Okay so realistically speaking, giving birth is an excruciating, painful nightmare, and from the few Crocodad fics I've seen most people seem to prefer to write realistic pregnancy and make Luffy's birth a (physically) painful thing. Because it makes sense, it might be more relatable for some writers that way etc, and that's perfectly fine (like genuinely, it's not an issue at all, this is not a critique or a complaint)
God I don't know how to make this segue- Have any of you watched Ore Monogatari!! (My Love Story)? It's a great early 2010s romantic comedy series, funny as hell, super cute and sweet, would reccomend, but that aside. During the series the protagonist Takeo's mother gets pregnant and she ends up giving birth to Takeo's baby sister. And it's that scene, where Takeo's baby sister is born, that I keep on thinking back to whenever I wonder how Luffy's birth might've gone.
Takeo and his mother alike are Sturdy Motherfuckers. Like absolute gigachads, borderline superhuman, it's great and it's funny as hell. And because of that near superhuman nature...
Takeo's mother goes to give birth at 4:15 pm. And she has finished giving birth at 4:16 pm. One fucking minute is what it took for this woman to bring a child into this world. An absolute legend
The screencaps do not do justice to how fucking funny this is in the actual episode
And so like
Like we know Crocodile's been through absolute hell, being an amputee and all. And as Domino told us at the entrance of Impel Down, we also know the man did not even flinch when forced into Impel Down's traditional 200 Celsius cleansing bath (or 392F)
So Crocodile has better pain tolerance than the average person. Like, you might have to put in a bit of effort to cause him actually hurt. So if giving birth to Luffy was an absolute cakewalk for Crocodile, not only would it make perfect sense in-universe and be completely in-character for him, but also
It would be objectively funny as hell
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hiiii haha. hello. exceptionally awkward introduction bc idrk how to start something like this so let's just jump right in. im taking a break from this account for a bit. i know i said i wanted taob out before halloween and currently im fine sticking with that deadline, but if i decide i need longer away then i will take longer away. every time ive reassured people that id never abandon a fic and updates will always come eventually i never once considered that my writing and ability to feel safe and comfortable on this site would be actively taken from me, so im not even going to apologise. i dont want this either and more importantly i dont fucking deserve it. i dont know what it is in the past year, if ive hit a certain amount of followers or 'popularity' that's made it so the natural ratio of positive to negative interactions must in turn go up, but there's been a serious uptick in weird asks for me. the annoying part is that a very small amount of them are actually objectively mean and hateful, the rest are just weird and invasive from people who seemingly dont realise that's what they're being. ive reached a point where i dont care if the intentions are good. it's not my job as a 20 year old tumblr user of all things to defend the morality of someone who couldnt even bother to come off anon. unfortunately, after blocking only one or two anons, the weird asks have decreased substantially, which says all you need to know about the fascinating and exhilarating lives led by these people, but ive also gone on to turn anon asks off entirely. this is something i actively fought against doing and had to be pushed into by my mutuals (who have been the coolest people on planet earth during this entire thing). turning off anon was a big deal to me even if it sounds silly. i felt betrayed and like id been backed into a corner because it was so vehmently something i DIDNT WANT that to feel like i had to do it anyway for my own mental health??? that sucks. so even though ive 'fixed' the problem, im still kind of reeling and uncomfortable every time i come on tumblr. i hope it's just something i need time to ease because i'll truly be devastated if this becomes 'ruined' for me. tumblr exists as the only place in the world where i am honestly every facet of myself without shame or hesitation; losing that would be insanely harmful to me. and to the people who cant appeal to the actual human behind the post, let me put that in words you can understand: we wouldn't get any more writing 😦😦😦 riots and fires and sirens, i know. so yeah. to anyone who has sent me an anon ask and you're now wondering if you were part of the problem, im firmly of the belief that you'll know if you are. when i say 'weird asks' i dont mean 'you sent me a para about your personal life just to vent or ask for advice' or 'you sent me a really deep emotional compliment about the impact me and/or my writing has had on you' - i love asks like that, so much that i put off taking a break and turning off anon solely for the joy they bring me. im sorry that it might feel like you're being punished too bc of the actions of what in reality is a HANDFUL of weird people, but this is what i feel like i have to do to feel safe and not go insane every time i log in. love you guys, hopefully ill see you soon x
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Today on I Reread Effloresce And Had What If Pov Thoughts: RHYSAND. Like what is going on in this dude's head? Seriously. In the little snipit we get of his pov it sounds like Hyburn is his biggest concern but that derails into a desperate need to one-up the Archerons SO damn fast. His oh so ~well~ thought out plan gets blown to smithereens instantly and his control freak self is PANICKING while also trying to maintain his whole calm cool casual facade. Will he ever admit how badly he misjudged the whole situation in the human lands? No. Does he even care? Probably also no. All that really matters by this point is that Feyre's sisters keep upsetting her and THAT can't stand.
Added to all this other plan breaking bullshit, Cassian starts following around after the angry loud one like a lovesick puppy and he's not 100% sure what's going on with Az but Something is.
And of course Lucien FUCKING Vanserra.
I'm willing to bet that Rhys's suggestion of going to get shithead papa Archeron is based on just how much Nesta and Elain seem to hate him.(And then Az shuts that down with "I will fucking KILL HIM")
Then the wardrobe of dead birds happens and he thinks for like half a second that he should feel bad about that but then Nesta is shouting at Feyre and he can't have THAT. (Then the sweet polite sister grabs the knife from Cass's boot. Oh yeah, she did STAB Az didn't she)
He looks forward to seeing Nesta put in her place by a bunch of misogynistic Illirian assholes but instead the entire legion is ride-or-die for team Archeron practically from the moment their feet hit the ground. How the HELL did they mange THAT? (it's called respect and basic decency. Try it sometime)
(and then Mor gets there just in time for Az to start noticeably losing his shit.)
(I also noticed that there was a line where Rhys bit back a snarl because even after all this time it would make Feyre uncomfortable. Meanwhile Lucien just has no qualms about being absolutely undeniably Faery in from of Nesta and Elain and they give exactly zero shits about it.)
Oh man, Rhys. Rhysie Rhysie Rhys slowly but surely showing more and more psycho.
So, the thing is, Hybern IS the top priority. However- and I think this is just like, so pivotal to Rhysands character as a whole- it has to be fighting Hybern his way. He has a year to tell the other lords shit, and he doesn't. He steals, he lies, he puts civilians in danger.
And why? Well, because that's the story he's telling.
Textually, observably we have Rhys, arrogant misogynistic selfish fuck face that he is, and then we have Rhys, the battered but unbroken noble underdog fighting against odds for the Good of All tragic hero man- this is the story he tells himself. It's the one he makes sure Feyre believes. It falls apart against all his actions, but that doesn't matter to him.
The humans don't want to talk to him? Of course he's going to find a back way in. Feyre's human sisters might die? Well, one less thing to take her away. Humans might die? Sure, Rhys feels bad, but not enough not to weigh the cost favorably.
Then he actually gets there.
And they're so... Unbiddable. Hostile. They've upset Feyre, they've written blood magic all across their land, and Rhys might appreciate cleverness but this is just more than he wants to deal with.
And Lucien. Sidebar: what I think is hilariously never talked about is. Well. Lucien actually is all the things Rhysand romantically imagines himself to be. He is ACTUALLY the lost heir, the disinherited son, the noble prince. He actually did stand against Amarantha for his friends. He's drinking respect women juice by the gallon while actually being charming and powerful. I cannot imagine this doesn't lie cardinal to the reason why Rhys is so disdainful towards him.
Lucien is easy to write off by himself. (Because Rhys fucking hates him). Nesta Archeron sets everybody's teeth on edge. Elain keeps smiling. They're all the worst and every one of them is important to Feyre and thus, a threat to Rhys. Anything that could hurt her is, he won't allow her to be hurt.
Cassian is acting like an idiot but Cassian is an idiot about women. Azriel is all Azriel but what else is new? Rhys will deal with it.
(Rhys will not deal with it. Rhys does not believe for a second how serious this all is. Rhys is, frankly, already bored. Maybe he'll find Feyre's father. It'll make her happy, and someone else can wrangle the others.)
They're merchants- of course they're merchants, grasping little mortals- they have a contract? Well, if they want to play with magic so badly, Rhys will help them.
(Rhys does not understand what Azriel finds so compelling, much less Cassian. Illyrians do not brook with disloyalty- even the mention is enough for shame. They won't betray him. They won't, but it's still enough to annoy)
Cassian's bleeding heart has always been a problem. Azriels moods. Honor. What honor did they ever learn, starving in the freezing mud, Rhys thinks. These humans want to wade into waters that will only drown them- Feyre will be so much safer, no ties left to mortality- of course Illyrians, backwards, difficult Illyrians, side with these misbegotten nightmare women. Let them be crushed by it, let one rebellious legion die, Rhys doesn't care either way.
He's pissed, but he's also letting things play out hoping it just implodes an entire situation he doesn't want to deal with.
He's also not actually totally in the loop. Cassian's POV makes Azriel really distinct because they are so, so close, but Rhys, for a lot of reasons, doesn't have the same understanding. He knows Azriel went off the rails when his mother and sister died, but so did, you know, half the mountains. He refuses to even entertain how personal it was beyond maternal feelings.
Things get worse and Rhys gets worse because this is not how it was supposed to go. What the hell is it about these Archerons?
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