#fucking g r e a t

[pintsofguinnesmakeyoustrong]

NPMD best line deliveries

oh shit! oh fuck!! i didnt think thered be a skele'uhn here ?!? im so fucking scared of skele'uhnz!!!

dont frighten him pokey you nasssssty boy

were going to jail...and with my luck no one will even B O T H E R making me their bitch...

🐦 heyus the thing about a bãrbĕqüe...it brings folks together...from awl wawlks of laife...theyres a storhé behand everyh burrghurr...everyh kehbahhb...

but I...called God a sonofa B word...who am iaieEUGHAHuhuuuh...

#honourable mention FUCK YOU CLIVESDALE GO GET FUCKED YOU'RE FUCKING LOSERS AND WE'LL KILL YOU #and ofc W E D O N T G I V E A S H I T A B O U T Y O U R P H O N E #nerdy prudes must die #npmd #starkid #starkid npmd #hatchetfield #hatchetverse #hatchetfield trilogy #tgwdlm #black friday #lords in black #max jagerman #peter spankoffski #grace chasity #richie lipschitz #ruth fleming #steph lauter #nick lang #matt lang #jeff blim #will branner #lauren lopez #jon matteson #mariah rose faith casillas #joey ritcher #kim whalen #angela giarratana #corey dorris #curt mega

[samscorch]

I feel like if any of the other Lords had the desire to eat it would probably be Tinky

#this fucking unaltered image kills me btw #the tear stains on the sticky note. chefs kiss #also tinky is like...a goat #and goats eat everything #e v e r y t h i n g #i know bc ive spent a lot of time with them #they ate part of my grandmas shirt once #hatchetfield #starkid #nibbly #nibblenephim #tinky #tnoy karaxis #lords in black #shitpost #textpost

[frnkiebby]

pls~🎃

#his hair looks fried #but i love blonde frankie #he is just fucking gorgeous here #T H E F U C K I N G C R I N K L E S #fucking christ #i am so gone on him #also that guitar is killer #i want it #but as a bass #pls and thx #frnkiebby #frank iero #mcr #mcr5 #mcrmy #frnkiero #frnkie #my chemical romance #my chem

[peppermint-whiskers]

WHY BE THE [[Little Sponge]] WHO HATES ITS [[$4.99]] LIFE

WHEN YOU CAN BE A

[[BIG SHOT!!!]]

[[BIG SHOT!!!!]]

[[BIG SHOT!!!!!]]

#WE DID IT BOIS #im so fucking proud of this holy s h i t #this is going on my wall uwu #i dont know how to draw suits forgive me #or else he woulda been in a spiffy suit #god i wanna draw more neo now like neo f u c k s #finished this listening to hayloft ii hell ye #pepper's art #traditional art #prismacolors #alcohol markers #fanart #utdr #deltarune #spamton g spamton #spamton neo #i wore down my black colored pencil just for him uwu #because hE D E S E R-

[coldshrugs]

no strings attached, amirite?

ephyra metaxas and veyer krellion (she/her and they/them respectively)

from wayfarer by @idrellegames painted by light of my life @rickety-goose (crops under the cut)

#wayfarer #veyer x mc #ephyra metaxas #veyer krellion #okay okay we're organized #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #THIS IS EVERYTHING TO ME. E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!! #LOOK AT THEM #just absolutely enraptured by each other #their noses??? THE SOFT LOOKS #i am OBSESSED by the dimension in effie's hair #and the detail you put into veyer's tattoos #and all the little embellishments on their clothes??? YOU WENT THE FUCK OFF ON THIS REN #and turning veyer's ring into an ear cuff.... inspired..... #also.... this is a really minor thing but i love that effie looks strong than veyer because she def is #UGH! UGHHHHH!!!! I COULD SCREAM FOREVER

[conspicuous-clown-car]

considering how fnaf was based off of chuck e cheese, them doing this sly 'fnaf but not legally fnaf' cash grab just proves my point of how spot on scott cawthon was with making fazbear entertainment a shitty company. CEC Entertainment really is that bad

#theyre really profiting off of the fnaf movie when they LITERALLY GOT RID OF ALL THEIR ANIMATRONICS??? #COME ON #do they really need money THAT badly? #and as someone who worked at chuck e cheese for a long ass time #trust me its really bad #cockroaches fucking everywhere #throwup soaked into the carpet #everything is dirty and nasty as fuck because they dont hire enough people to clean everything #has violated several osha rules #all their stuff is cheaply made but overpriced to hell and back #treats their staff horribly (at least at the one i worked at) #getting paid for one job but having to do literally e v e r y t h i n g (in my case) #always understaffed and overworked #the pizza isnt reused tho its actually fresh as fuck #overall terrible place #ESPECIALLY if youre working there #which is why i dont regret stealing over $200 worth of prizes from the prize counter throughout my time there #im still salty about this almost a year later #fnaf #chuck e cheese

[bylertruther]

do you ever think about how will probably wishes he was braver?

that he could tell mike the truth about himself without having to speak in code. that he could stick to his guns when he's been wronged and stand up for himself rather than tucking tail and turning the other cheek. that he could be less shy, less sensitive, less cowardly, and maybe then his loved ones wouldn't forget about him as often as they do.

maybe then they would pick him first, rather than leaving him for last. maybe then they would want to hang out with him and hear what he has to say. maybe then they would treat him like they used to, like he can still take care of himself just like they can, instead of like a fragile little thing that they pick up only when they need him. maybe then they would care about him as much as he cares about them. maybe then he wouldn't doubt that it could all come crashing down once they know who he really is, and always has been, because the rest of him would've been enough.

like, maybe he wishes he didn't freeze or run away so much. maybe he wishes he wasn't so afraid all the time, of every little thing. that he could be brave like mike, el, or his mom. i mean, el's been through so much, too. why can't he be more like her? why does he have to hide behind her? he hides behind her when the monsters come crawling back, and he hides behind her when he can't bring himself to say what he really means—even after getting on her case about it.

he spent so much time on that painting. he didn't let anyone see it—it was that special to him. why couldn't he own up to that? there's no monster in the van with him; it's just him and mike and this painting of the party, nothing inherently incriminating or romantic, and still—he can't help himself. he retreats back into the shadow, shrinks into himself, and tells lie after lie to the person that he never lies to, that he knows doesn't fucking deserve that, just because he's too scared.

of course he'd feel like a mistake sometimes. of course he'd hate who he is (if That script is to be believed), when he can't even talk to the one person that would understand without lying straight to his face, over and over again, like a fucking hypocrite. of course he'd feel so lost without the person that tells him it's okay to be this way and shows him that there is indeed strength in it. of course he'd hate who he is when he's encouraging someone to be true and speaking about their courage, all while being incapable of taking his own advice, and giving the credit for all of his love and efforts and emotions to someone else.

so many people died to bring him back, so many people died just because he didn't stay dead when maybe he should have, and for what? so that he can continue to hide rather than live his life? so that he can turn into a "worse" version of himself? so that he can live in fear? so that he can continue to ache for a past that he can never return to, while everyone else moves forward and berates him for not doing the same? time stopped in the upside down when will went missing, and he's been stuck there ever since, too. too much has happened for him to move on from. too much has changed—he's changed. he's too different now, in every way, and the older he gets the more clear it becomes.

of course he'd feel like a mistake. of course he'd hate who he is. he's the common denominator here: in his loneliness and in this war. the boy who came back to life when others didn't. the boy that got possessed and couldn't fight it. the boy that turned into a liar and a coward and must learn to live with it, even if it's at his own expense. the boy that can't let go of the past and whom the past won't let go of either, because even after everything, he's still connected to this great evil that won't let him go. they got it out of him, and yet the tether remains, because of-fucking-course it would.

just—why? why him? why can't anything ever go right with him? why is he always the outlier? i think that overwhelming amount of fear, shame, grief, guilt, exhaustion, and loneliness would wear anyone down, let alone a teenager that never asked for any of it and has experiences so unfathomably unique that the only other people that could have possibly understood are literally dead.

#will byers #byler #mine #long post #will #anyway. this is how i always interpreted the i hate WHO i am line especially in conjunction with the word ''mistake'' + being different #within the context of EVERYTHING that's happened to will and continues to happen to him and how unique it is to him in this narrative #bc rly. if you were will.... wouldn't you feel like a mistake? even outside of that outside of the supernatural i'm speaking to my #friends that have ''Something Wrong'' with them. when something happens to you and you're not the same after and you're surrounded #by people who are able to move on and be normal—don't you ever have those moments where you feel like a mistake? when you're #growing up and still interested in your same old interests but your friends start moving on and then you see that they went back to #those interests in your absence—don't you feel like you were the problem then? when people are able to be brave and you can't #find it within yourself to overcome your fear—don't you hate that feeling? don't you feel that negativity towards yourself when you #know that you SHOULD do something but you can't bring yourself to and it works against yourself? like. everything that has happened #to will E V E R Y T H I N G !!!!!!!!!!!!! can easily make anyone no matter what part of him you relate to the most understand that #u kno wht i mean? anyway. i jus wanted to bring this up bc his life is a fucking tragedy even without the gay stuff n his current pov on th #and the way that That conversation always centers on fear and bravery it's like. obviously being gay is not easy in that era but i don't #think that line is ''i hate being gay'' with no factoring in of the great many things that have happened to him which alienate him further #as well as with how he does want mike to know and his alan turing poster and his talk with jonathan etc etc #his conflict has always centered around how other people treat him and his issue with that bc that's what makes him feel bad #that just because he's different that doesn't mean that he's Different and must be treated as such #he's different and has people that make him feel BETTER for it like look at s2 for example all of those talks abt using what he perceives #as a weakness abt himself as a strength that no one else can bring to the table. and in s3 when he still believed in being a nerd #and never getting girlfriends etc but when it came from mike thts when he called himself stupid n started down this path bc now #there's that sprinkle of doubt. n tht doubt is the scariest thing in the world—understandably so #also. he literally has an evil monster in his brain like bdkfjhsbkdjhfbskj IT'S JUST A LOT. #he is different for many reasons and has even more reasons to hate Who he is the kind of person that he is #jus my take 😁👍

[redak-ted]

guys

guys

fukcing guys

people

my moots

and/or random people

i fuckin came out to my mom

it went great

she's gonna try to use he/they for me :D

1 DOWN, 1 TO GO--

@ ing ppl who might care

@glitching-gender-racoom8d @pigeonsgrame @kittenartz @sunny-clover @yourleastfavoriteguyinthechair @pommigranite @leosmasktails

#coming out #lgbtq #gay #*happy stimming go brrrr* #YAYAYAYYAYAYA SO FUCKIN HAPPY #BUT IT WAS FUCKING T E R R I F Y I N G

[mondaymelon]

remember when you told me that kim dojka has childbearing hips

what... what about it?

are you denying it?

have you i seen his waist. good lord. it's so fucking snatched. what right does he have to make him that attractive. his body just screams homosexual like what are you, as a man, doing having a waist that s c r u m p ti io u s? gay. gay gay homosexual gay you whore <333 33. 3

i love him so much his hips goddamn his hips OH GOOD LORD EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM IS SO IS SO IS SO IS SO iS SO IS SO COMBUSTS

i dont like children honestly i hate them with like a burning passion 99.9 percent of the time like those hand sanitizers that kill all but .000000001 percent of the germs

WELL. KIM DOKJAS CHILDREN. THEY WOULD BE AN EXCEPTIOn

LIKE SUUUUURE JOONGDOK IS GREAT AND ALL (please the amount of people i would massacre just to hold kdj's hand. just to see his pathetic sopping wet cat self. just to see him breathe just to see him blink jsust being in his prescence i think id die )

II KNOW FOR A FACT YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT ORV> BUT THERES THIS CHAPTER IN THE DFJDOISFJOD AND LIKE LIEK LIEKE HE GETS DURNK AND GODDAMN HIS FACE HIS FAC HAS NOOOO RIGHT TO Be THAT PRETYT HE HAS NO RIGHT IN BEING THAT PReTTY

"ugly kING" EDXCUSE ME!!?!!? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOURE TAKLING TOO RIGHT NOW?!?!?! HAVE YOU SEEN THE MAN (spoiler. they physically cant BUT I MEAN LIK SE SKILL ISSUE YOU JUST ARENT OWRTHY ENOUGH HONESTLYU )

ohh... oh to be .. in a poly... with joongdok.. OH... TO JUST HAVE KDJ LOOK IN MY DIRECTION JUST ONCE>...

OH!!! MYBAD!!! I COMPELLTELY FORGOT ABOUT CHILDREN1!! YES, LET ME EXPLAIN

SSOSO. HIS HIPS> THEYRE SO GODDAMN THEYRE SO GRABBABLE AND HOOOOLLUYYY SHIT HIS THIGHS HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOlY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOL SHIT !!!!!!!!! I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT HED BE THE ONE BAERING THE CHILDREN BECAUSE I MEAN HEY MPREG IS CANON IN ORV SO LMAO ILL FIND A STIGMA THAT MAKES IT WORK OR SOMETHING

sigh.. man. running in front of. atruck seems soooo tempting rn.

oh yeah btw i didnt tell you this i was literally walking and almost got hit by a car <33 in the parking lot lmao

my head is so full of kdj right now. i jut. i just cant . hes so. hes uhg hes so uhgjdfljslkfjk the amount of times ive cried to him during class is probably a cause for concern BUSDIFJOKL THE OFFICIAL ART... OF HIm.. WITH YJH... WHERE hES SMILING AN...D.... HE LOOKS...SO HAPPY... SOBOSBSOBSOBOSBOS

#★ ˎˊ˗ melonrambles! #★ ˎˊ˗ inbox... mooties!! #⋆˙⟡♡ᝰ.ᐟ - kyoi ( stares dreamily out the window... sigh... kim dokja ... )!! #should i go on another rant in the tags FUCK IT WHY NOT #OKAY OKAY . HEAR ME OUT #WAIT FOR IT #DRUMROLLL... #kim dokja. #KIM DO K J A !!!!!! #JFKDLFDKFJ I LOELVOEVLDLVJ HIMS O MUCH HES SO RELATBLA EEHS SO SILLY HES SO ATTRACTIVE I LOVE HIS CAHRACTER I LOVE HIS PLTO I LOVE HIS BEAU #BEUATIFUL MIND I LVOE HOW HE USES HIS WITS TO ESCAPE THE SITUATION i loVE LOVE LVOE BLACKBOX FOR BLESSING HIM WITh SUCH A GORGEOU SFACE. I #LOVE IT WHEN HE DOES THAT ONe EYE THING THAT MAKES ME ABSOLUTELY. FErAL #I LOVE D IT IN THE CONSTELLATION BANQUET WHEN he FINALLy GETS AN OUTFIT CAHNGE AND ITS A GODDAMN SUIT AND HOLLluyyy sHIT #I LOVE LOVE LVOE THE ENTIRE KING THINGMABOB ARC BECAUSE GYADDAMN THAT THAT OUTFIT WAS SOOO FINE AND HIS PANTS GOOD LOrd yOU COULD SEE HOW s #GOdDMAN SNATCHED He WAS T H R O U G H THE FABRIC #I AM ACTUALLY NOT SHITTING YOU RN IM LAYIGN ON MY BeD MSILING BLUSHING GIGGLING AND KCIKING MY FEET DFJOIFJDLKFJD EEE E E. EKIM DOKJADJFDKJ

[vero-niche]

they couldnt even get his fucking name right 😭

#this years anitrendz poll on anime of the year is A CRIME. A FUCKING CRIME #i am once again having every and all the urges to kill and main mainstream anime fans #yeah i bet fucking 'BULLBUSTER' by studio NUT must have been a better scifi than T R I G U N S T A M P E D E #this is 0 percent important and yet. #trigun #trigun stampede

[rustchild]

watching the lion in winter like it's my own personal super bowl and cheering every time philip says something cunty

#i'm team philip and geoffry #but i am going fucking insane about this movie #the fact that richard is his mother's son (daughter) and #like her #seduces a teenaged king-to-be in defiance of the law #and like her lives to r e g r e t i t #mothers and sons and daughters and fathers and sons and

[companionsofusall]

I feel like we are hovering around the edge of what Squak and Chirp are Really Planning on Doing at this Bloom. Like they have the agreement with their grandfather but the way they are collecting info and have their own secret lovers……….what stakes are you playing with here

#like to me im wondering what games squak is playing- is his reputation getting in the way of a marriage? is it a disadvantageous marriage? #s e c r e t r i n g #the secret ring fucking gets me #acofaf #a court of fey and flowers

[frnkiebby]

oh okay yeah yep mmhmm~🎃

#sweater vest bullet vest whatever the fuck that is #plus a t shirt but it looks long sleeved #and a flannel #there is ATLEAST three layers there but i suspect four #i’m here for it tho bc he looks like a drowned sewer rat #which funny enough i actually saw a literal sewer rat the other night and it was l a r g e #and i had to refrain from screeching FRANK from my trucks window. #that would have been embarrassing #frnkiebby #frank iero #mcr #frnkiero #mcrmy #frnkie #mcr5 #my chemical romance #my chem #ilhsm

[chaotictragedyarcade]

FUCCKINNNG AAAAAAAAA

https://archiveofourown.org/works/35490823/chapters/94665034

EDIT: WHY THE F7XK IS THE LINK NOT W9RKING?!?!

#maccadam #transformers animated #tfa #tfa fanfic #tfa blitzwing #tfa lugnut #blitznut #blitzbee #ao3 fanfic #ao3 link #GOD SO HELP ME #WRITING CHAPTER 3 HAS BEEN A FUCKING N I G H T M A R E

[coldshrugs]

landmark

pairing: io laithe / estinien varlineau word count: 4.6k summary: [modern au] estinien meets io in a support group for grieving youths. set five years before this.

Estinien is early—the first one in the room, as usual, even before Counselor Miounne arrives. It’s part of the ritual.

Hit the lights and dim them to three-quarters. Turn on the fancy instant coffeemaker, make sure there are enough of those little fucking pods for everyone. Sugar and powdered creamer too. Music on, some unobtrusive classical harp thing he doesn’t care for. Then he arranges nine chairs in a loose circle and, selfishly, puts the least squeaky one in his spot across from the window.

It helps, to do these tasks before their sessions. The work allows him to mentally prepare for this, because when is it easy to circle death’s drain for two hours?

With the space set up, he slings his backpack over his claimed chair and waits.

They stroll into the meeting in ones and twos. They make their coffee, ask about their weeks (in the casual way, where you’re supposed to answer “fine” even if it wasn’t; the real answers will come later). Eventually, Miounne enters and everyone finds a seat.

He isn’t great with names, but he knows a few by now. Lyse, the one with the sister and dad, and one of the youngest members. Leofard, the one with the mom. He knows all the faces though, and the one hovering by the door is new.

She’s tall, but slouching a little, crossing her arms like she’s scared to take up space or trying not to be seen. Inky blue hair is piled into a loose bun on top of her head, with long wavy strands hanging around her freckled face. Her eyes are bloodshot, almost too focused. She must be new.

As he watches her, her gaze cuts over to him—

“Estinien,” Miounne calls. His attention snaps from the girl at the door to his counselor. “Another chair, please?”

“Yeah, sure.” He quickly grabs one from the nearest stack, looking for a decent place to put it. Two kids slide their chairs apart so he can fit this one between them. Right in front of the window.

He sits again and Miounne claps softly, still standing in the center of the circle.

“Hi friends,” she says, more gently than usual. “It’s been a while since we’ve welcomed a new face, hasn’t it? I know we’re all capable of extending warmth and patience to those who need it, so let’s be mindful of that as we welcome Io to our group, okay?”

She gestures to the door, beckoning the new girl in. Io. He’ll try to remember that. He wonders who she lost and when, and tries not to wonder how. The how never matters anyway. Gone is gone.

“Welcome to Haven: Youth Grief Counseling, Io. Take a seat, just there, sweetie.”

Io sits down and Estinien regrets this seating arrangement; he’s lost the window view. She glances around the circle, her polite smile is a tight line. Her eyes flick to him once more, then back to the floor.

Miounne sits too. She claps one more time and they begin.

Next week starts the same. His chin is in his hand, elbow propped on his bouncing knee as they arrive. Lyse. Leofard. New girl.

Leo takes his seat next to Estinien and leans over. Oh god.

“Estinien,” he whispers loud enough for almost everyone to hear. His eyes flash to the new girl making coffee by herself. “I found out what her deal is.”

“Happy for you,” Estinien says. That’s not his business. But he stupidly glances at Leo anyway.

“She’s like you. Total wipeout—we’re talking mom, dad, two younger siblings—about a year ago. Just now going back to school, apparently.” He looks at her again, taking a bold head-to-toe survey, and Estinien follows. She’s tall, willowy, and there’s something disciplined about her posture; the set of her shoulders feels intentional even in her depression slump. Her ears tilt, and he turns back around. Leofard is still staring. “Wonder what else she’s ready to get back into…” He winks at Estinien.

“Probably best to leave her alone. She’s not here to find a date,” he says.

Leo huffs in fake offense. “Well, neither am I but if it happens, it happens.”

A month passes, one week bleeding into the next, and Estinien is always early to Haven. But someone is earlier today, of all days. The door is open, the light is on, and the chairs are in their circle.

Io is waiting.

He remembers her name now. It’s easy to remember the girl who hasn’t said anything in five sessions. It’s unusual, but understandable; they’re all strangers to her, and if what Leofard said is true, he’s impressed she’s showing up at all.

Estinien recalls what his loss was like a fresh wound—the anger throbbing in his chest, sobbing his voice raw for days, not eating or sleeping. He wouldn’t speak to Alberic at first, either. It feels so childish to him now. But looking at her… those feelings echo in his chest, and he is sharply reminded that grief doesn’t shrink.

He shoots her a courtesy smile as he starts the coffeemaker and CD player.

“Sorry about the shitty music,” he says as the sound of softly plucked strings fills the space. When he looks over, she’s staring at the floor again, eyes wide—that awkward “what the fuck” face—and his stomach flips. He said something wrong.

Cool.

He takes his seat across from her, trying to bury the urge to wait on the bench just outside the room when his chair squeaks. Great. He takes a deep breath and rolls his eyes. To deal or not to deal? He is, unfortunately, too big for the noise to keep from happening and he can’t be annoyed for the next two hours. What does he care if she thinks he looks crazy?

He stands up and jostles the next chair, which is better but not great. He tries the next. Even worse.

“What are you doing?”

The rasp of her voice is so quiet that he doesn’t fully catch the words.

He looks up from the red plastic in his hand. “What?”

She looks like she wishes she’d not asked at all, rubbing a hand anxiously over her arm. She sighs. “With the chairs. What are you doing with the chairs?”

“Trying to find one that doesn’t squeak. I usually—”

“I took that one.” She glances up at him, grimacing, but there’s a light in her eyes. It’s the least miserable he’s seen her so far. She thinks this is funny. “Sorry. You can have it back.”

He puts a hand up when she stands. He’s not taking the chair from the sad girl. “Uh… no. No, you can take it. There’s probably another one that isn’t annoying as fuck, I’ll find it.”

“Then let me help you. It’s only fair, since I disturbed your whole—” she gestures slowly around the meeting room— “process.” God, her voice is in shreds.

He can’t say no when this is the first sign of life she’s shown in over a month, at least here. He nods. “Sure, if you want.”

They go through the chairs in the circle, then the others neatly stacked in the corner. They don’t really talk, besides simple directions: “I tried that one already,” and “will you pass me another,” and “holy shit, that’s the worst one yet.” Estinien is keenly aware of her shifting around him, slowly at first, and then with less hesitation. Finally, they find a chair that doesn’t creak when he sits or moves. It goes in his spot and they clean up the rest.

“Hey,” Io says, and the word is conspiratorial. She catches his gaze, and something about hers makes him feel like glass, like they almost know each other. Like he’s seen her before, a blurry smile littering the backgrounds of photos in the album he managed to salvage, only viewed in profile or half out of frame, obscured by the barely remembered vacation or birthday party in the foreground. He swallows as she reaches into her bag and pulls out a black marker. “Should we make sure we never lose these again?”

“Vandalism? In our therapy group?” He squints, shoving down the fondness she’s conjured in just a few minutes. “Do you even need to ask?”

She laughs, or tries to. It comes out weak and cracked as she crosses to his side of the circle and kneels beside him. She pops the cap off the marker. “It’s Estinien, right?”

He nods, “Yeah.”

“I’m Io. The other total wipeout”—she air quotes Leo’s label—“but you already knew that.” She scribbles a small “E” on the side of the chair then heads back over to her own, where she writes an “I.”

It’s almost time for group to start.

“Are you gonna talk about it today?” Estinien asks. It’s just them sitting directly across from one another, surrounded by empty chairs.

Io shrugs, and her body seems to fold in on itself. Making herself small again. “I don’t know. It’s hard to talk about it at all. I’ll try?”

“You don’t have to. But it does help, in a weird way.”

The others drift in at the usual leisurely pace, Miounne claps, and they begin.

First question: “How are you feeling today?”

They go in a circle starting at Miounne’s left. Some answers are simple, like Leo’s.

“Pretty good. I started planning a trip for fall break, somewhere I think Mom would’ve liked to see. I’m looking forward to telling you guys about the trouble I got into when I’m back.”

Sometimes there’s a follow-up, sometimes Miounne will let it hang. Estinien has no idea how she gauges that, but it feels right.

He’s third to answer.

How does he feel today? He picks at the frayed edge of a hole in his jeans.

“I’m kind of anxious today. I declared my major this year so everything feels… more real, I guess. I’m trying to study for a couple of tests next week but I read the page and it may as well be blank. Nothing sticks. I keep worrying I might…” He pauses. This is normally when he’d look out the window; when something heavy rises to the surface, it’s easier to look outside, but for five weeks, Io has been sitting in front of him. The broken habit means he shares less. But how can he encourage her if he can’t bend a little himself?

He looks up, and there she is—dark, curious, and strangely calming, her eyes burn a hole right through him. Behind her, the trees in the courtyard are starting to take on shades of autumn, gold and bronze intensified by the sunlight filtering through the leaves. It’s a view he can deal with. Io gives him an almost imperceptible nod.

“I worry I might let them down. It feels stupid to say out loud,” he laughs with a short snorted breath. “It’s always in the back of my mind though: what would they think of me now? What does this action mean to them? I guess it doesn’t mean anything and I should just study for the damn test so I can actually be someone they’d be proud of. Anyway… yeah, I’m anxious today.”

Miounne reclines a little in her seat. “Have you tried anything to help you study, to shift that focus on what your family would think towards something more current?”

He nods, looking from Io to Miounne. “Yeah, uh, I’ve asked a friend to join me. We’re going to try that today. He’s been pretty supportive since learning about all of this, and his grades are better than mine anyway. And I try to think about Alberic, my former guardian, I guess. I think he’d be proud of me no matter how I end up, so that helps.”

“Excellent,” she says, looking around at the others before spelling out the lesson. “Leaning on others is a great way to remind ourselves how loved and valued we are, especially when lower moods may make you want to isolate. Re-establishing bonds of friendship, or building new ones, helps bring your focus to just how strong your current support system is, or where it’s lacking. I think you’re doing that beautifully, Estinien. Thank you.”

He exhales, shying away from the praise and returning his focus to his frayed hem. Maybe that’s enough sharing for this week.

They keep going. Io is second to last, and though everyone expects silence by now, Miounne asks anyway.

“How are you feeling today, Io? Anything you want to share?”

He looks up again—will she actually say something today?—and she’s focused on him now. The room is empty again, except for the two of them in the empty circle. Fresh sharpie smell rising from their initials on the chairs.

“Hey,” she says, raising her hand in a little wave. “Sorry for being weird. I’m trying.”

“No such thing as weird in this room,” Miounne offers.

Io doesn’t look away from Estinien. She brushes a stray lock of hair from her eyes, and the tiniest hint of a smile pulls at the corners of her lips.

“I’m feeling okay today. As okay as I think I can feel right now, anyway. I cleaned my apartment this morning. And I’ve been working really hard on a piece for my school’s symphony showcase before fall break. I even invited some friends I haven’t talked to in… too long.”

“That’s wonderful, Io!” Miounne leans forward, elbows on her knees. “I read you major in music at RSU? What do you play?”

Her eyes fall to her lap. “Pedal harp. Mostly classical, but sometimes I make arrangements of new music, for fun.”

Shit.

“Thank you for sharing today, Io. We appreciate the opportunity to get to know you.” Miounne moves on, and so does everyone else.

But Estinien is stuck on this one thing. His stomach ties itself in a knot. Without knowing, he insulted her, and then she helped him with the stupid chairs… And it doesn’t even matter, because she doesn’t know him. They don’t go to the same university, and the only things they have in common are their dead families and the two hours a week they spend in this room. He has no notions of being friends with her, and definitely nothing like what Leofard has in mind. Still, he can’t stop it gnawing at him.

The session wraps and he approaches Io before she leaves.

“Io?”

She turns to him, for once standing at her full height, and they’re almost eye to eye. The almost-smile is back, and that gnaws at him too. “Hey, thanks for the nudge earlier. You were right.”

“Yeah, well,” He fidgets with his keys. “I’m sorry for calling the music shitty. I didn’t know harp was, like, a thing for you.”

Her laugh is stronger than before. “Wait, are you serious? You had no way to know that, and I’m not the music police. You don’t have to like it.”

He shrugs. “Still not a cool thing to say. I mean, I only really know it from this place anyway.”

“Would you… want to come to my concert?” She asks slowly, then shakes her head. “That might be dumb. That’s all the way across town and we basically just met. I—”

A strand of hair falls into her eyes and his fingers twitch as she tucks it in with the rest. She’s still rambling when the words rush out of him before he considers them.

“Yeah, I’ll come.”

“—Oh.” Wide, surprised eyes blink up at him. “Okay, great! You can bring a friend, or a date, or whatever. I’ll bring tickets for you next week?”

Estinien pockets his keys. “Sure. I’ll see you then.” Despite his clumsy apology to someone who may as well be a stranger, as Io leaves, he feels the same wave of nostalgia from earlier. Some things are true no matter how you fight them.

Estinien enters his dorm with two tickets in hand. Keys in the bowl by the door, backpack under his desk, shoes in the closet. He falls onto his bed with a little bounce, holding the shiny slips of paper up to the light.

“What took you so long?” Aymeric asks from his bed on the other side of the room. He’s reclined on a few pillows, and it looks like he’s alternating between two books. “I’m starving.”

Estinien shrugs. “Got caught up talking to someone after the session. She invited me to her concert in a couple of weeks. Wanna go?” He holds the tickets out for Aymeric’s inspection.

He looks them over, brows raising in slight surprise. “You actually want to go to this?”

“I don’t know, but I said I would.” Estinien sits up. “It can’t be that bad, can it?”

“Is she cute, whoever she is?” Aymeric lazily passes the tickets across the canyon between their beds. “Can’t see why you’d want to go otherwise. I mean, I definitely want to go, it sounds kind of fancy, but you… Hmm.”

“Shut up,” he laughs. There are other reasons, but the most important is making amends for being a dick, even by accident. “Her name is Io. She’s nice, seems cool now that she talks. She’s new to the group.”

“We can go, but you didn’t answer the question.”

“Look, it’s nothing like that. She even said I could bring a date.” Estinien places the tickets in his nightstand drawer, regretting the decision to ask for company.

Aymeric shakes his head and returns to his reading. “You poor, sad muppet. Order a pizza already.”

They stand outside the theater in their untucked button-downs over jeans. Estinien hasn’t been on this campus before, but Aymeric has; thanks to an on-again-off-again thing with some miqo’te guy who goes here, they were able to find the place quickly.

“Are we meeting her before the show?” Ayms asks, scanning the crowd. He’s been eager to learn more about Io in the days leading up to this.

“Nah, she’s backstage, but said I could text her after. It’ll be quick. She has other friends coming, so I’ll just say hi.” It sounds simple enough, but anxiety prickles across his chest.

Inside, they find their seats in the front row of the balcony—a surprisingly nice view.

“Not bad,” Aymeric admires the architecture, comparing things to this venue to the one on their campus, but Estinien hasn’t been in that one either. He only catches half of what’s said, eyes focused on the stage. Aymeric nudges him with an elbow. “She’s the harpist, right?”

He nods. “Yeah, she has a solo at some point.” He rubs his hands on his jeans, sitting forward in the seat a little as the lights go down and the musicians file onto the stage.

“Relax,” Aymeric whispers. “You might enjoy it if you chill out. Look, there she is.”

He points through the dark as she approaches the harp in the back center, almost directly in front of him, and he’s reminded of how they sit during Haven. She’s wearing long black boots and a short dress of the same color, with loose sleeves he can see through. Her hair is down tonight, but pulled back from her face. She’s pretty, even from here.

“Whoa.” Aymeric sits forward too. “You couldn’t just say she’s cute, could you?”

“I told you, it’s not like that. She just lost her fami—”

“SHH!”

Aymeric’s smile is infuriating, cradling his chin in his hand. Estinien shoots him a dark look, then passes a hand over his face as anxiety twists into hot embarrassment, thankful for the darkness as the music starts.

And it’s the music he can’t look away from. There’s more movement in it than he expected, a rawness the CDs or digital streams just don’t portray. Everyone is working to build part of a whole, and each of them can be heard in the larger sound.

Then there is Io.

Admittedly, his experience is limited, but he’s never seen her like this. Every motion is fluid, yet deliberate, even while supporting such a heavy-looking instrument. She is focused, on her hands, on the sheet music in front of her, on the others playing around her. And she looks… serene. Happy.

The tempo slows during the fourth song and a godlight falls on her, a little spot of brightness that eclipses all else. Her solo. Estinien holds his breath.

She builds suspense with sound, then her hands move faster than he can make sense of. Sometimes she places a hand flat against the strings to still them, and that is what hollows out his chest. The elegant control in what he thought was so simple. This is nothing like the CD in their support group. He could listen to this forever.

The rest of the orchestra gradually rises around her until the lights on them lift once more. He might be disappointed if the whole thing didn’t work so well. They bring the song to a close, then stand to take their bows while the audience applauds.

Estinien pulls out his phone. He’s supposed to text her, but how does he follow that? Aymeric hovers over his shoulder, watching him type and delete the same sentence three times.

“What do I say?”

Aymeric rests his chin on Estinien’s shoulder, loudly um-ing and ah-ing, and he almost regrets asking. “How about this: ‘Loved the show. I’m still around if you want to meet up.’ Simple, right? And contextually open-ended, in the unlikely case you get a grip.”

He rolls his eyes but types and sends it while she’s still on stage. It’s several minutes after the musicians exit the stage that he gets a reply: “I’m so glad you came! Take the exit to the left and the door immediately to the right, and tell the attendant you’re with me, see you soon!”

They follow the instructions to a cramped backstage area. People are carrying flowers. Should he have brought flowers? Too late now.

They wander the crowd aimlessly, and his anxiety creeps in with each passing second. There’s a touch at his elbow, light but guiding.

“Estinien,” Io’s voice. Her quiet rasp is familiar to him now, and she sounds far more healthy than when she first spoke to him. He turns to her, and she beams. “Thank you for coming!”

He isn’t sure what to do, and he has no token of congratulations to give her. “Thanks for inviting me. Inviting us, I guess.”

“Us?” Io looks over his shoulder, where Aymeric is practically buzzing as he waits to be introduced.

Ayms extends a hand, “Io, it’s wonderful to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you—”

“He asked constantly. I didn’t want to tell him anything—”

“—and it’s nice being able to put a beautiful face to a beautiful name.”

Estinien covers his face with his hands. “A merciful god would’ve killed me by now.”

Io accepts the handshake, “And you are?”

“Aymeric. Estinien’s roommate and, because he won’t say it out loud, his best friend.”

“Well, it’s nice to meet you, Aymeric. I’m glad you guys came; I know it’s a big ask and it’s not everyone’s taste but—”

“It was amazing,” Estinien’s mouth moves before his mind catches up, something that seems to be common in her presence. Io and Aymeric stare at him, brows lifting in unison. Her neck has flushed red. “I just… didn’t know what to expect, but it was impressive.”

Io’s half-smile, the one he’s learning she wears when she’s nervous, lifts the corner of her lips. “Thank you. I wasn’t trying to change your life or anything. I just thought it’d be cool to show you what I do, and maybe get to know you better too. You know, the “bonds” Miounne is always talking about.”

“Io!” A group of people call out from several feet behind them, waving her over.

She waves to them, then turns to him with an apologetic smile. “Sorry, those are my friends. I’ll be right back.” He watches as she walks away and they sweep her into a noisy group hug.

“Dude,” Aymeric whispers, “Should I go? Do you want me to go?”

“Go where?”

“Go! Home!”

Estinien glances back at Io, and her friends are definitely looking over at them. “And leave me with them?”

Ayms grimaces, balling his hands into fists. “With her!”

Estinien shakes his head. “No, just give me a second and we can both go.” Aymeric silently fakes a scream.

Io returns, wringing her hands as she says, “We’re going to grab some dinner from a place nearby; you guys are welcome to join us.”

He hesitates. Maybe Aymeric is right and he should stay, or maybe assuming someone working through her grief wants anything more than a friendship with him is not in either of their best interests. “We should probably get back. We’ve both got to pack before break starts.”

Io’s expression dampens. “Oh, okay. Well, thanks again for coming out. I’ll see you at Haven in a couple of weeks?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “See you there.”

Estinien turns on the light and adjusts the dimmer. It’s been a while since he’s been first, but Io shows up right after him.

“Hey,” she says quietly, heading to the CD player while he starts the coffee maker. The ritual is no longer just his.

“Hi.” He’s rummaging through the cabinet beneath the coffee station, gathering the supplies, when she starts the music. It’s not their usual instrumental album… “This is from your concert?”

She starts on the chairs. “I hope it’s okay. I emailed Miounne when I got the recording to ask if I could bring it in, to show everyone what I’ve been working on and that I’m kind of normal outside of all this. But I can switch it back, if you’d rather keep the routine.”

His eyes fall closed and he is back in the theater, watching her play in a beam of light, arms unfurling around the strings like flightless wings and he doesn’t think “normal” is a good description of her at all.

“Estinien?”

He opens his eyes.

“No, this is fine.” He stands and arranges the little coffee bar. “I meant it. I thought it was great.”

“That’s a relief,” she laughs a little. “I mean, I believed you, but…”

He frees the rest of the chairs from their neat stack. Their initials are on the last two. He passes her the “I.”

“But what?”

Io crosses her arms behind her chair, bites her lip. The early evening sun illuminates the courtyard, and as it streams through the window little specks of its light catch in her hair. “I don’t know, I always feel nervous trying to make friends.”

Ah.

It’s like he thought. He can tell Aymeric once and for all there’s nothing else going on here. Which is fine, of course. It’s fine. He wants to learn more about her, and let her get to know him too. He doesn’t have a ton, but he thinks he’s a decent friend. He could be a good friend to Io.

“Yeah,” he says, ignoring the heavy, unnameable thing settling in his stomach. “Me too. But it kind of feels like we’re already friends, right? So don’t worry about it too much.”

Io’s smile pokes through her bitten lip as she takes her seat across from him, the sun at her back. “Yeah, I guess we are.”

She is still smiling when everyone joins them, when the session begins, when Miounne asks how she’s feeling today, and when she bids him goodbye with the promise to text him this week. He knows because he can’t help but look at her.

Some things are true no matter how you fight them.

#azia writes #io/estinien #io laithe #estinien varlineau #okay well. i'm throwing this out there #you may ask 'azia why do they not have a cute solo hang prior to the 'we're pals' thing?' #and i think io's initial crush would've simply been unignorable in that instance #and now esti will have some amount of plausible deniability for both their feelings :> #he's able to say 'i told you so' not only to aymeric but himself as well #but the thing is. estinien is RIGHT. this is not a good time or situation for them to even consider dating each other #like he's not great about expressing why but he *knows* why #mentally he's doing okay at this time but io is... not. she does need friends right now. and they are in therapy t o g e t h e r #that'd be so fucked. he's right to kind of distance himself from the idea of it. but then that distance just. continues indefinitely lmao #okay bye. enough director's commentary

[knowlesian]

cab driver has on liz cheney and i am throwing all my will power into not making faces when she talks

i am truly braver than any us marine & etc

#she started in on “democrats need to be tougher on crime” and it was a close thing #like i do not wish to discuss liz cheney i am on my way to a drag show with pride flag makeup on this day shall not be ruined #but also jesus fuckin christ who the fuck cares what liz cheney thinks democrats should do #just because i liked it a lot when she mocked josh hawley doesn’t mean i need her hot takes on why the dems should be even worse #d e e p b r e a t h i n g we are almost there i will GET THROUGH THIS