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pallastrology · 9 months

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the ascendant and descendant

aries on the ascendant makes for a powerhouse of a native; they are feisty, straightforward and motivated. there is a sharpness to them, when it comes to their minds, tongues and even behaviours. they’re fast-paced and sometimes quite impatient, which can make them seem rude at times. aries risings are never intentionally rude, but their quick-wittedness mixed with their tendency to act before thinking can mean they come across pretty badly. aries risings have an interesting dichotomy to them, in that they are both extraordinarily motivated, driven and passionate, and very easily bored and disenchanted. they can pursue a project with unstoppable force, then just abruptly quit when it no longers serves them. with aries on the ascendant, their libra descendant has them searching for balance, peace of mind, reflection. aries risings are fiercely independent and driven, but they can lack patience and sticking power, losing interest and motivation quickly. they sometimes need a cheerleader, a supportive figure to encourage them and help them over the hurdles. it’s partnership that aries risings need, more than anything; an equal, someone who won’t hold them back but won’t just sit by and watch them go up in flames. aries risings do beautifully alone, but they can sometimes fall into thinking that they’re better off that way, that they aren’t able to deal with people, or love, or even family at times. but we all need connection in life, it’s just part of being human. the right people aren’t always easy, but they aren’t the explosive, uncertain bond that the native might be used to, either; they’re worth the fight to find a sense of calm that might feel quite foreign to aries rising. not every conflict has to escalate, and not every peaceful moment has to be empty or dull.

taurus on the ascendant brings an air of grace to the native; they are stoic, grounded and really quite charming. they aren’t the most social, despite being ruled by venus; taurus risings embody a different side of the planet of love. they are happiest at home, with their hands in the dirt or in dough. they love to pamper and be pampered, and love high-quality items that will last the test of time. they are romantic in an elegant, cool and nurturing way, and one of the most beautiful things a taurus rising does is hold space for their loved ones. it makes sense then, especially given that the natives have scorpio on the descendant, that in a partner they need to be able to share parts of themselves, and be shared with too. they can’t have a relationship where they give but don’t receive in return, it just doesn’t work that way for the native; there’s no intimacy without trust and exchange when it comes to taurus rising. in a sense, they are very similar to plutonians in relationships; trust, balance and intimacy are incredibly important to them, but they tend to be more reserved and calm than plutonians. taurus risings tend to be cool, whether that is through self-assuredness or stubbornness.

with gemini on the ascendant, the native is impish, restless and cerebral. they are very curious, whose minds are always whirring away in the background, making for a seemingly-scatterbrained individual at times. they are clever and intellectual, but can lack focus and discipline, flitting from one interest to another without really gaining ground with any one topic. gemini risings can be quite nervous sometimes, and are prone to anxiety and insomnia. they really struggle to be mindful, to rest. that being said, their energy is infectious, and they have a playful nature that can lighten the hearts of those around them. a real thinker, and overthinker, gemini risings are funny as well as fun, with a good sense of humour and a way with words. they have a tendency, like aries risings, to speak before they think, which can lead to being misunderstood easily; but they are quick to try and make amends when they realise they’ve hurt feelings. as a gemini ascendant, the native has sagittarius on the descendant, and so we see that they need focus, wisdom, devotion. while gemini wants to know something about everything, sagittarius wants to know everything about something. gemini has the intelligence, the energy, the curiosity and passion, but they lack certain skills for “staying power”; prioritising, discipline, patience, focus. they need someone to anchor and ground them, to support them through their journey, wherever it may take them; someone who won’t drag them down, as the native is sensitive and easily hurt at times, but someone who will help the native learn to pace themselves better. they need a mentor, in a sense, to help them figure themselves and the world out, and their place in it.

cancer on the ascendant makes for a guarded and sensitive individual. highly-attuned to the world around them, they are receptive and reflective. they aren't quick to act, despite being a cardinal sign; they are very protective of themselves and their loved ones, and so take their time more than their fellow cardinal signs. people gravitate towards the familiar, warm vibes they give off, often building intimacy much faster than the native. they are sensitive but not necessarily soft, owning razor-sharp tongues, a brilliant and almost-photographic memory, and a defensive nature. the native is maternal and compassionate, prone to melancholy and attacks of nostalgia. with their descendant being in capricorn, cancer risings seek out security, comfort and familiarity. they are happiest in a nurturing role, and look for more authoritarian types in partners. this isn't to say the native is a push over; in fact, they often grew up having to be a mother figure, and so they now just want a break from managing everything. they want a partner who will look after them and provide a safe and stable life. cancer risings, when they find their match, give selflessly and happily, and finally show their softer side.

leo on the ascendant brings power and grace to the native. they are often, ironically, a little clumsy with their words, being quite impulsive. but they mean well, and have an infectious enthusiasm for life that draws people to them like the sun in winter. leo risings are strong-willed, energetic, generous and creative. they can be hotheaded and a little jealous, especially when it comes to love. they can sometimes be quite dependant on external validation, but over time, they will learn to validate themselves and not rely on others to an unhealthy degree. there is a brightness to the native; they are often more intelligent than they first seem, they can apply themselves to almost anything, and are happiest when they feel great at something, and so are hardworking. when it comes to love, their aquarius descendant often won't settle for something dull or ordinary; they need a person who ignites the spark within, someone a little unconventional and a little intriguing. they love to feel part of something bigger than themselves, and their partner may introduce them to a community very different to their own. the native can be hot and cold in love, and crushes come and go, but true love is forever, and leo risings treat their lovers like royalty.

with virgo on the ascendant, the native is alert, sensitive and dedicated. they are highly-attuned to their environment and take stress very hard, in the form of somatic illness. virgo risings are often quite controlling of the people and things around them, which, at its best, makes for a good manager or leader; someone who can multitask and doesn’t neglect the details, someone caring yet professional. at its worst, this tendency to control can make virgo risings overly critical, tense, fatigued and irritable. they can lose the big picture for the details at times, and stepping back is a skill that takes time for them to learn. perfectionism runs deep with this placement, and they are highly self-conscious, veering into self-critical at times. with virgo on the ascendant, pisces is on the descendant, indicating that the native craves spontaneity and to be able to let go, to love without overthinking, essentially, to get out of their own heads and experience the world without worrying quite so much about what could go wrong without them there to fix it. virgo is a very loving placement, often being associated with ceres. but they aren’t really the romantic sort, and don’t go for big gestures. they will remember everything about their lover, will take care of them, will work their hands to the bone for them. they are highly dedicated, and really, devoted, though the native doesn’t always see it that way. deep down, virgo risings want to be taken care of the way they do the people in their life.

libra on the ascendant makes for a dark horse of a native. they are reflective, disarming and elegant. they love romance, and appreciate beauty in all its forms, often being quite artistic and cultured. they are cerebral and witty, and make for great conversationalists. they are generous and giving, a little flirty, and can be quite spontaneous (depending on the rest of the chart). there's a sense of looking in the mirror when you're with them; they rarely show you their true selves, and tend to reflect you back at yourself instead. this makes them very attractive, with an air of mystery about them and a pull toward unveiling what's underneath. the native can struggle with their own identity at times, as their reflective nature isn't a deliberate thing; it's a natural defence of theirs, and they can get lost in all the versions of themselves. their worst nightmare is having to combine different groups of loved ones, as sometimes the masks they wear don't mesh. in a partner, their aries descendant puts its foot down and tells them enough! it's time to be appreciated for who they are, not the version of themselves their loved ones think they see. libra risings need a partner that grounds them, lets them explore themselves without judgement or containment, sees past themselves and really meets the native where they're at.

scorpio on the ascendant brings fire and water to the native. they are intense, moody and guarded, but equally, they are steady, tender and open-handed. they put on a stern front to protect themselves, being owners of water sign sensitivity. they take a long time to warm up to people, and keep their circle small, preferring to be alone than to spend their precious time with people who don't keep them interested. they can be quite intense, especially when hurting, and aren't the easiest people to get to know. the natives are acutely aware and connected to the darker side of life, and can be melancholic and brooding at times. what they need is someone to help them step back into the here and now, and this is where we can clearly see their taurus descendant. these natives need stability and intimacy, trust and a steadfast person. scorpio risings can be tumultuous and chaotic, get stuck in morbid thought patterns and feel trapped and alone; they need a partner who can help bring some lightness and security to their lives, someone they can share these darker sides of themselves with. scorpio risings thrive on intimacy and connection, on sharing and being vulnerable. and they need a person who can prove their worth, and who can handle the intensity of the native. someone who won't be scared away, someone who loves them regardless.

with sagittarius on the ascendant, the native is explorative, devoted and witty. they are often quite big characters, with the ability to befriend almost anyone. opinionated but not without reason, sagittarius risings aren’t as hotheaded as other fire ascendants; they are less impulsive and tend to have a longer fuse, in general. there’s an interesting juxtaposition with sagittarius risings; they are silly, energetic, social and fun loving, while also being reflective, wise, escapist and studious. seeing both rulers of sagittarius - jupiter and neptune - work in tandem like this is intriguing, and displays beautifully the multitudes this placement contains within. the native is often a seeker of some kind, going on their journey with some concept in mind. they can be idealistic and escapist, fantasising about something more; they often find that religion, spirituality, travel or even academia are a deeply meaningful and transformative part of life for them. the native has the descendant in gemini, which means that in a partner, they look for people who are able to keep up. they want a partner who can be spontaneous, who can carry on the banter, who can woo the native a little bit. they need people in their lives who they can learn from, and who will learn from the native. sagittarius risings aren't as innocent as their descendant, but sometimes they neglect their love lives until later in life, and so they want to experience the things they didn't do earlier, and have those firsts. their partner needs to be okay with the fact that the native may have gone about life in an unorthodox manner, and might have done things in the "wrong" order. they need to be loved unconditionally and can't be held down or back in any way.

capricorn on the ascendant makes for an individual on a mission. they are studious, determined, driven. they can come across as cold and calculating, are quite elegant, and tend to be serious and somewhat stern. capricorn risings often bear the weight of their early experiences on their shoulders, which is why they come across the way they do. they have a softer side that they keep neatly tucked away, even from themselves. they are focus and hard working, but can prone to depression when life gets frustrating, leaving them stagnant. an often-unappreciated aspect of the native is that they are very creative; whether in the traditional sense of the word, or in that they are brilliant problem solvers and can think unconventionally when needed. they are often managers or leaders in their household, and sometimes grew up this way too. this leads them, and their cancer descendants, to need a bit of tenderness from their loved ones. they don't advertise their vulnerabilities, even shying away from them themselves, but there is a sensitivity to capricorn rising, and they subconsciously protect this side of themselves. in love, they need a slow, steady approach, and a partner who loves gently and unconditionally. tenderheartedness, emotional stability and an almost maternal affection are traits that cancer descendant loves in a partner. they don't want to be alone, but find it hard to open up, and it takes time to find their perfect match. that being said, the wait is worth it when they find unconditional love.

aquarius on the ascendant brings ingenuity and intrigue to the native. they are determined, brilliant thinkers, and a little kooky. they can be quite eye-catching, as they like to express themselves through their personal style, and aren't generally shy. they love people, though their love is a cerebral and hands-off kind. they are often part of some sort of community, whether through choice or through traits they were assigned at birth, and they are passionate about their communities. these groups are their home, their family and an extension of themselves, after all. aquarius risings are often very clever, think creatively and express themselves well. they can be a bit outside-the-box and some people find their sureness of self disconcerting, whether that's from projection or just surprise. the native can sometimes forget about love, feeling it isn't important as long as they have the love of their communities and the people they meet in life. but they are often thinking of something that bores them, stifles and changes them, when they think of love. in reality, love looks different for everyone, and with leo on the descendant, it really is an important part of life for the native. they need to be adored, given space to flourish and thrive, and challenged a little bit. they are generous and kindhearted individuals, and they need a partner who will let them explore but always lead them back home again.

with pisces on the ascendant, the native is ephemeral, delicate and absorbent. they are creative thinkers, but not always the most logical of people. they are incredibly sensitive, and like their sister sign, they are prone to somatising stress and powerful emotions. speaking of emotions, pisces risings are emotional creatures, with a deep well of love within them, that they draw from often. they can be quite romantic, but it’s a different kind of romantic to that of taurus or libra; pisces risings are soft and usually somewhat shy, with a submissive side that means unrequited love is very common for them. pisces risings struggle to organise themselves and can lack motivation, relying instead on bouts of inspiration, that can be as fickle as the native themselves. discipline is a skill pisces rising doesn’t naturally possess, though some overcompensate. pisces on the ascendant means virgo is on the descendant, and so they really need, and often crave, stability and security. they can live very interesting lives, with a lot of ebb and flow, as water signs do, but interesting is often overwhelming and exhausting, and they want to be able to come home to safety, sameness, those quiet moments spent recovering. they are very devoted people, but can neglect themselves and their home life in favour of loving everyone and everything around them; they need someone that holds and grounds them, an anchor so they can return to themselves when the world becomes too much.

#pallastrology #astrology #astrology blog #ascendant #descendant #rising sign #ac-dc #angles

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normal-internet-user · 1 year

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AAAH! I LOVED THE MIKEY WITH AN ASSANIAN GF! AND I WAS GONNA REQUEST SOMETHING SIMILAR BUT I SAW THAT YOUR REQUESTS WERE CLOSED!

sorry about the caps!

Could I request Leo(2012) with a secret S/O(reader) who is quiet and reserved, not because she's shy, but because she just finds it easier to respond with gestures and expressions! Maybe she is very confident and skilled at fighting, but she prefers to work as a hacker.

When they start dating Leo gets a little jumpier when he sneaks out to see her and splinter notices so he confronts Leo about it maybe Mikey overhears and he gets curious so he goes to meet the reader and brings her back to the liar to surprise Leo?

-🍵

(bonus if the reader has a very chill reaction to everything and does not scare easily at all! like the feeling of being jumpscared is foreign to her)

I LOVE THE SECRET LOVER TROPE SO MUCH YA'LL HAVE NO IDEA -

LEO WITH A SECRET HACKER GIRLFRIEND

Ya'll would meet completely and 100% by chance.

He was probably scouting or on patrol or something when he saw you cornered in an alley by some guys that were like, 2× your size.

By the time he got there to help, you had already knocked the last guy down and were dusting yourself off.

Bro just kinda stood there, stunned that you had just done that.

You guys exchanged numbers and kept in touch, becoming friends pretty quick.

Leo thought it was stressful trying to have a secret friend, But when ya'll start dating,

His anxiety goes through the roof.

Obviously Splinter is the first to notice him being so jumpy and secretive.

He won't directly ask Leo about it,

Just quietly observe.

Donnie is the second to suspect about you, and it may have been your fault...

You see, Leo came to ask you for help with some of Baxtor Stockman's files, and you might have accidentally left a small teeny-weeny digital footprint.

Not enough to directly trace back to specifically you,

But enough for Donnie to suspect Leo having outside help.

The real kicker was when Mikey overheard one of Leo's phone calls with you.

He overheard him planning a day to come visit and there was an awful lot of, "Love" and "Angel" being said.

He may or may not have followed Leo to see if he was right, and he was.

One day, Mikey just can't take it anymore, and he shows up on your fire escape to introduce himself.

You were incredibly chill about it, and even agreed to let Mikey take you to the Lair.

When he arrived, he shouted out as loud as he freaking could, "I BROUGHT LEO'S GIRLFRIEEENNNDDD!"

"Leo's what!?"

"You brought who???"

"Mikey!"

Leo tripped over himself running into the room, immediatly he rushed over to you and pulled you off to the side while Donnie and Raph asked Mikey questions.

"What are you doing here?" Leo whispered to you,

You shrugged, and answered in your normal, quiet voice, "Your brother showed up at my apartment and asked if I wanted to meet your family. I texted you about it."

He pulled out his t-phone and saw that he did infact have multiple messages from you. He face palmed, and sighed.

"It's fine. It's about time they met you anyway."

You fiddled with your fingers, "Sorry I didn't talk to you about it, Hun."

Leo shook his head and kissed you on the cheek, "It's ok, Angel. Really, it's fine."

He then turned around to face his brothers, "Guys, I'd like you to meet my girlfriend, (Name), these are my brothers."

Donnie moved forward to shake your hand, Raph shoved Leo out of the way to ask you questions and Mikey sat back and enjoyed the chaos he'd created.

Splinter entered the room, amd Leo visibly tensed up.

You greeted him respectfully, and he asked you to follow you to the dojo, leaving Leo to be bombarded by his brothers.

"So, I assume you are who my son was sneaking away to see?"

You nodded, "Probably, sir."

Splinter waved his hand in a dissmisive gesture, "Call me Splinter, 'sir' makes me sound old."

You giggled, "Ok, Splinter."

Leo was so happy you got along well with his family, your relativly chill and reserved attitude contrasted well with his loud and essentric family.

You are now the teams designated "Gal in the chair", as Mikey calls it,

You'll help them with gathering info, breaking into systems etc.

Leo is more than happy to have you around more often, with no more need to sneak around!

.........................................

Voilà! Here you go 🍵 Anon! I hope you enjoyed💕

#tmnt #tmnt x reader #x reader #leonardo x reader #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2012 x reader #tmnt 2012 headcanons #leo x reader #leo x reader hc #Normie writes

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reportwire · 2 years

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'Rupee is not sliding, dollar is strengthening,' says FM Nirmala Sitharaman

‘Rupee is not sliding, dollar is strengthening,’ says FM Nirmala Sitharaman

Finance minister Nirmala Sitharaman, who has been speaking about India’s growth story and robust economy during her recent interactions, has said that in the current scenario, the Indian the rupee is not sliding, but the US dollar strengthening. Replying to a question, Sitharaman said: “Dollar is strengthening incessantly. So obviously, all other currencies are performing against the…

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#Finance minister Nirmala Sitharaman #Indian Rupee #interbank foreign exchange market #Modi government #Reserve Bank of India #US dollar

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artists-ally · 8 months

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{Weather} Azriel x Reader

Hello people! My name is Ally and I am proud to enter the ACOTAR world with a bang. I've been writing for years and years now and thought eh fuck it why not start posting it.

So here I am. 100% not expecting this to go anywhere but if it does, come give me a shout! I'd love to hear what y'all have to say about it or hear your ideas for fic recommendations.

There isn't a whole lot of plot, just a thought that turned into another and I connected them. Enjoy!

Word Count ~ 7,523

Warnings ~ Language, blood, hurt/comfort, fluff, violence/fighting, lets all pretend that you can winnow inside the House of Wind for a sec pls.

Summary ~ You have been encompassed into the Inner Circle after the Spring Court went to shit. During a dry stead between the Queens and Hybern, Azriel was sent on a mission to the Mortal Lands to see what was going on. There is little he can do to hide his rather harsh expedition. Set during ACOWAR, you provide a level of comfort for the shadowsinger that no one else is capable of.

~~~~~

All of us are sitting around the House of Wind, relaxing after another brutal day of training. I had been with Cassian, Mor with Rhysand and Feyre, Amren off doing Amren things. Azriel was… nowhere to be found.

It’s been a few days since anyone has heard from him. We know he’s been spying in the Queen’s territory, but to not have a check in or for him to not come home to rest for days on end is concerning.

But what makes my gut churn is the smell of blood coming from upstairs.

Azriel’s blood.

Rhys and Cass get a whiff of their brothers' carnage and exchange a worried look with me. The three of us winnow up to his room and knock on his door.

“Az?” Cass says softly.

No response.

“Azriel, it’s Rhys, open the door,” Rhysand knocks a little harsher than Cassian had.

No response. They can hear his labored breathing and groans, and the smell of blood. They didn’t bother to knock a third time. When his door unlocked on a phantom wind, the sight was horrifying. Az peered over his shoulder at the curse coming from Cass, and shook his head.

“I don’t want visitors,” he mumbled, trying to stand, but failing to do so. Rhys and Cassian rushed to his side, helping him sit back down. I remained in the doorway. Staring at his wings.

They were a little mangled to say the least. Cuts and scratches littered the delicate leather, some puncture wounds oozed trickles of blood and puss.

“What in the name of the Cauldron happened?” Cassian demanded from the shadowsinger.

“Tree snare, Mortal lands are littered with them,” He groaned. “I’m fine, please just- please leave.”

He never begged quite like that before. The desperation was a foreign thing to his tongue. He tried to straighten his spine, but it did no such thing. He hissed at the jarring of his wings, and settled into the curves of his hunched over position.

He looked awful.

“Az, we can’t just leave you like this. We can get Madja in here-”

“No,” he plead again, tone more harsh than the last. “No… leave. I don’t want any help.”

Typical of Az to say such a thing. The quiet, reserved male was always so adamant about doing things on his own he forgot that sometimes it’s better to ask for help than to suffer in silence. Especially when it comes to such a delicate and sensitive body part.

But alas, the two brothers nodded, stepping around the third and heading to the door. I moved out of their way, but not with them. I just continue to stare at his toned, berated back.

“Yn…” he called out. “Don’t make me beg you too.”

I stiffened.

I knew how hard this must be for him. To turn down his friends, to turn down aid. I don’t know Azriel very well, not like the others did after spending five centuries with him. But maybe that would… I don’t know

“I won’t say anything,” I promised. “Just let me clean you up, is all I’m asking.”

He sighed heavily, hanging his head in his hands, but he nodded. I quickly shut the door behind me and moved to the bathroom. Under his sink there was a little brown pouch with all kinds of medical supplies. I grabbed some towels and a bowl of hot water appeared by his feet. When I walked back into the main area, he had his chin fastened on his fist, looking out the big window.

I stood next to him laying the open bag next to him so I could rummage through it. There were some wipes, some bandages and some thick cloth pads. I ripped open as many as I thought I needed and began to apply pressure to the wounds on his arms and shoulders.

Az held a few while I drenched a cloth with the warm water and began to clean off the dirt and sap.

He didn’t even seem to breathe, to even blink as I ran the cloth up and down his right arm, ditching it on the floor when it was too dirty to continue. I repeated my steps until the majority of him was clean. The bleeding had stopped for the most part and I applied an adhesive pad to the area to keep it covered. I couldn’t smell any infection on them so it was okay to conceal the wounds. Had there been a sticky, yellow goo then they would need to drain.

Then I looked at his wings.

They weren’t shredded, but they were not in good condition by any means. They looked so painful.

I silently moved to the opposite side of the bed, kneeling into the mattress and spreading out more supplies.

“I-” he started, “please be gentle…”

“Of course,” I nodded, resting my hand on his shoulder to try and get them to relax. They sagged a bit, but didn’t stay there long. The second my fingers grazed the smooth flesh, he jumped.

“Sorry, sorry,” I mumbled, retracting my hands. “What hurts?”

“No, no it’s not painful, just very sensitive, I’ll try to hold still,” he apologized, displaying his wings, stretching them out all the way as if to brace them against the bed. They were massive. And most of the small cuts and snags littered the top and middle of the span, not towards the bottom.

“This might sting a little, if it’s too much, tell me, and I’ll stop.”

He nodded, clutching the tops of his knees. His breathing was hard as I dabbed the first cotton ball to the sore area. It had been rubbed raw from Mother knows what.

There had to be hundreds of them, if not a thousand scrapes and scratches. But they all didn’t need tending to, they would heal just fine. There were a few that I was concerned about and applied something to keep the bacteria from spreading.

I gently slid my hand to his shoulder, pressing it down from his ear, telling him it was okay, that he was alright.

He listened, settling down. I knew he must be in a lot of pain. There wasn’t much that I could’ve done beside what I did, but I did as much as I could to ease the tension. I summoned another rag and gently cleaned the skin on his back, wiping the mud baked onto his skin. Az relaxed more at that.

“I know it’s not really my place to ask, but if you would like to share what happened, I will patiently listen, Azriel. If not, I’ll enjoy the silence with you,” I offered, my hands coming to his shoulders, massaging the thick muscle.

He groaned in satisfaction, dipping his head forward and sagging downward. His arms slumped to his side as I drove my knuckle between the fibrous strands. Az ground his teeth, breathing with every knot I worked from his body. I drove my thumb in and around the base of his wings, careful not to brush against them.

Cassian had once told how sensitive Illyrian wings were. Why they were so sensitive. It made my cheeks blush, which I was taunted for endlessly.

Azriel sucked in a breath.

I had been too busy thinking about all the things Cass and Rhys had teased me with and my thumb slipped, brushing the delicate nerves at the base of his spine. I could see the goosebumps etch his bronze skin.

“S-Sorry,” I stuttered, fingers trembling, struggling to resume. “Do you need anything else? Can I get you something to drink or eat?”

I stood before he had a chance to say otherwise. I didn’t, truly didn’t, mean to brush over the hyper-sensitive area.

Azriel just looked up at me with full eyes. They looked like strangers, not the deep, fierce set of hazel that I had come to know. They were like the shadows that whispered in his ear. There hadn’t been a glimpse of them in the hour or so that I’d been here tending to him. It’s as if they’ve vanished.

His eyes were bright, filled with his pupils in a way that made him seem feline. Like a true predator hunting in the pit of night.

“I…” Az started, swallowing hard before his eyes darted between mine. “Will you stay? Please?”

He reached his hand to grab mine, and I let him, his warm, scarred hands engulfing mine. I nodded precisely, a smile playing on my lips. He seemed to deflate then, a weight being lifted off his shoulders and he dragged me closer, wrapping his arms around my waist and resting his head against my stomach.

I let my arms fall over his shoulders, the strands of his inky black hair finding its way into my fingers. I tangled it between my digits gently, letting the soft curls form as I brushed them away, repeating the process.

I had no idea how long we stayed there for, but enough for the once dimly lit room to ignite with fae light as the sun set over the Sidra.

Azriel began to tug me closer. I had no choice but to crawl into his lap, letting my weight rest over one of his legs as he clung to me.

I didn’t dare try and break this moment.

I nestled into the dip between his shoulder and neck, letting my eyes lull shut as his warm body did the same. I let my thumbs brush against the smooth skin on the back of his shoulder, wanting to press a kiss there, but… not my place, I reminded myself.

I had always cared for the Illyrian more than the others had. Was always the one wondering if what his shadows were whispering were things to him or about him. I knew he had a traumatic pass, and I knew he suffered a great deal during the early years of his immortal life, but things were… they weren’t great, but we were in a lull. With Hybern. Things were stalled so we took this time to cut back.

Not Az. He was always spying somewhere, reporting on new territories siding with us or the King, but nothing more. We all knew he needed a break, but never took one. It was frustrating.

He shifted on the bed, then I felt a gust of wind encase my body.

His wings enveloped me entirely.

I had not expected it. I was shocked to say the least. I tensed for a moment, and he must have sensed it because he began to retreat.

“No, no” I said, adjusting myself on his muscular thigh for a moment. “Put them back.”

He answered with the leathery wings covering us completely. I settled into the warmth, the soft scent they admitted. I had never felt so safe in my entire life, so completely safe and comforted.

I didn’t know a lot about Illyrian tradition since I had been encompassed into the inner circle, but I knew enough that it was a great honor to see a pair of wings up close, let alone touch them. If he had let me do that, gods only knew what this meant.

I felt a tear hit my shirt. I heard him sniffle, then hiccup in a breath.

“Azriel…” I breathed out slowly, gripping him tighter as he clung to me, the sobs wracking through his body. He gasped for a breath every now and then, the tears falling faster with every breath.

He cried for a long while. I wasn’t even sure if he knew how to do that. To cry, to be vulnerable with anyone.

“It’s okay, Az, I’m here, I’m right here Az it’s okay,” I soothed, twisting his hair around my fingers once again. His breathing seemed to even out at that, sobs reduced to trickling tears and sniffles.

I didn’t know what to do.

I didn’t know what to say.

Thankfully, he spoke. “I don’t know what you did, Yn… but you made the shadows go away. It is so quiet without their roar in my ear. In my bones… everything is silent. There are no whispers, no murmurs of potential threat. It is all quiet.”

My heart thundered in my chest so hard I thought it might break my rib cage. There were no words to describe the feeling in my body. I gripped him even tighter.

His hands stroked up and down my sides, gently nudging me to pull off. I did, meeting his glossy eyes and tear stained cheeks. His hand ever so gently came up to my face, fingers barely touching the surface of my skin as he looked into my eyes. So deep I thought he might see my thoughts.

“Thank you,” was all he said. I nodded and smiled, tucking the hair behind his ears. “Besides Madja and my own mother, I have never let anyone touch my wings. Not even Rhys or Cassian. They are… my entire world. The most prized possession any Illyrian could hoist. They are my ticket to anywhere in the world and I let you touch them without a second thought.”

My eyes had widened at that.

“In 500 years,” I gaped, “you’ve never let either of them touch your wings? Once?”

He shook his head, “Never. It is a privilege that few get to experience. Typically just mothers to their newborns, but once you learn to fly, you’re old enough to take care of them on your own. It becomes our responsibility to keep them safe and keep them clean. Of course there may be a medical need, but other than that, they are not to be touched. Only mates have that sacred right.”

My heart clenched.

I’ve only been a part of this group since the middle of the war. I had left the Spring Court when Feyre had planted those lies. They spread to my territory and we all went our separate way. For the better. I chose to come and fight for what we all knew was right. I can’t say the same for the rest of my family.

I had managed to hitch a few rides to Summer, right before Adrita was attacked. I fought alongside them, and none of them knew that I was from Spring besides Feyre. She had recognized me for the Tithe. We instantly connected and she offered me sanctuary with them while we fought against Hybern. I had exceptional knowledge of the Spring Court and The Wall, of who was going where and when.

When we came back to Velaris, I was introduced to Amren, who just briefly looked up from that book, took a sip from a gauntlet, gave me a cold once-over, and went right back to the book.

Nesta was much the same.

Elain hadn’t said much either, just asked me if I knew anything about the human lands. I was later informed on her betrothed. It made my heart hurt.

Mor was undoubtedly my best friend. She really helped me get settled here in Velaris. She was the one to pick me up time and time again when I didn’t think I could go on.

Rhysand was more of a gentleman than anyone painted him to be, especially all those years Under The Mountain. He was not a hostile homicidal maniac like Amarantha had painted for him. He was gentle, and kind, only being capable of those horrible things when he needed to be.

Cassian was… well, Cassian. Big, strong, charming as ever. Dumber than a pile of rocks but a brute of a man nonetheless. He was my other best friend. My go-to drinking buddy and my favorite person to beat at cards. I would come with him and Nesta to Windhaven. He was not merciful.

And then there was Azriel. He rarely spoke when he wasn’t prompted. He kept to himself, to those shadows, and wasn’t one for conversation. I had only spoken to him three or four times. Most of them during the war, once during Solstice to give him his gift. It was usually just… so, between us.

Until now.

Until he let me touch his wings.

Could it have been a possibility that-

As if he knew what I was thinking, “I didn’t know how to bring it up to you, Yn. I didn’t want to at first, cause I didn’t think you felt anything. Any type of bond. And I certainly didn’t want to bring it up right in the middle of the war, risk death, and then leave you alone forever. I couldn’t bring myself to leave you with that type of pain.”

My eyes stung. My heart thundered. Every fiber in my body became aware of just how close I was to him. I took in a deep breath, eyes blinking rapidly.

“If you… I don’t know if that is what you want,” he hesitated. “If I am what you want, but you are everything I’ve ever needed, Yn. You are the sunshine to my dark and hazy life. The only thing that can make my deep, roaring shadows disappear. Completely. It is calm and utterly silent when you are near. And when I get to hold you… Cauldron Yn, it is like a fresh breath of air. Like a torrential rain to my wildfire. It hasn’t been this quiet inside my body since the day I was born.”

There was nothing I could do to stop the tears from flowing. They hit the clothing between us, saturating the fabric and then drying. I didn’t know what to say. And I could tell that was killing him, my silence. He tensed beside me, gripping my arms a little tighter.

“Yn” he breathes, so softly. So gently than anyone ever had.

I looked into his eyes, finding them to be so much more breathtaking than I did a little while ago.

“I don’t know what to say, Azriel,” I chuckled lightly. “I’m shocked, I just thought that you and Mor…”

“No,” he shook his head adamantly, “Not us. Not ever, I’m afraid. I spent a long time trying to… coax her, but she never budged. I decided I needed to look for someone else. For you.”

I smiled greatly.

“Stay with me, tonight,” he grabbed both of my hands, placing kisses to each of them before folding them against his heart. “Let me give this to you, slowly, at your own pace. It is yours, Yn. It always has been. Let it be yours, if you choose.”

His eyes, glowing and begging me to say something. When he pressed his lips to my hands, I could feel my chest tighten in a way it hadn’t before, constrict around itself until it let loose and erupted from within. Everything I had hoped for, spent countless hours dreaming of, pestering my mother about stories of when she found out my father was her mate, came true at that moment.

An unrelenting pull in his direction, a deceptively overwhelming feeling of trust and sureness that seemed to never end crashed through me. It was like I was looking at him for the first time. Like I opened my eyes and the first images I was blessed with seeing were of him, of Azriel, this shadowsinger and spymaster of the Night Court.

A piece of a puzzle locked into place, one that I hadn’t even known existed yet. And here it was, front and center in my mind, so clear it almost blinded me.

All I could do was smile. Smile and nod my head as I watched his teeth flash before he wrapped me up in his arms. He giggled, tossing me over his shoulder and rolling me around on his enormous bed. I laughed and laughed, letting him pepper my skin with kisses.

“You have no idea how long I have waited for this, Yn,” He sighed, propping himself up on one elbow, clutching my fingers in the other. “How long I have needed a mate.”

“I think I might have an idea,” I smiled, tucking some hair behind his ear. He rolled his eyes, scooping me up and laying me on top of his chest.

Cauldron knows how long we stayed like that for, just talking and smiling at each other, kissing every now and then. When I grew too tired to keep my head up, his wings encased me again, that soft, musky scent circling around me.

“Rest, my Yn,” he whispered, his arms coming around my waist. “We can talk all day tomorrow.”

+++++++

The sun made him look like the most perfect shade of bronze. His dark, inky hair was a mess over his eyes, his tattoos swirling across his shoulders. His wings were still folded around me, keeping my body pressed to his all night long.

Azriel slept, another thing I wasn’t sure he actually knew how to do.

I shifted my legs around, detangling them from his. He groaned, but let them go, only tightening his grip around my torso.

“Az,” I whispered, "we need to get up, training is in an hour.”

“Five more minutes,” he grumbled, tucking his head beneath my chin. The hair on his head smelled like the Sidra; salty and lemony. So calming and soothing. I let him, and myself, have a few more minutes, just basking in each other. But I eventually did have to be the fun killer.

“I’m sure Cassian will understand if you don’t want to train today, but I unfortunately don’t have any excuse. I have to get ready and go eat before I go. Let me up, please.”

He let go reluctantly, making a big huff as I climbed away from him.

I laughed, “You know I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

“Yes, but I wanted to spend this morning with you. I want to spend all my time with you.”

My heart swooned. “Come to breakfast with me. Even if you don’t want to train you can still come and watch.”

Azriel rolled his eyes, but followed me nonetheless. I got changed into my fighting leathers, and Az strolled behind me to the dining room. I greeted everyone like I normally would, as did Azriel. They could instantly tell, because he wore a smile on his lips the entire meal, taking up the empty seat next to me, which normally was Mor’s.

When she strolled in, she gave him a high eyebrow and he shrugged. She looked at me and I had to suck my lips into my mouth to keep from cackling out. I mouthed ‘I'll tell you later’.

When I rose from my seat, so did Azriel, following me into the kitchen.

“When will you be back?” He asked softly, cradling me close.

“By noon, Mor and I have some work we need to do at Rita’s,” I responded, falling into his warmth. “Are you going to be alright here?”

He nodded against my shoulder, “I just don’t want you to go, is all. I’m enjoying the peace and quiet.”

My heart sank at that. I was just happy to offer him at least some moments of rest in his utterly chaotic life. If I was able to give him any sort of relief, I’d stop at nothing to make sure that he has access to it whenever he pleases. Who was I to deny him of that?

He stepped away, pressing his lips into my forehead a few times.

“Have a good training session, please don’t get beat up too bad, I have plans for later,” he smiled, rubbing the sides of my arms.

“Oh?” I tilted my head.

“It’s a surprise, now get going, Cass is waiting for you.”

“Don’t blow a gasket when I come back with bruises from him,” I chuckled.

He straightened, real concern coming into his eyes. “Maybe I should come-”

“No, no I’ll be okay,” I explained. “Cassian has beat my ass more times than I could count and you were able to hold it in. I’ll be fine, it’s never anything too bad anyway, nothing I can’t handle. I'd really rather not see you bash his face in because he got in a couple of good shots.”

That didn’t make it any better. His grip tightened, his eyes narrowed, and his jaw clenched.

“Hey!” Cassian called from down the hall. “Put your lover's quarrel on hold, we gotta go, Yn. If you’re not out here in 30 seconds I’ll make you go up and down the steps every second you’re late.”

I rolled my eyes, impatient bastard.

“I need to go,” I said, removing his hands from my body. “I will come find you when I’m back. Try and relax, okay? I’ll be fine, you know that.”

He just nods briefly before stepping out of the way to let me pass. He caught my elbow at the last second, kissing me so intensely I thought I might fall over. When he let me go, he was smirking like a cat.

++++++

The bond must have already been slipping into place because I could feel this agonizing pull back to the House of Wind. But it also felt like he was right here with me. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was spying from the shadows, something for him and I to talk about later.

Cassian and I had gone through our normal workouts, doing footwork drills and some strength training. But of course, even after almost collapsing to the floor himself, he wanted to spar.

“Can’t we just skip it for today?” I begged, rolling my head to look at him.

“Nope,” he said with a grin. “You need more practice, and I know it’ll come in handy against Hybern. If you ever find yourself without a weapon, all you’ll have is your fists. And seeing the look on Az’s face will be priceless.”

“You know,” it wasn’t really a question.

“I’ve known before he has,” Cassian huffed. “I pointed it out to him after about three times of you being near him. His shadows always disappeared and I found him staring at you. He didn’t even realize, said that he hadn’t even noticed things were quiet because he was too busy thinking of you.”

My heart lurched in my chest, filling with pride and triumph. “I don’t know what it is that I do.”

“Nothing,” he shrugged. “That is the whole point of being a mate, things just simply work.”

“I have given it a ton of thought in the past, about what it would feel like to have a mate, to have a bond with someone. It’s… so much different than I expected it to be. I miss him so much more than I thought I would. I thought I’d be able to ignore it, but I can’t.”

“Welcome to having a mate,” Cassian snickered, taking up a fighting stance. I followed suit, circling around him and dodging his blows. I wasn’t lucky enough to escape them all, one particularly hard kick sent me to my knees, and then Cassian was on top of me.

He flatten me like a bug and flipped me on my back. His forearm pressed into my throat, cutting off oxygen. I coughed, blood rushing to my face, my vision darkening.

“Come on, Yn, what have I taught you to do?” he pressed further into my esophagus. I drove my knee as hard as I could into his crotch, causing him to hiss, loosening his grip, faltering.

I smacked him as hard as I could in the face, sending him toppling to the ground. It had been hard, harder than I really meant to. I could see his eyes darken as he rose to his feet, really wanting a challenge now. He started to run towards me, and I braced myself for the impact, but it never came.

I saw a shadow blurr by and Cassian was vaulted 12 feet in the air. He made a dent in the earth as he drove through the soil. In seconds, he was encased in tendril like smoke. One that I recognized all too well.

“Az-”

“I am going to kill you,” the voice was so foreign. Azriel straddled Cassian as he held him up by the collar of his shirt. “How dare you put your hands on my mate.”

I climbed through the ropes of the ring as fast as I could, jumping down and off the platform. I sprinted the distance between us as fast as I could. I screamed his name, but couldn’t hear me over the roar of the shadows.

Before I could get there, Cassian had thrown him off and was ready to fight. The two went at each other so hard I was genuinely worried that Azriel was going to hurt him. I didn’t know what else to do, so I took off towards the townhouse.

I barged in the door, huffing puffing, and red faced as the door smacked off the wall.

“Cauldron alive, Cassian, how many times have I told you not- Yn?” Rhysand’s eyes immediately softened. “Are you alright?” “I was sparring with Cassian and Azriel came out of nowhere,” I rushed, barely able to speak over my labored breathing. “Last night he told me I’m his mate and I think he might actually kill-”

“Oh shit,” Rhys cursed, grabbing my arm and winnowing us both to the sight. They were still scrapping, both bleeding from the face. Azriel looked like an animal, and Cass looked like he was genuinely afraid. I haven’t ever seen him look like this, either of them.

Rhys threw himself in the middle, trying to get Azriel’s attention. He paid no mind to his High Lord, throwing him off his back as he lunged for Cassian again. I went to step in, to try and get his attention but-

“Yn no,” Rhysand shouted from a few feet away. That caught Azriel’s attention quickly. He looked up from where he had Cassian in a chokehold, eyes locking with mine. In a second, he vanished from Cass and appeared behind me. His arms were strong and tight around my middle. A snarl ripped from his chest as Cassian rose to his shaky feet.

His shadows encased us, creating a shield. He took staggering steps back, inhaling and exhaling so hard I thought he might pass out. Rhysand moved to check on his brother, Cassian battering him away as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand.

“Azriel,” I said through a hurried breath. “Az it’s me, it’s me.”

He inhaled deep, scenting the air, letting out a deep breath. His grip loosened and he said my name like an old forgotten prayer.

The shadows vanished immediately, his heavy body leaning against mine.

“Yn…” he breathed, turning me around. I shrugged his hands off of me, more than pissed at him for barging and attempting to kill his brother.

“Go inside,” I said, turning away from him.

“Yn please-” “I don’t wanna hear it from you,” I shouted, eyes blazing. He took a small step back, ears flattening back against his head, wings tucking in tightly to his body.

“That’s right, shadowsinger, go back-”

“Not another word from you either,” I snarled at Cassian. He, too, jumped in his skin. “You have nothing to brag about either. Don’t you dare put your hands on my mate like that again.”

Silence rippled around us. Rhys lifted his hand, opened his mouth to say something, but the glare I sent him had him scratching the back of his head quickly.

“I swear to the Mother that if anything happens while I’m with Mor at Rita’s, I’ll kick all of your asses myself. And don’t think for a second that I won’t drag Feyre into this either.”

That was more than enough to get the Illyrians to look the other way, words forgotten in their minds. I turned on my heel and grabbed my water from the corner before stalking off down the street to find Mor.

++++++

“He just appeared out of thin air?” Mor’s eyes were wide.

I nodded, “It was like he was waiting for something to happen. He would have killed Cassian, I’m sure of it, if Rhys hadn’t been there, and said my name to snap Az out of it.”

“Sounds like someone needs a little time alone with their new mate,” Mor’s eyebrows waggled on her forehead. I smacked her arm and she boomed a laugh. “I’m just suggesting.”

“It hasn’t even been a day since he told me, Mor, and he’s acting like he owns me. Rhys didn’t dare do this with Feyre,” I shook my head.

“Well,” she countered. “Rhys did almost kill Cassian once.”

“I know, I’ve heard the story a million times,” I sighed. “But that was after the Weaver and all that. They had mated and had time for the bond to be in place. There weren’t any problems until that and Az and I have barely kissed a handful of times. That’s it. How can he be this… territorial?”

“Az is unexplainably protective. Of all of us. Before you came along he was like that with all of us. In a different way, but… he’d never let any of us volunteer before he looked into it or did it himself. It is rooted deep within him, in a way none of us will understand.” “Even so, it doesn’t make it okay for him to do what he did.” “I don’t disagree,” she added, “but just try and understand where he is coming from. Yn, you are the only one who he has come across that can make his head silent. To stop the shadows and the constant whispers. I don’t know about you, but if that were me, I’m sure I’d do everything in my power to make sure nothing ever happens to my peace and quiet.”

+++++

When I came back with More, she bid me good luck before Winnowing herself back down to the Townhouse.

I came to the main dining room, Cassian, Rhysand and Feyre all sitting at the table.

“Okay, what the hell happened today?” Feyre demanded, noticing the bruises on my neck.

“I’m surprised you don’t already know,” I snorted, letting down my shields so she could see it all. She flinched slightly when Az landed a particularly brutal blow to Cassian’s face. It sent blood spewing from his mouth.

“Has anyone seen him?” I asked with a sigh. No one answered, but I heard something. I whipped my head from side to side, this deafening roar in my ears.

“What?” Rhysand asked.

“You all don’t hear that?” I asked, eyes wide as I searched for the thunderous sound. I listened deeper and deeper, not hearing any words. I suddenly felt a chill in my bones so cold I thought I’d freeze right there. There were so many voices and whispers.

I looked up to the set of grand stirs and noticed the shadows lurking at the top.

Azriel…

I sprinted up the stairs, the tendrils leading me down the hall and to his room. When I opened the door, the room was almost pitch black, shadows swirling around and around like an endless storm over the Sidra.

I tried to push my way through, but I rebound off of it like a shield. I tried again, screaming his name. He was in the center. And I had no way of getting to him. I began to panic, shouting for him louder and louder.

Nothing, no response from my shadowshinger. I took a deep breath and shoved my body against the wall, bouncing off of it immediately. I slammed hard against the floor, back groaning as I pushed myself to all fours. I tried to crawl, but it was no use, it flung me back and into the hallway where Ryhs, Cassian, and Feyre were all standing, Mor popping up next to her.

“What the fuck-” Mor gasped, seeing it for herself.

“He’s in there,” I heaved, “Mor I can’t get to him what do I do?”

She was at a loss for words and Rhys slid beside her, taking it all in. He did nothing to hide his wide eyes and frantic look. His own shadows rose and tried to comfort the tempest, but failed. The roar in my ears grew so loud I couldn’t hear whatever Rhysand said to me. I tried to read his lips, follow the bond.

I felt deep inside, it was so cold. If I didn’t know any better I wouldn’t have known anything was there at all. I pulled and pulled and pulled and pulled. I must have screamed because everyone around me flinched. I went slack against the wall and covered my ears, calling out for Azriel. Begging for him to come to me.

A flicker. I felt a flicker of warmth in my chest. Against my soul, I felt a tug, as if he too was pulling on the same thread that ties us together. I pulled faster and faster until I slammed into something so hard I gasped.

It was rock solid, something so impenetrable, like magic itself. I beat on it with everything I had, prying at it with my whole being until it began to give away. I tore this wall apart, it grew warmer and warmer-

She doesn’t want a mate, she doesn’t want me…

There is no meaning if I do not have her to protect, she doesn’t want me to protect her.

Useless, dumb, bastard born Illyrian filth.

Rhysand and Cassian should have left you in that acid bath and left you to dissolve into nothing. They should not have saved someone so vain and cowardly.

These were not my thoughts, but they sure felt like it. I looked towards the swirling wind and shadow, finally seeing Azriel at the center, crumbled to the floor, hands over his ears.

“Azriel,” I shouted. He didn’t move.

“What’s happening?” Rhysand asked, helping me to stand on my feet.

“I-I don’t know I just felt this rush of thoughts and now I can see him but he can’t hear me,” I felt the tears in my eyes. He looked around, as if searching for his own thoughts, but then he stood rigid, throwing a glance at Cassian. They seemed to share a thought before Rhys turned back to me.

“Speak in your mind,” he said hurriedly. “You have to talk to him in your mind.”

“Wha-”

“Just do it,” he urged, and I turned back to face the raging storm.

Azriel… I whispered.

I watched him flinch, hand bracing on the corner of his bed. His eyes and cheeks were wet with tears when they met mine.

Yn…

Az you have to take this down so I can get to you, I begged, it’s too strong for me to get through let me in.

He went silent.

Az please let me in. I can make the shadows go away, remember? I can make all of this go away, you just have to calm it down enough for me to get to you.

I can’t.

Why?

I am the shadows, and they are me.

“What is he saying?” Rhysand asked.

“He just said he can't tame them, that he is the shadows and they are him,” I shook my head, threading my fingers in my hair. “I can help him but I can’t get to him.”

“Do you trust me?” he asked, eyes wary.

“With my life, High Lord,” I said, because it was true.

He grabbed my hand and the familiar hollowness of winnowing encased me. He tried to drop me right next to Az, but it seemed to be warded. I was instantly flung away from him and hit the wall so hard I saw stars. Feyre came to my side immediately as the bright light in the hallway dimmed.

I forced myself up and boiled with rage. How dare he, my mate, keep me from him. I trudged forward, a small limp to my gate but I kept on pressing, despite the protests from behind me. I came to the whirling wind and shadow, staring at it.

I placed my palm against it and closed my eyes.

I know this is you, shadowsinger. These shadows, this wall… but it is not Azriel, not my mate. He would never keep me away. He’d want me right next to him, holding him as we weather this storm together. I know you are one in the same, and I know I make you go away and you are angry. He is the shadows, and you are him. I am his mate, meaning he is a part of me. I am the sun that casts the shadows you need. I am the maker of your shadows. Without one there cannot be another, without my mate there is no one to harness your strength. Let me in, let me cast the sunshine so that your shadows may sing once again.

There was almost a noise of discontent before the roar in my ear withered away. It disbanded like fog in the early spring mornings. The wind and shadows misted away, the room and hallway no longer swirling in a veil of darkness.

In the center of the room shook Azriel, arms trembling as he looked around at the sudden brightness.

I didn’t know I even gave my feet permission to move until I was collapsing into his lap. I hiccuped a sob so hard I thought my lungs burst open.

Azriel buried his face into my neck, breath just as ragged. I cried uncontrollably, crushing him with my arms, I’m sure.

I felt warmth and tenderness encase my body. I felt a tap against my shields and I let them down, welcoming Az’s shadows without a second thought. His thoughts became mine, and vice versa. There wasn’t a part of us in that moment that wasn’t connected. Our minds, our hearts, our souls seemed to tangle in each other.

It must’ve been a long while before we detangled because everyone had left.

I, begrudgingly, pulled myself from him, sitting up to look at his tear stained face.

“Don’t you dare do something like that ever again,” I breathed, resting my forehead against his.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be that harsh with Cassian-”

“What?” I asked, brows knitting together. “No no no, not that, whatever the hell that shadow wall was.”

“You’re not mad at me for beating the shit out of Cassian?” He asked, equally as confused.

“Well,” I sighed. “I’m not happy about it, but for the love of the Mother if you ever shut me out like that again, when I break through, I will kill you.”

It was a promise so deep even he knew it was true. He just nodded, kissing both of my cheeks before my lips.

“I’m sorry, Yn,” a tear trickled down my face. “I saw Cassian choking you and on top of you and it blinded me with a rage so unexplainable. I don’t even remember doing it. It was an afterthought by the time I came out of it. And you looked so infuriated at me I just- I panicked. It had been so quiet for a good while it was like I forgot about the shadows entirely and they took over my being. It was so foreign and strange and they rained down upon me with such vengeance-”

“I know, I know,” I said, combing his hair with my fingers. “We… had a talk. We came to an agreement.”

“Agreement? A bargain?” he asked, a little concerned.

I shook my head, “no, not a bargain. We just saw eye to eye on things. A favor, I guess you could call it.” I let the words I had once spoken filter into his mind. Azriel had this starry look in his eyes when the words were over with.

“You talked to the shadows…” he said, a smile tugging at the corner of his lip. “H-How did you-”

“Rhys tried to winnow me to you but it must’ve been warded because the next thing that I knew was the wall against my back,” I hissed as his hands crept up my shoulder. His touch was featherlight as he examined, lifting up my shirt to reveal the bruises forming along my spine.

“Yn… Yn I am so sorry I hurt you…” his eyes feel so dark, I worried for a second that another tempest was coming.

“No, Azriel look at me,” I grabbed his face between my hands and made him look up at me. “This was not your fault. You and the shadows are not the same thing. You two, like I said, may share the same being, but you are not your shadows. You are Azriel, my Azriel.”

The color came back to his eyes almost instantly. There was a new set of tears in his face as he landed on my chest, arms tightening around my waist.

“Thank you, Yn… for seeing me, not just the shadows.”

#ally writes #praying that the tags will bring me some traction #azriel #azriel shadowsinger #azriel x reader #azriel x you #azriel x female!reader #acotar fanfiction #acotar fanfic #acowar #acotar fandom #a court of thorns and roses #sjm #rhysand #cassian acotar #feyre archeron #writing #writeblr

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lovelyyandereaddictionpoint · 1 year

Note

Commoner foreign exchange student that is penpal/long time friend with Haruhi is a good consept

And what's more thinking of reader is from the country side where they from so they used to do manual labor and hard working

Meeting the host club would be a lot of them and what's more utter confusion of it but just roll with it

Country Side Reader | Yandere Ouran Highschool Host Club

Like the thought of you just being low-key, relaxed 24/7, and uber-friendly is so hot

Haruhi has you during your exchange program and you both are pumped

But then she’s like ‘sorry can’t hang I have debt’

And you’re like ‘it’s cool I’ll help’

So she arrives to the host club with you in tow and their just befuddle

“Everyone, (Y/n) (L/n). (Y/n), everyone.”

“Hai Hai!”

The great thing is everyone thinks your cute

But their such sheltered rich kids that they don’t know what you're saying for a while

Your dialect is so different from theirs

Immediately you and Mori-Senpai hit it off

Whether its because he’s just more desperate to talk to you

Or he has some experience with living there

“Ah, Mori-Senpai how’re ya today?”

“Good. Did you finish your assignments from class?”

“Yeah yeah sure takes quicker than ma’ usual routine!”

Honey is next

“You talk funny!”

“Ack Honey-senpai! You can’t say that!”

“S’alright I get it.”

He’s not mean about it and he gets better at understanding you with time

Unfortunately, the thing with those two is that they start hogging all your attention

Kyoya being Kyoya decides to put your energy towards something someone else

Eventually finding out you have Honey-levels of strength

No matter your stature

Tons are easy for you

And at their beck and call you can easily carry Tamaki who might be busy whining somewhere

Then comes the princess energy for Tamaki

“(Y-y/n)-sama!?”

“It’s a’right I’ll carry ya!”

Carry him once in bridal style and he’s now the princess

He loves it

The Hitachiin Twins also love you

They can convince you of a lot of things

“You’ve got to be more skeptical, (Y/n)!”

“Yeah, you keep this up someone might come and snatch you away.”

“Well I din’t think it bad ta trust ma friends.”

“...”

“You’re right it’s not bad, (Y/n).”

“Yeah you can trust us!”

When you start saying goodbye and giving goodbye gifts they all get real snappy

Not with you but with everyone else

“You’ll have to excuse us (Y/n), it’s just that…we will all miss you terribly.”

“Awww it’s not for’ver though.”

“No, it won’t be.”

They’ve got connections and they're pulling strings

“Yay! Isn’t it great!? We get to spend some more time together! Maybe you can stay with me and Takashi!”

“Yeah."

“Come on! (Y/n), stay with us…” “We have way better sleepovers.”

“No! Stay with me! (Y/n), please? If you want I can try carrying you this time!”

“Such fuss. I’ve already arranged a reserved room in one of the Ootori resorts. I’ll happily accompany you then.”

“Guys don’t overwhelm them! They’ll be staying with obviously.”

“But your house is barely large enough to stretch your legs out!”

“Grrrr!”

“Anywhere’s fine tho.”

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redcurrantarot · 1 year

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Pick-a-Card Reading: Who is your Future Spouse/Life Partner?

Hello everyone, and welcome to my first PAC reading! Use your intuition/call upon your spirit guides or higher self to choose the image/group that you feel called to as it holds the message meant for you.

Decks Used: Caroline Myss Archetype Cards, Tea Leaf Oracle Cards, Radiant Rider-Waite Tarot

PAC Theme: Howl's Moving Castle

Disclaimer: This is a general tarot reading for entertainment purposes meant for a wide audience and isn't targeted towards every specific person, so not every message will resonate with every person reading 100%. Take what information resonates with you and leave what doesn't. All of the info provided in my readings are my own personal interpretations of the cards and messages that come through. Because of the general nature of the reading, it's best not to take it too seriously and keep in mind this is just for fun!

Group 1

Cards: hills, caterpillar, elephant, hammock, samaritan, student, beggar, saboteur rx, chariot rx, page of pentacles, 8 of swords, 8 of wands, 2 of cups

Hello and welcome to your reading group 1!

Starting off, your future spouse/life partner is someone who is still figuring out their life and seems to be quite young and is just starting out their journey. Specifically I'm seeing they're still in school (higher education so college or university most likely) they're in a period of their life where they're a student and in a position where they're learning new things, as for what they're interested in or majoring in I feel like it's definitely something related to helping or communicating with others or societal issues. The thing is though, your future spouse at this point in time seems to also be kind of struggling with lacking direction and feeling stuck in life. It's giving me the feeling of being in school but also being confused with how their life is going, what they want to do and where they're headed. There's a lot of feeling trapped in their circumstances and not knowing what to do and feeling aimless. They're giving financially struggling college student, the type to barely make ends meet and might eat instant ramen a lot. It seems like they're probably lacking a support system in their life and feeling kind of helpless. I can also see them working a minimum wage type of job most likely and just trying to survive. I think the main reason for this is because of the fact that they seem to be some type of foreign exchange type student as in they're probably from another country and are attending school in another and have only themselves to depend on money wise. They're honestly working super hard to the point where it can be kind of unhealthy and they might not be able to take care of themselves very well because they're just trying to get by. Things won't always be this way for them though as things seem to be looking up and a change is coming their way. I'm seeing specifically that this is how the two of you meet each other, your person eventually decides to go on a trip or a vacation of some sort maybe back to their home country or wherever but it's definitely somewhere far away and then that's how both of you end up meeting!

Group 2

Cards: bear, coins, boat, heart, messiah rx, prince rx, don juan, angel, knight of cups, 4 of wands rx, 10 of wands, king of wands rx, king of pentacles

Hello and welcome to your reading group 2!

Alright this is interesting, your future spouse/life partner is someone who comes off or acts in a way that is arrogant and they're someone who is also very powerful I'm seeing when it comes to their position in life and their social standing. They're someone who has a very large presence and who gives the impression that they know everything and are pretty intimidating too as if everything is in their control, they have a god complex. But I'm also seeing the reason for why they act this way/give this impression and it's because it is an act/a mask or a defensive mechanism in a way, I don't believe they actually truly believe they are better than others or above them but they take advantage of their power, their charm and attractive qualities to protect themselves because there is a lot of burden on them since they are incredibly connected to money and might be at risk a lot because of this. I'm seeing that this facade they have is because of issues and pressures due to their upbringing/family and because it's likely they come from some sort of generational wealth, in a way it's like they have to serve them which gives me the impression on top of this pressure already, they might be the heir to their family as well which comes with expectations. They might feel like everything is on them to succeed and they carry a lot on their shoulders. There are always people flocking to them and around them, sometimes not with the best intentions because not only do they have wealth from their family, they're also very good at making money and doing business and are held to high expectations by others and also themselves. I also think they're someone who's very smooth and knows how to use their seductive qualities to their advantage. Despite all of this though, underneath it all, this act and this performance they are someone who is truly kind and incredibly caring at heart. I'm seeing that they're someone who is probably pretty sensitive and soft hearted which is even more of a reason to put out a strong front, despite having so much wealth, they're also altruistic too and they definitely use their money for the right reasons and give back to others and to the right causes eg. charities, non profit organizations etc.

Group 3

Cards: torch, july, tree, apple, mediator, king, priest, monk/nun rx, king of swords, king of cups, 5 of pentacles rx, ace of cups, 4 of pentacles

Hello and welcome to your reading group 3!

I'm seeing that for your future spouse/life partner, they're someone who has a talent for connecting with people and has great communication skills which can bring people together. They're someone who can combine their intelligence and perception as well as their emotional sensitivity and compassion to move people and persuade them. I'm seeing that they're also someone who commands a level or respect and they also have some type of authority and are a leader in some way, they're someone people look up to. One thing that comes out very clearly about them is that they're also someone who is incredibly devoted to their spiritual/religious beliefs, they're very pious to the extent where it's something that they're known for and they might dedicate themselves to their religious beliefs to the point that they take priority over material matters at times or become overly concerned with them. They strongly give me the impression that they use their skills to help others in some way and offer them care and compassion. For some people their person might be a counselor of some sort or a therapist but I also can't help but feel like they do in some way use their spiritual/religious beliefs to tie into their work somehow or that it is in some way related. I honestly wouldn't even be surprised if they were some kind of religious/spiritual advisor or even a priest or just someone important in their religious/spiritual community that people turn to for help or guidance. They kind of give me the impression of someone who is good at preaching or might even want to "save" others. Another thing that is coming through is that they have a lot of self control or discipline towards themselves because of their beliefs and seem to be conservative in some way and for some of you, your person might be the type to want to "wait until marriage" or at least further in into the relationship if you get what I mean. One last message that is coming through is that for some of you, you guys might be part of the same religious/spiritual community and your families might know each other and it's possible you'll meet because you're introduced to each other through them and that this could be an arranged marriage/pairing.

Group 4

Cards: mice, broom, camel, tree, healer, child: wounded rx, vampire, mentor, 8 of cups, 10 of pentacles rx, the hermit, 6 of cups 8 of pentacles, the sun

Hello and welcome to your reading group 4!

Your future spouse/life partner is someone who is on a healing journey. They're someone who has experienced a lot of pain and trauma in their past, specifically their childhood and growing up from their family and is finally leaving it all behind in the past and recovering from this. I'm seeing that they've finally walked away from this and probably have cut them out from their life and moved away into a new home and life and have made a lot of effort and spent a lot of time alone to self reflect and introspect on the issues their trauma has caused them. This caused them to become aware and more protective of themselves and to not let others take advantage of them anymore, but I'm also seeing that through this self healing journey they found a new purpose in life that is part of healing their inner child and past wounds. It's really beautiful honestly, not only are they healing from this but they've decided to use their experiences and pain to guide others, specifically other children so that they can give them what they never had. I'm seeing that this person is very likely a teacher of some kind or at least for sure works with children, they could work in a school teaching them or could even be a daycare/kindergarten teacher or a child therapist of some kind or they could work with families, maybe even child protection services, something along those lines. But whatever they do they truly put in a lot of work to be a good mentor to other kids and to help and guide them. It's something that they're truly passionate about and it brings them a lot of joy not only towards themselves and their inner child but to other kids as well, they're someone who is constantly and consistently putting in effort to learn more and heal by working with other children and just spending time with them.

Thank you for enjoying and supporting my PAC readings! I'd love to know your thoughts, please feel free to let me know through my asks. Any feedback is appreciated ♡

858 notes · View notes

minarixx · 9 months

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𝐀𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐁𝐞𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐲 ✯ 𝐓.𝐊𝐮𝐫𝐨𝐨

"𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚 𝙨𝙚𝙙𝙪𝙘𝙚𝙙. 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙩 𝙢𝙚 𝙚𝙣𝙤𝙪𝙜𝙝 𝙩𝙤 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙜𝙧𝙖𝙗 𝙢𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙪𝙘𝙠 𝙢𝙚."

PAIRING. Best Friend'sDad!Kuroo Tetsurou x f!Reader

CONTENT. Sexual Content, Age Gap, Adultery, Degradation, Pet Names, Sub!Reader, Dom!Kuroo, Vaginal Intercourse, Spanking

The hidden struggles and desires lurking behind the façade of Kuroo Tetsurou's seemingly picture-perfect suburban family. An ordinary man who, in the midst of a midlife crisis, becomes infatuated with his daughter's friends, Y/N L/N.

WC. 4.2k

A/N. Proof-read like half and hoped for the best. Ts too long not reading allat

WARNING. Minors DNI

Inspired by American Beauty (1999)

𝓣he mid-morning sun filtered through the blinds, casting a soft, golden glow on the bedroom walls. Another day in the monotonous cycle of Kuroo’s existence begins. Pulling away from the blissful embrace of sleep, he fumbles to silence the alarm clock, its persistent beeping an unwelcome reminder of the unremarkable hours that lie ahead.

Staring at his reflection in the bathroom mirror,he saw a stranger. Deep lines etched themselves deeper into his face, a testament to the weight of a life half-lived.He wondered where the spark of vitality and adventure that once defined him went, as he forced a smile that felt foreign on his weary lips.

Downstairs, the illusion of domestic tranquility is maintained. Akira, his wife, moved through the kitchen with an air of calculated efficiency. Every gesture, every word, a well-rehearsed performance. Beneath her composed facade, was the growing chasm that separated them, a canyon of unspoken grievances and unfulfilled desires.

Nana, his daughter, slouches at the breakfast table, lost in the world behind her headphones. Her sullen gaze hints at the disconnection that has settled between them, a silent reminder of the fragments of intimacy that have slipped away unnoticed. He ached for the days when laughter echoed through these walls, when a genuine connection was forged in the simple moments they shared.

The room was shrouded in an eerie silence as the family sat around the dining table. The clinking of cutlery against plates echoed through the room, accompanied only by the occasional rustle of napkins. Each family member seemed lost in their own thoughts, their faces masked with a disinterested expression.

Nana, a quiet and reserved teenager, took a deep breath and broke the monotony. She glanced at her parents, Kuroo and Akira, who were engrossed in their own world, their eyes fixed on their untouched meals. Her voice barely above a whisper, she quietly shared, "I have a cheer performance tonight."

Akira and Kuroo exchanged a brief, absent-minded glance before shifting their gaze back to their plates. Their lack of response was disheartening but not unexpected.

“We’ll be sure to come dear, what time is it?” Akira replied. “6pm mother.” Nana responded, not looking enthusiastic about it.

Without uttering another word, they continued their silent meal, the sound of chewing filling the void that enveloped the room.

When 6pm rolled in, Akira and Kuroo drove to their daughters' cheer performance in silence as usual, no music, just the sounds of the bustling streets of Tokyo.

Tetsurou Kuroo, a man adrift in the desolate sea of middle-aged mediocrity, found himself drawn to the vibrant chaos of his daughter Nana’s high school cheerleading performance. As he sat in the bleachers, surrounded by enthusiastic parents and the deafening cheers of the crowd, a peculiar restlessness stirred within his soul.

His eyes scanned the sea of young faces, each filled with anticipation and hope. And then, like a siren's call, his gaze fell upon you. You, a vision of youthful allure and confidence, stood at the forefront of the cheerleading squad. Your (h/c) hair cascaded over your shoulders, framing a face adorned with delicate features that seemed to radiate an intoxicating beauty. You radiated a youthful energy, an untamed spirit that danced in your eyes. Laughter, like cascading melodies, echoes through the air, and for a fleeting moment, time slows as your gazes meet.

In that instant, time seemed to slow down, the constraints of his ordinary existence fade away, and the dormant embers of desire ignite within him. The world around Kuroo blurred into the background, as if a spotlight had illuminated you, isolating you from the rest of the universe. Your smile, a seductive curve of lips, pierced through his complacency and ignited a dormant flame within him.

Kuroo's thoughts swirled with a mix of admiration and desire. He couldn't help but be captivated by your aura of self-assuredness, the way you moved with a grace that defied your tender age. You symbolized everything he had lost touch with—youth, vitality, and the intoxicating allure of unbridled passion.

As he watched you perform, Kuroo's mind became a battleground of conflicting emotions. A part of him yearned for the forbidden, to embrace the vibrancy of youth and indulge in the forbidden fruit of desire. Yet another part recoiled in guilt, acutely aware of the consequences and the moral boundaries he risked crossing.

But beneath the surface of his infatuation, a deeper realization began to take hold. He understood that you, with your superficial allure, was merely a vessel for his own misplaced longings. You represented a nostalgia for the freedom and excitement of his own youth, a time when possibilities seemed limitless and life was an open road.

Kuroo's thoughts ventured into the depths of self-reflection. He questioned the choices that had led him to this point—the compromises, the sacrifices, and the loss of his own identity. Your ethereal beauty became a symbol of the life he had forsaken, a reminder of the person he had once been and longed to reclaim.

But as the cheerleading routine came to an end and you disappeared into the bustling crowd, reality settled in. Kuroo recognized the ephemeral nature of his infatuation. You were but a mirage, a fleeting embodiment of his own disillusionment. The true path to fulfillment in rediscovering the beauty himself.

And so, as the applause faded and the cheerleaders retreated from the spotlight so did Kuroo's fantasy.

Kuroo rose from the bleachers and got ready to congratulate his daughter. As they were in the hallways picking up their daughter, his eyes lit up when he saw you holding bouquet from your parents. Your smile shined brighter than any other. It was like those cartoons of a man smelling food and floating towards it, however to him, it was as if he hadn't ate for years.

Kuroo later found himself standing at the window of his dimly lit study, gazing out at the world beyond. His eyes, once dulled by routine, now seemed alive with a glimmer of hope. A gentle breeze danced through the curtains, rustling the papers on his desk. Lost in his thoughts, Kuroo pondered the emptiness that had consumed his life. The monotony of his job, the strained relationships with his wife and daughter, and the relentless pursuit of societal expectations had left him feeling like a hollow shell. A desperate longing for something more whispered within his soul, a plea for salvation from the mundane.

And then, as if in response to his silent prayer, he saw her. A figure, ethereal and captivating, emerged from the shadows. The evening light caressed your porcelain skin, and your flowing white dress seemed to float around you like a cloud. Your hair, cascading in waves like the milky way, framed a face that radiated a beauty so rare and otherworldly, it took Kuroo's breath away.

At that moment, time stood still. Kuroo’s heart, burdened by years of disillusionment, skipped a beat. It was as if an angel had descended from the heavens, gracing his world with her divine presence. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her, as though caught in a mesmerizing spell.

As his gaze locked with yours, Kuroo’s mind was flooded with a torrent of emotions. A sense of longing and desire, but also a profound sense of understanding. In her eyes, he saw a reflection of his own hidden dreams and forgotten aspirations. It was a connection beyond words, a silent conversation that reached deep into his soul.

For the first time in what felt like an eternity, Kuroo felt truly alive. The weight of societal expectations and the shackles of conformity melted away, replaced by a surge of newfound liberation. In this mystical encounter, he glimpsed the possibility of breaking free from the chains that bound him.

His thoughts swirled in a kaleidoscope of colors and sensations. He yearned to abandon the trappings of his past life, to embrace the beauty and wonder that beckoned him. The angel became a symbol of his redemption, a guiding light in the darkness of his existence.

When morning came he was back to his mundane life routine, it was all just a dream. The morning sun painted gentle streaks of golden light across the kitchen as Kuroo sat down at the breakfast table, his mind still grappling with the lingering thoughts from the previous day's encounter at the high school cheerleading performance. He had been captivated by the enigmatic allure of you, yet a part of him recognized the illusory nature of his infatuation.

"I'll be working the night shift today.." Akira spoke, her back turned to Kuroo as she lightly spread avocado on her toast. Kuroo didn't reply.

As he reached for a slice of toast, his daughter Nana entered the room, her eyes sparkling with a mix of excitement and mischief. She took a seat opposite Kuroo, her youthful energy providing a stark contrast to his own disillusionment.

"Dad," Nana began, "My friend Y/N from cheer is coming over."

“Who is Y/N? I mean, I know she's your friend, but what's she like?"

"Oh, Dad, you have no idea. Y/N is the epitome of beauty. She's confident, charismatic, and has this aura that draws people in. She's got this wild, rebellious spirit that's so different from anyone else I know."

Kuroo’s eyebrows furrowed, a mix of intrigue and caution flickering in his eyes. "Sounds like quite a character. But what's her story? I mean, besides being your friend and all."

Nana replied. "Well, she's got this reputation, you know? The boys at school go crazy over her. She's always surrounded by attention, but she's smart too. She knows how to use her charm to get what she wants."

Kuroo’s mind raced, caught between the allure of your magnetic presence and the nagging voice of reason that warned against crossing forbidden boundaries. "Nana, I hope you understand that there's a lot more to a person than just their outward appearance or reputation. It's important to look beyond the surface and value the qualities that truly matter."

Nana nodded, her expression turning thoughtful. "I get it, Dad. But sometimes, you just can't help being drawn to someone, you know? Y/N has this energy, this confidence that's hard to ignore. I guess that's why she has such an effect on people."

Kuroo’s heart skipped a beat, his thoughts immediately transported back to the image of you on the cheerleading squad, your vibrant beauty captivating him like a moth drawn to a flame. He struggled to maintain composure, to hide the flicker of desire that threatened to ignite within him.

"Y/N, huh?" Kuroo replied, feigning casual interest as he tried to quell the rising tide of emotions. "That's nice, Nana. You two have fun."

The afternoon sun cast a warm glow through the windows as you arrived at the Kuroo residence, your presence like a gust of wind that stirred the stagnant air. Kuroo watched from the corner of the room, a mix of curiosity and trepidation coursing through his veins.

You, exuding an air of confidence and allure, walked into the house with a sway in her hips and a smile that could melt hearts. Your eyes locked onto Kuroo, a knowing glimmer dancing within them. The room seemed to come alive, charged with an electrifying energy that crackled between them.

Kuroo’s heart skipped a beat as you approached him, voice dripping with seductive charm. "Hi, Mr. Kuroo. It's so nice to see you again. Nana has told me so much about you."

Kuroo’s pulse quickened, his mind racing to find the right words. "Likewise, Y/N. Nana speaks highly of you. I hope you two have a good time hanging out. She's upstairs showering right now"

You leaned in closer, breath caressing his ear like a whispered temptation. "Oh, we will, Mr. Kuroo. But I have to admit, there's something about you that's caught my attention. You're not like the other dads. You have this air of mystery and allure."

Kuroo’s throat tightened, the weight of desire and responsibility pulling him in opposite directions. He knew he should resist, that giving in to your advances would jeopardize everything he held dear. Yet, the allure of your gaze and the intoxicating chemistry between them threatened to unravel his resolve.

A subtle smile played on your lips as you continued, voice laced with an undercurrent of seduction. "You know, Mr. Kuroo, you have a way of making a girl feel alive. You've got this fire inside you, and I can't help but be drawn to it."

His eyes darted around the room, searching for an escape from the magnetic pull you exerted. His mind churned with conflicting thoughts and emotions, torn between the temptation that stood before him and the consequences he knew would follow.

Summoning his last ounce of willpower, Kuroo straightened his posture and met your gaze with a steely resolve. "Y/N, I appreciate your flattery, but I can't ignore the boundaries that exist. My focus is on being a responsible father and husband."

Your eyes flickered with a mix of disappointment and defiance. You took a step back, your mask of confidence momentarily faltering. "I see. Well, maybe one day you'll realize that life is meant to be lived, to seize the passion and desire that comes our way. Until then, Mr. Kuroo, you'll just have to settle for fantasies."

Kuroo’s heart sank as he watched you retreat to go upstairs, your words echoing in the empty space between them. The temptation had been strong, but he knew deep down that pursuing this forbidden path would only lead to destruction. The dance of desire had been tantalizing, but the cost was too high to bear.

As you left the room, Kuroo was left with a mix of relief and a lingering ache. He had resisted the temptation that had danced before him, choosing instead to honor the commitment he had made to his family. It was a bittersweet victory, a reminder of the fragility of human desires and the strength it took to stay true to oneself.

The night settled over the Kuroo residence like a velvety curtain, casting a hushed stillness upon the house. Kuroo sat alone in his dimly lit study, bathed in the soft glow of his computer screen. The rhythmic tapping of the keyboard filled the room, a solitary symphony in the silent hours.

Lost in his work, Kuroo's mind danced between the lines of code, his thoughts consumed by the demands of his job. It was in this moment of focused concentration that he heard a faint rustle from the staircase, a delicate whisper amidst the silence.

His heart skipped a beat as he looked up, his eyes meeting the form of you descending the stairs. Your presence, like an apparition, sent a shiver down Kuroo's spine. His initial surprise was quickly overshadowed by a rising tide of apprehension. The forbidden allure of the earlier encounter hung heavy in the air.

You approached him with a coy smile, your eyes gleaming with a mix of curiosity and desire. "Couldn't sleep, Mr. Kuroo?"

Kuroo's voice caught in his throat as he struggled to find words. He glanced at the clock, the late hour a reminder of the boundaries that should have kept them apart. "Y/N, it's late. You should go back upstairs."

Your steps were purposeful and deliberate as she closed the distance between them. Your voice, a gentle melody, enveloped him. "I couldn't resist, Mr. Kuroo. There's something about you, something that draws me in. I feel a connection, an electricity that I can't ignore."

Kuroo's heart raced, his resolve waning in the face of your allure. The lines of his own moral code blurred as he wavered between succumbing to the forbidden desires and upholding the values he held dear.

There was a tiny voice in his head that said he should stop before things get too far to the point where you can't control anything. His desires and impulses finally snapped.

Lingering gazes full of longing, wandering hands that find a home on your body, the voice that gives you jolts in your body. You clench your thighs at his voice and touch. The seductive act was sexy, he has to admit, sometimes the forbidden can be the most tempting.

“Are you finished tempting your friend’s father? Did you have fun? Or do you still wanna keep going’?” he questions, placing one hand on the countertop and the other on his hip. One half of his shirt bends where he’s got the buttons undone, showcasing his chest

He wants you to admit how much a desperate girl you are. How much of a needy slut you’re being.

“I haven’t even got you on my cock yet, and you don’t know a damn thing already. Acting like you weren’t behaving like a whore during the whole time you were in my house.” The older man wasn’t wrong at all.

“How about we skip to the part where you admit you want a man nearly twice your age to fuck you, baby?” he questions, snapping you out of your thoughts. Any second thoughts you had were ready to die like wilted flowers. “I know that cunt is begging to be filled.”

With his words, your walls clenches. Your panties are drenched and have turned into a darker shade at the crotch.

Kuroo stood behind you, though it takes only a few strides for him to reach you. You crane your neck to look up at him, his tall height causing him to tower over you. “What happened to the girl who was so willing earlier?” He ridicules you.

“Please..I want this.” you quietly murmur, and you watch as his face hardens.

“Oh, now you wanna be my good girl? You’re lucky it's night, your best friend is sound asleep and my wife is at work, sweetie. I would put you over my knee and spank that cute ass of yours ‘till you’re crying,” Kuroo tells you, and you have a feeling he’ll do exactly that any given moment.

You whimper at the thought. Kuroo’s hands look heavy, veiny yet soothing, and he doesn’t seem like a man who takes misbehaviour lightly.

With the little daring personality you had left, you reached up on your toes and grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Though you started it, he quickly took control. Biting, kissing, he makes out with you in an unforgettable way. A way no man has ever.

He claims your mouth and his hands do the same to your body. They grip your hips and bring you close to him, his hardened cock rubbing against your ass. Now, it feels as though it’s more intimidating than you expected.

But it makes sense, a man of his size must be large all over. He moves into you, grinding against your body for a moment’s relief.

Eventually, you pull away when the ache between your legs turns unbearable. “N-Need your cock, Mr. Kuroo. I need you in me. T-to feel you” you tell him, reaching down to palm it. Kuroo quickly pulls away before he gently moves you.

You’re bent over one of the countertops with the older man’s hands still on your hips. The cold surface is soothing against your hot skin, but it doesn’t quell the throbbing of your cunt. “So slutty… I’ll fuck you like the whore you are. Don’t worry,” he reassures you, flipping up your skirt.

Your nipples make contact with the marble of his work desk as you pull down the top of your dress. Kuroo lands a spank on your ass, making you let out a loud cry. “Shhh… You gotta be quiet, sweetie. We don’t wanna get caught, right?” he quietly tells you, and you nod your head.

He pulls down your panties and admires the glistening of your cunt. “That’s all for me?” Kuroo questions, pocketing the cloth.

Nodding your head, you whimper and clench around nothing. “Mhm, all for you, Kuroo! No one else,” your voice is more pathetic than it usually is. The confident facade was crushed by this man alone. “Good girl. Call me Tetsurou.” The zipper of his jeans is dragged down, the sound ripping through the air and waking up the butterflies in your stomach.

“Y’know, I could stretch this pretty cunt out so easily. Gonna let me ruin your little fuckhole? How many little boys have already been in this cause it's clearly never been by a real man.”

Immediately, you agree, in fact you beg for it. “Mhm—please, Tetsurou? I need you to make me take it,” you tell Kuroo. The way his name rolls off your tongue makes him groan.

You can feel the heavy tip against your opening, collecting your slick, giving you a teasing slap, and letting it catch. “You better take all of this dick, sweetie.”

With that, he pushes in. The stretch is overbearing as Kuroo pushes his entire cock inside of your wet pussy. He grazes your g-spot and fits snug, right up to your cervix.

Your hand fists together as you adjust to his massive length and the intense pleasure. Although all you could think about was him, his daughter aka your best friend was just upstairs. The sight of her finding out what her father was doing to her best friend felt wrong but made you even more turned on.

Moans leave your mouth continuously as Kuroo begins to thrusts, growing addicted to the way your cunt clenched around him. “Best pussy I’ve ever had... this can't just be a one time thing.” Insteading of replying all you could do was simply whine.

He begins to fuck you, pushing in and pulling out of your tightness. His cock shines with your arousal and your noises grow louder. “Good girl—such a good girl for me only. You’re takin’ it like a winner, sweetie,” Kuroo coos, but you’re speechless.

The sensations that send jolts through your body are ones you know you won’t be able to recreate with anyone else. Each thrust leaves you nearly-trembling, his cock brushing against your g-spot as he kisses your cervix.

Kuroo’s balls slap against your clit and your body jerks forward as he pounds into you relentlessly. “Feelin’ good, baby?” he questions, leaning over you. His chest presses against your back and his mouth is right by your ear.

As he thrusts into your pussy, he laughs. The chuckle is low and gravelly, one you’ve heard many times. “Already fucked stupid? How cute. It’s okay, baby. It’s your fault for being a slut and tempting a married man.” Kuroo husks, and his words have you suddenly clenching around him.

He curses at your grip, and does so again when you let out a wail of pleasure.

Immediately, his large hand comes up to your face and clamps over your mouth, muffling your moans, whimpers, and whines.

“You dont wanna get caught now do you, princess?” he reminds you.

“Are you gonna come, baby?” Kuroo questions, noting your little reactions.

Your cunt squeezing his cock, your pornographic sounds, and so much more. “Yeah? Gonna soak my fat cock already? Go ahead, slut,” he smirks, finishing his sentence with a series of dizzying thrusts.

Your eyes roll back as you suddenly hit your climax, pussy gushing around your friend’s dad, just like you’ve fantasised about. This whole scenario was straight from a porno. “That’s it, good girl Y/N. Make a mess on this dick, baby. I gotcha,” he soothes, fucking you through your orgasm.

After the shocks travelled through your body, your limbs twitch and shake from the intensity. Kuroo’s hand soaks up each of your pornographic moans while he stretches out your drooling fuckhole. The grip of your pussy is as tight as a fist, and Kuroo knows he won’t last as long as he wants to.

It’s not because he finishes quickly—it’s because you feel so damn good, and he can’t risk getting caught any longer.

Eventually, you ride out your release and Kuroo is determined to swiftly bring you to another orgasm. “You fuckin’ love this, don’t you, baby? Gettin’ fucked by a man twice your age and your size.” The mention of the two differences has you wanting to bite your lip, but you can’t.

Never in your life have you ever been fucked so good. You nod as best as you can and in return, Kuroo laughs of pride.

“That’s right, sweetie. Bet I already ruined you for other men, hm? This pussy was made for my cock, so you better not touch it without my permission,” he warns, and you nod your head. Kuroo pulls his hand away, the other one petting the back of your head. “Lemme hear it, baby. Tell me you’ll be his good girl from now on.”

“I– I’m your good girl W– Won’t be bad, promise,” you tell him, trying to keep your voice quiet. But it’s hard when his cock is stroking your walls and bringing you to another orgasm so soon. Your folds are sticky with arousal and so is Kuroo’s sack. It slaps against your clit each time he pushes forwards. He groans, “Good girl.”

Warmth fills you up and spills past his thickness, ropes of cum shooting out of the older man’s sensitive tip. A few seconds later, Kuroo’s cock is coated in your release.

As you both catch your breath, you shamelessly move your hips. Kuroo curses from the feeling, he sets his left hand on your hip, the other one bracing against the edge of the desk.

“Still didn’t fuck the brattiness out of you, did I?”

“Nope. But you love it. Don’t you. ?”

The look on his face and the throbbing of his cock answer for him.

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dev1lm4n · 1 year

Text

coward

pairings: jackson-era!joel miller x f!reader

summary: in which joel wanted to stake claim over you, but he's too much of a coward to do so. aka jealous emotionally pent-up joel

word count: 3.5k

warnings: suggestive, not explicit just mentions of sexual relationships

notes: this was ultimately cliché as shit but i NEED to write it

Clank. Clank.

Sunset has fallen upon the town just mere minutes ago. Gleeful chirping of the local birds were quickly replaced by a chorus of cicadas, loud clattering of metal cutleries, and scratchy scrapes against plates. There was a foreign atmosphere settling between tonight’s dinner participants and to be honest, it’s much weirder than you anticipated.

It’s foreboding; alike to those family dinners you’d attend to exchange bland pleasantries with cousins and nephews. The kind where you’d have to swerve from uncomfortable questions probing into your personal life, whether it’s your marital status or your paycheck. Except there wasn’t that much of a crowd tonight. Just you, your ‘date’, and Joel Miller.

Joel Miller was someone you couldn’t label properly.

You weren’t exaggerating in the slightest bit when it comes to your complex relationship with him, if you could even call what you had with him a relationship to begin with.

It’s just too messy and embarrassing. It’s like trying to pick apart a tangled up ball of yarn, hoping you’d figure out when things began and when it ended.

Has it even ended? The particular question had you mindlessly stabbing the roasted chicken you managed to cook up. It’s a little overcooked and mildly underseasoned, but it’s better than the alternative. Joel’s staple, which was heated up cans of Chef Boyardee’s Beefaroni, had always been reserved for those who’d acquired his unique tastes. You and Ellie were his number one frequenter when it comes to it.

Joel looked displeased by the pleasantries. His nose crinkled briefly, but he played along regardless. “I go on patrols most of the time, but I could fix things too here and there.”

“So.. Joel, right? What do you do ‘round Jackson?”

Jack managed to break up the everlasting silence with his low-register voice. You assumed that despite the initial awkwardness, he had at least enjoyed the food, considering the heaping glob of mashed potatoes he’s adding onto his plate.

“Oh. That’s nice. I’ve never gone on a patrol before,” Jack shared briefly, only to beam a shy smile towards you. He’s a cute boy you won’t lie. Maybe that’s why you scouted him off the bar last week. “I take care of the horses with her.”

“Jack’s also from Texas, you know. Thought you two would get along,” you opined.

You watched the cocky raise of eyebrows Joel did and the half-smile following after. He’s silently judging the excuse of a man you’ve brought home tonight, that or he’s just not in the mood for a late night chat after such a troublesome day.

Joel had always been an incredibly difficult man to read. You still think you could read a horse better than him. You’ve gotten better at it throughout the years you’ve spent alongside him, especially after the trip around America for Ellie’s sake, but it’s still a hit or miss most times. It almost felt like he kept changing the numbers to the safe. Just when you thought you’ve cracked the code, he’ll have you come right back to square one.

Joel’s mouth twitched at your silly little assumption, his face contorted as if asking you if you’re for real. You shrugged, amused in a sense. It’d be good for him to start making actual friends, right? Right now his circle was a limited bunch with you being the only non-family acquaintance. His social skills were something you and Tommy are both working on these days. Plus, Jack’s easy on the eyes, so it’s two birds in one stone.

“I see you still have a thing for Texas boys, hm?”

Joel teased you, this time not even bothering to flash you one of his degrading glares. He pretended like he’s really into the colorful medley of roasted root vegetables you’ve roasted, when you know for a fact he hated any kind of greens. He’d only pretend to like it when Ellie’s around, preaching around about its importance. You realized that you’re getting sidetracked from the real offense he’s just given. A jab of jealousy you’d say.

What kind of game is he playing? Was it another one of his ‘push guys away from you because all men are shit and you’d get hurt’ game? Jack was such a sweetheart, he didn’t even catch on to Joel’s implications, instead he settled on laughing alongside your awkward chuckles.

“Friends?”

“How long have you two been friends?”

Jack’s eyes sparked with curiosity, looking like he’s genuinely in awe of the fond illusion you two must’ve convinced him with.

Joel grinned, a corner of his full mouth lifted at the thought. He almost looked pleased at the premise.

“Two years,” you chimed in for a quick save.

“Man, I thought you two were together,” Jack confessed, salad dressing smeared lightly on his top lip. “Can’t say I ain’t happy when she came sizing me up for a date.”

Your gaze cruised back towards Jack, fluttering a sweet smile his way in case he finally caught up to Joel’s inappropriateness. All you saw was just an innocent look of acknowledgement. His cheeks brightened and swept by a soft wave of pink when he noticed you looking his way, appearing to be thrilled that you spared him a chunk of your attention.

Such a sweetheart. It wouldn’t be so bad if you actually got serious with him; move into a small cottage house, raise chickens and sheeps. Then you could finally bask in stability and mutual understanding. The two things you’re currently lacking.

A silent beat passed at his words.

You humored him with an obscure chuckle, but it was painfully obvious how the atmosphere dimmed and crumpled ever so slightly around the edges. It’s not the first time the two of you were mistaken as a couple by other villagers, even Tommy and his wife were dead set convinced the first time you sauntered in with him. The months spent on the road with Ellie and him were life changing to say the least and you’d like to think the two of you were bonded by such traumatic events. He needed a purpose, you needed refuge. It’s always been like that from the start.

There wasn’t even a tinge of romance to humor. Once in the past, you made the mistake of giving in to your ‘delusions’. You wondered whether the silent brief touches he made whenever he walked beside you meant something more. You wondered whether the way he reacted exaggeratedly when you prick your fingers on a rotten door frame meant that he cared. You wondered whether the confessions he made while you were curled up, riding out a fever from a stab wound meant that he wanted you. Those pathetic flourishing feelings were stomped by the heavy soles of his boots the one time you asked.

You could still remember vividly the terrible things he said and the way you sobbed your heart out at that. Thinking back, you’d understand why he said what he said. It was wrong of you to humor such thoughts.

Jack hummed fondly into his handkerchief, neatly cleaning up his fresh shaven complexion that always seemed to make him look a few years younger than what he truly is. He’s more of your age, something you took into account when he came up in your radar. That must mean he’s more suitable for you, right? Unlike Joel who’s reeling into his late fifties; who’s probably too old for all the ‘childish’ shit you put him through. Jack’s also kind and considerate. He went out of his way to get you a basket of fresh apples when you’re sweating bullets trying to catch a loose mare. He never scowled or snapped at you. He’s good for you.

“No. We’re just really good friends,” Joel spoke up firmly into the warm summer air.

It looked like he’s finished with his meal, assuming from how squeaky clean his plate has gotten. Good that he’s filling up. You’ve always liked guys with a little more pudge to them. Not that it mattered. You two were just really good friends as he put it.

“I don’t think I can stay friends with a gal so pretty,” Jack chimed in flirtatiously, a charming smile etched its way across his lips.

You smiled in return, making sure to count to three before letting your eyes wander back to where Joel was sitting. It might be wrong for you to be searching for another man’s reaction when you’re here having sweet Jack as your date. What was certainly wrong was how your stomach finally rumbled with nervous butterflies when you saw his expression. When you saw the small itch disrupting his collected expression; setting his lips into an unimpressed thin line, a small vein prominent on his neck.

God, you wish you could capture the moment on camera.

The rest of the evening went by civilly; you’d expect your really good friend to rip Jack’s head right off when he kept making those stupid flirtatious jokes. Joel looked like he was trying his best to stay grounded and rational, but it's no secret he's holding back a dirty scowl. You caught the way he stuck his tongue onto his inner cheek, or the way he scrutinized each and every joke your date made. Forcing him to explain it thoroughly and embarrassing him in the process; you know he’s an ass, but tonight he’s really testing your limits.

You’d imagine he’d have an excuse as to why he’s behaving this way, like how your veggies tasted weirdly bland he couldn’t hold back his face. It’s unbelievably silly how he thought you’d believe such things at your grown age. That’s another thing to deal with.

At the moment, you just needed to focus on bidding Jack a sweet goodbye. His smooth blond hair glimmered underneath the moonlight as he leaned in for a kiss. One you didn’t expect quite yet, but you didn’t have the heart to push him away. He’s been a good company after all.

As you expected, it didn’t feel right. His lips were soft and tasted like fresh oranges, but it didn’t feel right. Was it a mistake to keep him at bay when you’re still unable to let go of your peculiar crush? Probably. You were deep in thought as you pulled the front door closed. A gust of wind blowing over your shoulder while you let the guilt marinate into every inch of your skin.

You felt icky.

“I don’t like him.”

Joel’s disdain traveled quickly along the walls, down the hallway, and onto the exact spot where you’re standing. You turned on your heel to face him, your lips drew back in a snarl. After everything you went through tonight, all the pillow cushioning so that Jake doesn’t feel all the more offended by his audacity, and you’re rewarded with this? You expected him to do one thing and he couldn’t even make it right.

“Yeah?” you piped up, eager to rile him up. “Well, I like him a lot.”

He’s used to listening to your childish preambles. It didn’t take him long to learn how much fun you have just by disobeying his rules, going through with whatever your heart desires, even when it poses a great danger to your own safety. You’re always tricky to deal with, but it’s the only thing that keeps his heart pounding at his old age. The only thing that made him feel alive, thawed after years of surviving. Maybe that’s why he still persisted in keeping you around.

“I’m serious, sweetheart. He sounded like bad news.”

Fucking sweetheart? You scoffed, sounding offended. He would always use that nickname whenever he’s trying to get something through your thick head, whether it’s to stop you from jumping head first into a pond or in this case, to stop you from making rash decisions. He knew what he does to you. He knew that you’d always listen, but not tonight.

“If you spend just one second of your precious time listening to what he has to say, you might actually see what I see,” you glowered. “You were fucking with him the entire time.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You were looking down at him, Joel. You always do that. Think everyone’s beneath you.”

“I wasn’t. He’s just a little.. well, flimsy for you.”

“Oh fuck off. You don’t know a thing about me.”

That was a complete lie. He knew more things about you than you’d like, like the way you like your coffee in the morning and which horses were your favorite.

“I don’t?”

“You don’t.”

You solidified your answer, trudging your way past his shoulders like some agitated teenager. Joel thought you looked cute upset and maybe that’s sick of him, but he couldn’t help but be entertained at the way your lips jutted out in disagreement. You’re like this young new thing he’s obsessed with.

“Okay, okay. Come here. Don’t be upset at me. Jake is a nice boy.. I guess,” he gave in to the commotion you made, although he still felt somewhat bitter.

Jake’s not that much different from what he’s like when he’s younger. Way before his kid, his botched marriage, and the apocalypse. When he’s twenty with a vision for life. It vexed him to admit that he was truly a good man for you. That the man you chose for once wasn’t a scheming jackass. “He worked with horses?”

“Yeah,” you gave in, flashing him the look. The one where you’re further emphasizing that you’re certain with your decisions, that you don’t need him guiding you towards what’s wrong and right like he always has. “He’s good with the horses.. and with me too. Gave me apples when it’s in season.”

Joel’s dark eyebrows curved at your statement. His arms lifted further up to rest against the thin of his waist, a judgemental stance in action. Did you think things like that were peak romance? What about all the times he personally executed all those clickers lurking over you? Whether it’s with a gun or a knife, he’s sure that he’d top Jack when it comes to things he did for you.

“Well then I’m happy for you,” he concluded with a curt nod, doing the one thing you didn’t expect him to do. You scrutinized his expression in response.

“You’re happy for me?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m gonna go on a date with him.”

“Go ahead.”

“I’m gonna get him to kiss me again.”

“Wow. Sounds fun.”

“I’m gonna get him to fuck me so hard you could hear me in your stupid room, Joel.”

That one surely struck a nerve deep within him, judging from the way his lips contorted in disbelief. You’ve never been so.. vulgar in front of him. Not once have you mentioned anything about your sexual desires in front of him and so he thought you didn’t even know those kinds of things existed despite your big age.

Maybe you’re untouched by the twisted world you’re living in. He assumed you were this sweet girl with an innocent crush on him, eyes twinkling with admiration everytime he walked in a room. He loved the attention, shamefully so, and he’d love to savor it as long as possible. Even when it felt wrong. He didn’t think it was possible for you to look at another in that manner. The thought had him marching towards you, large figure towering over.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, sweetheart.”

“Why not?” you challenged him.

“Because you’re doing this for attention.”

“I’m not,” you struggle to keep the act upright.

“Look me in the eye and tell me you actually like him. Tell me you like that silly boy.”

You gaped at his request. Adam’s apple bobbing reluctantly as you gathered every last bit of your plummeting confidence to look up into his eyes. They were arrogant; browns peering down at you like he’s just delighted to domineer, to reassert the magnitude of his influence towards you. He caged you in with merely a look.

This spited you. He’s always been like this. Give you some room to explore so that you don’t feel trapped with him, but he’d always give a little tug to your leash whenever you forget your position. You were his, before he was yours. That was rule number one.

“I like him,” you repeated yourself, bracing for the onslaught of tsunami he might release at your stubbornness. “He’s kind and sweet and lovely and.. and he has the balls to tell me how he felt about me.”

His expression of disapproval seared through your skin, leaving you raw and vulnerable to whatever it is he’s going to say right back at you. You could tell that he was livid, although he's clearly trying his best to be the better man out of the two of you and stay grounded.

He knew what you're like. He knew that you're riling him up so that he'd cave in to your requests, because God was it terribly hard to stay put when you're looking at him like that. Round pupils bared into his own. Joel felt the revolting urge to soothe your worries, to utter meaningless words of assurance, to validate the bond he's been trying his best to suspend. His desire festered like it was contagious, blurring the line of boundaries.

“If this is about last week, you know my answers remained unchanged.”

"Why?"

You sounded hopeless and it's clawing at his skin.

"It's unfair to you."

"You know what's unfair, Joel? Acting like you gave a damn, then shutting me out of your life like I meant nothing."

You scoffed. You weren't just desperate for an answer now, no, you were furious. Angry that he thought he could make the decisions for you, that he could be the one to determine which things were right and wrong for you when he knew for a fact that you're a grown woman with your own mind to rely on. Angry that he'd put his self worth in the gutter. Angry that he thought you'd judge him even after the things you've been through together; endless drives through the motherland, camping under a sea of stars, dancing with death itself.

Was it that bizarre of an idea? You plucked up the courage to get even closer. The frilly yellow ruffles of your sundress grazing his crossed forearm.

You poked an accusing finger into his chest.

"Drowning yourself in your pathetic pity party because oh, you're so broken. So undeserving of love."

Your furrowed eyebrows drove him insane.

"Yet you still keep me around. Couldn’t push me away because God knows you need me more than you'd like."

Your labored breath teased the column of his neck.

"That's what's unfair. The fucking waiting. The dancing around. Put me out of my misery, Joel."

He didn't know what to say. Silenced for once.

"Look me in the eye and tell me you don't want me."

You dared him, just like how he dared you. Joel felt conflicted. His vision glued onto the tips of his worn down leather boots as if it’d provide some kind of answer to your demands, He inhaled sharply, before letting out a shaky sigh. Afraid that he’d promise you something he couldn’t own up to, especially since his sharp edges are now dulled from age.

Joel couldn’t be selfish. No, he couldn’t be that person any longer when he has one foot in the grave.

He knew his end was approaching.

Subtly, but surely. His heart tightened sporadically every time he’d run a little too fast. His joints were stiff and useless, enough that Tommy threatened to pull him off patrols if he kept pushing at his pace. He recalled the incident from his last trip. How he barely escaped a loose infected because his senses had dampened. Your voice also seemed to become more and more faint; he couldn’t even hear the list of items you’ve burdened him with on a shopping trip. Whether you needed a jar of raisins or a pair of shears.

Claiming you was selfish.

He decided on that awhile ago. Far before you’ve realized your infatuation with him, far before you offer such a sweet proposition.

“Come back to me when you stop being a fucking coward, Joel.”

His throat grew parched at the buzzing silence. He willed himself to touch you, even when it burned his finger tips and sizzled the tip of his ears red. You looked furious, but that cute expression faltered in a miniscule of a second when he cupped the side of your cheek. His thumb stroked agonizingly slow as if you'd evaporate into thin air if he was too brash.

He'd always thought you’re beautiful. One of a kind. Whether it’s when you’re drooling embarrassingly or when you’re dressed up for the commune’s party. But you look the most unbelievable when you’re worried for him.

Was that selfish of him? He traced over your bottom lip gently, feeling the plush material underneath. How he longed to press his lips onto yours. Would it taste sweet? Would you feel soft? His bottom lip quivered, unable to form an answer.

#joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller fic #joel miller tlou #tlou #joel miller #the last of us #the last of us fic #the last of us imagine

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