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inviouswriting · 3 years

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Family with you

Simeon x fem!reader

Some light smuts mixed in, but mostly fluff. Nothing graphic but enough to be cut.

If mc was already a mother when arriving to Devildom with their child. Needed something for myself too.

TW: for reasoning behind the father figure not in as a result of them leaving, or uninterested. Abandoning mc.

When you had first arrived at Devildom, the others were surprised to the child with you. Looking no older than between five to seven and hiding behind you. Lucifer was first to be taken aback by this exchange, and Diavolo immediately is dropping down to say hello.

Things progressed as they normally did afterwards. You had a stronger backbone when it came to threats and reminded the demons that you’ll have their horns and wings if anything happened to your child.

You are single, and comforted your child as best as you can in a world full of demons. Diavolo set up a special way for your child to be cared for while you attended RAD. Spending time with Barbatos, to learn from him rather than be around all the chaos.

When you met Simeon, it was like something clicked between you two. Barbatos had brought your child to you at the end of the day, and Simeon is already enamored by them. His eyes shined at seeing them, and you feel trusting of the angel. Luke sees a potential friend, close in age, able to relax, though he felt more like an older brother figure.

“Why not visit us a little more?” Simeon offers, and you take him up on the offer for any peace and quiet from House of Lamentations. A steady relationship bloomed between you and Simeon. Alot of the time spent guiding both Luke and your child in the right directions.

When Simeon asked how your child came to be, you felt your face hot at mentioning everything prior to Devildom, whether a joyful one or a unpleasant. Your child was someone you never regretted, even out of wedlock.

Simeon understood the question he asked was personal, and remembered how it sounded from an angel.

“I mean genuinely, I am not asking you or putting you under a confessional. I am just curious, do you have anyone in your life... in the human world?” You see the dusting of pink on his face, and it clicks for you.

“No, they’re not in the picture anymore.” At your words Simeon takes your hands into his own, realizing he has a full chance.

“Would you go on some dates with me then?” You are surprised at this, and want to say yes, but your eyes drift to your child playing a game with Luke.

“I’d love to, but who would watch them?” You haven’t quite trusted the brothers, the closest one you feel you could is Beelzebub, and Asmodeus.

“I think Barbatos can, he does enjoy both Luke and your child. I’m sure it would be fine to escape for an evening.” He offers solutions, and you agree to a date. Agreeing was easier than the actual planning.

The night arrived, and you are dressed nicer than you normally are. Asmodeus being supportive and helped with an outfit that accents a Ristorante Six date. Simeon took care of arranging Luke and your child to be with Barbatos to learn how to cook some things together.

All that was needed was you, so Simeon met you at the restaurant. When he first saw you, he thought you really are an angel in disguise. Once inside, you talk about your life prior to Devildom, him learning more about the things you’ve gone through to raise this child, the hardships you’ve faced and he feels more protective of the idea of being with you.

Simeon walked with you for hours afterwards, you went back to House of Lamentations to drop off food you had leftovers from to Beelzebub. Promising him at least a dessert. The rest of the evening was spent walking through the city portion with Simeon. Getting to know him, his ranking as an angel, how he is raising Luke almost as a child of his own.

“More like grandson.” He amuses aloud, and you gently poke his sides. A moment is stilled between you and he takes his first kiss with you overlooking the Devildom.

After that first date, many more were had, till you are sure you are inseparable to Simeon as much as your child is so fond of Luke.

When you became so entangled in your angels life and him in yours. You find yourself yearning for the love you two have made. Seeing him fall head over heels with your child, you laugh at moments when he is tender and gentle teaching them different ways.

There have been only a few fights, only when it came to how you chose to raise your child. A little more firmness than Simeon letting Luke have free reign to learn from his own mistakes. You still had a role as a mother, and reminded Simeon that it works for him, but not for you in some aspects. You reminded your child of boundaries whenever Luke showed discomfort in sharing something.

After an evening of sharing insecurities with Simeon, explaining how hard it has been being alone. He runs his hands through your hair to remind you, you are not alone anymore. You question if he finds you attractive, the hour late, and you both knew Luke and your child sound asleep.

Simeon expresses his desires in you, even when you shyly bared yourself to him, he graciously kissed any marks left on your body from carrying those years ago. Didn’t care of your breasts were a little uneven, or what others have said as a “mom” body. Whether you were skinny or you never lost the weight, belly that sagged or didn’t look right to yourself.

“This is the result of the miracle you have brought into the world. And you are far more beautiful than you realize.” Simeon looks over every spot of you, blue eyes curious to the scars he may see, whether you had a rough pregnancy, or the scars left to save you both. He leaves no spot unkissed, letting you feel truly seen and loved more than the first time a man took interest only to leave later on.

Simeon sees the faint hurt in your eyes when it is reflected after kissing a spot that flared a memory. He replaces that memory with his own touch, reminding you that he loves you even as he loves you till you are clutching his bedsheets or pillows.

In the morning you feel wonderful, renewed and shy as those dark arms are wound around you possessively. Simeon not wanting to let go of you yet, your eyes being greeted to his face first thing, blue eyes meeting yours.

You tease each other, tease long enough that Simeon coaxes you into a softer session with him in the shower together. Where he holds you up against the wall and any of those smut novels never compared to the things an angel has done to you.

When you broke the news to both Luke and your child about your relationship, Luke is surprised and almost unsure, questioning Simeon about whether he wants to risk his job as an angel. Simeon refutes this with.

“There are no risks involved, I’m in love.” You realize he could lose his wings.. you don’t want to make him choose. Your child on the other hand looks at Simeon with love in them. That an angel could literally be their father.

“Does this mean you’ll get married?” The thought crosses your mind with Simeon glancing to you, perhaps hopeful of your thoughts on the idea.

“It might mean that, if he wants to be.” You feel a squeeze in your hand from Simeon, and you catch his gaze. He is successful in the things he does, and he shines unique as an angel.

“I would love that. To have a family with you. Perhaps once we are in the human world?” Simeon asks, and you nod to make that a goal.

The path to marriage was longer, going through so much, that the evening when Simeon actually asks you to marry him, you thought he was joking. It was on his birthday, and you had spent the day with him. Luke and your child set up a pleasant surprise for you both, getting Barbatos and Diavolo in on this unique exchange.

“Of course!” You are happy to no end and Simeon is relieved. The ceremony is held on the spot, as a more private exchange. The brothers agreed once you had chosen Simeon solely.

It isn’t until you were given a honeymoon to Diavolo’s private island that the need for your angel was truly awakened. Spending almost every day with him and night finding out just how much Simeon wanted you more than you realized. You wondered how much he held back from the first time you were together.

Soon you settle into a routine with the new life with Simeon. That it surprised you when you found out you are pregnant again. Fear rises in you, as this was the scenario you had the first time. Perfectly happy, then it came crashing down when the other half didn’t want to be involved.

So you hide it from Simeon, for now. You wanted to wait before you told him, to see if your body could handle another. It isn’t until you are lying down fatigued that Simeon catches on. His fingers are tender as they touch your stomach to sense life, giving you a firm stare for not telling him sooner.

“My love, how long have you known?” He questions, he is already pressing his face to say hi to the life forming.

“Only a few weeks... I wanted to be sure that this one will stay.” Simeon looks up smiling, the intensity in his eyes fades.

“My lamb... how could you keep this wonderful secret from me.” Your hands card through dark brown hair, bright blue eyes peek up more framed by dark skin. He is over the moon and nuzzles his face into your belly.

You smile and feel a little guilty he found out this way. You wanted to tell him, and see him full of joy instead of concern. Though his happy expression keeps you from spoiling him too much. You learn him and his ways of showing love, but this side of him.

You are amazed at how much he dotes and loves you. Seeing the blush on his face realizing all those sleepless nights resulted in a life that is of you and him. That this brings you two closer than ever.

When Simeon looks up he sees your eyes brimming with tears and he freaks wondering if he did something wrong.

“Please don’t leave me...” You plead him, and he remembers that years ago that a child is the reason your first doesn’t have a father. Whether by them leaving, vanishing, or expressing unwanted. He sees the pain return to your eyes, the wound that he had spent so many times trying to mend to heal your heart.

Simeon moves to sit with you and cups your face into his hands as he presses loving kiss after kiss.

“Never will leave you. Not now, not ever.” You tremble in sobs at the shock still going through you of the fear settling in, that it “could” happen. He could grow tired, just like before. When things got tough and they just left.

Simeon sees the hurt still, and it takes coaxing from him to get you to curl up into his side. His colder hands pressed to your forehead as a nausea wave hits you and you let go of all your fears and tell him you are afraid he will leave you.

He assures you, he is there permanently, he won’t leave, not unless you chase him out yourself. And that breaks you of your spell, the fear of pushing a literal angel away overwhelms you and you raise up to kiss him like you haven’t before.

You still had hours before Luke and your child would be home, you spend the next few hours entangled together. You and Simeon on the floor of the house you call home. His hands going over every speck of you, and kissing away your worries. He is surprised when you take initiative to ride him, and your love making with the angel is truly felt through every nerve that you hold onto each other tight.

When you woke up much later, Simeon is next to you in the bed you share, just watching your face serenely. Foreheads pressed together.

“What time is it?” You question him, and start to raise to look at a clock and Simeon guides you to lie down.

“Almost time to make dinner. We still have time before they’re back. Let me spend this time with you?” You look at him and lay your head back down next to his. He seeks out your left hand to rub at your wedding band, while his other hand presses over your belly. He’s more loving here than what he did hours ago, touches you with such tenderness that you feel your heart thudding in your chest.

You indulge Simeon as he presses loving kisses and you both discuss the possible baby names. Simeon ever grateful you choose to be with him and love him.

#simeon fluff #shall we date simeon #simeon angel #simeon x reader #simeon #simeon smut #obey me simeon #simeon x fem!reader #mc is a parent #I tried to include body positivity as some have scars and things we find unpleasant with our bodies #I am also feeling super down lately so needed something to pour my feelings into.

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professorspork · 3 years

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superhell fic prompt: JAUNE RUNS INTO PYRRHA

[part 1] [part 2] [part 3] [part 4] [part 5]

It doesn’t occur to that she’s allowed to talk to them until Torchwick reveals himself to Neo. And even then, well-- Roman Torchwick isn’t exactly a shining paragon when it comes to setting a good example of what’s allowed.

But the idea refuses to stop hounding her footsteps, once it’s come. Once she’s seen it’s possible, without consequences. Still, she waits, and keeps her distance. There’s no sunset, here on the island, no night, but there are shady places beneath the towering roots of the Tree; eventually, they all bed down, and Jaune-- as she’d known he would-- volunteers to take first watch. It’s a heartening display: Yang and Blake twined together like ivy on a wrought iron gate, but each clinging to the hands of their teammates, chained together by grasping fingers. Otters in a stream, unwilling to be separated.

She doesn’t know why she’s surprised to hear her own voice when she approaches.

...I know this can be frustrating, and it can feel like so much effort to progress such a small amount, but I want you to know that I'm proud of you. I've never met someone so determined to better themselves...

“You’ll drain your battery,” she cautions, reaching out with her mind to press the off button on his scroll. His head whips up, expression aghast, and she smiles at him softly. “I’d have thought you’d have it memorized by now anyhow; you haven’t seemed to need it in some time.”

She expects disbelief, perhaps, or shock. Joy would have been nice, but she’d have understood anger. So she’s surprised and---bizarrely proud, actually-- when instead his eyes narrow in suspicion and the first thing he says is, “Your Semblance works.”

“Well, yes.”

“Why does your Semblance work?”

“Because I’m where I’m supposed to be. A soul knows when it’s in the right place. Or the wrong one, as the case may be.”

“Or I’m dreaming.”

“Or you’re dreaming,” she agrees, keeping her voice mild, but feeling it like a punch to the stomach when his shoulders relax at the idea. Does he... not want her here? Goodness, but she’s out of practice. She’d forgotten it was like this; how talking to him had been both the easiest and the hardest thing in the world. “Would you-- prefer that? If I weren’t really here?”

“The real Pyrrha would know better than to ask me that.”

Despite herself, she laughs. “Oh, I wish that were true. I asked myself that every day. Every class, every glance, every study session on the roof. I’m afraid I was never as confident as I should have been.” It’s an embarrassing admission, but an effective one; the walled-up caution behind his eyes dissipates... only for tears to well up in its stead.

“Are you-- can I touch you?”

“I hope so.” (She’d left Torchwick and Neo behind before they’d gotten that far, for obvious reasons.)

“I--” He scrambles to his feet and crosses the distance between them, enveloping her in a crushing hug. It doesn’t feel like she remembers, but then, that’s no surprise-- he’s taller than he used to be, and her body isn’t exactly a body, per se. She’s grateful, even so. Happy just to have the chance to hold him up. She keeps quiet at first, letting him get it all out as he sobs incoherent apologies into her shoulder--

(IloveyouImissyouIloveyouImissyouI’msorryI’msorryI’msorry)

--and contents herself with playing with the short hair at the nape of his neck. Eventually, he calms.

“I like the haircut,” she says, when he pulls away. “It’s handsome. You look so grown up.”

“You look so young,” he croaks in response, and-- she supposes she must, to his eyes. It’s strange to think that she’s the same age as Ruby now; that they’ve kept going on without her, and they’ll continue to do so, once she’s led them out. “Are you--? Have you--?” He wipes at his eyes, laughing at himself a little. “I don’t know what to say. I don’t know where to start. I just-- I can't believe you're here with me.”

“I'm always with you,” she assures him, unable to suppress the urge to thumb away a tear he’s missed. She keeps her hand there, at his cheek, as she she speaks: “Even when you can’t sense me, I... oh, Jaune. I’m so proud of you. You’ve come so far.”

He sighs and steps out of the circle of her arms, hanging his head to stare at Crocea Mors where it rests in its sheath. You’d never know it to be broken, just by looking. The scabbard hides the damage-- giving him the appearance of being armed and ready though all he carries is a shattered hilt. “Yeah, maybe. I-- I thought I had, but...” He swallows, face filled with shame.

She starts to reach for him again, unwilling to waste even a moment of their time not touching him, but forces herself to relax and drop her hands to her sides. It has to be his choice, doesn’t it? “Tell me. You can tell me anything; you know that.”

His voice falters terribly when he finally speaks:

“I mean, I feel like you already know. For the longest time, I wanted to be this... I dunno. This warrior, or whatever. And it never fit, no matter what I did, or how hard I worked, and I just-- I resented it so much. Being...” He shakes his head. “I just felt useless. But when I unlocked my Semblance, I had to let that go. And it was hard at first, it took time, but for a second there it finally started to feel like... like I knew my place. Where I belonged; what everyone needed from me. I was good at it. But then Penny needed--” He chokes on a sob, and has to stop and take several deep breaths before he can continue. “Nothing’s changed. I’m still useless. The idiot stuck on the wrong side of the glass, out of his league and forced to watch because someone else has to be the Maiden now and there’s nothing he can do about it. Only this time it’s worse, because this time I actually-- I--”

Unable to hold herself back anymore, she reaches for his hands; he squeezes her fingers tight, like a lifeline. “I understand,” she soothes, voice heavy like a vow. “Did you think I wouldn’t? I don’t think I have to remind you that I’m the only other person who knows what that feels like. To have been the one who killed her.”

He lets out an awful, cynical noise; a parody of a laugh. “Depends on who you ask,” he says in explanation, looking askance towards Ruby. Pyrrha sadly follows his gaze. Ruby’s shifted in her sleep, curled under her cape to be as small as possible with her head nestled in the crooks of Yang’s bent knees. Her arms are wrapped around Yang’s shins in a death grip, as though she fears her sister might fly away at any moment. Pyrrha’s heart aches for her; for the responsibility she carries. Weight Pyrrha could have helped shoulder... if only she’d been a little faster, a little more clever.

She shakes off the feeling; now’s not the time for regret. “But things have changed,” she says, bringing Jaune’s hands up to her mouth and kissing the knuckles. It will be a long time, she knows, before he believes there isn’t blood on them; maybe this small act can help. And if it doesn’t... she has other options. Maybe even a little levity, for once. “You’re not useless. You’re amazing. You’re a licensed Huntsman now; you’re accomplishing things you’d only dreamed of. All the mothers of Mantle adore you. You even got to go on a date with Weiss!”

He boggles at her, wrenching his hands away. “What?! That wasn’t a date, we were just hanging out with Oscar, we--” His jaw falls open, suddenly, and his eyes narrow once more. “Wait a minute. Are you teasing me?”

She grins, sheepish and caught. “I figured it was now or never to give it a go; I didn’t want to waste my last chance to try it. Nora always said it would be good for me.”

“To make fun of me?” he squawks, indignant.

She laughs. “To remind myself it’s okay to be a novice sometimes; that there are things I won’t instantly be good at.” She bites her lip, unable to stop her grin. “...And also to make fun of you, yes.”

He surges forward, then-- wrapping a hand around the back of her neck and pulling her closer, pressing a fierce, grateful kiss to her forehead. Then he does it again; then once more, at the bridge of her nose. And then a final time, against her lips. Quick; intense. Filled with meaning.

She’s got not breath in her, and still she’s breathless.

“I miss you so much,” he says, squeezing his eyes shut and resting his forehead against hers. His fingers thread themselves into the hair at the back of her skull, tangled into the base of her ponytail. “So much. I think about you all the time. Every day. Wondering how different things would be, if only...”

“I know,” she says, because she does. There’s more that she should say, probably-- that it’s good that he’s started to move on; that none of them can hold onto her forever. But she can’t quite bring herself to voice the words.

“It’s not fair,” he mutters, then sighs at the sound of it. “I mean, none of it is fair, but-- I feel like a jerk, I guess. That I’m the one who gets to see you, of all of us.”

“You’ll tell them I love them, won’t you? Ren and Nora. They...” They’re doing things she never did, is the thing. Maturing in ways she’ll never have the chance to. Learning that responsibility doesn’t mean putting it all on your own shoulders; that love doesn’t mean giving all of yourself away. It’s overwhelming, how proud she is of them for that. “They were on the right path, in Atlas. Don’t let them convince themselves otherwise.”

He nods, the movement of it levering her own head in shared agreement. “Anything else? Anyone else you’d like me to...?”

So many; too many. But one rises above the rest. “Tell my mother to stop leaving flowers,” she murmurs, wishing she had more to offer than that. “Tell her they belong in the garden; that I like to watch them grow. That’s-- the way it should be.”

“Okay,” he says, and relief rushes through her. “Okay. I will.”

Slowly, they both become aware once more of the gaggle of Huntresses sleeping just a few yards off. Pyrrha could leave dozens of messages with Jaune, if she wanted, but the people she most needs to speak to are right here, within arm’s reach. They need her guidance; it’s selfish not to provide it. She’s taken so long already. And yet...

Jaune beats her to voicing the thought: “I know we should probably wake them, but-- can it be just the two of us, for just a little longer? Please?”

She smiles, and brings a hand up to caress his cheek. “I thought you’d never ask.”

#Anonymous #arkos #jaune arc #pyrrha nikos #rwby #fic what i wrote

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there-must-be-a-lock · 3 years

Text

All That I Ask

Sam x Reader

Word Count: 6990

Warnings: Smut. Smut, feels, and Sam Winchester being wonderful. There’s a brief moment of post-traumatic dissociation, but the traumatic event itself isn’t discussed or really even named. Otherwise, it’s about as gooey and sweet as a fuckin marshmallow. This is like... fix-it fic for life-canon.

A/N: Whether it was rape or coercion or just a partner who didn’t care enough to make you feel comfortable, I think almost every woman knows what it’s like to feel powerless or unsafe during sex. This is about agency and trust and hang-ups and recovery, and how partners should handle those things.

This was inspired by a request from @the-departed-patato. Thank you for trusting me with this one. I didn’t realize until I started typing that this was something I really really needed to write.

Also, major thanks to the Slack squad for edits and support and trying to curb my comma habit: @rockhoochie, @icemankazansky, @fangirlxwritesx67, @stunudo y’all are amazing.

Here’s my heart, don’t break it. It’s all that I ask, nothing more. - “Moonlight,” Future Islands

This is so stupid.

This is Sam. This is sweet, kind, gentle Sam, and I’m head over heels for him.

I want him. How could I not? I’ve wanted to do this since I met him, and now I can. He tugs his shirt over his head, and I can run my hand up his side, down his chest, tracing the ripply contours of abs, and god dammit, I want him.

He rolls me onto my back, hips slotting in against me. I can feel the drag and catch of denim, I can feel where he’s hard against the crease of my thigh, and I can feel his weight on me, holding me, pressing into me, trapping me, and I can feel myself start to shut down.

This is so stupid.

I remind myself that I’m safe. He’s being gentle, I tell myself. He’s not holding my wrists, he’s not pinning me, he’s not doing anything that should make me feel unsafe.

I’m still shutting down. I stare at a point somewhere over his shoulder as he kisses my neck, and I remind myself that I’m being stupid, and I can’t fucking breathe.

“Hey,” he whispers, and then he’s looking down at me, rolling onto his side again, and I try to focus on him but part of me is seeing someone else.

“Sorry,” I whisper, voice small and tight around the lump in my throat.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks, so fucking sweet with his sunflower eyes wide and concerned. I shake my head.

“No, it’s stupid,” I squeak. “I’m being stupid. I’m sorry, it’s not your fault, you didn’t — we can — I’m fine.”

“Do you need space, or — how can I help?”

“Don’t go,” I breathe. “Please don’t, I’m okay, just come… come here?”

“Okay, sweetheart,” he whispers, putting an arm around me, kissing my forehead. “Hey, I’m right here, okay? I’m not going anywhere. I promise. I’m right here. Take your time.”

I burrow into his chest, tears stinging my eyes as I start to break the grip of whatever cold thing has been clutching at my ribcage.

This is so fucking stupid.

I remember to breathe, and Sam waits. He strokes my hair, whispers soothing nonsense, cradles me close.

“I’m sorry,” I choke out eventually. I can’t look him in the eye; I look at his neck instead, the steady flutter of his pulse under the skin.

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for,” he says, soft but fierce. “Nothing. You hear me?”

“‘Kay.” I swallow hard and try to shake it off. “We can — it’s not that I don’t want to. Do you want—”

“Stop,” he interrupts. “There’s no rush, okay? If you’re doing this because you think you should… for my sake? That’s not how it works.”

He curls a gentle finger under my chin, tilting my head back until I meet his eyes, and I feel hot all over at the tenderness in his expression. I blink away tears and give him a tiny nod.

“This is about the guy you told me about?” he asks, tentative. “Was it… it was more than you made it out to be, wasn’t it?”

I nod again. I don’t trust myself to make words. My heart is racing, and I can feel the panicked beat of it in my throat, choking me.

“We need to talk about this, at some point. Okay? You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to tell me, but I need to know what not to do. I don’t ever want to scare you.”

“Okay,” I whisper, feeling raw and exposed and so goddamn crazy about him.

“We don’t have to do that now, though. Just rest. You’re safe with me.”

“Good morning, gorgeous,” Sam whispers when I stir. He’s spooned up behind me, one big solid arm around my waist, and I settle myself more comfortably in the cocoon of his embrace. Then I remember.

“About last night—” I start hesitantly.

“If you’re going to try to apologize again, stop right there,” he says, and I can hear the wry smile in his voice. “But if you want to talk about it…”

We didn’t close the curtains, and the morning sun is filtering through the blinds of the motel room, making everything feel clean and bright and fresh. It’s easier like this, too, with my back to Sam. I don’t have to feel his eyes on me.

“There hasn’t been anyone else, since,” I admit. My voice sounds very small in the quiet of the room. “So… I don’t really know what causes it. Not for sure.”

Sam exhales slowly, his breath tickling the curve of my neck. “What happened last night, to set it off?”

“Having you on top of me, I think. It’s not — you didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Neither did you. That’s all on him,” Sam says. The faintest hint of a growl in his voice takes me by surprise. “No blame, okay? I’m not going to take it personally. Not ever.”

“Okay. Um. Feeling… held down, or trapped. And you shouldn’t — don’t grab my wrists?”

“I can do that. What else?”

“I think… just, not too rough?” I ask, cheeks burning. “I don’t think I could handle… too much. The first time, at least.”

“Okay,” he agrees calmly. “And what else? What does work for you?”

“What do you mean?”

“This isn’t about, like, just making it manageable for you,” he says, low and earnest, kissing the curve of my neck. “I want to make you feel good.”

“Oh,” I say breathlessly. “Oh. Um.”

I’m suddenly very conscious of his hand splayed over my lower abdomen, his palm warm through the thin cotton of my tank top. He must feel the way my belly tightens, because he slides his hand a little lower, thumb tucking under the hem and stroking back and forth, tickling deliciously.

It’s such a light touch, a barely-there brush, but it’s sending sparks down my spine. I wriggle back against Sam, wondering if the sudden crackle of tension in the air is just my imagination.

“I want to know what gets you off.” Sam’s voice is husky and heated, and my breath hitches. It’s not just my imagination, then. “I want to make you come. It’s not just about… penetration, or whatever.” He lets out a quiet huff of a laugh, and I wonder if that’s the first time someone has made the word penetration sound sexy. “Do you want me to touch you? Do you want my mouth?”

I shift, and I can feel him getting hard through his pajama pants.

“Yeah,” I whisper.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, I want that. Sam… want you.”

His hand slides lower, until the tips of his pinky and ring finger are dipping under the elastic of my shorts.

“When you touch yourself,” he says quietly. “What do you do? Can you show me?”

“I don’t—”

His hand finds mine where it’s curled loosely on the mattress, slides under it so that my palm rests on the back of his, and he laces our fingers together, bringing our joined hands back to my stomach.

“Can you show me?” he repeats, and the warmth of his hand is burning through my shirt, pooling in my core, making me want like I haven’t wanted another person in a long time.

“Oh.” I take a deep breath.

I guide his hand lower, flush against my skin, under my waistband and down until his fingers cup my cunt. When I press my middle finger down against his, he moves with me, one long finger parting my lips and stroking through silky wet heat. He follows my lead, waiting for me, his knuckle bending when mine does, nudging against my entrance. His finger is so much longer than mine. When I curl it, pressing in, it’s him sliding into me, his fingertip, shallow and easy.

I exhale slowly, not pushing, and he stays, chest rising against my back as he sucks in a deep breath, waiting for my direction.

“Can you feel how much I want you?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he says, low and gravelly.

“Good.”

I’m shaky and wet and aching with how much I want him, and I’m not sure where this is going, not sure I’m ready for more than his fingers, but I need him to understand: none of this, none of my hesitation, is because I don’t want him.

I draw his hand up, showing him where to stroke with one slick fingertip, circling my clit, and I can feel him trembling too, all down my back, his cock hard where it presses against my ass. This torturous drawn-out intensity, the way he’s waiting for me… it’s almost unbearable, but at the same time, I can’t bring myself to move any faster.

We breathe in sync, both our chests heaving at the same time as the zing of it ripples out through me, and —

Someone bangs on the door.

“Up and at ‘em!” Dean shouts. “C’mon, let’s hit the road.”

“Fuck,” I hiss, as Sam lets out a low groan. It takes every bit of my willpower to pull away. When I roll to face him, he’s just as wild-eyed as I feel, flushed and panting and gorgeous.

We’re both paralyzed for a second, staring at each other, until he lets out a long sigh.

“Later,” he husks, and it sounds like a promise.

“Later.”

Later, when we fall into bed, I’m shaking for a completely different reason.

It wasn’t a bad hunt, in the end. It’s just one moment that keeps replaying in my memories on a sickening loop. There was so much blood, all down the side of his face and neck, and he went still in a way that made my heart stop for a second.

Apparently ears bleed a lot.

I felt a little embarrassed when I saw the injury, a barely-there slice through the cartilage, but I couldn’t shake the sight of all that blood. There’s still traces of it on his skin, dried in his hair. My stomach churns whenever I catch a glimpse of rusty red.

He pulls the comforter up over us, lying on his uninjured side, and I kiss him, deep and starved, my entire body vibrating with the tension of lingering adrenaline, like my skin is sparking up with the reminder that we’re still alive and we should enjoy it while we can.

I can feel it in his muscles, too, the way he’s holding back, holding himself stiff like he has to restrain himself. He rolls onto his back and takes me with him, arms strong around me, body warm and ready under me.

I choke on a quiet sob, trying to hold it in.

Sam freezes, big hands cupping my cheeks as he breaks the kiss. He looks at me, eyes deep green-gold in the lamplight.

“It’s not — it’s not that. You scared me.”

“I know,” he says. “I know. It’s okay. I’m here.”

“Want you,” I say fiercely, watching the way his swollen-red lips twitch into a bittersweet smile.

“Not like this,” he says. “Not when you’re already on edge. If your fight or flight system is still all revved up…”

He’s right, but I hate it. He brushes hair back from my forehead and kisses me again, chaste and quick.

“Okay,” I whisper, against his mouth. “Just… god, you scared me, Sam.”

He’s quiet for a moment, and I kiss one corner of his mouth, then the other.

“I need a shower,” he says.

I frown, feeling childish as I confess, “I don’t want to be alone.”

“I didn’t mean — come with me,” he suggests. “Shower with me. Not — no sex.”

I raise an eyebrow at him skeptically. “Really?”

“You don’t have to,” he backtracks gently. “If you’re not ready to—”

“Sam, I’ve wanted to see you naked since I met you,” I say flatly. “Believe me, that is not the problem.”

He laughs, dimples flashing as he grins up at me. “Then… yeah. Come shower with me. I don’t want to let you out of my sight either.”

“Yeah, okay.”

He only turns on half the bathroom lights, keeping it dim. The harsh fluorescents would be too much. It’s easier to pull my shirt off when I feel like I can still hide in the shadows.

I try not to stare as he strips down matter-of-factly and steps in, but it’s not easy. It’s not easy to look at myself, either, when I compare my body to Sam’s. I get my clothes off before I can talk myself out of it, tripping clumsily out of my jeans.

He must see something different than I do when I look at myself, because the way he stares at me when I step into the shower… he looks at me like he never wants to stop looking.

I’ve never felt like this before, shaky and vulnerable and open but in a good way, because somehow I’m sure I’m not the only one feeling like this. I’ve never trusted anyone like I trust Sam. That trust is what stops me from covering myself with my hands, stops me from doubting myself as I step under the spray with him and stand up on my tiptoes for a kiss.

One kiss turns into more, syrupy-slow, water streaming down our skin as we melt into each other. Sam licks and sucks and nibbles at my mouth until my lips feel puffy and bruised. I adjust, slowly, to the feel of his body against mine, the way my soft curves mold to the muscled planes of his chest, the way his cock twitches against my stomach as he gets hard, and even though I can feel the length of him hot and heavy between us, he doesn’t press for more; he kisses me like this is all he’s ever wanted to do.

By the time he pulls away, I’m light-headed. He looks down at me with water beading in his spiky eyelashes, and he smiles.

“You’re beautiful,” he says simply, and somehow, I believe him.

I don’t know what to say, but it doesn’t seem to matter. He grabs his shampoo from the edge of the tub and turns me around, my back to his chest.

He massages little sudsy circles into my scalp and combs his fingers gently through the tangles. He shields my eyes when it’s time to rinse, tilting my chin back gently into the spray. Nobody’s done this for me since I was a child. It makes me feel innocent and serene and fucking treasured, the way he takes care of me.

Sex has always felt like the height of intimacy to me. I always feel vulnerable, like that’s the closest I can get to another person, the most exposed.

Sam’s fingers in my hair feel like a better expression of trust than anything I’ve ever done in bed. Sex has never felt this intimate. I’m not sure anything has ever felt this intimate.

Everything starts to fade, the leftover adrenaline draining out of me, the outside world ceasing to matter. It’s just Sam and me, completely bare, wrapped in our little steamy cocoon. I feel safe. I feel exhausted, heavy-eyed and heavy-limbed, muscles aching, but I don’t feel pressured and I don’t feel nervous. I just feel safe.

Maybe it’s the booze talking, but I want to lick Sam’s arms.

He’s stretched out over the pool table as he lines up his shot, eyes laser-focused, hands curled around the cue. He has his sleeves rolled up past his elbows, and I can see veins standing out under the skin, corded muscles rippling, bunching and shifting with every twist of his wrist.

Yeah. I want to lick Sam’s arms.

Dean spits out a sip of his beer, spluttering out a vehement, “Ew, I don’t want to hear that shit!”

So apparently I said that out loud.

Dean stalks away, muttering to himself, and I chirp a quick “Sorry!” to his retreating back.

He’ll get over it.

Sam’s done with his game, and he’s walking toward me, grinning in that slow easy way of his as he tucks his hair behind his ears. He’s so fucking gorgeous. I can’t handle not touching him any more.

“Can we get some air?” I ask breathlessly, and his eyes sparkle with amusement as he lets me tug him outside.

There are a couple people smoking by the door, so I pull him farther away, down to the end of the building, where a tacky wooden statue of a bear stands between us and the door. It’s close enough to privacy.

Sam slouches back against the brick, and I stand up on my tiptoes to kiss him, leaning against him and trusting him to keep me upright. He goes with it, opening up for me as I take control of the kiss, his lips pillowy, and I can feel him smile.

“What was that for?” he asks, when I give him a second to breathe. I nuzzle into the side of his neck and nip at his pulse, and his fingers tighten on my hips.

“Just want you,” I say bluntly. I kiss him again, a deep filthy kiss that I can feel down to my toes. “I was watching you, and… yeah. Want you. Can we go back to the motel?”

“You’re drunk,” he says, mock-admonishing, but he’s still smiling.

“‘M not drunk, you’re drunk,” I mumble sulkily.

“Yep,” he says, popping the P, and raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah, okay,” I concede. “Tipsy, maybe.”

“Which is still too drunk,” Sam says gently.

I let out a tiny frustrated sound as he kisses me again. “Fine.”

He laughs, shifting his weight, getting one knee between mine, and when I settle closer, I can feel the blunt pressure of his thigh right between my legs.

“Believe me,” he whispers, between kisses, “I would really, really love to take you back to the motel right now but… it’s not a good idea.” He shifts, and I whine at the friction. “I’m not going to have sex with you tonight. I want us both to be sober for that. When we get there… I want to remember every second of it.”

“Kinda worried I’m gonna combust before then.” The drag of denim on denim pulls at the seam of my jeans, almost painfully good, and I shiver.

“Oh,” he says quietly, like he didn’t realize that he was torturing me. He rocks forward experimentally. It feels like fireworks.

“Don’t oh me,” I grump, except it comes out more breathless than grumpy.

“It’ll be worth the wait,” he whispers. “Don’t want to rush it. Want to take my time with you. I want to watch you come for me, want to taste it —”

I whimper, rolling my hips helplessly, clinging to Sam so tight that my fingers must be bruising his biceps.

“Do you like thinking about that?” he asks, growling low against my ear. “My mouth?”

“Please,” I bite out. “Fuck, Sam, I need — something. Anything.” I tilt my hips down again, trying to make my point.

He hesitates for a split second before rocking up to meet me, and I let out a ragged sigh.

“I won’t — not tonight, not more than this,” he says hoarsely, stumbling over the words. His hands grip my hips, holding me still as he asks intently, “Are you sure this is okay right now? If you really want —”

“Please,” I say again. I meet his eyes, embarrassed by how much I want him but steady in spite of it.

Maybe it’s the alcohol making me feel like this, loose and relaxed and reckless, or maybe it’s just Sam, the way he’s letting me take the lead, the way he groans when I shudder against him, the way I trust him with my life and trust him enough to let him see me fall apart like this.

And I am falling apart. I work my hips in little circles, feeling the dull burn of it clench in my gut with every tiny movement, pushing myself closer to the edge.

Sam just lets me, chest heaving, murmuring filthy-sweet things in my ear: “I’m all yours. Anything. Don’t care how long I have to wait, just — want to make you feel good. Want you on top of me, want you to just — ride my mouth, rub yourself all over my tongue, want —”

I let out a tiny, bitten-off whimper, hiding my face against his shoulder. My muscles spasm as I come, jerking against him, feeling it thud through me all at once like a punch to the gut.

I’m almost surprised by it, and by the wave of relief that washes through me. It’s not the most intense orgasm I’ve ever had, but it’s the easiest by far. I never realized I could get off like that.

Then again, any experience I’ve ever had with dry-humping was with the guy on top of me, hipbones bruising my thighs, and… yeah. No thank you.

“Jesus,” Sam breathes, arms around me, supporting my weight as I collect myself.

“That was… unexpected,” I blurt out, and I giggle helplessly as I pull back to look at him. He grins back, and there’s something so dazed and beautiful in his expression that I lose my breath all over again.

“I —” Sam starts, but he catches himself, shutting his mouth abruptly.

I’m falling in love with you, I think, heart pounding, but I know I can’t say it now, can’t say it like this.

Sam and I look at each other in silence for a second, and then the moment passes. I flush, self-conscious, an apology on the tip of my tongue.

“Don’t apologize, that was one of the hottest things that’s ever happened to me,” Sam says preemptively, before I can form the words. “You should go inside, before Dean comes looking for us. Just… give me a second?” He adjusts himself in his jeans, making a face, and I giggle.

“See you in there.”

“That was easy,” Dean comments, as we buckle our seatbelts. “Where to next? Sammy, did you find anything in the paper this morning?”

“Actually,” Sam says. “I could really use an evening off. Can we grab some food and go back to the motel and just… chill for the night?”

He and Dean exchange one of those Winchester looks that don’t mean anything to anyone else but the two of them.

“Sure,” Dean says easily. Sam smiles at me in the rearview, and I think, oh.

My brain is my worst enemy. By the time we pull into the motel lot, I’m panicking, and I’m not even sure why.

Sam’s laughing at something Dean just said, bathed in gold late-afternoon light, and he’s incredible, and I should want nothing more than to get him in our room and jump him, but my chest feels tight and I’m convinced that I’ll freeze up, freak out, mess it all up, and he’ll give up, he’s already been so patient —

“Hey, you okay?” Sam asks. The driver’s side door slams behind Dean, breaking me out of my trance.

“Fine,” I say, too brightly. “I’m fine.”

He studies me for a second, head tilted, and I try to smile at him. It doesn’t work.

“I’m not fine,” I amend, and feel my face crumple.

“Hang on one sec?” Sam asks, and I take a second to compose myself as he jumps out of the car. He and Dean have a whispered powwow and then Sam returns, key in hand, sliding into the driver’s seat.

“Come sit up front,” he says easily, without explanation. “Let’s go for a drive.”

“We can —” I try, but he cuts me off.

“I didn’t mean to make you feel like there’s pressure,” he says firmly. “I just want to spend time with you. Let’s just… go for a drive.”

So that’s what we do. When we leave the strip mall hell that surrounds the motel, Sam gets off the highway and we’re in the woods, driving up a winding mountain road. Sam seems to know where he’s headed; he mutters “Think it’s around here somewhere,” at one point, and then eventually he turns onto the Blue Ridge Parkway.

He drives slow, easing into the sharp curves. I can breathe again. It’s hard to feel panicky out here, up in the open air, close to the pink-tinted sky. When the trees open up there are views of sprawling valleys, just starting to turn orange and yellow in the first hints of fall.

There’s a wide pull-off for a scenic overlook, “Rocky Knob,” and Sam parks. The sun is setting behind us and the clouds are lined in deep pink now.

Sam spreads his coat out on the scratchy grass, right in front of Baby, and we sit next to each other, watching in easy silence as the light fades and dusk falls.

“Thank you,” I say quietly, tilting my head onto his shoulder. He slips an arm around me and I shift, turning to settle more comfortably against his side. A sliver of moon is just visible on the horizon.

“You know you don’t —” he starts. His voice sounds choked and strange. “There’s nothing to thank me for. I just like seeing you happy. That’s more important to me than… any of the rest of it.”

“Thank you,” I repeat, firmly, and he lets out a laugh that’s more of a sigh.

I twist to kiss him, intending to make it a quick peck on the corner of his mouth, but he turns to meet me, tongue flickering over my lower lip, teeth scraping ever so carefully. One hand finds my cheek, and his fingers are so long that I feel dwarfed by the way they cradle and caress and pull me closer.

I crawl into his lap, straddling him. He has one hand on the small of my back and the other between my shoulderblades, steadying me. I trace the hard lines of bones under skin, running my fingers along the jut of his jaw and stroking the hinge of it with my thumb, sliding the other hand back to cup the shape of his skull, and for all his size and strength he feels fragile under my fingers. I brush over his pulse and rub the soft hollow behind his ear, and I can feel how fragile this is, this thing between us and the way it makes him shake when he breathes.

We’re both shaking, I realize, as I rest my forehead against his. The tip of my nose nudges against his. The curve of his lower lip brushes mine, barely, not intentional enough to be a kiss, just… close.

Not close enough. Never close enough.

“Sam,” I start, voice wobbling dangerously, but I don’t even know where to begin. His fingers twist in the back of my shirt, fisted in the fabric like he’s afraid to let go. He exhales — inhales — trembles.

Somehow I never considered that I might not be the only one here who’s scared.

I kiss him one more time, trying to tell him how I feel even if I can’t say the words yet, and then I pull away to look at him. His eyes catch and reflect the moonlight, glittering in the dark.

“Let’s go,” I say, and my voice isn’t shaking any more.

Sam’s nervous. He doesn’t know what to do with himself once the motel room door clicks shut behind us; he turns the desk lamp on and just stands there, rubbing the back of his neck and shifting his weight uncomfortably.

“We could watch a movie?” he offers. His hesitation makes it easier, somehow, to take the lead; I go up to him and tug at the hem of his shirt as I kiss his jaw.

“I don’t want to watch a movie,” I say firmly. I slide my hands under his shirt and run my thumbs over the ridges of his hipbones. “Take this off?”

He strips his shirt off and tosses it to the side, smiling, shy and happy.

We kiss and shed layers and kiss again, stumbling back toward the bed. When the backs of my legs hit the mattress, we’re down to our underwear, and even though I’ve seen Sam naked, now, the sight of him takes me by surprise. It doesn’t seem fair, how beautiful he is. All the bare golden skin throws me off-balance.

He moves slowly into my space, running his hands up my arms to cup my shoulders, and when he kisses me, my head spins. I sit down heavily on the edge of the bed, feeling clumsy and stupid. Sam just folds to his knees in front of me, smiling up at me patiently.

“Can I?” he asks softly. He runs his hands up my legs and hooks his fingers in the elastic of my panties. When I nod, he tugs, and I lift my hips to let him slide the fabric down until it’s out of the way.

He moves closer, kneeling between my spread legs. He doesn’t look shy any more. He looks hungry, pupils huge in kaleidoscope blue-gold irises as he watches me through his lashes.

I nod again, silently giving him permission, and his lips curl into a smile. Sam hooks his hands under my thighs and pulls me forward, until I’m right on the edge of the bed.

“Give me your hand?” he asks, and when I do, he brings it to his head, tangling my fingers through his silky hair. I lean on my other hand to brace myself and the position opens me up for him even more. “You’re in charge,” he reminds me.

The first lick is slow, just a smooth wet curl of heat tracing up my center, good in a way that’s easy and sweet even if it’s not the ‘god more now’ kind of pleasure. I run my fingers through Sam’s hair idly, trying to relax. He does it again, dipping down and dragging up, before swirling his tongue over my clit, and the friction coils up and rolls out through my core. The next lush swipe of his tongue has more pressure behind it, and he lingers on my clit, flattening his tongue, massaging. I let out a little sigh, and he hums approvingly.

“Want you to tell me what feels good, okay?” he asks, mouthing at the crease of my hip. “Or show me. Hold me where you want me.”

How does he just say those things?

Sam buries his face between my legs again, not just licking but working me over with his open mouth pressed to my cunt like he’s kissing me. He gets my clit between his lips and sucks gently, and it’s so good that I tug him closer helplessly, giving in to the pleasure before I even have a chance to hold back.

“Sorry,” I gasp, relaxing my grip when I realize how hard I’m pulling. “Shit, sorry, didn’t mean to —”

“I like it,” Sam growls, the words vibrating right up against me. Then he’s doing that thing again, slick pulsing pressure, and I give in, twisting my fingers in his hair and tilting my hips up to meet his mouth as my eyes roll back in my head. He moans low in his throat.

Every wave of suction feels more intense. It’s sharp and bright and perfect, building so fast I’m not sure what to do with myself; all I can do is hold on and arch up and shudder. I can feel it pulling up from my fingers, my toes, an inevitable swell of pressure under my skin until the wave of it finally crests and I come with a shout, long and drawn-out, one shock of pleasure after another.

“Fucking — fuck, Sam,” I whine, my voice coming out embarrassingly high-pitched and cracked. He flicks his tongue over me again and I twitch, jerking away from the raw-nerve feel of it.

When I drag my eyes open he’s looking up at me, smiling, a dimple just visible as he turns his head to kiss my inner thigh.

The fuck am I supposed to say to that?

Apparently I can’t say anything to that. I think my brain has gone permanently offline.

Sam sort of scoops me up and deposits me farther back on the bed, where I’m not at risk of falling down on my ass, and I grin dazedly as he stands up. His mouth is red and swollen and it looks like sin.

“Still with me?” he asks, and I nod. “Be right back.”

I scoot back until I can get under the blanket and sink into the pillows. I hear Sam rummaging in his shower kit, then the water running, but I don’t have the mental capacity to pay attention. My eyes are half-closed by the time he comes back.

He sets a bottle of lube down on the nightstand and I avert my eyes uncomfortably, taking the glass of water he offers before he slides into bed next to me.

“Why did that just make you get all shy?” he asks softly, correctly interpreting my expression. I shrug and twist away to set the glass down, but when I turn back to him, he’s still waiting for an answer.

I cuddle close, tucking my head under his chin, listening to him breathe for a moment. He’s naked, hard against my hip, and I’m almost surprised by the way my body responds to that; my stomach flips, hot and eager, in spite of my racing thoughts.

“It’s like… all of this,” I say hoarsely. “It just makes me feel like I’m being a pain in the ass. Because it’s supposed to be simpler than this. It means I’m not wet enough, and… I want you, and that should be the only thing that matters, and instead we have to go through this whole process of talking about my issues and… it’s supposed to be easier than this, and it’s my fault.”

Sam is very still, muscles stiff, and for a moment I’m afraid he’s angry.

“It’s not ‘supposed to’ be anything other than good for you,” he says sharply. “Look at me for a second.”

I pull back, taking in the fierce, raw expression on his face. My chest feels tight.

“Everybody’s different,” Sam says, quiet and intense. “Everybody has shit they like and don’t like, places they like being touched… it’s not an issue, and it’s especially not your issue. You’re not being difficult by telling me how to help you enjoy yourself. I want that. I want to know how to make you feel good. Okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper.

“And if I ever meet any of your exes —” he says, jaw clenching, eyes stormy. I let out a nervous little giggle, and his expression melts from thunderous to soft before he continues, “It makes me happy knowing that you feel safe. It’s hot, watching you get off on it… your reaction is what turns me on more than anything.”

My stomach swoops. I slide closer, running a thumb over the soft swollen curve of his lower lip. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he breathes, voice dropping down low. “You have no idea what you do to me.” He rubs his palm over the curve of my hip like he can’t get enough of my bare skin. “When you were pulling my hair and just — the way you were shaking —”

I cut him off with a kiss, melding my body to his, and he smiles against my mouth before opening up easily, kissing me back with these slow, sultry swipes of his tongue. I can feel him everywhere: bare all down my front, hands roaming like he can’t help himself, close and feverish under the blanket. I push it down, shivering at the cool air on my sweaty skin.

When I tangle a hand in his hair and tug slightly, Sam makes a gorgeous needy sound, and his cock twitches, hard and thick against my stomach. I push him onto his back and he goes easily, pliant under me, looking up with a flush on his cheeks and a smile on his lips as I straddle him. For a moment I feel paralyzed by the sight of him. The moment stretches and I just stare.

Sam runs his hands up my hips, sliding one hand up between my breasts before tracing the curve of one with his knuckles, dragging his thumb over my nipple and circling as the skin pebbles under his touch. My shivery sigh of pleasure breaks whatever spell we were under.

I duck down to kiss him again, and the movement presses the ridge of his cock right between my legs, silky skin hot where it slots up against me. When I roll my hips, we both groan.

I reach for the lube. His smile goes smirky at the edges.

“If you say ‘I told you so’ right now, I swear to god —” I blurt out, and we’re both laughing as I touch him, slicking him up messily.

It’s the laughter that erases the last of my doubts. My nervous giggle bursts like a bubble in my chest, releasing whatever tension I was holding there. I just feel light and giddy and happy as I wipe my hand on the blankets and position myself.

Then I’m sinking down, opening up around him, and the sudden aching stretch turns my laugh into a breathy moan. Sam is watching me as I work my hips down, taking him in. His eyelashes flutter against his cheek.

I understand, now, what Sam meant: your reaction is what turns me on. Because if I’d wanted him before, it was nothing compared to how I feel now. He tilts his head back, arching up and exposing his throat, tendons shifting under the skin as he strains under me and gasps out my name, and the clenching wave of need in my belly is blinding.

Fuck.

I shift, lean forward, sparking up some new kind of friction deep inside where I’m so full of him, and I’m whimpering as I kiss him gently.

“Okay?” he asks. I cup a hand to his jaw and he brings his own up to cover it, an oddly tender gesture.

“So much better than okay,” I tell him. It’s the truth.

I take it slow. We kiss, mouths clumsy with need, and I take it slow.

It takes a few minutes to adjust to his size. I rock my hips in tiny little movements, circling, twisting, feeling all the different ways there are to just feel him. Every movement brings some new sort of sensation as he drags against every sweet spot deep inside me.

I’m barely moving. I know he must want to fuck up into me, thrust, but he holds back, holds himself steady, lets me take what I need while he whispers sweet bits of nonsense against my lips. He tells me I’m beautiful, tells me I feel incredible, tells me I’m safe, and I trust him.

Then I grind down harder, and something flares up inside me, quivering out from where his cock is pressing deep in my belly. I do it again. The low dull throb of it has me trembling, panting against his mouth as I brace myself to get more, harder, clenching around him desperately.

Sam slides a hand down between us, flattening his palm over that spot, and I can feel the pressure building right there, but I need more.

“Sit up for me?” he asks raggedly. “Lean back, it’ll —”

He grits his teeth and cuts himself off, but I do it without questioning, sitting back on my heels and bracing my hands behind me. I would feel exposed if I wasn’t distracted by how good this feels. I’m barely moving, still, but Sam presses his palm down and tilts his hips up, and it’s like I can feel the molten force of it everywhere, like it’s going to split my skin.

Sam looks as close to the edge as I feel, eyes glazed, and I can feel him jerking up to meet me.

“Do it,” I hiss, and when he thrusts up for real, the surge of pressure makes me cry out, loud and shameless like I never am.

One last urgent grinding roll, one last surge of pressure, and I’m gone. I let my head fall back and let go, trusting Sam to keep me tethered to the earth as everything else goes brilliant white and sends me flying.

I’m distantly aware of the way he curses and twists up, the way he swells and twitches inside me, but there’s so much sensation that I can’t separate what’s him and what’s me; it’s all just one hot slick rhythmic pulsing rush as we ride it out, together.

When I start to go shaky and useless, Sam tugs me so that I flop forward onto his chest. I melt against him, face buried in the sweaty crook of his neck, skin thrumming with satisfaction. I kiss whatever bit of him is close to my mouth, and he tastes like salt.

“So that’s what that’s supposed to feel like,” I mumble.

“I don’t think it’s ever felt like that, with anyone,” Sam says quietly, like he’s telling me a secret. “But… I’ve never felt this way about anyone, so.”

I can tell he’s holding his breath. I put my palm on his chest. His heart is pounding, racing in counterpoint to mine, and I want to tell him that he’s safe; he can trust me with this.

“Me too,” I whisper, and he exhales.

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Thanks for reading.

#spn fic #sam winchester fic #supernatural fic #sam winchester smut #sam winchester x reader

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laurie-stark · 3 years

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Bags

(not my gif)

Summary: After another duffle bag of supplies washes up on shore, the girls realize that they’re going to be stuck here for a while. Episode six rewrite. 3.0k words.

Pairings: Toni Shalifoe x fem!reader

Warnings: Swearing, throwing up

A/N: Okay listen I just wanted Toni fanfic but no one was writing it so here you go. Also I really tried too hard to get the bed sharing trope LEAVE ME ALONE I LIKE IT PSLFDLJ (this is your reminder to turn on Interactivefics xx) oh and also theres a bit in here thats heavily inspired by @ drewstarkeys Toni fic which you all should go read asap its amazing.

This was weird. It was really fucking weird. It had only been four days since we found Jannette’s grave empty. Four days since we found a clean water source. The longer we stayed on this god forsaken island, the more it felt like we were never getting off. And now another round of duffle bags have shown up. You know, as crazy as I think she is sometimes, Leah’s starting to have a point. Something is way off about this place.

Nora and Rachel were the ones who spotted the bags. They washed up on the rocky side of the beach, covered in weeds. Dot was hoping for some more food, maybe more medicine if we were lucky. But to all our confusion, all the bags contained were blankets and pillows. Ten pillows and five blankets, Dot so cheerfully announced. My first red flag was that the insides were completely dry. I didn’t want to say anything though. I was sure there was a reason for this.

“There’s enough shit here for us to double up,” Dot told us while Nora and I laid out the makeshift beds. “Except for one person who gets to sleep alone.”

“Well that’s not fair, why does one person get a bed all to herself?” Rachel asked, standing up defensively.

I rose to my feet as well. “Why don’t we rotate it?” I suggested, hoping to relieve some of the tension. “W-with our off days. That way whoever’s off can have an extra good night’s sleep before they have to work again?” The girls all nodded their heads and mumbled words of agreement. Rachel sat back down on her log.

“Great idea y/n. So who’s bunking with who?” Dot asked. Rachel and Nora instinctively reached out for each other. Beside me, Toni looked to Martha. Martha gave Toni a weary look before reaching a hand out in the opposite direction. Towards Shelby. Even I had to stop myself from dropping my jaw.

Fatin gleefully agreed to pair with her “new bestie for the restie,” Dot. That left myself, Toni and Leah. I glanced between them. Leah was avoiding my eye and Toni...Toni just looked mad. It’s not that I don’t like Leah, I just don’t know her. Not that I know Toni any better, but at least Toni hasn’t gone batshit crazy more than once. On the other hand though, I didn’t find Leah unbelievably beautiful the way I did with Toni. And Toni would never want to bunk with me anyway. I crossed my arms, not doing a very good job at hiding my uncomfortableness. I was about to open my mouth to ask Leah to share when Toni called my name.

“Y/n,” I turned to face her, eyes wide. “You’re with me?” I nod and swallow hard. Fuck.

The sun was getting lower and lower in the sky, just like our food supply. Rachel offered to go foraging for something meatier in the morning, so at least I could look forward to that.

I shuffled under the blanket Toni and I shared. “Sorry you got stuck with me,” I whispered. “I can go sleep with Shelby if you want, so you can be with Marty?”

“Nah,” Toni shook her head. “I don’t mind. Besides, I don’t really think Marty wants anything to do with me right now.” I didn’t know what to say. I felt bad for her. A lifetime’s worth of friendship thrown out of the plane. Literally.

I wondered if anyone else was awake. The light from the fire was enough to see everyone’s feet but that’s about it. I still wasn’t accustomed to how dark it got at night. I was limited to just my hearing after the sun went down. I would try not to listen though. The more you listen, the more you realized how we definitely were not alone out there. Focusing on Toni’s breathing beside me was enough to keep me sane.

Couldn’t say the same for Leah though. She sat straight up and I thought she got bit by a crab or something.

“Does anyone else think that this is crazy?” She asked us.

Fatin groaned. “Leah, we got into a plane crash. Is that not enough crazy for you?”

“No seriously Fatin, what the fuck is going on?”

“What are you talking about,” Dot sat up.

“I mean these,” Leah held up a fist full of her blanket. “Where did they come from? Do none of you think that something’s up?”

I pushed myself upright. “I’m starting to agree with Leah.”

“Oh God, not you too,” Dot flopped back down onto her back.

“No, think about it,” I started. “A bag with medicine just happens to show up? And then we find Jannette’s grave empty!? And now these duffles appear with nine peoples worth of blankets and shit? Who brings that to a resort retreat? That’s weird. It’s really fucking weird.” Everyone was sitting up at this point, staring at me. “I didn’t say anything when we opened them, but these things were dry. Everything bone dry. Rachel and Nora found the bags on the shore, like they were washed up. They should have been soaking. Hell, they should have sunk!” I took a shaky breath in. “Every day we stay here the more it feels like we’re not leaving. It’s like someone wants us to stay here. I know I sound crazy but come on!”

“Y/n...”

“We don’t even remember the crash!”

“We all blacked out.”

“That’s not how plane crashes work though!” I realized how loud I had gotten. I noticed how Nora was sitting, hugging her knees tight. Shelby’s face was pale, even in the orange glow from the fire. I closed my eyes. “This isn’t my first crash.” I kept my eyes shut. I didn’t need to see their faces while I told this story. “I got into another one like eight or nine years ago. The engines broke and we crashed in a forest somewhere near Chicago. And I remember it all. I remember the engines failing, and the plane falling and the back coming off when we hit the trees. I didn’t black out until I was on the ground. So yeah, I think something is fucking off. This isn’t right, none of this is right! We shouldn’t be here, we shouldn’t-”

I started to choke on my own words. I think I was starting to throw myself into a frenzy. Something grabbed at my hand. It was Toni. She looked me in the eyes. There was something in her gaze that told me I was safe. Told me to calm down.

“Okay,” Dot said slowly. “I think we’re all starting to lose it a little bit Y/n. And no sleep isn’t gonna help. Let’s all try to get some shut eye, yeah?”

I nodded profusely and flipped onto my side, embarrassed now from that outburst. I guess I didn’t realize how far off the rails I’d been slipping. Silently, I started to cry.

I tried to stay as far away from Toni as possible. With my back to her, I figured that my crying could be somewhat camouflaged. I was very wrong.

“Hey,” Toni murmured. When I didn’t respond, she tugged on my shoulder to roll me over. I quickly wiped the tears off my cheeks. I couldn’t look at her directly. Her gaze softened. I realized then how close we were. Even in pitch darkness, I could still make out the outline of her face, her cheeks, her nose, her lips- I prayed she couldn’t hear how loud my heart was thumping. Toni reached a hand out and brushed another tear away. Had I started crying again? Jesus I was so far gone. “I know how you feel. I wanna get out of here too.’ I said nothing.

Toni moved to create some more space and put her arm out. I looked at her, questioning, though I doubt she could see my face. “Come here,” she said quietly. “I heard what you told us yesterday, about what your mom says? Sometimes you just need a hug.” I nearly started crying again right there. Slowly, I squirmed closer until my body was curled into hers. I smiled inwards. Besides the fact that my heart was trying to beat right out of my chest, I felt better. We both drifted off soon after.

I woke up to the sun shining way too bright and the sound of…snickering? I opened my eyes and tried not to get totally blinded by the light. I looked up to see Nora, Fatin and Dot standing over me, all chuckling.

“What?” I mumbled. I must have woken Toni up because she started moving underneath me.

Oh.

That’s why they were laughing.

I had fallen asleep curled into Toni’s side and woken up completely entangled with her. It wasn’t a one-sided thing either, she was holding on to me for dear life. What. The. fuck. I jolted upright, maybe a little too fast because the three girls around us started to laugh more.

“Good morning love birds,” Fatin cooed.

“Shut up,” Toni said, using a hand to shield her eyes. “We were conserving heat.”

“Yeah, what she said,” I smiled. “Is it breakfast already?”

“Not quite,” Dot shrugged. “Martha and Shelby are still getting some berries and shit.”

“Oh well in that case I’m going back to bed,” Toni grunted, rolling over. Her and I were on water duty today, so technically we had no need to be up before breakfast anyway. Dot and the girls made their way back to the fire. I was half awake though. Might as well start the day early too. Except that Toni seemed to have other plans.

Before I had the chance to get up Toni was tugging at my arm, silently asking me to come lay down. I gave in immediately. “Come keep me warm,” she mumbled. And so I did. As I laid my head down onto her chest, I noticed Shelby looking at us. She turned away when she met my gaze, but there was something behind her eyes. Disgust. Great, just what we needed. Stranded in the middle of nowhere with a fucking homophobe.

“Do you think Shelby is homophobic,” I asked lowly.

“I dunno, maybe? Why?”

“No reason, I just….That would be pretty awkward if she was.”

“Yeah…”

Nora woke me up a second time that day for breakfast. We ate in silence like we had done for the last few days. Food was running short and we were getting antsy. Toni and I broke away from the group after we ate with half of Fatin’s luggage bag. We trekked up and through the forest towards the waterfall. Neither of us said a word the whole trip. I was starting to overthink. Like, heavily overthink. In normal circumstances, overthinking might be appropriate. The night before was…not normal. But these were not ordinary circumstances. The middle of nowhere is probably the best place to have not normal and still be fine. Whatever. Right? Was it weird? Does she think I’m some weird crybaby now? Was that just a pity hug? Am I going absolutely crazy for no reason?

I’d gotten so wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn’t even notice we’d arrived back at camp. As Toni and I got to work, filling bottles to boil, Rachel was shouting from the top of a cliff. She was holding up a sack of something, I couldn’t quite make it out.

“Who’s ready to fucking feast?”

Mussels. Rachel found mussels. Now, I’d never been one for survival training but the one thing I knew was that seafood was a no.

“I really don’t mean to be a bubble burster, it’s just that seafood can be really dangerous,” I explained. Rachel looked like she wanted to take my head off. “And we do not have the vicinities to properly prepare these.”

“So what, you’re saying I’m trying to poison all of us?” Rachel challenged.

“No! No, no, not at all Rach. This was a great find, you did good.” I smiled wearily. “All I’m saying is that maybe someone should sit this one out, you know? Just in case. If we’re all sick then we’ve got no chance.”

“Great then who’s gonna be the starving one?”

“I don’t mind. I got berries.”

Turns out Shelby wouldn’t eat either. An allergy, I think she said. It felt good to see everyone this happy. Leah was genuinely smiling, Dot seemed a little less stressed. For a second it felt like we were actually on the retreat we were supposed to be on. Toni started to make out with her mussels. Or…well you know, with them. We all found it hilarious. Except for Shelby...

“Fuck you.” And with that Toni was off, running down the beach. I myself was on the brink of tears. Some churches man…they’ll brainwash even the best of 'em. I stared at the sand, not sure where to go. I wanted to chase after Toni, I wanted to stay right here and hide in the sand. The rest of the girls had gone quiet too.

“What?” Shelby asked. “Am I not allowed to have my own beliefs?”

“Not those ones,” I spat. I pushed myself up and jogged around the bend.

I saw Toni near the shoreline. She had her feet in the water. Cautiously, I crept up behind her. I didn’t want to startle her. “You good?”

Toni turned and her stance signaled she was ready for a fight. Her shoulders relaxed when she realized it was just me. “Yeah. No. Whatever, I just need a break from barbie bitch.”

“Yeah, you and me both,” I chuckled. “Will you though? Be okay?”

“You don’t need to worry about me. I’m fine.” She looked back out at the sea.

“G-good. Okay, I, uh…good, I’m glad,” I was muttering. I mutter when I’m nervous. Avoiding eye contact, all that fun stuff.

“Why are you so nervous?” Shit. So she did notice. “I mean you’re chill around everyone else but you get all twitchy around me. What’s with that?” She paused and her face fell a bit. “Do I scare you?”

“Oh god no,” I grasped her hand. “No I promise Toni, I’m not scared of you.”

“Then what?”

I look down at my toes. “I-I um…you-“ I swallow hard. “You’re pretty.”

She didn’t say anything and I was about ready to jump into the ocean and never come back. And then she laughed. She fucking laughed! Oh my god I was going to cry. I felt like I had just been publicly rejected in middle school all over again.

“That was cute,” Toni said, still chuckling a bit. I looked her dead in the eyes and she wasn’t kidding.

“Okay, I’m gonna go back now.” I turned on my heel and started walking back, very briskly might I add. I could not believe that just happened.

“Yeah me too-“Toni cut herself off and started heaving. I looked back. Toni was throwing up her entire stomach and then some. I rushed to her side, brushing the hair from her face. In the distance, I could see Rachel throwing up too. Oh Jesus Christ.

Shelby and I spent the rest of the day running from girl to girl, holding hair and passing out water. It was one huge haze of running back and forth, trying to make sure no one died. I knew that the mussels were a bad idea. God, how could I be so stupid? This was all my fault. Once Dot resurfaced from the dead, she took charge. Leah was sent to go find the medical bag while Dot and I boiled more water. She had me look over Toni and Marty while she took after the twins.

Toni was not good. By the time I got back to her, she was practically lifeless. Fatin was trying to get her to drink some canned water but it wasn’t working. Matha, who was equally unwell sat by idly, crying into her can of water and trying not to throw up again. I pulled Toni off of Fatin and into my lap, trying to get her to drink the water from my bottle. She kept turning her head away or pushing my hand. I pulled her closer and upright with one arm and got Fatin to hold her face in one place.

“Drink,” I told her. She couldn’t even speak but she shook her head. “Toni, drink. Please. You need to rehydrate for me okay?” I got her to drink a little, but she just couldn’t swallow. Martha started crying at some point. Luckily, Leah made it back with the medicine.

Trying to fight Toni into taking the pill was not working Especially not when everyone started crowding and screaming at myself and Dot. Shelby crouched to our level and took the pill from Dot. This only made things worse. No way in hell was Toni ever going to accept anything from Shelby. But blondie wasn’t going down without a fight. In one motion, she’d shoved me out of the way and climbed on top of Toni, dropping the pill into her mouth and forcing her to swallow.

Night fell and everyone was exhausted. Toni hadn’t woken up since Shelby drugged her and honestly I was getting a little worried she died in her sleep or something. Martha wasn’t looking too hot either. She’d broken into a sweat despite the cold of the night. Everyone else is tucked into their respective beds, dead silent. The cold night air made it easier to relax. After a day like today all i wanted to do was curl up next to Toni and never wake up.

Beside me, Toni started to stir. The weight I’d been carrying finally lifted off my shoulders. “Toni?”, I chimed. “Are you alive?”

“No,” she grumbled as she sat up, rubbing her eyes. I didn’t give her a moment more to readjust to life before I tackled her in a hug.

“Oh my god, you’re okay.” She laughed at me again, but this time I didn’t mind. Cause she wasn’t dead. Or close to dying. I pulled her back down on top of me. She fell asleep again in my arms. I smiled down at her. Once again, there was a moment where I wasn’t in living hell. It was just me and Toni. Somewhere safe. And warm, preferably. Everything was going to be okay.

And then Marty dropped dead.

#erana james #toni shalifoe #the wilds #amazon prime #shoni #shelby goodkind #leah x fatin #martha blackburn #dot campbell #rachel reid #nora reid #toni shalifoe x reader #toni shalifoe imagine

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rfadaydreaming · 4 years

Text

boyfriend jumin headcanons

theres no way hes been in a relationship before, never even kissed someone before. you best believe hes going to go all in hes so starved for love

he needs to hear every single thing about your life, even the littlest things. he will remember it all, and asks so many questions too. could listen to you talk for hours and never get bored. your life is so different from his, he finds it fascinating. always wants to know more.

at the beginning of the relationship he has an extremely hard time controlling himself and finding whats right and wrong in a romantic relationship. you have to be very open with your boundaries or he’ll treat you like a doll, he cant help himself hes just so enamored.

does SO much research on relationships, he doesnt like the advice he finds but hes looking in all the wrong places. seven gives him links for real advice from real people reddit instead of mens magazines because those all suck. jumin starts to ask him for help whenever hes curious about something and seven will find a link for him to read. it helps bridge their relationship a bit more. seven is one of those friends thats amazing at relationship advice but for some reason desperately single.

even though he’s new to relationships and still trying to figure it out, that does not mean hes bad at it. no sir. this man was raised on romantic novels and cheesy soap operas. he knows his way into your heart easy peasy

the most beautiful arrangements of flowers delivered to your doorstep, your favorite foods from the most gourmet restaurants in seoul sent right to your work, hand written love letters sealed in wax sent to you while he’s away on business. declares his undying love for you over the phone almost daily.

hes never been around women much before, rikas the exception but he wasnt around around her like you would be with a lover. so hes interested finding out about your habits, routines, likes. the way you cook breakfast in the morning, the way you do your bedtime routine, your afterwork routine. always finding something new to love about you every new day.

he really adores anything and everything you think is a flaw. he prefers you with your quirks rather than aiming for perfection. theres nothing wrong with being “plastic” but the majority of those types of women he’s been around are the rich snobby type more than every day women. he prefers you. again hes never been close to many women so its kind of amazing but sad the things you can find to think harshly about. things he absolutely would never imagine someone being insecure about in the first place. he loves this body, it makes him upset when youre so critical to it.

he’ll explain to you what goes on behind the scenes of corporations and how exactly they make you insecure about those odd little things just to profit off of it, theres nothing wrong with you to begin with but if you believed that then they would be out of business, you see. knowing that aspect of things is why hes understanding but still saddened by your insecurities.

hes a very possessive man and is unashamed about it. hes never had anything as important as you to protect before so he doesnt care how ridiculous he may be sometimes, as long as youre safe. body guards, frequent calls, locations on, always wanting to be with you if he can. if that all bothers you i feel like that would be a bit of a disagreement area. his personality is naturally possessive and he does it out of love so bear with him please. he would definitely tone down as time progressed but for now he doesn’t want to let you out of his sight. trusts you, not other people.

he likes to observe you a lot, your day to day. it’s interesting to him even though it can be a little annoying to you sometimes. asks questions constantly. hes so curious. jumin let me go to the bathroom in peace hes literally a child

it makes him so happy when you laugh at his jokes. everyone else thinks they’re not funny but he doesnt care, as long as you laugh hes happy.

if you wear make-up it’s literally amazing for him to watch. he’ll stand in the bathroom and just observe. you can GLUE eyelashes to your FACE?! and its common?! this is so shocking to him. he had no clue. its kind of embarrassing for you but hes just so interested. never watched someone put on makeup before. the process is so intricate and careful, hes so fascinated by this strange magic. youre so smart too, he doesnt know any of the names of the things you use but always asks so he can remember for gift giving purposes. shades you like, shades you dont like, companies you dont buy from, your favorite brands. somehow has a giant mental notepad and writes all this down for safe keeping

speaking of smart he thinks you are the smartest person on the face of this earth. hes so confused at certain aspects of life and you help him get it. why do people eat fried chicken when its not nutritionally dense or even healthy to consume? it doesn’t make sense. because its yummy, jumin. wow, youre so right...

always texts you little reminders throughout the day to show his love. dont forget to eat breakfast dear. dont forget to wear sunscreen before you go out love, its hot today. dont forget that i love you so much my darling ♥︎ SO CUTE hes so caring

this man is so so touch starved, he always wants to hold you or touch you in someway. if he could bring you everywhere with him he would. he starts to get anxious if he goes too long without your comfort, truly doesn’t know how he made it for so long without it

not the biggest fan of pda but it depends on the situation. he likes making others jealous but he doesn’t want anyone else to see the way you look after he kisses you in that one special way that only he can. thats for his eyes only

loves showering you in anything you desire. you are spoiled. he’d buy you a whole ass island if you wanted one. he never understood how his father could just give away so much to a woman but now he cannot say a THING. he’d go completely broke as long as it made you happy

if you dont like tons of store bought gifts he’ll spend more time on meaningful ones. picking you flowers from the rooftop garden and arranging them himself, he embroiders as a pastime so he’ll make you cute little cat decals and stuff like that

he likes to do things for you like paint your nails, wash your hair, put lotion on you after a bath etc. loves it so much, if youre not comfortable with him babying you its totally fine but if you are he’ll do it whenever you let him

he has very cold hands. never really thought about them until he met you, really hopes you dont mind. tries to warm his hands up where he can before he touches you, but secretly loves when he runs his cold fingertips down your skin and you get gooseflesh all over. thinks its cute.

gets insecure sometimes. not really about his looks, but his personality. luciel is funny, zen is handsome and suave. yoosung is sweet and open with his emotions. he wonders frequently why you chose him out of anyone else.

all in all jumin is someone you need to get used to being in a relationship with, hes not the average joe and has a lot going on with himself that he needs to work through. but if you help him, love him for him, he’ll be the sweetest lover you could ever ask for.

#mystic messenger #mysme #mystic messenger headcanons #jumin han #jumin

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cpcoulter-official · 3 years

Text

This is Me Trying

For a long moment, he scanned the trees and bushes, through the sidewalk, up and down. Satisfied it was empty, or reasonably so, he stepped back from the window and drew the curtains slightly, allowing a few lances of sunshine through.

As he turned to scoop up the electric kettle, Julian said from the counter, “It’s fine, don’t worry. No one followed me or saw me.” He never even looked up from the drink cupped in his hands.

Oz just smiled faintly as he poured hot water over the teabag in his own cup. “You gotta admit, there’s no way to really be sure when it’s someone of your caliber.” He walked over to the kitchen island and took the seat across the corner from his unexpected guest.

Julian didn’t answer. Oz gave him a few charitable moments of contemplative quiet as he steeped his own tea. He took the bag out with care, adding sugar generously, before reaching over to take his guest’s cup and swapping it with his cup. “This looks like it’d be better for you. You’re expecting too much out of your coffee from the way you stare at it.”

“What is this?” Julian asked with a mild grimace when he took a bracing sip.

Oz was pleased; getting some emotion out of him was good. “It’s herbal. Supposed to calm you. I wouldn’t know, I don’t drink it a lot.”

“Like you need any more calming…” Julian snorted and took another sip. “Thanks.”

“No problem,” Oz replied, setting down his own drink. “So...are you...going to tell me what brings you to San Francisco?” He smirked slightly before taking another sip. “Without even a call to warn me that I was going to have an Oscar nominee sitting in my kitchen?”

“Don’t be like that,” Julian made a face at him. “That never mattered to you.”

“You’re right…” Oz laughed, hoping it was contagious enough to crack a smile from the other boy. He looked around again. “...but seriously, you need to tell someone where you are. You didn’t even bring a bodyguard?” He looked at Julian with a furrow on his brow. “Given what happened...I’d expect you’d have your own Secret Service at this point.”

Julian’s hands tightened around the cup as he stared into it. “...yeah, my handler thinks I’ve gone to see Berkeley.”

Oz lit up at that. “Are you? Did you change your mind? You’re going to college?”

“Do I look like I have time to go to college…?” Julian retorted, barely moving.

“You never know,” Oz replied with a smile. “You always make time when it matters to you.” He paused before adding with a sigh, “Which is why...I know there has to be a really good reason you’re sitting in my kitchen right now.”

The pause felt heavy, and Oz wasn’t used to that with this particular person. He remembered how Julian used to laugh in the same way light reflects from glass; it would scatter in echoes on the walls and you didn’t have a choice but to smile. Because he seemed so...young.

And looking at this boy, sunglasses on his messy chocolate-colored crown, oversized merch sweater from the last Haven tour, flushed from the sunny outdoors but heavy-lidded, and lashes smudged dark onto his cheeks--he looked younger than ever.

“I just...thought I’d come by.” Julian whispered.

It sounded like a secret. Like everything about this visit. Like everything about the two of them.

“...you look tired,” Oz remarked quietly. “You haven’t been sleeping well?”

“...sometimes I think I sleep too much.”

“Not back to work yet, are you?” Oz asked, concerned. “You don’t look to be in any condition to go back work the way you do.” That, and nothing in the news and gossip rags suggested that Julian Larson had ever even stirred out of his house. At least not from what Oz knew.

“I want to…” Julian sighed, stirring the cup as though the dredges would answer him. “...it’d be something to do. I don’t want to be inside anymore. Like…” The way he stared out to the sunshine outside made it seem like he was looking through worlds. “...I want to be somewhere else.”

There was a pause, and then Julian looked at him with a faint smile. “You were the first person I thought of.”

At that, Oz had the humility to blush as he looked away from that familiar smile. He remembered back when he was free to kiss it when he wanted, but never really took advantage of the fact. Now it just felt like something glimmering in the distance that he could admire and not touch. And he was alright with that.

What he wasn’t alright with was the reason it was here again. “I’m flattered, J. But...I’m just more worried about you than ever now.” He sighed. “Everyone’s heard about what happened to you, and then not much about you since.”

“You’ve kept tabs on me?”

“Hard not to,” Oz smiled. “You left an impression.”

“And what did you hear everyone say about me?” Julian asked, almost sarcastically.

“That you were healing, that your manager said that you’re resting, that your mother is looking after you, that rumor has it you’re going to a spa in the Netherlands for therapy, that you’re going to be okay…” Oz leaned back with a smile. Then he was serious again. “But you’re not okay.”

“I’m not,” Julian admitted. He hesitated for one more moment, and then maybe his internal walls started to crack, as it all came rushing out. “I can’t stay home and...watch my mother worry about me. Stare at me with that look on her face. I can’t eat another plate of aggressively healthy organic recovery food. I can’t...deal with cameras with the telephoto lenses around the corner down our street. Watching for me. I don’t...know how they knew where I go for physical therapy and I want to throw my phone every time there’s an update about an in-depth interview request or...or…an appearance at Oprah or...or…” He let out a shaking breath. “They said this was all in my head, it’s all up to me about getting “better” or that I’m so talented that I shouldn’t waste it and I need to get better, all that, but everyone’s doing things around me and looking at me and expecting me to do...something... It’s just…” He closed his eyes and pressed his hands to his temples.

He looks so young.

Oz smiled sadly. “...it’s too much noise, huh?”

“It’s...everyone wanting a piece of me.” Julian braced his elbows on the counter and stared into the distance again. “...I don’t even know if I want me. Or if I can be the me that everyone wants right now.”

“Nobody has the right to demand that of you,” Oz replied softly, after charitable consideration. “You shouldn’t be made to feel like you owe them anything.”

“Is that why you quit…?” Julian asked.

“I never quit,” Oz bristled back at him, and for the first time, that familiar laugh scattered onto his walls. “I’m just not as intense about my filmography as you. I do still work, you know.”

“S’not what your IMDB page says.”

“You’ve kept tabs on me?” Oz teasingly mimicked him. But he smiled. “I do theatre these days. You should try it. You’d be amazing at it.”

“What’s college like?” Julian asked with a soft smile at him. “Do you like it?”

“It’s alright,” Oz laughed, indulging his need to change the topic. “I’d rather be on the stage. But having a degree is an important part of my fallback plan, and it’d make my parents feel better, so I trudge through it.” He smiled warmly at Julian. “You don’t need a backup plan, though. You’ve always known what you wanted and where you wanted to be.”

Those beautiful brown eyes just stared at him, looking big and a little haunted. “...do I?”

“You do,” Oz replied firmly, taking his hand and giving it a firm squeeze. “You always have. And if you don’t yet...well… you’ll figure it out.”

“I’m trying,” Julian’s voice started to waver, his hands cold and they shook. “I’m trying so hard but…I can’t see it yet.”

“You will,” Oz replied, staring back at him. “Julian, you… You know, you’re literally the weirdest kid I know? I have never in my life met anyone like you. When we were...when we were still a thing, I was intimidated by the fact that you had such a clear, definite goal in front of you. And it was a crazy stupid goal too, a freaking EGOT by age twenty-one, like—” he paused for a moment when he heard Julian let out a laugh, “—seriously, like in what universe does someone your age, my age have that insane goal with a refusal to accept any other outcome, and you were so intense about it that you were literally within reach of it, huh? And there was just me, like, happy to just get another casting…Hell, I could’ve done Youtube and been happy. I kept asking myself, who are you, why is this person going out with me, like…?”

He smiled as he waited for Julian to wipe his eyes. Then he added, “...you’re a freak in the way that… you figure it out. All the time. Like how a cat always lands on its feet. I mean I’m not going to say all your choices are great, but…” He shrugged. “You get there. And I know you’ll figure it out when you give yourself the chance to.”

“Cat…” Julian smiled faintly, looking as though he were remembering something. It was a pause before he suddenly said, “You know my mom got me one? Like...supposedly he’s an emotional support cat but I think she just got him for me for...companionship purposes.”

“Always good to have a friend,” Oz replied with a grin. Then he blinked in realization. “...is that why you came to me?”

“...I didn’t know if you’d care, if I dropped in without telling you,” Julian gave him an almost apologetic smile. “But I just...needed someone away from...all that.”

That was big. Bigger than Oz had expected. Julian Larson was not someone he knew to really need anyone. Even when they worked together in Something Damaged, it was like the show needed Julian and not the other way around. He even knew everyone’s lines better than they did.

“I’m just...trying to get better,” Julian whispered, reminding Oz that he’d gone quiet. “I thought...going to someone away from all this would help.”

Oz smiled and squeezed his hands reassuringly. “See…? I told you you’d know where to go.” He received a small smile for that. “Screw what everyone wants you to do. What do you want to do? Where do you want to be?”

It was like the question frightened him. Julian’s eyes were wide and he looked like he was looking for an answer. But was it really the question that worried him, or the answer?

Softly, Oz said, “Forget their expectations of you. And forget what you’re expecting of yourself. You haven’t let anything or anyone down. All this...it’s...just a setback. You’re getting back to your feet, that’s what it is. So… if there’s someplace you want to be, just for right now, or the immediate future… You should be there. Like when you picked to be here suddenly.”

He gave Julian an intent stare. “When you think of where you want to be...where’s the first place you think of…?”

Julian was very quiet as he stared back at him. But Oz knew, behind those brown eyes, he was seeing something or someone. A place or a person. Something. Like he was seeing an instant flashback. Julian did know where he wanted to be. He always did. Oz knew that well.

But wherever it is… it may not be a place he can be in just yet.

So he smiled instead. “Hey. You don’t have to go there this second. You don’t have to look so afraid. I’m not going to throw you out my door to go. You’re welcome to stay for as long as you like.”

“...I guess not.” Julian managed to smile.

“Well, if you’re not going anywhere for a bit, then…” Oz poured him another cup of tea, beaming at him and trying to lighten the mood. “So...tell me about your new cat, and I’ll tell you about theatre.”

“I would like that.”

~~~

#daltonfic #side-canon #post-siege

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willow-salix · 3 years

Text

How about I throw out a new chapter?

That'll be nice for a Saturday, right?

Meh, have one anyway.

Here's a snippet:

Selene grabbed a slice of pizza from the box on the table and dropped down onto the couch next to Gordon, uncaring as to the fact that he was barely dressed. When you watched him dive in and out of the pool in his Olympic issue swimming speedos just because he felt like it, you were pretty much desistized to anything.

She took a bite and made a face, it wasn’t the best pizza she’d ever had, not that that would stop her, she started to chew. Tonight was definitely the time for comfort food and pizza, even when bad, is still pretty good.

“Why are you in my flat?” she asked around a mouthful. She chewed some more and swallowed quickly when she saw the look on his face. “Not that I mind you letting yourself in, you know you’re always welcome. But I thought you were with Penny for the whole weekend.”

Gordon shrugged casually, but his eyes flickered towards the discarded pile of clothes on the floor beside the couch. It looked like one of his new suits and really shouldn’t have been treated in such a way. The jacket was scrumpled in a ball and the pants left where they had fallen, the shirt lay tossed over the arm of the couch and the shoes had been kicked off haphazardly, one lying under the table while the other had flown clear across the room to land by the dresser.

“Didn’t feel like it once I got there, I left Penny to her networking and caught a cab back here as I wouldn't have been able to get into the manor.”

Selene scowled, that wasn't like him, he was one of the more social Tracys and, since he was still relatively young, he usually jumped at the chance to spend time off island if he could. A party or a dinner was usually greeted with great enthusiasm. She decided to ignore that for now, he'd tell her in his own time. Years ago she would have pushed him more, but now they all knew her well enough to know that she was there to listen whenever they needed her and would seek her out if they wanted to.

"How was the conference?" she asked instead, swiping his bottle of beer, one of John's he had obviously liberated from the fridge, and taking a sip. "You must have been so excited to be asked to speak."

Again he shrugged. "It was OK, I'm pretty sure they only asked me out of courtesy for Penny and because it looked good to have someone from International Rescue on the schedule. It was pretty boring really."

"Why did you say yes then? It's not like you don't have a good excuse to get out of anything you don't fancy."

"Penny said it would be good for me to start making a name for myself, she's right, I'm not getting any younger-"

Selene snorted at this, Gordon was only 26, he had his whole life ahead of him. Although, if anyone knew that your life could be changed or even snuffed out at any moment, it was Gordon, so she kept quiet.

"She said that I should start thinking about my long term plans. We can't be doing International Rescue full time forever and, while we do have enough money to never have to work, you know we'd all get bored. Everyone else seems to have a backup already, John does his remote lectures and writes his books, and you know that he's always being called on to consult or collaborate with someone for something or another. Virgil has that fancy engineering degree of his, he's always tinkering around with Brains and the things they invent together could keep them busy for years to come. Alan is all fresh and new, he's already making a name for himself online with his team ups with Brandon, and Scott could walk into a job with the air Force or the GDF without even pausing to ask, then there's me, no college education, no specialist subjects-"

"Bullshit," Selene cut in. "A college education isn't for everyone, just because you don't have a piece of paper doesn't mean you aren't smart or an expert in your field. Someone once told me that, because I didn't have that kind of higher education I wasn't as smart as them, that I wasn't capable of making decisions because I didn't have the same knowledge they did. But knowledge is subjective, babe."

Gordon snorted at that, he knew what it was like too, he knew how people would judge him as the dumb brother because he'd chosen a different path than the more academic one the others had taken.

"It's true," she insisted. "Look at John, as much as I adore that man, he's proof that all the book smarts in the world can't always compare to common sense or life experience. You can know all about astrophysics but if you don't know how to interact with people or how to survive in the world then you're fucked either way. You are amazing, you know science and biology and genetics or you wouldn't have made those beautiful fish or done so much for marine conservation and, no matter who you're dating, the Friends of the Ocean yearly conference would not have let you speak if you didn't know your shit."

"I know," he sighed, "but it doesn't always feel that way, you know?"

"Oh, believe me I know," she rolled her eyes and reached for another slice of pizza.

"I guess it's just hard to be surrounded by such high achieving brothers. I look at Penny and I think what is she doing with me? She would be much better suited to someone like Scott, or John, you know."

"I'm pretty sure that Cat and I would have something to say about that. Besides, look at me and John, it's not like anyone would put us two together. On paper we shouldn't work at all, we're far too different. Yet we do. You can't help who you fall in love with."

Gordon's eyes slid sideways to watch her, the tone in her voice telling him that she wasn't just talking about his brother at that moment. There was something there that spoke of past experiences that didn't hold good memories for her.

He frowned, a thought occurring to him, one that he just had to voice.

"Sel, why are you here? You don't have any clients booked, I know because you said that was why Scott had to drop me off, because you weren't heading back for at least a week."

Selene kept quiet, her eyes on her pizza slice. This wasn't like her, she usually needed to be prised off his brother and dragged away kicking and screaming. She liked to spend the majority of her time on the island with them even if John wasn't home.

"Did something happen?" Gordon's voice was quiet, comforting, not pushing her to speak but inviting her to confide in him if she wanted to.

"I just needed some space, some time alone," she finally admitted, still not looking at him as she fiddled with the crust of her pizza.

"Oh, do you need me to go? Sorry, I know I should have asked but I didn't know where else to go and I couldn't really face the questions back home." Trust him to burst in and make himself a nuisance when he wasn't welcome, it seemed to be the story of his life.

"No, you're fine," she assured him, patting his bare knee. "I get it. I don't need space from you, just your idiot brothers."

"Which ones, I have a lot," he grinned, relaxing a little now that they were back on more familiar territory.

"John and Scott."

His eyebrows rose at this. Scott he could understand, but she never needed time away from John, in fact she was always complaining that she didn't get enough.

"I walked out on my husband," she whispered, the slice of pizza hanging limply from her fingers. "He was upset and so was I but I left him, I walked out."

Gordon could not have been more shocked if she had suddenly grown a fishtail and whacked him in the crotch with it.

"Tell me what happened," he said, it wasn't a question, it was a silent demand, showing him to have the same authority that his father had, just in a more laid back package.

She didn't want to talk, she didn't want to drag it all up again now that she had finally calmed down from her breakdown at ten thousand feet. She didn't want to start thinking about it all again, but Gordon was there, all endearing face and big brown eyes that implored her to talk to him, to trust him. Maybe he wouldn't judge her too harshly, maybe he would understand. She risked a glance his way, seeing the firm set to his jaw, letting her know on no uncertain terms that he was not prepared to let this go.

"John punched my ex-fiance in the face and broke his nose," she answered, knowing she had no other choice.

OK, if he had thought her last statement was shocking this little revelation shot it into orbit.

"He…what? John? My brother John?"

"Yep, with the other dumbass tagging along for good measure apparently."

"OK, OK, give me a second to get my head around this, I need to process. My brother, the one that is usually so against violence of any kind, straight up punched your ex?"

Selene nodded.

"Come on, surely you aren't pissed off at him for that? He must have had a good reason for it!"

"Well, Nathaniel isn't a good guy at the best of times..."

"Nathaniel? I don't know about him."

Selene frowned, glancing his way again. Was he being honest with her right now, did he really not know? Surely if Penny knew then she would have told Gordon too?

“Penny didn’t tell you?” she asked, needing to clarify.

“One thing to remember about Penny is that she's very good at keeping secrets and knows how to keep things close to her chest. She only ever tells what she thinks you need to know,” he chuckled lightly but to Selene's ears it lacked his usual humour, sounding a little flat. “So, spill, I’m all ears. You know that a problem shared is, well maybe not a problem halved but at least you won’t be suffering on your own.”

Selene smiled softly, he really was the best boy. She'd admit that if she had to pick someone to open up to and talk to about her problems, Gordon probably wouldn’t be at the top of her list, but in times like these he reminded her of just how awesome he really was. It was easy to forget that he could be serious, it often got lost in the bad jokes and his general enthusiasm for life, but that didn't mean that he wasn't as dependable as the others.

"It's a long story."

"I've got time," he gestured down to his almost naked self and the half eaten pizza. "Not like I'm going anywhere."

Selene paused, did she really want to dredge it all up again? The answer was no, but, whatever Nathaniel did as retaliation, and there was no question that he would, was bound to spill over into all their lives. They would all find out sooner or later, hell, it seemed like half of them knew already, it would be better for it to come from her in her own words.

"We're gonna need more beer,” she sighed, tossing the half eaten pizza slice back in the box.

Read the rest here on Ao3 ➡

#gordon tracy #john tracy #scott tracy #selene tempest #thunderbirds are go #thunderbirds #thunderbirds 2015 #thunderbirds fanfiction #paranormalromance #thunderbirdsarego #witch #chapter update

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themadlostgirl · 3 years

Text

Abandoned (5)

*Fluff. It is just pure fluff*

~~~

Time was so strange to think about in a realm where time stood still. A lifetime could have passed around me and I wouldn’t have noticed. The only way I was sure the days were even going by was the rising and setting of the sun. Little memories, echoes of a time long forgotten, reminding me that I had not always lived on Neverland. The clothes I wore were altered but significantly different from the Lost Boys. A stark reminder that once we were on opposing sides. For what reason I could no longer remember.

The only thing I remembered with clarity was the pain. The anger in my soul wouldn’t let me forget. I never forgot the way a redheaded pirate had hurt me and scared me so thoroughly. Sometimes I would wake with his voice in my ear and cry. I never forgot that I had a mother at one point. I reckoned I looked a lot like her and I know that I loved her. Then she had died and a part of me had gone with her.

All of that pain paled in comparison to the eternal flame of resentment I held towards the man I had called father. His face was hard to remember. At odd times I would remember the way he smiled or a whisper of his voice barking orders or singing a tune. One of his hands was replaced with a hook. I loved him just as I had loved my mother. Trusted him. Then he betrayed me. He sold me. He traded me away without regret.

I hated him.

That’s all I needed to know. All I needed to remember.

I hated my father.

Life is strange though. I was kicked out of one family and given another. Peter Pan and his Lost Boys. It felt like I had known them all my life. We laughed, fought, hunted, and played games. We were always having fun. I couldn’t imagine a life without them.

While I got along great with all the boys I couldn’t say that I was particularly close to any single one of them. Besides Pan that is. I don’t know what it was but Pan and I just got along better than we ever did with anyone else. He was, without a doubt, my best friend.

I sat at my own little camp one morning soaking in the breeze off the ocean. Pan had offered me a place back at his camp but I liked having my own space out here on the beach. I wanted to be near the ocean. I could only fall asleep listening to the sound of the waves crashing on the shore. I don’t understand why. It was comforting. Familiar.

I was cooking a fish I had caught over my fire for some breakfast when I felt the chill that let me know someone was watching me. Without looking from my task I called to the onlooker. “You know you can’t sneak up on me. So how about you come take a seat.”

“Nothing ever gets past you, swordfish,” Pan came and sat down next to me. “I come bearing presents.”

“Do you?” I gave the fish another turn on the spit. I looked at Pan, “May I enquire as to the occasion?”

“Today is a special day. Do you know why?”

“If I knew I wouldn’t have to ask you.”

“Today marks the one year anniversary of when you became a Lost Girl.”

“One year?” I asked, “It feels like it’s been so much longer than that. Are you sure?”

“As sure as anything. This day one year ago, you officially joined me and the boys as our first ever Lost Girl. Doesn’t that call for celebration?”

“I suppose it does.” I inched closer, “So where is this present you got me?”

“It’s not here. I have to take you to it.”

“Can I have my breakfast first?”

“Yes. You’ll need your energy.”

We made idle talk as I quickly scarfed down my breakfast and stood to follow Pan to my present. He tied a blindfold around my eyes and led me into the jungle with his hand holding tight to mine. I laughed as I stumbled to whatever spot Pan was taking me. I tried making guesses but he was resolute in his decision to keep it a secret up until the very last second.

“Are we almost there?” I asked after several minutes of walking.

“Just a little farther.” Pan pulled me forward. “Alright, you can take the blindfold off now.”

I reached behind my head and undid the knot. The fabric fell away and I stumbled back when I realized we were at the top of a cliff. “Careful,” Pan righted me, “Don’t want you to go falling off the edge yet.”

“Yet?! What do you mean yet?!” Fear coursed through my veins as I tried to get away from the ledge.

“Calm down, spitfire. It’s not what you think,” He chuckled, “You trust me, right?”

“Slowly losing trust the longer you keep me up here.”

“Look at me,” He turned my face to his, “You’ll be safe. I promise.”

“Had better or else I swear I will come back and haunt you after I die.” I inched a little closer and peered down the cliff face. “Not that the view isn’t good but what does this have to do with my present?”

“It’s a good jumping point,” he pulled a vial out of his pocket and handed it to me. The contents inside glittered and glowed a bright green. “Know what it is?”

“Pixie dust,” I shook the dust around sending more swirls of sparkling magic dancing in the glass. I had heard the boys talking about it. It only was found in the topmost of some trees and could be quite difficult to find. It had a number of abilities such as changing one’s appearance, uniting someone with their true love, healing wounds, and even--

“Can I fly!” I jumped clasping the vial tighter. “Is this my present?”

“It is, spitfire. I was going to let you have the dust for whatever you wanted but I had a feeling you’d want to fly.”

“This is great! Thank you so much!” I wrapped him in a hug. He grew stiff in my arms and I pulled away from him just as quick. “Sorry, I was just so excited! This is an amazing gift.”

“Yes, you’re welcome,” Pan looked away and gestured for the vial back. He uncorked it and held it up above me. “I trust you know how this works.”

“I do,” My body was tingling with anticipation. He started to tip it and my hand shot out to stop him.

“Something wrong?” He asked.

“What if it doesn’t work for me? I don’t want to jump to my death.”

“Do you really think I’d let my Lost Girl do something as stupid as jump to her death?” Pan laughed, “Besides, I’ll be flying with you so if you do start falling I’ll be right there to catch you.”

“Oh my hero,” I scoffed with a smile, “I trust you though.” I dropped my hand back to my side and nodded for him to continue.

The dust came spilling out and sprinkled around us. There was a strange feeling all around me. As if I was much lighter than I had ever been. I looked down and saw that I was floating a few inches off the ground. It’s happening! I’m flying!

Pan was still in front of my lazily floating in the space next to me as if it was the most natural thing in the world. “You ready?”

Without answering I pushed myself over the edge of the cliff and let myself fall down, down, down towards the crashing waves. I let out a loud and wild laugh as I pulled up just before hitting the waves and glided out over the ocean. I reached out and touched my hand to the water leaving ripples behind as I flew. This was so exhilarating!

“You’re a natural,” Pan came flying by next to me, “You didn’t even need me.”

“Are you so surprised?” I took a turn around Skull Rock, “You should know by now that I can do anything better than you, Pan.”

“Cocky aren’t we?” Pan reached out and shoved me sending me wobbling as I almost crashed into a boulder poking out from the waves. “Not so cocky now, are you?”

“Oh you’re gonna pay for that!”

“Only if you can catch me, spitfire!” Pan took off ahead of me.

I followed after him and was keeping stride with him pretty well despite his experience in the matter. The only reason I couldn’t catch him was because he dove down into the jungle and while I was able to keep him in sight he wove in and out of the trees so smoothly it almost felt like they were parting for him. They might have been seeing as how he could shape the island however he wanted. I was not as skilled as him and had a good many near misses of colliding with a tree as I chased him.

He entered into a cave and I went in after him. When I came out the otherside he had disappeared. “Pan, you cheater!” I shouted, “Come out, come out wherever you are!”

“Boo!” A pair of hands grabbed me from behind. I couldn’t help they yelp that escaped me. Pan was holding tight to me and flew us both higher up into the air. While I never did have much a fear of heights I was finding myself dizzy the higher up we got. The island was getting so small.

“Pan! Get us back down there! We’re too high up!” I shouted at him.

“Where’s your sense of adventure?” he cackled, “Don’t tell me my Lost Girl is scared of heights.”

“I’m not! But this is too high! What if the pixie dust wears off? We’re sure as dead!” My fingernails dug into his arm, too scared to let go.

“Calm down, here, have a seat,” he gestured to a cloud.

“Is this some sort of trick?” I snarled, “I’m not an idiot. I know a cloud is just a vaporous formation of water. I’ll sink right through as if it was nothing.”

“No imagination,” Pan sighed and pushed me off him. I let out a short scream as I fell back. My landing was cushioned by the cloud though.

“How--”

“Magic, remember?” Pan sat down next to me. “So little trust, swordfish. I can make anything I want in this realm.”

“Right…” I relaxed a bit and sunk down into the could, “It’s so soft.”

I noticed Pan was staring at me and I turned over to face him fully. “Thank you, Pan. This was so much fun.”

“You’re welcome, Lost Girl.” He smiled. I looked over the edge of the cloud at the island far below. It was so small from up here. I had to stop staring as the vertigo set in.

Pan was still watching me, a wistful smile on his face. “What?” I asked.

“You know you only ever call me Pan.” He said.

“I wouldn’t say that’s all I call you.” I pulled my knees to my chest, “I call you jerk, cheater, codfish, blight on my life--”

“You never call me Peter though.”

“Cause everyone refers to you as Pan.”

“They’ve called me Peter at least once. They just choose Pan. Sometimes I would like to hear my first name.” He shrugged.

“Then why don’t you ask them to call you by your first name?”

“I guess I just don’t like the way it sounds coming from them.”

“You want to be called by your first name yet you don’t like the way anyone says it. I believe that you are contradicting yourself.” I teased.

“Or maybe I’m waiting for someone to say it in a way that I like. Care to give it a go?”

“Okay,” I rolled my eyes, “Do you like how I say your name, Peter?”

His smile grew and crinkled his eyes. “I believe I do.”

“You know, if you wanted me to call you by your first name you could have just asked. You didn’t have to go about it in such a roundabout way.”

“I have no idea what you could mean. I simply haven’t liked the way anyone has said my name until now. Of course, as sweet as it sounds from your lips I think there is room for improvement still.”

“Is that so? And how else am I supposed to say it?”

“I’ll let you know another time.” He answered with a wink, “For now, say it again as you just did.”

“You are so strange...Peter.”

He grinned in that way that made me forget I had ever called him anything else. “Perfect.”

---

(Previous) (Next)

#peter pan ouat #ouat peter pan #ouat #neverland #peter pan imagine #peter pan x reader

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cogentranting · 3 years

Text

Arrow 1x05 Rewatch

. Oliver’s little smirk when Lance is interrogating him. I live for it.

“You can speak to Mr. Queen’s attorney when he gets here.” He? Where’s Jean Loring?

“He also thinks I dress up in a mask and a green hood and shoot people. With arrows.” The audacity of Oliver.

“she knows me better than anyone. She knows I could never be this guy.” OLIVER. I mean. Again. the audacity. Especially because he reveals later that he planned this. That he WANTED to get arrested. And he just has this whole plan revolving around this front of “Laurel knows me so well. She’s the only one who really knows me and she knows I’m not a killer.” When really the crux of the plan is how much Laurel does NOT know him and he plans on exploiting that. Amazing.

“He raised her to do the right thing and that includes representing an innocent man.” Okay. So. My indiscriminate glee with the irony and Oliver’s attitude aside. This whole set up is really interesting. It reminds me actually of the moment in the season 5 flashbacks when he goes to see Galina (Taiana’s mother) and lies to her and manipulates her with this nice persona which is actually at that point more a mask than his Kapiushon identity. And that scene has always been really interesting to me because it’s Oliver pretending to be a good man at a time when he’s not, and while he lies a lot and puts on masks throughout the series, that particular aspect of it is fairly unique because it comes at what is basically Oliver’s lowest point (morally). And this episode (1x05) is similar in it bringing out this very manipulative side of Oliver that we don’t see in this way all that often (and remember that moment in 5x17 and this moment in 1x05, are actually very close together chronologically. Somewhere between 2 and 7 months apart.) The idea that Oliver, knowing full well that he is attacking and killing people, gets Laurel involved on the basis of this very emotionally laden appeal, citing their history and the connection they had, especially considering the role that Laurel believing oliver to be more moral than he really was played in Oliver cheating on her, and using not only her perception of him, but the way that him reaching out to her would be perceived... it’s cunning, and it’s effective, and it’s kinda messed up.

But like.... legally... can Laurel represent her ex-boyfriend who her father arrested?

It’s ALL so calculated to manipulate how people perceive him. Appearing in court without a lawyer until Laurel agrees to do it. Protesting the tracking anklet. Throwing the party. His response to the plea deal.

Speaking of calculated. Oliver knows what that blue sweater is doing to make his eyes pop. He knows.

But Malcolm and Walter acting like they have no idea why Quentin would have a grudge against Oliver. LIke come one guys. You know.

I just. I love the polygraph scene. For so many reasons.

In the same vein about Oliver manipulating people’s perception of him in this episode, what makes this episode great are the places where it’s unclear even to the audience how much of Oliver’s reactions are genuine and how much is purposefully done to affect how Laurel and Quentin see him. Even in the polygraph scene-- did he get pushed into revealing that he was tortured on the island? Or did he see a way around that answer and reveal it anyway to gain sympathy? Did he actually get hung up on his guilt over Sara’s death (which is of course very real) or did he use that guilt as a way of covering up the answer to “have you ever killed anyone” because he knew he couldn’t beat the polygraph on that one? Did reliving his torture and Sara’s death actually overwhelm him to the point that he had to run out, or was he able to keep those reactions in check but put on the act to convince them? The same idea is present in the scene later in the episode where he shows Laurel his scars and talks about how damaged he is. And we know that there is intentional manipulation going on because Diggle and Oliver’s conversation at the very end-- “So you lied. Or maybe you just gave her a version of the truth.” “I told her what she needed to hear.”-- and we know that there is truth (Oliver IS damaged, he IS guilt-ridden over Sara’s death, he IS traumatized by the torture he suffered) but we don’t know exactly where the line is between the two.

I also think that Laurel and Quentin’s different reactions are interesting. When Oliver says that he was tortured, Laurel’s mouth is literally hanging open, she’s so shocked. But Quentin doesn’t react. Unlike Laurel he already knew about the scars so part of it is probably just that he put together that either Oliver was tortured in some capacity or he was horrifically cutting himself. But even if he had forewarning of it, just the idea that at this point he is so broken and angry over Sara’s death that he can look at someone who, even if he never really liked, he’s probably known since Oliver was in jr high. To hear this kid you watched grow up say he was tortured and not even react...

Love how little effort everyone at this party put into the theme

“If you think this is what prison’s like you are in for a rude awakening.” So i think this is mainly a joke because clearly Oliver doesn’t think prison is like his little rave thing. But. I do think that even though Diggle has some sense of what Oliver’s been through, because he still thinks Oliver spent those entire 5 years on the Island, Diggle thinks that Oliver doesn’t have a great sense of the real world. Just the world of the fabulously wealthy and the world of deserted islands. While in reality Oliver actually has spent time in some very different walks of life between Russia and Hong Kong and Hub City.

“I just don’t like being played. Now you might have gotten used to lying to everyone else in your life but I’m the one guy you don’t lie to.” And here we are with that manipulation motif again. Oliver who at this moment actually has no reason to lie to Diggle, can’t trust enough to actually just present his plan to Diggle. He has to pull strings and manipulate to get him to go along with it. At this point trust is so hard for Oliver that it’s easier to just have a different mask for everybody.

“I can’t remember the last time that I was in this room.” “I can. Halloween 2005.” But that’s 2 years before the Gambit sinking. Why was Laurel not in this room for 2 years prior to that? she was dating Oliver? this is presumably his room? and if it’s NOT his room then its... just a random one? And why would she even comment on it?

“There were times that I wanted to die. In the end there was something I wanted more.” The clear implication that Oliver is making is that Laurel was sort of his inspiration to keep going throughout his five years. And I’m not so against the Laurel Oliver ship that I’d deny that that is a factor of Oliver’s motivation during his time there. Particularly during the seasons 1 and 2 flashbacks, and at the very end of season 5 (which, if we understand the story chronologically, is probably the specific moment that Oliver is referring to here-- when he was drugged and in pain and had a gun to his own head and hallucinated Laurel convincing him not to kill himself. Which was only like 2 months prior to this conversation). But Laurel and getting back to her is really only referenced a handful of times throughout the flashbacks. That’s probably in part due to the series moving away from her as the main love interest/female lead. But I think its also a disservice to Oliver as a character to reduced his motivation down to that. Oliver is much more driven by 1. a general will to survive (something that is a dominant trait of his but also often in conflict with his suicidal ideation) 2. a concept in his mind of owing his life to others-- he feels he has to fix his father’s wrongs, he has to protect his mother and sister, he has to come make amends to Laurel etc.-- what he owes to others takes utmost priority (and that’s why often his suicidal thoughts come in this form and also have to be combatted in this form-- he thinks he should die because others would be better off without him, vs he should live because they love/need him) 3. a need to atone for his own sins. Interestingly, I think that even when Laurel is serving as Oliver’s motivation, it’s not as much his love for her driving him as a need to make things right with her (in the flashbacks. In the present in season 1 and somewhat season 2, his love for her is more dominant, and often in conflict with his desire to set things right which is why, especially early on, you get weird back and forth between pushing her away and trying to get close to her).

“Impressive. you have resolve I didn’t credit you for.” Oliver’s iron will is such a central part of his character and contrary to what a lot of people believe, its not something forged into him on the island. It’s something he starts with. And I wonder what that looked like in his youth? Probably a lot more like season 1 Thea (who has that same iron will).

This arms dealer looks like a discount Vince Vaughn.

It hurts my heart to see Quentin and Oliver at odds like this.

“But if any member of my family so much as gets a papercut... I will burn your entire world to ashes.” I love the Queen family so much.

Oliver: “Good heart to heart Diggle. I’m gonna go kill someone now.”

#arrow #arrow rewatch 21 #arrow 1x05 #cogent metas #cogent liveblogs #cw: suicide #oliver queen #this is one of my favorite episodes and it was fun picking up on some aspects I hadn't thought about before. so maybe this one got kinda lon #*long

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stargazer-sims · 3 years

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Journal Entry #6 (part one)

Victor

Hey everyone! Check out this awesome tan! I guess I was worried about my sunburn for nothing.

Things are going great, and other than the occasional insect inviting itself to share my tent, this place is a literal paradise.

This morning I did not have junk food for breakfast. I got up early, and I made herbal tea, and grilled some of the fruit I’d bought yesterday. I made a little too much, because apparently I can’t remember how to cook for only myself any more.

At home, I do the majority of the cooking, and of course I’m cooking for two. It’s not that Yuri can’t do it. He’s actually not bad in the kitchen, especially when it comes to baking. It’s just that he has a lot of dietary restrictions, and sometimes that makes him anxious.

I think spending a lot of time preparing food gives him way too much time to think about eating it, and that really stresses him out and makes him more likely to get sick. So, I’ve learned to make a lot of stuff he can eat without it hurting him. Sometimes I have to coax him to eat, though, which I don’t really like doing even though we both know it’s for his own good. The look in his eyes when that happens just about kills me every time, but I still remind him that he has to focus on consuming enough calories so he doesn’t lose weight.

I, on the other hand, don’t have any issues at mealtime. I love food, and I eat a lot, and I’ll try anything. My mom says I eat like a rescued stray dog. She’s a veterinarian, so I guess she’d know, right?

As it turned out, making too much food this morning wasn’t that big a problem, because I had an unexpected guest for breakfast. Her name is Alana, and at first I thought she was camping at the site just down the beach from where I am, but she was actually just visiting somebody there. Alana is from here, and she’s the first islander I’ve met so far who hasn’t treated me like a clueless tourist.

I offered her some grilled fruit, and we had a great chat. She offered to take me sightseeing later in the week, and naturally I said yes. Our excursion would be ‘off the beaten track’, she said. How exciting does that sound? mean, how could I possibly have said no?

After Alana left, I cleaned up the breakfast stuff, and then sat down to write a letter to Yuri and one to my mom. I’ve called Mom once since I’ve been here, and of course you know Yuri and I talk every evening before bedtime, but I wanted to write paper letters because they’ll have a Sulani postmark on them.

One of my favourite things as a kid was receiving postcards from my aunt Lianna and uncle JP, and seeing all the different places they’d been sent from. Aunt Lianna is an archeologist, and she and my uncle travel a lot. I’m sure she sent me a card or a letter from every place they’d been, and to me, it felt really special. Now, I want to pass a little of that sentiment on to the people I care most about, too.

But, now you’re wondering about the day’s adventures, aren’t you? I had my scuba diving lesson, and that went pretty well. I don’t think it’s going to make my list of favourite activities of all time, but I liked it enough to sign up to try it again at least once before I leave.

The real highlight of the day was snorkelling, and it definitely is going on my top-ten list of most awesome activities ever.

Seriously, if you want to see something totally amazing, go snorkelling in Sulani. I’m not even joking. The view underwater is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

The other big highlight of my day was learning how to ride this wild machine. This is an AquaZip, and let me just say, for an adrenaline junkie like me, nothing more perfect than this could ever be created. If anyone could’ve heard me over the engine noise, they probably would’ve thought I was crazy. I was yelling my head off for no reason other than to let out some energy. I was that excited.

You can rent these all over the island, and now this one’s mine for the week. I’ve got a feeling I’ll be using it a lot.

But… maybe I shouldn’t be posting that fact here. Yuri would probably panic if he saw me on this thing in real life, and I don’t think the pictures are going to make the circumstances any gentler for him.

(I know you’re going to be looking at this, my sweet. I’m being super extra careful, I promise.)

#sims 4 #ts4 #the sims #eagames #island living #sulani #victorandyuri #victor sees the world #stargazersims #victorsworldadventures

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wordsandshawn · 4 years

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Secret | Part 1 | #ShawnMendesWritingCircle

A/N: I’m so excited to get to be a part of this writing circle. Thank you @saysweartogod-og for coming up with this amazing idea. This fic is a little spin off of a secret billionaire trope, and I can honestly say I’m so excited to see where some of the amazing writers participating in this decide to take it. I hope you enjoy this first chapter, and feel free to send feedback or thoughts about the chapter and where you think it might go, because my guess is as good as yours, and I’d love to talk about it!

WC: 2.6K

From the moment you met Shawn six months ago, you knew that letting yourself get involved with him was a bad idea. It took you about three seconds to come up with a handful of reasons why you could never let yourself fall for him, but it only took him one night to make you forget them all.

You stepped into his condo, spotted him, and knew who he was immediately before the words, “Hey, I’m Shawn,” Even fell from his lips. You told yourself you’d never come back here before you spoke a single word to him. You also vowed to kill Brian and Alicia the second you got them alone.

Brian is dating your roommate, which is how you wound up here in the first place. Alicia knows you rarely ever go out because you’re either working or studying, so when she found out you weren’t working for the first time on a Friday night, she practically begged you to come with her. She said she was meeting some of Brian’s friends for the first time and didn’t want to be alone. Despite you telling her that she’d obviously have Brian there, she refused to give up, and finally, you reluctantly agreed to go. You had no idea that Brian’s “friend” was Shawn Mendes.

At first, your only focus was getting through the party and out of the condo without anyone posting a photo of you online, knowing that photo would be circulated within minutes if it had Shawn in it too, and that’s the last thing you’d want. You didn’t expect it to be too difficult to avoid being in a photo with Shawn considering the condo was not small by any means, and there’s no reason for him to take any type of notice of you.

Even though you regretted accepting the invitation, you still decided to make the most of the night. Since you rarely let yourself go out, you were determined to enjoy the one night you had. You’re still nursing your first drink, despite it already being warm. As time passes, you watch as everyone around you becomes more and more inebriated. Phones are out, as they often are at parties like these, and you’re tired of hiding in the darkest corner you could find, so you slip outside. You’re not outside for even five minutes before you hear the sliding door open, the music drifting out from inside.

“Y/n, right?” Shawn questions, stepping outside, and you try to hide the shock on your face over the fact that he remembered your name.

“Mhmm,” You respond intentionally looking away from him.

“What are you doing out here?” He asks, taking the spot beside you by the railing so the two of you are standing shoulder to shoulder, except his shoulder is about five inches above yours.

“I could ask you the same thing.” You respond, not wanting to give him the real answer to that question.

“They’re all taking a lot of pictures in there.” He says, as though that’s an answer to the question, but it’s not.

“It’s your party, why wouldn’t you want to be in the pictures?” You question, surprised. You know why you don’t want to be in them, but you can’t seem to fathom why he wouldn’t want to be in pictures with his friends at his own place.

“Don’t want people to know where I am,” He says with a shrug. “What about you, why’d you slip out just now?” He asks again since you avoided the question the first time.

“Needed some air,” You lie, keeping your eyes trained on the city lights.

He doesn’t press the topic anymore. You’re expecting him to wander away, back inside to the party, but he doesn’t. Shawn asks about how you know Brian and you explain that he’s dating your roommate. To be polite, you ask him the same question and he shares that they met when they were six and on the same soccer team. For some reason, conversation comes easy with him, and you almost let your guard down. Almost.

After a talking for a while, he asks, “Can I get your Instagram?”

Suddenly you remember the promise you made to yourself earlier. “I don’t have one.” You say before slipping past him and heading back inside in search of the bathroom. You don’t need to see his face to know he’s wearing a perplexed look. When people hear you don’t have an Instagram, they look at you like you’re from outer space. That’s how ridiculous they think it is, and then they think you’re lying because you’re not into them. Even though you’re not lying, you never really cared if that’s what they thought.

By the end of the night, you’re just glad to make it out of there. Alicia is drunk enough that you drive her car back to your apartment, and the whole time, she’s mumbling about how she thinks Shawn likes you and about how Brian told her that he thinks you two would be good together. You tell her she’s talking nonsense, and Shawn would never like you like that, but deep down, you knew you already liked Shawn more than you would want to admit.

Brian gave Shawn your number, and you texted for two months before moving beyond friendship, even though you both knew it was heading in that direction from the very beginning. It took that long for you to finally be convinced that he was a safe person to be with. Shawn knew from the very beginning, before you even got together, that you did not want to go public with the relationship. He knew that you were completely off of social media, so it made sense that you wanted to keep your life private, and he agreed that it would be for the best.

Even after you got together, he was rarely ever in Toronto. He was busy traveling for work, and you were busy with work and Uni, so it was mostly a long distance relationship with a lot of texting and facetiming, but you’ve managed to make it work and treasure the small amounts of time you have together.

Shawn’s finally back in town, and you spent most of the day lazily hanging out. When night hit, a bunch of Shawn’s friends came over, including Brian and Alicia. This party feels a lot different from the last one. In that one, you were keeping to yourself, mostly in the corner or outside. Tonight, you feel like you can let your guard down, at least a little bit. Shawn had made it clear that his friends couldn’t post any pictures with him in them because he was supposed to be in Miami and his management would basically kill him if it got out he slipped away to come home to Toronto. Shawn was determined to come home for the weekend. He missed you, so he made a promise to his management that no one would find out he was here.

It worked out better for you because you felt like you were safe from worrying about pictures posted online. What you didn’t realize was that his friends never promised not to post pictures at all, just that they wouldn’t post pictures of Shawn. You’re standing around the kitchen island, laughing about something Alicia is saying when you spot Brian looking down at his phone. Out of curiosity, your eyes fall on his screen to see you and Alicia. He clicks post before you have a chance to say anything. In a second, you’re standing in front of him. “Hey, what did you just post?” You ask him.

“Don’t worry, it’s a nice picture.” He says, shrugging.

“Brian, delete it.” You say. He’s already drunk, and you’re starting to wish you had more than one drink because of the anxiety raising up within you. “Please, you have to delete that. Delete it right now, please.” You swallow your anxiety and fear, trying to keep your emotions from getting the better of you. It’s only now that you realize that you were basically screaming, and all the other conversations going on stopped because everyone is focused on you.

“Chill,” Brian says, but when you make it clear that you’re serious, he finally concedes. “Fine.” He deletes it, showing you his phone as he does so.

“Thanks,” You mumble before pushing past everyone still standing around staring at you and disappearing into Shawn’s room, slamming the door behind you. You pace across the room a couple of times before you hear a knock on the door.

You don’t say anything or make a move to open it. You’re still trying to calm your breathing and remind yourself that nothing happened. The picture was only up for no more than a few minutes. Everything’s okay, and you’re just being paranoid, at least that’s what you tried to tell yourself.

The door opens, and you turn to see who it is. Shawn’s standing in the doorway, questions swimming in his eyes, but he doesn’t ask any of them right away. You sit down on the bed, taking a deep breath, readying yourself to face him. He steps inside, closing the door behind him. “You okay?” He asks.

You swallow hard to keep your emotions down, “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m sorry about that.” You nod toward the door, but you don’t offer an explanation.

Shawn takes a seat next to you, “That wasn’t just about us keeping our relationship a secret, was it?” He questions softly. He’s putting the pieces together. Shawn wasn’t even in the Instagram story, and even though you know Shawn’s fans keep track of his every move and watch all of his friend’s stuff, you’re not delusional enough to think that if you’re in one story everyone will know about you and Shawn. But as soon as you realized that Shawn’s friends get tens of thousands of views on their stories, it worried you. You’re worried that someone would see it, someone who you didn’t want to see it.

“I’m sorry I freaked out.” You respond. “But you should get back to your friends. I think I’m just going to go.” You say, starting to stand up.

Shawn reaches out for you, taking your hand in his. “Please don’t go.” He says. “I just want to know what’s going on with you. Whatever it is, you can tell me.” He seems concerned. Even though you’ve only known him for a couple of months, you already trust Shawn more than you’ve trusted anyone else. But with all of his friends here, along with knowing he’s already had a few drinks, you know now’s not the time to talk about this.

“I really think I should go. I’ll see you later, okay?” Shawn doesn’t try to stop you again. He’s already made it clear that he wants you to stay, but if you want to go, he’ll let you.

You get into your car and drive back to your apartment. When you arrive, you see that Shawn has texted you a few times. He asks you to text him when you get home safely. He also lets you know that if you want to talk about what happened, he’s there.

You text him back, letting him know you made it home, but you don’t say anything about the picture. After replying to Shawn, you turn off your phone and get ready for bed, trying to fall asleep before you worry yourself sick.

The next morning, when you wake up, you’re surprised that you don’t see a message from Shawn. He must still be sleeping, you think to yourself before getting out of bed. After brushing your teeth and putting your contacts in, you start walking toward the kitchen in search of breakfast. You stop short as soon as you step out of the hallway because you see Shawn sitting at your dining room table. He looks up from his phone when he sees you.

“Hey, Alicia let me in.” He explains before nodding toward the donuts, “I brought donuts.”

“Thanks,” You whisper, pulling out a seat and sitting down.

“Can we talk about last night?” He asks, hesitantly.

You knew that you would have to tell him sometime, but you were hoping you could avoid it for at least a little while longer.

“My dad’s really,” You pause, searching for the right word, finally saying, “Controlling.”

Shawn’s eyebrows knit together, and he watches you closely. He doesn’t know where this conversation is going, and you don’t blame him.

“Both of my parents wanted me to go into the family business, but I didn’t want to. They didn’t want to hear it or even consider letting me do anything else. When I turned eighteen, I left. I got a scholarship to a university they never knew I applied to. I deleted all my social media’s and I moved away.” You haven’t spoken those words aloud to anyone, ever, and you didn’t realize they would be so difficult to say.

“You ran away?” Shawn questions, his voice barely above a whisper, and you know that he’s just trying to wrap his mind around all of it. It’s a lot, so you don’t blame him.

“I’m not a teenaged runaway. I’m not a missing person.” You respond, knowing how it sounds. “I was eighteen. I told them I was moving away to go to University. I just didn’t tell them which one because I didn’t want them to just show up or think they could buy their way back into my life. I needed to do it on my own.”

He’s not quite understanding how you could just cut your family out of your life, and you know it’s a difficult concept. “Buy their way in?” He asks.

“Yeah, knowing my dad, he’d do something like buy a building on campus or something and then make a whole show of dedicating and opening it, or find some way to show up and manipulate their way back into my life, and I just didn’t want that.”

“So, what does your dad do?”

“You ever heard of Ardes Corp.” Shawn’s eyes widen. Everyone’s heard of Ardes Corp. “My real name is Y/n Ardes. I started using my middle name as my last name, so people wouldn’t know.”

“Okay, but why go through all these lengths to still not be found by them? You clearly did it all on your own, putting yourself through Uni and everything. Why would it matter if they saw a picture of you online?”

“You know how I said I told them I was leaving, so I didn’t just run away?”

“Yeah?”

“Well it wasn’t the best conversation. They kind of disowned me, and I kind of don’t want them to find me and confront me or tell me I’m living my life wrong or do whatever they might do if they change my mind and try to drag me back home.” That may not be the full story, but you think it’ll be at least enough to satisfy Shawn for the time being.

When he nods, and hands you a napkin, you take it gratefully.

“I guess that’s why you won’t even step outside with me, huh?” He questions, opening the box of donuts.

You bite your lip, meeting his eyes and nodding.

He nods back, a silent understanding passes between the two of you. Even though you just threw a lot of information about your past at him, he doesn’t seem to be put off by it, instead, he took it all in stride.

“Thanks for buying the donuts.” You say, as he motions for you to choose first.

“You’re welcome.” He says with a smile.

You choose the twist and Shawn takes one with chocolate on it, and the two of you eat in comfortable silence. You have no doubt that Shawn has more questions, and there’s a lot more that he deserves to know, but he’s only here for another day, and you’d much rather focus on this delicious donut and the idea of some quality time alone with your boyfriend instead of rehashing your past.

#Shawn Mendes #ShawnMendesWritingCircle #Shawn Peter Raul Mendes #Shawn Mendes imagine #Shawn Mendes fic #Shawn Mendes Writing Circle

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thatsgay-writes · 3 years

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Jinora x Reader

Summary: The bison episode with a twist.

Warnings: Light cursing?

You had been around the air bending family since you could walk, much to your mothers dismay. Your mother was Lin Beifong and you were the product of a very drunk one night stand that made her realize that men weren't that great. She loved you either way and was pretty strict on you, remembering how loose her mother had been with her and Su. She also made sure to give you attention when she could, sometimes it was hard with being the Chief of Police. Luckily you understood how important her job is and would spend days on Avatar Island when Lin got too busy with work. You also liked hanging out on Avatar Island for two other reasons. One being that no one made fun of you for being the child of Lin Beifong and grandchild of Toph Beifong, two powerful benders, and being a non bender. Also Jinora lived on Avatar Island. You and Jinora had grown up together and at some point in time your platonic feelings for her turned into something more. Of course you never told her, your mom was Lin Beifong, Tenzin's ex-girlfriend. And if that wasn't bad enough you didn't know if she even liked you back or if you deserved her, being a non bender and all. Even though you were a non bender your mom made sure you could fight and you spent time practicing air bending moves with Jinora, Ikki, and Meelo, you even are able to go through the swinging walls with ease now.

When harmonic convergence happened, you went with the Avatar team to the South Pole. You know you couldn't do anything to help really, but you wanted to be there when Jinora woke up. And you were, after pulling her grandma into a tight , she noticed you over Katara's shoulder and after the hug threw herself into your arms. You buried your head into her shoulder and squeezed her super tight. You almost told her your feelings then and there, after realizing you could have lost her or the world could have ended today. But you refrained from doing so because of the big clean up everyone had to deal with. But you made sure to flirt more with her or compliment her, just trying to get her to blush. You even flirted with her in front of Tenzin, much to his dismay. One day, after Bumi had showed everyone he could air bend, you wished you could do the same too. So you found a quiet patch of grass, away from prying eyes and meditated, which was something you enjoyed doing even if you weren't an air bender. While meditating, your thoughts kept going back to Jinora who was showing Bumi air bending moves with Tenzin, Ikki, and Meelo. When suddenly you felt something in you shift and when you opened your eyes you were in the middle of the training area, Tenzin, Bumi, Jinora, Ikki, and Meelo all staring at you in shock. "How did I get here?" you asked, looking around for an answer. When you looked down you noticed that you were blue and floating above the ground. "Ahhh what happened!? Am I a ghost!?" "No your doing spiritual projection! Like I can do, that's amazing." Jinora said in awe, making you blush. "How do I stop? Does this mean I can air bend?"

Turns out you could bend, which led you to where you are now, in the Northern air temple. After releasing all those air benders from the Queen of Ba Sing Se, you didn't like her. You also didn't like this new kid Kai and it's not because of his past or anything like that. It was the fact that Jinora started practically ignoring you and spent all her time hanging and blushing around Kai. What you hadn't known was that Kai was encouraging her to confess her feelings to you, all those blushes you witnessed were over you. After watching Jinora blow up on Tenzin, you waited 10 minutes before going after her, wanting her to calm down some before hand. When you got to her, you saw her and Kai standing on the railing about to fly away. You heart at the fact that Jinora was just gonna leave without you. You turn to leave but accidentally kick a rock making noise. When you look back you see Jinora blushing and Kai sporting a big grin, making you smile back nervously. "Hey y/n, we were gonna go see some baby bison if you want to come with us." Kai offered, taking a quick peek at Jinora with a smirk. "Sure." you say awkwardly, not really wanting to go but you needed to talk to Jinora at some point.

As you flew, you caught up to Jinora before putting your back towards the ground and fly under Jinora. "Did I do something wrong?" Jinora looked down startled to see you right under her, causing her to blush. "No." she said simply with a small smile before flying down towards where the baby sky bison were the day before. "Where are all the bison?" Kai asks and as soon as he does Jinora gets caught in a net. "Jinora!" you yell before turning where to see the net came from. You fought with the bison hunters, while Kai tried to free Jinora from the nets he got caught too. "Kai!" you yelled turning to him as you watch him hit the ground next to Jinora, who's eyes widen. "Look o--" Jinora said before you felt your body get launched into the air and slammed to the ground. Before you pass out, you make eye contact with Jinora, who has fear written in her eyes.

You groan, as you wake up, feeling yourself leaning against something warm. You blink your eyes a couple times to try and clear your eyes. When your eyes finally clear up, you look up to see what you had been leaning against Jinora, which causes you to blush. Feeling your movement Jinora pauses her conversation with Kai to turn and look at you. When she sees you already looking at her she gives a small smile and blushes. "I'm so glad your awake." She says as she wraps her arms around you lightly in a hug. After you hug, you try and sit up only to groan in pain. "What happened?" Jinora bit her lip in worry, "You got practically body slammed into the air and then ground. You need to be careful, you probably broke something." You nod your head in understanding, just now finally noticing the small room your in and the bars. "What the hell? Why are we in a cage?" "It's the bison hunters, they are taking bison to the Earth Queen." Kai says from another side of a wall with anger in his voice. "Does anyone know we're missing yet?" "I sent a spirit to tell Bum-Ju, who hopefully got Uncle Bumi's attention." You nod your head in understanding and you all sit in silence for a minute, before you hear noise from Kai's cell. Next thing you see is Kai's face smiling in front of your cage. Before he can start unlocking your cage Jinora interrupts him, "Get the bison first." You nod your head in agreement before watching Kai get launched away from the cages.

"Crap." You say as you watch Kai get into a fighting stance. You sit up from leaning against Jinora, wrapping an arm around your ribs in pain, to get a better look at what was happening. Jinora sits up as well, still keeping an eye on you. You get a smile on your face when you see all the new air benders come rushing in to aide Kai. While they're fighting, Kai manages to free 1 of 2 other bison before getting to your and Jinora's cage. Before he can even start unlocking it, he gets earth bended away from the truck before the truck takes off. From the break neck speed the truck goes, you and Jinora slam back against the wall, both of you making sounds of pain from the force of the impact. After a few minutes of driving, you peek out and look towards the front of the truck from in between the bars. Right as you did, you saw a full grown bison land in front of the car and slam it's tail against the ground. Before you could think about what you were doing, you turned around fast and pulled Jinora into your chest. You shut your eyes waiting for impact, which means you didn't see Jinora blush at your actions.

When the wave of air hit it caused the truck to flip. After the first flip you tighten your hold on Jinora and feel your back hit the bars over and over again. When it finally stops, you feel like you can breath again. You loosen your hold on Jinora, wanting to make sure she's okay before passing out from pain. When you look down and notice that Jinora had a tight grip on your shirt and her eyes were squeezed shut. "Jinora." You whisper, fighting the black dots that clouded your vision. Jinora loosens her hold on your shirt and looks up, her eyes widen. "Oh my spirits! You're bleeding!" Jinora says, you just smile before saying, "I'm gonna pass out now."

When you awake your on a bed in the air temple. When you sit up you groan in pain and notice the bandage around your stomach and one on your temple. You sit up slowly and grab your glider to use as a cane. (Like how Aang does when he wakes up after getting struck by lightning.) You start heading outside to find anyone but notice that it's night time and head to Jinora's room instead. You knock on her door, hoping she's not asleep, and turn to leave when she doesn't open the door. Right as you turn around, however, the door opens and Jinora pops her head out. When she meets your eyes, hers widen and she opens the door all the way. She pulls you into the room, mindful of your injuries, and makes you sit down on the bed. "Why are you out of bed?" Jinora questioned, arms crossed in front of her chest. You just shrug, "I woke up by myself and wanted to see where everyone else was. "Did all the baby bison get free? You didn't get injured too did you?" You respond, asking your own questions. Jinora just shakes her head in amusement by the fact that you were more worried about everyone else, when you were the one most hurt. "Yes, we got all the baby bison and no one was hurt. Which reminds me... What were you doing!? I know you didn't want to see me hurt but you were already injured! I could have handled being thrown around, you body couldn't!" You had never seen Jinora mad before, but you also didn't see what she was like when you passed out in the truck. Jinora couldn't get the sight of your bloody head out of her memory. "Jinora!" you say as you pull her into you when she suddenly starts crying, the position slightly awkward because you still sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Look I'm sorry I worried you. I know you can handle yourself, I just don't like seeing you hurt when I could have done something about it." Jinora sniffles some, keeping her face pressed into your neck. "Why?" That question was simple, so why did it make your heart beat so hard. You knew why, you were gonna tell the truth. No half-assed because you care about her, nope, you were gonna be completely honest. "Well I don't know how to say this, or how you'll react but just no that you'll always be my friend." Your sentence caused Jinora to sit up, she had never seen you so nervous before. Making eye contact with her, you let out a deep breath. "Jinora... I like you more than a friend. And it's okay if you don't feel the same, I've noticed how close you've gotten to Kai over the last couple of weeks." Jinora was shocked by your confession. You liked her too? Kai would never stop teasing her for how he was right and that your feelings for each other were shared. You on the other hand took Jinora's shock in a bad way. "I should probably see myself out." You said as you untangled from her and grabbed your glider. As soon as you stood up, however, you got tugged back by Jinora. Before you could ask anything, you were pulled into a kiss. Your eyes widened in shock before returning the kiss. Holy spirits, you thought, I can't believe this is happening! As you both pull away from the kiss. "If it's not clear by now I feel the same way y/n." You just nodded dumbly in understanding, still in shock over the kiss. Before you could say anything Jinora yawns, "We can talk more in the morning but we should probably go to bed." You just nodded your head again before grabbing your glider to leave. "Where are you going?" Jinora asked as you moved towards the door. "You said go to bed..." You replied as you mumbled out a few other excuses to try and lessen the blush on your face. Jinora just chuckled at how adorable yo looked rambling.

"Come on just stay in here with me."

#jinora x reader #female x reader #female character #x reader #lok #legend of korra

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dual1pa · 4 years

Text

meeting his ex-wife

hi so this is my first Charlie imagine so go easy on me lol

Warnings: language, nicole and charlie argue at dinner, kinda doesn’t go with the plot of the movie, fluffy

also i didn’t really know how to end it but hehe enjoy anyways

You were meeting his ex-wife tonight. Honestly, there was nothing you should really be afraid of. At the end of the day, who cares what his ex-wife thought of you? The only reason you were meeting is to take Henry home for the week. It was Charlie’s idea to bring you along to meet her. You were hesitant at first, but gave in to Charlies pleas. Nicole’s mother was making the entire family dinner and wanted Charlie apart of it, since he was coming to pick up Henry.

Your eyes were glued to the clouds the entire flight. It always amazed you how high you were on an airplane. Everything just seemed so small. Huge cities looked miniature and the uninhabited land looked so beautiful from up above. Charlie sat beside you in the middle seat, reading the free magazine that was in the pocket of the seat in front of him. He occasionally cleared his throat and looked over to you (you were too busy gazing out the window and overthinking to notice) and smiled, then continued to read.

After grabbing your overnight bag from the overhead compartment, hand in hand, Charlie and you walked through the busy LAX airport. Since you were only staying one night, you only packed for one night’s stay in a city you’ve never been to. New York was your home and you could never get up and move away just like that. You never knew anything else.

“God damnit. This happens every time I come here.” Charlie shook his head, actively pressing the rental car alarm hoping the car was nearby. A spark of joy hit him when he heard the loud car alarm. Once you reached the car, you placed your bags in the back seat and hopped in the passenger side of the car. His hand rests on your leg as he pulls out of the airport parking lot.

The ride was quiet, except for the light sound of the car radio playing a top 40 station. Charlie knew that those were your favorite kind of radio station.

“I can tell you’re nervous, talk to me. I’ve known this woman for a very long time, I know a lot about her.”

You turn your head towards his, squeezing his hand on your leg, “What if she doesn’t like me? Does it really matter?”

He chuckles, “You’re a fucking catch, babe. How can anyone not like you?”

You shrug your shoulders, “I don’t know. What if she gets jealous or something?”

Charlies looks over at you with a confused look on his face, “Babe, she divorced me. We went through a nasty divorce with lawyers. She tolerates me, but wants nothing to do with me. Though, she’ll probably ask you a ton of questions.”

He takes your hand in his, bringing it up to his lips, kissing you gently.

Charlie turned into a development where all the houses looked the same. You weren’t shocked at how all the houses were so spaced out because you knew not everywhere was like the city, it was just a weird feeling to see in person.

He drove the car up a driveway leading up to a large home.

“Wow.” you said, admiring the structure.

“Wait until you see the inside, the foyer is bigger than my entire apartment.” Charlie let out a chuckle.

Eyes wide, you stepped out of the car. Looking down at your skin tight jeans, you made sure there were no wrinkles. Hand in hand, you walked up the cobblestone walkway up to the door. Charlie knocked on the door, but noticed that the door was unlocked.

“Hello?” his voice echoed.

No one answered, the house was silent.

Out from the living room popped a man who was wearing laser tag equipment. He looked at the both of you, putting a finger to his mouth motioning the both of you to be quiet. Just then, a woman popped out from behind a wall and tried shooting the man, missing.

“Darn! You got me.” she shook her head.

She looked over at the both of you, “Hi Charlie!” she said, giving him a welcoming hug.

Charlie introduced you to Nicole’s mother, she was very friendly and gave you a hug as well,

“Make yourselves at home!”

The man, who was Nicoles boyfriend, Carter, introduced himself and showed you into the living area. Charlie sat down on the side of the couch, you right next to him, legs touching. Carter sat down in the single chair across from the couch from the two of you. The room fell into an awkward silence.

“So, how was the flight? I’m personally afraid of flights, I could never.” Carter said nervously.

Charlie nodded, “You get used to it after a while I guess. But our flight was pretty good, right babe?”

“Yeah, we got here safe and sound so that’s really all that matters. How’s life out here?”

“It’s- uh- great,” Carter takes a sip of his drink, “Nicole is great.”

Before you could get another word out, you all heard a door open and closed, “Honey! We finally finished the one scene today, he’s finally dead! We can move on to the next scene.”

Nicole stops as she enters the room, looking at Charlie then Carter then you.

“Hey Charlie.” she smiles slightly.

Charlie stood up to kiss her on the cheek. He introduced you to Nicole.

“Hi, how are you?” you asked.

“Good! So nice to meet you.” she smiled and brought you in for a hug.

“You too.” you smiled, she didn’t exactly hear you due to so many things going on.

Henry soon found his way into the room,

“Hi.” Charlie exclaimed, finally excited to spend some time with his son in the big city.

“Hi.” he said, his voice low.

“Can I get a hug?” Charlie asked.

Henry nodded, walking over to hug his dad.

“Dinner is now served, if people want to start making their way into the kitchen to grab plates and stuff.” Nicole’s mother said, smiling.

You grabbed a plate and looked at all the options on the big island in the white kitchen.

“You have a beautiful home.” you told Nicole’s mother as she was in line before you.

“Thank you, sweetheart. When my husband was alive, he helped build it.”

You nodded, “Oh, really?”

“Oh yes. He always loved doing things with his hands.” she giggled.

You followed Nicole’s mother into the living room, still listening to stories about her husband and what they did when he was still around. You found it pretty interesting. Charlie saved you a seat next to him while Henry sat next to him, full conversation with one of his cousins.

“You okay?” he wiped his mouth with a napkin.

“Yeah. All good.” you smiled, kissing him on the cheek, low key hoping no one saw.

“So, Y/N, how long have you been dating my ex-husband?” Nicole asked.

Weird phrasing but okay, you ignored it. Charlie shot her a look.

“It’s been almost a year, right honey?”

“Yeah, 11 months and a few days. Our one year is coming up and I’ve got some surprises up my sleeve.” he smiled at you.

Nicole only let out a chuckle and took a sip of her red wine.

You really weren’t sure if she was trying to make you uncomfortable or uneasy or she was just curious, but the more she asked you about your relationship with Charlie the more you couldn’t wait to leave. Henry was spending the night at Nicole’s home and Charlie and you were spending the night in the apartment. Your flight was scheduled for 8am.

"Where did you two meet?”

“Oh, well, I help Hannah with costumes for all of Charlie’s productions.”

“She’s very talented and she’s great with a sewing machine. I asked her out for coffee one day and just like that, we instantly clicked.” Charlie grabbed your hand from underneath the table.

“Remember our first date Charlie? We went to that fancy restaurant in New York City... Ralph’s? I think it was Ralphs, yeah. Best Italian restaurant in the city I swear. Have you taken Y/N there?”

Charlie shook his head. You could tell he was annoyed with Nicole’s snarky remarks.

“I haven’t. I don’t like going back to those restaurants, bad memories you know?”

You wanted to smirk at his statement, but thought that would be inappropriate.

Nicole’s mother changes the subject before Nicole could say anything else, “Who wants dessert?”

The rest of the evening, you kept your distance from Nicole. You weren’t sure what her problem was. She has a new guy in her life, why can’t Charlie have a girl in his life?

“Honey, it’s getting late, I think it’s time we get going.” Charlie announces.

“I agree. We do have that early flight in the morning.”

After saying your goodbyes, Charlie reminded Nicole to have Henry awake, dressed and ready to leave by 6:30am. She simply nodded.

You slam the passenger door and put on your seatbelt, Charlie does the same.

You close your eyes as your head hit the back of the seat.

“Well, that’s Nicole for you.” Charlie laughs.

“Why was she a such a bitch though? Call you her ex-husband instead of simply just saying your name.” you shook your head.

“I’m not sure, really. She.has a new man, what’s the problem. I’ll never know.” Charlie said as he backed out of the

“I’m not really sure why I care what she thinks. I’m wondering if she doesn’t want me around Henry.”

“Well, Henry likes you and I like you so who cares?”

As much as you love meeting new people, it just wasn’t a good idea to meet Charlie’s ex-wife. Nonetheless, you were excited to be able to spend the week with Charlie and Henry.

#adam driver #charlie barber #charlie barber x reader #charlie barber imagine #my writing #my writings

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banditthewriter · 4 years

Text

Trust Is Earned - Charles Vane - 2

The response to the first part of this series was so amazing. Thank you to everyone who has read/commented/liked/reblogged. I appreciate it so much. Here we have part two.

Remember, we’re not really supposed to like Vane yet.

Pairings: Eventual Charles Vane x reader. Past Billy Bones x reader.

Warning: Mild violence. Also a general dislike of Eleanor Guthrie, sorry!

*gif not mine*

Enjoy!

------

“You look like you could use a drink,” a feminine voice said from your side. You looked over and gave half a smile to Eleanor Guthrie. “On the house?”

You handed over a package to Mr. Humphries, one of your most loyal customers. He smiled as he paid the rest that you were due, but the look on his face said that he didn’t think you should be standing so close to the Guthrie woman.

All of the people who had been friends with your parents protected you on this island, but that didn’t mean they protected you from just the pirates. They also protected you from the Guthries as best they could.

You were one of the very few people on the island who didn’t rely on them for anything and they didn’t like that.

“I’m actually just heading back to my shop,” you said politely as you tried to turn past her and back into the street.

“I understand. It’s just that I’ve heard some worrying talk of late and I wanted to have a word with you about it.”

You hoped that your face didn’t show the irritation that you felt. Instead of fighting her on it, you gave a tight smile and gestured down the street towards the tavern. Inside she grabbed a bottle of something or other from her man Mr. Clark before she ushered you into the room she used as an office.

It wasn’t your first time there. She’d brought you in not long after you’d taken over the shop from your parents. They hadn’t been willing to bend their knee to the Guthrie rule, had their own contacts in and out of Nassau, and you had kept up that tradition.

She hadn’t been happy to say the least, but there wasn’t anything she could do about it when the entire island was basically against her in that regard.

You sat down across the desk from her and when she poured you a drink, you accepted the glass but didn’t actually drink any. You didn’t have much tolerance for alcohol and the last thing you needed was to be inebriated while not safe.

“What’s this worrying talk and what does it have to do with me?”

Eleanor gave a bit of a laugh as she poured a drink of her own.

“You just cut right to it, don’t you? That’s why I like you Y/N; you’re not afraid to say what’s on your mind.” She swished the liquid in her glass before she took a long gulp from it. “The talk that I’ve heard is that you were sheltering a thief on your land.”

You simply stared at her, not giving credence one way or another. When she realized that you weren’t going to give anything away, she cleared her throat and stood up to pace towards her balcony.

“Thievery isn’t acceptable and the man that’s accused is someone that you know; Billy Bones, from The Walrus.”

You put the glass down on the desk.

“Again, Miss Guthrie, what does this have to do with me?”

That seemed to throw the woman off her stride. You had to admit a perverse pleasure in ruffling her feathers.

“As I’ve just said–”

“You’ve said that there’s been talk. You can’t even be sure that Billy Bones is actually the thief since you’re referring to him as the accused and not the culprit. So it seems, Miss Guthrie, that you’re putting credence in a pirate’s word and dragging the citizens of Nassau into it erroneously.”

You had seen plenty of fish on dry land and you had to applaud Eleanor’s impression of one. Her mouth opened and closed as if you had stolen the words straight from her throat.

She cleared her throat and marched back to the desk, her hands going flat on the surface as she leaned down towards you.

“Where is the map?”

Gossip in a place like Nassau wasn’t just frivolous. Gossip was almost a currency. You might have just called Eleanor out on putting belief in word of mouth, but you knew that there was some gossip that could be relied on.

At one point in time, Eleanor Guthrie and Charles Vane were together. You weren’t sure how serious it had been, but you do know that it had ended rather messily. It was whispered among merchants and pirates alike that since that split, Vane’s crew hadn’t been getting the same treatment they used to in the way of leads.

You’d never given it much thought before, but with her in front of you, you had to wonder if Eleanor was what was called a scorned woman.

You were tired of living your life at the hands of others. Your store was still in shambles and now you were dragged in front of Eleanor as if she was a parental force and you were a naughty child.

No more.

“It’s curious,” you said as you sat up and straightened out your skirt. “Billy Bones supposedly stole the map which means it’s going to Flint already. I can’t think of any other captain that you would’ve sold the map to besides him.”

Her eyes went wide. The hands she had placed on the desk twitched, not nearly proof that you were right but you continued anyways.

“I almost thought that the issue was that someone had been stolen from, but you wouldn’t have cared if Vane lost in this. I bet that’s part of the draw. No, your issue is that the map means something to you. You couldn’t care less that Billy might have stolen the map. You just want to have it back for your own reasons.”

“You’re out of line,” she said as she raised a hand to point at you.

“I thought you liked that I spoke my mind,” you reminded her with a pointed look. Then you stood up, enjoying the look on her face as she scrambled a bit to come around the desk and face you. “I have no idea where the map is or who has it but if I did, I wouldn’t tell you. I don’t find myself moved by your facade and I would rather not help you benefit from it.”

Without waiting to be dismissed, you simply turned and walked back towards the door. You had no intention of staying longer than necessary.

“Charles Vane won’t stop if he thinks you have answers for him. What was done to your shop is just the beginning.”

Your hand rested on the handle of the door. For a long moment you just stared at the wood. Then you turned over your shoulder to meet her gaze once more.

“Then I suggest you find a better way to spend your time rather than wasting mine.”

------

It occurred to you as you approached your shop that perhaps there was a layer to the theft that you weren’t aware of. Maybe Eleanor had sold it to Flint as you suspected but it had either been stolen before she was able to get it or the inclusion of the cook was a variable she hadn’t foreseen. He was a new recruit to The Walrus so it was possible that she was worried he would sell it to someone else.

He didn’t have loyalty yet, but Billy did. That would explain why Billy was with Silver when they came to your shop. It wasn’t because Billy stole it, but he was making sure Silver did right by the captain.

As caught up in your thoughts as you were, you almost didn’t realize that the door of your shop wasn’t locked anymore. You pushed it open and stepped in before you realized you hadn’t had to unlock it.

A hand wrapped around your mouth and you were pulled further into the room, your back slammed against a wall. The door had been kicked shut so the room was mostly in darkness, but the man that held you stood close enough for your eyes to pick up an outline.

You hadn’t had much interaction with the man, but you recognized Charles Vane. You reached up to grab his wrist just in time for his other hand to wrap around your throat and give a squeeze.

“Don’t even think about screaming.”

You were tempted to bare your teeth and bite the hand that held you silent, but you kept your calm. Instead you pressed your nails into his wrist about as hard as he squeezed your neck.

“Careful. I could snap your neck in an instant.”

This time you did bite him. Not hard enough to draw blood, but just enough to surprise him. He pulled his hand away and glared at you.

“I couldn’t exactly speak with your hand over my mouth, could I?” Your own glare paled in comparison to his, but you didn’t let that stop you. “I don’t suppose you’re here for some of my highly requested candles, are you? A lot of them were ruined by your crew yesterday, but I’m sure I can find some somewhere for you.”

The hand around your throat squeezed until you didn’t have enough breath to continue.

“Where is my map?”

He released your throat to allow you the chance to respond. After you took a few gulping breaths, you dropped your hands to your sides. It was best to try to appear nonthreatening when he was this pissed.

“I don’t know,” you admitted. When he started to squeeze again, you pressed against his shoulder as hard as you could. “Goddammit Vane, I mean it. I have no idea where the map is. I have no idea where Billy or the cook is and strangling me won’t get you the information any faster.”

The hand he had used to cover your mouth slammed into the wall beside your head.

“I should kill you for lying to me.”

Where was the spine that had you standing up to Eleanor Guthrie and calling her bluff? You took as deep of a breath as you could with the grip on your neck and how close Vane was to you.

“You could,” you allowed in a cold voice, “but think of what hell that will rain down on you. There are few merchants on this island that are as necessary as I am and there are none that could step into my shoes.”

“What makes you think I care about that?”

You knew there were plenty of crews on the island that would defend you if something happened. And the merchant’s would be less than pleased, would stop selling to anyone on The Ranger crew. Perhaps Vane couldn’t see that far ahead or maybe he was just blind to it at the moment.

Either way, you didn’t want that to happen.

“Is the boatswain worth dying for? Is that why you lied?”

“I lied to protect someone I care about. Isn’t there anyone in your life that you would do that for?”

His hand let up on your throat a bit. Not much, but you noticed it. You thought about your conversation with Eleanor and realized that maybe you had more options than you first thought.

“I can’t help you find the map but maybe there’s something else I can do for you.”

He stepped in a little closer, his body pressing along yours. It made it clear what he thought you were offering. The hand that was still on his shoulder shoved hard to put some distance between the two of you.

“I was thinking something a little longer lasting,” you said forcefully. And then with a tilt of your head, “Although it would be easier to explain the proposition without a hand around my throat.”

He released you and then stepped back. He gestured for you to speak before he crossed his arms over his chest.

“The whole of Nassau has heard about how things ended with you and Miss Guthrie. And the whole of Nassau has whispered about the effect that might have had on your business relationship with her. My proposition is this. Instead of selling your haul through her, you come to me. I have more contacts than she could imagine, more than anyone on this island is aware of.”

“You want to be the new fence?”

You shook your head at that.

“Not at all. This is a one time deal, offered to you and you alone. We’d negotiate terms like any deal. I’d be able to garner a profit that Guthrie would only be able to dream of.”

You knew that you had him on the fence, could see it on his face as he looked away from you. He was most likely thinking about the last few prizes he had brought in and what the profit had been.

“There’s a flaw in your plan,” he finally said as he turned back to you. “If I stop going to her, she’ll stop giving me leads. Can’t bring in a profit on a haul that doesn’t exist.”

“Has she been giving you any real leads lately? I hear those are going to much smaller crews.” You shrugged your shoulders purposefully. “I would be able to provide you with leads without contest since you’d be my only client.”

He took a step towards you.

“Where do you intend to find these leads of yours?”

This time you smiled. This was something you had thought about, but you’d never needed the complication or extra work. If it tempered the anger of the captain, you’d happily take on the extra work.

“Again, I have contacts that span the entirety of the globe. I can get the leads from anywhere. I know of three large prizes that launch in the next few weeks alone at this minute and that’s without me actively searching for leads.”

He seemed impressed but not sold yet. You had one last card to play but it was a tricky one. If you misread his feelings on the matter, you could be setting yourself up for trouble.

That in mind, you took a few careful steps away from him.

“Think of how much it will piss her off. Not only would you no longer need her, but you’d be thriving without her and she won’t know why.”

The gamble made, you could only wait. His face didn’t show any inclination as to what he felt. Then he turned towards you and held his hand out.

“We have a deal. We’ll sit down and draw up some terms on the particulars another time.”

You let out a breath before you stepped back towards him. Carefully you took his hand and gave it a brief shake.

It was the first touch that didn’t have the hint of violence. You had to admit that the roughness of his hands felt nice against your skin.

Then you dropped your hand back to your side.

“Now that that’s been decided, I suggest you get out of my shop. I still haven’t repaired everything from your last visit and I’d hate for that to color my opinion of our new partnership.”

You thought you could see a hint of a smile on Vane’s face before he turned towards the door. He stopped before he opened it.

“If I find Billy Bones, I might kill him.”

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath.

“Perhaps. Or perhaps you won’t. We’ll see.”

He didn’t say anything else, just slipped out of your shop. You went over and did your best to lock the door again even though it had obviously been kicked open when Vane had snuck in before you got there.

Hopefully you made the right choice.

------

The morning sun had already started to heat the shop. You cursed under your breath as you moved the broom around the backroom, sweeping up the last of the damage from Rackham’s rampage as you had started to refer to it.

There were plenty of things broken, but not everything. Nothing that you would have trouble replacing at least.

A shadow passed over where you were sweeping. Startled, you looked up to see who it was.

Ah, this wasn’t a meeting you expected. Standing in the doorway to the backroom was Captain James Flint. His hair was partially tied back, clothes in order for a man who spent most of his time on the sea.

You thought he might have been in the Navy before… before Nassau, before his piracy days. Everyone had a life before, even the fearsome James Flint.

“Captain Flint,” you greeted as you continued to sweep up the broken bits of pottery on the floor. “What do I owe this pleasure?”

He took in the general disarray of the shop and then looked back at you.

“I’m looking for my boatswain.”

You nearly snapped the broom in half at that. You were getting really tired of people asking you where Billy Bones was.

“I’m sorry captain, I honestly have no clue. Last I saw him, he said he was going back to the beach.”

Flint nodded. He gestured around the room with one large hand.

“I doubt he did this.”

“Does it matter who did it? It’s been done and it must be fixed.” You looked down at the floor and then sighed. “Billy and the cook, Silver, did come here for shelter but once it became knowledge that The Ranger crew was aware of my connection to Billy, we decided it was best if they left. He told me to tell Vane and his men that he went to the interior, to someone named Mr. Blackwell.”

Flint’s eyes grew wide at that, the corner of his mouth turning up.

“Thank you Miss Y/L/N.”

So the name wasn’t just to confuse Vane; it was a code for the captain. Hopefully he would have better luck at finding the men than just about everyone else on the island had at this point.

Flint turned to start to leave but he hesitated at the door. His hand tapped once, twice, before he turned to face you again.

“Billy is sweet on you. He wouldn’t want to think of something happening to you because of him. I can… take you to the beach, put you on The Walrus until all of this is done. You’ll be safe there.”

You smiled and crossed into the store properly. With one hand on the counter, you looked around the store fondly.

“This is my home, Captain Flint. No danger will make me leave it. When you see Billy, tell him I said he’s a fool, but he’s not to blame for this.”

You could actually see the surprise and respect in Flint’s eyes at that. He gave you another nod and then opened the door. On the other side you saw Mr. Gates, the quartermaster. He gave you a quick nod before the two of them disappeared, heads together as they discussed what they now knew.

That Flint would offer to shelter you from danger on Billy’s behalf made you pause in your cleaning. The two of you were close and you did care for the man, but it wasn’t anything more than that for you. He was good company, surely, but you had never made any indication that you wanted more or that you felt more for him.

Hopefully the captain was speaking generally. Otherwise you might have to have a difficult conversation with Billy once things settled down.

------

The map had been located but in a turn of events that no one could’ve seen coming, it had been lost to the sea in the ensuing scuffle to retrieve it. The mere idea that this map which had been the cause of so many problems was gone without anyone able to salvage it was almost laughable.

And more than that, Silver and Billy hadn’t been able to decode the map before it had been lost.

Billy had come to see you once but it hadn’t been for more than an apology. He helped you lift some of the shelves that Rackham had torn down but he hadn’t even looked at the door that led to your rooms.

You weren’t mad at Billy for what happened. It might not have been a smooth transition, but it actually led to you having a growth in business. You and Vane had come to agreeable terms in your negotiations and both of you benefited greatly from the new business venture.

You’d be tempted to thank Billy if you didn’t think it would anger him beyond belief that you were in business with the man who had threatened to kill him.

Such was the life with pirates though. Threaten to kill you one day, work at your side the next. Your neck was still sensitive to the touch after the night Vane had visited you. You knew the feel of his hand on your throat but you also knew the feel of his hand in yours.

Money had a way of making other things seem insignificant.

And maybe the next time that Billy did make overtures towards you, you might think twice before you let him back into your bed. It was merely to protect your new business venture.

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