#fucking finally getting some help

[imminent-danger-came]

I was rewatching s2 last night, and ohhh man mk looks over mei so much it's not even funny. times mei has been ignored:

maybe you need to really listen! (during the blindfold ep)

mk just? grabs stuff she's using out of her hands all the time? (video game ep)

maybe you shouldn't skip the tutorials? (video game ep again)

the way he addresses her in dumpling destruction and then immediately pushes her aside for tang

i honestly remember it lowkey kinda bothering me on first watch but now it's REALLY egregious on rewatch. are you scared? I'm so scared. do you WANT to end up like shadowpeach MK

2x03 is so rude because the whole fucking episode they're like "MK you don't listen" and it's so true. He doesn't. Pigsy literally points it out again at the end of 4x14 with the whole sun screen bit:

Pigsy: "Tch, don't bother, I've been telling him that for years but he LITERALLY never listens." Sun Wukong: "Yep! That's how we role."

-

THEY'RE SO FUCKING RUDE. "That's how we role." We. We????? Wukong and MK???? Like WHATEVER. FINE. (("I told you going against the Jade Emperor was a bad idea, but no. Wukong doesn't listen to ANYONE! He just does whatever he wants" Like shut up. Shut up!))

MK gets so stuck in his own head ("You're all stuck up in your own head! None of this is your fault!" +1 to the MK ignoring Mei counter from 4x08) and I think that really contributes to his s2 scramble to get more powerful.

LIKE:

MK: "Stop? Now? Never! I just have to try harder. It's just like the Monkey King said! *laughs manically* I just need to get stronger!"

(2x06 Game On)

VS

MK: "Why didn't he just stop, right here? He was already so much stronger than anyone ever needed to be!" Macaque: "Wukong didn't think so, he always felt he had to be stronger—more immortal."

(4x11 A Lifetime of Mistakes)

-

(Bonus thing between eps 2x03 and 2x06, look at 0:42 in this video for MK hearing Mei but not listening to her. Because of course that's what he would do. *head in my hands .png*)

The terrible s2 choices both Wukong and MK make in relation to their friends is just absolutely delicious after 4x11. Like, OH. This has been a lifelong pattern of Wukong's—paranoia is one of his fatal flaws (paired with his terrible communication and self-sacrificial nature), and while he had the power to stop LBD before he still feel's the need to go after the Samadhi Fire to stop her now, and to protect MK.

Hold on look at this parallel that I don't know what to do with:

MK: "Ugh, I can't do it!"

Mei: "It's alright MK—you did it before, you'll do it again!" Sandy: "Yeah! Maybe it's like Monkey King said: the power will come when you need it most!"

(3x04 The Winning Side)

-

MK: "What! But you said the Samadhi fire was the only thing that could stop her!" Sun Wukong: "I KNOW WHAT I SAID! But I've beaten her before I'll- I'll do it again! Mei was right—I need to stop dragging you into my fights, all of you."

(3x10 The Samadhi Fire)

-

Wukong and MK's reach for power inspires a lot of fear in me! It does! Because, well, MK's current reach for power is going to lead him to his Monkey Form, and uh:

Like I'm scared. I'm scared!

"All doomed to play a role in tearing this world apart!" ; "This is Azure's utopia, and this barren wasteland is the price he paid to build it." ; "I'd do anything for my friends! But at the cost of the world?" "I'm sorry pal, ain't NOTHIN' worth that price!"

#I've said it once and I'll say it again: 2x06 is one of the MOST retroactively mean episodes #Game motif. The callback that 4x10 does. Whatever the fuck is going on with the MK and SWK parallels in that ep #I hate lmk's exchange theme I hate it. Like FUCK #Anyways #asks #wlw-wukong #lmk #lego monkie kid #lmk MK #lmk SWK #lmk Sun Wukong #lmk analysis #lmk theme: exchange #fuckasdfoqweg #Sandy saying ''Helping my friends is more important than anything in the world!'' in 2x08 vs #''I get it! I'd do anything to help my friends! But at the cost of the world?'' in 4x13 is SICK. SICK IT'S SICK #Sometimes it's like. Hmmm. ''If you aren't doing everything in your power to help your friends you are nothing!'' #''I'd watch my sword shatter 1000 times so long as I used it to protect the ones I care about'' #I'm telling you Mei would choose MK over the world. I'M TELLING YOU #MK'S ALREADY CHOSEN MEI OVER THE WORLD (thank you 3x10) AND PIGSY/TANG/SANDY OVER THE WORLD (4x02) #MK really went: ''Oh releasing this curse could end the world? Well I'll risk it for my friends!'' and I went ''ohhhh nooooooooo'' #WE ARE IN SOME DEEP SHIT IN S5 #And Wukong? Lol of course he's choosing the people he cares about over the world. No surprise there. #He's like ''yeah I'll go fight the jade emperor to finally be strong enough''. If eamk theory proves true he like #Chose MK over the world initially #And he was totalllyyy willing to sacrifice LBD's child host to protect his friends (MK)/the world #I'm. AUGHGHG. #''It's what he would do if he had to. That's the hard part of being a hero!'' OKAY BUT MEI WOULD YOU DO THAT SO EASILY IF IT WERE MK #ME THINKS NO #ME THINKS YOU WOULD NOT

[dangerliesbeforeyou]

ok so we're all in agreement that the way the show is handling trixie and matthew's storyline is complete shite right?

#call the midwife #call the midwife series 13 #don't usually like putting negativity in tags but.... i am seriously so frustrated by this lol #not only does it just... not make sense with EITHER characters #it also just feels like a totally lazy way to add drama... #like there's totally a way they could have added a money-issues storyline that could have been really interesting! #but pointless miscommunication? matthew being a chauvinistic dickhead? trixie have barely any of her own agency??? nah nah #fuck that lol #also looks like they're going to make her return to alcoholism in the finale which is completely annoying #like there were whole SERIES dedicated to her getting help with it!! #and it was amazing! it was one of the few times i've seen alcoholism depicted with such care on screen PARTICULARLY w/ a female character #uguhughuu idk #i'm just ranting here soz lol #and like ctm has made some very strange choices in terms of characters and plotlines in the past #but this one really feels like it's taking the piss imo lol...

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

what would megumi’s life have been if he was actually raised by the zenin from day one? like either gojo lost the custody battle or they were able to scoop him up before gojo ever reached them. i doubt they would want to keep tsumiki with them so she’s not there for little baby megs.

i think it would be really cool to see a zenin raised megumi interacting with his fellow classmates when he attends the school, not to mention the contrast between him and gojo. like on paper they both should have gotten the same treatment-being pampered and spoiled rotten but we also know that the zenin think that hurting little kids makes them stronger so it would be super interesting to see megumi realise that the stuff that happened to him wasn’t normal and for gojo to have a guilt trip bc he wasn’t able to help megumi when he needed someone to help him the most.

So I have a fanfic that I’ve half written (no idea if I’ll ever finish it—I’d love to, it’s just hard to find the time) about EXACTLY THAT that I talked about in this post for an ask game.

That being said, that entire thing happens from Tsumiki’s perspective, and I agree with you—I don’t think the Zenin would have ever actually taken her too. They don’t want her. She’s not Zenin. She’s not a sorcerer. They only bought Megumi. For the most part, Megumi is absent from that post, and you asked about Megumi. So this is what I think would happen on Megumi's side of that post I linked.

It comes down to two things:

1. He is never, ever happy with the Zenin.

2. He never lets go of his sister.

Megumi’s old enough to remember Tsumiki when the Zenin take him away. He's old enough to love her. And I think that Megumi loves very quietly, but he also loves very violently. He wouldn't let his sister hold his hand on the walk to school, but he would sacrifice himself for her future.

I think the Zenin took him from his sister, and I think he kicked and screamed and wasn't strong enough. I think they thought he would forget her eventually.

And then I think he bit most of the Zenin Clan.

At the end of the day, what Megumi wanted was the one thing the Zenin were not willing to give him. They were never like the Gojo clan, they were never going to pamper him, but there are a great many things in this world that they would give the Ten Shadows finally returned to them. But they would not give him a non-sorcerer, non-Zenin sister who would only be a weakness to him. They refused to let him have any contact with his sister, and that was the source of a lot of what soured.

Any Megumi that was taken in by the Zenin would have been taken in to Naobito's household directly. He would be announced as the one who finally inherited their most cherished technique, and he would be declared heir, and the Zenin would call him beloved for it.

They would keep him in a room that was large and empty and almost always dark, and he wouldn't be allowed to decide when he slept or woke, and the door would always be locked from the outside. They would give him a wardrobe of expensive clothes that he hated, and he would never get to pick which of them he wore.

Megumi would hate them. He would hate all of them.

He's just not the type to be comfortable with or enjoy the adoration of others--especially when it's not backed up by genuine love. Megumi is someone who very much values sincerity and depth to emotion--it's one of the reasons why he seems to respect Yuuji so much. Yuuji is a good person who follows through with what he says. He's not just going to talk about wanting to save people--he's there making the sacrifices as he does it.

The Zenin do not actually love him. And he knows it. He's experienced love before, and this isn't it.

They love the idea of him. The fantasy of him that lives in their heads. He has no interest in being their little god prince to contend with the Gojo's own. He knows who he is, and it's not this. He wants to go home. He wants to find his sister again. He doesn't want to do this anymore.

And I think that's a feeling Megumi never escape: he just didn't want to do this anymore.

Megumi would feel like a bug pinned beneath glass in the Zenin compound. He would constantly have people managing him--when he ate, what he ate, what he wore, when he slept, when he woke, when he trained, what he did. Having to become a jujutsu sorcerer signified an inherent loss of control, but it's nothing compared to the sheer objectification that he goes through when the Zenin have exclusive control over him.

He has no power of what clothes he wears. How his hair is styled. His schedule, his diet, the people he speaks too--he's suffocating and the Zenin are just increasing pressure on him.

I don't think Gojo ever thought that would be Megumi's life.

We’re gonna just have this imagining exist in the same world as the Tsumiki centric fic described in the linked post, and in that, the reason why Gojo never took him in was because he didn’t know Megumi had a sister. He showed up, saw the divine dogs, realized Megumi had the Ten Shadows, and decided he couldn’t do this. He was a mess. He was grieving Suguru and Haibara. Megumi looked just like the man who killed Riko, and apparently inherited the fucking Ten Shadows of all the goddamn things. The Zenin would lose their shit, and Gojo didn’t have the energy to fight and told himself he didn’t need to, because if Megumi was the Ten Shadows he’d be cared for like a prince with the Zenin. He turned around and left and spent the rest of his life with Megumi in the back of his mind, always nagging him with whether he made the right decision. It wasn’t until Maki got there and made a few worrisome references to Megumi's standard of living that he started to really worry that he had made the wrong one, and it wasn't until he found out about Tsumiki that he knew it was the wrong decision.

It's like this: The Zenin hurt Megumi in every world.

It would be bad no matter what, but it really gets bad because Megumi refuses to stop trying to get back to Tsumiki. She's his sister. They didn't have anyone or anything in this world, but they had each other, and he couldn't let these people just take her away. He’s feral about it. He refuses to fit the mold they keep trying to cram him in. He’s trying to scale the walls to escape. He’s increasingly desperate and angry and the Zenin are getting more and more frustrated the longer he fights them. He’s the heir to the clan, and he can’t stop trying to leave it to get back to some random girl who isn’t his real sister and isn’t someone they’ll ever allow him to have.

It gets bad.

They put him under increasingly strict levels of control. He’s constantly being trained, which means he's constantly being hurt. He’s not allowed to speak to anyone without the clan head’s approval. He is under absolutely constant guard after he manages to get over the wall and halfway to his old neighborhood before they catch him again. Tsumiki’s name is not allowed to be said aloud, or his old name. He forgets his name used to be Fushiguro, but he doesn’t forget Tsumiki. He doesn’t let himself.

I think it escalates until it hits a breaking point. Megumi becomes increasingly self-destructive and non-responsive to everything they try. They push him to extremes that start risking permanent damage.

I think Megumi would try to hurt himself, eventually.

He wouldn't be in his right mind. He's in the most shit situation possible. He's undergoing pretty severe abuse. He'd be at the end of his rope from the lack of control over his own life, and he'd be spiteful as hell towards the Zenin. And the only thing he has to hurt them with is himself.

As a character, Megumi has always considered his own sacrifice as an acceptable means to the end of getting back at someone. Mahoraga, intrinsically, requires him killing himself as a way of killing someone else. He'd hurt himself if it was the only way he had of hurting them.

Naobito would cover it up. He'd never, ever want the rest of the clan to find out that it happened. It was already bad enough that Megumi openly hated them--he couldn't have the Zenin seeing any vulnerability in what was meant to be their most powerful member. He'd put Megumi in total lockdown until he could make it all go away.

Then they'd make a deal.

A binding vow. Megumi could never purposefully hurt himself again. He could never again try to leverage his own safety against the clan.

And in exchange, Tsumiki would be taken care of.

The last time Megumi saw his sister, she was on a sinking ship. They were running out of food, money, options--he doesn't know if she even has food anymore. He doesn't know if she lost the apartment or if there's still running water.

They're not letting him see her. But they are letting him take care of her. He can sacrifice another piece of control over himself, and she'll never have to worry about money again. They'll pay for her housing, her food, her education, for her every desire for as long as she lives. The trust the Zenin set up for her will be a generous one, and it will be managed meticulously by a trustee who can make sure she'll be provided for until she's old and grey. And Naobito will vow to never hurt her or send someone else to hurt her. She'll be safe. She'll be taken care of.

Megumi makes the deal.

In the end, the deal's what sort of breaks him.

Because he doesn't promise to stop looking for her, but the Zenin manage to make it a part of the terms anyway. When they approach Tsumiki's mother with the offer to be her family's beneficiary, they include a requirement that Tsumiki be moved to another city entirely with no forwarding address given. She needs to be somewhere that Megumi can never find her again.

The Zenin keep the old apartment. They pay the rent every month. And the next time Megumi manages to make it off compound, they let him make it all the way there before dragging him home. They let him see the empty apartment with all its empty rooms.

Naobito wants him to know that Tsumiki's gone. He wants him to know that he'll never find her again.

He tries to run a few more times after that, but he never makes it very far. He doesn't have anywhere to go.

In the linked post, Megumi finds Tsumiki, just once. She's on a class trip. He's on one of his very few and far between allowed excursions off the compound grounds, and he sees her in the crowd and recognizes her, and he ducks away from his escort before anyone can stop him.

She remembers him. He didn't think she would do that.

She tries to save him. He didn't think she would do that either.

She still loves him. And he was always too afraid to hope she would do that.

It goes the same way it did the first time. There's a car, and the Zenin shove him in it. She's on the outside, and he's trapped within, and he wishes she didn't scream so loudly when it happens. The sound never seems to leave his dreams.

His sister still loves him. Naoya hits him in the back of the head. He wakes up, and it was like she was never there at all.

But they hit him harder, after. Like they're trying to beat the memory of her out of him. He has even less freedom, when he already had next to none at all.

But he still has a sister. He has a place to go that isn't here. He just has to figure out where that is.

He wouldn't really have anyone in the Zenin clan. Most people are just... weird about him. Naoya's violently abusive. Naobito's weird and violently abusive. Everyone wants him to be someone he's not.

Maki would be his favorite.

He doesn't care about whether she's got cursed energy--his sister didn't have any. And she's obviously strong. She doesn't treat him like a divine blessing or try to force him to act a certain way. I think they would have genuinely liked each other, but kept each other at a distance. They're both trapped in an abusive situation and keep themselves safe by keeping everyone else at arm's length.

He would have been happy to see her get out, though. He would have told her that she could have his spot as heir or head or whatever when she came back if she wanted it. She would have told him that if he ever got out... well, fuck it. They could be something then. Family. Whatever the fuck they weren't allowed to be here.

She would have told him she's sorry, and she would have meant it. The only one she she regretted more than Megumi was Maki. He would have told her not to be, that if she dared to be sorry for getting out that he would never forgive her, and he would have meant that too.

I think his relationship with his own techinque would be very different in a world where the Zenin raised him. In canon, his issue is that he doesn't view himself as someone who could be powerful or win in the long run, but in this world, all he ever hears is how powerful he is. Pride of the fucking Zenin. The most powerful of them in centuries. Meant to rival Gojo fucking Satoru himself.

I think his real issue would be controlling it.

His technique would be a source of negative associations for him. It's the reason why the Zenin took him away. Most of his interactions with it have involved getting beaten and hurt by either his family or a high-level curse they shoved him in front of. I think he'd have a lot more firepower under his belt than at the start of canon, but he'd have less of a fine tuned control over it.

He lost control over his own life because of his shadows. It think that would manifest in struggling to control his own shikigami at times. he's not as in-sync with them as he is in canon.

Eventually, he'd go to Jujutsu High. He would be the only one in the first year class at the beginning, just like in canon. And he'd finally meet Gojo Satoru, the man he's supposed to topple.

He looks at Megumi really goddamn weird.

He's... enthusiastic. About. Teaching. He guesses. And constantly asking prying questions about the Zenin, but not in the sort of way he'd expect from a rival. In the sort of way he'd expect from someone concerned about him. Which is stupid. And annoying. And weird. He keeps a distance from everyone. They've all heard about the Zenin clan heir, and he has no interest in having to fit or break whatever mold they've already cast him in. He's better off on his own.

Maki's there. She's cordial where other people can see it, and in private, she takes care of him in a way that's terrifyingly close to familial. He's not sure if he likes it. He's not Mai, and she's not Tsumiki, and they both want someone they can't have.

She isn't sorry she left. She is sorry she left him. He can hate her for it all he goddamn pleases.

Of course, if this is in the same world as the linked post, Megumi finds Tsumiki again. He finds her in Sendai.

He gets to keep her, this time.

Gojo Satoru, of all the goddamn people, intervenes and becomes his sister's benefactor. It's super fucking weird. He won't stop looking at Megumi strangely. He won't stop insisting that he didn't know he had a sister, like that matters.

That would sort of be the first time in a long time that life actually gets better for Megumi.

I think he would ask to go by Fushiguro again, once he asks Tsumiki what his name used to be. He'd ask her if she minded it, him taking the name again, and he'd ask the rest of the school to call him Fushiguro instead of Zenin.

Predictably enough, Naobito loses his shit when he finds out, but it's not nearly as big of a pain in the ass as he thinks it is? Because Gojo intervenes.

Gojo keeps intervening.

It drives Megumi nuts, because if anyone was supposed to hate him, it was this guy. If anyone was supposed to be against him, it was this guy. This is the guy he was supposed to rival. This is the guy who killed his shitheel bio dad.

Gojo's just... good to him. He keeps him safe. He keeps him safe from his own goddamn family, and that's--no one's ever done that. No one's ever protected him from the Zenin.

The Zenin try to remove him from the Tokyo campus and move him to Kyoto the second they find out Tsumiki's there, and Gojo just... says no. It causes an uproar, and he doesn't fucking budge. It's treading dangerously close to him kidnapping the Zenin clan heir, his refusal to let them remove him from the Tokyo campus, and he doesn't care about whatever problems it causes him.

Megumi's his student. He doesn't want to leave. So Gojo won't let them take him.

He personally goes to Kyoto and collects him, the one time the Zenin force him into a car and move him when Gojo's off on a mission. He tells the higher ups to get fucked. He changes Megumi's student I.D. to read Fushiguro, and he causes problems for Yaga and the assistants until they start calling him Fushiguro as well.

Megumi's different with the other students once his sister is there.

He's more connected with them. He becomes best friends with Kugisaki and Itadori. He gets closer with the second years. He's visibly happier, and it sort of casts in sharp contrast how unhappy he was before this.

And Gojo? Gojo's so goddamn sorry. He didn't know megumi had a sister.

The thing is that now that both Tsumiki and Megumi are on campus, it sort of haunts Gojo with what could have been. They're both fantastic kids--funny, smart, resourceful. And it's painful watching them try to rebuild what was taken from them. And it could have just. never happened. Because he could have saved them both. He could have been their family.

It's sort of painfully obvious the Zenin abused Megumi, and it fucking haunts him. He doesn't even have to read into Megumi's behavior--he sees it happen, right in front of him, with how they try to control him and push him around. He wants to kill them for it. He wants to hate himself for it. He could have saved Megumi and he just. He didn't.

He wishes he did.

#jjk #fushiguro megumi #fushiguro tsumiki #gojo satoru #zenin clan #zenin maki #also featuring in this au: itadori absolutely torn because his best friend's long lost brother is extremely pretty and he HAS to be in #violation of some kind of bro code. the boy is in crisis. there he is. enrolled in fucking wizard school. his best friend tsumiki finally #found her long lost brother. said long lost brother proceeds to give him his gay awakening. he's fucking sweating. kugisaki stop laughing #gojos latent desire for fatherhood has been violently awakened in this and no one is safe. he's everyone's dad now. no one wants this. #yuuta in africa: sensei it's three am why are you calling is everyone oka--what do you mean what color do I want you to paint my room. what #room. what are you talking about. #yuuta keeps getting the weirdest goddamn updates from japan and he thinks he's having a stroke. what do you mean zenin-kun is fushiguro-kun #and he has a fucking long lost sister and gojos possibly going to gently kidnap him. is it kidnapping if he wants it too but the people who #has custody of him doesn't. what do you mean he needs to come back and help maki kill her entire family. maki explain your words explain #yes word of god megumi is also yuutas boy in this one i decide this for no other reasons than i want this #it's not the same way as in sea glass gardens. Maki just said some worrying things when yuuta first met him and he decided to keep an eye #out for him. he didn't seem all that happy. and he seemed alone. yuuta didn't want him to be. #megumi's sort of blindsided because he went from being raised in a clan where he was barely a person to having a bunch of medically insane #people decide that his wellbeing was their personal crusade. like. no one ever cared about /him/ before this. they just wanted their idea #but not who he really was. he felt like he was screaming and no one could hear it. then suddenly these people he barely knows are like #okay so we're going to punch your shitty bio uncle and also set his car on fire. yes we will call you by the name that makes you most #comfortable. yes we will help you get a new wardrobe full of clothes you're actually comfortable in. #he hadn't heard his own name in years. he's just been the ten shadows. never fushiguro. only rarely megumi. #everyone calls him fushgiuro at the school. his sister calls him megumi. he sort of wants to cry about it but he doesn't. #his shitty uncle shows up and makes a big stink about him being called zenin and inumaki and panda keyed his car. is this what love is. #is it a keyed car. #Low key he does NOT know what's going to happen the first time the school goes on break because gojo keeps making comments about how #megumi's not going back to the zenin compound and he says it like a joke but. he may not be joking. is he not joking. is. is megumi being #kidnapped. again. this is getting statistically improbable. did gojo just. decide. to keep him. when did that happen.

[earlgodwin]

"There are moments where [Juan] manipulates other people in a similar the way they’ve been manipulating him. The scene between Jeremy and myself with the dagger is a last ditch frantic attempt at trying to win [Rodrigo] over." Do you think Juan was genuine in the knife scene? Do you think he would have killed himself? "Yeah I think so. He always does what is true inside him...It wasn’t simply about the eventual confrontation, but all about the richness of this twisted family make-up."

#top 5 scenes that changed the trajectory of my life #it's also the 1st time we see juan vulnerable (2nd time is his final scene where he confesses to ces about how messed up he is all his life #“we were betrayed father!” maybe if ces put his jealousy aside and helped his lil bro by letting him know about ludovico's army #he's so broken and tired. trying so hard to prove he's useful but he has a shitty luck and a jealous megalomaniac big brother #like even from a military stand point ces could've helped juan with the forli mission but noooo he wants juan humilated! #anyway. look at rodrigo being soft to his baby boy!!! he loves him immensely and trying to comfort him :( #david and jeremy not getting their emmy nominations doesn't sit right with me ngl #“i defend this family with my heart and my soul” i was really rooting for juan so bad because he was just a kid and he was Trying #it's why the people who view juan as some sort of villain are hypocritical and need to fuck off the show btw <3 #like he knows he's a fuck-up and the circumstances made him a fuck-up. no one gave him a damn chance. just ganging up on him lol #juan borgia #david oakes #jeremy irons #rodrigo borgia #the borgias #theborgiasedit #perioddramaedit #about juan #juan and rodrigo #by jen

[tangledinink]

I can imagine the first cycle after moving. Probably Leo because Donnie likely has internal scarring, so leo goes through the process of laying his eggs, panics, his brother can't help, and finally, *finally* they ask for help. It's not willingly. It's not for fun. It's purely necessity. It's purely because there's *literally noone else* and the idea of telling anyone at all is so scary that the way they do so is in a note. Splinter sits them down and basically walks them through "You're safe, you're fine. We can handle this however you feel most comfortable, including getting you both on blockers if you prefer" and they just.... sigh. For the first time, there's *someone else* in their circle, and it's willing and it's warm, and it's *safe*. There will be tears.

Yes, except I'm not convinced that either of them could stand to tell anyone. Even if it was literally life or death (which it has been before,) I'm not sure if either of them could bear to give up that information. Donnie is finally, finally away from the people who hurt him when he got found out last time, and even though logically, he knows that it's different here, he's absolutely petrified of the thought that the same thing will happen again and it won't be over anymore. He's still horrified by the idea of anyone else knowing about Leo when he's gone to such lengths for so long to protect him, and Leo is likewise terrified in the same way. They've spent years with this being their more closely guarded secret, and that's going to be really difficult to give up.

But it's really not a secret they'll be able to keep for long.

They're in a completely different environment, with far less space and privacy. They're both stressed as hell and Donnie WAS on birth control and taking all sorts of vitamins and supplements to make sure he didn't eggbind again and now he's suddenly not and it's not only messing with his body, it's fucking scary. It literally keeps them both up at night. Neither of them know how to wash blood out of clothes or sheets. There's no private en suite bathroom they can sequester themselves away in. They're both literally making themselves sick with anxiety trying to deal with this, and they're used to handling this on their own, this is routine for them, but they're not used to all of this.

They'd probably metaphorically limp through a few cycles before their family puts it together and gently confronts them.

Venus probably figures it out first. She's pretty smart, and incredibly observant, and after all-- she quite literally experiences the exact same thing. April may not lay eggs, but I think she'd be able to get the idea after a bit as well. And while I think Splinter would realize something was wrong pretty quickly, Draxum would probably realize what was wrong first. Splinter has April, so he has a little bit of experience in this realm, but Draxum has Venus and so he has far more experience.

And so when they do sit them down and talk with them, it's going to be really scary at first. And then they get to, "you're safe, you're fine, we can handle this however you feel the most comfortable. It will be okay. No one will hurt you."

And then there's finally other people in the know, in the circle, people who will actually help them. And yes-- there will definitely be tears.

#leo in particular will probably panic at least a little when theyre confronted #because its been what? almost four years? #almost FOUR YEARS of him keeping this a secret at any cost #almost four years with no one else in the universe aside from his twin knowing #and now the spell is broken #but its okay #and they might panic and cry for a little but then they calm down and its... actually ok. things will actually be okay #april will take to big-sistering them so hard #and lowkey just? having venus exist in the household will be incredibly helpful #(she was honestly so baffled that everyone else didnt realize what was going on right away. it wasnt obvious????) #mikey tries to spoil them the same way he tries to spoil venus whenever she feels nasty #(but has to adjust a bit to respect boundaries because. donnie will bite him...) #likewise raph tries to take care of them the same way he'd take care of casey #(ie by leaving offerings at their doors and staying the fuck out of their way. just overall letting them do or have whatever they want) #their family will take care of them and keep them safe and things will get better #its honestly a huge relief when they get caught in some ways because leo can finally be like #and donnie got really sick one time and almost died and im scared itll happen again PLZ can we make sure it doesnt happen again #donnie in the background like >:0000 that leo just fucking OUTTED HIM LIKE THAT #but to leo 1000% worth it if it means donnie wont get sick and die #(as if donnie is actually realistically at any more significant risk of that than leo is) #(quite frankly theyre BOTH at risk of it at the time because of how stressed they are. lowkey a miracle neither of them eggbound yet smh) #also donnie def has internal scarring lmao;;;; poor bab. makes it a bit rough... #menstruation #tw menstruation #cw menstruation #gemini au #asks #anon #csa implied #cw csa implied

[xysidhequeen]

Current count since I last slept: 41 hours.

I think I've capped out at 46 before, I'm not sure because my worst fit of insomnia had me in no position to check times. But I'll say 46. So if we hit 48 we're setting personal records!

#i do not want to actually be awake #my body just physically cant process stress #'oh zee why cant you be in a car?' #this. this is why #and you might think: 'oh this cant be because you were in a car!' #it is. it so totally is #and also stress #but mostly i blame being in a car #everytime i get in a car i get sick #motion sickness vertigo dizziness insomnia #my body is violently against automobiles #which is actually so annoying because i finally own one of my dream cars #and wanna know when i last drove my baby? #A YEAR AND FIVE FUCKING MONTHS AGO #Also please for the love of fuck do not suggest anything to help me sleep #i. have. tried. it. #when im dealing with insomnia like this the only way it stops is preceiotion strength meds or my body calms itself the fuck down #no teas no melatonin no meditating no lettuce water no hot milk NOTHING will work #and also even prescription strength meds dont always work when its like this i have woken up like two hours after taking some b4 #when my body doesnt want to sleep it will not sleep #you can tell how little sleep im running on based on how unhinged these tags are

[sunforgrace]

he sat there on the ground and cried. for cas. cas told him he loved him was taken away and he buried his head in his hands and wept

#AND THEN THEY TRIED TO PRETEND LIKE IT WAS FINE? and after the widower arc #it wasn’t even as nearly fucked then this time all their friends got thanos snapped and we don’t even get canon confirmation that they were #brought back. even with covid not even a vo or offhand mention or reference #jack is god and in every drop of rain or whatever. #sure yeah whatever they beat the final boss and got over the protagonist angst of it all but the world was still the same it just wasn’t a #chuck story which only ramped up to being The Big Problem in the season 14 finale. #cas was stabbed by an angel blade and dean broke while wrapping his body for the funeral pyre. ALONE. and was. not doing well #and you tell me it’s whatever after he sat there in that dungeon refused to answer sam’s calls and cried during the complete and total end #of the world. that he just bounced back from that and died and drove around heaven for decades in a few minutes and smiled while americana #electric guitar played on some bridge #cas helped oh that’s nice I guess smile now I have GOT to go drive my car around. because I did not get enough of that in my time on earth. #unlike my time with cas which I am satisfied with and in no need of closure. perhaps a conversation. looking upon him to see him alive and #well. healing some of that trauma of the last time I saw him. a reunion hug maybe even which has become tradition. CUT THE CAMERAS deadass #he’s going for the face touch. no this we cannot possibly have time for we have to play carry on wayward son twice #sorry. it has been three years. sorry. it’s just so funny buddy your ass did NOT escape the hamster wheel

[aropride]

#text #polls #im rly curious abt this #i havent painted in foreverrr :{ i took an oil painting class that i loved but working with paint that never dries was difficult #but also helpful to be able to wipe it off even like a week after i fucked up lol #i liked it tho !! i wish id gotten to spend more time on my final bc it was so fun but i wasnt quite done #literally went in with a paint pen like last month to touch up some stuff #might go try and finish it fully but idkkkk. i dont have oil paints so id have to do it in acrylic and idk how easy itd be #ANYWAy #ive never worked with ink before and i only have worked with oil paint in that class #but the other three ive used a lot and when it comes to on Paper and not canvas #acrylic dries fast which is difficult for me #and watercolor dries slow bc. thats water. and it doesnt always go where i want it to #so usually i prefer gouache bc its a little thicker but not too thick and it dries quick but not too quick. a happy medium #just like goldilocks #on canvas tho i usually prefer acrylic #i think bc i get scared to use up my gouache paints on a bigger canvas #^saying all this and i havent painted in months. </3 #im not even particularly good at it i just like it. makes me happy #waugh. its nice out today maybe i'll go out and paint :} it miught rain tho #so who knows

[pocket-deer-boy]

i just realized it's been a year and two months since i originally asked for therapy and i'm still not getting therapy. normal country

#its a specialized autism therapy and im going to be honest #im not very hopeful of them #like they require proof of diagnosis first of all #and second they really fucking needed me to hand in a fucking 10 year old diagnosis for some fucking reason #i had to back and forth with these cunts for like 6 months #before i finally told them upfront like #hey man. that 10 year old report is really fucking hard for me to get my hands on #and i'm still not receiving any kind of help with this which makes keeping up with these emails and papers extra difficult #and this 10 year old report is going to be fucking useless because it was written when i was 13 #it's not going to contain information that would be more useful to you than simply asking me directly about my current situation #please. just give me therapy #and then they put me on a wait list of 7 to 9 months suddenly #like wow you really pretended to be super fucking bureaucratic for no fucking reason huh

[send-me-a-puffalope]

why did my teachers think it was okay to give us like one single weekend to finish all of our midterm projects and study for our tests.

#slight vent #i have 3 projects and 3 tests #i’m halfway through my lit/history project and halfway through my psych project #and maybe a quarter done with my programming project #which is fucking insane btw cause how tf am i supposed to code a whole video game in like 3 days on top of everything else 😭😭😭 #and some things he hasn’t taught us and just thinks that we should just be able to figure out like HELLO???/?/// #I DONT HAVE TIME TO TEACH MYSELF NEW CODE #ITS THE MIDTERM/FINAL FOR THE CLASS?????? #and once the weekend starts i’ll have no one to trouble shoot my stuff and fix my bugs so literally i’ll be hopeless so 😭😭😭 #my calc teacher JUST finished teaching us everything we need for the midterm TODAY. THE MIDTERM IS ON WEDNESDAY. BRO. #my physics teacher doesn’t let us copy down any of our idk test questions or take our old assessments home to study #*old #so we get to look em over for like 20 mins and hand em back. which doesn’t exact fucking help me when i’m studying for the midterm. #WITH NO STUDY GUIDE. #my teachers even said that this years midterms are worse than previous years cause they’re all in a row instead of split by a weekend #we’ve had 2 delayed openings and 1 early dismissal this week which means we have less time to work on our midterm projects in class 😭😭😭😭 #i’m so overwhelmed i’m gonna explode #by the time i finish these projects i’m not gonna have anymore energy/time to study for my tests. WHICH IS THE HARD SHIT BTW.

[thehealingsystem]

Seeing some debate on if in game henry being an ink version of him makes the time loops less evil and imo it makes it even MORE evil. He was given false memories of a life he never lived, been put through hell and back ever since creation and has no hope of any other purpose in the world. He was literally MADE to suffer. And he isn't even the henry that had left joey, just some replica he made to take his anger out on with no regards to that person's wellbeing

Just because he's made of ink doesn't mean he's any less alive. He still feels things, still has thoughts and opinions, still conscious, he is a living being. No, just because he isn't the real guy doesn't make it less cruel. Its just as, or even more so, a disgusting and evil thing to do to him

#I was half hoping henry would get to run into joey and just start beating him up #ghost joey must be avoiding him like the PLAGUE #what's funny is when joey finally realized that maybe what he was doing was a little fucked up he didn't personally help henry #he sent allison instead which is questionable by itself #but #he knew the guy probs didn't want any help from HIM #using ur brain for once joey #I honestly wanted to see more anger from henrys end about all of it #was he implied to be aware he isn't real? like not JUST made of ink but that he was ALWAYS ink? #not human turned ink #and what's also so fucking sad is that as soon as he escaped from the time loop he was held prisoner for years after #can we please give this guy a hug? also some food I know he doesn't need to eat but going years without food doesn't sound nice #please I need this man to be happy for once in his life #bringing back the stop henry abuse slogan #henry stein #batdr #bendy and the dark revival #bendy and the ink machine #batim #joey drew

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

#N posts stuff #one could argue ‘we see tula worry a lot tho’ but that’s bc Worry is an Action that can occur Separately from Recognizing Anxiety #now that I know tumblr will put a hard cap on your tags w/o telling you i'm resigning myself to posting rambling meta in post body #but i'm not happy about it; anyway i love how often life is full of Coincidences bc this is something I've Finally identified in myself #like. This Month. like this is brand new articulation for some of the problems i have in life; again knowing this doesn't help lmao #bc even when you know to look Around the shape of the emotion - like 'oh my face is Snarling rn. i'm probably experiencing Something' #like i said bc you don't know What that something is OR What might have caused it then the only solution you Ever get to come up with #is just 'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else' which INVARIABLY means that you will wind up in that same situation again #and Still have no idea how to handle it bc you never could figure out what caused it so you don't know how to handle it any better than #'fully retreat and go calm down somewhere else'; so 'be somewhere else' is the ONLY way you can ever think to Help it #which usually invariably turns into 'Just Avoid Fucking Everything just in case'; which doesn't work! bc life doesn't let you do that #so then it's just a cycle of falling into the same pitfalls and feeling miserable all the time; gotta love it :) #if you're like me this also gives you Bad Bad Bad Memory bc your brain will Promptly hide evidence of Scary Situation instinctively #like 3 weeks ago this dude ran a red light and almost t-boned me Full Speed & managed to stop like. maybe 3 feet away. #and i like. Startled Laughed and said 'that was scary' and then within 30 seconds i had Fully Forgotten it happened & only remembered #like 2 days ago. Ha! believe it or not this Does Not Help with 'How can I Address the Problem instead of Avoiding It Entirely?' #dimension 20 #d20: stupendous stoats #tula #d20lb

[neutral-emerald]

hi guys i still remember the swap au exists. heroes comic isn’t going anywhere but take a look at amy. also an idea for iblis the light, and also, a bit of sonic.

#my art #amy rose #sonic the hedgehog #iblis the light #swap au #sonamy #every time i redo amy's design she gets a little more naked #i think i'm finally satisfied with this one tho #also sonic 06 is a Whole mess which i don't really want to fully untangle for this au #but i really like the ideas i have around amy in silver's role #she's like some sort of an oracle in the future. which is clouded over with eternal darkness bc mephiles #she's got clairvoyance/mild foresight which helps her survive. even when it's too dark to see she can still 'see' #maybe she's some kind of beacon of hope for other survivors or maybe she's a loner. haven't decided #either way she's just about the only one keeping mephiles slightly in check #and it Sure Is Stressful #then this glowy fuck Iblis shows up and tells her she can fix all of this for the low low price of killing this one dude #turns out foresight is an excellent counter to shadow's teleportation bc she can just attack where he's Going to be #also some real confusing emotions when she develops a crush on the guy whose face iblis stole

[kedreeva]

FUCKING DID IT!!!! 50K BABY!!!!

#the final pack #nanowrimo #okay I'm gonna slap some of this into the asks with like 50 things #and go the fuck to sleep #I actually went over by like 400 words too #because I wanted to get to the end of the chapter #so GO ME #and a HUGE thank you to the people who did tasks #to help me and help themselves too

[kayvsworld]

i always forget i have Healthcare System Anxiety until i have to interact with The Healthcare System and immediately just start screaming internally for days

#my mom obliterated her bones and the pre-surgery surgery post-surgery experience. the ER situation. moving 2 the woods #this is a vent post i forget my complaining tag #waited 30 mins for an ambulance & when we called back they were like ''yeah it hasnt been assigned to anyone & might be hours'' #so i drove her to the ER with a migraine & ran over some pylons (cool). #stuck in the ER for 9 hours. took 4 hours for anyone to give her any kind of pain management. i caught covid #was supposed to get a call when she was out of her 2 hrs max surgery. was told i could call if i hadn't heard anything #5 hours later i called and was transferred 6 times - told she had been discharged - told she had never been registered at that hospital - #yelled at by a nurse for asking for patient information - eventually got the right department and was told oh yeah sorry she's in recovery #was supposed to find out if she could come home or not in 30 mins. 3 hours later theyre like OK come get her #i show up and the doors to that wing are. locked? and no one's there to unlock them? #apparently i was supposed to pick up the wall phone? and call a code they hadn't given me? spent 30 mins getting help from other department #to GET THEM TO OPEN THE DOORS. FREE HER RELEASE HER #finally i get in and she's OK SHES FINE except morphine doesn't work on her so that's. fine. bodies are good to have #we have reached shrimp colours levels of anxiety i am a walking talking stress migraine but she's doing ok. but holy fuck #kayvswords #also like she's black and all of her nurses and doctors have been white so feeling normal about all of it all around

[citrine-elephant]

leon s kennedy would definitely be the kind of guy to physically overexert himself and take on as much of the labor he can because he feels bad if he doesn't. even if it's fair share, he's gotta jump in and help out.

dead tired, exhausted. who cares if he's being taken advantage of and used because the other party(s) know he'll do whatever he's asked. he feels bad. he feels like he isn't doing enough.

#resident evil #hi lol this is a vent #capitalism culture is making you feel like you're never doing enough #and you know it's bullshit but! #tfw toxic masculinity pressures too #and your boss thinks that you should take on all of the physical labor because you're a man who cares if you physically cannot #and retaliates by punishing you with more and more bcuz you went to hr and politely asked if they could convince her to chill tf out- #vent in the tags #but i mean this seems canon to leon bcuz he'll sacrifice himself for anyone #fuck that #brother! #gotta force yourself to stop and think 'fuck them if they get mad i've done enough' #imagining leon being so weak he's stumbling and shaking #but then goes 'let me help with that' before passing out #leon's bitch ass is a people pleaser and he's convinced he's not! #'nah bro i just wanna help people weewoo imma cop' #nah bro ur into being stepped on! #where am i going with this idk #using my suffering to push on leon #no i dont go that far i just. feel bad if im not constantly- #anyway when i finally spoke up i started sobbin while hiding under some boxes lol #didnt realize how packed that bottle was!