#freaking Nazul is best assassin ever like

[hdawg1995]

DnD Antics: “mistakes were made” says the bard. cause she died.

today we took a trip to Elizander’s witcher school and Nazul gets 3 nat 20s in a row!

we start with everyone on the air ship. were going to make the legendary 99 cheese pizza as thanks/payment to master splinter and the turtles for helping out (and so Zack can level up to 20).

before we can however, we got a little distracted XD Spine went below deck to get working on...something. anything. he wants to distract himself from back story feels. Zack, Envoy, and Alicaria head down to the city to do some performances for money. a 300+ performance resulted is a parade and a holiday being made! NOT TO MENTION-

Coolie: its early spring? guess that means it’s Elizander’s birthday. me: THE PARADE IS IN HONOR OF HIS BIRTHDAY! Coolie: ALL witchers celebrate their birthday today- me: THE PARADE. IS IN HONOR. OF HIS BIRTHDAY.

Zack makes some dresses to prove hes a good tailor. after which we all accidentally leave the assassin alone in a town with a lot of assassin jobs for a few hours...

Envoy: wheres Nazul? *rolls low perception* hes not on deck so hes probably in the pokeball. Nazul: *makes a big display inorder to get the whole town’s attention for a public assassination* Envoy: *rolls low again* yup. in the pokeball. mmhmm. (i’ll get to Nazul’s HELLA AWESOME AND EXTRA EVIL ADVENTURE OF AWESOME at the end since no one was really there to see and he never regrouped with the party)

once everyone is settled in its time to make the legendary 99 cheese pizza!

we don’t get there quit yet however, so Envoy plays a cooking song to get us in the cooking mood. the DM said to just add the perform to our cooking scores as a 285 result created The LegenDAIRY 99 Cheese Pizza! lindsay: i have 99 cheese and yak aint one :D DM: roll will not to eat the pizza. everyone: *rolls* Sam: i got a 50, can i just smack people away from eating the pizza? DM: sure. you too coolie, roll will you’re in the pokeball. coolie: *passes* Tim: does sylvia have to roll too? DM: yes. she has to roll twice because shes having cravings. slyvia: *gets a 2 and a 3* DM: you all hear a crash. its as if someone kicked down a door. theres a Draconic Roar. Envoy:....the pregnant dragon monk smells the pizza you guys...

we had to use a sleep spell on her to keep her from 1. attacking everyone trying to get to the pizza and 2. eating the pizza. (don’t worry the baby was safe)

after delivering the pizza to master splinter and the turtles Zack stays and trains.

the Ranger took her pack and went hunting, killing a 6 legged horse and a saber tooth puma that tried to take the kill. Vale’s winged serpent friend constricted her because of a low bonding roll and fell asleep. Spine is entertained greatly.

Envoy, Elizander, and Alicaria go to the witcher school. its so bad that theres plant life and vines inside the building. the three head to the library where Elizander makes 3. nat. 20s. trying. to. read. a book.

me: Elixander is a GREAT student! he only gets nat20s when hes reading! Coolie: and yet im remembered more for breaking things....

after reading about some apocalyptic things (and Envoy casting bending on ALL THE BOOKS because HOW CAN YOU LEARN FROM A BOOK IF ITS FALLING APART! TAKE CARE OF YOUR BOOKS YOU LAZY WITCHERS!) Envoy and Alicaria go to the kitchen... its horribly gross so alicaria cleans it up DRUID STYLE! she creates water and floods it, whips it up with a storm, then gets rid of the water. sparkling clean now! and then they make a legendary cake that envoy cuts with Battle cry and gets a nat 20.

DM: you *laughs* you cut the cake and then throw it into the air, dancing around and slicing as if its a performance. the cake is cut into 6 perfect slices. eating it increases your crit range by 4. coolie: so if i eat it *laughing* my crit range is 6-20. me: WHAT THE FUDGE??? XD envoy: hows the birthday cake Eli? elizander: im going to save it for later.

being the only people on the ship at the moment, the ranger and necromancer fly off (cause Spine has wings. he has a breath weapon, wings, and is a lizard. hes a dragon. fight me.) and go to the kageet village.

Spine and Vale: *sees a pet ‘wildling’ on a leash* Spine: is... is that a pet??? do they have places to buy those???  Vale: keep moving Spine. Spine: but i WANT one!

Vale’s family is great. imagine a cat person holding another cat person by the scruff. thats how kajeet dad says hello to kajeet daughter.

vale’s mom: is your friend hungry? vale: Spine are you- Spine: food. Vale’s dad: *gets a live wildling and tosses it at Spine* Spine: *steven universe star eyes. he then eats it*

Alicaria goes off to hunt with her wolf while elizander gives a over stimulated Envoy a tour of the school.

Envoy: did you have classes? where are the class rooms? Elizander: dodge this class was out side. read class was in the library, and slice this class was also out side. Envoy: do you have a trophy hall? elizander: yeah. Envoy: do you have a trophy there? elizander: no- WAIT! *gets hydra scale* i CAN have a trophy there. Envoy: THEN LETS GO! *rides off* Elizander: envoy- envoy and yak: *falls through the floor* Elizander: oh...

could have flown but a nat1 resulted in the yak falling on envoy. there both dead.

“friend” of eli’s: what HAPPENED? Elizander: friend fell. “friend”: you KNOW the floor on that floor is dangerous! why did you let this happen? Elizander: i didn’t expect her to run off. the friend tries to atsy Eli, so Eli tries to counter sign him. failed. “friend”: you’re going to explain EVERYTHING to fltecher when he comes back! Elizander: okay. “friend”: and you’re gonna give me all your gold! Elizander: *wins roll* hey, heres a new sign for you to learn! FUCK YOU! *flips him off*

and now... the best effing moment of pure evil and death ever. WARNING. GRAPHIC.

Nazul gets a contract to publicly murder the heir of some wealth. the target is a half elf boy guarded by his caretaker, his uncle, and a templar. the two uncles are in on this (first uncle made the contract, second is currently a guard) and when Nazul sends his shadow double to tell him to run he doesn’t hesitate. the caretaker and templar guard the boy well, but it is not enough. the templar falls to a well placed dagger and the caretaker is reapped. not only that, but Nazul commits one of the True Evil acts and moprhs her soul into face paint. every attack he does is X10 for 24 hours. the boy is knocked out and taken to the middle of the town. a low roll results in a burtle killing, the daggers not going though all the way so Nazul has to saw the head off in the end.  Ghost boy goes and gets his pay but finds a note. “Kill his farther and you’ll get double the pay.” shadow melding back into the town he appears in the farther’s shadow, stabbing him in the kindeys and then ripping up, caising his organs to pour out. he is dead before his guards notice and his sword is taken as Nazul shadow melds away. he completed the deed so fast he catches his employer- the son’s uncle. turns out he was disowned and dethroned and wanted revenge. he is told to kill his wife “with my brother’s sword. make it painful.” and so Nazul does. a nat1 causes him to announce that hes here to kill the lady of the house and so Nazul goes in swinging! he is killed but revived when a guard spears him in the side, but a low will check results in the guard getting spectral branded and sent to attack the others. a second guard is sent into darkness as Nazul spider mans his way up to the top floor, killing guards and servants as he spins. once at the top floor he explodes one guy’s head and finds the lady gone. he figures out its a hidden door and follows after her. seeing that the stairs were made in a way to trip up pursuers he just shadow melds his way down. he finds her and a man servant in a boat. spectral chaining the boat he pulls them back to shore but the servant breaks the dagger breaking the spell. he dives in, swiming as graceful as- okay i was gonna make a joke but anything would be more graceful than Nazul swiming. he swims up, makes a low strength check so he tips the boat. he gets his target under him in the water and stabs her in the chest. shes bleeding and drowning (she got a reflex save that ment she was alive but if the sword moved at all she you die) so he yanks the sword out, gets out the water and kills the servant then falls down, thumbs up in the air and shouts “THAT WAS AWESOME!”

will Envoy and Shiba be brought back to life? what will Alicaria think when she realizes she left the bard and witcher alone for 5 minutes and one died? why is spine following cat lady? will nazul get back to the party or just get caught?

FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z!

#DnD #D&D #dungeons and dragons #antics #gore #death #like really deathy death #freaking Nazul is best assassin ever like #like no he is #you can't even