i cant believe the opening of my 23k pwp is so boring. like it's all useful information and it gives context to the action but it's so goddamn fucking pedestrian and ive rewritten it so many times and im not remotely happy with it. once nmj gets out of his own head and starts thinking w his dick everything starts moving at a decent pace but i just cant fucking find an opening im happy with!!!! i have to grab the reader from the start so they give this 23k monstrosity a chance and this isnt doing it at all!!!!
I suspect quite a few people on this site don’t realize they are struggling with the effects of chronic trauma. In particular I think more people need to learn about the symptoms of C-PTSD.
Distinct from general PTSD, Complex PTSD is caused by prolonged, recurring stress and trauma, often occurring in childhood & adolescence over an extended period of time. There are many risk factors, including: abusive/negligent caregivers, dysfunctional family life, untreated mental/chronic illness, and being the target of bullying/social alienation.
I’m not a mental health professional and I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone, I just remember a million watt light bulb going off in my head when I first learned about C-PTSD. It was a huge OH MY FUCKING WORD eureka moment for me—it explained all these problems I was confused and angry at myself for having. The symptoms that really stood out to me were:
Negative self-perception: deep-seated feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, and stigma. Feeling like you are different from everyone else, like something is fundamentally ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with you.
Emotional avoidance of topics, people, relationships, activities, places, things etc that might cause uncomfortable emotions such as shame, fear, or sadness. Can lead to self-isolation.
Learned helplessness: a pervasive sense of powerlessness, often combined with feelings of desensitization, wherein you gradually stop trying to escape or prevent your own suffering, even when opportunities exist. May manifest as self-neglect or self-sabotage. (I remember watching myself make bad choices and neglect my responsibilities, and having no idea why I was doing it, or how to stop myself. Eventually I just stopped caring, which led to more self-neglect.)
Hyper-vigilance: always feeling “on edge,” alert, unable to relax even in spaces that should feel safe. May be combined with an elevated “flight” response, or feelings of always being prepared to flee. (I used to hide important documents and possessions in a sort of emergency go bag, even when I was living alone and there was no logical reason other than it made me feel “prepared.”)
Difficulty regulating emotions: may include mood swings, persistent numbness, sadness, suicidal idealization, explosive anger (or inability to feel anger and other strong emotions), inability to control your emotions, confusion about why you react the way you do.
Sense of foreshortened future: assuming or feeling that you will die young. Recurring thoughts that "I'll be dead before the age of 30/40/18/21 etc." As a teenager I used to joke darkly that I didn't plan to live past 30—not because I planned to end my life, but because I simply couldn't imagine myself alive and happy in the long-term. I couldn't imagine a meaningful future where I wasn't suffering.
Emotional flashbacks: finding yourself suddenly re-experiencing feelings of helplessness, panic, despair, or anger etc, often without understanding what has triggered these feelings. Often these flashbacks don’t clearly relate to the memory of a single event (since C-PTSD is caused by repetitive events, which can blur together), making them harder to identify as flashbacks—especially if you’ve never heard the phrase “emotional flashback” and don’t know what to look for. For years I just filed it under “sometimes I overreact/freak out randomly for no reason, probably bc I am just a terrible human being.” (It turns out there was very much a reason, it was just hidden in the past. I have since learned to be kinder and less judgemental towards myself.)
There are other symptoms too, here are more links with good info.
I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, because I’ve noticed that a lot of the people I interact with online have risk factors and experiences similar to mine. These include:
growing up in a dysfunctional household
having caregivers who do not fulfill basic emotional needs (do not provide consistent positive attention, encouragement, support, acceptance, communication, a sense of safety and security)
on a very related note, experiencing neglect or abuse at the hand of caregivers or other adults. I also want to emphasize the significance of emotional abuse, since it is hard to recognize, easy to ignore, and utterly rampant in so many communities. In general, family dysfunction, abuse & neglect are quite difficult to identify when you are a child/teen and that is the only “normal” you have known.
(For example, in my family it manifested as an emotionally absent father I was vaguely frightened of, constant nagging from a hypercritical mother, and a house full of people who yelled and screamed at each other. It took me years to realize I grew up in an abusive environment, because there was no physical violence, because I participated in the fighting, and because my behavioral problems made me the family scapegoat. And I internalized that guilt: I thought I was the problem. But no—I was a child, and I deserved not to grow up in a household full of anger and fear and negativity. You deserved that too. You deserved to grow up safe and loved and treated with kindness.)
anyway back to more risk factors:
being neurodivergent or chronically ill (especially without receiving proper treatment/support/accommodation)
being queer (especially in a conservative or undiverse community, or without the support and acceptance of family & friends)
being the target of bullying or harassment (from peers, teachers, authority figures, irl, online, etc)
being isolated or alienated from peers, from family, from your wider community.
growing up with chronic anxiety, discomfort, pain, fear, or distress caused by any of the above and more.
There are many other experiences that can cause chronic trauma, but these are some particularly common ones I see people in my own community struggling with. And I want more people to be aware of this, because we’ve been taught to ignore and second-guess the significance of our traumatic experiences. We’ve been taught to feel guilty for our own pain, because “other people aren’t struggling, so I shouldn’t either” or (contradictorily) “other people have it worse, so I shouldn’t complain.” But that’s not how it works—you are not other people, and you deserve to have it better. We all deserve better. We deserve to be happy. We deserve not to be in pain.
I used to think I couldn’t have a trauma disorder because (I argued in my head) the things that happened to me weren’t that bad. And then I spent five years in therapy learning to accept the full extent of my issues. I’ve since learned that trauma comes in many forms, and can happen quietly, invisibly, silently, chronically, and usually without the survivor being aware of the long-term repercussions of what they are surviving. That revelation comes later, after you have survived and must instead learn to live.
Finally, no single type of trauma is more real or harmful than any other. Severity is measured by the way the individual is affected, and the same situations affect different people in different ways. Because no one gets to choose how their brain reacts to trauma. No one gets to choose their hurt—otherwise there would be a hell of a lot less hurting in the world.
We can, however, choose to seek help. We can learn to recognize when something is wrong, we can learn when to reach out to professionals, and we can learn to educate ourselves on our injuries.
And gradually, we can learn to heal.
(posts like this brought to you by ko-fi supporters)
The fact that Fortnite even considered making a virtual museum about Martin Luther King when a hefty portion of their consumers are racist whites and how the company stole from black creatives and tried to monetize the stolen content should warrant them to go into bankruptcy. We literally have these gamers fucking around in the virtual museum taking screenshots of acting funny during these exhibit in Fortnite. No, it's not edited. It's real.
I cannot stress enough that I fundamentally distrust callout posts, and I will distrust you if you send them to me.
Don't get me wrong: I investigate warnings, and I act on them if they're true and relevant. But callout posts are, on a very fundamental level, not about what people say they're about. There are exceptions, but generally speaking they're made for one or more of the following reasons:
OP didn't like the subject to begin with (often for bigoted reasons), and they wanted a reason, and a following, to justify and validate that.
OP wanted to gain popularity, so they made themselves look like either a victim, a hero, or both.
OP wanted to claim victim status in a private falling-out in order to preserve good standing with their own friends/their community.
OP didn't like what the subject was saying, and wanted to silence them (often for bigoted reasons).
OP genuinely just wants "revenge" on the subject, or otherwise wants to ruin their reputation and have them sent harassment.
Again, there are exceptions: there are "callouts" that just unravel a subject's lies, or point out problems in already public actions. If OP is claiming to have been personally victimized in a legitimately serious way, and especially one that indicates the subject might be a danger to others, I'm definitely more willing to believe it- one obvious example being sexual violence.
But oftentimes, callouts are incredibly personal, misleading, emotionally manipulative, blatantly untrue, or all of the above.
This person came to me on anon; I have absolutely no way of knowing what their motives are or how trustworthy they are. There is no credibility or accountability here.
And I did read the post. Lo and behold, it's riddled with emotionally manipulative language, false accusations, and the biggest reaches I've ever seen:
"DON'T READ THIS CALLOUT, IT'S SO TRIGGERING TO EVERYONE, JUST TAKE MY WORD FOR IT. But the proof is here if you REALLY don't believe me"
"Proof" is a scarce handful of screenshots taken out of context that contain emotionally evocative language, but do not support the accusations at all.
Some accusations are genuinely just weird logic leaps with no support, others are matters of personal opinion obviously driven by bigoted motives.
OP themselves expresses very publicly that they believe people who are marginalized in the ways the subject are, who speak on that marginalization, should be silenced.
I try to assume good faith here, and I want to believe this anon was just guilt-tripped and manipulated by the post in question. I don't hold any ill will here.
But anon, I want you to ask yourself:
Are the accusations you're making something you have personally investigated and found to be true?
Does this person deserve the harassment and ostracization they will likely receive as a result of your accusations?
Will you hold yourself accountable for the damage you've caused if you're wrong?
And if you're absolutely certain you're right, come off anon and talk to me as a human being; because I can't believe you're ready to be accountable for these accusations if you won't even put your Tumblr blog behind them.
Alright since MCC is coming back soon-ish here are the top 5 teams I wanna see in no particular order:
1. Tubbo, ScottSmajor, Dream, and Ranboo
Dream and Scott have to listen to beeduo bicker for an hour. Scott threatens to ban Ranboo for real this time, and when Tubbo laughs at that he threatens to ban Tubbo too. Dream and Ranboo make 18482882 lore jokes. Someone jokingly insults Ranboo's performance in between games and he temporarily switches to the fallen down lore screen. They win and Ranboo gets a 100% win rate in MCC like Karl had. Scott still doesn't send Tubbo a coin
2. HBomb, CaptainSparklez, Philza, Tommy
Three old men and a toddler, except they actually have a pretty good chance of winning bc this team is kind of well-balanced as far as everything goes. Also I think they'd have fun
3. Wilbur, Fundy, Quackity, Tubbo
Will they win? Fuck no they will not. Will they jam the whole time and sing lots of very neat songs? Yes they will.
4. Dream, Technoblade, Fruitberries, and Captainsparklez
I'll be honest I just want the Captain to finally win. My main goal for MCC season 2 is just for Sparklez to get a dub
Friendly reminder that hating Pokemon Unite isn't just about ""no Sinnoh remakes or no let's Go Johto"".
Fucking Tencent is the one making it.
Tencent is known for spyware, punishes those who support the Hong Kong protests, are KNOWN to rip off larger companies or buy out larger companies if they're seen as competition, are extremely rampant with censorship of any kind, and were receiving personal information from Apple such as I.P Addresses, and the CEO is extremely honored by the communist party that supports Muslim concentration camps.
This company is absolutely fucking garbage and it's pretty obvious from the comment section of the video that everyone who knows about Tencent is chiming in with them dipping the moment they announced it was made by them.
And if that's not enough to stop you from wanting to play tencent has driven many players who actually did enjoy their games away due to the rampant cheating that occurs and isn't dealt with in their other online games. They're known to try and milk their gamers for money with pay to win deals and from the sounds of it ""free to start"" means you'll have to pay eventually no matter what and then continue to keep paying in order to succeed or advance in later levels due to the pay to win structure.
For those who are excited about this there are LITERALLY so many other games on this oversaturated market that spent time on their back grounds, and textures, and design that dont make them look like a dollar store rip off game. Please look into literally anything else.
Pokemon Unite is NOT the way to go
I'm sure that people in the videos comments did a MUCH better job of explaining the dangers of tencent instead of me and theyre most likely a lot more well aware of the first hand experience with them. But please just take my word for it when I say that the ""unfair hate around this game because it's not a Sinnoh Remake"" is bullshit.
for some reason i personally am receiving a lot of snide comments (and a few “kill yourself you pink cunt” etc messages) regarding this tumblr+ horseshit....despite the fact I:
only just heard about it, have literally nothing to do with it
have no intention of signing up for it? it’s bullshit?
have already spoken, multiple times, at length, about how i very specifically and purposely avoid putting content behind a paywall, even when it would make more sense for me financially, bc i genuinely believe in the importance of keeping online content accessible.
i’m assuming this is punishment for the fact i include tip jar links in some of my posts (which some of you have been, haha. passionately rude about), despite the fact reader support is how I try to earn a modest living (hi. disabled and unemployed here), while keeping this blog free of sponsors/ads, and (again) not putting extra content behind paywalls, even though that has always been an option (patreon, ko-fi, other platforms exist).
so no, i’m obviously not signing up for tumblr’s new subscription ‘feature,’ as it’s the antithesis of the values i try to adhere to. and that i have talked about. multiple times.
so great job tumblr. you really fucking excel at punishing people for the behavior you claim to want to see.
i already knew he was a vodka man but i love the confirmation this doc gave me
all my admiration to the way
your eyelashes kiss your cheeks.
disappointment scene but he looks so young and soft here i had to include
on that rockstar bullshit
masterminding it out in mexico you know how it is
kind sir never stop talking with your hands
that is a lesbian your honor
home is where he lounges
excited to see what inspo he’ll be taking from the hair-stage couture book
oh we were all endeared weren’t we.
just his hand on the mic stand
helene aka vocal life coach
great trophy case there. won a lot of awards. am i seeing double?
oh yk just some of the first fans being interviewed and it’s a screen full of rainbow
does he make a point of looking fantastic during soundcheck or
STRONG AND PROUD
oh this? just a barricade full of pride flags
“this one is too young” :>
look at him
me as them listening to change for the first time
ode to only the brave.
the fans who brought their flags
and charlie lightening who made fucking sure that everyone knew we were there
just. i wanna hug every fan who brought their flags. know that you are special to louis, special to the rest of the fandom bc you were representing him and so many of us. you help us make sure he knows we see him. fuck ok otb breakdown over
he’s a fucking rockstar, have you heard?
me as the ribbons clinging to him not wanting it to be over
staring into the crowd bc he fucking did it.
the hopping group hug. like
everything about this. helene is a beast i love her so much i’m so fucking happy louis has someone like her in his life and i’m soft at how he looks at her and hugs her like that is unabashed love and trust and i-
grandma. a whole proud mood. and we know where he got his eyes from
no i’m not having story of my life mv flashbacks you are
a glimpse if the it is what it is tattoo for mood relief
“and that is what makes me feel like i can take on the fucking world, ‘cause i’ve got these lot behind me. who the fuck’s gonna stop us?”
that ask going around about the Bible somehow "inventing" misogyny is driving me crazy, like does no one do their own research? ever? it's not that old!!
the earliest any credible scholar would date the composition of the old testament is to the 13th century BCE (maybe the 14th), towards the end of the Bronze Age and literal millennia after Mesopotamia and Egypt popped up.
Hammurabi lived in the 18th century BCE and his surviving laws codify female oppression in ways recognisable to a modern audience. Babylonian women even in the 19th century BCE were taught domestic skills instead of receiving the education of their male peers, were allocated domestic, reproductive, and/or sexual roles (aside from a few religious positions), excluded from politics, and routinely provably punished for disobeying male entitlement with physical violence.
By the time of the Qijia Culture in pre-dynastic China (23rd century BCE) a woman was buried alive along with the other grave good objects in a man's tomb.
despite Neithhotep holding some power as queen-consort (and possibly as pharaoh in her own right) in Egypt's First Dynasty (roughly 32nd-30th centuries BCE) and women having relatively more rights in some time periods of Egypt's long history, it was still definitively a patriarchal society in which women could not be state officials or administrators other than the exceptionally few women who became pharaohs over the course of more than 3000years of dynastic rule.
In ancient Mesopotamian Uruk society— 4000-3100 BCE! that's between 1,900 and 2,800 years before the earliest part of the Bible was written!— women are shown in art and the earliest snippets of written language in terms of their fertility service to men and excluded from even consideration in depiction of the worldly hierarchy (read "And They Said Let Us Make Gods in Our Image: Gendered Ideologies in Ancient Mesopotamia" by Pollock and Bernbeck for evidence from late Uruk)
I'm just giving passing examples, this isn't even 1% of the evidence for misogyny and ingrained patriarchy that predates the Bible!
so yes! the Bible codified sexism! duh! but invented it?? or even 'perfected' it?? do some fucking reading before talking out of your ass! if you’re a feminist, then the evidence is on your side! there’s no reason to say dumb shit!
like do you really think 2000 years into Bronze Age history when established civilisations were already as old as the Bible is now, someone woke up and thought 'hey what if women were inferior?' get your shit together! there's been a longer history of misogyny before the Bible than after simply by virtue of the fact that it isn't even that old in the scheme of things.
We must protect straight trans guys and trans girls from terfs. If you're a straight trans guy don't listen to what terfs tell you you are a handsome looking man who will have a beautiful wife. If you're a straight trans girl don't listen to what terfs tell you you are an amazing and wonderful girl who will have the best husband in the whole world.
seeing people who are 25+ in age following me is the best feeling ever, i fucking love seeing people my age and older following me, please if your friends are also our age, bring ‘em over, this is the VIBE