#fuck I'm just so tired of seeing myself die on screen over and over again

[maryellencarter]

So this is about something that's actually sort of more Twitter related, but I really struggle to fit anything more than a single fact into a tweet.

So. As we been knew, there is a pandemic. As we are all likely noticing, society has unilaterally decided the pandemic is Over. (At least in the US, which is the relevant area for me.) Masks and plexiglass and any other public health precautions have basically disappeared.

Immunocompromised people are, very reasonably, mad as fuck about this. A great many people have decided that A Return To Normalcy is more important than actually winning the metaphorical war first.

However! What I'm seeing, and what I have been seeing for months if not years at this point, is immunocompromised people (largely, as mentioned, on Twitter) saying "if you choose to attend any nonessential gathering ever, you are the problem, and you are demonstrating your personal ableism and disregard for me ever getting to participate in society again".

Which, on a rational level, I cannot argue with! Society is made up of human beings, we must all do our part, etc, etc. (That's not meant to be sarcastic. God knows I've yelled about examining whether you're part of the problem with regard to fandom racism, often enough. You can't change society without changing people.)

Here's the part where I don't have a solution.

I am literally dying of isolation. I haven't been to work for two weeks because I'm in a really nasty suicidal spiral. I don't go out, I live alone, I get my groceries delivered, I have no friends within a thousand miles, I certainly don't have any family I'd want to have visit, I have never had a "bubble buddy" or any kind of in-person socialization for the last two and a half years. (A little more than that. My call center went to lockdown / work at home in May 2020.) And I'm a fucking *extrovert*. Turn it up to eleven and break off the knob, type of extrovert, or I was. Even my bosses and my customers are mostly just words on a screen.

Solitary confinement longer than fifteen days is restricted by the UN. It's cruel and unusual punishment, it's a war crime, it does permanent psychological damage. Yeah, I have the internet, but there has to be a point where that's not enough, where the not having touched or seen a real physical living being is too much. I know because I'm way past that point.

You want to know how bad it is? We were trying to write a new story. Leia had some ideas. I'm in bad enough shape that I don't even remember. The only thing I could write, the only thing I could process as feeling emotionally relatable enough to turn the story into, was Jigen deliberately faking his own death and trying to leave the whole gang behind on purpose, because it turns out the last damn cry for help I've got left is trying to make my identification character so traumatically isolated that a fucking miracle of narrative causality will kick in and bring one of us back.

I'm sorry. I can't stop crying. I was going to try to say more. I don't want to leave people behind. I don't want to hurt them.

I don't... I don't know how to not. One way or the other. I've been barely hanging on, trying to do what these tweets are saying is my duty. There's no end to it. There never will be. Me isolating myself to death isn't going to turn society around. The choice I have left is to try to claw my way back into the human world somehow, or to abandon everybody a lot more permanently.

Look, it's god-fuck-why in the morning. I'm not going to die until further notice, at least not on purpose. That's a promise I've always kept. Will I be able to go to work? Fuck only knows. Will I be able to stop crying and get some sleep? No idea. But I'm tired and I would like to stop looking at words that aren't saying things good.

#i don't even know how to tag this #depression tw #suicidal thoughts tw #covid tw #i guess? #i feel like there are probably Many other tags i could tag

[the-brain-person]

Oneshot; TVhead female oc/ reader. The Amazing Digital Circus fanfic/ fandom work. Written on the phone. Dunno how to check word count on the phone. I'm writing this in the Tumblr app.

---

I am falling. I am falling? Where... am I? My vision isn't clear; static pervading all my senses. Something is wrong... I'm falling. Oh. I think I've been falling for a while. I hear talking. What are they saying?

"..is there something falling?" Purple, pink, yellow.

"Not currently, Jax, wait... what did you do?!" Red, blue, tan.

The poor bot fell on their head and promptly went unconcious.

Where... am I? I remember falling. I didn't remember why I was falling when I was falling, so I think we can cross out amnesia.

What is this place? It was bright, too bright, too loud, too quiet. This place is too much. Where is my anchor? Do I have an anchor? And that thought makes me scared. I get up; my... systems...? When did I have systems? This... isn't right. Where is my anchor? My system is going into autopilot. I need to find an anchor.

Silently, I walk. My vision is static and blurry. The static should clear soon, my systems say. I'm walking silently, but my body is heavy. It is wrong. My face feels flat, and I have metal antennae. My tail. My f□□□□□g tail. Is a cord with an electrical socket plug at the end. What the f□□k is going on? Why the f□□k are my f□□□□□g thoughts f□□□□□g censored?!

And more importantly; where the fuck is my anchor? I'm walking aimlessly through this damned circus-- or at least what I assume to be a circus, I haven't seen anyone.

By the time I see someone, the static has cleared, but the blurriness is still there. A small red,white, blue, and maybe.. yellow? The thing is in front of me. It's small. Would it be a good anchor? But upon seeing me approach silently and expressionlessly--how do I move my face?-- It screams and starts running. It sounds female, maybe. Aside from her screaming, I can maybe hear bells? Probably on her. She wouldn't be a good anchor. She probably needs an anchor, or maybe hers is too far away?

I decide to follow screaming bell girl. She's tiny, so I don't need to adjust my pace to follow. Thus, it probably makes her more scared. Whoops. She runs, and I follow for a while. She is tired. Her running is getting more wobbly, I think. My vision is still so blurred, I can't really tell.

When the girl stops running, voice having gone out awhile ago, she is by a short but taller person. I think. Red, blue, and tan. A blue bow, probably. Blue.. eyepatch, maybe? Small is hiding behind her. Bow is probably Small's anchor, then. As Small is seeming pretty calm now. When I make it to Bow, I stop. Bow is associated with Small, and Small is quite loud and quite scared. She would not be a good anchor for me.

The blurriness is still there when Small says something I can't hear to Bow. "Oh her? She fell from the ceiling and fell flat on her screen. If we couldn't die here, I would think she died." A nervous giggle escapes Bow. Bow looks over to me and quite literally just remembers that I have been standing stock still this entire time.

"Oh! I should have introduced myself, I'm so sorry! I'm Ragatha-" Bow is a better name, but ok, I think

"- and this is Pomni! Caine should be here by now but he isn't, probably preparing an adventure." I realize I haven't introduced myself. I try to open my mouth, but I can't. I take my hands to where my mouth should be and I pull.

Wedging my fingers through barely noticeable gaps in my... what did Ragatha say? Screen? I open my mouth. I can move my mouth now. So I go to introduce myself again. My voice sounds gravelly or staticky. It's the panic, probably. "Hello. I'm..." What's my name. My Name. My name is my name, my name, my anchor- "Calm down now, it's fine, nobody remembers their name when they first arrive here. " Ragatha snaps me out of it.

"Kind of.. odd to see it from the other side of the mental breakdown, " Pomni says, her voice hoarse from all the screaming she did earlier, hah. "You get used to it, newstuff. It really isn't that bad." The conversation dulls, and I can only really hear the jingling of Pomni's hat (or at least it looks like a hat)

I slap my knees, yawning. "Well, gotta go now." I get up and start walking away. The other two rush to follow. "Where are you going?"

I want to find my anchor. But finding Caine also sounds important. "Find Caine." I reply, elegantly. "Oh! We can help with that!" I doubt they can, but we start walking. I walk much faster than the two of them. Ragatha has to speed up pretty often, and Pomni is practically jogging the whole time. "Do... do you need me to slow down?" I ask. I receive two very enthusiastic "Yes, please" es and I slow down to their speed. They are quite short, I am quite tall, and I walk with purpose. What more is to be said.

"Whoa whoa whoa there new person! You can't go wandering! You haven't completed the Tour!! A blurry red,white, and black floating thing appears. Bounce_effect.wav flashes in my vision as I hear the sound. I decide that this AI (how did I know?) is interesting, if quite.. unintelligent to the human (am I human?) plight. He would not be a good anchor, but he could learn how to be human.

"Now, you may or may not have realized that you don't remember your name. That's okay! Do you want to randomly generate a new name, or do you want to choose." Green letters hang starkly in my vision, a contrast to the blurring. R4M is all that it says. "R4M" is all that I say. "Ram, you say? Wonderful name!" R-four-M, I want to say. But I think that it's not worth my time.

I'm suddenly somewhere else. A stage? I gag and cover my mouth. When I stop feeling nauseous, I'm being introduced to the rest of the cast. "Okay! Step right up, step right up, introductions are in order!" Is he a conductor or a ringmaster? Are they different things? (Yes; green letters tell me, they are different things)

This is a good chance to find an anchor. "Okay Ram! This is Ragatha, our rag-doll friend, always willing to help patch someone up!"

"Kinger, the king of pillows, bug collections, and is always there for you when you need him." "Bug collection?" Kinger asked, lighting up. "Do you have a bug to give him, Caine?" Caine looks at me, and through the blurriness, I think he might be confused, but he gets a bug for kingwr anyway. Kinger takes it and holds it, observing in wonder.

"This is Zooble! They'll always be around when you need them, and is always willing to offer their opinion." "Great joke, Caine." They bitterly snark.

"This over here is Gangle! Either a comedy or the saddest tragedy depending on what state her mask is in!" Gangle smiles a ' :3 ' and waves. I wave back.

"This is Jax, our friendly rabbit companion! He can make a good joke out of anything!" "A good joke? No, only ever the truth... mostly." Mischievous, I think. Mischievousness usually means wit and creativity. Maybe he could be an anchor. Time would tell.

"This paranoid jester is Pomni! If you want to look for exits or go insane or just have a mental breakdown buddy, she is your go-to pal!"

"Heya Caine! Who is this new person?"

"This over here is Bubble! T-"

"Why are they so tall?"

"Bubble asks a lot of quest-"

"What is their-"

Pop!

End of one-shot, might make more.

Anchor was a concept I wanted to do for a while.It's like your best friend, someone who can navigate your feelings and calm you down; your buddy; your pal; your person.

[vent-i-lattes-and-bones]

Day 13 and I still haven't been fucking dicked. 2 days ago I literally fucked her so good she came 5 times and I've told her twice sincerely that the lack of sex returned to me is making me feel unwanted and she went and got herself fucking sick by cuddling up to her nephew who she told me was sick. So now last night and tonight is off limits cause she could still be sick...

I'm just... So done. I don't even care anymore. I've given up. There's only so many times I can ask or suggest or any of it. I wore a cute a very nice fitting dress too that I know whould turn her on and it did but we can't do shit because she got herself sick when I warned her I wouldn't kiss her or fuck her if she got sick cause indont wanna get sick, I just beat a bad cold. I'm just.... Sad. It's worsening my eating and I don't even want to eat anymore. It's making me feel horrific about my body and making me feel completely undesirable. She says no or ignores me or "forgets" or only really reacts to me touching and feeling up on her to her getting relief but not me and I just can't help but look down and see my stomach or my double chin and just wanna die. It's gotten to the point where I can't look at myself in the mirror.

I've never, in all my life of never liking my appearance or being confident in it literally hating my appearance and just accepting myself as ugly, ever gotten to the point where it hurts to see myself in the mirror or reflections and actively avoid them. I can't even see myself in my phone screen when it's abit darker without being upset. I had to put my phone down a few times today cause I saw my reflection. Any confidence I had has evaporated. I'm fucking ugly and I made sure I didn't buy enough food so I will have to fast more often. I'm living off protein shakes and salads these next 2 weeks.

It just feels inconsiderate and disrespectful. Ik she's felt this way a few times because I'm very inconsistent with how often I like sex. Sometimes I want it 6 times a week and other times I don't want it for 3 months because of my trauma. But at least my abstinence had a good reason and I did my best that whole time to mske her feel loved and appreciated and remind her that I still think she's amazing and beautiful and it has nothing to do with her or her body. She's done nothing. There's no reason she's abstaining rn. Like at first it was oh I'm just tired a couple nights in a row then it became oh I'll accept stuff done to me :) sure we can fuck soon, then it became nope sry I value cuddling my sick nephew I see all the damn time without considering that you may not wanna be with me when I'm sick :) to now oh no this is so sad I'm sick D: I'm so sorry baby I had no clue! Oops! Guess we'll have to wait a few days til I'm better.

I'm just... I wanna feel wanted sexually... I wanna feel desired. I want the reassurance that my body is still attractive to at least one person by knowing my body turns them on. It's getting to the point where I wanna cry over it and I don't like to cry. I already hate my body so much from the ana and the chronic pain and the years of conditioning to think it's ugly and now that my gf is utterly ignoring my body and needs and desires to become a practical pillow princess makes me wanna cry and die and just... Starve myself till I'm the weight where she'll find me attractive again... I've managed to maintain a weight of at least 5lbs lower than what I was and I just.... I'm trying but I've not felt this low in while about my body. I hate that this is just the way I look and I know that even if I lose the weight, it won't change my face. I can't help but imagen what I look like to others and know that isn't the way I wanna be perceived. I don't wanna be fat... I don't wanna be ugly.... I don't even wanna be seen....I just wanna fade into nothing. Waste away or slit my wrists. I'm so done with me.

#journalling #cw vent #vent blog #vent post

[crisishauntline]

It’s been another one of those miserable & meaningful duality-of-man days that felt like French-kissing a knife. But today it was valuable to learn the taste of my own blood. I feel like I tasted every feeling I’ve ever felt.

Work is a constant meat grinder. I had a nice few days of blissfully avoidant vacation, but now I find myself once again being crushed under the consequences of all my overpromising and procrastination. I have some huge deadlines coming up this week and I don't even feel completely clear on what I need to do.

L texted me today for the first time in over two months. My heart skipped when I saw her name pop up on my screen. I rewrote each of my texts several times. I wanted to talk to her so bad but had no idea how to do it without being too honest, too messy, too casual or too formal. She wants to meet for lunch and catch up. We set a date two weeks from now. By that time, it will have been 6 months since we broke up. I don't know what her hopes are for this meeting and didn't dare ask, because I am in no way prepared to answer that question myself. But I am definitely some type of hopeful about it.

After that conversation came my mediation session with J, which didn't go too well and lasted hours (or maybe that's just what it felt like?). I’m fucking exhausted with J and the constant drama of co-op life, but so appreciative of the people here that I do get along with and learn with. I am grateful for being reminded that not everything is about me, and I can forgive and move on even if I never get the apology I’m hoping for.

Other things I'm feeling... I feel hopeful, confused, guilty, excited, and anxious about seeing L again in two weeks. I feel inspired and terrified and overextended by my job responsibilities as usual. I feel lonely and horny as fuck. I am still deeply hurt by recent rejections, deathly afraid of doing harm, and obsessively anxious about the philosophical and moral weight of each and every one of my choices. I still feel somewhat suicidal. I am angry at myself for failing to live and for failing to die. I am also proud of myself for surviving all my brain’s attempts to kill me thus far, for the sake of my loved ones if nothing else. I feel ashamed to be mentally ill. I feel paranoid I’ve made it all up as part of some narcissistic delusion that I’m using to exploit and harm others while playing the victim. I feel like I am a crazy ex girlfriend and don’t know how to be anything else. I have no idea if I want to actually pursue dates with any of the new dating app people I’ve been talking with. And when it comes to L, I am nowhere near over her. And I honestly don't know what I want—get back together, try to be friends, or maintain the current distance? I don’t want to repeat the cycle. I don't want to waste anyone's time or love anymore.

So tired and full of feelings. I should go to bed but in all honesty I'm probably going to stay up late for absolutely no reason and continue thinking about death and the universe and L until I fall asleep with the lights on again.

#personal #love life #work life #social life #tw suicide #depression

[quearlydeparted]

That scene from The Incredibles where all the dead superheroes flash up but instead it’s every queer character I’ve ever identified with

#fuck I'm just so tired of seeing myself die on screen over and over again #just stop just let me fucking live #for once #fucking hell #supernatural #destiel

[kaimelia]

MINI FIC MASTERPOST

AMELINK

-Season 15 Amelink

"Looks like we'll be trapped for a while"

“Take my jacket. It’s cold outside.”

“Can I kiss you?”

"I was in the neighborhood."

"I've seen the way you look at me when you think I don't notice."

"Aren't we supposed to be working?"

"Kiss me again."

-Amelink and Scout

“If my parents knew what I was doing, they’d kill me.”

“You’ve only heard his point of view. You never asked mine.”

"He was terrified of small spaces, and she knew."

“It was the age of screaming.”

“Sing me a lullaby.”

“It looked like it was getting fun, so I decided to join in.”

“03:18 AM. You were in for a long night.”

“Sweet dreams.”

"Don't you die on me."

"It's time to say goodbye."

"I may despise you with the burning white hot intensity of a thousand suns, but that doesn't mean I don't love you."

"This is going to hurt."

"Is there a reason you're blushing like that?"

"Wake up, please wake up."

"So, uh, I locked the keys in the car."

"Who did this?"

"Just this once you can stay up past your bedtime."

Picnic

Snowflake

Listen

Dream

-Season 18 Amelink

"All of those people are alive right now because of her."

"I saw you staring at each other; I just wasn't sure if it was sexual tension or murderous rage."

"The kiss tasted like tears"

"Wow, you look...amazing."

"Do you even still love me?"

"I called you because I can't fall asleep."

"I never wanted to hurt him."

"There are only so many times I can watch you break before I start to crack."

"I really miss talking to you."

"Can we pretend like we're normal for once?"

"I'm not okay."

"I can take care of myself just fine."

Okay

-Misc

“Amazing, isn’t it?”

"I did all of this for you. What more could you want?"

"I ran in the direction of the scream."

“Did you just lick the side of my face?” “I claimed you.”

“Don’t you ever do that again!”

"I think we need to talk."

“I did the dishes.”

“Stay there. I’m coming to get you.”

“You knocked on my door at 1 in the morning, to cuddle?”

“Come here.” “Why?” “Just come here.” “No. You’re gonna hit me.”

“You’re mine, and only mine. In the least objectifying sense of the phrase, of course.”

“Didn’t think you liked to sing in the shower.”

“At night, if you’re not in my bed, it feels so empty. In fact, when you’re not here, my life feels incomplete.”

"Stop talking about love for a minute and help me with this bullet wound." "No! I'm tired of doing what you say."

"You are cordially invited to go fuck yourself."

"Am I your lock screen?" "You weren't supposed to see that."

"Is that blood?" "...No?"

"Have you seen my hoodie?" "Nooo." "You're wearing it, aren't you?"

"I think I just ripped my pants."

"If you don't hug me right now, I think I might fall apart."

"Sleep over? Please?"

"Please just kiss me already."

"Oh, you're jealous!"

"Please don't lie to me again. I can't take it."

"What if one day I wake up and you don't?"

"Would you just hold still?"

"Please tell me it's going to be okay."

"We're all a little stronger than we think we are."

"Is that blood?"

"Can you keep holding my hand please?"

"Piggyback ride?"

"You're everything to me."

"Take off your shirt."

"I know it hurts."

"I'm not jealous, I'm just practicing my pout."

"You've kissed me like fifty times today."

"Quit poking my sides, you know I'm ticklish!"

Stars

#amelink #atticus lincoln #amelia shepherd #amelia x link #amelink fanfiction #grey's anatomy #amelink fanfic #greys abc #greys fanfic #scout lincoln #scout shepherd lincoln

[marchioness-caprina]

Swapped

{ Part 3 }

Read ; {Part 1} , { Part 2}

Pairings : Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

Warnings : Cussing

Writing style : 3rd Person

Word Count 1843

3rd Person's POV

" I thought we were going out to patrol again" Uraraka muttered and a majority of the class nodded in agreement.

They were supposedly going to the agencies they were training under to do their daily rounds of patrol but a sudden shift of their schedule got all of them gathered in Ground Beta for another suprise Physical Test Exercise.

" You were supposed to but unfortunately; a Villain attack happened near the train station and it caused damage on the tracks. It won't be fixed until Tomorrow. Meaning you're all stuck here doing 'Kiddy stuff' " Aizawa replied in his usual bored tone; hands buried inside his pockets as his shoulders sagged. The dark circle under his eyes were clear indication that he didn't get any sleep last night.

" Aww But sens--"

" Stop complaining. If you wanna be a Hero then you got to take it slow, Don't rush things. Plus... You don't see me complaining when I have to put up with all of you... " Aizawa Cut Sato off as he rubbed his temples " And dealing with all of you is not an easy job" He grumbled the last part and everyone picked up on his mood and just shut up.

" So... What exercise are we supposed to be doing today? " Momo questioned and everyone seemed to be interested in what their te aver had in store for them.

They were up for anything. As long as the penalty isn't an expulsion, the fear of their first day with their teacher still struck everyone with fear knowing how ruthless he could be.

" It's simple... Android Bots " Aizawa called out and from the entrance; loud stomping noises were heard, the stomping wasn't from just one but an army of Robots came marching out of ye entrance, stomping their metallic foot with in perfect harmony.

" Woah! "

Gasps of awe were heard from a few students as they stared at the bots with wonder.

" Let me guess... We're gonna be facing those junks here? " Y/n stated in a matter of fact. Katsuki who was right behind the female with arms wrapped around her waist and his chin resting on her shoulder just gave off a satisfied humm when y/n placed her hand ontop of Katsuki's own.

Aizawa who was too tired to give a sassy remark to his student's comment just nodded; and he won't even point out Bakugou's Clingyness seeing how the boy had reacted yesterday when he told him to minimize his Skinship with y/n. It didn't end well.

" This ain't cutting shit. Knowing you... There's a twist to this crappy test right? " Y/n countered and with a sigh Aizawa began to explain ;

" You're right Miss smarty pants. There's a twist. You guys will be judged individually, these bots can't do much damage but the bombs inside them are the ones you need to watch out for, if you destroy a Bot directly without dismantling the bombs first then... Of course you go Kaboom " Everyone flinched at Their Teacher's explanation especially with how nonchalantly he is as he did so.

" Ehhh!? B-but sensei... Isn't it a little bit too.... Cruel? " Mina interjected and aizawa shook his head.

" As a hero. You must always be prepared of every possible scenarios and surprises. Such as this, of course there are subtle indications whether a bot has a bomb or not.... So you gotta put your observational skills to good use and put that brain of yours to work. Spot the difference, dismantle the bomb and you're free to destroy it... Simple as that " Aizawa yawned as he waved off his student's shocked and terrified expression.

Everyone knew their team her isn't going to give them any more clues.

" He just wants to see us suffer.... " Jiro dead panned and everyone couldn't help but agree.

" You said we'll be graded individually.... So you're saying that we have to take out loud portions of those robots ourselves?" Y/n raised a brow when her sensei gave her a spine chilling smile.

" Yes, that's also part of the lesson. It's not everyday you'd get lucky to have another Hero to he paired with you... Sometimes you gotta work alone and most of the time The villain's you're gonna be facing won't be alone. So multi-tasking is the key... And since you're my 'favorite' student... You'll go first " Aizawa pointed at her lazily and she shot him a gentle smile.

A smile that seemed too gentle for this y/n to pull off. Something wasn't right with the way she smiled and everyone knew it.

" But... She might get hurt... I'll stay with her" Katsuki murmured tightening his hold around the girl.

" What? You think I can't handle myself? Get off me already loser. I need to release some stress and you're getting in the way. " Y/n without thinking much of how bad her words had affected Katsuki grinned as she pushed him off her roughly.

Katsuki tumbled back and he looked at her with a pained expression.

" Y-you think I'm a--"

" Get him outta here. He's fucking up my mood. " Y/n snapped as she jogged away from the group.

Katsuki who was fast to try and run up to her was pulled back by aizawa's scarf like fabric.

" Let her go Bakugou. "

" No! I Need Her! Y/n! " Bakugou whined and he had to be knocked out because he was starting to get aggressive.

"Everyone. To the Control room" Aizawa groaned and his students followed his command but go course they felt sorry for their classmate who was passed out cold.

_____________________

" Fucking Die! Hahahaha "

Everyone was silent as they stared at the screen; gawking at how monstrous their classmate could be. Was that even y/n? Because that screaming creature murdering those innocent robots while crushing them to pieces reducing them to junk was scarier than any villain they have ever seen.

" ..... Remind me to never piss y/n....ever" Kirishima gulped when 10 robots were sent flying off the ground with the girl wildly swinging a metal pole like a mad man continued her assault.

" S-she's doing a very accurate job at controlling that new quirk of hers though " Kaminari mumbled as he began thinking.

" But... That is not the opposite of her quirk... Unless.... Oh could it be? The quirk she has is a combined and mixture of mine and Bakugou's quirk ... I underestimated that villain's quirk " Kaminari began to mumble his thoughts out loud and it didn't go unnoticed.

" Well... What do we even call that quirk? "

Kaminari paused and gave a nod towards Uraraka " I suggest Electrical Combustion would fit the spunk" .

" She's doing a tad too good don't you think? "

" She's y/n. So it's no wonder "

___________________

Y/n slammed both of her hands on the ground creating an electrical current as well as a loud eruption of explosion to ensue underground sending the both flying before being completely engulfed and destroyed by either the flying debris, the roasting electricity or the destructive explosion.

With fluid like movement she shot out explosive electric bombs out of her palm that violently detonated when it came in contact with the robots.

She didn't have to worry about the exploding bombs inside the boys because she herself was more explosive than all of those bombs combined.

Her movements were accurate, powerful and spontaneous but her eyes showed how calculated and focused she was if people would ignore that sadistic grin spread out on her face.

She was merciless and with one final punch of the ground that sent a combined jolt of electricity and explosion that caused a mass breakage the fight was over. With no bots left standing at all.

The area was crumbling with ruined buildings and flying rocks and debris mixed with chunks of broken metal.

" Ahh... That hit the fucking spot " She grinned stretching her limbs after her little 'workout'

Meanwhile ------

Everyone was speechless at the display of power of their classmate. She was far too ruthless and she looked more like a villain---no monster from the screen.

And if you squint really hard earlier the students could see how the bots were running away from her instead of actually attacking her.

Y/n gained both the respect and fear of everyone after that bit of course they admired her for her brilliant performance meaning they didn't have to do the test because she destroyed all the bots in a blink of an eye.

" That..... Was so Manly! " Kirishima cheered and his cheer was joined by everyone else.

" Man! Who knew she knows some pretty sweet moves like that! I should ask her to teach me a few of those moves! " Sero commented punching the air.

" Well if you ask me that was rather terrifying.... The continuous onslaught of those poor robots was enough to petrify me for eternity. Not to mention she left us with nothing at all! " Iida sighed as he pushed his glasses up.

" Jeez, loosen up. She did all of us a favor " Jiro replied placing her hand on the slightly disappointed Iida.

Izuku on the side was vigorously writing down on his notebook with such intensity it made everyone pause for a moment to look at him; no doubt about it. He was taking notes about y/n.

Everyone was happy and Aizawa looked more like a proud father than an angry teacher.

But the same couldn't be said for Katsuki. He was sulking in the corner. Eyes dull and fists balled.

The little demon called jealousy was beginning to creep up again. He remembered the other day about Y/n wanting to be partners with Deku or Half and Half. And now that everyone saw how amazing his Girlfriend is, it made him sink deeper as his own insecurities began to swallow him whole.

" .... Do I even... Deserve her? " He mumbled to himself. Tears were already rolling down his cheeks while he pitifully sniffled.

His classmates were gazing at him. They looked inside of what they should do. They still couldn't get used to this new Katsuki.

Kirishima was about to approach and comfort his friend when suddenly Katsuki's body jolted from his spot before collapsing on the ground.

" Bakugou! " Kirishima exclaimed but another gasp was heard from the back.

" It's Y/n-san and Kaminari-san! " Izuku pointed out. Jiro was holding onto an unconscious Kaminari with the help of Tsuyu and on the screen it was pretty clear that y/n had also experienced the same thing and was now sprawled down on the ground.

Unmoving .

........ To be Continued.

#bnha #mha #bnha x reader #boku no hero academia #bnha imagine #y/n #xreader #bakugou x reader #Bakugou Imagine #Katsuki Bakugou #Swapped Part 3

[you-deserve-to-love-yourself]

Hey

I hope you're doing great

I just wanted to ask for an advice

I kinda feel tired. Because I want to enjoy things like movies and tv shows but so many of them have characters with trauma, and its adressed pretty heavy and i feel so triggered by it, because Im an empath so i fucking feel that shit as I'm experiencing it myself and im So tired of that

I watch Brooklyn 99 on repeat because its light and comforting but i dont know what to do, I wanna enjoy things as I had in my childhood

Hi!!

I just wanna say that it’s completely okay to not watch something because it’s triggering. It doesn’t make you any less of a person; in fact, it shows that you’re able to set boundaries for yourself!

Does the Dog Die is a site you can use to see if a piece of media has triggering elements!

I'm an empath too, so I feel you there. Fun fact: With my current hyperfixation, Fullmetal Alchemist, I wasn't able to watch the anime at first because the second episode was so upsetting to me. I ended up reading the manga first and then coming back to the screen version - it's so much easier for me to handle something on paper than it is on a screen with sound.

If there's a movie that's upsetting for you and there's a book version of it, maybe try reading the book first. At least for me, books tend to be less triggering, and then it's easier to watch it because I already know what happens.

I have a friend who's also an empath and how she deals with anxiety over media she's consuming is by reading spoilers. For her, knowing what's coming doesn't take away from the experience - it makes it easier for her to keep reading.

I sometimes do that when I feel I need to, and it's pretty helpful! Maybe try that as well.

Again, I'm going to reiterate that's completely okay to not consume a piece of media for any reason, even if "everyone else" seems to be watching/reading it. Setting boundaries for yourself is awesome and shows that you know what's best for yourself!

#ask #anon #triggers #media #aure speaks

[myluciferiscody]

Dancing With Your Ghost p.3 (Epilogue)

pairing: Xavier Plympton x Reader

word count: 1,739

warnings: mentions of suicide, death, language, angst.

part 1 part 2

Your hands were shaking terribly as you pulled into the front gates of Camp Redwood. Your heart was beating so fast that you felt nauseous when you swung open your car door, stumbling out into the creeping darkness.

Your eyes ached from the constant crying, and your phone buzzed incessantly with calls and texts from your friends. You watched as Winter's name flashed on the screen before disappearing. You turned off your phone then; you were on a mission.

There were a few outside lamps that were working, much to your surprise. You wandered around the camp, calling out the name of your dead friends. There was no movement around you; the earth was still as you demanded answers. 

Finally, Xavier Plympton appeared, giving you a solemn look as you stood feet from each other. He was dressed in warmer clothes, his hair unkempt as you glared at him.

"y/n, I can explain."

"Explain what?" you challenged, your glare becoming increasingly sharp. "You don't even know why I'm here!"

"I know why you're here," he countered, holding his hands up. "It's all over your face. I need you to calm down."

You reached down, grabbing a random twig and launching it at him. Xavier was quick to duck, giving you a disturbed look as your chest heaved in your anger and confusion.

"I'm going crazy," you snapped, "That's the only logical explanation. I made a fool of myself in front of my closest friends. I spent so much money on gas to come up here. All for something that isn't real!" you ranted, walking in circles as Xavier silently pleaded that you'd calm down enough to talk to him. 

"You're not crazy, y/n. Please-."

You stopped at the silhouettes of Ray, Montana, Trevor, and Chet watching from a distance. At the sight of them, you almost felt your resolve slipping. If this wasn't real, why do they seem so real?

"I'm so confused..." you admitted. 

Xavier strode forward slowly, palms up, and facing you as the distance between you came to a close. He almost sighed in relief when you fell into his arms, sobbing into his light purple jacket. His sharp eyes fell on his friends who were still watching from the tree-line, all looking solemn and helpless.

"y/n, I should have told you when we met." Xavier said softly, "I'm sorry. This is all on me. You weren't supposed to see us," he glared at Montana, who only shrugged. "Most people can't accept it. That's why we hide. I didn't want this to happen to you. I should have stayed away."

You shook your head now, looking up at his much taller figure with teary eyes. "No. I don't want that."

"I need to let you go, y/n," he said, his eyes pained. "You deserve a happy life. I can't give it to you. I'm dead, we all are."

Your eyes went back to the rest, who reluctantly waved to you. You reciprocated, feeling your lips twitch. 

Xavier brought your attention back to him, and you were sad to see he was crying. "y/n, you need to forget about us. You have to go live your life. You're going to do great things, you're going to find a husband, and have babies, and die when you're one-hundred."

"Xavier, I don't want that!" you exclaimed, your voice cracking as the sky darkened. "I don't want that with someone else. I want you."

Xavier looked appalled at this, and you heard Montana whisper 'oh hell yes' from behind you. You fought the broad smile that threatened, as Xavier stared at you as if seeing you in a new light.

"y/n..." he began. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you..." he frowned. "But we can't leave the camp. We're stuck here."

You frowned, "What do you mean?"

"We're doomed to live here for the rest of time," Ray called from behind. You and Xavier both looked at him, while the others nodded in silent agreement. "We can't leave. We've tried so many times. It's fucked up, but we've learned to accept it."

It suddenly made sense to you, as you thought of your first trip back here, where Xavier escorted you to your car but stopped just before the front gate. You looked at him, and he nodded, his cheeks becoming wet.

"Oh..." you said. 

"Oh, is right," Montana called. 

"You're all dead..." you said, before laughing dryly, "I'm in love with a ghost."

Xavier's eyes snapped towards you, and for the first time since you got here, he smiled. "I'm in love with a human, we're both royally fucked."

You laughed, before leaning forward and pressing a hard kiss to his lips. Xavier froze for a millisecond before he kissed you back. You could hear Ray and Chet making gagging noises, but you tuned them out when Xavier's soft lips made you feel weak in the knees. 

You pulled away after a minute, and Xavier looked more upset than ever. You went to speak, only to hear the voice of someone you didn't recognize.

"How sweet!" the voice chirped, and you turned, seeing a woman with pinned up blonde hair. Xavier immediately pushed you behind him, and the others ran to you, standing protectively next to Xavier. "Young love, I almost miss it myself."

"Fuck off, you bitch!" Montana shouted at her, her small hands fisting at her sides. "You're on our territory, remember that."

"Oh please, I come in peace," Margaret taunted, holding her hands up as she took a few steps closer. The documentary fresh in your mind, you immediately realized it was Margaret Booth, who didn't look a day over forty. You wondered if she was dead, too. "I say just make it official, pretty boy. Kill her and let her stay here." 

Your eyes widened at Trevor, Ray, and Chet screamed interesting things her way you'd rather not repeat - while Xavier and Montana looked at you. 

"You're a wretched woman!" Ray snapped, pointing the finger at Margaret. 

"Or I could just do it for you?" Margaret continued, smirking at each of them before her cold eyes settled on you. "y/n, is it?"

"Don't talk to her," Xavier whispered to you, his arm slithering around your waist. His hold on you was tight and extremely comforting. 

"Why not, Xavier?" she asked, "I've heard you talk about her almost every fucking night, and it's revolting listening to you. I've killed myself just to block it out."

Your heart fluttered, hearing that he talked about you, but you didn't like the condescending way Margaret was staring at you; her whole vibe was off, and you hated everything about her.

You screamed when a figure with dark hair and sunglasses appeared behind Margaret, stabbing her in the throat from behind. Her eyes widened; her scream stuck in her throat before she fell forward, dead. The others sighed in relief, and Xavier's hold on you tightened.

"God, I hate her!" the mystery man groaned, wiping the bloody knife with a bandanna. "Peace." he saluted the group before he disappeared.

Your mouth was hanging open as the others went to heave her body away. "Who in the fuck was that!?" you asked Xavier.

"He's nobody," Xavier said quickly, his voice uncomfortable. "He doesn't like me very much... y/n, it's not safe here anymore", he said, refusing to meet your eyes. "You need to leave."

"I already told you, I'm not-."

"y/n!" Xavier said, his face so close to yours you could feel his minty breath on your face. "Please, don't make this harder than it has to be." 

It was just the two of you now, and you could feel the anger resurfacing. "What is with everyone trying to tell me what is best for me?" you asked, starting to pace again. "First, everyone is telling me to stop talking about you and trying to convince the others you're real. Second, people are telling me to focus on my future and getting the fuck out of California. And now, you're telling me we can't be together!?"

"y/n, do you not understand what you're asking for?" Xavier asked, "I can't give you what you want! I'm dead!" 

"But this is real!" you cried out, sniffling. "What I feel for you is real, Xavier Plympton! I'm tired of pretending that I'm happy when I'm not with you. I don't know my life anymore..." you said softly, seeing Xavier's face soften. 

"y/n..." Xavier said, his brows furrowing as you placed a hand on his cheek. "You have to understand if you choose me... You have to stay here. Forever."

You realized what he was saying, and you felt your stomach churn uncomfortably. 

Xavier continued quickly, "Which is why I need you to forget about me, y/n," he said. "I'd never forgive myself for doing this to you."

You nodded, feeling like you could maybe accept this after a few bottles of wine. However, you were sober, and you didn't want to admit that you'd never be able to move on from him. Your thoughts would be plagued by Xavier, Montana, the others, and Camp Redwood for the rest of your life. 

"I love you, Xavier..." you said. His eyes lightened as he smiled weakly, tears forming in both of your eyes now. "But, you sending me away would kill me more than having to spend the rest of eternity with you, literally dead."

He sighed deeply, and you could tell that you were somewhat getting through to him. 

"What am I going to do with you, y/n?" he asked, his tone gentle and teasing. 

You smiled, falling into his embrace as Xavier held your body close. He watched over your head as Montana returned, giving him a reassuring smile. 

"How about this?" Xavier asked, still hanging onto you. "I think you should take a few days and see where you are then," he said, shushing you as you pulled back to protest. "You don't realize how serious this is, y/n," he said. "Please, promise me you'll at least sleep on it. And then, if you still want to be with me, we'll figure something out."

You knew this was the best deal you could get, and you nodded. Xavier seemed relieved, and he pressed a kiss to your head as you allowed yourself to melt into his chest.

No matter what happens, you knew this is where you belonged.

taglist: (feel free to ignore, and if i missed anyone please let me know, i have a bad memory)

@the-walking-daryl @trichy-knitts @shydragonrider​ @thefandomzoneisdangerous @lemonwhiskers @jetblackpayne@langdonsvcrd @okoktrinity22 @uwonman @stefanmikaleson1864@sevenwonderwitch @rubbrninja @iamnotjesha @leatherduncan@imshakingandcryingrn @bratzblitz @goblackcat69@brookethompsonownsme @bookoffracturedescapes@zodiyack @bitchchatter @guiltyfiend @psychobitchtess​  @aangrana  @thexmancometh @wtfcas​ @pleasforhelp​ @everythinggshipp​

#xavier plympton x reader #jim mason x reader #michael langdon x reader #duncan shepherd x reader #cody fern #ahs1984 #request #ray powell #montana duke #xavier plympton imagine #trevor kirchner #american horror story #ahs imagine

[getitinbusan]

Eat • Sleep • Game

A little angst, a little fluff, a lot of smut if you reblog for a part two.

Dedicated to everyone missing the Toronto Show today, see you soon ☹️💜

It had been exactly 1 year and 45 days since you'd fallen head over heels in love with Jungkook. You know this because it was your second day of work at the game store when he came rushing through its door. 

He had broken his game controller and needed one ASAP before his Overwatch team kicked him off. It was a brief first meeting but he'd come in at least once a week since then.

Inviting you to join his team, your friend circle expanded and his roommate Jimin had become your closest confidant. Unlike Jungkook, it had only taken Jimin a few weeks to realize how hard you were crushing on his friend.

Jimin was rummaging through the fridge while balancing his phone between his ear and shoulder. Nodding in Jungkook's direction he kept talking.

"You should definitely wear something really sexy…. I'll ask. JK, Y/N wants to know if you're coming out tonight?" 

Setting his Banana Milk down a smile crept up to his eyes. He'd been crushing on you forever and had finally decided maybe he should make a move.

You'd be there, wearing something sexy AND you were asking about him?

"Yeah, I'll come," he tried to sound casual about it. 

Jimin didn't have to relay the message, you were listening eagerly to hear his answer from the other end.

"He's really coming?

You sighed, "That just means I'm going to walk around pining for him all night. God I love him Jimin"

He laughed at your desperation, "It's going to happen sooner or later, believe me it is mutual." 

Jungkook had gone back to his game but intentionally left the headset off one ear. Listening in, he was trying to piece together your side of the conversation. What? What was mutual?

"I thought that a year ago, how does he not know Jimin? How can I make it any easier? Do I need to just outright say it to him?"  

He put on a seductive voice, "I've wanted to fuck you for the past year and if you make me wait a second longer I'm going to die." 

Jungkook listened on, was Jimin really hitting on you like that? He never discussed his feelings for you with him but he thought it was obvious. His cheeks grew red and heated as the thought of you and Jimin together boiled in his blood. 

"Alright I'll see you soon, come up and we'll have drinks before we go." 

Hanging up he turned to Jungkook, "I'm grabbing a shower, I have a feeling tonight's going to get crazy."

Knocking on the apartment door you let out a huge breath, "here goes nothing."

You'd spent the day talking yourself into finally telling him how you felt.

Jimin opened the door, "Shit Y/N, look at you!" he playfully copped a feel of your ass. 

"Hey Guk!"

Now or never, you walked behind him and put your hand on his shoulder. "How's the game?"

He was distracted, your breasts were right behind his head as you leaned in to watch him play. Your fingers dug in massaging his muscles. His cock was getting hard thinking about how good your grip would feel around it. 

"Watch behind you!"

Brought back to reality you'd snapped him out of his fantasy.

"It's a shame you're going to have to quit, we should leave soon." 

Jimin came out of the kitchen and handed you a beer, "I'm getting you so drunk tonight."

He set one down in front of Jungkook, "Pre game my friend."

"About that...I think I'll just stay home..I'm kind of on a winning streak." 

You pulled your hand away from him in disappointment, all hope lost. Jimin could see you were visibly upset.

"Let's go to my room Y/N, we wouldn't want to distract Jungkook from his game. 

"What the fuck is his problem all of the sudden?"

He pouted at you and kissed your forehead, "His loss sweetheart." 

The Uber showed up about four drinks in. Jimin was already out the door when you turned to look at Jungkook. His gaze was fixed on you but he quickly turned back to the screen as not to be caught.

"Are you sure you don't want to come...I was kind of looking forward to hanging out with you?" 

He stuck his tongue into the side of his cheek, "I'm sure Jimin will show you a good time." 

Pulling the door tight behind you Jimin grabbed your hand, "Fuck him, let's go." 

The club was packed. It was too loud, too hot and Jimin had abandoned you long ago to find a conquest.

The drink in your hand was empty but the lineup to get another was three deep. Your will to have fun had been left back at the apartment so here you stood, miserable. 

Declaring the night a total waste you walked around looking for Jimin. 

You tapped his shoulder until he stopped his makeout session, "I think I'm just going to leave Jimin." 

"Why aren't you in the corner getting fingered by some hot guy?" 

"It must be because I'm so pathetic that nobodies even attempted to talk to me tonight."

You tried to hold back your tears, no crying in the club right?

"Go," you motioned to the dance floor. "Have fun, she's waiting for you."

"I'm not letting you go home, not like this."

He hugged you tightly, "Take my key and go over there and tell him how you feel."

"Jimin, I'm tired of putting myself out there for rejection." 

"Baby, this crush has been going on far too long, you need to find out for sure. You are way too amazing to not have a boyfriend."

You kissed his cheek, "okay I'm going to do it."

His imagination was going wild. He couldn't concentrate on his game and his teammates just kept yelling at him.

He was sure you'd be grinding all over each other, Jimin's stupid puffy lips getting to kiss you.

All the girls went for Jimin, he was just so confident. He decided a couple of loops around the city on his bike and a Ramen stop would help. 

Unlocking the door you expected to see him gaming in the living room but the apartment was quiet. 

Moving up the hall you knocked lightly at his door, "Kookie, can I talk to you?" 

Opening the door a crack you peeked in, empty. Of course he went out, you'd finally mustered your courage to tell him and he was probably eating Ramen somewhere. 

Fuck it, it was happening tonight. He'd have to come home sooner or later and you'd be here waiting in his bed when he did.

It was late, he didn't feel any better.

Putting on a movie he shut off all the lights and sprawled out on the couch. He wasn't going to be able to sleep until he knew if you were coming home with his roommate. 

He must have dozed, the sound of muffled giggles waking him up.

"Shhh, we need to keep it down," kissing, loud kissing more giggles.

"Let's go to my room."

He looked at the clock, 4am. Fuck there was no way he could sleep now. He lit up his monitor and grabbed his headphones. 

You stretched out on the bed taking a minute to remember where you were. One smell of the pillow and it all came back. Of course he didn't come home, fate was never on your side. 

You opened the door quietly not  wanting to wake Jimin. Tiptoeing through the apartment the light from his screen caught your eye, he'd really just been out here playing?

You walked over to stand beside him, was it too late to tell him? 

"Hey," you startled him, "Don't you even go to bed anymore?" 

He clenched his jaw, "I've been having a really good game." 

Here goes…"Jungkook, there's more to life than video games. Sometimes it's nice to enjoy someone's company…"

He shot you a cold look, "I know I could hear you two enjoying each other all night."

His accusation floored you, "And so what if we did?? What the hell do you care Jungkook?"

He went back to his game and you slammed the door. 

"What the fuck was that?" Jimin came out of his room in his boxers.

Jungkook stood to get a drink. 

"Your loud fucking girlfriend leaving." He pushed him out of the way and Jimin laughed. 

"You're jealous? Fuck you're dumber than I thought."

Steering him up the hallway he pointed to the girl passed out in his room.  Flinging Jungkook's bedroom door open he pointed out the messed up sheets.

"Did you sleep here last night?"

Puzzled, he fell silent.

"She was in here waiting for you..all night. Maybe if you weren't so balls deep in overwatch you'd get laid once in a while."

The knock was so light you almost missed it. Track pants, t-shirt, messy bun and bare feet you padded across the room to answer it.  

Looking through the peephole Jungkook stood on the other side. 

You opened the door without a word or smile. "Can I come in?"

You opened it wide and walked away. 

Plopping down on your bean bag chair you picked up your game controller and proceeded to ignore him. 

"Can I play?" 

You shrugged and threw the other controller at him. 

He sat on the floor next to you and set himself up. "Can we talk about last night?" 

"Sure what part? The part where you brushed our plans off or the part where you accused me of fucking Jimin?" 

Taking aim you fired…

"Y/N, What the fuck? We're on the same team."

He grunted in frustration, "The part where you slept in my bed." 

You turned and shot him again.

"Sorry, I just needed a place to crash."

You moved on with your mission.

Recouping he found you in his cross hairs and pulled the trigger.

"Can we just stop playing games?" 

You threw your controller down.

"Fine what the fuck do you want me to say? That I like you? That it fucking hurts to know you prefer to interact with me through a god damn screen?" 

He reached over and shut off the console.

"Move over."

"Jungkook, there is hardly room for two."

He pressed his body onto yours laying you back on the pliant chair. Staring into your eyes before pressing his lips to yours he smiled, "I like you too." 

"This is never going to work you know, we're both way too stubborn." He cut you off with another kiss. 

"I don't know, I think we make a pretty good team, at least when you're not shooting me."

You wrapped your legs around him tightly feeling him hard against you.

"Video games are kind of our thing, what else are we going to do for fun?" 

"Hang on tight." He stood with you still wrapped around him.

"We're going to try a new thing. Where's your bedroom?

#jungkook #kookie #bts jungkook #jungkook imagine #guk #nochu #bts

[hearteyes-for-killmonger]

2. REBIRTH

Rule 1: The human whose name is written in this journal shall die.

This was someone's handwriting. Probably some bizarre joke or elaborate social experiment. "What the fuck is this," Erik mumbled in disgust staring at the words. Someone's sick sense of humor? He reclined in his leather chair waiting for someone to tell him he was being recorded. Looking at the office phone on his desk, he anticipated the ring. At any moment, Gloria would call up and he'd return the prop to whatever production, laughing it off while refusing to sign the release. He checked his watch. Any minute now. His fingers drummed on the desk in wait.

In the meantime, the first few pages of the journal had been ripped out. Whoever dropped this book had obviously taken out what they didn't want to be seen and they'd left instructions on the inside of the front cover along with some foreign symbols, symbols Erik had never seen before.

Rule 2: This entry will not take effect unless the writer has the person's face in their mind when writing his/her name. Therefore, people sharing the same name will not be affected.

"An elaborate prank," he mused. "Someone has way too much time on their hands." Flipping through the blank pages, he closed the journal and tucked it into his black Burberry London suitcase. Out of sight, out of mind. Reawakening his computer, he decided to split his new tasks into smaller responsibilities and divvy them out to his staff including the task of updating the user control panel for the network. He could be home in time to surprise Mika for dinner afterall.

🎶 I spent my whole life tryna make it, tryna chase it/ The cycle of a black man divided, tryna break it/ You take a loss, shit don't cry about it, just embrace it/ Minor setback for major comeback, that's my favorite/ My nigga L said, "You do a song with Nip, K. Dot he a better Crip"/ I said, "He a man first, you hear the words out his lips?/ About flourishing from the streets to black businesses?"🎶

Turning off the engine, Erik let down the garage door and exited the vehicle walking through the front door of his Rockridge craftsman home. "BABY," he called stripping off his black wool blazer to drape over his arm. Immediately he heard footsteps rushing in his direction before his woman appeared, colliding into his chest.

"Oh Captain, my Captain," Mika swooned. Her glasses were fogged and her auburn dreads were in a messy bun on top of her head. Her eyes were dewy and mildly pink. He shook his head, putting it together.

"Again?"

"It was either this or go to the protest and you forbid me to go. Besides, it's like therapy for me," she sighed. "Dead Poets Society and Good Will Hunting.. Don't look at me like that. I needed to be elevated! Too much bad news," she frowned. He knew exactly what she was feeling. He felt it too. He followed her into the kitchen where his plate sat covered in aluminum foil. It was still warm since he wasn't late like she'd expected. Kissing Mika on the forehead, he draped his blazer on the back of his chair and set the table, opening the bottle of Pink Moscato he'd purchased on the way home to pour two glasses.

"Tell me about this case."

"Well I told you about the police brutality. You've probably seen the hashtags by now. Erik? I wanted to cry. I took this job to stop shit like this and now it's happening right under my watch in my city. I knew that cop, Erik. And now when I look at him I wonder what that badge means to him--What mine means. Without it, would he shoot me like he shot that boy?"

Erik chewed silently, letting her question hang in the air. They both knew the answer, he didn't have to speak it and make things worse.

"I had a horrible case aside from that.. I've been trying not to think about it, but--" she sighed rubbing the deepening crease between her brows. "I saved a little boy today.. he was eight years old and now he has to go into the foster care system because his dad killed his mom and his sister. I-- I was too late to save them."

"You saved one and to that one, it makes all the difference."

"Now that we have the father in custody, he and his lawyer are claiming that the murders were due to a mental illness and he's got the prior diagnosis to support it. If he gets off in court because of this, I will scream. Erik, I will shoot him myself. He took a baseball bat to a child's head, Erik. A twelve-year-old girl."

Laying down his fork and knife, Erik stood walking around the table to squeeze and rub Mika's shoulders, smoothing out the balls of tension. Her head rolled and she exhaled, her body relaxing. His lips pressed gently into her jaw and he dropped to one knee, pulling her fork from her hand and grabbing both of her hands in his.

"Mika? You are great at what you do and no one could've done it any better. You saved a boy's life today and you didn't kill the other two, he did. That's on him, not you." He kissed her knuckles as her soft eyes gazed upon his. The rest of dinner went by with lighter conversation. He let her go on as long as she needed to talking about Robin Williams and his therapeutic presence in cinema and after doing the dishes, it was time to retreat into his office as was his usual routine.

He booted up his computer and logged into his emails. There were four new ones of importance relating to business. His work was never done it seemed. Reaching into his black suitcase, he pulled out a gold-colored flash drive, but paused when his fingers touched the spine of the leather journal. Who wrote this shit?

Rule 3:  If the cause of death is written within the next 40 seconds of writing the person's name, it will happen.

Rule 4: If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack.

Rule 5: After writing the cause of death, details of the death should be written in the next 6 minutes and 40 seconds.

He had to take it in. The cursive semed to be written in something similar to ink but not quite. "These dumbass rules." Imagine someone sane coming up with something as ridiculous as this.

The black pen on Erik's desk shined, daring him to pick it up as his eyes flickered between it and the blank page. Nah, Erik, chill. You buggin out right now.

Erik grabbed his computer mouse, clicking to wake the computer. Clicking onto his favorite internet browser, he typed in the name of the boy who'd been shot by the cop earlier in the day. Jayson Miller. Noting various tweets, posts, and videos, he paid especially close attention to the protest that was happening in the neighborhood. Police were lined up and it was a matter of time before the National Guard got involved. He searched to find the name of the cop who'd shot Jayson but his name was protected. He decided he'd watch through the videos instead. That didn't turn up much.

An idea struck him. He knew he probably shouldn't, but the fact that he could do it and get away with it made him do it anyway. From his computer, he dusted off his old skills from high school and early college, cracking into Mika's work assigned computer from his own. He was able to easily hack the police database and find the cop on duty when Jayson got shot. Picking up the pen, he jotted down the name.

Phil Mathers.

He'd seen the guy a few times himself. Phil seemed the type to do something questionable for a few bucks and a vacation. Reading the report written by Phil himself, it read like the typical "he had a weapon" rhetoric of fear. It was as good as an admission of guilt.

"Fourty seconds to die? We'll see."

He waited for the report to come of Phil's death. Anything. Then he realized, he probably wouldn't hear about it so soon. He decided to cruise the internet in search of another current crime before stopping short realizing the most obvious option. Holding his pen, he wrote the second name.

Ronald Clump

Counting down silently, he leaned back in his chair to watch his screen. He'd refreshed the page and clicked around about six times.

"Well, guess that settles it.. This some old bullsh-"

The President of the United States suffers a heart attack.  9:22 PM.

The pen dropped from Erik's hand rolling into the floor as he gaped at the screen. A quick search showed two more sources confirming that the president had indeed passed.

"What the fuck? Nah. No. This isnt real. That was a coincidence, his old ass was in his last days. No." Jumping up, he paced the floor in disbelief. "He was gonna die anyway, it wasn't me." Stroking through his beard anxiously, he looked over to the journal sitting open on his desk. It was impossible. It didn't make any sense. He had to try it again--just to see. Because no way did this old journal have anything to do with what just happened. That would make him a murderer.

One more time.

Shutting down the computer, he moved to the bathroom he shared with his girl, showering, brushing his teeth, and running the electric massager through his scalp. When he got to bed, Mika was sitting up watching a stream of the protest. He gently took the phone from her hand exiting the stream and placing the device on a charger. He could feel her annoyance. If she couldn't be at the protest, she wanted to at least see it to feel that she was there. "Give your mind a rest, Mika. You've consumed enough death and destruction for a day." That seemed to give her pause as her face turned thoughtful, a small sigh releasing.

"You're right," she conceded laying on her side. He climbed into the bed beside her, looking her in the eyes. "Erik, I'm tired."

"I know. So am I."

A kiss on her forehead led her eyes to shut and soon he felt that she'd drifted off to sleep. After fifteen more minutes, it was clear that she had. Lifting from the bed silently, he walked into the closet pulling a pair of North Face joggers and a matching hoodie. Over the hoodie, he wore a black North Face vest and and black leather Saint Laurent Lenny sneakers. The journal, he tucked into the vest with a pen clipped inside.

While Mika slept, it was time to put the journal to the test. He swept downstairs and through the front door pulling off in his matte black Audi R8. Destination: Fruitvale.

Tag list: @muse-of-mbaku  @goddessofthundathighs  @panthergoddessbast  @thadelightfulone  @misspooh  @marvelmaree  @youreadthatright  @forbeautyandlife  @theunsweetenedtruth  @bidibidibombaclaat  @myboyfriendgiriboy  @dameshaemonique  @blackpantherimagines    @vikkidc  @hidden-treasures21  @mysidefanting  @hold-me-like-a-heart-beat  @syndrlla97  @winteroflife  @thotyana-in-this-hoe    @texasbama  @gingerylimonte  @princessstevens    @magic-madness-heavensin  @wawakanda-btch  @scrumptiouslytenaciouscrusade  @wakanda-inspired  @blackgirloneshots  @thegucciwaffle  @thiccdaddy-mbaku    @purplehairgawdess  @indigoxsummers  @cccccx1    @dynastylnoire  @iamrheaspeaks  @blowmymbackout   @they-call-me-le  @theblulife  @raysunshine78  @sheisexcellent @fd-writes @soufcakmistress @ju5tp34chy

#original #erik killmonger #killmonger #black panther #black panther fanfiction #black panther killmonger #tchalla #death note

[laughing-with-god]

Hi!!! I've just started following you (yandere is my guilty pleasure, so thank god I found your blog) so I don't really know if you take requests or not (I think not), but would you consider, anytime in the future, doing a yandere fanboys but with exo? I loved the BTS one and I'm curious to see how an exo one would turn out ❤️❤️❤️

BITCH I WAS AN EXO-L BEFORE ANYTHING. (Tbh I consider myself more of one than an army but that’s controversial so👀🤫)

Suho- Supportive stan. Buys anything and everything concerning you and your group. The type of guy to buy multiple copies of the same merch or album bc he just wants to support his baby. Has went to multiple fanmeets and concerts, you have seen him many times. Isn’t a big fan of social media but just got an account to follow you. His friends know that whenever they hang out with him, they’re gonna have to catch an earful about the latest thing you did. Tries imitating little catch phrases or stunts you’ve done on variety shows or V-live. Doesn’t participate in fan wars bc he’s classy but if someone said anything negative about you, he would def just make an disgusted face and leave their presence. KING of sending gifts, has handed you a few small ones during fanmeets.

Lay- Very sheepish about his love for you. Buys all the merch and music but doesn’t let people know how big of a fan he is. Practices your choreo and songs, even has his own manlier versions for your performances. You’re the inspiration for any love songs he writes/composes from that point on. He tries to act like how he thinks you would want in a man. If he thinks you like the gentle type, then he’ll practice acting more coy and content. If he thinks you like a manly man, he’ll hit the gym and act more bold. You’re his ideal type of woman. for the few times he did try to date after discovering you, he couldn’t stand women who didn’t resemble you in any way. His wardrobe will change to alter himself into your style. He doesn’t really notice it, the progression happens naturally/subconsciously. His dream is to one day perform with you.

Chen- Everyone within a five mile radius will now how obsessed this guy is with you. Hums your songs everyday while doing mundane chores. Excitedly squeals whenever you update any social media, not caring where the fuck he is. Regularly posts covers of your songs. You’re his phone background, iPad, Apple Watch, laptop EVERYTHING. Dances excitedly whenever he hears your music. Denies being a solo stan, but like he ain’t fooling anything bc he mainly only belts out YOUR lyrics and only half-assedly hums along to the other members’ lines. Not above getting nasty if someone attacks your reputation. Very protective as well, HATES dating rumors with a passion. Really wants to collaborate with you.

Chanyeol- Thinks he is being slick about his love for you but tbh he is not. Religiously streams your music, wears merch and will refuse to leave the house if you were gonna make an appearance on tv bc HE CANNOT MISS IT DAMMIT. Covers your songs, all acoustic. Comments on all your social media pics about how gorgeous you are. The type of guy to need at least a day of no one talking to him after you made a comeback bc he is just so flabbergasted. You will be his background and everything for any electronic he owns. The type to get livid if you looked like you were getting thinner or worn out by schedules. He doesn’t hate girl groups but he doesn’t like them either bc they are your competition. (Still hasn’t forgiven Twice for stealing that award from you). Boy groups annoy him though, will def be naive enough to believe all dating scandals concerning you. He now hates all of Bts, Wanna One, Got7 and half of NCT bc why were they looking at you with heart eyes at that award show?!

Baekhyun- Could shout his devotion to you from the mountain tops. Sings your songs more than his own. Bold asl, def the type to slip up while on Tv and admit he fucking adores you. (Suho will have his ass on a platter for that but like 🤷🏻‍♀️). Headass enough to copy your outfits, tells himself that he’s just completing the other half of the ‘couple aesthetic’. Would drop anything and everything to watch your insta live or check your lastest social media post. Chanyeol bought him a backstage ticket for one of your shows and baekhyun almost promised to give Yeol his first born he was so touched. Thinks he is being subliminal by adding little hints for his love for you on his insta captions but everyone knows what’s up. Sends letters and gifts your way, squeals so loud if you respond in any way. Already has your future kids names picked out. He tired to figure out what type of perfume you wore so he could spray it on his clothes to feel closer to you. Would die before he admits it to anyone.

D.O- Silent stan. His obsession with you is so well hidden. None of the members would even know about it until someone says something slightly offputting about you and Kyungsoo puts them in their place. Adoringly calls you his ‘wifey’ in his mind. Watches variety shows, movies or interviews over and over again. Almost every night. You know those ASMR videos with idols? He listens to yours to fall asleep. Your voice is just so soothing to him. Practices making your favorite meals. Trains himself to remember information about you. He hates thinking that there could be another fan out there who knows more about you then he does. Fav food, pet peeves, height, weight, blood type, school name, birthday ect. HE KNOWS IT ALL. sings your songs to himself often but doesn’t dare post covers. He personally finds covers to be really offensive. The only person who should be singing your songs is you. No other voice could top your delightful tone. Reads tips on how to be a good husband in preparation for you.

Xiumin- uwu stan. Tries to recreate your pictures for his own social media. Quiet but supportive of you, won’t openly blast your music when others are near but when he’s by himself? Hell yeah, sign him tf up. Wants to be your ideal man, starts dressing differently for you. Covers your songs and likes singing along with you on the radio bc he adores the sound of your voices together. Gets hella hurt with dating rumors, don’t mention it around him bc he’ll just get really silent and gloomy. Lowkey he can be pretty petty with other boys who lingered too long at you at events or award shows. Collects polloroid pictures of you, goes over them every night. Has dipped into fanfic about you once or twice bc it just fills this hole inside him. An insufferable urge to be with you. Gets a new cat and names it after you. (Unless ofc you hate cats and prefer dogs bc Xiumin would abandon his love of cats for you)

Kai- He wasn’t sure how it started....okay that’s a lie. Jongin first just thought you were a really fashionable and chic idol. He kept an eye out for you just bc you were very different, but then it grew into an infatuation. He stopped watching you simply for fashion reasons and started watching you bc he was just so enchanted by you. You could advertise a product and he’d the type to go buy it just bc it’s you advertising it. It could literally be something so stupid, like a dish sponge but Jongin would still quietly go out and buy 15 bc like your face is on it....he hates dating rumors concerning him. Like when fans pair him up with Jennie or Krystal, he gets pressed bc like obvi it’s YOU he should be with not them. Very terrified of the idea you could come across his dating rumors and think he’s not loyal to you.

Sehun- Proud, certified Y/n trash. Would wear your merch everyday if he could. His most played songs are all from you. If you ever were on a movie, drama or tv show then they would immediately be his favorite, binge watches it multiple times. Changes his style to fit your aesthetic. Would burn his entire wardrobe if it didn’t suit your tastes. Watches your social media very closely. It’s pretty obvious to other people that he likes you bc you’re literally the only person he follows on insta. Copies your posts for his own account. (I.e; the Miranda Kerr incident👀) He monitors what other people say about you, once got into a heated debate with a nitizen in an effort to defend your honor. Wants to start his own fan café for you. Can and will send expensive gifts your way. The type of guy to look up your guys’ astrological signs and read the compatibility reports. Helps him feel closer to you. If you ever came on screen while his dog was nearby, he point and say “Look vivi, it’s mommy!”

#exo #exo reactions #yandere exo #kpop #chanyeol #sehun #baekhyun #yandere #yixing #lay #kai #jongin #suho #xiumin #jongdae #chen

[gamegrumpiess]

Sleepwalk

I was listening to Sleepwalk by Renee Olstead, and I had this idea.

Grump: Danny (from now on, most will be Danny. Unless you request someone else, which I will be happy to do!)

Btw! I'm this plot, Renee didn't write the lyrics. You did! She isn't even a singer in this universe. Just a heads up.

-

Y/n's POV

I can't sleep tonight. It's been a month since me and Danny broke up, but I can't help but still mourn our relationship. It was mutual, at least that's what he thinks. I would've never called it off. I was so in love with him. I still am. We told the fans, and they were pretty supportive in what we did. A lot of them were really sad, as was I. Danny is a singer just like me. I do silly songs just like him. But he encouraged me to do a cover album or a cover song. I did one album, Cover Me Up was the name. It got a lot of love, which I am very proud of.

I turn on my phone to check the time. 4:23 am. The bold numbers shine at me in front of Danny's face. I couldn't bring it to myself to change my screensaver. It's not like anyone's gonna see. I miss him a lot, every night gets harder than the last. He was my world. I've known him since senior year of high school, he was a huge part of my life. And now... That's no more. He's probably living his best life. Being Danny Sexbang and all. He probably has girls flying at his feet, throwing him their panties and offering 'the night of his life'. I understand I might be over thinking, but I can't help it. He was mine, and now he's out there doing who knows what. I let a few stray tears fall down ontou pillow. It's so lonely here at night now. I love what I do, singing, dancing, having fun. It was just so much more amazing when I had someone to share it with.

I lay my head back a stare at the ceiling. I need to distract myself, so I reach for my headphones and plug them in, looking for my Oldies playlist. I click on it and the song that comes on is Sleepwalk by Santo and Johnny. Listening to the slow beat and light guitar, I cry even more. Just my luck, huh? I can't just lay here, I really should get up and something. Writing usually helps me calm down. That's when I get an idea for a song, it's a bit sad and people will know exactly who its about. But maybe that's what needs to happen. My feelings should be out there. And if something goes wrong, I'll accept the outcomes.

I pull up my pen and notebook and just start writing.

"Sleepwalk, instead of dreamin' I

Sleepwalk.

Cause' I lost you and now, what am I to do?

Can't believe that we're through.

Sleep talk. Cause' I miss you, I sleep talk.

While the memories of you wither like a soul.

Darling I was so low.

The night fills me with blame. I see your face, tears through my brain.

I know I miss you so. I still love you, drives me insane.

Sleepwalk. Every night I just sleepwalk. Please come back, and when you walk inside the door, I will sleepwalk no more."

I immediately went to my computer set up and staring out my own little version of Sleepwalk. More of like a piano and violin cover, rather than guitar and drum. Once I had it to where I wanted the beat and rhythm, I pulled up my microphone and started singing away.

Danny's POV

This morning was the worst. I couldn't sleep at all, I've been up since 3:30 am. I guess I haven't really gotten used to sleeping by myself. Without y/n's body near mine, it's hard to even get tired. I do miss her. A lot actually. I know it was my idea to call off the relationship, but I was scared of what would happen if I didn't have enough time for her. I have game grumps, starbomb, and ninja sex party. She deserves someone who has all the time in the world to give her all the attention she deserves. When we told the fans, I didn't expect them to be so sad. I even lost a handful of fans because of it. She agreed, but I knew her better. She was on the verge of tears when she left. She was trying to be strong so I wouldn't see that side of her, but I know better than that. When she left I broke down. Gripped and clawed at my hair, cried on the edge of the bed, wondering if I had made the right choice. I big-huge part of me was telling myself I didn't.

My phone buzzes, and I see its a text from Arin.

When you get here I need to show you something.

Oh what fresh hell does he have to subject my eyes to. Last time he said that, I had to watch 12 Days Of Elves... Don't ask.

I finally arrived at the Grump Space. I see everyone in their usual area. Ryan and Matt at the computers, Ross and Barry in the kitchen making coffee, and the only other people here this early is Arin and me. Everyone else usually is a little late. "Thank god you're finally here. You haven't felt your phone buzzing?" I give him a confused look. "Other than you texting me, no. You know I have notifications turned off for my social media. What's going on?" He turns on the computer in front of us. "You should hear this before anything. I promise you, it's important." I roll my eyes. "This better not be some stupid shit, Arin!" I say with a light laugh. He shook his head, and I knew from the look in his eyes that this was in fact important.

Once the computer was fully on, he went to YouTube. Looking up y/n's name, I felt my stomach turn. Did she have a new boyfriend? Was she sick? Did she die?! I understand that last one is a bit of a long shot, but I tend to over think a lot.

A video was uploaded at 7:00 am this morning? "' sleepwalk? ' isn't that an old song?" I say confused. But I'm not all that surprised. She always did love the oldies. He nods his head. "She added her own lyrics and tune to it. And I think you should hear it." I nodded and put on some earphones, pushing play on the video. Her voices comes on, and it feels so amazing to hear her voice again. Even if it is just an intro in a YouTube video.

"Hello everyone. I had this idea for a song at like 3 in the morning. I couldn't sleep, so I made this. I hope you like it..."

The video fades to black and then it shows her at her little office space she has in her room. The music starts up, and at this point I notice her eyes. They're a little red and slightly puffy. She did a good job covering it up, but I've known her since senior year. She can't hide that from me.

She sings softly yet with so much passion and emotion. The lyrics sink in, and I know why Arin wanted to hear this. Its about me. I scroll down to look at the description and comments, and they all say things along the lines of 'I fucken sad now.' 'Wow, Danny really did a number on her' 'DANNY YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS SHIT!' 'This makes me so sad because she literally couldn't sleep thinking about him... Danny get your girl back!' 'Damn that made me tear up... '

After the video ended, I look at my phone. Y/n's face still smiles at me from behind the screen. I didn't want to change it, I couldn't do it. I felt several tears hit my leg, I didn't even realize i was crying. "Hey Dan, are you okay?" Arin puts his hand on my shoulder comfortingly. "No... I'm not at all." I open up Twitter and see thousands of notifications to nsp and game grumps. All of which telling me to see what I just saw. I stood up slowly, feeling a little disappointed in myself. How could I let her walk out of my life so easily...?

Y/n's POV

After I posted the video, I decided I should really try to get some sleep. Especially since thousands of people will blow up my phone later on. Once in bed again, I tried to think of all the possibilities and outcomes of this. It could either go really well, or go really horribly bad. I guess we'll just have to see.

I wake up several hours later to my phone ringing. The sky is still a little bright to I assume it's not that late. 'Suzy <3' shines up at me. I smile, me and her always stayed quite close. "Hello?" I try to run the sleep out of my eyes. "Hey, are feeling okay? I heard your song, and I know it's about Dan. How are you, hun?"

It means a lot that she's not just calling about GET HIM BACK! She just wants to know if I'm okay. "Honestly? I feel so empty. Luckily today is just a lazy day so I don't have to adult today. But still.... I feel lost." I hear her sigh, "I know, y/n. It sucks. But you have me! And I'm way better than Danny!" She says jokingly. "Damn right you are! I'll call you a bit later when I'm more awake, okay?" We say our goodbyes and I sit up more in bed. I take a quick look at my notification bar and just as I expected, its blowin up. 'When will I stop being a pussy?' My thoughts we're interrupted by several rings of my doorbell.

Without looking through the peephole I open the door, only to see a certain curly haired man standing on my doorstep. "Danny? What are you doing here?" His eyes are glazed over and puffy as if he had just finished crying. He looked down. "I.... I heard your song. Was it... Was it about me? I'm sorry, I just need to know. I couldn't focus at all today during work. And on my way home, I just couldn't take it anymore. I have to know." My anxiety goes up a long shot. My eyes looking at everyone but him. "Y/n... I need to know." I slowly nod my head, still avoiding his eyes. "May I come in? I think we should talk.." I scoot to the side to let him in. "I'm sorry if I caused a lot of drama. I just thought... It would be better if I just made it into a song rather than.. Just telling you." I confessed. He grabbed my shoulders. "Don't be sorry, y/n. When we broke up, and you left. I broke down. I couldn't handle the fact that I just let you go.. I'm sorry."

"Then why did you do it? Why wait so fucking long to come to my house?! Why hurt me this bad, leaving me all alone when all I wanted was you! I hated knowing that YOU let me just walk out. And you looked like you... Like you didn't even give a shit..." I couldn't help it. I let all my emotions explode on him. "Why do you think I did?! Y/n, you deserve someone who has the time for you, who will give you all the attention in the world. Someone who will GIVE you the world! I want nothing more than to have you back again, but you don't deserve someone like me! I love with all my soul, hell, I'd give up everything for your dumbass! I didn't say anything till now because I thought you'd be mad, and I thought you'd moved on, hated me even!" He was standing pretty close to me by now. "Well no shit I'd be mad! You think I don't deserve you? Bullshit! You've already given me the world and more! Don't think that I don't understand about your job because I do the same fucking thing!!! I know it's hard, but I was willing to work even harder because I love you more than life itself! I deserve you just like you deserve me!" He rolled his eyes. "You're fucking gorgeous! You can have any man you want! What the hell is so special about me?" I got in his face once again, "because you are so much better than any other man I've met! We've known each other for YEARS and you think I'd just give all that up?! What kinda drugs are you on, Dan? Do you think I'm that fucken dumb? I haven't slept in weeks because it feels so horrible not having you next to me. That's some bullshit to say that I can have any man I want. I want YOU, dipshit!" I couldn't help it, I fell to my knees, shaking from trying to hold back tears. How he say that I didn't deserve him? He was my world, he still is my world. Nothing will change that.

He walks to me, and sits on the floor with me. I feel his arms wrap around me, and I lean into his chest. "I'm sorry.. I loved you more than anything. I still do. Can you please give me another chance..? Now, I won't ever think you don't deserve me. I won't think anything like that. You mean the world to me, y/n. Please don't forget that." I look up at him, seeing his eyes filled with new tears. "Well duh, how can i say no to this face?" I grab his cheeks and smush them together and laugh. "I love you too, Danny." He smiled and leaned in and gave me a much needed kiss.

#danny sexbang #game grumps #dan avidan x reader #dan x reader #dan avidan

[channoticedmeuwu]

why am I so cranky lately

like I don't get it why am I so upset why am I running away from things that my parents want me to do

Why am I normally so tired and why are my bones hurting. Why can't I just be happy with what I have. Why do I have to go around sobbing and seeing who I can talk to because I hate showing weakness to people who can potentially look up to me. Why do I have to watch triggering and upsetting things to feel pain so I can let go of the weighing thing in my chest. Why do I have to sit around and cry everytime someone yells at me.

Why do I have to loose everything I love. Why does it always have to come to an end. Why am I the one who always has to seek comfort in words when I'm upset. Why can't I just be happy. Why does it have to boil down to that.

Why can I never be satisfied. Why do I have to do everything by myself. Why do I have to feel so fucking ugly and why do I have to feel so fucking alone. Why am I always paranoid and why do I feel like I'm being ignored. Why do I hate people for not responding to me and why do I hate people for calling me for help over and over again. Why can't I just ever get over what she did to me and why can't I ever get over that my life is not always perfect.

Why do i have to feel like I'm losing touch with everyone. Why does everyone have to either leave, grow up, or die. Why does it always happen and why does it always fuck me up. Why does everyone have to lie and why do I have to care. Why am I like myself and why am I never satisfied with it. Why am I hating myself for what my life is like. Why do I have to cry in front of a screen and why do I have to hide my feelings away.

is it normal to go through something like this for everyone? why can't I just be happy. Why can't I just have my friends and my family to myself without them leaving and why can't I just be happy. Why why why.

but I guess I'll never know.

#kai's marble collection #tw : death #tw : pain #tw : negativity basically

[talesofaduelist]

Rivalshipping Gone Wrong: NSFW Completed Scene

Kaiba: I notice you, my dear.

Yugi: *dies*

Kaiba: *gasps* No! *gently holds* You can't be dead! If you were dead, then 4Kids wouldn've censored it!

Yugi: Sounds like they are going to cancel us after this! *kisses cheek*

Kaiba: No! I had so much screen time promised! *nuzzles....angrily* Why did you die?! It's incredibly selfish of you!

Yugi: *giggles* Sucks for you uh?! Time to go! *soul slowly slips out of body*

Kaiba: N-...*show cancels*

Yugi: *years later show returns with full rivalshipping momentous* Did you miss me? *winks*

Kaiba: Like a hole in my head! I had to...to...work with the commoners! *crushes into chest because that's an apt definition of a hug. An angry hug*

Yugi: Kai..ba...can't...breathe.... *faints*

Kaiba: Yes! Yes! Choke on my affection! *laughs evilly and then..* Wait! No! *pushes away before you die again and take my screen time away again, not realizing you've fainted*

Yugi: *lays on floor....lifeless...*

Yugi: *suddenly breaths again...panting* Okay listen...you gotta stop trying to kill me...

Kaiba: I didn't kill last time, you little runt, but if cancel this show before I receive the screen time that was promised in my contract, I'll be sure to...resolve the issue.

Yugi: *raises eyebrow* Oh? *innocent voice* Resolve the issue how? I'm extremely curious!

Kaiba: Lol I'm sure you can figure out how. Now...who wants a hug?

Yugi: *pouts* You always do that...Don't distract me with affection!

Kaiba: Hug? *innocent look*

Yugi: *defeated* Yes please.

Kaiba: *hugs and tries to stifle evil laughter* See, I'm harmless... *presses knife to back* Completely harmless....

Yugi: Kaiba, why do I feel a sort of pinch on y back? *concerned*

Kaiba: Hm? No reason.. *removes knife and hides it away, needs screen time, need crazy fan girls* that’s a nice shirt.. *runs hand down your back*

Yugi: *goose bumps and screaming* Kaiba omg! We are rated for children! Please refrain yourself! At least until we cut to commercials. *wink*

Kaiba: You heard him! *glares at camera man* Cut to the commercials!

Yugi: Alright! It’s game time! *takes off shirt and throws it on floor. Camera man stares in awe*

Kaiba: *the Yugi-oh commercial starts playing* *raises eyebrow*

Yugi: Oh shit! We aren’t suppose to be in that right?! *still shirtless*

Kaiba: Yes. With Yami. *shoves shirt at you* uhh.. Kaiba-Sama… What?! Yami got a better contract on a different show, remember? *growls* Bastard!

Yugi: Okay so wait… *puts shirt on* are we doing this or what? *laughs at Kaiba cause he’s being an idiot*

Kaiba: *glares daggers at Yugi* stop that..

Yugi: *snorts then stops before he gets stabbed*

Kaiba: I am NOT doing an ad that clearly has SEXUAL UNDERTONES! That was always Yami’s stick anyway. *crosses arms*

Yugi: *pouts* awww… Not even with me? *walks away slowly.. *

Kaiba: What do you think? *camera man clears throat* Ahem.. Kaiba-Sama, its in your contract. You need to perform in at least 5 ads a month. *sighs* Fine! *grabs Yugi* let’s get this over with..

Yugi: Yay!!! *throws shirt off again* *serious face and begins dialogue* “Are you tired of going to the beach and getting your duel monster’s cards wet?! Well not anymore! *pulls out water protective card sleeves from God knows where* introducing Yugioh Wet Sleeves!

Kaiba: WHERE did you pull that OUT from? And how would *plucks protective out of Yuugi’s hand* protect your cards? Water can still get in.. it’s not airtight.. Here, let me demonstrate.. where’s your dark magician?

Yugi: *terrified* Ah hell no! Just cause we are doing this dumb commercial doesn’t mean they work! *pulls Kaiba closer son his lips are at his ear* but wouldn’t you like to know where they came from. *camera man who is now angry coughs abruptly*

Kaiba: Buy your ineffectual protective sleeves today! They’re just as useless as you are stupid for bringing your cards into the water! *turns to Yugi* WHERE?!

Yugi: I’ll show you later, but only if you stop the camera guy from glaring at me. *points to camera guy who is now enraged and starting to walk over to them*

Kaiba: *stands his ground and channels a glare that is equally as strong as the camera man’s*

Yugi: talesofaduelest

Ohhh…..my hubby is so intimidating!…Oh wait…I mean my boyfriend….oh wait….I mean my….rival? Agh, I don’t even know what I’m saying anymore. *pouts and wraps arms around Kaiba*

Kaiba: *holds hubby protectively * DO NOT glare at my precious yugi muffin.

Yugi: *disgusted* Muffin?! Gezzz…..I could have swore I was more of a cupcake….

Kaiba: Cinnamon roll?

Yugi: *Raises eyebrow* Better…..

Kaiba: DO NOT GLARE AT THE YUGI CUPCAKE/CINNAMON ROLL.

Yugi: *glittering eyes* Awww….that’s the sweetest thing you’ve said all day!

Kaiba: I WILL RAISE MY GLARE ATTACK POINTS SO IT IS STRONGER AND THEREFORE, WILL DAMAGE YOUR LIFEPOINTS

Yugi: *confused look* Uh…right! That sounds fair! Take that! *proud boyfriend is proud* *camera man walks out, quitting his job*

Kaiba: HE COULD NOT WITHSTAND MY GLARE ATTACK. *cuddles Yugi*

Yugi: *cuddles back* Whatever you say…now…can I have my shirt back? Or are you just going to hold me while I’m half naked and not finish the job? *eyebrow wiggle*

Kaiba: stares at Yugi**rips off own shirt*Better?

Yugi: *stares at 6 pack…drools* Uh hu….*doesn’t make eye contact*

Kaiba: *hands wonder across chest, pinching at a nipple* the camera man… left his camera here… *hands wonder further down chest towards groin*

Yugi: *licks lips* Oh? Well…uhmm….we should let it go to waste right? I hope the battery it fully charged…this could take a while. *breaks Kaiba’s hold and runs towards the camera, all while trying to unbuckle his pants*

Kaiba: *swings hips a little and tries to catch eye contact with Yugi again* wait.. *pulls out phone and finds a sexy-I’m-going-to-strip-for-you-and-you’re-going-to-like-it song* better.. *sensually rolls hips to the music, unzipping and pulling down pants*

Yugi: *eyes get extremely wide* Kaiba! *still staring then pulls a near by chair and sits in it, shirtless and pants unzipped, but still on* Maybe you should bring your circus freak show tall ass over here and give me a lap dance! *eyebrow wiggle*

Kaiba: *positions camera so that it’s pointed at them* I’m keeping the tape, btw.. *saunters over to Yuugi and starts to grind against the other’s lap*

Yugi: Fine but you gotta make me a wooo……*gulps and locks eyes with Kaiba’s uh….you know….* *places both hands on his hips, face starts to feel hot* Okay listen this isn’t fair…why do you get to be the sexy one all the time???

Kaiba: Because I’m the anti-hero. It’s how the fan girls choose to see me.. *continues to rub against Yuugi*

Yugi: *conitunes to breath heavy* Kaiba I can’t handle the level of sexy that is going on here…..

Kaiba: Well.. *moans at the feel and grips the back of Yuugi’s chair to try and control himself* I’m not.. *louder moan* fuck… going to censor myself.. that’s team four star’s job..

Yugi: *breaths heavier* don’t censor this…. The video will be too good not too… Agh. * moans Kaibas name and starts to move hands into Kaibas pants*

Kaiba: *moves Yuugi’s hands so that they’re brushing against his erection* it… won’t be.. I’m.. ahh.. too rich and powerful to be trifled with.. *pulls Yuugi up and pushes him up against a wall, being sure that the camera is still pointed and them being doing wicked-should-definitely-be-censored things*

Yugi: *gasps at the pressure because of both the wall and Kaiba pressed against him* Well are you too rich to kiss me or…. Ahhh…. *finally finding his way into Kaiba’s pants so he’s touching him skin to skin* *moaning* So big…….

Kaiba: *smirks* You like it? I’m better than Yami.. *sucks Yuugi’s neck*

Yugi: Yami who? *smirks*

-Scene Ends-

[musicalmelody001]

So, like, back on that crutches thing nobody cared about...

It's been a while. It's the end of the 4th week, and those estimated 2-3 weeks to heal were a LIE. My foot still hurts pretty much on the same level as it did on the third day- a fuck ton better than the first, but still an issue walking. Granted, I only used the crutches for 6 days before I got tired of using my entire lunch break walking TO the bathroom. So, like. Still hurts. Except, oh yeah. Some fun stuff. Someone hit my car the second week, and I walked without my crutches to the nearest store (two city major intersections) in heavy-ass rain to get some ducttape to put back together the pieces of my bumper that I had JUST replaced out-of-pocket. I wasn't gonna buy a new fucking bumper less than a month after getting this one. Fuck that. Then, THIS WEEK. This week started off with a bang if that bang is a gun that shoots you in the face with bullets that explode into fireworks that spell "Fuck You".

Monday, I woke up super late and instead of arriving 30min early as I prefer, I showed up 6 minutes late. Which is TECHNICALLY a fireable offense. Later, my co-worker asked me to drive her to her friend's house after work. Her car was out of comission and would otherwise walk home - 13ish miles. So I drove her to the opposite edge of the city, the long way around because of course the gps is messing up. I finally get her to her friend's house, and turn on the gps to head home. It's about 40 minutes since we left work, but GPS says 22min to home with light traffic. Sounds good. Wanna eat some ice cream. Monday was expected to be -and WAS- the worst/bussiest/most aggrivating day of the quarter, possibly TWO quarters. All the fucking stars alligned for the day from hell for the whole department for eight solid hours.

Anywhoo, heading onto the only highway for miles -because we're inthe middle of nowhere and there's just green everywhere outside of that one main street a mile back that had a neighborhood and like three businesses, and about a mile or so down the road I notice a bunch of heat in the cabin. Coming from the air vents. And a slight smoke smell. While the ac/heater was completely off. I take the upcoming exit, and pull over in a church parkinglot that suddely shows up amongst the freaking endless trees. Turm off the car. Get outside. Pop the hood. A WALL of heat blasts me, and I feel it as I hover my hand over the engine. Okay, no big deal, I'll let it cool. But, I'm out of gas. Might have trouble getting home.

Remembering the oil leak from last month, I check the dipstick. Looks dry, might be out of oil too. I pull out my phone to google the nearest gas station. It just barely see the words "3.4 miles", then my phone fucking shuts off on me, and it's useless now. Close the hood, lock the car. I walk over to the church. Lights off, doors locked. Parking lot empty. I walk around the side and see a few cars. I walk to another door. Locked. Dark inside. But there's an intercom on the side. I assume the people there must be employees working on something durring the week, like at the church I used to go to as a kid. I push the button and offer a hesitant "Hello?" No response. Great. I turn around and take a few steps away from the door, try to get my phone to turn back on. Not responding. After a minute or two I hear a click behind me. A big, burly dark-skinned dude (for reference for my comparison, my family are all around 6ft and a nice medium tan, except me, 5'3" and whiter than printing paper) has the (completely clear glass) door open the tiniest little crack and just looks at me, "Can I help you?"

"My car broke down, is there a gas station near here?" I ask. He gestures down the road blocked by trees, "That way," and closes the door.

I stare out to the road for a bit. That was... So... Not what I was expecting. Or that helpful, really. So I head back to my car, grab the 1gal gas tank in my trunk, and inspect my windows after noticing the broken glass on the ground. Not from my car, but it still does not instill confidence. I pull out the pepper spray from my purse and have it casually resting in my hand, locked, the loop around my wrist. I take my flashlight from my glove box and put it in my purse, just in case. It's hot now, but I drape my cardigan across my sounder, and start heading down the road.

And down, and down. Down a steep hill, my ankle starts screaming as I loose sight of the church between the trees, and I keep going. I pass the higjeay, go underneath it and keep walking in the same direction. And keep walking. Pass a pair of 2ft wooden crosses sticking out of the grass on the side of the road, with fresh flowers, and a small child's toy next to one of them. I feel a sudden chill. I keep walking. Further, I cross a road and keep going, no cars, no buildings, but also no trees now. Just grass. I keep going. The hill gets steeper, I see what MIGHT be the corner of a gas station on the horison, on the second peak ahead. I l

Keep walking, and the hill reaches small flat section before sloping back up. More grass, but now more trees. I see the edge of a biking trail in the distance to my right. Assuming that means a freaking TOWN, I keep going. Up more. Some dilapidated houses that may or may not still be in residence. An empty box of diapers in the middle of the road, that I carefully approach, looking both ways down the empty road, and check for animals before moving it to the side and off the road, placing it by a cinderblock nearby so it doesn't blow back into the road and cause an accident, hopefully. I keep walking. I reach some train tracks and stand there for three minutes, completely confused as to WHAT THE FUCK these road markings are supposed to mean.

The sun is setting and I can see the maybe-gas station not too far away, so I take a picture and keep walking. My ankle REALLY hurts. I finally make it to the gas station, the sun is lower, and I go inside. I pre-pay for a gallon of gas, and an item on the recipt I did not get. I ask and am told it is a fee for using a card, I don't believe him but don't care anymore. I want to go home. I'm told a pump. The pump does not dispense gas. I try again. No response. The screen says "see cashieer inside to pay". I head inside. I say it doesn't work. Clerk says it does. I confirm the number, and go back outside. I try it again. No dice. I hit the button a bit harder, pull the lever. Nothing. I roll my eyes again. Go back inside. Am told that I am not doing it right, that I need to press the button first. Go back outside, try three more times. Go back inside. Ignored. Go back outside, paranoid now that cars are starting to arrive that maybe it will suddenly work, and someone else will get the gas. I try again. Nope. I see someone walk up from behind me in my peripheral, and I think they try to ask me for change, but I ended up screaming frustratedly at the same exact time so they leave awkwardly.

I try AGAIN. Nope. No gas. Not flowing. I go back inside. The clerk is glaring like he never wants to see me again. I say it doesn't work. He says I already got the gas. "Bull shit! It hasn't done a fucking thing!" He goes outside with me to the pump, yelling at me, hits the side of the pump, and it starts working. What the fuck. Who gives a fuck, I'm so done. I get my gallon of overpriced gas, and start to walk away as I realize I forgot the oil. I'm not going back inside. I see a small convience-like store a block or two down. Walk to it. Am asked multiple times for change and/or cash. Repeately advise that I do not have any.

I get inside, and honest the food they're selling is probably SO sketchy but I'm starved. I skipped breakfast AND lunch, so at the moment it smells so good. I just want to get home and eat. But I only have a few dollars in my account, except for the money for my car payment that I'm expecting to go through any day now. I find some oil, more than I wanted to spend, and head back to the car. It's mega dark now. No stars. Just dark. There's a few street lights here by the stores, so I continue. Reply a few more times that I do not have cash to give.

I make it to the sidewalk where majority of my journey resided, and continue down the street. I put on my cardigan. Now I'm going uphill, and my ankle is asking how I want to die, because it's screaming. I don't know how long it's been. But it's dark and it's SURELY not 6pm amymore. When I reach the intersection back in the place with no trees, a car I had seen doing past me earlier had turned around, and pulled over. No cross-traffic. Sitting at a stop sign in my path. Inside the extra-long sleves of my cardigan, I palm my pepper-spray, and leave my thumb resting lightly on the safety lock. I stop about six or seven feet away from the stop-sign, hesitating. The passenger window rolls down a bit, but I can't see who's inside. "You need a ride?"

I hope that the person is well-meaning, and decline, saying I'm almost to my car. He asks if I'm sure, and after two more refusals he drives off. I continue.

A bit further, another car comes. They're heading the same way, but on the empty road they slow down, rolling down a window to shot accross the three uninhabited lanes, and ask if I need a ride. I decline once again, wishing that I didn't have to walk anymore but also paranoid once the sun sets, and continue walking. A bit later they slow down again, suggesting I get inside. I say I'm fine. I walk further to see they'd driven foreward then turned around, this time having opened the side door. I avoid eye-contact and walk a bit faster. I don't see them again. I pass the crosses and feel a shiver down my spine as my eyes tear up. I hurriedly walk away and the feeling passes.

I reach the highway and my eyesight is blurring. I'm exhausted and my balance is off, repeatedly stopping to steady myself to keep from falling onto the grass or into the road. I reach the last peak, and the lights stop. I'm walking on the sidewalk on the left side of the road now, and grab my flashlight, illuminating the way in front of me mostly to be visible to oncoming traffic as I cross an unmarked intersection.

Finally. In the distance. The church. The parking lot. My car that I left unattended for hours, most likely. I approach, checking again for broken windows and find none. The wind is strong and almost knocking me over. I unlock the car and put my things inside, sans the pepper spray, flashlight, and gas. Closing the door, pop my gas flap and begin the slow process of figuring out how the fuck to put the gas in my car with five pieces of plastic that combine to make a nozzle, and no instructions. Eventually the can is empty, and I put it back in the trunk. Now the oil. Grab the oil from inside, loop the pepper spray around my wrist, and turn on the flashlight to pop the hood. There's STILL residual heat coming from the engine. I put the hood all the way up and open the screw-top thing for the oil. No funnel, just gotta pour carefully. Empty the whole quart, hope it's enough to get home safe. Sudden gust of wind, the hood falls on me. Pissed off, I open it back up and curse, putting the screw-top thing back in place. Close the empty bottle of oil and throw it in the cab. I'm so done. Get back in my car. Almost out of gas. Drive down to the shitty gas station and get more gas, after an unpleasant encounter with the clerk. Hope that three gallons is enough to get home because now I'm, like, a dollar short for that car payment. Vaugely hoping that it'll wait until midnight when I get paid. Get back on the highway, phone plugged in and gps open. A few miles down, the cab is hot again. Ac/heat still off. Obviously it wasn't just the oil. I crack the windows to get rid of the heat and smoke smell. Stop at an autozone, they're about to close. I get some engine coolant that my car says it's out of. REALLY short for that car payment now. Sit outside as the nice autozone worker looks at my car and shows me where to put the coolant, and instructs me to wait AT LEAST an hour and a half after turning off the car before adding it. Tells me that it might not be what is causing the heat and smoke smell, though, just help with the overheating engine. I sit on the curb looking at my car with the hood up as the nice autozone people (who know me -and my car year make & model- by sight when I walk in the store these days. Honestly, after the sixth trip in Febuary, I got a rewards card because why the fuck not) close up for the night around me. One on them comes up to me and asks if I'm waiting to add the coolant. I honestly reply that I'm just debating drinking the coolant instead. I feel bad when he looks a bit upset. He's always so nice. I get up, decide I might as well go home and add the coolant in the morning. Head home following the gps. Drive for fifteen minutes before I notice I'm passing the SAME AUTOZONE and heading the opposite direction this time. Am pissed and woreed about gas. Finally get home, leave my shit in the car, and head inside. Check my phone. It's fucking 11. I'm so fucking done. My ankle fucking hurts. My car's still fucked up and I'm still broke. I check my bank account and see the car payment hasn't gone through yet. Hopefully it'll wait until tomorrow when I get paid. Force myself to eat a few bites of food becore going to bed.

In the morning I wake up early. Check my account, and sometime between when I got home and when I got paid, my car payment bounced. $25 return fee. Fml. Almost get into a wreck. Car's still blowing hot air with a hint of smoke. I'm late for work somehow. Life sucks. I tell my coworker I don't want to drive her there again. She gets pissed. My ankle throbs. This is my week.

So, like. Hope this was entertaining? Idk. Half wanted to vent, half wanting to see if anyone else knows WHAT THE FUCK those street markings are supposed to mean. They're too uniform to not be deliberate!

#my posts