#for some people thats not scary but for others it is

[redr0sewrites]

ATSV Characters with a Goth S/o

heeeeeyyyyyy guys 😇 *slowly sliding the 100+ REQUESTS in my inbox to the side to make room for a new special interest*

🥀Cw: none, mostly fluff!!!

🥀Pairing(s): Hobie x reader, Miles x reader, Miguel x reader, Spot x reader

Hobie

he would LOVE any type of alternative partner tbh- he just LOOOVESSS that ur goth and will support you 100%

people who go against societies expectations/standards and don't fit in with the norm intrigue him, and your style is probably what piqued his interest in the first place

y'all definitely wear matching fits sorry i don't make the rules- hobie just can't pass up the opportunity to match w you!!! whenever you go to meetings within the spider society he always brings you along, regardless of whether or not you're a spiderperson and hobie loves showing off you and your style

MAJOR "THATS MY PARTNER‼️" VIBES

look me in the eyes and tell me hobia would not absolutely rock some funky eyeliner LIKEEEEE- he def lets you practice on him and will do your makeup for you too!!!

hobie loves thrifting with you, there is no way he isn't a major thrifter and you both definitely DIY a lot of your clothes

HE MAKES YOU GUYS MATCHING PUNK BATTLE VESTS FOR YOUR ANNIVERSARY, AND MAKES SURE THAT IT MATCHES UR AESTHETIC AS WELL!!

hobie absolutely has BLESSED music taste, but while he usually listens to rock, punk, dad rock, or post-punk type of music, i def see him enjoying more gothic/new wave music- especially if u introduce it to him!!!

i see him enjoying bauhaus, sisters or mercy, scary bitches, etc- he'll also give YOU a lot of music recommendations and help to expand ur taste!

hobie would also accompany you to any protests or conventions that you wanted to attend, and would act as your scary dog privileges

YOU TWO DEFINITELY GO TO CONCERTS TOGETHER OMG. I TOTALLY SEE THAT AS A SPONTANEOUS DATE THAT YOU TWO ENJOY A LOT

honestly hobie is a lovely partner to have if you are goth, and he's not only supportive but VERY enthusiastic about your fashion and lifestyle!

Miles

hes such a sweetheart!!! he definitely supports you if you're goth and asks a LOOOT of questions lmao

miles draws you and your fashion a lot, and will def design makeup or eyeliner ideas for you too!!! while ik this is more associated with punk, i also see miles drawing you a few custom patches and stuff like that

your kind of like his muse in a way, and miles just really enjoys sketching you, especially since you have such a unique aesthetic and such cool outfits

HE HAS DEFINITELY GRAFFITIED U SOMEWHERE‼️

he loves watching you get ready and do your makeup. seeing you do perfect eyeliner wings and heavy makeup in general lowkey relaxes him, and he just loves admiring you

im sorry but miles knows absolutely nothing about goth music or culture, ur gonna have to introduce him to a lot of the songs/bands!!!

while i don't think he's huge on the music at first, i think it would grow on him over time. its definitely the type of thing that he loves because YOU love it, and he sees how mu much you enjoy it so he starts listening to it as well so he can talk to you about it

i think his favorite band would be the cure, and his fav songs would either be boys dont cry or the walk (both by the cure- idk why thats so specific but they just kinda fit his vibe yk?)

miles likes holding hands a lot, and he loves when you wear rings or gloves or something along those lines because it just reminds him so much of you! your hands just feel different compared to other peoples and he just loves how unique you are

if you have a lot of piercings, miles would definitely ask about them or buy you specific jewelry for piercings!!!!

overall, very very cute and supportive about your style!!! (he lowkey gives bi wife energy, and iyk what in talking ab then ily mwah)

Miguel

he's pretty indifferent to your style at first, i don't see him as the type to judge much based on appearances. its your personality that really throws him for a loop, and a part of him admires your dedication to making yourself look how you want to look and truly living to be your best self, regardless of what others think

if you think miles knows nothing about being goth then be prepared for miguel bc he knows NOTHINGGGG- no music, no history, no political views, zero, zilch, nada, goose egg

if he cares about you i do see him being intrigued about your style, and once you two are officially dating is when he'll show more interest in your personal fashion sense

he strikes me as the type to like, NEVER listen to music, so he literally only listens to the music you like!!! he does find himself occasionally humming the tune of some strawberry switchblade song or casually listening to a siouxsie and the banshees song while he works, and over time you influence him a LOT with your music taste. he definitely associates any and all goth music with YOU, and that's probably why he starts enjoying it.

he's a "hand on you at all times" type of guy, and while he is rarely touchy with others, miguel is definitely keeping you close. your fashion makes that convenient for him, and he loves pulling you into a kiss by grabbing onto your belt loop or something of the sort

miguel loves how you look with and without makeup on and isn't afraid to tell you that, however, he really likes it if you incorporate his colors or color scheme into your makeup one day. he'll never admit it, but you keep catching him admiring you with the smallest smirk on his face every few seconds

if anyone ever gave u shit for what you wear and how you dress, especially someone in the spider society, you'd practically have to restrain miguel from drop kicking them across nueva york- he doesn't want anyone to be rude to you , and while he knows you can stand up for yourself, he just gets protective at times

Spot

goth? whats that???

he's lowkey such a nerd, and spends too much time being science-y and planning on how to beat spiderman to actually get caught up on fashion

spot doesn't know how he pulled you tbh, but he appreciates you nonetheless!!! he thinks you and your aesthetic are something to be admired, and will unabashedly tell EVERYONE he knows about you

he will shoplift any clothing or jewelry that you want, and he'll even take you to other dimensions where there are better alternative clothes as well

spot doesn't really have a face to do makeup on, but he'll offer to do yours for you! surprisingly enough he's pretty good at it, though he does work pretty slowly

spot loves fiddling with your accessories, whenever he's standing near you he's always reaching out to touch you in some way shape or form. he loves playing with any chains or necklaces you wear, and will help adjust them so that they lay correctly

he helps you get ready in the morning!!!!! if ur the type of goth to wear corsets, he makes lacing them up SO easy and will gladly do it for you

i personally hc that spot HATES seeing himself in mirrors/pictures, it reminds him sm of what he used to look like, but he LOVES taking photos of you and your style!! whenever you are wearing a cute outfit or have funky makeup on, spot adores just taking photos of you

if you ever did a makeup look inspired by him and his spots he would probably CRY :(

URGRHHRHHRRR I LOVE ATSV SMMMMMMM!!!! this post will DEFINITELY have a pt2 w more characters!!!!! i swear tho atsv literally pulled me out of the most horrendous burnout ever i FELT the artblock and writing block lift off of my body as i watched it. IM SO INVESTED I MADE A SPIDERSONA...

#atsv x reader #atsv x you #atsv x y/n #atsv x male reader #atsv x fem reader #atsv x oc #hobie spiderverse #hobie brown #hobie x reader #hobie x y/n #hobie x oc #hobie x you #atsv hobie x reader #atsv hobie #hobie headcanons #atsv miles #atsv miles x reader #miles morales #miles morales x reader #miles morales x you #miles morales x y/n #miles morales headcanons #miguel o'hara #atsv miguel #miguel spiderverse #miguel x reader #miguel spiderman #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel ohara #miguel ohara x reader

[musubiki]

my sister in law is a chiropractor and also incredibly tiny (like 5’1 and wears kids shoes) but she can adjust people like twice her size fully based on her technique and it always amazes them. im imagining this tiny little grandma adjusting lime’s giant ass and doing it with ease. like she cracks his back and hes like wtf

you KNOW madam springs has her patients lying down on the little chiropractor bed, doing some kung fu shit on their spines and tossing them like a fucking salad, and then shes like "All done!" and its the best youve felt in your life

#i think her prices are probably very reasonable #the merchant has a beef with this old lady because people go to her instead of buying his healing potions #the hostility between all the cryptids is hilarious to me #they all know and hate each other on a personal level #do you remember that scene on kung fu panda the first one #where shifu is fixing the paralyzed five and hes just doing some shit to them #cracking them like fucking glowsticks #thats what madam springs does #[CRACK] (AHH!!!) #(Oh? Did that hurt?) #(uhh....actually no) #the sound is scary LMFAOOO

[significant-ace-nnoyance]

any 'wait for it' girlies out there? nice nice just wanted to drop by and let you know that you are mentally unwell!! me too :) we can unpack why you latched onto those lyrics as a kid together <3

#elli i am staring at you 👁👄👁 STARING DIRECLTY AT U #i relistened the other day after our convo and HOLY FUCK NO WONDER I ATTACHED TO THAT SONG AS A CHILD BJADLSFDJKSL #the lyrics BRO ARE WE OKAY #I DONT THINK SO #anyways heres a very niche off brand callout post . if this speaks to u hmu #we can do some group therapy #aka play that song on repeat and sing all the lyrics still embedded in our brains from 5th grade #thats a lie we all know u didnt stop in 5th grade #hamilton #i guess #im always scared to tag outside the byler tag/my mutuals because 🥺people on the internet are scary and need to calm down most of the time #wait for it #almost said wait for me originally because thats ALSO another banger and i need to add hadestown to my intro post bc BJAKLDSJKLJVS #formative middle school experience frfr #that musical slays omg #and i actually went and SAW that one #the flashing lights directly aimed at audiences were absolute HELL for me but its okay bc i could just close my eyes and recite the lyrics #this is way off topic my b #hadestown girlies stand up and hmu #we can just jam out to way down hadestown and chant and wait for me reprise and also cry to flowers together #ok thats enough tags

[iamtiredofyourhorror]

Btw ive been unfollowing a lot of people recently, if we were moots and i unfollowed it isnt personal ive just been a little more touchy about stuff recently so im being more selective abt who i follow

#had to unfollow some long-time mutuals sorry guys #im not treating this like tiktok or twitter so if you only followed me because we were mutuals unfollow me yourself im not doing that whole #softblock thing #thats not a thing thats Normal on tumblr #just in my experience as a long time tumblr user #but ik lots of people have migrated here from other platforms so #thats why im even making this post #its kind of scary people get so upset over breaking mutuals if you havent actually established a true connection #small rant ig

[im-smart-i-swear]

webby would have LOVED mystery flesh pit national park

#my funky guys #shed be sooo fascinated w it #shed be pissed about the comercialisation of it n shit BUT. at the same time if she could take a hike in there? #she would. 100%. and shed be having a blast tge whole time #like. shed have a love hate relationship w the whole national park thing and how irresponsible the whole situation was #bc it WAS shitty and sketchy as hell #but on the other hand she just really really loves the idea of being able to walk around the insides of a colossal beast #so shed be like 'ofc nobody should be allowed to fuck around in there like that wtf dude thats so dangerous and irresponsible #.except for me. they should let ME fuck around!!! fuck the corporation and tourists i would treat her right!!!!!! #*I* would be careful and wouldnt exploit the resources and keep distance from the fauna unlike SOME PEOPLE' #ok well. i mean weblums exist so i suppose she COULD walk around the insides of a giant organism #but still the mystery flesh pit has that certain allure. a vibe. weblums are cool as hell but theyre not an eldritch underground horror #weblums are cool space whales but the mystery flesh pit is .well the mystery flesh pit. cant rlly compete w that #anyway. the pit may be a deatrap but not for her. shed survive. shes special like that the giant lobsters wouldnt eat HER #also webby would be very much on the pits side. its not ITS fault people are stupid?? its just chilling!!! its not evil!!!!!! #'ohh but those arthropods are scary!!! WELL. theyre WILD ANIMALS DIPSHIT ofc theyre hostile. and plus theyre cool as hell'

[zappedbywho]

.

#Diary #So here’s something I remember DEVASTING me for some #I was at the playground with my step sibling. and we were playing this game where we would swing and point out the smaller kids like ‘Thats #my kid’. Choosing babies basically and not much else. And this one girl was getting teased so we invited her over and she sat in my step #siblings’s lap while they swung. Well this girl chats like the 5 year old she was and I stumbled over my words or something and my step #sibling laughs at me hysterically. That hurt my feelings but I remember thinking that I wanted to be more thick skinned than I was when I #was the girl’s age so I just pushed it back and kept swinging. My step sibling had to #pee or something. so it was just me and this girl. I wasn’t as chatty as my sibling but when the girl slipped off the swing and couldn’t #Get back on. I asked her if she wanted me to help her get back on. and she was like ‘My mom doesn’t let me talk to strangers’ #Of course this confused me. because we just met and I am also a child? #She looked. like. uncomfortable near me or something and I just felt so weird in my body #Cause like. I know I’m chubby and taller than other girls but am I really scary like an older boy? #My sibling was an average size and a little malnourished and I was already incredibly insecure about our differences #Like I was wearing knee shorts and a t shirt to swim in the lake and they were wearing a girl’s bikini lol #Then this little kid gets right back on their lap when they got back and I was like ‘😬’ trying not to cry and just walked away to sit by #myself. Now there’s a picture of my clueless father sitting next to me when I’m like ‘Oh ‘extremely high kid voice crack’ sure you can sit #next to me dad😃 Please drown Em in the lake for me because I hate them and that people like them better’ from behind. #This was a pretty regular experience for kids but I was a little off and even kids sense these things lol

[midnightfangz]

There's something about silly cafe AUs that soothes my soul so much

#hi. my name is pluto and i came up with yet another idea for a fic #will i ever finish the previous wips? who knows #anyways. imagine a spiderverse cafe au where the spiders run a small cafe/restaurant/bakery whatever #the parker surname is funny inside joke bc none of them are related #peter b is either that one employee whos been there longest (has a lot of experience) or is the owner #peter b's mary jane delivers the fruit and vegetables and whatnot. theyre exes and are trying to act professional #but they decide to try again (like in the movie). the drama is unreal and the rest of the spider squad tease him about it so much #gwen is that one punk teen thats kinda scary. feels like shes judging you but shes actually just tired #rude customers stand no chance against her. makes delicious coffee. makes the best playlists. chill coworker #peni is also a teen. the best coworker you could ask for. customers love her bc shes very pleasant and overall really really nice #miles is the fresh faced part timer. kinda clumsy. well liked amongst the aunties and moms #draws THE BEST doodles on the cups/bags and so on #noir is also the scary coworker whos very chill once you get to know him. takes care of the deliveries. makes the food #strong as fuck. all the moms and grandmas fawn over him but hes clueless #felix (male felicia hardy. kinda an oc at this point?? love him so much) is one of the delivery guys. very punctual and pleasant #also very charming. brings gifts and things like that to people he likes. sneaks in snacks #benjamin (noir) doesnt care much for him at the beginning but after some time he weirdly?? feels upset?? when the delivery person #is not felix?? they start talking while taking the stuff out of the delivery van. laugh. get to know each other better #then felix starts visiting the cafe/whatever. becomes a regular. benjamin starts giving him food/coffee 'for the road' #the rest of the squad thinks theyre disgustingly adorable and try to get them together #I JUST CAME UP WITH THIS BUT I WILL DIE IF I FORGET ABOUT THIS #midnightfangz.txt #fanfiction #writing #long tags #spiderman: into the spiderverse

[acaciapines]

in a dungeons and daddies daemon au normal’s daemon would be named teen so their full name is ‘normal teen oak swallows garcia’ <3

#dndads #chatter #yes i have been turning a dndads daemon au around in my head thank you for asking #i dont THINK it will ever exist bc it wouldnt change enough/be more interesting w daemons #but other than 'normal teen' i have #that the scary/terri switch is between human and daemon #and that lark's daemon would settle as something that is a predator of sparrows #just bc i think he um. i think he has enough self hatred for that lol #also i feel like the only people w same gender daemons #would be scary n normal #bc there could be something really interesting there #but again. this will not exist i just think about it sometimes :) #OH also hero's daemon would have some super over the top name #to contrast w fucking 'teen' i think thats super fun #OH WAIT another fun thing i came up w writing this is #links daemon settled in his life speedrun #and idk if it sticks out of it or not i just think it gives him More Things that come up

[dirtytransmasc]

this post is gonna seem so fucking random, and its really not at all important, tiktok is just being tiktok, and I have something to say that really doesn't mean shit but would get me flamed on that hellsite, and I hate not saying whats on my mind, even when its in my best interest so I'm saying it here, cause I can, just ignore me.

there seems to be this devote group of people in the SoC's fandom (*cough cough* I've only seen them on tiktok, and they're always those types of fans, that just like, care way to much about others opinions. *cough cough*) who hate people who see the dynamic of kaz and wylan as a father/son-esque relationship, like getting all types of mad about it. again it was like 5 or 6 people, but it was enough to make me really think about it and then proceed to get pissy, cause I'm a stubborn asshole at heart who can't just drop something once it's pissed me off, and it really only pissed me off cause someone said interpreting them like that was "infantilizing gay men" and I just... no, please no, that's not at all whats happening, I promise.

so here's my unnecessary two cents, cause I can't just move on;

what would you like me to call their dynamic hmm? kaz is only a bit older in age, but forced himself to mature and take on burdens that make him much older then he is, burdens he won't let anyone take off his shoulders. while he is very much like a mentor or older brother to wylan, trying to be who he needed after losing jordie, his role within the group as a whole puts him into much more of a caretaker role. he's the dad of the group, he is provider and protector, he is the brawny brains so to speak, a very paternal energy as head of the 'family'. he is the protector of his crows, he takes care of them, all of them, in his own fucked up ways, being what they need him to be. he would do anything for them, even if he tries to hide it, and this typically ends up with him in one way or another taking on a nurturing role of sorts (describing this man is so hard, cause his internal vs. external actions are so fucked by his mental state. going above and beyond for him and like bare minimum to the average person, and I don't know how to verbalize it). factor that into the fact that wylan lacks a father figure, a good one at least, he naturally plays that role in a very similar way that an older brother or mentor would fill the void of a younger sibling/mentee. wylan also looks up to and takes after kaz a lot, which points into the father/son-esque vibes. all in all, no they aren't your traditional father/son dynamic, but like, that's the closest simple term I can slap on them, cause I'm not giving this little speech a million times. their dynamic is messy and layered and complicated by both of their metric tons of trauma, paired with the overall found-family/trauma-bond thing those littles shits got going on over there. let them be messy and let me just sat father/son for my sanity, I beg (if someone tells me I'm infantilizing wylan cause he's gay/dyslexic/autistic-coded I'm gonna have a stroke, I just want my boys to be vaguely happy and have some semblance of family alright, and sure, maybe my daddy issues play into it, but that's none of your goddamned business)

please say I'm not the only one to encounter those fans, and please tell me this makes sense to someone, I beg of you.

#I'm new to this fandom #thats why I am so apologetic/weary #i've seen some shit in other fandoms man #I don't know what y'all are like yet #I don't know how light I need to tread #bare with me #no but seriously #as someone who relates to both kaz and wylan on a spiritual level #cause hot baddies have debilitating trauma lol #I can confidently tell you #the weird middle ground between big/little brother dynamic and father/son dynamic is so superior #and its where people like us thrive #we don't know whats going on #we just know everything hurts. god is dead. love is scary. but we got each other so fuck it we ball #im tired #im also not okay #good night #SoC #six of crows #wylan van eck #kaz brekker #shadow and bone

[theygender]

This has been on my mind for weeks and I talked to my therapist about it today and told my girlfriend about it too so now it's time for me to update the gay people in my phone: I may have schizotypal personality disorder

#this is like the equivalent of telling the bees to me #rambling #like ive been thinking about ever since i learned that autism shares a lot of similarities with schizophrenia and looked into that #and then learned about negative/cognitive symptoms and realized i related a lot to them #and then i learned more about schizotypal personality disorder and it was fuckin scary how much i related to it #what with the magical thinking and the severe social anxiety that doesnt go away when i get to know someone #and the ideas of reference and the eccentricity and the communication difficulties and the strange thought patterns #and then i specifically learned about avolition as a negative symptom which describes the exact thing thats ruining my life rn #and. i was scared to talk to my therapist about it bc i was worried it could be used against me somehow #but it was good to talk it out with her and get some additional perspective on whats going on in my brain #and if it means i could maybe possibly work on fixing the avolition and the social anxiety (my two biggest issues for years) #then it would be 100% worth it tbh. and its also kind of helpful to have some sort of framework to understand whats happening in my brain #funnily enough when i told my girlfriend (who was previously mis?diagnosed with schizophrenia and considering autism) #about it she related a lot too. so i guess we'll see how that goes #its. crazy how much of an overlap there is between schizospec orders and autism #i feel like i might should write up a post going into detail about different schizospec disorders to raise awareness #bc like. it is so much more than just hallucinations and delusions #in fact its not even required to have both of those for any schizospec disorder. some only require one and others dont require either #there is so much to the schizophrenic spectrum that i was unaware of and I'm sure that's probably true of other people too

[gloopdimension]

the datesim is cool too bc of how long its been since orions had a genuine connection with like anybody.

#a genuine romance no less! #he finds most pleasure nowadays in being big and scary as fuck and Scaring and Hurting other people but thats bc of a lot of issues. he has #thatsfor another post. #he probably forgot how nice some butterflies in the stomach were! genuine and gentle affections #He falls asleep if u play w his long ass hair btw. or brush it. hes got mats in that mane of his #my ocs

[guinevereslancelot]

i am unknowable and incapable of love goodnight <3

#romantic love i mean #against my will tho bc i want love so bad #but tbh i never feel anything more than awkward when i date 😬 #i only feel comfortable with people when there's no romantic pressure idk #would genuinely love to build a platonic life with someone why do i have to be in love to marry someone and have a family w them 😭 #love is real im just never going to experience it btw #but i still would like companionship and i really want kids tbh #i dont want to settle for not love in a relationship where thats expected or wanted and the other person loves me #but if it was an entirely platonic no pressure relationship that would be nice #maybe that would grow into love but the pressure of romance right off the bat kills the romance #in need to be close friends for like a decade first #sorry sorry im rambling insane thoughts its 11:30 and i just decided to break up with someone #and he's staying at my home so im even more painfully aware of having another person so deeply involved in my life that they become family #sorry you're not family i dont know anyone but my family well enough to let them be family and i never will please get out of my house #i make no sense but basically i love my family and want kids of my own but i dont want romance in there just platonic family love #romantic love is too hard to find and scary and weird i basically want to live with my actual family and adopt some kids someday sorry #this might change if i met the right person but i would need to be friends with them for a long time with no pressure first #and looking for that person is too forced and weird #anyway #its 11:30 in my 20s a week before valentine's day so naturally i am going insane that's all goodnight

[marklikely]

really love amateur Internet horror as a whole like its a great medium for passion projects and creativity but if there's one thing id like to never ever see in the space again its "legitimately good subtle story but we added a scary monster that runs at you BWAH!!"

#its absurdly common in adaptations of liminal horror like someone comes up w a great liminal horror idea #and then a bunch of people who don't know how to be scary are just like and then we put a monster in it ooOoOooh!!!!! #like what happened to the backrooms or some scp video games #or there are these really great tiktok videos i think they're called like. phobia videos or something #and they're a collection of 3d animated clips that genuinely do get under my skin like #thalassophobia *video of you in a creepy underwater place* acrophobia *video of you on an impossibly tall building* #but then they always always ALWAYS end the clip with like . a creepy guy jumps out at you #like in the acrophobia one a creepy guy jumps out and pushes you off the tall building. they all have something like that #and it genuinely makes me insane because im like well THATS NOT? the phobia?? these arent different fears its all the same thing!! #i have been around the block too long in internet horror spaces im fully immune to Then A Scary Monster phobia #avpost #and im not one of those people with a stick up their ass about jumpscares its just like. not every story needs a scary monster face #i promise you there are other ways to índuce fear in your audience #and this has been going on like. at least since i was a teenager. like its so played out and we clearly will never move on #hell even from before i was a teenager like those youtube screamers are arguably the precursor to this #but nowadays its more annoying bc the stories are genuinely really good! until the goofy face monster ruins it

[pzos-amiserableidiot]

was watching tiktok and a video had the song michael in the bathroom playing and I was vicerally reminded of being in middle and high school and mom always mentioning how much I looked like my dad (his name is michael) and how I slowly was able to start noticing it too and whenever I sang the song it reminded me of him and I felt like we were overlapping too often felt like id never be anyone but a shadow or his mirror and then i began learning i was trans and now the song makes me think of him even more (he’s not a bad dad he tells me he’s proud of me and stuff there’s just two really big moments he unknowingly failed and one long continuous one but he loves me and he’s proud and he supports me and he didn’t mean it and ive learned to make that enough) and the weird flashback I got when I heard that song and overlapping with his face and how if I transitioned I almost fear I’d be his clone and yeah Anywyas banger song

#the moments were that time he told me how he used to want something to be wrong with him and he’d cut himself to try and prove something was #and he showed me his incredibly faint scars and this was after I told them I was depressed and his solution was to tell me he faked it???? #and didn’t even see anything wrong or worrying that he’d cut himself or was self destructive or wished something was wrong so he’d have #something to blame for being the way he was and like DAD THATS DEPRESSION but I was too numb and shocked and felt so so so betrayed becuase #it felt mocking at the time like his way of comforting me. his child. was to fucking show me his scars and be like I faked it so I know #it’s real and sorry I don’t understand WTF DAD #Other time was when he gave me his phone to play Pokémon go and I betrayed his trust (he didn’t like anyone going through his phone) and #went looking through and found Grindr and saw some shirtless photos and people messaging before I left #dad had a shirtlesss photo on there. and I had to pretend everything was fine and erase the evidence and give the phone back and help look #for furniture for our new house and never tell mom cause she’s been through so much already (I really shouldn’t have known I wasn’t her #therapist but this is about daddy issues right now not the mommy ones) so anyways I never told him and years later he told me his friends #signed him up for Grindr as a prank and to make friends and that’s why he thinks someone from his work I pranking him by signing him up #for a gay furry dating site and yet I saw him on his bed sometimes messaging people and yeah #oh and the long continous one was not divorcing mom and defending her saying she loves us when she rejected me and my sister for being trans #and being gone for most of my childhood working and never understanding the fucked up dynamic of home that took place and resenting him for #ruining the perfect routine (sharp words scary feelings always wanting to cry) #anyways michael in the bathroom always gives me weird feelings #cause I hate and love my dad and I looked up to him so much and loooking like him would’ve been a dream but sometiems the wrongs he did #come back haunt my thoughts and I want to scratch and tear apart every feature that makes me look like him. I look nothing like my mom so #there’s nothing physical to tear apart (I just act like her sometimes and have to force myself not the throw up and attack myself from the #disgust)

[arrowpunk]

I am beating myself over the head with a rolled up newspaper trying to get my brain to stop being paranoid and inherently suspicious of everyone.

Just because people have been terrible to me in the past and treated me like shit and only cared about me because I provided something to them does not mean Everyone I meet is like that! Friendship is a good and wonderful thing!!!! Just because I was bad at picking friends and people have taken advantage of me and my kindness does not mean everyone I will meet just wants to use and take advantage of me!

I hate how inherently suspicious I've become and I don't want to be this way but I am also so so so afraid of being hurt in the same ways again. Because there isn't much that hurts more than finding out that people you trusted and had been friends with sometimes for multiple years, only cared about you insofar as you were useful to them in some way. And then treat you like shit and toss you to the curb as soon as you are no longer capable of providing whatever it is they were using you for.

And this has happened to me... A good few times. And I feel so blind and stupid every time and it's just!!!!! Fucked me up!!! And I don't know how to recover and stop being inherently afraid of befriending people and loving people and pouring my time and effort and heart and soul into people.

#ramblings of an arrow #aaaaaaaaaaugh #I know that not everyone is like those people #its just so so so scary when the most recent person was someone I trusted sooooooo much #until suddenly the other shoe dropped #and its just that the most recent one was so scary and is still scary because they said things to other ppl I had been friends with #who just very suddenly with no warning turned around and treated me as if I was the devil incarnate #when I had literally no idea what Id done #AND STILL DONT #and im trying so so so hard not to be paranoid #but Im still so afraid itll happen again #and that people wont even try to get my perspective on things and drop me with no warning and say scathing things if I ask about it #because its happened before #and I know some ppl Im still friends with still interact at least somewhat with some of these ppl #and thats fine they can do what they want! #most ppl dont even really know what happened #but its. terrifying on my end sometimes #not knowing whats been said about me and not knowing if ppl secretly think im horrid and just wont say anything to me about it #and it makes trusting new people and trying to make new friends so fucking terrifying #because what if it turns out like that Again #what if I am a Fool again #they say no love is wasted but there really are some ppl that I used to love that I wish I had never met and never trusted and never lovef #and if I could erase the impact we had on each others lives I would in a fucking heartbeat and feel no remorse #because in the end they only made me a worse person and I only enabled their shitty behavior for way too long #and I wish I never met them because I still cant think of a single good thing that actually came from knowing them #im a worse paranoid scared suspicious person because of it and Im afraid of making new friends and I HATE being afraid to care about ppl

[oc-cinematic-universe]

i love making ocs that are weird little girls. love giving them loving families that are encouraging the weird little girls. rejoice autism be upon ye

#text #the deathspeaker #kiara #im thinking about her so much right now shes so silly #she grows up with the worlds most sarcastic dad a lawyer mom an elf monster hunter sibling #her aunt who keeps trying to teach her how to say fuck her other aunt that tells the first one to knock it off #before teaching her how to steal wallets. the god of death as a babysitter #her dads friends that he met in jail and their kid that hates her mom with their entire heart but #keeps coming over anyways to also try to teach her how to say fuck #absolutely none of these people are going to be influencing her into being a normal child #by the time she got into preschool joe and dara had to go Oh Shit We Cant Have Her Saying Fuck The Cops #and figure out how to unteach her that #but she manages to appear mostly normal throughout her life as long as nobody asks her about herself #shes a bit silly thats all <3 and then other kids try to talk to her and she goes MY dad talks to GHOSTS #and the ghosts think im VERY cute so im the worlds most special girl #one of the ghosts left me some crackers one time and uncle death had to take them away #and then she goes back to drawing with her crayons and humming #how is she supposed to know that sounds scary to other people. this is just her life #she's going to grow up and get a girlfriend because there is something so wrong with her she needs to be studied #kiaras going to learn so many things arent normal