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#freelance artist

#2 for my MHA shipped valentines stuff! Aizawa is my baby, I can’t help it.

Who do you ship with Eraser?? Please let me know your friend or relation ships in the comments!

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guess what came todAAAYYYYYYYAHHHHH

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dude i think i’m addicted now. i want all my art to be on stickers. straight up don’t even want to part with the monster boys

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Please go to my commissions post and consider ordering a piece of art or writing. I’m going through a really tough time right now and need money for things as basic as ordering the forms I need so I can apply for disabled housing.

Please help me out, even if it’s just contributing a donation on ko-fi.

Oh, and signal boosts/reblogs help out a lot too!

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Originally posted by butteryplanet

Right now it’s been off and on with trying to figure out what I’m doing creative-wise. So, I had been having folded cards printed with my artwork printed by Walgreens, now, I have had done this before with another illustration I made over the Christmas holidays, but with this new print, they haven’t been “coming out the same” and the thing I also went to a different Walgreens the first time, so I don’t know if there are people that “do the printing” differently. But anyway, so I am a little discouraged because the quality wasn’t as good as it was with my Christmas cards, and yada yada yada, so I don’t want to keep beating a dead horse because no matter what I do the prints don’t come out “good”. 

So, now I’m debating whether or not to try an online print source of some kind, but what is also happening is I am going through questioning myself on whether or not I “really” should be focusing on visual art, because I know, and my brain knows that I am a writer that really needs to focus on her creative writing.  Because it’s true, and my entire life I feel like I have always “wanted” to do visual artwork, and despite having my double major in writing and illustration I have never felt adequate enough to be like a lot of my other friends who are constantly putting out and selling creative projects… I am a writer, first and foremost, and that is that…  Essentially I am questioning on whether or not I kind of wasted my degree and should have focused on writing completely. (But I did want to learn how to draw, and so there’s that) 

I just… Want to be my own boss creatively, and I have felt that focusing on Etsy would have gotten me that. 

I have so many different projects that I want to do, and only two hands to do them, so I am really just… Trying to figure out this shadow-work essentially… 

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Sometimes, and most of the times, I feel like this

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Specially and mostly in these days that I’ve been redesigning some of my characters, sceneries and spaceships/vehicles, and of most of them there’s no redessing! I’m starting from zero to work on them, because when I came to this bigger city to study collegue, I couldn’t carry with me all my artwork, so I left a few folders of them on my paren’ts house, and my dad threw all my drawings to the trasbin! O_O

And when I came back from my first vacations from collegue, he said that he did it cos the new woman he was trying to flirt with said they were occuppying a lot of place he thought they were useless, and on top of that, he got mad at me and he said I was overreacting when I got upset because of that. I still remember what he said because I have it on my memory,  engraved with fire.   “itsn’t big deal, you’re being childlish, they were all very old drawings. You can make new ones!”

And yes they were old drawings, but that was the point!! They weren’t useless, they were old cos they were all the old desings I had of my sci.fi saga’s planet sceneries, characters, vehicles, spaceships, spaceguns, characters outfits, and that **** I had been working on for more than two decades, and which I regret so much right now not to have carried it with me the first time I left to study collegue.  I think I still have a bit of ressent with him for that, but moslty, because she preferred doing what a woman he hardly knew said, instead of thinking of me and the drawings he knew I cherished and were important to me. And he never recognized he did wrong nor apologized with me for that, or for beating me up.

And all this is sadder when I think about how when I was a teen and my siblings were kids, they helped me with giving me their opinions about what I was doing, about how they perceived the characters and the stories, and they encouraged me and inspired me to finish them….but they are no longer interested on animated cartoons or sci-fi stories since pretty good time. And right now I don’t trust anyone for talking about my ideas with, other than the few friends I have.

Sometimes, I wish I could ask for help to them, the animator, illustrator and writter friends I have…And believe me, God knows I have thought about it a lot…

…But I know I can’t pay them. And as an artist I think I would feel bad and embarassed to make my fellow artists friends work for free, because I know they have to buy groceries, to pay rent, internet, electricity bills, and all that stuff, just like I do. And I’d do that, I would be doing exactly like what I’ve always said I don’t like other people to do to me or others artists. To make them work for free like if art field wasn’t a real job.

I love, admire and respect them deeply, I’d feel ashamed doing that.

I think maybe…the only way I wouldn’t feel embarassed about friends helping me out, is if they volunteered on their own initiative and told me they could have no problem helping me with my story on their free time, and that I knew they have job that could give them the money to earn a life.

But well..Nobody has said “I volunteer”.. and in general working on a team is a delicate and complex bussines I think I have no mental strenght to manage in these moments.

So I think I’m ok with being an one man band…

I mean, I have done it since 10 years and a bit more, when my siblings stopped liking the stories and characters I created. I think I can do it other 10 years, if my disease doesn’t prevent me from continuing arting, of course.

I’m aware I’m not George Lucas nor Jim Henson’s Creature shop crew, but I think it’s not bad what I worked on most part of my life. And actually, it’s already amazing I could come up with all the concept arts and character designs, story/script I did all by myself, if you stop and think all that is usually made by a team work on an animation studio.

All all that is still here on my brain…so I don’t need the old drawings?

…well I hope so at least! XD

Please forgive me for this rambling, but I had to say it to have a bit of peace in my heart.

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Commission info!!

More detailed info and order form can be found here: Linktr.ee/the_lady_auri 

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I just…sorry I had to write this. I can’t sleep thinking about how, I still can’t get over the fact all my animation project went to the drain…

This time I was sure I was all the tools to do it! I had the time (due quarantine) the software (even if it was flash that is the worst software to work with, but I had it XD) the inspiration…How I should have guessed that my laptop was going to crash and die??!!! How?

And I think what hurts me the most, is that the few people I’ve talked about this with don’t understand why it was important…

They..
They just say “it’s not important, it’s a character nobody knows and nobody cares about, you can make this animation you were planning later when you can get your computer fixed or have the money to buy another”

Yes I could..
But the problem is I’m no longer 15 or 17 years old!

When will I be able to bring my characters to life? In teen years when I will be 40???!!
I have a cronic back disease that is intractable and progressive, and vision problems. When I’ll be 40, I will probably not have the same quality of vision nor the same physical resistance. I will not be able to spend hours illustrating (in the case I decide to make comics to let people met my characters) or animating. RIGHT NOW I can’t spend as much time illustrating as I used to when I was 17!!!

If I was a healthy person on her 30’s, it would be ok, I wouldn’t worry about waiting 10 years more. But this is not my case.

I live in constant pain, every day, all hours a day, and pain killers don’t help me anymore since a long while ago. There’s only one time when I can forget back pain, and it’s when I’m going to sleep. But I don’t sleep well because my mind worries and wanders with the thoughts of personal art projects I’ve not yet done. My mind worries with the thought that in my case, time is running out for me since I turned 15 (when I realized I had that disease) my useful life is running out. There’s no other 10 years more for meto wait for.

I’ve tried all the doctos in my city, and nobody have been able to make me feel healthy again. And I have no money to go to a bigger city to see an specialist.
I’m a 30’s grown up woman and I have not yet made any of my goals/life projects or dreams in life. I have no loving husband to make love with, no octopus pet, I have no place to live that I can call my own, and I have no job since March 2020! And most important, I have not yet made people to meet Faikel and my other characters as I would have liked.

And this is scary! And when I think of all this…

I don’t like to think of that, cos when I think of that, I feel like I want to jump off every bridge or high building I see. I want to pick up all the pills I in the medicine cabinet of my house to finally stop suffering physically and in the heart.

An sometimes I wonder…why…
Why god gave me this disease?…
Why…Why doesn’t He give me a sign about how to fix it?…Or at least making it less painful so I can have more time to make comics and animating in the future?

I want more time!
I’m still not ready to stop my art…

Sorry, I know you don’t want to hear this…and that you have your own life problems too.
But I just felt like…I was feeling sad in the heart, and scared, and I needed to write this to get to feel a bit better.

And I do feel better! Even if the situation is the same after writting this, at least I feel a lot less sad that there are folks who care about me here. I think that’s a really cool thing I’m really happy about!  

And at least you’ve seen and known my characters, even if not much in form of comics/animation, but at least in form of illustrations. Which it’s also cool I guess.

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I made some portraits for my portfolio and also now I am opened for commissions, so if you want a portrait for a symbolic price (from 3€ to 7€), you can message me.

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my other works here

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My OC for a superhero rp sever. His name is Jason Hopkins. He’s Chinese X Canadian, who trained in martial arts since he’s just a child. Jason is a popular streamer, but he is easily bored. That’s why he turns his attention to the night life of Pinnacle City.

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Top: My Harry Potter OC Nicole
Bottom: @idrilestone‘s Harry Potter OC Anna

They’re both Hufflepuff first students. Nicole is a nice, shy, hardworking muggleborn who loves animals; Anna is a joyful prankster. We both played them on the same discord server for a bit.

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