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radiodread · 1 year

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So the Given manga ended today, and I felt like airing out my opinions on the last chapter and the series as a whole. Spoilers galore, possibly controversial opinions, and other stuff in a long essay below the cut.

Starting with what I thought of the last chapter: weakly executed but highly unsurprising that it was. A lot of things were left unsaid and unresolved, most of them issues pertaining to one of the main characters, Ritsuka. Remember back in one of the early chapters when Yayoi told Akihiko that “Ritsuka hasn’t been eating or sleeping properly, he’s just absorbed in his music”, a scene that was also kept in the anime’s fourth episode? Yeah, that. It’s been hinted at since then that he still doesn’t sleep well (like when he showed up at Hiiragi and Shizusumi’s school having finished the demo, heavily implying that he’d stayed up all night given the erratic look and vibe he gave off.

Then there’s his insecurities re: himself, Mafuyu, and his relationship with Mafuyu that were seemingly blown away once again by music. Music will always be there to save the day! Absolve all of these people of their responsibility to sort things out like normal people do, instead they just play some music and all is well again. Like magic! Wow. (This was sarcasm, by the way.)

Speaking of which, Mafuyu still never told Ritsuka anything about Yuki. Absolutely nothing. All this time, I felt like he had a responsibility to do so since Ritsuka was dragged into this mess first by Mafuyu who naïvely seemed to think that starting to date someone new would make him magically get over Yuki, yet it seemed to only make it worse and thus it made Ritsuka have to suffer. Then Ritsuka was dragged deeper into it by Hiiragi and Shizusumi who told him a few things about Yuki that Mafuyu should’ve been the one to tell Ritsuka, not Mafuyu’s childhood friends who didn’t know Ritsuka and also weren’t as close to Yuki as Mafuyu was.

The icing on the goddamn cake was the end of the chapter, was Mafuyu saying to Ritsuka “when we get back, let’s do it”. And it only just now hit me that this was the exact same thing Yuki told Mafuyu on the beach. Minus the bathroom bit.

First of all, weird callback. Second of all, cheap way to end it all off. I’ve felt since a long time ago that Kizu has gotten tired of the series and that’s why the story quality has dwindled drastically. But this just felt like her shrugging and saying “let’s just get this shit over with”. Which is a bit of an insult to the people who followed this series religiously either from the start or decided to tag along somewhere during its run.

One thing that also really irked me was the whole bit that happened after Hiiragi and Shizusumi came into Given’s room after their live performance post-debut. How Hiiragi says that Ritsuka “sometimes belongs to SYH” and how Ritsuka obviously didn’t even know this was a thing (isn’t this also a bit of a red flag, where his management goes behind his back and approves something in his stead?), and wasn’t gung-ho about it once it sunk in but agreed to do it anyway because he’s such a good fucking boy and I’m so upset on his behalf that it kind of paves the way for people to take advantage of him now that he’s a professional musician. Mafuyu and Ritsuka still clearly have things to sort out given how Mafuyu was jealous and aggravated when Hiiragi yapped about stealing Ritsuka from them and how Given had to do better to steal their man back. Unsurprisingly, communication is still lacking in the Given manga overall, and that’s where it’s also left unresolved at the very end.

(Remember when Haruki said that music was [all about] communication?)

(Yeah, me too.)

((Yes, I absolutely scrambled across the floor like a deranged crab to get the first volume out of my bookshelf to find this exact page. Dedication™))

There’s not much for me to say about the other characters in the series since they got their so-called “happy endings”. I’m very glad for Ugetsu that he got his happy ending, that he seems happy, like he’s moved on. In the promo art for the last chapter, there’s a mystery person standing next to Ugetsu, and while nothing is obviously confirmed- maybe he has a new love in his life?

In any case, he certainly looked happy in the last chapter and in previous chapters where he’s appeared since his breakup with Akihiko, and he arguably got the best ‘ending’ out of all of them. Haruki and Akihiko are moving in together which felt like a logical next step for them, and I’m glad things worked out for them. As for Shizusumi and Hiiragi... who the hell knows. Their entire arc was a mess, the way they got together screamed non-con and BL tropes galore. Holy cow. Yeah. Anyway!

As for the series overall, I’m struggling nowadays to form a single, coherent opinion. I really loved it up until chapter 19 when Akihiko sexually assaulted Haruki (that was basically where Kizu started picking up those BL tropes that at least I thought she would steer clear of... silly me) but then I still loved how he redeemed himself and how that arc ended. Then after chapter 28, things just went downhill for me and I haven’t liked the series as much at all since.

I heavily disliked the Hiiragi arc because of how it introduced things and then glossed them over, that so-called “sex scene” between Hiiragi and Shizusumi that I personally would call something else, the way Ritsuka’s entire character was shoved into the nearest bin (it seriously made me think that Kizu is the first mangaka I’ve stumbled upon who really hates the main character of her manga so much that she takes everything out on him as a result - whew!) and how he then just never got any sort of proper resolution to his story. I liked the first half of the manga, I guess, so in the end my opinion stays pretty wobbly. I’ve never shied away from admitting that I’m heavily Ritsuka-biased and I’ll stay that way. The boy deserved so much better than what he got and that’s one of my major takeaways, unfortunately. For a series that I once really liked, this certainly feels like a disappointing end.

#given #given manga #radiodread.txt #given manga spoilers

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nyxknocks · 2 months

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I support women's rights but most importantly I support women's wrongs. Not that I think the women in this movie did anything wrong, but if they did, I would support them. I digress.

So, I've had Ugetsu on my list of movies to watch on Max for well over a year now, couldn't remember for the life of me why. Watching it, now I do. I love me a good ol' ghost story. Too bad this left me mostly disappointed and frankly, pretty pissed off.

I didn't think I could be more annoyed at characters than Shige in Tokyo Story but I guess I forgot that men as a whole exist because wow. The men in this film suck massively. Selfishness and greed is most definitely the name of the game in this, as well as the male obsession with honor and notoriety. The two men essentially ruin their own lives (but more important the lives of their wives) in an effort to further their own selfish whims--money, status, glory, what have you.

The ending is insulting because you expect the message to at least somewhat be like "look, this is what happens when you stray from your family duties for selfish actions" but the men are fine? At the end? And they get their wives back, albeit halfway. They really made her haunt him forever and be happy about it after he wholly and fully married another lady, ghost or not. How is that justice? How does that make them learn their lesson, truly? That they can destroy everything they had and leave these women destitute and alone--one murdered while defending their son and the other having to resort to sex work after being assaulted. The lack of agency the women have is insulting even if it is period appropriate. If I died after being abandoned by my useless husband while he had an extramarital affair with a ghost, I would haunt him too but I wouldn't help him. That man would suffer every day for the rest of his life, smh. The kid can go back to the village elder, they took better care of him since clearly that dad didn't care one iota until his ghost wife and ghost home faded into ruin. Prick. "Why did you have to die" I will. Kill you.

I could not care less about the split narratives. The samurai one felt shoe-horned in and lack luster compared to the ghost one (though that could be my bias) and felt less developed. With more runtime, this probably could've been better, but alas. Disappointing.

Now. What I did like about this (besides the ghosts) was the MUSIC and AUDIO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my god the creepy little bells from the moment you meet Lady Wakasa showing off that something just isn't quite right from the jump. Her lighting and dress is often ethereal, and the way they shot Ukon during the reveal of the whole ghost-bit was amazing. She was fully in shadow looming behind Genjuro while he was getting mind freaked. This is immediately mirrored when he returns and we get Miyagi fully enshrouded with darkness/shadows with the only light being on the sandals--which further mirrors the focus shot on the sandals left in the dirt during Ohama's assault. The make up was SO effective in making Lady Wakasa just uncanny and off, really setting her apart but mostly making you believe it's her sexual allure--that she's some temptress, not a ghost. I'm also a sucker for all forms of traditional music, so that fan dance scene was easily my favorite bit. Ghost lady? Check. Fan dance? Check.

This movie does excellent at portraying both men and particularly men in power as highly aggressive, selfish, and destructive. The samurai are not protectors--they are violent men who pillage like bandits do. Dutiful wives are left behind--to their death, or to be assaulted with no option left but death or sex work--and then expected to just pick up right where they left off when the men decide they learned their lesson and are ready to come back. No lesson is truly learned. So they went back to working hard, so what? What happens a year from now, when another big sell happens or he finds another grand dream? Pull the same stuff again, expect the women to take them back? She's stuck haunting him forever man !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I call bullshit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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morievna · 2 years

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Mix 18 – Ugetsu’s grand return 🥳

Ohh sorry so much I was meaning to write about this chapter since awhile, but my job was demanding lately and I also got new obsession to over-think *cough* BSD Stormbringer *cough* But here I am finally getting time to gush about Ugetsu and Mafuyu xD

(btw i had fun with creating new pfp with this picrew)

This post will be more Ugetsu-centric – I will focus on Mafuyu later on together with covering mix 19 – though maybe after full scans will be available since judging from spoilers it relies a lot on visuals. But in short, it is so beautiful chapter with Mafuyu’s arc blooming 💖

As for now - what can i say - mix 18 is simply perfection. Feel prepared to me simply counting up things I loved xD

Honestly I love everything about it – finally getting Ugetsu’s return in such amazing way, the way Mafuyu was portrayed in such human and vulnerable way and character development of them both. Besides, interaction between them were pure gold xD I liked how funny was clash between their personalities, which balanced more serious and angsty side of this chapter.

I really like how Given is consistent with themes and parallels between all characters, especially Akigetsu and Mafuyama in this one. It feels very thoughtful how Natsuki-sensei planned all of it.

Okay, so let’s start digging~~

If you read my analysis of Ugetsu’s booklet from movie - you know that I was concerned with how he was shown so alone and isolated from outside world; with no human interaction except that text from Akihiko.

Honestly I literally gasped when he admitted that by himself in this chapter xD

Really wow – such development considering that he started as character ‘i-have-no-friends’ and neglecting himself in lot of ways. He went long way T_T

I really liked his vibe in this chapter – it really feels that he thought over his life and changed. Even without clear destination – it feels symbolic that he no longer wants to live in temporary hotels and wants to sell his old house ( which was symbol of his cocoon) – like butterfly he is now free to live fully and make connection with outside world.

So proud of Ugetsu~~

I am really curious if we will got more spinoff or something about Ugetsu – it really feels like some part of his life ended, but new possibilities are ahead – I really love how carefree he ponders on his future. Also since Natsuki-sensei mentioned on her twt that she made changes to booklet story to include improved version to Given vol.8 – I still think she likes Ugetsu quite a lot xD

Okay, let’s move on Mafuyu-Ugetsu bond ~~

I love their dynamics so much – in this chapter it was really perfect way how to show kinda mentor-student relationship should work (and without mentor dying per trope *sighs in bsd*).

I loved how Mafuyu opened to Ugetsu about he is going through – because of he knew what’s Ugetsu been through and how they are alike, these factors helped him to admit his deepest worries and insecurities. Though this arc Mafuyu talked to others, but it was the heartfelt connection between MafuUge that let him to be more at ease speaking himself. Like Ugetsu being comfort friend for him like no other.

I love Mafuyu reaction to Ugetsu’s spontaneous decision to go together to SYH live :D

They are just perfect xDD

On more serious side, I really liked hands symbolism in this – at first Mafuyu is uncomfortable with this decision like feeling desperate that Ugetsu didn’t understand him and grasping him to wait, not wanting to go and confront Uenoyama.

But then after they talk more – Ugetsu’s points get through to Mafuyu. I also loved how Ugetsu knew what to say and how help Mafuyu. Like literally he said what Mafuyu needed to hear – both calling out on lack of communication with Uenoyama, making good points on indecisiveness having painful consequences, and praising him for trying his best.

It is great too that Ugetsu didn’t handed full solution for Mafuyu – ‘only’ provided support and good insights and ultimately gave Mafuyu push in right direction, which is taking him by hand to SYH debut (meanwhile Mafuyu ceasing to resist).

What’s more, it is really good that they got separated in the crowd – Mafuyu has to alone make decision for his own future and this is giving him that free space. After all, from story perspective mentor is supposed only to show protagonist way of living and giving advice like fundament - and protag must have built on that by himself and go beyond.

Besides, I really love that callback to chapter 27 – on one side we have that emotional scene with Ugetsu/Mafuyu crying due to being terrified of what comes with future, and to balance that we have frame with comforting ‘all will be okay’ providing support to one another.

Excuse me now to cry in the corner a bit T_T

Ngl Ugetsu looking melancholic when Mafuyu brought up his story with Akihiko also made my Akigetsu heart weep a bit too T_T

Finally - to end on positive note,

mentor-student dynamics is often show that student could achieve at what mentor didn’t succeed - that’s why imo (contrary to Akigetsu as these ships were paralleled in this chapter) Mafuyama will get their happy ending with most likely pursuing music as career. And since story established that Mafuyu and Ugetsu and inspiring and helping each other - I hope one day we will get Ugetsu happy ending as well – by that I mean him being renowned violinist while having friends and/or loving husbando xD

That’s all for now – thanks for reading and have great day <3

#given #given manga #mix_18 #kizu natsuki #ugetsu murata #mafuyu satou #ugemafu #murata ugetsu #happy noises #that chapter was so good on so many levels #given meta

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life-universe-and-everythingelse · 2 years

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i was today years old when i found out that kuramochi and ugetsu share the same seiyuu and wow 😲

#the versatility of shintaro asanuma 😌#daiya no ace #given

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sarazanmai · 5 months

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Today I watched Ugetsu and Kwaidan. Both are great, but I bought Kwaidan off Ebay from someone who never opened it. And if I'm right in assuming they never watched it then WOW that's their loss and my gain.

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bizumiremade · 3 years

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anyways i watched the given movie and wow i felt things

#......wow #mp #all the haruki parts and then then that ugetsu part.....im!!!!!!!!!!!!!#anyways season 2 when

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shinymixedbag · 4 years

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Happy Birthday to you babe ❤ I hope I got the date right because I recall you said your birthday was after Hiiragi's and before Yuki's? Like right in the middle?

😱 Thank you so much!! Wow :')

#anonymous #ask #I'm sure you meant Ugetsu and Yuki???#Wow I'm shocked lol #thank you so much sweetie

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magicpotatoobsession · 2 years

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GIVEN | The PECULIAR link between Paternal Idolisation and Music

I have noticed a peculiar link between a Given character's mental health and their relationship with their father, or lack thereof, and how that directly impact their approaches towards music and ability to bond with other people.

Within Given, three character tropes seem to apply:

1. Characters with a musical father tend to follow the path of music because some part of them idolised their father.

2. Characters without a father tend to idolise another male figure, regardless of whether it is appropriate to do so or not.

3. Given characters who have displayed an overt depression from a young age tend to use music as their only form of expression and emotional outlet for their pain.

I'll be referring to these throughout this blog so please keep them in mind!

For this meta, I'll be looking at specifically Ugetsu and Yuki.

But these tropes seem to apply to all the other characters as well so I’ll be sure to touch on them in future metas.

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Ugetsu

Let's start with Ugetsu since we have more concrete knowledge on his character. So the first bit of family background we get about Ugetsu is through the metadata Chapter 21.5.

Although Ugetsu's father is alive and presumably well, his father is a diplomat and doesn't seem to be very present in Ugetsu's life at all. We also get a sense that from a very young age, due to growing up in a cold familial environment without tender-loving-care (TLC) from his parents, Ugetsu already had the early signs of depression, like what kind of kid "wants to die" and "was already chasing the feeling of dying"???!! From the looks of it, Ugetsu couldn't be more than 6-7 and he was already having thoughts like this???!! MY GOODNESS that poor child. 😭😭😭

So in according with Point 3 of the character tropes,

Ugetsu's depression and paternal abandonment was an overwhelming pain he had to deal with since he was a kid and it was through this Paul Simon's song that he discovered music. It was through the violin that he was able to admit to himself that

"wow, I want to die."

he is really depressed.

This directly parallels Mafuyu's experience of him not being able to admit to himself that he is lonely but only when he's finally on stage and singing, he was finally able to say to himself "I am lonely." Music is an emotional outlet for both Ugetsu and Mafuyu where they can be honest with themselves. This is actually a good thing though!

Being honest with oneself is actually the first step to healing!

Even though it took me a second to understand what was going on in that panel, it made me realise that the fact that Ugetsu is able to express his pain through music is how he has kept himself from going off the rails!

While music is essential to Ugetsu's survival, I'm almost certain that

Ugetsu picked music as his career as some form of a rebellion against his father as well.

Actually, it was @a-voice-of-my-own who brought this to my attention with his meta on Akigetsu. One clear sign is considering how Ugetsu comes from generational wealth, he absolutely doesn't have to live in his parent's basement, BUT HE CHOSE to do so as if to spite his father and grandfather for abandoning him.

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I previously said in my Mirrors in Given Headcanons EXPLAINED blog that Ugetsu didn't idolize Akihiko but is just emotionally enmeshed with him. I'd like to retract that statement. Upon further revision, I actually think Ugetsu did in fact idolize Akihiko because

Ugetsu not only saw Akihiko as a lover but also as a paternal figure.

The moment Akihiko did this, Ugetsu felt this overwhelming love that he has NEVER EVER, presumably, received from his father or grandfather before. So not only did he seek a romantic love from Akihiko, he also started to become spoilt in the TLC that Akihiko provided for him.

You gotta realise that Akihiko and Ugetsu were both teenagers when they started dating. So Akihiko also being essentially a kid, enabled that behaviour and didn't call Ugetsu out because he also idolized Ugetsu. So even after they broke up, these old habits just kept carrying on into their "situationship".

According to our current frameworks of psychology, The Child-Parent Role partnership is incredibly toxic for relationships because there is an IMBALANCE OF POWER. For a relationship to work, both individuals have to have a good sense-of-self and be able to function independently as healthy adults while also be able to rely on each in times of need. Prolonged power-imbalance dynamic can lead to resentment from both partners. AND THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.

So in relation to my Point 1 and Point 2,

Ugetsu took on the role of the child while Akihiko took on Paternal Figure even though they are both the same age.

Ugetsu's idolisation of Akihiko took form in the sense that he held Akihiko to an inappropriately high standard as a partner.

Ugetsu wanted to receive an unreasonable amount of TLC while he also wanted Akihiko to measure up to his violin skills so that Akihiko could truly understand Ugetsu and receive Ugetsu's expressions of love through music. But poor Akihiko was dealing with his own demons and suffocating under all of this pressure. Akihiko was just a kid.

Ugetsu, being incredibly enmeshed with Akihiko, seeing how much Akihiko was suffering, then in turn couldn't freely express himself in his music, having to hold back. That's why he says

"I want to be with him, I want to be with him, I want to be with him, but I'm in love with music."

From my standpoint as a musician, it's this loop of wanting Akihiko's TLC so bad but knowing how toxic his musical standards are for Akihiko are but also feeling suffocated by Akihiko's love for him. He was afraid of being loved by someone with such intensity because Ugetsu has been alone for so long, that's why he said in Chapter 16, "I should have just said I was happy." He also knew how much Akihiko was suffocating in their relationship cocoon now that Akihiko was completely dedicating himself to Ugetsu whilst also feeling inferior to Ugetsu. He himself was suffocating without being able to let out his emotions freely through music because he was enmeshed with Akihiko's negative emotions. I go into more detail about this toxic cycle and music in this meta about Akigetsu and Thaikovsky's Concerto in D.

So he tried to break up, he really did but ultimately couldn't because in a way for Ugetsu, pushing away Akihiko is akin to a child forcing himself to reject his loving father. And the pain Ugetsu felt was just too much so the toxic cycle began when from time to time, he couldn't help but come crawling back to seek Akihiko's comfort. Isn't it funny how the way Ugetsu behaved in the "situationship" were similar to repetitive rounds of childlike tantrums? Ugetsu was trying to do something that meant well for Akihiko, but he was never taught HOW to securely attach or detach from another human being. T_T

---

Many studies have shown the detrimental impacts on the absence of paternal figures and TLC in a child's life. Psychologist Edward Kruk Ph.D. summarises some keypoints and I think it'll be interesting to check that with Ugetsu's attributes:

Diminished self-concept and compromised physical and emotional security: constantly feeling abandoned, episodic bouts of self-loathing. - Ugetsu is completely in disarray without Akihiko Ugetsu overtly says how much he hates himself ✅

Behavioural problems: a persona to disguise their underlying fears, resentments, anxieties and unhappiness - Ugetsu is literally facade on top of facade ✅ Once again, he was putting Akihiko down to get Akihiko to hate him and leave, but deep in his heart he totally thinks very well of him.

Promiscuity: early sexual maturity - using sex as a way to feel needed by others, even after "breakup" with Akihiko ✅

Drug and alcohol abuse: Fatherless children are more likely to smoke, drink alcohol, and abuse drugs in childhood and adulthood - ??? unsure about this one but he definitely smokes and drinks, not sure if he abuses them

Mental health disorders: anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. - duh ✅

Future relationships: Father-absent children tend to enter partnerships earlier, are more likely to divorce or dissolve their cohabiting unions - Ugetsu has anxious-attachment style where he feels abandoned but is also afraid of people getting close to him. Akigetsu literally moved in together straight out of highschool which is crazy early. ✅

Also this is very interesting, Akihiko and Ugetsu actually recall different versions of events. Ugetsu said this in Chapter 17 implying that Akihiko initiated the cohabitation arrangement:

It's not about who's version of events are right, but I found it interesting that both perhaps did not want to admit that they were so incredibly enmeshed with each other and toxic for each other, both idolising but also wanting to blame one another for how things turned out at this point in the story. There was a lot of love-hate. This is why by Chapter 27, I am so incredibly proud of them because they were finally able to let each other go. Akihiko said sorry and thank you while Ugetsu decided not to grab Akihiko, not to give into his own toxic reflexes (grabbing him then throwing him away), Ugetsu let him go for good.

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Yuki

We actually know very little about Yuki's actual persona because as I mentioned in post about why the Given fandom is hung up about MafuYuki, the majority of the information we receive are second-hand recounts from other people of Yuki. (we probably won't know for certain until the Yuki-Ueno song). However, it's no coincidence that Ugetsu and Yuki are musical mirrors and foils of one another.

-> Of course, from here onwards in the meta, please be aware that what you will be reading is what I believe went on Yuki's head. These are MY INTERPRETATIONS based on the clues that Kizu has left us in the manga. <-

Yuki is actually fatherless and it's heavily implied that his father died at the hands of depression and suicide in Strawberry Swing Chapter 02 (ch 32.9),

Yuki's mother seem to imply that Yuki suffered from some sort of intergenerational transmission of depression. This is a real thing! Recently, more medical studies have shown that genetically, you can actually pass on depression and children of depressed parents are more likely to suffer from mental health disorders.

Cup Ramen 🍜 and Yuki's family circumstances

Both Yuki and his mother must have been relying on her single-parent income since Yuki's father died. We don't exactly know when it happened but from what I gathered, it must have been earliest before Yuki was born, latest when Yuki was still in primary. Since Mafuyu and Yuki have a very similar family set-up and according to Mafuyu's meta-data, he is from lower-middle class income family, I am assuming that Yuki is also around the same social-economic circumstances. I don't think it was a coincidence that Kizu had Yuki's mother mentioning that the day after he passed, Yuki's cup ramen orders came through. I think Kizu meant for the cup ramen to symbolise this 1) inexplicable weird sense of normalcy when one's dealing with grief while simultaneously showing 2) how frugal of a lifestyle Yuki and his mum led.

We gotta realise that not only was Yuki dealing with his own depression, but the moment that his father died,

Yuki felt like he had to step-up and become the man of the household for his mum.

In Chapter 7, while it may seem like he was just investing to buy a guitar (to Hiiragi and everyone else), I think the moment Yuki reached an appropriate working age, he was trying to help his mum pay the bills.

*Isn't it so interesting that in Strawberry String 03 (Ch 33.9), we see the cup ramen 🍜 getting referenced again. Of course, most people would make the instant connection to Yuki,

and that 1) connection is the most obvious one that Kizu wanted us to pick up. We could even take it a step further that because both mums, as Hiiragi said in Chapter 6, acknowledged MafuYuki's relationship, it could have been something that Mafuyu's mum and Yuki bonded over. In addition to that, I truly think it was also Kizu's subtle way of 2) highlighting the parallels between the two families' lower-middle income backgrounds.

----

Now, referring to Point 1 and Point 2 of the character tropes, I theorise that

Yuki idolized Mafuyu and may have seen Mafuyu as a paternal figure!

Let's refresh Point 1, Characters with a musical father and tend to follow the path of music because some part of them idolised their father. Point 2, Characters without a father tend to idolise another male figure, regardless of whether it is appropriate to do so or not.

Of course, Mafuyu and Yuki are the same age, so it is inappropriate for Yuki to see Mafuyu as a paternal figure. But Yuki couldn't help it. It was Mafuyu who started randomly humming tunes.

"You were often humming songs. That guy was always paying attention."

The flashback showed that the childhood squad were still in their middle-school uniforms when Hiiragi recalled this quote! And then Hiiragi in Chapter 9 pointed that it was only when they entered highschool that himself, Yuki and Shizu officially started to play music.

So I honestly believe Yuki decided to learn music literally for Mafuyu! 🤯🤯🤯

Fuck I'm gonna cry T_T

While Ugetsu's harsh, ironclad facade in the "situationship" was to instigate Akihiko to leave him, Yuki's facade was different. Yuki knew that Mafuyu has dealt with an abusive father so Yuki's paternal idolisation and enmeshment with Mafuyu comes in the form of

wanting to keep up a perfect facade for Mafuyu and those around him.

Yuki probably didn't want Mafuyu or anyone to worry about him so he felt like he HAD to be strong for everyone, including Hiiragi and Shizu.

In reference to Point 3,

Yuki, just like Ugetsu, uses music as a form of expression. Through being part of the band, he discovered that he can process his depression through his music and that's when Hiiragi became enamoured by Yuki's musical abilities. But of course, paired with the need to uphold a facade, he couldn't share his songwriting processes with Mafuyu. It's not finished, it's a vulnerable part of him, he couldn't show someone he idolised and loved so much something imperfect, something flawed.

------

Now let's talk about something interesting. What causes Yuki and Ugetsu to uphold a facade for different reasons and act differently towards their respective partner is actually because of one key thing.

💰MONEY💰

Kizu is so fucking brilliant.

She constantly highlights how social-economic circumstances of Given characters affect the way they behave.

Ugetsu comes from generational wealth. Ugetsu kept up a cheerful, nonchalant and ironclad facade to everyone else because he didn't want anyone, especially his father as an act of rebellion for abandoning him since he was kid, to find out how depressed he actually was. Then Akihiko saw through that facade. Ugetsu then couldn't help but seek Akihiko's TLC because literally money can buy everything else.

Yuki's facade came from wanting to be the pillar of social and familial environment he operated in. He wanted to provide the best, first experiences for Mafuyu. His lower social-economical background meant that he had to mature and take care of himself a lot quicker than most kids while his mum had to go to work. But the poor thing, Yuki is taking on a lot for a kid! Also notice these Yuki parallels with Akihiko? They are both kids having to assume too much financial responsibility from an early age, having to mature too fast, too soon.

Of course, Yuki the moment he entered high school, became more absent because of work and the band, and this caused Mafuyu to feel an incredible sense of abandonment. It was further exacerbated by Yuki, Hiiragi and Shizu being in a different school and being in a band together and it festered until Mafuyu snapped.

Mafuyu asking for more time together of course meant Yuki couldn't stop working because presumably he still had to help out with the bills so music's got to give.......

When Mafuyu said those angry words,

"Would you die for me then?"

For literally anyone else with a clear head, they would have known that those were angry words and not something that Mafuyu actually meant. However, Yuki's paternal idolisation of Mafuyu + his ongoing pressure uphold a perfect facade + with his own depression + a toxic amount of alcohol -> his thoughts processes might have been:

Yuki started music to impress Mafuyu

Music became Yuki's only emotional outlet for depression

Then Yuki, amidst his depression interpreted Mafuyu's angry words as having to "choose" between Mafuyu and music.

But the thing is it's always been Mafuyu. He started music for Mafuyu.

Yuki couldn't believe that all he worked for in music made Mafuyu wish he were dead so if Mafuyu was happier with him dead, then so be it. It was like Mafuyu finally gave him permission to go through with the suicidal thoughts he had always had for a very long time....

I honestly believe this is what went on in his head. 😭😭😭I think in due time, it'll be interesting to see what more Kizu will reveal to us about Yuki and I'm keen to see how much of my interpretation will match up to what Yuki's actually like.

---

Can I just say that I am not the biggest fan of Saeko-san, Yuki's mum..... It's a lot of pressure to put on a back then, 15-16 year-old Mafuyu to be Yuki's anchor like my goodness....But ok ok, Saeko did admit her mistakes and you just never know with these things so I'm gonna try and not blame anyone.....Depression is hard to navigate.....

Let's check Yuki's attributes with Psychologist Edward Kruk Ph.D's summary points....oh wow he fits like a glove T_T:

Diminished self-concept and compromised physical and emotional security: most likely ✅

Behavioural problems: a persona to disguise their underlying fears, resentments, anxieties and unhappiness - facade city for sure ✅

Promiscuity: having intercourse before the age of 16, early sexual maturity - Kizu strongly hints MafuYuki began a sexual relationship in early middle school ✅

Drug and alcohol abuse - sobbbs ✅

Mental health disorders: depression, and suicide - sobbbss ✅

Future relationships: Father-absent children tend to enter partnerships earlier - MafuYuki definitely had some sort of a relationship really early perhaps as early as when they were 12-13 I reckon. They couldn't help but search comfort in each other. ✅

In Conclusion,

1. Ugetsu idolized Akihiko and wanted Akihiko to desperately be on par with his violin skills. Yuki Idolized Mafuyu and I honestly believe started music to try and impress Mafuyu.

2. Their idolisations of their partners are inappropriate because they are basically kids who are all the same age and it created a power imbalance in both relationships, causing all parties to feel disconnected, suffocated and or abandoned. But it's not like something that they themselves were aware that they were doing. The lack of paternal presence paired with early onset depression caused them to project this idolisation onto their respective partners.

3. Ugetsu and Yuki both used music as their only form of emotional outlet. In front of basically anyone else, they upheld a facade. But they upheld a facade for different reasons and the way they bonded with their partner is also different because of their different social-economic circumstances.

@morievna also wrote a great comparison between Yuki and Ugetsu, it is totally worth checking out!

So now knowing all this, I have a theory...

Did Hiiragi perhaps see Yuki as a paternal figure?

more on that another time!

---

If you like what you read, all I post is basically Given analysis content. Give my blog a follow to be notified of future posts! #metapotato

Masterlist of my Given metas

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givencult · 2 years

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late post but wow. look at them. they’re all so pretty <3 but ugetsu ?? stop hiding

via kizu natsuki’s twitter account @kizu_ntk !!

#given #given anime #given manga #mafuyu sato #uenoyama ritsuka #akihiko kaji #haruki nakayama #ugetsu murata #shizusumi yagi #hiiragi kashima #kizu natsuki #given official art #i’m screaming

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pennylanewrites · 3 years

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Given Characters seeing you wear their clothes!

Reader is gender neutral <3

genre: uuuh I have no idea how this works so fluff?

cw: one curse word for akihiko

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

Mafuyu

→ you put one of his beige school cardigans on bc you were feeling chilly

→ had to take a good look at you to realise it was his cardigan

→ “this is mine right?” “are you sure you want to wear it?” “I haven’t washed it in a while”

→ “Mafuyu, it’s fine”

→ he only washes it again when your scent is barely there

Uenoyama

→ you wanted to try one of his band tees on so bad, so you sneaked into his room one day when he was in the shower

→ genuinely has no clue it was his shirt you were wearing

→ “oh you like the arctic monkeys too? I have the same shirt” “what do you mean it’s mine? you’re wearing it!”

→ has to ask Akihiko if it’s normal for a couple to wear each other’s clothes

→ Akihiko tells him it’s not to prank him so Uenoyama has a talk with you about how it’s not nice to steal clothes

→ was too embarrassed to look you in the eye for a week after it

Haruki

→ you took a shower in his house after a long day at university and decided to head for his closet instead of the clothes you already had there

→ he drops a bag of chips when you walk out in his shirt and sweatpants and picks everything up without breaking eye contact

→ “wow, ___.”

→ please wear his clothes more often, he’ll die of cuteness overload

→ can’t stop cuddling you all day, you just look so cozy and you two are wearing matching sweatpants

Akihiko

→ you put on his leather jacket to get on his motorcycle

→ looks you up and down and smirks before fixing the jacket that slipped from your shoulders

→ probably big on you, man is huge

→ “damn, if I knew you look this good in leather–” “seriously shut the fuck up” “I was just saying!”

Ugetsu

→ you put on one of his white button ups after sleeping over

→ “you look like a sack of potatoes”

→ “a pretty one though”

→ would love the way it slides down one of your shoulders as you light up the cigarette in his mouth but god forbid he admits it

Take-chan

→ you wore one of his bell bottom jeans just bc you wanted to try it on (yes he wears bell bottoms no I won’t elaborate)

→ the first thing he did was grab his camera and take a picture of you

→ runs to his bedroom and takes a pile of clothes, dropping it in front of you

→ “we’ll have a photo shoot” “babe, we don’t have to–” “put them on, ___.”

→ literally pinned the photos of you in his clothes on his art wall

Yayoi

→ she made you put on one of her white crop tops

→ also made you do a catwalk with the rest of her clothing

→ not her fault you look too damn good in them

→ “seriously yayoi, we’ve been at this for hours”

→ “yeah, you’re right. time for makeup”

Shizusumi

→ blinks slowly at the sight of you in one of his oversized sweatshirts

→ pretends he doesn’t care

→ he’s about to latch on you and kiss you

→ “shizu-chan, do you like my new shirt?”

→ “no, you look ugly”

→ showers you with kisses as an apology

Hiiragi

→you wore his favorite striped t-shirt to go out for coffee

→ “are you sure you wanna wear that”

→ “why not?”

→ he runs to the bathroom and washes his face

→ probably teared up but played it cool

→ would joke and say something like “damn shawty, looking good” and you’d beg him not to let those words come out his mouth ever again

Let’s see what Yuki thinks about this! 🎤⚰️

~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~~~♡~~~~~~~~

god I love them all so much [still have mixed feelings about akihiko cough cough (^_-) ] anyway I haven’t seen any x reader for the Given characters yet so I hope someone likes this lol

also just a reminder that requests are always open! ask away! <3

#given #given x reader #ritsuka uenoyama #mafuyu sato #nakayama haruki #akihiko kaji #akiharu #mafuyama #mafuyuki #hiiragi kashima #yagi shizusumi #given characters #ugetsu murata #yayoi uenoyama #yatake kouji #fluff #anime fluff

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rens-room · 3 years

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given movie (not spoiler free):

all MAJOR spoilers will be under the cut.

y’all don’t even know how much I need this or how long I’ve waited for it!

WHY IS IT ONLY ONE HOUR I KNOW THAT I’LL NEED MORE AND IT HASN’T EVEN STARTED YET!!!

yes mafuyu! call them out on their wack relationship habits!

are you...at your ex’s concert?? is that allowed??

“I told him to brush his hair” what kind of domestic lie is this bc I want in//but also your relationship is not healthy or good for either of you.

god the music is so good. I find the anime versions of stories that revolve around music to be a more complete experience (than reading the manga) because you can actually hear it.

Ex. Nana

who let ugetsu be so pretty.

oooo complicated emotions, I’m getting a (not actually) amicable ex’s vibe.

mafuyu is so frickin adorable!!

is mafuyus voice higher in this or is it just me?

akihiko’s apartment is a dream. I love the dark color scheme and layout and the windows.

follow up, I guess I mean ugetsu’s apartment.

yallllllll stop, banging your ex is not healthy.

wait shit violin man can smile? and not look like an ice prince wtf since when?!

are you gonna...are you gonna WRITE YOUR BOY A LOVE SONG!?!

uenoyama and mafuyu are too cute!

you left your friend/bandmate with your roommate/ex to see the guy who’s in love with you...

is there anything akihiko Can’t play?? wow.

ah the cryptic car conversations.

oh yes hit me with that complex relationship and emotional backstory.

“udon or pasta” I love him. and I’ll have udon for dinner, thanks.

mafuyu with hair clips. that’s it. that’s the comment.

and they were roommates. oh my god they were roommates!

things are heating up in the ex’s department.

third wheeling but you’re just the mutual friend caught up in the feels drama.

mafuyu back at it again struggling with lyrics. that’s such a mood though.

mafuyu and uenoyama are really good together. I’m so happy for them for communicating and building each other up.

yes I am aware the movie cut some of their story line but given what IS in the movie, their relationship is still depicted well.

...domestic life...without even being together.

fellas is it gay to walk until dawn with your crush turned housemate? asking for a friend.

hahahaha the feel when you’re having a breakdown and some random kid shows up to see you (and not your ex who’s in his band).

the scene with the waterwheel with mafuyu and uenoyama is everything. thank you. goodnight. THEY’RE SO GOOD FOR EACH OTHER AND GOOD TO EACH OTHER!

HIS MUSIC IS SO BEAUTIFUL I CANT!!!

mafuyu has the power to motivate and impact other people with his music and that’s so cool.

disaster queers who cant communicate to save their lives: akihiko and haruki.

akihiko: I’m home, where is my hug??

ok humor and jokes aside, I did enjoy this movie a lot. there will be more of my opinions under the cut, as discussing spoilers is unavoidable for some of the things I wan to say.

overall thoughts and spoiler related things under the cut:

hi that confession scene? beautiful. I loved it, it felt really in character for akihiko to shout but also be nervous. the flower petals and moonlight were a cute romantic touch.

haruki cutting his hair. wow, he really went and did that. I’m not surprised, he was introduced with long hair probably for this exact reason, but I will miss it.

the couch scene. uhhhhhhhhhh. on one hand, it’s just another example of how realistic the characters are in the sense that people are flawed and make mistakes/terrible decions/do NOT think things through very well all of the time.

on the other, it’s not the most comfortable to watch because of the lack of clear consent and one person is clearly intoxicated.

I love how realistic this show is.

it talks about first loves, falling in love and out of love and explores who love and start sweet and turn sour.

the movie looks into how a first love can feel so good and be hard to let go of as well as the temptation to go through the motions and not change the status quo even if that is what needs to be done.

showing the deterioration of ugetsu and akihiko’s relationship was beautifully done.

the awareness on both of their ends that the relationship was limiting and bad but at the same time being unable to stop loving each other, so real is hurts.

or rather, it hurts because it is a reflection of real life.

I love given because it doesn’t shy away from depicting real life as mess and complicated.

the movie is possibly an even better example of this because it shows how multiple people’s feelings intersect whether they want them to or not.

it also shows how everyone perceives situations differently and has their own idea about what happened in the past, what the current situation is, and what they want in the future.

this is seen in akihiko, haruki, and ugetsu’s lives not existing in a vacuum, instead they all impact each other.

the other brilliant thing about given is the music.

all of the character’s center around music in some way and I think that mafuyu being able to take his own life and inspire others to rediscover their love and passion for music, as well as heal himself is incredibly powerful. it speaks on how music impacts people in real life too.

mafuyu using his music to come to terms with his past and present and help other people do the same is beautiful.

given is a bittersweet story. yes there is angst. but there are also happy moments. the time gap between the breakup (god that hurt) to the confession was realistic and I commend the creator yet again for the realism.

I think it is important to see that everyone gets a chance to work through their emotions.

character growth is not limited to the protagonists.

ugetsu is just as entitled to learn and grow from his past actions as the main four.

the movie demonstrates how everyone experiences, processes, and moves on from things differently in their own ways.

self reflection is a major theme in the movie.

even though it is rarely mentioned by name, the amount of introspection and reflecting on the past that the characters do is really important.

the first step to healing and moving on is to acknowledge what hurt you in the first place and then figuring out how to change it.

akihiko is the most obvious in this regard as he turns his life around after the concert. but the breakup process between akihiko and ugetsu took self reflection on both their parts to be able to let each other go.

haruki came to terms with his feelings (even if it wasn’t really by choice) and started living more in the present with akihiko.

mafuyu once again used music as therapy (you can see yuki’s influence in the lyrics even if the movie doesn’t mention it explicitly) and I believe the manga included more on uenoyama.

in conclusion, watch it if you enjoyed the anime!

#given movie #given #mafuyu sato #ritsuka uenoyama #haruki nakayama #Akihiko Kaji #Ugetsu Murata #given anime #anime thoughts #rens ruminations #old draft

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radiodread · 1 year

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Hi , I just finished the Nana anime. I read a really good fic and realized it was by you!

Sorry for the random ask but I kinda wanna scream about the influence of Nana in Given? Am I over analyzing?

Like Given has hard themes of loss and relationships and is emotionally driven. I feel like if Nana was released today it could have at least had Nana x Hachi try a relationship. But they obv need therapy and work out their issues beforehand.

Also I can kinda see Akihiko’s situation have aspects of Shin’s story and Ugetsu being similar to Nana O. The possessive nature of Aki/Ugetsu vs Nana/Hachi. They both have scenes with symbolic breaking of matching glasses 😭 and their relationship strain.

Anyways, yoru fic made me emotional (it should have been the canon ending) and Nana is heartbreaking. Sorry for random ask/rant

Hi! Ohhh wow, I'm first of all glad you found and read my fic- but also that you liked it 🥺 You know, aside from the obvious musical aspect connecting Nana & Given, I also see a lot of similarities in some of the themes (like loss, friendship, relationships, the good and bad aspects of love, etc) presented in them. And god, you're probably right in that there could've been at least an attempt at something more between both Nanas if it had only been released in the late 2010s or now in the early 2020s. Ah. It just makes so much sense. But yes, like so many fictional characters, they would need therapy or at least someone to properly talk things out with before anything could happen, at least for it to happen the right way. I take comfort in knowing that they both really want the best for the other Nana, so I'm sure they would do anything in their power to make sure things went right this time, considering what they've gone through.

Akihiko and Shin are very, very similar and it only just now hit me when you mentioned it. Abandoned by parent(s), severe abandonment issues as a result, seeking comfort in literally anyone who would give it and not really thinking about who they reach out to. Not only that but also the way they both sleep/slept around for money or other material goods. Yikes. Yeah. Also the fact that both series indeed have scenes where a glass or two are broken as a symbolism of their deteriorating relationship- wow. Yeah. You've pointed out very good things about these series that connect them, things I never even thought about and now I have Thoughts™.

I'm glad that my fic evoked emotions in you, that to me tells of a job well done 😂 And please don't apologise, I really love it when people reach out to me to talk about anything, be it my fics or anything else. It's super fun. So thank you for the kind message, and also thank you for reading my fic! :D

#Anonymous #answered

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hayakaws · 3 years

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oh man, it was intense... apparently there was a ton missing so i have to finally read it but! BUT!!! after watching the series i thought ugetsu was this selfish abusive prick and that’s what he basically looked like in those 0.5 seconds he got but here you can see it’s complicated and that they BOTH were just not good for each other, not just one of them harmful or responsible for their relationship and honestly??? it’s so nice idk i feel good that we can sympathise with both parties here idk what im saying but it felt nice (and painful of course but it is what it is). anyways you’re like the only anime blog i follow so bear with this message

lmao i feel you its ok ksdlfgdgf yeah i think this is what makes given much more special than other (shounen ai) anime. the story is incredibly realistic and well written and it just keeps getting better. i remember the first time i read this arc in the manga and i was like “wow. i’ve never thought given could get better but wow. kudos to the mangaka.” like the way it actually shows us how toxic other yaoi tropes are? given might be the only bl series that actually didn’t romanticize unhealthy gay relationships. akihiko realized his mistake, ended his toxic relationship with ugetsu which set them both free, found a new house, gradually became a better person etc... it’s just so nice as you said. also yeah ugetsu is not one of my favorite characters but he is definitely not a villain, he is just a complicated character and he is definitely not the one to blame here. i’m happy all of them got their happy ending in the end :D btw the movie only misses mafuyama & shizuragi scenes, as far as i remember they showed us everything about akihiko & haruki & ugetsu arc, so you don’t have to read it but it’s def better to read to understand the whole arc better. for instance akihiko’s development was much better in the manga imo but i’m not complaining, the movie was so good too

#answered #given #Anonymous

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brabe · 4 years

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WHAT IF... MURATA UGETSU HAS BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER?

“Murata Ugetsu was by no means detached from life- nor was he free of worries and grief, he had feelings too- the same as anyone else... But, unlike ordinary people, his heart and his emotions were overflowing.

While I listened to Ugetsu’s music that day—to the sudden flood of music-feeling that was amplified so many times more than usual, I found myself wondering — how... just how was this child prodigy able to live...?

Be it joy, or sorrow, or suffering, Ugetsu lived with feelings which were much more complex, and exponentially larger than those of ordinary people- just accumulating it all within himself.” (Chapter 17)

Murata Ugetsu’s introduction struck a chord with me right away because I recognized the feelings described all too well. So, I asked myself, what if?

After finishing the anime, I read all the chapters of the manga mainly because I wanted to know more about this intriguing character, and I only kept finding clues that reinforced my initial assumption.

I am hyperfixated on mental health issues, in part wanting to find characters to relate to, so here is my reading of Murata Ugetsu. I wonder if anyone came to the same conclusion as me.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is an illness marked by an ongoing pattern of varying moods, self-image, and behaviour. These symptoms often result in impulsive actions and problems in relationships with other people. A person with borderline personality disorder may experience episodes of anger, depression, and anxiety that may last from a few hours to days. In general, someone with a personality disorder will differ significantly from an average person in terms of how they think, perceive, feel or relate to others.

“People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. Lacking emotional skin, they feel agony at the slightest touch or movement.” (Marsha Linehan, Professof of Psicology, who has BPD herself and developed the most effective therapy to date for this disorder).

There are many categories of symptoms for this disorder and I reckon Ugetsu manifests the following:

A pattern of unstable relationships swinging from extreme closeness and love (idealization) to extreme dislike or anger (devaluation):

The most glaringly obvious one is, of course, the relationship with Akihiko.

“Right after Ugetsu has been away from home for some time, there is a honeymoon phase which lasts a few days. It’s as if we have returned to the past... And then out of the blue, it happens—as if he’s saying, yes, this is a great chance—let's take this opportunity, quit being together and break for real this time. Like he is in a rush... Like I am not needed. Like—he is forcibly shutting me out from his world.” (Chapter 19)

“Him and I... We have been causing each other nothing but despair for almost two years now.” (Chapter 17)

It’s also notable the lack of other relationships. When Mafuyu asks him, why Ugetsu was confiding in him, even though they were virtually strangers, Ugetsu replies: “Because I don’t have any friends! Perhaps, I really just wanted someone to understand... Just a little bit is enough.” (Chapter 17)

He is actually really kind towards Mafuyu, opening his home to him, freely helping him with music anytime Mafuyu wants even though he is a world-renowned musician and even letting him practice at his house while he is not there. We know he does that because he recognizes the genius in Mafuyu, but still, I think he actually would like to have friends; he probably just doesn’t know how to. We know that Akihiko was his first friend and evidently years later still the only one close to him.

Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger, often followed by guilt and shame:

Ugetsu gets suddenly physically violent with Akihiko two times (and a third one is implied when Haruki first saw Akihiko and he had a bruised cheekbone). He throws a glass on the floor when Mafuyu visits him because Akihiko still hasn’t come back home. He seemingly inexplicably smashes the mug Akihiko gifted him: “Around the time we had just started to live together, when he brought me my first present, somehow... I hated that very much, and I refused it saying—’I don’t want it!’ Even though it was only a mug. Back then, I should’ve just said—’I’m happy. I want to be with him.’” (Chapter 17)

I believe the last one was a dissociative episode, another symptom of BPD, a trance-like state in which one is disconnected from their own mind, body and surroundings. Then the switch turns back on and Ugetsu suddenly starts crying, crouching on the floor, staring blankly at the broken pieces and picking them up, asking himself why, just why did I do this?

The guilt and shame aspect is also shown, when after having recounted his history with Akihiko to Mafuyu, Ugetsu leans his head on the steering wheel of his car remembering everything, clearly in grief, and thinking to himself: “Really... He is a good guy, isn’t he.” (Chapter 17). Here I want to indeed praise Akihiko and underline how well he dealt with Ugetsu’s dissociative episode. He didn’t freak out and lash out at Ugetsu, calling him crazy, but instead he tried to diffuse the situation, laughing and helping Ugetsu to pick up the pieces of the broken mug. As if to say, ‘it’s okay.’

Desperate efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment:

One way of doing this is leaving the other person before they leave you, which is exactly what Ugetsu does or tries to do. He is terrified that Akihiko will leave him definitely one day, but at the same time he actively tries to make him leave: “I’m the lowest son of a bitch towards Akihiko and I guess he resents me, y’know... But I love him to death.” (Chapter 17)

“I’ve been pushing him away but he hasn’t given up on me at all. I’ve been trying to leave him every chance I get. But it seems like I’m still not good at doing that, so... I’ve always been waiting for him to let go of me.” (Chapter 17)

“What if he never came back, just like that? I’ve thought about it countless times. Yet, I’m still not able to imagine it. Tomorrow, he might come back all of a sudden? Or maybe he won’t? But, just the same, I want this suffering to end. But on second thought, I don’t really want that. All the stuff that’s in this room right now, the thought that everything might disappear... Will nothing... Not one thing remain?” (Chapter 27)

Distorted and unstable self-image or sense of self:

It’s fair to say the core obstacle in his relationship with Akihiko. Ugetsu’s whole existence is ingrained irrevocably in music. It is what gives his life purpose and the outlet with which he deals with his too intense emotions. Which leads me to wonder what would happen if for some reason he lost music. And I am not positive he would survive that.

“After we graduated from high school—at the time, when I was actively performing as a musician... one day all of a sudden I realized, the existence of the other—was the one thing we both chased after the most in this world. As long as Akihiko is with me, I’ll be unable to become free with my music.” (Chapter 17)

Ugetsu felt as if he was losing himself and his music in his love for Akihiko, which brings to the unstable sense of self. This terrified him. Love is messy for everyone and anyone but with BPD emotions are plugged into an amplifier and dialled up to the maximum (“But for my heart to be touched like that”). He can’t deal with all of this and the fight-or-flight response is triggered and “Let’s end this already.” (Chapter 17)

Black-or-white thinking:

People with BPD often struggle to see the complexity in people and situations and are unable to recognize that things are often not either perfect or horrible, but are something in between. This can lead to "splitting," which refers to an inability to maintain a cohesive set of beliefs about oneself and others. Ugetsu seems to be obsessed with perfection and probably to be a world-renowned violinist you need to be to a certain degree. But for example, when asked by Akihiko to come to the band’s first live, he replies with: “Is it at a level that you can show me? Ah... it’s not at a level where you can reply to me right away... then, I won’t come. There’s no point watching a performance if the performer doesn’t have the confidence to do it well.” (Chapter 8)

Ugetsu doesn’t exist in the in-betweens. There is pefection or worthlessness, love or hate, music or Akihiko.

Depression:

Ugetsu manifests many symptoms of depression.

He is either practicing the violin or sleeping.

He seems to undereat. Almost in every panel in which they are at home, Akihiko worries about whether Ugetsu has eaten or not, and always offers to cook for him, implying that Ugetsu wouldn’t bother if left to his own devices.

He is untidy and careless to some degree. At the violin concerto where Ugetsu is the soloist, Akihiko exclaims: “Again? That idiot... His hair is a mess.” (Chapter 15) implying that it isn’t the first time that Ugetsu appears somewhat shabby at a formal event, in which furthermore he is the star. This fact in particular surprised me because I had the impression that Ugetsu was vain.

This neglectfulness also reflects in his living space. Once Akihiko leaves, the house is in complete disarray. When Akihiko comes back to say he will move out, the debris of the glass Ugetsu smashed when Mafuyu visited are still there.

Last but not least, Ugetsu lives in a soundproofed basement in semidarkness, a fortress of solitude of sorts from the outside world.

Suicidal thoughts or threats:

“Well, when I was a kid, I used to go to some unknown old man’s plantation on my own, and I enjoyed killing bugs by squishing them with my right hand, y’know... Then, on one clear sunny day, I happened to listen to some music playing on that old man’s radio. It was ‘In the flow of time’ by Paul Simon... Yet even though I was only a kid, I thought, wow... I want to die... It’s a good day, isn’t it? Well, there were other things too, but somehow, I wonder If I’ve basically been chasing that feeling of dying from back then...” (Chapter 21.5)

Well, this passage speaks for itself. In some capacity Ugetsu has been pondering on death, has been chasing it, since he was a small child. I think this can be linked to the BPD symptom of chronic feelings of emptiness.

Impulsive, self-destructive and sensation-seeking behaviours:

In this category I think we can include the sleeping around in which Ugetsu engages. While not a harmful behaviour in itself, I think the motive is. Ugetsu has been systematically sleeping around for two years not because he actually wants to and it makes him feel good, but he does it to spite Akihiko and as a coping mechanism to try and get over him. This wouldn’t do good to anyone’s mental health and self-worth.

“Ugetsu and I fought all the time, even after we broke up. That... was because of his timing when it came to finding a new man... It was as though he was doing to spite me.” (Chapter 19)

Intense and highly changeable moods:

Simply, all of the above.

This is all for now. I will edit this list if future chapters will shed more light on the mind and heart of this character that I have come to care so deeply about.

#murata ugetsu #given #borderline personality disorder #akigetsu #bpd

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