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aajjks · 1 year

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FUCK! (I)

synopsis. You hated your roommate but he had the biggest crush on you, fuck.

pairing: fboy!jk x fem!reader

genre: f2l, e2l, roommates au, fboy au (wow so many cliches), comedy au, mature themes, bad language, sex jokes.

warnings. simpy simp koo. soft koo, sentimental koo, yns got some issues, relationship issues, fuckboy koo, hater yn(?), cringey, he’s so nosy, jealousy, bad first date, yn is a heartbreaker actually, they are both very blunt w each other lmaoo.

disclaimer. this is purely fictional and this doesn’t represent bts’ jungkook irl. mature themes 18+ content ahead. mdni. ps. this jungkook thinks w his dick 👍

note. SHARE FEEDBACK AND ENJOY! xx also I’ve been having the worst migraines for the last two days so plz forgive my shitty writing.

fic teaser.

series masterlist.

*not edited*

tag list [1]: @theblueslytherin @telepathytae @bergandysam @ughbandmembersx @taemond-in-the-ruff @dopepbanditlightpie @jungkooksseuphoria @ninanyctophilla @nk719 @wobblewobble822 @bruisedscrewedandtattooed @babycandy111 @alicebleu @withluvjm @bangtannie7 @ghaieeunit @bloopkook @chocomintkook @kookie-vuitton @uzumegui @goodkamma @actuallyada @kagami-s-void @jeonpendejo @blushblossomsblog @1-in-abillion @yahjiminssrecs @rheee-exe @tae-hibiscus @sangwoosimpie @dimguin @onlythebest-106 @cprcupcakkev@breadcheeksseokjin @aprilspring @laurynne5 @aureumjeon @lovebts-beca @luv—you @slid3er @bebejungkook @koo-kz @jamlessstars @shinyun @kookwolf @author-ssi @kakuzone @aliimac @bnagtanx1306 @pb-n-juju @mintsugarmy @apollukee @fairy-jaykay

“You look hot, going somewhere?”

Jungkook looked at you, his eyes carefully watched you as you came out of your room, you looked up to see him, there he was, sitting against the kitchen counter with a bottle of soju in his hands.

“Thanks for confirming. Yes I am.” You replied, looking for your red heels. You had put them right outside your room at the halls walls.

“I think your heels are there.” Jungkook pointed to the opposite side of the wall and you hmm, muttering a ‘thank you’ as you pick them up and wear them.

“Goodness I think I’m kinda late already.” You huff in disappointment. Jungkook chuckles at that making you stop what you’re doing and you roll your eyes at him.

“It’s not funny, jeon.” Jungkook shrugs. “I didn’t say it was, but it’s just such a you thing, yn.” He’s got that playful smile on his lips, “you’re always late.” He states it as a matter of fact.

Your housemate is so annoying.

“Haha okay.” You reply to him sarcastically. Jungkook winks at you.

“So is it a date?”

And very nosy too.

“Why do you care? But yes.” You pick up the purse and your coat, wearing in a hurry. “I don’t know, we’ll see how it goes though.”

Jungkook nods, his lips pursed together in a straight line. “When is it going to be my turn yn?”

That question makes you stop in your tracks.

“When can I take you out on a real date?”

You sigh, “jungkook.” You don’t know how to say it, he knows the answer but he always asks the same question again and again.

“You just broke up with your girlfriend.” You remind him, grabbing your keys. “And never” It’s hard for you to be so blunt about this, but you have to be honest.

He’s not your type.

“You’re not my type.”

You hear his tongue click and he gets up from the seat to walk up to you.

“Ouch. Too bad you are my type.” He confesses. “But it’s okay. I’ll just have to wait and convince you.” He rolls his arms across his chest.

“Have fun.” He winks again and stares at you in a weird way, almost like if he was heartbroken, you gaze back at him and it makes you feel like a bitch.

but you know better.

Guys like Jungkook were never heartbroken. Guys like him broke hearts.

“Thanks jeon, you too.”

And you can’t afford to have your heart broken again.

You feel like it’s almost and truly hypocritical of you to go on a date whilst keep rejecting Jungkook.

And this is not fun either.

“Umm, I don’t really have anything fun to share about me.” You are not sure of what to say or how to make this conversation go forward.

It’s been so long since you’ve been on a date.

And this guy? You’re not too sure about what to feel about this. “It’s okay. I know it can be hard but, you do seem interesting to me,” He seems okay. But you are not too sure if you want this to go further.

And it’s not him that’s the problem.

You are.

“Also the food was quite good? No?” Your date, Hyun-Jae asks you, you smile despite your inner dilemma and nod. “Thank you, I really did enjoy this time with you.”

A lie.

You did not, actually this was a mistake, you had just wasted a nice guy’s time. Why did you even agree to this? You weren’t ready emotionally for dating again.

This was a bad decision and you feel so bad.

“So? It’s quite late now? Would you like for me to take you home?” You stand and the man follows. “Umm actually Hyun-Jae? You go ahead, I’ll manage.”

The smile of Hyun-Jae falters.

Damn, you really are a bitch

God, the guilt that’s weighing down on you has you feel suffocating, your past relationships have fucked you up so bad.

You give him a small smile and bow your head, the guy doesn’t speak a word and does the same, you pick up your stuff and pull out your wallet to get the cash out, you put it on the table and signal the waiter.

“I’m sorry.” That all you say before you leave the restaurant.

You don’t think you’re capable of dating someone anymore.

Jungkook feels so distracted.

For the last few hours, especially since you left. His mind has been fixated on the same thing.

You looked so incredibly beautiful in that dress.

And someone else had the privilege of seeing that so closely, probably. He munches on the popcorn harder, so much that he almost bites his tongue.

Jungkook wants you so bad.

The movie plays yet it fails to interest him, your thoughts are enough to keep him occupied, he doesn’t understand this infatuation that he has with you, his roommate or housemate.

You are so effortlessly beautiful, that’s for sure, you’re so different from what he’s used to when it comes to women.

You have him hooked.

But you don’t want him, you’ve made that clear since day 1. It is unfortunate for him.

But maybe it’s his karma.

Jungkook’s eyes are fixed on the large screen but the frustration doesn’t die down.

He wishes you’d want him too, give him a chance to prove that he can change. He can change for you.

Meaningless sex is actually worthless to him now, it doesn’t help him get over this huge crush that he has on you.

And his methods of ‘getting over you’ aren’t the most moralistic, they don’t help his case either.

No matter how much clear Jungkook makes his interest in you, you keep on rejecting him.

Maybe this is what he deserves for being a fuck boy.

A chance at love gone.

Before Jungkook can sulk into the couch even more, the door opens, his ears perk up at the sound of your keys juggling and he tilts his head, muting the film.

“Welcome back, yn.” He stands up as you come in, putting the bowl of popcorn down, you greet him back, shutting the door behind you.

“Hey jeon.” You look at your roommate and see a silly smile on his face. “Bad date I’m guessing?” He grabs your coat and purse as you sit down on the couch.

Your feet hurt a lot.

“Bad me.” You sigh sadly. Jungkook sits down beside you, looking at you with his brown eyes filled with curiosity.

“What do you mean?” He asks you and you close your eyes.

He’s going to think you’re so stupid.

“Yeah no I just… in the middle of the dinner with such a nice guy I realised my relationship issues. I can’t be a good partner.”

He doesn’t reply, Jungkook knows you well. His feelings pushed aside, Jungkook knows you have a lot going on.

“Jungkook I feel so bad…” you don’t look at him but he can tell you’ve got tears in your eyes. It makes his heart clench.

“Yn..” he calls out your name, moving closer to you to hold you tight. “It’s okay.” He pulls you into his embrace and you don’t resist, letting him take you into his arms.

Jungkook holds you so close to his heart.

It feels so good to him, that is a foreign feeling for him.

“It happens, you’ve been through so much. I’m sorry.” He apologises to you, “you’re perfect though, y’know?” His hands caress your shoulders.

“Even though I used to be such a fuckboy? I too used to have a ton of bad dates.” He laughs, you laugh too, it makes him happy.

“You’re still a fuckboy, koo.” You reply, and he tells you to shut up.

“That’s not the point yn. But if you feel so sad, let’s have some ice cream together and watch a movie and you can vent all you want.”

“I’ll always listen to you, your dear fuckboy is here for you!”

It only makes you laugh harder. And he can’t stop smiling like a fool hearing you laugh so beautifully.

Maybe it was better to be a simp instead of a fuckboy.

#jungkook smut #bts smut #jungkook x reader #jungkook ff #bts x reader #Jeongguk smut #jjk smut #jeon jungkook x reader #bangtan smut #bts jungkook #bts jungkook x reader #bts ff #jungkook fanfiction #jungkook fanfic #jungkook x you #bts #jeon jungkook #jungkook fluff #jungkook angst

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ao3commentoftheday · 4 months

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Asking the hivemind for some advice here: I have this fic. It was for an exchange fest like over two years ago and I never finished it and have felt kinda shitty about it ever since. The problem is that I hit a huge wall and I have absolutely no idea what happens next. I like what I've written, and I have some Vague Thoughts about how it should end but I'm not thrilled about them, and I have no clue how to get it from where I stopped to where it could end. I've tried writing out of order, I've tried thinking about what *doesn't* happen, I've tried all kinds of advice from answers on AO3COTD and elsewhere to get my write on and nothing is working.

I guess my question is, should I post it anyway? Throw myself upon the mercy of the fandom? Solicit ideas from readers (if it even gets any)? I really would like to finish the thing someday, but I don't know how. I'm pretty much the world's slowest writer on a good day, and this fic has me stuck hard.

Thank you for this blog and all the time and words you give to us here <3

Oof. That's a rough spot, anon, and I've definitely been there before.

When you're that stuck on a fic, you have a few options:

Stop writing it. This one wasn't meant to be, and that's okay. Take what you can from it to bring to the next fic, and let it rest.

Look at your initial premise - not what you've written, but rather the setup for the story itself. What would be a good payoff for that particular setup? There could be a dozen different answers. Pick one that works with what you've already written and edit what you need to before progressing to the end.

Take what you've already written, and instead of making it longer make it shorter. There might be a really good oneshot or shorter fic in the midst of however many chapters you've got. Dig the diamond out of the rough and let it shine.

I also like your idea of crowdsourcing it from your fandom. I've done that for beginnings before, but I don't think I've tried it for endings. I think that could be a really cool way to solve your problem.

I know how shitty it feels when you've planned to give someone a gift and you just can't manage it. Since it's been so long, I'm guessing it's not really expected anymore, though. Sometimes we need to forgive ourselves for the things we wanted to do and just couldn't get done. Especially considering the world as it is - and as it was over two years ago.

Well, blog? What do you think? Have you got some ways for anon to move forward?

This post is also on Dreamwidth over here.

#asks and answers

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kkvqwrites · 1 year

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You Flinched | 141 Headcannons

Don't mind me, just some 141 boys reacting to finding out reader has a history of abuse or DV. We all know that our boys would never harm a loved one, but I began thinking about them responding to their loved one being triggered. Because trauma isn't rational.

CW: DV mentioned/alluded to (not on-screen), trauma

Characters: Simon "Ghost" Riley, Johnny "Soap" MacTavish, Kyle "Gaz" Garrick, John Price, gn!reader

Word Count: 2,833

A/N: Yes this is self-indulgent because I have my own history and use my comfort characters to help. So I hope it can help someone else in the same way it helps me. Also forgive me, I threw it together on a whim and didn't really edit it.

Simon "GHOST" Riley

Simon is usually very careful with how he presents. He knows he's big, he knows he's intimidating, and most of all he knows what it's like to be vulnerable and scared of someone bigger than you. He knows when to use his voice/stature to his advantage (like on the battlefield) vs when to tone it down (like in private). He never wants to be scary to those he loves, ever. In fact, he wants his loved ones to have the opposite experience from what he had growing up.

That said, we all have our moments. It was, you both could admit, a silly argument over what ended up amounting to a non-issue. He was fresh back from the field and sleep-deprived and you had had a long shitty day and so a small disagreement became an argument. Somewhere in the bickering Simon decided he was over it. He stood, crumpling the paper he was holding into a fist and raising his voice, which he almost never did.

The combination of the fist and the yelling was what did it. He stood up so tall, so fast, and suddenly you were eight again, hiding in the cupboards and terrified to make a sound. Not knowing what would happen if you were found, but knowing for certain it wouldn't be good. When your parents went into their rages, there was nothing to do but hide and wait it out. As if reciting a dance you knew by heart, you shrank back, hands coming up defensively.

Simon noticed instantly, despite your best attempts to play it off. He knew all too well the look of a terrorized inner child and recognized it immediately in your pale face and shrinking posture. It broke his heart; he immediately regretted lashing out as it was, but this was even worse.

He'd step back, giving you space. He'd ask permission before approaching you and before hugging you, and once you gave it you'd be wrapped in an embrace that was both tender and hard as steel. He'd hold you for a long time, not saying anything. If you cracked and it all came spilling out, he'd listen intently. If you didn't want to talk about it, he'd respect it and not breathe a word about it until you were ready. You could feel in his heartbeat his need to make you feel safe warring with his desire to find whoever made you afraid and teach them a lesson about fear.

Simon is a man of actions, not words, and he's never been a fan of "sorry" and instead prefers follow-through. Now, though, the word poured from his lips. Wrapping your arms around him in return, you forgave him wordlessly.

The next free time you both had, he'd surprise you by taking you to a shooting range. Another weekend, he'd teach you basic knife skills and how to throw a decent punch. If questioned, he'd say it was something he'd been meaning to do for a while with a dismissive shrug. But you had a hunch, even if he couldn't or wouldn't verbalize it, that he was sharing with you the ways he'd learned to overcome feeling powerless when he was younger. By learning to defend and fight back, you could take your agency back and walk into the world unafraid. It didn't matter that he'd grind anyone who bothered you into dust, because it was about you and making you feel empowered. Simon wasn't one to give you bouquets of flowers and poems, but he could give you this. And, slowly but surely, it started to work.

John "SOAP" Mactavish

You and Johnny were out with some mutual friends at the pub one night, drinking and having fun. Your boisterous Scotsman was ever the social butterfly, and he never failed to bring the party wherever he went.

You and a friend were laughing at something on your phone, and when you handed it Johnny to show him, you froze as your eyes saw an unmistakable silhouette over his shoulder. You recovered quickly, sure that it was a mistake, but not quickly enough. Johnny's face went serious as he studied your expression, which was suddenly tense.

You'd play it off, not wanting to ruin the good vibe. You'd even double check to reassure yourself that it wasn't him, but your stomach would sink once you looked back. In a corner of the bar, nursing a glass of dark liquor, was your ex. He noticed you at the same time, and the eye contact made you feel sick.

At this, Johnny would take a look for himself, and would pick out the man eyeing you from across the bar right away. After giving the man a once-over, he'd turn back to you.

"Is that who I think it is?" You'd nod. You had told him bits and pieces of how your ex treated you, but left out the worst of it lest Johnny go on a rampage to defend your honor. He's loyal to a fault and would not take kindly to anyone mistreating people he cared about.

The unfortunate thing was, being special forces came with an ability to read people and situations, and your reaction to seeing your ex filled in the gaps well enough for Johnny to understand what wasn't being said. You were scared, and the man seemed to know it by the smug expression he wore as he stared at you.

Rather than cause a scene, as you had feared, Johnny scooted so he completely blocked your view of the other man (and the man's view of you via his broad shoulders). Seamlessly, he'd continue the conversation with the folks around you as if nothing was amiss, despite his hand never leaving your thigh in a move that was at once possessive and reassuring. You leaned into the touch, comforted by Johnny's presence and relieved that the situation had seemingly blown over.

A bit later, Johnny announced he was going to the bar to get another round for the table. On instinct, your gaze shot to where your ex had been sitting, but his seat was now empty. Breathing a sigh of relief, your eyes turned to follow Johnny through the room. You could never get tired of looking at him. It wasn't until he reached the bar and clapped a fellow patron on the shoulder that you realized the individual he was talking to wasn't the bartender, but your ex who had moved seats. Keeping his hand on the man's shoulder, Johnny struck up a conversation like a true natural.

Oh no.

You braced for a commotion, but Johnny's expression and body language stayed friendly and open. You couldn't hear what he was saying to the man, and if asked he'd tell you he was just introducing himself. But when he let go of your ex's shoulder and flagged down the bartender to order a drink, the other man threw some money onto the bar and all but ran out the door.

The place would become a frequent haunt for your friend group, but you'd never see your ex darken the doorstep again after Johnny's talk with him. Good riddance.

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

You and Kyle had been going steady for a bit now, and you were excited to introduce him to your family. Well, most of your family. You didn't have a good relationship with your stepdad, and Kyle respected that it was a sore spot for you. He would never pry, but he could pick up on how your tone would change when your stepdad would come up in conversation, how your posture would change when your mom dragged him into the frame to say hello during your video chats.

A big family dinner was the perfect opportunity to introduce everyone to Kyle, and you were looking forward to it. Truly. You had a nice outfit picked out and Kyle bought some fancy wine to bring, hoping for a good first impression. He needn't have worried; your aunts and cousins all fawned over him, and your uncles were endlessly impressed by his stories from his job. Long story short, he was a hit.

He stayed by you all night, stroking the back of your hand with his thumb as he made conversation. At first, you chalked it up to being the new guy in the room, but the ease of his posture suggested he wasn't nervous. Rather, his frequent check-ins started to make it feel like his closeness was for your benefit. You were the one who was nervous, looking over your shoulder every few minutes praying you didn't see a certain face in the crowd. You loved your family, but get-togethers always came with a certain amount of anxiety. Every time your eyes strayed around the room, Kyle's followed, taking in the crowd. Even more frequently, you caught him sneaking glances at you, as if assessing if you were alright.

You were alright, until the front door opened and you heard a specific voice boom in greeting. Your mom and stepdad strode in, late as always, your mom carrying the casserole dish and your stepdad slapping a case of beer on the counter. Your demeanor changed immediately, shrinking yourself as if you could become invisible if you just hunched enough. It didn't work, of course, and they spotted you within seconds. Before you could react, Kyle was in front of you, placing himself between you and your parents with a smile and his hand out to shake.

"I'm Kyle, heard lots about you," he said neutrally, shaking hands with both of them. They turned to you, but Kyle spoke again. "How was the drive? Heard you had to come across that new expressway, have they finished that yet?"

It was like that the rest of the evening. Kyle remained an immovable barrier between you and your stepdad, keeping him engaged in conversation and unable to address you. You and your mom were able to slip away shortly to help set the table and catch up, and every time you snuck a glance at the men out of the corner of your eye, the view was the same: Kyle orienting himself as a physical wall, keeping you out of eyeshot. His body language was at-ease, his smile friendly enough, but his eyes were tight, not like they had been when talking with everyone else.

When everyone grabbed a seat, Kyle pulled a chair out for you before quickly stealing the spot next to you from your stepdad. You looked at him with gratitude and he squeezed your knee reassuringly under the table, all the while maintaining conversations with those around him as if nothing was amiss. If you hadn't already loved him, you certainly would have after that night.

Captain John Price

Ah, spring cleaning.

Well, it was November, but still. It's refreshing to get rid of old stuff and start anew, but it's also essential when you're combining two households. John had finally convinced you to move in with him, so the two of you were creating piles labeled "Keep" "Trash" and "Donate". Upon reaching the bottom of an old box labelled "Miscellaneous," you came upon something that had your stomach churning. Old records: Johnny Cash, the Sex Pistols, the Doors. You hadn't realized you had them, and you weren't particularly fond of who they belonged to.

You didn't realize you had frozen in place until John snapped you out of it, coming up behind you with a hand snaking around your waist and his chin resting on your shoulder.

"Whatcha got, love?" He whistled when you showed him.

"The condition those are in, you could get a pretty penny. I didn't know you collected vinyl, I'd have bought a player."

"They're not... mine." You explained, as briefly as possible, that they were your ex's and must have gotten mixed up in your stuff when you split several years ago. He hummed in understanding.

"Right, then. To the garbage with it?"

It was the logical solution. He hadn't asked after them, so he must not miss them that badly. You would rather lie down in traffic than have any contact with him. But John's comment about their value stopped you from throwing them onto the "Trash" pile. Damn your too-kind heart, always causing problems.

It was easy enough to find your ex's contact info; you had changed your number after the split, he hadn't. Soon enough, you had agreed on a time for him to swing by and grab the stuff when he was free. The rest of moving made the days go by in a blur of organizing and unpacking and bickering over where the toaster should go and which wall to mount the TV on. That is, until you looked at your calendar and realized that it was today. This afternoon was the interaction you'd spent the week trying not to think about. You'd stepped around the box of his things all week, mentally blocking out why it was sitting in the front hall. You'd managed to stay busy, and bury your anxiety in the endless tasks that come with setting up a new home.

But time had run out, and in mere hours you were going to be face to face with someone you had once sworn never to see again. The realization made the room feel too small, made the air feel too warm, made you feel like you were suffocating. Suddenly you just had to get out.

"We need... yogurt." You blurted, walking too quickly and too loudly into the foyer to grab your keys.

"Yogurt? Right now?" John called from the kitchen.

"Yes, right now! For... for a recipe," you mustered, hoping you sounded convincing. This had been a mistake, a huge mistake, and your brain was screaming RUN! RUN! RUN! as loudly as it could. Hand on the doorknob, however, you froze. If you left, John would be here when your ex arrived. He'd answer the door, introduce himself, and hand off the items. Shouldn't that be ideal? No contact between you and him, simple and easy. But rather than provide relief, the thought made you sick to your stomach. It felt like a defiling almost, to think of him entering your new sanctuary and meeting the love you thought you'd never have. It felt wrong on every level, and your feet rooted to the spot in agreement.

"Still here, love?" John came into view, the book he'd been reading in hand, finger acting as a bookmark. "I was thinking, I could go if you wanted. Just text me what we need. Don't you have someone coming by?"

Yes - that's it, you thought. Have John go, get him away from here before he could arrive. You'd handle it on your own; you'd done it before.

Nodding, you stepped aside, slipping your shoes off next to the door. John put his book down and approached, taking your place and grabbing his keys off the hook. He turned to kiss your forehead, but stopped short and stared at you. He noticed for the first time that you were fidgety, as if anxious for him to leave when usually it was the exact opposite. His ever-observant eyes spent several seconds taking you in, and you knew as he asked the question that he already knew the answer.

"Everything alright?"

Of course it was! How silly to think otherwise! You began playing it off, the same way you had gotten so good at doing back when you and he were still together and your friends would ask you the same thing. Just hyper, just busy, just this, just that, always an excuse to avoid saying "I'm afraid." Afraid of what mood he'd be in, afraid of what awaited you when you two would be alone later. Fear you hadn't felt in a long time, but could feel now just as bone-deep as it had been back then. As if your body had stored it as muscle memory just in case this day came.

"Are you nervous about something?" It was another question you could tell he already knew the answer to, and you wanted to feel irked about it, but looking into those eyes you suddenly just felt tired. Tired of carrying the fear and the uncertainty alone. So you exhaled for a long time, and slowly told him exactly what you were nervous about.

It felt good to get it off your chest. Until now, no one had ever known the extent of what had gone on. You expected John to explode into some fit of hyper-masculine protectiveness like guys on TV, but he didn't. He listened to you talk, and then he nodded and sat on the couch, reopening his book on his lap.

"What are you doing?" You eyed him suspiciously, unable to believe that that was the end of the conversation.

"Well, I'm waiting right here. And when this lad knocks, I'm going to answer the door and have a little chat with him."

#who would have thought I'd get wordy writing about Price #it's my older man kink #can you tell the writer juices flowed as I kept writing #mwii headcannons #task force 141 #141 headcanons #simon riley x reader #ghost x reader #soap x reader #gaz x reader #price x reader #no use of y/n #ghost mwii #soap mwii #gaz mwii #price mwii

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raven-at-the-writing-desk · 2 months

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I don’t know if you already wrote about this so forgive me if this is a repeat question but, what do you think about Leona’s depression? I feel it’s pretty obvious in game and yet it’s always glossed over as him being ‘lazy’ idk but I don’t find many talking about his really shitty mental health with any seriousness.

Surprisingly I haven't addressed this (at least not in detail)! So thank you for bringing this to my attention; I definitely feel like I've heard people (especially Leona fans) discuss this quite frequently. If you look in the right places, you’re sure to find insightful commentary on the subject! I know I certainly have, but I've yet to say my own piece on it yet.

Now, before I actually get to actually rambling, I want to preface this post with a few points so we can walk in knowing the perspective I'm coming from. Analysis isn't a "one size fits all"! My experiences and background will color the lenses through which I view Leona’s mental health.

First and foremost, I usually don't go out of my way to claim, "this character has X condition" beyond what is outright stated or implied in canon. That does NOT mean that I disapprove of fans who may have their headcanons that say otherwise or project onto or relate to characters' mental health. You can consume the media you like however you want! I am just saying that I don't have this preference so I feel somewhat uncomfortable speaking on this matter.

Secondly, I am trying to approach this situation from a very clinical viewpoint (as I do have knowledge in this area). This means that when I look for “implications” or read between the lines, I am doing so as objectively as I can. It’s how I choose to process and understand characters from a health angle. This does not mean that my opinion is certain; you could very well find someone else in this area that gives you the opposite opinion. As always, I warn you that my response is for fun, it is NOT meant to be taken as medical advice.

Lastly, PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE POST before you comment or share your own thoughts. I'm up for having a discussion, but I ask that you not do so without getting the full context of my thoughts. It’s a lot of information, and I did my best to break it down in a way that (I hope!!) is easy to understand.

CONTENT WARNING: due to the nature of the question at hand, I will be discussing or mentioning potentially triggering topics such as ***depression, suicidal ideation, dieting, homophobia, and substance abuse.*** Please look away if you are not in the right headspace to read about such topics.

Okay, let's rip the band-aid off now: I don't think Leona is clinically depressed.

Pause. Rewind. Take note of my careful wording there: clinically depressed. I don't think Leona is clinically depressed. What does that mean, and how does that relate to "being depressed"?

I think when people describe Leona as "depressed", they commonly mean that he "has depression", not that he is just feeling sad or has low self-esteem. By "having depression", I'm going to assume they are referring to "major depressive disorder", which is the technical term for the condition.

"It's just an abbreviation of the longer term. What's the issue with using 'depression'?” you're probably wondering. “You understand that we mean major depressive disorder.” Well, equating the two does NOT a diagnosis make.

Mental conditions such as major depressive disorder are documented in a handbook known as the DSM (or the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders). The latest version, the DSM-5-TR (5th edition with text revisions), was published in 2022. The DSM is a manual that sets forth criteria for each diagnosis in its pages. Of course, this includes major depressive disorder—and it may surprise you to learn that Leona does not meet its diagnostic criteria.

A diagnosis of "depression" (the term I will henceforth be using as shorthand for the disorder) is much more than having persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, being unmotivated/lazy, and wanting to sleep often. (I bring up these three things specifically because they are the ones I see being pointed at most frequently to “prove” the diagnosis.)

In order to be formally diagnosed, an individual must be experiencing at least 5 or more of the following symptoms during the same 2-week period:

Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.

Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.

Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.

A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).

Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.

Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day.

Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day.

Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal ideation without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for committing suicide.

At least one of the symptoms should be either 1) depressed mood or 2) loss of interest or pleasure in activities they previously found enjoyable. Furthermore, the symptoms must cause what is known as "clinically significant distress", which is defined by impairment in important areas of functioning. This includes, but is not limited to, socialization, occupation, and/or education. The symptoms must also not be the result of substance abuse or another medical condition, and the individual must ever have experienced mania or hypomania.

Let’s briefly go through each criterion + additional documents and see what evidence there is or isn’t to support it:

We do not have his medical records to cross reference, so for the sake of convenience let’s assume no underlying or additional medical conditions.

We must consider additional context about family, lifestyle, etc. which can confound his symptoms. For example, as a prince, Leona has grown up having most things done for him by servants. This is what he is used to. So when we observe Leona not doing basic things for himself (getting food, doing laundry, making his bed), how much of this can we truly attribute to an underlying condition and how much of this can we attribute to Leona being accustomed to a certain kind of lifestyle?

Leona (at least from what we know of) does not experience mania, nor is he depicted as taking mind or behavior altering substances.

Of the first two criteria, Leona must fit into one: either 1) depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day, or 2) markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day. These depend on how you interpret his actions and behaviors. Personally, I don’t think Leona strongly fits into 2 because he still has an interest in his hobbies like Magift/Spelldrive and playing chess (though his involvement in it varies depending on the context). I will concede that there is stronger evidence for 1 over 2, as Leona has definitely expressed sadness and despair regarding himself and his future prospects. It is these thoughts that drive him away from home and keep contact with his family at a minimum. It is these thoughts that prevent him from seeing himself as worthy or even capable of change—a sentiment he shares in book 6, when he encourages Jamil but does not grant himself the same kindness or optimism. For this reason, we will go with the first criterion.

He has not experienced notable weight loss nor gain, nor a notable increase or decrease in appetite. Regarding his general diet, Leona has expressed a preference for meat and rejects vegetables. This by itself does not really provide any useful information in of itself; many people have this preference.

Leona does not experience a slowing down of thought. He is still very sharp and quick-witted in responding to his surroundings, especially in potentially dangerous ones, and coming up with an appropriate plan to counter. It can be argued that Leona has had a reduction in physical movement, as many characters often make remarks about how they perceive him as lazy or not doing much. However, this criterion actually refers to the speed at which one completes an activity and as far as I know, Leona is not said to be moving sluggishly, he only conducts himself in a manner that can be described as "lazily elegant". Even if we stretched the definition to encompass long-term goals he is putting off (like graduation), this criteria is still not counted for Leona since the wording used in the DSM-5-TR states “slowing down of thought AND reduction in physical movement” must be present. In other words, both must be true, not just one of them.

Leona does seem to experience some level of fatigue or loss of energy. This could be one way of interpreting his desire to sleep excessively instead of tending to more meaningful matters (like class). Fatigue, in this case, can also refer to emotional or mental fatigue. The sleep, then, can serve as a means of escape from reality for Leona, but it does not indicate actual physical tiredness. Rather, the tiredness can be intangible. This is also a potential explanation for his lack of motivation when it comes to some activities, especially those that demand him to take charge.

Leona does appear to experience feelings of worthlessness, though perhaps not excessive or inappropriate guilt. In fact, I would wager Leona does not demonstrate the latter, although this could be attributed to the fact that we are not in his head and he does not open up to others about his feelings. For example, we still don't know what his feelings are on almost killing Ruggie in a fit of rage. This does not discredit this criterion though, as the wording in the DSM is “feelings of worthlessness OR […] guilt” meaning one or the other suffices. It is no secret that Leona seeks recognition for his skills—something he was denied as a child and even put down for. While he is aware of his strengths, he has moments when he doubts himself (stating that he can’t change, or giving up when he realizes his plans won’t work so what’s the point in trying?), the contributions he can make (even when his older brother reassures him he can help their country), and encouragement from others (Jack telling him his play inspired him).

As I've said before, Leona does not have a diminished ability to think or concentrate. It has been shown to us time and time again that he doesn't do schoolwork not for lack of trying or lack of understanding, but because he thinks of himself as above it. Leona has already been tutored by the finest teachers royal money can buy, so he believes there is not much else for him to learn. He is also not shown to be indecisive--he can make decisions very quickly and can guide others or at least convince them to go along with him.

Leona does not have suicidal ideation or have recurring thoughts of committing suicide/death. While it's true that this is a game rated for ages 4+ (and therefore has restrictions on what content is and is not allowed in it), TWST has demonstrated to us that there are ways to imply suicidal ideation and other dark themes without explicitly saying it. (One notable example is Idia in late book 6, where he drops lines like "I'll go with you" and expresses dissatisfaction with "this world" to Ortho, who is known to be dead. To this, Ortho reassures him and encourages him to keep living. In fact, I could go on a whole tangent about how Idia better fits the criteria for major depressive disorder, but we're not going to get into that here.) The fact that TWST does not really imply this about Leona makes me think this is not true of him.

It can be said that the symptoms Leona does have are clinically significant, as his behavior is shown to have significant impact on his studies to the point where he was held back a grade. This was not because he did not know the material, but because he failed to find the motivation to attend class and to do his assignments. It also appears that Leona didn't really make an effort to work toward his future until book 7, when he actually talks his internship plans and about wanting to graduate.

We may guess that the symptoms persisted for two weeks or more (given Leona’s history and involvement in the main story), but the frequency of the symptoms is unclear since the game controls what we see of Leona and what we don’t.

Taking all of that into consideration, Leona does in fact exhibit depressive symptoms, but only 3 at most (I say “at most” because we have no idea about the true frequency at which some behaviors occur; we aren’t with Leona 24/7, nor has he reported it to us) out of the 8 total criteria. That’s 2 short of a diagnosis.

“But wait, there’s a lot of information missing here! We don’t have medical records, his weight and appetite changes, etc.” That’s true—but see, the main issue I take with diagnosing fictional characters in the first place is that we oftentimes do not know a character in detail enough to understand the full scope of their lives and symptoms. Noticing a few details is one thing and valid to an extent, but to evaluate an individual is not purely observational. This is particularly true for TWST characters, as even though there is plenty of content to refer back to for behavior, there is still a lack of really going into daily activities or deep feelings (beyond the one post-OB flashback for the OB boys). We cannot observe their behavior extensively. Because of this, tons of key criteria may not be visible to us from the audience’s perspective, let alone a medical history or other data to consider for assessment. We will almost always have an incomplete profile of a fictional character. Health is holistic and not entirely based on what we as individuals see or on all anecdotal evidence.

Just as health considers all parts of the individual, we, too, must consider individual cases of depression. It is possible for depression to exist without a diagnosis—many people (especially older adults), unfortunately, go undiagnosed for their condition. At the same time, it is possible for Leona to have depression which manifests in an atypical way. Each person with depression presents differently than the last, so I so not intend to make any blanket statements about the general population with this condition. The only statement I am making here is that based on my own interpretation of the current lore TWST has granted is, Leona Kingscholar does not satisfy the criteria for a formal clinical diagnosis, at least not for major depressive disorder as is defined by the DSM-5-TR.

Interestingly, Leona does fit the diagnostic criteria for a subclinical form of depression in a 1994 version of the DSM (IV). Minor depression or minor depressive disorder, colloquially known as “everyday depression”, is defined as having 2–4 depressive symptoms persisting for more than 2 weeks. One of these symptoms must be either depressed mood or loss of interest. It should be noted that this terminology is no longer recognized, as new information is added and dropped from the manual all the time. The information is flexible based on the consensus of a panel of hundreds of experts. Older versions of the DSM can be horribly outdated and it is not advised to reference them over newer ones. (As an example, "homosexuality" was legitimately listed as a mental illness in the very first version of the DSM. Yikes. Thankfully, this was dropped from the DSM-II. Other conditions like "multiple personality disorder" are granted new names like "dissociative identity disorder" or reworked altogether as our studies and understanding of mental health and science improve. It is important to keep up with the research coming out and update our approaches accordingly.)

We do not currently have a label for Leona’s situation aside from perhaps experiencing depressive episodes (periods of notable sadness lasting under 2 weeks) and exhibiting some depressive symptoms. I must stress that just because we lack a full-blown diagnosis, it doesn’t mean that it doesn’t impact his life. Leona is shown to very clearly be struggling with his mental health. He spends a lot of time in bed, typically cannot be motivated to attend class or do complete assignments, and has moments where he thinks very lowly of himself in spite of the confidence he exudes to others. What's more is that because Leona does not speak to others about what he's going through, it comes off as laziness or arrogance to his peers. Think of it this way: if you have a bad day and snap at a stranger or an acquaintance, the stranger/acquaintance is far less likely to grant you grace or forgiveness for your behavior compared to, say, a friend. They are not as familiar with you, so they will have less patience and are less likely to consider what you may be going through on a personal level. This also applies on a fandom level; if a fan is not actively reading between the lines, they, like Leona's peers, may miss the depressive symptoms he is displaying because they aren't looking for it. How many people can we say are close friends with Leona for him to open up to them about his circumstances? I would say Leona barely even lets his own dorm members be intimate enough with him to let them know about this part of himself. He has Savanaclaw backing him, but he probably does not talk to the mobs extensively. Ruggie is his errand boy, but I doubt Leona pours his heart out to him. And Jack is the newbie who did technically betray their dorm, so Leona might not trust him. Forget about people beyond his dorm. Even his family is not much better off; we've seen that Leona tends to brush off his brother's friendliness and attempts to make amends. There is no strong support system in place for him, which is tricky because Leona perpetuates it by keeping others at bay. In the light novel adaptation of book 2, Leona has an inner monologue about how he is afraid of letting others give him hope because it will encourage him to try again, only to fail another time. I imagine similar logic applies here; he is afraid of showing his vulnerable side because it might give him hope for change when he as late as book 6 expresses that he has given up on himself. I think that this is the detail about Leona most look to when they consider his mental health. The hallmark of depression is, after all, the feeling of perpetual sadness and despair itself. Most do not realize that other factors are considered.

From a clinical lens, it is not “obvious" that Leona is depressed. However, I understand why the prevailing sentiment tends to skew in the opposite direction. For the layman, it may be difficult to distinguish what is and is not clinically significant enough to warrant an actual diagnosis. Again, most will cite the same three pieces of information to support the depression reading: Leona's irritability, his unwillingness to participate, and the rejection he experienced as a child (which has now manifested as self-doubt and low self-esteem). Characters are often judged based on fans' own experiences, and this naturally comes with biases and subjectivity. Thus, some fans may project their own understanding or preconceived notions of what the "typical" depressed person acts like in their head onto Leona. This is normal human empathy at play. I believe that other fans see depression in Leona either because they experience it themselves or are familiar with someone in the same shoes. It can be difficult, and at times we can find solace and solidarity in fiction, especially if we find a character that “speaks to us” and seems relatable. That character may be Leona for some people. If you see do see him in this light or relate to his situation, I’m not invalidating your feelings. On the contrary, I'm happy that you were able to find comfort in him and that a piece of media you love can serve as a coping mechanism. You keep on doing you!

It is at this point that I will reiterate what I said at the start with a little extra nuance: I do not think Leona clinically depressed BUT I do believe he has depressive symptoms and poor mental health as the result of his cumulative circumstances. It is possible for him to have major depressive disorder, but we cannot determine this for certain with the information available to us right now. We are still missing several key components that would typically be considered in the evaluation process.

I think it's important to step back from focusing on labels and instead focus on the individual experience, and how you can still grow as a person and not let a perceived label define you. Leona is definitely working on himself! Changing, particularly changing a deeply ingrained mindset, takes much time and effort. We may not see the progress since Leona tends to hide it and/or we have limited intractions with him. We may not always see giant strides because the process is difficult. Even so, Leona is trying to jump over those mental and emotional hurdles. He's putting his all back into Magift/Spelldrive training. He's attending classes and doing the assignments. He's going home for the holidays. He has an internship planned. He wants to graduate. I've enjoyed following Leona's journey of growth and self-development and seeing all the intense discussion surrounding that. It all comes from a place of love and wanting to support the characters we care about, no matter how we may individually view him.

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murdockbarnes · 9 months

Text

I can see you

pairing: james potter x fem!reader

summary: based on I can see you by taylor swift on sntv

wordcount: 1.5k

warnings: 18+ minors do not interact. I DO NOT SUPPORT JKR IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM. forbidden romance, coworkers with benefit, switch!james and switch!reader, handjob, fingering, oral (m and f receiving), p in v sex, unprotected sex.

A/N: this song is so sexy i just had to. this was written in a hurry so forgive me if it's shitty.

any feedback would be greatly appreciated, but reblogs are especially helpful. have a great day!

*not edited, all mistakes are mine*

they brush past each other in one of the many hallways in the ministry of magic, chasing different leads a few months into their training year as new aurors.

it was exciting, as jimston offered them complicated cases and allowed them to work them out on their own, as most training aurors wouldn't let them out in the field so early.

but jimston had one strict rule: aurors training under him could not date during their year of training.

and well, that was quite unfortunate wasn't it? training under jimston as new aurors allowed them to see sides of each other they had not seen at hogwarts, given how different their social circles ran. james was smart as a whip and her shy exterior hid something that called to james' mischievous self. the tension was palpable whenever they were in each other's vicinity.

jimston had paired them up to work most cases together, so they sat sneaking glances day after day at desks facing each other, in a small room with two other aurors.

it was innocent at first, shy glances and shier smiles, arms brushing as they walked, joking and laughing getting to know each other, and late nights working together. everything was professional, despite how hard it got progressively.

it all came to a head one night when they were working late on a case looking for leads, the little workroom empty save for them. jackets off, shirts unbuttoned in an effort to get more comfortable in the stuffy office. james' unruly hair even moreso after running his fingers through it in frustration. she was distracted a while ago when he rolled up his sleeves, his arms on display. oblivious to the effect he was having on her, he loosened his tie and unbuttoned his shirt, her eyes following the patch of skin coming uncovered. james voice calling her name snapped her out of her haze, and as her gaze met his, darkened eyes meeting darker ones, he knew it was all about to change.

and the rest was history.

which is how james found himself pressed against the wall in a small storage closet a few months into their arrangement, his glasses fogging and her hand over his mouth while she pumped his cock with the other. her lips trailed over his jaw and neck as she increased her pace, grip tightening every time it came close to his tip. the combined sensation of her lips and hand had james reeling, moaning and whining into her hand as he got closer and closer to the edge. he was dizzy in the dim room, as the cloud of her perfume engulfed him. his eyes rolled as white hot pleasure overtook him, electrifying every nerve in his body as she whispered praises into his ear, her pace frantic now. he came all over her hand, her lips trailing his jaw to his mouth, now free and panting heavily. the kiss was all teeth and tongue, intense and quick. it had to be, their absence would surely be noticed by now.

distracted by the kiss, the feel of her hair in his hands and flushed skin under his fingertips, he didn't feel her tucking his dick back into his pants and zipping him up. only when she broke away and his lips chased hers did he realise, but he really couldn't find it in himself to care. he still kept holding her close to him, foreheads resting together, pressed against each other.

"oh my god," are the first words to leave james' mouth, making her laugh. "that was so fucking hot. merlin, woman, you are something else."

"come on," she says, "we have that meeting with jimston in a few minutes to discuss that new case." she pecked him once, flashed a smile, and left as quick as she dragged him into the closet.

james would feel her eyes on him when he was across the room, his coffee mug in hand and talking to someone else, and he'd turn away and pretend not to notice, fighting the flush rising up his neck. he'd pretend like he didn't wish to know what went through her head, like he couldn't still feel the feel of her skin on his fingertips, or know her taste. like she hadn't kissed him senseless merely a half hour ago in an unused office after he'd used his fingers and his tongue to make her cum.

or how she'd returned the favour right back, her mouth stuffed full of his cock, hand slick with his spit, fondling his balls.

james apparates outside her door now, hand raised to knock just as it swings open. she steps aside to invite him in, and she can't turn back after shutting the door fast enough before james has a hold of her face and is kissing her, fingers tangling in her hair. she moans into his mouth as his fingers lift her skirt upwards, hands curving over her thighs and hip until it reaches her underwear. his fingers are gentle as they pull it off, a contrast to the desperate way he's kissing her, as though she's his one source of oxygen.

james breaks away and slowly gets on his knees, maintaining eye contact. her back is against her front door, her chest heaving. her hair is messy from his fingers and her shirt unbuttoned; she looks an absolute mess, and james couldn't be prouder. his hands glance over her legs once more before they slowly part her folds, his breath fanning her pubic bone before his mouth makes contact with her clit. james licks and sucks at her clit while his fingers pump in and out of her. her moans and nails scratching his scalp encourage him to go faster, suck harsher until her arousal is dripping down his knuckles and she's clenching around him. he rises, kissing her again and holding on tightly as she weaves a dance around her furniture to her bedroom.

"you drive me absolutely crazy, james potter." she says, pushing him onto the bed and unbuttoning her shirt. "you don't know half the things i want to do to you."

"then show me." is his response as she straddles him, undressing him now. she kisses him deeply as he flips the both of them so that he's on top. she bites his lip and james detaches to give her a mock stern look. at her smile, he smiles back and plants kisses along her neck, drifting down to her breasts as he lines his cock up to her folds. his lips wrap around a nipple just as he pushes in, her chest arching into him. his thrusts are deep, his hands holding hers as she moans and writhes under him. james watches for a while, taking in her flushed skin and rolling eyes, her kiss swollen lips. his lips find her neck again, sucking hard enough to leave bruises. her cunt flutters around his cock, and his pace increases, his thrusts growing choppy as he moans into her ear. james reaches a hand between their bodies, rubbing her clit furiously as he encourages her to let go for him.

"cum for me, love. i've got you." james reassures her, focusing on angling his hips to repeatedly hit that spot inside her that makes her keen. she moans loudly, chest brushing his as her cunt tightens around his cock.

her legs wrap around his hips. "cum in me, james. please." she kisses him, hard, and james thrusts hard a few times before he's coming undone, moaning into her ear.

they're both shuddering from the aftermath of their orgasms, arms still wrapped around each other, bone weary and too tired to move. his fingers stroke her spine, her leg thrown over his, her head on his chest. james really doesn't want to leave. truth be told, he's sure he's addicted, he loses his mind every time her hand brushes against him at the ministry in a meeting, or when her perfume lingers in the room when she's not there. the way her foot brushes against his and the twinkle in her eyes when she looks up at him grinning. there's a pang in his heart when he thinks of this, whatever it may be, coming to an end.

"there's only a month left till our training's over." james starts tentatively. she hums in response. "where does that leave us once it's over? because in case you haven't noticed, i'm kinda addicted to you, sweetheart." it's almost a whisper, the way he says it.

she shifts and leans on her elbow, the better to look at james while she responds. "in case you haven't noticed, jamie, i'm kinda addicted to you too." she smiles. his resounding smile washes over her like the warm rays of sunlight, and she's glad she didn't keep it in any longer. james potter was the sun and she'd gladly have her heart broken if she got the chance to love him.

james kisses her then, soft and sweet and so different to all the ones they'd shared before. his arms wrapped around her, her light snores fill the room, his own not far behind. as sleep clouds his senses, the end of the month and the promise of a possible future looming in his mind can't seem to come fast enough.

#ara writes #james potter x reader #james potter x fem!reader #james potter smut #marauders x reader

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