still thinking about the brainrot that fast fashion has caused in people, like i made this pair of pants that are black and white with a cool flowery design, and an acquaintance saw them and said "wow i'd pay like 20 dollars for you to make me a pair" and i could barely think with how utterly horrified i was at that; i told them that 20 dollars wouldn't even cover the materials, let alone the hours of work that went into cutting, sewing, ironing, hemming, altering, etc. they just had this look on their face when i told them that, when i said i wouldn't make them a pair for even 100 dollars because that was still way too low of an amount, a look that said "you're crazy for thinking that those cost 100 dollars" and maybe i am crazy but holy shit, 20 dollars for a pair of handmade, durable, lined pants fitted specifically to your measurements? 20 dollars for upwards of 60 hours of work? 20 dollars for several yards of high-quality fabric, thread, and buttons? 20 dollars???
Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".
Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"
And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".
Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.
At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.
So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!
Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!
Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!
Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.
Oh and that fucking crab day post sends shivers down my spine btw. I say this as someone who owns multiple pieces of tumblr merch — support them if you want, or don’t, I don’t care, but we are NOT turning a tech corporation into our poor little wet meow meow who deserves all our money uwu. We are NOT pressuring normal ass people into donating to resolve a company’s millions in debt as if it’s some important charitable cause.
tbh I don’t know how people have the heart not to boycott companies that support the Zionist occupation. I saw a guy walk into a SB and thought of my Palestinian friend who has family in the West Bank. I can still hear her voice telling me it’s terrifying that one day she could wake up to find them gone or that they could be gone and she wouldn’t even know about it for a while.
How can people stomach buying from these companies that are supporting the genocide of a people and contributing to their ethnic cleansing and eradication of their entire existence. How do you give them money and not care at all that by doing so you could be a reason another innocent person dies. A reason that a child’s future is snatched away.
How selfish do you have to be that you can’t give up something so trivial and unnecessary to stand in the way of a genocide?
Another day in neighborhood, another troublemaker in Howdy's bugdega
Explaining that he has a whole stack, stash and a box of things to do, "uncle Howdy" tells Lilly to go find someone else to play with, giving a couple of beloved by her tangerines, to sweeten the situation at least a bit.
Throwing out the peels Lilly finds something bizarre- more like someone??
They went to visit frogs later :]
That frog ribbited something too personal 😔😔
Tiger cubs tend to bite others while playing, so does Lilly! (Nobody can escape the lil ankle biter!! Muhaha!!)
Her clown nose honks if you press on it! :]
so silly!!!! Gahhhh!!!! He better watch out for the claws though-
Being silly whole day is a hard job to do so they're taking a nap😔😔
Goofy doodle of "the mandatory older sibling report in the end of the day" lmao (Sunny would think Robbie is just one of the countless itty bitty bugs Lilly befriends)