I had a ‘normal’ day, felt weird but that isn’t unusual. Occasionally I’d hear someone tell me to do something but I could ignore it and carry on with what I was doing. Then after tea I was alone in the kitchen and it got worse. Like their voices had more control over me. I had a panic attack again and then one of the frequent ones started talking about his home, nothing was making sense, it got too much.
I managed to not hurt myself too bad tonight but it’s still happening more often than a few months ago.
I need to sleep.
Tonight has not been good
rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most intrigues/interests you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!
tagged by @alienjack!!!!! ilu jack <3333
this isn’t my full wip list but i move stuff around based on how often i’m working on it/thinking of it! a lot of my other stuff are in hiatus/dropped folders and also i divide stuff up by fandom SO everything here is bnha bc its what im focused on rn
we love jd
I have a confession. Mostly to myself, I guess you could say, but putting it in writing so I can be able to look back on it tends to help when I’m in a dark place. The last couple of months have been extremely bad for me when it comes to my mental health. Especially last month. I think we can all agree that 2020 is a year we wish would hurry and end so we can move on to better things. Especially me. I have been under a lot of stress at work and at home. The stress at work is normal and I’m usually okay with it, but because of the stress at home, my mind wasn’t, and isn’t, in the right state to be able to handle it. In the month of September my depression got so bad I lost 12 pounds, and I didn’t realize it. For me that’s a huge thing because I was only 115 pounds before and I dropped down to 103 pounds. That was kind of eye opening and a little scary that I just lost myself in the dark abyss that my mental health has become. I became truly scared though, when thoughts of suicide crossed my mind. I had thought that if I just ended it all, then I wouldn’t have to worry about anything ever again. When I first had that thought, I wasn’t scared. It wasn’t until the next day when the fear set in. Despite that fear, I still smile. I still tell everyone I’m okay. I tell myself that I’m okay. That’s probably why I didn’t realize how bad it’s all gotten for me, because I lied to myself telling myself I was okay. I’m not okay, and I don’t know when I will be again. If you’re taking the time out of your day to read this, I want to thank you. I don’t expect anything from this, just wanted to put it in writing as a confession to myself for me to look back on. If you’re in a much similar state of mind, just know, you’re not alone. It’s okay, to not be okay. Take it from someone who learned the hard way, it’s not okay to lie to yourself. You’ll do more harm than good to yourself.
WAIT but if we get resorts do u all think we will get the ability to build resorts in other worlds or just this one
some bad notes: ive been kind of stressed lately, and my depression has gotten worse enough that my antidepressants are struggling to do their jobs :’)) my university cancelled our fall break, so i cant even go home to rest for a few days. im thinking about quitting one of the activities that i usually really love, so there’s that too.
but there are good notes as well!: i really love my job (though that’s sometimes all that gets me out of bed in a day) and my friends, ive been reading more lately (only some books catch and keep my attention nowadays, and stephen king’s books manage to keep my attention and bring me back to them constantly. rn im reading his “bazarre of bad dreams,” which is full of short stories!), ive been watching a show on netflix after work (which, like stephen king, manages to keep my attention. im watching “hannibal” on netflix and “brooklyn 99″ on hulu.), soon i think im going to start crocheting a sweater (if i have time and motivation once i get the supplies)
idk, im not exactly living my best life, but ig im better off than i could be.
ur sweet to ask, thank u. i hope uve been doing well, what are u up to ?
thank u bb,,,
I cannot explain how much joy I get out of making “cyst”-based puns. Quite simply, I cannot
EXCUSE ME THIS IS SO NICE WHAT-
i love u,, sending u LOTS of love too mwah mwah <3
no amount of anxious worry is going to change the outcome of what’s going to happen. good or bad. the best you can do is build yourself up until the thing inevitably does or doesn’t happen. that way, whether it does or doesn’t, you’ll still be ok.
YEAH like i either need like EXTREME au or like This Could Have Happened in real life and there is no in between.
On my wishlist: CHANEL Les EXCLUSIFS Eau de Parfum in N°22 and Jersey