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ressonancee · 8 months

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TRACK N02. KAMIKAZE - CHOI SEUNGCHEOL

I love the beginnin', the moonlight is callin' I know we'll go up, but we'll end up freefallin' You mind if I need to come kamikaze, crash into your way?

✷ wordcount: 7.734 ✷ genre: angst, break-up, smut

✷ This work is a part of "The Loviest Time Universe" - A collection of stories inspired by Carly Rae Jepsen's album

✷ Thea's note: hi everyone this is finally out - the first installment of the loveliest time, hehe. But first let me say a few thank yous. To @ssinboo for giving this a read since the first draft and enduring my thoughts on Discord 24/7. A thank you to @dalamjisung for reading this when i thought this was too sad and nobody would read this. And a special thanks to @toruro mika you are the kindest, thank you for reassuring me when I thought this sucked and was too depressing <3 , and for beta-reading ♥ I hope you all enjoy this (even if it hurts) also seungcheol-enjoyers i am very very sorry. Kkuma 2nd appearance.

I saw you in the deep end A shipwreck underwater And I know I shouldn't want that

Loving Seungcheol was not an easy task, and you learned it in the hardest way possible.

Loving Seungcheol seemed easy. He crashed into your life - loudly, fast. Often, you thought about it like a car crash in a movie scene - the part when everything gets upside down, and even the glass pieces flying around look kinda magical.

But you guess, after a while, the movie scene was just a little bit too loud and possibly a security hazard for everyone involved.

A part of you really wanted to give your all, to sacrifice, to just give a little bit more of yourself to make it work, but lately, you have been so fucking tired and so alone that you don’t even have the strength to try anymore.

You loved everything about Seungcheol, you loved his laugh, you loved the way that Seungcheol made everyone feel cared for, you loved how he treated you and you loved how he loved you, and knowing all that made everything worse.

But Seungcheol had that power - he made sure to make you fall in love all over again every time he had a chance. And everything would be okay after a few hours in the same space as him, you would feel loved, he would smile, he would embrace you and everything would just feel right.

The problem was that lately, Seungcheol didn't have the time to make you fall in love with him.

If you thought about it, you couldn't even pinpoint the last time you saw Seungcheol. You know he dropped by before going overseas for his tour - four months long tour, for a quick fuck but before that you can't really remember because he was already busy with a comeback and rehearsal.

And you tried your best to keep it cool, and you tried your best to deal with it on your own - Seungcheol was a constant topic in your therapy, and you tried to understand - of course his life is more glamorous than yours, of course he has the chance to go to all those beautiful places you can only see in pictures, of course it was work.

And you tried to bite your tongue and think how much of his life he had to give up in order to be where he is now. And it is his dream, his youth, his life really - so you can't make Seungcheol choose.

You know all that.

And you try to use your brain instead of your heart. But when Seungcheol is in the same country as you, in the same time zone, and still has a problem reaching up, it still has a problem finding more than a 30-minute time slot, you know what you need to do.

You need to let him go.

It is a Monday when Cheol arrives on your doorstep, you let him in and everything seems so normal - the majority of times you two hang out was in your house, not a lot of dating outside, not a lot of going out with your boyfriend enjoying the city.

You tried to brush it off and pretend you didn't care Seungcheol didn't have a normal life, so you two could have brunch on a sunday or a stroll in the nearest mall.

"Hey baby I was thinking of ordering from that chinese restaurant god I am craving the food," Seungcheol says, crashing on your sofa like it is his own house, and it settles on you that it is almost like his second house, a hideaway, every time he had a problem he would just crash on your place. He had the keys, why didn't he open the door? Why were you always doing the job? Letting him in, let him crash into your life? Why couldn't you crash into his and set things on fire? "Baby? Are you listening?" Seungcheol calls, but you know he doesn't really care because his eyes are glued to his phone.

"Cheol I need your attention for a minute," you say, looking at him, trying your best to keep it straight, to not fall on the ground and cry.

"Okay okay just let me answer a few more texts. We are scheduling the next varieties right now so everything is a bit crazy," your boyfriend says, still not paying attention. And you ask yourself - has it always been like that?

Did Seungcheol always come into your life, create havoc, crush everything on his point of view, take everything he could get his hands on and everything you could give him to not give five minutes of his time in return?

"Seungcheol I really need you to put your phone down," you say again and you are so pathetic that you feel the tears rolling down your cheeks, your voice cracking up - and that's what calls Seungcheol's attention, eyes big on surprise.

"Love, are you okay? What happened?" he asks and now that you have his attention, his phone is screen down on your sofa, his eyes on you, you feel all certainty leaving your body because you miss him so much and he looks so tired your heart almost breaks because you feel like to Seungcheol you are just another thing he needs to take care of, to handle, to adjust in his crazy hours.

You feel like you are a plate spinning in the little stick, and you are about to fall down because Seungcheol forgot that he needs to spin you around.

"I'm really sorry, I-" you hiccup, and god you feel so fucking silly.

"Baby what is going on?" Seungcheol's voice is low when he tries to wrap his arms around you, scared when you don't let him do it. "Baby you are worrying me," he says again when he watches you take steps away from him.

"You don't need to worry, everything is fine."

"Clearly everything is not fine, I am back after ages, and my girlfriend is crying in the living room," he says god you wish you could get angry and pick a fight with Seungcheol but you feel so tired, you feel so exhausted.

"I-" you try to start, but you feel your legs buckle and your heartbreak. "I think we should break up."

"What?" Seungcheol because that is the only thing he can say. Seungcheol feels like he is inside a car crash like he is the one getting upside down. He feels so blindsided by your decision, did... Did you find someone when he was away, or did you just fall out of love?

"I think we should break up," you say it again, more to yourself than to him, like you are making up your own mind.

"Can-" Seungcheol paces around, he actually feels his throat close and his tongue feels like sandpaper around the roof of his mouth, he can't even bring himself to actually look at you. But he finally does, seeing you sitting on the floor, back against a wall, hands holding your own hand, elbows on your knee, and you just feel so different. Seungcheol can't actually pinpoint what seems different, but you are, and you look so tired, what the fuck happened, how could he not see this coming? "Can I ask why?"

And you scoff, Seungcheol can see your whole body moving. Everything is so clear to you and so hazed to Seungcheol is like you two are in different directions speaking through a tin can telephone.

"I don't think this is working for me I-" you try to start, trying to dry your tears with the sleeve of your shirt.

"Did you find someone else?" Seungcheol blurts out.

"What?" You ask in actual disbelief, did he-

"Are you in love with someone else?" He says it again and you can wrap your mind around it, what he wants to mean with those silly accusations.

"Thats-"

"That's ok, I can take it, you can be honest with me," Seungcheol says again, trying to brace himself for the impact, preparing himself to hear the eyes falling out of your lips.

"You know what's funny?" You say without a hint of humor in your voice, "You actually prefer that wouldn't you? You would actually prefer the idea of being cheated on, of me being guilty of falling in love with someone else than to acknowledge that may be-" you hiccup, and try to breathe even though you can't do it through your nose, "that may be I am ending things with you because i can't deal with the shit show that is your life anymore, that I can't take being a second option anymore because your life is so fucking good that only someone crazy wouldn't want to share it with you." You pick yourself up, and you feel so angry, you feel so disrespected. You look at him, and god, even though you love him you know Seungcheol can't give you what you want, he can't give you coffee dates, he can't give you holidays, he can't give you the certainty of Valentine's days and birthdays. And even though you love him, even though you gave everything you could, even though you spent months and months on videocalls or just texts, even though you felt so fucking happy when he was by your side even though it meant a delivery and a night in, he is implying that you could cheat on him, like you could find someone like you are not broken enough to think that you could never love someone again like you love him. "Guess what Cheol, you don't share anything. You just take and take until the person doesn't have any more to give you"

And he stays silent like he doesn't have anything to say. Like he is trying to understand the situation, those hazy moments after the crash when you try to make yourself come back to reality.

"I am sorry I am really tired if you could-" you start, walking to your door.

"Do you-" Seungcheol starts and when he looks at you can see the tears around his eyes and you want to take everything back, you want to say you are sorry, you want to say it was just you're feeling lonely but now he is back, now everything is okay, you can deal with going to every working related dinner or party alone and lie when people ask why your boyfriend never comes. "Do you think I could do something different?"

"No," you say voice small, looking everywhere just so you can avoid Cheol's eyes. "I really love you, I love you so fucking much, I just can't deal with your life, I just can't deal with the loneliness that comes when you go MIA between shows because you are tired, I just can't deal with whole weeks gone just because you guys are working on a new album, and I can't deal having a boyfriend only inside the walls of my apartment, it hurts so fucking much Cheol and I just have nothing else to give you." you catch your breath, and you smell his perfume, and everything looks so out of place, how can a heartbreak make you nauseated, make you feel physically ill? "And even though I love you, I wish I could bring myself to ask for it, to make you give me what I want, but I know you and I know I can't ask you for that, and I know you enough to know that if I ask for it maybe I won't get what I want in return because you can't give what I want.

When Seungcheol leaves the only thing you do is cry. Like a child, on your bed, in a fetal position, hiccuping every few minutes. You cry so much that you fall asleep while doing it. In the morning when your alarm goes off, you can feel a headache. You think you will need a lot more than a painkiller. But you pick yourself up, and go to work and you regret it. You regret it when you see a fucking bus with Seungcheol's face plastered on it - his birthday is in three weeks. You regret it when you see it again on the subway, and when you open social media the news around his new album is across it - you think you need to delete every account Seungcheol related.

You also regret when you see Mingyu's name on your phone screen. But when Mingyu calls you for the third time you know something must be wrong.

"Hello?"

"Hey can you- ok guys shut up, hi hmm” He says in a lower voice, “can you tell Seungcheol to hurry up he is a bit late we have scheduled in like 30-ish," He says across the line.

"Hm, Mingyu I really can't do that." You say almost laughing because his friends don’t call you ever, you have Mingyu’s number registered because once Seungcheol had a dead phone and he asked Mingyu to tell you he was arriving late - that’s when Seungcheol still cared you think, after that he just arrived late without telling you his schedule was running late.

"No really like it is a really important schedule."

"Mingyu Seungcheol is not with me right now you should call him-"

"Is he not? I mean he slept with you, right? Did he leave your house already?"

"No, he didn't sleep at my place last night-"

"No?" Mingyu asks and the line is dead silent before you pick yourself up and have the courage to tell you.

"Mingyu we broke up yesterday," You say in the lowest register ever, the last thing you wanted was Karen from the sales department eavesdropping on your conversation and asking if you needed a girl time.

"Why did you break up with him?" He asks and that makes your head spin a little, how did he know?

"Mingyu that's-" you breathe loudly, you want to smash the phone against the nearest surface, but you need patience, and to be honest Mingyu didn’t do anything for you to be rude, yes, you are angry but it is not Mingyu’s fault, "That's really personal I'm sorry"

"Ok, sorry, yeah I overstepped for sure," you can hear the faint voices in the background, "Do you think you know a place he could've gone to?"

"No, I really don't, I am sorry, just" your bite your tongue because you think that’s overstepping too, but you say nonetheless, "Just give me a heads up if you guys find him or if I need to worry ok?"

"Yeah, yeah."

And against everything - your rational mind and your broken heart, you call Seungcheol, because he still comes first, his well-being and state. Even if he is not picking Mingyu's call that stills a part of you that says that you are special enough to him that he may answer your calls. He doesn't. But you don't even have time to worry because Mingyu sends you a message saying that Seungcheol just showed up and he is fine.

And the reality of it crushes you. You are not the person that Seungcheol will pick up when everyone calls him, you are not the exception anymore.

What really hurts is when you think that maybe you never were.

And the feeling makes you so physically ill that when you knock on your chief's door to say you are going back home because you feel unwell and gonna try to work remotely he just says you can take a day off because you are clearly looking like a fucking truck hit you.

The first few days make you wish Seungcheol was right. You cry so much you feel dehydrated and have a non-stop headache. So you wish he was right, you wish you did cheat on him, you wish you ended things because you fell. in love with somebody else.

You don't delete his messages but you do archive the conversation because every time you open the app it is just there and the want to hover it, to go back, to look at it, to have Seungcheol back in your life is so big you ask yourself how can you carry such a burden.

When you reach the 7 days you feel like somehow you can breathe again, now crying only 25% of the time. It's painful how you get back into your routine very quickly, it makes you feel that Seungcheol was not a big part of it. The main thing you do is to just keep your phone away, check less social media - the last time his face popped up and you almost yetted the phone.

On week two you do all the things that you wanted to do with Seungcheol, alone or with other people. You go to the new corner cafe with a book and order a lot of sweet treats. You go to the movies after a day of work because why not. You drive yourself to the beach, and even though it’s not really summer, the weather is nice enough. In a way you think you are a masochist, experiencing all of those things and reminiscing of what could be if Seungcheol was by your side. But every time you come home and your empty place greets you with the memory of Seungcheol and his belongings you think that masochism would be locking yourself up in a place where Seungcheol was most present in your life.

Week three is a living hell. It's Seungcheol's birthday and you catch yourself entering a store just because something nice enough to be his present caught your attention. When you pick up your phone to ask him if he prefers leather or wool the reality crashes into you. It makes your world spin a little, and everything is in slow motion when you go back home.

It doesn't help that you still have a pair of shoes, some shirts, a few pieces of jewelry, and even toiletries that don't belong to you in your own house. You feel stupid when you cry, but you pick everything up and put everything in a box - but you still don't have the strength to contact Seungcheol and say that he needs to pick up his things in order to move on.

I'm just here for the weekend A wordless kind of offer And I'm hoping that you saw that

After a month you stop crying.

Even though you don't keep tabs in a tracker you know every month that passes by, and Seungcheol's box turns into a decorative item by your door.

In a way, everything you know about Seungcheol is stored in the back of your mind, and sometimes it comes back to your conscious mind like an intrusive thought.

To be honest, Seungcheol still pops up daily in your life, his voice plays in the nice book store, his face shows up in the make-up store and now he is the face of your favorite lip balm, he shows up in the tv and again in the subway, he shows up in the news and in your favorite variety show - the first time you don't actually binge watch. You know when Seungcheol is blond and when he is not, you know when his hair is long or shorter. And even if you don't want to, you keep tabs on him.

But in reality, you can deal with it, you can deal with Seungcheol's absence when he doesn't come back to make you fall in love with him.

And it gets easier.

Or you get used to not having Seungcheol in your life, seeing him from afar, or not seeing him at all. After 3 months you think to yourself that for the first time, you feel like a human again. Like your feet are back on the ground. You can walk without crunches for the first time after breaking both legs.

When it hits the six-month mark you think it is okay to remember, it is okay to think about it, it was a milestone after all. When you think about buying a cake for the one-year mark you think that maybe that's not normal.

But maybe that’s the path of healing, the ups, and downs of it, healing is not linear - you think that you saw an Instagram post about it. And you just accept it, you don’t fight anymore about how you remember Seungcheol in the silliest things, when you look at something on the street, or when you start binge-watching a new tv show. But sometimes you also don’t remember him, sometimes you can go a few days without conjuring him in your mind - but you always end up losing the game when you think to yourself how you did not think about him.

'Cause I see you I fall back into the feeling like we've just begun Tell me, ooh Are you tired of being alone? You're not the only one

When you see Seungcheol, two years later, you just laugh and take a sip of your drink. It is really crazy how Seungcheol's absence makes you forget that one of your closest friends knew Seungcheol - he was the reason why you two met in the first place.

And yet you feel surprised to see Seungcheol in the same space as you after a while. And god why do your legs buckle and why is he so good-looking?

At the same time you want to turn and run, you are so freaking obsessed with seeing Seungcheol with your own two eyes after such a long time. God. You need a drink, you need a glass of the most powerful poison, you need courage and you need strength.

But before you can turn Seungcheol has his eye on you.

And you want to run and scream when you see him walking into you.

"Hey," Seungcheol says and he too looks like he is fine with everything, and you think if it has always been like that if Seungcheol almost didn’t get a scratch when you always left with a broken heart and broken bones "I-" Seungcheol laughs. "This is weird."

"Yeah," you say drinking the rest of your drink in one gulp "They didn't tell me you were coming so-"

"Do we need to continue doing that?" Seungcheol asks and you can feel your head tilting like a damn dog, and Seungcheol's tint smile across his face confirms your suspicion- he always thought it was endearing. "Avoid each other I mean," he clarifies.

And you want to say yes because you feel so weak on your knees. You feel like you are getting pulled - physical traction makes you throw away all that you learned in the past year, making you forget how difficult it was, how painful.

"I don't know, it is not the ideal but what is the other option?" You ask and don't even wait for Seungcheol to answer you when you look around - you need another drink, you are not doing this sober, you feel yourself close to tears and you can't cry sober - drunk you at least have an excuse to bawl everything out.

"Not hating each other?" Seungcheol scoffs, and you do the same.

"Sometimes I think about how we spent four years together," you say, going to the bar with Seungcheol by your side, you order a mojito while Seungcheol just brushes the guy off. Seungcheol is so close that you can feel your brain start malfunctioning.

"Come on, I swear I didn't try to pick a fight if you want I can go I already said my wishes to the host so-"

"Is not that," You feel so fucking frustrated, you can feel your heart in your throat. "I just-" You breathe loudly, maybe you should let him enjoy the party and go - he was the one that didn't show up in two consecutive years. "Look this is not the time or the place for us to have this conversation but the point is I never hated you - I never could, and to be honest never wanted."

Seungcheol just looks at you, his eyes big and mouth agape.

And you wish you could hate him because it would be easier. And because if you hated him you wouldn't question yourself if it was the right decision, if you hated him you wouldn't be thinking about letting Seungcheol back in your life.

"Hey, hey-" you hear Seungcheol's voice behind you.

Fuck you forgot the uber, so you do your best to ignore Seungcheol and pick up your cell phone, trying to open the app fast enough just so a car teleports in the street.

"Come on I can take you home," He says and you want to laugh really, what the fuck is on his mind.

"And would I say yes to that?"

"Look," Seungcheol’s hand goes through his hair and you know he is frustrated, and a part of you relishes that, in the way that you still know him even after more than 24 months apart, "I don't know how you are doing, and this can be me being fucking egotistical, but I have been thinking you hate me for two years, so if here is not the place then we can find a place, I would say my place but that would make me sound like a jerk so-"

"Cheol," you almost beg.

"I really just want to understand what happened, fuck-" And when you look again you see Seungcheol in such a different light, he is so tired, he looks so exhausted, he looks older, but not just older he looks jaded, "It is been plaguing my mind since we broke up I can't fuck wrap my head around-"

"Your house then."

"Ok, ok. Just so you know I have a dog." Seungcheol says while guiding you to his car and you just feel a pang in your chest because you know how he went on and on about how he wanted a dog, how you two could get a dog, how if he wasn't so busy, and far away half of the time you two should get a dog.

And God you feel so sad, you can actually feel everything building up inside your body, you can feel it in your throat.

You heard and heard about the dog and you were not there, and that’s all you can think about the entire trip to Seungcheol’s house.

"This is Kkuma," Seungcheol says holding the dog up, when he sees that you are not in the mood to greet the cute creature he gives up. "Is this a mistake?"

"Probably," you say, looking at his living room - god when you two dated he didn’t have his own house. How much did you miss? How many milestones in his life were you not a part of?

"I-" Seungcheol starts, making you look at him, "I just thought we could go back to good terms you know, I've been keeping tabs on you," and you don’t know why but you feel so angry, you feel like there is something growing under your skin you can’t quite name it. "Don't look at me like that, I wanted to know how you were, how you've been doing, and when I asked about you this last time he said I could show up so I thought you knew"

"I didn't"

"Yeah, I'm sorry," he says, rubbing his palm against his pants in an attempt to dry it. "I mean for today and for everything I guess, I wasn't the best back then. I just thought-"

"What do you want from me Cheol?" You ask for the first time looking at Cheol's eyes, looking for the truth in it, searching for every little detail you can catch to make it make sense, but that just makes you crumble like a sandcastle against a wave, "I've been trying so hard- god"

"Hey, hey-" Seungcheol's hand close around your wrist, his fingers in contrast with your skin. "Don't cry please, don't cry, I always hated when you cried, hated every time I saw you in tears because of me." He says while getting closer to you, which just makes you cry a little bit more.

"I am so sorry, this was a bad idea, I can take you home if you want to," Seungcheol says with his arms around you - and god, you should've braced yourself from the impact, but you didn't and Seungcheol was just crashing into your life again.

"Yeah, and I was crazy enough to say yes to you," you say against Seungcheol's embrace and you are surprised when he picks up your muffled sounds.

"Why did you, say yes I mean" Seungcheol making space to look down at you.

"You know why Cheol," you say rolling your eyes at him.

"It's the same for me too, I guess," Seungcheol says tucking your hair behind your ears, "Maybe that's why I went after you today, fuck, that's why I talked to you really-" his lips find your forehead, and you can feel your heart in throat. You feel like your lungs are about to collapse, you can't breathe, "when I saw you I just-" He smells your hair like he used to do, his hand on your neck, his thumb caressing your jaw. "it just felt like nothing had changed"

I know it sounds fatal, I know we made fires The ending's real clear and it won't take us higher Tonight, I might need to come kamikaze Crash into your way (Kamikaze, kamikaze)

You know Seungcheol, you can tell, you can anticipate every step. With Seungcheol it is like you have the ability to see the future in your lids. With Seungcheol even when he crashes and burns makes you think to yourself that you can take the fire against your skin.

And you miss the feeling - to be understood even when you don't have words, when the silence speaks for you when Seungcheol just knows what you need before you ask for it. That's why you broke things up, you think, maybe you felt the most loved when Seungcheol would anticipate every and each one of your needs, and the moment he stopped you felt so unseen.

When Seungcheol's lips find your cheeks, just below your eyes, you can hear the sound of your heart-shattering. Your hands tighten against his sides.

"I missed you," Seungcheol says, his forehead resting against yours. "I missed this, missed us."

"Cheol," you beg because it is the only thing you can do, the only thing you can master.

"Let me take care of you," You can feel the way his hand goes to your nape, making you shiver, "Let me make you happy."

You just nod, because that's what you want. You want it so much that you could change the earth's axis, you could change the future and the past for it. And when you feel Seungcheol's lips against yours you think that ending the world would seem like an easy task if it was to achieve Seungcheol's love, to have his touch against your skin every day.

When you wrap your arms around Seungcheol's neck you know you are done for - you know you fell in love all over again.

And you do it because it is him, because it is Seungcheol, and he is the only one who could break your heart.

"You will, won't you?" Seungcheol says mouth against your jaw, hand still against your nape holding you in place, "Let me love you?"

"Don't say things like that," you whisper, tugging on Seungcheol's shirt.

"Why baby?" He says kissing your jaw, his hand caressing your cheek, "god, I missed this," Seungcheol says when his breath in on your neck, rubbing his nose on it. "missed how you smell," his hand holds your waist and you feel so glad because you almost melting, "missing the way you taste," he says when his tongue laps at your skin, giving you a small kiss on the kneck.

The only thing you can do is try to anchor yourself, one hand splayed against Seungcheol's back and another one tugging at his hair. Seungcheol's hand goes around you, caging you against his body, his hands finding the hem of your shirt and putting it under your shirt.

And it is just so much, the way his hands feel hot against your back, keeping you upright. The way his lips feel against your skin, wet, across your cleavage. The way that his body feels hard against yours.

It's just so much. To have all that again, you almost forget how to breathe.

Seungcheol is so big - physically yes, but his whole existence is so big, it makes you feel suffocated. Seungcheol is so big that you question yourself how you used to fit him in your heart.

But you choose not to think about it, not know. You call his name while tugging his hair, blindly searching his mouth. And you focus on Seungcheol, the way that his tongue feels against yours, the way that he holds you, the way that you feel how hard he is against your hips.

"Let me," Seungcheol whisper against your mouth before his hand found the back of your thighs and picks your up - and you do the only thing you can do, letting out a surprised noise and hugging Seungcheol. And you can feel how Seungcheol's smiles spread against the skin of your chest.

"Don't laugh," you try to scold him, hand tugging his hair again - when he let his hair gets so long? It was a newfound joy for you.

"-m not laughing," you hear Seungcheol say against your skin, his fingers dipping in the skin of your ass.

When your back hits the mattress, you feel like you can breathe again for the first time, Seungcheol's body away from yours. Until his hand is back on your hips, making your heart skip a beat and your lungs collapse.

"You are so pretty," he says when his hands travel up against your body, lifting your shirt, Seungcheol's lips find the skin of your stomach, his hand pressing on your ribcage. Seungcheol looks at you, his tongue on your skin, linking a strip of it.

The thing about Seungcheol is that he still remembers. He still knows what makes you melt, makes you hot, makes you whimper. And he does it so right that makes your head spin.

Seungcheol lifts your shirt up, pooling it against your neck. "Fuck-" Seungcheol starts again and you ask yourself how he doesn't feel tongue-tied like you, "so pretty like this," his digits touch your chest when the lace of your bra ends, and it is just so faint, you lift your chest searching for his touch.

"Can I?" Seungcheol asks and you don't even know what he wants but you are nodding. He tugs on your bra, letting your boobs free. His forefinger and his middle finger find your nipple, tugging at it lightly, making you whimper. "Always loved how you are so fucking sensitive," he coos.

Seungcheol's lips find your skin again, and the way he kisses the underside of your boob is so soft and so tender that makes your head spin a little. Seungcheol lowers his body against yours, making you open your legs a little to make space for him between them.

Seungcheol kisses your sternum at the same time that his hands wrapped around your throat, he doesn't put pressure on it. But the mere fact that his hand is splayed on your windpipe makes you lose it, make you whimper. "God, missed this too, the way you sound"

"Cheol," you want to complain but you can't because Seungcheol just licks one of your nipples, his free hand holding you in place for him to latch on it. You don't even know what to do - it is just too much, the feel of Seungcheol's hands on your body, of his mouth against your skin.

When his mouth leaves your nipple with a low pop, his mouth doesn't leave your skin. "Don't worry babe gonna give it to you," you hear his voice low and muffled, "Gonna give you everything."

"Want you-" you say tugging at his shirt. And you feel so hot all over, you ask yourself how did you survive without his touch for so long, how did you survive with your skin against yours.

"I know, I know” Seungcheol coos and you just melt against the hand he places against your face, when he kisses you again you know you are doomed. “Just let me eat you first," he says putting his lips just below your ear, his body heavy and hot against you, "Missed your pussy too, missed everything."

"Don't talk like that," you beg and you don't hear it, but you feel the way that Seungcheol's body reverberates with a chuckle - and you take the opportunity to tug at your own shirt and bra.

"I know you like it," Seungcheol says opening the button of your pants and tugging at each leg.

"I don't anymore," you say just because you feel like you need to pick a fight really. To look like it is harder to rip you apart at the seams, to make Seungcheol think it is not that easy to wreck you.

To make Seungcheol think it's harder to have you again.

"I know you do," Seungcheol says lifting your leg and kissing your ankle, and you feel if it's not normal to feel so much. "I can see you do still like it." Seungcheol's voice drops and you can see his eyes on your pussy, his knuckle pressing on it over your panties, you can see how wet it feels, and god you feel so ashamed because you want it so much, and because Seungcheol knows.

You can feel how red your skin is. Seungcheol lies between your legs. He rearranges your position, opening more your legs, putting one of your thighs on his shoulder. "Don't need to lie to me," He says before slowly biting on the meat of your thigh, his hands holding you in place when you buckle.

Seungcheol kisses your pussy over your panties and you bite on your tongue, you hold yourself back. "God, I even miss the way you smell," Seungcheol says and you feel faint - and you tug at the sheet almost crying, almost begging.

But before you say anything you feel him tugging at your panties and you don't move, you just let Seungcheol move your body to his pleasure, taking your panties off but putting your legs the same way as before.

You feel Seungcheol digits against your folds and you bite your tongue again - trying to hold back. But when his thumb presses on your clit you can't resist calling his name. "Shh, it's okay baby," Seungcheol says before his tongue is on you, making your head spin.

You ask yourself again how you survived without him.

Because with Seungcheol was just so easy.

Seungcheol doesn't ask what you like he already knows.

Seungcheol knows how to pin your hips down, with his hand splayed, because you like how strong he is. Seungcheol knows how to lick your folds, how to suck on your clit, how to tease you with his fingers.

"Can you-" you try to ask for it, but when you look down between your legs you see Seungcheol looking at you, seeking your reactions, trying to catch every little detail, and before you can ask again Seungcheol is nodding against your pussy, mouth not leaving it for a second even thoughyou are bucking your hips.

And then you feel his fingers against your entrance. And it is Seungcheol he knows how you like it, but he knows too much, he teases you first, just the knuckle against your hole.

"Seungcheol, please," you ask again, accepting that you lost the war, accepting that you can't pretend anymore because you know Seungcheol will only give you when you ask for it.

But you asked for it so he gives to you.

He starts fucking you slowly with his fingers, his tongue never leaving your clit.

You feel like you are going insane, it's just too much - his hand’s strong grounding your hips, the way that his mouth closes against your clit, the way that his fingers enter you, the way his eyes never leave yours.

And before you can say anything you are cumming against his tongue, Seungcheol laps at it like he wants to feel your taste on his tongue, like he wants every drop of it.

"Always loved your mouth." You say before Seungcheol kisses you and you can taste yourself on his tongue.

Seungcheol lifts his body, kneeling on the mattress, and finally takes his shirt off, "wait," you call for him, and you look at him. And god he is so fucking pretty all over. He always has been. You touch him, hands against his stomach, and you wish you can make him feel like he does to you.

You sit on the bed, Seungcheol's position making him taller than you, but it is not a problem when the difference makes it easier to kiss his pecs. And Seungcheol holds the back of your neck, his eyes again, never leaving you, making sure he sees every tiny fraction of every little touch.

You don't know if you actually forgot, or, if you just locked the memories away in a tiny part of your brain, but when you see Seungcheol so pilant against your touch - against one of your hands on his stomach, the other touching his pecs and mouth sucking at his skins it is like it's unlock something on you.

"Did you miss it?" You ask hand working on Cheol's pants, palming him in the process.

"Hun?" He asks voice low, like he didn't catch the meaning behind the question.

"The way I make you feel," you answer, hand underneath his underwear, touching his hard dick. "Did you miss it?" You ask again, looking Seungcheol in the eyes.

"So fucking much," he answers and you can see how his body reacts to every single touch you give him, you lower Seungcheol's underwear, just enough so his cock springs free - red and leaking, and God you wish you could forget how many time Seungcheol split you open with his dick, but you can't, you think you remember each and every time, "Thought about it every day."

"Can you fuck me?" You ask Seungcheol, fingers wrapped around his dick, pumping him slowly, thumb rubbing against his tip, and you can see his body twitch, but Seungcheol just lets you do whatever you want with him.

"How do you want me?" he asks.

"You know how," you say it because it is true. Seungcheol knows how to eat you, how to fuck you, how to split you open, he knows how to make you feel good, and how to make you cry.

"Come on," He says hand on your shoulder making you lay down again, and you whine because the action made you set his dick free "You asked me to fuck you" his hands wrap around your leg and make your body turn to the side.

And it is just so hot, how Seungcheol can manhandle you, can make you turn and move, but still cave into every and each one of your whims. You ask and he answers it. You ask him to jump and he asks how high.

Seungcheol lays on the bed, his front pressed against your back, his strong arms around you, his lips against your neck, his dick against your ass.

Your mind goes back to how big Seungcheol is, how he doesn't let space for anyone else.

But you come back to reality when you feel Seungcheol's dick going against your pussy. Seungcheol mumbles against the skin of your shoulder, but you are so gone that you don't actually pay attention to it.

When Seungcheol starts fucking you you are halfway there. You hold Seungcheol's arms, your nails marking his skin. "You take me so fucking well," Seungcheol says before his teeth find the flesh of your shoulder. "Do you need-" You don't let him finish, tugging at his hair, searching for his mouth - and the kiss is messy and sloppy, and when Seungcheol's fingers find your pussy again you just moan on his mouth.

"Are you-" Seungcheol asks, and you know what he wants to say in the way his hips fall in rhythm the way his other hand tightens against your ass, the way with every stroke he goes deeper and deeper. And you nod because it is the truth, you are so close to it that you feel like your bones are melting.

And you just let it hit you, let the wave of the orgasm wash over your body. And you know Seungcheol is close by the way he pants against your neck, by the way, his strong hands hold your thigh - until you feel him cum on you.

You can feel your heart beating against your chest. You can feel the way Seungcheol's dick slips off you, and the way your back feels sweaty against his chest. You squirm a little trying to put some distance between your bodies.

"Stay," Seungcheol murmurs against your shoulder while enveloping you in his embrace, tugging you closer and you do. You stay because Seungcheol still makes you fall in love with him every single chance he gets, but your mind is still wrapped around the feeling that maybe, you two, are not meant to be, one of the lovers that could be so fucking beautiful and that marked your life, that is a before Seungcheol and after Seungcheol in your life.

But, deep down you know, that you just got tired of asking for more.

Now you don't want a lover that you need to ask for it - even though you know Seungcheol would never say no to you, but for once, you think that you want someone who gives to you without being asked for.

I love the beginning, the moonlight is calling I know we'll go up but we'll end up freefalling

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theladyofdeath · 1 year

Text

The Holiday {5}

Ships: Nesta x Cassian / Aelin x Rowan

Written alongside @snelbz

Trope(s): Christmas, fluff, love at first sight, enemies to lovers

Summary: Nesta has just been dumped. Aelin hates her job. Both women need an escape from reality and with Christmas quickly approaching, it's the perfect time for a getaway. After discovering a trend where people can swap houses for a non-traditional vacation experience, these two women decide to spend the holidays in each other's homes. With their houses comes a series of unique experiences and a couple of handsome suitors. It's time to see just how much a change of scenery and two weeks of Christmas solitude and romance can change a person.

A/N: We're halfway there! Thank you all for reading! x

Rating: M for mature - language, smut, substance use, etc. 18+.

Inspired by The Holiday (2006).

Nesta was curled up on the couch, burger half-eaten on the coffee table, proofreading the chapter she’d been working on, when she heard a knock on the front door. She snapped her laptop closed, as she always did when she was writing, and froze. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was after eleven.

Fear shot through her for a split second until realized who it likely was.

Getting to her feet, Nesta felt the bottle of wine she’d drank in the two hours she’d been home. It may not have been the best idea to edit while drinking, but she’d go back over it in the morning.

Hugging the sweater she was wearing tighter around herself, Nesta headed for the door, murmuring something about egotistical assholes under her breath.

Before opening the door, she rose up on her toes to look through the peephole, confirming her suspicions. With a sigh, she turned the lock and braced herself for the winter night.

Cassian was standing on the top step, his arms tucked underneath each other to fend off the cold.

“It’s late,” Nesta said, before realizing it was not the best version of hello.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he replied, although he didn’t look sorry at all. He held up a scarf that Nesta found familiar. “You left this at the bar. I told Gwyn and Em I’d get it back to you.”

“And it couldn’t wait until morning?” Nesta asked, brow arched.

“I’d probably forget by then,” he confessed with a grin. “Honestly I’m surprised you’re still up.”

Nesta scoffed. “Why? It’s eleven. Surely I don’t seem that boring.”

She didn’t bother to mention that she was usually in bed at such an hour, but judging from the gleam in Cassian’s eyes, he already knew as much.

“Forgive my assumptions,” he said, and his tone was aggravatingly mocking. He held her scarf out once more and Nesta snatched it. “So what did you think?”

Nesta blinked. “About what?”

“Tonight,” he said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “My set.”

She hadn’t expected him to be so direct, which was ridiculous, considering who she was talking to. Crossing her arms, Nesta shrugged. She could snap and bite, but she would never intentionally downplay someone’s talent. And as much as she hated to admit it, he was talented. “It was pretty good.”

Cassian rocked back on his heels, eyes going wide. “Was that an actual compliment?”

Rolling her eyes, Nesta turned, ready to close the door in his face, but he caught it.

“Wait, wait,” he chuckled. “I’m sorry, I was just messing with you. Thank you. I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.”

She longed to go back inside, to reclaim her cozy spot by the fire, but there was something about his warm, hazel eyes that captivated her. She wanted to talk to him, wanted to stay here and verbally spar with him…and that scared the shit out of her. The whole point of this vacation was to get a break from men. This trip was about her.

But for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to go back inside. “Why don’t you play more of your own songs?”

He made a face, shaking his head. “Drunk people don’t want to hear my originals. They want to hear Wonderwall and Freefallin’.”

Nesta scrunched her nose. “Which are the opposites of all the songs us sober people want to hear.”

Cassian chuckled. “Pretty sure I saw you down a drink or two.”

“Yes, but I can hold my liquor,” Nesta crooned, eyes narrowing. It was so easy with him, this quick witted banter.

“I respect that,” Cassian said, and there was something in his eyes, something in his tone that made her toes curl and her stomach fill with anxious nausea.

Nesta cleared her throat. She was caught somewhere between wanting to invite him in and wanting to tell him to get the hell out of her sight. She did neither. Instead, she blurted, “I’m sorry.”

That little sensual grin on his lips faltered. “For what?”

“Threatening to beat you with a frying pan,” she said, quietly.

The laughter that tumbled out of the man before her was glorious. “It’s enlightening to find a woman who can protect herself. No apology necessary.” Nesta wasn’t sure what to say, so she didn’t say anything. Instead, a chill swept over her body and she shivered.

Cassian caught the motion. “Well, I won’t keep you any longer. It’s late. Goodnight, Nesta.”

Nesta nodded, her bottom lip sucked between her teeth. “Yeah, goodnight.” He had barely made it down the front porch steps before Nesta called out, “Hey, about those originals.”

Cassian stopped to look over his shoulder.

“Who cares what the audience wants to hear,” Nesta said, keeping her eyes on the falling snow instead of Cassian’s intense gaze. “You should play them anyways. I have no doubt they’ll continue to show up to watch you play whether you’re playing the world’s most overplayed songs or not.”

His eyes softened and he smiled. “And what do I have to play to convince you to come back?”

She was sure there was a similar smile on her own face. “You’ll have to figure that out on your own.”

Before he could say anything else, she closed the door and made her way to bed, proofreading and edits long forgotten.

<.><.><.><.><.><.>

Bored.

Aelin was so very bored. She’d looked through Nesta’s bookshelves, finding quite a few books from her favorite author, but she’d read them all before. There were only so many times she could refresh Facebook before she felt like she was going crazy and Nesta’s movie collection was embarrassingly slim.

So Aelin was bored.

The sun was starting to set and not only was Aelin bored, she was hungry.

She could go for another burger, maybe a plate of onion rings, and there was a certain someone she wouldn’t mind splitting that plate of onion rings with.

But when she scrolled through her text messages, looking for the contact she’d saved as Delivery Boy, she couldn’t find it.

She couldn’t find any of her recent text messages she realized. It was like her phone had reverted back to a previous backup.

With a sigh, she tossed her phone aside. He had told her to let him know if she wanted company, and now she couldn’t even do that. Nesta’s note with his number on it had gone out in the trash the day before, and she wasn’t desperate enough to go dumpster diving.

She didn’t mind a little hunt, though.

This town was tiny and someone who was out and about had to know where he was. Maybe she would still find him at the tree lot or maybe he was already sitting alone at the diner. There were only so many places to go in the little town and with the heaps of snow falling from the sky, she couldn’t imagine that he would leave the town limits.

After hopping in Nesta’s car, Aelin drove at an alarmingly slow rate to the town’s heart, but when she pulled up in front of the tree lot, it was closed.

It wasn’t even 6:30, but Aelin had a feeling that things didn’t stay open as late here as they did in the city.

Her next stop was the diner, and although it was busy and full of life, there was no Rowan. Aelin sat down at the counter and ordered a grilled cheese and a cup of soup with another delicious chocolate milkshake.

The same server from before was waiting on her and when she stopped to drop off a few extra napkins, Aelin asked, “Do you know how I can get in touch with Rowan?”

The woman lifted a brow, her eyes bright. “May I ask why?”

Aelin felt her cheeks burn. “I had his number but lost it. I was…hoping to get more firewood delivered. You know, so I don’t freeze to death.”

Her server chuckled. “Unfortunately, I don’t have his number. But I do know where he lives.”

Aelin blinked, eyebrows raising. “O…kay?”

The woman, more than a few years her senior, read the expression on her face and howled with laughter. “Oh, honey, nothing like that. He’s far too pretty for my taste. This is a small town, remember? He lives a few minutes up the mountain from my cousin.”

Aelin nodded, chuckling to herself, though she didn’t disagree that Rowan was pretty. “Great, could you tell me his address?”

“Don’t have that either,” she said, heading for the counter where a customer was waiting to pay. “Just look for the house with green shutters about halfway up the mountain.”

Before Aelin could thank the woman, she was greeting the father and his son and asking how their meal was. Finishing up her own meal, she glanced at the check and left cash on the table, with plenty left over for a tip. With a wave to the helpful server, she was out into the snowy Orynth night.

It wasn’t until she had passed Nesta’s cottage and continued up the mountain that she realized the unexpected flaw in her grand plan of hunting down Rowan. What if he wasn’t home? What if he was busy? Or out on a date? He hadn’t been very forthcoming when they’d talked about relationships. She hoped she wasn’t reading into things too far, but at this point, she was approaching stalker territory as she tracked him down, so she decided to see it through to the end.

However it ended.

Her nerves increased as she drove a mile, then one more, before spotting a white, two story house with green shutters. She wasn’t sure how popular green shutters were, but it wouldn’t hurt to ring the doorbell.

Aelin cut the engine and trekked through the snow. She peeked into the garage off to the side and saw Rowan’s truck. Good, she had the right place and it looked like he was home.

With a deep breath, she ascended the stairs and rang the doorbell. When no one came, she knocked.

This time, she caught a tall shadow through the glass window and before she could form a complete, rational thought, the door was opening.

It looked like Rowan had been in the middle of laughing but when he spotted her, his smile faded into surprise. “Oh, Aelin. Hi.”

She wasn’t sure how he would respond to seeing her, but her heart sank. Feeling foolish, she said, “Hey. I’m…sorry to bother you. I just…I lost your number and the server at the diner told me—“

Rowan stepped out onto the porch and cracked the door behind him. “No, no, it’s fine. Is everything okay?”

Aelin nodded, trying her best to come up with a random excuse. “Firewood.”

Rowan arched a brow. “Firewood?”

“I need more firewood.”

“You already went through that entire pile? It was supposed to last until you left.”

“Yes, well, I like to be warm.”

The sound of glasses clinking came from inside and it was then that Aelin realized soft music was playing, too.

Foolish.

She was so damn foolish.

“Oh, gods, you have a date,” Aelin said, backing back down the stairs. “I am so sorry.”

“No—”

“Don’t worry about the wood,” she rambled. “I’ll manage.”

“Aelin—”

“Have a good night, Rowan.” With shaking knees and cheeks that felt like they were on fire, Aelin stepped off the bottom step and into the snow with a crunch.

She had just turned her back to him when she heard, “Dad?”

Aelin froze before slowly turning back around. Behind Rowan in the now open doorway was his spitting image in leggings and a high ponytail. She couldn’t have been older than seven, and Aelin suddenly felt even more foolish as the child’s green, curious eyes studied her.

Rowan had hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck as he looked at Aelin with a breathy laugh. “You, uh…caught us during our tea party.”

Aelin was stunned. Shocked. Honestly, she’d expected literally anything but this.

Rowan turned back towards the door. “Sutton, why don’t you grab us a couple more snacks from the kitchen and I’ll be right back in, yeah?”

She nodded, her eyes still on Aelin, but did as she was told. The door clicked shut and Aelin could have sworn it was the loudest noise in the world.

Rowan’s hands were shoved in his pockets and he cleared his throat. “So…”

“You have a daughter,” she said, slowly.

“I do,” he said, his voice suddenly guarded.

She took a step back towards the house and then ascended the steps again. “You never mentioned you had a daughter.” She paused as she reached the top, pausing in front of him. “You also never mentioned you had a wife.”

“I don’t,” he replied, and she immediately picked up on the note of grief she could hear in his voice. “I’m a widower. She died when Sutton was two. Car accident.”

“I’m so sorry, Rowan,” Aelin breathed, wanting to reach out and take his hand. She didn’t though, she just stood there looking up at him.

This night had taken a turn she wasn’t expecting. Not that she had a crazy amount of expectations, she really was looking for someone to spend some time with. The cottage down the mountain was cozy as could be, but she’d realized how lonely she’d been feeling.

The shrug he gave her was irreverent. “Like I said, it’s been a while.”

“I’m sorry for intruding on your night, I just thought— nevermind, it doesn’t matter.” Aelin turned, hurrying down the porch stairs again. “Goodnight, Rowan.”

“You’re leaving?”

Once again, she froze. His voice sent chills down her body as she turned to meet his gaze and that humor that had returned to his eyes. Aelin blinked.

“At least tell me why you really came before you go,” he said, and his tone had gone quieter.

Aelin hesitated.

“Because we both know you have plenty of firewood,” he went on. Gods, he was taunting her. With a chuckle, he opened his mouth to say something else, to surely pick on her some more, but the front door slowly inched open again. Sutton gave Aelin a shy look before motioning for Rowan to bend down. He did, and she whispered something into his ear.

They both looked at Aelin, who rocked back on her heels, and Rowan whispered something into his daughter’s ear.

It was clear they were talking about Aelin, and she didn’t like it one bit. But, after a minute had passed of them going back and forth, Rowan rose to full height and Sutton asked, “We’re just about to make dinner. Do you like pizza? We’re making our own and you can make one too, if you want.”

Aelin started. Once again, she wasn’t sure what she had been expecting, but that wasn’t it.

Aelin looked to Rowan who was watching her with a small smile. He mouthed, Sorry. You can say no.

But Aelin took a step forward and ascended the stairs, once again. “I love homemade pizza.”

Rowan opened the door wider and beckoned her forward. “But first we have to finish our tea party.”

Sutton was hilarious. She may have looked like her father, with her green eyes and silver hair, but her bright laughter, the way her eyes crinkled when she smiled, Aelin could see hints of someone else.

She found herself wondering about Rowan’s late wife as he and Sutton closed out their tea party and then they all three made their way into the kitchen. Even as Sutton bombarded her with questions about who she was and why she was here and Does the sky really sparkle in Velaris, Aelin kept thinking about Rowan’s nameless wife.

“I think that’s enough cheese,” Rowan said, raising an eyebrow as Sutton added a fourth handful to her pizza.

“You’re making yours and I’m making mine.” Her sweet voice was full of sass and Aelin already adored the little girl after spending only about an hour with her. “And mine is a cheeeeese pizza.”

Aelin met Rowan’s gaze just as he sighed, but she could tell his heart wasn’t in it. The smile on his lips gave him away. “Why don’t we compromise and put half of the cheese back and add something green?”

Scrunching her nose, Sutton shook her head. “Gross. Just cheese.”

“Miss Aelin has peppers and olives on her pizza,” he said, gesturing to where Aelin was assembling her own dinner. “If Miss Aelin is eating it, I bet it’s really good.”

With a wary expression, Sutton looked over at Aelin’s pizza. “Are the peppers hot?”

“Nope,” Aelin replied, popping a slice of raw bell pepper into her mouth. “They’re actually kind of sweet. Want to try?”

The little girl pursed her lips before stretching out her hand. Aelin placed a small piece into her hand and she examined it. Looking between her father and Aelin, she asked, “You promise it isn’t spicy?”

Aelin squatted down so she was on the same level where she sat at the kitchen table. “I pinky promise.”

She held out her fist to Sutton, pinky extended, and held her breath. After a moment, Sutton reached out and wrapped her pinky around Aelin’s, then she popped the pepper into her mouth.

After chewing for a minute, she made a face. “It’s not spicy but I don’t want it on my pizza.”

“You gave it a shot and that’s all that matters,” Aelin smiled, holding out her hand for a high five. “Good job.”

Sutton smacked her hand in a high five and then looked at her father. “Can I go play with my dragons, daddy?”

He ran his fingers through the length of her long ponytail. “Of course, sweetheart, I’ll let you know when dinner is ready.”

She bounded away and Aelin couldn’t help her chuckle. “She’s feisty, but adorable.”

He groaned, rubbing his hands up and down his face as he leaned back against the kitchen counter. “You’re telling me. The teenage years are going to be horrible.”

Aelin groaned, too. “Being a teenage girl…” She shook her head. “You couldn’t pay me enough to relive that.”

Rowan took a deep breath. “May the gods help me.”

Aelin laughed and watched as Rowan put all three perfectly made pizzas into the oven. She continued to watch as he closed the oven and slowly turned back to face her. He leaned back against the counter and said, softly, “I’m glad you stayed. We don’t get a lot of new people around here and Sutton has never been so intrigued with a stranger. I’m sorry if you thought the offer was weird.”

“I didn’t think it was weird,” Aelin said, stepping toward him. “And I’m glad I stayed too.”

Rowan’s eyes flickered down the hall before remeeting Aelin’s gaze. “Are you ever gonna tell me why you randomly showed up on my porch?”

“I—”

“If you lie about firewood one more time…”

Aelin huffed a laugh. “I think you already know the answer.”

“Maybe,” he confessed, “but I wouldn’t mind hearing you say it.”

Aelin sighed then shrugged. Her heart was racing and a nausea that she didn’t seem to hate was filling her stomach. “I guess I wanted to see you.”

His smile was something to behold as he said, “I wanted to see you, too.”

“You did?” Her voice was high and breathy, but as he pushed off the counter and approached her, she couldn’t find it in herself to care.

“I was actually planning to call you tomorrow,” he said, pausing in front of her.

She squeaked. “You were?” Apparently, she was unable to speak more than two words at a time.

“I was.” He looked down the hall again, listening for approaching footsteps. “Sutton is staying the night with her grandma tomorrow night. I know you’re having dinner with me tonight, but I thought it might be nice to go to dinner tomorrow night.”

“Like a date?” Aelin asked, breathless.

He nodded, his eyes never leaving hers. “Yeah, like a date.”

Aelin swallowed. “You do realize that I’m only here for another week, right?”

“I do,” he said, quietly, his head cocked to the side. “And I’d still like to take you out, even if it’s just this once.”

There was something spontaneously romantic about the idea of a one time date, of a night where two people could go all out because they may never see one another again. And this man before her, this gorgeous man who was weakening her knees, could without a doubt give her one hell of a night.

“Pick me up at seven?” She asked, and she had the urge to step close to him, to take his hand, to brush her fingertips along his cheek, but she wouldn’t, not tonight when his daughter was just down the hall.

“Seven,” he breathed and nodded, just as the oven timer went off.

#nessian #rowaelin #the holiday #fanfic #fanfiction #collab #tog #acotar #acomaf #acowar #acosf #acofas #throne of glass #throne of glass fanfiction #a court of thorns and roses fanfiction #sjm fanfiction #sjm fanfic #christmas fanfic #fluff

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