#for some reason broke me down to tears more than anything else

[notanactressyayy]

—𝐰𝐞'𝐥𝐥 𝐠𝐞𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐜𝐚𝐫, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐥𝐥 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐨 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐞—

pairing. ex! Natasha Romanoff x fem! reader

summary. in a day you simply wanted peace, two unexpected visitors showed up. for one of them, you were glad.

warnings. smut! I am NOT responsible for your content consumption! — making out, thigh riding, strap on usage, cursing, angst (w happy ending), soft dom Nat.

notes. my first language is portuguese, so I apologize for any grammar errors. feel free to give me advice, though!

divider credits: @cafekitsune ★

Natasha Romanoff was known as a cold, ruthless woman, who never cared for anyone besides herself. Most of the people didn't know this was due her past — the Red Room was always in complete secrecy, so they feared her. She was already used to it. Whenever she started something with someone, in the next day, she had an empty bed as a gift. To be completely honest, she always felt used. Men and women touched her, to leave her in the morning.

That changed when she met you.

You could say you'd changed her completely, for the best, of course. She became more open with you, learned to express herself better and was not known as the most selfish Avenger in the team anymore.

But just like people say, not everything is a bed of roses.

Instead of using that achievement to improve your relationship, she began to care a little too much about her team of superheroes. At some point, she was no longer paying attention to you.

Reports this, reports that. Missions and more missions. "I have to go somewhere with Cap." "I have to train with Tony to a mission." "I can't, I'll have to go with Clint."

When you confronted her about this, begging for her to understand and willing to help her change, she decided that it was a better option to part ways. You were devasted, and she saw it. That made her heart ache — someone actually lov— liked her enough to want to stay.

This was the one and only reason Natasha didn't forget about you. The only reason she thought about you everyday. The only reason she teared up whenever entering her car and seeing the polaroid with the heart pendant you gave her hanging on her rearview mirror, that she didn't dare to take down.

Today, you were leaving work, heavy tired steps echoing on the pavement's wooden floor as the moonlight illuminated the room. The building was already empty, the streets, darker than your thoughts.

As you started walking to the nearest bus stop, you heard quick footsteps behind you — it was already late and usually there was no people on the streets like this. You turned your head, "you gotta be kidding me".

"Hey, Y/n!" Peter exclaimed, running to catch up with you. "I didn't know you were going to be here at 11:30pm."

You rolled your eyes and took a sharp inhale, but like always, tried to be polite. This so called coworker of yours was always looking at you, following you everywhere, and asking you things, not always work-related. You always made it clear that you weren't interested in men, and he insisted on saying he could 'change your mind'.

"Hey, Peter." you replied, faking a smile and nodding. "You need me to review your documents again?"

"Oh, no. I was just wondering if you wanna go on a date with me. Did you see the restaurant that just opened over there? I could treat you to—"

"No, I don't." you cut him off, more harshly than you intended to. "Look, Peter, I'm sorry. But I don't want anything to do with you, alright? So if you want, go ahead and find somebody else."

You shook your head, not even waiting for his reply and picking up the pace again, quickly rushing to the bus stop. That's when the guy showed you a side that you just suspected, but preferred to believe he didn't have

"C'mon, Y/n." he grabbed your arm, nails digging into your skin. "You won't broke my heart, will you? You're such a gentle, beautiful, kind woman. You will give me a chance."

You cleared your throat, feeling him get closer, and thinking about a certain Red Head — how she would gently, delicately graze your skin with her fingers, so softly whispering into your ear and bringing you to her embrace—

"Back off."

"Oh, no." he laughed. Such a creep. "I won't back off. And if you don't cooperate, I'll make you give me a chance."

Your hands trembled now, silently praying to whoever was seeing this just call the cops or do something. You didn't know the guy anyway. He didn't talk to anyone at work beside you, and you never got to know him, you would never. That's when it would be a good use to have a spy girlfriend. Just the last thing you expected to happen was to hear the sound of a gun cocking behind you, and a very familiar female voice.

"She said back off."

Relief unconsciously washed upon you as your arm was released, only because of the gun, though. You knew that if if wasn't for her, who knows what could've happened there. Peter left, annoyed, but the Russian swore to herself that she'd make his life a living hell.

"... Natasha?" you whisper, turning around with a confused and even scared frown.

"Yes," she worriedly rubbed your arm, shooting you, slowly making the feeling of the disgusting hand fade away. "Are you okay?"

"I am..." you nodded subtly, leaning into her touch. "What are you doing here?"

"Well, I saw a woman being harassed. What was I supposed to do? Mind my business?" she said, obviously avoiding your question.

"You know this is not what I mean." you frowned, carefully letting go of her caress and wrapping your arms around yourself.

Natasha sighed, trying to think of a way to explain herself. 'Oh, I'm here because I miss you so much I can't even sleep anymore.'? No, it wouldn't do.

"I... followed you."

"Oh, great, so I'm being stalked twice today." you hissed, making Natasha look down with your harshness.

"No, Y/n.. I'm here for.. personal reasons. I saw you leaving work, and I noticed that guy following you. I decided to follow too, until he grabbed you and I knew I had to intervine." she explained quietly.

The fact she had said 'personal reasons' deeply hurt you, but you couldn't do anything, you had broken up after all. You nodded, and prepared yourself to walk tp the bus stop again.

"Wait," Natasha quickly stopped you, her eyebrows furrowed. "I won't let you go home like this."

This was something about the old Natasha you knew, the protective one. It was okay, you were tired, and a ride would be no harm. "Where's your getaway car?"

She smiled softly at your joke, and tilted her head. "Around the corner."

You two walked silently towards the vehicle, as she unlocked the doors with the keys and you entered the passenger seat. You threw your bag on the backseat before you could focus on the environment around you, and see the polaroid of you and Nat with the heart pendant you gave her hanging on the rearview mirror.

Natasha noticed your gaze as soon as she entered the driver seat, clearing her throat and starting the car's engine. "Couldn't bring myself to take those down."

You stayed silent, but your eyes could tell everything. I'm glad. Oh, I'm so glad.

Natasha remembered your address as if you hadn't broken up nine months ago, and when you reached your place, you too much disappointed for your own good.

"Thank you for the lift," you whispered, turning your body to be able to grab your bag from the backseat — in the exact same moment Natasha turned to unbuckle her seatbelt — your fronts touching, which made you two a little startled.

The problem was that you didn't pull away, neither of you. You slowly turned your head to meet Natasha's gaze, your face so close to hers you could feel her breath. Familiar. It was pure instinct, almost muscle memory, of the times she always kissed you goodbye when dropping you somewhere.

You didn't even notice your hand going up to hold the back of her neck, much less when she placed her hand on your thigh, and leaned in so your noses brushed. Natasha closed her eyes for a brief moment, almost savouring your closeness, your aura enveloping her once more. Then your lips barely, barely grazed, breath hitching, as she couldn't take it anymore.

The redhead pressed her lips against yours, giving them a long peck. It was surprising how much time you lasted without air. You didn't break the kiss, just darted the tip of your tongue out to lick her bottom lip, begging for entrance. She gave in, trying to pull you closer but being stopped by the goddamn control panel. As soon as you felt her tongue touching yours you realized that this was going too far. You pulled back harshly, leaving you two panting for air and a disappointed Nat.

"Do you..." you shakily breathed. "... wanna come in?"

"Mhm." Natasha hummed, turning off the engine. "Can I?"

You didn't answer, just opened the door and slipped out the car. As you entered, you could practically feel Natasha's eyes burning the place. How you didn't take down any picture of yours. How her stuff was spreading across the pavement. It gave her a sense of... hope? Of course, since she was in the same situation.

"So.. are you seeing anyone?" you asked her while kicking off your heels and leaving them by the door.

"I think you know the answer for that." the redhead practically hissed, making your head snap towards her.

"But I want you to say it." you retreated. "I want you to look at me in the eyes and tell me you didn't forget me. I want you to look at me in the eyes and tell me the reason of why you came to my town again and followed me when I left work. I want you to tell me the reason of why you kissed me just like we always did before."

"I didn't! I didn't forget you, Y/n!" Natasha snapped, looking away and tucking the loosen strands of hair of her braids behind her ears. "I didn't forget you and I never did. Alright? Happy now?"

"Is that so?" you laughed humorlessly, crossing your arms. "I thought you cared more about your superheroes buddies. Where are they now!?"

"I left them." Natasha replied, looking at you again with a mixture of anger and pain. "I left them and came back, to you, Y/n."

You froze at her words, swallowing your saliva. "... okay?"

"I came back here, because I wanted to at least a chance to explain myself. I wouldn't be able to live knowing that I hurt you, and that you think that I did it on purpose. So please, just give me a chance."

"...go on."

Natasha sighed in relief, exhaling the air she was holding. "I'm sure you know my story. You were the first one to know everything about it, about me. And I'm also sure you know you're the first one to ever love me. No one else ever loved me like you did."

You leaned against the kitchen counter, listening carefully to her words, ready to give her time and patience, like you usually did.

"... I didn't know what I was doing, Y/n. Every other relationship I had, ended in less than a week. Love is a weapon and it's letal for me, for people like me. I was, I am startled by all of this, by this fuzzy warm feeling that you always gave me, that you still do, in my thoughts.. the Avengers were my first family, and when I panicked, I tried to hang on to them. In order not to hurt you, and myself." she didn't even realize the tear rolling down her cheek, and shook her head. "That's it. I'm sorry for everything, but Y/n, you will always have a piece— you'll always have my whole heart in your hands. I'll get off your hair n—"

You couldn't. Not anymore. You rushed towards her and grabbed her face, cutting her off with a deep kiss. She was taking aback, but her hands traveled to your waist, pulling you flush against her, your fronts pressing. Nothing changed. Natasha pushed you backwards against your room's door, her tongue entering your mouth and dancing with yours. You could feel yourself getting lost in her, damn it, once more. It was like she had this spell on you — you were trapped, and didn't complain.

"Y/n," the russian uttered, hands slipping inside your shirt and giving your waist a squeeze. "I've got to have you again, at least for one last time. Please, just this once—"

Tired of her rambling, you smirked and grabbed her by the jacket, pulling her into a kiss again and dragging her into the room, slamming the door shut. Natasha took this as a 'yes', and her hands, under you shirt, went to unclasp your bra, making it fall to the ground and a groan of relief escape your throat. Before she could remove the rest of the fabric of your body, you stopped her, pushing her down to the bed.

"I always wanted to do that," you started to slowly, so slow that it almost tortured her take off your clothes, stripteasing for her.

"Shit, Y/n." she quickly started to get rid off her jacket, snd everything else she was wearing. You were careful not to trip on the pile of clothes on the floor, and walked over to her again, straddling her leg on the edge of the bed.

Natasha's hand grabbed your hips roughly, keeping you in place and it didn't take two seconds before you started to grind on her. "Nat," you breathed, arms going to circle her neck.

"Who else touched you like this while I was away?" she growled in your ear, pressing your body against hers. "Answer me,"

"No one," you whined, giving her a subtle shake of your head. "No one, Natty. J-just myself,"

"My poor girl," Nat began to roam her hands up your sides, her lips pressing kisses on your jawline, "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help,"

"You're here now..!" you gasped, your movements faster, as she began to move her thigh to stimulate you more.

"And I don't plan on going away," Natasha murmured, tilting your head to look at her in the eyes. Even in your high, you could make sense of her words, and the weight they beared.

"Nat!" you moaned, closing your eyes shut. "I need... please.. I—I need you, inside me."

Natasha almost lost her mind with that, grabbing your hips and pinning you down to the bed. She reached her arm out for the drawer that she hoped your strap still was, and luckily, she was right. "I'm gonna fuck you like never before, Y/n." she attached the silicone cock to her hips with urgency, holding your hips in place as she ran the tip of it across your folds, making you whine in need.

"Don't tease me," you gently gripped her arms on your hips and looked at her with dreamy eyes. She couldn't resist — but your walls were so tight she had to put a little effort to enter you.

"Holy fuck, baby." she moved her hand to brush your hair behind your ear, giving you a little time to get used to the length. "So fucking tight for me,"

"I—" you breathed, interrupted when Nat started to slowly move in and out you, her red hair falling into your face. You moaned, putting her hair up in a makeshift ponytail and with your free hand, holding her neck. "God, I missed you,"

Natasha pounded faster in you with those words, your moans only getting louder by the second. She grabbed one of your legs and placed it over her shoulder, allowing her to hit your g-spot repeatedly. You thumb went to your mouth, wetting it and starting to rub her clit — she couldn't say she expected that, her soft moans saying everything.

"Cum with me," you breathlessly requested, eyes fluttering close. Natasha didn't have to be asked twice. Her hips slammed into yours, the wet sounds of her thrusting echoing the room. "Natty!"

You back arched, head thrown backwards as your orgasm hit you. Natasha's legs shook, her weight falling onto you and your arms immediately wrapping around her, keeping her close.

"Don't make me go away,"

"I could never."

#Spotify #natasha romanoff x reader #marvel incorrect quotes #natasha romanoff soft smut #natasha romanoff x you #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff smut #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff #natasha x y/n #natasha x you #natasha romanov #natasha marvel #natalia romanoff #lgbtqia #angst with a happy ending #angst #fluff #aftercare #can't stop thinking about her

[mariespen]

Panic Attack ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧

rafe x fem!reader ୨୧ summary: “What have you done to yourself?” warnings: mostly panic attack + comfort, abandonment

╭── ⋅ ⋅ ── ᝰ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╮

You could feel the soles of your feet dragging on the cold hardwood floor of Tannyhill. The entire house was deadly quiet except for your occasionally scratchy breathing. Rafe had left two days ago on a panicked mission of some sorts. You tried to protest his leave by begging him to talk to you, asking for anything. Unsurprisingly, Rafe gave you nothing. He shut the overarching front door abruptly, promising to be back soon. Two days passed.

The funny part was that you could see the regret in his eyes as if he wasn’t thinking about anything else. Rafe looked at you like he was being pulled out at gunpoint. You regretted things too, like focusing on your pleas for any explanation rather than taking in his features for what could be the last time.

Your feet were sore and tired from the endless pacing that took you by storm each day since he left. Your eyes were sunken into the deeper parts of your skull for no reason other than the weighted feeling of exhaustion paired with the inability to find any rest. Your hair was disheveled, thrown into whatever could keep it out of your pale face. Stress and anxiety wore down your heart until you felt as if you saw the world from two feet shorter. You had become a shell of the person you were before.

Until there was commotion at the front door. Your delayed reflexes caused you to only look at Rafe when he was mere feet away from you. Even though you had felt utterly lost, his presence was enough for you to feel your own eyes lighting up.

“Baby..” He whispered, looking at you with a horrified expression and walking up to you as you wobbled on your own feet.

Rafe wrapped you into a tight hug instantly, kissing the side of your head as you tried to register your own feelings, shaking in his arms. He took a step back, moving to cradle your face in his hands before looking over every sunken feature of your face that had weighed you down for the last two days. Rafe’s eyes were narrow with heavy concern.

“I didn’t mean..” He trailed off, noticing just how dire your condition was.

His eyes felt judging as they trailed over your face and body, almost like they were trying to seep into your mind. A thin layer of panic started to coat your lungs as his presence served to be less than comforting.

“Why did you.. leave me?” You whispered, your voice cracking as you felt your whole body shaking again.

“I..” The sentence died on his tongue, again.

Pushing away from his grasp, you stood back and tried to support yourself.

“What did you do?” Rafe barely whispered, furrowing his eyebrows and setting his sights on your disheveled appearance.

“W-what..?” You replied, everything weighing down on your shoulders all at once as his words broke the world around you.

“How did you let yourself..” “No..” You whispered, backing away and letting tears form on your waterline as your face contorts into that of a crying child.

“Oh, baby..” He walked back up to you, supporting you in his arms, “What have you done to yourself?”

Your chest heaved as you tried to suck in more air. Your heart felt like it was going to pound its way out of your claustrophobic ribcage. A gag left your mouth as you let a cry go with it. Tears finally freely streamed down your cheeks as you sobbed into him. Your legs collapsed beneath you and he helped you to the ground, giving you space and taking a seat in front of you.

Rafe had only been next to you through about two panic attacks this far into your relationship. Each one felt more traumatic from the last, but you both knew it wasn’t true. You relied on Rafe, so it was easy to let yourself crave his presence during your flash-panic attacks.

“Look at me.” He said clearly, hesitating with a hand in the air, debating if he should touch you or not.

Every part of your body felt like it was being squeezed dry as he tried so hard to bring you back to the moment. You wanted his touch, his skin on yours, his pretty words in your ear, but your mind was racing while your body stayed frozen. You resorted to begging him through your own thoughts, nothing else feeling capable.

“Deep breathes, baby. You’re safe. It’s okay.” He recited a few times, finally deciding to hold your hands in his.

“H-hurts..!” You managed to sob out, referring to the doom-ridden feeling in your chest.

“I know it, princess.” Rafe whispered.

You mustered up the energy to lean forward, watching as he got the hint and moved next to where you were piled so you could curl into his body.

“S’just me, okay?” Rafe repeated a few times, his hands finding a place in your hair.

Looking up at him and feeling him looking back slowly helped you calm your ragged breaths. He held one of your shaky hands to his chest so you could mimic his breathing while he kept your head up.

“I can’t.. can’t..” You started, feeling more out of breath after focusing on his patterns instead. “I know it, baby. It’s okay, just look at me.” Rafe said, holding your foreheads together and letting you relax into him.

He left innocent, chaste kisses to your cheeks while he made you hold eye contact, letting his presence sink back into you.

“I’m so sorry.” Rafe whispered to you when your sobs finally slowed down. 

With a deep breath, you nodded and broke eye contact by shoving your face into the crook of his neck. He let his hands find your hair again, kissing the side of your scalp right as you calmed down enough to breathe properly.

“I love you.” Rafe whispered, picking you up gently to support your weight on his own.

“I love you too.” Your voice cracked but you stayed strong, not letting tears fall again as you moved to your shared bedroom.

Rafe rubbed your back as you fell asleep on him, letting the lonely feeling disappear.

“My baby..” He whispered before you closed your eyes.

╰── ⋅ ⋅ ── ᝰ ── ⋅ ⋅ ──╯

#mariespen #outer banks #rafe cameron #obx fic #rafe cameron fanfiction #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe obx #rafe x reader #rafe x you #rafe drabble #rafe fanfiction #rafe outer banks #rafe imagine #rafe cameron blurb #obx x reader #obx fanfiction #obx #rafe cameron hurt/comfort #hurt/comfort

[hellodarling1357]

#26 for the Cassian thing where reader is an IC member too and maybe them and Cassian have been seeing each other in secret for a while but Cass doesn't wanna tell anyone yet because he doesn't wanna mess up the dynamic or make things awkward for the rest of them but then all the stuff happens and Nesta comes along and reader's just sad and pissed because they're worried Cass is in love with Nesta now and secret plot twist oh no reader knows them and Cass are mates but it hasn't snapped for him yet so reader is losing it inside but obviously they can't tell any of their closest friends because Cassian still wants it to be a secret

even if you don't want to write this I hope you're having a great day/night ✩

Forever Tied - Cassian x Reader

Hello hello 🥰

The original prompt list I reblogged has disappeared for some reason so now I have no idea what #26 actually was but I did my best with the request you sent me so hopefully this still works, sorry Anon! I've made it extra long to make up for it!

Hope you enjoy!

Word Count: 9.3k

Rhys was trapped Under the Mountain and there was nothing you could do to help. You had crumbled upon hearing his voice in your mind that last time, having no idea what this meant for your friend, your court, or even for Prythian. You hadn’t even realised you had fallen to your knees until a familiar, warm body had knelt next to you and pulled you into their shaking arms.

Cassian had been in the city centre of Velaris when he had heard, all plans for the day disappearing as the realisation of what had happened hit him full blast. Without thinking, he flew back to the House of Wind, unable and unwilling to process this alone. Although, subconsciously, there was really only one person he wanted to be with in that moment. Azriel would have distanced himself upon hearing the news, Amren was at her apartment, and Mor was at the town house, leaving only you in the House of Wind.

He stumbled in his rush as he landed on the balcony and raced inside. His heart broke even further at the sounds of muffled sobs that echoed towards him. In a blind haze he followed the sounds and found you on the ground, as though your legs had completely given out, unable to bare the weight of what had occurred. Without thinking, Cassian was beside you, pulling you into his arms as he rubbed soothing circles across your back, despite the way his own hands shook as tears threatened to burn at his eyes.

Your breathing eventually evened out, the only trace of your tears were the tracks along your cheeks and the redness of your eyes. Turning in his arms, you looked up at Cassian as though only just properly noticing that he was the comforting, warm presence that brought you back from your distressed state.

“We have to do something,” Your voice was a croaked whisper, “I know he said he put up a shield, but there has to be something we can do to help.”

The shaky inhale of Cassian’s breath told you enough. He didn’t think there was anything that could be done. Truthfully, you didn’t either.

You looked at your friend in awe as a singular tear streaked down his face, followed by another, and another. In all the centuries you had been friends, the sight of the male in front of you crying was one you had very rarely witnessed.

“Cass,” You lifted a hand to his face, gently brushing away his tears. Cassian was always the one who held everyone and everything together, and if this was the one time he openly showed he needed someone else to keep from falling apart, you would more than willingly be that person for him. “It’s going to be okay, alright? We’ll figure something out. And Rhys… well, it’s Rhys. He’s going to be just fine.”

The watery smile you gave him didn’t quite meet your eyes, the expression quickly replaced with alarm as Cassian’s breathing quickened, eyes screwed shut as though trying to compose himself. This you had never seen. Cassian completely losing control, his body shaking against yours as sobs escaped his throat.

“He’s gone,” The strangled sound that came from him had your heart splitting in two. “Amarantha, she will…she’s already…” He couldn’t seem to find the words, or couldn’t bear the thought of saying what was running through his head with Amarantha being involved.

“We’ll get him back.” You soothed, hands reaching up as you guided his head into the crook of your neck, fingers running through his dark wave of hair.

But he wasn’t calming, if anything, Cassian found himself spiralling further and further out of control, the emotions and the ‘what ifs’ sending him into a state of panic where even your comforting presence could do nothing to sooth his hyperventilating breaths, the tears, and the shaking that racked through him.

“Cass?” You pulled back, trying to force him to look at you. “Cassian? Hey, I need you to open your eyes, just focus on me, okay? There you go. Now just take in one deep breathe, alright? Just one, that’s all I need you to do. Okay, and again. You’re alright. We’re alright.”

Cassian’s hazel eyes stared into yours as you talked him through his breathing, your hands soothingly moving up and down his arms as you knelt in front of him and offered a comforting smile as you watched his panic slowly ebb away.

“Y/N, I­—" Cassian started, eyes wide as he gulped and continued staring at you. Before you could blink or react in anyway, he was surging forward; one hand coming up to rest at the back of your neck, the other was gently placed on your thigh, and then his lips were hurriedly pressed against yours. You stilled and tensed in his grasp, it was all too much after everything else that had happened, but still… Maybe a distraction is what you both needed. So instead of pulling away, you leant into him, wrapping your arms around his neck to bring him even closer, and kissing him back with such an urgency that a moan sounded in the back of his throat.

“Y/N,” he muttered against your lips, forehead resting against your own, his breath brushing across your face as it came out in heavy pants.

You just shushed him, also refusing to move too far away. “I know, it’s fine. Just a distraction.”

He looked at you for one more blink and then hungrily pressed against you, this time lowering you to the floor, his muscled body hovering over yours as you lost yourselves in the moment, desperate to forget what had happened and all that was yet to transpire.

*****

Afterwards, you lay on the floor next to one another in the, now dark, room. The combination of your heavy breathes were the only sounds that broke through the silence.

Cassian let out a sigh followed by a chuckle, “Well that was one hell of a distraction.”

You turned your head to look at him and let out a quiet, breathless laugh. Yes, it had been a momentary distraction but now what had happened to Rhys, to Prythian, hung heavy in the room. Cassian turned on his side, leaning up on one arm as he faced you, taking in your still flushed, blissed out expression that now had something akin to pain creeping across it.

“Hey,” He gently grabbed your hand and soothed his thumb across the back of it. “Like you said, we’re alright. And we will get him back.”

You nodded at him then pulled yourself up, tugging your shirt back on before throwing Cassian his discarded clothes.

“Come on, we should find the others. Try to figure something out.”

*****

And that was that.

There was no mention of what had happened between the two of you. No comment on the fact that it had been, without a doubt, and despite the current situation you found yourselves in, the best sex either of you had ever had.

No, even when it happened again three weeks later, and then one week after that, and four days after that, again, and again, and again, it remained an unspoken agreement between the two of you. That momentary distraction where you could lose yourselves in the pleasure of one another and forget about the mess you were left to deal with.

That was how it worked for the next few years. You and Cassian falling into a routine of comfort that you were unable, unwilling, to get from anyone else. You had no idea if the rest of the Inner Circle were aware of what was going on; in terms of your friendship, nothing had changed, there were just additional benefits that came with it now. It didn’t mean anything more.

That is, of course, until your routine had morphed into something that felt like it was on the precipice of something else.

The sex was just as mind-blowingly passionate, however, there were now some instances where it was a bit slower and less frantic, more whispered words and lingering touches. Where the two of you used to chat afterwards, an arm’s worth of distance between you as you slipped back into your normal friendship until the other one left to return to their own room, you now found yourselves wrapped up in each other’s arms, hands softly caressing skin until you both drifted into a restful sleep.

Which is where you now found yourself; wrapped up in Cassian’s arms as he softly snored against you, hand tightly holding onto yours and legs tangled together. You eased out of his grasp, careful not to disturb him and lent against the headboard with a sigh. Usually, you would wake the next morning, offer a small smile, then get on with your day, Rhys’ absence still a clear focus for you all. However, lately you had found yourself letting your mind drift more and more, especially in moments like these where Cassian was still beside you and the bubble you lost yourselves in was yet to be broken.

Each and every time you hated yourself for it, guilt taking over until you forcefully pushed the thoughts away, but you couldn’t help but think that, at some point, you all needed to continue your lives and break away from the standstill existence you had been in since Amarantha took over.

You would never say it out loud, but as the years went on, you had lost all hope of ever getting Rhys back. And if that were the case, and as much as you wished it weren’t, at some point you had to start living for yourselves again. Deep down, in the dark and quiet moments when you awoke and the house was fast asleep, you knew exactly what you wanted that life to look like.

You let out another sigh and looked at Cassian, softly brushing some stray hair away from his face and taking the time to really study his sleep-softened features. You hadn’t meant for it to get this far, but after centuries of friendship, and now the years of intimacy you had shared, the love you felt for Cassian had grown and taken form into a whole different avenue of affection. You were in love with him. You loved him and your heart ached at the thought of it because if you allowed yourself this one bit of happiness into your life, the solidarity and support that Cassian provided, then you couldn’t help but think of it as forgetting about Rhys and the torture he had been enduring whilst you were slowly and deeply falling head over heels with one of your best friends.

The worst part of it was that you were certain Cassian felt the same way about you. The way he held you and touched you, the words he whispered into your ear as you were both tangled, panting messes and then the dazed murmurings that were uttered into the silence afterwards, the longing glances he would give you when the others weren’t looking…

What had started as a desperate distraction and pure, physical need had grown into something so much more meaningful and intimate. And yet you both refused to acknowledge that it was anything other than sex as a means to cope with the instability in your lives.

“Hey,” You hadn’t realised Cassian had stirred, his gruff, sleep-filled voice tearing you away from your thoughts.

“Y/N?” Your expression pulled in confusion at the sudden worry in his voice as he sat up and grasped your hand. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

It wasn’t until his fingers were reaching up to brush away the tears on your cheeks that you realised you had been silently crying.

“I… I don’t know.” You said with a slight sniffle.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Cassian pulled you into his lap, your head resting on his chest as he pressed kisses to the top of your head and rubbed soothing patterns across your back. The unfairness of the situation had you stifling a small sob, Cassian’s embrace reminding you of exactly what you were missing.

“Want to talk about it?” He murmured into your hair, followed by another kiss.

Whether it was the build-up of emotions or your complete and utter exhaustion, you didn’t know and didn’t care. You sat up in Cassian’s arms, desperately looking for any form of confirmation that what you were about to say wouldn’t ruin everything, then took a deep breath.

“This…whatever this is between us, I can’t keep doing it. Not how it is now,” You were too caught up to notice the heartbroken expression that flashed across his face.

Cassian had willingly fallen into this arrangement and would happily continue to do so if it meant he could pretend, even for just a few hours a day, that you were his, and he was yours. There had always been a part of him that had been completely and utterly in love with you. And then when he found out Rhys had been trapped by Amarantha, his emotions had been a surging mess, so he acted on instinct and a selfish need for the upmost form of comfort and risked it all by kissing you. Now the thought that this one bit of joy he allowed himself was being ripped away, another thing he would be losing, sent his heart racing as he waited for the final blow of your words.

“It hurts too much.” You continued, looking down at your intertwined hands before pulling away.

Cassian looked up at you in confusion, “What hurts too much?”

“This. Us,” A shaky laugh escaped you as you gestured to the empty space between you, throwing all caution to the wind as you said, “I can’t keep pretending that this isn’t anything more than a distraction. Not when I have fallen so deeply in love with you that the thought of never…”

You were cut off by Cassian all but picking you up and kissing you with such passion that you couldn’t stop your toes from curling or the small whimper that escaped your throat.

“You love me?” His voice was breathless and gravelly, barely above a whisper. You opened your eyes, his forehead rested against yours, eyes squeezed shut as though trying to hold onto the moment.

“Yes.”

A joyful laugh sounded from him and reverberated through you as his lips found yours again, tongue trailing along your bottom lip before you parted them for him.

Your mind was racing yet you couldn’t form a coherent thought, pulling away in a desperate attempt to catch your breath.

“Good.”

“Cass?”

“Good. Because I have loved you since we first met and I can’t lose you, not now.”

You grinned at him before pulling his face down to meet yours and slamming your lips to his. You had thought that maybe, just maybe, he had been starting to feel something that was more than friendship too. But the idea of him loving you for that long made your heart skip a beat and had butterflies fluttering up a storm in your stomach.

“I feel horrible,” You admitted, quick to clarify at the affronted look Cassian gave you. “It just feels wrong, like we’re betraying Rhys. We don’t…we don’t even know if he is alive, Cass. I want this, with you, more than anything. But it doesn’t feel right while everything is so…” You trailed off, unable to meet his gaze as Cassian watched you with a look of contemplation.

“So we don’t say anything. We can keep it between us, at least for now. We’ve gotten this far without the others asking questions. I love you, so much, and as much as I want everyone to know, I get what you mean. So we don’t say anything until we get him back. And we will get him back, I know we will. Alright?" You nodded; eyes wide as you grasped his calloused hands in yours.

“Besides, I basically sleep here every night anyway. Nothing will really change between us, just that I can now tell you and show you that I love you, instead of having to force the words down every time you so much as look at me.” A blush spread across your cheeks at his words and the wink that followed, but you didn’t care to hide it, instead simply giving him a dazzling smile that sent his heart racing.

He pulled you in for another kiss, murmuring “I love you” as he guided you back down onto the mattress.

“I love you too—" But a loud yawn escaped your mouth, cutting off the rest of your words and sending you into a small fit of giggles.

“Alright, we’ll continue this tomorrow,” Cassian now laughed with you. “Come on, it’s late. Get some sleep.”

You wrapped your arms around him, nuzzling your face into his chest, the comforting and familiar scent had you drifting off in a matter of minutes.

*****

Cassian had been right, not a lot in your dynamic had changed over the years after that night, other than the giddying comfort of knowing that he was yours, and you were his. You weren’t foolish enough to think that the others hadn’t picked up on the slight shift, especially when Cassian had waltzed out of your room one morning only to come face to face with Azriel. You just assumed that they thought you were sleeping together, nothing more.

Then when Rhys returned, you had been, obviously, overjoyed. Not wanting to bombard him with too much on his first night back, you and Cassian had decided later that night once you were back in your room, to hold off on saying anything about your relationship until Rhys had settled back in.

Then everything else had happened.

The arrival of Feyre and her sisters. Hybern and the cauldron. The war and near fatal injuries spread throughout your tight-knit group. It was all too much.

You and Cassian had been discussing back and forth for months: do you tell them or keep hiding it. Ultimately, keeping your relationship secret is what you always landed on. Honestly, you weren’t sure if you were just finding excuses at this point to keep yourselves in your happy little bubble when so much threated to burst it.

Initially, you hadn’t wanted to rub your relationship in Rhys’ face when he was so clearly pining after Feyre who wanted nothing to do with him. Then their mating bond clicked, and you didn’t want to take away or overshadow their happiness with your own. The threat from Hybern felt like you would be playing with fire; if the King of Hybern found out… it was too great a risk when your enemies could use it against you.

Between it all, you still found time to be together; not once did the love you felt for one another falter. But with each excuse, and with each passing month, the decision wore on you more and more.

And then Rhys asked Cassian to take on Nesta.

You felt for her, you really did, but the time and energy Cassian put into helping her had a pit forming in your stomach. At the end of each day, when you were tucked tightly into his chest and his sweet nothings were whispered across your bare skin, you felt silly for ever thinking that he was losing interest in you. Yet, that feeling lingered just that little bit longer with each passing day and with each moment spent away from him when he was, instead, occupied with her.

*****

You had been away in the Summer Court the night that Nesta had hallucinated about being back in the cauldron. After you finished reporting to Rhys upon your return the following night, he had told you what had happened with her silver flames and how Cassian had managed to bring her out of it. With worry for all of them, you got back to the House of Wind as soon as you could but couldn’t find Cassian, Azriel, or Nesta anywhere. It wasn’t until later when you were getting ready for bed that there was a knock on your bedroom door. What you didn’t expect was to find Cassian on the other side of it, you weren’t sure why he suddenly decided to start knocking on the door to the room you had shared for the past 50 years.

With a quizzical look you pulled him inside the room and lent up on your toes to press a soft kiss to his lips that had him instantly wrapping his arms around your frame to pull you in tighter against him.

“I missed you,” he murmured against your skin, trailing lingering kisses down your neck that had a soft moan escaping you.

“I missed you. Rhys told me what happened here, are you alright? Is Nesta?”

Cassian pulled back, pressing another kiss to your lips then the tip of your nose before grabbing your hands and leading you to the couch by the fireplace.

“That’s what I wanted to talk to you about,” You remained silent, your doubt erupting in you as you waited for him to continue with bated breath. “We moved her to a closer room, next door to our, your, room, so that if something like that happens again one of us will know straight away.”

Cassian pulled back slightly, studying your features as though waiting for a reaction. You expression remained impassive; you could feel the other shoe about to drop and wanted him to tell you without beating around the bush.

“But,” He sighed, lifting your hand up and pressing a kiss to it, “I think, just for now, at least until things calm down a bit, I should go back to sleeping in my old room.”

“No.”

“Y/N – “

“No, Cassian,” You were shaking your head at him, not caring if you sounded needy or whiny or any of it. “This is the only time we can just be us. It’s already hard enough with keeping it a secret from everyone, I can’t lose this.”

“We decided, together, to keep this between us, there’s too much going on. And I don’t think Nesta will appreciate hearing us through the walls…” You cut him off with a scoff.

“Are you fucking serious, Cass? Are you worried about everyone finding out, or are you worried about Nesta finding out?”

“What are you talking about?”

“I never get to see you because you’re always with her. And now, because of her again, everything that our relationship is needs to go on hold? It’s not fair that after 50 years all I get is a few hours at the end of the day and to be kept your secret from everyone we care about.” You spat the word, all your emotions and fears finally bubbling over, however irrational they may be, but you had had enough.

“Sweetheart, we agreed that it’s for the best that we keep this between ourselves – “

“Well, I don’t agree anymore, Cass. I don’t want it like this. And don’t condescend me.” Your voice had a sharp snap to it. You needed something. Needed something other than the heartbreak that you could feel fast approaching; and a fight sounded like the next best thing.

“I’m not being condescending,” You could sense Cassian’s temper rising. “You can’t suddenly be angry because you’ve changed your mind without saying anything to me. And Nesta has nothing to do with this, it’s for...”

But the rest of his words became a blur at the sudden, incessant tug that pulled at your chest; that pulled you towards the male in front of you.

He was your mate.

Cassian was your mate.

You couldn’t do this, not now when you were in the middle of a fight. Not when Cassian didn’t even seem to be aware – or seem to care, a small voice taunted – of what had just happened. You needed to get away from him, to calm down and think before it could get even more out of hand.

“Cassian, just… Whatever, it’s fine. I’m tired, so just go back to your room, okay? We’ll figure the rest out later. I’m just…tired.” You finished lamely, voice cracking slightly as you watched him look you over, his frustration still evident, before walking out and loudly shutting the door behind him.

You slumped down, holding your knees to your chest as the sobs began. You had thought, had hoped, that Cassian was your mate. But this wasn’t how it was meant to go. Not mid-fight, with him having no idea of the bond’s existence while telling you he no longer wants to share your bed.

Having been so caught up in your thoughts and the overflooding emotions, you missed the flickering of shadows that darted around you. Moments later there was another knock on your door. Wiping your eyes, you called out in a chocked voice, “come in,” assuming it was Cassian.

Instead, Azriel quickly opened the door, closing it just as fast, before taking in the sight before him and making his way over to you.

“Y/N?” You could only sniffle in response, gratefully leaning against his side when his arm wrapped around you. “You alright?”

You remained silent for a few minutes, focusing on Azriel’s comforting hand brushing up and down your arm as you worked to control your breathing and halt your tears.

“I’m fine.” Your voice was hoarse and not at all convincing.

“Want to try that again?” You sent your elbow into his ribs, making the Shadowsinger chuckle before pressing a chaste kiss to the top of your head.

With a sigh he asked, “This has nothing to do with the fact that Cassian is suddenly sleeping in his room for the first time in, what? 50 years?”

You gaped up at your friend in shock and at a loss for words.

“You knew?

“Of course I knew. I live here too, remember? As subtle as you might think you’re being, I’ve got these,” His shadows danced around, reminding you that it was stupid to even entertain the idea that Azriel wouldn’t know.

“Oh,” A fresh set of tears filled your eyes and you stared intently into the flickering fire.

“Can you please take me to the town house? I don’t… I can’t be here.” Despite the late hour, you knew he would do anything for you in a heartbeat. While you and Cassian had been friends for decades before anything more had happened, you and Az had been close from the start, instant friends as soon as you had met.

“Of course.”

He waited for you by your bedroom door as you pulled together a small bag of your belongings, not knowing when you would be back.

“Ready?”

“Ready.”

You didn’t turn to give the room that held so many memories a final glance as you shut the door behind you and followed Azriel out onto the balcony.

*****

Thankfully, the town house was dark and empty when you arrived, giving you the space and silence to process your thoughts and feelings. You had thanked Azriel for flying you over and had said a quick goodnight before you walked inside and headed upstairs.

Sitting on your bed, you vacantly stared at the wall, lost in thought as the minutes ticked by. You jumped at the sudden dip of the mattress beside you, only to find Azriel sitting there fixing you with a look of concern, a steaming cup of tea extended towards you.

“Thanks,” You murmured, taking a sip and revelling in the slight burn as the liquid went down your throat. “I thought you went home.”

“Not yet. Didn’t want to leave you alone like this.” There was a beat of silence before, “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,”

You let out a weary sigh, content on sitting in silence but your thoughts quickly became too much, and you found yourself blurting out, “He’s my mate.”

Azriel whipped around to face you, shock coating his features.

“What? They didn’t tell you?” You gestured to the shadows that skittered around him with a sad smile.

“For how long? I thought you were just sleeping together.” He trailed off, giving you an uncharacteristically sheepish expression as you let out a somewhat bitter laugh.

“It started that way, when Rhys…left,” You whispered, revelling in finally telling someone even though it may well be over. “It was a distraction from the shit show that was going on, but then it just kept happening.” Azriel remained silent, letting you talk.

“A few years in, I realised I had fallen in love with him,” you voice cracked but you kept going, “Then he told me he loved me too. Said he had for a while.”

Azriel chuckled lightly, “That’s an understatement. He was infatuated with you from the moment you met. I knew something was going on or something had at least happened when he suddenly stopped talking to me about you whenever you weren’t there.”

Tears rolled down your cheeks at his words, but with a look and a comforting squeeze of his hand, you let out a shuddering breath and continued, “That was five years into Rhys being gone, and we’ve been together ever since.”

“Five years into… But Y/N, how? That means for over 45 years, the two of you have been…” You sniffed as he put the math together and watched as his eyes widened at the realisation. “How come you never told us?”

“We felt guilty that we found some type of happiness together when Rhys was trapped – “

“He wouldn’t have cared. He would have been happy for you; for both of you” Azriel interjected.

“I know,” You smiled sadly, “But it just didn’t feel right. And then he got back, and everything with Feyre and Hybern happened – it was never the right time.”

You could tell he was still confused, hurt even, about the two of you keeping your relationship private for so long, but he didn’t push you.

“I don’t know how I missed it.” He said, seemingly to himself.

“You only half missed it,” You joked, nudging his arm to try to ease the tension in the room. “We tried to act the same, things were just different when we were alone.”

“When did you realise you were mates?” You inhaled sharply, your earlier fight rushing back to you.

“Tonight. We were arguing and I just felt this tug and knew. He doesn’t know – at least I don’t think he knows.” You voiced your doubts, the weight of them getting the better of you.

“If he knew, he would refuse to leave your side. It just hasn’t snapped into place for him yet.” You gave your friend an appreciative smile and lent your head on his shoulder.

“I’m so tired.”

“Go to sleep. I’ll come back in the morning to check on you. You’re alright here?”

“Thanks Az.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head before leaving the room; leaving you alone to finally mull over the fight, your emotions, and the fact that Cassian was your mate.

*****

“What’s up with you?” Mor plopped into the seat beside you, handing you a glass of wine that you gratefully took.

“Nothing,” You quickly murmured as the others traipsed into the dining room. You were aware of Cassian edging towards you and held in a sigh of relief when Azriel suddenly appeared in the seat on your other side.

It had been a week since you left the House of Wind to stay at the town house. A week since your fight with Cassian when you realised exactly what he was to you. Yet you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eye. Despite his best efforts to get you alone over the past few days, you conveniently managed to slip away every time. Tonight’s family dinner was the closest you had been to him all week, the realisation only making your longing for him even more dire – especially now that you were aware of that insistent tug that pulled you towards him.

Dinner was no different to how it usually went, except for the fact that you hardly said a word, opting to keep your eyes focused on the food in front of you. You were so caught up in your own thoughts that you didn’t notice that Cassian also didn’t utter a single word throughout the meal, the only difference between you both was that his eyes were fixed on you, not his plate.

You jumped up as soon as everyone had finished eating, wanting to help clear the plates so you could get out and go home as soon as possible, not wanting to prolong the night for any longer than it needed to be. Too bad for you, Cassian was acutely attuned to your movements and jumped out of his seat seconds after to help in a desperate attempt to have at least one moment to talk to you.

Filling the sink with hot, soapy water, you sensed, rather than saw, Cassian follow you into the kitchen, body tensing up as he silently walked to your side. You worked in silence, scrapping dishes, washing plates, drying, and putting away. Cassian’s eyes were fixed on you, brows furrowing further with every passing moment you continued to ignore him.

“Y/N,” His voice was quiet, unsure. So different to his usual tone that it had you involuntarily turning to face him. Your heart stammered in your chest, the longing and hurt and confusion that had been tearing you apart in your time away from him threatened to burst as you finally met his hazel stare. “Are you… Are we okay? You just left and I had to find out from Az that you’re staying at the town house and now you can barely even look at me.”

His words came out hurried, frantic, as though if he spoke any slower you would disappear. Guilt flooded you at the hurt you found in his eyes, but your anger was still very much present, the lingering fear of him choosing Nesta over you held too strong for you to succumb to those feelings of guilt.

“I just need some time.” Voice barely above a whisper, you inwardly cursed as your vision blurred over with tears.

“Time for what? Y/N I don’t know what’s going on–”

“You both okay?”

Neither you nor Cassian heard Azriel approach, both turning to gape at your friend who hesitantly stood in the doorway.

“Fine. Just fine.” You pushed past him on your way out, not giving Cassian a second glance as you entered the spacious loungeroom to say goodnight to everyone. A few moments later the pair walked in after you, you missed the loaded glances they shared, not privy to the hurried conversation they had after you left the kitchen where Cassian had all but begged Azriel to intervene, to allow him the chance to finally talk to you.

“Hey, Y/N?” You turned to look expectantly at Azriel. “Did you still need me to fly you up to the House of Wind for that book?”

“Oh. Yeah, if that’s alright?” In your rush to get away the night you left you had forgotten to pack the next book you had been planning to read.

“Does tonight work? If you’re just about to head off…”

“Sure, I was just going to go…home.” Your voice trailed at the end, willing the blush away as you kept your head held high. You felt as though you didn’t know what home was anymore.

“Great, Cassian was just about to leave as well. He’ll take you up there.” With a clap to Cassian’s shoulder, Azriel sauntered over to where Rhys and Amren were talking, brushing off their questioning glances as he pointedly ignored you, allowing no room for dispute.

“Oh…”

“Is that alright?” You tensed at Cassian’s voice, glancing over your shoulder to find his wary eyes on you. It wasn’t like you could say no, it was not alright, without making a scene. You would be having words with Azriel the next time you saw him; judging by the slight smirk he was wearing, he seemed to assume just as much.

“Erm, yes. If that’s okay?” Cassian simply nodded before gesturing to the front door and, after another quick goodbye to everyone, you found yourselves outside. Another fumbled moment, then you were held tightly in Cassian’s arms with the rush of the crisp night air and an uncomfortable silence engulfing you both as he flew you towards the House of Wind.

You couldn’t stand the awkwardness. It had never been like this between the two of you and you hated that this is what it had come to. The relationship you shared, whether that be friendship or more, it had always come so naturally. Now you were faced with a stilted, tense atmosphere, not quite knowing what to say or where you stood. Then there had been the fight. Sure, you had argued before, after decades of knowing each other, you were bound to come into some disagreements along the way. But you had never had a fight like this, where you had both been so riled up, fuming at the other to the point where you had both stormed away and then not spoken for days. You hated it.

So caught up in your thoughts, you missed the slight detour Cassian was taking you on, only noticing once you were placed back on your feet and found yourself in the middle of the training ring, rather than the usual balcony that led into the house itself.

“What…”

“We’re hashing this out. Right now.”

“You want to…fight?”

“What?” Cassian did a double take, as if just connecting the location with why you would think that. “No, I don’t want to fight. That’s the problem, we are fighting. This just seemed like the most private place to work things out.”

You eyed him hesitantly, not knowing what you wanted your next step to be, especially when the urge to wrap your arms around him and inhale the scent that was so him, the scent that had become home, was so strong.

“So, words or swords?” Your eyes snapped to Cassian as he fiddled with the one of the discarded swords you usually sparred with.

Words

You wanted words. To talk this all out and be done with it, whichever way that turned out to be. But then an image flashed across your mind; an image of Cassian standing up here with Nesta, hands guiding her into the correct form, fingers shifting along her own to straighten her hold on the blade…

Without a single word, you walked to where Cassian was and hauled your own blade up.

“Okay then.” There was a slight smirk on Cassian’s face as he followed behind you into the centre of the training ring. The quirk of his eyebrow was all you needed before you were moving towards him, swords meeting with a clash that pierced the night.

You didn’t think about the moves you were making, giving way to centuries of refined and well-practiced instinct. Cassian was stronger, you knew he would hold out for longer, but you were well matched for now. Both of your foreheads started to sheen in sweat, pants of exertion echoed alongside the clank and clash of swords, and as you moved around and against one another, you finally let out all of your pent-up emotions until you had nothing left.

“I can’t…I can’t do this anymore.” You gasped before dropping the sword and falling to your knees, tears streamed down your face at the sudden emotional outlet. Cassian was by your side in an instant, his sword dropped to the ground in a ricochetting crash.

“Y/N,” His voice was alert, on-edge, eyes dancing over you as he tried to work out what was wrong. “Are you hurt?” The frantic tone now had sobs racking from your chest, shaking your head you surged forward, wrapping your arms around his neck as you cried and cried and cried. Without a second thought, Cassian had his arms around you, pulling you into his lap as he softly caressed your back and whispered soothing words into your ear.

He stayed silent, giving you the time and space to calm down and filter through your thoughts. Not once rushing you or demanding answers after a week of uncertainty.

“I’m sorry, Cass. I’m so fucking sorry, for everything. I just…” At least you managed to get a few words out before you were overcome with tears once again. You weren’t sure what they were for at this point with so many thoughts and scenarios racing through your head: the fight, Cassian being your mate, Cassian getting close with Nesta, Cassian leaving you, Cassian leaving you for Nesta, and then you being forced to watch them be together, knowing you couldn’t stand the thought of him not being in your life, in whatever capacity you were granted.

“Shhh,” He soothed, pressing a kiss to the top of your head as he softly rocked you back and forth. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

With a deep breath, you nodded against his chest in an attempt to compose yourself. Noting in the position you were in, you could have laughed if you weren’t feeling so empty and deflated; this is how you had both gotten into this in the first place, all those years ago when you thought you would never see Rhys again – both of you with your arms around each other, crying and saying everything was going to be okay. Only this time, you weren’t so sure if the strength of your relationship would hold.

“Please, talk to me, Y/N. What’s going through that head of yours.”

You couldn’t take not knowing what was going to happen any longer. So with a final sniffle, you leant back, sitting on the ground beside him and pulling your knees up to your chest as you held your arms tightly around yourself.

“I don’t know where to start…”

“What about when you decided you wanted the others to know?” There was no malice in his voice, only gentle concern that prodded you to continue.

“I’ve always wanted the others to know,” You ignored Cassian’s slight indignation, “But it was never the right time, what with everything that was happening then, and everything that’s happened since. It felt like the right decision at the time, it felt safe. It was nice knowing that this was just for us when so much was going wrong. But I want to be with you outside of our room. I want to be able to hold your hand and walk through Velaris, kiss you in front of our friends, not pretend that you don’t mean the world to me, because you do Cassian.”

He remained quiet, letting you talk and giving you the space to get everything off your chest but the lingering presence of his hand drawing soothing circles across your back had you feeling grounded. “I love you and the thought of losing you has been tearing me apart.” You winced at the tremor in your voice, gaze fixed on the ground in front of you.

You didn’t dare mention the fact that you were mates. Not yet. He deserved the chance to properly say what needed to be said, without the cauldron’s interference tying him down if he did, in fact, want to leave.

“Why do you think you’re losing me?” Cassian’s voice was quiet and contemplative, as though processing everything you had said but not quite connecting the dots. The kiss to the side of your head had you inhaling a shaky breath and you forced yourself to will away the tears that threatened to spill.

“We’ve been so distant lately; we never get to see each other. And, look, I know it’s for Rhys, but I’m away all the time, and you’re always with Nesta. Then the other night when you said you didn’t want to share our room anymore, and that you were afraid she would find out… I don’t know, I guess it all just became too much.” You could feel his eyes on you but the blush burning your cheeks had you refusing to meet his gaze.

A moment later, Cassian softly said, “I never said I didn’t want to share a room with you, believe me, I want to spend every moment I can with you–” You made a noise of protest, but Cassian gently shushed you before continuing. “But Rhys and Feyre need Nesta to be okay and he’s given that job to me. I should’ve spoken to you about it first or explained it better when I said I was going to sleep in my old room. But you saw what Nesta was like before we got her up here, I didn’t think her seeing, or hearing, us together would be all that helpful – especially when she was using sex as a way to cope with everything.”

“Oh…” You felt stupid. Stupid and selfish and completely undeserving of the amazing, considerate male beside you.

“And,” Cassan continued with a playful nudge of his shoulder, “You have no idea how much I want everyone to know about us. No idea how hard it has been to not tell everyone that this amazing, brilliant, strong, kind female is mine. And just how hard it has been seeing other males so much as look at you without being able to say anything to them.”

You still couldn’t tear your eyes from the ground in front of you, but Cassian noticed the soft smile tugging at your lips.

“Cauldron, if you want, I can fly us back to the River House right now. We can tell everyone exactly what’s been going on, you can kiss me in front of all of our friends then we can go into Velaris, I’ll even let you hold my hand as we walk around.” Another playful nudge had you softly chuckling, eyes finally darting over to look at Cassian. Your heart faltered at the expression on his face, the complete love and adoration that laced his features as he watched you, his own mouth pulling into a smile at the laugh he managed to pull from you.

“Yeah?” Your voice was still slightly hoarse from your previous tears, but it was a touch lighter. You felt lighter.

“Yeah.” Cassian stretched his legs out in front of him, wrapping one arm around your waist as he pulled you closer to him, leaning back on the other.

Still, some doubt lingered. It couldn’t be this easy. Things were never this easy.

“So, you’re not going to leave me?” You couldn’t remember the last time you felt shy in front of him, and you hated yourself for asking, hated that he might think you weak, needy, pathetic – the words raced around, threatening to send you into a panic.

“Never,” That one word had you relaxing immediately. “You would have to force me to leave you, and even then… I’m not going aware, Sweetheart.”

You could have melted at his words. You swore you did as you leant against him, letting out a small sigh of relief, a breath you had been holding for days, weeks, months.

“Y/N?” His voice sent a shiver down your spine, the words whispered into your ear as his breath fanned across your skin. “Can I please kiss you now?”

You tilted your head up to face him, a small smile gracing your features as he slanted his lips over your own and you immediately felt as though you had returned home.

Pulling away all too quickly, your lips desperately chased his, only to receive a playful peck in response before Cassian was helping you to your feet.

“Come on,”

“Cass?” You laugh was laced with confusion, yet you followed him anyway, watching as he picked up the discarded sparring swords and placing them back alongside the others.

“What? We’ve got some news to share,” He stole another quick kiss as he laced your hands together.

“Now?”

“Yes now,” He mocked with a playful grin, “I don’t want to waste another moment, especially when it has you feeling as though–”

The abrupt stop to Cassian’s words had the smile slipping from your face as you took in his wide eyes and startled expression.

“Cassian, what’s wrong?”

“Y/N… You’re…” He let out a disbelieving laugh as he continued to stare at you, drinking in every feature, every miniscule detail and expression that crossed your face. Turning your head, you tried to look around for the cause of his sudden change in demeanour, only to be met with gentle, yet calloused, hands cupping your face, urging you to meet his gaze before his lips were pressed over yours again.

Despite the confusion, you gratefully accepted and leant into the kiss, relaxing as his arms draped around your waist and as you let your fingers travel up his neck before tangling into his hair. Cassian was breathing heavily when he pulled away, you could hear the pounding of his heart as he pressed his forehead against yours. His eyes remained tightly shut, the feel of his lashes fluttering across your skin sent your own heart fluttering in response.

Then he mumbled something incoherently; too quiet and smothered for you to even begin to comprehend.

“Hmm?” You asked, pressing a lingering kiss to the corner of his mouth as you ran your fingers through his hair.

Another murmur had you pulling away, eyebrows furrowing as you took in his dumbfounded expression and the way his eyes were still tightly shut. But there was now a smile tugging at his lips.

“Cass?”

“Mate. You’re my mate.” His eyes snapped open, revealing complete, utter joy as he stared at you with wonder and bewilderment.

Oh. Right.

“And you’re my mate.” At least you didn’t have to keep this to yourself any longer.

Cassian tilted his head as he processed your reaction and the way your lips spread into a soft, loving smile.

“You knew. You already knew.” Although his voice was laced with exasperation, his face held nothing but love and giddy excitement, eyes bright as he met yours. You sent a wave of affirmation down the newly linked bond, watching with joy as Cassian’s eyes lit up even further at the sensation. You knew you were grinning just as stupidly back at him when you felt a tug of your own filled with nothing but love.

The two of you stood there grinning and staring at one another as though seeing the other in a new light. Then you were both moving, arms a flurry as they desperately wrapped around the other, lips meeting in a loving and passionate kiss that only intensified with each tug that raced down the bond, igniting the need for more, so much more.

A gentle tap from Cassian and you were quick to jump up, wrapping your legs around his waist as his arms held you tightly against him. Through the kisses and moans and soft sighs, somehow Cassian found himself moving, walking the two of you to the door that would lead you inside and to your room.

“Wait,” You pulled back, gasping for air as you leant your forehead against his, legs still tightly wrapped around his middle. Cassian was panting just as heavily, waiting on your every move and word. “Kitchen.”

The suggestive grin he shot you went straight to your core, the feeling only amplified as he attached his lips to your neck. “I think I like where this is heading,” A soft moan sounded in the back of your throat as he tugged on your earlobe, then he was walking again, albeit very quickly, towards the kitchen, his lips back on yours.

“No, idiot,” Another moan had your breathless words halting immediately. “Food.”

Now Cassian pulled away, looking at you through the haze of love and lust, now tainted by a hint of confusion.

“Food,” You continued, pressing a kiss to his lips before trailing along his jaw and returning the favour with a tug on his earlobe. “For the mating bond.”

You felt Cassian’s body tense against you, “You’re going to accept it?”

“Yes…” you said tentatively, not quite understanding the need for his question because what other answer was there?

The intensity in which he kissed you had him stumbling back a few steps, arms wrapping even tighter around you to keep you in his arms.

“Did you think I wouldn’t?” Your gaze softened as you took in his uncertain expression, as you felt it through the bond.

“No, I don’t know. I just thought… I mean, you’re… Do you really want to be tied to a bastard-born Illy…” You cut his words off with a sharp look and a deep kiss that conveyed exactly what you thought of what he had just implied. Then you were sending every ounce of love and affection that you could muster towards him, heart melting as his expression changed and with the way he looked at you whilst processing the raw, vulnerability of the emotions surging down the bond.

You pressed a soft kiss to his lips, barely more than a lingering peck before saying, “Please can you let me give you some food now? I’ve been keeping this in all week.”

“All week? You’ve known about this since…”

“It snapped during our fight,” You shrugged, not wanting to relive it now that you had finally reached this point.

It was Cassian’s turn to pull you into a tender kiss before you found yourself overwhelmed by the new sensation of his emotions landing right above your heart.

“I think we can hold off on telling the others for just a little bit longer.”

“I think you’re absolutely right,” You tapped his arm gently and he placed you back onto your feet. Lacing your fingers with his, you pulled him into the kitchen and made him take a seat while you went about putting a plate of food together.

“Besides,” You continued, suddenly remembering Azriel’s involvement, “Az already knows. So I’m sure the others have put the pieces together by now and will steer clear for a few days.”

“A few weeks more like.” You grinned at the slight growl in his voice and the hunger in his eyes as his gaze remained fixed on you.

“Here,” Your voice was almost breathless, stomach fluttering with excitement and nerves as you pushed the plate towards him. Cassian briefly glanced down at it then, with a look of well-honed restraint, he slowly stood and walked over to you, pulling you in for a kiss as he murmured, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Without tearing his eyes away from you, Cassian reached across the table for the plate, eating everything on it as you remained transfixed on one another, basking in the feeling of the bond you shared growing stronger and stronger until, at last, everything felt as though it had finally fallen into place.

***** Thanks for reading 🥰

#cassian x reader #cassian acotar #azriel acotar #rhysand acotar #cassian x y/n #marley writes

[cosmicmunsonwrites]

Can you do rafe x reader and she find out she’s pregnant and gets kicked out so she has to tell rafe

you hurt me pretty good too

pairing(s): fwb!rafe cameron x fwb!fem!reader

warnings: pregnancy, toxic parents, reader is kicked out, talks of abortion, pet names

summary: after finding out you’re pregnant, you parents kick you to the curb, forcing you to tell the father.

authors note: thank you so much for the request! i’ve been so slow with updating because of my writers block but i’m going to finish up all of these requests as soon as i can.

part zero | part one | part two

not edited

do not copy my works. i do not condone rewrites, translations, or edited versions. all my content is my content that i wrote.

not my gif

“dad, please,” you cried. “i tried. i was careful! i don’t know what more you want from me. we used protection and i was on birth control.”

he didn’t seem to accept that answer. “then maybe you shouldn’t be having sex at all. if you’re not responsible enough to prevent getting pregnant, how can i trust that you’ll take care of a kid?”

“i promise i will. i have a steady job, i pay for all of my own stuff, i do everything on my own. i promise this won’t be a problem for you,” you tried to reason.

“if you won’t get an abortion, you can’t stay here,” he said firmly. “and thats that.”

your lip trembled as you turned to your mother. “mom?”

“i’m sorry, honey. your fathers right.”

you choked out a sob before rushing into your room and packing up all of your valuable belongings into a duffle bag you found in your closet. you grabbed all of your stashed money and anything else you needed. you didn’t even bother packing too many clothes, you’d later buy new ones.

without any exchanged words, you walked out to your car and threw the bag into the back, pressing the start button and driving off.

you furiously wiped the tears from your eyes as you sped down the bridge over to figure 8. you hated this. you hated what you were about to do. but it was your only option now.

and when you arrived, you were still in tears and even more nervous than confessing to your parents.

your walked up to the front door and knocked. “coming,” you heard his voice yell. then it swung open.

the first thing he noticed was your teary eyes. “hey, what’s wrong?” he was never this soft with you. but you were more than grateful right now. “come in. we can go up to my room.”

you stepped around him, trying your best not to cry even harder when his hand splayed across your lower back as he led you up to the room as if you hadn’t navigated your way there on your own a million times.

he gestured to the bed, silently telling you to take a seat as he kneeled in front of you, a hand on each of your thighs. “what’s wrong, sweetheart? something happen.”

you broke down now. “you’re gonna hate me.”

“i don’t think i could ever hate you,” he mumbled softly, eyes searching yours for some sort of answer.

you took a deep breath to gather yourself. “my—my parents kicked me out.”

his brows furrowed in towards each other. “what? why?”

you couldn’t look at him anymore. your eyes averted to the ground. “i’m pregnant.”

you heard the breath he sucked in, letting it out seconds later as his thumb moved across your skin comfortingly.

when he didn’t say anything, you cried even harder and stood up. “i’m sorry, rafe.”

he stood up with you and grabbed your hands. “no, no it’s okay, sweetheart. it’s okay,” he said before wrapping his arms around you. “it’s gonna be fine. we’re gonna figure it out together, yeah? i can talk to my dad about you staying with me for a little until we sort it out.”

his hand gently ran through your hair as he kissed your temple. “no matter what, angel, i promise to take care of the both of you.”

#gracie writes rafe cameron 🌺 #gracies asks and requests 💌 #rafe fanfiction #rafe cameron #rafe cameron smut #rafe imagine #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe obx #rafe x reader #outerbanks rafe #rafe outer banks

[forever-rogue]

yayy now that ik you're open to write for joel, i propose smth angsty along the lines of "you came back for me" bc reader and joel got into a really big fight before getting separated. i just want the angstttt pls crush my heart tear it apart then put it back together by ending really fluffy plssss

AN | The inevitable has arrived - here we are foraying into Joel territory. Enjoy ❤️

Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 2.4k

Masterlist | Joel, Main

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“You’re really stupid sometimes,” it was an exasperated huff that had your hands on your hips as you looked at him. You didn’t mean it - not really anyway. Joel was probably one of the smartest and most resourceful people you’d ever met. He hung his head with a heavy sigh before turning back to you. His expression was entirely unamused, “so foolish and - and stubborn!”

This got a laugh out of him, a bark of unamused laughter but nonetheless. He crossed his arms over his chest, “I’m stubborn? Have you met yourself? You don’t get what you want and you act like a petulant child!”

“I am not,” you hissed, trying your best not to stomp your foot; you didn’t need to help prove his point any further. Maybe he was a little right…Joel often was. But you also felt like your point was right too. Even if this was the middle of a weird zombie apocalypse you were now living in, you should be able to take some time out for yourself. Especially now that you had a more stable living situation, “it’s always work this and work that with you. We should-”

“We should do what we need to in order to survive,” he cut you off, refusing to meet your eyes. He knew, begrudgingly, that you also weren’t entirely wrong, “that is the most important thing.”

“What about us-”

“There is no us,” he insisted and damn. Those four little words broke your heart more than anything. All this time spent together, getting to know each other both on a physical and emotional level meant nothing to him. You should have known. It was almost funny in a horrible way. The older man refused to look at you and you couldn’t help but think him a coward. Maybe he was right after all - maybe you were just a child, “get that in your head and let’s get this over with. We’re losing daylight.”

He took a few steps forward, dirt and gravel crunching under his boots. You shook your head, more to yourself than anything but didn’t follow him. When Joel didn’t hear your footsteps behind him, he turned around, “I’m not going with you.”

“C’mon,” he insisted, “don’t be like this. It’s dangerous for you to be out here by yourself.”

“Well, how am I ever going to learn to survive solely on my own if I’ve always got you or someone else leading the way?” He was correct in reasoning though. It wasn’t safe for anyone alone. It was also recommended that people go out in pairs for that reason, “just go on and I’ll find my own way back.”

“Stop acting like this,” but you just shook your head and took a step further back, “can you just listen to me for once?”

“Actually, Joel, for once it would be me not listening to you. So…you do whatever it is you need to do, do it. I’ll go back and patiently wait. Then you can come back and tell me what to do,” you offered him a sticky sweet smile before turning on your heel and heading back in the direction from which you came. You took off before Joel could say anything, biting your lip in order to keep from making any extra sounds or letting your tears fall down your cheeks. 

You heard him call after you, your name falling from his lips in an increasingly exasperated tone. You heard him come after you for a few moments, but eventually he stopped, his signature sigh falling from his lips. But eventually he moved on and you continued back towards Jackson. 

Realistically you’d just proved his point by acting in such a childish manner. But you didn’t care, not right now. He’d hurt you, and you didn’t even know if he’d meant to or knew the effect his words were having on you. 

“Dumb, stupid girl,” you groaned at yourself, “had to go and mess everything up. And now you’re going to get yourself lost.”

Admittedly, your sense of direction wasn’t the greatest. But the path you’d taken to get to this point, the point where you’d picked an argument with Joel, had been a fairly linear path. Surely you couldn’t fuck that up.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

And yet…you managed to fuck that right up. 

It was dark and you weren’t back to Jackson yet and you knew that was wrong. It shouldn't have taken so long to get back. You should have been back already. Somewhere along the line you had either taken a wrong turn or missed a turn but you found yourself wandering aimlessly. It was too quiet out here, not even sounds of nighttime creatures reaching your ears. If there were anything out there with you, they’d probably hear you in a heartbeat. You’d just have to hope that there wouldn’t be any runners or stalkers or worse - clickers. You were glad you’d remembered to stash an extra knife in your boot and still had the shotgun slung across your back. You’d never taken one on your own, but you figured you could manage. You were going to have to. 

But you just hoped that you wouldn’t come across everything. You’d just camp out in one of the abandoned buildings you’d found until daybreak and then make your way back. That seemed like the most logical and smart thing to do. 

You went to check the front door of the building and, naturally, it was locked. Luckily there was an open window nearby that you figured you could use to get in. Hopefully that was a good sign that nothing else was able to get in either. You jumped the little bit of distance that you needed in order to climb up, catching your hands on the window sill and pulling yourself up. You managed to get in, but suffered a less than graceful landing as you plopped on the ground. And…managed to roll your ankle in the process. 

“Fuck,” you cried, clutching at your ankle in pain as you tried to stifle your whimper. Tears rolled down your cheeks as you slowly sat up and tried to massage the pain in your ankle away, “shit, damn it. Fuck!”

As soon as the words left your mouth, you slapped a hand over it to try and keep any further sound at bay. You sat still, and listened for a few moments to make sure you didn’t hear anything. After a few tense, still minutes had passed, you relaxed; it didn’t seem like anything was there with you. 

Crawling towards the corner, you made yourself as small as possible, sitting with your back against the concrete wall, and hugging your knees to your chest. Anything to make yourself as small and unimposing as possible. It was probably a stupid idea to sleep, alone and vulnerable, but it had been a long day and you needed some rest. Your eyes grew heavier and heavier and before you knew it you had succumbed to sleep’s siren call.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

By the time your eyes opened up, heavy and dry, it was the morning. Daylight was streaming inside the room and you let out a relieved, but shaky sigh. You’d made it through the night. That in and of itself was a good sign that you’d make it back. It was safer in the light and you might even meet someone from Jackson on the way back. 

As you tried to stand up, you quickly remembered what had happened. The stabbing pain your ankle causing you to yelp as you leaned against the wall, using it to help support yourself. Okay, okay, okay - this was going to be trickier than you thought but you’d be able to get yourself out of there. Your survival instinct was stronger than that.

But before you could do anything or plan anything else you heard it. It was your name being called out in the distance. Gooseflesh erupted all over your skin as you tried to pick out the voice. It came closer and closer and it didn’t take long to figure out who it was. Joel. It made your heart jump before you remembered what had happened. You could just - fuck it. You needed him to survive and while you were stubborn among a whole lot of other things, you were willing to put aside. 

“Joel!” you held onto the sill so tightly that your knuckles were turning white. You poked your head outside and looked around until you found him a short distance away, “Joel.”

He stopped at the sound of your voice, and you could see the evident relief that washed over his features. He jogged over to you, and you offered him a tentative, nervous little smile. He shook his head when he realized that you were safe, running a hand through his dark hair. Joel exhaled slowly before looking at you, a hard glint to his, “do you have any idea how worried I’ve been?”

“I’m fine, thanks,” you rolled your eyes lightly.

“This isn’t a game,” his voice sounded between annoyed, worried, and relieved all at once. He reached over and gently touched your face, his hand resting on your cheek, “you thought you could just go off on your own and find your way back? You couldn’t even do that. I got back and you weren’t there. Do you even know what I thought? I-I…”

“I’m okay,” you promised, putting your hand on top of his and giving it what you hoped was a reassuring little squeeze. He wasn’t looking at you, instead looking up at the blue sky. It was almost funny in a way; if you looked up, staring into the bright blue sky, it almost seemed like nothing was wrong and the world was as it had always been, “look at me, please. Joel.”

“I thought something had happened,” he swallowed the lump in his throat as his eyes met yours. There was a hard edge to them, but they were still soft, “I thought I’d fucking lost you.”

“You came back,” you took his hand in yours, admiring the feeling of his calloused fingers against your surprisingly soft skin, “you came back for me.”

“Of course I did,” he said as though it was the most obvious thing in the world, “that was never a question. You should have just come with me and none of this would have happened. You stubborn, foolish girl.”

“You…” it all seemed so trivial and silly now. Now that he was back and had come for you, “I…’m sorry. I shouldn’t have just left. Not with my sense of direction.”

“I’m sorry too,” he admitted and you raised an eyebrow in surprise. That was not what you had been expecting to hear. Joel Miller was a hard man and he didn’t generally didn’t experience situations in which he had to apologize, “I shouldn’t have said the things I did.”

“I shouldn’t have just assumed that you and I were…anything,” your voice dropped as you tried to blink back the tears that threatened to well up, “it was stupid of me and ended up causing both a lot of trouble.”

“You are extremely important to me,” his voice was gentle when it broke the silence that had fallen over the two of you. You couldn’t help the small smile that ticked up the corners of your mouth, “even if I didn’t make it seem like it. We’ll…figure it out, okay? But I want you to know that…I…”

“I know,” you did know. You knew exactly what he was trying to convey, exactly what was going through his mind. It was the same thing you were still scared to say, “me too, Joel.”

He brought your hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to your knuckles, “c’mon. Let’s get you back home and we can…go from there.”

“There’s, um…just a small issue with that,” you put on a sheepish smile as Joel looked at you expectantly, “when I found this place last night - the door was locked. I didn’t want to make too much noise so I didn’t try to force it open. Instead, I climbed in through the window.”

“I can get you out of the window-”

“I hurt my ankle.”

“Of course you did.”

“Joel-”

“It’s always something with you,” he tutted at you, but there wasn’t any anger or malice behind the sound, “what am I going to do with you, huh?”

“Keep me around because I keep you on your toes?” you tried and he couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him. You looked at him with a gentle smile, “can you help get me out of here?”

“Of course,” he promised, “sprained or broken?”

“I dunno,” you looked at the swollen joint and grimaced, “I think just sprained. But I’m not a doctor so…”

“Kid,” affection laced the nickname that he liked to tease you with. He came closer to the window and held his arms out to you. You quickly wrapped your arms around him, letting him tug you closer to his body before he picked you up and swung you through the window. You thought he would set you down, but he didn’t. Instead he held to you his chest, “you’re okay. I’ve got you.”

“Thank you,” before you could stop yourself you kissed him tenderly on his scruffy cheek, “thank you for coming back for me.”

“I’ll always come back for you,” he promised and you knew he meant it, “always.”

“I know,” you hugged him tightly, “me too. I mean, if the situation were ever reversed. Which I doubt it would be, but you know, the sentiment is there.”

“I know, Kid,” you could feel the laughter vibrating in his chest, “I know."

#joel miller #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller imagine #joel miller one shot #pedro pascal #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x reader #tlou #tlou hbo

[moon-rivr]

so I have this idea in my head right, how would Miguel would be like after breaking up with reader, but it was his fault. He kept lashing out at them even though they were trying to help, they tried and tried again and again until reader had enough and broke things off, and Miguel is HEARTBROKEN.

But take your time! And have a great day/afternoon/night !!

breaking point

pairing: miguel o’hara x reader

contents: angst

author’s note: you just know the way to my heart w this request anon 😫

word count: 4k

"Los hombres no lloran, Miguel." (men don’t cry)

Conchata had first told these words to him when he fell off his bike around five years old, blood smearing all over his leg. He'd continued to hear those words throughout the course of his life whenever he got hurt, emotionally or physically. As much as the words had engraved into his very being, the only thing that he wanted to do as he stood in front of your door was burst out into tears. The bouquet of flowers he was holding dropped down to the floor, the petals scattering around the concrete. He willed himself to try to move, to get himself to walk away and save whatever bits of pride he had left but he couldn't. All he wanted to do was wait for you to change your mind, tell him that this was all just a cruel joke on your part.

He'd gone over to your house, wearing a button down shirt and his nicest pair of pants while he held the bouquet of roses in his hand, hoping that you'd go out to a dinner with him. He took note of the way that your smile faded away when you opened the door, your arms folded across your chest in a defensive manner. He was met with a "what are you doing here?" instead of the usual kiss and hug he'd grown accustomed to when the two of you started dating. "I thought that maybe you'd like to go out on a date. Eat some of that spaghetti that you like," he responded, determined to making things between the two of you right.

He'd seen the spark from your eyes slightly dim with every day that passed, until you eventually looked at him with pure exhaustion. The love that you used to share for him completely disappeared, each glance directed towards him begging for a change. Despite the fact that the relationship kept draining every single of drop of your energy, he selfishly wanted to keep you close to him. He realized that the flowers and dinner that he'd offered you weren't enough to make up for the months of pain that he'd caused with his actions, but he held hope that it would be a step towards the right direction. Or at least an excuse for him to talk over with you, explain his reasoning for the way he’d been acting.

"What are you trying to prove with this, Miguel?" You asked him, your figure still blocking the door as the two of you conversed. "I’m not trying to prove anything. I just want to share a dinner with you, te lo suplico," he practically pleaded with you, the action foreign even to himself. He was used to being demanding to get his way, never being the one who was at mercy. "I don't want to have a dinner with you. You'll probably end up having a meltdown that I’m using the salad fork to eat my spaghetti," you remarked, standing out of the way to close the door. He pressed his foot against the door before you had the chance to close it, his brows furrowing through the crack on the door.

"Is it the spaghetti? We can get something else if that's what you want, I just miss spending time with you," he spoke up, holding your gaze through the opening. "You wouldn't miss spending time with me if you hadn't been so busy on pushing me away," your reply came out cold, detached. Part of the reason that he'd asked you out for this spontaneous dinner was that he wanted to make up for it somehow by doing a grand gesture, feeling you slip underneath his fingers with every day that passed. "Please? I won't ask anything more of you than just this date. I'll get down on my knees if you want me to, there's nothing that I wouldn't do for you," he told you, a dry chuckle eliciting from your lips.

"You say that now, but you couldn't even act like a decent boyfriend. You couldn't do the bare minimum and now you think that with some shocking spaghetti date, you're gonna fix the damage that you did to this relationship. I don't want anything to do with you, leave me alone," your annoyance was growing by the second with every word that you uttered, closing the door after he stepped aside. You thought that expelling him out of your life would make you burst out into tears, that it would elicit a feeling of pain deep within inside you. But, you'd spent so much time mourning the loss of the relationship before this moment that it almost didn't feel real.

Going to his home to pick up your things a couple days later filled you with a sense of relief, knowing that nothing was tying you to him anymore. You held a box of the things he'd left at your apartment as well, a couple shirts from when he'd stay the night as well as a couple necessities. You didn't feel anything as you looked down at the stuffed animal he'd gotten you at the beginning of the relationships, back when the dates actually used to be something consistent. It was a bizarre that every memory of the relationship that the two of you held could easily be buried into a box, the contents of it each signifying something different.

You hesitated for a moment before knocking on his door, setting the box on your knee to free up one of your hands. You looked up at Miguel as he opened up the door, a stubble starting to show on his chin as well as the dark circles adorning his under eyes. You'd seen him spend many days awake, never exactly looking the way that he looked now. "We're doing this whole thing?" He asked you, his scratchy voice taking you out of your thoughts as you focused back on the task at hand. "Yeah, I just figured it would be better to get it out the way as soon as possible. Do you mind if I come in?" You responded, trying to ignore the smell of alcohol practically seeping through his pores. It almost made you feel a bit of sympathy, the fact that he was hurting so badly because of you. Almost.

He stepped aside to let you in, a couple papers scattered across the floors as well as an unkempt dinner table. "I'm just gonna go to your room and get my stuff," you muttered, stepping around the room to avoid the pieces of paper scattered around. The last thing you needed was for him to cause a problem over stepping some important paper. You'd stepped into his room, immediately overwhelmed with the memories of your time spent in here. Every single night that the two of you shared together, whether it be something bloomed out of intimacy or simply just comforting one another, ran through you like a tidal wave at all once. This room served as a place where you and Miguel had shared some of your most intimate secrets and moments, so it seemed a bit fitting that this was where it all ended. It took you a couple seconds to get your feet unstuck from the spot you were standing in, walking over to his nightstand to get some of your jewelry.

Miguel hated how you looked so casual while you were picking up the stuff, almost like the action didn't matter to you the same way that it did to him. "Are you sure we can't work out through this? I know we've been doing a little rocky recently but I don't think it's enough for us to end our relationship," he spoke up from his spot on the doorframe, his retinas practically burning from the sunlight coming in through the window. You'd pulled the curtain back to have the natural sunlight guide you through the room while you were picking up your stuff, but he hadn't slept in days. It felt like he was staring into direct sunlight so he pulled out his new best friend, a pair of sunglasses he'd bought last time he went for a beer run. Despite the fact that his body metabolized the alcohol at an accelerated rate than most, he still enjoyed the couple of minutes he felt a buzz.

You turned to look back at him, completely brazen by the way that he was choosing to approach the situation. "We haven't been doing rocky just recently, we've been rocky for a couple months now. And if you're not going to attempt to be better, then what's the whole point?" You responded, putting in the final articles of clothing that belonged to you. "I already told you, I've been stressed out lately. I promise once I'm done with this anomaly case, I’ll be more agreeable to be around," he told you, his heart pounding inside of his chest as you stepped closer to him on your way out. "You've been saying that for the last five months. Being stressed out doesn't give you a free access pass just to be an ass to everyone trying to help you," your words hit him like a dagger, the intensity of the impact increasing as you walked out on him.

The relationship that you'd had with Miguel was good at the beginning, like something told out of a fairytale. You met him one of the missions dealing with a Rhino variant, the mission proving to be more challenging than you'd originally anticipated. You'd called him as a last resort, your suit hanging on by the last thread and web shooters running dangerously low. You were extremely lucky that you were even able to swing far away enough from the anomaly, fingers haphazardly moving across your gizmo to call for backup. He'd appeared next to you, taking a glimpse of your appearance before motioning you to go inside the portal. "I'll take care of this, you're too hurt to continue. I'll send you the report later if that's something you want," he'd told you, analyzing the scene in front of him before jumping into action.

Even though you did want to see the end to this fight, you realized that you might be more of a hindrance than help in the current state you were in. You staggered inside of the portal, getting transported back to HQ in what seemed to be only a matter of seconds. You made your way into the infirmary to get a couple wounds checked out, your accelerated healing slowed by the amount of hits you'd taken throughout the course of the fight. The nurse's precise hands were a nice change of pace from the sloppy work that you were used to doing on yourself, the process of getting the stitches done not being as bad. "If you're still in pain after, just come back and we'll give you something to accelerate that healing of yours. It should be gone in about an hour or so," the nurse told you as she was finished up with your injuries, rinsing her hands in the sink at the back of the room.

You thanked her for the job that she'd done before heading out to the lab in order to make some modifications to your suit. You were looking through the formula of your webbing, trying to pinpoint why exactly it was that you ran out of them so fast. The webs had lasted you long enough when your only job was to protect New York in your dimension but now that you were acting as a multi-dimensional protector of sorts, you'd found yourself to be running out of them much faster than your other counterparts. "What are you doing here this late? Shouldn't you be resting?" You heard from behind you, turning around to be faced with miguel's stoic expression as he walked in through the door. "I'm doing better, I’m just trying to figure something out with my webbing. How'd it go with the rhino?"

"It was fine. You'd done a decent job of beating him up so the task wasn't too difficult to get done," he responded, taking the notebook from you as he read through the components of your writing. You wanted to let out a scoff at how he'd taken it away, but you also knew he could offer a unique perception of the composition given his previous job. You weren't used to depending on much people, the only person that'd been that constant for you being Uncle Ben before his imminent death. You couldn't deny that it did feel like a small burden being lifted off your shoulders to be able to depend on someone else for help, even if it was in the form of a mildly tempered man. He took your pen from the desk, starting to write some things down before handing it back to you. "Try changing these and see how much better it gets. I'm not too specialized in the matter since my webs are organic but I think it'll do you some good."

Miguel always found himself annoyed when someone burst into his office without announcing their arrival beforehand, but he couldn't seem to get annoyed with you when you did. "Hey, I hope I'm not bothering. I wanted to thank you for the insight you gave me, it really did help with the webbing issue," you spoke up, having to crane your neck to look up at him as he stood on the platform. "No problem. Is there something else that you needed?" he responded, the platform slowly starting its descent. "Well, I was wondering if you could help me design a new suit since mine got pretty torn up during that battle. You seem to be aware of what type of materials to use and whatnot, so I figured you were probably best to ask," you told him, his figure looming in front of yours as he got off the platform. "Sure, follow me."

It was easy to fall in love with him despite the nature that he showed to others, since he was always so relaxed with you. You could see the walls that he'd carefully buried his feelings with slowly start to crumble down every single time that the two of you were together. Dates between the two of you had become routine, some of the members from HQ commending you for getting Miguel out of his office for more than a couple minutes at a time. He caressed your skin with such care, each one of his touches exuding the affection that he was harboring towards you. The time that he told you that he loved you, you couldn't help but feel like you were on top of the world for a change. You knew how hard it was for him to love people, to even get close to them, so to have the honor of having his heart was one you valued greatly.

You weren't sure when your relationship with Miguel started to feel like it was heading in a downward spiral, the whole thing resembling the feeling of being on a rollercoaster. "Don't worry, he just doesn't know how to deal with things," Peter had tried to assure you after he witnessed one of the more intense fights that the two of you had. You'd tried to take Peter's advice and not let the arguments get too much to your head, but it seemed like you were walking on land mines every time you interacted with him. After every storm, there seemed to be calm aura around the two of you for a couple days. almost as a way to recharge and regroup before the next fight started and the cycle repeated itself once more. You forgave him every time that he did something you would disagree with, a small part of you dying inside with every "it's okay" that you gave him.

He'd grown more fond of you, falling deeper and deeper in love with you every time that you forgave him for pushing your boundaries. But on the contrary, you started to fall out of love with him with every empty promise at being better that he uttered. His apologies had become repetitive, to the point where he was simply just recycling them in hopes that you wouldn't be pissed off at him for more than a day or two. The words "I’m sorry" had become a routine part of his vocabulary, almost seeming like every conversation that he held with you included them. The words soon enough lost all the original meaning to them, especially when he said them in that tone that implied he would rather be doing anything else than apologizing.

"Can't you see i'm trying to focus on this damn anomaly? It's already hard enough with you interrupting," he scowled as you came into his office with a box of pizza. You'd meant for it to be a kind gesture, for him to be able to eat something throughout the day since you knew that he would spend most of time buried away in the shadows tinkering with his screens. "I just wanted to get you something to eat so you wouldn't have to worry about it," you hated how weak your voice sounded as you spoke, your voice doing nothing to conceal the hurt you felt. "I'll change, I'm sorry. I'll do better," he assured you, dipping his head down to kiss your forehead once he saw your bottom lip tremble. "I'm just so stressed, y'know how it is. I'll manage it better for you, I promise. I'll really do it this time," he told you before you walked away from his office, imaginary claws digging into your chest. And he had kept his promise, mostly changing for the worst.

"I don't get why you're so pissed off that I missed our date, it's just one out of many. We'll just go on another one," he scoffed, not even bothering to look at you as his fingers typed away on the hovering monitor. "It was our two year anniversary date, Miguel. And I'm pissed off because you've been missing out every date that we have scheduled for the past five months," you managed to get out, almost like you didn't believe that he would forget. "I said I would make it up to you, stop making a big deal out of this," he reiterated, talking to you like you were the one in the wrong for having the simple desire of wanting to hang out with him. "There was a time when you actually knew the balance between being with me and your work. I hope you find that soon for both of our sakes," you told him, reminiscing of many months ago before stepping out of his office.

You were so tired of forcing yourself to look at the good that had been in the relationship, tired of living off of solely the good memories. The decision of breaking up hadn't been something that crossed your mind until you saw a couple strolling down the street while you were on your way to get something to eat. You'd never felt so alone looking at them despite the fact that you had a partner, but the way that they laughed and basked in each other's presence seemed something almost foreign to you at this point in time. You were grasping at straws, hoping that one day Miguel would wake up and love you the way that he used to. But that hope inside you slowly began to extinguish, until there was nothing left but just a feeling of adaptation. You wanted to convince yourself that you could adapt to this new way of living, of being able to claim that he was your boyfriend out of the love you felt for him without actually spending time with him, but the simple truth was that you couldn't handle it anymore.

To him, the breakup had been sudden. like you woke up one day and decided that being with him wasn't worth it anymore. It was hard for Miguel to even fathom the idea of having to go through the motions of life without you, especially when he saw himself having a future with you. He'd thought about what it would've been like coming home to you, maybe with a couple kids and a dog running around. But that's all that it was now, just a thought he wouldn't be able to fulfill. He felt the void of your presence everytime he walked inside of his apartment, it was like you had never been in his space in the first place. He wanted to grow accustomed to that feeling, but every single of atom of his being couldn't help but yearn for you.

Every single task that he had to do in his life felt meaningless now that he couldn't return home to you, not that he would do it on most days regardless. But he liked to have the knowledge that you would be there, welcoming him with a hug and a smile while your hands massaged his back. He knew that it was nobody's fault but his own, for pushing you too far past your limits. He wanted to blame it on his upbringing, for not having a good coping mechanism with his stress, but he knew that the fault all lied on his shoulders. He wasn't aware of how good he'd had it until he lost you, realizing just how lucky he was to have someone so kind and understanding be by his side. His hands reached out for you in the couple hours of sleep that he managed to get, silent tears rolling down his cheeks after finding that you weren't there.

"Your serotonin levels are extremely low, are you sure you don't want to take a break from all this?" LYLA spoke up, doing the routine health scan Miguel had programmed her to. "Don't start. Just give me the reports," he grumbled, looking up once LYLA was finished talking. "You have 10 missed messages, do you want me to read them out to you?" LYLA asked him as he sat at his desk, his hands on his knees as he looked down at the floor. As LYLA read out the messages that Gabriel along with a couple of the other spider recruits had sent him, he couldn't help but wish that maybe your name would pop up in between the mix. "Discard them all, thank you," he ordered LYLA, the assistant doing as she's told before disappearing off into thin air.

"Miguel! My man, How are you doing?" Peter's voice boomed throughout the office, his voice echoing through the confined space. Miguel gave a small grunt in response, not willing himself to entertain him at the moment. "Well, I have to say that me and MJ are doing so great right now, I'm honestly so lucky to have her in my life," Peter gushed about his wife, completely oblivious to the internal turmoil raging inside of Miguel. "Are you here just to talk about how wonderful your wife is or does this impromptu appearance have a point?" He asked the man, arms folded underneath his chin. "Well, I was wondering if maybe you wanted to come out of your office for once. You've been trapped in here for a long time," Peter told him, his bunny slippers squeaking on the floor as he walked closer to Miguel. Miguel wanted to deny the accusations and lie, say that he's fine and that he'd been going outside of his office, but he decided to stay quiet.

As soon as he stepped out of the office with Peter B, he couldn't help but instantly regret his decision. because there you stood, laughing along with something a recruit was telling you. At that moment, he so captivated by the way that your laugh sounded, like the tune of a thousand angels singing down on him. The way that your smile just seemed to radiate across the room even to him, making him feel as though he were a planet and you the sun, simply entranced in your orbit. But with those feelings also stemmed the feelings of regret and jealousy. He wanted to be the one that made you laugh like that, wanted you to even spare a single glance at him. It made him want to hold you in his embrace one more time, to appreciate everything that he'd lost the moment you broke up with him. You were so close to him, yet so unattainable.

#moon-rivr #miguel o’hara #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara angst #angst #miguel o'hara x you #miguel o’hara spiderman 2099 #miguel o’hara across the spider verse #miguel o’hara x y/n #miguel o’hara fic #miguel o’hara imagine #miguel o’hara fanfiction #miguel imagine #atsv miguel #miguel x y/n #miguel x you #spiderman 2099 #miguel spiderman #miguel spiderverse #spiderman atsv #spiderman #spiderman across the spiderverse #miguel x reader #miguel fic #miguel 2099 #miguel fanfic #miguel ohara #miguel atsv

[theidiotwhowritesthings]

Ni Ceta, Cyar'ika

Dark!Din Djarin x Jedi!Female Reader

Warnings: corruption arc, murder, death of minor character (i don't wanna spoil it but I wanna make sure no one is caught off guard. it's axe woves), possessive behavior, loss and anxiety, light smut, mentions of being intimate

Word Count: 7,842

Summary: Din Djarin is a man who lost everything. His home, his son, his Creed. But at the end of the day, he still had you. He still had you, and he was determined to keep you.

[a/n: if dark fics aren't your forte, don't worry this isn't super dark. well, not as dark as i originally planned to go. more psychological horror than physical]

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"i denied death for you. and i'd die for you again. kill for you. i'd tear the stars down from the heavens to fashion you a crown. you are my heart. my queen. i'd do anything and everything you ask me."

-Jay Kristoff

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Looking back, you had no chance of not falling in love with Din Djarin. Even despite having plenty of reasons not to. You were on the run from the Empire, trying to keep a padawan safe from them. He was hired to collect said padawan as a bounty. He was a Mandalorian. You were a Jedi. Needless to say, the odds had been stacked against you both, but falling for him was the simplest thing in all the worlds.

You had a lot of reason not to, sure, but you also had no chance in avoiding it. Not with the way he put you and Grogu above everything else⏤ even himself. Not with the way he balanced trusting you to hold your own in a fight versus protecting you when you were overwhelmed. Not with the way his hand would softly brush against you as if he wanted so badly to touch you but thought himself unworthy. Not with the way his hoarse voice whispered your name in the softest concern and care.

Never before had you put any belief in the concept of soulmates, it seemed silly, but after meeting Din you weren’t so sure. The two of you seemed made to fit one another. Complement. Make the other stronger, better. The way you both understood one another, the care and love that came so easily… It was as if you loved him in another life. Like the two of you were destined to find one another in every lifetime. Made of the same stardust and shaped by the galaxy itself.

You loved Din Djarin. You loved him so damn much, and it made watching him crumble that much harder.

“Din.” You mumbled. Boba had swooped back to pick the lot of you up after the successful rescue mission. Though calling it successful seemed…bittersweet. Grogu was safe, but Grogu was gone. You wandered closer to where Din sat in a chair. He had isolated himself the moment you all boarded the ship. He was slumped over, elbows on his knees, and head hanging down. You knelt down by his side and squeezed his arm. “Hey. I wanted to check on you.” Din nodded, but stayed silent. His helmet stayed facing down, away from you, and it broke your heart to see him so devastated. “Tell me what you need, baby. I can stay or I can give you some space.”

Again, Din did not respond, but he turned his arm just enough to grasp you by the hand. You gave it a slight squeeze and just stayed there. For the rest of the flight neither of you moved. You knew Din felt like he couldn't complain. Grogu was safe with Skywalker, set to train and harness his gifts. Softly, you reassured him that whatever he was feeling was alright. He stayed silent.

Boba and Fennec’s goal was to reach Tatooine so you and Din tagged along. It wasn’t far. You all got there in a matter of hours and when you parted ways, Boba encouraged you or Din to call him if anything was ever needed. It didn’t take long for you to get a room at an inn. 

That night in bed you held Din close. The room had been darkened so even if you did open your eyes all you could see was his silhouette. He loved you with soft touches and thankful whispers, and when the both of you were spent and exhausted Din collapsed into you. Typically, he liked being the big spoon. Din loved wrapping his body around yours, all encompassing, as if he needed to protect you even in sleep. However, tonight, Din clung to your side⏤ an arm draped over your waist as he laid his head on your bare chest. You held him close, raking a hand through his hair tenderly.

The room was filled with quiet breaths, and when Din spoke his voice was so hushed that you nearly missed it.

“Don’t leave me, cyar'ika.” He seemed to beg. “I can’t lose you.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” You said firmly. Holding onto him tighter. You continued to whisper promises of staying by his side long after he fell asleep.

Din wanted to find the covert. That was what he told you he needed. You had no qualms with that. You wanted to do whatever you had to in order to help him find some semblance of normal. Coruscant was not one of your favorite places in the galaxy, but you’d walk through hell as long as Din was by your side. As you followed him, his eyes tracking signs and clues you couldn’t see, your own gaze continued to drift to the saber hanging from Din’s belt. His newest acquisition.

Ages ago, when it had been time to build your own lightsaber, the kyber crystal you chose had really chosen you. Everybody had certain strengths, even within the Force, and yours was reading energies. Your kyber crystal seemed to sing to you. The energy it gave was warmth. It was protective. It was loyal. Building your lightsaber had been a time honored tradition you treasured. Having it hang from your hip was something you did not take lightly. It gave you strength.

The energy coming from the darksaber felt…wrong. It was hard to put into words. It was muted to you, as if trying to hide, but still the darksaber seemed to weep a negative energy into the air itself. You didn’t like it, but you had no significant reasoning why other than ‘it feels bad’.

When the two of you reached the covert, Din was adamant about you coming in with him. Even when you told him you thought it was a bad idea, he still tangled his hand in yours and dragged you in. Just as you thought the other two Mandalorians there were unhappy with seeing you. In part because of the lightsaber on your hip, but more so because you were not their kind. You were not Mandalorian. Auretii. That’s what the Armorer called you. An outsider. It wasn’t inaccurate. 

The interaction started bad and only got worse.

Paz Vizsla challenged Din for the darksaber, a man you knew that Din considered to be a brother even despite rough disagreements in the past, and watching Din use the saber sent a chill down your spine. It was too heavy in his hands, and with every swing the blade was more difficult for Din to use. You could see it in his stride. You didn’t know how to explain it⏤ it was always difficult to explain the way an energy felt to you⏤ but the saber was fighting. It was annoyed.

Din won the battle.

“Din Djarin, have you ever removed your helmet?” The silence that followed the question broke your heart. “Have you ever removed your helmet?” You felt useless watching Din endure this pain. It was the same watching Skywalker carry Grogu away. You were a witness to his suffering. “By Creed, you must vow.”

“I have.”

“Then, you are a Mandalorian no more.”

The walk back into the depths of Coruscant was silent and painful. You slipped your hand into his, giving it a reassuring squeeze. I’m here. I’m not leaving. You will not lose me. Din returned the squeeze, but the pain was radiating off him in palpable waves. A feeling washed over you and your eyes darted to Din’s hip where the saber rested. Smug. It felt smug. 

The two of you walked into the covert as Mandalorian and Jedi, but left as Apostate and Aruetti.

You had the opinion that Din never got to properly mourn the loss of the Razor Crest. With everything going on at the time, it seemed like the least of the problems you both had. However, it's loss was felt now. Even in the short time you spent with Din and Grogu, the ship had become a place of comfort. For Din, the Crest had been all he had for so long⏤ it was his home. It held all his belongings and in a singular second it was all gone.

That aching wound was constantly festering, but when the two of you were forced to ride in public ships to get from world to world you could tell it stung Din the most. That’s how you’d have to get off Coruscant, but a small victory came in the form of a message from Peli. 

“Din, you’re not gonna believe this.” You grinned as he returned from whatever errand he had to do. “Peli has a possible Razor Crest replacement. She just messaged me. If we can just get to⏤”

“No.”

Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, but Din took you by the hand and began to travel the opposite way of the small inn you were staying in. “What?”

“I found a ship. Here. Already purchased it.”

Surprise washed over you. “Wait.” You tried to get him to stop and look at you, but Din seemed like a man on a mission. “You bought it already? Without even asking me?”

“It was my credits.”

The words stung. It was so dismissive. Nothing like the way Din usually spoke to you. He always discussed big decisions with you, just as you did with him. The two of you were a team. Through and through. Din seemed to sense your displeasure and his steps faltered.

“Cyar'ika, ni ceta.” Din murmured. You recognized the apology. He turned and settled a hand on the side of your face. “I…I don’t know what came over me. I suppose I was just excited.”

“It’s…” You lifted a hand to cup the one tenderly caressing your cheek. Din had just lost his Creed. The cornerstone of his existence. Of course, he’d be short. You’d be more worried if he wasn’t showing signs of being upset. You gave him a tight lipped smile. “No, I’m sorry. Are you alright? How do you feel?” Din didn’t respond. “Baby?”

He shook his head, his voice quiet. “I’m just ready to be off world.”

“I understand.” You gave him a smile. “Show us our new home then.”

Din let out a small chuckle and you took that as a victory. He led you to a yard of ships and pointed out a black ship with burgundy accents. It was nothing special. It wasn’t the Razor Crest. However, it had enough space for the both of you.

“This is nice.” You explored the cargo hold. 

“It’ll do.” Din countered.

You jumped when you heard the ramp closing and as Din passed you to get to the cockpit, he set his hand on your lower back to take you with him. As you settled in the passenger seat, you watched as Din familiarized himself with the control panel. When the ship reached the atmosphere, you leaned forward.

“Hey, maybe we should go see Peli anyways. Say hello.” You suggested. “She can look the ship over and tell us if we need anything…” Peli would just rip you off, but she was a familiar face. Boba and Fennec were on Tatooine as well. You thought Din could use more than just you. A reminder that he had more in his life than he thought. “Din?”

“No.” Din replied. He placed in a set of coordinates and you recognized them to be Nevarro. Well, maybe that would work. Karga was there. Cara too. Last you heard, Mayfeld was kicking around the newest establishment. The ship slipped into hyperspace and Din held a hand out to you. When you took it he yanked you toward him and you fell onto his lap. “We’re needed in Nevarro. Karga.”

He said it as if the name was enough. Before you could ask for further clarification, Din was tossing his gloves aside. He hit a button that shaded the windows, dimming the room till it was nearly impossible to see then he whispered to close your eyes. It was natural for you to do just as he asked. His hands grasped at your hips, pulling you down to grind against your core, and a pair of lips began to leave open mouth kisses along your neck.

“Cyar'ika…” Din breathed as he wrestled your shirt off you. Rough and desperate. Yanking your breast band off with it. The moment you were bare to the chilly air of the cockpit, Din’s hot mouth wrapped around one of your nipples, teeth grazing sensitive skin, and you moaned. Din pulled away and you already missed his mouth. “Need you. Need all of you.”

Din loved you with rough hands and frantic begging. When the two of you were spent, breathless and sweaty, you slumped against his body. Din trailed his hands up and down your spine as if he couldn’t fathom not touching you.

“I can’t lose you.” He murmured in your ear. “Not you, cyar'ika.”

“You won’t.” You reassured him. “You won’t lose me.”

The reason Din stopped in Nevarro, stopped to see Karga, was for bounty pucks. You had never seen him take so many at once and he said less than ten words to the High Magistrate of Nevarro before dragging you back to the ship. 

A distraction. You convinced yourself. It was just a distraction. 

Din needed something to keep his mind busy and what better than bounty hunting? As long as you were there to keep an eye on him, make sure he’s cared for, then everything would be alright. It might take time, but it would be okay. That’s what you told yourself. Over and over and over. You wondered if the reassurance was more for your benefit. 

The first couple of bounties went normal, but slowly things began to feel…different. Wrong. The quarries Din brought in were more often cold than warm these days. He seemed to be favoring the darksaber as well. It had gone from a weapon used as a last resort to one of his regulars. Din got better with the weapon after every quarry, and the saber’s energy felt like it was singing. As wrong as it all felt, Din seemed himself still. In fact, he almost seemed closer to his normal self. The aching sadness and mourning wasn’t so present. 

“Din?” You called out from where you sat at the small table. Rather than staying on the new ship, the two of you had rented a room at a local inn. It put you closer to where the current quarry was hiding. “You in the mood for something specific? For dinner, I mean?” Din had stepped into the bathroom to clean up and still had yet to come out. “Baby?”

Concern began to take root, but the door opened and you felt it slip away only to be replaced by shock. A stranger in familiar armor stood in the doorway. Din. Din was helmetless. You quickly shut your eyes with a curse. Heavy footfalls crossed the room to stand in front of you and you felt Din’s warm hands on your cheeks.

“Cyar'ika, look at me.”

“Din, what are you doing?” You gasped. It had been nearly two months since the covert, but even then he kept his helmet on. Never took it off. You didn’t understand what had suddenly changed now so suddenly. “I⏤”

“I want you to see me.”

“But⏤ But, why now?”

Din’s thumbs were tracing your cheek and he wouldn’t answer your question. He murmured again for you to open your eyes and you hesitantly peeked through your lashes. Din stood towering above you. From where you sat, you had to look up to admire his features. His appearance was never important to you. You fell in love with the soul inside that armor. Din always swore you’d see his face one day, but the context would be different. He’d whisper about a future together as you both laid tangled in bed. 

He was handsome. Strong features, pretty dark brown eyes, scruff along his jaw. And his hair, you were finally able to see the dark slightly loose curls that you’d run your fingers through. You slowly stood and lifted a hand to trace his features.

“Am… Am I okay?” Din asked. 

The phrasing of the question was odd and it took you a moment to garner a guess. You cupped his face with a broad smile. “You’re more than okay. You’re perfect. Maker, it’s kind of not fair how handsome you are.” You kept your tone teasing and Din chuckled. The sight of his smile warmed your chest. “What brought this on?”

“I am an Apostate.” Din said firmly and you felt your own smile falter. His dark brown eyes stayed locked onto yours and though they held the depth and soul you always knew they would there was something else there. “I am no longer Mandalorian. Why should I hide my face any longer?”

“Din…” You mumbled. Concern leaking into your voice. This was quite the huge and sudden leap to make. “You⏤”

He leaned in and pressed a light kiss against your lips. The kiss turned deeper as Din began to devour you. Needy and wanting. Desperate. Soon he had you picked up into his arms so he could slam you against the wall. It always felt like Din craved you⏤ that wasn’t in debate. Right now though, he was like a man starved. As if he had never had never had you before and was worried he’d never have you again.

Din loved you like a man possessed. Pressed between him and the wall he was unrelenting. Still, held tight by the man you were in love with, Din moaned and begged for you to stay with him. He didn’t even pause to let you reassure him. Just praised the way you felt and pleaded for you to be his. 

There was something wrong with Din.

As you sat in the dingy alley, panting heavily from your near death experience, that was the first thought to occur to you. A hunt had gone wrong. One of the quarry’s allies had gotten the jump on you. You had taken a few hits, saw an opening to save yourself, but before you even had a chance the goon was being ripped off of you. Din had saved you, but it didn’t feel like being saved from where you sat.

Din had ripped the man off you and rather than use the darksaber he chose to beat the goon bloody with his hands. Blood splattered in the alley, on his otherwise spotless armor, and you found yourself trembling. The man who had been attacking you was long dead, but Din did not stop. His face was twisted in rage and hate. You called out his name, more than once, and eventually he paused in his onslaught to catch his breath. His chest was heaving from exertion and you could tear your eyes away from the red that stained his silver beskar.

Slowly, Din rose and stalked toward you. For a brief moment, you didn’t recognize Din. You didn’t know the stranger towering over you. He knelt down and reached out to cup the side of your face. The hot blood of the man Din had slaughtered smeared across your cheek. You could feel it and it sent a chill of fear down your spine. The hate began to dissipate from his eyes. There was a softness you recognized now, but for the first time you’d describe Din as hollow.

“Are you okay, cyar'ika?” He breathed. You nodded nervously. Din grabbed you by the arms and pulled you to stand. He let out a sigh of relief and wrapped you into a tight hug. He pressed you against his blood stained armor and laid his head on top of yours. Din shook his head, a shaky breath slipping from his lips, “I won’t lose you. I can’t lose you. No one will take you from me. I swear it, cyar'ika.” 

Relief and love radiated from Din, but all you could feel was the humming possessive energy that the darksaber blasted into the air around you both.

The sensation of dropping out of hyperspace woke you up. You blinked and reached out to a cold bed. Din had gotten up and was now dropping you out of hyperspace? You pushed up and slid out of bed. You found Din in the cockpit and the sight of an unfamiliar world hung in view just outside the ship. 

“Where are we?”

“Mandalore.”

You sat down in the passenger seat and grabbed Din by the knee forcing him to set the ship to drift and turn to face you. “What the kriff do you mean Mandalore?” Din didn’t respond. He leaned back in his seat and just stared at you. You were still trying to get used to seeing him without his helmet. Din rarely wore it these days. Even in a fight. “Din.”

“We’re meeting allies here.”

“For what?!”

“We’re recovering our home.”

Din was answering the questions as if you were being ridiculous for even asking them. As if you had been privy to this knowledge. Frustration made your temper flare. “Din, are you serious!?” He didn’t react and somehow that was worse. “We need to talk.”

“Then talk.”

Things had only gotten worse with Din. You were scared of what he was capable, but never in relation to you. No matter how cold his eyes grew, no matter how lost in got in a brutal fight, no matter how bitter the darksaber made the air, you knew Din wouldn’t hurt you. That knowledge was ingrained in your very soul. What worried you⏤ what kept you awake at night⏤ was your worry for Din. He always said he couldn’t lose you, but it felt like you were the one losing him.

“Baby.” You murmured and rose to take a seat in his lap innocently. Just trying to get closer to him. You cupped his face and at your contact the cold, distant look in his eyes briefly cracked. Din stared up at you in adoration and love. “I’m… I’m scared.”

Din furrowed his brow and sat up. His arms wrapped around your waist. “Don’t be. You never have to be scared. I’m never going to let anything hurt you.”

“No, Din, that’s not what I’m scared of.” You replied. “I’m scared for you. I’m worried about you.”

“I’ve never been better, cyar’ika.”

You raked a hand through his hair trying to convey every ounce of passion you felt for him in the simple motion. “Din… I’ve been wanting to say this for some time.” You shook your head. “The darksaber.” There was a flash of something unrecognizable in his gaze, but you pressed onward. “It’s… dangerous. You know when I told you about my lightsaber. It’s energy.” He nodded. “The darksaber gives off an energy too, and I don’t like it.”

“What do you mean?” Din asked.

“It feels like,” You winced and struggled for a description to match, “poison. Din, baby, it feels like poison.” Din shook his head as if he still could not understand what it was you were trying to say. “I think it’s a bad influence.”

Din scoffed but the curl of his lips made it seem like he wasn’t taking your statement seriously. “Cyar’ika, it’s a sword. It can’t influence me.”

“It’s not just a sword, Din. It has a kyber crystal in it and⏤”

“Are you trying to tell me I need to get rid of it?” He pressed. You gave a small nod. “I can’t. I need it.” You opened your mouth to argue, but his arms tightened around you. “If we’re going to take Mandalore back, recover it, then I have to use the darksaber. Be Mandalor.”

Your eyes widened. “Since when did you want that title??”

“But more importantly, I need it to protect you.” He whispered, ignoring your question entirely. Din leaned his forehead against yours and the touch was so soft and reverent that you shuddered. He took in a slow deep breath. “You are my priority. Always. The darksaber grants me the power to keep you safe.”

You pressed a tender kiss to his lips and Din’s breath hitched. As you spoke, you kept your lips close enough to brush against his with every word. “You never needed it before. And I’m not helpless. You know that.” Din closed his eyes and you dragged your fingers through his scruff. “We were fine without the darksaber. We don’t need it.”

Din leaned in to capture your lips with his. For the first time in a very long time, the kiss was slow and patient. He took his time tasting you and he leaned back to allow your hands to travel and explore him. It was so reminiscent of the days before everything fell apart that you almost cried.

Eventually, he pulled back and focused his heavy gaze on you. Din gave you a small smile, a hand tracing your jawline. “No, cyar’ika. The saber stays.” Your own smile faltered and fell. He left one last chaste kiss on your lips. “I love you. I will protect you.”

Your life on Mandalore was odd. Din left you out of the loop of everything. All you knew was that more and more Mandalorians arrived by the day to follow Din Djarin. It didn’t surprise you. The Din you knew and loved was a natural born leader whether he liked it or not. He had a magnetic draw to him. You didn’t see that side to your Din very much anymore. 

The city around you was slowly being rebuilt and you pondered your next move. Two months you had been on this rock seeing Din from a distance. Watching him turn into someone you didn’t recognize. When the palace was reestablished, a sentence you found obnoxious and ridiculous, Din moved you there to stay. He’d work all day, drift into your shared bedroom at night, and you mourned the days where everything was easier. Simple.

“Cyar’ika.”

You glanced over your shoulder to see the Mandalor approaching. The king of this world looked like Din, still stared at you as if you hung the moon and stars, but all you could see was the darksaber. It’s possessive energy clung to the man you loved. Two Mandalorian guards followed behind him, and you briefly admired the thick, fur lined cape that hung off one shoulder.

Din came to a stop in front of you and motioned to himself with a sheepish smile, “What do you think?”

“Very regal, Mandalor.” You teased softly.

Din drifted closer and took your hands in his. “Ni ceta, cyar’ika.” He mumbled. “I know I haven’t been around.”

“You’ve been busy. I get it.” You shrugged and tried to keep the bitterness out of your voice.

“But you come first. You always come first.” Din said firmly. “Things will be better from here on out. We’re stable. We’re established. And… I have a surprise for you.” Nervously, Din lifted your hands to tenderly press a kiss to them. “I have no right to ask, but will you give me your time today.”

It was so sweet. It was so Din. You were too overwhelmed to do anything but nod. Things could always turn around, you told yourself. All your time here, distanced from Din, you had planned. He needed a little exposure to his old life. You were the only person Din kept. Maybe seeing Boba and Fennec, seeing Peli, seeing Karga, seeing anyone would bring him back to the surface more permanently. You had even wanted to get in touch with Skywalker or Ahsoka to plan some kind of visit. If Din could see Grogu, you had no doubt he’d snap back into reality. He’d set aside the darksaber. The issue was, Mandalore still had thick storm clouds that prevented any outside interference or messaging. 

You felt isolated.

Din looped your arm through his and you walked by his side down the long hallway. You weren’t sure where he was taking you quite yet, but he spoke casually about his day and asked about yours with real interest. His smile was so warm and sincere that you could almost ignore the negative energy that damned saber gave off.

“Where are we going?” You asked as Din turned down a hall you knew would lead outside. “If we go out, I’m gonna need to grab my jacket.” Mandalore’s seasons still confused you and it almost seemed like the previous attacks had thrown the natural order out of balance. Lately, it had been rather cold.

“It wouldn’t be much of a surprise if I told you.” Din chuckled. He paused by the doors and you couldn’t help but glance at the two silent Mandalorian guards still standing near. Movement made you glance back in time to see he had shrugged out of his thick robe. Din settled the heavy article on your shoulders and you were surprised by the warmth it encased you in. “Comfortable?”

You nodded with a small smile. The robe smelled like him. Din captured your face in his gloved hands and you gazed up at him in awe. Din was in a good mood. It had been so long since you saw him like this. Light hearted. Excited. “Are you happy?” The question fell from your lips before you could even think.

“Of course.” Din replied quickly. His tone suggested he was surprised you’d ask. “I have you.”

“You’ve always had me.” You mumbled.

Din’s face faltered, only for a second, before he bowed his head to rest on yours. Forehead to forehead. “Ni ceta.” He breathed the apology out sincerely. “I know things have been hard and…you’ve put up with so much. I’m so thankful for you, cyar’ika, and my greatest regret will always be making you question that.”

“I never questioned it.” You lifted a hand to place on top of his own. “I love you, and I know you love me. I’ve just…been worried about you, baby. I want you to be happy.”

“I am.” Din replied. “You make me happy.” He closed the space to press his lips to yours. Tender. Loving. Passionate. Din’s tongue traced the curve of your lower lip and you allowed him to deepen the kiss. Your hands shifted to tangle in his hair. Din pulled you closer, flush against his body, and it didn’t even matter to you that two other Mandalorians stood off to the side as witness to this scene. Din pulled back, separating the two of you, but he quickly set two more chaste kisses against your lips as if he couldn't bear the thought of being apart. Din whispered a promise under his breath. “For the rest of my life, I will make you happy. I’ll keep you safe.”

You had endured the hell of watching Din suffer and begin to lose himself in sorrow. Perhaps, this was the light at the end of the tunnel. Din had found stable ground, and he was now returning to a man you recognized.

Din turned away to push open the doors, but he kept your arm looped through his. The courtyard which typically sat unused and in a semi state of shambles had been cleaned and polished. Mandalorians as far as you could see stood waiting and as Din walked you down the path you spotted a medium sized platform, nearly a stage, and on it was a chair⏤ no, a throne. That was the only word to describe the heavy, dark metal seat. Standing on the platform, you recognized Bo Katan. She stood on one side of the throne. On the other side stood two others that you recognized, you had seen them with Din often, but you didn’t know their names.

“Din?” You whispered his name.

He shot you a smile but continued on. Suddenly, you found yourself on the platform standing beside Din as he faced the crowd. He lifted one hand, as if in greeting, and you stared at him as he spoke Mando’a. His voice was loud and firm. Powerful. This was a king among men. You never thought Din Djarin of all people would look like he belonged in this setting. You knew he had the attributes that would make a fair and just king, but Din had never enjoyed the spotlight. The future he craved, the future he painted while speaking to you in the dead of night, was a humble one. A home, some land, a family. Peaceful.

A bark of Mando’a, in a voice you vaguely recognized, interrupted Din and you watched as his shoulders stiffened. The crowd parted and a Mandalorin in dark blue armor approached. Axe Woves. That was his name you believed. You didn’t know what he was saying, but you could feel the tension in the air.

Din set his hand on your waist and pushed you back. You only stumbled back a few steps before Bo Katan took you by the elbow and dragged you back further.

“What⏤ What is going on?” You asked.

“Challenge.” Bo Katan said. Din drew the darksaber from his belt and as it came to life you felt your own heart plummet. It’s poison was spewing in the air⏤ suffocating you. Smug. Arrogant. Angry. Insulted. You sucked in a sharp breath. “Axe Woves has challenged Din for the darksaber. For rule.”

The fight started in a clash of weaponry. 

It was a blur of beskar, but all your eyes could focus on was the arc of the darksaber. The burning glow that was now seared into your eyes. Seared into your brain. You wanted nothing more than to take that damned thing and throw it into the darkest pit you could find. Every time you watched Din used it, you hated it all the more. The fight did not last long.

Axe Woves was a good fighter, but he was not Din Djarin.

Soon, the air was silent as Din held the edge of the darksaber just under Axe’s jaw. Close enough that the man had to have felt the heat. Axe was breathing hard, but you couldn’t see his face⏤ his back was to you. Din stood where you could see his face and he looked to be the picture of calm. 

“Cetar.” Din demanded. Bo Katan whispered, her eyes not leaving the scene, as she translated the Mando’a. ‘Kneel’. Din asked him to kneel. You felt a chill run up your spine and it wasn’t from the cold air. The darksaber was singing. Excited. Eager. It craved and craved and craved. Din repeated the command. “Cetar.”

“Nayc.” Axe replied. You didn’t need that word translated. 

At the sound of his refusal, you watched a flash of an emotion you didn’t immediately recognize in Din’s eyes. However, it was clear to see the way his lips briefly curled up into a smirk. You opened your mouth to scream, but all your words caught in your throat. Thick, heavy, and unwilling to be heard. Before you could overcome your hindrance, Din shoved the darksaber through Axe’s chest with not even a singular hiccup of hesitation. Your mouth hung open in shock and disbelief, but the horror didn’t land until Din leaned in and used his vibroblade to slice through the man’s neck in one swift motion. Blood sprayed out and the darksaber was screaming in pleasure.

“He had to make an example.” Bo Katan whispered. “It’s unfortunate, but Woves brought this upon himself.”

Din deactivated the saber and set it back onto his belt. While Axe Woves’ body slumped to the ground, Din tucked the still bloody vibroblade back into his boot’s holster. You stared at him wide eyed and horrified as Din marched back to the platform. He spoke before the crowd again, but it felt like your ears were ringing. The man you fell in love with would never have cut a man down in cold blood. The duel had been over. It didn’t have to end with blood. 

You couldn’t tear your eyes away from Din as he crossed the platform to sit on the throne. His legs were spread out in dominance as he lounged in the seat radiating confidence and pride. His eyes snapped to yours and Din held his hand out to you. Bo Katan gave you a small nudge and you stumbled toward the throne with hesitant steps. Din’s cold features melted away as he stared up at you as he always did, loving, but it only made the splattering of blood on his face that much more daunting. 

When you placed your hand in his, your fingers were trembling. Din squeezed your hand in comfort and he carefully pulled you back so you sat in his seat. Bo Katan was addressing the crowd and you stared and stared at Axe Woves’ dead body. Still laying on the courtyard’s ground, the pool of blood around him growing larger and larger.

You felt Din’s breath on your neck. His hands settled on your hips as he sat up to press his chest against your back. His breath was replaced with his lips. Din mumbled about how much he loved you and how important you were to him against your skin. All this time, all the hope you had, was for naught. The man at your back was a stranger.

“I’m sorry you had to see that.” Din pressed another hot kiss to the back of your neck. "But I just wanted to show you our new throne, my queen. Surprise."

As it turned out, the light at the end of the tunnel had turned out to be just more hellfire.

In the dead of night, you ran. 

You had hoped Din would return to his senses, become the man he once was, on his own accord. You hoped he had only needed time, but this had been proof. You were out of your depth. Din needed more than just time, he needed more than just you. As soon as you got past the thick, stormy atmosphere on Mandalore, you’d call for help. 

The plan had been to take Din’s ship. It was the only one you were familiar with the controls enough to not have to worry about running into any issues. As it turned out, flying was not going to be the biggest problem you faced.

“Cyar’ika.”

Your blood ran cold. Slowly, nervously, you turned around to see Din stood not far away. His shoulders were slumped in disappointment, and the look in his eyes could only be described as absolute and total devastation. He took one step forward and you took one back. Din’s jaw locked.

“Din…”

“What are you doing?” Din murmured. 

You shook your head. “Listen to me⏤”

“Listen??” Din scoffed. He took in a shuddering breath. “How could you⏤ Cyar’ika, I… Why?”

His voice cracked and you felt your heart ache in your chest. Din took another step toward you and you held a hand up which brought him to a sudden halt. You pressed your lips together then tried to explain that you were doing this for him. “Din, you’re not…you’re not yourself. You need help.”

“I need you.” Din replied firmly. “Everything is fine.”

“You murdered a man in cold blood today.”

“Is that what you⏤ You truly think so little of me?” Din asked. “It was a duel, cyar’ika. A challenge on my rule. I had no choice.”

You took a step toward him. “Din, you slaughtered him. And you enjoyed it.”

Din’s eyes darkened and the energy that slammed into you was possessive. For so long, you assumed that was how the darksaber felt. However, seeing the way he stared at you now, you realized the possession went much further than how the saber felt for him. He stormed forward and on pure instinct your hand drew your lightsaber without activating it. A warning. His steps stuttered. You didn’t know it was possible to visually see a person’s heart break, but you were witness to it right now.

“Cyar’ika,” Din whispered, “I would never hurt you. You know that, right?”

That was true for the man you fell in love with. 

Was it still true?

“I…I…” You struggled to find your words.

Din held his hands out, palms up, in surrender. He took slow steps toward you as if you were a skittish animal he was trying to calm. The tenderness in Din’s gaze cracked your resolve. He reached out and let his hands slowly drag down your arms until they reached your hands. You felt your body tremble. It was easy to make the decision to run when you stared at Din’s features covered in blood, but now? His warm, brown eyes reminded you of every soft touch and tender word of love. 

“Just come back with me.” Din whispered. “Talk to me, cyar’ika. I know…I know things haven’t been right.” He squeezed your hands and pushed the one holding the lightsaber back to your hip. “Let me fix this. Let me make this right. Give me a chance.”

Din leaned forward to set his forehead against yours. A familiar motion that brought you comfort. You let out a soft sigh. One more night. You could spend it talking with Din, gauging a better plan, and it wasn’t like you would be able to leave right now anyways. Not with him right in front of you like this. The look in his eyes told you he wasn’t just going to let you walk away and the absolute last thing you wanted to do was fight him. 

“Please?” Din pleased.

“Okay.” You murmured. 

The bright smile of relief that crossed his face made your heart flutter. Din pulled you into a tight hug and he clung to you like a lifeline. This would be alright. This would be okay. You’d make sure of it. Din slipped his hand into yours and carefully tugged you alongside him. The entire walk back to your bedroom was silent. Din’s thumb traced patterns against your skin.

“I love you.” Din said the moment you were back in your shared room together. His words came out as a desperate ache. “I’m sorry…”

“No, Din, I…I love you. I will always love you.” You replied. “I was leaving to help you.” Din’s brows furrowed in confusion. “I just think you’ve lost sight of your path.” You pressed your lips together then settled your hands on his chest. “I think we should leave Mandalore. Not forever, just⏤ I think we should visit Boba or Karga. Peli? Or… Or maybe we can reach out to Skywalker. Try to visit Grogu.”

Din’s eyes widened at the suggestion. 

He wrapped his hands around your wrists then lifted your hands so he could press a soft kiss against one palm then the other. Din nodded. “Okay. Tomorrow. I’ll be better, cyar’ika.” You gave him a small smile and he leaned in to crash his lips against yours. The way his lips moved against yours made you feel like he was trying to physically beg you to stay with him. Din had never been a man of many words, he’d whisper kind sentiments, but he always showed how much he cared by action. “I love you.” Din’s mouth dropped to your neck as his hands began to tear at your clothes. “You are everything to me.”

 Your hands reached out to unlatch Din’s armor. It was muscle memory for you. How many times had you done this exact same action in the dark during your time with him? Too many to count. His besker fell to the ground and the second he was bare of any armor, Din scooped you up and carried you to bed.

In the morning everything would be okay.

You’d make it so.

A familiar hand caressing the side of your face is what you woke to. You forced your eyes open, groggy, to find that Din was sitting on the side of the bed leaning over you. He wore his armor once more. Din leaned down and pressed a feather light kiss to your forehead.

“Ni ceta, cyar’ika.”

“Din?” You questioned.

“I want you to know that everything I do is because I love you.” Din said. “I’ve lost everything, but you.” He cradled the side of your face. “Even this, accepting the title and responsibility of Mandalor, I did with you in mind.”

There was a tone in his voice that was making you nervous. Slowly, you sat up and shook your head, “Din, I never asked you to do that.”

“I know.” He replied. “But this is how I protect you.”

“Din⏤”

“There is nothing in this galaxy that will harm you while I’m around.” Din said firmly. He stood up off the bed and gave you a tight nod. “I won’t lose you. I can’t lose you. This won’t last forever, I swear it. But I can’t leave anything to chance. Not when you mean so much to me.”

Din began to walk toward the bedroom door to leave and you stared at him in confusion. Quickly, before he could leave, you threw the blankets off your body and jumped out of bed. There was a heaviness around your left ankle, a coldness, and with every movement came a rattling. You glanced down to see a shiny, silver chain locked around your ankle. It trailed to the wall beside your bed.

“Din.” You breathed. He stopped but said nothing. “Din?” He turned around with sad eyes. Panicked, you began to rush toward him, but a few feet away from him the chain caught your ankle and you nearly fell to the floor. Warm hands caught you by the arms and pulled your back to your feet. Teary eyed, you shook your head. “What have you done?”

“It’s temporary.” Din repeated himself. “Just until I know you won’t hurt yourself by leaving.”

“Hurt myself⏤ Din, I⏤”

“Cyar’ika, I'm doing this for you. To protect you.” Din gave you a tight lipped smile of regret. “Or until I can make you understand.” Din leaned his forehead against yours. The soft action you loved ruined by his words. “You are mine, cyar’ika. You are mine, and I am yours.” That look of possession was in his eyes again. “And because you are mine, I have to take care of you. And that’s exactly what I plan to do.”

Din was beginning to step back so you quickly cupped his face between your hands. This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be. As softly as you could manage, trying to bite back the fear and panic in your voice, you mumbled. “Din, baby, you’re losing yourself. I love you, but you’re losing yourself and it’s breaking my heart. Let me go. Let me help you.”

He turned his head and gently kissed the inside of your palm.

“Maybe I am.” Din murmured. “But if that’s the cost of keeping you, then it’s one I will happily pay.”

Din left without another word and you crumpled to the ground in tears. You mourned for the man you lost and cursed the man who took his place.

mando'a translations

ni ceta: i'm sorry cyar'ika: darling, sweetheart cetar: kneel nayc: no

#the mandalorian #din djarin #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #mando x you #mando x reader #mando #mandalorian fanfic #mandalorian x you #mandalorian x reader #dark!din djarin #female reader #reader insert

[minniepetals]

cry me a river | the reckless

— summary: in the face of danger, you run right into it

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, mafia!au

— word count: 4.7k

— warnings: slight violence

— PART 24 / previous post / masterpost

It’s about one in the morning when you sneak out of the room with gentle steps, making sure to not wake the one who sleeps on the armchair beside the bed, his soft little snores still heard until his presence disappears with the closed door.

The hallways are as silent as it was back in the room, the only thing heard is the sounds of your footsteps echoing through, and as you close your shawl closer to your body, you look around to make your way to the familiar steps that lead outside where the greenhouse stands.

The doors are left unlocked so you let yourself in and step through the glass doors, closing your eyes for a moment to breathe in the scent of the greens all around you.

It’s during lonely moments like this you feel your heart craving for some sort of familiarity. Not just the presence of your Reapers but for the presence of your manor itself.

For years you spent hating that place more than anything because that was where everything happened; where you were born, where you grew up, watching your mother hating you with every fiber left in her, chasing after your father’s attention, shedding tears on top of gentle shoulders, trapped behind the steel door of a white room, training, meeting good people, meeting bad people, everything.

Everything.

You can’t recall when the feeling of dread and disdain turned to eyes seeking for it, feet yearning to step back into it. Maybe it was the moment your father died, when the dynasty he worked so hard to build broke down into pieces like a house of cards, when you took over and made it into the home that it is now starting to feel like.

You returned to it after Leehyun, locking yourself in the comfort of your room, knowing that if you were to step outside, your Reapers would be right there with the smallest calling of their names. It served as your escape when it used to be the very reason you hated your existence.

The manor has become home and perhaps the only reason it’s able to be such a thing is because of what you’ve built it to be.

You want to escape, to return to it and simply hide in it and have no one bother you until you’re ready to step out yourself.

On the bench where Alexander sat this morning, you take your seat and close your eyes, trying to manipulate your mind into thinking you aren’t in Norway, that you’re back in Seoul, back at the manor, and not somewhere far, far away.

It’s exhausting doing this, your revenge plan. It’s exhausting having to put up a front, exhausting having to freeze up and recall unwanted memories that you wish could bury forever in the back of your mind.

But buried memories can’t always stay buried. They return, eventually, in time, whether you’re prepared or not.

You can’t tell how much time has passed but when you feel something against your feet accompanied by small little pants, you open your eyes to find the little puppy that accepted you from the moment he laid eyes on you.

You look down at him and he returns your gaze with a tilt in his head, tail wagging, and swirls about in a circle once before using his nose to poke at your leg again. He reminds you of the children at The Academy, how they’ve never been scared of you despite wanting to always push them away with your cold demeanor. It’s like Kiwi sees right through you, just like them, and in your silence, you pick up the small little thing to bring him onto your lap.

His tail wags a little more and when you run your hand through his fur, he gets a little more excited and affectionate.

Besides the children, there’s someone else you see in him.

“You remind me of someone,” you say as he nuzzles into the feeling of your palm. “Though unlike you, he wasn’t too fond of me in the beginning. It took some time for him to warm up but once he got to that point, he wouldn’t stop following me around.”

You fall silent again, thinking, remembering, reminiscing, and your fingers stop playing around with the little puppy on your lap.

The memories aren’t as hazy as they used to be, they’re a little clearer, a little closer to home. You can feel it in your heart when something feels like it’s just stabbed it, and in your stomach when you feel a little drop.

“I’m sorry for being selfish,” a voice whispers into your ear. “I’m sorry for only ever thinking about myself.”

But the thing about that is, you cannot be sorry for something that is within your nature, you cannot be sorry for wanting to put yourself first in a cruel, cruel world. When everything feels wrong, when the world feels like it’s always against you, when you do not know who to put your trust in.

If you were a little more mature and a little more brave, would you have been able to tell him the things you want to say now?

Things like; it wasn’t your fault. Things like; it’s alright, and you’re okay, and rest well.

Rest well, rest well, rest well.

You lean your head forward to the sky, gaze closed, as if hoping the things you spoke within your heart could be heard from him wherever he stays.

And as the silence continues, you feel your consciousness eventually slip away as your shoulders loosen their tensions with the feel of the little puppy resting well in your lap.

You didn’t realize it, that you had fallen asleep, but you know yourself waking when you feel a presence closing in and immediately opening your eyes to meet the old man who has a blanket hovered before you, his eyes falling a little surprised because he hadn’t expected you to wake up so easily.

“It’s good to put your guard down a little, you know,” Alexander says with a small chuckle as you accept the blanket to drape it behind you.

“I’ve learned my lesson with that,” you answer him and scoot over to the edge of the bench in order to make room for him.

He takes his seat beside you though leaves enough space in between and you’re thankful this man is observant. Kiwi’s awake but remains quiet and still, head resting against his paws with his tail swaying side to side.

“Do you have anyone you can trust in this world?” Alexander crosses a leg over the other and you look at your watch to see that it’s about four in the morning.

You managed to sleep in an unfamiliar place while knowing there weren’t any Reapers that could come to you at any second. How odd.

“There are always chances someone can stab you in the back.” Maybe the presence of Kiwi helped you. “It’s never a good idea to put your full trust in anyone.”

“You say that but one day you might come to know it feels rather nice putting unconditional faith in someone.”

You shake your head, brows furrowing. “Even if that someone has a good heart and good intentions, it doesn’t mean it hurts any less.”

There’s only been one person you know you can truly trust but he’s gone from this world, only ever being able to see him again when he wishes to visit you in your dreams. He’s the only person you’d ever allow to hurt you over and over again, even if it isn’t the real version of him.

Mister Butler can hate you and betray you but you’d let him do it again and again and maybe that’s because in your heart, you know those versions that the nightmares give you are simply from your own imagination and that he’d never truly come to hate you. He’s incapable of betraying your trust. Someone like him, who stayed by your side when he didn’t have to, isn’t a man who can have his heart easily swayed into hating you.

“Are you tired of betrayal?”

“I’m tired of everything,” you admit and he looks at you up and down, eyes narrowing slightly.

“And yet here you are, out in Norway.” Alexander knows a thing or two, he isn’t dumb, and you aren’t someone to think otherwise. He wouldn’t be in the position he is now if he was, and you don’t deny what he implies in his words. “You run straight into the very things that make you tired.”

“Because it is the only way I can feel alive.” You look on straight ahead before you, watching the pretty sky that pokes out from behind the plants of the greenhouse. “Otherwise I’d be in my room, rotting away. There is no purpose in running away, there is no purpose in leaving things be. My father did not leave this world for me to simply carry on as if he never existed.”

Some may take that as you carrying on your father’s legacy and whatever Alexander is thinking, you don’t care too much for it because all it matters is what you know. You didn’t kill your father just to stay silent for the rest of your life. His death was the beginning of everything.

Your turning point.

“And no one can stop a mind that’s already been made up.” Alexander nods, understanding, and doesn’t push for answers, but perhaps in the back of his mind, he’s a little curious about you and your goals and aspirations in this life. What drives you, what made you into the sort of person you are today, but Alexander is wise unlike many old men you’ve met throughout your life, so he doesn’t question things beyond your boundary.

And so he diverts the subject once again, turning it to the puppy in your lap.

“Perhaps you should adopt a pet of your own, to help you ease your mind a little,” he tells you with a fond gaze at Kiwi. “Humans can be quite disappointing, but a loyal pet will stay loyal for the rest of its life. Not to mention they’re the greatest comfort when someone needs it.”

Maybe that’s true. Maybe you should turn to a dog rather than humans in your time of need. Humans are disappointing creatures after all. But, “It’s too much of a hassle,” you say. “I can’t even take care of my own self properly, it’d be unwise of me to try and take care of another being.”

“...Is that so?”

It becomes a daily occurrence; the talks in the greenhouse, and soon you come to realize that Alexander isn’t one to let just anyone into his greenhouse. The doors that are usually locked during hours when one should be asleep are kept open, and perhaps that’s because he’s come to realize that you don’t sleep a lot, at least not in the house of a stranger, so he leaves them open for you to visit when you need your space.

And in the morning, around four or five AM when he awakens, he’ll come along and strike up a conversation and the two of you will speak about the things he brings up. Things like Seoul and of the Reaper gang, sometimes he’ll ask of Master Kitagawa, other times he’ll ask how far your skills go.

You speak to him in vague terms, careful not to tell him everything, but he comes to know that you were an only child, married once in an arranged marriage, but divorced. He doesn’t seem too surprised by that fact probably because everyone knows this happens all the time.

And in him knowing a little more about you, you come to know a little more about him as well.

Like when Kiwi came into his life and the fact that he’s had other pets throughout his lifetimes before but they’ve all died and left him.

You asked him why he continues adopting pets when he knows they don’t live as long as humans do, why he hurts himself over and over again, but he simply smiles and says that sometimes being able to love is better than being lonely. That it doesn’t matter how many times he has to watch them die and that he’d never regret loving them.

Alexander believes in reincarnation, that the souls of his first puppy dies and returns in the form of the other pets he’s had, so he’s never truly lonely, and something about that, believing in such a thing, though it sounds a bit absurd, is a little bit beautiful in its own way.

If you could believe Mister Butler died and returned through someone else, it’d be a nice delusion to live in, and despite the fact that there have been one or two guys that have reminded you of him, the truth is, no one can ever be Mister Butler.

Not Hoseok. Not Mingyu.

Because Mister Butler is like family. He was. 

Through your marriage with Namjoon, he was your older brother, but he always felt closer to a father figure to you, and perhaps that’s because your father was never there for you. Mingyu is closer to an older brother. A companion. A friend.

And Hoseok?

The one that got away.

The right person at the wrong time.

And because of that fact, you don’t allow yourself to be near him for too long, hence denying his companionship when Jungkook told you it’d probably be better if Hoseok were standing guard at your side rather than him.

It’s true, Hoseok would be better. You wouldn’t be as cautious towards him as you are of Jungkook, but it’s that exact reason that you cannot let him near.

You cannot let him shake your core, so you endure what you can and let Jungkook stay near you despite the constant reminder of what he did all those years ago.

It’s not entirely his fault but as you’ve said, it doesn’t hurt any less.

In your time getting closer to Alexander, he’s refused the appearance of Karl several times. Asher says if he has to, his grandfather will meet him elsewhere. Just not in the house. The guy has come to guess that you’re here because of Karl, and if he’s guessed it, maybe Alexander has too.

Though the old man never brings it up despite the plenty of chances during your greenhouse talks.

“Any progress?”

Dawn remains in the sky as ever and while Jungkook sleeps, you sit on the windowsill to take a call from the other side of the world. It’s a bit chilly to head out today so you stay indoors this time, making sure to keep your voice low.

“Plenty. It’s been quite peaceful these days, it feels a bit out of place.” Alexander’s kindness wasn’t something you expected the first day you walked into Norway. You expected things to be harder after meeting Asher but surprisingly, things are quite…easy, to say the least. “I have a feeling it won’t last too long.”

“No?” Namjoon sounds a little confused on his end. “Why do you say that? Should we come over earlier than planned?”

“No, don’t do that. Come as scheduled,” you say and look away from the window to the man who’s moved from sleeping on the armchair to the bed. It took some time to convince him initially but eventually Jungkook agreed to take the bed since you don’t really sleep anyway.

“You have something planned, don’t you?” There’s some suspicion in his voice and you want to laugh a little at how things are right now.

Who would have thought you’d be back on speaking terms with the man you thought you’d push away for good? But here he is, back and ready to give you his trust. You don’t know if he’s smart or stupid or both. Maybe there’s a bit of both, but it probably took some time for him to consider it, being as the whole thing was about his brother whom he loves very dearly.

Namjoon’s finally using his head.

Though you aren’t too sure if you like it so much.

“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t.”

“Y/N.”

“It’s nothing bad.”

“I don’t know if I can trust those words so easily. The last time you left the country, you disregarded your life just for that plan of yours.”

“Listen.” You roll your eyes. “I’ll be fine.”

There’s a pause on his end before he speaks again. “You didn’t assure me that you won’t do something reckless,” he notes and you internally click your tongue, “which means that feeling of the peace not lasting for long is you actively causing that to happen.” When you don’t respond, he goes on. “Will you stop being so secretive and let me know what you’re thinking? Maybe then you won’t be in the same position you were with Leehyun, and me and my boys and the Reapers will know how to help you.”

Well.

“You can’t keep hiding, Y/N. Stop being so reckless, you’re too reckless.”

“Watch me.”

He lets out a heavy sigh. “That wasn’t a challenge.”

“No?”

Another sigh and he knows he can’t win. “Just…if you decide it’s better for me to go over sooner rather than later, let me know. I’ll be waiting. Right here, just a phone call away.”

“...Sure.”

You don’t think too much about it. You don’t want to think too much about it. 

So when the cloud gives way to the sun and it shines higher in the sky, you finally take up Karl’s request to have tea and catch up, deciding you shouldn’t keep running away from what you’re trying to face.

You have Yeonjun stay by your side this time, rather than Jungkook, in case Karl says something out of line and Jungkook will hear more things than you want him to. You stay in the garden of Alexander’s mansion, keeping a little distance away from the building itself, and with the feel of eyes from a window behind you, the conversation begins.

“I remember him,” Karl points at your escort when he takes his first sip of the tea. “Jun? Joon?” Yeonjun doesn’t make an effort to fix him and simply remains quiet. “Right, never one to talk but always by your side.” His eyes settle back on you, a small glint of mirth in them. “You have quite the loyal companion.”

“Yes..I do.” You ignore his gaze to take a sip of your own tea, keeping your replies short.

“I’m still a bit hurt you didn’t reach out to me about your father’s death. We were good friends, you knew that.”

Of course you did. “I apologize, it slipped my mind.”

“Slipped your mind?” He raises a brow, unconvinced. “Hmm…and here I thought, I left a good impression in those four months I stayed in Seoul.”

You did. 

You did indeed leave an impression that will last a lifetime.

“Maybe I should have tried harder?”

That mirth in his eyes. Again.

You want to punch him.

“How did he die though? The man I knew isn’t someone who would have easily died and he would have updated me about his health had he fallen ill.”

“He was betrayed,” you say, not batting an eye, and Karl puts his cup down after hearing that.

His eyes are blown out. “Your father? Betrayed? And he didn’t see that coming?”

“They were smart.”

“Even still..” He can’t believe it, though you don’t blame him too much. The father you both know is not someone who’s easily trusting of others, therefore he’s always right there to pick out someone who will betray him before they can execute their plan. 

That’s why it took so long to manipulate him into believing you were a daughter full on worshiping his ground without an ounce of betrayal in your veins. That’s why your masterful plan took so long. You had to convince your father into believing he had won in manipulating you to his side when all along, you had been waiting to stab him in the back. Facing a man like him, smart, calculating, a manipulating gaslighter who thinks the world centers around him requires more than just simple brains and planning.

It took years to execute your plans and even then you feel like you could have done better with everything. For one, not letting anyone see what had happened, aka Bangtan. But what’s done is done. Dwelling on past mistakes is just stupid and a waste of time.

“And what about you?” When Karl points the finger at you, his gaze narrows, brows slightly furrowed. “You’re his daughter, his perfect little doll. You didn’t see that someone was plotting your father’s death? Is it not your job to protect him?”

“That’s right,” you give him nothing to fight against, just simply accepting the accusations placed upon you. “I failed in protecting him. I am an incompetent daughter who should have done better.”

Karl stands up, running a hand through his hair. “Your father did all that he could for you and still, you–” 

When he looks at you again and meets the gaze you send him, his word stops mid-sentence. Your stare isn’t threatening, it isn’t a glare, nor one that is meant to scare him off, yet something in them lies a hidden threat either way, were he to continue speaking. Karl, seeing that, lets out a chuckle and he closes in on you, patting you on the shoulder before simply leaving his hand there.

You look at it for a second before giving him the attention he wants as he leans in, nose inches away from you.

“Your father created you into the weapon that you are today, my dear little Y/N, and you’ve even been trained under Kitagawa, so why is it that you failed to protect him? Huh? Tell me.”

From the corner of your eye, Yeonjun moves slightly closer, though he keeps his distance and doesn’t dare to make a move unless you instruct him otherwise.

The breath against your face, the touch of skin burning through the thin cloth of your dress, the sides of your knees meeting one another, back straightening up, heels rising from the ground, fingers intertwined into each other, sitting on your lap.

You keep your eyes open, meeting his gaze, but internally you’re counting in your head and holding your breath, hearing the beat of your heart that might as well rip through your rib cages and past the barrier of your skin to physically beat widely before Karl himself.

Maybe he hears it, maybe he can feel it, but whether he does or not, he has no will to move away from you and you know Karl, he isn’t dumb. He knows exactly the effect he has on you right now. He saw it, knows just how you felt all those weeks ago when you were in the living room and he touched you.

He knows and doesn’t care one bit.

Just as he was all those years ago.

They never change.

“What is it that you want from me, Karl?” He doesn’t fix you into calling him uncle this time. “Do you want me to repent on my knees and beg for forgiveness? My father’s already six feet underground, it’s not as if he’ll hear me now, but as his close friend, if you wish for me to do just that, I will. Just for you.”

There’s malice in his eyes, a scoff that leaves him when he watches you, and finally, he moves back. Just a little. “You’ve gotten quite bold, haven’t you? Now that your father isn’t here to teach you a lesson.”

“And if I have? What will you do about it?” You push back, leaning forward, challenging him despite your body screaming at you to run away. “Go ahead and do whatever you’d like with me, there’s no one here right now that can stop you. I can tell Yeonjun to pluck his eyes out right now and he’ll do just that. He won’t say a word and he won’t move unless I tell him otherwise.”

At the mention of the boy, Karl looks over between you and him, and then something in him lights up slightly as if he’d just remembered something. As if he’d just realized something.

“That’s right...what loyal companions…” He steps back, releasing your shoulder, and tilts his head back as he laughs obnoxiously. “Is this all about that little boy I messed with? Him?” The laugh rings a little louder, a little more crazed. “You pretend you’re so cold and have no feelings and yet here you are, chasing after me all the way from Seoul, just for a boy, the second you got the chance. If your father were still here, he wouldn’t have let that happen, but now that he’s gone…-”

He pauses again, and after hurling over laughing, stands back up straight again as the laugh dies all too abruptly. So you stand up from your seat, the corner of your lip curling over as you notice just why he’s gone silent.

By now the tea is slowly getting cold but you don’t care much for it as you stand tall, hands held together before you in a formal manner.

“The person who betrayed him…” His eyes narrow. “Who was it?”

“Oh uncle,” you mock that title, mirth in your eyes, “I think you know exactly where that answer lies.”

Danger.

Something screams danger when his gaze darkens in realization.

And yet you seem to only be attracted to danger as it is the only thing you’ve ever gotten used to seeing every day. The danger of being born as a mafia heir, married to a mafia powerhouse, spiraled into a hellhole you cannot ever seem to escape so you run towards it.

Directly into the fire.

Into the danger.

Provoking your enemies, knowing exactly just what their reactions will be, because danger seems to be the one thing in your life that will never leave and abandon you out of nowhere. The only thing you can forever trust to catch you were you to fall blindly into it.

And blindly you fall, trusting it to come.

And comes it goes, directly your way.

Never disappointing.

Never disappointing.

Namjoon called you reckless and for the first time in forever, you might have to agree with him. Because being reckless means not caring for the consequences to come after committing a rash action. The reckless ones do not care what happens to them, they live off adrenaline, they run towards the fire when everyone else runs away.

Towards the danger despite knowing there will always be a chance they may not survive. Unheeding, stubborn, thoughtless, careless, negligent, imprudent. Unwise, unwary, incautious, hasty.

A fool.

A fool.

A fool.

But misguided and left on their own. Lonely, abandoned, hurt, isolated, rejected, forsaken. An outcast and unloved, a disappointment and broken.

Broken.

A broken little soul whose heart lies empty with a hole pierced through the middle.

You are reckless. You are broken.

And broken things do not know how to save themselves, they only know the warmth of the fire. That is the only thing they can rely on.

So you stay within his vicinity, within Karl’s reach, watching, simply standing there, keeping still, as if keeping vigil. Like you’re just waiting, just expecting for something, anything, the inevitable, to happen. And when it comes in the form of a harsh, harsh slap across the face that has your body turning over to the side and having to hold onto the table to keep your balance, you can’t even say that you are surprised.

It feels like being in the presence of your father all over again, in the face of danger, of a manipulator, of a gaslighter, of an abuser.

He returns hard and so vividly in the form of anger, in the form of a ghost, a spirit whom you see standing right behind Karl. He stands as still as ever, hands held behind his back, simply watching.

Watching.

While you stand before him in front of a man he’s using to command orders over him. Using violence through others because father never raises his hands, father never puts in the effort or strength or power into physical forms. He does it through others, he commands through others, he hurts through others.

Watching until he’s satisfied.

But he’s never satisfied. He’s never satisfied.

And on your end, you can do nothing but accept it all willingly.

There is nothing else you can do, there is nothing else that can be done. It is like being in his presence all over again. Yeonjun, the Reapers behind you, standing still, told to not do a thing, to not move an inch, and your father behind the violence, keeping silent with a deadly gaze.

You return to the past.

You see him.

He’s right there.

And Karl raises his hand again.

#bts polyamory #bts poly #bts poly au #bts ot7 x reader #bts polyamorous #ot7 x reader #bts x reader #bts mafia au #mafia!bts #bts mafia #bts mafia!au #bts poly!au #poly!bts x reader #poly!bts #bts poly relationship #bts arranged marriage au #namjoon x reader #seokjin x reader #yoongi x reader #hoseok x reader #jimin x reader #taehyung x reader #jungkook x reader

[psychwxrdd]

you are unfixable.

rafe is a possessive individual. obsessive, controlling. but you love him, right? so you surely must obey when he tells you not to do something, thats what he expects and thats how it will be. you're his.

warnings: abusive relationship, toxic boyfriend, possessive and obsessive behaviour, side jj x reader, domestic violence

(not mine gif)

the air felt scary inside his car, you were quietly staring at the window, not even breathing properly, scared of how your boyfriend would react. the silence made you even more anxious that if he was yelling instead.

no music, nothing. just the sound of the wheels.

till he broke it.

"what were you two even talking about? huh?"

"i told you, rafe, he just tried to have a normal conversation!" you said clearly annoyed.

he glanced at you.

"i already told you several times, i don't want you talking to that guy!" he almost shouted. his face looked red. his tone was harsh, but he tried not to scream yet.

"rafe...this is crazy! please, see things how they really are, i'm your girlfriend! it is not like i would go out there flirting with anyone else, i love you!"

you wanted to cry at how angry and sad you felt.

"i- i know, but..." he nodded his head, staring at his own hands "i know jj likes you, okay? and i just want to make sure he doesn't think he stand a chance with you"

"what are you talking about?" you furrowed your eyebrows. jj and you were never close, but whenever you had the opportunity to talk, it was something nice, fresh. he was a good company. you were sure he never saw you as anything else than a possible friendship.

"i see how he looks at you... the same way as i do, y/n" you breathed heavily. rafe wasn't just dramatic, he was THE drama queen himself. "don't give me that look!"

"what look?"

"the one you're giving me right now! like...like i'm crazy or something!" his eyes were full of tears, he was holding the steering wheel with a tight grip, his hands looked white.

"look" you said, trying to calm down . there was a brief moment of silence, you were thinking about the right words. "i've been thinking a lot about it, and... rafe, i'm not being healthy for you. our relationship is not healthy for you."

his eyes went wide, knowing what you were about to say. his heart beated so fast he considered he would might have a heart attack.

he knew it. he knew he was a fucking freak, but he couldn't find a healthier way to cope. he was totally, completely obsessed with you, he felt like throwing up by the mere thought of life without you. he knew it was far more than love, he knew it was sick.

"you need to focus on yourself by now, you know? try to stay clean, go see a therapist, take care of your mind and soul-"

before you could finish, he raced the car again. but this time, much faster than before.

"rafe, slow down!"

he kept going faster and faster, till the point where you were almost crying.

"RAFE! STOP!"

he didn't. and thats when you grabbed his arm, desperatedly trying to make him stop.

"please, please rafe, stop right now!"

you were so scared. it was a dark road, you could barely see anything in front of you.

he stopped.

you were breathless. your heart felt anxious, remembering the times where your dad used to fight with your mom and race the car, exactly like this, and threat to kill you and her.

rafe grabbed your wrist on his arm, tightly. "look at me"

you stared immediately, scared for your life. for some reason, you had jj in mind. would this ever happen if you were with him instead? what about the calm, fresh love you always wanted? this wasn't life. love wasn't supposed to be this dark. what if you had never met rafe and were close to jj instead?

of course he was also up for some trouble, but clearly not as extreme as your boyfriend.

"i love you more than i even love myself. but that doesn't mean i will let you hurt me like this and be just fine" he then cupped your jaw. you couldn't hold your sobs anymore.

"i can't live without you, baby, i'm not even phisically able to do it... so you're gonna be with me for the rest of my goddamn life, you get it? i'm gonna marry you soon and we're gonna leave this piece of shit of island, and it's gonna be just us. none of those filthy friends you have, none else but me and you." he tapped your head with his fingers, he didn't blink during the whole time he was saying this. staring at you dead in the eyes. "i'm not joking when i say that i would kill for you, and that including you, baby. you're not gonna leave me, ever"

"i wish i never met you" you cried. immediately regreting, but your emotions were speaking louder.

the slap was so hard you felt like your face and ear was burning on fire.

"we're gonna wash that little pretty mouth of yours once we get home."

#rafe x you #dark rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron #rafe x reader #drew starkey #outer banks #obx fic #dark rafe

[risuola]

Hi!!!!

I dunno the correct process for making a request but here goes!! I LOVE YOUR STUFF I HAVE BEEN BLESSED.

Smut for Nanami Kento, any AU, fem reader, with 58, 81 and 85 as prompts!!

Thank you so much and have a lovely day!!

WINE STAINS

WINE STAINS — F. READER x NANAMI KENTO

As time passed, you noticed Kento became more and more distant. You loved him, oh so much, and you wanted to give him freedom. Six months after you broke up with him, he's standing at your doorstep.

cw: smut, possible spoilers? – most likely inaccuracies in the timeline, unprotected sex, oral (m. receiving), clit play, bits of angst, alcohol and meds usage briefly mentioned, minor injury + blood mentioned, violence mentioned, reader discretion is advised — 4,3k words

PROMPTS: 58. I miss doing nothing with you. 81. You think that this is easy for me? 85. I think I’ve lost my mind.

a/n: thank you! 🩶 it turned out to be a little long, but what can I say... I like writing long. anyway, hope you like it!

There was a time in your life when you felt like the luckiest woman in the whole universe. Every single one of your days was overflowing with happiness and gratitude, as if you were high on all the love you held in your heart. Two years of this feeling made you lost in the dream; the sun was brighter then, the birds were singing more vibrantly, and the long summer nights seemed to never end as you spent each and every one of them in the embrace of Nanami Kento. He was a man written by a woman – kind and gentle, but with a roughness hidden inside the breathtaking shell of attractiveness. His voice could make any woman's knees buckle, and you were lucky enough to fall asleep and wake up to that alluring tone. Those two years have made you blind.

A year ago, things began to change, but you didn't notice how Kento began to seek some personal space, distancing himself from your ever-loving embrace. He started working overtime, which he hated more than anything else, but you had no reason not to believe him when he told you time after time that he had to stay at the office for extra hours. Then he would often be tired, prying from your touch, and the long, passionate kisses would turn into quick pecks on the cheek. Countless nights you spent looking at the empty space in the bed, crying silently while Nanami slept on the couch. Cold pillows and unscathed covers made you realize that he didn't love you anymore, and it was already too late.

July 3rd, 2022 Exactly six months ago, you welcomed Nanami home for the last time, with all your things already moved out of the apartment that had been the source of your happiness. "What is it?" he asked then, looking around the empty spaces that had once been filled with memories, and you took his face into your cold, trembling hands. "Today is your birthday, my love," you began, doing everything not to crumble to pieces, "I want to give you back your freedom." He answered with silence, which you took as acceptance. "You have dinner in the kitchen, please eat well. I left you a small gift as well. Take care of yourself, be happy, okay?" you smiled, but your eyes betrayed you as tears gathered along your lash line, but you blinked them away and exhaled, your breath quivering and your heart drumming in your chest so hard you thought it would burst through your ribcage. "I think I've taken everything that's mine. All I'm leaving is my love."

Standing on your tippy toes, you kissed Nanami's lips for the last time, smoothed the soft skin of his cheeks and inhaled his musky scent for the last time. All of it was your last with him. The last goodbye you whispered against his mouth as a tear rolled down your cheek, and then you left the apartment. You remember how his hand slid down your arm as you walked past him, but he didn't stop you. Your fingertips brushed against his, but he didn't try to grab you. You made it through the Uber ride, even exchanging a few forced jokes with the driver, but when the doors to your new apartment closed behind you, you broke down. First night you spent on the floor, crying yourself to exhaustion in the cold emptiness.

January 3rd, 2023 Today, on the six-month anniversary of the worst day of your life, you look up at the sky and smile softly as the lone tear rolls down your cold-flushed cheek. Holding onto the paper cup filled with hot coffee, you can't help but wonder if he's happier now. People say time flies, but for you, the last few months have been torturous as you spent day after day trying to numb yourself with busy life, alcohol, and dulling meds. Nothing really seemed to help, no matter what you did or swallowed, nothing was able to free you from the heartache, as if the eternal love you had for Nanami had become one with your soul. So you stopped searching for a way to heal by force and allowed yourself to go through it, with all the sleepless nights, used tissues and missed meals.

Now, as you sit on the bench in the crowded park, you look out at the people rushing through the January coldness, and when your eyes land on a couple so lovely and affectionate, your mind wanders back into the memories. Many cold days, just like this one, you spent with Nanami, shamelessly stealing his warmth and hiding in the safe embrace of his strong arms. Those days were your favorite, the low temperatures gave you more reasons to never part from him, and he always made sure you stayed warm. He was so gentle with you, carrying you like a princess and holding your hands with care as he planted endless kisses all over your reddened cheeks and knuckles. Today, on the third day of the new year, you sit alone, the only source of heat being the coffee, which is now more lukewarm than anything else.

Exhaling, you finish your drink and stand up, throwing away the empty cup and entering the crowded alleys, moving forward with no destination, taking in the aura of Tokyo before leaving for good. It's been a few weeks since you decided to move somewhere else in the world, somewhere far away from where everything reminds you of how happy you used to be, but it's only now that you've finally found the strength to book tickets. With them printed in your apartment, you felt a little lighter, knowing that you're about to start a new chapter, one that will hopefully be brighter and happier. With new streets you've never walked through, with new people you've never talked to, with new cafes, new bakeries, new lakes and parks. You hoped to leave the sadness behind and start living again, not just pretending to be alive, but could you really do that anywhere in the world, when the sky and the stars and the moon and the sun that witnessed all the love you shared with Kento remain the same?

January 7th, 2023 Last night in your apartment, you sit down in the empty space, next to the few boxes that are left and yet to be taken by your father to be stored in their house and later shipped to your new home. One night is all that separates you from the anxiety-driving mixture of airports, flights, and a new life you've put so much hope into. One more night, and maybe you'll be able to find sparks of happiness again. Maybe the unknown will take up enough of your headspace that you'll start appreciating what you have instead of mourning what you've lost. Maybe.

"Cheers to new life," you mutter to yourself as you raise a half-full glass of cheap red wine into the air and take a sip. The unpleasant, tart taste twists your features for a second and you exhale deeply. "Fucking new life, my ass."

As the glass shatters against the wall where you just threw it, you groan to the heavens and despite all intentions to leave it as it is, you get up, grab a cloth and a bag and kneel down to pick up all the pieces and clean the red puddle from the wood before it stains it permanently. It gets tiring quickly, you don't have anything to sweep the floor with, you don't even have a bowl to rinse the cloth in, and as you shuffle between the living room and the kitchen, you make more mess than it's worth.

With a soft groan, you toss the cloth into the sink when you hear a knock at the door. Neighbors, you think. They probably heard the sound of breaking glass and were disturbed, just as they have been bothered by every little sound during the six months you have lived there.

There were so many things that Nanami wanted and needed to tell you, and yet nothing came to his mind when he thought about how to even start the conversation. As he stood in an empty hallway looking at your doors, he wondered if you’d even open them. Maybe you'll know it's him, maybe you'll recognize the way he knocked, or you'll look through the peephole and just pretend you're not home. But the door opened, with an almost angry swing, and when he looked down at you, his heart stopped at the sight.

You were there, wearing a large, black t-shirt that had most likely been his own many months ago, but what Nanami immediately noticed were the bright red stains all over your hands, a few traces on your legs and even on your cheek. His mind went blank at the bloody image, his heart sank and all he could focus on was that you were hurt.

"What happened?" he asks immediately, reaching for your hands to examine them, but you pull them away taking a step back.

"Kento?" you mouth, no voice leaving your throat as you stare at the all-too-familiar frame at your doorstep. Of all people, he was the last one you wanted to see that night, right before leaving. All hope shattered as you realized just by seeing him that you'll never be able to get over him, no matter where you try to run away, he'll always be a part of your soul, he'll always have a part of your heart. "What are you doing here?"

"Can we talk? I know you're leaving tomorrow," he says, and you immediately ask, "Who told you?"

"Your friend. Listen, there are things I have to tell you, I have to explain what happened."

"Kento... why are you making this so hard for me?" you sigh, your voice almost a whisper as you let him in by stepping aside. "I have a flight tomorrow; I should rest now."

“You think that this is easy for me? That losing you was easy for me?" his voice flares up for a moment before he forces it back down. "Please, just let me explain, then you can do whatever you want."

"Alright," you nod, noticing that his eyes once again landing on your covered in red hands. "It's wine. I spilled it."

"You're bleeding."

"It's wine, I'm telling you..." you try to argue, but he grabs your hand and it’s only now that you realize that you are, in fact, bleeding. A few shards of glass are embedded in your flesh, ruby streaks mixing with wine stains, but you don't even feel it and for a moment it scares you how much you desensitized yourself to pain.

“Let me,” Nanami pulls you gently towards the kitchen, where he makes you sit on the chair as he kneels down in front of you, beginning to pull the pieces out with chapsticks – the only thing that you had left in the kitchen to later have some instant ramen.

“I don’t understand why would you come here, Kento. It’s been half a year.”

“I know. But I can’t just let you leave like that.”

“I have everything set up already, I have a flight-ticket, a house and work arranged. Tomorrow I’ll be homeless in Japan.”

“You have a home, don’t act like you don’t know where it is.”

You shake your head at his words, sighing and looking away as he works on picking up the shards from your palm. He caresses you gently whist he cleans your wounds and you feel like you're burning from every place he's touching you. It hurts physically to feel his fingers holding you so tenderly and you can feel the tears already gathering in your eyes. He is your home and the thought of leaving him is suffocating you. It began killing you the day you left on his birthday, and you don't even know how you managed to push through those six months.

“Nanami… All I ever wanted for you is to be happy.”

“Do I look happy to you?”, he lifts his eyes to yours, and all you can see is devastating loneliness that lingers inside his brown irises. In the dim light of your kitchen, you can see his darkened undereyes and the tiredness painted across his features. “Y/n, please, just listen to me.”

“Okay.”

As Nanami’s finished with your hand, he wraps his tie around it, the one that you’ve always jokingly called atrocious and he’s unbothered by ruining it. He stays on his knees, enclosing both of your palms inside his own, much bigger and as you feel him, you could swear his fingers are trembling.

“I lied to you. Over a year ago I left my office job,” he began and already you were confused, but he stopped you from speaking up. “I’ve always been… different. There are things in this world that are called curses. Spiritual beings manifested from cursed energy, a result of negative emotions that flow out of humans. They are harmful to society; they are violently taking lives. Regular people can’t see them, you most likely can’t see them as well, but there are those who call themselves jujutsu sorcerers. They see curses, fight them, exorcise.”

“Are you one of them?”

“I am. I studied at Jujutsu high here in Tokyo, but after losing my classmate I left and tried to live a normal life as a salesman. Wanted to earn enough money to retire at 40 and then have a peaceful life in some kind of paradise. But I hated the office more than I hated sorcery so one year ago I got back to fighting curses. Then I began distancing myself from you. Every time you asked so sweetly how was my day, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you that I just got home from the bloody murder scene. I thought it’s better for you to not know all of that, I wanted to keep you safe. It also felt wrong to lay down in bed with you, to touch or kiss you when just hour before, my hands were red. I couldn’t sleep with you when my body was bruised and I had no idea how to explain this to you.”

You stayed silent, taking in his words, watching his expression change from shame to guilt, through sadness and lost.

“When you had told me you’re leaving, I thought it might be better for you to find someone else. That you’ll be safer with someone else. The thought of you getting hurt by a curse because of me terrified me.”

“Wouldn’t I be safer if a sorcerer was there with me…?”, you ask and he exhales.

“Maybe. Maybe not. I don’t know. I’m sorry, y/n,” Nanami lowers his head, planting a kiss on top of your knuckles. “I’m so sorry. Please don’t leave. Don’t leave me. I miss you, I miss doing nothing with you, I miss everything. I should have never let you go; you are the sun in my life, without you I feel like I live in darkness.”

“I don’t understand much of what you just said to me, Kento,” you admit, sighing and releasing one of your hands from his hold only to cup his face and he leans into your touch immediately. “about the curses, I guess I’m just a regular person, but I love you with every fiber of my existence, no matter if you’re a normie, a sorcerer or whatever else.”

You feel him deflate, like the tension left his body the second you said you still love him and you can’t help but smile softly while smoothing over his cheekbone. So many months you dreamt about touching him once again, feeling his supple skin underneath your fingertips and taste his lips. You longed for him, for everything Nanami Kento was and now you were finally able to have him back.

“I love you just as much,” he mutters against the pulse on your wrist, kissing the delicate skin tenderly. “Please, come home with me. Come back to our home.”

“If you promise me that you won’t hide things like this from me. I might not understand any of this, but if what you’re doing is that emotionally wrenching, I want to be the safe space you can come home to,” you coo, tears washing over your eyes and you fall down to your knees, bones hitting the cold tiles painfully but you don’t care, as you cup his face in your palms. Unable to wait any more second, you press your lips onto his, gently at first, but when he molds his own against yours instantaneously, you lose it.

All you can feel in your body is want, you need him now, there. You need him closer, on you, inside you. You want to taste him, feel him, breathe him in, and that's all you've wanted for the last six months, constantly trying to convince yourself that it will pass.

"Need you to fuck me," you mumble against his mouth, pushing him to sit back as you climb onto his lap.

"God, I want nothing more," he whispers, his huge palms already on your butt, squeezing the tender flesh, and you can't hold back a smile as a breathy groan escapes his throat when you roll your hips, running your pussy precisely over his bulging crotch. The rough fabric of his pants pushes easily through the thin, dotted cotton of your panties, making you gasp as it teases your clit. "Fuck you and take you home."

"Please do," you almost cry as his long fingers slip underneath your underwear, landing directly over the sensitive bud, only to slide lower along your folds, collecting the slick and he smirks at how wet and needy you are for him. Another crashing kiss takes your breath away and you squeeze his shoulders to keep yourself from dizziness. All of your thoughts are kissed away, leaving your mind focused only on the man beneath you, and you reach down, quickly, almost impatiently, undoing the belt, button and zipper of his pants. You're burning with anticipation and lust, already intoxicated by the taste of his lips and the way his tongue dances with yours.

Cold air hits Nanami's cock as you pull him out of the restrictive cage of his boxers, and he purrs into your mouth as you wrap your dainty fingers around his fat girth, pumping him even harder than he already is. Unable to focus on anything but the pleasure of your cold palm stroking his length, he pulls away from the kiss and uses his one free hand to pull up your blouse and you obey, letting go of his dick just for a second to undress. He lifts you up with ease to remove your panties as well, and as you sit back on his lap, completely bare and so beautiful, he takes a second to admire the view. The dim kitchen lights give you a blurry aura, your figure lit from behind, with only reflections sparkling in your eyes and bouncing off the curves of your front.

"You are so divine," he breathes out, his rough palms running over your naked form and you chuckle at the act of worship. It's always been like this – every time Nanami would see you naked, he'd act as if you were the most beautiful sight in the world and he was seeing you for the first time.

"And I am yours," you grin, kissing his lips passionately as you roll your hips so that the underside of his stiff shaft strokes between your wet folds. Your juices rub over him as you swallow a grunt that rumbles in his throat as you tease him.

Done with your games, Kento takes you by the hips and you surrender to the strength he holds you with as he aims the angry, leaking head at your entrance. You can feel him stretching your hole as you slowly lower yourself to take him completely. Panting from the mind-numbing sensation of fullness, you rest your forehead against his.

"You're making me lose my mind," he whispers, helping you move your pelvis. "No, I think I've already lost my mind."

"I love you too."

It's slow and sensual, no rush is needed where there's so much emotion. You feel one of Kento's hands all over your body; his thumb finds your clit and skillfully rolls over it, adding another layer to your pleasure and instantly making your pussy twitch and squeeze. You lower your head onto his shoulder, forcing your fingers to cooperate, you fiddle with his button-up shirt to get more access to his skin, to his toned body, but your hands shake as you moan against the side of his neck.

His name slips from your lips like a prayer and he loses composure at the feel of your walls squeezing him so delightfully. You're taking him so well, swallowing every inch, allowing his blunt head to kiss your cervix again and again as his practiced fingers roll over your swollen bundle of nerves. You pick up the pace, holding him close as you smear sloppy, wet kisses all along his collar bones.

The room spins around the two of you, every flex of your pussy leaving Nanami breathless as you whimper louder, overwhelmed by the approaching orgasm. The abuse on your clit pushes you over the edge so quickly, and he encourages you with praise and pet names. "Don't hold it, babygirl," he commands, taking in the feel of your trembling body, your arched back, your flushed cheeks, and those sweet sounds. The melody that makes him proud, that makes him never want to hear anything but your pleasured sounds and it amazes him how easily he loses his composure when he's with you.

Usually, Nanami is nothing but a stoic, reserved man, confident in his steps and never putting too much emotion into anything, but you're able to turn him into a panting mess. You can make him stutter, act irresponsibly, forget his own name. You're the one who makes him smile, you're the one who brings joy and pleasure into his life, and if it weren't for you, he might have already given up chasing happiness.

"Kento, ah-" you call his name, blissfully dazed; your voice shuddering as your words sink into his skin, your lips brush against his neck and he mumbles affirmations under his breath, feeling his cock flex and harden even more, hugged by the tight embrace of your squelching pussy. Unable to speak coherently, his head falls back against the kitchen island, breathless moans and lust driven whimpers leaving his mouth as he keeps your hips moving, helping you ride out your orgasm, feeling himself getting closer and closer to his own. His mind goes blank, an echo of your heavy pants filling his ears, and the way your long nails scratch along his biceps and chest muscles drives him completely insane.

You bite your lower lip, grounding yourself as the overstimulation gets the better of you. After such a long break from his cock, it almost feels too much, the sheer size and girth of it making you see stars.

"Let me taste you," you ask, but it comes out as a plea and he can't refuse when you ask so nicely, so he lets go of your hips. Quickly you reposition yourself to kneel between his legs and kiss your way down, moving your knees back across the cold tiles. With your ass sticking up, you lower yourself to envelop your fingers around his slick with your juices member, pumping him at the base while you add your spit to the concoction of fluids. He's already throbbing and flexing in your grasp as you take him in your mouth; your tongue swirls around the head and strokes along the length.

You lick and suck, moving your head up and down, lightly grazing his cock with your teeth. Nanami throws his head back, his hands landing on top of your head where he gathers your hair into a makeshift pony as you work your magic. The wet, warm feeling of your mouth, mixed with the skillful dance of your tongue makes him dizzy and the way he sucks in his breath above you makes you happy. You love Nanami in a state of chaos and disorder.

"So... perfect..." he mutters, words breaking as he speaks, and you take him deeper, pressing the tip of his cock against your throat, and as you hum, the vibration of your vocal cords sends him over the edge. His grip on your hair tightens, the veins around his girth bulging and you know he's so close. As you continue to deepthroat him, you pick up the pace of your hand at the base of his dick and use your other hand to massage his balls. You feel his thigh muscles flex against your shoulders and he pushes your head down as he cums. Tears roll down your cheeks from the sudden pressure on your throat, but you obey until he lets go and you can guide him through his release. Nanami's cum fills your mouth, smearing all around as you milk him dry, sucking every last drop like it's nectar, savoring it before you swallow.

 Your movements slow down, you lick him few more times, gently pumping the length until he pulls you up into a tight embrace of his strong arms. You lean against his chest, his heartbeat right beneath your ear, and you close your eyes to listen to its melody. You don't know how long the two of you have been lying in silence on your kitchen floor, and frankly, you don't need to know as long as it's Nanami Kento you're with.

"Let's get cleaned up and I'll take you home," he finally says, the words pressed against the top of your head as he plants soft kisses there and all you can do is agree.

#jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk angst #jujutsukaisen angst #jjk imagines #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x you #nanami #nanami kento #nanami smut #nanami kento smut #nanami x you #nanami kento x you #nanami x reader #nanami kento x reader #nanami angst #jjk fanfiction #jujutsu kaisen fanfiction #jujutsu kaisen

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - It's 2024 & I'm talking about TayNew... really?

(They pretty much told us all to sit down and shut tf up, 'cause they got this. AND THEY DO.)

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.

Feb 2024 Wk 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Cherry Magic (Sat YouTube grey) ep 9 of 12 - I broke. In my defense, it was Monday, I needed comfort, and TayNew were right tf there. Ya know what? They are great in this show. It's a great adaptation. I might like it more than the JBL live action. You know why? Really, honestly WHY...?

That was a PHENOMENAL KISS. Those boys did Thailand fucking proud. They did fandom a solid. Thank you OGs for reminding us how it's done. I was getting used to SloppyHot. And SloppyHot has its place, but that TayNew rooftop kiss was a top tear class act. It was tender and sweet and respectful and joyful. It was eye work and breath work and years of practice. How very far BL has come while still staying so much the same. TayNew - I salute you!

(Read all about distribution issues here.)

The Sign (Sat YT) ep 12fin - we waiting, I guess? Bah.

Cooking Crush (Sun YT) ep 11 of 12 - The recipe book thing was so damn cute and I love a claiming. YOU KNOW I LOVE A CLAIMING!

In fact, I love OffGun.

I love food based BL.

I adored seeing a reboot of "the infamous dragging". 

But I don’t love anything else about this show. Sigh.

1000 Years Old ep 1 of 12 - Finally we get our gay vampire BL from Feel Good Bangkok. Stars Shane (My Engineer) and fresh face Opal, directed by Champ (2gether). It’s kind of odd but enjoyable. A group of teen UFO seekers find a vampire instead. Opal looks a bit like a mix between Newnu + Leo (VIXX) - so cute + edge. Also, nice to see Shane again on our screens after so long. 

Finally, I like the subtle (and sometimes not subtle) presence of ghosts permeating this show. Do the friends know she's there? Do they know she's dead? Is the existence of paranormal accepted but not that of aliens? Or are the two combined? Is this lazy writing or just fun world building? Who cares! It's enjoyable.

For Him (Thurs iQIYI) ep 12fin - the nail painting bit was very cutie queers and I've not seen it done in BL before, so that was nice. For some reason captions never dropped for me on this last episode, but it didn’t really matter. Not much happened and I understood everything anyway.

Quick pitch?

From the people who brought us Unforgotten Night based on a y-novel, about a young man nursing a heartbreak who has a one-night stand, but the other boy didn't want it to end. This turned out to be a pulp that wasn’t half as good as it should have been and even less memorable, but not terrible. 5/10 DON'T BOTHER unless you're v bored

City of Stars (Fri iQIYI) ep 3 of 12 - Oh it is such a pulp: the acting is not good and the script is terrible. Of course, I’m mildly enjoying it. Very good dream kissing. There's something appealing about these main characters - I think it's the moot crushes. We rarely get to see that. These days everything feels very one sided, this... isn't.

A Secretly Love (Thai WeTV) - Khonprot, a third-year hazer of the engineering faculty, has a secret crush on Pluem, a tsundere fourth-year head hazer. Over the years, he's seen Pluem cycle through girlfriends. Recently, after a public breakup, however, Khonprot thinks maybe a boy has a chance.

I tried but I can't get into my WeTV account anymore and I'm way too lazy to figure it out. I'll catch it grey if I can, since I've rebooted the bootlegging side of my BL life for Cherry Magic anyway.

So this show may stay in this section, or I may bump it down to "it's airing but..."

If anyone is watching it, let me know if it's good?

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love For Love's Sake (Korea Weds iQIYI) 7-8fin - Ugh it was GREAT, despite some pretty telling flaws. I ended up feeling like some of the filming was amateurish (very overworked low angles - director's first feature, I assume), and the narrative is a little disjoined and on the nose, AND the subs are clumsy (which I don't expect from KBL) BUT I still loved it. (FYI - I wouldn't be so harsh on a BL for this kinda thing except one from Korea.)

Quick pitch:

This isekai-based KBL is about a man who must win a game by convincing a reserved teen outcast to fall in love with him. Of course, that teen represents himself and his own unhappiness. Like many queer narratives, this show is actually about self worth, trust, and found family, and it is VERY on the nose. But I don’t expect subtlety from my BL and I enjoyed it's truly lovely redemption arc and earnest performances. While I found the narrative a touch disjointed with overworked filming angles and poorer than average captions, this is certainly much better than early KBL in terms of consistency of tone, script, and immersion. Highly rewatchable and charming, which counts for a lot. 9/10

Trigger warning for suicide depicted.

Perfect Propose (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 4 of 6 - Gosh, it’s so lovely. But I do just constantly want to give them both hugs. 

AntiReset (Taiwan Fri Viki/Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Oh look, Taiwan has created yet another BL where I spend most of the time watching it grinning like an idiot. Surprise surprise. The pet name thing was fucking adorable. Also Taiwan once more proving they come by their "kings of kissing" title honestly. I mean to say. In a week of good kisses this one was just... WOW.

On the other hand, some of the underpinning themes are starting to v worry me (ownership, consent, age), and we only just got started, and I don't trust this production company so... I have concerns.

But also... YAY KISSES!

(I'm made of weak moral fiber.)

Although I Love You and You AKA Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 6 of 10 - Like many other shows on this list. I just enjoy it the most when the two leads are on screen together. So this episode was kind of lacking because they were apart for most of it. I also am starting to agree with the tone of the plot, that maybe they ARE better off as friends not lovers. (And I'm sure I'm not supposed to want that.) Oh Japan, must you?

My Strawberry Film (Japan Gaga) ep 1 of 8 - Oh it’s good. In the arthouse lane so don’t expect sweetness & light or an HEA. If there’s no cartoon aspect to a JBL, there’s usually no joy. But it is certainly good. Teens uncover some old film and a mystery around a pretty girl. The background music is wildly annoying (and rarely in the background). 

It's Done

What Did You Eat Yesterday Season 2 AKA Kinou Nani Tabeta? Season 2 (Japan Gaga) 10 eps - will binge when I have any spare time. 2024 is crazy busy for me so far.

The Servant and the Young Master - from Vietnam, it's on YouTube. I will give it a try when I have a window of time.

Began Beginning (Myanmar YouTube) - A Burmese BL? @heretherebedork vouched for it, so I will give it a watch.

7 Days Before Valentine (Weds WeTV) - Gave me Luminous Solution vibes have decided not to watch.

It's Airing But...

Dead Friend Forever (Thai iQIYI) - rumors are it's interesting. I'm waiting to know how it ends.

Ossans Love Season 2 (Japan Gaga) - 5 years later, will anything have changed? This is Japan so… probubly not. I won't be watching this. I disliked Season one and actively hated the follow ups. No thank you.

Playboyy (Thurs Gaga) 14 eps - Dear Playboyy, it's not you, it’s me… I hate you. You’re about as deep (and as palatable) as a shot glass of cum. While I'm sure you’re someone’s kink, you're my weakest link. Goodbye. I DNFed this at ep 5. Frankly I'm impressed with myself for getting that far.

Time the series (Tue Gaga/YT) 10 eps - dropped it at ep 4.

Next Week Looks Like This:

2/24 Unknown (Taiwan Youku) 12 eps - Older brother tough guy breadwinner looks after his sister and defacto adopted little brother. Little bother falls in love with him and is sent away after a stolen kiss. But when he comes back…

Sam Lin has a cameo so even if I wasn't already excited, I'm in. We should be on our guard though, Taiwan will occasionally go edgy, dark, and sad... this could go there.

One assumes GMMTV is filling in the BL time slot with something queer on their YT Channel after Cooking Crush ends, they gonna lose subs if they don't. But I've not been paying attention to the chatter so I don't know which of their line-up it will be. I think G4 are filming/off radar now, and Earth is in that het noona thing? Plus they gotta sort out the IP for MIx-Up and Ossen. So it won't be one of the announced adaptations. They'll hold My Golden Blood for the high season, so I think it'll be one of the lesser known lead-outs. Wandee or Only Boo maybe? But they only just started filming those. Are we getting our long awaited GL? Anything else left from 2023 that I forgot about?

Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

Two crawling kisses from Thailand this week. Now this is a fetish I didn't know I had. Turns out, we love this one! (*waves hand in air* I speak for all of us now.)

Cooking Crush

City of Stars

Possibly the best tsundere to cinnamon roll pivot we've had in a long time.

Also the best asshole to KING pivot. Could we have a whole drama staring this character now? Please?

And finally our sunshine learning to love himself.

SIGH. what a lovely show.

And a good SMILEY kiss from a KBL.

And then some cute cuddles? Korea is spoiling me these days. I'm catching expectations now. What's next? Japan learns to kiss in their light BLs? Ha! I kill me.

(All Love for Love's Sake).

(Last week)

#love for loves sake #love for love's sake review #love supremacy zone #korean bl #bl series review #i loved it #cherry magic th #cherry magic thailand #cherry magic #live action yaoi #thai adaptation #taynew #bl kisses #thai bl #cooking crush #off gun #offgun #what the hell is happening in my tags it's like we are back in 2016 #only korea is around a kissing better #city of stars #thai bl pulp #for him the series review #dead friend forever #japanese bl #perfect propose #My Strawberry Film #Sukiyanen Kedo Do Yaro ka #AntiReset #taiwanese bl

[familyvideostevie]

hey!!! can i put in a request for sirius? maybe something where he and reader are at a new years party and reader is slowly becoming more and more overwhelmed but doesn’t want to ruin sirius’ fun so they just quietly slip away. but of course sirius notices? thank you and i love your writing!!!

of course you can! i don't think i've nailed him down totally yet but hopefully this is alright for now <3 | gn!reader, fluff, 1k

It's nice until it's not. That's how it always goes. You're having a nice time at the house party, laughing and sipping on something fruity that Marlene handed you as Lily tells the story of how James broke his arm last week. The music isn't too loud and you think you might go find Sirius soon so that you can be near him when midnight hits. Not that he'd be anywhere but by your side, of course.

But then something in the room changes. Maybe a big group of people shows up or the music gets a little louder and the lights a little dimmer but suddenly you don't feel as steady.

"Love, are you alright?" Lily gently grabs your elbow and you flinch. Her expression is soft but her eyes are worried. You've clearly zoned out enough that it's noticeable.

"I'm fine," you say, smiling tightly. "I'm going to get some water." You slip away from the circle and into the kitchen, abandoning your cup on the first flat surface you find. There isn't anyone in here but the tightness in your chest does not abate. You clutch the sides of the sink and try to breathe.

A knock on the counter alerts you to someone else in the kitchen. You whirl around and find Remus looking a bit worried. "You look pale," he says. "Do you want me to get Sirius?" You haven't seen your boyfriend in a little bit, but you're pretty sure he's playing drinking games in the next room.

"No," you say quickly. "No, I'm fine. Thanks, though." Remus looks reluctant to leave you. All of Sirius's friends take your wellbeing very seriously, not just because you're fairly vital to his -- they like you.

"Hm," he says. Everyone has a hard time fooling Remus about anything. "Maybe some fresh air?"

"Good idea," you say. He allows you to slip past him and you really hope he's not going to tell Sirius. You'll get some fresh air and then find your coat and send Sirius a text that you've gone home and not to worry. There's no reason to tear him away from the party because you're overwhelmed.

The front porch is deserted. Abandoned cups and a few cigarette butts litter the railing but the cold air makes you feel better immedietly. A few deep breaths serve to calm your racing heart. Laughter and music bleed into the night and you really want to be on your own couch right now.

The front door opens. You know it's Sirius.

You turn and take a step towards him. He meets you in the middle, a hand on your elbow. He runs his other through his own hair, a tell that he was worried.

"Did Remus find you?" you ask miserably. Though Sirius has told you a million times that he will do anything for you, sometimes actually asking is the hardest part. You feel a bit sick that he's come out here when he should be having fun inside.

"What?" He blinks. "No. I just noticed you were gone." His dark brows draw together and he reaches out slowly, in case you don't want to be touched. But you don't move, so he gently places a big, callused hand around the curve of your jaw.

"You did?" It's a silly question. You know that Sirius, while a bit all over the place and loud and much more alive than you've ever been, is so keen on you being in his life that he'd do pretty much anything to keep you around. He bought you a helmet for his motorbike even though you swore you'd never ride it, just in case. He made everyone swap out the hand soap in their flats after you told him that a popular brand irritated your skin. He kisses you extra when he's got a bit of stubble because the tingle makes you giggle. Of course he noticed that you were gone.

"Are you being serious?" he asks. His thumb settles at the corner of your mouth for just a moment before he tugs you into his hold, the hand on your jaw moving to cup your head. "You are so silly sometimes."

"Sorry," you say into his silk shirt. He hasn't got his jacket on but he's still much warmer than you.

Sirius tuts. "None of that." He pulls back to look at you again, eyes pouring over your face. "You alright?"

You nod because it's true, now. You're always better when he's holding you. "Just got a bit overwhelmed inside."

"Do you want to go home?" He doesn't ask questions, doesn't tell you off. He never does. So you only feel a little guilty when you nod. "Let me get our coats and we'll be off."

He makes for the door to the house again and you snag his fingers. "Are you sure, Sirius?" you ask. "I can go home. You don't have to leave." He sighs, but it's fond.

"Come here." He tugs and you go willingly back into his arms. This time he rests his hands on your lower back, dangerously close to being cheeky. "All I wanted out of tonight was to kiss you at midnight, yeah? And I can do that at home. And if we do it at home, we can do it naked."

You laugh, shoving your face into his collar. "You're unbelievable," you say.

"And you're pretty." He presses his lips to your temple once, twice, before releasing you. "Don't go anywhere."

You take a moment to look at him in the moonlight. Rumpled, tall, dark, and handsome, and all yours. "Wouldn't dream of it."

thank you for reading <3 reblog, send feedback, masterlist here!

#sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black x y/n #marauders fanfiction #marauders #sirius black fanfiction

[edenesth]

The Mystery of Minho's Heart

Pairing: non-idol!Minho x fem!reader

AU: university au (exes to lovers)

Word Count: 10.7k

Summary: You and Minho have been dating for a while, but his stoic demeanour and inability to express emotions have left you doubting his love. It's not until you voice your doubts and ask to break up that he realises how deeply he loves you and that he must do better to make you understand just how much he cares.

MAIN MASTERLIST

"Let's break up, Minho."

Those were words you hurled mercilessly his way just an hour ago.

Your boyfriend, now ex-boyfriend, sat numbly on the couch in his dormitory, still reeling in shock as he attempted to process everything you had unpacked earlier.

"What, why?" He recalled asking, his voice barely a whisper.

A painful sound escaped your throat, resembling a sarcastic chuckle that, to him, sounded more like a frustrated cry.

"Please tell me you're joking; this isn't funny." Minho pleaded, desperately hoping it was just a silly prank. However, the hurt expression on your face communicated that it was anything but.

You were dead serious.

"I-I don't understand... Where is this coming from?" He questioned, trying to make sense of the situation.

It broke his heart to see the emotional exhaustion etched across your face. For the past year, he hadn't realised that anything was wrong; he genuinely believed everything was fine.

The wearied smirk on your lips only deepened the sense of foreboding in the pit of his stomach, "Why of course, you wouldn't understand. Perhaps it was my fault for expecting too much from you." You muttered, frustrating him with the lack of clarity about what exactly he had done wrong.

Before he could open his mouth to ask, you looked him dead in the eye, "Just answer me this: do you even love me?" He froze, his fists clenching, struggling to formulate a response.

With a sigh, he nodded gingerly, "Come on, you know I do," You shook your head, tears now welling in your eyes, "No, Minho, I don't. If you do, then say it to me right now. Tell me you love me." He blinked rapidly, avoiding your intense gaze.

For some inexplicable reason, those three words seemed unable to escape his lips. Throughout your relationship, he had never vocalised those sentiments to you. It wasn't because he lacked those feelings for you; Minho simply wasn't one to openly express affection in that manner.

And he thought you already knew that.

Releasing a haunting laugh, you wiped away the tears streaming down your face with the sleeve of your shirt, "See? We've been together for a whole year, Minho, and you can't even bring yourself to tell me that you love me. Maybe it was foolish of me to expect anything more from you."

Minho found himself at a loss for counterarguments because you were undeniably correct.

"At times, I questioned whether I was ever truly your girlfriend. You treat your friends better than you've ever treated me. Am I an idiot for hoping you'd show me even a fraction of the affection you readily give everyone else but me? What am I even to you?"

He wished he could find the right words to say at this moment, but his mind was blank as he finally grasped the impact of his actions, or lack thereof, on your feelings throughout your relationship.

"Don't beat yourself up too much, though. I guess I'm just not the right person for you. It took me a while, but I've come to realise that now. Despite how much I still love you, I just... God, I can't do this anymore. I'm tired, Minho."

Inhaling deeply, you expressed your frustration, "I'm sick of having to beg for your love, sick of feeling trapped in a one-sided relationship, sick of wishing that you'd someday fight for me too. I thought maybe you felt suffocated by me at some point, so I've decided to free us both from this misery."

Before he could figure out what to say, you grabbed your bag and left, uttering a final, "Goodbye, Minho. Take care of yourself."

The resounding slam of the door marked your exit, leaving him to collapse onto the couch where he remained, frozen in the same position until now.

It's really over... She's gone.

The days following your breakup had affected Minho more than he would like to admit.

As he navigated through the aftermath, a stark realisation hit him like a ton of bricks. Reflecting on his past behaviour, he couldn't deny that you were right. He had showered his friends with more affection than he ever extended to you.

Strolling around the university campus after class one day, the sight of couples embracing, laughing, and sharing tender moments struck him with a pang of regret. It became painfully evident that the connection you two shared was far from the warm, loving relationships he observed around him.

His lack of verbal expressions of love was only the tip of the iceberg; he now recognised he had also failed miserably in conveying any physical affection or caring gestures that would have indicated his feelings for you.

Who could blame her for leaving me, really?

The truth dawned on him – he had been a less-than-ideal boyfriend, failing to provide the emotional and physical reassurance that a relationship thrived upon. He realised that the change he needed to make went beyond mere words.

Minho felt especially bad when he thought about how you tried to get closer to him at the start of your relationship. You genuinely wanted to connect with him, but he kind of avoided it without realising. Remembering those times made him feel a lot of guilt because you were just looking for love and validation from the person you cared about.

As time passed, he noticed that your attempts to get closer became less and less. What started as you trying hard to feel loved turned into you slowly giving up. It might sound a bit harsh, but all you wanted was to feel loved by your partner.

Eventually, you stopped trying altogether.

The realisation that you had to stop trying to get close to your own boyfriend, not because you wanted to, but because you felt you had no other choice, made him feel horrible now. He understood that his actions had a big impact on the closeness you both should have had, and the regret weighed heavily on him every day.

"You miss her, don't you?"

A sudden nudge on his shoulder jolted him out of his thoughts. He turned to find Jisung looking at him expectantly. When Minho shifted uncomfortably and avoided eye contact, Jisung sensed he had struck a chord.

"Hyung, be honest with me. Why did you two break up?" Jisung asked, guiding Minho to a bench for a heart-to-heart talk.

Minho let out a heavy sigh, burying his face in his hands before confessing, "She said she felt... I— Look, I was the worst boyfriend on earth, okay? Jisung-ah, what kind of lover am I if I can't even tell her I love her, can't even hold her hand in public, or do anything to show her how much she means to me?"

Jisung smirked lightly, surprising Minho with his response, "About damn time you realised that," Minho's eyes widened at the unexpected insight, "W-what do you mean? Even you noticed?"

His friend rolled his eyes, "I think the whole world knew except you, hyung. The other guys and I have been wondering how noona could've stayed with you that long. We guessed she must've really loved you to be okay with that. I won't lie; she didn't even seem like your girlfriend at some point. Even we were starting to believe you'd lost interest in her. Or more like, have you ever been interested in her since the beginning? Your entire relationship... it looked pretty one-sided, like noona was the only one trying."

A shaky sigh escaped Minho's lips; he truly was the worst boyfriend anyone could ever ask for. If even his friends could see that, he couldn't imagine how much worse you must have been feeling all this while.

She must have been so lonely.

"That was... until we saw how much the breakup has affected you. We figured you must have loved her too." Jisung murmured, patting Minho on the shoulder.

"I do... She means so much to me. I wish she knew that," Your ex muttered, crestfallen. Jisung cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest, "Well, it's not too late to show her. Maybe... just maybe, you can win her back again."

Minho looked up at his friend with hopeful eyes, "You'd help me?" Jisung nodded, "I would but on one condition."

"What is it?"

"You must promise me to treat her right this time, hyung. There's no point in chasing her back just for you to do the same thing all over again."

Your ex nodded eagerly, "Of course, I will! I... we all know how bad I am at showing affection openly, but I realise now that it isn't an excuse for the way I've treated her. That doesn't excuse the way I've neglected my own girlfriend, the one I was supposed to love and care for the most."

At that, Jisung sprang out of his seat, hands propped on his hips, "Well, what are you waiting for then? Let's gather the boys and get to work! You don't want to make noona wait any longer than she already has now, do you?"

With newfound determination, Minho trailed after his friend, a small smile playing on his lips, "Of course not, let's do this."

It was disheartening that it took a whole breakup for your ex to realise just how much he loved you. But this time around, he vowed to make things right by showing you what he was willing to do to have you back by his side.

Since the breakup with Minho, you haven't been in the best emotional state. It frustrated you that you missed him, although you couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was that you missed. After all, it's not like he had given you much to long for.

The reality stung; there wasn't a significant difference in your life before and after the separation. The only change was the absence of contact, and you no longer visited his dorm to check on him or cook for him.

A bitter laugh escaped you at the realisation.

Perhaps that was the role you played in his life all along. A free caretaker, always ready to provide. Nothing more, nothing less.

Yep, sounds about right.

Dragging your feet back to your dorm, you were lost in your thoughts when your roommate Nayeon greeted you with a mischievous smile, "Hey, guess what? There's a bouquet of flowers for you on your desk."

You raised an eyebrow, puzzled, "For me? Who would send me flowers?" The idea seemed unlikely, considering your recent breakup with Minho.

Nayeon shrugged, feigning innocence, "I don't know, you tell me. Maybe you've got a secret admirer already. Moving on pretty fast, aren't we?"

Rolling your eyes, you dismissed her teasing with a casual wave, "Don't be ridiculous. It's probably some mix-up or a delivery for someone else."

But curiosity got the better of you, and you headed straight to your desk. There, amidst the textbooks and scattered notes, sat a beautiful bouquet of your favourite flowers. A small card peeked out from between the petals. You carefully retrieved it, unfolding the note that simply read, 'Thinking of you.'

Confused yet intrigued, you couldn't fathom who would send such a gesture, especially so soon after the breakup. Nayeon watched your reactions with interest, her teasing grin widening.

"Alright, spill the details. Who's the mystery person trying to sweep you off your feet already?" She teased, eyes gleaming with curiosity.

You sighed, still uncertain about the sender's identity, "I have no idea, Nayeon. It's probably just a friendly gesture or something. I'm definitely not jumping into anything new so soon."

Nayeon chuckled knowingly, "Sure, sure. Just enjoy the mystery flowers then. Who knows, maybe it's a sign that good things are on the horizon."

You shook your head, amused by her antics, but deep down, a small spark of intrigue and hope flickered within you.

Days turned into a charming series of unexpected surprises after the mysterious bouquet of flowers. Opening your locker after a gruelling day of classes, you found a bag of your favourite snacks tucked inside, a small note accompanying it with the words, 'Thought you might need a pick-me-up.'

Another time, as heavy rain unexpectedly poured down, you spotted a neatly folded umbrella outside your classroom door. The attached note read, 'Stay dry!'

On a day when you forgot your pencil case, you returned to find a spare pen waiting for you on your desk. The anonymous gestures were sweet, thoughtful, and seemed to brighten even the gloomiest days.

Nayeon, your ever-curious roommate, couldn't resist turning the mystery into a daily guessing game, "Come on, spill it! Who is this secret admirer of yours? A cute guy from your literature class? The barista at the coffee shop? Maybe even Minho trying to win you back?"

You chuckled at her playful interrogations, neither confirming nor denying anything. The truth was, as much as you wanted to believe it could be Minho, deep down, you knew better.

These were gestures he would never make.

Nonetheless, you allowed Nayeon's amusing speculations to continue, secretly enjoying the lighthearted distraction they provided. The mystery benefactor seemed to have an uncanny knack for brightening your days, leaving you both curious and grateful for the unexpected kindness.

One evening, after another surprise had made its way into your day, you gathered all the notes you had received so far. As you inspected them, your heart suddenly clenched in your chest. The handwriting on the notes felt strangely familiar, sending a shiver down your spine.

"No, it can't be." You whispered to yourself, disbelief colouring your voice. You studied the curves of the letters and the way each word was carefully penned.

It couldn't be possible.

It just couldn't.

A realisation struck you, and you felt tears welling up in your eyes. You couldn't bring yourself to believe it, but the resemblance was uncanny. You swiftly wiped away the tears before they could betray your emotions, refusing to succumb to the overwhelming surge of hope and despair.

You scolded yourself internally, reminding yourself of the reality you knew too well. Minho hadn't bothered to contact you even once after the breakup. The person behind these thoughtful gestures couldn't possibly be him. You deserved better than to cling to false hope.

With a deep breath, you put the notes aside, pushing away the fleeting wish that it could be him. You steeled yourself against the fragile optimism that tried to sneak in, telling yourself that you deserved someone who would openly show their love and appreciation, not someone who hid behind anonymous gestures.

Trying to move forward, you attempted to live your life without being too consumed by the mysterious gestures.

But the universe seemed determined to test your resolve. As you trudged towards your locker after class, you caught a glimpse of the person behind all these surprises in the act of leaving you a cup of your favourite beverage.

Your breath hitched as you recognised the familiar back – it looked just like your ex-boyfriend. Refusing to believe it was him without confirmation, you hesitated for a moment.

"Hey, you there." You called out, hoping your voice didn't betray the mix of emotions within.

The guy stilled at the sound of your voice, seemingly contemplating whether to leave or stay. Determined to get answers, you called out more firmly, "Has it been you this whole time? Are you the person leaving all these things for me?"

He clenched his fists for a moment, and you held your breath until he finally turned around. His eyes met yours, and your name escaped his lips in a whispered acknowledgement.

"Yes, it's me."

Seeing Minho again after so long left you conflicted.

The surprise of discovering he was behind the thoughtful gestures clashed with the unresolved feelings from your past relationship. Unsure of how to react, you found yourself caught in a moment of confusion, staring into the eyes of the person who had once meant so much to you.

"But why? What's the point of doing all this now, Minho? Isn't it a little too late?" The words croaked out of your throat, a mixture of frustration and the pain that lingered from the past.

Your ex felt the weight of your questions like a punch to the gut, a sharp reminder of the hurt he had caused. He knew he deserved every bit of your scepticism and hesitance. Stepping closer to you, he stopped at a safe distance, not wanting to overwhelm you. His eyes reflected regret, and he began to speak, the words measured and filled with sincerity.

"I know I messed up, and I'm truly sorry," Minho admitted, the weight of his own guilt evident in his voice, "You were wrong to think I didn't love you. I do. I always have," He took a deep breath, determined to convey the depth of his feelings, "I want to make things right, to earn back your trust. I'll do everything I can to show you how much you mean to me."

As he smiled softly, his expression held a mix of regret and hope, despite the doubtfulness etched on your face. He knew actions spoke louder than words, but at that moment, all he could offer were words of remorse and a promise to change. It was now up to you to decide whether to let him back into your life.

You chose to remain silent, resisting the urge to crumble under the weight of his touching words.

Your heart raced as he took another careful step closer, the tension between you palpable. You gasped lightly in surprise when he gently reached for your hand. Instead of placing the drink in your locker, he put it directly into your hand now.

"Here, it's your favourite. I know you think I never paid any attention to you, but I have, in my own way. I remember everything you liked. You probably don't trust anything I say now, but in time, you'll see. I'll show you how much I care." Minho spoke softly, his words filled with sincerity. With a final, heartfelt smile, he walked away, leaving you to digest his words.

As you gazed down at the beverage in your hand, a mix of emotions washed over you. The liquid warmth seeped through your fingers, mirroring the warmth that his words had unexpectedly brought. A part of you wished this wasn't a dream, that his promises were genuine and that time would indeed reveal a change in him.

With wet eyes, you stood there, processing the encounter, torn between the past and the possibility of a different future. The vulnerability and uncertainty lingered, but so did a flicker of hope.

This is your last chance, Lee Minho.

The following day, as you walked out of class, your heart skipped a beat when you spotted Minho standing there, waiting for you.

He looked ethereal, and you couldn't help but notice how easily your heart reacted to the mere sight of him. He remained your weakness, a fact you were trying hard to ignore as you attempted to keep the walls around you intact.

His face brightened upon seeing you, and he immediately came up to you, holding out your favourite sandwich and coffee in his hands, "Here, your favourite. Please don't skip breakfast again." He said with a genuine smile before sauntering away, leaving you standing there, heart fluttering.

In the cafeteria, Nayeon couldn't resist teasing you as you approached her with food already in your hands. She observed with a knowing look, fully aware that you couldn't have prepared the breakfast yourself.

She couldn't resist commenting, "Well, well, someone's got a secret admirer. Any idea who it might be?" Her teasing grin only fueled the internal battle of emotions you were trying so hard to navigate.

Timidly, you admitted to her that it had indeed been your ex behind all the thoughtful gestures, "It's... it's Minho."

Her playful demeanour dropped, replaced with a softness that conveyed understanding. Nayeon had been the one by your side during the tough days of your relationship with Minho, and she knew the emotional weight this revelation must carry for you.

With a comforting arm around your shoulders, she listened as you poured out the events of the previous day – how you caught him in the act, the words he spoke, and the fear that gripped you, "I'm scared, Nayeon. I'm afraid of allowing myself to hope, afraid of the possibility of another heartbreak."

Being the good friend that she is, she offered her perspective, "You said it yourself, these were things he would never do back then. If he's willing to do it all for you now, perhaps he really is trying his hardest to let you know how much you truly mean to him." Her words were a gentle encouragement, a reminder to consider the possibility of change.

As you rested against her, grateful for the support, you realised that perhaps, despite the uncertainties, Minho deserved a chance to prove that people could change. Your roommate's wisdom offered a glimmer of hope in navigating the complex emotions and decisions that lay ahead.

In the weeks that followed, you decided to take Nayeon's advice and give Minho a chance to prove himself. Slowly, you began accepting all of his gestures, allowing the walls around your heart to soften. Small smiles turned into genuine expressions of gratitude, and you found yourself opening up to him again.

Encouraged by your responses, he grew bolder in his actions.

One day, he decided it was time to move beyond just handing you lunch – he wanted to take you out for a meal. Recalling Changbin's advice that he needed to take the first step, Minho mustered the courage to invite you. His heart soared when you nodded shyly, accepting his invitation.

As you sat across from each other at the restaurant, he couldn't help marvelling at how beautiful you looked. Your eyes sparkled with joy as you enjoyed your favourite food, and he couldn't shake the feeling of regret for not appreciating you more before.

He had taken you for granted, assuming you would always be there for him despite his neglect.

Now, as he looked at you closely, he felt a deep desire to make amends. He longed to hold you close, to show you the love and appreciation you deserved. The realisation of what he had almost lost fueled his determination to cherish every moment with you moving forward.

As you both shared dessert after the meal, the atmosphere was light and comfortable. Minho chuckled fondly when he noticed how adorable you looked getting a bit of ice cream on the corner of your lips. Without giving it much thought, he reached over and gently wiped your lips with his thumb, a small, tender gesture.

The action caused you to freeze momentarily, your eyes meeting his. His own widened slightly as he realised what he had just done. There was a moment of unspoken tension, an acknowledgement that something had shifted.

At that moment, he couldn't deny the sudden, intense urge to kiss those lips of yours. He found himself wondering why he hadn't kissed you more often back then, recognising that he must have been blind to the simple yet profound joys of expressing affection.

Lingering in the aftermath of the sweet gesture, a new awareness settled between you. Minho couldn't help but contemplate the missed opportunities and the potential for a brighter future.

As more time passed, you found yourself growing closer to him in ways you hadn't experienced even when you were together before. Gradually, you allowed the remaining walls around your heart to fall, and he reciprocated by falling deeper in love with you. He often pondered why he had been so foolish to deprive himself of your warmth in the past.

Despite knowing you for quite a while, everything felt refreshingly new. It was as if you both were rediscovering each other, experiencing the joy of falling in love for the first time.

With the support of his friends, Minho actively worked on expressing himself and his feelings better. He had learned from his past mistakes and was determined to be more present and attentive to your needs. He willingly put in the effort, realising the profound impact of your absence would be far more miserable than any challenges faced in rebuilding your relationship.

Every day became an opportunity for growth and understanding, and he cherished the chance to create new memories with you, vowing not to repeat old mistakes. This journey felt like a second chance, and he was determined to make the most of it.

Walking you to your next class after the little date he had just taken you on, he resisted the urge to pull you close and settled on a small wave. He watched you enter the lecture hall and made sure you were comfortably seated before leaving.

"Welcome home, loverboy," Chan grinned, playfully whistling as Minho entered the dorm. Seungmin joined in, laughing, "Someone sure looks happy."

With a lovestruck look on his face, he sheepishly shrugged his shoulders, "Well, I do feel happier."

Jisung couldn't resist teasing, "Is someone nursing a little crush?" His smirk hinted at the knowing glances exchanged among the friends.

Minho chuckled, realising there was no point in trying to keep it a secret, "Okay, maybe more than a crush. Things are different now. I can't believe how stupid I was before."

Chan clapped him on the back, "Better late than never, mate."

Basking in the warmth of his friends' support and encouragement, Minho hesitated for a moment before gathering the courage to bring up a more serious question, "Guys, do you think it's too soon to... you know, ask her officially? Like, get back together?"

Changbin tilted his head, deep in contemplation, before shaking it slightly, "I feel like it might be a little soon, hyung. You did her one year's worth of damage, and I seriously doubt that a short period would be enough to completely earn her trust back. Perhaps you should take things slow and steady first."

The rest of the guys seemed to agree, each nodding in support of Changbin's insight. Jisung added, "Maybe you need to put her first in this case, hyung. Wait until she's ready before officially getting back together. Rushing things might not be the best move here."

Minho absorbed their advice, realising the importance of patience and understanding in rebuilding a relationship. The echoes of his past mistakes reminded him that rushing into things had been part of the problem before. With a nod, he acknowledged the wisdom in their words, grateful for friends who not only cheered him on but also guided him with sincerity and care.

They're right, it's my turn to wait for her now.

Returning to your dorm with a small smile, you rolled your eyes when you spotted Nayeon sitting on her bed opposite yours, wearing a patient expression paired with a teasing grin. It was evident she was ready to hear all the juicy details of your lunch date with Minho.

As you recounted the moments spent with him earlier, she squealed excitedly and bounced over to your side. With a sly smirk, she asked the inevitable question, "So, if he asks you to be his girlfriend again, what's your answer?"

Your smile slightly faltered at the question, and you decided to be honest with your roommate.

"I don't know, Nayeon. While I'm genuinely happy with the positive changes in him, I... I'm still scared. Wh-what if, as more time passes and all this initial excitement wanes, he reverts to his previous behaviour? I know I shouldn't be so pessimistic, but I can't help it."

Nayeon nodded in understanding, recognising the validity of your fears. Having been hurt once before, it was only fair that you harboured slight trust issues.

"Hey, it's alright. You have every right to still be afraid. I was just asking for fun anyway. Don't think too much about it and just... go with the flow. Whatever happens, I'll always be here for you."

She offered a comforting presence, understanding that navigating a renewed relationship with Minho required cautious steps and time for trust to be rebuilt. Your friend knew that, above all, your well-being and emotional safety mattered the most.

For your sake, Nayeon sincerely wishes your ex-boyfriend would pull himself together for good this time. If he dared hurt you again, she swears she wouldn't be standing aside just to watch again.

The campus cafeteria buzzed with activity as you and Minho shared a meal, the familiar ambience providing a comforting backdrop to your time together. Laughter filled the air as he recounted a silly story involving Jisung and Changbin, your eyes crinkling with happiness. His storytelling skills have always been a source of joy for you.

As you savoured the moment, his gaze lingered on you. He marvelled at how pretty you looked, your eyes sparkling with genuine happiness. It was a sight that warmed his heart and fueled his determination to make you smile every day.

Throughout the meal, his attentiveness spoke volumes. He helped you with your tray, wiped your lips after a messy bite, and rushed to get you some water when you accidentally choked on a bite. These gestures were new, a stark contrast to the Minho of the past.

Biting your lip shyly, you asked the question that lingered in your mind, "Minho, where did you suddenly learn to be so sweet?"

His eyes softened as he met your gaze, a warmth radiating from within, "I guess I realised that being sweet is just a small way of showing how much I care. I've missed out on these simple moments before, and I don't want to make that mistake again. You deserve all the sweetness in the world."

Minho's sincerity tugged at your heartstrings, and a gentle smile curved your lips. It was a moment of revelation, a tangible sign that he had indeed changed.

As you both finished up your meal, the afternoon sun bathed the campus in a warm glow, prompting you to take a leisurely stroll together. His company was enjoyable, and you found yourself stealing glances at him, catching him suppressing a smile. A silent giggle escaped you, a sign that maybe, just maybe, things were truly different this time.

Perhaps you could trust him again.

But the dream-like state shattered when another girl's voice echoed through the air, calling his name. You turned to see a beaming girl running excitedly toward him.

"It really is you, Lee Minho!" She squealed, throwing her arms around his shoulders. Your heart sank as you witnessed his automatic response, arms circling her back. Suddenly, you felt like a third wheel interrupting their unexpected reunion.

His wide eyes shifted to you in panic as he registered your sunken expression. Quickly pulling away from the girl, he stammered, "Oh gosh, um... let me introduce you both. This is Dahyun, my old high school classmate. Dahyun, I want you to meet—" She cut him off, a mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Why did you leave out the most important part? Did you forget I was also your first love, hm? You used to follow me around like a lost puppy." She laughed, and you lowered your head at the revelation. It felt like a blow, the realisation that perhaps Minho had always been sweet but not exclusively to you.

As you stood there, silently processing their reunion, the dynamics of your relationship with him seemed to shift once again.

Minho, realising the awkward tension in the air and sensing your discomfort, took a deep breath, "Dahyun, please, you never let me finish my sentences." He sighed, trying to steer the conversation back on track.

When he finally gave her your name and attempted to introduce you, he was interrupted by your abrupt interjection.

"She's my—" Minho started, but you cut him off with a forced smile, "Friend. I'm his friend. It seems like you two could use some time to catch up. Let me just excuse myself; I have somewhere else to be." You muttered, smiling politely at Dahyun before turning away. You didn't want to hear another word from him.

As you walked away, a mix of emotions swirled within you. The unexpected encounter had dredged up insecurities and memories you thought were buried. His past with Dahyun felt like a spectre haunting the progress you made. With each step, you hoped the distance would provide clarity, a moment to compose yourself away from the unsettling situation.

Minho watched you go with a pained expression, worried about what might be going through your mind. Dahyun, oblivious to the impact of her arrival, continued to chat animatedly, unaware of the emotional storm she had stirred.

In the aftermath of the encounter, the walls that Minho had painstakingly helped you tear down over the past few months seemed to rebuild themselves. It was disheartening to witness all that effort crumble, all thanks to Kim Dahyun's perfectly timed appearance.

He later discovered that she was only at your university for a limited time—a mere semester, partaking in a short exchange programme to explore modules unavailable at her own university a few states away. The revelation brought a mix of relief and frustration. Relief, as her stay was temporary, and frustration at the havoc she had unintentionally wreaked on your relationship.

Minho found himself struggling with the consequences of Dahyun's exaggerated claims, particularly her assertion that he had chased her during high school. In reality, he vividly recalled only harbouring a slight crush and being slightly shy around her—nothing as extreme as she made it out to be.

If only you knew the truth, if only you would allow me to explain the misunderstanding.

Each passing day felt like an uphill battle for him as he navigated the delicate balance between respecting your space and desperately wanting to clarify the situation.

Despite the challenges, he was determined to break through the walls that had reemerged. He hoped for a chance to convey the truth, to assure you that his past with his old classmate was far less dramatic than it had been painted. Grappling with these thoughts, he couldn't shake the sinking feeling that the connection you both had worked so hard to rebuild might be slipping away once again.

Even with the emotional turmoil and the growing chasm between you both, he found himself unable to turn Dahyun down whenever she invited him to lunch or sought his company. After all, she was a good friend, only unaware that her presence was unwittingly costing him his second chance with his dream girl.

While you maintained your distance, steadfastly refusing to talk, Minho spent his free time with Dahyun. He took her around campus, offering guided tours and helping her adapt to the surroundings. He introduced her to new friends, patiently navigating the delicate balance between his commitments to her and the desire to repair the rift between you and him.

In his mind, he told himself that he would only dedicate this time and effort until Dahyun had enough friends to navigate campus life on her own. Once she established her own support system, he would redirect all his time and efforts back toward bridging the gap with you.

Meanwhile, you scoffed in disbelief each time you spotted Minho accompanying Dahyun around campus.

It seemed like he was always by her side, leaving you with a growing sense of abandonment. The person who had once promised to dedicate himself to rebuilding what was broken between you now appeared to have forgotten your existence entirely.

You kept your frustration and hurt within, attempting to convince yourself that he was simply fulfilling his role as a friend to Dahyun. But the final straw came when you overheard some classmates gossiping about what seemed like a love triangle involving the three of you.

"I thought she and Minho were finally getting back together until that Dahyun girl showed up. Apparently, she was his first love? I guess first loves really are unforgettable, huh? Damn, imagine being nothing more than a rebound like that." One of your classmates remarked in a hushed tone in the library.

The words cut through you like a knife, confirming the fears and insecurities that had been festering within.

The assumption that you were nothing more than a rebound left a bitter taste in your mouth, and the realisation that others were witnessing the unravelling of your relationship added to the pain.

Huh, guess that explains it then.

Tears welled up in your eyes as you tried to maintain composure in the public space of the library. The weight of being perceived as a secondary option, especially after the effort you had put into rebuilding with Minho, felt like an unbearable burden.

Rushing back to your dorm, you unexpectedly ran right into your ex-boyfriend, of all people, on the way. Cursing under your breath, you tried to avoid his concerned gaze, but he stepped in your way, preventing you from escaping the confrontation.

"Why are you crying? What happened? Who hurt you? Just say the name, and I'll deal with that bastard." His initial concern turned into anger as he noticed the tears in your eyes. You pushed him away by the chest, frustration and hurt evident in your voice.

"It's you, Minho! You're the bastard! It all makes sense now..." He furrowed his brows, trying to make sense of your words, "What does?"

You let out a humourless laugh, bitterness lacing your tone, "That I'm nothing more than a rebound to you. First loves truly are unforgettable, aren't they? Ever since Dahyun's here, it seems I've become invisible again."

He felt a surge of hurt at the accusation, "What? That's not true! Well, what the hell was I supposed to do if you won't even talk to me?! Dahyun's new here, and she doesn't have any friends aside from me! Is it so wrong of me to look after her?"

Minho took deep breaths, attempting to calm himself despite his typically bad temper. He fought against the rising anger, not wanting to unleash it on you. Your accusations, however, struck a nerve, and the fury he had been holding back began to surface. He felt a deep sense of wronging, especially considering all the effort he put into trying to rebuild the connection with you.

"You know what?" He finally spoke, his voice cold and edged with frustration, "If you truly have that little trust in me, perhaps there's no point in trying to fix this at all. It seems like no matter how hard I work, you'll only doubt me in the end." With those words, he turned away and stalked off, leaving the unresolved tension lingering in the air between you.

The emotional storm had taken its toll, and both of you were left grappling with the aftermath of a confrontation that only seemed to widen the gap further.

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you stood there, the weight of his words sinking in. It felt like another breakup, and you couldn't shake off the overwhelming sense of defeat that washed over you. At that moment, it became painfully clear that the glimmer of hope for reconciliation had faded.

I knew it was too good to be true.

Walking away from the scene, Minho battled with his own internal turmoil. Guilt weighed heavily on him for uttering those harsh words, especially when he didn't mean them. The anger that fueled his outburst now turned into a deep regret, knowing he hurt you again.

As he replayed the heated exchange in his mind, he prayed desperately that you would somehow understand that those words were spoken in anger, not reflective of his true feelings.

He beat himself up for losing control, realising the immense challenge he now faced in earning back your trust. The question echoed in his mind: How was he ever going to make things right and rebuild what seemed irreparably broken?

The days that followed were absolute hell.

To you, it felt like the end, the finality of his words still echoing in your mind. For Minho, it was a desperate struggle to convey that it was just another mistake, a momentary lapse fueled by anger. The weight of the misunderstanding hung heavy on him, and he navigated each day with a sense of urgency to make things right.

Dahyun finally took notice of his distressed state and decided to inquire, "Dude, you good? What's with you lately, man?"

Heaving a deep sigh, he decided to open up and share the entire saga from the very beginning. As she processed the information, her jaws slowly dropped, realising the unintended trouble her words had caused, "Crap, I'm so sorry for my big mouth! If only I knew, I'd never say those things." She exclaimed, slapping a palm on her forehead.

Minho nodded in defeat, "Yeah, I know that. The problem is that she doesn't. She truly believes there's something going on between us and that she's only a rebound. I mean, how can she even think that? I... God, Dahyun, I love her so much, and I just wish she could see that."

He hid his face in his hands, feeling utterly hopeless. He just wanted you back, and the difficulty of the situation weighed heavily on him.

Feeling a sense of responsibility, Dahyun pulled him close and patted his back, "There, there. You should've told me sooner. I could've spoken to her and clarified everything then. You're an idiot."

He chuckled, squeezing her arm, "You're right, I am an idiot. You'll still help me though, right?"

She rolled her eyes, "Duh! I have to clean up the mess I made. There's no way I'd be able to return in peace if you don't get your girlfriend back by the end of this semester."

As if the universe conspired against Minho, you happened to catch sight of him and Dahyun in an embrace just as he bared his soul to her. Your heart clenched at the sight, the painful realisation of seeing him openly in another woman's arms, something he had never done with you, not even in private.

Nayeon approached you with narrowed eyes, seething at the sight of you being hurt again. Determined to help you get over him, she swung her arm over your shoulder, pulling you away, "Oh, forget him. I know a perfect way to move on. There's this party tonight, and you're coming with me."

You shook your head, "Not like that, Nayeon. I don't—" She sighed, "Look, I'm not asking you to hook up with some random stranger. Just let loose and have some fun, alright?"

As a self-proclaimed goody-two-shoes who had never been to a party, the idea was unfamiliar. But the prospect of trying something new appealed to you at that moment, "Oh, what the hell, let's do it." You said with a half-hearted cheer, and she immediately led you back to your dorm to get ready for the night ahead.

You momentarily forgot all about Minho as you stepped into the crowded frat house for the first time, pulling at the ends of the short and tight-fitting mini dress that Nayeon forced you into. You begged her to let you put a cardigan over it, and she only agreed after you threatened not to go.

So, here you were, clutching onto your roommate's hand as she led you inside.

Your eyes rounded at the sight of horny young adults grinding against one another, holding cups of assorted alcohol in their hands. The pulsating music thudded through your chest as you tried to navigate through the sea of bodies.

Nayeon, undeterred by the chaos, pulled you deeper into the party, determined to make you forget about the heartache waiting outside those doors.

Sensing your discomfort, she took you to the kitchen, where you each grabbed a cup of drink before leading you towards a quieter area by the pool in the backyard, where a few groups of friends and couples were lounging about.

She sat you down by the pool, "Hey, are you alright staying here by yourself for a bit? I'll be back real quick."

Following her line of sight, you see her classmates waving at her from inside. You nodded immediately, "Sure, go on."

Left alone, you took a deep breath, trying to take in the surreal atmosphere of the party. The cool breeze from the pool provided a welcome contrast to the heat inside, and the dim lights cast a gentle glow on the water. You sipped your drink nervously, wondering how you'd ended up at a party like this.

As you looked around, you spotted a group of people playing beer pong nearby, and your attention was drawn to a familiar face in the crowd. Minho was there, laughing and joking with a few guys, seemingly carefree.

The sight twisted a knife in your gut, but you quickly reminded yourself that you were here to have fun and move on.

You looked away from your ex and squeezed your eyes shut. Of course, he had to be here too. If you knew he'd be here, you wouldn't have come. At the thought, you chugged the drink and finished it in one go. Perhaps you shouldn't have done that; you rarely ever touched alcohol, and that brave but stupid action was quick to send you into a wave of dizziness.

The world seemed to spin around you as you steadied yourself by gripping the edge of the pool. You took a few deep breaths, attempting to regain your composure.

The night air felt colder than before, and the distant sound of music blended with the murmur of partygoers.

Just as you were contemplating whether to find Nayeon or head back to the dorm, someone approached you from behind, "Hey, you okay?" A gentle voice cut through the haze, and you turned to see a friendly face, a guy offering a concerned smile, "You looked like you needed a break."

Grateful for the distraction, you managed a nod and attempted a small smile, "Yeah, just needed some fresh air." The stranger chuckled, understanding, "It gets overwhelming in there sometimes. I'm Doyoung, by the way. Mind if I join you for a bit?"

You agreed, and as you sat by the pool chatting with Doyoung, you found that the night might not be as dreadful as you initially thought.

Thanks to your tipsy state, you were a much better conversationalist than you'd be sober. You jumped from topic to topic with him, suddenly discussing constellations as you both marvelled at the night sky, "So beautiful, isn't it?" While your eyes remained on the stars illuminating the sky, Doyoung's eyes went to you, "Not as beautiful as you are."

You blinked at the sudden pickup line, turning to him in surprise. It was then that he began to lean in for what seemed like a kiss. You gasped, and your hands shot up to his chest to stop him. It felt wrong, even when you and Minho weren't together.

No, I can't do this.

"Wait, wait. I can't." You stammered, pulling back.

Doyoung immediately straightened up, concern etching his features, "Did I misread the situation? I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable."

You shook your head, feeling a mix of embarrassment and gratitude, "It's not you, really. I just... I can't. Not right now."

He nodded understandingly, offering a reassuring smile, "No need to apologise. If you need some space, I totally get it. I'm here if you want to talk or anything."

Flustered, you pulled yourself up and stumbled into the party in search of Nayeon. After what happened, it was too awkward to continue sitting with Doyoung. Unbeknownst to you, Minho had witnessed the whole exchange. His heart nearly stopped when he saw the stranger lean in to kiss you, only to sigh in relief when you pushed him away.

That's my girl.

His worries didn't stop when he saw you stumbling into the house. He realised you must have been affected by the alcohol. You don't usually drink, so one cup here must be a lot for you. He pushed his way through people to reach you; he needed to know you were safe.

Panicking, Minho loses sight of you in the crowd, anxiously weaving through the party in search of you.

His heart races as he spots Nayeon, hope flickering in his eyes, but it fades when he sees you're not with her. Approaching your roommate, he urgently asks about your whereabouts.

Nayeon rolls her eyes in irritation at his presence, "She's at the pool, you doofus. Don't you dare disturb her, you've done more than enough."

Minho groans in frustration, "No, she's not! I saw her; she got drunk and came in here looking for you!"

Her eyes widen at that revelation, "She what?! Holy shit, we've gotta find her!" Realising the seriousness of the situation, Nayeon grabs Minho by the arm, leading him towards the pool area.

Minho's mind races with guilt and worry. He knew he had to find you and make sure you were safe, no matter what it took. Nayeon, despite her annoyance with your ex, couldn't ignore the urgency in his voice. The two hurriedly make their way through the crowd, desperately searching for any sign of you.

As you swayed around in your drunken state, desperately searching for your friend, you clumsily bumped into a guy dancing nearby. Slurring your words, you apologised and attempted to walk away. But the stranger, eyeing you up and down, licked his lips and tugged on your arm.

"Are you alright, sweetheart? You need any help?" He asked, glancing around to check if you were alone. In your intoxicated state, you nodded, "Yes... I'm looking for my friend..."

The guy smirked, wrapping an arm around you, "Come on, I'll help you find your friend." Trustingly, you let him lead you away. Fortunately for you, Minho's friends had caught sight of the situation and rushed to alert him.

Your ex's heart pounded as his friends informed him of your predicament. Panic and anger surged through him as he pushed through the crowd, desperately trying to reach you before anything bad could happen. The thought of you being led away by a stranger sent chills down his spine, and he couldn't forgive himself for losing sight of you in the first place.

Minho, Nayeon, Chan, and Jisung rushed up the stairs, frantically searching through the rooms while apologising to the occupants whenever they accidentally intruded on private moments. Your ex's anxiety reached its peak as he imagined the worst scenarios.

Finally, he burst into a room and saw you struggling weakly against a stranger who was trying to force himself on you.

Rage boiled inside him as he roared, "You bastard, take your hands off her!" With a surge of strength, he pulled the guy away before delivering a furious punch to the pervert's face. The assailant crumpled to the ground as Minho's friends rushed to restrain him and drag him downstairs for further action.

Nayeon, crying apologetically, quickly helped you put your cardigan back on and fix your dress which was thankfully still intact. It meant that the guy hadn't been able to go too far.

Minho's protective instincts flared, regretting every moment that led to this situation. He wished he could turn back time and prevent the chain of events that caused you harm. The realisation of how close he came to losing you again struck him like a lightning bolt, and he vowed silently to do whatever it took to protect you from now on.

His rage simmered beneath the surface as he approached you, "I swear I'll kill him for you if you want me to, just say the word." He offered with a fierce determination in his eyes.

Without hesitation, you wrapped your arms around his neck, seeking comfort and safety. He sighed and embraced you tightly, cradling the back of your head with a hand, his warmth a soothing balm against your distress.

"I just want you to stay with me, please," You whimpered, your vulnerability palpable. He nodded reassuringly, "Of course, I'll stay with you forever." His words were a promise, and as you sobbed against him, you found solace in the safety of his arms.

Nothing else mattered as you melted into his embrace, the reassurance of his presence was all you needed at that moment.

Nayeon stood aside, her eyes filled with tearful remorse. Regret weighed heavily on her heart as she realised the gravity of her misguided decision to bring you to the party.

Despite your roommate's endless apologies for the ill-fated party, you found it in your heart to forgive her. You understood that she didn't mean any harm and that her intentions were only to provide you with an opportunity to unwind.

The incident also served as a catalyst for Minho to open up and share the truth with you, dispelling the misunderstandings that had clouded your relationship. You appreciated his honesty and efforts to bridge the gaps of miscommunication. It was a relief to finally put the past behind you once and for all.

To your surprise, Dahyun took the initiative to approach you, expressing sincere apologies for all the trouble her actions may have caused. She acknowledged the unintended consequences of her presence and was genuinely remorseful. The air was finally cleared, and you felt a sense of closure as the people around you worked to mend the aftermath of the unfortunate events.

Now that all that drama was over, you, Minho, Dahyun, and Nayeon have begun to hang out a lot more. Amused by the newfound friendship between Dahyun and Nayeon, you were surprised at how well the two got along. It seemed that the universe had decided to align things in a peculiar but delightful manner.

As the four of you hung out at the student lounge one day, Dahyun and Nayeon exchanged mischievous glances. They seemed to share some secret plan that you were not privy to. Oblivious to their scheming, you were engrossed in working on an assignment, busily typing away on your laptop.

Noticing Minho's dreamy gaze fixed on you, Dahyun and Nayeon decided it was time to play matchmakers. With a feigned excuse, they both left the student lounge, giving you and him some unexpected alone time. You glanced up, your eyes rounding as you watched them saunter away with knowing looks.

Cheeks flushing, you turned your attention back to Minho, only to realise that his eyes had been glued to you the entire time. The atmosphere shifted as you caught each other's gaze.

He chuckled at the sight of your pink cheeks, "Don't mind me, get back to your work. I'll be here, no one will dare disturb you."

Feeling a mix of emotions, you bit your lip shyly as he patted your head reassuringly. His sweet words caught you off guard, creating a warmth that spread through you. You nodded, appreciating the comfort he provided, and tried to focus on your work despite the fluttering in your heart.

Meanwhile, Minho's phone vibrated in his pocket, and he retrieved it to find a text from Dahyun. She playfully urged him to seize the opportunity to finally ask you the question, threatening to unfriend him if he continued to stall any longer. He chuckled at her straightforwardness, appreciating the push from his friend.

Don't worry, Dahyun. I will.

Later that night, the moon hung high in the night sky, casting a soft glow over the campus as Minho and you strolled back from a delightful dinner. The air was crisp, and the only sounds that accompanied your footsteps were the rustling of leaves in the gentle breeze.

As you reached the entrance of your dorm, you exchanged casual goodbyes, "Thanks for the meal, Minho. I'll see you tomorrow."

But his hand reached out to gently grasp your wrist, halting your steps. You turned to look at him, a question forming on your lips, but the sincerity in his eyes silenced any words you might have spoken.

It's now or never.

His voice carried a vulnerability that echoed in the quiet night, "Wait... before you go," Minho began, his grip on your wrist gentle yet firm. The dim light highlighted the earnestness in his expression, "There's something I must ask you. I... I can't hold it in any longer. I've wasted too much time, made you wait too long. I'm sorry it took me this long to pull myself together."

A hushed apology hung in the air, and his eyes bore into yours, seeking understanding and forgiveness. He took a deep breath, his fingers now intertwining with yours as he continued, "But I promise you'll never have to wait anymore. I want to give you all the love you deserve, if only you'll let me."

The weight of his words settled between you, and the atmosphere became charged with anticipation. His gaze held a mixture of hope and determination as he finally posed the question that lingered in the night air.

"Would you... be my girlfriend again?"

Your heart skipped a beat at that. His sincerity was palpable, and the emotion in his eyes reflected the depth of his feelings. As he reached for both of your hands, looking into your hopeful and waiting eyes. A mixture of emotions welled up within you, but in that moment, you decided to let go of the past and embrace the possibility of a new beginning.

A soft smile played on your lips as you nodded, "Yes, Minho. I'd love to be your girlfriend again."

The relief and happiness that washed over his face mirrored your own feelings. It was a fresh start, and you both hoped that this time around, your love story would be written with more understanding, appreciation, and commitment to make it last.

Minho's eyes glistened with tears of joy as your response echoed through the night, "Thank you for giving me a second chance." The weight that had burdened him for so long seemed to lift, and a sense of completeness washed over him.

You were his again, and this time, he vowed to cherish and protect what he once took for granted.

With a tender smile, he pulled you close, his hands cupping your face as if it were the most delicate thing in the world. His touch was gentle, a silent promise to treat your heart with the care and respect it deserved. Stroking your cheeks softly, his gaze traced every feature of your face, committing the moment to memory.

As he leaned in, the world around you seemed to fade away. The soft glow of the moon witnessed the rekindling of a love that had weathered storms. When your eyes fluttered closed, he knew he had your permission. With a heart full of love, he pressed his lips against yours in a tender, lingering kiss.

The sweet moment between you was abruptly interrupted by the sound of hyena-like laughter and cheers echoing from somewhere upstairs. You both pulled away from the kiss, exchanging a confused glance before shifting your attention upward. To your surprise, Dahyun and Nayeon were peeking out from your room window, their faces illuminated by mischievous grins and excitement.

"About damn time you losers got back together again!" Nayeon's voice carried down, a teasing and joyful proclamation.

You scoffed at her playful comment, but soon, laughter bubbled up within you. The infectious mirth spread and even Minho couldn't resist the grin that crept across his face.

Amused by the unexpected audience, you raised an eyebrow at your friends, but the two continued to wave excitedly. The embarrassment was quickly replaced by shared laughter, and Minho, unable to contain his joy, pulled you back into his arms. Nestling his face into your neck, he joined in the laughter, grateful for the unexpected cheerleaders celebrating your reunion.

The warmth of the night, the laughter, and the realisation that you were surrounded by friends who genuinely cared enveloped you. At that moment, it felt like the world was cheering for your love, and as you held Minho close, you marvelled at the twists and turns that had led you back into each other's arms.

The weeks that followed your reunion were filled with joy, laughter, and a renewed sense of love. As the two of you navigated the challenges and joys of being together again, Minho's friends noticed the significant change in their once aloof and distant friend.

In the cosy confines of their dorm, your boyfriend found himself smiling like a lovestruck fool at a text you sent him. His friends, keenly aware of the shift in his demeanour, couldn't resist teasing him.

"Hey, Minho, you're grinning at your phone like you just won the lottery." Chan remarked, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

Seungmin joined in, "I thought I'd never see the day when Minho hyung here turns into a cheesy romantic."

Minho, feigning annoyance and irritation, shot back, "Can't a guy be happy without getting interrogated by the peanut gallery?"

Changbin laughed, "Come on, hyung, spill it. What's got you all smiley?"

As the laughter died down, Jisung, always a bit more sentimental, chimed in, "You know, I've known Minho hyung for a long time. It's kinda nice to see him like this. He's genuinely happy, and I'm proud of him."

Your boyfriend's eyes flickered with a mixture of gratitude and bashfulness. Despite his attempts to maintain a cool exterior, the genuine happiness radiating from him betrayed his true emotions. His friends, understanding the significance of the moment, raised their cups in a subtle toast, acknowledging the positive change that love had brought to their friend's life.

Love had not only rekindled the romance between you both but also transformed him into a happier and more open version of himself.

You and Minho strolled through the lively streets of the town one evening, basking in the warm glow of streetlights and the subtle hum of life around you. The air was filled with a sense of contentment, an unspoken understanding that everything was right in the world.

As you explored different shops and enjoyed each other's company, he found it increasingly difficult to keep his hands to himself. In the beginning, his public displays of affection were modest – a handhold here, a gentle touch there. But as your relationship blossomed, so did his boldness.

While queuing to buy a famous dessert, he couldn't resist pulling you close, his arms enveloping you from behind. He pressed soft kisses to your head, cheeks, and neck, causing you to giggle at the ticklish sensation. Playfully, you turned around and pushed him lightly by the chest, "Enough, Minho, we're in public."

He held your waist, a mischievous glint in his eyes, and raised a brow, "And?" The audacity of his actions surprised you, and your eyes widened at the newfound boldness. But before you could react further, he let out a carefree laugh, enjoying the new dynamics of your relationship.

As you continued your evening stroll, he couldn't help worrying if his sudden boldness was pushing the boundaries of your comfort. Later on, with a genuine concern in his eyes, he asked, "Is it too much, baby? I can tone it down if it makes you uncomfortable."

Your heart warmed at his thoughtfulness.

You shook your head, a smile playing on your lips, and pecked him on the lips, "Never." His smile widened, reassured by your response, and he kissed you again, not caring about whoever might be watching. The world seemed to fade away as he pulled away slightly, his lips brushing against yours.

"I love you," He whispered, his eyes locked onto yours, seeking confirmation. Your heart swelled at the sincerity of his words, and finally, after everything you'd been through, you felt the weight lift off your shoulders, "I love you too, Minho." You replied, sealing the sentiment with a sweet, lingering kiss.

If someone told you months ago that Lee Minho would transform into a person so affectionate, you wouldn't have believed them.

Yet here he was, breaking free from his reserved shell and embracing love with open arms. You, for one, were just glad that his heart was no longer a mystery. Now more than ever, you were certain it belonged completely to you.

Damn, this ended up longer than I expected.

Ngl, I was this close to deleting this at some point. I drafted and scrapped my initial writings for about 3 times. I had this wonderful idea but struggled so much to put it into words.

I tried working on this again after a break and voila, finally managed to complete it. It's my first full-length fic in a while, hope it's decent! Thank you for reading and let me know your thoughts! <3

All Rights Reserved © edenesth // DO NOT REPOST, TRANSLATE, PLAGIARISE OR REPURPOSE.

#stray kids #stray kids fanfic #stray kids fanfiction #stray kids lee know #stray kids minho #non idol au #exes to lovers #minho x reader #minho x you #lee know x reader #lee know x you #stray kids fic #stray kids oneshot

[stephstars08]

Happier

Ethan Landry x Reader

Warnings: Jealousy, Adult Language, Sexual Themes & References, ANGST, Heartbreaking Breakup, Depression, Alcohol, Reader gets cheated on, Fluff, Mention of Violence, Arguing, Suspicion, and Maybe some Grammar Errors. (Sorry if I forgot any)

Summary: Ethan and Y/N have been together for almost two years, but when Ethan’s jealousy finally pushes Y/N over the edge she breaks up with him and moves on from to some else so quickly. Ethan becomes heartbroken because when he first sees that Y/N has moved on, he thinks she looks happier with the new guy than she was with him.

Inspired Song: Happier by Ed Sheeran

Word Count: 2,277

Ethan was sitting in his shared apartment. He was sitting on his couch running both of his hands through his brunette curls. He just got into another fight with his girlfriend Y/N. About a month ago Y/N met this other guy who works at the same café she works at that is on their college campus. Ever since the first day Ethan saw Y/N with him he instantly became jealous. Ethan noticed the way that asshole looks at his girlfriend. He knew that guy wants to get into Y/N’s pants so bad. But every time he mentions it to her, she always says the same thing. They are just friends and that’s it. Ethan has been with Y/N for almost two years, so he has no reason to be suspicious.

The couple was sitting in the living room doing their annual study date when Y/N got a text from her co-worker that set Ethan off. The fight got so heated Y/N threw her textbook down onto the carpet floor and went into Ethan’s bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her. Ethan could hear Y/N’s sobs coming from his room. It makes his heart ache to hear her cry. It hurts even more because he’s the one that is making her cry. No matter how many times she tells him he has nothing to worry about his jealousy just takes over.

Ethan took his hands out of his hair and took a deep breath to calm himself down. Once he felt like his jealousy was out of his body he stood up and walked to his bedroom. He quietly opened the door to see Y/N sitting on the end of his bed crying into her hands. Ethan walked over to her and sat down next to her. “Y/N.” Ethan said in a soft tone. She scooted away from him without saying a word to him or looking at him. “Y/N, please talk to me.” Ethan said in a pleading tone. “What’s the fucking point!” Y/N snapped in frustration in her voice as she removed her hands off her face. “According to you every word that comes out of my mouth is a fucking lie to you!” Y/N hissed as avoided eye contact with him as tears continued to fall down her cheeks. “Y/N, I’m so sorry.” Ethan told her. He went to take her hand, but she stood up. “I can’t fucking do this anymore.” Y/N said walking out of the room. What she just said made Ethan’s heart drop to the floor.

He quickly stood up and walked back into the living room. Y/N just got done putting all her stuff back into her bag. When she stood up Ethan grabbed her arm before she could grab her bag off the floor. “Y/N, please stay.” Ethan said as tears started to fill his brown eyes. “Ethan, I can’t deal with you accusing me of cheating on you anymore.” Y/N told him as she tried to keep herself calm. “I fucked this up, didn’t I?” Ethan said knowing that this there isn’t anything he can say or do to make her stay. He pushed her over the edge. “I think you know the answer to that.” Y/N said getting out of his grip.

She grabbed her bag off the floor and walked over to the door. She didn’t even take a glance back at him. She walked out of the apartment and just let the door close on its own.

********************

Two weeks have passed since Y/N broke up with Ethan. It took everything in her to walk out of that apartment, but she had to do it. She can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust her. As much as she loves Ethan, if there is no trust, she can’t be with him. The first two days Y/N didn’t get out of her bed. If she didn’t have Tara and Mindy, she would most likely still be in her bed.

Y/N and Tara just got done with their first class of the day, so they decided to go to the café Y/N works at to grab something to eat before they have to be at their next class. After they got their food, they picked a table to sit at. Y/N forgot napkins, so she set her food down and walked over to where the napkins were and bumped into the guy that Ethan got so jealous of. She didn’t even know that he was working. “Hey, Frankie.” Y/N said with a kind smile. “Hey, how have you been since the breakup?” Frankie asked her with concern in his blue eyes. “I’ve been doing better than I was. It’s a good thing that I have Tara and Mindy because if I didn’t, I would still be in my bed all crawled up into a ball.” Y/N told him.

“Listen, I know that it’s only been two weeks, but I’ve had this huge crush on you, so I was wondering if you would like to go out sometime.” Frankie said in a curious tone which made Y/N’s heart rate speed up. “Oh, I don’t know.” Y/N said unsure if she’s ready to date someone so quickly. “Please Y/N. Just give me one chance.” Frankie said looking at her with pleading eyes. For some reason, Y/N couldn’t say no. “Okay, it does sound like it would be fun.” Y/N said with a nod. One date with Frankie won’t hurt. To be honest, she does need to get out. “Awesome, is tomorrow night good?” Frankie said with a smile. “Yeah, just text me the details.” Y/N told him. “Sounds good. See you tomorrow.” Frankie said with wink and walked away so he could get back to work. Y/N grabbed some napkins and walked back over to the table Tara was at.

“Hey, what were you talking to Frankie about?” Tara asked in a curious tone. “We’re going on a date tomorrow night.” Y/N told her as she sat down. Tara stared at her with wide eyes. “What?” Y/N asked her putting the napkins down next to her food. “Don’t you think it’s early?” Tara said to her in a soft voice. Y/N thought about it, but shook her head no. “But Y/N, it’s only been two weeks. You and Ethan were together for almost two years.” Tara told her which made Y/N let out a sigh of frustration. “It’s my life Tara!” Y/N told her in a stern tone. “It’s time for me to move on with my life.” She added. “But Y/N- “Tara started but Y/N cut her off right away. “Enough Tara! My mind is made up and I’m done talking about it!” Y/N told her in a snappy tone. Tara saw the stern look in Y/N’s eyes, but she also saw sadness in her eyes as well.

Tara knows Y/N is still not over Ethan and she wants to talk her out of going on this date with Frankie, but she knows that Y/N is stubborn so she’s not going to change her mind. “Okay, you’re right.” Tara said with a nod. “If you want, Mindy and I can come over to your place and help you get ready for the date.” She offered. “Thanks, I’d really like that.” Y/N said with a soft smile.

********************

It was the next night and Chad finally got Ethan to come out of the apartment for a night out. Ever since the breakup the only time Ethan comes out of the apartment is to go to his classes. It took everything in Chad to finally convince Ethan to come out with him for a guy’s night out. All Ethan can think about was what Y/N said to him that night before she walked the door. He wishes he ran after her, but the guilt took over his body.

Ethan was walking down the sidewalk listening to Chad babble about something till he came to an abrupt stop. “What the fuck!” Ethan hissed. “What’s wro- “Chad started to say but cut himself off when he saw what Ethan saw. “Oh shit.” Chad said. In the restaurant across the street through the window there was Y/N sitting at a table with Frankie. Ethan felt like someone just stabbed him in the heart. It’s only been two weeks since the breakup and she’s already on a date with the asshole that caused the breakup. Ethan’s jealousy quickly rose in his body, but so did sadness.

He noticed the happiness in Y/N’s eyes. Ethan hasn’t seen her this happy in a long time and it was breaking his heart that it was a different guy making her happy. Ethan felt his heart sink when Y/N laughed at whatever the fuck Frankie just said to her. He wishes he was the one making her laugh. He used to be the one making her laugh. “Listen Ethan I- “Chad started to say but Ethan cut him off. “Don’t!” Ethan hissed looking away from Y/N. “Let’s just go.” Ethan said and walked away. Chad let out a sigh and followed him.

********************

A week has passed, and Y/N is still with Frankie. The first date turned out so well she decided to keep seeing him. Y/N was at a frat party with Frankie. Tara was at the party with Chad while Mindy was there with her girlfriend, Anika. Ethan wasn’t at the party which did feel strange for Y/N since this is the first party, she is at without him by her side. Y/N isn’t the biggest party girl, but she didn’t mind coming to them with Ethan since he made her feel safe and comfortable. She knew that no one was going to try and make her do something she didn’t want to do with him by her side.

Y/N was downstairs in the frat house talking to Tara and Chad. Frankie was with her but went to bathroom which was thirty minutes ago. “I’m going to go check on Frankie.” Y/N told her friends. She made her way through the crowd to get to the stairs. She walked up the steps and walked to the bathroom where before she even knocked on the door, she heard a girl moaning. “Frankie!” Y/N called out as she knocked on the door. “Shit!” She heard Frankie hiss which broke her heart. He was in there fucking another girl. That’s why he was taking so fucking long. “You know what, finish what you’re doing because we are fucking done!” Y/N called out before he could say anything as tears started to form in her eyes.

********************

Ethan was sitting in the living room of his shared apartment. He was drinking whisky and trying to focus on the movie he was watching, but the only thing that was on his mind was her. He was hoping the whiskey would numb the pain, but it wasn’t. He was going to go the frat party, but he couldn’t see Y/N with Frankie. He knew if he went, he would’ve end up doing something that would make Y/N even more upset with him.

Ethan was about to pour some more whiskey into his cup when there was a knock at the door which made him groan. Ethan stood up and walked over to the door. When he opened the door, he was shocked to see Y/N standing there. He could tell that’s she’s been crying. “Y/N.” Ethan said in a soft voice. “Can I come in?” Y/N asked looking up into his brown eyes with glossy eyes. “Yeah.” Ethan said with a nod as he stepped to the side so she could walk inside the apartment. “Thanks.” Y/N said walking past him and straight over to the couch. “Do you want me to get you some- “Ethan started as he shut the door but stopped when he turned around to see Y/N sitting on the couch drinking the whiskey right out of the bottle.

Ethan walked back over to the couch and sat down next to her. He picked up the remote and turned the tv off. Y/N hissed as she put the bottle of whiskey back down onto the table. Because she drank so much of it in one ship, it burned her throat. “Why aren’t you at the party?” Ethan asked her which made her do a heavy sigh. “You were right about Frankie.” Y/N started. “I guess since I haven’t let him get into my pants, yet he decided to go get into some other girl’s pants.” Y/N said avoiding his eyes. “Shit, Y/N I’m sorry that happened.” Ethan told her. He really wanted to go to that party and beat the shit out of Frankie, but he knew he needed to stay with Y/N because of the current state she’s in. She just had her heart broken twice in just three weeks.

“Have you told the girls and Chad yet?” Ethan asked which earned Y/N to shake her head no. “I thought it would be better to come to you first.” Y/N said looking up at him. “Really?” Ethan asked as he stared into her beautiful eyes that reminded him of diamonds. “I guess I knew that if Frankie hurt me, I could come back to you.” Y/N told him. “You’re right about that beautiful.” Ethan said using his hand to push some of her hair out of the way of her face.

“You’ll always be my girl.” He told her cupping her cheek and stoked it gently with his thumb. “I love the sound of that.” Y/N said as her lips curved up into a smile. Ethan smiled back as he leaned in a connect his lips with hers.

#ethan landry #ethan landry imagine #ethan landry x reader #Ethan Landry angst #ethan landry fluff #ethan landry oneshot #ethan landry x fem!reader #ethan landry x you #ethan landry x y/n #ethan landry x female reader #scream vi #scream 6 #scream iv #scream 2023 #ghostface #scream fanfic #scream x reader #scream x you #scream x yn #scream one shot #jack champion #jack champion imagine #jack champion x reader #Jack champion fluff #jack champion angst #jack champion x y/n #Jack champion x you #Jack champion x fem!reader #Jack champion x female!reader #nongf!ethan Landry x reader

[appocalipse]

i love you anon, i just love youuu 🥺😭😭😭❤️💕❤️💗❤️ thank you so much, i can’t tell you how much that means to me ♥  | “I always come running back to you.” & “How does it feel to be in love?” & “You can’t keep pretending that didn’t happen okay? Cause it did!” + steve harrington

i.e. you don’t mean to tell steve you love him; you know he’s in love with someone else... too bad you get too drunk to remember that.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧.˚ₓ

“You look great!”

You force a smile at Nancy, who’s half-huddled with Steve at his front door, and give her a quick side-hug as a greeting. The two of them take in your witch costume with curious, affectionate eyes, smiling big smiles, eyes bright with genuine joy. They are your friends.

You’re hiding your feelings, as always. They’re none the wiser, as always.

Even your smile is carefully designed for this party. You've gotten incredibly good at this — the fake and forced smiles designed to divert attention, to avoid the questions you don't want to answer, that you can’t answer. They’re made to avoid suspicion of the feelings that run down the depths of your heart — feelings that shouldn’t exist, feelings that you should have suffocated a long time ago.

You mumble a thank you for her compliment — Nancy’s words are genuine, and it’s not her fault you love someone who doesn’t love you back. 

“Come in, there’s food and drinks in the kitchen,” Steve still has an arm loosely around Nancy’s waist. It’s second nature; he’s practically shining with the joy of having her within arm's length, absentmindedly, so completely comfortable.

“Okay.”

He smiles, as he has for the past ten years; a kind, simple smile, without needing to hide anything. He’s happy. With her. And somehow, you have to be okay.

It’s only 2 hours later and you’re drunk — not beyond reason, you think, because you’re careful enough not to let yourself cross a line that could make you spill your secrets. But you are drunk; drunk enough to climb out Steve’s window to take a seat on the roof, hand firmly around a half-full bottle of cheap beer.

One lonely tear runs down your cheek, slowly, too small in comparison to everything it holds and means. You wipe it away with the back of your hand, tell yourself it’s the alcohol. 

The beer is getting warm and you hate the taste against your tongue. Still, you go for another sip.

“What are you doing up there?”

Steve’s head appears out the window. Perfect hair, perfect smile, same warm brown eyes. He's alone now. You don’t know if that’s good or bad — probably the latter, cause your heart, broken as ever, skips a beat.

You only glance in his direction, afraid your eyes might be red from the tears trying to take form. “I needed some air.”

He climbs after you. Of course he does. There's familiarity in the way he sits down beside you, legs and shoulders brushing lightly against yours before he settles down.

You fight the urge to get up and run away.

“Where’s Nance?” you ask, in hopes of filling the silence more than anything.

“Downstairs, getting a drink.”

“Oh,” feeling selfish and guilty, you wonder if there will come a day when you will not think about hearing him say the words we broke up. 

The silence stretches and now it’s uncomfortable. For you, at least. Silences are always complicated with Steve; he looks at you, eyes curious, and you go for another sip only to find the bottle empty. Unrequited love tastes bad, and you want to wash away the taste with anything alcoholic, anything to make you forget.

“How many of these did you have?” Steve gently grabs the empty bottle from your hands, a hint of worry in his eyes. You feel yourself getting smaller under his stare.

“Uh, two, I think?"

Four, actually, but that's not what he wants to hear.

"You had one when you arrived and one when your sister arrived,” he brings his fingers up to count, “and then I saw you getting this one about ten minutes ago, when you, me, and Nancy were dancing in the living room.”

The memory, though pretty recent, brings a sharp pain to your chest.

“Come on, isn’t that your favorite song?” Nancy had shouted across the room then, wide smile and arms outstretched for you.

Did she really have to be that nice? It would have been much easier if you could hate her.

“Right, I had three beers,” you shrug absentmindedly, an easy smile on your lips — you’re convincing. Steve eats the lie up. But, just to be sure you’re not going to ruin his night by making him worry, you say, “I think I had enough for tonight.”

“That’s probably wise,” he says nonchalantly. “Though you handle your alcohol better than Nance.”

“I handle my alcohol better than you,” you smirk.

“Oh, sure thing you do.”

Steve bumps his shoulder into yours playfully.

“Is Nancy okay though?”

“Yeah, she barely had anything to drink today. There is this other party we went to a few weeks ago, though…” he leans back on his palms, probably fishing said memory from his mind, lips twisting into a fond smile as he does so, “...she had to sleep over so her mom wouldn’t see her in that state. Got me worried sick.”

You smile as well. You had your own fair share of memories of drunk nights and Steve’s soothing hand on your back as you threw up. You try not to think about Nancy sleeping over at his place — even though you know she does from time to time. She’s his girlfriend, for God’s sake. And you know for a fact they do much more than just sleep.

After a while, you look at him and think out loud, unable to stop yourself from doing so, “She makes you so happy.”

It’s not a question — you can see it’s the truth. But still, Steve looks at you, eyes full of painfully unmistakable love, and nods, “She makes me the happiest I’ve ever been.”

It’s no different than getting a knife through the heart, you’re sure. 

“I’ll go get Nancy, okay?” you offer, fake smile taking its rightful place on your face. “I’ll be right back.”

He nods and gives you an unsuspecting smile, thinking you’d get her and the three of you could have a moment to yourselves; his two favorite people in the entire world. But when the door opens a few minutes later, though, Nancy comes in on her own, saying you had gone home for the night.

“How does it feel like to be in love?”

It’s a silly question, fueled by the welcoming night breeze against your cheeks and the warmth of Steve’s body beside you, and you realize it so, but now you’ve already asked — the cat’s out of the bag. 

Steve’s head snaps up, his brows furrowing in confusion. “What do you mean? You have been in love before, right?”

You two are lying on the ground, old blanket under your bodies, in your backyard; It's your last night in this house and the idea of spending it watching the stars at your favorite part of the property came from Steve.

“I mean…with someone that loves you back. Like…dating them.”

You feel silly. At least is dark enough that he’s not able to see your flushed face clearly.

“Uh, it’s…it’s really nice,” you can tell there’s a smile forming on his face just from how his voice sounds. “It’s like everything is at peace when you’re with that person, like…you’re home, you know? Comfortable,” he is, of course, talking about Nancy. They’re more than steady now. She would probably have been with you two right now if she didn’t have a test coming up the next day.

“I-I don’t really know how to explain,” Steve chuckles, and you can tell he’s somewhat embarrassed. The sound seems to echo inside your chest, your heart aching. “But why are you asking me that? You’ve been in love before and I know for a fact guys have been in love with you too.”

“That’s not true.”

“What? Of course it is. Even right now I know there’s a bunch of guys at school dying to take you out on a date.”

“That’s not love, Steve,” you argue, trying not to sound too disappointed at how he seems completely unbothered by the perspective of you going out with someone else. 

“It’s like drowning.”

“What?”

You’re in the bathroom. Steve, having just rescued your drunk self from a dancing performance on the kitchen table, is staring down at you with utmost concern, hands on your shoulders in order to take a good look at your face. But now he’s also confused. You’re not making any sense.

“Being in love,” you explain, as if this clarifies everything. “You said it was like feeling at home with someone and shit, but being in love with you feels like fucking drowning.”

Steve freezes; he’s sure his heart just stopped beating. It’s now in his throat. He swallows it back down and says, voice hoarse, “Being…what?”

“I can’t breathe, my chest aches and I feel helpless. Love sucks, Steve.”

“Y/N-”

He’s too stunned to do anything when you push him away, his hands falling from your shoulders as you do so. 

"Y/N,” you move past him, hand reaching for the doorknob, and Steve panics; he reaches forward and grabs your wrist, “Wait! Wait, you-”

There’s knocking at the door. Loud, insistent knocking. Steve looks back and forth between you and the doorknob, tempted to ignore it completely — but it’s impossible because the knocking only grows louder, and now he’s hearing a voice from the other side, and he recognizes it…your sister. Shit.

He unlocks the door. “Bianca-”

“What happened?” she asks, but he has a feeling she’s not talking about you; the look on his face does not go unnoticed, he’s sure. She’s smart, and he must look like he just saw a ghost.

Steve somehow masters the ability to speak again in a matter of seconds. “She’s, uh, drunk. Really drunk.”

“I’ll drive her home.”

He wants to intervene when Bianca grabs your hand and starts for the door — but what plausible reason does he have to do so? 

Was it really a confession?

Do I want it to be?

You knew he was with Nancy, that things were going great with her, so why would–

“Steve,” Bianca calls from the door, a look on her face that he doesn’t understand. Then it softens, and he sees — it’s concern. “Are you okay?”

He just stands there awkwardly, his brain half shut off, the words you said echoing inside his mind.

And yet, he nods.

“Yeah,” he says. “Just get her home safe, okay?”

“She's perfect. Absolutely, completely perfect.”

It's been a week. A week since your drunk self opened your mouth to tell Steve you loved him. Well...pretty much that. You two didn’t exchange a single word ever since.

“No one is perfect, Y/N,” Bianca, now the face of wisdom itself, argues calmly.

You ignore her. “She’s not only beautiful and smart, which would already be hard enough to compete with, but she’s also very kind and funny, and, and- hell, I even like her! She’s so fucking nice it hurts. And now I went and drunk confessed to her boyfriend of all people.”

Bianca is folding clean clothes and sorting them into piles; your clothes, hers, mom's. The fact that you’ve moved from a great neighborhood to this much smaller house doesn’t seem to have affected her in the least.

She makes a face at you, who's lying on your back, staring miserably at the ceiling. 

“You can't avoid him forever.”

“Watch me.”

“I told him you would come back today, you know, from your imaginary trip.”

Your head snaps up so fast you could have broken your neck. “You did what?”

"What? You couldn't stay at Nana's forever, you know? Classes start next week. Steve wouldn't have believed it anyway."

You grab the nearest pillow and press your face into it, muffling your next words. “What if he comes here?”

“Then you talk to him.”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don't,” Bianca takes the pillow away from you, and there's a fond smile on her face when she says, “You'll have to talk to him eventually. It's not the end of the world.”

“What am I even supposed to say? He has a girlfriend! And she's my friend. Do you think he told her? Do you think she’s mad?”

“Jesus,” she throws the pillow at your head. You dodge. “Just pretend you don't remember. He won't say anything if you do.”

You hate that she's right — and she usually is. The following week, when Steve and Nancy approach you while you put some books in your locker at school, he doesn't say anything out of the ordinary and she looks as calm and nice as ever.

Nancy asks if you’d like to study with her later; biology test, her house at seven. You say yes. And just like that, things seem to go back to normal.

“It's not your fault, Steve.”

It's three in the morning and he's sitting on the edge of your bed, shoulders painfully hunched, gaze downcast.

We broke up. You had finally heard those words. It was the first thing he said as he climbed through your bedroom window. But those words didn't make you feel good at all.

In fact, you don't know if you’ve ever felt this bad in your entire life — not even when he told you he was in love with Nancy for the first time.

“It kinda feels like it is my fault.”

You approach Steve and give his shoulder what you intend to be a reassuring squeeze. The artificial height difference is kind of weird — he's sitting and you're standing. “She was just drunk, Steve. I’m sure she didn’t mean anything she said.”

He looks at you with enough intensity to make the hairs on the back of your neck prickle. “You think drunk people don’t tell the truth?”

You know exactly what he's thinking. Well, at least it's in that night in the bathroom you're thinking about, even if it was so long ago.

“I know Nancy would never be that cruel if she was sober,” you continue, trying your best to sound encouraging.

“I’m not… talking about Nancy.”

You sigh. It is suddenly very difficult to maintain eye contact.

“I always come running back to you,” his voice drops to a whisper, but it's more than loud enough to be heard in the silence of the night. “Don’t I?”

You try to ignore the shiver that runs through you, shrugging your shoulders in what you hope looks like a relaxed move, smile on your face to go along with it. “Well, what are friends for?”

“Friends?”

Don't ask me that, you want to say, you're just sad and a little drunk. But you can't get a word out, because Steve abruptly stands up and kisses you, a hand gently cupping one side of your face.

And you feel everything, everywhere, all at once — for a brief second, it’s like your brain just…shuts off. Blissfully. And only a brief second is how long you let it last before you’re stumbling backward, hands firm against his chest; still stunned, still breathing heavily, lips still parted.

This is not how it was supposed to go — you’re not seeking to be second option. Not Steve’s, not anyone’s.

“What the hell, Steve?”

He retreats as if he just got burned. “I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I-”

“I’m-” you’re so frustrated you feel like you could pull all of your hair out of your head right this instant. “This is not-”

Steve runs a hand through his hair, hard enough to mess it up; he's nervous. Anyone would be able to tell, but to you is especially obvious. He looks guilty. So guilty you almost, almost soften.

“Forget it,” you manage to say, backing up to the door, avoiding his gaze. “Just…forget it. Go to sleep.”

“But you-”

“I'll sleep with Bianca.”

You slam the door after you, too frustrated to think twice before doing so.

Steve is watching as you play beer pong of all things. He's only drinking water now — your smile and the sound of your laughter are intoxicating enough for tonight, he thinks, feeling nothing but sorry for himself.

You two were back to being just friends after that night. He’d never imagine such a thought would even cross his mind — just friends, as in I want to be more. Steve shouldn't want to. But that doesn't mean he doesn't think about that night, that kiss, often. More often than he should, for sure. Even though he knows he shouldn't, because that was the deal — not a word about it from that moment on and you and him would be fine. Just like that.

Your words, not his — but he found himself nodding in agreement when you had said them.

Sometimes Steve is an idiot.

You pick up the next ball with deft fingers and throw it to the other side of the table. Steve watches as it lands straight in one of the cups. The crowd surrounding you erupts in shouts and whistles — you've won. Again.

The boy you just beat at the game — Brett, Brian, Bob? Steve isn't sure, but he'd shared a few classes with him, he’s pretty sure — comes around the table and holds out his hand to you, playing nice, too fucking nice. Steve can see what he's thinking when you accept his outstretched hand and give him a sunny smile. B-something squeezes your hand gently, then leans closer to your ear, cheek to cheek, and says something that makes you laugh.

Steve has common sense. He does. But he doesn't think about using it until he's crossed the entire room and stopped right next to the two of you…and then it's too late.

“Can we talk?” he asks, looking straight at you; the world around him seems to no longer exist until he does what he has to do.

That carefree smile fades from your face. You’re worried and suddenly Steve has your undivided attention. He has the decency of feeling guilty for being happy about it.

“Did something happen?”

“No, no, it's just…” He doesn't quite know what he's doing, and the loud music isn't helping. “Can we talk outside for a minute?”

Bad ideia. Very bad idea, indeed.

Of course you say yes. When had you learned how to say no to Steve Harrington?

There's a little voice in your head saying there's a really cute boy interested in you and you're turning your back on him. For Steve. Again.

Steve. That you're trying to get over. And you ignore that little voice, whisper a quick goodbye to Brad and trail after Steve. Once again.

You two end up near his car, parked across the street, from where you can still hear the faint beat of music and loud voices, but at an obviously much lower volume. There’s room for conversation.

Conversation that doesn't happen. Instead, Steve starts pacing back and forth. Slowly. Unnerving all the same.

“Steve,” you call out, grabbing his arm to stop his neverending pacing. 

“Hm?”

“You're freaking me out.”

He looks at you like it's the first time he’s seen your face. Then he looks down at his own arm, where your hands are still wrapped around it, and you instinctively pull them away, feeling like you got caught doing something you shouldn’t.

“Do you remember when we went to that party at Lisa’s?” he finally says.

Vividly. “A little bit, yeah.”

“You were dancing on the table and I took you down and to the bathroom cause I thought you would throw up, but you didn't. And then you said…”

He trails off and you take a deep, deep breath.

“I don't really remember-”

“Yes, you do. You do remember ‘cause you avoided me like the plague for the next week.”

“I didn't avoid you,” you lie. And maybe it's the alcohol — what little you had that night — slowing your mind down, but you don't sound the least bit convincing. “I was at Nana's.”

He scoffs, shakes his head. “No, you weren't.”

“And how would you know that?”

“Because, unlike you, I actually went there.”

Now that's something you're not expecting.

“You did what?”

“I wanted to talk to you,” it feels like Steve’s gaze is touching you, solid, physically running over your skin. You take a step back, overwhelmed, leaning your back against the side of his car and crossing your arms — a silly attempt to put a safe distance between you and him, between friendship and love  — a line that’s been blurred a for a long time now. 

“But when I got there and didn’t find you,” he keeps going, “I realized you didn’t want to talk to me… so I gave you space.”

“Space?”

“Yeah,” he puts his hands in his pockets as if he’s unsure about what to do with them. He takes an experimental step towards you… “About those things you said…”

You don’t even have to think about what you're going to say before your mouth opens and a hurried mess of words comes out. “We don’t need to talk about that.”

“Maybe I do.”

Your throat seems to be closing. “Steve-”

“Did you mean what you said?”

“It doesn't matter."

You can’t bare to look at him.

Another step, voice soft.

“It matters to me.”

He’s closer. Even under the dimly lit road, you can now make out most of his features, his freckles, the way his eyes shine with something you're not quite used to seeing there.

You shouldn't. You know you shouldn't.

But you ask anyway.

“Why?”

You straighten your posture, body going so tense you fear your spine might snap at any given moment.

“Because… I wish you did mean it.”

And enough is enough. Your head is spinning, your mouth agape with shock, the words you don't say hanging heavy in the air between you two; and you start for the house, for the safety of the party where Steve couldn't try to break into your heart again.

As if there was even a small part in there that didn't belong to him.

But you barely take two steps forward before he grabs your arm, touch firm but gentle - always gentle.

And his tone...his tone is frustrated, hurt. "You can’t keep pretending that didn’t happen okay? Cause it did!"

And it's driving me crazy, he doesn't say.

"You know what else happened?" you shout back, anger and humiliation mixing together into something ugly, something wild. "You kissed me!"

"And you said you loved me!"

"I do!"

Steve might as well have been slapped across the face. It stings the same. He stares back at you for a good five seconds, eyes going wide and body frozen in place.

His mouth opens. Closes. He doesn't manage a single word.

"Now you're just being cruel," you jerk your arm away.

One look at your face tells him you're about to cry and, oh God, what has he done?

You turn on your heel and start walking away. This time, not toward the house, but following the empty street; leaving.

This time, it feels like you're leaving for good.

Panic rises to his throat. "Wait! Wait-"

"I was wrong," you only turn your head to look at him, eyes glossy with tears you don't let fall. "We can't be friends, Steve. We really can't."

And you keep walking.

pt 2!

a/n: you asked for a drabble and i wrote this huge ass oneshot lol sorry, i hope it’s okay. i got inspired by some real life events </3 

not proofread, but is it ever? requests are open!

#steve harrington imagine #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington x you #steve x reader #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington #steve harrington angst #stranger things #steve harrington x y/n

[lvlyghost]

I See You

Pairings: Ghost x F! Reader

Summary: you’re tired of not being enough for anyone

Tw: angst, comfort, reader has some insecurities about herself

A/N: just something that came to my mind at 12:00 a.m while listening to this song and that I had to write bc otherwise the voices in my head won’t shut up. not sure this is even good but oh well, enjoy!💗💫❤️‍🩹✨

Never a second look.

Never a priority.

Always the second choice.

Sometimes not even that.

You were used to your whole life.

You pick at your food not really wanting to eat. Cheek resting against your free hand. Sitting alone you sigh, today’s one of those days when you don’t feel like socializing with your team. There’s a hole in your heart that threatens to swallow you whole.

It’s a gnawing feeling that claws at your chest and stings.

Another disappointment. It is what it is. Your bottom lip slightly trembles with the memory of how it all went wrong a few hours ago.

You thought…

You hoped…

Yet again…

A mistake.

You didn’t like the guy that much anyway. No, you were completely head over heels for someone else. No that it mattered, it was never going to happen. But still.

Why?

You stand up.

Am I the problem?

Leaving the cafeteria of the base making your way to…

Where were you going?

Nowhere really. You just needed to get out of there. So deep in your self-destructive thoughts, failing to notice the three men that were watching you from the other side with worry in their eyes.

Before any of them could say anything there were only two sitting.

He found you in the armory after looking around for a while.

Arms crossed over his chest, making his shirt tighten.

You didn’t have to turn your head to know who it was. You could just sense him whenever he was around.

“Tell me everything.” His guttural voice broke the silence. Ghost cared for his team members, there was no doubt. But for some reason he had a soft spot for the small girl with a bright smile that didn’t care about talking too much. Except this wasn’t like yourself at all. He knew you more than you could ever comprehend.

“What do you mean?” You murmur, hands shaking ever so slightly whilst cleaning your gun. Eyes avoiding Ghost’s enormous frame.

“Don’t make me…”

“What’s wrong with me Ghost?” You blurt out. Slamming your gun down the table, still refusing to look at him in the eye. A shaky breath leaves your glossy lips, tears threatening to spill.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, love.” He mutters, Ghost is taken aback by your question, although he doesn’t let it show.

Shaking your head, you take a deep breath.

“No one cares for me, I- I just, I’m trying.” A moment passes. “Why are you here?” You finally turn to look at him.

He doesn’t answer right away. The mask is gone, he’s only wearing the black balaclava that he once let you lift enough to clean up a rather nasty wound.

“I’m not blind, kid. Whether you believe me or not, I sense when something’s bothering you.” He explains. “And I’m your superior, whatever’s got you like this…”

Before he can think, Ghost reaches your cheek wiping away a lone tear only to retreat his hand somewhat abruptly. The gesture surprising both of you.

You give in. Deep down, you know he’s the one you trust enough to say it.

“I just wish someone would care enough for me one day. Most people spend their lives, waiting for someone to see through them, I- I just want someone to…”

Ghost hums. Whatever possessed him to say the next words is still beyond him.

“S’alright, kid.” A heart beat. “I see you.”

#call of duty modern warfare 2 #cod mwii #cod #cod mw2 #cod x reader #cod ghost #cod mw22 #call of duty modern warfare #cod imagine #call of duty mw2 #cod simon riley #call of duty ghost simon riley #simon riley x reader #simon riley #ghost mw2 #ghost imagine #ghost x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley imagine #lvlypost