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stcrgazings · 2 years

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Why won’t you love me | (c.l)

you can read part two here

note: sooo, why won’t you love me was the one you guys asked the most so i didn’t post it sooner because i was in the middle of finals but, here it is i really liked how it turned out, hope y’all enjoy! (The 1 series it’s next) let me know if you want to know more about it because I am suuuper excited.

pairing: charles leclerc x female reader

summary: after a very crappy week you and Charles reach breaking point, and you don’t know if you’ll be able to get back after this.

warning: angst, cursing, screaming, fighting, dick and douchebag charles, angst, small mention of panic attack.

word count: 2.3K

——

On the first day that Charles arrive from the Hungarian Grand Prix to your apartment for the start of summer break, you waited up, it was Monday at about 4am when the door opened showing you tired boyfriend entering the place, he said hi to you, gave you a small peck on the lips and then he entered his simulator room locking the door behind him without saying another word.

You felt your stomach sink at your boyfriends attitude towards you but you tried not to give it so much though knowing that he was probably upset about the result of the race and didn’t want to take out his anger on you.

So you went to sleep on an empty bed, like you were already used to.

On Tuesday you woke up and the place beside you was already empty, Charles already locked up in his simulator room, so you went out to have breakfast with your friends and then to the gym, and then back to your place, and on the way there you got Charles his favorite pasta on his favorite restaurant, it was kinda pricey but you didn’t mind, just wanting to make him feel better.

You took a shower when you arrived living the pasta for him to grab at the kitchen counter, but when you got out you found him eating a box of Chinese food, him saying he “didn’t really feel like pasta today”. You smiled at him and shrugged it off, clearly annoyed that you got him this 200$ euro pasta that he always liked, and he didn’t even said thank you, nor ate it, but you ignore it as he once again locked himself in his simulator without another word, when you went to sleep that day he was still up playing, so you fell asleep alone again, your boyfriend a few meters from you but feeling further away even more than when on race weekends.

On Wednesday you check that everything was ready for your trip to Italy, checking the romantic reservation you made a few weeks ago in a fancy hotel with a romantic set up to try and surprise Charles, but when he got to the apartment after his afternoon training session a confused look showed up on his face as he watch you pack your suitcase in the living room while drinking a glass of wine.

“What?” You asked with a perky smile as you folded one of your swimsuits, he smiled back at you. “I don’t know, which one to take, black or red” you asked holding the two bikinis over your head for him to see.

He smiled as he approached you. “Red, obviously”

So you nodded as you folded the swimsuit into the bag.

“Baby…” Charles whispered as he sat next to you, pushing the suitcase away, making you turn around to face him, your cheeks and nose redden because of the wine, now the confused look on your face as you crunched your nose.

“I canceled the trip to Italy, I just want to stay home for the summer break” you felt your heart shatter in your chest as the words hit you like a brick, he cancelled the trip, without consulting it with you, because he just didn’t feel like it, and you wanted to say a lot of things in that moment, but nothing came out as you simply nodded tears almost forming in your eyes. “It’s okay”

“Thank you baby, I knew you would understand” he thanked as he lifted himself of the ground before kissing your shoulder and make his way back to his simulator room.

And you accept it, because he was tired and just wanted to be home, even though you had planned your outfits for the trip and the romantic surprise for him for weeks.

So you downed the remaining of your glass of wine as you toss the new lingerie you got for him back to your room and out of the suitcase.

Thursday was no different you woke up and he was gone, and went to sleep with him still up, alone again.

By Friday you make your famous caramel brownies, Charles’ favorites, you only made them for special occasions like his birthday or Christmas with his mom, but you wanted to see if maybe with these Charles would give you a little bit of his attention, so you put your prettiest red lingerie with a robe on top and as he got out of the room he asked. “What it’s that’s smell? It’s great”

“I made brownies baby” you said taking one to your mouth as the robe partially opened showing the lingerie you had bought a few weeks ago meant for the Italy trip.

“Oh, I’ll try them later baby, I’ll go have some lunch with the boys, love you” he said as he grab the car keys of his Ferrari and closed the apartment door behind him, not even glancing at you.

So you basically shoved the brownie up your throat as you kick the lingerie off you and got yourselves in some sweats and Charles’ hoodie as you drank wine and fell asleep on the couch.

Saturday was the breaking point.

You got up and went out with one of your best friends Kelly Picket and her beautiful kid, Penelope, you actually had a great time, and when you got home you put your pajamas and throw yourself in the living room as you played yours and Charles favorite movie, Love Rosie.

Mid-movie Charles got out of his room, took some popcorn of your lap and then tried to walk to the kitchen for some water but you didn’t let him as you grabbed his arm and pulled him basically on top of you.

“Watch the movie with me” you asked of him, as your lips were centimeters away from each other, and he smile and for a moment you heart flusters as you thought that maybe he was going to say yes.

“I don’t really feel like it” was the only thing he said as he freed himself from your grasp and walked to the kitchen.

“Pleaaaase” you begged, pushed even but you just wanted some time with him, to hug him, to feel like he was actually there with you and not the shadow that only comes out of the room to eat.

“No, plus we’ve already seen that movie a thousand times”

“Then we’ll watch another movie, please Charles” you pouted and making him turn around annoyance now clearly on his face.

“I already said no, why you gotta be so needy annoying all the time, god” he spat as he closed the door of the refrigerator and walked back again to the simulator room.

But when those words left his mouth you felt everything that you had swallowed the entirety of the week he’d been at home explode like a bottle of champagne and the first thing you thought was;

oh my god, I am going to kill him.

“Excuse me?” You asked trying to understand if you just heard those words correctly as you stood up angrily from the couch throwing the pillow on top of you away as you walked to his simulator room, he stopped as he heard you, standing in the door of it.

“You heard me, why can’t you just understand that I need some alone time? I’m not in the mood right now”

“Why can’t I understand?” You asked almost in disbelief as he looked you dead in the eye and nodded, fucking nodded. “You’ve been a whole dick to me the entirety of the week you’ve been here and I’m not being understanding enough”

“What? When have I been a dick to you? Are you craz—“

“When have I not been understanding enough Charles?!” You asked in frustration as tears began forming of your eyes.

“When?! Maybe I haven’t been understanding enough with the fact that you haven’t looked at me, or touch me or kissed me or fucked me in the whole week you’ve been here? Oh no wait, you actually haven’t fucked me since you arrived from the French Grand Prix about two weeks ago when you took me on the counter to let go of your frustrations and then left to your simulators room which is something you now tend to do very often” you laughed sourly, as he looked at you like you’d gone nuts.

“What-? Why are you so fucking angry at me I didn’t really mea-“ Charles tried to approach you as he walked towards you, rolling his eyes as he tried to wrap his arm around your waist.

But the thing is, saying you were angry was the understatement of the century and Charles didn’t know that as a surprise expression and maybe even a little hurt showed up on his face as you push him away.

“Or maybe I wasn’t understanding enough when you cancelled our trip to Italy, something you knew I was excited for, just because you didn’t fucking feel like it”

“I didn’t wanted to go!” Now he was getting angry too as he raised his voice with that joke of an excuse.

“Just like you didn’t want the fucking 200€ pasta I got you on Tuesday? Because you didn’t feel like pasta? Or just like you didn’t wanted the fucking brownies that i made you when you didn’t even register me as you went to have lunch with your boys or to watch the stupid movie you love with me? Just because you don’t feel like it or just don’t fucking want to.”

“I never asked you to do any of those stupid things, don’t put that on me” he said and you nodded a cynical smile plastering on your face as you walked away from him.

“I’ve taken all the shit you’ve thrown at me these past week, and I am being needy and annoying?” You asked, clearly upset as angry tears streamed down your face.

“Yes, it’s like you can’t simply understand that I don’t want any of those things, I just want to be left alone”

“Why don’t you try and understand for a chance, because I try every fucking time to love you and it’s like you don’t let me”

“Why are you being like this? Just let it go”

You stared at him, feeling your heart shatter on your chest as a single tear slipped through your cheek, making a small part of Charles shrink as he watched the mess he made upon you.

“Baby…” you whispered, as you tried to approach him again, your hand going to his face as your fingers grasped his cheek. “I know you feel disappointed, and upset and hopeless and I know it sucks”

Charles took you’re hand out of his face, as he took a step back.

“Stop it I’m fine”

“Really?” You asked sarcastically, as he rolled his eyes once again.

“Yep, just leave me alone, you can’t be acting so annoying and immature just because i didn’t took you to the stupid trip to Italy”

“You what Charles?” He stared at you, clearly not wanting to hear you anymore, but you kept talking, exhausted from just take it all in and repressing your feelings. “I know you don’t like ultimatums, I don’t either but you either get fucking shit together or I’ll leave because it seems like you don’t even want me here anymore”

“Then leave” was all that he said, not a glimpse of feeling or regret or anything on his face. “Maybe you’re right and I don’t really need you anymore”

You nodded, trying to kept the tears to continue to run down your cheeks. “Maybe you don’t even love me anymore and we don’t even know what we’re doing here”

“Maybe” was all that he said, wanting for you to do something, but you were never one to beg for someone to love you, or something and even though you loved Charles with every beat of your heart you were tired so you just walked away even when you didn’t really wanted to but If you leaving was something that Charles really wanted you weren’t going to change his mind.

“So that’s exactly what I’ll do, I’ll leave so you can’t continue to self pity yourself and push everyone away” you sobbed as you grabbed the keys to your car but before you left but turned around one last time, as he watched you leave not even looking sorry or hurt. “The only thing I can’t really understand it’s why don’t you love me, but I guess that’s on you and not really me” you spat as you slammed the apartment door behind you.

By the time you got to the elevator you completely broke down, tears streaming down your face as you sobbed uncontrollably, and pressed on your chest as you felt like your heart was about to come out of your chest and the air on your lungs was missing, you just wanted to get out of there, far away from Charles and the apartment you had spent this last week so miserably.

You closed your eyes shut as you pressed your back against the wall of the elevator in a failed attempt to steady your breathing knowing the feeling that was coming all too well.

So you grabbed your phone and started dialing the number of your best friend and as his voice ringed in your ears, you felt a little relief as you spoke.

“Daniel? Ca-Can you come and pick me up” you sobbed in the phone.

“What? What happened?” The worry was clear on the Australian’s voice as the sound of clattering and keys was made in the other side of the line.

“Char— Charles and I had a fig— please” was the only sentence you could form as a door slammed on his side.

“I’m on my way” he said as he hung up, and you started sobbing again in the elevator floor.

The words still repeating in the back of your mind as you felt your entire word crash beneath you.

Why?

Why? Why? Why?

Why won’t you love me?