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Amikor anyad egy videót néz angolul, de nem erti az egész család, erre a nő a videóban elkiáltja magát, hogy “love yourself” én pedig vissza szólok, hogy “Fuck no!” és senki sem érti és csak nevetnek. Gold

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When the best people are far away you often sit back in retrospect and youre like, “what the fuck”?

And they want you to share your feelings with them but really you just want to cherish the time you have talking to them and not ruin it.

The insecurities that they will get tired of you just like you get tired of yourself. Even if they tell you they won’t. It makes the feelings worse cause you know they care but you also know that YOU care enough to not want to hurt them, to not put them through that, etc.

When no one cares, you have that option you know, if you go away it hurts no one but yourself.

I’m not sure I’ve had people care before now… and I know it’s really shitty of me but…

I’m not entirely sure I like it.

Why would I hurt people that I love? I finally, as of today, see the predicament it puts people in.

Where do you find that line where it becomes an option again? Where you know that you’re hurting them more by being here? Why does my brain have to be so messy? Why can’t I be okay all the time? Why does there have to be thoughts and drama?

Someone forget to tell my brain this is a drama free zone.


My head is messy 🤐✌👍

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Tutti continuano a dirmelo cercando di convincermi ma non posso tradire me stessa non posso dirmi bugie per fare contenti chi mi sta intorno. Mi dispiace ma io non posso cambiare il mio pensiero, la mia essenza per farvi felici… Per potervi fare dire che avevate ragione… Io ne sono più che sicura di ciò che sono e vorrei non esserlo ma non posso cambiare….

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why cant everyone in the world be nice and kind and soft 😭 i really feel like i’m too sensitive to be alive. when someone isn’t super nice and soft to me i immediately assume they hate me, there’s something wrong with me and that i might as well stop existing.

WHY am i like this. i have never had therapy, i’m barely keeping up this facade. straight A*s, perfect rep, good friend. it’s all going down the drain like my fucking mental health. my heart feels like a bird with a broken wing, like it’s barely holding on. i’m on the verge of collapsing emotionally. and i still fucking smile and grin to everyone because more than anything, i cannot admit that i’m breaking apart.

i’m so sensitive i think i might die in the real world. i’m 17, i haven’t seen it yet. i don’t think i will be able to handle it.

my dad says he was so harsh to me growing up because “that’s the way the world works, i’m doing you a favor.” no, dad. you made me so, bitterly, extremely, devastatingly terrified of failure that i cannot even accept anything less than praise. i’m destroying myself by overthinking. when does it get better. when does this pain stop.

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Me: omg when will my therapist notice my transness because I’m too much of a coward to tell him directly!

My therapist: *points out the fact that I refer to myself using the opposite pronouns of my assigned gender*

Me: y-yeah It’s OuT oF HaBIt..

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I know this is just… Shouting into the void, but if I don’t let it out I’m gonna do something stupid.

I don’t know what to do anymore. This isn’t some fairy tale, he’s not going to wake up one day and realize he loves me. I’m good enough to be with him. Yet I’m good enough to live with, to take care of his kids constantly, to fuck on the reg. But not enough to love. I’m a house wife with none of the benefits. Cook, clean, take care of kids that I love as my own, but aren’t mine. I can’t get a job, because we have no babysitter, I can’t find my own relationships because I’m always cleaning or with the kids, I can’t bring people over to my own house. But he’s gonna… Just find the next submissive girl and move on with his life, take the kids and go. And I’ll have absolutely nothing to show for the past 5 years of my life. Why am I still here, what’s the point??? Why can’t these feeling go away???

I wanna die

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Having a mild anxiety attack because my bank card expires in a few days and I haven’t received the new one because I can’t receive mail to my apartment and so I have to travel to the post office after work and see if they’ve got it if not I’m kind of fucked! I won’t be able to get to work because uber is my only mode of transportation rn (my bike and scooter are broken/unusable and I’m waiting on parts) and buses aren’t running at 3am

If it’s not at the post office I’m going to have to call my bank and have them send me a new one to a different address but who the fuck knows how long that’ll take.

I’m probably stressing out too much over this but I rely on my card for food, transportation, and other essentials every day, some of which I can’t just pay with cash.

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