelihood of success and that will is stubbornly refusing to admit the possibility that things might work out. it’s that these people literally stand no chance, not without magical assistance (which merlin has already firmly stated he will not be offering). will knows they stand no chance, and he says so, and yet he still has to sit there and watch all of his deluded neighbors willingly step up onto the butcher’s block. the look on his face when he walks out on arthur’s speech, surrounded by everyone else’s energized cheers - it’s so frustrated, so pained, so tired and fed up. he can’t listen to this travesty anymore.

“you’ve killed one man. how many more need to die before you realize this is a battle that can’t be won?”

will viciously dresses arthur down when matthew turns up dead, and arthur, visibly shaken, accuses will of being afraid to stand and fight, but the confrontation here isn’t actually about courage vs. cowardice, even if that’s how arthur tries to frame it. “these men are brave enough to fight for what they believe in, even if you’re not,” arthur says to will, reeling for some kind of footing, but will blows past this attack on his character like he doesn’t even hear it; he doesn’t even blink at being called a coward in front of his entire town.

“you’re sending them to their graves!” he shouts instead, because it’s not about him. it’s not about his personal pride. will doesn’t always get along with his neighbors; we can see as much in how they interact with each other (and of course then merlin tells us so outright), but will clearly still cares what happens to them. he wouldn’t be so furious on their behalf, otherwise - and he is furious; he’s so angry that some stupidly privileged stranger with a sword and more money than god can just come barreling into his home rounding up good, common, regular folk for a fight that is absolutely going to end in their deaths.

“you’re going to be slaughtered,” he tells his neighbors, helplessly angry, and he’s proven RIGHT. the villagers give it their all, and they mount a spirited defense, and they still lose, because arthur can make all the inspirational speeches he wants to but it doesn’t change facts: kanen has an army of experienced, mounted warriors wielding swords at his back, and ealdor has a jumble of farmers swinging sticks. will knows that this is the reality of the situation. he’s been shouting about it from the beginning, but nobody wanted to listen to him.

and yeah, maybe it isn’t the most glamorous stance for him to take. we’ve all been trained to love a plucky hero who refuses to back down in the face of insurmountable odds, because said hero always ends up winning anyway, as long as they just BELIEVE really hard - but that’s not how things work in the real world. will knows that’s not how things work in the real world, and he’s not cowardly or morally reprehensible for saying so. he’s not wrong for saying things nobody wants to hear.

(and frankly, him understanding the reality of their situation this well makes his return at the end all the more impressive. he doesn’t come back because he thinks maybe the village has a chance after all. he knows the village has no chance and he comes back anyway. he knows they’re all screwed, and he still jumps that fence. he comes back for a lost cause. for a doomed endeavour. for his neighbors. for merlin. even though he knows it’s a foregone conclusion - he throws his lot in with the people he knows won’t make it out alive.)

it’s easy to look at the end of this episode and be like ‘oh, the village does win, see,’ so we can thumb our noses at the naysayer who believed it couldn’t be done, but that’s simply not how things play out. the village DOESN’T win, not under the circumstances will was presented with for making his calculations (aka, the scenario where merlin doesn’t use his magic and the village succeeds on the strength of pure heart alone). that’s just not possible, and will knows that this is going to be the case from the start. “there’s too many of them,” he says, as their defense starts to falter, just like he’d predicted, when he and merlin look around and realize that despite all the plucky, consequences-be-damned resistance in the world, they’re losing. [kanen] has too many men. this is a battle that can’t be won.

will was right. the ONLY reason the village succeeds after this point is because will’s ‘are you just going to let these people die’ chastisements resonate with merlin, and merlin uses his magic to turn the tide. without merlin’s intervention (which will had previously been assured would not be forthcoming) the village would have lost the day.

so.

will can catch all the flak in the world for not giving two shits about arthur pendragon (because he wouldn’t care and would probably correct us on it, anyway - ‘i don’t even give one shit, actually; cheers’) but let it never be said that he’s some kind of fool. will in 1.10 knows exactly what’s up. he understands the reality of the situation better than anybody else does, and he doesn’t care how unpalatable that reality is for everyone else, or how unpopular he’s going to become for talking about it. he just tells the truth, no matter how inconvenient it is:

“we can’t fight against kanen. he has too many men.”

“i trust arthur with my life.” “is that so? so he knows your secret, then?”

“face it, merlin, you’re living a lie, just like you were here.”

“you’re arthur’s servant, nothing more. otherwise you’d tell him the truth.”

“are you telling me you’d rather keep your magic a secret for arthur’s sake than use it to protect your friends and family?”

“you’re sending them to their graves!”

“how many more need to die before you realize this is a battle that can’t be won?”

“when kanen comes, you haven’t got a chance. you’re going to be slaughtered.”

“you could end this. if you used your magic, no one else would have to die.” “you know i can’t.” “can’t or won’t?”

“i’m not abandoning these people, merlin. you are.”

will’s inability to open his mouth without dropping truth bombs on his neighbors’ heads doesn’t endear him to everyone, of course, and that’s a fact.

but when you’re right, you’re right.

#(my sister and i said we wouldn't hop right back to S1 of merlin once we finished the show)#(and what are we doing this week?)#(rewatching S1 lol)#hopeless #but i'm not complaining; i love every second of it #the once and future slowburn #no kings no masters #meta #long post

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deborahdeshoftim5779 · 3 years

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Merlin 5x03: Low-key epiphany about Arthur

In this scene from 5x03 (The Death Song of Uther Pendragon), Arthur stares in horror after learning that Gwen was locked in the kitchens, which then burst into flames.

For a while, I asked myself why Arthur’s first reaction was denial. Just recently, while rewatching this scene, I found the answer. As shown in the picture above, Arthur is in shock. This is why he says, “We don’t know what happened,” and then, “He wouldn’t do this.”

The ramifications of this attack shatter Arthur’s entire worldview. Either his father was a loving man who made serious mistakes for understandable reasons-- or his father was a loving man who was willing to use cruelty and violence to protect that love.

This is why Merlin says, “I know how hard this is for you.” The emphasis is from Merlin. He knows how difficult it is for Arthur to accept that his father is capable of such violent acts. This dialogue alone should have alerted me to the fact that Arthur’s denial came from shock.

Look at the body language here: Arthur has his arms crossed, and most importantly, has his hands across his mouth. However, Merlin does not. I have always noted that his posture projects confidence.

By contrast, when Merlin told Arthur that Uther was behind the attack on the Round Table and Sir Percival, Arthur had his hands on his hips (though he looked deeply unsettled). Unable to accept the truth, he even ordered Merlin to leave-- twice. At that point, he could use logic to dismiss incredibly convenient attacks, because neither of those things hurt deeply.

“I want the table repaired before the next Council Meeting...”

”The axe falling on Percival?”/”It was an accident.”

However, the attack on Gwen is sends such a blatant message that Merlin cannot even pretend to respect Arthur’s fake objectivity: “So Gwen just mysteriously ended up locked in the kitchens, which just mysteriously caught fire.”

Worse than that, the attack demonstrates to Arthur that his father is not just beyond the reach of reason, but beyond the reach of common decency. This is proven when Uther later says that killing Gwen was “for your own good”.

Coming to this traumatic realisation (again), Arthur says, “I’ve always known my father could be cruel, but why would he do this to Guinevere, when he knows how much I love her?”

Even now, Arthur still hopes that even if Uther disapproved of his marrying Guinevere, he would have enough respect for his son not to hurt her. He hopes that an esteemed father would consider hurting his son as being beyond the pale.

Instead, the reality says otherwise. This shatters Arthur’s last remaining confidence in a father who taught him to be king. Uther is so devoted to the strength of Camelot that he would even stoop to hurting his own son by attacking the wife.

“Whatever I’ve done, I have done for Camelot.”

Despite his considerable criticism of Uther in this episode, Merlin chooses not to speak when Arthur asks why his father would be this cruel. Does anyone know why? Is he thinking of the other two occasions when Uther tried killing Gwen? Or is it once again a case of Merlin choosing not to gloat when he is proven right?

By the way, I have explained here why 5x03 is my favourite episode, and examined Merlin’s behaviour here vis-à-vis Arthur’s own family. In examining this scene, I have just realised that Arthur is asking Merlin to explain his own father’s behaviour. Whether consciously or subconsciously, this once again shows how Merlin has become replacement family for Arthur.

Interestingly, Arthur says that his father knows how much he loves Guinevere. This is true, based on episode 3x10. It may explain why Uther stoops to such cruelty-- because he has tried and failed in the past to dissuade his son from loving Gwen. Even Uther knows this: “If I were at your side, I fear you would not like all that I have to say.”

Banishment doesn’t work, either, because Arthur said in episode 3x10 that he would leave with her. After all the turmoil of Season 3, Arthur assumed that on acceding to the throne, Uther would give up.

Being proven wrong in such a violent way destroys his ability to trust and hope in any of his immediate family.

Ultimately, this final example of Uther’s cruelty to Gwen is the final straw for Arthur, who is forced to admit what Merlin told him shortly beforehand. This follows a long pattern, whereby Arthur does not admit to the truth until something near and dear to him is personally threatened.

This is because Arthur still clings to the last vestiges of his family for validation. He is, despite everything, fundamentally lonely and unsure of his place in the world, because he lacks the stability of a family structure. “There are times when I feel so alone, I wish more than anything that you were by my side.”

That is not just the crux of this episode: it is the crux of the show beginning in Season 4 and even lasting past episode 5x03. The whole aim behind helping Princess Mithian in episode 5x04 was to avenge the death of Arthur’s father, showing his grief had not subsided-- even as he recognised his father’s wrongdoing. Then in episode 5x05, he did not want to legalise magic partly because of the abuse he had seen, and partly because he did not want to undo his father’s work.

Arthur Pendragon is between a rock and a hard place when it comes to family, and this makes his character development jagged and painful. The more I watch, the more I understand. It is Arthur’s relationship with family, and not the suspiciously happy “Golden Age”, which is central to BBC Merlin.

#merlin 5.03 #the death song of uther pendragon #merlin the death song of uther pendragon #bbc merlin #arthur #arthur pendragon #king arthur #merlin & arthur #gwen #guinevere #queen guinevere #camelot #uther #king uther #uther pendragon #gaius #character analysis #writeblr

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grailfinders · 3 years

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Fate and Phantasms #129: Artoria Pendragon (Archer)

Today on Fate and Phantasms, our fun in the sun continues as we make yet another Artoria Pendragon. Geez, we’re over 100 builds in and they just keep coming. How many of you are there?

...Wow that’s a lot of clones.

Anyway, Artoria’s known for two things- the existential horror of existing in over a dozen places simultaneously, and now, her skill with water guns. I choose to believe those are connected somehow.

Check out her build breakdown below the cut, or her character sheet over here!

Next up: Summer lovin’, happened so fast!

Race and Background

Again, there’s nothing new here. You’re a Human, giving you +1 to all stats. You’re also a Knight, getting History and Persuasion proficiencies.

Ability Scores

Your Charisma was already pretty strong, and thanks to Summer helping you chill out a bit it’s only gotten stronger. Instead of focusing on Strength, your mana bursts now empower you Dexterity for greater speed and avoiding other player’s shots. You’ll also need some Wisdom to spot enemies lying in wait. Your Constitution hasn’t been changed much by your class change, but your Strength did take a hit as did your Intelligence. It’s Summer, the one time you don’t have to worry too much.

Class Levels

1. Sorcerer 1: Thanks to your ranged weapon specialization this time around, being a paladin is completely useless for us! The good news though is that we can finally take a moment to appreciate your Draconic Bloodline. As the descendent of a white dragon, you get abilities related to Cold damage later on. You also double your proficiency in charisma checks against dragons. Your Draconic Resilience makes your sorcerer hit dice slightly less terrible, and you get a permanent mage armor effect, making your AC 13 plus your dexterity modifier.

On top of that, you get proficiency in Constitution and Charisma saves, as well as two sorcerer skills- Intimidation and Religion. You can really put the fear of god into people.

You also get Spells you can cast using your Charisma. Grab Frostbite, Shape Water, and Ray of Frost for the opening salvo, Light so you can still make your sword all cool and glowy without God helping out, Expeditious Retreat for a bit of speed, and Charm Person because there aren’t that many first level spells I really like for you.

2. Warlock 1: You wouldn’t be King Arthur without Merlin hanging on like a hair in a biscuit, so let’s spend this time to make you a Archfey warlock again. This gives you a Fey Presence that lets you force Wisdom saves on creatures in a 10 foot cube (DC 8 + proficiency + dexterity modifier) or they become frightened/charmed by you for a round once per short rest. You are the king of the britons wielding a deadly weapon, but you’re also in a bikini, so either one works here.

You also get Pact Magic, another spell list that also uses your Charisma to cast. This spell slot doesn’t mix with your other spells, so just use the normal spell tables to figure out how many you have.

You get Friends for more charisma shenanigans, Eldritch Blast for a quick and easy water gun (it’s force instead of cold, but that just means you’re blasting them really hard). For first level spells, Armor of Agathys ensures you get water all over the place when you’re hit. I told you to put a towel down before you sat in the car, but noooo... You also get a Healing Elixir to create a healing potion. Nobody will judge you if you take a sip out of your water gun. Actually I just saw its color, everyone will judge you. But it’s still healing.

3. Warlock 2: Second level warlocks get some Eldritch Invocations to customize your squirting experience. Lance of Lethargy makes your Eldritch Blasts slow down enemies when they hit once per turn by making their socks a bit squishier. Most people would call it rude to attack someone with a squirt gun when they’re clearly not ready, but you call it strategy. Like usual, we’re saving the other one for level 3.

You also get Protection from Evil and Good, because even if you’re not a paladin officially, you still gotta get some of the holy flavor in there.

4. Warlock 3: You’ve probably figured it out already, but your pact boon is the Pact of the Blade, allowing you to create a magical melee weapon as an action. Thanks to your Improved Pact Weapon, you can also make it a crossbow, if you really want an actual water gun. Regardless of its form it gets +1 to attacks and damage. You’re limited to two-handed crossbows though, so you won’t be able to dual-wield a gun and sword like in your NP.

You can also cast Calm Emotions, to cool down your allies and enemies alike with a little playful water. Don’t mix this up with your killing people water, that’s an easy mistake to make.

5. Sorcerer 2: Second level sorcerers are a Font of Magic giving you a number of sorcery points equal to your sorcerer level each long rest. Right now you can use them to recharge spell slots, or vice versa. This gets more interesting next level.

You can also cast Magic Missile now! it might not be cold damage, but it is very accurate.

6. Sorcerer 3: Third level sorcerers can use their sorcery points for Metamagic, adding extra effects to their spells. Right now you get two options, Distant Spell doubles the range of spells that involve attack rolls, making your water guns fire on par with most bows. Empowered Spell allows you to re-roll damage dice on your spell for some extra pumps before firing. Both of these cost 1 point.

You also learn how to fire a little wildly thanks to Snilloc’s Snowball Storm, launching cold damage in a 5 foot radius, dealing full damage to creatures who fail a dexterity save (DC 8+proficiency+charisma) or half as much if they succeed.

7. Sorcerer 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to round up your Dexterity and Constitution scores for better weapon attacks, a higher AC, and more health and concentration.

Your next cantrip is Blade Ward in case you miss raging, and you can cast Alter Self to give yourself a swim speed and water breathing. There’s other uses, but you can just ignore these.

8. Warlock 4: You get another ASI right away, so use this to become an Elemental Adept. Your spells now ignore resistance to cold damage, and all dice rolled for damage count as at least 2. Your water blitz skills grow by the day.

You can also Create Bonfire for a cookout after the match, or take a Misty Step for some extra speed.

9. Warlock 5: Fifth level warlocks get third level spells, and Spirit Shroud will allow you to add extra cold damage to your closeup attacks, and make your surroundings a bit more slippery for enemies.

You also get the invocation Eldritch Smite. Just because you aren’t a paladin doesn’t mean you can’t hit like one.

10. Sorcerer 5: Your Magical Guidance lets you spend a sorcery point to re-roll a failed ability check, because being a protagonist means never having to say “I got a nat 1.”

You can also cast Water Walk at this level to walk on water. This is more in-character than alter self, use this instead.

11. Sorcerer 6: You now have an Elemental Affinity for cold damage, adding your charisma modifier to cold damage caused by spells. When you deal damage with such a spell, you can also spend a sorcery point to gain resistance to cold damage. You’re probably the only person in the party in a bathing suit, water shouldn’t be an issue for you.

You can also cast Haste now for even more extra speed and eldritch blasts.

12. Sorcerer 7: Seventh level sorcerers get fourth level spells such as Stoneskin. We’re not spending levels on barbarian this build either, but that doesn’t mean you should miss out.

13. Sorcerer 8: Use this ASI to bump up your Charisma for stronger and more damaging spells. You also get Watery Sphere this level. I don’t have a way to flavor this as a watergun technique, but there’s only so many cold spells so we can’t be picky.

14. Warlock 6: As a sixth level feylock you speed up a lot thanks to your Misty Escape. As a reaction to taking damage, you can turn invisible and teleport up to 60 feet away, once per short rest.

You can also cast Blink to become fast enough to be completely unhittable. At the end of each turn, you’ll have a 50/50 shot of vanishing into the ethereal plane. You’ll pop back in at the start of your next turn, or if the spell ends.

15. Warlock 7: Your final spell is the fourth level Elemental Bane, forcing a constitution save on a target creature. If they fail, the first time they take cold damage each turn they take extra damage as well, and lose resistance to the damage type. (It also works on other types of damage, but... come on.) You also have a Thirsting Blade, allowing you to attack twice with your pact weapon each turn.

16. Sorcerer 9: At ninth level your aim starts getting really wonky, turning your watergun into a Cone of Cold. It’s a cone, it’s cold. It forces a constitution save.

17. Sorcerer 10: With another metamagic option you get Twinned Spell, allowing for double the blasts at once.

If you really wanted to, you could cast True Strike. Or you could do something productive with your turn and go with Far Step, giving you teleportation as a bonus action each turn the spell stays up.

18. Sorcerer 11: Your sixth level spell gives you the nicest bikini magic can make, the Investiture of Ice. This outfit makes you Immune to Cold damage and resistant to fire damage, causes the area around you to become difficult terrain, and you can create cold blasts as an action, dealing cold damage and further reducing the speed of anything that gets caught in it and fails a constitution save.

19. Sorcerer 12: Last ASI, bump up your Dexterity. More AC, better weapon fighting, yadda yadda.

20. Sorcerer 13: Your capstone level nets you a seventh level spell, Plane Shift. I’m not entirely sure where that place you do your noble phantasm is located, but I’d bet the elemental plane of water will make a great substitute.

Pros:

Sorcerers are good blasters, and you show that off nicely. With haste and a quickened spell you can fire off three supercharged cantrips per round, or the powerful eldritch blast. Or, you can use other spells like Spirit Shroud or Elemental Bane to push your spell damage even higher.

Thanks to all that ice and water you’re sporting you’re great at slowing down creatures, controlling the tide of battle by controlling the tide.

Compounding on that, you’re pretty mobile thanks to those teleportation spells to pop you around the battlefield, making you a real nuisance to pin down.

Cons:

All three of those pros mostly rely on concentration spells, meaning you’ll have to pick which one you’re good at at any one time. You also run the risk of wasting spell slots by dropping them since we spent all your ASIs on feats and attack stats instead of constitution.

We got a lot out of multiclassing into warlock, but we also lost a lot, especially in regards to sorcery points. It’s a good thing you’re good a blasting, because you’re not good at extended fights.

If you could focus on either your sword or your water gun, you’d have a much easier time squeezing yourself into 20 levels. You dual wield though, so we have to split our attention.

#Fate Grand Order #D&D 5e #FGO #Artoria Pendragon #Fate and Phantasms #Sorcerer #Warlock

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sneakyboymerlin · 3 years

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For the character thingy- Morgana

First Impression: Loved her. Wasn’t too in love with her, given the misogyny of the writers—in season 1, she doesn’t really do anything, ya know? Has the occasional prophetic vision, gets sick for everyone else to worry about, her apparent sexiness is emphasized… pretty much the definition of objectification there. But then season 2 comes around and you realize she’s textually gaining agency, so maybe that’s intentional? Hmm. Anyways, she’s making some morally grey choices in s2, but you can’t help sympathizing with her. Then season 3 comes around, and I’m left devastated by the fact that she’s just lost all the love that she had for her friends (Merlin, Gwen, and Arthur particularly). Understandable, with a full year of separation under Morgause’s tutelage, but very difficult to watch her become the enemy of my other faves. She has a point, though, as she’s fighting for her freedom under Uther. Then she becomes more and more unhinged and I’m enamored with that particular villain aesthetic she has going on. Tragic but fitting end—love how it’s played out so personally instead of a ginormous mid-battle scene.

Impression now: It’s pretty clear she was always intended to be the main villain of Uther’s creation, as the character of Morgana often is in adaptations of the Arthurian legend. I understand the point of her starting out very one-dimensionally good was 1) an effect of her lack of autonomy, before Merlin and Morgause teach her about her magic, and 2) to emphasize her downfall and the differences between the “old” her and the “new” her. I think the writers should have given her character a more nuanced exploration from the start; however, it’s easy to spot some instances in the first two seasons where her flaws probably spawned from. I’m also not a fan of narratives that tell you what to believe, so while it’s undeniable that Morgana became a villain, I wish it weren’t so “tell don’t show.” They could have conveyed a more compelling slide into villainy if the writing for it wasn’t so heavy-handed. Her actions are a little more nuanced than “fights for her freedom but in evil ways” imo, though I know this is an unpopular opinion amongst the fandom. It’s pretty obvious that she’s not fighting for the freedom of her people so much as trying to regain the privileges she had before finding out she has magic— she doesn’t necessarily fight for change unless it affects her in some way, or at least doesn’t take away her privileges. It’s always going to be easier to say “feed the poor” than to starve on the streets, and she shows her true colors when uses her higher status to threaten Merlin and Gwen. She’s the most protected person in Camelot, possibly all of Albion (barring Princess Vivian perhaps) but for the first time in her life, those privileges are conditional—she no longer has them just because she’s Uther’s ward. There’s real fear there, as she realizes she’ll likely be executed as a traitor, but she is also aware of her class privilege and Uther’s nepotism, which she’s not afraid to take advantage of. This wouldn’t be a problem if she extended her aim beyond restoring her own privileges, rather than leading armies against Camelot knowing that the poor and defenseless are the most vulnerable to her attacks, or trying to kill Gwen simply because she’s going to become queen. Morgana views the people as something disposable that she’s entitled to/can be used to accomplish her own goals. Basically she’s the face of white feminism and classism in a palatable package, whether the writers intended it or not.

Favorite moment: 2x03, where she’s returned to Camelot. There’s so much going on in this moment. For one, she has to pretend that she’s been rescued, and that Uther is her savior from her magical assailants, when it’s the exact opposite: the Druids rescued her, and she’s been essentially kidnapped back to Camelot to live under Uther again. She now has the knowledge to be well and truly terrified, but also to understand herself and deflect the internalized hatred of magic she’s learned her whole life. It’s a small moment, but it conveys so much about how her life is going to be from here on out.

Idea for a story: I’ve been meaning to write a fic about the year she was with Morgause between seasons 2 & 3, and how she became the person we saw in 3x01. Imo, Morgause gave her ultimatums and convinced Morgana it was the only way, and given her solitude and feelings of loss/betrayal, she was more susceptible to this form of manipulation. She may as well have joined a cult. I’d love to look into this period of her life, which the writers apparently thought wasn’t worth looking into.

Unpopular opinion: As stated above, Morgana’s goals were self-oriented. I don’t think she was ever inclined to do things for the greater good because it was mostly hypothetical from her place as Uther’s ward—nepotism is strong among the Pendragons. Any trait can, of course, be a good thing at times, but she takes it to the extreme in the wrong direction.

Favorite relationship: Merlin and Morgana. I love the angst of the friends to enemies, especially considering the secrets between them (the ones they do and don’t know about each other). It all makes for a very unique, compelling relationship, especially when one’s goals could easily benefit their enemy as well, but neither condones the other’s approach.

Favorite headcanon: The reason that she only tells Merlin (besides her physician) that she has magic is because she knows he rescued Mordred from certain death. This heightened the betrayal she felt in 2x12. Turning on Merlin had nothing to do with his feelings about magic, because she knew these were positive (in addition to Mordred, there was Will and the fact that he kept her magic a secret for about a year). It had everything to do with the fact that he was willing to sacrifice her life for the greater good. Morgause gave up on her plan for the Knights of Medhir and the fever-sleep spell to save Morgana because she never really cared about what happened to anyone besides herself and Morgana. Their mutual prioritization of each other is part of what drew them so close together.

#bbc merlin #morgana pendragon #ask game #mine

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