#from today its my turn

[dailynakaharachuuya]

Skk kisses please

"Chu!"

#ask #request #sara mjrb #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #bungo stray dogs #skk #soukoku #(I have found a way to do requests) #(its a bit different from how I normally do things but I hope it's okay) #(edit: I don't know why it turned out so grey!! my eyes aren't working today)

[creaturefeaster]

old & forgotten

#stumbled on this old drawing i did looking through canvases today #im pretty sure its a study but idk when from #looks like it might be from my trip through montana and wyoming #really not sure but i forgot about it clearly and never finished it #idk what my original intent was for this pic though so i left it simple & cleaned it up a lil #i can tell my past self had a lot of fun with that very tiny truck. #this blog is turning into a second art blog at this point #i think it's just more comfortable to share here with a smaller following

[dailykeiji]

today's keiji is: keiji n sara if they were designed by me...... 2!! the sequel

#i actually drew the lines for this one months before the 'original' drawing but i. didn't like the way it looked for some reason........ #but i remembered its existence today and thought it actually looked Alright so i colored it :) more of a prequel than a sequel #i like sara's bow. why'd i scrap that in the other drawing #your turn to die #yttd #keiji shinogi #sara chidouin #man the me from a few months ago REALLY wanted keiji to show more cleavage huh. well not like that's really changed #my art #daily keiji

[sillynarcissist]

I wish I could kill people who were boring or slightly irritating to me

#npd posting #actually cluster b #npd safe #post dinner talks with my mother always piss me off so bad #at first its interesting then she's like And here's why you're wrong and I'm right #and its my mom not like I can disagree #then she rambles on and on and on and on it gets so boring so fast #today I learned just how fast she'll turn on me if I ever show signs of mental illness that aren't just being sad #oh and she has to top it off with My Life Is Harder Than Yours #narcissistic ass rambling from me over here but whatever I deserve a little pause on self awareness sometimes

[totallyseiso]

Every time one of my posts breaches containment I start to get a better understanding of why so many people remake when they get too many followers

#this isnt about any posts today. but like. its tiring as fuck having a blog i run for my own enjoyment but then getting bombarded with #comments and shit from people with piss poor reading comprehension. i cant tell if a mutual ever tags me in anything because im getting lik #500+ notes minimum per day. its tiring. i miss when this blog felt like my own space #if youve noticed me turning off reblogs on posts now. this is why

[anomalouscorvid]

i lied this is my day-after-christmas present to you all. the balmy con

....i should actually get one of my sskies captains over to eleutheria sometime

#slight inspiration from moonstruck stormy's design. but also in the end the influence turned out to be *very* slight #sunless skies #failbetter games #actually im putting this in the fl tag too because it involves my thoughts for curator clothes #fallen london #art #digital art #drawing #digital drawing #anyway i've always imagined barleycorn as some form of black + red/brown. but i only today realised i could make its eyes so.. halved-like #the fact that what it's wearing turned out apron-like is honestly mostly a coincidence #only so many ways to design curator clothes without unwanted excess clipping of wing membranes...... #or just wrapping them in a blanket

[badolmen]

On the topic of ‘bad mascot horror video games for kids’ the exception to the rule (or rather, something that understood the assignment) would be My Friendly Neighborhood.

I don’t want to spoil anything if you haven’t booted up the game before, but just…don’t be fooled by jumpscare compilations or the character design. From the opening cutscene this game grabs you by the fucking throat. The mechanics have thought put into them, the voice acting is top notch, and christ the fucking story - a complete story, one that has an end that isn’t promised in future ‘chapters’ or left ambiguous.

Yes, it has jumpscares from goofy muppet monsters, but they’re not cheap tricks. Once you learn how the game works they’re easy to avoid or at the very least anticipate - not to mention they’re survivable with the healing mechanic. And just when you think the scares are done, when you’re well into the game and have all the tools you need to navigate around potential jumpscares, the final act dunks you into the deep-end with the actual horror and nightmare fuel puppets.

I’m not sure how much the game as a whole qualifies as ‘horror,’ but it’s certainly being lumped in with the Whatever-Mascot Horror Game of the Week genre. Which is a shame because My Friendly Neighborhood is leagues ahead of those other games. It has more in common with survival horror than it does with mascot horror in terms of gameplay and tropes. It’s literally just the ‘monster’ designs leading people to assume its another Poppy Playtime clone complete with half baked story and repetitive, unimaginative gameplay loops. And that’s so far from the truth -

My Friendly Neighborhood is like if Sesame Street and Resident Evil had a beautiful muppet baby that opened its eyes to have an existential crisis when confronted with the horrors and apathy of modern capitalism.

#ra speaks #personal #video games #mascot horror #survival horror #my friendly neighborhood #I’m not trying to be harsh on the mascot horror genre but let’s be real. a lot of those games aren’t made from genuine joy for the genre. #which is a shame because as MFN shows you CAN make a kid friendly horror game that CARES deeply about the message and story it has to tell. #a lot of ‘click bait’ video games these days aren’t…games. they’re walking simulators. at best a compilation of fetch quests w flavor text. #video games are an ART medium. what emotions are you trying to evoke. what are you trying to communicate beyond language. #its art that cannot exist without participation of the viewer and that participation needs to be considered as an active force. #the player is not passively turning the page they are writing the story the rules the world with you. but if there’s no genuine love for it #from the creator…what is there? what’s left when the player is a vehicle for YouTube jumpscare clickbait and not an integral piece of art? #I’m rambly today. sorry.

[fruityghast]

I love it when the hermits are ants

#^ referring to top down timelapses #esp when its multiple of them terraforming #like the perimeter cover #anyways impulse's new video made me turn to my partner and go omg ant video from impulse today #bc it opened with a timelapse 💀 #idk what to tag this with what. tags do ppl use for shit like this #or should i keep it to myself hdkdhdm?? #my.txt #mcyt #hc #hcs10 #hermitcraft #hermitcraft s10

[paradoxolotl]

I am very sad and could use some happy if anyone has a drop to spare

#I know I’m not like ‘around’ anymore #but if you had a moment for me I would very much appreciate it #I’m in the stage of creation where I can see my skill level is lacking from where I want it to be #and the words in my brain are not translating properly onto the page #unfortunately this year has done its best to turn me into dust #and then beat me down some more #so I have not been able to tear at it until it snaps and flows again #which has been cool #losing my form of escapism and all #anyways #it doesn’t matter #tell me a joke #pet pics #a silly story #your favourite thing you saw today #the world is beautiful and wide and more than any of us #I’ve just been caught in grey wash

[moveslikekeithrichards]

its so hard to talk about how traumatic it is to watch somebody be claimed by dementia without going "well i cant complain because at least i wasnt the one losing my mind (for now)" but that shit fucks you up so much. that ghost is going to haunt me for the rest of my life and all i can do is hope it Stays a ghost

#tiddytaco #b #thinking about it rn bc today while i was driving my mom home from pt #she saw someone she knew from years ago driving & was like FOLLOW THAT CAR & we met them in a parking lot #& the conversation turned to 'hey what the hell happened to your parents' pretty quickly bc our families hadnt been in touch #& it was a long conversation in the hobby lobby parking lot #& idk if itll ever Stop being fresh in my mind but now its Extra fresh in my mind #that whole time period was just so insane & awful #bc it was like Ok we're caring for both grandparents #& then my grandpa died #& all our pets at the time were very old #& when he died it occurred to me that we could easily lose both grandparents and all 3 pets within the year #it turned out to be like a long drawn-out year & a half from the first to the last #& looking back it seems impossible that is was that short a time period bc it felt like an eternity #we got off easy with grandpa bc he died before it got too bad but with grandma it just kept getting Worse #& the climax of the caring experience was traveling to take her to my uncle bc he wanted to take his shift caring for her #& that was so . So bad. SO bad #like it literally could not have gone more smoothly and it was SO bad #just thinking about it i feel like im there again i get so stressed out

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

why do spiders exist and how can i get rid of them. permanently. with no damage to the ecosystem just cut and delete

#currently posting from the tenuous safety of my bathtub as it was by the door #and now its probably in my clean change of clothes #can i shower in peace??? hm??? can i? Can I? #big ass fucking harvestman. vanished in a blink #i turned away for One Second #fuck fuck fuck it was On the light switch #why is my life? #its always fuckin somethin smh.... #if someone could just snipe me real quick thatd be great. dont wanna deal with this #i gotta start keeping my killing stick in the bathroom stg theres always a spider in here #absolutely unprompted #im gonna look down and its gonna by crawling up my towel #that is a valid fear its happened Before #and also yes i know harvestmen arent spiders. but they look like it so they count in my fear #NOW THERES A FUCKING SILVERFISH???? WHAT IS THIS? MINECRAFT????? #i am soooooo going to bed early tonight. hard reset. im done w today #gonna use my extra towel to whip the shit outta my surroundings #'take a shower' they said. 'youll feel better' they said #its always. fucking. Something.

[septembersghost]

my queue was supposed to run out tonight (11/19) - i'm nothing if not someone who clings to dates and anniversaries, and exactly a month ago, i realized i had enough posts stowed in it to last until today. of all the days. kismet. you know when it's time to go. but i ended up adding some posts from my (still copious) drafts, and no matter how i finagled it, it was impossible to make them all fit by the time today ended. so it gets a little bit of extra time. maybe, in honor of this blog's existence, that's fitting.

you all know this, i've said it, typically in gratitude, many times already. this blog was never meant to last. i came back in november 2020 expecting a couple of months, maybe to be here until the new year. i told very few people, anticipating the goodbye, not wanting to cause anyone undue anguish when i had to vanish again. something i didn't expect was the sheer (admittedly devasting) emotion that would tie itself to those two weeks when i started interacting again, nor that it would have any outreach or impact, but somehow it did. then time kept spinning on, extending itself, gossamer threads unfurling each day. my following kept growing, far beyond what i could have anticipated, greater than i'd ever established on any of my previous blogs. moving around is unfortunately a pattern at this point, every time for reasons that felt quietly catastrophic. not being able to pay bills for a while. angel's death and the ensuing difficult circumstances. so here, i kept anxiously imagining why i'd eventually have to leave, how to plan for it. poverty issues. the homelessness we were facing through the entirety of a couple of years until last august (and my dad having to be the saving grace). worsening health issues. i never knew, i couldn't predict it, i just worried about it. often tried to brace for it. maybe i got too comfortable this year, because this was when i started to think it wouldn't happen, that i really could stay. little did i know. and the reasons...are not reasons i ever fathomed, why would i have? how could i have? i wish it weren't so. (i wish a lot of things.)

i thought sometimes about the words i would leave you with, none of which are suitable now. i almost wrote nothing, yet found that feeling wrong, couldn't leave without something about parting.

thus it turns out i'm leaving before it's strictly necessary, before it's the fear of personal catastrophe coming to fruition, not knowing what i'll do or where i'll metaphorically go, as that is the downside of chronic illness and isolation narrowing this to my sole outlet. (lyrics keep running through my mind, there are always lyrics stuck in my head. no matter where i go, there'll be memories that tug at my sleeve, but there will also be more to question, yet more to believe...teach me to be more adaptive...help me say goodbye). my body is in such a fragile state right now (my mind not far behind) that maybe what i need to do is rest. just rest for a while.

this blog was never meant to grow the way it did, to take asks and have conversations like i did, that was a somewhat new (sometimes scary! often fun) experience for me. it's one that will never be replicated. to my loyal and lovely anons, i'm so sorry that i had to cut you off unexpectedly and couldn't reinstate communication - i know that you weren't able to reach out to me as soon as i did that, and that certainly wasn't your fault, it was a response to the tenor of this website. i apologize for the hundreds of messages i never had the chance to answer. i'm appreciative of the things you shared with me and all the times we got to talk.

i sincerely hope some of you learn to be kinder and wiser and less reactionary and more willing to learn and to listen rather than to attack those who have never wronged you and who do not deserve that. i'm being too nice, but i hope you learn that misusing your supposed social justice to do harm and foment hatred and stew in ignorant cruelty makes any principles you purport to have utterly void. my hope for that is low at the moment, but it's still got to be there. waiting to be found.

to those of you who have never been anything but kind, you are true treasures, the lights in the darkness, the loving and compassionate embodiment of human spirit. some of you have (quite literally) helped keep my mom and me alive, and i can never repay that or do enough in this life to quantify it. some of you have been here for me every single day, to listen and laugh and cry and understand. i don't think i would've bothered to fight through these past three years had i not had your presences in my life. i wouldn't have had as much of a reason. there are times when i still haven't felt like i had a reason, i struggle through so many varied griefs, but then i continued to wake up, and would come on here and find something joyful or beautiful or affirming that someone had sent or posted, and it gave me an anchor. there are passions and interests i shared or discovered here that were so uplifting and enlightening, and i will carry them in my heart always. being here to find those was such a blessing. being here with you to indulge in them was such a blessing. thank you. i pray your continued paths have more of that ahead. look at all the things you've done for me. there are certain things that once you have no time can wear away.

you know that line from the wizard of oz?: hearts will never be practical until they are made unbreakable. maybe that isn't true, maybe our hearts being broken is proof of something. there are people who hurt me on such a profound level who i know weren't affected by it at all, but i refuse to define my sensitivity as a negative. my softness (too soft for all of it, indeed) does not quite provide me with a weapon, but it doesn't crumple. hearts can be broken repeatedly and still beat, which i've thought about a lot lately. shattered souls just make a new mosaic. it's a different picture than it was before, but the color and light persists. and in the remains of that, a handful of people have shown me depths of caring and resilience that i wouldn't have gotten to hold onto otherwise, which is an extraordinary thing. the precious rarities have to mean something more, don't they? i would think so. i believe it. or i'm trying. i keep trying with all my might.

maybe i stayed too long at the fair. maybe this is a consequence of overplaying my hand, gambling a little too much with time to where it had to teach me something. maybe i needed the reminder that sometimes we have to fight to retain our spirits, and other times we have to retreat. maybe i needed a reminder that all that extra time was a miracle. i don't take it for granted.

whether we've spoken directly, be that consistently or in scattered flurries, whether we've interacted in very personal ways or simply in liked hearts on the dash, i hope there was goodness and light in it. i hope there's a memory i leave here that's sweet. (as long as i'm borrowing phrases, i hope you'll think of me fondly sometimes.) i hope there was something warm and enriching here. i hope you know what you've been and meant to me. i said so many times that this blog was my cozy haunted house - the ghosts will linger here forever, and i know they'll never mind if you want to step in and visit.

with all my heart, i love so many of you so dearly. i am so lucky to have your friendships. please move gently through life. please hold onto the things that illuminate it for you, and provide that where you can. please do your best to repair even the smallest of tears in the world. you are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

there must be lights burning brighter somewhere.

something yet remains. i remain. and i do my best to be brave.

#bubble wrap around my heart #jess.mess #namarie #gam zu l'tovah #edit: december 2. this was as it turns out too nice #because today this website decided to desecrate something central and sacred #i wish i could verbalize to you despicable people the profound soul deep hurt you're causing #and the constant fear and trauma you're instilling by making every space so blatantly hateful and hostile and unsafe #but you don't get to take a PRAYER away from its people. you don't get that power ever. that light will NEVER be diminished #i have no respect for any of you doing this. you're evil #i have infinite respect for myself now though. i know who i am. and i'm done #you don't deserve me and you never deserved my friendship or my trust or my heart #proverbs 4:23 #goodbye.

[ajwalker7900]

girlie is goin' through it

the og screenshot lol i have zero context for this whatsoever

#me listening to worlds continuation tho that song breaks my HEART #ive never played dramatical murder this is basically the only screenshot from the game ive seen #this sketch was sat in my drafts for months and i finally decided to finish it today #i just thought it would be funny to draw tbh LMAO #damn if i'm not proud of it though #seriously i never do finished pieces ever but this turned out so damn good #shhh dont focus on the inaccurate anatomy okay its fine dont worry bout it #byotiful #i love uta so much #one piece #one piece uta #uta #dramatical murder #aoba seragaki #my art

[ganondoodle]

sorry about that last rambling post, i didnt mean to sound like its worse than it may be, but i got no ... lense to view it through but my own, and the main reason i wrote it out anyway was bc i needed to get it out (even if posting it might be not the greatest idea) .. and bc it kinda showcases, i think, how my stories kinda write themselves, involuntarily in a way? its not like im not putting in any effort- but its like .. i cant STOP it always keeps going and even the dumbest idea stays in some form, its very hard to get everything in place bc theres so much going on all the while i am very slow at making anything, writing or drawing anything, especially anythign coherent is very hard bc not only do i get constantly distracted, i get distracted by my own thoughts suddendly skipping to a certain scene and me having to go throguh imagining in detail NO MATTER how many times i have done it before for the same scene that i already decided on how it goes, when theres a new idea it can take over my entire day bc i cant let go of it-

not trying to sound either like im the only that has that sort of problem, but i think its a big part as of why i start tso many projects without being able to finish them, or even start them bc i constantly have to fight my own thoughts from derailing into another daydream session, thinking of too much too fast than i can ever draw or even write about and not knowing what is worthwhile and what isnt (im telling you i have no idea what is good and what isnt, idk why but for all i know all things i do could be trash, or they all could be bad, maybe the one i thinnk is decent is actually worse than the things i deem not good enough and once i start to think no this isnt good enough i stop having fun making or thinking it bc im trying to do better

honestly its kind of impressive that i can get anything out at all, not to pat myself on the back there but even if i hate how long it takes me, considering how much im having to work just to start working on something at all, the fact that i could post stuff coherent enough for some people to understand AND LIKE is something i should be a little more proud of

#ganondoodles talks #personal #sorry today is a bit of a brain fart day #got a headache and have wasted the entire time until now (5pm) with watching old analysis videos i have watched 5 times already #and crying over undertales music #how much could i get done if i didnt have to deal with thought trains going 200 above speed limit #also didnt mean to sound mean to people who like the things i deem cringy #BC I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKIGN ABOUT 90% OF THE TIME #I DONT KNOW IF ITS GOOD maybe it is #my judgement of my own stuff is pretty random #.... maybe thats why i can work with fanstuff that adheres to lore better #bc it sets limits for me #it gives me options of rails to derail onto without falling straight into the woods #idk if that made sense either #... i need to start drinking more #(and i guess by calling some of my stuff cringe bc i am entirely unsure of its quality im trying to make myself smaller than i am) #(so if it turns out to be actually bad- im more safe from ridicule since LOOK I AM SELF AWARE) #and there i go letting my thoughts spin further #maybe ill delete both of these posts tomorrow when i realize how dumb this is to say in the first place

[tamagotchikgs]

my mom said my cats cant live with us in the trailer which . i just can’t do that man i cant live w/o them they are my only reason for getting up everyday,..... they’re the only thing i have irl that makes me smile or feel any amount of joy or anything whatsoever. i wonder if i could get my own used trailer too,,,,, i was looking & there r RVs for 12k,, if only i could get hired somewhere maybe i could afford it by summer :(

#im still probably going to kill myself hving to go back to my childhood . there is no escape #it never ends its always there & it’s always rotting me away #even my therapist agrees i need to get as far as i can #but i never can. #also #i got turned down from the other cafe i was trying to work at a month or so ago #ive been trying to ignore it to not fuck my mental health into a spiral but i do hav to face it I guess o(-< #there’s still the bubble tea spot I’ve been trying to get my resume to since they opened #but i checked my resumes today and something pink spilt on them o(-< #and i have no way of printing new ones #unless i go buy usb stick and pay to have them printed at staples or something but i. don’t have any fucking money #they really make it as hard as possible huh

[zincbart]

I KNIGHT THEE SIR DILLION

#artists on tumblr #dnd #triton #lizardfolk #knighting #this was a kind of silly moment from my latest dnd game and i got bitten by a bug that made me want to draw it baller #experimented with foreshortening and backlighting i think it turned out dece #characters are midas! (mine. above) and dillion (ragsy's. below) #i love them a lot #i resized the canvas so many times while drawing its such a weird size now. so. midas feet in the closeup crop ur welcome #climb up on the table to knight ur local fish today #(using a knitted halberd cozy)