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Remus “cheers… To everything that’s good in the world, friends like the ones I’ve found and found me. Thank you” Lupin

Taken by a smiling Lily “stop it… It’s not Thanksgiving” Evans summer of 1977

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We may find distant or avoidant partners alluring because their avoidance is a challenge for our ego …

We might find it more exciting to be caught up in a push-pull dynamic with someone than to say yes to love that is readily available and healthy for us.

The excitement comes from eroticizing rejection - it feeds that part of us that still feels like have something to prove.

Prove we’re lovable or worthy. That we are so special that we can change someone’s mind or behaviour.

But that excitement you feel is also draining your energy and soul-sucking on so many levels.

When we abandon ourselves for someone who’s undeserving of our energy, our inner-child is is usually hurting deeply and feeling afraid to be alone.

It’s ok to walk away when your heart isn’t being cherished, honored or supported.

We’re all going to have days where we show up as the worst version of ourselves.

But at the end of the day, we all deserve to be with someone who we know is in our corner.

Someone who loves us on the hard days and treats the relationship as sacred.

Any time we waste chasing someone to give us love, there’s an unmet internal need for love and nurturance toward our inner-child.

You don’t need someone else to reflect back your wounds without being willing to heal with you.

You don’t need someone to trigger all of your insecurities by treating you like an after-thought or avoiding intimacy.

It might feel unnatural to let go of this type of connection because you’re breaking a very old pattern … you might even find it “boring” to move towards love that doesn’t trigger you.

Don’t worry, this doesn’t make you “crazy”, it means you really want to heal.

And to heal, you have to practice letting healthy love in.

Healing occurs as you sever your addictions to shadow relationships and move toward people who hold you in your highest light.

Healing comes from doing Self-acceptance work and making the relationship with YOU and your inner-child the number one relationship in your life.

And healing occurs from understanding yourself and your true nature in relationship.

- From ‘Rising Woman’

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My feelings about my closest MN friends have been complicated for a while. At first the memories of times with them were nothing but precious to me, but as I learned more about abuse and bullying and realized the truth about what they did to me as a teen (bullied me for being “annoying” with my special interests, talking over me and ignoring me, etc.), I started wishing I’d confronted them, called them out, and/or cut them out of my life. I still wish that, but I also still hold on to the memories and memorabilia (pictures, drawings, even audio and video recordings) and keep it safe. In fact, in 2017 or so I bought and decorated a large storage bin just to hold all my nostalgic MN stuff.

Now I feel the same way about the ex-friend who bullied me a few weeks ago. Thankfully, since I’m not that doormat girl anymore, I cut her off immediately and even if she ever tries to contact me again to apologize (HA), my decision is permanent. I don’t give bullies second chances anymore and I don’t try to hold onto relationships. But I still have memorabilia from times with her too, mixed in with my other MN stuff. Some of it is stuff I can and probably will donate, such as a pair of Mickey & Minnie plushies, a poster, and a t-shirt from an event we went to, but other things are homemade (drawings by her daughter, etc.) that the only way I could dispose of would be to throw them away. But I’m not sure I even want to do that because the times we had were still good and I’m still a sentimental fool. Also, her kids did nothing wrong. Idk… I might just put those things in a box, seal it up and hide it away.

When I cleaned out my closet last October I found a lot of stuff to donate, and a select few things I wanted to try to sell, including gifts from the youth leader who told me no one could listen to me. I wanted to sell those to make some “spite money” and use it on something of my choice instead, and at first I wanted to do the same with the plushies and poster from my ex-friend. But now I think I’ll just donate it all instead, because even if I managed to get money out of those items, it would technically still be from those ex-friends and so would whatever I bought with it. I’d rather earn and spend my own money so no painful memories get attached to my things.

I almost want to donate or throw away everything from my MN relationships, but I could never bring myself to do that. It would be like throwing away my entire adolescence. Frankly, I hate that my formative years were spent in that place with those people.

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Piggyback - Phe and Arty

A soft squeal left her, when the Celestial registered, her drunk friend jumping on her back. A piggy back ride. Just like something for Phe to do, on a night like this.

It was after about 10 minutes, Artemis was starting to regret the idea of giving Phe a piggyback ride back home. The two girls had been out dancing/drinking at a local club. The Wayfinder was more tired and hammered, than Artemis was. When Ophelia kept complaining about her feet hurting, she had proceeded to jump on her back. “Let’s go for drinks I said…it’ll be fun, I said. Boy, did I not see this end result, coming.” Artemis muttered to herself. Gripping onto Phe’s legs a bit more, to hold her up right.

Artemis was trying to keep up right. But Phe’s slummed body over her, was weighing her down. “Don’t you dare fall asleep Phe.” she lightly slapped at her arm, to keep her alert. If she would get Phe home, without crawling the rest of the way, with Ophelia on her back. The Wayfinder would surely owe her. Artemis lost count of how many blocks they still had to go. “Yep…I should have called for Adriel….fudge…my phone.” The Celestial realised she forgot her phone back at the night club. But was she really about to turn around with a sleepy, drunk Phe on her back, in attempt to get phone back, or carry on walking home? With a groan, Artemis carried on home. She’d have to get her phone back later. “The things you do, for a drunk friend.” Artemis shook her head in amusement.

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