#freddy carter imagines

[jahayla-parker]

Hesitate : Freddy Carter x Reader

8.4k wc

Part of Love of a Lifetime Mini-Series

For full warnings and description, see mini-series masterlist

Freddy ran his hand down his face as he yawned. As he rubbed the sleep from his eyes, he slowly made his way to the master bathroom. He half-expected y/n to be in there, likely having just woken up herself. So, he was slightly surprised to see she’d seemingly woken up quite some time before; as he’d been on his phone in their bed for a bit upon first awakening and she wasn’t in the bathroom either.

Once he’d freshened up in the bathroom, Freddy ventured out to their living room. His calm and soft footsteps soon turned into frantic stomps against their wooden flooring upon hearing what sounded like y/n’s shaky breathing. He’d barely made it to the edge of the room before his heart seized in his chest as he saw her. Why was his fiancée in such a distressed state?!

Freddy’s worried eyes scanned y/n for any visible explanation for her state. She’d seemingly been pacing their living room while still in her wrinkled pajamas with her hair tousled. Only, Freddy could tell it wasn’t bed head, y/n had clearly been running her hands through her hair for awhile. Not wanting to scare her as she hadn’t shown any sign that she noticed his presence, Freddy cautiously walked over to where she was pacing.

As he crossed to the other side of their coffee table, Freddy moved to stand in front of y/n. He brought his hands up and gently wrapped them around her forearms as he tried to guide her into lowering her arms from her face and hands from her hair. The sight of y/n’s frazzled and teary eyes made Freddy’s hands shake slightly as he went to move them so he could direct her gaze towards him.

The violently rapid thumping in y/n’s chest slowed faintly as Freddy entered into her blurry vision. She blinked repeatedly as she tried to make sense of the situation. Her fiancé Freddy was still in bed, wasn’t he? The warmth of Freddy’s hands seeped into y/n’s clammy cheeks as his sapphire eyes pierced their way through the fog of her mind while she slowly came back to the present moment. “Y/n,” Freddy’s warm honey-coated voice cooed quietly into her ear. The sound cut through the noise in y/n’s head, helping her become fully present.

Freddy watched as y/n’s gaze slowly shifted into a less distant state. He silently waited for her to reacclimate herself to her surroundings. He easily detected the precise moment y/n realized he was standing in front of her, his hands cupping her face. It pleased Freddy to see her reconnect to reality instead of wherever her mind had been off spinning. Yet, it simultaneously pained him because as she did, she promptly let out a choked sob.

Y/n futilely tried to dry her face, pulling back from her fiancé’s loving embrace. She aggressively rubbed her inflamed cheeks with her clammy hands. She felt Freddy cautiously take hold of them as he lowered them from her face. God, she loved him. So much. But why did he have to see her in this state?! How long had she been spiraling into her internal turmoil? It had been the early hours of the morning when she’d crawled out of bed and ventured out here to isolate and not wake him up. Yet, he was here now and wide awake.

“D-di-did I wa-ake you?” Y/n asked, her voice dry. She swallowed thickly to stop the scratching and burning sensation in her throat. She stared at Freddy through her teary eyes, a deep sense of guilt storming inside her.

“No,” Freddy replied swiftly, shaking his head reassuringly. He tenderly shushed y/n as he stroked the backs of her hands. He could read the guilt in her eyes and was desperate to shut it down before she could spiral again.

“Okay,” y/n croaked. She wriggled her stuffy nose to keep from crying. “Good,” she murmured softly before pasting on a tiny fake smile.

Freddy effortlessly read through y/n’s attempts to act as if he’d not just walked in on whatever she was trying to work through on her own. “I wouldn’t have minded if you did, love,” he reminded her sweetly, stepping closer to shorten the distance between them. “In fact,” he continued, moving their intertwined hands to a more comfortable position in the lessened space between their chests. “I’d have preferred you to wake me up, instead of trying to hide whatever’s happening,” Freddy informed y/n as tenderly as he could.

Y/n hung her head instantly. “Sorry,” she whimpered. She unconsciously squeezed Freddy’s hands as her body tightened in response to her raging emotions.

Freddy frowned at y/n’s reaction. He sighed whisperingly. “It’s okay love, I’m just-,” he began, trying to reassure her that he hadn’t been offended.

Y/n quickly shook her head as she lifted her gaze up from the floor. She pulled her hands back from Freddy’s hold on them. She then shifted her arms so she could grip the hem of her clothes as her hands formed fists at her sides. “No, it’s not,” y/n argued angrily. “That’s just it. It’s not okay.”

“What?” Freddy questioned, his brows slightly furrowed in confusion. His eyes scanned y/n’s body language in search of an explanation as to what was going on. “What’s not okay?” He asked softly.

Y/n silently shook her head, unable to speak. Each attempt to breathe resulted in a rumbling in her chest. Her eyes watered more as she went back to staring off into space. She couldn’t do this right now. It was too much.

“Darling,” Freddy gasped faintly as he watched y/n’s distant gaze return. “Please talk to me,” he pleaded, reaching for her hands. “What-whatever’s happening, we’ll get through it, together.” “Just let me help, please,” Freddy begged as he took hold of y/n’s trembling hands.

“No, no, no,” y/n rambled quietly. “You shouldn’t have to!” She tore her hands back before running them down her face. “I’m, I’m,” y/n cried, “so sorry, Fr-Freddy. I-I-“.

Freddy gaped at his fiancée, shocked by her uncharacteristic behavior. “Woah, woah, woah,” he mumbled with wide eyes. “‘ey,” Freddy whispered as he tried to step closer to y/n. Only for her to step back, away from him; causing a foreign stabbing pain in his chest. “Okay,” he whispered slowly as he stepped back. Freddy wanted to make it clear he was accepting her choice to not have physical contact right now. He had to push down his desire to do more for her before he could get himself to step back further. He then walked backwards until he reached their lounge chair. The whole time, Freddy was watching y/n closely. Only once he was seated across the room from her, did he speak again. “I need you to talk to me.” Freddy took a deep breath as he forced himself to ignore the urge to rush over to her and hold her to his chest as she shook before him. “I can’t have you in this state and not know why,” he expressed kindly.

Y/n fanned herself with her hand in a pointless attempt to cool her flushed face. “I-I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she whimpered as she saw the concern covering Freddy’s face. The concern she caused.

Freddy quickly grimaced. He hated whatever was causing his dear fiancée to be so distressed. He shook his head, “you don’t need to apologize”. Freddy frowned as he watched y/n mindlessly pick at her skin. “Just tell me what is on your mind, darling”.

“I can’t though!” Y/n blurted loudly. The force of her voice startled herself slightly. She looked down and noticed she’d pinched her arm as she’d tensed. Not caring about the half-moon indents on her forearm, she continued her rambling. “See I’m not good at that!” Y/n pointed out defeatedly. “That’s just it!” She cried out, her voice sharp and fast.

Freddy squinted at y/n as he tried to read between the lines. “What do you mean?” He asked, hoping for further details as to what was troubling her. He was pleased to see that they were slowly getting somewhere. But, Freddy didn’t dare point that out to her in fear it might make her shut down again.

“I-“ y/n’s voice cracked as her mind argued with her over whether or not to confess the worries circulating in her mind. “Freddy-“ she sobbed as she forced herself to look over at him. The action resulted in her bursting into more tears. She quickly looked away as she began pulling on her hair. “I-… I can’t do this,” y/n whimpered.

Freddy gripped the armrests of the lounge chair. “Do what?” He wondered aloud. “Talk to me?” Freddy sighed lowly, “since when, love?”.

Y/n hiccuped loudly as she shook her head rapidly. “No, no, no, I-,” she dragged her hands down her damp face, leaving faint lines in her fingers’ path. “Fuck. I-…” y/n spoke, voice uneven and jagged. It took a tremendous amount of effort to make herself speak the words on her mind. And even when they did finally leave her mouth, they were so rushed she wasn’t sure it made any sense. “Ican’tmarryyoubecauseI’mnotenoughforyou,” y/n explained, the twisting grip-like sensation on her heart increasing. “ButIwanttomarryyousobadlyandIwanttobeenoughbutI’mnot,” she cried with defeat. She wanted to be, and she would always try to be, but y/n feared it wasn’t possible. No matter how hard she knew she’d try and no matter what she did or how worthy she became, she’d never truly be worthy enough for him. “ButIdon’twanttoloselyoueither and-I-“ y/n confessed, her guilt echoed in her tone.

Freddy blinked slowly as he tried to make sense of the fury of words that just left y/n’s mouth all within a matter of seconds. “Woah, slow down, start over, what?” He asked in a whisper. Try as he might, her response still hit him as an incoherent and slurred rush of words.

“No, damnit… “ y/n mumbled, mostly to herself. She felt her face grow even warmer as she battled with herself. Her facial features scrunched tightly together as she cried over the painful thoughts in her mind. “Neither…” y/n told herself quietly, “neither way feels right”. “Des-deservemoreand-” she gushed before her mind switched arguments, “loveyoumorethananything”.

Freddy sat frozen, uncertain how to approach the situation. He couldn’t make out half of what y/n was saying. He listened to her trailing off as she mumbled something about choices. Focusing on the only part he knew he’d heard correctly, Freddy decided to start there. “What doesn’t feel right?” Freddy asked worriedly.

Y/n couldn’t get herself to look at Freddy, her guilt feeling far too heavy. She tried to take a few shallow breaths as her whole body felt off. Before she could stop it, her knees buckled under her and she fell to the ground.

Freddy shot out of his chair to come to y/n’s aid. His frantic eyes roamed over her as he sprinted across the room. When she didn’t move away and just caved in on herself even more, he dropped down to her level.

Freddy felt like he was truly in the dark, he had no idea what was happening. All he knew was that y/n was deeply struggling and he hated to not know why nor how to help. Freddy did the only thing he could think of and wrapped his arms around his fiancée’s frame. He held her shaking body, slowly resting his head atop hers when she unconsciously leaned against him while crying.

Y/n noticed she couldn’t smell Freddy’s familiar scent due to the amount of snot she’d accumulated during her sobbing. Needing to feel more connected to him right now, she pressed herself into his chest needingly. She allowed herself a moment of comfort as Freddy’s hands rubbed her back and shoulders lovingly. Only, y/n’s relentless worries didn’t let the moment last long. “No, no, no,” y/n mumbled as she suddenly leaned back; away from Freddy. “I can’t le-let you,…“ she whispered in a broken tone. “You-you can’t keep doing this.”

Freddy squinted in confusion as y/n slid across the floor away from him. He stared into her widened eyes as he continued to search for understanding. “Do-doing what?” Freddy asked diplomatically.

“Treating me so ni-nice-ly,” y/n answered with a shake of her head.

Freddy feel a sickening sadness settle into his bones. Why did y/n want him to stop being nice to her? And why was it resulting in her current despair?

“I don’t… don’t.. I don’t, I don’t des-deserve… deserve it,” y/n stuttered, wiping the wet drop hanging off the tip of her nose.

Freddy gaped widely, in complete bewilderment and sadness. Y/n didn’t deserve for him to be nice to her? What was she talking about?! Y/n didn’t deserve to be feeling this way. She did deserve his kindness though. Hell, she deserves more than anything he could offer. Before Freddy could compose his thoughts enough to form a coherent response, he heard y/n resume her rambling.

“I - I can’t… c-can’t m-m-ma-“ y/n sobbed. She curled inwards on herself, her head tucked to her chest and calves tightly pinched against her thighs. “I c-can’t marry y-you,” y/n forced out. She pressed a hand against her lips as some bile rose in her mouth in response to the words.

Freddy’s face blanched instantly. “W-wh-what?” He stuttered, eyes burning. “You….” He breathed heavily as he fought against the new tears in his eyes. “Y-you don’t… you don’t want to marry me anymore?” Freddy asked, voice wavering in time with his panic.

Y/n peeked up at Freddy with one eye, unable to fully face the state of the man she loved hearing her sudden declaration. She shook her head aggressively. “I do- wan-want to-…” she promised, the guilt increasing the acid reflux she was facing. “Ijustcan’t. Not whenyoudeserevesomuchmore,” y/n gushed, “Iknowyouwillsayyoudon’tbutthatswhyIhaveto”. Hating herself and the hauntingly torturous thoughts in her mind, y/n sobbed and unconsciously scratched at her arms. “That’s what feels wrong. Either way feels wrong,” she rambled, her racing thoughts desperate to be spoken aloud for once. “Cause-“ y/n sobbed and tugged on the collar of her now-seemingly-tight shirt. “I -I…I…I- I w-wa-… I want to marry you,” she confessed, risking a glance up at Freddy as he sat patiently a few feet from her. “Bu-but-but…. I-I.. I c-can’t,” y/n sighed loudly, followed by a small strangled whimper.

Freddy calmed some upon hearing y/n reassure him that she wanted to marry him. But, he still couldn’t understand why she supposedly couldn’t marry him. Surely whatever the reason was, they could find a solution. Right? “Wh-why?” Freddy croaked. He cleared his throat and tried to slowly scoot across the floor towards her. “Darling, did… did I do something?” Freddy asked remorsefully.

“No! God, no!” Y/n exclaimed quickly, her wide eyes piercing into his confused ones. “Fuck, see!” she groaned, “This is why!”. She forcefully rubbed her face dry and shakingly pushed herself up from the floor.

Freddy instantaneously copied y/n’s movements. He neared her slightly in anticipation that he’d need to help keep her balance as she stood.

“I - I keep messing things up-“ y/n pointed out, staring at Freddy’s bare feet as he moved towards her.

Freddy frowned deeply, his forehead creasing in response. “Love, what’re you…” he sighed softly. “What happened?” Freddy inquired, still desperate for an explanation as to why she was suddenly so upset. He needed to know what was going on in her mind. Once he knew, he could help her.

“I can’t even speak right, I can’t can’t get my- my words out,” y/n complained. Ironically, she then interpreted herself with a different train of thought. “I…C-can’t offer, like the …umm,” she mumbled, “and you deserve-“.

Seeing that y/n was starting to ramble incoherent nonsense, Freddy sighed softly. “Darling,” Freddy spoke in a balanced tone as he cautiously stepped closer. He pleaded with his eyes for her not to back away. When Freddy saw y/n was complying with his unspoken request, he neared her the rest of way. Finally close enough to touch her again, he slowly brought his hands up until he cupped her face. Freddy stared into her dewy y/e/c eyes. “I need you to take a deep breath, please.”

Y/n nodded stiffly as she tried to breathe for Freddy. Her eyes darted around his face. The loving and compassionate nature of his gaze made her heart twist aggressively in her chest. “It doesn’t feel right,” she whimpered vaguely.

Freddy felt his heartbeat beating faster but forced himself to try to remain calm. “Marrying me doesn’t feel right?” He asked, voice strained. Yet, despite his fluttering voice and heart, his eyes were glued on y/N’s.

Y/n shook her head as she glanced away. “Y-you….” she whispered in a brittle voice. “I can’t- I can’t give you the wedding or the life you des-deserve and like I-,” y/n expressed, tears streaming steadily down her cheeks.

“Woah, woah, nuh-uh, pause for a moment, love,” Freddy rushed out frantically. He tilted y/N’s head until she was forced to look at him again. “What in the world are you going on about?” He huffed. “You’re ev-everything to me,” Freddy argued breathily.

Y/n trembled as she stared into Freddy’s far too sincere eyes. “That’s the problem. I -I can’t believe that you-you love me like you do,” she gushed with a whine. “You-you deserve to be-… you deserve someone who can give you everything and that’s… that’s not me”. Y/n grimaced as her voice cracked loudly during her statement.

Freddy stared, baffled over the situation. “Y/n, you’re not hearing me.” He tried to keep his voice comforting despite his determination to correct this train of thought quickly. “You are everything, love,” he whispered, fingers gently pressing into her cheeks over his need for her to understand. “Please, don’t-,” Freddy began softly.

Y/n yet again shook her head. “I-I…” she whimpered as she stepped back from Freddy’s hold. “I want more for you.”

The confession sent an aching pain through both of their hearts.

“Y/n-,” Freddy whined quietly as he moved closer.

“No,” y/n said in a voice that was somehow firm yet weak. The tone matched her conflicting viewpoints and emotions perfectly. “I-… Freddy,” y/n spoke lightly as she took a deep breath to compose herself enough to look at him. “I..I love you,” she cried, “so much but…”. “But…,” she shook her head again, but her gaze stayed on him. “I don’t-,” her voice cracked as she sniffled, “I don’t know how to do this.”

Freddy’s brows wriggled in confusion as his head tilted faintly to the left. “Do what?” He asked.

“Marriage,” y/n answered, “Freddy; marriage.” She blinked past the tears clouding her vision as she focused on Freddy’s loving gaze. “I don’t… I don’t know how to be a good wife or-,” she began nervously. She wasn’t even sure where to start explaining her incompetence.

“Oh, love,” Freddy cried out quietly. He shook his head as he neared y/n again. He promptly took hold of her frantically trembling hands. “I’m not looking for a good wife, whatever that even entails,” Freddy promised affectionately. “I’m just looking to spend the rest of my life with you,” he clarified devotedly.

Y/n’s lip shook as she willed herself to stop crying emotions to have a proper conversation. “I’m gonna-gonna mess it up,” she declared weakly, her saddened eyes stuck on Freddy’s comforting blue ones.

Freddy furrowed his brow slightly. He wordlessly pulled y/n’s fingers away from her palms before he ran his thumb over the now-irritated skin. His frown grew at the feeling of the crescent moon indents on her soft skin from having been clenching her fists so tightly. “Mess what up?” Freddy questioned calmly as his thumb continued to try to smooth out the skin on her palms.

Freddy barely heard the squeaked response y/n gave him. But, the weak, “us,” she offered in answer to his question still caused a small hitch in his breathing. Why was y/n so certain she would mess up their relationship? She’d always gone above and beyond for him and for them. Where was this coming from? Freddy knew she oftentimes felt like she wasn’t enough in a general sense. But, he didn’t know that applied to her feelings about their relationship as well. Was this new? Was it only now that he’d proposed marriage that she felt inadequate? Or had she always felt that way and he just never knew? Freddy sincerely hoped it wasn’t the later. Well, he hoped it wasn’t the case at all. But, if that wasn’t possible, he at least hoped it was a new feeling for her and that he could stop it immediately.

Freddy’s head tilted unconsciously as he gazed at his fiancée lovingly. He didn’t know how to shut this down, but he needed to. She deserved to know that whatever had her thinking this was false. In order to get to the bottom of it, Freddy decided to ask for clarification. “What do you mean? Why do you say that, darling?”

“Cause I… “ y/n trailed off. She freed one of her hands and ran it down her face as she worked to stay calm. She nearly lost her composure again when Freddy took her hand back and kissed the backside of it supportively. Y/n focused on his encouraging stare, using it as a tether to some semblance of strength. “I- I don’t have-have-,” she mumbled, voice shaking profusely.

Freddy saw how much y/n was still trembling. He also heard the way her voice kept cracking and how shallow her breathing was. He frowned. “Hold on,” Freddy cooed, guiding y/n over to their couch. Once they’d reached the edge of the sofa, he silently signaled for her to sit with him. Freddy smiled lightly, pleased when y/n did so without hesitation. He reached one hand let to her head and slowly brushed some disheveled hair away from her sweaty forehead. Freddy leaned over and pressed his lips against her forehead silently. His lips easily tasted the saltiness of her skin, bringing him back to the matter at hand. “I’m going to get you some water, then we’ll keep talking this out, okay?” Freddy asked rhetorically as he stood up to make his way to their kitchen.

Y/n watched her fiancé as he stood above her at the edge of the couch. Her tears fell silently at the loving look he was giving her despite what she was them through right now. She took a shaky breath as Freddy wordlessly dried her tears with a look of understanding and deep empathy. Y/n nodded her head that he could do what he felt he needed to do, knowing it was the least she could offer him.

After Freddy had forced Y/n to sip on some water, he took the glass back from her and set it on the coffee table beside them. “Alright,” he whispered, intertwining their hands. “Now, darling, what’s going on?” Freddy questioned vaguely, letting her guide the conversation.

Y/n bit her lip as she tried to form a coherent answer. “I don’t…,” she sighed, “Freddy…”. Y/n squeezed his hand tightly for support. “I don’t have… I’ve never had.. umm a… I grew up in a… in a broken….”. Y/n puffed her cheeks in frustration as she groaned. “I don’t know what a good-….”. She nearly became overwhelmed with frustration towards herself until she felt Freddy lovingly squeezing her hand. She knew it was him patiently signaling for her to take her time finding the right words. Using his advice, y/n finally found the words she needed to express her worry. “I’ve never had an example of a healthy marriage”.

Freddy hummed in realization. He knew about y/n’s upbringing, of course. But, not once had he ever considered it to be problematic when it came to their own relationship. Yet, Freddy could understand why she might feel apprehensive about the whole ordeal given what she’d been through and witnessed.

“I don’t know what… what that looks like,” y/n admitted bashfully. “Or… err… uh., how to do that. Every, every marriage I’ve seen has either ended in divorce or a toxic relationship people just stuck with.” She frowned as a stray tear escaped her eye despite her best efforts to keep them at bay. “And-… I… I don’t want that for us, for you,” y/n expressed remorsefully.

Freddy quickly squeezed both of her hands lovingly. “It won’t be,” he vowed affectionately. He noticed y/n was about to protest his declaration. “I know, you’re going to say I can’t possibly know that, but..” Freddy paused to gaze into her blissfully familiar eyes. “Darling, I know us. We can, and have, worked through anything; we just have to talk, love.”

Y/n sniffled and slowly broke eye contact with Freddy. She hung her head in shame. “I’m not good at that,” she whimpered. “Clearly,” she added humorlessly as she waved her hand around.

Freddy stopped y/n’s flailing hand, holding it tighter to him. “You’re doing it, love,” he pointed out diplomatically. “I know it’s not easy, but you’re still doing it. We just have to get you to remember that you don’t have to hide things from me,” Freddy explained, formulating a plan to best address these issues. “Even if you’re worried it’ll upset me. As, I’d rather we face it together,” he told her tenderly.

Y/n sniffled. “You shouldn’t have to remind me of that-,” she sighed.

Freddy frowned and shook his head. “Y/n no,” he corrected gently, “don’t do that.” He brought their hands up to his lips, placing a faint kiss to her knuckles. “You’ve been though a lot in your life, honey,-“.

“That doesn’t make it okay, Freddy,” y/n declared with a huff. “You deserve someone healed, and-“.

Freddy’s forehead creased as his gaze narrowed ever so slightly in response. “No, no, no,” he said cutting y/n off. “I’m not going to have you decide that for me.” Freddy took a deep breath and relaxed his facial muscles. “Respectfully.” He tilted y/n’s head up until her gaze met his. “Darling, you are the strongest, most resilient, and kindest person. With the most beautiful soul and heart. You’re not broken.” Freddy gave her a small smile as she maintained eye contact with him. “And even if you were, that wouldn’t stop me from loving you. I know you’re scared, but please, don’t push me away because you think I want or deserve anyone but you, because I don’t”.

Y/n ignored the inherent urge to keep a wall up. Instead, she let her sobs escape her lips as she practically threw herself into Freddy’s awaiting arms. “I’m sorry I’m being so difficult,” y/n apologized, clutching onto Freddy like a lifeline. Which, to her, he was. Her mind had almost convinced her that she knew better than him what was right for him and that it wasn’t her. She’d been willing to give him up for his own sake even though the thought alone nearly destroyed her. Freddy had pulled her out.

“You’re not difficult, you’re real,” Freddy amended lovingly. “And I appreciate you being honest with me,” he pointed out, holding y/n to tightly. "I love you, that means I'm not just here for the pretty parts. I'm here no matter what.”

After sitting in Freddy’s embrace for a few healing moments, y/n spoke up. “I still don’t know how to- to umm- …my parents, well you know…” she trailed off. “And sure, my grandparents stayed together, but you saw how things were, and…” her sniffle broke up her rambling thoughts briefly, “even my aunts and uncles and- I just-…”.

“I can imagine how that might make you doubt marriage,” Freddy acknowledged. He ran his hand up and down y/N’s back slowly. “But, love, I promise-“.

“No Freddy,” y/n interrupted, leaning back. “I know it can work. Your parents made it work,” she said with small smile; one Freddy shared back. “And your grandparents, and h/f/n, and-… anyways, but it’s just I didn’t grow up with that… example to lead me”. Y/n bashfully bit into her bottom lip as she awaited Freddy’s response.

“Darling, I’m not worried about you not having had an example,” Freddy assured y/n simply. “Each relationship is different,” he reminded her. He used his thumb to gently pull y/n’s bottom lip free from the entrapment of her teeth.

“But… I don’t know that… that I have… that I have what it takes to-“ y/n expressed nervously.

Freddy quickly but lovingly shushed y/n; promptly stopping that thought from taking hold. “That’s not true.” He kept ahold of one of her hands but moved his other hand to her cheek. “This relationship is ours, and all it takes is us, you and me,” Freddy declared passionately.

Y/n snuggled into Freddy’s chest. “Okay,” she whispered lovingly. She gave him a small nod before nuzzling her head further into his torso. “You and me,” y/n agreed softly as she peered up at him.

Freddy grinned and nodded back. “You and me,” he echoed in a delicate whisper. “What else is on your mind?” He asked after a few seconds. “You said something about the wedding itself?”

Freddy watched as y/n flickered her eyes away instantly, making his worry return. He felt her nod her head faintly as she started playing with her hands resting in her lap. Freddy squeezed her hands and smiled softly at her when she looked up in response to the gesture.

Y/n took a visibly deep breath. “I… I can’t give you a tra-traditional wedding …” she trailed off solemnly.

Freddy squinted at y/n, his lips pursed slightly. “Darling what are you-“ he began to ask, confused once again.

“The whole… bride giving away thing, the father walking-…” y/n mumbled as she stared at their interlaced hands.

Freddy’s lips parted and he sucked in a breath before responding. “You’re worried I’m going to be let down by you not having your father walk you down the aisle?” he asked seeking confirmation. He watched patiently as y/n sucked in her bottom lip and nodded.

Freddy sighed, letting go of one of y/n’s hands. He then brought that hand up to cup her face and tilt her chin upwards and eyes towards him. “Love,” he cooed, “I couldn’t care less about that.” Freddy’s thumb traced her cheekbone tenderly. “In fact,” he paused briefly, “I’m sorry it’s for the reason that it is… But, I’m actually glad you’re not going to have him walk you down the aisle”.

“Y-you are?” Y/n questioned, tilting her head backwards further to see Freddy better.

“Y/n, I know what he did to you and what he didn’t do for you,” Freddy reminded her gently as he shook his head. “And, I know how he makes you feel. I don’t want him anywhere near you.” He let out a soft sigh as he continued stroking her face. “I respect you enough to let you choose if you’ll ever resume having contact with him again, and if you had for any reason really wanted him to be there, and or to escort you down the aisle, that would be your choice.” Freddy pushed down the anger he felt over even thinking about her father and what y/n had been subjected to because of him. “But,” he shook his head, “like I said, I don’t care to have him anywhere near you.” Freddy leaned forward and placed a faint kiss to y/n’s forehead. “I know he’s your father, but you and I both know that doesn’t mean anything. He doesn’t deserve to be there.” He sighed quietly as he pulled back to gaze into her surprised eyes. “You deserve to have the chance to have someone walk you down the aisle if you wanted that, and I’m sorry that you were put in this situation where you had to decide if it was worth it. But, I more than support you not inviting him,” Freddy promised.

Y/n blinked rapidly as she studied Freddy’s eyes. She could see the sincerity in them easily. But she still felt uncertain. “Really?” Y/n asked quietly.

“Yes, really,” Freddy nodded. “Y/n, I’m on your team always,” he vowed, “especially when it comes to things with him. I always have been, darling”. Freddy delicately dried the few tears that trailed down y/n’s cheeks.

Y/n smiled softly in appreciation. “I - I know,” she admitted, always having felt his support on the matter, “and I really really appreciate th-that.” “I just,” she sniffled, “I wasn’t sure how disappointed you’d be to marry someone who…” Y/n paused as she worked to find the proper words for her concern. “-had to break, or err… not follow that tradition,” she concluded.

Freddy moved his thumb back to the side of y/n’s cheek as he went back to cupping her face. “My darling, we’ll make our own traditions.” He smiled tenderly at her. “I don’t need anything more than you,” Freddy promised warmly. “If you wanted to skip all of it and get married at the city hall, we could. I’d love a wedding, sure, but I just need to be with you. I just want to be your husband.”

Y/n’s tense body visibly melted in relief over Freddy’s declaration. “I love- love y-you,” her voice cracked, tears forming in her eyes for a different reason this time.

“I love you too,” Freddy murmured. He closed his eyes and kissed her forehead. “Is there anything else you worried about?” He asked, wanting to address any lingering concerns she may have.

“Ummm…” y/n mumbled. She hated that there were still worries she had. Freddy had worked so hard to calm her down and yet she couldn’t fully relax yet. “I-it’s just…uhhh..,” her frail voice trailed off with guilt.

Freddy read the guilt in her tone and hummed softly. “It’s okay,” he encouraged, tapping her cheek. “What is it?”

“I can’t- I can’t help but think about how my family isn’t con-contributing as much for the wedding, like your mom has already gone out and-“ y/n expressed. Her voice raised slightly as her nerves took control.

“‘’ey, ‘ey, ‘ey, I don’t mind,” Freddy promised. “Neither does my mum, nor the rest of my family.” “The rest of our family,” he amended. “They love you and already see you as a daughter. They’re not mad, or upset, or whatever else your mind is trying to make you believe,” Freddy reasoned. He chuckled lightly, “my mum is insanely thrilled to be helping, love”. Freddy lowered his hand back down to grab y/n’s free hand. After slowly uncurling her fingers, he brought her hand to his lips, “please, don’t worry about that”.

Y/n silently scanned Freddy’s deep blue eyes. “Really?” She asked, trying not to flinch at the fact she’d asked that question a million times today. When Freddy nodded in confirmation, she let out a sigh of relief. “Okay,” she replied quietly, her shoulders lowering in relief.

Freddy rubbed y/N’s hands as he gazed into her eyes in silence for a few moments. He tilted his head slightly and pressed his lips into a flat line. “I can still see a linger of doubt in those y/e/c eyes,” Freddy announced.

Y/n shook her head rapidly to reassure him. She wasn’t doubting him or them. That’s not what any of this was. She wasn’t even doubting herself per se. She was simply feeling inadequate in her ability to meet the level of wife she felt Freddy deserved. “It’s not doubt,” she explained, pleased when Freddy nodded with an expression that told her he understood her wording. “It’s a fact,” y/n murmured when he didn’t let her off the hook so easily.

“And that is?” Freddy asked, pulling both of her hands to his lap. He watched her patiently as he fiddled with her soft hands.

Y/n bit into her bottom lip and sighed. She knew she was going to say something Freddy didn’t want to hear. And she wished she didn’t feel this way. That she could just accept what Freddy told her. But, she couldn’t. Not yet. Not when she cared so strongly for him that it felt wrong to deny him more. “That you deserve more,” she said, her voice sounding distant even to herself.

Freddy’s chest tightened briefly as he watched the love of his life still struggle to comprehend just how worthy she was. He knew her past was to blame, but he wished she didn’t have to feel like this. She was everything to him and no one could ever outdo her; despite her evident opinions and worries of the contrary.

“I want you,” Freddy said firmly but with deep warmth. “None of the things you’ve mentioned bother me, my darling,” he promised. “Even if something happens that neither one of us predicted or expected, I’d still want to be with you. I don’t want to face anything without you.” Freddy squeezed her hands tightly. “Good or bad.”

Y/n sniffled loudly as she stared up at him. She cautiously pulled her hands back before reaching over for a pillow. Y/n cradled the pillow tightly to her chest as her body started to shake again. She gave Freddy a shaky nod, her head barely peeking out above the top of the pillow pressed against her.

Freddy’s left corner of his lips curled up slightly at the sight before him. He could see the way y/n’s eyes were teary but held warmth instead of fear in them. “Can I give you a hug?” Freddy asked, eyeing the pillow blocking his ability to hold and comfort her.

“Yes please,” y/n cried out. She quickly slid the pillow across her body and back onto the couch. Y/n promptly buried her face in Freddy’s neck as he closed the distance between them. She hummed unconsciously as she felt his strong arms holding onto her tightly.

“Even if there were a line of people just like you before me offering everything your mind is trying to convince you that you’re unable to give me, I’d say no,” Freddy whispered, his lips pressed to the back of y/N’s head right behind her right ear. “I only want you, Y/f/n y/m/n y/l/n,” he vowed, squeezing her as he cradled her in his arms.

“I want you too Freddy,” y/n spoke as she wrapped her arms around Freddy’s back. “I swear, I do.” She clutched his shirt material in her fists as she tried to hold him impossibly closer. “I..I…I-I need you to-to know,” y/n declared, her voice cracking with fear, “I’m… I’m not saying I don’t love you or that I don’t want to marry you, ca-cause I do!” She sniffled loudly as she tried to keep her composure. “I-in fact, it’s because I do that-“.

Freddy smiled softly, nuzzling his head into y/n’s shoulder. “I know,” he promised affectionately.

“I’m sorry for going about it like this,” y/n sighed, her voice slowly lowering back to its normal register. “And.. for… having these insecurities- I’d understand if you changed-“ she rambled nervously.

“Y/n,” Freddy spoke, one hand cradling the back of her head, the other on her lower back. “This doesn’t change my opinion of you,” he promised, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

“It doesn’t?” Y/n’s soft voice asked, muffled faintly by Freddy’s chest.

“No,” Freddy attested. “But, it does make me see that we have things to talk about,” he told y/n calmly, “because I understand you’re worried, but I don’t want you to ever fear those things having any impact on me or us”.

“It’s not your fault,” y/n sighed, needlessly pulling Freddy closer.

“I know,” Freddy reassured y/n. “But, that doesn’t mean I can’t be there to help you through it.” He let the hand on the back of y/n’s head play with her hair. “If you’ll let me?” Freddy requested tenderly.

Y/n nodded her head rapidly. “P-please,” she begged. Freddy was far better at silencing the tormenting voices in her mind than she was. “I - I don’t want to lose you, but I also want what’s b-best for you,” y/n explained.

“You’re not going to lose me, darling,” Freddy vowed, eyes closed as he focused on the feeling of having y/n in his arms. “And you are what’s best for me. I’ll show you; erase any doubt. It’ll take time, but we’ll get there,” he determined.

“Thank- thank you,” y/n said as she cleared her throat. “You don’t have to do this, but I really-,” she began, pressing a kiss to the shirt covering Freddy’s chest.

“I want to,” Freddy cut y/n off, tugging her impossibly closer.

“It’s not overwhelming, or frustrating, or-?” Y/n wondered.

Freddy shook his head. “No. It just means you need me right now,” he hummed, pressing a kiss to her head. “And, I’m honored to be needed and we’ll get to where you don’t ever doubt these feelings I have towards you, to a point where you can see how you deserve these feelings and sentiments,” Freddy declared confidently.

The couple sat in peaceful silence for quite some time, simply enjoying each other’s presence and physical affection. They shared tender squeezes and delicate kisses as they snuggled together on the couch.

Freddy slowly lifted his head off y/n’s as he leaned his chest back against the couch in order to see her. “Y/n,” he spoke, his voice quietly breaking through the silence. “I do have one thing I want to be sure of,” Freddy admitted, running his hand through her hair.

“Okay,” y/n replied warmly, lifting her head off Freddy’s chest. She smiled at him and nodded her head, “of course”.

“If it makes you more comfortable,” Freddy began cautiously. He didn’t want y/n to think he was changing his mind. But he wanted to know she was comfortable with where things were going. “I’d be fine being your boyfriend for the rest of our lives,” he proposed, “if that’s easier or more comfortable for you.” Freddy brushed some hair from y/n’s forehead tenderly. “I just want to be with you, be someone to you.”

Y/n forcefully shook her head no. “I- I do want to marry you!” She pressed her palms against Freddy’s chest softly. “I’m so sorry I made you think otherwise, I-“.

Freddy took hold of y/‘N’s hands from his chest and pulled her closer. “You didn’t y/n, -“ he argued warmly.

“Yes I did,” y/n protested with a frown. “Otherwise you wouldn’t be saying that,” she sighed. She curled her fingers around Freddy’s and squeezed. “My stupid.. my rambling got-“ y/n mumbled.

“Y/n, darling,” Freddy cooed. He leaned his forehead against y/n’s and smiled softly. “I don’t doubt your love for me,” he reassured her. “If anything, it’s somehow even more clear now than it’s ever been. And I didn’t think that was possible, darling”. Freddy felt his cheeks flush as his grin grew at the thought. He lifted his right hand up to cradle y/n’s face. “The fact that you’d worry about these things to the point of-“ Freddy intentionally trailed off, not wanting to bring up the specifics now that they’d been addressed already. “I know you love me so much.” He rubbed his nose against y/n’s as he gazed lovingly into her eyes. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have asked you to marry me,” Freddy commented lightly. “I just want to make sure we take things at the right pace, something that’s comfortable for you.”

“We are,” y/n said as she nodded. “I do want to marry you, I always have,” she vowed. She wrapped her hand around the back of Freddy’s neck as she pressed her forehead against his more. “It was just that I wanted to make sure I was the best option for you,” y/n clarified.

Freddy smiled and nodded his head against y/n’s slowly. “Well, since that’s truly all you were worried about, I assure you,” he whispered, nose rubbing against hers tenderly. “You’ve got nothing to worry about, darling. I couldn’t be happier with my choice. I know I was fortunate enough to manage to secure the best option, period”.

Y/n blinked quickly. “I swear- I-…” she mumured lovingly as she peered into his beautiful deep blue eyes. “It..it feels like - like I’m dreaming or something,” she confessed fondly. “I just… I never thought I’d have someone who just… gets me the way you do, and-“ y/n rambled blissfully, looking away as her eyes watered.

“You aren’t dreaming,” Freddy promised, his thumb hooking under y/N’s chin. “Look at me, love,” he pleaded, helping her guide her gaze back up to him. “This is real,” he swore, cupping both sides of her face, “we’re real”.

Freddy placed a featherlight kiss on the back of y/N’s exposed shoulder as he unclipped her necklace. He carefully set it on their dresser, admiring her through the mirror. He blushed as y/n caught him staring, her eyes flickering open as his lips left her skin. He hid his face in her shoulder making her giggle. “Hair up?” Freddy mumured bashfully as he lifted up a scrunchie from the top of the dresser.

Y/n nodded and smiled at Freddy through the reflection in the mirror. She breathed calmly as his tender fingers delicately gathered her hair behind her. Her eyes trailed over his reflection as she visually worshiped the amazing man she was able to call her fiancé.

Freddy’s blush deepened as he caught sight of the way y/n was looking at him in the mirror. He never doubted her love for him, even when she expressed her worries earlier today. But, even if he had, the look on her face right now would’ve removed any trace of doubt. He smiled giddily as he finished securing her hair atop of her head.

“Ring on or off, darling?” Freddy questioned, sliding his hands down y/n’s sides. He lifted her left hand off the dresser top, thumb rubbing along the palm side of her ring finger.

Y/n spun around abruptly. “On!” She rushed out, rapidly taking her hand back. She clutched her ring and ring finger to her chest, almost in a panic again. “On,” y/n repeated.

“Darling girl,” Freddy whispered calmly. “I’m not going to take it away from you,” he said with a soft shake of his head. “I was just going to set it on the nightstand for the evening, it’s not safe to sleep with it on every night,” Freddy explained, smiling down at her. He crooked his head and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “But it’s alright, you can sleep in it tonight if you wish, either way, it’s yours; forever”.

Y/n grinned in relief and nodded. She slowly let go of her own wrist before reaching for his hand. “Did you want to change your shirt?” She asked, noticing the material probably wouldn’t be the coziest to sleep in. When he nodded with a sweet smile, she nodded and smiled back as she spun to grab a new top for him.

Freddy slid closer to y/n in their bed. He held onto her left hand and gave it a tender squeeze. With a soft hum, he lifted their interlaced hands up to his lips. Freddy pressed a long lingering kiss to y/n’s engagement ring before curling into her body.

Y/n hummed in response, wrapping her arms and legs around Freddy tightly. She buried herself into his embrace, smiling against his chest as she sighed peacefully.

“You have cold feet,” Freddy mentioned in a hushed voice. He instantly hooked his legs around y/n’s to bring her feet closer to them.

“No!” Y/n panicked, her wide eyes staring up at Freddy worriedly. “It wasn’t that, and I’m okay now,” she promised. Both of her hands cupped Freddy’s flushed cheeks lovingly as she gazed affectionately into his bright blue eyes.

Freddy’s cheeks flushed crimson as he chuckled lightly. “I meant your literal feet,” he explained tenderly, “darling”. He craned his neck to press a soft kiss to y/N’s nose as he began to rub his feet against her cold ones.

“Oh,” y/n giggled with a bashful grin. She blissfully snuggled back into Freddy’s embrace. While letting her eyes flicker up to his face, she kissed his collarbone.

“Want me to get you some slippers?“ Freddy offered, pushing some loose strands of hair back from y/n’s neck. He smiled to himself as y/n silently shook her head no before tucking her feet under his legs. Freddy hummed and used his feet to wrap the blanket under both of their legs to aid his attempts to warm her feet.

With their legs and feet intertwined, y/n slowly slid herself up on Freddy’s chest. She grinned as his arms slid back around her reflexively. She cupped his face as she stared intently into his eyes.

“Thank you Freddy,” y/n states with an audible intensity to the purpose of her words. She noticed he was about to argue that she didn’t need to thank him so she softly shook her head to stop him. “Thank you,” she repeated, locking her gaze with his. She let her eyes flutter shut before she leaned in and gave him a deep passionate kiss. “I am honored, and cannot wait, to become your wife,” y/n informed him as their lips parted.

Freddy grinned widely, his cheeks flushed cherry red. He bit his bottom lip briefly before he pulled y/n in for another kiss. “The honor is mine,” Freddy stated after the needy kiss.

Taglist: @ell0ra-br3kk3r @missdreamofendless @nikfigueiredo @b3kk3r-by-br3kk3r @alex-kazbrekkersimp @opheliaofficial07 @historynerd77 @el-de-phi @whistle1whistle

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[daydreamingatnight209]

Hello Everyone! This is my all new, revamped Masterlist ✨💕

Please see my Notice Page for rules on requesting and other important information. All works are below!

Last updated - 7th April 2024

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[strangermurdock]

freddy carter really gave us the most book accurate kaz brekker, I had chills during this scene.

THATS MY KAZ BREKKER!!!

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[shit-people-probably-didnt-say]

I cant handle this

#imagine this from each crow #i would sob #freddy carter #he is our #kaz brekker #soc #six of crows #sab #shadow & bone #shadow and bone

[futurecorps3]

Hello my love! I have heard your call for Kaz requests and I have an idea rattling around in my head!

Could you maybe do a Kaz x fem!Reader where they're in their early 20s and have been together for years and overcome Kaz's touch aversion (bc our poor boy deserves some healing 😭)? But that's not the idea, the idea is that the reader hasn't been sleeping for a few nights and ends up getting hurt because of it? Could be from fainting and hitting her head, slow reflexes on a job, etc. I trust your brilliant mind!

I can't wait to watch you grow as a writer!!!! ❤️

𝐒𝐨𝐦𝐧𝐮𝐦

Masterlist<3

Summary: The lack of sleep Kaz has been warning his girl about finally has consequences. Pairing: Kaz Brekker x fem!reader Warnings: Mentions of overwoking, lack of sleep, blood, a very angsty moody angry sad Kazzle, mentions of blood and lost of conscience. The usual crow violence! Lmk if I missed any. Word Count: 3.5K whoops Requested: Yes

A/N: IM SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG! :( I love the prompt, however and am very excited to work on this. Hope u like it nonnie and that last thing means the absolute world! <3

˚ · • . ° .

Now he knew he was in no position to demand her to rest. Kaz Brekker was known in his close circle for two things; killing whoever disrespected his love and always scheming. The electricity his brain consumed when plotting the next heist didn't even allow him to sleep when being tucked in with Y/N laying over his chest. But she never had the same issue before!

That's how it worked. She got mad because he wasn't sleeping and would reproach his ears off until he folded and left his papers to join her in bed. So, it was safe to say Kaz was startled when he noticed the absence of steps approaching his office. The clock read the time to be a quarter past midnight. He learned by endlessly scolding from you the hard way it was no use staying up late for a job when he had pretty much everything prepared, so he dropped everything and left to his room.

"Darling, are you-" his question was answered as he opened the door and saw her drawing on the little desk he got for her. "Hmm, hi love. It's quite early. What are you doing here?" Kaz wanted to laugh at that. Had she really lost notion of time that badly? "It's past midnight now, Y/N. What are you working on?" His shirt was discarded in some chair, along with his coat.

He was now in his dress pants and a black sleep blouse, leaning over the back of her chair to see the canvas. It was a picture of the sea, surely an image she hadn't been able to get out of her head after the quick trip you took to the docks with Wylan to ensure a better hiding spot, in case things went south on Saturday.

"I don't know if I'm getting the blues right... you know how it somehow turns gray when the day's rainy?" she wondered out loud. "Don't throw it away altogether, I know you're already thinking about it" "I'm not!" Y/N giggled, knowing fully her boyfriend could read her mind. "Fix it in the morning. Let's go to bed now, yes?" Kaz tried, tilting his head to her right side and nudging his nose a little on her cheek as she hummed in response.

It had taken a long time, many years, to reach these moments. Years of hoping she could one day have his arms draped around her waist in security, head on his chest without a care in the world, because all that really mattered was they'd be keeping each other warm with their bodies. Y/N was patient, not minding the baby-steps and Kaz's constant need to push her away because he thought she deserved better. Truth is, there was no one better for her.

Kaz had a hard time wrapping his head around this fact. Did you love him for him? A limping criminal who was too weak to even bear the thought of embracing you when tears streamed down your cheeks on a specially tough day? Why? It took convincing, long talks, difficult moments and even worse fights... but you made it.

She felt his steady heartbeat as they lay together in their silk black sheets, indulging in the beauty of it. Their breathings became one, and she swore there was no better place the saints could come up with as heaven. "Everything's ready?" "Yes, I figured I should come here with you instead of overthinking it all. I'll tell everyone the plan tomorrow and revise it again the day before" he took a deep breath, turning to face her and leaving a soft kiss on her lips.

"It's late, you don't seem tired" Kaz noted, Y/N's eyes nowhere near closing as they usually would by now. Her boyfriend, on the contrary, was starting to hide that beautiful icy green his irises held, then came a yawn to confirm his fatigue. "Rest, my love. I'm sure I'm not too far behind," she assured him, pecking his head as he lay on her chest now.

"Goodnight, Kaz".

˚ · • . ° .

It may as well have been minutes, or hours, days, for all she cared to reason. All she knew was that she couldn't sleep for the life of her. Kaz moved a lot in his sleep and after he lost hold of her, the night became a non-stop tossing and turning in their shared bed. She could hear the faint sound of carriages passing down their street, surely carrying some rich merchant who just had the night of his life betting or in one of the pleasure houses.

It had been a while since she felt this way. Pretty much every night prior Kaz offered her a permanent position on the crows after she worked with them was like this. The clock in their room, hanging on a wall distant from her, kept ticking and if it got quiet enough, she could've been able to hear the gears turning. Three in the bloody morning and Y/N had luckily gotten by far twenty minutes of sleep. The girl sighed and lay down again, looking up at the ceiling briefly before closing her eyes in hopes of resting a little more.

She didn't, not even in the days ahead. Kaz pointed out how he could feel her moving way more than usual as his a light sleeper, not blaming her whatsoever but more concerned as to what was keeping her up. Y/N didn't know either, so she figured solving it with Jesper's coffee and quick (very ineffective) naps on the couches and tables at the slat so she could at least be aware of the task at hand; the job.

The day came, and she felt very optimistic about it all. Truth is, Y/N loved dressing up with pretty dresses and daggers hidden around her thighs. She found some kind of satisfaction in keeping this knowledge to herself, the men and women throwing looks at her, completely unaware of how dangerous she happened to be. People on the streets knew her as the wild child... ruthlessly gorgeous, is what Kaz called her.

The girl had a habit of getting carried away in a fight. Too much anger and resentment for the past had to find an exit. It did when she killed, leaving a scared Jesper to deal with an even more scared Wylan who wouldn't dare look her in the eye for weeks after she kept on punching a man's face she saw was trying to kidnap a little girl right after a job years ago. Kaz helped and understood.

His revenge was calculating and took years in which she was by her side, but Y/N just couldn't help herself when it came down to the people who did unspeakable things to her. With the years, she got a hold of herself even though her nickname on the barrel stuck, adding "the crow queen" when word got around she was Brekker's girl. Now, she was still ruthless but way more cold-headed and grounded, Kaz's doing.

She wore a pink dress with embroidered roses around the floaty sleeves. Inej had a blue set of dress pants and shirt, long-sleeved as well as Nina sported a hot red strapless dress with a lot of cleavage. "We're a smoke show! Those fuckers will barely be able to keep their eyes off of us." The last one squealed, adjusting her hair "That's the point" Inej giggled, agreeing clearly as she looked at herself in the mirror.

Y/N laughed at the thought and her head pained a little; Girls on those big houses did the very same thing they were doing now, with very different intentions. Those ladies wanted to find a rich husband, and they'd be set. Her friends were dressed to kill, and so was she. A little fucked up version of a cliché she, too, wished to live when she was little. "I hope these sleeves aren't an issue" she wondered, picturing them getting stuck on their knife or maybe being too tight to throw a punch.

"It's a simple job, love. There's nothing to be worried about! Also, I can bet on my life Kaz is going to be drooling over you when he sees." Nina smiled, playfully smacking her shoulder. "Even more so if you fight in that, he's going to go insane" spoke the Suli girl with a giggle "Kinky" the heartrender added, making the girlfriends break in a fit of laughter. Nina was right, Y/N knew, but decided against confirming her friend's assumptions.

Her eyes felt droopy from the obvious lack of sleep but nothing a cup of coffee couldn't fix, right? She walked down the stairs and into the makeshift kitchen they owned, heating up some. The smell filled her body with pleasant chills, and suddenly some more energy invaded her. "Wacha got there?" asked Wylan, who was quietly sitting behind her. How long had he been there? How did she not notice?

"Coffee, want some?" "Right before a job?" "Yes, I haven't been sleeping too well the last couple of days". Certain zemeni voice erupted from outside the room, exclaiming a brief "Neither have us!" that had the merchling blushing like he got some contagious disease. Y/N delivered a pat on his back, and coffee in hand she exited the room.

Kaz gathered everyone in the living room, to revise the plan once more. "...so make sure you cover that corn-" He stopped mid-sentence when Y/N came into view. Her hair looked polished, but she could be bald for all he cared. The dress complimented her figure beautifully, adjusting in the right places, which to Kaz was any place, really. Inej and Nina giggled and high fived. "Go on, love." She smiled, ready to listen attentively at his plan even though he made sure to walk her through it personally a few hours ago.

As Y/N brushed next to him, he grabbed her hand to make her stop right before she got seated. "You're stunning. Is it comfortable?" he whispered, looking at her with a certain glow in his eyes he once thought lost. "Yes, dear. Thank you" she pecked her boy's cheek and took a seat behind him. He went on with the plan, and everyone seemed pretty much ready to leave.

So they did.

˚ · • . ° .

"Darling, watch out!" Jesper exclaimed, shooting at a man behind Y/N. Things went south, they did. In the hiding spot Wylan and the girl had settled; some dreg must've ratted, they guessed. An ambush from some new-forming band trying to get known by stealing from The Crows themselves, pathetic. Inej had gotten there to help, but Y/N and Jesper insisted she went back and warned the others so to spare them from possible damage.

The wild child and Jesper were a great team, who knew a durast and an avid fighter could take down men three times their size and weight? They proved on many occasions to be useful for situations as these, so there was no problem. They'd be out of there in the blink of an eye. Around ten people had arrived at the scene, and four remained, Y/N realized as she took a kick in the gut and fell on her back, jumping back on her feet with a flip.

Jes' revolvers did the job for two others as she managed with the guy in front of her. "Come on, big guy, that can't be the best you got, aye?" she smiled wickedly, taunting the man with a daring hand despite the very much broken rib she could feel. The dress was ruined with blood she was sure wasn't hers, shreds ripped it off so largely one of her legs was now exposed.

He lunged forward, coming with a dirty blade to her throat, and she skipped it. Came again, now, aiming for her arm and she skipped it again, landing a kick on the throat that left him coughing on the ground. Y/N crouched to his level and grabbed him by the hair, sliding a knife in the same spot, careful not to cut. She noticed a tattoo on his neck, a beaver. Couldn't help but laugh. "You tell your boss not to mess around with us, or next time he won't get too lucky as to get less than half of his men in one piece. And change the tattoo, a bloody beaver? Seriously?"

The man nodded furiously, tripping on his way out of the warehouse. "A beaver? Their thing is beavers?" Jesper laughed, putting his babies back in place and making sure the painting they had stolen was still with him. "I know, couldn't pick a funnier thing" she answered, giggling. Looking around, something was odd. Yes, Y/N was not very well educated and lacked the month of college her best friend had, but she thought she counted four men remaining in this spot of the building.

The other six lay limp near the door, and there were two next to them, plus the one who ran with the message. One was missing. "Hey Jes I think we're missing one" "What do you mean? There's no one here". She stopped listening and her world went quiet when he met his yes. A lanky, tall figure could be seen next to a stack of boxes on her right, a flicking light revealing him for brief intervals of time. Ugly motherfucker carrying a gun that pointed straight at her.

The blood started gushing out of her leg before she could even react. "Too slow" she faintly heard. He wasn't stopping either; shooting at various places until one loud boom next to her made it cease. Was concrete always this cold? Oh, she was now feeling Jesper's soft suit. Warmer. "Is that wool?" Y/N asked and realized her voice sounded a little quieter than she meant. "Yes, it is doll. Open your eyes for me, okay? You can't die on me now"

She really tried. She really wanted to look at her best friends face and maybe hear him crack a joke or two. But her eyes felt droopy and her head felt heavy so she finally fell asleep.

˚ · • . ° .

Kaz arrived minutes later, Wylan, Nina and Inej by his side as they all rushed to a crying Jesper, desperately trying to wake Y/N up. "S-she got shot, didn't flinch.. like she didn't even see the bastard," he hiccuped, letting his boss take his place next to a limp body as his boyfriend helped him up and hugged him tightly.

Brekker's head spun. A thousand possibilities. There was blood all over the dress, and leaking over his clothes but he couldn't give a fuck. Not her. He couldn't bare it. Y/N was a piece of heaven in that saint forsaken island, the only saint he ever believed in and the angel that saved him from himself. If he lost her, there was no coming back for him. The water rose to his nose again for a brief moment.

It hadn't happened in a while. And he chose the techniques his lover taught him. He acted. "Nina" he mumbled, taking Y/N on his arms as the grisha girl assured him she had a pulse. His legs carried him to the slat, never too far from Nina, as she was making sure her pulse didn't slow down too much. He didn't even notice the pain in his bad leg. He felt a sting on his heart, so sharp it seemed as if pieces of broken glass would poke through it at any moment.

The boy sent Inej looking for whatever idiot decided it was a good idea to try and steal from them. Only information. He'd take care of them later. The Wraith left and was out all night, returning with a lot to say the next morning. Kaz looked over at Y/N's face and the utter peace that brushed over her features scared him even more. Not now. Not like this.

"Is she going to be okay? T-there was definitely something wrong with her back there" Jesper started once the girl was on the bed and getting healed with a few healers in the dregs and Nina. Kaz was sitting, head propped up in his hands as he stared at the wall opposite from him. "She didn't move! At all! He shot her three times and looked amused while doing it". The zemeni man had to stop if he wasn't trying to reunite with the other deceased blessed people on his bloodline. Kaz's stare hardened and his jaw clenched tightly.

"Wylan, I can't lose her. She was too slow a-" "ENOUGH" Kaz stood up, looking at him with murder in his eyes. "If you were more aware of the surroundings, she would be fine. Don't you dare call her slow. This is not her fault. You should've been there" menacing gloved finger pointing to his friend. "Oh, so this is my problem now?" Jesper countered in complete disbelief. "If you don't consider your best friend's life being at critical risk a problem you're much more of a superficial, incompetent and heartless bastard than I thought." Kaz spat.

He knew this wasn't Jesper's fault, maybe it was the lack of sleep or you just weren't on your element. But he had to let it out with someone. Anyone. Pain turns into anger and screaming at your brother when it's too strong. He knew that better than anyone and couldn't care to stop himself this time. "Kaz, stop" Wylan said, and then he noticed Jesper's puffy eyes with a sigh. Then he felt his own neck starting to tickle. He was crying. Kaz Brekker didn't cry.

"Out" "But Ka-" "I SAID OUT"

And out they were. Everyone who didn't need to be there to save his girl's life. He could hear Nina struggling between wrecked sobs, fast pacing around the room and a distant sound of water running non-stop. Hours passed, and he remained in the same position, in the same chair, with the same thoughts running wild inside him.

Not you. Please. I should've been there. I'm going to kill them. Please be okay. I can't do it without her. Please.

Kaz Brekker was repeating pleas, thinking out loud to whoever was listening. Let her live. Please let her live. This is not her fault. Not to a god, neither to those saints who proved to exist so many years ago. He didn't know who he was asking for help to. But he was screaming, please don't let her go. He was leaving with her if she did.

All sound stopped, and Nina emerged from the dimly lit room, drying her cheeks. The boy stood up, looking at her with the most terrified look he ever gave someone. Fuck the facade. He was utterly afraid. "She's okay, not waking up, but she will". He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and couldn't help but throw himself into Nina's arms in search for some comfort to his wrecked sobs.

His friend received him with open arms, careful not to squeeze him too hard, as she knew that could trigger him. "I can't lose her, Nina" he whimpered before pulling away. "You're not. Not now and not soon. She's okay, Kaz. Stay with her, will you? She could be a little startled if she wakes up in an empty room"

He almost scoffed at that. What else would he do? A quiet nod was delivered, and he stepped inside to accompany her in an uncharacteristically unsettling silence. There were dirty gauzes everywhere, her dirty dress discarded in a corner and a blanket covering her figure. Kaz stopped, looking at your chest. It rose and fell in a moderate rhythm. Good.

Taking a seat once again, he held her hand and brushed a thumb over it, grateful to whoever listened. And Nina.

Sun bled through the curtains, filling it all with a pleasant orange hue Kaz knew Y/N would appreciate. Jesper came by every few hours and amends were made. He understood how badly everything hit Kaz the day before and didn't need an apology. They were all under intense pressure the day before, couldn't blame him for a such a reaction. Wylan had brought flowers and Inej made sure everything was ready for when she regained consciousness.

His crows got it handled.

A whole day and a half had gone by and he was reading beside her when she woke up. Her hand moved and he could feel the twitch in his palm, looking up frantically to find those pretty y/e/c eyes looking back at him. "Finally, got some sleep," she joked and laughed at her own joke. Kaz laughed back. "Hello" he offered, kissing her hand and never really wanting to let go "Hi". "Are you feeling okay?" the boy asked, happy to see his lover once again awake.

"It hurts a bit but I'll live" "I'm counting on that, my love". ♡

#kaz brekker fluff #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker angst #kaz brekker fic #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker #six of crows #six of crows x reader #grishaverse x reader #shadwo and bone netflix #crooked kingdom #freddy carter #shadow and bone season two #sab s2

[delic7te]

sweet dreams | kaz brekker

kaz brekker x reader

summary: after an exhausting day, kaz lets you spend the night in his office

a/n : sorry for not responding to reqs, life was kinda happening. anyway here's something I wrote a long long time ago

Kaz caught himself looking at you for what seemed like the hundredth time that night, as if you might fall into the ground if he averted his gaze away from you.

The Crows were heading back to The Slat, worn out after a risky heist that ended up being a success but left them all exhausted and weak, eager to go lay back for a good sleep.

Except Kaz. The man was almost always wide awake and on watch, busy with something buisness related. He allowed you to tag along with his work at times because you had quite a gift for things like he did, even though he hired you as a weapon more than as a mastermind. But you became both and Kaz trusted you enough to let you help him out with planning heists and managing the Dregs, as you were in the buisness almost as long as he was. Of course, you had your own reputation and jobs, sometimes working for Kaz but mostly for yourself.

Still, Kaz and you partnered up at times.

When you were finally at the Slat, everyone drifted into their rooms immediately and shortly fell sound asleep. But Kaz needed to get some work done as always, which meant he would take you with him.

"Y/N, come along", he told you when you came through the door, glancing down at you again. You looked like you hadn't slept for weeks, your eyelids threatening to shut down any second now. "Huh?"

"There's some paperwork left if you don't mind", Kaz explains as he limps up the stairs, you following behind.

"Alright." A quiet sigh leaves your lips. "I planned on staying up a little anyway" , you lie.

Kaz felt bad for keeping you up even though he knew all you wanted to do was to lay back on your bed and give your mind a rest, but he still kept a straight cold expression when you both sat down in his office.

You took of your coat and put it on the couch by his window, sitting down on a chair opposite of his at his desk. Kaz sat right down, picking up files and spreading them all over the desk. "Where were we?"

You let out a yawn, covering your mouth with your hand. "Are you sure this can't wait until the morning?"

It could. He knew it could. Yet something in him told him to keep going and keep you by his side for as long as possible.

Tonight, during a job, Kaz got really concerned for you. It was dangerous, bloody and filthy out there and even though you fend for yourself perfectly in jobs like that, he still sometimes saw you as a butterfly whose wings are about to be torn off by vultures and the cruel world.

He hated that. He hated feeling that type of cautiousness. But when you were in his office, working by his side, he could have an excuse to be in your presence while you were perfectly safe. He would never admit that to you, so he would rather keep you occupied and close to him.

"Hang on for just a few minutes, can you?"

With no choice and a small nod, you get back to all the paperwork scattered on the desk before you. "Atleast we got what we needed tonight."

♤—————————♤

After some time of silent working together, Kaz stands up from the desk. "Excuse me for a minute", he says as he limps to the bathroom.

Kaz shuts the bathroom door, taking off his gloves. He splashes his face and gloves with water, refreshing himself.

His thoughts shift back to his partner in the next room. When had he begun to trust a person like this? Maybe it were your talents: your fighting skills, your calculated moves, your bright, sharp mind. Or it was simply your charm and wit that enchanted him whole.

Those few minutes of peace with you were all he wanted for the rest of his life. It frustrated him, how much space could someone take up in his head.

Kaz walked out of the bathroom, when he saw you lay your head over your crossed arms spread out on the desk. Your eyes were shut and you looked as if you just passed out.

He realized how he kept you up for no reason, just his selfishness, even though you were tired out of your mind. This time he didn't want to wake you, but he figured you won't be comfortable if you fell asleep in the position you were currently in.

"Y/N?", he whispers softly, careful not to startle you.

Your head rises from the wooden surface. "Sorry", you mumble, rubbing your eyes.

Kaz sits back down. "Don't be. You can stay here overnight, if you wish. My room is open to you."

You shook your head. "No, I'll go back to my place, I'll be fine."

He scoffs. "Just accept something for once. We don't want you to pass out on your way out, do we?"

There was silence after you sighed, burying your face in your hands.

"I insist", Kaz finally says, and you didn't want to resist anymore because you knew that in the end he would make you stay.

"Where would you sleep?"

"I don't need to, yet. Don't worry about me."

"Even geniuses need sleep, Kaz", you frown, standing up from your chair.

He shrugs. "Exactly why you're gonna stay here and get some rest."

"I'll just take the couch here."

When you finally layed down on the couch close to his desk, none of you said anything for a long time. Kaz kept scribbling with his pen, which lulled you to sleep even more.

"You did a good job tonight", Kaz breaks the silence, surprising you.

Your eyes find his and you gaze at each other for a moment. A small nod of appreciation was all you left off before letting your eyelids close and the darkness take over.

♤—————————♤

Kaz was finally done with working for the night, which was slowly turning into the morning. It was really late, and you had been asleep for about an hour on the couch, eyes shut and eyelashes spread over your plum cheeks.

You looked relaxed, pleasantly at peace. It was a sight Kaz couldn't take his eyes off.

Before heading to his room, he noticed that it was getting chillier in the space and that nothing covered your body from it.

There was an old blanket hanging from the end of the couch and he picked it up, placing it on top of you and protecting you from the cold in the air.

He admired you one last time. "Sweet dreams, Y/N/N", he whispers, turning around to leave the room.

"Night, bastard", replied a sleepy voice behind his back. Kaz freezes, slight embarrassment washing over him.

He was now glad he wasn't facing you, because he couldn't contain himself from letting his lips stretch into a wide smile.

#kaz brekker x reader #grishaverse imagines #grishaverse #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker #six of crows #six of crows imagine #freddy carter #shadow and bone #shadow and bone imagine

[writersblockedx]

The Things we do

Pairing - Kaz Brekker x Fem!Reader Summary - When Kaz finds out a rivial gang has taken you hostage, he'll stop at nothing to find you again. Warnings - Angst, violence, torture, wounds, blood, hurt/comfort vibe Words - 2.8K

Masterlist

Kaz didn't know where you were. And, even worse, neither did you.

What you did know however: your head was pounding, the room was dark and you were tied to a chair. Your head dragged up, blood trickling from your cut lip as you faced your captor. She was a mean face. Her eyes flooded with fury that you doubted ever left and she bred the sense of vex with every step she took. If anyone was to be a psycho kidnapper, it would have been her.

"Y/n Y/l/n." A voice called your name like it was illegal, like it was something to be dragged through the dirt.

Your captor took a step back, revealing the man who was sitting in the chair behind her. In no way was he rough around the edges like the girl was. In fact, he wore a suit to fit, his lips moulded into something he seemed to use as a weapon. And despite her cut lip and likely bruised features, her head tilted and she pushed her luck. "Nice to know you know, because I've got no idea who you are." Maybe had you not just been kidnapped, you might have been more composed.

The man stood and she felt herself lean as far back in her chair as she was able. "It doesn't matter who I am." He said; his voice so monotone for the context of the situation. "I just need to know about you."

You weren't so sure where this was headed. Your mind was still trying to catch up with the punches you had just endured, attempting to understand where you were and how you were in fact going to get out of it. "Me?" You reiterated, flashing some puppy dog eyes you knew weren't going to work. But it was worth a try in this situation.

He nodded and then a word slipped from his lips. Just one word and that was all you needed to know you were in the shit now. "Crow." Them puppy dog eyes slipped away as easily as they had settled. Suddenly, you came to realise the severity of the situation and you questioned if you would be able to get out of it. The suit man looked over to the captor, nodding his head as if giving a silent command.

Like that, just as he turned his back and started walking away, a fist came flying. The knuckles of the woman's palm cracked against your cheeks with a thud. You had groaned but didn't dare say a word. You glanced back up at her through the lingering bruises. "Are the rest of you crows at the crow club?"

"Why do you want to know?" You should have known where speaking back was going to get you.

Just as quickly as them words had left your lips, another punch came crashing at your jaw. And you struggled with that one. It erupted a groan as you settled within the pain that plagued you. "What about Kaz? He's the boss right?" She continued to interrogate.

You gazed over at her through stern, mean eyes. "You can punch me till I'm bloody, I'm not telling you anything."

This time, a punch didn't follow. Instead, you watched as the woman wandered around the chair you were glued to. She walked over to a side table, retrieving a small box. It wasn't until she opened the box that you grew nervous. There were several tools. Many of them rusty and blunt but in the hand of your kidnapper, still rather painful. She took one of the bluntest knives, one that had rusted so much it was burnt and brown. With that in hand, she wandered around once again.

"Anything you went to get off your chest now?" Asked the woman.

You could feel your breath itch in your throat, feeling her shadow hover right over your shoulder. It was daunting but didn't stop you as you quipped back, "Do your worse." And she certainly did.

She took the blade. At first, it brushed over the prickles of your skin, then, within a flash, you felt it jab into your shoulder. With that, you let out a piercing scream. The metal seeming to have shot so deep into your body it felt as if it were scraping against your bone. You didn't have to look to know it was bleeding. By the time the weapon had dug into your skin, the blood was dripping down towards your elbow.

The woman took a firm grip over the blade. With every single, slight touch it was painful. Just the brush of her fingers against the metal had felt agonising. So when she took a hold of it, a groan escaped your lips. She leaned over the bleeding shoulder, "You're gonna tell me what I need to know." Her voice was a whisper but it felt deafening in your ear.

Your breath was uneven and, just as you were about to catch it, she shoved the blade down further. Another scream erupted from your lips. This one louder and much more of an echo. And once more, she leaned over your shoulder, "Where does Kaz keep the money?"

Once you let out a sigh, you looked over at her, "I'm not telling you." You were stern in your words even if everything in your body already wanted to give in.

This was what being a crow was. It was criminal. It was getting beating up and getting bloody, but it was dealing with that. And so you would. At least, you would try. Because when she even grasped the metal, you were regretting your decisions. "Wait, wait!" She stopped; so did the pain. You took a breath, trying to gather your thoughts that the pain had cut through. "Please..." You couldn't imagine anything worse than another touch from that blade.

She asked the same question: "Where does Kaz keep the money?"

A long moment followed. One in which you knew you were going to give in, even if it killed you to betray Kaz like that. Your fellow crow, your boss, the man who had took you in when you had nothing. "There's a safe. It's under his desk in the office. The office is upstairs in the crow club." Like it was nothing, you spilled everything.

"See," She paused and in one swift movement, tore the knife from your skin. Another scream erupted. But it was the last one you would have to endure. "Wasn't that difficult, was it?" She had no idea what you were in for with Kaz now. "Now, when's this office left empty?"

You knew this plan was so this gang could get their sticky fingers on Kaz's money. And maybe you should have cared more to not spill all this information considering Kaz paid your wage. But alas, the fear of the pain was seeming to pull the words from your lips, "When there's-"

You didn't know why or what had happened at first, only that your kidnapper had fallen right in front of you. Then you spotted the knife in her back. You almost couldn't believe it at first. Well, not until your head snapped up to figure that was wandering from the doorway. "Inej?" The woman removed the scarf that masked her face as she rushed forward without another word.

She went around straight away, her hands reaching out and untying the rope which bound you. "Where is she?" Came another voice which boomed through the building. A wave of guilt passed you as you came to recognise the voice: Kaz.

"In here!" Replied Inej.

And like that, the man came through. His eyes pooled with sympathy, completely unaware of how you had just betrayed him. Not that he had noticed. In that moment, Kaz had never felt such relief. Over the period you had been lost, he hadn't felt himself breathe. He sent Inej and Jesper left, right and centre until finally, they got a hit. A rival gang that barely hand enough bullets to take down the three of them. He couldn't care who had taken you. It could have been the king himself and he would have still swug through battlefields, explored every inch of this world, whatever it took just so it could get to you.

Now, with your eyes interwinding with his, he rushed to you. Inej had only just let the rope fall from your body and it was suddenly being engulfed by Kaz. At first, it had shocked you. Then you soon settled into the comfort which was ever so familiar. With your head situated on his shoulder, your gaze glanced to the doorway, finding Jesper stood there. He too just as relieved, taking in the sight of his boss and his friend tangled within the comfort of one another. Jesper knew that Kaz needed that hug just as much as you - if not more so.

When he pulled away, you were met with that worrisome gaze which seemed to devour you. "Can you stand?" Kaz questioned.

And while you couldn't exactly give him a reply, you nodded and that was enough. His hands came around, taking a hold of your own as he helped you to your feet. He guided you towards the exit, not daring to let his touch fall. About half way there, you both stopped. There came the sound of a thud from behind you. It wasn't until you turned, finding that Inej had pulled her knife from your captor's back that you came to realise why. Of course she taken her knife back. No one chose to comment. Instead, you found that it was normal and continued walking, following Jesper.

By the time you made it home, the Crow Club was empty. It wasn't until later that you would come to realise Kaz had closed the club, needing the empty space to focus on finding you. Something he was thankful for now he had you in his arms.

Once you got home, Jesper pulled a chair up for you, forcing you to sit down as he tended to the wound plaguing your shoulder. Inej was sat on a table across from you, sharpening a knife while Kaz was standing behind you. And for a moment, it was all silent. All their attention was focused on you and the wound which was buried deep into your skin. Yes, it felt as bad as it looked. "You sure you're okay?" Inquired Jesper as he pulled your shirt down for easier access.

You didn't bare look at any of them, knowing the pity you were likely to receive. "I'll be fine, Jesper." You replied without much emotion in your tone.

Jesper gave a concerned look to the man standing behind you. Something of which you had missed, too busy replying the memory of the knife in your shoulder to take note. "Okay, okay." Jesper said. "But just know," He paused as he gathered his needle and thread, "This isn't going to be pretty."

You didn't look to him as you answered, "Just clean it up, will you?" You weren't so much in the mood for Jesper's playful mood like you normally were. "I don't want an infection and a stab wound."

And like that, Jesper's lips stayed sealed as he gathered his items, staring at the wound as he attempted the best way to tackle it without hurting you so much. "What were they asking you?" Inej spoke up as her head lifted to meet yours. "Did you tell them anything?" That question made you wince.

Jesper scoffed, "It doesn't matter anyway, you killed em'." He did make a good point there, something you were silently thankful for.

"And by the looks of things," At the sound of Kaz's voice, you finally turned, meeting his gaze which seemed attached to the wound sitting on your shoulder. "You didn't tell them anything either."

Had it not been for the groan that came with the needle making contact with your shoulder, you might have said. Instead, you sucked in a breath before letting out a, "Jesper." in a snap.

"Sorry," He apologised. "I did say its not gonna be pretty." And with that, he started to thread you skin back together like it were clay.

"Do you know who it was?" Inej continued to interrogate.

You thought on it for a moment but with your pounding head, you couldn't come up with much. "No." You said first. "He wore a suit like he was trying to be more fancy than he was."

"That's it?" Critiqued Jesper from behind you, his snooty tone prompting you to gaze over at him. "He was too fancy for a suit? That's what you gathered?"

Your glare turned deathly, "I was a bit preoccupied with the fact they kept punching and threatening me...obviously." You agrued.

"Careful," Said Jesper. "Don't forget whose holding this needle." The small prick of metal glistened in his hand before your eyes rolled, turning back around.

"So we have no idea who these people are." Kaz concluded as his gaze jumped from you, something which had only enhanced that ever-heavy feeling of guilt which burdened you.

A loud exhale, almost loud enough to be classed as a sigh, came from Inej, "Suppose it's a good thing you didn't tell them anything the-"

"Ouch!" Your voice shot through the club.

All eyes came to you and your burning stare that was being pointed at Jesper. He had slipped. Only the smallest of bits but still, you had snapped at him like that. And what was worse, your anger didn't die down. Instead, you stood abruptly, tearing the needle from further patching up your wound. "Y/n-" Kaz started but you were already walking away.

And without even looking back at him, you said, "I'm fine." And continued on, eager for some privacy where the guilt of spilling your guts didn't linger.

You escaped into your room, taking in the air like it was fresh, like it wasn't intoxicated like the rest of the club was. The room was lonely, and it was empty, free of anyones opinion and judgement. With tears pricking your pupils, you wandered over to the mirror. Your shoulder took all your attention. Sure, Jesper had sewed up about half of it but the wound was still sharp and deep into your skin. It's edges ridgid and screaming to be tended to.

With a huff, you pulled your t-shirt back up, groaning at the pain which came with the contact. And you continued on with shakey legs and even shakier breath as if you could continue on. You soon came to realise it wouldn't be that easy.

The door clicked open and you tensed, suddenly appreciating your back was facing the door. The tears were easily about to slip from your eyes and that was something no one needed to see. "I told you I was fine." You said, sucking in a sharp breath that you preyed gave you the air you needed to not let those tears fall.

"You're not meant to be." Only then did you come to realise the intruder in your room was none other than Kaz Brekker. And his voice was enough to prompt you to turn, meeting his soft features which made you weak. "Whatever you went through, it was always going to be painful."

He had no idea what was truly the cause of your pain. "I've been beaten before Kaz." You argued.

He took a cautious step into the room, knowing you could force him out at any given moment. "None of us expect you to be okay, this wasn't just any normal beating, Y/n." He went on, providing comfort which would normally be accepted. But considering he didn't know the full story, it was a struggle to accept it.

Until, in a rushed decision, you gambled your whole relationship with Kaz. "I don't care that they hurt me, that they punched, stabbed, bled me like I was a doll. I couldn't get less." That part was true. "But I just- I had to."

Kaz's brows knitted, "Had to what?" He queried.

"I had to tell them." Like that, the words hung in the air. "I had to tell them everything." The tears finally started slipping until they were streaming down your cheeks.

The moment Kaz caught sight of that, he rushed over. And just as needy as before, he engulfed your body into his own. "Hey, it's okay." He assured. "All that matters is that you're safe."

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x you #kaz brekker x y/n #kaz brekker oneshot #kaz brekker fanfic #kaz brekker fic #kaz brekker fanfiction #freddy carter #freddy carter x reader #shadow and bone #shadow and bone season 2 #shadow and bone x reader #shadow and bone imagine #six of crows #six of crows x reader #six of crows imagine #fanfiction #imagine #x reader

[zepp-l1n]

His Anchor

Pairing: Kaz Brekker x Fem!reader

summary: sometimes Kaz needs a comforting presence. fic type - angst, hurt/comfort, established relationship warning - Kaz's haphephobia and trauma :(, also a little ooc Kaz at the end?? word count - 1,494 a/n: hiii! hope you guys enjoy!

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It wasn't unusual for Kaz to get overwhelmed and slip into one of his episodes. Too much time spent in interactions, physical or not, would cause him to feel the water rise up his spine and start to consume him. In the past during times like these, Kaz would run off and lock himself into his room. No one was to come in, and no one was to go out. Now things were different. Now he had (Y/N).

The girl had become apart of his team of Crows early on, but it wasn't until a little while ago that the two crossed into a relationship status past friends (one that Kaz refused to call "lovers" due to his hatred for visible weaknesses). Since they had reached this point, the two had been working on trying to break down Kaz's walls. Understandably, the couple had been taking it slow, and didn't try to go to far out of Kaz's comfort zone.

So far, they had managed to make some progress. The first step had been hand holding in short time frames - which was okay, with or without gloves.

Next had been opening up about Kaz's childhood. (Y/N) still didn't know much, due to the fact that she didn't want to push him to far to fast, but it was enough for her to understand where he was coming from. Now, when he had the episodes, she was right there with him - staying far enough away so to not make it worse, but close enough that he wouldn't have to go through it alone. She was now his savior, pulling him back to shore when the waters threatened to drown him. And he needed that safety, especially in moments like these.

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Kaz was crouched in the corner of his room. His goal had been to huddle up on his bed where he would be more comfortable, but the waves had become to much for him to go any farther. All he could see was Jordie. All he could see was Jordie. There was no escaping him. He could feel the cold hands of Jordie and the others gripping at his body.

Kaz had been alone in his study when the attack hit him, so he didn't have far to go to hide away. Unbeknownst to him, (Y/N) had seen his shaken form enter his room. She subtly excused herself from the conversation she was having with Nina and Matthias, and calmly made her way to the room. Inside, her brain was running a mile a minuet. She knew how bad Kaz could get sometimes, and she could only hope that he was alright.

Inside the room, the boy had curled into himself farther, trying to get any slight piece of relief. He was too far into his own head that he didn't notice (Y/N)'s knock on his door, nor did he notice her enter the room.

"Kaz?" she quietly called out. Her gaze drifted to the boy on the ground - the boy she had grown to truly care about. She could tell he was hyperventilating, a common occurrence during these episodes, but his breathing was far more erratic than usual. "Kaz, sweetheart?" (Y/N) closed in on the boy, arms cautiously open and outstretched. Kaz still didn't notice her. Once more, she stepped towards him. "Kaz, I need you to listen to me, okay?"

His gloved hands were painfully clasped around his shoulders. He couldn't take in anything other than the water and Jordie. Nothing else seemed to be real.

(Y/N)'s hands reached for Kaz's. She didn't know what she was planning on doing, but she knew that she needed to bring him out of the episode fast, for his sanity and hers. "I'm here Kaz." she mumbled, soft hands winding around the leather she had become happily accustomed to. "You're safe. You're here with me." Her words and movements were gradually becoming more frantic. While keeping one hand on his, she brought the other back to herself for a moment. She knew that holding him anywhere else was way past the boundaries they had broken, and although it could possibly help, she wasn't sure if it would make things off between them afterwards.

A broken gasp brought (Y/N)'s attention back to the boy in front of her. Kaz's chest was rapidly heaving, trying to take in unnecessary amounts of air. His already shaking body seemed to increase in speed. She needed to do something, and fast.

(Y/N) knew that even the slightest bit of cold flesh may send him farther into his episode, so she quickly pulled both hands away and started rubbing them together to get some friction. Once they were as warm as she could get them, (Y/N) placed her hands onto his body - the left cradling his neck, and the right caressing his face. She pulled his body tight against hers, resting his head on her clothed chest. From this angle he would be able to hear her madly-paced heartbeat. "Kaz, darling, please." she loudly begged.

In Kaz's head, and behind Jordie's angry yells, he started to hear a steady 'thump'. Warmth enveloped his face and neck, pushing away some of the violent waves.

Soft cries started to leave the girls mouth. She couldn't help the frustrated and scared tears misting over her eyes, or the overly panicked thoughts rushing through her head.

Kaz could feel the waves dying down, but he still couldn't get away from the cold and damp feeling of the death he experienced. The thumping was still a steady tune, pulsing through the back of his conscience. He knew something or someone was there, but he couldn't get away.

"I'm here." her choked words returned to their former softness, but still repeated rapidly, as if speaking them over and over would bring him out of his trance. "Please..."

The thumping grew louder, and faster in pace. Whatever it was, Kaz was sure would burst in minuets. It echoed in his mind, blocking out Jordie's yells - blocking out the smell of sea water and the feeling of water filling his lungs. Then came the call of a soft a familiar voice - one that he could recognize and point out within all of the crowds in Ketterdam. (Y/N). The dark haze started to clear from his mind, letting him take in the sight of the girl holding him.

For a moment everything stopped. It was as if Kaz was someone else - as if he hadn't lost Jordie, or been dumped with the other bodies, or as if he could freely touch anything and anyone he wanted. He felt the soft skin pressing on his neck and face, and subconsciously leaned into it. Fresh tears streamed from his eyes, coming into contact with the soft skin he now adored, and he couldn't help but let out matching whimpers and cries of his own.

A soft gasp sounded from about him, "Kaz!" He could feel the girl start to pull away, the feeling of her warmth leaving his cold body, and he swiftly pulled her back.

"Stay." his broken voice whispered. "I'm sorry." Her heartbeat rang in his ears, proving to him that she was real, not some body he was forcefully sat beside.

"Don't be," she hoarsely muttered. "You have nothing to apologize for. Not to me." Her right hand ran over the rough skin of his cheek, brushing against the small scars that littered the area.

"I do." his voice vibrated against her shoulder. "You shouldn't have to deal with this."

(Y/N) pulled his face away from her, and used her hands to force his stare back in her direction. "Kaz Brekker, don't start with that. I am here - to help, to hold, to get you through the unnecessary suffering. I will be here every step of the way." Her voice never raised above a whisper.

"But-" he started, but (Y/N) cut him off.

"No. I will be here. I will be your tether back to reality, whenever I am needed. I will bring you back to me - back to the crows - back to yourself. We will get through this. One day, things will get better. One day, I will have you, without your armor. But until then, I will be with you every step of the way." (Y/N)'s eyes pierced into his own throughout her entire speech. Her words and look were enough to render Kaz, for the first time, speechless.

Kaz leaned forward, securing himself back into her arms. He didn't know how much longer this moment would last, or how much longer he'd be able to hold her without feeling the need to throw up, but he knew she would wait as long as it took for him to be free of his fears and hold her like this always. He knew that he had her. he finally had his anchor, and he wasn't letting it go.

#reader insert #grishaverse #shadow and bone x reader #netflix shadow and bone #six of crows imagine #six of crows #six of crows x reader #kazzle dazzle #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker #shadow and bone #freddy carter #kaz dirtyhands brekker

[sharksnshakes]

Killers' Big Spoon vs. Little Spoon! HCs

Everybody has a soft spot. Even killers in the fog... right?

AN; still very conflicted over some of 'em but fuck it we ball. monstercuddlers, your time is now

TW; none i can think of

Big spoon

CALEB QUINN, Frank Morrison, Ji-Woon Hak, Albert Wesker, Herman Carter, Pinhead

Little spoon

Philip Ojomo, Max Thompson Jr.

Both

EVAN MACMILLAN, JOEY, Pyramid Head, Danny Johnson, Kazan Yamaoka

Would never be caught dead cuddling with anybody (or so they say)

ALBERT WESKER, Danny Johnson, Kazan Yamaoka, Evan MacMillan

...What do spoons have to do with cuddling?

Freddy Kreuger, Michael Myers, Pinhead, Max Thompson Jr.

#dead by daylight #dbd #dbd imagines #dbd x reader #dbd x you #the trapper x reader #the legion x reader #the legion joey #wraith x reader #max thompson jr x reaer #danny johnson x reader #ghostface x reader #herman carter x reader #caleb quinn x reader #pinhead x reader #freddy kreuger x reader #pyramid head x reader #michael myers x reader #the legion frank #albert wesker x reader #kazan yamaoka x reader #ji-woon hak x reader #woke up in a cold sweat to these specific hcs #not sure how i feel about them... #might move shit around #we'll see!

[minasvalentine]

SOMETHING‘S PURRING OH LORD

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagine #shadow and bone imagine #shadow and bone season 2 #freddy carter #kaz brekker smut #Daddy #spank my ass #shadow and bone #Series #smut #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker fanfic

[authorred]

To Love Kaz Brekker | Kaz Brekker x fem!Reader | Shadow and Bone | Part 2

Masterlist

Preface: A botched solo mission leaves you injured and forced to kill to escape. You enter the Crow Club in a hurry and don’t talk to anyone. You isolate yourself in your room so you can fix yourself, but someone decides to make his presence known outside your door.

Kaz Brekker is a different kind of ‘love from a distance’ yk

Part 1 Part 3

Warning(s): Mild injuries, mentions of blood, description of injuries

Tags: Softcore pining, awkward interaction, losers in love

To love another is no easy feat. It takes patience and trust. Respect and compassion. To be able to wait for someone through a finite storm is an ability not everyone has, nor wants. But you have it. And you’ll wait through any severity of weather, even if there’s no promise of a rainbow at the end.

Hobbling to your room like a battered old woman, you made sure to cover yourself with a cloak you took off a merchant before your arrival. Jesper and Inej observe you skirt around the Crow Club, hugging the side walls before scurrying up to your room. The sharpshooter and wraith share a look before shrugging. They’ll check in on you later and they know better than to annoy a heartrender.

You shrug off your outer clothes and examine your wound through the shredded fabric of your shirt. Some shitbag nailed you right in the torso with a bullet. Luckily, he didn’t hit anywhere vital, but it still hurt, and you’re still bleeding. With a soft grunt you untie your shirt and carefully peel it away from your body. A clean entry wound presents itself at the front of your torso and you’ve no doubt the exit wound looks worse.

With a sigh, you carefully sit down on a chair, grunting lightly when you irritate the injury. Looking down at yourself, you carefully start to weave your tissue and muscles back together, face cringing lightly from the feeling. It didn’t hurt because you were blocking pain receptors, but it felt weird to your other nerves. The squirming and sewing-together of your insides felt equivalent to sliding your hand through a large trough of mucus-covered meat. You wanted to shiver but you couldn’t. 

Sewing together your entrance wound took an agonizingly long time. If it was on someone else, you could’ve done it in ten minutes. Perhaps it was due to the fact there’s no rush; you’re safe in the Crow Club (hopefully). The real issue is trying to do the exit wound, which is almost directly behind you. You’ll need mirrors and very flexible shoulders.

Standing and shuffling around your room, you manage to assemble a doable set up--with a standing mirror behind you and a wall mirror in front of you. You adjust both to be able to see your exit wound--which is as gnarly as you thought. You sigh deeply and bring your arms behind your back, attempting twist your wrists so your palms are facing your body. You succeed, but it’s extremely uncomfortable, and you already hurt from being shot.

That’s when you hear it. A strong, steady heartbeat outside your room. No one announces themself--no one knocks--but they’re standing there. You know who it is. You know why they’re there.

“Kaz,” you call out. “People can suffer in silence, you know. You have to see them to know if they’re okay.” A few seconds pass and you know Kaz is thinking. You turn your head to the door when it slowly starts to creak open. 

When Kaz opens the door enough to walk into your room, he immediately looks to the side when he sees you in undergarments. You can see him swallow nervously and his heart picks up speed a little. 

You look back at your reflection. “You should be coming up with a new plan with Inej and Jesper. I didn’t fail, but I did alarm. And that’ll cause problems.”

“The planning can wait until you’re fixed.”

“I’m already halfway there.” Your wrists and hands flex uncomfortably when you move them, soft grunts leaving you. “I’ll be patched up by the time you’re done.”

Kaz sneaks a glance at you, eyes lingering on the wound you’re trying to patch up. Then his gaze moves to your arms and hands, which are in a specific position that makes you look like a demon’s possessed you. You’re succeeding; he can see your wound being manipulated and the hole getting smaller, but you’re struggling. Swallowing, he takes an unsteady step forward until he finds himself traipsing over to you.

You pause your heartrending when you see his reflection standing behind yours. You blink, then slowly turn your head to look at him. “What? You can’t help with this.”

He’s struggling to keep your gaze as it switches between your eyes and down at your arms. Picking up his cane to hold between his arm and side, he slowly reaches out to gently press his gloved hands against your arms.

Your brows scrunch when you’re trying to figure out what he’s doing. He’s not grabbing your arms, rather he’s supporting them. He’s taking tension from your shoulders.

You turn your head back around and continue to heartrend yourself, having an easier time than before. You’re painfully aware of his close proximity to you--you’re insanely aware of his physical contact as well. You can feel him shaking and you can hear his heart racing.

“You don’t have to do this,” you say quietly. “Your heart is racing. Please move away if you’re uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine,” his response is slightly forced and shaky. “Stop listening to my heart and focus on fixing yourself.”

You sigh softly and try your best to fix yourself as fast as you can. You cringe lightly when you reach a particularly painful part of your body where you didn’t block the pain receptors. You let out a strained grunt in response and you can see Kaz’s eyes look at you in concern from the mirror.

“I’m fine,” you quickly say. “It just hurt a little. I’m almost done.”

Kaz nods and looks back down at your hands and back, silent.

You’re done in two minutes and as soon as you are, you move away from him to keep him from being uncomfortable. You turn to him and smile softly. “You didn’t need to do that. I would’ve managed.”

Kaz places his cane back on the floor and leans on it. “You got done faster though, didn’t you?”

You stare at him for a moment before nodding. “I suppose I did. Thank you.”

Kaz attempts a small smile, but it’s almost indiscernible--it looks like a weird wince. “We meet at the bar in ten.” He turns and walks to the door. “Jesper and Inej are wondering if you’re okay.”

“Tell them I’m fine and I’ll be down in five.”

Kaz nods, not turning to look at you. He closes the door on his way out and you can hear his heartbeat move farther and farther from your room.

You notice how it’s faster than before.

You notice how yours is faster than his.

Ah, yes. To love Kaz Brekker is no easy feat.

#shadow and bone #kaz #kaz brekker #Female reader #fem reader #freddy carter #inej #inej gafha #inej ghafa #kaz and jesper #jesper fahey #six of crows #pekka rollins #romance #pining #kaz x you #kaz x reader #kaz brekker x fem!reader #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker x you #kaz x y/n #reader insert #x reader #reader imagine

[jahayla-parker]

In Sickness & In Health : Freddy Carter x Reader

Description: 3.5k wc, Freddy has been sick but pushed himself to go to a convention he'd previously committed to. He is home now and his wife makes it her mission to nurse him back to health. Fluff, sick comfort

Warnings: fluff, Freddy being too precious, sickness/illness, marriage terminology/phrases, cold symptoms.

“I land at four, can you please come and get me?” Freddy mumbled, his voice gruff from his cold. His wife y/n had pleaded with him to take it easy during the convention he had stubbornly refused to skip. As much as he was pleased to have been able to be there for the fans and not have backed out last minute due to his illness, he realized his wife may have had a point. He wasn’t too surprised, she usually did. Even if she was frequently overprotective of him, she usually ended up being right with these things. Such is the case today. Freddy could barely even utter the request, his throat aching with each syllable.

Y/n frowned to herself as she heard the way her husband Freddy’s voice cracked. “Of course, my love,” she replied, sighing softly as the request was another sign of how out of it he was. After all, she would always pick him up from the airport whenever he had a trip she didn’t/couldn’t attend with him. They always tried to travel together and she truly wished she could’ve gone with him this time given he’d been sick before he even left their home. But, y/n had a work commitment that she couldn’t get out of that kept her from being able to go with him this time and he refused to stay home and get better. The crackling behind his words made any faint desire to smugly say 'I told you so' dissipate. Her husband was truly more ill than when he'd left, and it didn’t matter that she’d tried to keep it from getting to this point, that she’d warned him that this would happen. The only thing that mattered now was that he got home so she could take care of him until he was better. Then maybe she could say 'I told you so'. “Just try and sleep on the plane, handsome, and I’ll be there to get you as soon as you get in”.

Y/n kept her eyes peeled as she waited for her husband to walk down the ramp. She was waiting in the arrivals section of the airport with his checked bag. She’d already texted him to let him know he could skip baggage claim. Y/n’s lips curled downwards into a pout upon seeing the exhausted state Freddy was in as he slowly made his way down the ramp. Her heart tightened in her chest as she took in the redness in his cheeks and tip of his nose, the way he’d yawned twice already, and how defeated he looked.

Freddy’s eyes slowly searched the airport as he made his way down to where he knew his loving wife was waiting to greet him. He couldn’t wait to be back with her, in their home, where he knew he’d get the love and support he needed to feel better. It took him a few painstakingly slow glances to find her, but when he did, he already felt faintly better. Y/n was here. He was home.

Y/n bit her lip bashfully as she noticed Freddy’s reaction to spotting her. Despite his ill state, she watched his eyes shimmer as soon as they met hers. The smile that instantly graced his lips prompted a matching one to form on y/n’s face. However, as she watched his pace pick up slightly, she lovingly shook her head. Y/n hummed to herself as she walked closer to him so he wasn’t speed-walking for too long since she knew he was already low on energy.

Y/n smiled warmly at Freddy as she carefully pulled his body to her chest. She closed her eyes as his arms slid around her tightly before he nuzzled into her embrace. Y/n rubbed his back through his black hoodie as she let him rest for a few moments, his body faintly leaning on her for support. She frowned to herself as she heard him sniffle. “Let’s get you home, honey,” y/n purred into his ear.

“Thank-" Freddy began, stopping as his voice broke. He sighed and turned away as he cleared his throat. “Thank you for getting my bag,” he repeated, voice still cracking. Freddy went to grab the handle of his checked bag from where it was positioned next to y/n, but she shook her head and pulled it away from him.

“Shhh, sweetie,” y/n pleaded, cupping Freddy’s left cheek with her palm. “You don’t need to talk, nor thank me for that,” she stated warmly. “Just save your voice, love”. She tenderly squeezed his flushed cheek before moving her hand down to grab his. With one hand intertwined with Freddy’s and the other dragging his suitcase, she silently began to lead them in the direction of their car.

Freddy attempted to reply, but his voice cracked right at the start of his sentence. Nevertheless, he knew y/n heard his faint attempt as her head whipped towards him. He sighed lightly as he gave up on trying to talk to his wife. This stupid cold wasn’t making that an option right now. Instead, Freddy gave her a loving look as he squeezed her hand.

Y/n sighed lightly, hating how sick her precious husband was. She once again shook her head lovingly at his stubbornness. “Come on, my sweet boy,” y/n hummed as she smiled warmly at him.

As they made it to the car, y/n had to scold Freddy as he tried to load his own suitcase. Yet, it seemingly wasn’t enough for him to understand that she wasn’t going to allow him to do anything he didn’t absolutely have to right now.

“I can drive,” Freddy stated weakly as he reached for the keys in y/n’s hand.

“Freddy,” y/n groaned, moving the keys out of his reach.

Freddy frowned. “You c-came all the way to get-“ He began, voice croaking.

“Enough of that,” y/n shushed. “I know you like to drive for me, but not right now,” she said softly. She pulled open the passenger door and nodded towards the seat. “Please get in the car before I shove you in it,” y/n teasingly threatened.

Freddy’s eyes widened. He chuckled briefly, but it quickly turned into a cough.

Y/n frowned and stroked Freddy’s cheek as she waited for his coughing to end. When it did, she brushed some hair from his clammy forehead. “Come on now, please?” Y/n requested, giving Freddy a knowing look.

Freddy nodded his head slowly before he slid into the passenger seat. He watched as y/n helped him buckle before she closed the door and made her way to the other side of the car. Despite how exhausted he was and how heavy his eyes felt, he kept a close eye on her to ensure she was safe; even if it was a short distance.

When y/n entered the car, she smiled over at Freddy, knowing he’d been watching her the whole time. She took hold of his hand and squeezed it. “Shouldn’t be too long, traffic wasn’t bad today,” y/n encouraged. “You can sleep on the way though”.

Y/n had been running her thumb over the back of Freddy’s hand repeatedly as she drove them home. She was pleased Freddy hadn’t tried to talk again, hating how painful it sounded like it was got him to do so. But, she could nonetheless sense him watching her. “What is it, love?” Y/n asked, glancing over at him as she pulled up to a stop light.

“I missed you,” Freddy croaked.

Y/n squeezed Freddy’s hand and smiled tenderly. “I missed you too, Freddy, honey,” she hummed. “And, I expect to hear all about your trip as soon as your voice is better”.

Freddy nodded with a small smile. He weakly squeezed y/N’s hand as he continued staring at her through his tired eyes. “You- you were right though,” Freddy mumbled bashfully.

Y/n tsked and shook her head. “Doesn’t matter now, just close your eyes,” she advised.

“But-“ Freddy argued.

“No buts, rest,” y/n said firmly. “We’ll be home soon,” she promised. Y/n glanced over at him and blew him a kiss before facing the street again. She couldn’t wait to get him home and into bed so he could rest properly.

Y/n laughed lightheartedly as she wiped Freddy’s clammy forehead. “Honey,” she cooed. “I’m going to get sick if you’re sick, that’s part of the deal,” y/n smiled, stroking his cheek. She watched Freddy continue to fight with himself over the situation.

When they’d gotten home, y/n had convinced Freddy to lie down. She then went and got extra blankets as he’d been having some chills. Once she’d changed clothes, she joined Freddy in their bed to keep a close eye on him. When another chill took over Freddy, he found himself wanting to cuddle and instinctively moved closer to y/n. However, he quickly realized his oversight and had dramatically moved away; almost falling off the bed in the process. Y/n managed to pull an explanation out of Freddy and learned it was because he was worried he was going to get her sick.

Y/n could see Freddy’s protective hesitation in his eyes and she shook her head. She carefully gripped his bicep and pulled him back from the edge of the bed and towards her. “Shhh,” she whispered to keep him from arguing or otherwise trying to speak. “Just let me hold you,” y/n requested demanded lovingly, pulling him even closer.

Y/n hummed in relief when Freddy finally relaxed and let himself melt into her embrace. She pulled the blankets over the both of them, tucking the top end of the fabric under Freddy’s chin. Her arms held his frail body to her chest as she watched his tired eyes struggle to stay open.

“Just relax,” y/n purred quietly, “close your eyes”. She tightened her embrace as she listened closely to Freddy’s breathing. Her own breathing settled when she heard his become lighter. She cautiously glanced down at him to check if he was asleep. Upon seeing his eyes closed, eyelashes splayed out over his high cheekbones, y/n grinned to herself. Her poor sweet sick husband was finally home. And she was going to see to it that he got better.

“Shhhh,” y/n rushed out as Freddy tried to express his discomfort. “Shh, I know, I know,” she assured him, rushing back to his bedside. Y/n felt his clammy forehead with the back of her hand and sighed in minimal relief since his fever had at least not gotten worse during his nap. “Try some tea for me, Freddy,” she encouraged, moving on to the next of his primary symptoms.

Freddy nodded his head weakly, letting y/n help him slide upwards. Once his back was resting against the headboard and not his pillows, he cautiously took the mug of tea from his wife. A small smile formed on his lips as he sipped the liquid; y/n had made it precisely the way he liked it. “-is good,” Freddy mumbled.

Y/n giggled and pressed a kiss to the top of her husband Freddy’s head. “I’m glad, love,” she mused. “I am going to get started on lunch, okay? I was thinking of making some soup,” y/n explained.

Freddy shivered under the covers and pouted. “Wha-“ he coughed and sighed before looking back up at his wife. “What time is it?” He asked.

Y/n raised an eyebrow at Freddy before responding. “It’s three, darling, why?” She asked skeptically, worried he’d be trying to get up and be productive.

Freddy thought silently for a moment before his eyes widened. “You ha-had that trip to-“ he began, his voice cracking.

Y/n shook her head and sat on the edge of the bed beside Freddy. “Shhh,” she whispered, playing with his disheveled hair. “I canceled that, don’t fret.”

Freddy sighed deeply, which resulted in a coughing fit. He quickly turned his head away from y/n as he tucked his face into his elbow. He felt y/n rubbing his back supportively as he worked through the coughing fit. As he leaned back, he glanced over at her with a sorrowful expression.

“Don’t,” y/n warned. “I already know what you’re going to say, what’s going on in that beautiful mind of yours,” she hummed with a smile. “But, I don’t mind. The girls understand. Besides, you come first. Always.” Seeing Freddy was going to still respond, y/n silenced him with the placement of her pointer finger over his chapped lips. “Not a word. I don’t regret it in the slightest. In sickness and in health, yeah?” She winked. “Now, for some chapstick, before those beautiful lips of yours split,” y/n said as she rose from the bed.

“I shouldn’t have pushed it at the conference,” Freddy groaned. He held his head as he prayed for the medicine y/n gave him to kick in. Feeling y/N tucking him back into the blankets on the couch, he opened his eyes and grabbed her hand. “Sorry I didn’t listen,” He mumured.

“It’s okay, I’m just sorry you’re in pain, honey,” y/n frowned, squeezing Freddy’s hand. “But hey,” she whispered as she brushed from hair from his eyes, “I’m right here, you’re okay now, I won’t let you overdo it, hmmm?”. She smiled softly as Freddy nodded and tugged on her hand to silently ask her to sit with him.

Y/n watched as Freddy snuggled even closer to her. She wrapped her arms around the pile of blankets covering his body. Once he seemed satisfied with his position, y/n moved one hand up to check his temp. She smiled in relief upon seeing that his temp had lowered a decent amount. As she moved her hand van down to hold Freddy, she noticed he was watching her closely with a pout on his lips. “What is it cutie?” She hummed.

Freddy’s flushed cheeks deepened in saturation at the nickname from y/n but he shook his head. He wordlessly kept his eyes on her lips.

Y/n suppressed a giggle as she tracked Freddy’s focus back to her lips. She couldn’t help but smile at the dazed look in his eyes. Y/n shook her head softly before leaning in to give him a kiss. If her sweet boy wanted a kiss, she wasn't going to deny him; sick or not.

Freddy pulled back, squishing the blankets between the sofa and his back. “You’ll get sick,” he muttered.

Y/n smiled warmly in appreciation. She stroked Freddy’s cheek sweetly as she stared into his deep blue eyes. With the smile still on her face, y/n leaned back in. Her smile grew as Freddy eagerly accepted her lovingly defiant kiss.

"I know you're cold, but that blanket is gross now, you need a clean one,” y/n sighed, pleading with Freddy to let go of the dirty blanket. It has been a few days now that he’d been using the same blanket and y/n worried the germs that were surely on it were keeping him from getting better. Especially since y/n had watched him both practically snot on it and also cuddle with it as he napped.

Y/n smiled and pressed a tender kiss to the top of Freddy’s head in silent thanks when he finally let go of the fabric. “I already have another one ready for you, a clean one,” she smirked. Y/n sped-walked to the laundry room to toss the contaminated blanket into the wash. She quickly washed her hands in the sink before grabbing the laundry basket from the top of the dryer.

Y/n frowned as she watched Freddy angrily press buttons on the remote, a glare on his face. He’d been getting frustrated over nearly every little thing today and there wasn’t anything she could really do to help that. “What’s the problem, honey?” Y/n asked calmly as she walked back over to him.

“It’s not working,” Freddy groaned, his narrowed eyes flickering between the TV and the device in his hand.

Y/n hummed. “What’re you trying to do?” She inquired as she set the basket down on the coffee table.

“Change it back,” Freddy mumbled.

“To the movie channel?” Y/n guessed as she looked up at the television. When Freddy nodded grumpily, y/n set her hand on top of his. “May I?” She asked cautiously. Y/n squeezed his hand lovingly as he passed her the remote control.

“Better?” Y/n asked, effortlessly switching channels. She wasn’t sure exactly what Freddy had been doing, but it didn’t matter; it was fixed now. She smiled at Freddy’s sheepish nod, knowing he realized he’d been overacting to the minor inconvenience. “Look what I’ve got,” y/n grinned, lifting up the clean blanket.

“You’re so cute when you’re sick and needy,” Y/n mumured as she tucked Freddy into the blanket, burying him up to his chin. She giggled as Freddy blushed and snuggled into the blanket, murmuring something about it being warm. “I placed it in the dryer for a bit,” y/n confessed, proud of her innovative approach to keeping him warm.

“Are you feeling any better?” Y/n asked, brushing Freddy’s hair back from his face as he watched the random movie playing on their TV. A sigh of relief left her lips when he nodded. “Good, you look a bit better,” she agreed. “Did you even see how pale you were?” She pondered, thinking back to photos and videos she’d been sent during the convention.

Freddy nodded again. This time, he followed the silent acknowledgment up by scooting closer to his wife. He nuzzled into her side, smiling softly as she wrapped her arm around him.

“Don’t scare me like that again, Carter. Okay?” Y/n whispered, squeezing Freddy’s shoulder.

Freddy once again nodded. His hands dug around under the warm blanket until they found y/n’s distant hand. He took it in his and squeezed it as he brought it closer to him.

"Please stop wasting what's left of your voice on complaints about soup you can't even taste,” y/n groaned. “We are out of that brand now anyways,” she pointed out. “I’ll make some homemade soup tonight instead of store-bought, okay?”

Freddy looked up from his bowl of soup. He frowned and shook his head. “It’s fine,” he argued, his sick voice making it sound like he said ‘finD’ instead.

Y/n grinned softly as she walked over to her husband. She leaned down and kissed his forehead, “I don’t mind. Like I said, we’re out of the store-bought ones anyways”. “Plus, if you can actually taste it, I’m pleased to see you’re getting better”.

“I can’t,” Freddy admitted bashfully. When y/n playfully squinted at him, he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth. “I just know it’s not yours, yours is-“ he coughed, “better”.

Y/n giggled, “well, who would I be to deny you of my soup then?”. “Just finish that for now, you need sustenance and my soup will take a bit to make, okay?” She asked, nodding to the bowl in Freddy’s lap. When he began eating the soup, she smiled and stroked his face, “thank you”.

Y/n rinsed the serving spoon off in the sink before spinning around to face Freddy. “I love that you’re always so full of life,” she admitted, turning to place the spoon into the dishwasher. “But, right now, if you don’t let yourself rest, you’re going to be losing all of that life,” y/n scolded lovingly. “Now, go back and lay down, please”.

Freddy pouted as he turned and sulked out of the kitchen. He just wanted to help. Y/n had been taking care of him for the last several days and she just finished making a big batch of soup for him. He just wanted to at least help with the cleanup.

When y/n had finished putting everything away and had let the leftover soup cool enough, she placed it back in the fridge. Closing the dishwasher door, she dried her hands and quietly made her way back to the living room. She grinned as she noticed Freddy had finished his bowl of soup and promptly fell asleep. He was still very fatigued, but y/n was glad he was otherwise starting to feel better.

“Thank you for this week,” Freddy repeated, holding y/n closely. He buried his nose in her hair, happy he could once again smell the sweet scent of her shampoo and conditioner.

Y/n groaned dramatically. She shifted on Freddy’s embrace until they were face to face. She lifted her hands up and placed her palms against his cheeks. “Stop thanking me. You’re my husband, I’m always going to take care of you when you’re ill,” y/n reminded him warmly. “But, if you still want to thank me, I’d accept a kiss,” she smirked.

Freddy grinned widely and laughed. He shook his head lightly as he gazed at y/n. “Bloody hell, I love you,” he muttered. Freddy tenderly pulled y/n’s face closer to his as he closed his eyes and leaned in to reward her with a kiss as requested.

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[heathsbitch]

PAINKILLER - k.b

Requested: Yes

Warnings: Slight allusion to smut (if you squint), poor proof reading (as usual)

Word Count: 1184

A/N: Hi my lovelies! I know this has been a long time coming so I hope you enjoy. I haven’t written in a while so this might not be one of my best works but there should be more to come in the near future. I hope you enjoy!

Shadows engulfed our bodies, cascaded over our skin as our breath mingled with one another. The cold climate of Ketterdam allowed us to see our breath dance together in the small space between our faces. Short pants left both of us, eyes darting back to the threshold of the alley, anxiously scanning for any Dime Lions who were hunting for us. Yet again, one of Kaz Brekker’s infallible plans (his words directly) had collapsed faster than Jesper trying to resist the call of the cards. Another job gone awry, another pursuit through the murky streets of Ketterdam.

As protocol demanded of us, the other Crows and I had split into pairs in order to escape from the scene of the crime. And, of course, I had to end up with the Bastard of the Barrel himself. It was his fault the job had gone amiss; he had miscalculated how long it would take his deft fingers to pry into the lock of the safe. Ever skilful with his hands, we trusted him blindly. But we were swarmed by Dime Lions before Kaz could bypass the lock, much to everyone’s chagrin. Frustration still clouded my mind as I glared at my boss; his head lent against the damp stone wall of the alley, chest heaving with deep breaths. My eyes followed the sharp lines of his jaw, the shadows that covered us accentuating them. His tongue slipped past the barrier of his thin lips to moisten them before he allowed his eyes a moments rest, a great sigh escaping from his broad chest.

I was desperate to know what was raging through his head; perhaps he shared in my anger at the failure of a job, or maybe he held no remorse at all, merely considering the next job he’d send us on. My theories were soon discarded however, as I saw him move a singular gloved hand to his stomach, his breaths still deep but more controlled. Despite the fact that Kaz and I would often bicker and bite at one another, I was one of his most trusted compatriots; and I knew what most did not. The truth about his childhood, the demons that threatened to drag him into the depths of the water where his brother resided, the bile that promised to rise from his throat if he were to come into contact with another human being.

I pushed my back harder against the alley wall, trying to distance myself from my boss in a desperate attempt to provide him with some relief. Either my effort went unnoticed, or he didn’t care, for the next words that came from his mouth were, “Stop staring.”

“I’m not staring.” I was quick to respond, pressing myself further against the wall in another futile attempt to widen the space between us. “Then what are you doing?” His eyes were back on me, scanning me; ice following every slight movement of my face, every twitch of my lips, searching for the truth as if it were about to appear written on my forehead. “Checking for injuries,” I simply replied, my talents as not only a Grisha, but a healer, had been put to use countless times after jobs had gone astray. Or Jesper had ended up pissing off some poor soul that ended in a bar fight neither wanted. He merely hummed as a response before his eyes went back to the opening of the alley, scouting for Dime Lions again.

The sun had begun to set on Ketterdam, more and more people filtered onto the streets; laughter, smells of cigarette smoke and cheap alcohol had started to float among the airwaves. Night was falling, the streets growing more crowded by the second, filled with inhabitants desperate for some form of sin. “We should move.” I suggested, fidgeting with my hands. Discomfort still lurked between us, “We can’t risk moving, not yet. We need to stay low,” He ran a hand through his dark hair, the strands slipping through his fingers as they found their place against his forehead. Kaz shifted on his feet, and I could see he was trying to think of his next move, planning a way for us to escape from the alley without being cornered by the Lions.  

“Come here.” He muttered; words barely eligible over the sounds of various forms of pleasure that had crowded the streets of Ketterdam. “Excuse me?” To say I was shocked at his declaration would have been an understatement. The man in front of me nodded towards the opening of the alley, directing my attention to couples that had chosen that space to indulge in one another. Hands wandered against bodies, mouths collided with mouths, “If the Dime Lions come looking for us here, all they’ll find is people enjoying each other.” He had taken a step closer to me, no longer leaning his back against the dame alley wall. “But Kaz...” I tried to protest, thinking of the demons that were lurking behind his cold eyes.

He reached a gloved hand towards mine and pulled it towards him, more specifically his stomach. “Try.” I knew what he meant; we had mentioned it in passing before but had never got the chance to try it. I had proposed the idea that perhaps my abilities as a Corporalki could ease the nausea that filled him every time he came into contact with someone else. My eyes slipped shut as my fingers flexed, trying to find the pain that lurked within him; his hand remained wrapped around my wrist, pushing my fingers harder against himself. Even through the multiple layers of clothing, I could feel his muscles taut and tensing under my touch.

A whimper of relief left Kaz’s thin lips as he threw his head back once more, “Fuck.” It was working. I looked at the man in front of me as I continued to work at his pain. His eyes found me, “Kiss me.” He whispered. Unsure of whether the sudden urge for intimacy was to keep up the rouse of a couple, or if it came as a result of his new-found relief, I obliged his request.

Tentatively, I let my lips find his. Another moan came from Kaz, this time more guttural and primal. His hips pushed into mine, my back hitting the wall of the alley. His gloved fingers slid around my waist as the once-gentle kiss deepened. Our teeth collided, tongues dancing, hips grinding into one another. The surprise that filled my mind at his request had slowly begun to sink away, instead replaced by another feeling. One of hunger, of lust, for the Bastard of the Barrel, the very same Bastard who refused to come within an inch of another human being if he had the choice. The very same Bastard whose mouth was connected to mine, whose hands wondered the softer parts of my body, aimlessly grabbing and squeezing at the flesh. He was a man starved; a tortured man who had finally found relief, and was desperate to work out the frustrations that had amassed within his body.

You can find my other Kaz writings in my Masterlist.

#painkiller #kaz brekker #kaz brekker imagine #kaz brekker x reader #kaz brekker smut #freddy carter imagine #freddy carter smut #shadow and bone #six of crows #imagine #smut #angst #fluff #fic

[bi-bard]

No Saints Ever Watched Over Me - Kaz Brekker Imagine [Shadow & Bone]

Title: No Saints Ever Watched Over Me

Pairing: Kaz Brekker X Sun Summoner!Reader

Word Count: 1,798 words

Warning(s): canon-typical violence

Summary: Kaz held onto the belief that no saints had looked out for him and none were in a rush to rescue him. When forced to face the very saint that he refused to believe in, will Kaz accept that he was wrong or continue on his path of denial and avoidance?

Author's Note: Here's how one piece of dialogue made me want to throw all sorts of canon to the wolves just so this idea could happen.

---------------------------

At some point, hiding became as natural as breathing.

My parents taught me to hide before most things.

They were the only ones who knew about my... condition that I hadn't directly told.

They had seen the sunlight that coursed through my veins. The prophecy unfolding in their very home. The future presented to them on a silver platter.

They knew what would happen if I was ever discovered. They never wanted me to hear, but I did. They knew that I would be hunted for the rest of my life. That I would be shoved into harm's way in the name of Ravka. Men would be happy to watch my blood spill for their battles if they were wrapped in the flag of their country.

I was young when a group of men showed up at their door.

My dad took me away. As far away as he could. My mom didn't have a chance.

When he knew that what was happening was inevitable, he told me to run. Run, hide, and never tell anyone about my gift.

I was alone.

I never saw my power as a gift. Especially not after that day. In one swoop, this "gift" had taken everything from me.

And I still had to survive despite that.

I settled in Ketterdam. Alone and terrified. I needed to find work and a place to stay while I was still very young.

Working with Kaz Brekker was an accident more than anything else. It had been a few years since I had seemed to plant my feet on the ground. I had made friends with Jesper, who had offered me a chance to make myself a decent amount of money.

After that, Kaz seemed to come to me for every mission they had. I don't know why. As far as he was able to know, Kaz could have found a hundred people who were just like me.

Granted, I didn't have to keep working with him. I could have taken another job. But I didn't. Working with Kaz just felt right. Working with the Crows felt right.

I was a regular part of the team.

It was nice.

None of them seemed willing to say it out loud but it was like having a family. A real family for the first time in ages.

I kept my... situation private. They didn't truly need to know.

However, I knew that it would be foolish to think that I could hide it from them forever. It did take them longer than

Inej was the first to find out.

Kaz had noticed that something was "off" about me. Something was different. He couldn't figure out what that thing was. And Kaz Brekker hated not knowing everything about a situation.

He sent her to spy on me for the night. Follow me. See who I did business with, who I met for drinks, who I brought home with me (which I never did).

I had been curled at the foot of my bed after a long, exhausting day. I was tired and sad and angry all at the same time. I needed something of comfort. I allowed a ball of sunlight to form in my hand and sit in my palm. The fog and dreariness of Ketterdam didn't allow for one to enjoy a moment in the sunshine, so I had to make my own.

Inej must have caught me just as I was sitting there with it.

Not that she told me.

Instead, she went straight back to Kaz with what she had learned.

I could imagine what his reaction was. The disbelief, the anger at the insistence, and the dismissal of the whole event with some comment about it all being some clever trick on my part.

I hope she asked him what the point of a trick was when I was alone.

I only found out that Inej knew when I was told to go meet Kaz in his office. As I passed the bar, Inej and Jesper watched me go by. I watched Inej's hand move to her forehead and chest. I furrowed my eyebrows for a moment. I hadn't told her anything, so why did she do that?

Kaz was standing behind his desk when I walked in.

"Close the door," he instructed bluntly. I did so.

I walked over to stand across from him, waiting for some indication of what this was all about.

"What are you," he asked.

I paused for a moment. "Excuse me?"

"What are you?" he repeated, putting an emphasis on each word.

"I'm (Y/n), you allow me to work with you because I can fight, and you said that I can be pretty clever-"

"I said what, not who."

"Will you just tell me what this is about," I asked. "I clearly don't know."

"I had Inej follow you last night."

"Kaz!"

"You were hiding something from me," he tried to explain.

"So you sent someone to watch me? That is incredibly invasive!"

"She saw your trick," he continued. "The sunlight in your hand."

I felt frozen. The motion at the bar suddenly made sense to me. Inej was firm in her beliefs. Private, but firm. She saw me and thought that I was the saint that the stories were about.

"How did you do it?"

"I... I just can," I shrugged. "You think it was a trick."

"I know it was a trick," he replied. "The sun summoner wouldn't hide away in Ketterdam."

I took a deep breath. "My parents paid for me to get here. They knew what I was. They knew what would happen if the Grisha got their hands on me. It was meant to protect me. I kept my head down. I stayed quiet. Worked with you for money because it was the safest choice I had at the time."

Kaz didn't speak up. He didn't truly believe me. Not entirely. I wasn't surprised by that. Kaz had trust issues when it came to normal people. Never mind... someone like me.

I took a step away from the desk. I let a ball of sunlight form in my hand.

Kaz slowly walked around the desk. He studied me, stepping in a small circle around me. He was looking for the trick. The effect. Some sign that what Inej had seen was wrong.

He stopped in front of his desk again.

I closed my hand, scuffing out the sunlight.

"You are never to do that unless in the presence of me, Inej, and Jesper. Understood?"

"I know how to hide," I replied. "I've been doing this for a long time now."

He just nodded to me.

I kept to that agreement as best I could. I never showed my gift outside of my room. The only time anyone else saw it was when Inej came by, begging to know if it was all true.

She tried to praise me. Call me a saint.

I didn't let her. I begged her to not see me as a hero because I wasn't one. I had no interest in being one. All I wanted was some semblance of normalcy. She respected that.

My agreement with Kaz didn't crumble until I saw it as absolutely necessary.

He had told me to join him to get through the door of some place.

He had been doing that more and more. Having me work directly by his side. I had no interest in questioning it, but I did notice it.

It had been going well. However, the number of guards had been greatly underestimated.

The only part that I truly remember was one of the guards choking Kaz. His cane had been thrown across the room from him. I didn't have the physical strength to stop the guard. I knew that.

So, as if on instinct, I threw a ball of sunlight at him.

He fell to the ground, allowing Kaz to lean back against the wall and catch his breath.

I ran over to grab his cane. I walked over slowly, holding it out to him. He snatched it from my hand, an angry look taking over his features.

"Are you alright," I asked.

He didn't bother with my question, instead posing one of his own, “What the hell were you thinking?”

“That you were about to die."

“You could have gotten yourself killed, hunted! All that you have claimed to have been terrified of!”

"You would truly rather die by the hand of your own stubbornness than ever thank someone for their help," I rolled my eyes.

"You agreed to never use your powers around others! I don't need you to save me!"

I scoffed at him. “Kaz, I understand that you think you’re invincible, but please believe me when I say that you are nowhere close.”

“And you are?” he stepped closer to me.

“Would you like to compare a list of things that I could survive versus what you could survive? I really don’t think you would because you would end up quite embarrassed!”

Kaz’s jaw clenched as he merely continued glaring. As if he were stunned that I had the nerve to yell at him the way I did. To question his power and control and leadership the way I did.

“I hate to tell you this, but you have people who care for you, Kaz Brekker,” I continued. “There are people that actually don’t want you dead. Let them help you. That’s why you have a crew in the first place.”

"Don't claim to be my savior."

"Don't claim that you never need to be saved!"

The silence after that was tense. He was angry and the boss of the whole gang. I was angry and able to scorch the earth beneath his feet.

"We have work to do," I finally muttered, walking around him.

"What happened to keeping your... affliction a secret," he asked as I did so.

I stopped at the door, turning back to him. "If the choice was letting you die or exposing my secret, then the choice would be you. Every single time."

There was a long pause before Kaz spoke up, "Why?"

There was another, even longer pause. "Is it not obvious?"

His face didn't shift. Not at all.

I had some feeling in my chest that he knew the answer to his question long before he asked it. Maybe he just needed the personal confirmation. Maybe he wanted me to say something entirely different so that it would bring some comfort. Allow him some escape route from his own feelings.

"Can we go now," I asked.

He nodded. "Fine."

Kaz may not have believed in saints. But I would like to believe that some part of him believed in me.

And that was enough for me.

---------------------------

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[kazscrows]

Inej✨

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[pinchofhoney]

You know I can't stay away from your writing for long so here I am againnn....angst prompt 5 and fluff promt 10. Besties to loverss plsssss.....with either Sirius Black or Kaz I can't choose

No angst...I can't take it rnnnn 😭

take a hint # 200 followers special event

» prompt event » special events masterlist

angst prompt five: “please leave before i lose myself to madness and beg you to stay”

fluff prompt ten: and it was when A watched B look at someone else the way they wanted to be looked at. does A realize how much in love with their best friend they were?

gif is not mine, credit to the owner

kaz brekker x fem!reader

word count: 3.8k

warning: kaz has no romantic feelings for inej in this one, it doesn't have a specific time in the canon, i made up one of the characters, best friends to lovers (between the lines), mention of murder

summary: It seems that Kaz always expects you to read between the lines, even though you are a thief and not an expert in interpreting written texts.

a/n: whenever i see notifications from you, i feel like a happy golden retriever puppy, hello!!<33 i feel that writing anything with sirius would be easier for me in almost every way, especially since that character has been my favorite since childhood, but i wanted to try something new and i was thrilled with the chance to do so! (it's a mess)

pages that may interest you: masterlist ♡ taglist ♡ who i write for

As you stepped out into the gloomy, rain-soaked streets of Ketterdam, you could felt the weight of the city's bearing down upon you. It was a place where danger lurked around every corner, where crime and corruption were the norm, and where only the strongest and most cunning survived. The city's winding, labyrinthine streets were treacherous and difficult to navigate, with slimy cobblestones that seemed to shift and writhe beneath your feet. The stench of sewage and decay hanged heavy in the air, a reminder of the filth and squalor that permeated every inch of the city.

The people of Ketterdam were a rough and ragged bunch, with sharp tongues and even sharper knives. Every interaction was a potential threat, every stranger a possible enemy. It was a place where trust was hard to come by, and betrayal was always just a heartbeat away. And yet, despite all of this, you couldn't help but feel drawn to the city. It was the only place where you've ever felt truly at home, where you could be yourself without fear of judgment or rejection. It was a feeling that both comforted and terrified you, and you knew that you'll never be able to escape it, no matter how hard you try.

You hated Ketterdam with a passion, yet you found yourself unable to imagine living anywhere else. Maybe it was because you hated yourself too, the mere thought of being ordinary filled you with a deep-seated loathing. You had no talents, no skills that could make others look at you with admiration, and to make matters worse, you weren't your parents' favorite child either. That distinction belonged to your older sister, the Grisha who had always been showered with adoration and affection, even when she was away in the Little Palace, thousands of miles from home.

Your parents had always compared you to her, highlighting your shortcomings and making you feel like a disappointment. Even when she was gone, they treated you worse than they ever had before, as if you brought them shame just by existing.

Yet, in Ketterdam, your ordinariness was a blessing. As a member of a gang of thieves, you were the perfect fit. Your lack of beauty and grace made you unremarkable, allowing you to blend into the shadows and avoid attention. You moved with ease through the convoluted streets of the city, navigating its twists and turns, always keeping your wits about you. Of course, there were a times of doubts, where you couldn't help but think that perhaps being strikingly beautiful would be an asset to your profession, especially when robbing wealthy merchants who came to Ketterdam seeking to indulge in its illicit pleasures. But even then, you knew that such a gift would come with its own set of complications, and in Ketterdam, complications were the last thing you needed.

You pulled the hood of your dark cloak over your head, lowering it slightly to obscure your face. You didn't want to be recognized by anyone, but at the same time, you needed to keep an eye on your surroundings and react quickly if needed.

You hastily tucked your frozen hands into the pockets of your coat and quickened your step as you saw two men who were part of the Dime Lions. Your heart skipped a beat as you recognized them. Lately, you had been avoiding these people more than usual, ever since you got into an unnecessary street fight with several members of the gang. They had made it clear that they weren't happy with you, and you knew that they wouldn't hesitate to attack you if given the chance.

But it wasn't just the Dime Lions that you were avoiding. Some people in Ketterdam knew about things they shouldn’t. It was no secret that rumors spread like wildfire in this city, and often found their way into the hands of those who would use them for their own gain. But in a world full of terrible people, you had to be worse.

You walked with no clear destination in mind, driven by the need to distance yourself as much as possible from the Crow Club. It was only moments ago that you had found yourself in a heated argument with the one person who mattered the most to you. His stubborn pride had come between you once again, making you curse his name to the heavens above.

The tension in the hallway was thick enough to cut with a knife as you and Kaz stood facing each other, both seething with frustration. His eyes glinted in the dim light, anger etched deep into the lines of his face. What had started as a minor disagreement had quickly escalated into a full-blown argument, fueled by the unspoken feelings that both tried to hide.

“You don't understand, Y/N,” Kaz growled, his voice low and scratchy. “You never do. You're always off on your own, thinking you know what's best for everyone. You can't keep taking unnecessary risks. It's not just your life on the line.”

“I know that,” you snapped back, your eyes flashing with anger. “But we can’t just sit back and do nothing. We need to take action if we want to survive.”

“Of course we need to take action,” Kaz shot back, his voice dripping with sarcasm. “I'm not saying we should do nothing. But we need to be smart about it. We can't rush in blindly. That's why I'm in charge. I know what I'm doing.”

You rolled your eyes, exasperated. “Sometimes being smart means taking risks. That's how we get ahead.”

A heavy silence hung in the air between you, filled only by the sound of your breathing and the rustle of your clothes. Kaz's gaze bore into you with an intensity that made your skin crawl.

His jaw tightened, and he spoke through gritted teeth. “Fine,” he said, his voice icy. “Do whatever you want. But don't expect me to follow you blindly into danger.”

You took a step closer to Kaz, your eyes blazing. “I don't need you to follow me, Kaz. I can take care of myself.”

His eyes narrowed, and he took a step back, his hand on his cane for support. “Then go ahead and do that. But please, leave before I lose myself to madness and beg you to stay.”

Your chest tightened with hope as Kaz's words registered in your mind. Could it be that he actually wanted you to stay? But your hopes were dashed as you saw him turn his back and begin walking away. The urge to call out to him, to make him admit his feelings, consumed you, but you knew it was pointless. Kaz Brekker was not one to bare his soul.

With a frustrated growl, you clenched your fists so tightly that your nails dug painfully into your palms. Without another word, you turned and stormed down the stairs. Ignoring Jesper's questioning gaze and Wylan's confused expression, you burst out into the rain-soaked streets of the Barrel, letting the cool droplets wash away your anger and frustration.

Your mind was a chaotic mess of emotions as you walked, all directed towards the one man who had the power to make you feel so much. Kaz's words echoed in your head, spoken in his rough voice, which usually sounded like the most beautiful melody to your ears, but now it was a curse that tormented you and did not allow you to find peace.

“I don't need you, Kaz. You're the last person I want,” you muttered under your breath, and as if fate was playing a game, you bumped into the very person with whom the whole argument began. What a coincidence.

You lifted your gaze, and your eyes met with the one who infamously called himself Ketterdam's most dangerous person. Although he didn't know you, you were familiar with him well enough to know that he would want to have you with him despite your undistinguished appearance and lack of special skills.

In a rush of panic, you lowered your head, feigning humility to mask your face. “I apologize, sir,” you began, trying to hide the hint of fear you could sense in your voice. “I should be more careful.”

The man smirked, his eyes scanning over your form. “It's no problem, sweetheart,” he said, his voice oozing with arrogance and entitlement. “But you should watch where you're going. It's not safe to be wandering around these parts alone.” His hand brushed against your arm, sending shivers down your spine.

You flinched at the touch, trying to pull away from him, but then he grabbed you. You knew what type of man he was, and the last thing you wanted was to be alone with him in a dark alley. You tried to think of an excuse to leave, but before you could say anything, the gravelly rasp of a familiar voice interrupted.

“Is there a problem here, gentlemen?” Kaz's voice was calm and controlled, but there was an underlying threat that made the man release his grip on you and take a step back.

“None at all,” the man replied smoothly.

Kaz stepped closer, his eyes narrowing. “I suggest you leave the lady alone then.”

The man scoffed. “I suggest you mind your own business, boy.”

Kaz's hand, covered with a leather glove, tightened on the crow's head ornamenting his cane. “I'll make it my business if I see someone harassing a woman in my city.”

The man sneered, clearly not intimidated by Kaz's threat. “Your city?” he asked with a hint of derision, studying Kaz more thoughtfully. Suddenly, as if he had just connected the dots, he added, “Last time I checked, it was still called Ketterdam, not Dirtyhands's kingdom.”

Kaz's expression didn't change, but you could sense the tension in the air. “Believe what you want, but if you don't leave now, I'll make sure you regret it.”

The man seemed to consider his options for a moment before finally releasing a grunt of annoyance and walking away, oblivious to the inevitable fate that awaited him regardless of his decision. Death was the only possible outcome and the only variable was who would carry out the execution.

Finally, the man was out of sight, and you released a breath you didn't even realize you were holding. Kaz turned to you, and you met his gaze with a mixture of gratitude and anger. Despite feeling indebted to him for his intervention, you couldn't help but feel frustrated by his interference. “I didn't need your help,” you said, trying to sound confident.

Kaz raised an eyebrow. “It sure looked like you did.”

You glared at him, feeling embarrassed and exposed. He had seen you in a moment of vulnerability, and you hated yourself for it. “I could have handled it,” you insisted, although you knew it was a lie. You couldn't have handled the situation on your own. You were a skilled thief, but you lacked the physical strength to overpower a man twice your size. You were not armed with revolvers, nor did you possess the abilities of a Corpsewitch. You were just an average person, with quick fingers and the ability to pick locks, nothing more.

“How did you know where to find me?” you added.

“Did you think I wouldn't follow you? I had a feeling you'd get yourself into trouble, but I didn't expect it to happen so soon.”

You rolled your eyes, but a small part of you was grateful that Kaz had your back. “And what about-”

“Inej will take care of him,” he said, cutting you off, signaling that he didn't want to discuss the matter any further. “Let's head back to the Slat. You're soaked.”

Kaz started walking away, disappearing into a dark alley without waiting for you. You sighed and followed him, feeling the dampness of your clothes sticking to your skin.

The walk back to the Slat was silent, with only the sound of raindrops hitting the cobblestones to fill the air. As you entered the place, you immediately noticed the curious looks of your crewmates. Jesper was there, even though he usually preferred gambling at the Crows Cub and Matthias stood at the top of the stairs, watching you with his arms crossed. It seemed like everyone was waiting for you to return, and you couldn't help but feel uneasy.

Ignoring the greetings, Kaz announced, “You'll never guess who Y/N met.” The room fell silent, and Kaz removed his hat as if to emphasize his point. “Antoon Beudeker.”

A hum of surprised sounds ran through the room, and all eyes turned to you. You felt uncomfortable being the center of attention. You had been trying to track down Beudeker for weeks, but he always managed to slip away from you, as if someone in the Dregs was tipping him off about your plans.

Nina spoke up, breaking the silence. “What do you mean by that?”

Kaz looked at you, not bothering to hide his annoyance. “A talent for stealing isn't Y/N's only skill. As you can see, the talent for trouble far outweighs it.”

You shifted uncomfortably under Kaz's gaze, feeling a mixture of embarrassment and frustration. You knew you had made a mistake by bumping into Beudeker, but it wasn't even your fault. All you wanted was to cut yourself off after the argument with Kaz, and now he was the one who was right again.

Wylan's voice carried through the quiet room, breaking the tension. “What are we do with him now?” he asked, but no one answered, assuming that it was up to their missing Wraith to handle the situation.

Jesper's frustration boiled over, and he jumped up from his seat. “It's not fair!” he exclaimed, pointing his revolver at the wall. “I was the one who wanted to put a bullet between his eyes.”

Matthias stepped forward, before anyone reacted to sharpshooter's words, his expression serious. “We need to figure out who's been leaking our plans to Antoon. This could be dangerous for all of us.”

“I agree,” Nina added. “We need to find out who's been betraying us and deal with them.”

Wylan's voice piped up, “What if we set a trap?”

Kaz nodded, considering the idea.

“We could feed different information to each member of the Dregs and see which version gets back to someone who will claim to be Beudeker now. That way, we'll know who we can trust and who we can't,” you suggested.

Nina grinned. “I like it. And if we catch the traitor, we can make an example out of them.”

Jesper's eyes gleamed with anticipation. “I'll provide the entertainment.”

Matthias shook his head. “No, Jesper. We can't take the law into our own hands. We'll handle the traitor according to our own rules, but we won't kill them.”

Jesper shrugged, disappointed but not arguing. “But killing is our rule, Helvar.”

Matthias's expression darkened, but before he could reply, Kaz spoke up. “That's enough. We're not discussing this any further. We need to focus on finding the leak first, not arguing about how to deal with them.”

Jesper and Matthias both looked at Kaz, but neither of them said anything. The silence in the room was heavy with tension, and you could sense the frustration emanating from Jesper and the anger radiating from Matthias. Kaz's tone had effectively shut down the conversation, but you knew that it was far from over.

“We'll start investigating tomorrow,” Kaz's voice filled the room again. “For now, let's all get some rest. We have a long day ahead of us.”

As Kaz's words faded away, the tension in the room dissipated, and everyone began to go their separate ways. You hesitated, still reeling from the events of the evening, unsure of what to do next.

Sensing your unease, Kaz approached you, his expression serious but not unkind. “I know this is a lot to take in,” he said, his voice low. “But we have a job to do, and we can't afford to let our emotions cloud our judgment. I need you to be focused tomorrow, do you understand?”

You nodded, feeling a bit guilty for today’s argument. “Yes. I'll be ready,” you replied, determined to not let him down.

Kaz gave you a small nod of approval before turning to leave. You watched him go, listening to the rhythmic tapping of his cane on the panels. The weight of his words settling on your shoulders. It was true that you couldn't afford to let your emotions get in the way of the investigation, but it was easier said than done. The events of the evening had shaken you to your core, and you weren't sure if you could push them aside so easily. Life in Ketterdam has been hard, but never before has such danger reached you directly.

With a heavy sigh, you made your way back to your room, hoping that a good night's rest would help clear your mind.

You were surprised to find the Antoon's spy so easily, feeling foolish for not discovering it sooner. Despite the setback, the mood in the Crow Club remained peaceful as the days passed. The seventh of you sat together, planning your next move and gossiping about Ketterdam's richest people. Kaz seemed more relaxed than usual, and even Jesper and Matthias were on their best behavior, seemingly content to simply enjoy the moment of peace.

As the night wore on and the group's conversation continued to flow, you couldn't help but notice Kaz's eyes on you. You caught his gaze a few times, and each time you felt a jolt of electricity run through you. It was a feeling you had been trying to ignore for a while now, but it was becoming increasingly difficult with each passing day.

As you turned to look at Jesper, who was recounting a funny story, you noticed Kaz's expression change slightly. It was a subtle shift, but you could tell he was suddenly distant, lost in thought.

After a few minutes, Kaz stood up and motioned for you to follow him. You looked around at the others, confused, but they simply shrugged and continued their conversation. You followed Kaz up the dimly lit hallway to his office.

Once inside, Kaz closed the door and motioned for you to take a seat. You sat down in one of the chairs in front of his desk, feeling a bit nervous. Kaz took a seat opposite you, resting his cane on the desk, right next to the chair and leaned forward, his elbows on his desk.

His expression was serious, but not unkind. “I wanted to talk to you about something,” he began, his voice low. “I've noticed that things between us have been a bit... different lately.”

You shifted in your seat, suddenly feeling self-conscious. “Different how?” you asked, not sure if you really wanted to know the answer.

Kaz leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest. “I think you know what I mean,” he replied, his gaze fixed on yours.

Your heart skipped a beat as you realized what he was talking about. “Kaz, I...” you began, but he cut you off with a wave of his hand.

“I just wanted you to know that I'm aware of the situation,” he said, his tone even, then he paused for a moment. “You know, Y/N. I've been thinking a lot lately about what it means to care for someone. To really care for someone,” he looked directly at you, his eyes intense, emphasizing the weight of his words. “And I've come to the conclusion that there's no one I care for more than you.”

You were completely taken aback by Kaz's words. You had never heard him express his feelings so openly before. Your heart raced as you searched his face for any sign of insincerity, but you found none. You were overcome with a mixture of shock, disbelief, and joy.

His heart sank as he watched you gaze at Jesper with a look of admiration and affection earlier, even if you two were just friends. It was then that he realized how deeply in love with you he truly was. He had been trying to ignore his feelings for you for so long, but seeing you look at someone else with such tenderness was too much to bear.

Kaz carefully chose his words, wanting to express his feelings without being too direct. “I've been thinking about our friendship,” he said, his voice low and serious. “I value our bond more than anything else in the world, and I want to make sure that nothing ever comes between us.”

“Why are you bringing this up now?” you asked genuinely confused by Kaz's sudden openness.

He shifted in his seat, looking almost uncomfortable, “Well, I just wanted to make sure that you know how much you mean to me,” Kaz said, his eyes meeting yours. “There's no one else I trust or care for more than you, Y/N.”

You could feel the weight of his words, the sincerity and depth of emotion behind them. You knew that he was a man of few words, and when he spoke, it was always with a purpose. It was hard to reconcile this Kaz with the cold and distant one you had grown accustomed to over the years.

You couldn't help but feel that there was an underlying message in Kaz's words, something that he wasn't explicitly stating. Your intuition was telling you that there was more to the story than what he had let on. You couldn't ignore the nagging feeling that something was amiss.

“Kaz,” you began, your voice hesitant. “Is there something else you want to tell me? Something that you're not saying?”

Kaz's expression remained neutral, but you could sense a hint of discomfort in his demeanor. You knew that he wasn't one to wear his heart on his sleeve, so you weren't surprised that he was hesitant to open up to you completely.

“I've said what I needed to say,” Kaz replied, his voice flat. “There's nothing more to it.”

His reply felt like a dead end, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment. You knew that he was a complex person, with layers that even you couldn't fully comprehend, but you couldn't shake off the sense that he was still holding something back. Nonetheless, you tried to put on a brave face and show your gratitude for his honesty.

“Okay,” you said, rising from your seat. “I appreciate you telling me how you feel. Our friendship means the world to me too, Kaz.” You couldn't help but wonder what his true intentions were, but you knew that you needed to be patient and let him come to you when he was ready.

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