#fuck my ENTIRE life its like 3 am

[crescentfool]

i love ryomina

no but seriously. even when i’m thinking about other things that captivate my interest, i find myself coming back to them and feeling like i fell down three whole flights of staircases every time i do. they are one of my favorite pairs in media and are very special to me.

it’s the way that ryoji and minato’s lives are inevitably intertwined with each other due to the circumstances 10 years ago on the moonlight bridge. without no minato, there is no ryoji. minato as he is today is because of ryoji. they have irreparably affected each other’s lives that you cannot discuss one without bringing up the other one.

ryoji mochizuki, who is death, pharos, thanatos, nyx avatar, the man of many names and identities, is the perfect summation of p3′s messages and themes.

minato arisato, the wildcard and protagonist, who has boundless kindness in his actions despite the unfortunate cards handed to him.

the two of them complement each other and tell a beautiful story from start to finish.

minato’s personas capture this perfectly. he awakens to orpheus, who’s flames burns bright, is snuffed out by thanatos during the encounter against the arcana magician. a visual precursor of the idea that ryoji stole from the life that minato could have had.

it’s the way that over the course of the game as minato interacts with pharos, talking throughout the dark hour, forging a bond that cannot be broken, that allows ryoji to exist. minato humanizes death.

november. the bells toll, calling the appriser. and yet, it’s peaceful... quiet, and full of life. ryoji, who breaks free from death’s chains, refusing his role, is given the chance to live for a month. to make the most of the humanity that minato has given him over those ten years. and what a life he lived. ryoji’s life is a reflection of what minato’s life could have been like in another universe.

it is the way the two of them are reflections of each other. ryoji with his hair down is just like minato. they are both stubbornly committed to choosing to be kind, to love life, yet are chained down by the cards the narrative dealt them with. they finish each other’s sentences, knowing each other intimately in a way no one else does.

how is that, a boy who lived for only one month, profoundly changes the course of the narrative? he is simultaneously relevant and irrelevant. blink, and you miss it, the beautiful life that he led.

ryoji is horrified at the revelations of being the appriser. he who so desperately wished to forget that his existence was meant to bring the end to all life, was unable to escape the inevitability of death. in a non-human way, of course. he becomes remorseful. a shadow of his brief time as a human who was enamored by the small beautiful things that life had to offer.

he is swallowed by grief. grief knowing that his very existence will take away not only minato’s life, but everyone else’s. the very thing that ryoji loved- life, fundamentally went against the role he was born for- to be the harbinger of death. and unable to grapple with this sadness he believes that the best thing for minato to do is to kill him, so that SEES can live in bliss not knowing about their inevitable end.

SEES is left rattled, calling into question what the meaning of life is and what they do when faced against the inevitability of death.

and!!! minato chooses!! for ryoji to live!! even in spite of what ryoji is MEANT to embody, minato still stubbornly chooses to defy death itself! and if that’s not cool i don’t know what is!! minato wants everyone to have the chance to live!!

so he climbs. he ascends tartarus, to meet ryoji, again, who is now the nyx avatar. and i just think there’s something so so beautiful about being able to use messiah, minato’s ultimate persona, against nyx avatar.

messiah, being the fusion of orpheus and thanatos is peak ryomina to me. because ryoji and minato have established an unbreakable bond from having been entwined for 10 years, minato still has a piece of death with him, and by proxy!! ryoji is able to defy and rebel against nyx trying to bring the fall! and i think that’s fucking cool shit if you ask me!

even when all of the arcanas have been gone through, it’s still not enough to stop the fall. and yet. minato knows. in the way that ryoji was sealed in minato 10 years ago by aigis... minato becomes the great seal so that everyone can live. it comes full circle.

march rolls around. he fulfills his promise to SEES on graduation day. minato dies from exhaustion. but goddamn does his sacrifice make me weep- he’s had such, such a tiring journey. he’s been through so many things because he was at the wrong place at the wrong time. but at the end of it all, he’s reunited with ryoji in death.

and i think this is why ryomina continues to evoke so much emotions for me, to this day. the relationship that they have embodies so much of persona 3′s messages and themes that it makes me feel like a microwave with nothing running in it.

p3′s message is very hopeful, for me. my favorite takeaway from it is that even if death is inevitable, appreciating the life that we were given and choosing to live as best as we can with kindness (even if we can’t feasibly do everything), is just? really nice? and you see this manifest in both ryoji and minato’s personalities and what they do for the other characters.

ryomina just feels so distinct to me, the flavor that their relationship ties back to my favorite takeaways from this game and im just!!  god!! i love you minato arisato! i love you ryoji mochizuki! im so glad that i could meet them! i’m happy that they changed my life! they made me want to appreciate the connections in life even if they were fleeting! they made me!! want to pay attention to the good moments in life and cherish them!

i love ryomina so much!!! i’m so glad that these two could bring so much joy into my life! and i hope that others can have this joy too! 💛💙

#lizzy speaks #persona 3 #ryomina #ryoji mochizuki #minato arisato #meta #long post #(literally) #HI SO UM YESTERDAY I COULDN'T FUCKING SLEEP so to cope i was like 'i will talk out loud about anything and everything' #and somehow that turned into me talking about ryomina out loud and something about verbalizing my thoughts made me feel crazy about these- #two again. i mean for the record i continue to love them always very dearly but like my p3 braincells sometimes go into hibernation bc- #ive been on a really huge splatoon kick. but anyway my voice was like cracking at 3am because i was tearing up #i was like 'THE!! IM! SO NORMAL ABT WHAT ORPHEUS AND THANATOS AND MESSIAH SYMBOLIZE' etc etc etc #so i kinda just went to sleep like 'ok well you GOTTA type it out. everyone needs to know about this.' #and um i didnt mean to make 1069 words! sorry! not really! but i love them!!! even if im very quiet these days! #ohhh how lucky i am to have had the chance to experience ryomina they are such a gem. they make me so goddamn emotional #they really mean a lot to me because of well. (gestures at the entire post) but also they came at a really good point of my life and FUCK!! #im so so grateful to them!!! i love them!!!! the themes that their relationship and characters convey just !! IM SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!!! #they've affected me so profoundly and deeply and i wish i could make better art to get this across. but its ok. one day i can. one day #they make me so fucking talkative like actually but um. i had a lot of fun writing this! i dont think ive had like. a proper appreciation- #post for them that articulates why i like them so much (unless you count the essays i write in my art tags) so it was nice to make this. #admittedly theres a lot abt p3 that im rusty on since its been a goodwhile since ive interacted with the source material #and in a way you could say that like. i need to renew my p3 license LMAOOO but god some parts of p3 still have such a huge death grip on me #and what i mean by that is that the big Fucking Events have such!! clarity!! in my mind!! i recall them and i wilt on the spot!! #oh god i cant fucking shut up. the tags are probably 500 words long. enjoy my ramble. i wish every ryomina enjoyer a Good Life <3 #actually no. i hope that EVERYONE on the dash today has something that sparks joy for them the way ryomina does for me. #everyone deserves 2 have something that makes their brain do a little excited dance that makes them blow up and explode. its good for u! #BYE FOR REAL this is why i have to post my thoughts very spread out otherwise yall would have so many WORDS on ur dash pls help i have so #many emotions and i am so tiny i cannot possibly fit all the feelings i have about ryomina and other things inside my tiny little body

[jinstronaut]

this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh

#and i might do it again bc its just #a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc #which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow #it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag #people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just #so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what #like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao #and it never ever used to #but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly #or whatever the make believe rules are idk #this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus #bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community #and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit #bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were #i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year #but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad #once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care #ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control #i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile #and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be #a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion #so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao #why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things???? #i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just #ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand #so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time #but yeah anyways idk ! #be nice its so easy ! #tbd

[im-smart-i-swear]

eeneks sister having a fuck ton of scars, but later most of them being revealed as just from her childhood/from mundane accidents is so fucking funny to me for some reason.........

#like of course a lot of her scars ARE blade of marmora -related #but a significant part of em are just. eens scratches n bites & the results of mundane fuck ups #god. i hate calling her 'eeneks sister' all the time. i NEED to find a good name for her asap!!!!!! #constantly calling one of your only female characters '[someone]s sister/daughter/etc' feels wrong and this woman deserves better than that #also. ignore the scar placement. it WILL change #i am incapable of drawing scars consistently #and im still figuring out her design #my funky guys #my art #im a little bit obsessed with her. shes like a sad wet cat to me #shes so cool and cringe at the same time<333 #20 something who spent her entire adult life as a marmora solider and is now trying very hard to learn how to be Normal(its not going well) #girl has issues #love that for her<3 #ive been on an eenek kick lately. thinking about this fucked up family 24/7. i love them #theyre all so funny to me. this family of three has so much drama its like a fuckin soap opera in here. its ridicoulus #also #taks thinks this woman is soooo cool and badass. i mean she is but shes also a wreck. #taks takes after eenek and idolises their sister. paralells ig??? #this girl sees a purple alien and asks 'is anyone gonna use this guy as their role model for the next couple of years??' #and doesnt wait for an answer

[meirimerens]

i know the Willow Mellow lore gets worse the longer you dig inside of it + it reflects even Worse on the writers when you put the actual words on her situation but let's not forget Darlings she is a child. she is 15 to 17yo depending on what piece of documentation we refer to, too young to consent to sex and therefore does not fit the category of "sex worker", and instead falls under the definitions of "sexually exploited youth", more specifically "sexually exploited child", as UNICEF, UNESCO, Convention for the Rights of the Child, [...] and general common sense all define "child" as "person under the age of 18".

she is the victim of kidnapping by her """adoptive father""" and of sexual exploitation by her (presumably adult) "clients" (as she does not appear to have a pimp, and is instead written saying she loves what she does and such giddy teehee fun. [powerful side-eye through someone in the writing team.] [she's not a Real Person I have to stress, so someone wrote her like this, wrote this kid like this.] [it is all part of a narrative in which she is struggling to shake off her "father's" exploitation, an inherently tragic one, but she still was written that way, and could have been written any other way, with any other "rebellious" act]). calling her a sex worker as a child who is basically the same age as P2 Capella or Grace is putting her in a Grown-Up category especially harmful considering we are supposed to read her as an indigenous girl, member of the Kin (even if her lore is Mysterious and Hazy) and indigenous women and girls are sexualized in racialized ways which often paint them as more ~~~naturally~~~ sexually liberated, or docile, or submissive, or [insert racist x sexist stereotype promoted by colonizers to excuse the mistreatment of indigenous women and girls].

tldr yes it's worse when you actually call her what she actually is, and worse tenfold when you read what the writers make her say about it [even as an inherently tragic situation that we can recognize and put words on (hence this post), she could have been written any other way, with any other rebellious act, but you know.] but you know x2 (SIDE-EYES SOMEONE ON THE WRITING TEAM VERY HARD TIL ME EYES POP OUT ME SKULL)

#/!\ POST ABOUT SEMANTICS. POST ABOUT SEMANTICS ALERT. /!\ #this is not pointed or written with wicked intents btw ^ i've seen it a few times from different people and it's just that if we want to be #able to talk about these things within the narrative and how the depictions of the Kin impact the around-game/critique this game in general #game (esp. p1 which is very much about. words and wording and navigating webs of words among so many other things) #we have to be able to name these things. especially in relation to. d*bowski do you mind coming to the mic and telling us #what was behind your head. no pressure sir #protecting this kid from the writing with my entire body like that one soldier meme #ooh d*bowski you are not making it out alive i'll tell you that much. #in the same way you wouldn't call mcdonalds hiring 14yo ''employment'' you'd call it. exploitative child labor. #but it's even worse because <3 aw the misogyny oozing through the pores of a lot of the patho narrative #because of maybe perhaps allegedly the head writer. allegedly! #how the fuck am i supposed to tag any of this #csa / #willow mellow #willow pathologic #pathologic #it'd be Less Worse if she was an adult bc at least she could consent [in a vacuum; if we ignore the fact that she's a kidnapping victim; #if we ignore the fact that the Kin who she merges with sees its women be sexualized and its ways of life crushed by the colonizers #and assimilated in ways they might not like; etc] but yknow. detailed herb brides bodies and whatnot.

[vikings-til-valhalla]

I beg the Gods for mercy and am given greater suffering instead. My faith does not waver. I know I am seen. My pain would not be so unbearable if They ignored me. I beg Them to just take me away already so this body stops aching and I no longer feel anything. They leave me here for a lifetime of pain and agony that only worsens with each day. I can do nothing. My silence to the Gods would be better, but I feel like swearing to the Nine Realms and their inhabitants until someone, anyone, comes to help. But I doubt with every passing day that I will ever receive any...

#i lost my insurance and am having the absolute worse lupus flare in my entire life and i cant see a doctor about it #i have never hurt so bad in all my entire life and i am screaming and crying literally like im dying #mun is a viking #not vikings #the insurance company btw doesnt give a fuck that my mother calls them several times daily for weeks on end #they dont care she is on the phone for hours every time and that she sends in paperwork emails faxes etc constantly #its never the right person who receives these things and there is no fucking right person its just that nobody fucking wants to do shit #id go to the hospital but the last thing my family needs is more hospital bills #we already have to pay for my mothers bills for being in and out over the last 3 months straight #plus the likely uninsured helicopter ride that saved her life and will cost more than the 40 days of stay she spent there #i cant take this i hate this i hate being alive like this why do i have to feel so much agony

[eeunwoo]

.

#hii.. im still not really here a lot re kpop its just not really like the most important thing in my life rn lol #but uh i guess my dog's passing is something i gotta deal on my own entirely. my mom seems pretty much over it without really taking me int #account at all. today shes even sorta like. making odd comments/jokes about it like 'i talk to toto sometimes' because we say this #weird lady on tv talking ab how she talks to deer heads. and i just stared at my mom like deadpan and just looked away #bc what the fuck. and ofc she wouldnt consider its not an ok thing to say . otherwise shes really like trying to make out that im being a #really good kid and taking care of her and her feelings bc shes inventing things in her head about me being extra nice and careful with her #shes like awww youre taking care of me <3 and im like no im actually treating you like you're a total stranger in my house because you #basically are. and anyway. im basically on my own like i always am. i just have to deal with it all alone. as always. which is like fine #its just im extra lonely and alone so <3 ive also been suicidal and really really on the edge. that's your alex update if anyone cares #to be completely honest it's been taking everything in me not to just od right now its all i can think about and i havent felt like it in #years. ive just been sleeping for 12 hours at a time lmao........ anyway yeah thats it? #mrow.org

[skullzy20]

I am not exaggerating when I say I live with one of the worst cishet men I've ever met in my life and its horrible

Pretty big vent incoming in tags, just a warning. Feel free to scroll past /gen

#sorry i. need to vent #he is genuinely one of the most ignorant; stubborn; and absolutely manchild of a man I've ever seen #I'm not fucking lying when I say he gets pissy and shouts and complains about EVERYTHING #and I don't mean just occasional shouting and getting loud #whenever he's upset. its /loud/. very loud #first time in my 5 years of knowing him I had enough and snapped back at him because he was yelling at me- #-bc I supposedly do absolutely nothing around the house and I take horrible care of myself and dont care about anything #at least in regards to the house #and complains about why I'm deciding not to go to college and that he got a job at 15 while he's literally #in his mid 40's #so. #like. #I told him I'm still 18 and I dont want him to boss around my entire fucking life but he brought up the excuse again of- #-him doing all the shit I SHOULD be doing by his words when he was 15 #first of all. like. to get things straight; we are not related at all not even in the slightest #he's my mothers bf; I don't know why he gets so pissy at me about MY life of all things #like Jesus Christ shut up challenge impossible #yeah I had a fun (/s) moment earlier where I went to clean my dish and he started to snap at me about how I- #-walk past the dishes every day while they're piled up and I should do them. meanwhile. they're literally not mine. ever #I get it yeah but. whatever. he kept going onn and on and on and got even more upset with me literally not saying or doing anything to- #-provoke him more #Ig he just doesn't know that!! wow!! I do actually care about my life and future!!!! #and that getting a job is not that easy or the same as it was 30+ fucking years ago!! wow!! who would've guessed!!!! #Like genuinely i am literally trying to get a job rn and shit and have been stressing horribly about it for literal YEARS #but yeah ignore that I guess ok sure buddy #god sorry i.. really hate him. a lot #I dont like to hate on people really; esp if im accustomed to them. but him. he. no <3 #I will say I hate him w my full chest #vent #negative post

[hobisexually]

x

#hm its time for a rant again <3 #but my roommate has a date again and that makes me feel…….. extra mentally ill snsnsnsn #I’m a little bit upset because I spent this entire year trying to rebuild right. rebuild my social life rebuild the me I used to be #and every time I think I’m almost there shit derails me? #like okay first my dad and I. collide in unprecedented ways #then my back problems got worse than ever before #then I try to recover from not speaking to said dad and work throws a blow in my face that I quite frankly still haven’t really gotten over #then new body problems arise! #then we find out I definitely have pcos and can’t ignore it any longer #then everyone in my life is. moving on to a life phase I can’t follow to #but I had it all under control I was taking it in stride I was Coping #and then ……… I catch covid again #and it really triggered 1) my anxiety again in ways that. Sigh #and 2) im still not okay? it’s been three weeks and I’m still dizzy every day I have a headache all the time I am So tired I can’t focus #and my eyes are being weird #and idk that happened in the last week and also my neck is FUCKED and my shoulders feel like concrete #and last time my eyes were weird and I couldn’t focus and had a headache all the time it was also my neck #but I just…….. am 1) terrified it’s long covid I am so so so scared #2) how can I live life normally if this. keeps happening. #but mostly 3) I am so tired of it being blow after blow after blow #I am too generally busy with work or therapy or physio therapy or FUCKING pelvic floor therapy #which is a whole different kind of hell I can’t even begin to discuss on this website it makes me so uncomfortable #that I. can’t even date. #like where do I have the energy to. #I am about to turn 32 and what the fuck do I have to show for it #and what if this is it #what if? this is it?????!!???! #I don’t know if I can live with that #ugh this doesn’t even touch the root of it but I am Deeply Upset and I don’t like complaining or acting like a victim (im not!) but Jesus #I for once would just like to. be carefree. instead of feeling like I need to fix 29292993 things about myself before I can Live. fuck.

[devotedlystrangewizard]

my thoughts on fire emblem will never be coherent because on one hand you have the nerd part of my brain who hates fire emblem three houses for every second it spends outside of traditional fire emblem gameplay flavours and on the other hand you have the gay idiot who just rewatched ferdinand & hubert's A+ support for the 5th time this year and also has about 280 hours put into fe3h

#'i dont really like 3h' i say starting yet another fucking playthrough #when 3h peaks it PEAKS ok. its just that im not a fan of p5r for the exact same reason. the Life aspect for ME takes away from the main draw #id like p5r more if it was mostly just dungeoncrawling with turnbased combat (i know this because i have and enjoy smtv) #and id like fe3h more if i could skip through the months with no repercussions. now that im chaining ng+ #and yeah thats on me for wanting to make s rank everything byleth a reality. i know. i just get bored during the months #and also just the entire first act of the game because again. ive played through it so many times #theres a reason i appreciate fates having the option to just skip to the part where the path diverges on subsequent playthroughs #im so tired of tutorials... #'wow byleth have you considered standing in the trees' WHEN THIS GAME RELEASED I WAS 15 ISH AND AT THAT POINT I HAD ALREADY BEEN STANDING IN #FIRE EMBLEM TREES FOR AT LEAST 2 YEARS. ID BEEN AWARE OF THIS MECHANIC FOR 3 OR 4 #I GOT MY FIRST FIRE EMBLEM GAMES WHEN SHADOWS OF VALENTIA DROPPED STOP TRYING TO TEACH ME OLD SHIT WAHHHHH #i am once again asking for separate toggles for general fire emblem gameplay tutorials and gmae-specific tutorials #also bring back having harder modes skip tutorialization entirely #i dont even mind playing the prologue or the first few chapters that much i just hate the constant interruptions #only for jeralt to tell me that i can stand. in the fucking forest. #fe3h blew up the franchise. ok. i get the tutorial is necessary for newer players because fire emblem can get really confusing #especially when youre new #but pleas.e... separate toggles... let me turn off gameplay hints including the forced tutorial in the prologue..... im begigng

[diegoshargrieves]

listening to my parents talk about me is so fucking funny. "she's dealt with us for so long that at this point she's done. she's mentally checked out from having to give a shit about anyone. can you believe how corruptible she is just because she's almost an adult and she thinks that we're not her problem anymore?"

like man you are literally so close. so fucking close.

#no it's not that ive dealt with everyone for my whole life and now im selfish and dont want to give a shit about anyone anymore #its that ive dealt with everyone my entire life ive been an emotional support pillar ive been rotting in this toxic dysfunctional household #ive been a third parent ive stepped in for my dad when he spontaneously decides to be a deadbeat ive supported my mom without fail #whenever shes needed it for years. ive dealt with everyones fits of mania & psychosis & breakdowns & chronic pain & depressive episodes #ive had my mental illness trivialized and belitted and downplayed. im exhausted and traumatized and so fucking burned out #of course it looks like ive given up on everyone from the outside because im struggling !! im struggling mentally and emotionally #and its spilling out in all the wrong ways and they just see it as me letting my anger ruin my character and everyone else around me #they dont care if theres something wrong with me even though im throwing out signs and cries for help literally wherever i can #they just care that theyre affected by it and inconvenienced by my deteriorating mental condition #they think this mentally ill freak is just what i am at this point and they cant stop emotionally blackmailing me #by reminiscing about how i used to be so kind and optimistic. i wish they would just fucking see me for once #ive played the role of the good emotional support eldest daughter my entire life. why didnt they think it would blow up at some point #and when i have tried opening up in moments of severe emotional vulnerability they just throw it back in my face later on #while simultaneously telling me i just need to change my outlook on life because im still young and cant define myself by childish problems #mom you are depressed and anxious you should recognize it better than anyone. you should be able to see it for what it is #instead of telling me to go spend a week volunteering at a cancer hospital so i can go see what real problems exist for people in the world #and what other people are going through and maybe ill come out with a new appreciation for life #mom just bc people are dying of cancer doesnt mean i can't be depressed just bc other people have it worse doesnt mean i cant have it bad #im so fucking tired! #3 am vent post yippee i am going to regret oversharing on the internet so badly when i wake up tmrw

[hickoryhorneddevils]

i regret going back to school i need to drop out and fuck off to middle of nowhere ireland. become a sheep or something (yes a sheep not a shepard.)

#not really. i mean i am having my doubts honestly cause im being Very much reminded why i dont like school #but i fought so So fucking hard to get here im not gonna quit now just cause its not so easy #but my god i just. am very tired and cranky at my entire life right now </3 #.txt

[defiledtomb]

I've played the demo a lot just as an annoying Id simulator but when I do change things up and MC heads back alone I'm always reminded by how much I love how you describe the scenery. The way everything feels so alive is just so enjoyable to read, even when it's unsettling. In any case, hope you're doing okay and thank you for your time and work.

I just want you to know that you put 10 million butterflies in my stomach, writhing and fluttering in the best way possible. (I love you).

I have been feeling so strange with this story, something that sets it apart from the other stories I have written in the past; not only is it a public thing (which has spelled disaster for me in the past) but it's. God damn. It's so personal - when I write verbose descriptions of the world the MC calls home, it's home to me too. It's whatever is found beneath the watery pathways of my brain, it's the dense forest of my escape. Every leaf has been touched by my curious fingertips. I constantly live it, like I'm recording a codex inversus of my own, and it's gratifying beyond belief to get to share that with people that care, like you. Every time I see you telling me kind words; to take my time, to care for the characters that will dote on your mc's (and how lively my inner loneliness feels now, with all of them here. Never stop telling me about them, please.). It just puts a smile on my face that doesn't quite wash away.

I know I'm terrible with keeping up with social media and everything, but I keep you and your messages in my mind constantly, alongside me when I jot things down quick, in 8 hour never ending sessions, when I'm staring at the ceiling and there's nothing but the constant noise of the ac unit. So really, thank you :) I can't wait to share the next part, as soon as I untangle it from the sponge cradled in my skull. It's hard work, but I'll do it, and it's really thanks to you.

#we will not talk about this in the morning do you hear me. ive had wine and im vulnerable #ouroboros-if #interactive fiction #i was social tonight and its put a bit of a blaze beneath my breastbone #now its 2am and exhaustingly humid and I had such a good night I just want to write #why do I have to be up tomorrow. augh #all I want to do is listen to one (1) song on repeat that I heard tonight #the lyrics are very Id/mc #ethan bortnick - engravings #a tangent but. holy crap it felt good to feel like a scene kid again on a park bench with this blaring from the speakers #before I give you my entire lifes story - i am doing better now; free again from the black hole that is my family dynamic #im writing more and more every day #peace and love on planet fucking earf #good NIGHT #<3

[v-iv-rusty]

I feel like growing up with parents that are rabid conspiracy theorists about anything and everything affects you like. way way way deeper than most people do (or maybe want to?) acknowledge. and I just wish it was talked about more honestly

#misc.txt #ventish #(<-not too bad just tagging for blocking purposes) #like. this is embarassing to say but my parents were and still are severely anti vax. so at some point I need to go get #proper rounds of vaccines #bc obv I was not fucking allowed to #preferrably uh. fucking soon if I can work out how to do it without them knowing #(and if I can't I guess. I'll have to figure out some health insurance stuff bc I could literally be in danger if they did know.) #(which is a whole can of worms on its own.) #and EVEN THOUGH I fully 100% know that everything they fed me was bullshit #I still have so much deep fear around it bc it was drilled into my head so fucking hard growing up #x will kill you. y will make you sick. z will probably damn you to hell forever but maybe not who knows better to be scared and 'safe.' etc #and it's so hard to even explain it to ppl because they go 'oh so you still believe that stuff' and no!! no I do not!! #Ive just been trained since birth to be afraid of anything n everything!! I've been fed lies for my entire life!! thats hard to shake off!! #I WANT to do good things for myself but my stomach drops on instinct just thinking about it #and I am so so so tired of having to be brave about things I never should have had to be brave about. that's all ig. I'm tired. #like either ppl think you have also inherited their insanity OR they just look at it like 'oh haha funny quirky kooky' #no it's kind of torn my psyche to shreds in ways I'm still uncovering. but w/e go ahead and laugh <3

[sirompp]

#one time at school a straight girls group called me and my friends emos for chanting ''we want bloodshed'' at our beyblades in the hall #and its made me Very Aware of how much black and frankly BORING clothes i wear and how much they Dont Represent Who I Am #its bc when i was 13 i went through a ''please nobody look at me ever'' phase and then i just....didnt....grow out of the clothes #like... i dont even wear pins or makeup or patches or cool jackets or even patterned clothes #you have no fucking clue how many tags i just deleted #actually my entire life story from baby to now #to summarize #ive been thinknig a lot lately about how to express myself through clothes and im not sure how #and my friend made a really cool fucking jacket a few weeks ago for their beyblade oc for beyblade club. #almost everyone at beyblade club has ocs for their beyblades and lore and costumes btw. except for ME. and. like. 3 others. #?!?!?!WHAT THE HELL I WROTE ANOTHER ESSAY #ok im just hitting post now #for every tag you see on this post just know there was 10 more where i elaborated which i have now deleted

[15000bugs]

i think amy was right when i said “my danganronpa hyperfixation is back for like the millionth time in 4-5 years” and he said “i think you can just call it a special interest at this point” bc the characters are so badly burned into my brain and i have such an overwhelming urge to talk about DANGANRONPA of all things bc??? idk?? i guess im mentally stuck in 2019????? 😭 pls this is the worst.. i now have enough shame to not post long rambles on my private insta about my favorite characters anymore bc im older and understand that no one likes dr (**i** dont even like dr!!!!) so instead i am bottling up all my silly thoughts on my silly characters and im going a little bit bonkers i think. anyway tumblr is my place for silly little posts! so i will post this and allow myself to be briefly silly! and then later delete it out of shame

#saved this to my drafts for a while before posting bc I Want To Break Free from dr #but also #im so obsessed and feeling lots of emotions about it again #i still have the occasional homestuck moment too #its like the literal worst combo #i hate that my 14 year old brain chose THIS to latch onto #then it was my entire life and brain during covid #wnd now i am an emotionally stunted adult who still cares about kokichi fucking ouma #/lh obviously #i was so bad today too.. i rambled to vera for like 3 hours about literature #bugs literature linguistics and unfortunately danganronpa are like the four things you can always get me going about without fail

[autistic-beshelar]

oxenfree fucking sucks

#HOW DID THIS GAME GET SO MUCH HYPE #its so bad #i played the entire thing #first off the characters range from bland to infuriating #the walking. my god the walking. is agonisingly slow #to the point that you cant even succeed at one section of the game because shes too fucking show #the radio controls are infuriating #the ghosts are only interesting at the beginning and then theyre just tropey as hell #the sound is awful and the music overpowering #the DIALOGUE. 'uwu its more natural' uh no #no interrupting your friends with a non sequitur is not natural conversation #god #i rly wasted like 5 hours of my life to that shitty game #bc ppl compared it to nitw #nitw im so sorry a bitch would say that about u #i literally got the 'good ending' and am still stuck in the damn time loop #so basically everything i did was pointless? #'oh you have to play it again to get the good ending-' #literally nothing in the universe could make me play Walk Agonisingly Slowly With Gods Most Irritating Teenager ever ever again #there are people who LIKE ren. out there in the world #awful. just awful. #wasted like 3 entire pounds on thos garbage.