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Dear Jac,

“I love math” well if you love Matthew so much why don’t you go marry him, you stem obsessed freak, you insane labcoat scientist, and I’LL go marry Art(hur) he’s more romantic and deranged than you >:P

Conflictedly yours, Sawa

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Choose her. Because if it was me you wanted, there wouldn’t be any hesitation.

I want to be someone’s first choice. I deserve to be someone’s first choice not a back up.

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things i like to do alone at home

- exercise

- throw myself a dance party

- listen to risqué music without earbuds

- talk to myself

- experience the weight of interpersonal judgement lift from my ever-socially-anxious shoulders

- play an instrument

- call friends so that i can swear with them

- lay on the floor and make weird sounds

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i just can’t give 100% anymore

stop asking

stop begging

stop expecting

i can’t

i can’t

i

just

can’t

you don’t know what i feel,

what i go through

you see a kid on their phone all day,

ignoring class and going to rehearsal

and then doing nothing

you don’t know my pain

my struggle

the effort

it takes

to get out of bed now

and if i told you, would you notice?

yeah- for five seconds

and then you’d

tuck it under the rug like you always do

like you always do

like you always always always do

fuck

you

-things i wish i could say to my mom

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Government mandated aphobia literally keeping me from my partner while she’s fighting brain cancer. (:

(The COVID regulation exception that allows me in to visit my partner specifically says our relationship can’t be based on long distance communication and we have to have “met at least once.” Not “lived together for a period of time.” It’s “met at least once.” Literally could mean nothing but “had the chance to be sexually active.” It could have said “had previous visits,” or even “had at least one previous visit.” I’d still think it’s probably about sex, but you could at least argue they meant “had extended time together.” “Met at least once,” is very specific language you can’t accidentally use if you’re thinking “Well, they need to know they can handle each other’s physical company.” Which is vastly underestimating and misunderstanding the reach of modern communication, but at least isn’t about sex. We have to have “MET”? To meet up with someone implies a moment, an event. Not necessarily time spent. This is basic. “You can’t see your partner if you can’t prove you’ve likely had sex.” Fuck you, we’re asexual, and our relationship is more stable than the 20 year marriage you tried to save by having kids.)

I know I’ve made this post before but there’s some twitter drama rn about aphobia (both acephobia and arophobia) and it’s on the mind.

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sirius, baking at 10:30pm:

recipe: add 120ml of milk

sirius: *reads the measuring cup wrong and accidentally adds 1,000ml (1 litre) of milk*

sirius, realising too late: fuck fuck FUCK

sirius: *messaging remus and james*

sirius: GUYD I FUCKED UP THR MILK

remus: what

sirius: I ADDED 880ml MORE THAN WHAT THE INSTRUCTIONS SAID TO ADD

remus: sirius how could you possibly have fucked up this badly

sirius: i genuINELY DON’t kNOW

james: that’s like eight times the amount you were supposed to add

james: sirius what the fuck

sirius, laughing his arse off: PLEASE HELP ME

james and remus: 😐

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Ready to give up tbh, fuck the government

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your favorite character is queer and i can prove it

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i just cant take dropping subtle hints that im really just sad and all of them getting absorbed by the trauma queens like i wanna say at least that im not well and have someone hear it. at least hear it. just hear it and move on

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Sometimes I don’t know if you’re a coward or just arrogant

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No, you’re not half the man you think that you are

And you can’t fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs and cars

- Halsey

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[breaking news]

hoodie comes back after not posting for a month or something




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