#formating is the bane of my tumblr existence

[eightmakesonebraincell]

ateez as royals who fall for you (hyung line)

read maknae line here

genre: royalty!ateez x fem!reader, fluff, angst, smut, crack, a brainrot and smutfest of royal tropes

length: 12.8k

c/w: very nsfw scenes - mdni, explicit language (dirty talk, swearing, insults), death, violence, blood & injuries, weapons, heavy & mature themes (sex work, murder, assassination, execution, mentions of misogyny)

a/n: this has simultaneously been the pride and joy of my life and the bane of my entire existence for the last 2.5 months 🥴 and tumblr is an inept incapable CLOWN who cannot handle the full 24k worth of bullet points so here is the hyung line first - maknae line coming soon (yumi @sorryimananti-romantic can vouch for my unsuccessful 3-hour attempt at formatting them into a single post)

hongjoong

pov: you're the king's royal courtesan

“fuck,” hongjoong lets out a deep growl from within his chest as his head dips down to rest against the crook of your neck. “you’re just as tight as last time”

when your hips involuntarily buck from the pleasure, he nudges your thighs further apart and keeps your wrists pinned above your head

he can’t help but let out another groan when he feels your walls clench around his cock as you adjust to his thickness

“i thought- god,” a moan escapes you after he thrusts his hips against you, “thought you never fucked the same woman twice”

“i don’t,” he simply says

and it’s true

hongjoong is one of the youngest princes to have ruled during the kim dynasty, having risen to power after the previous king succumbed early to an unknown illness

he has the choice and selection of all the courtesans available within the palace and outside its walls

hongjoong also has a reputation of being highly sought after by everybody, not just amongst courtesans

it’s not only because he is devilishly handsome, knows how to properly fuck somebody dumb, and is the literal king

the main thing that makes him so desirable and unreachable?

he never sees the same courtesan more than once

“yet here you are,” you hook your legs around hongjoong’s waist to gain leverage and meet his thrusts with your own hips, “between my legs for the second time”

you smirk when he curses and throws his head back

his grip on your wrists tightens and his voice drops dangerously low

“the first time doesn’t count because i was meant to see lady chae. so really, this is the first time i’m requesting for your services”

he silences you from retorting by pressing a bruising kiss against you, lips messily attaching to yours before trailing down the sharp angle of your jaw to bite your neck

you are a courtesan for people of nobility and royal status

part of the ‘house of flowers’ and commonly referred to as ‘flower courtesans’, you and the other women are highly-sought after for the companionship you offer

you are well protected by the house of flowers though - the services of companionship that you provide is requested by your client, but is ultimately accepted or rejected by you

lady chae, another of the flower courtesans and one of your closest friends, is requested by the king for her services

it is quite clear what it is going to entail and you both spend several of the following nights giggling and whispering scandalously to one another

whether the rumours about his stamina will be true

whether lady chae will be the first to break his one-fuck rule

except when the day of the meeting comes around, she spikes a sudden fever

lady shin, the head of the house of flowers, takes all but one look at her before ordering her to bed rest despite both of your attempts to, albeit unconvincingly, persuade lady shin that chae’s fever would only serve to help make the king’s dick warmer

lady shin is not amused to say the least

with the last minute hitch, the king agrees for you to be sent out to him as a replacement instead

and you end up being the flower courtesan who he breaks his reputed rule for

(lady chae is initially jealous, understandably)

(but very quickly, she appears to be even more excited than you are as she combs through your undergarments for the “sluttiest set” that she can find)

your attention is brought back as hongjoong flicks his tongue over your hardened nipples, continuing to drag his length in and out of you while your back arches off the bed

you tease in between short breaths, “are you really bringing up another woman’s name while you have your cock inside me?”

“you brought it up first,” he reminds you, accentuating his answer with timed thrusts

you grind your hips against his, chasing more friction against your clit as you feel your high approaching

“why?” he snakes one of his hands down between your connected torsos to rub messy circles against your clit, smirking as he asks, “are you getting jealous already?”

for that, you clench down hard on his cock, immediately feeling the way it throbs inside of you as you bring him closer to his orgasm too

“as if. fuck off”

your words are hardly audible from the whines that are leaving your mouth due to the added pressure of another finger against your clit from your retaliation

“i’m close,” hongjoong releases his grip on your wrists so that he can straighten his body, anchoring his hand on your hip instead so that he can fuck you and rub your clit with his other hand with renewed vigour

when you hear him groan, “cum for me,” the string snaps and your whole body quivers in his hold as your orgasm washes over you

hongjoong’s hips gradually stutter to a pause, an occasional thrust inside your clenching pussy as he milks out the rest of his cum inside of you

he finally eases himself out of you and hums in satisfaction as he watches his cum slowly leak out of you

hongjoong drops down beside you, toned chest covered in a sheen layer of sweat as it rises up and down with his pants

when your fuzzy mind has cleared a little from the blissful haze of your orgasm, he strokes his fingertips along the side of your thigh, along the curve of your ass, and over the dip of your waist just under your breasts as he says, “you better not be jealous. first one to get jealous loses”

“if anyone’s going to get jealous first, it’s you,” you scoff back

he raises an eyebrow

oh yeah?

he shoves his leaking cum back inside of you and fingers you to another orgasm

now that shuts you up

for a man who barks, he sure has no bite, because you find yourself being notified by lady shin several days later of yet another request for your services under the king’s name

and another request turns into another

and every single time, hongjoong makes sure that the only word leaving your lips for those many hours is his moaned name

but at the same time, the more you and hongjoong meet, the more he just savours in your simple companionship

he asks you to teach him how to embroider because you’ve mentioned before it’s how you like to spend your free evenings

he rifles through your bag of materials that you bring

you smack his hand away at the carelessness with which he’s upturning everything

“what’s this?” he holds up a large, wooden hoop before trying to fit it through his head, “a necklace?”

“i wonder if people know they appointed an idiot to be king,” you say as you gently unscrew the hoops and demonstrate how to align a piece of fabric between the rings

he watches with interest as you screw the outer hoop tighter until the fabric is nice and taut and then repeat the process so you both have one to work with

you have to help hongjoong thread his needle too, because apparently the king’s fingers are only good for scissoring you open

you weave your own needle through the fabric at a slow pace whilst telling him the different names and uses of the stitches you’re showing him

except, when you look up to see if he’s following?

his own hoop has been abandoned to one side and he’s leaning against his hand as he gazes cheekily at you

“were you even paying attention?”

he sounds a little too confident when he answers not at all

in return, hongjoong shows you how to write hanja the next time you meet

he positions himself behind you with his hand over yours as he guides you through different characters stroke by stroke

he claims that there are specific ways of applying pressure to the brush so he has to be holding your hand at all times

you most definitely roll your eyes several times but you indulge him anyway

there are a lot of giggles and teasing pushes when you accidentally dip the end of your sleeve into the ink and you try to spread it onto his robes too

(the calligraphy may or may not become forgotten when hongjoong pins you down to stop your cheeky behaviour, because things naturally escalate whenever he has you under him)

you two do eventually manage to finish one decent-looking scroll of characters which he ends up gifting you so that you ‘don’t forget’ about him when you’re not with him

when you walk back into the house of flowers, the hanging scroll perks lady shin’s interest as you walk past

“hongjoong taught me how to write my name today”

lady shin waggles her eyebrows at you suggestively because of how casually you refer to the king, for which you nudge her with a shoulder

she laughs then asks to have a look

you unravel the paper to show her but then she makes a funny noise

“that’s not your name? these are the characters for- oh,” she cackles scandalously to herself, as if she has made a secret discovery

“what does it mean?” you hurry to clarify

you wouldn’t put it past him to have taught you a crude phrase instead, like ‘best tits’ or ‘biggest ass’

lady shin lets out an amused exhale, handing the scroll back to you

“it says, my flower”

you’re looking at those exact characters from where you lay on your bed when a knock sounds on your door several days later

lady shin steps into your room with a warm smile as you greet her

“you have an appointment with lord min tomorrow, but the king has just inquired about your service availability for tomorrow,” she informs you. “would you like me to give him the usual answer?”

this isn’t the first time a clash has occurred, particularly with the increasing frequency with which hongjoong requests to see you

you have always told lady shin to ask for hongjoong’s pardon and to offer him an alternative time or day, because in the end, you still need to maintain a professional and admirable reputation as a flower courtesan

and as you open your mouth to tell her ‘yes’, your eye catches the scroll hanging on your wall

my flower

you hesitate

“actually,” you look away from the hanja, “i’ll see hongjoong.”

lady shin gives you a motherly smile as she nods in understanding and closes the door behind her

the next day you see him, he excitedly points out the large tambour frame in his room that he bought just a few days prior, claiming you two can work on a big embroidery patch together now

you give him one look then demote him back to the small embroidery hoop because he still hasn’t learnt his basic stitches yet

(that’ll teach him to not pay attention when you’re demonstrating, ha)

you relent and end up going through the different stitches with him again anyway

and you find that he’s actually not that bad with embroidery once he’s actually focused on the task at hand

it’s nice, basking in each other's presence while he threads his little square of fabric and you work with the large frame you have now essentially claimed as yours

not that hongjoong minds; he did buy it solely to make you happy

and then you offhandedly mention that someone had gifted you a handkerchief with your initials embroidered on one of the corners the other day

“i actually have it on me, in fact,” and you take it out from where it’s tucked into your waist so that you can show him

he juts out his chin as he peers down at the delicate letters, huffing, “it’s pretty, i guess”

then as an afterthought he tacks on, “bet i could do a better job”

“are you jealous right now, kim hongjoong?”

said man is hellbent on avoiding your eyes as he picks up his needle and thread again

“no i’m not!”

“whatever you say,” you smirk

after that day though, you don’t receive another request from hongjoong to meet until two weeks later

which, in the grand scheme of things, really isn’t much

but in comparison to the frequency at which you are used to seeing him, the frequency at which your body is used to having him, it is much too long

you are almost beginning to wonder whether you shouldn’t have brought up the handkerchief gift

yet, he greets you with his usual teasing squeeze of your waist, dangerously close to your ass

you make a move to follow him through the doors to his chambers but he turns around to produce a silk cloth

he starts to blindfold you, whispering sultrily, “i have a surprise for you”

you feel the hairs on the back of your neck raise at his tone

guiding you inside, hongjoong gently pushes you down so that you sink into the plush duvet of his bed

“do you trust me?” he whispers

trying not to dwell on the urge to lick your dry lips, you answer, “of course”

you feel him tugging slowly on the string that holds the front of your corset together, loosening your dress with tenderness like you are a fragile gift

you shiver when your shoulders are suddenly exposed to the cold air

and then the sensation is followed by the warmth of hongjoong’s soft exhales along the expanse of your collarbones as he leans closer to fully disrobe your shoulders

you have to remind yourself to keep breathing

“you can look now,” he tells you

you remove the silk cloth from around your eyes, unsure of what to expect

it takes a few blinks to readjust your vision to the room around you but then your eyes finally focus

and you gasp

there, hung on the wall with its striking viridian green, shimmering threads and intricate swirls on glorious display, is quite possibly the most stunning dress you have ever laid eyes upon

“try it on,” he encourages

but as you step closer, you realise the lacing across the front of the corset and running down the sleeves of the top dress is in fact, not lacing

it’s patchy

it’s uneven

it has empty areas

but it is no doubt embroidery

“did you…did you make this?” you reach out a hand to lightly caress one of the embroidered flowers, not quite daring to believe that hongjoong would go to these lengths for you

“of course,” he wraps his arms around you from behind and presses a light kiss against your temple, “i’m not losing to a lousy handkerchief”

“is that why you disappeared for two weeks?”

you let out a laugh, sinking into his embrace, because the image of the great king holed up in his chambers for days on end, hunched over your dress with a needle, thread and frown on his face is just too endearing

he lets out a warning huff as he turns you around in his embrace to face him

upturning his hands, he shows you the tips of his fingers and grumbles, “i poked myself so many times for you and you laugh at me?”

you bring his hands closer to your face, pressing light kisses to his fingertips as you smile, “thank you, joong. i love it so much, i really do”

he looks at you impossibly soft

under his tender gaze, something suddenly rushes to your very core

you hold one his hands steady in front of your lips then swirl your tongue out in an experimental lick over his fingers

it’s almost captivating how quickly his pupils dilate and zero in on your tongue

so you dare to bring his fingers into your mouth

you suck on them a little harder

a little deeper

and then you moan around his fingers, “i want you”

he lets out a groan himself, feeling the front of his breeches tighten as his cock twitches

“i- fuck, i didn’t give the dress to you in hopes that it would lead to this,” yet despite his words he is stepping you backwards so that he can pin you against the wall

“i know, but i want you,” you palm his growing bulge, your knees going weak at how hard he already is. “and i need you. now.”

he doesn’t need further encouragement

he shoves the remainder of your clothes aside before inserting his fingers roughly between your folds

it doesn’t take long for him to bring you to your first orgasm, curling his fingers relentlessly as you ride them

he spreads your cum over your pussy and you buck your hips with a whine when he circles over your clit briefly

then he’s turning you around and bending you over, one of your hands bracing against the wall, your other arm held behind your back by hongjoong’s firm grasp

“fuck, you’re so wet,” his whole body shivers with pleasure as his cock slips right into you

the obscene sounds of his hips slapping against your ass and your slick being pushed back into your hole over and over again fill the room

and to the clenching of your pussy from another orgasm, hongjoong also cums into you with a guttural groan of your name

he gently carries you to his bed and lays you on top of the covers

he leaves your side for a moment and you listen to him rummage through something while you try to regain control of your quaking legs

when he comes back, you feel him gently spreading your legs and then the ticklish sensation of a soft cloth along your inner thighs

a whine escapes your lips when he rubs over your sensitive clit and hongjoong grips your thigh a little tighter

“be careful what pretty sounds you’re making if you can’t handle another round”

it isn’t until he finishes cleaning you up and lies down next to you to start wiping himself down that you look over and realise what it is that he’s been using this whole time

your mouth drops in disbelief

when hongjoong notices your expression, he smirks, “the man who gave you this has no idea his handkerchief is being used to clean my cum off your thighs”

“hongjoong!” you flush with a laugh. “you are definitely jealous, aren’t you?”

“yes, i’m fucking jealous,” he growls, “you’re the only one i want. you’re the only woman i’ve been requesting for since i’ve seen you. and i want to be the only one who gets to have you, too”

you confess, “well, you can have all of me. because i’ve started refusing other people just for you”

he looks at you for another moment before he’s suddenly straddling your hips

“change of plans,” he says breathily, “i need you again”

“very good plan,” you grind up against him

and then you pause, mirth starting to bubble in your throat, “one last thing though”

hongjoong looks down with amusement in his own eyes, wondering what could possibly be so funny

“that handkerchief?” you start, struggling not to laugh when his eyes immediately narrow, “i never said it was from a man. it was a gift from lady chae”

seonghwa

pov: you're his royal guard

as soon as you notice the movement out of the corner of your eye, your body reacts straight away

you murmur seonghwa’s name with a tight voice and move to position yourself in front of him, unwilling to risk the prince’s safety

one of your hands grasps the hilt of your sword, ready to unsheathe it at the first sign of danger, as your calculative gaze darts between the two young men stumbling closer on the dirt path and the line of forest trees from which they appear

they are wearing simple tunics and breeches with their colour faded and seams loosening from wear

from what you can discern, they are simply commoners, but that does not rule out the possibility that they are bandits

seonghwa seems to think otherwise, though

unsurprising but still grating

the prince places his hand on your shoulder gently in a silent reassurance and request for you to step aside

albeit reluctantly, you force yourself to move to his left

it becomes clear to you as the two figures stop just shy of a few feet away that the term ‘men’ was pushing it - their faces are young and they appear to be no older than seventeen or eighteen

the young strangers dip their head in greeting, one of them apologising as well as he pulls out a tattered map that he extends out for you two to see

“my companion and i are traveling to the village norshaw but seem to have lost our way. would you be able to point us in the right direction?” the one with the map asks

“of course,” seonghwa offers with a kind smile

you watch as the three of them step closer together to look more closely at the map

on high alert, and just as you are predicting, you see the companion shuffle closer to seonghwa, hand inching towards the leather pouch that hangs from the prince’s belt

you catch the subtle motion of seonghwa’s eyes flickering down just an inch

because of how well you understand his body language, you know that it means he has already noticed the thieving intention

but because of how well you understand seonghwa, you know that he isn’t going to do anything about it either

so you strike in his stead

your hand darts out to snatch the thieve’s wrist, twisting his forearm upwards so that he is forced to lean awkwardly towards one side to prevent his elbow from snapping

his partner drops the map, letting out a string of curses and hesitating for all but three seconds before he turns around to flee

scoffing, you threaten the one who is still in your hold, who then bolts with his tail between his legs after you release him

"did you really need to scare them off like that? it's not like i had any money in the pouch anyway," seonghwa chastises with a chuckle

"yes," you deadpan. "i did not spend the last two hours of our trip pausing every fifty meters to wait for you to pick up a rock because you thought it looked pretty, only for them to be stolen by a pair of petty thieves"

"it would have been funny to imagine their faces after realising what they stole," seonghwa grins

“mhm,” you hum, “and the next thing you know, you’ll wake up to your palace ransacked, because word in town is that you can steal from the prince and get away with it”

he levels you with a boyish scowl, “you’re so dramatic. what are you, my mother?”

“no, but i am your royal bodyguard”

“exactly. you are my bodyguard, not my brainguard. if i am to be swindled of my pretty rocks, then so be it”

you roll your eyes out of exasperation, but everything is swiftly forgotten minutes later when you point out a heart-shaped rock and seonghwa rushes over to pick it up

it has been like this ever since the incident occurred - him, the sunshine; you, the sunshine protector

it has been almost four years since it happened

somebody had attempted arsenic poisoning of not only seonghwa, but also those working under him

you had noticed strange discolouring of the silverware in the kitchen and on the table serving his dinner, which prompted an investigation and subsequent discovery of the perpetrator

an act of betrayal and treachery by one of his closest relatives - his very own uncle

seonghwa was - still is - too merciful and tender-hearted to punish his uncle, even if the severity of his uncle’s crimes warranted execution

to have his trust broken so shatteringly hurt seonghwa more than if he were to actually have been poisoned

you still remember like it was yesterday; the sight of the prince slumped against the wall, weighed down by chains of turmoil and despair as whispers fly through the palace of the weak-hearted prince who is unable to deliver fair judgement

it is the sight of the prince looking so small and lost that drives your feet forward to stand before him

as the soft draught coming through the windows tugs gently on your tresses and the flickers of candlelight illuminate the glint of steel in your hand, you make a decision

“i’ll be your sword,” you pledge

not just as his royal guard, but as his haven when he is forced to face corruption and wickedness

and when you see the way his shoulders immediately sag with relief at your declaration, the way he nods like a child who has been reassured that everything will be okay, you tell yourself that seonghwa will never have to dirty his hands as long as you are with him

you will be the dark to his light; the yin to his yang

quietly, you see to it that his uncle is executed for his crimes - your statement to the rest of the palace that prince seonghwa is not to be mocked

neither of you bring it up again, but seonghwa knows

he pulls you into a wholehearted hug, arms enveloping you securely as his chest shakes with shuddering breaths of thank you over and over again

you rub your hand up and down his sturdy back soothingly

it is an action that simultaneously reciprocates his embrace and his crossed line of professionalism

one that starts the shift in dynamic between you both, boundaries of sought comfort blurring with friendship and then something more

where seonghwa is too trusting and too soft-spoken, you become his skepticism and his voice

“you should be more wary of others,” you always remind him

“and you should be more trusty of others,” he’ll retort

yet, he will never make a decision that does not receive your input nor one that you do not agree with

where seonghwa is too gentle and too humble, you become his sword and his shield

you do not waver when you strike down foe, and friends turned foe alike

you speak up and establish firm boundaries when others take advantage of the respect he shows everybody regardless of their class or status

and yet, if you find yourself on the receiving end of someone’s condescension or discriminatory treatment, be it due to your rank as a guard or identity as a woman, seonghwa will be advancing forward to defend you before you can do so yourself

where seonghwa is too innocent and too bushy-tailed, you become his eyes and his caution

your morning walks together always last for longer than they are scheduled for

he stops to watch every butterfly and bumblebee that flutters along the flowery path, and he waits for caterpillars to crawl onto a leaf that he holds by the stem so that he can move the critters off the pathway

you love to watch him and his glittering eyes, his cheeks rosy from happiness and from the air still crisp with morning dew

but you also make sure to watch his surroundings with greater vigilance because the quiet peace that the freshly awoken sun brings simultaneously increases the likelihood of a targeted attack against him

as much as you rib him for being a marshmallow personified, however, and as much as he banters back that you are more than welcome to resign at any time, neither of you want it any other way

seonghwa carries out a lot of gestures that he justifies to himself as being eternally grateful for you and the things you do for him

he likes to gift you flowers he has plucked from his garden or the bushes he walks past that remind him of you

(“that’s actually just a very pretty-looking weed, but thank you, seonghwa,” you tell him on more than one occasion)

(it’s adorable, because the next time he finds a flower, he goes to the length of certifying that it is indeed a flower with the merchant who sells bouquets in the nearby town before presenting it to you, eyes gleaming with pride)

you stand still and let him tuck a flower behind your ear, sometimes braiding your hair gently so that he can weave and secure the stem into your hair, holding your breath as his features fill with the same enrapturement that he would admire a beautiful artwork with

after you voice this out one day, seonghwa supposes to himself that there is not much difference between an artwork and you

not that he’s attracted to you or anything - you just…have an objectively attractive face

yes.

especially when your usually-piercing expression is softened by fatigue, guard no longer up as you sleep slumped over a desk while accompanying him during his late night of studies

he does not realise his feet have moved until he is right beside your resting form, as if the soft exhales escaping from your slightly parted lips are a siren’s song

seonghwa tenderly brushes your stray locks away from your face and behind your neck

except he forgets to account for the fact that you are trained to sleep on the brink of consciousness

the squeal that leaves his mouth when your reflexes kick in and you almost slit his throat resounds at a frequency so high you almost believe it comes from your own mouth

you have a grand time watching his beet red face stutter out an excuse as to what exactly he was doing so close to you

needless to say, that is the last time seonghwa ever tries to do anything while you are sleeping

but as much as he bumbles around, he also reveals his perceptiveness when you least expect it

like now, as you accompany the prince to one of his meetings with numerous advisors and ministers

it is relatively dull and uneventful, mostly a cordial appearance to maintain amicable and loyal relationships with his subjects

conversation is limited to pleasantries and at one point, seonghwa even points out the calligraphy paintings hung at the back of the room

everyone nods with throaty laughs as if the paintings are indeed the most exquisite and tasteful artworks they have ever laid their eyes upon

when you and seonghwa arrive back at his chambers following the conclusion of the meeting, he walks over to his bed and shakes the sleeves of his robe over the expanse of his duvet

and out drops a neatly-wrapped sweet, followed by another, then another, until there are enough to amount to two handfuls

baffled, you look at seonghwa, because these are the very same treats that had been plated on the tables during the meeting

“you smuggled candy out of the room?” you try to keep the amusement out of your voice

he peers into his sleeves to ensure there are no more stragglers, before turning to face you as he waves his hands over the small collection of goods on his bed

as if they are-

“for you!” he exclaims almost proudly. “i saw you eyeing them during the meeting so i took some for you”

okay

most definitely proudly 

you feel something tickling you from within, as if he has reached through your chest to directly caress your heart with a delicate finger

“when did you even…” your voice trails off when it comes out a little fonder than you are expecting it to

“remember the paintings i pointed out?” seonghwa giggles, and you think that the hand in your chest is now cradling your heart completely. “i swiped the sweets when everyone was looking back at them”

“thank you, hwa,” you settle on saying, because you do not trust yourself to say anything else

that is more than enough for him, though

which, of course it is - this is seonghwa, with his huge heart that fills easily with the smallest of things

he eagerly hands you one of the treats and you unwrap it to place into your mouth

you’ve had these before, but this one that he has specially grabbed for you tastes remarkably sweeter

you wonder if his lips will taste the same…

but then you accidentally bite your tongue, hard enough to draw blood, and you realise just how wrong you are for letting those fleeting thoughts into your mind

because while you navigate the world in thick droplets of red and sharp glints of silver, seonghwa sees the world in soft hues of pastel and gleaming rays of yellow

how could the two palettes ever blend together harmoniously?

so instead, you grant yourself one last moment of selfishness and pull him into a hug, a gesture that toes the already shaky borders of professionalism yet can still be excused under the guise of friendship

you realise that he has always meant much more to you, but that is what this will stay as - a mere realisation

seonghwa wraps his arms around your form as he relaxes into the way your bodies naturally meld together

it’s strange how easily you slot into his life, his thoughts, his heart

he wonders whether it’s possible for feelings of appreciation to run so deeply and potently within somebody, like a drug that he cannot get enough of

and when you take a step away from him, leaving his chest feeling physically and emotionally empty, he wonders if he is perhaps…

in love with you

following that incident, it is almost as if a switch flips - both of you take several steps away from the line that has been danced around

but neither of you notice the distance because you are both consumed by your own thoughts

until one of your usual morning walks around the castle walls of his palace

seonghwa is wondering whether the bushes you walk past remind you of the flowers he used to gift you and you are debating whether to reach out to brush a petal out of his half ponytail 

then, like deja vu, your eyes flicker towards the burst of movement as a figure covered in black comes darting forwards with their blade raised intended for murder

you immediately start to unsheathe your sword, feet poised and prepared to defend-

until you are harshly tugged back and the prince steps in front of you to parry the strike that the assassin tries to land

it takes your lifetime of training and experience to snap back into focus and thrust your sword into the enemy’s exposed side

when you are sure he is dead, you whirl around to descend upon seonghwa with a voice trembling from both anger and relief

“what in the world were you thinking?” you yell

“i-”

taking a step forward, you toss your sword to one side, “no, actually. you weren’t thinking at all”

“i was afraid that you would get hurt!” he takes his own step closer

“that is my duty!” the volume of your voice raises even more. “i am willing to lay down my life to ensure your safety! i have been guarding you for years now and you have never acted this way. what has changed?”

for a moment, the only sound that punctuates the silence is your harsh breathing

seonghwa swallows

“my feelings…” he whispers, a stark contrast to the peak of emotions you have been riding. “my feelings for you have changed”

your throat tightens at his words

it is your turn to whisper, a noise of confusion leaving your lips

he takes another step closer, bringing himself to stand right in front of you as he looks down earnestly into your eyes

“i’d rather be the protector, and you be the protected”

“but…why?” your heart races with anticipation

“because i’m in love with you” 

right at the invisible border that has been separating you two for as long as you have been his guard, seonghwa now stands, hands wringing together as he awaits a response

“then that makes the two of us,” you confess

you step forward to take your familiar spot on the other side of the line, except this time you do not stop

you stride over the boundary completely to stand by his side

raising yourself onto your tiptoes, you pull him down slightly by the front of his doublet so that you can press a chaste kiss to the corner of his lips

it stretches wider and curves upwards under the nurturing of your own smile

you can’t help but give him another kiss on the other side of his mouth to match the one you just gave him

“from now on,” seonghwa starts, “i’ll be your sword”

you wouldn’t really, and you will fight him to let you continue being his guard, but that doesn’t stop one last teasing question from escaping you

“does this mean i get to retire?”

yunho

pov: you're part of a rebel group

the crown prince is not in his fucking library

for the past three weeks, the crown prince has always been in the royal library at night

until today

under normal circumstances, his royal guards and staff would be alerted to ensure that the deviance in routine is a conscious decision and not an issue of the crown prince missing

except doing that would make your job significantly harder…

considering you have been ordered to assassinate him.

you’re part of the ‘red sun’, a revolutionary movement aiming to overthrow the current monarch

following the debilitating state of the king after falling ill and the subsequent coronation of queen jeong into power, she has since then established numerous royal decrees to keep everyone under her reign on a tight leash

a leash made of barbed wire

people are quick to become resentful and thirsty for an end to the dictatorship and bloodline

although he has made limited public appearances, the crown prince has also developed a reputation rivaling the queen’s

within the second year of the jeong dynasty, red sun has already amassed a multitude of supporters

the focus is currently on growing in numbers, preparing for an imminent revolution and picking off corrupt royals and noblists, be it through incrimination or assassination

dealing with those in positions of higher power is a task only completed by an elite selection of red sun rebels who have distinguished skills and traits that set them apart from peasants and commoners

and you are amongst the elite team

which is why you find yourself staking out on the tiled roof of the imperial palace, clothed in black with a mask and hooded cowl covering your face that blends you in with the darkness of night, on the orders of a higher-up to assassinate the crown prince

except the target is missing; the information you were given is wrong

which never happens

you can’t risk staying around for much longer, especially now that the crown prince has broken his routine

he could be anywhere and so could his royal guards

you shift your body to a crouch and place your hands on the cool tiles beneath you, ready to leave

only to spot a figure, crouched just like you are, on the opposite side of the roof

their face is a black hole of nothing within the shrouded confines of their hood, but you can feel their gaze piercing into you all the same

you run

you scramble to the edge of the roof and nimbly leap off the curved eaves to the neighbouring structure of the study room

when you glance backwards, you see the man - physique now obvious - is keeping up easily along the stepping stones of roofs

this game of cat and mouse isn’t going to work for long

if you don’t get caught by him first, you’re both going to get caught by the palace guards

so you make a split decision and alter your next trajectory lower

keeping your arms outstretched for the eaves, you grab on tightly when your fingers touch the edge of the roof and use your core to kick your legs up to stop your body from slamming into the wall from the momentum of your jump

you let go and drop to the ground like a feline, noiseless, and slink towards a line of trees

then you wait

he’s good, you note to yourself, when the only sound that alerts you to his presence is the quick scuffle of his feet as he softens his impact against the wall and the muted thud of his body landing on the ground

“state your purpose,” he demands, voice low yet firm

you ignore him to ask, “who are you?”

now up close, you can see that the man is wearing attire almost the same as you are, identity also hidden by the his bandana and hood-

wait

even the dark red stitching that subtly replaces the original seam on the right shoulder of his outer clothing is the same

the same as those on the elite team

“one of you,” he confirms your suspicions

except you don’t recognise his voice nor his build

being one of the earliest members of the rebel organisation, you are familiar with all the members who carry out missions like yours

he is not one of them; not one you can trust yet

when you don’t speak, he adds on, “we need to go. the safehouse might be in danger”

we

he refers to the two of you so easily, as if you and him are an unspoken team

you cannot trust this man until you know for sure he is part of red sun, so you ask him

“when is red most beautiful?”

it is a vague question with a fixed answer

one that reflects the heart of the revolutionary itself

during the sunrise of a new beginning 

“during the sunrise of a new beginning,” the man says resolutely

the tension releases from your shoulders 

“okay,” you opt to abandon your original mission. “let’s check on the safehouse”

the man offers you a hand to hike yourself up onto one of the outer walls of the palace before he jumps up himself with ease

you both flip over the top and land in unison

the moon illuminates the ground beneath your feet as you both sprint into the surrounding forest

the safehouse is really just a small hut situated far enough from the palace to stay inconspicuous, yet not close enough to the outer borders of the kingdom to risk discovery by the frequent border patrols

you both slow down as you approach the clearing, steadying your breaths and treading with cautious steps

and then you hear it

the shattering clang of a desperate parry

all it takes is a quick glance at the man by your side before your eyes harden with purpose and your steps are dashing in unison towards the hut

you’re both hit with the smell of a metallic tang in the air, and it’s not from your drawn swords

bursting through the door, you quickly take in the scene before you

several red sun members are scattered around the hut and slumped in varying degrees of injury

it’s easy to spot the intruder; they’re yanking their sword out of a body’s torso as they simultaneously turn to look at you

and it’s hard to miss the royal insignia of the jeong monarch on their chest plate

you have the element of surprise

but only for the next few seconds

you leap forward with the thud of footsteps of your partner following almost immediately, side-stepping once you close the distance to dodge a haphazard swing

there’s a brief break in defense when the enemy tries to aim for another strike that leaves the gap in the side of their armour exposed

you feel the slight resistance of your sword entering flesh as you thrust it forward into them

except when you try to tug it back out, a hand grasps your own and the hilt of your sword, stopping you from stepping away

the enemy has realised they are not going to make it out of this alive

but if they are to die, then they are going to take one last person with them

you.

you see glint of metal as they use their other hand to swing their sword down onto you, only for it to be deflected at the last second by another sword

the man you have met for barely an hour is now at your side with his towering protectiveness

in one smooth kick, his long leg sends the other careening into the wall of the hut with a mighty slam

you feel yourself jerking forward from the enemy’s grasp still on your hand

but the man next to you quickly tucks you into his side before you are also sent sprawling

“check on the others,” he briefly says, and then he is striding towards the fallen intruder

you only spare him another quick glance and then you rush to the nearest figure on the ground

you go around checking for pulses, and for those who are still breathing, the extent of their injuries

there are several casualties but nowhere near as many if you and the man had not come to check on the safehouse

which suddenly makes you pause in your tracks

how did he know about the attack in the first place?

you stretch your legs from their squatted position next to one of the red sun members and turn around to confront him

except…the man has disappeared

and so has the intruder’s body

days later, the question of whether you will chance upon the man again tonight flits through your mind when you find yourself perched in the very same spot on the tiled roof of the palace that gives you a clear view of the royal library

you have received another order to assassinate the crown prince as soon as you see the opportunity arise

this time, the note is accompanied by a cyanide capsule, a non-verbal message that this mission is to occur with your life on the line

you spot him

he’s preoccupied by the scroll in his hand as he makes his way through the shelves of parchments

you wait until he’s walked far enough into the library before you drop down from the roof, keeping your stance low to ensure you stay hidden as you silently move closer

you take out the jagged dagger from its sheath by your waist as you anticipate it will be too difficult to wield your long sword in the narrow aisles

and there the crown prince stands

he has his back to you, exposing him to your mercy

mercy that you have no intention of showing him

the cruel heir to the throne of an even crueler dictatorship deserves none

“it’s you again, isn’t it?”

you freeze

the crown prince still has not turned around to address you, but you can feel the dark gaze of his eyes on you as if he were looking at you

“you were here a few days ago”

fuck

how he knows you have no idea

what you do know though is that you have about two seconds to make a move before you lose this chance to assassinate him completely, and quite possibly, lose your life as well

the pill you have hidden in the breast of your tunic feels heavy

“you are part of red sun, are you not?”

this time the crown prince does turn around to face you, but it isn’t the nonchalance with which he reveals your identity that makes your head reel

it is the warmth and softness in his gaze and the hint of a smile on his face that does

what the actual fuck

you’re convinced that the crown prince is not only heinous, but also batshit crazy

“i am,” you spit out at him, “with orders to assassinate you, in fact”

his mouth thins into a tight line, “the orders you have received are false”

“sounds exactly like something a crown prince would say to avoid being assassinated,” you scoff

but then his next words change everything

“red is most beautiful during the sunrise of a new beginning”

before you have time to fathom the bomb that has just been dropped, your heads swivel simultaneously towards the entrance of the royal library when a voice calls out for the crown prince

“hide,” he hisses urgently

and then he’s stepping further away to conceal your presence as best as possible

you hear the shuffle of footsteps approaching before they stop, dangerously close to where you’re crouched behind a bookshelf

“apologies for interrupting your time, crown prince,” they say

from where you are you can see the crown prince’s expression clear as he lets out a small huff, “i have told you many times to just call me yunho”

“of course, crown prince yunho”

even though you can’t see the other person’s expression, you can hear the amusement in their voice

they continue, “i have the information you have requested for”

“thank you,” you see him - yunho - receive a small scroll. “the queen does not know?”

“no, i made sure to be as discreet as possible”

yunho thanks the other once again and your eyes nearly fall out of their sockets when he bows his head in appreciation as he dismisses them

is this the same crown prince as the rumours?

and what is he doing behind his mother’s back?

you don’t realise you’ve been staring dumbly at him until he’s back in front of you with amusement on his face

he stands tall and proud, robes accentuating his stature and nobility

“who exactly are you,” you dare to ask

your voice is small - you feel small, crouched at his feet like a stark physical representation of the power he holds over you

but then he takes yet another step closer and kneels down so that your eyes meet at the same level

“i am the leader of red sun. the creator of the whole revolution”

your ankles actually do give out at that and you have to seat yourself on the floor

because how is any of this possible?

you must have voiced your thoughts out loud, because before you know it, yunho is crossing his legs and making himself comfortable on the floor right in front of you

it makes you feel so strange

the crown prince’s willingness to make himself an equal before you - and even to his staff from earlier

yunho starts to explain

a change in monarch, particularly one of such dictatorship, requires massive momentum and synergy; something he cannot produce alone nor without the support of the people

thus, red sun came into existence for the exact same reason you and all the other supporters have joined

in hopes of a sunrise one day that marks a new beginning

a new leadership

except recently he has had growing suspicious of the presence of a traitor within the organisation, which were confirmed the night the safehouse was attacked

“that night…that man was you,” you realise, “and that’s how you know who i am”

he nods, “and that’s also how i know your orders are false.” yunho nudges you playfully with his knee, “pretty sure i never ordered for my own assassination”

yunho continues to explain that he had taken the intruder back for interrogation, but then you frown when he reveals the enemy had swallowed a suicide pill before any information could be gained

he has an inkling that someone in a high position of power is involved, since the pills are almost impossible to gain access to, but it cannot be ruled out as a coincidence

“hang on,” you pull down the top of your tunic in a hurry

yunho scrambles to cover his eyes and turns his head as he jokingly sputters out, “woah okay, this is moving a little fast don’t you think?”

you tug impatiently on the sleeve of his robe, telling him to look

yunho hesitates for another second before lowering his hands and realising you have-

“a suicide pill?” 

you look at each other, because this can only mean one thing

the pills are not a coincidence; the enemy is much closer than yunho would like

you’re both unsure how much time there is until the traitor decides to order someone else to assassinate yunho, or worse, decides to finish the job off themselves

but from that very night of discovery, you and yunho work together incessantly against a ticking time bomb

it’s a delicate balance between finding as many leads as you can and spreading out your investigations to stay under the radar

yunho tries to look further into the cyanide pills while you try to uncover any information regarding the order you had been given

whoever is behind it all has kept their tracks hidden well

there isn’t much to report from either of your ends whenever you sneak into the palace to meet up with yunho

but he makes it very hard for you to feel discouraged when he makes your meetings seem like casual catch ups between - you dare say - friends

you have yet to catch him by surprise whenever you drop down from the roof in front of him in an attempt to scare him; he has an uncanny ability to sense your presence

except, you think you prefer being unsuccessful, because your indignant grumbles never fail to bring out his toothy grin and an excited body jiggle

other times he is the one trying to fluster you

“remember that time you literally tried undressing yourself in front of me-”

“i was taking the pill out to show you!” 

you bring your thumb and index finger closer together in front of your face and squint at the gap

“i am this close to changing my mind and assassinating you after all”

he gets a kick out of it, pretending to beg for your mercy, “oh please spare me, your majesty”

other times, yunho teases you for always keeping your cowl and mask on

“bet it’s because you’re ugly or something,” he jokes

and you bite back that he had his face covered too when you both met, so you’re one to talk, ugly

“but since then i’ve always shown you my face as the crown prince. you can see me nice and clear,” he suddenly leans forward, so close you can see the dip of his cupid’s brow. “what do you think about me now?”

you swallow hard

you’re glad you have your mask on because you can feel your face rapidly heating up

“i think…” you gently cup his jaw, “you look better with your mask on,” as you nudge his face to the side

you cannot help but join in with your own chuckles at his laughter and boyish glee

and eventually, you two have a breakthrough

yunho manages to trace the cyanide back to a traveling merchant operating under the guise of selling rare herbs and medicine

in the transaction ledger, there is an unusually large purchase under the name of ‘lee minjun’

“i’m sure i’ve seen the name before somewhere, but i can’t remember where,” yunho huffs

you let out your own huff at his elbow that has very naturally taken a rest on your shoulder

pulling out a stack of paper, you spread it out onto the table before you two

they are past records of certain red sun missions that, upon looking back, seem suspicious

“i noticed a mark on a couple of them, a drawing or character perhaps? except none of them are fully intact. it’s almost like the paper was accidentally marked”

you point them out to yunho in hopes that he will have a better idea

he doesn’t - not at first

not until he chances upon two that vaguely align with each other to form a clearer image

“this-” yunho runs his hand through his hair, “this is butler lee’s stamp. my father’s butler.”

the king’s butler?

lee?

your eyes snap to yunho’s, just as his meet yours

“lee minjun”

you sink back in your seat

there’s now definite proof that the king’s butler is at the very least involved

the question of why and what for remains

in fact, you and yunho would not put it past the queen either to be involved too

there is a long moment of shared silence as you both mull over what this means for the future

yunho breaks the silence first

“after this all ends…do you want to work for me, officially?” he clears his throat, “will you stay by my side?”

after this all ends

you two must still uncover butler lee’s motives; likely part of a much grander scheme involving queen jeong too

you two must still bring down the whole monarch; with the support of red sun, yunho needs to sit on his rightful throne

the sun has yet to rise but you can see the faint hues of orange and twilight blue in the horizon

the new beginning is close

and at that, something in you relaxes

crumbles and disintegrates with utter relief

“it would be my honour to stay by your side forever, yunho”

and then you are removing your hood and mask, daring to breathe and feel alive and hopeful for once

ironically, yunho chokes on air

you glance at him to find that he is unable to meet your eyes

you think your eyes are deceiving you because-

the tips of his ears are a glowing red

you could definitely get used to seeing the usually calm and collected crown prince become a shy, blushing mess

the corner of your mouth rises with smugness, “like what you see?”

“you should really keep your hood and mask on,” he mumbles

“and why is that?” you humour him

he finally looks at you

and when he sees the shit-eating grin plastered across your face, his shoulders suddenly fill out again with confidence and cockiness to match yours

“because,” his voice deep and flirtatious, “with a pretty face like that, you’re going to distract me from my duties”

yeosang

pov: you're in an arranged marriage with him

ever since you could understand the words coming out of your parents’ mouths, you have known that you will be married to yeosang

it just made sense

for the respective princess and prince of two powerful kingdoms to join together, leading to increased power and stronger allies

it is tradition for the pair to meet their chosen spouse for the first time only when both parties have turned sixteen, and even then, subsequent meetings are rare until the time of the actual wedding

so you spend the first sixteen years of your life infatuated with the idea of your prince charming - of prince yeosang - wondering what he looks like, what his personality is like, and how you two will fall in love

and when you finally reach that long-awaited first meeting, prince charming is everything and more than what you have envisioned

if angels with broken wings were exiled to earth, they would look like yeosang

he is soft-spoken and slightly reserved, as any awkward teenager meeting their future spouse would be, but you don’t miss the way that his eyes overflow with adoration and his shoulders shake with exuberant giggles whenever his little sister, yeoreum, comes tottering into the room

he always bends down onto one knee to match her eye level, uncaring of the stains that mark his pants even as his mother narrows her eyes in disdain, and he listens with utmost sincerity when yeoreum tells him about the secret pink and glittery fairy she spotted in the courtyard 

they remind you of the relationship you share with your own little brother, juwon, who is barely half your age and height, yet has you wrapped around his little finger

you lean down closer with a hum at the soft tug on your dress to hear your little brother whisper conspiratorially into your ear, “he looks stupid”

if looks could kill, yeosang would be dead right now

you stifle a laugh as you flick juwon’s chin affectionately at his sudden display of childish jealousy

if anything, you’re pretty sure you are the one who looks stupid

stupidly in love

because walking away from that first meeting with yeosang and his family, you know that you are absolutely smitten for the prince

unable to quell the restlessness of having to wait until the next unforeseeable meeting, you pick up a quill that very same day you return to your palace and start writing

it takes you all night, the gentle gleams and winks of the stars keeping you company until they rotate shifts with the songs of the waking world

but by the time you have crossed out and scrunched your way through rolls and rolls of parchment paper, you are satisfied with the letter you have written

the letter addressed to prince yeosang, which you task eunju, one of your maids, with passing it to the royal couriers for delivery to the kang palace

it is a simple letter, thanking him for the enjoyable day, yet it holds the deeper message that you are interested in him and would like to become better acquainted before your marriage

you wonder whether his cheeks will flush a pretty red as his butler hands him your letter

whether he will trace his fingers delicately over the curve of your words

whether he will bite back a smile as he pictures you saying the words to him

two weeks pass, and you approximate the letter to have just been delivered to his kingdom

and although you desperately wish for him to immediately sit down with a quill in hand to pen out his reply, you wait and give him a week before you eagerly start counting down the days until the arrival of his letter

your whole life you have been able to wait patiently

you wonder what has changed now that mere weeks feel like an eternity

the day yeosang’s letter is due to arrive, you are sporadic bursts of giggles, twirls and skips throughout the palace

even juwon is starting to become sick of getting swept up into a crushing hug to the cheery tune of i loveee youuuu every single time you pass him

nothing can bring you down from cloud nine

only…the letter never comes

not the day after, not the week after, not the month after

you’re disappointed, of course, but you busy yourself with reasons why yeosang has not replied, and you don’t give up

you send him another letter, and then another, and another

sometimes you just tell him about your day - what made you smile, what made you sad, something interesting you saw, something your little brother said

other times you tell him about yourself - your hobbies, likes and dislikes, aspirations, fears 

and you also wonder about him

you ask what he likes, what he smiles at, what makes him sad, what his dreams are

with each letter that you hand over to eunju to be delivered, it becomes harder and harder to stay optimistic - not even the words of encouragement from your favourite maid lifts your spirits

you continue like this for over a year, still yet to receive a reply 

until-

you do.

it feels like you are brought back to that very night of your first meeting, feeling so very alive as hope and excitement cascade into your body the moment eunju hands you a letter with a smile

with shaking hands, you fumble to unpeel the wax seal and free the envelope’s contents - a single piece of paper, neatly folded

your mind races with anticipated words and explanations

perhaps he had been too shy to reciprocate your letters earlier

or perhaps your letters had been lost in transit

you unfold the parchment as the hairs on your skin raise in anticipation, only to find it blank save for one scrawled sentence in the middle of the paper-

stop sending me letters.

and just like that, the clock strikes twelve

your carriage reverts into a pumpkin

and your carefully curated story of prince charming disintegrates into ashes

you don’t write to him again.

years later, the stacks of parchment scrolls on the wooden desk of the guest room you are currently residing in feel like a fresh slap in the face each time your eyes land on them

they are a stark reminder of your very own letters, the cold rejection you received, and the irony of the only letter you ever received again following his being one from the kang monarchs, announcing the proceeding of the royal wedding between you and their son

now, only a few days newly-wed to yeosang, the king and queen are gracious enough to let you sleep in one of the guest rooms temporarily, under your claims of adjusting to a life in a new kingdom and as a wife

really, you are trying to avoid yeosang for as long as you can

you spend your time instead getting to know his little sister better, which is why you find yourself sitting side by side with yeoreum, legs dangling off the edge of your bed

she eyes the vase of flowers on your bedside table curiously, “did you buy that?”

“no,” you reach out to touch the baby’s breath, “someone delivered it to my room”

you had offhandedly mentioned to some of your staff the other day that flowers would make your room look more homey, and you had woken up the morning after to find the beautiful vase teeming with flowers next to you

“why?” you ask yeoreum when she hums thoughtfully

“it looks just like the vase in my brother’s room, but he’s weird about it. yeo never lets anyone touch it, much less have it”

you blanch a little, “in that case i’ll give it back to him later then”

“you don’t like it? or…you don’t like my brother? my brother talks about you a lot, you know,” she reveals

caught off-guard by her perceptiveness, you reveal that you have been hurt before

you don’t specify by what exactly or who it is that you’re talking about, but she seems to understand regardless

later that night, sweet yeoreum barges into yeosang’s room and with as much feistiness as she can muster, she glares at her brother and interrogates, “what did you do to make her upset?”

before he can so much as blink, yeoreum concludes, “you boys are dumb. go talk to her and fix it or something,” and then walks out with a huff

there’s no one there to witness it, but yeosang nods anyway

heart feeling a little heavy after your conversation with yeoreum, you head towards the kitchen to seek solace in the sweet pastry you are usually served each morning

the first time you tasted the danish pastry, decorated with strawberries and cream cheese, was when you had traveled to yeosang’s palace at the age of sixteen for your first meeting

you remember the blissful expression that had bloomed across your face with your initial bite, and no dessert ever captivated your tastebuds quite the same way ever again

if there is one good thing out of this arranged marriage with yeosang, then it would be the reunion between yourself and the strawberry danish

“your highness,” the head chef bows, followed by the rest of the staff in the kitchen, “how may we help you?”

when you ask for one of the pastries, the head chef apologises that there are none

“but we can make you one now, if you do not mind waiting”

you tell him not to go to the trouble and ease his worries, “i just thought there may have been leftover pastries”

“we make only one fresh every morning, specifically for you,” the chef explains, and confusion must settle across your features because he adds on, “his highness has expressed that you may like them”

oh?

flustered, you can only muster a short response of, “i do, thank you,” before you smile once more and excuse yourself

because of all people to notice and remember such a small detail, and then to go out of their way to put in the request with the kitchen on the off chance that it was still true, it was yeosang? 

first the vase, and now this

you feel something deeply buried inside of you start to stir but you rush to nip it in the bud

your head and your heart are beginning to wage war against each other and suddenly everything feels like it’s too much

when you reach your bedroom, you throw open the double doors to step out onto the balcony, welcoming the chilling breeze of the darkening sky

you’re tired of fearing rejection if you open up

you’re tired of questioning yeosang’s intentions

and on top of it all, you suddenly miss home and you miss your parents and you miss juwon and-

“are you okay?”

yeosang’s soft question startles you, having missed his knocking at your door

he walks closer to join you out on the balcony when he sees that the answer is obviously a no, and he prompts you again, “what’s wrong?”

thoughts of vases and strawberry pastries flit across your mind

you start with half truths

“just missing my little brother”

“you love him a lot, don’t you,” yeosang smiles sweetly, “i can see it in the way you take care of yeoreum”

you can’t help the heat that slowly creeps up the back of your neck and to your ears, because it implies that he’s noticed all the times you’ve showered his little sister with the same love you give to juwon

it implies he’s noticed you

“what’s your fondest memory of juwon?” he asks when you nod

something within you thaws slightly at the fact that yeosang remembers your little brother’s name

you step closer to the edge of the balcony so that you can overlook the garden outside your room a little clearer, resting your hand on the railing as yeosang waits patiently

“we used to have this game we played. we had a lot of gardenia flowers growing around our courtyard and juwon loved cutting some to make me a mini bouquet,” you pause to shake your head with a chuckle, “it drove our mother nuts”

“doesn’t sound like it stopped him from continuing though, did it?” yeosang questions with mirth

“no, it didn’t,” your heart aches with fondness. “he would use a certain number of gardenias and make me guess what phrase containing the same number of letters he had in mind” 

it never failed to tug your mouth into a smile whenever juwon giggled at your attempts to guess the flower phrase, even when most times he would bound away whilst singing answers like y-o-u s-t-i-n-k or d-u-m-b d-u-m-b

yeosang supports himself on the railing with one hand as he nearly folds in on himself in laughter, and before you know it, you too are gasping for air and wiping away tears from your eyes

when you both calm down relatively enough, only intermittent chuckles leaving your lips, yeosang clears his throat and scratches his neck awkwardly

“i know it might not be much, but maybe we can go out into town tomorrow and it might take your mind off things? and we can bring yeoreum along if that makes you feel more comfortable, because you’ve probably spent more time alone with her than you have with me?”

you don’t admit it, but you’re already feeling a little better, so you decide to tease, “are you asking me out on a date right now, kang yeosang?”

“oh, well, we’d be doing things a little backwards since we’re already like, married…but, yes? maybe? is that okay?”

it’s yeosang’s turn to flush a deep red as his usually composed demeanor is reduced to stutters, but you don’t notice under the faint glow cast by the moon now reigning the sky

“yeah, that’s okay”

you and yeosang smile fondly as your little trio stroll through a nearby town the following morning, his younger sister skipping ahead to peer at the colourful trinkets being sold at the market stalls, and your own small squad of royal soldiers following behind at a respectful distance

it’s kind of endearing how yeosang points out item after item, asking whether you like it or whether you find it pretty, in a not-so-subtle attempt to learn about your preferences

you have to stop him from buying you something from every second stall you both pass, but you’re unable to convince him from purchasing a small wooden toy as a gift for juwon, insisting that you give it to your little brother the next time you see him

the more you actually interact and talk with yeosang, the harder you find it to associate him with the memory of the yeosang in your rejected letters

because the equation of the letters, the vase and the pastries just does not add up

as you two sit under the awning of a small shop, watching yeoreum play with the shopkeeper’s dog, you find yourself unable to hold back anymore

“why didn’t you reply to my letters?” you break the silence, trying to hide the hurt laced in your voice

yeosang looks at you with wide eyes as his mouth stutters open

and in the smallest voice you have ever heard him speak with, he says

“you wrote me letters?”

your eyebrows knit together as your eyes dart back and forth between his, searching for any hint of deception

“too many to count,” you confess, “until you sent a letter telling me to stop…”

“impossible. i never got your letters” 

your head recoils back as you try to make sense of his words, “but-”

“wait,” he interrupts

yeosang reaches into his robes, pulling out a small, wooden block, extending it out closer to you as he asks, “do you recognise this?”

upon closer inspection, you realise it’s a square seal stamp

it has the character ‘姜’ carved into it and you’ve seen it enough times to know it represents the kang family name - but the inscription that stylises the border is unfamiliar

“not the seal, no”

he swallows apprehensively, “i stamp all my letters with this to certify authenticity”

you let his words sink in as they throw you into a sandstorm of bewilderment

“but then-”

but then who wrote the letter?

and where did all your letters go?

the only people who would have known about them would be the royal couriers and…eunju

a memory flashes through your mind - the moment she handed you a letter with a smile

no, not a smile, you realise

a smirk

you are simultaneously overwhelmed with betrayal, guilt and apologeticness

yeosang doesn’t push you for a response, and you come to recognise that you are also grateful

“i’m sorry for doubting you,” you tell him

it’s nowhere close to the amount of things you want to confess, but it is a start, one that yeosang picks up on and understands immediately

“no, i’m sorry you felt the need to doubt me,” he offers. “that i didn’t make you feel loved enough”

“but i did, actually. the vase and the pastries, then our conversation last night…and even today”

he blushes a deep red as you list the things off with your fingers

“you weren’t meant to find out about the first two,” yeosang admits as he ducks his head shyly

then he suddenly perks up with a sudden thought

he ruffles inside his satchel that had been abandoned to one side, mumbling, “my sister said i did something to upset you…so i um, got you these” 

he turns around to reveal a bouquet of flowers, looking a little rough for wear after being hidden in his bag all morning, but his clumsy consideration only serves to makes your heart skip dangerously

“forgive me?” he asks cheekily, and you both giggle at the absurdity of his question because it should very well be the other way around

“if you insist,” you take the bouquet into your hands

and finally, you allow the chains around your heart to fall away, “i can’t say no to my husband, can i?”

yeosang lets out a little squeak as you look at the bouquet more clearly, counting the number of flowers

you turn to ask if he remembers the game you told him about, but the way yeosang suddenly finds the patch of dirt near his foot absolutely fascinating tells you everything that you need to know

eight flowers

eight letters

i l-o-v-e y-o-u

#loren writes #ateez fics #ateez smut #ateez x reader #hongjoong x reader #hongjoong smut #hongjoong scenarios #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa scenarios #yunho x reader #yunho scenarios #yeosang x reader #yeosang scenarios #ateez ot8 x reader #ateez fluff #ateez angst #ateez crack #ateez scenarios #ateez imagines #ateez headcanons #ateez au #royal ateez #prince ateez #prince!ateez

[chipped-chimera]

WIP WEDNESDAY - 21/06/23

(I mean it’s technically Friday now between timezones and spoons but have this otherwise I’ll keep forgetting) My first WIP Wednesday! Thanks @theviridianbunny​ for the tag! I’ve been really getting stuck into modding - as well as falling into my usual mod habit of ‘start like six project at once and end up with a million WIP files' but I guess I’ll talk about the major ones.

Graphic design is my passion ...

(Long) rambling about mods I'm making + things I've learned below the cut~

My V’s tatt project is still ongoing, and I’ve (somewhat begrudgingly) been trying out Substance Painter to work on bits of it, mainly polishing seams between UV maps. It’s definitely got a lot of benefits, especially for graphic placement in really tricky areas (like anywhere in the entire head mesh region for example) but I still think a lot of the heavy work will still be done in Photoshop so I’ll probably be writing up both experiences with them when I do that tutorial I keep hinting at for complex tatt work. I’ve started drafting a tumblr tutorial but I wonder if that’s the best format, maybe a PDF? Google doc? Github wikis look cool? (tho I think I need to pay for that) - if y’all got suggestions for tutorial formats pls let me know!

As for the other arguably overly-ambitious-project-where-I-bit-off-more-than-I-could-chew ...

H A I R.

Hair has been the bane of my existence for about the past week( ... weeks? Maybe two?), most of it involving cursing, a lot of reverse-engineering game meshes and smashing my head against blender. But if not already evident from my monowire post - I am a stubborn bitch with too much time on my hands so even though there were at least two moments where I wanted to curl up on the floor under my desk and just stay there - we got there.

This all started because my favourite hair mod which I cannot split from my V’s identity was acting funky and the shape of it had been altered since a physics update. It wasn’t her anymore. So I needed new hair. I tried editing the existing hair. I tried importing the old hair mesh. I tried so many things and they didn’t work out one way or they threw a million errors or there were an obnoxious amount of verts.

I even tried looking for replacement mod hair. None of them fit, all of them felt too ‘clean’ for my V. So I just concluded: FINE. I’ll make my own damn hair. From scratch. At least then I’ll actually KNOW what’s going on with the mesh, right?

Problem with hair is tutorials are very limited in respect to Cyberpunk, so I had to learn a lot of this by myself and looking at other processes used for building game hair. I’ve had a previous stint in game design at uni but it was very introductory and more broad-strokes concepts not specific stuff like what ‘real time hair’ is and how you actually go about placing hair-cards (there’s a million different ways btw) but after another 3 days smashing my head against blender I finally got shit to work to a satisfactory level using hair tools for blender and the particle hair grooming system (not the 3.5 blender system, maybe more on that at some point).

Putting together the hair cards I was 120% convinced this was going to blow up in my face, primarily through vert count. But this hair tool plugin? Alarmingly efficient. I was frequently checking my work against Alt's hair mesh (one I was planning on rigging to) and here's the final-ish stats -

This is with only Alt's hair mesh selected (no cap) and then only my mesh(s - lots of layering to build it up), and by comparison I felt I'd built up the density of a chinchilla. This is not a brag, this is mostly genuine confusion over how efficient this plugin is, all I did was smack around hair curves. It did all the UV mapping junk on the fly.

Although structurally complete, I still consider this a WIP (yes I know there's a reeeeal fun vert funkiness in that second render, it's been fixed) since I'm having to go back and fine-tune some of the UV's the plugins mapped that I'm not happy with and generally figuring out my density problem because if anything, after putting it in-game it felt too dense.

Because yes, somehow I got it in game.

WITH. PHYSICS.

This may have driven me absolutely up the wall between having to learn blender from scratch then what the heck real time hair is and how that works etc. etc. but ... god, seeing her move back from the mirror and just feeling that instant catharsis of 'IT'S HER!' made it so. Damn. Worth it.

It looks too thick - this might be because I chucked in the 'doubled' feature Wolvenkit comes with because I hadn't spent any time doing backfaces. But it also might be because it's black? That's going to need investigating.

The physics need a lot of work too, I did a pretty rushed weight painting job last night on a merged version of the mesh because I was worried whether it was even viable and I'd already dumped an insane amount of hours into this between trying to salvage the old hair and building a new one (with some more bells and whistles. Mainly - curly). That wasn't without it's issues -

This almost fucking cracked me, given this was one of the issues I was experiencing before trying to fix an existing mesh mod. Turns out I was just being dumb and forgetting to export the armature, which I'd thought I wasn't supposed to do after having blender throw a bunch of errors on other hair attempts. I gave it a try after one last shot and boom. Worked. (I dunno what those errors were about man but now I know armature? very important).

Will I release this hair? no damn clue, depends on if I can get it to a level I feel is 'releasable'. I already know what I'm calling it though - Venatrix her side-handle I've decided on.

I look forward to adapting it into maybe a comb-back version, as well as a tied up version, so I can show off both her undercut + have the option of NOT hiding every damn tatt I've obsessed over placing on her neck haha.

In other news -

My much-needed wacom tablet replacement arrived (as well as other things I was looking forward to 👀) meaning my Wacom Cintiq, workhorse of ten years can finally enjoy her retirement. Her controls were getting funky, she had a few dead pixels but man. I'm convinced they won't make them like her ever again. Either way she's done unfortunately - upgrading my monitor to 2k made this painfully obvious. I don't think it's even running in full HD, it's that old. And with Phantom Liberty coming out this year? I'm probably going to need a new videocard and DVI compatibility isn't really a thing anymore.

So for future I think I'll just stick to the basic tablet set up, invest in screens. Also now I FINALLY know what her hair is gonna look like and with the tablet here, I can get back to work on the tattoo bodysuit.

Anyways, that's it for now! (Jesus Christ did you really read all of this? If you did you're a fucking trooper). Sorry for the extended ramble but MAN I did a lot, I needed to yell.

Till next time Chooms! Thanks again @theviridianbunny for the tag~ <3

Oh shit wait, have the blender renders before I forget because hahah I figured out how to do that too lol -

#cyberpunk 2077 #cyberpunk 2077 modding #my mods #wip wednesday #cyberpunk 2077 mods #kerytalk #god I am sorry this is a fucking essay but I had a lot to talk about I guess #one can do a lot in a week with nothing but the power of autistic hyperfocus and the love for one's OC blorbo ok

[webbo0]

Yeah formatting fanfics for Tumblr has become the bane of my existence, so I'll be keeping things mostly to AO3 now

Anyways here's a fanfic that like. No one will fully understand unless you're Jewish and a fan of Stay 2005, but I wrote it anyway ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#fanfiction #fanfic #stay (2005) #henry letham #judaism #jewish characters #this is for ME and my THREE JEWISH FOLLOWERS lol #but everyone else PLEASE feel free to read anyways!! #I still think it's good even if it's confusing #ao3 #my writing

[ashirisu]

FREE eBook — How to Write a Dynamic Act One: A Guide for Novelists

I'm still new enough to Tumblr that I don't really know the etiquette around self-promo, so please excuse this weird little ad as I excitedly announce that I wrote an ebook that's now available for free download!

How to Write a Dynamic Act One is exactly what it sounds like—a guide to putting together the first act of your story, offering creative and craft advice on tackling those tough early chapters. It includes some revamps of previous articles I wrote for AuthorsPublish (under my maiden name), as well as some brand-new advice!

A few things you'll find in this book:

— A breakdown of Act One's role in your story.

Why do you even need a first act? Why should you (a pantser) still try to outline your novel? I'll tell you all about it.

— A guide to essential scenes and questions to answer in Act One.

The not-quite template you always needed to help guide your writing without boxing you in. Checklist lovers, this is for you.

— A handful of tips to get you through tricky scenes.

Opening lines are the bane of my existence, and I refuse to pull the ladder up behind me. Learn from my former mistakes, and also get a few tips on writing inciting events.

— A bit of encouragement about self-editing.

It's not really the focus of this book, but I'd be a poor editor if I didn't at least bring it up. I promise you don't have to cut your draft to shreds during revision—most of your scenes can and should be salvaged!

— Poor formatting.

I'm sorry, there's really nothing I can do about this one. The spacing is a little messy and it looks like there was a find/replace fiasco during proofreading, which I had no control over. I've already cried about it a lot so please be nice to me.

Anyway, I'm extremely proud of this and I encourage you to check it out! It's free for a limited time, and is available in both PDF and ePub formats.

Thank you, and enjoy!

#writeblrcafe #writeblr #writing #writing resources #writing advice #writing help #writing community #writers on tumblr #ley writes #my writing

[myevilmouse]

Thrawn:Alliances is the only one of the three canon Thrawn(2017) books that I do not own. It is my silent protest over the loose ends & roads left unexplored that embodied that hot mess of a book.

At the same time, I consider Alliances to be Zahn’s gift to the fertile minds of the fan fic authors of Thrawn Fandom. It is basically the Thrawn repository of What If’s.

Welcome back to the Asker’s Studio™️, Mouse, it’s been a while.

In your fic Uneasy Alliance, you do exactly this: you explore a stream of consciousness that Zahn comes so close to developing, but instead, drops it…at your feet. He suggests an attraction of Padme to Thrawn at every turn, but never allows it to surface. You, my friend do the heavy-lifting for us.

A brief summary for those of you unfamiliar with the fic:

This fic draws VERY heavily on the actual scenes and dialogue in the book Thrawn: Alliances.

100% of Anakin's actions and dialogue are directly lifted, I made up absolutely nothing where he is concerned except in description and perception. Perhaps 80% of Padmé's and Thrawn's dialogue and actions are directly from the book, with slightly more liberties (necessarily) taken.

The story is built around Padmé's introspection and reactions, and I have added detail and dialogue to already existing scenes where they were alone and Zahn didn't tell us what they were up to... with the aim of making the scenario as possible as...possible. This could have happened in the book, so if you ship it, I get why!

This summary does not do justice to the passages and the sensual overload that is Padme’s Thrawn (as we see him through her eyes) or the just plain too-hot-handle moment when the the hormones finally seize control:

Defiant, Padmé lunged for his mouth, lips biting and tugging at his, daring him to stop her. With a growl, Thrawn slammed her hard to the wall, drawing a grunt from her throat. One knee drove between hers, his thigh shoving and pressing against her crotch. Instead of stopping her this time, Thrawn’s kiss turned savage.

Okay, now that I have everyone’s attention, let’s get to it!

I discovered this fic quite accidentally when another Tumblr post was lamenting one of my many complaints about Alliances: how could Padme not be attracted to Thrawn?!

Our lamentations were answered with a simple paste of this fic address. All was good in the universe 😁

So, let’s talk about Alliances, this fic, and revisions in general.

Did you read Alliances as I, and come away with the same unsatiated feeling that I did?

There were many avenues one could have explored with this book (a bane & a boon it was) What made you decide on the Thrawn/Padme theme?

This was an unusual approach for fic: it was almost line and verse accuracy to the original text! In your notes, you specify that this format was quite intentional. Do I interpret correctly that this was done to emphasize that, indeed, Zahn was suggesting the same thing all along: there was chemistry between Thrawn & Padme?

As I thought about it, perhaps the same scenario could be explored with Thrawn/Thalias? (I’m not a huge fan of Ascendancy Thrawn, so maybe leave that 🤣)

Finally, was it harder to write this fic with the stricter format hugging so close to the actual text of the book?

In conclusion, I vote that we replace the original Alliances your version, because it was such a more satisfying meal.

It’s been too long, Mouse, I hope to have you as a guest more frequently (when I finish this move 😖)

Dear @beebee-76! 

This is a fabulous ask and a wonderful break from the holiday prep for me this morning.  Thank you first of all as always for reading my stories.  We have a lot in common (this was already known) and obviously that now extends to our opinions on Thrawn:  Alliances.  And it’s always a pleasure to be featured on the Asker’s Studio™️ 😊

So let’s jump to it 😊  And thank you again for the very kind words about my fic.  It’s fabulous that you loved it so much and it inspired this ask.

Did you read Alliances as I, and come away with the same unsatiated feeling that I did?

I know I still have an unanswered ask from you in my inbox about the differences between “the Thrawns” as in Rebels Thrawn, Ascendancy Thrawn, The Thrawn Trilogy Thrawn, and what I would call 2017 Thrawn.  Someday I will have the mental fortitude to tackle all that, but let it be known that Thrawn:  Alliances really disappointed me when it came out.  It was, as I said earlier, unforgivably boring, or as you say up above “a hot mess.”  Hard agree there.  I thought all the bits with Padme were just excruciatingly slow, and saw the entire story as squandered opportunity and a waste of time.  After 2017 Thrawn, who is my favorite Thrawn, to call this followup a letdown is an enormous understatement.

There were many avenues one could have explored with this book (a bane & a boon it was) What made you decide on the Thrawn/Padme theme?

I don’t write gen fic really, I’m all about my men (Luke and Thrawn) getting with the ladies.  And I’m always open to exactly who those lucky women may be…Rare pairs are a fun place to play for finding new partners.  I used to participate more frequently in fic exchanges, and naturally one of my faves is the Star Wars Rare Pairs, as often the requests there fired the imagination.  Some of my favorite stories started because of prompts there, including my Aesthetics series and my Luke/Guri fic, which wasn’t an assignment got, I but the ship haunted me until I wrote it for the requester anyway.

Another rare pairing on the list was Padme/Thrawn.  I found this intriguing (although I wasn’t ultimately assigned it) because they do actually meet in nu!canon… I read a few frustrated fans’ comments (like the tumblr post that I responded to) about how Padme would never choose Anakin over Thrawn, and why didn’t she just get on Thrawn’s ship and leave behind her loser husband at the end, etc. and I thought hmmm….maybe maybe maybe…

Whenever I write a fic I try to make it as plausible as possible.  I find spots for missing scenes (like in my Luke Skywalker/Mon Mothma fic) where we know people were in the same place at the same time, or find a canon-divergent way to set a story in a believable timeline (like Luke/Sabine or even Thrawn/Sabine).  So I went to my copy of Alliances with nothing more than this goal:  find a spot in the book where Thrawn/Padme could happen, or find something—a hint, a clue of a future opportunity for Thrawn/Padme to happen.  I’m not a fan of cheating in real life or in fic, so the latter option was my preference at the time.  A Padme Lives AU, perhaps, where Chiss envoy Thrawn comes to rock her world after her husband is out of the picture. 

In short, I had no idea what I was going to write, but was looking for openings.

And boy, the openings I found.  As you righteously point out, when you are LOOKING for it, you realize that Zahn has basically already written the fic between the lines.  He gives us SO many opportunities to read an attraction, while also helpfully making Anakin the most annoying, unsympathetic, and immature he’s ever been.  Zahn keeps separating them—Anakin going off his way and Thrawn and Padme having another adventure together.  Sometimes he tells us what they were up to, sometimes he doesn’t.  Imagine my eyes growing comically wider as I scanned the text and realized I didn’t have to write a missing scene, I just had to tell you what happened when Zahn didn’t.

This was an unusual approach for fic: it was almost line and verse accuracy to the original text! In your notes, you specify that this format was quite intentional. Do I interpret correctly that this was done to emphasize that, indeed, Zahn was suggesting the same thing all along: there was chemistry between Thrawn & Padme?

You do interpret correctly.  Instead of my original concept, I decided to simply remix the novel, filling in those blanks and using Padme’s pregnancy (which is not at all mentioned or implied in the book) as an excuse for her oversexed response to the handsome alien that is repeatedly shoved in her direction.  (Much as I am not a real believer in the Padme/Anakin chemistry, I didn’t really want to make Padme an unfaithful hussy, so the prenatal hormones were a convenient way to abet her reactions.)

I think Zahn has progressively fallen more and more in love with his blue man, to the point where Thrawn has gone from Villain to Antihero to straight up Hero in some of the newer books (which is why I find him less and less interesting to be honest).  It’s clear in Alliances that he wants Thrawn to outshine Anakin in every way.  I couldn’t believe Disney let him get away with it.  Anakin’s decisions are wrong, Thrawn is always right—even Padme sees this and acknowledges it in the text.  Anakin isn’t as smart/rational/creative/cool etc.  Zahn gets to hold up Thrawn as capable, honorable, resourceful.  All things Padme recognizes.  He even has Anakin confront her at one point with the “now you’re taking his side”.

In order to achieve this—and let’s be clear, I’m not a huge Anakin fan—I think Zahn did some serious character bashing/warping of Anakin in the book.  After working so hard to find his wife, do I think right away he would send her off with a guy he barely knew to retrieve his lightsaber?  Hell no I don’t.  I think the “real” Anakin would be more jealous, more possessive, and more cautious than this version.  Zahn’s Anakin is stubborn when it suits the story, and relents just as conveniently.  In my fic, Padme has quite a bit of introspection about this—WHY is her husband sending her off with this stranger so often?  She was in mortal danger, he came to save her, but is more concerned with destroying shit and having some weird revenge against no one in particular than overseeing her personal safety. 

Sorry Zahn, your motives are super transparent here.

…was it harder to write this fic with the stricter format hugging so close to the actual text of the book?

It was the opposite!  I loved uncovering this story from the clues in the novel.  It didn’t take long to write at all, once I got started.  I scanned the book, identified the key scenes I could use to make Padme/Thrawn happen, and the bones of the fic was done in about a day.  The research/rereading took longer than the writing, I think.  I found out in the meantime that one of my talented artists friends @sometimesartmostlychaos, was a low-key Padme/Thrawn shipper, so the story was a gift to her upon its completion.

Zahn’s version of Anakin allowed my fic to take shape, as you mention, using total accuracy to the text, dialogue, and repeated separations he inflicts upon the newlyweds.  While I don’t 100% buy it (more reasons why the novel just was an overall mess), I certainly see what Zahn was doing, and what he was doing was making Thrawn better in all aspects than Anakin.  How could a smart woman like Padme NOT notice, particularly when she’s having so many traumatic experiences? 

I compounded it with hormones to serve my own nefarious purposes, but as I said in the author’s note, I didn’t really have to do a lot of work to get there.  Zahn laid it all out and I just had to massage the attraction from latent to overt.  It was a super fun exercise and I absolutely enjoyed it.  Making it better, making it INTERESTING, if I do say so myself.

As I thought about it, perhaps the same scenario could be explored with Thrawn/Thalias? (I’m not a huge fan of Ascendancy Thrawn, so maybe leave that 🤣)

I too am not a huge fan of Ascendancy Thrawn (understatement, I kind of hate him) see above about how the more perfect and heroic he gets the less interesting I think he is… I don’t care at all about these new books although I read them out of a completist sense of obligation…I don’t know.  I loved Outbound Flight Thrass… and Aralani was cool and all (not anymore though ugh) but Thalias is SO ANNOYING and always has been, I’m sorry.  She has this hero worship thing going on with Thrawn and it’s sort of icky and not inspiring for smut.  And clearly Zahn is trying to use her to swat away the slash fanfic but it’s not working.  I mean…he LITERALLY SHIPPED THEM in a shipping container overnight I can’t even…

In general, I find Thrawn’s solicitude towards Thalias contrived, I don’t like daddy!Thrawn to Cheri (god really?! That’s the name we’re going with?!), and I should probably just stop there.  But in brief, I’m not the person to write Thalias/Thrawn.  If I did, it would be super dark, not this let’s drink hot cocoa and eat cheese platters playing cards in a little shipping container.  Maybe have him be like “oh you think you want this?! Muwahahah evil laugh proceeds to wreck her completely in every sense” ah what a digression.

In conclusion, I vote that we replace the original Alliances your version, because it was such a more satisfying meal.

I adore you for voting this way, and am humbled by that assessment!  I have threatened at times to remix my remix, in essence write a “what if” where Padme jumps on Thrawn’s ship last minute instead of just wistfully watching its departure.  I probably will never write it, but I think it could be done and done well.  Thrawn in this case would be the hardest to twist (he was, as  you see in my story, under no illusions about what was going on with those wacky humans), but in fanfic all things are possible.  Which is why we love it!

Thank you again so much for this ask @beebee-76!  I am grateful for the chance to explain my process for this fic.  Never wrote anything like it before but absolutely loved the chance and the writing exercise and ESPECIALLY the reactions of readers who, like us, saw the plausibility and enjoyed what I did with it.

#thrawn: alliances #padme amidala #thrawn #anakin skywalker #timothy zahn #thrawn x all the ladies #my thoughts #myfic #fanfic #fanfic is for fun #beebee-76 #asks #fandom #i like asks

[redphienix]

I do miss the ask-blog hayday.

It's still, like 8 years or so after their massive decline, bewildering to think that tumblr isn't "that" anymore.

There really was an era where like 50% of blogs in existence were little original storylines or character studies or OC showcases in the format of ask-blogs that regularly pumped out tons of fanart for their interests, and then that sorta stopped being what the platform was.

And like, I get it on plenty of levels- ask-blogs were regularly a heavy workload, there was a tipping point where too many began to exist and the community around them began to find them less interesting (or that's my perception), over-saturation made it so you had to luck into standing out and a lot of quality story lines died out "Just Because", and internet interactions evolve over time and consuming fan works and OC works through ask-blogs became old hat as people started doing other stuff or just running art blogs and personals without dedicating themselves to an ask-format.

Asks in general were both the boon and bane of the format, with a lot of blogs getting stuck on formatting a storyline or purpose in between "answering asks in character" etc, like do you know how many ask blogs start with asks that are like "Glomp, hugs, I love you *insert character*" and the creator very likely leans into this because they also love the character, but then where do you go? Did you have a story in mind already? Does the fanart showcase end now because you drew the hug thing and now you're out of ideas? Isn't this format supposed to provide ideas for free through asks? And not to put the onus on the creator, what does the asker do now? The blog is run by a real person who has to make content for you to interact with it- but they might be waiting on you to make their next play- stalemate.

A lot of misconceptions came up in that.

Anyways, after nearly a decade of being no longer the flavor of the platform I still think of tumblr first and foremost as "That site where blogs get asks and answer them in their own way" and then I remember "Oh wait, no one really asks anymore, we just sorta throw our content out there and see what happens now" and there's rose-tinted longing in that realization.

The format wasn't perfect- I really don't know who first came up with making their blog "ask-character" but they were crazy! And genius lmao. But I mostly miss just seeing asks dominate the identity of the site and how that spilled over from ask-blogs to like, every blog. Taking a step away from the constraints and demands of ask-blogs kinda made asks in general take a back seat to the identity of the site- as I said, now we just kinda throw our content out there and it gets reblogged.

TAGS are the identity of tumblr now, and that's nice tbh, I just think they could co-exist and I'd like that more but without a community driven project like ask-blogs existing asks will pretty much always take a backseat because you're not half as interested in asking random-blogger-38 or mario-machinima-facts as much as you would be asking ask-your-favorite-anime-protag-but-they-never-met-their-friends-the-blog a question :P

So all said, rose-tinted towards ask-blogs, I miss em being so thoroughly embedded in tumblr culture.

I can't say I dislike or even don't prefer my dash now to back then, just that I have rose-tinted feelings about back then and miss the impact that had on general interactions.

#my posts #ask blogs

[mxldito]

GET TO KNOW THE AUTHOR.  

name: Ravis :0

pronouns: I’m cool with any, really! 

preference  of  communication: Discord tbh. And I feel bad because I owe a few people there responses. I’m not going to lie to ya’ll, I get stressed out easily talking to people. The funny little lizard that lives in my brain thinks everybody is judging me. :’)

name  of  most  active muse(s): Currently, Coyote. Wanna get back on writing my demon muses but writing bios is the bane of my existence and I hate putting out half-baked blogs. I also wanna write my lil Tremere Twink but I still need to iron him out a lot.

experience/how  long  (months/years?): I’m a lil fuzzy on this one but I think I’m coming up on ten to eleven years now?  

platforms  you’ve  used: I started off on Facebook messenger and email as a kid and then discovered tumblr RP. I’ve kind of dipped my toes into Discord but it’s not my favorite since the format gives me a sense of urgency. Tumblr’s always been more my of pace and vibe.

best  experience: Meeting Jar :) and Prism uwu. They’re both just the absolute sweetest and have been my friends for so long. Thanks, you two, for not locking me in The Sarcophagus even though I give off dangerous levels of radioactive activity and cause skin lesions. :) May our future hold more gay cowboys.

rp  pet  peeves  /  dealbreakers: Hoooo, guilt-tripping. I no longer have the patience so I just fuck off the second somebody makes me feel shitty. People misgendering Coyote, loudly assuming my OCs are straight, and people whitewashing their muses. It makes me go. . .Chimp Mode. :0

fluff,  angst,  or  smut: Angst seems to be the the current favorite. Would like fluff but I’m waiting for Coyote to get properly attached to somebody first. Don’t like forcing it. I can do smut on occasion though since Coyote is a very sexual being.

plots  or  memes: Memes are usually my go-to to kick things off. I’d like to plot more, but again talking to people stresses me out. That’s something I’m trying to work on though. I hate being a hermit and really would like to really get into some deeper threads as well as get to know people a lil better.

long  or  short  replies: My ass is incapable of keeping it short and I AM SO SORRY, YA’LL. I have a lot of fun doing long replies!

best  time  to  write: I hate it but I write the most later in the evening. There are flukes sometimes though and I’ll get stuff done in the afternoon.

are  you  like  your  muse(s): On a surface level, maybe. We’re both broke, screwy, Chicanos who study psychology. We both just want a quiet and peaceful existence, but our ideas of peace are very different. That’s where our similarities end. 

tagged by: @pyrinas Thank ya! tagging: @cainiine @pxppinmolly @xnecromantia @incubabe and anybody who wants to do this!

#⮚ This Post is Brought To You By Mun Farts

[emilyoracle]

@onmywaytobe #this btw is why anything past a first draft is so intimidating#however I do think I’m decent at planning out the development ahead of time?? idk#i hate the idea of a second draft or third draft#i hate the idea of rewriting unless it’s really bad#the last couple steps are fine I’m good at line editing and copy editing#but the development is what’s so intimidating to me

@froggyfroo #incredibly based post#this is fenuinely something ive been struggling with - I've never really got past a first draft before#even tho for a few of my written eorks I'd rly like to - i feel like Idk anything about writing sometimes so this is i valuable to

You guys are SO valid haha developmental editing is also the bane of my existence. My advice, which you can take as you want (or not at all), is to seek out a betareader and/or do things step-by-step.

Finding a betareader is difficult in itself, but once you do, simply tell them you need developmental editing, that you want to look at the story as a whole and ask them specific questions relating to that goal. Does the plot progress too slow? Too fast? Does it make sense? Is the trajectory building in a satisfying way? Etc. Then wait for their feedback and use it to inform your own opinions and decisions. If you vehemently disagree with something, then you know you disagree and whatever they wanted to change you prefer to leave the same! Even that alone is invaluable help, because otherwise you might have not been able to form an opinion at all and/or waffled back and forth about it for ages. More betareaders are better, of course, but sometimes you gotta take what you get. Ideally, your betareader is not a family member or friend. They cannot be trusted to give you the full and unfiltered truth. Find a stranger. There are forums on Goodreads and Reddit dedicated to seeking out a beta, and surely you can put out feelers on Tumblr for betareaders as well.

Step-by-step is admittedly more complicated, I hope to compile an "editing masterlist" of sorts that's basically a checklist of the entire editing process but as I have yet to do that, here's my simplified (coughItriedtomakeitsimpleokaycough) break down of the stages of development editing: 1. Scan through your manuscript and create an outline. Whether this is just writing the chapters and the most important plot point in that chapter, or more in-depth summary of each scene is up to you. This allows you to look at your story as a whole with a quick(ish) glance. Even if you have an outline from before you started writing, it's best to pretend that one doesn't exist and make a new one off the manuscript to be sure it accurately represents it. Now you can track plot progression, see if there are stale chapters or scenes (or unnecessary ones), make sure the plot builds in a natural and satisfying way, etc. There are a ton of different frameworks you can compare and contrast against (like the most famous "Hero's Journey"), so you can certainly look for specific beats of such tried-and-true formats and conform your story accordingly. Personally, I don't think perfectly matching the cookie-cutter molds is necessary for a good story. If you feel confident enough in your own criteria, judge it by that! 2. Do the same thing, except with your important characters' arcs. Again, it's up to you to decide what the important characters are, it doesn't have to just be the protagonist(s) if there are involved side characters, and antagonists can get in on this too. This should be a different outline from the first, and each character should get their own. Really what you want from this is to track the progression of your characters (upward or downward) and see how it lays out. Is there a sudden change too soon or too early? Is the change justified with an inciting incident? Does the arc make sense? Are you satisfied with how the character changes, and who they end up being by the end? Look specifically at: motivations, internal and external goals (I want to be the best warrior vs. I want to save the world), biases, attitude/behavior, virtues, and flaws. Not all of these need to change, and what does change doesn't necessarily have to change drastically. It's up to you. But if the character is important, it's generally good storytelling for something to change in them, for the consequences of the story to have had some kind of effect on them. Keep in mind, an upward character arc generally takes flaws and improves them or turns them into virtues (e.g., an angry, bitter character becoming confident and resolute) and a downward character arc generally takes virtues and turns them into flaws (e.g., an extremely loyal and law-conscious person becoming ruthless and cruel in order to maintain their loyalty and the order of law). Again, this isn't OBLIGATORY, as nothing is in writing, you're allowed to do whatever the heck you want!

3. Consider the changes you want to make. Do this whatever way suits you best. If brainstorming/daydreaming is best for you, then go for it! If you like writing things down, do that. If you need to brainstorm and bounce ideas off another person, find someone to help! Unlike a betareader, this can be a trusted friend, because you might not necessarily need harsh truths, but only a fresh or second pair of eyes.

4. Once you've figured out what you might want to change, add, rearrange, or delete, get back to writing and implementing those edits!

If anyone else has any advice or ideas, feel free to chime in! I am by no means the authority on this, because, as I said, I also hate developmental editing lol.

#editing #editing advice #developmental editing #writeblr #writerblr

[torydarixs]

god there's nothing more I hate in this world than tiktok and esp the fact that utube and ig and everybody saw it success and introduced their own 15 sec keep scrolling format the day tumblr introduces this im gone

tiktok is the bane of my existence i despise it with a passion and indeed the day tumblr does something like that im suing

[stardustroleplays]

Rules & About

Obviously I can't stop you from interacting if you aren't open enough about your views to get blocked, but know that bigotry of any kind is not welcome here. I can and will use the block button very liberally in that regard.

I only write with people who are 18 or older.

That being said, romance and smut are NEVER a requirement. I'm just as happy roleplaying familial, platonic or hostile relationships. For example, just because one of my characters might have a romantic dynamic with a canon character in one thread with one user, doesn't mean I aim for or even want that every single time. Please tell me about your expectations and boundaries!

I am primarily a mobile user, so I don't have access to tumblr's desktop functions, including cutting posts. For this reason, if you want to do a longer rp, I highly prefer using discord. Feel free to dm me for it!

If we had a thread going on/were plotting, and I stop responding randomly, you are 100% allowed to spam me. Chances are that my ADHD just got the better of me and I either forgot or thought I already replied. Sorry in advance!

English is not my native language, so if I sound a bit stilted or my grammar is off, that's why. If you ever need me to clarify something, let me know. I promise I won't be mad.

While I've been roleplaying for a few years (around seven, I think?) and have found rp partners on tumblr before, that was always done via rp finders. I've never actually had a dedicated rp blog before, so please bear with me while I figure this all out. lol

My limits with regards to story beats are child abuse, especially CSA, self-harm (especially cutting), religion-based queerphobia, and eating disorders. While I don't mind these themes coming up as, for example, parts of a character's backstory, I would prefer not to have them as a focal point within the roleplay.

With regards to kinks, my hard limits are piss, scat, anything else involving excrements or bodily fluids, feet, raceplay, diapers, and mutilation. For any other kinks that might be a bit "out there" for lack of a better word, feel free to straight up ask if I'm comfortable roleplaying them. I can promise that even if I'm not into them, I won't judge you. I'd be a hypocrite if I did.

"cw: X" is the format I use to tag any potentially triggering content. If you need me to tag anything specifically, or I forgot to tag a post, please let me know!!

I'm semi-lit to advanced lit and tend to match my partner's length. That being said, if you're the sort of person who prefers short replies, that's cool too, I don't mind at all. Don't feel pressured to write more than you are able to.

Most of my OCs are fandomless. The ones that aren't will be clearly marked as such. If you want to do a non-fandom roleplay with a fandom OC of mine, let me know and we'll work something out!

I'm generally very flexible when it comes to character lore, and I love AUs, so if you want me to change a few things about my characters to make our verses fit together better, I'm open to that.

Don't expect any fancy formatting. I'm screen blind and graphic design is the bane of my existence.

About Me

Hi, I'm Zenith, but you can also call me Stardust or Dusty. I'm 22 years old and my pronouns are they/them.

I like houseplants, the colors blue and green, and my girlfriend :) and I'm really not that exciting of a person. i also work weird hours and have chronic insomnia, so if i'm online at weird and inconsistent times, that's why.

[rosafloera]

One thing on Tumblr that will be the bane of my existence is the comment format. Why can’t we have a thread format like twitter or even instagram, which sucks, but hey at least you can reply neatly under parent comments?! It’s done in a way you are unable to decently converse in comments, reblogging just creates a skyscraper long of discussion that clutters a profile.

@staff @support @engineering

#tumblr #comments #comment format #ui #ux #not easy to use #design #layout #annoying #inefficient #cluttered #reblog #no thread #good ui is extinct in 2023 #I’m starting to think 2016 was best year of internet design #forums were the best

[laurasimonsdaughter]

Vampire lore that should get more love in urban fantasy:

• They don’t have a shadow: “You make one more Peter Pan joke and I will drain you.”

• Placing wild roses on their coffin keeps them trapped: “Come on, dude, low blow. Let me out.” “I bloody warned you that if I caught you in my chicken coop again I’d make you regret it!”

• They prefer feeding on family members: “It’s cousin Maria again, and it is definitely your turn to feed her.”

• They grow long, hard fingernails after their death: “This is so embarrassing, I didn’t mean for you to have to buy all new equipment!” “Are you kidding? You’re in here about once a week, that more than covers the cost of a set of metal files. You’re my best customer, honey.”

• Feminine vampires often prefer drinking from children: “Another undead child?? Darling, we have ten already!” “Eleven is a more magical number! And look how cute they are <3”

#tumblr formatting is the bane of my existence #a (partial) repost from my personal blog #because I made that post just before I made this blog and it has buggged me ever since #vampires #vampire #vampire folklore #european folklore #eastern european folklore #urban fantasy #laura tumbles

[bruehl]

Daniel Brühl, Brad Pitt and Diane Kruger attend the Inglourious Basterds Premiere held at the Palais Des Festivals during the 62nd International Cannes Film Festival on May 20th, 2009 in Cannes, France. 

© Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images Europe

#they look snazzy here #daniel brühl #daniel bruhl #brad pitt #diane kruger #inglourious basterds #bahaha ofc tumblr screwed up the text format thank god i fixed that #tumblr mobile... the bane of my existence

[salfacearchive]

     speaking of seasonal blog cleaning ...

     i’m emptying out nearly all of my inbox and drafts. that being said; if anyone wants to send anything new, now’s your chance! i’m keeping old inbox memes up for a bit, and i might reblog a few just to get a feel for things. i’ll prioritize older things if any are kept, but i really, really need to dust things off a bit around here.

#tumblr breaking formatting is the bane of my existence #i think this will be one of the main blogs i jump between while i sort myself out/get back used to being AROUND but #how have we all been ! #╰ * out of chara. / shameless sal fisher apologist. ❞ #tbd / #someone remind me to reblog this in the morning...

[of-the-wine-dark-sea]

“I see. The idea of using one’s bare hands for combat is a fascinating thought. I’ve never done it, even when I was a boy and hunted, I used some kind of weapon.” He paused for a moment, reminiscing. “Weapons certainly help extend my skills, when used properly…I’ve had a few spells blow up in my face in the middle of combat-it’s rather embarrassing.” He blushed softly with a nervous chuckle, and his ears lowered before clearing his throat.

Silence fell among them for a short while before the scent of freshly cooked meat hit the Miquo’te’s nose. His ears perked up and his pupils widened, a small amount of drool at the corner of his mouth. “Gods, I’ve not eaten yet today, and the smell coming from the inn is far too alluring.” He beamed up at Tanith, his ears flicking and tail swaying. “Would you like to join me and continue the conversation over some hot food and a couple of drinks?”

@of-the-wine-dark-sea​

Tanith’s eyes shifted up and down the crowded street, hoping her subtle display of martial ability didn’t call the attention of any authorities. She flexed her fists once or twice, and let her arms hang at her sides; rolling her shoulders a few times as if to limber up tense muscle.

“S’not as if I’ve forsaken bein’ armed f’good. I’d bet on m’own skill with an axe, but, s’a preference that’s kept me well.” She gave a shrug, paired with a sheepish grin just as he mentioned his magickal foibles, trying her best not to laugh at his misfortune - though she noticed he’d done so, nervously, himself.

“None t’worry, though, I s’pose we all stumble a few times...an’ hope that no one notices.” Her cheeks turned a little red, as if the weight of every misstep suddenly came to mind. She averted her eyes, hoping the both of them could forget their slight discomfort.

Turning her head to the wind, she too noticed the alluring smell of...something spicy, roasted, and delicious coming from down toward the inn. She tried not to look too eager, but she was sure the lurch in her stomach was more than audible, even over the din from the nearby crowds.

“Aye, I’m in no hurry t’be anywhere...and y’company’s pleasant as can be.” She looked down, returning his charming smile.

@optimistic-seeker​

#ffxiv rp #thread #optimistic-seeker #tumblr's formatting is the bane of my existence...

[blurglesmurfklaine]

Cornelia Street (6/9)

A/N: oh my god they were quarantined

yes. It’s one of those fics.

AU, obvs

I’m posting as I go and idk how many parts this is going to be, likely won’t be very long but I literally don’t know what I’m doing and should i be starting yet another WIP? definitely not but fuck it lets fucking go

Title is from T-swizzles Lover album, I’m OBSESSED

Summary: Three years ago, Kurt and Blaine went on a disaster of a date and never quite got off on the right foot. Now, just before they graduate from NYADA, there’s a national outbreak and they’re both self-quarantined in a mutual friend’s apartment.

Read On AO3

On Tumblr: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Part 6

It’s Blaine who so casually suggests that they share the bed.

“Neither of us should have to deal with that couch ever again,” he’d said, and Kurt was powerless to say no.

So now, Kurt’s hidden under the covers and can’t really see, but he’s pretty certain Blaine is asleep. He quietly reaches out for his phone with one hand and snags it close to him.

New Message: To: Mercedes 💞 I’m gonna lose it

Oh no, are y’all back to hating each other again?

No This is soooo much worse

???

We’re sharing the bed He’s so god damned nice that he offered to share the bed with me and that’s a problem because all I wanna do is roll over and kiss him

!!! Then do it!

He’s asleep, cedes I’m not trying to be a total creep … Oh Oh god oh fuck

WHAT!?

He’s a sleep cuddler His arm is around my waist Oh my god he’s nuzzling his face into my hair

Wait, so that means *you’re* the little spoon?

REALLY? *THAT’S* WHAT YOU TOOK AWAY FROM THIS? Oh my goooooooooood what do I do???

Normally I’d say pray, but I know how you feel about god

If hell is real, I’m there He’s so adorable I’m gonna melt But also I wish he was awake so I couLD JUST MAKE OUT WITH HIM

Then wake him up Problem solved

Ugh but he looks so peaceful 

Damn You’ve got it bad

Fuck... I think I do

*

Sunlight comes streaming in through the blinds, slowly dragging Blaine back to consciousness in the morning. He can hear the shower running and Kurt’s phone playing Miss Simone, Kurt trying to sing along even though he barely knows the words.

God, what a perfect way to wake up. He sits in this bubble of bliss for a minute before rolling over to check his phone. The message from Sam doesn’t even catch him by surprise.

New Message: From: Sam I Am Heard you had a fun night ;)

New Message: To: Sam I Am Um, what?

Okay, fine Don’t tell me all about your new bed buddy See if I care I’m kidding you know this is ALL I care about rn!!!

What? How did you know?

I have my sources Now spill

I mean, nothing happened In real life I did have this awesome dream tho

Oh shit did you change the sheets before Kurt noticed??

What? OH MY GOD NO NOT THAT TYPE OF DREAM I just dreamt that we were…

You dreamt that you were what!?!?

You can’t laugh

I can’t make any promises But if I do laugh I just won’t tell you

Fine Spooning I had a dream that we were cuddling and I had my face pressed up against his head and I could smell his coconut shampoo and lingering organic hairspray … You’re laughing, aren’t you

No That’s actually super sweet I think I’m gonna get cavities Where is he now?

In the shower

Oooooh, scandalous! You should go join him

Why are you like this So, I’m not gonna do that I’m probably going to go clean or something to keep my mind off Kurt But I’ll keep you updated on my tragic infatuation!

You better!

Bye, love you, you moron Make good choices

No promises

Part 7

#klaine #glee #cornelia street #wow look at me im writing! #kurt hummel #blaine anderson #posting a multichapter fic on tumblr is the bane of my existence i hate formattig something i ALREADY FORMATTED YOU HELLSITE