#fuck they really hurt

[inkskinned]

the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.

three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.

two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.

their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.

one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.

i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.

i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.

and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?

you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.

a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.

someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.

#writeblr #warm up #this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru #but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist #ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school. #like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it. #was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes. #but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create'' #when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work #part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just #like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent. #speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r #ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week #this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice. #''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism #imagine if we said that about literally any other profession. #''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt? #u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky'' #we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY #''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[bixels]

Just gonna have to wait and see, right? Just wait and see! Just gotta wait and see! Who knows, we'll just have to wait and see! It's anybody's guess, we'll just have to wait and see! The future is exciting, we just gotta wait and see!

#personal #my art #Fuck your fake ass 'i am very smart!' intellectualizing “observations” and open your god damn ears. #do something for fucks sake. it's sickening seeing videos of ai crap and seeing rows and rows of repliers using their one brain synapse #to type “wow! very exciting!” “haha this is kind of scary! but in a really interesting way!” #and then they go about their day without a second thought while creative industries burn around them #i go to one of america's top tech schools too and it's enough to make you wanna tear our your hair #every day it's seminars and talks about “the potential consequences of ai!” when the consequences are happening NOW #NO MORE DISCUSSING NO MORE INTELLECTUALIZING NO MORE SOCRATIC SEMINARS NO MORE DEBATING. ACT YOU COWARDS #people are getting hurt RIGHT NOW. stop pretending to care when you clearly don't! just be honest and say you wanna make money #my time here has really made me hate academic spaces. you people are so god damn useless and cowardly.

[omtai]

just some stratospheric strays 🌠

#omtai art #traditional art #pencil drawing #Rahhhhh i’ve been working on this for like. 3 days #dasher ft lydia night played and this appeared in my head #and i was like. Why not be silly and bust out the pencils #and it took fucking ages but it was fun and i liked it and it’s cute and yay #i’m really into lambs these days. yay #my hand hurts from colouring #there’s a fucking cat hair on the left lamb but i don’t feel like taking another picture so deal with it

[riddled-fingers]

you guys dont understand how emo i am abt this,,,,

#spn spoilers #castiel #spn #my art #fanart #im so. AUUUGHHHHHHH #i cannot put this into words but it fucking hurts #castiel really sacrificed everything huh #his true form his very nature is changed by his decisions

[pcktknife]

IQ

#ice queen #fiona and cake #fnc #adventure time #i think its interesting how much more disconnected she feels from her counterpart in comparison to everybody else #we never really get the simon part of ice queen right? like even the small cameo in fnc. maybe its cause we dont get that side of her in th #fnc episodes of adventure time we only get the surface level 'evil crazy ice lady' and never the person b4 the crown like her being a #ice cream vendor and her appearance while still slightly reminiscent of simon feels so different #etc etc shoulda made a textpost if i was gonna say all that #anyways ice queen + simone(?) #n marshall n betty but *waves hand* #myart #edit: so fucked everything i said apparently shes just some nymph in the comics 🗿 #i cant have anything. whatev im gonna continue living in my world of ignorance. those comics cant hurt me and i won't allow them to (u_u)

[boygirlctommy]

out of all of the (many, many, many) miscommunications on dsmp, this one still makes me lose it the most. these two were never on the same page even once and this was the culmination of all of it. 2 entirely different conversations going on

#sorry for being abnormal about cbedrockbros. no im not itll happen again #THIS. THIS MOMENT. SCREAMS AND EXPLODES. THE FACT THAT AS A VIEWER WHOS ABLE TO UNDERSTAND BOTH OF THEIR MOTIVATIONS YOU *KNOW* WHAT EACH O #THEM MEANT IN THAT MOMENT. BUT THEY NEVER REALLY SAT DOWN AND *TALKED*. EVERYTHING HAS BEEN HALF-TRUTHS OR TOO SCARED TO SAY. #AND I KNOW THEY CARED ABOUT EACH OTHER OTHERWISE THIS WOULDNT HAVE HURT THEM. BUT THEY NEVER FUCKING TALKED AND BOTH OF THEM WALKED AWAY #BOTH BETRAYOR AND BETRAYED #AND THEYRE BOTH RIGHT! AND THEYRE BOTH WRONG!!!! FUCKING BEDROCK BROS #AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH #my post #my art #mcyt #dsmp #dream smp #fanart #tommyinnit #technoblade #ctechno #ctommy #bedrock bros #cbedrock bros

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

"See you tomorrow"

MDZS Disco Elysium AU part 4 [prev parts]

#better drawn mdzs #MDZS Disco Elysium AU #mdzs au #Lan wangji #wei wuxian #yiling laozu #Happy Belated Halloween! #digital art #Thank you all for your patience as I drove myself into a madness only known by those lost at seas alone. #I put a lot of time into this one! It's not perfect but I am very happy with it + I am so happy to put down the tablet pen. #Digital art has some nice features but I'm sticking with traditional! I need a month to recover from the 2+ weeks of torture. #Okay lets talk about the AU and the comic now #Disco elysium has some of the best existential-horror-dream sequences I have ever seen. #The dialogue here is heavily inspired by The Final Dream - A scene I'd love to talk about more were it not so heavy with spoilers. #My AU is a lot more complex than a simple character swap but I really felt like LWJ + YLLZ fit this scene. #The final dream is about being unable to move on from a lost love. From something You made holy. From something You ruined. #It is about realizing that no matter how smart you are or what you offer or how you try to change - #You will never be able to turn back time. You will never ever be able to fix what is broken. That you also have been broken for a long time #You are a fuck-up who worships the nail covered ground of someone who did not want to be holy. And even though it hurts- #You cannot let this nightmare go. The pain keeps the love close. It is worse to forget. You promised to remember. #WWX died thinking LWJ disliked him. LWJ lost someone he thought was revolted by his love.

[yashley]

"Yeah, but we talked about it and I didn’t want it." "Why not?" "Because it scared me."

#critical role #ygifs #cr3 #fearne #she got me fucked up #her leaving her treasured cherished postcards at the altar of the raven queen where so many memories are left #leaving the one thing that had been her lifeline and her hope. the most important thing to her and she leaves them behind #because they weren't what she thought they were. #her innocence growing into sadness and that's the reason why she feared the dark versions of herself #because she was sad and angry and alone #this faun wearing her heart on her sleeve and running from what hurts her and it's just. ms johnson i'm #''do you think it’s the world changing you or do you think it’s you changing in the world?'' ''yes.'' girl i'm on my knees #I couldn't be more grateful fearne continued from exu this growth hurts so so so good I'd die for her #fearne angry? delicious. fearne sad? delicious. fearne tits? del- #fearne this episode you can really taste the If I'm Not Pleasing People It's My Fault When They Leave and it bit me

[swati-art]

He needed a snack

#sth #shadow the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog #sonadow #Not me posting at ungodly hours #It's 2 am and I'm so fucking tired #But i really wanted to finish this #It's been a while since I posted #Have some sonadow on a night ride #Sonic #Eyestrain #Maybe? #I've just stared at it so long my eyes hurt lol #swatiart

[inkskinned]

he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.

except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?

at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.

except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.

about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.

he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.

#i used to think it was romantic too and then i was like. now i see it as a HUGE red flag #writeblr #it is also almost EXCLUSIVELY said by immature ppl who think this is normal #fyi even if u think it's funny and ur like 'im an introvert it's just TRUE' like. you need therapy (ily tho) #healed introversion is just ''i would prefer to be by myself'' not ''i hate every person'' ... hate is not normal. that is not healthy #im sorry. i know it feels accurate. but if you're walking around with that kind of rage.... #1. you're making a LOT of assumptions about every single person u have ever met. which is often unfair and unkind #and also usually involves judging people based on their worst moments or little mistakes #2. you are being unfair to the person who is ur ''exception'' #3. there is a VAST difference between ''ur my favorite person'' and ''the ONLY person i like.'' #idk i think this is just a personal bias thing tbh #im sure there are people who have this experience normally #but i have YET to find a man who thinks like this and ISNT absolute DOGSHIT. although tbh.... like. im sure he exists #when u hit like 30 some of the things that were once kind of hot now just sound fucking exhausting. like ''im in a band'' #edit in the tags: i used to kind of be like this too. but the thing is that like. my life became so much more peaceful #once i started believing that people are generally good. like yes i am mad at the world at large #but it's just.... a very hard way to live. you're not a bad person or wrong for the ways other people hurt you and taught you to be angry. #but that anger will continue to hurt YOU. it will punish YOU. it will prevent YOU from making new deep connections. it will protect you yes #but it will also cause MASSIVE blowback. bc if you lose the One Person... your life will fall apart. i know this personally. #i really recommend just trying to be... cautiously optimistic instead. like. yes #people can be horrible and cruel and there are some communities (incels for example) that aren't worth that optimism #but i think like... most people will hold a door for you . most people want to help you find your wallet . #i hope one day you are able to find peace. i hope that rage eventually smooths over. i know how hard it is PERSONALLY #and i know what must have happened to you. and im deeply deeply sorry we share the same wound. #but i promise - sometimes we all need someone else to help us carry the weight. eventually the rage has to die so that we can let help in #i had to spend years biting at outstretched hands. i still often do. im still very wary . and my heart breaks that you flinch too. #here's the thing: i don't blame you. but we were both acting out of fear and pain. .... not out of healthy behavior. and ... change #was needed. i needed change too. rage was useful for a while. then it just left me isolated and bitter. i had to (with effort) #choose to let that rage go. and let people in . VERY SLOWLY THO LOL

[ymechi]

Who is the real Creator?

-TW: cult, yandere, impostor au, mentions of hunt

-Gn reader and darling (please tell me if I mess this up message me and I will fix it)

plot idea (This was inspired by another post but i can't find it ToT):

Reader is friends with Darling. Sometimes Reader helps Darling with dailies, grinding and building the characters.

Somehow reader ends up in Genshin Impact but it's in Darlings world.

Reader is mistaken as an entity that is trying to take over and harm Darling as they have been controlled by Reader before and do not like it.

The Reader is hunted down and shunned it all comes to a stop once Darling descends and stops the hunt. Misunderstandings are cleared and Reader is finally safe from the crazy Acolytes.

All should be fine now except it was the Reader who created Darling's account and gave it to them.

This is part 1, Part 2, part 3, part 4

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reader wiped the sweat on their forehead with the sleeve of their robe. The Sumeru weather was rather hot this midday as the sun was at its peak. With nothing better to do Reader decided to dust off the front of their house.

It was more akin to the size of a cabin and rather isolated yet Reader loved it as it gave them the privacy and security of four sturdy walls. A place entirely of their own *they could control* and it was far enough they did not have to suffer the company of people.

Reader was rather thankful for the Dendro archon to gift them this place.

After what they have been through it was more than deserved, no?

They did not really know what to think of Nahida. On one hand, she had not tried to kill them or hurt them, she was one of the few people who did listen to their side. On the other hand, she was an archon and Reader's experience with the other was not. . . They had no words to describe it. It was plainly a negative horrible experience that still haunted Reader as they slept at night. Their only solace was that the mess of the events that happened months ago was over and that they were a Free person once again.

It does not help that occasionally the archon would give them an intense blank stare that did not suit her young face. Whenever she stared at them like that Reader wanted to bolt through the nearest exit but the stare was gone as quickly as it came.

Reader continued to dust off the porch collecting the dust and dead leaves on a pile they had left the dustpan inside of the house. Just when they were about to head inside to grab it they saw two familiar figures. There was no doubt that the floating figure and golden hair belonged to the Traveler and Paimon, the latter already giving a wave.

Reader gave a small smile and returned the wave.

"Reader! Long time no see how have you been?" said Paimon.

"Hi Traveller, Hi Paimon sorry you had to come and see this mess, I have been fine hopefully you guys kept out of trouble?"

Paimon answered with a sheepish smile.

The Traveler greeted them and Reader ushered both of them inside the house towards the kitchen and made them sit while they prepared some tea.

"It looks like you settled in nicely Paimon is happy for you Reader."

"Thank you Paimon, yeah it's been really nice here."

Reader put the kettle on the stove and almost forgot how to be a proper host.

"Oh right, I have some leftover cookies! Let me grab that."

"You don't have to overexert yourself Reader," said the Traveler with a gentle smile.

"No- no it's fine I was trying a recipe the other day and I made too much, you guys have to eat it all by the way or else it's rude"

"Well, then we would be bad guests if we don't eat right traveler?"

The traveler did not reply and gave his floating companion a deadpan expression. It was rather amusing to see how to see in real life rather than the game - this is not a game anymore stop that.

Eventually they bought over the cookies and poured the tea. Reader was rather proud of themselves for once. Paimon did not hesitate to dig in and they were rather delighted that their cookies were being enjoyed. The Traveler sipped his tea calmly. Reader smiled and blew on the hot tea before also drinking it.

"I see you have been reading about the history of this world?"

"Yeah it gets rather boring just cleaning here, the Dendro Archon dropped by and gave me some books, she's smart since I don't really know much about this world."

"Yeah! Despite looking so young Nahida is really perceptive and wise, Paimon is kind of jealous."

Aether looked at his companion with a playful look and Reader knew he was about to tease his companion. They tried to hide a smile behind the teacup as they took a sip.

"Ohh! Paimon almost forgot! Darling asked us to deliver a letter!"

Reader's smile tensed a little. Aether's previous playful look was gone and he looked at them with concern. Reader held the teacup more harshly than necessary. It was fine they did not need to be babied. They gave Aether what they hoped was a reassuring smile.

Reader was still confused about how to behave around Darling. That person was their best friend, they had been friends since before Reader could remember and all the way to adulthood sharing an apartment. Yet knowing that the person you trusted the most was behind your suffering, even indirectly? It hurt like shit. Reader could not even meet Darling properly since one of their cursed "acolyte" or whatever the hell they called themselves always trailed behind Darling and Reader refused to be near any of those acolytes who actively tried to kill them before. So both were at an awkward standstill.

Isn't it supposed to be bros before hoes? What the hell Darling.

Paimon gave them the letter and Reader tried to thank them without sounding off.

Looking at the letter Reader wanted to scoff, what were they a 1800s paramour?

They looked at Aether they did not want to be rude and read the letter while they were in a conversation. Reader thought it would be the equivalent of reading chat messages while in front of friends, which was impolite. Aether gave them a smile and a nod, and Reader felt a bit at ease.

They opened the letter.

Huh.

They were a little taken aback by how normal this letter was. Reader looked up and Paimon was looking at them rather curiously but tried to hide it by staring at her tea.

"Darling says they are a bit overwhelmed being the creator and all otherwise they are fine it seems."

"Ohh Paimon would bet it would be super stressful taking the position of the creator like that, Alhaitham was so busy as acting grand sage," she brings a hand to her head mimicking it as if it was heavy, "Paimon imagines there is a lot of paperwork."

Reader laughs, it was nice to hear Paimon light-hearted take.

"Yeah Darling mentions that."

Reader does not mention the worries of their friend(?) in the letter or their stress that is something private between them. Things change yet Darling still confides in them Reader is not sure how to feel about that as they sip their tea.

The rest of the day goes smoothly as they all converse about Paimon and the Traveller's adventures in the newest nation, soon it was time to say goodbye and Reader did it with a smile.

.

.

.

"Come on where did I put it?"

Reader said in a frustrated tone as they barrage through the books on their shelves. They know they had the book somewhere for the class. The professor on that topic was someone who always made snide comments on the failure of students and whatnot and Reader did not want to have to deal with that.

"I hope I did not come at the wrong time?"

"Lord Kusanali! I did not see you there, sorry for the mess."

It felt like deja vu when the Reader said that, remembering the time the Traveler came to visit them.

Nahida smiled and shook her head. From the open door they could see Wanderer standing outside. He looked a bit grumpy then again he usually always looked grumpy, a shame for someone with such a beautiful face.

"Please call me Nahida Reader I like to think we know each other well enough now."

Reader gave Nahida a sheepish smile and wrung their hands together it was a nervous tic.

"Sorry everyone calls you that or well Dendro Archon I did not want to disrespect you I sort of owe you a lot"

"No it is we who owe you a debt -," She looked rather sad, and seeing Reader's expression she changed topic rather quickly, "I came to talk about your recent activities I am very happy to see you being more active and joining classes."

"Ohh, Thank you," Reader paused a bit before answering, "I used to be a student. . . before I came here so it's nice having something familiar."

Nahida looked at Reader with a beam and they continued to talk about the classes Reader took and whatever they taught about officially joining a darshan. As Reader turned around briefly they missed the glossy and contemplative look the Archon gave them.

They finally found their book and with the Archon (and Wanderer) in tow headed towards the Akademiya. Turns out they did not need to find the book the moment the professor saw the tiny Archon he went pale faced and Reader had to hide a smile. Wanderer was not so subtle as he loudly snickered.

.

.

.

It's been so long I hope you are doing okay I do miss you. . .

Reader folded the letter and looked out the window. The night skies here were clear no city lights and pollution that distorted the view. The stars shined without care, Reader felt a sudden chill and headed towards bed covering themselves in the blankets. They still looked out towards the sky.

"Miss. . . I guess I do miss you."

.

.

.

After everything was said and done Reader laid in the bed alone in the infirmary. There was a nurse and a doctor and whenever they came Reader would shake like a flame about to be put out easily by a gust of wind. They could not handle human interaction anymore. Once Darling came they were alone. Darling had cried and Reader had cried before an acolyte Came over and Reader looked at Darling horrified.

Why was Darling with those psychopaths did they not know what they were capable of? They might hurt Darling she needed to get away-

Reader must have gone into hysterics because soon the nurse came and injected them with something.

It was later told to them by the Dendro Archon herself in person that Darling was the creator. The cause of the hunt was because of Darling their childhood best friend.

Reader hugged themself.

Reader asked if they could speak to Darling but the Dendro Archon said the acolytes would have to follow them, they did not trust Reader in this condition.

As if they were not the psychopath who tried to kill an innocent person Reader thought.

Reader did not want to meet Darling if it meant having to meet the acolytes.

Reader was so so tired and just wanted to sleep.

.

.

.

Sumeru's climate was rather weird to Reader who never lived in a tropical climate before. It seemed to rain and while hot at the same time. Reader who grew up in the north much like Snezhnaya's climate was confused as it only rained in the cold autumns rarely do you get rain in summer but they adapted quickly.

Yet something felt off this particular day, they tried to distract themselves by doing dishes. Outside the rain was still going on but Reader noticed how eerily quiet there was no rustling of the winds or a single bird finding shelter in the trees. They quickly wiped their hands and strode towards their desk.

Reading was always a good distraction nothing beat reading while it rained, they remembered how they would sometimes turn on a raining asmr video as they read fanfics. The silly memory brought a smile to their face. But just as they saw down they heard a loud knock. Reader jumped up from their seat.

Their chest felt heavy. Unless it was Nahida, the Traveller or the Wanderer who in the early days delivered groceries to them, no one came to visit them they doubted it was a robber why bother knocking then? Maybe it was someone lost or seeking shelter from the rain both options sucked they did not want to entertain people yet, they wrung their hands together. When someone was in need they could not look away anymore.

They ran towards one of the dressers and bought a spare towel and scurried for the entrance door. With hurried and clumsy motions they opened the door and there-

Was Darling.

Darling looked. . . distraught, they were a mess from the last time they saw each other. Gone was the intricately styled hair and neat robes instead their hair was a mess and their clothes wrinkled. Even their face looked pale and it looked like Darling had not slept in days. Most notable was the lack of acolyte trailing after them, Reader almost expected to hear Zhongli's "I will have order!" followed by a meteorite striking Reader down and their cabin.

"You- Wait are you alright what is going on? Why are you alone? Did something happen?"

Darling still looked distraught and everything seemed really wrong, perhaps they should have been calmer when they asked their questions they did not need two people who were on the verge of panic.

"R-reader I-I," they paused before breathing in, "I bleed red," they said as if that single revelation could destroy them.

"Huh?" Reader replied dumbfounded

#genshin impact #sagau #genshin sagau #self aware au #self aware genshin #cult au #yandere #imposter au #sort of not really an imposter au #mentions of trauma #aether #traveler #paimon #nahida #wanderer #i wrote this before sleep #i have no idea what came over me i just wrote and before i knew it i had like 3 chapters already. . . #Reader is alone and hurt #Reader feels betrayed by darling #Darling doesn't really know what the fuck is going on they just followed along with the acolytes #i don't think Darling is a bad person they should have asked more #wanderer is not really active in this chapter sorry #sorry for my english i wish i had a beta ToT

[amelia-yap]

swee...

#weiss schnee #sweepa #swee #rwby #palworld #my art #swees are so fucking creature i bloody love them #doods to avoid my responsibilities (homework) #no swees were hurt during the process #also shoutout to taco for being really awesome in general #heyoo

[flowercrowngods]

It's unreal. The light is streaming in through the windows, the curtains still drawn to block out the midday heat, tinging their living room in golden hues that match so well with the light grey fabric of their new sofa.

Eddie should probably snap out of it and head over to the windows, open the curtains and let the light in, and with it the warmth and fresh air of a surprisingly wonderful day.

It's March, he hears the echoes of Steve's giddy voice a week or two ago. Everything's better in March.

Eddie didn't agree then, and he's not sure he agrees now, but he must admit there is something magical about this moment.

Still he remains rooted to the spot, leather jacket heavy on his shoulders, his hands hidden in the sleeves of it, just in case this really is a dream. Just in case someone will come in and snap him out of it, take away their couch and leave an eviction notice.

It's dumb. But Eddie doesn't deal well with things that are unreal. Things that he knows aren't meant for him. Things that he knows he only gets in this one play-through of his life, while millions of other Eddie Munsons are out there in parallel universes who never get to even lay eyes upon a couch this nice. Let alone buy it. From their own real adult money.

It's a corner sofa, the fabric light grey, and he remembers it being harder than it looks. Solid. Just perfect for both their fucked up backs, scar tissue pulling if they sit wrong for too long, phantom pain and muscle aches coming in hot when all they want is to just relax and enjoy a lazy evening.

Eddie bites his lip, trailing his eyes along the pristine fabric, the pillows lining the back of it, the flawless stitches keeping everything in shape.

They have a couch now. A sofa.

It's so fucking unreal.

He drops to the floor right then and there, sitting with his back against the wall, and never once taking his eyes off their sofa. It feels important to look at it for a while. It feels important to wait for Steve. It feels... It feels like maybe he'll ruin everything if he goes and sits on it now.

And it feels really fucking big.

At some point he hears the front door opening, their lock going so smoothly now that Steve fixed it with some graphite, and the sound makes Eddie smile. That's another thing that's unreal. The key barely making any noise, the lock not rattling, the door not creaking and cracking. Eddie pulls a strand of hair between his lips, the smile feeling too silly for this room, for this home, for everything he gets to have now.

For all the tiny things that matter now. All the tiny things he gets to have, turning the key's smooth slide into an allegory of everything he ever wanted but never dared to hope for.

The slide of curtains, the click-click-click of the window handle being turned to let the air in. The breeze of fresh spring air dancing around his nose.

It's all a little much. It's so fucking addicting.

And then Steve. Socked feet coming to a stop beside him, a hand landing in his hair, a voice that's so endlessly warm and fond and maybe a little worried sounding from above him, "Hi, angel."

"Hi," Eddie says, tearing his eyes away from their couch to meet Steve's. The sunlight from the windows hugs him, making him glow. Eddie smiles. He smiles and smiles and never wants to stop.

Steve hums as he leans down to press a kiss to his forehead, and Eddie weaves his arm through Steve's legs, holding onto his knee.

Everything feels a little less silly now. Like every time Steve doesn't question his little moments of sitting on the floor and just staring at things.

"We have a couch now," Eddie says, because it feels important to point out. Because Steve isn't looking at it.

"We do," he hums. "I got the call earlier. Thanks for helping with that, baby."

Eddie nods again, leaning his cheek against Steve's knee and trailing the couch again with his eyes. It looks brighter now that the curtains don't turn the room into something out of a sepia-type movie anymore.

Steve's hands comb through his hair, massaging his scalp a little with his nails. It's nice. It's warm. It's pretty.

And it's so unreal.

"I'm twenty-four," Eddie says then, and some part of him wants to carve that into the fabric. He won't. But maybe he should carve it somewhere else. "And I own a couch. It's a little crazy."

Steve comes to sit down beside him, their shoulders pressed together and he links their hands, resting them in his lap after a brushes a kiss to Eddie's knuckles.

"Why's it crazy, angel?"

He shrugs, resting his head on Steve's shoulders and curling into his warmth some more.

"Most of my life I never thought either of those would happen, y'know."

Another hum, followed by another kiss to the crown of his head. Another smile.

"But you did it," Steve whispers. "You made it. And we've got a couch now."

"We've got a couch now."

Saying it out loud doesn't make it feel any realer. It only makes his heart race and his eyes prick.

"I love you," he says, finally looking away from pretty grey fabric to meet prettier hazel eyes. "I love you so much."

Steve leans in, kissing the tip of his nose. "I love you. Thank you for buying a couch with me."

And it occurs to Eddie then that Steve understands him. Sitting there on the floor with him, hearing his words and listening to those unsaid, understanding Eddie on such a fundamental level that it should be scary. And it is, sometimes.

But he's not scared now. Because they have a couch. And they have pretty curtains that keep the light outside and still turn the room into something magical. And they have a lock that only needed a bit of graphite to let the keys glide smoothly.

And they have each other.

They stay on the floor until Steve's stomach growls, and they eat dinner with their backs against the couch and Eddie's feet in Steve's lap. They hold each other close after dinner, just breathing each other in as the breeze blows around them.

In the end, Eddie is the first to sit on the couch, with Steve standing between his legs and giving him a scalp massage in silence. In the end, Eddie buries his face in Steve's stomach to hide the tears, and Steve lets him.

Because this is real. And he gets to have this. They both do.

🤍 permanent tag list gang: @skiddit @inklessletter @aringofsalt @hellion-child @stobin-cryptid@hotluncheddie @gutterflower77@auroraplume@steddieonbigboy @n0-1-important@stevesjockstrap @brainvines @puppy-steve @izzy2210 @itsall-taken @mangoinacan13 @madigoround@pukner@i-amthepizzaman @swimmingbirdrunningrock @hammity-hammer @stevesbipanic@bitchysunflower @estrellami-1 @finntheehumaneater @goodolefashionedloverboi @awkwardgravity1 (lmk if you want on or off, for this story or permanently)

#steddie fic #steddie fanfic #steddie #steve x eddie #listen i have a couch now and if you know me you know that i get really fucking emo about the tiniest things #i fixed my lock with graphite btw when i was blackout drunk. it still fills me with so much joy #sorry tag list gang idk what this is but it wanted out #i could write fics/poems/whatever about the most mundane things until the end of my days tbh so today we have: couch #dio words #dio's steddie ramblings #the hurt/comfort is implied like you'll catch it when you reflect on the words but most importantly this is healing. and comfort. and fluff #and so much love and understanding it makes me wanna throw up

[ghouljams]

I DONT KNOW WHY, but bewitched by laufey awfully reminds me of knight ghost with princess reader

except the song would be ghost's pov

abso-fucking-lutely you're right on all of that. Here's the bewitching:

If you'd told Ghost that he'd be called on to be the crown princess's personal guard, he would've laughed. He would've told you he was hardly interested in such an "honor" and that he's sure her most royal brattiness must have better prospects to scare off. Surely you must have been such a petty handful that the other knights offered the position had declined, leaving him next in the long line.

Although, it was flattering to hear he was even in consideration. He'd sure worked his ass off to be the best of the best. Making something out of nothing but a failing title thanks to his father's- Well, the man was a better father 6ft underground than he'd ever been in life, and that's all he really needed to say on it. Ghost didn't think much of the summons. He couldn't ignore it, of course, but that didn't mean he had to take it seriously. He could run a little late.

Ghost's pace is slow as he walks through the castle. Admiring the architecture, he told his escort, who looked far less than pleased with that answer. He did his best to stall, hopefully the princess would be fuming by the time he arrived and he could be dismissed easily. No muss, no fuss.

Uneven footsteps race down the hall behind him as he and his escort turn the corner. He pays it no mind, likely a maid, no reason to pay them mind. Until they slam into his back and bounce off. He turns, wide eyed, in time to see you fall on the floor, landing hard on your ass with a pained expression. It doesn't fit such a pretty face. Your chest heaves as you try to catch your breath, and Ghost has to shake himself out of staring at you. His escort has already scurried ahead to see about buying him some time.

"You alright?" Ghost asks, helping you to your feet. You wobble a little, he keeps hold of your hand to keep you steady. "You broken?" He tries, brow furrowing at your changing height as you shift on your feet. He doesn't know you, he certainly wouldn't be here if he did.

"No," You lift your foot, and Ghost glances down, one of your feet already in just a sock, "but, I'm afraid I'm running terribly late." You tell him, glancing behind you and pushing your hair out of your face as you unlace your remaining shoe.

"Maybe I can help you, where-" Ghost watches as you tug your shoe off and shove it against chest.

"Hold that please," He blinks, and takes the heel from you, judging by your clothes you must be of high status. He's never seen a lady running around barefoot before. "Now if you'll excuse me, Sir Knight, I really am in a rush, and I have a baron hot on my tail attempting to hold me hostage another hour still."

Another glance behind you, one Ghost leans to check for as well. You must be quick to have outrun a man he can't even see the sweat of. He wonders if you lost your other shoe somewhere along the way or if you, perhaps, threw it at the baron to buy yourself some time. That look in your eyes is wickedly clever when it meets his again. You nod to him once and slip around him to take off running again.

"Wait, I'm-" Ghost stops, and sighs watching you slide around another corner. "The fuck am I supposed to do with this?" He grumbles to himself, tossing your shoe to his other hand as he walks. He'll pass it off to his escort once he meets up with him again. He's pretty sure he went the same way you did.

The escort looks rather harried when he spots him in front of the reception chamber's doors. Big fancy things that have guards waiting to open them on either side. His escort enters to tell the King and Queen that the newest guard candidate has arrived. Ghost tries not to eavesdrop.

"I haven't needed an escort since I was a little girl I'm-"

"A flight risk," The Queen says firmly

"I'd hardly call running from a daft old man a flight risk," The King grumbles. Ghost chuckles a little to himself. His escort slips back out of the throne room to tell him they're not quite ready for him. Which seems strange considering how much time they've had to prepare.

A maid exits one of the nearby rooms with a pair of slippers and something clicks in Ghost's head. Despite his escort's best attempts at stopping him, Ghost enters the throne room with the maid, and watches your sweet face fall as silence covers the royal family. The maid too, it seems, doesn't know what to do.

"Sir Simon Riley," Ghost announces himself, "I was called about being her highness's personal guard."

"It seems you've already run into each other," The Queen's lips purse, eyes on the heeled shoe in Ghost's hands. He offers the offending shoe to the maid, and takes the slippers.

"This is really-" You whisper to him, Ghost hums, slips the silk slipper onto your foot. You swallow, try again, "I'm sorry to have troubled you, I can't imagine how you must think of me."

"Briefly," He tells her. You're still standing at the bottom of the steps to the throne; apparently having had time only to argue with your parents, not take your seat, in the time between bumping into him and getting here.

"Sir Riley," you start.

"Ghost," he corrects you, "if I'm going to be your guard, I'd like you to call me Ghost."

"Ghost," you start again, not even a hint of annoyance in your voice. Actually, you sound a little embarrassed. It's cute. He likes how easily you give in to him. "I'm sure you'd find this position terribly boring, and a waste of your many talents."

Ghost drops to one knee, and pats his thigh, you quickly raise your foot to settle on him.

"I mean, I'm really not the flight risk my mother thinks I am, and I hardly think you want to accompany me on diplomatic excursions-" he holds your ankle to slip the new house shoe on "-or trips into town. Wouldn't you rather be off, I don't know, fighting marauders and dragons?"

"What do you think knights do, princess?" He smiles, setting your foot on the floor and prompting you for the other one. "It's my privilege to serve you, one I'm enjoying so far."

You feel heat brust over your cheeks, finally taking in the man in front of you. This man is a trained combatant and yet here he is helping you put your shoes on. Christ, you'd literally run into him, and now he was. Why was he treating you so nicely, he should be laughing at the idea of serving you.

"No," He murmurs back, "You can't imagine what I think of you." He stands as you settle your foot back on the ground, and takes your hand, bowing his head to kiss the back of it. "But, rest assured those thoughts are good, my lady."

#acts of service acts of service acts of service #wow princess u sure take orders really fucking readily for someone in a position of power #just with Ghost huh? wonder what thats about #cod x reader #simon ghost riley #x reader #simon ghost riley x reader #ghost x reader #simon ghost x reader #ghost mw2 #knight!Ghost #princess!reader #medieval au #i fucking adore natural subs and i think its fun putting them in positions of power sue me #this one doesnt hurt i hope you all enjoy the fluff

[wyrmswears]

shoutout to this loser. whats up with him

#like who the fuck hurt you my guy #hes so pathetic like hows he gonna be a villain.. my silly.. #ninjago jay #ninjago dragons rising #ninjago #I SWEAR I DIDNT JUST ABSORB THE 40 SECONDS OF JAY FROM THE NEW EPISODES. ill draw other things too.. #seriously tho i really enjoyed them. BONZLE IS SO CUTE I LOVE HER. #episode 4 was insanely gay like theres no heterosexual explanation for this levels of gay #and that finale... what the freak... #lego ninjago #jay walker #suit jay #dragons rising #ninjago spoilers #ninjago dragons rising spoilers #dragons rising spoilers #dragons rising s2 #wyrm draws #i know its the other hand than in the scene but tbh i didnt mean to draw the scene until i had already sketched out the pose