#fucking guyliner if you will

[mrtequilasunset]

Drew Fuck the World because he's my favorite and I literally don't even know why. Bro exists for five seconds

#made him look like hes cooler than he actually is but thats just the nature of most punk people you probably know #disco elysium #fuck the world #pissfaggot #disco elysium art #also couldnt stop thinking about jerma and his burger #so #he wears eyeliner btw #unironically calls it guyliner #grab your bro's tiddies. btw #piss and fuck #my art

[king-krisu]

Okay hear me out HEAR ME OUT listen to me okay just listen Imagine Nace looking like this AND.... wearing 2000s style guyliner HUH DO YOU HEAR ME

#nace jordan #joker out #im so fucking insane im so insane nace in guyliner now now now #you guys already wear gnc shagadelic clothes eheres the makeup guys

[are-we-really-doing-this]

‼️‼️NEW BLORBO ADVISORY‼️‼️

Say hello to Bryan Scott, everyone!

#he’s so pretty it’s giving me heartburn #that might be the leftovers I ate this morning but I say it’s him #because just LOOK AT HIM #WHAT A CUTIEPANTS #also gender #and t boy swag #etc etc #also hhhhhhhhandsssss #and armmmmmmmmssssss #it doesn’t endddddd 😩 #the only fucking thing you need to do to make me fall for you harder than FTX stock prices is to slap on a bandanna and some guyliner #and crooning pet names into my ear in a soft drawl probably wouldn’t hurt either #did I mention how beautiful his voice is? #bryan scott #the union underground #nu metal

[tyrannuspitch]

WAIT A SECOND

THEY RECAST FANDRAL AND I (PERSON WHO WATCHED THOR 1 AND 2 SEVEN+ TIMES EACH IN 2022) NEVER FUCKING NOTICED

KFJSJDKSSKKDHSHSKS

#space viking tag #LITERALLY how do u expect me to tell blonde men apart <3 #i think last time i was like hm he looks a leetle different #but bc everyone had a bit of a change of look in tdw i was just like um... guyliner mayhaps #and the supporting cast of these films is just Too Fucking Big okay!!! #who let thor have four entire friends! kenneth i suppose. kenneth why the FUCK would you do that!!!!

[nonegenderleftpain]

To all the new, young MCR fans out there who are just finding them during this tour - you will never know what it was like to be a fan back before and during the hiatus.

And that's a good thing.

I have been following My Chemical Romance since I was ten years old. MCR was the band that the freaks liked. The band that young queer kids were called fags and dykes for liking. Someone once called them the "poster child for suicidal depression," and they aren't wrong. We watched the band struggle with drugs and drinking and idolized how much they were able to do while blackout on tour, because if they could do something so powerful at such a disadvantage, then maybe we could, too. We watched the popularization of "guyliner," because having a term for men wearing makeup could make it an ironic fashion statement instead of a deliberate choice that would get you left bloody and unconscious on the floor of a gas station bathroom. We watched these guys destroy themselves, and we saw ourselves in them because we were destroyed, too. We wanted to believe that we could be just as important, no matter how broken we were, and we found shared experiences at concerts and cafeterias and skate parks and libraries, with other fucked up kids that wanted to listen to the guys that didn't care if people called them gay. The guys that made out on stage to the jeers of thousands of people and got bottles of piss thrown at them but kept doing it anyway. The guys that played with gender and sexuality and everything on the fringes of acceptability, in their lyrics and their performance and the way they treated each other.

This was important. It was life-saving. It provided a comparatively safe space in an unsafe cultural environment for the freaks to find comfort in. It was also hugely and dangerously unhealthy.

I've talked at length to my friends about how healing and lifechanging this tour has been for me, and I want to illuminate that for these young fans that are falling in love with MCR like I did when I was their age. When we were kids, most of our heroes were already dead. They died young, had tragic lives, and we saw ourselves in them. I fully believed MCR would end up the same way. It would have been so easy to be martyrs - to die young and beautiful. Gerard said it himself, back in the day, that MCR was destined to die young in a car crash and stay beautiful forever, and I think he truly believed that.

So they broke up. And, like a miracle, things started to change. They got clean. Got married. Had kids. Not just Gee, but the lot of them. They aged out of the 27 club, and then out of their 30s, and they only seemed to continue to thrive. Today, in 2022, Gerard Way is 45 years old. He has wrinkles. He has a daughter who is older now than I was when she was born. And they are touring again.

The cultural change from when I was a teenager to now, when you guys are, is monumental. It's insane. It's fantastic. Back in the day, Gerard made some occasional comments about playing with gender presentation (that all us trans people, including those of us that didn't even know yet, hunted down and cherished and kept in our chests for safekeeping), but the idea of doing something so flagrant as headlining Riot Fest in a dress was ludicrous. It would have gotten him booed (still did, even now). It could have gotten him killed. The fact that Gerard Way has stepped on stage three separate times this tour in a dress (so far! it's not over!) is such an incredible, monumental change from when I was a kid and I am so, so happy for you to be experiencing it as kids.

I had a cry about this at a P!ATD concert in 2018, after seeing preteens running down the halls in pride flags, and I feel even more strongly about it now than I did then. That you're able to talk openly about Gerard's gender performance without fear, that you're able to hear them go by he/they pronouns, that you're able to interact with other young fans in the wake of MCR's revival in a safe environment and take in the messages that are at the core of what they stand for? These are beautiful fucking things.

You can't know what it was like, growing up with MCR back in the day. But you get to know what it's like to grow up with them now. Cherish that. In Detroit, Gerard told us to take our meds, and reminded us that we made it. They made it. They fought through the hard parts, fought the demons, and came out the other side better for it. As you watch them put those demons to rest from concert to concert, know that there are older fans cheering you on, so fucking happy to see you sharing this experience with us, and so excited to see what way this changes you. We know it changed us.

#my chemical romance #mcr #mcr 2022 #my chem #gerard way #gender stuff #music stuff #mcr are my heroes and i dont use that word lightly #this tour has only further cemented my deep respect for them as performers and as people #seeing them so full of joy and life is so novel and i dont think it will ever feel like anything short of a miracle

[irishmammonagenda]

Hello! I hope your requests are open 🧚‍♀️

Can i ask, what brothers' reaction would be on MC who sings something like MSI (you know smth like "son of a bitch! God's like me!") or just alternative rock/punk in general?

Answer only if you're okay with that❤️

Have a great day🏃‍♂️

hihi‼️(i love the amount of emojis u use i can feel ur personality through the screen teehee)

i absoluetley can‼️‼️ also tysm for the new music to listen to (im kind of new to alt rock and punk i only really used to listen to MCR lmao😭)

anyway this was fun to write

grma for the ask <3

Obey Me Brothers React to MC Being a Wee Emo.

DISCLAIMER: emo is used as a word because where im from emo is used to describe nearly any type of alternative fashion bc we're all dumb over here app, also im 2% sure pop punk/poprock is emo music bc i think thats what mcr is, so we're going w/ it ig, the only thing ik abt music is that bars 13-20 in the dambusters themetune has fanfare so if i get any terms wrong lmk 😔✊

WARNINGS: There's a slight slight hint of drinks being spiked in Beel's one. nothing ever happens its just him keeping an eye on your drink at a concert just in case.

LUCIFER

He hears music blasting in the music room in the House of Lamentation.

At first he just sighs, it sounds like the type of music Belphie would listen to when trying to plan out another Anti-Lucifer League. The teenage angst probably helped fuel the seventh born’s desire and motivation to prank him.

He sneaks into the Music room. Technically he just walked in quietly, but you still jumped when you saw him.

"L-Lucifer!! Hiya!!" You say awkwardly, not looking the first born in they eyes. "What's up?" He blinks slowly at you, fighting the urge to place a gloved hand on the bridge of his nose and pinch it in disappointment (and/or second hand embarrassment) "I'm not going to say anything. Just keep it down, MC." He sighs, normally he'd have lectured you. But it reminded him too much of a wolf-cut, guyliner filled past that for the sake of his pride, he did not want to remember.

He wasn't a stranger to musical genres, the man collects records for fuck's sake.

The drums and guitars he can normally get behind. Especially with catchy rhythms.

The lyrics?....they're normally a hit or miss. It really depends on the song.

'God likes me' (MSI) 'Hail Mary, Forgive Me' (PTV) Religious references just kind of ruin some songs for him.

Lucifer spends his time collecting cursed records, but your music taste is a special kind of cursed MC.

Although, he is strangely supportive in his own way.

"MC, Lord Diavolo has gifted me some tickets to concert [small devildom band] is putting on, I thought you would enjoy it."

(Lucifer bought the tickets himself.)

MAMMON

Haha, Emo!

"Yer a wee emo so ye are, MC"

It's not exactly his style of music (the man listens to Kneecap ffs)

BUT!!! He wants to share things with you dammit! Let him listen to your stupid emo music with you!!! He's your first man!!!

He does, however learn how to play guitar so he can play some simple chords while you sing horrible improvised lyrics with horrible improvised chords.

You don't have the heart to tell him that acoustic guitars aren't normally used in Punk/Rock music.

The sound of horribly improvised chord progressions ring out in your bedroom as you and your first man stand back to back, horrible matching messy eyeliner on both of yours and Mammon's eyes as you hold a hairbrush to your mouth and improvise lyrics. That is, if you can even get them out of your mouth before laughing. "Blood in my body! Because I'm aliveeee!!!" You sing off key while Mammon strums the guitar. "Love in my Bugatti! Because The Great Mammon can drive!" You laugh. Mammon whistles while missing out on the fingering of a chord and then pretending it didn't happen.

LEVIATHAN

The first thought in this man's mind is karaoke.

He sends you a playlist of Rocky kinda anime openings that you should totally listen to.

He's the least shocked and weirded out, (not that the others are weirded out)

He really likes your singing voice. It doesn't matter if you're a horrible singer, its you so it makes him happy.

You guys could do a duet? If it wasn't too much for you to sing with a stinky smelly otaku like him :(

"Levi-" You sigh, looking at the Levi shaped lump of seaweed in his aquiriam, the demon's tail twitches through the pile of aquatic plant, showing that he's listening. "Levi... Of course I'd love to do Karaoke with you...You didn't give me a chance to answer before jumping into the tank! C'mon!" It takes Levi a few more minutes before he feels ready to leave his seaweed pile, his face is completely red, but there's a small smile on his face as you set up the karaoke machine.

SATAN

Satan enjoys your music taste.

He likes most if not all human world music because music is so important to culture and he loves learning about human world culture.

What he doesn't like however, is people dropping his name in lyrics for edginess smh.

No MC, no one in Je T'aime is his bitch. Please stop asking.

He also takes you to gigs! Because why not!

The blond haired demon sat in the bar, earning a few looks from the people surrounding them. He stuck out like a sore thumb in his jumper and jeans and the book in his hands in comparision to black denim and leather, chains and sub-cultural clothes that everyone else was wearing. Satan payed it no mind as you came back with the drinks, all decked out in clothing matching the rest of the people in the venue in style. "Hope you weren't waiting long....the lines were long!" Satan takes a drink from your hand and sips it, giving a soft smile, "Not at all."

ASMODEUS

The music is a hit and miss tbh, he prefers the more pop punk kind of thing, leaning more into pop than anything else.

He likes paramore though!

Loves the clothes associated with the genres and subcultures of the music! Adopts some of it into his own style!

(He alters it heavily, but some designs are inspired by the subcultures)

He could be your adorable gorgeous boyfriend and you could be the wee emo gremlin partner!

The opposites attract will look so cute on his Devilgram.

But he geniunely supports you and your interests, he designs and makes clothes for you in the style associated with your music taste.

He even makes you merch of your favourite bands and albums inspired into clothes.

He also does your makeup before you go out to concerts or gigs

Your his emo after all.

You squirm as Asmo runs his fingers along your flushed skin, he laughs as you jerk away. "It's just a brush, it wont hurt you darling!" He laughs, putting more black eyeshadow onto the makeup brush and applying it---or atleast trying to---to your eyelids, biting back teasing comments as you jerk away. You were ticklish god dammit! It wasn't like you were meaning to! It was a natural reflex!

BEELZEBUB

He likes it.

but not because he enjoys the music persay. Don't get him wrong he can listen to it and enjoy it but he wouldn't normally seek it out.

He likes it because you and Belphie like it, and the style reminds him of the both of you.

In terms of rock music he likes the more slow ballady types. Belphie normally listens to them when he has trouble falling asleep.

Very supportive.

If you're ever in the Mosh Pit in a concert, Beel will go with you, you're just so tiny and people can push you about! (You're tiny to him. So yes MC, his point still stands.)

Taking that back, if you're at a concert, Beel's probably with you. Unless you're with another brother, Even then, Beel's probably going to come.

Bro is like your own bodyguard.

Reports to Lucifer when at concerts and makes sure you're not taking any illegal substances, you don't know what's in them MC!

He makes sure nothing is put in your drink either.

He just wants to keep you safe :(

Beel had been staring at the cup in your hands back and forth for a while now, you smile and offer it up to him. "Want a sip, Beelie? You've been staring at my drink a lot" You practically shout over the music. You weren't in the mosh pit, and though you stood a good distance away, the music was still loud. Beel shakes his head, pointing to his pint and smiling his closed eye smile, "No thanks, MC. I'm just making sure you're staying hydrated and don't need refills." He says truthfully, though that truth isn't whole. You grin, "Aww...that's so sweet!" Turning your attention away from him and back to the stage, Beel wraps an arm around your waist. Eyes alert and wary when someone so much as walked past, or a crowd member got a little too close while dancing. He was overprotective and cautious. But you deserved to be safe.

BELPHEGOR

Give him back his albums what the actual fuck.

Look just because he takes your life it doesn't mean you get to take his music taste.

Wowwww. Petty.

Fine, you can borrow his limited edition special cut vinyls.

What? Lucifer's not the only one with a record collection.

He did not get this idea from Lucifer, No you Liar.

He did.

Belphie listens to rock ballads to get to sleep when he has trouble sleeping and when he wants to.

Sometimes when you nap together he puts some on.

It's kind of like a white noise machine.

Will go to concerts with you and Beel, but has to have slept for atleast 2 whole days leading up to it so people don't think he's passed out in the crowd.

Mention any similarites about his little music vinyl collections to Lucifer's cursed record selections he will not let you borrow any for atleast 3 days.

Long before Eve bit the apple and the brother's wings turnt black, a small boy with indigo hair wakes up from a nap, pouty lips wobbling when he realises his twin is nowhere to be found. Belphie sniffles, but doesn't break into tears. He's a big boy now! Big boys don't cry when they miss their twins! Beel was probably out on a walk with Michael and Lilith in her stroller! He'd come back! But still, Belphie's bottom lip trembled, eyes watering, the little boy didn't like being seperated from his twin! He was about to cry when he heard loud music coming from a room down the hall. More curious than anything, Belphie gets off of his bed, and (taking his teddy bear with him) walks down the hall following the sound. Though his walk was more of a waddle with his tiny legs. He'd never heard anything like it before! When Beel got back he could tell him about his discovery! Soon enough he reaches a slightly cracked open door and the music is super loud here. This must be it! Waddling into the room, Belphie could see a figure laying spread eagle on one of the beds. Half of the room decorated in colour with one bed and the half of the room with the person laying on the bed was almost completely in black with a bunch of posters on the walls. Most importantly, on the floor lay a box with a spinny thing spinning that seemed to be playing the sounds! Belphie held his teddy in one hand and lifted up the thing that was running across the big black circle. Immediately the sound stopped and the figure sat up, with layered dark shoulder length hair, layered dark black white and red clothes, and enough eyeliner to paint the colourful bright half of the room pitch black. A teen Lucifer looks down at Belphie with a sour expression, upset his mope session had been interrupted. "What are you doing here?" He asks the small indigo-haired angel. Belphie looks up at him with wide, sparkling eyes before pointing to the record player. "Why's it makin' sound? There's no choir in there...." Lucifer's eyes soften. His mope session about meeting the demon prince, not hating him, and finding him pretty like the human he met down in the human world could wait. "It's a record player, Belphs." The teenager's too emo, the end is nigh, everything sucks, too cool for love and affection persona drops and reveals his softie interior. Lucifer picks up his younger brother and places him on his bed as he takes out the record that was playing in the record player and putting on one that would be much less intimidating for someone as young as Belphie. He sits back onto the bed and the small boy cuddles up to his big brother, ever the affectionate child. As the record plays on Belphie grins up at Lucifer, revealling one missing front tooth. He had lost them early, shortly after Beel's tooth had fallen out. Lucifer grinned too, suppressing a chuckle at how Beel hadn't even realised his tooth was wobbly until he bit into his breakfast and found his tooth lodged into the food. "Luci! I likes this music!" "Do you?" "Mhm!" Lucifer grins, petting his youngest brother's head. "I'll tell you what. For your birthday I'll get you your very own record player and lend you some vinyls, we can even go to the human world and pick some new ones out. I'll show you how to play them when you have them, okay?" "Okay! Thank you Luci!" After a while, the songs change from high energy into ballads, Belphie's eyes grow heavier, as do his big brother's. Belphie curled up into the elder's side, abandoning his teddy bear for grabbing at the fabric of Lucifer's shirt with tiny grubby hands as he nodded off. Lucifer made sure to try not to move, in result of the slow rock ballad music and staying completely still so not to jostle and wake up his youngest brother who would 100% get cranky if woken. Slowly, Lucifer's eyes start to close, and he falls into a soft slumber as well.

And hey, if Michael returned from his walk, and after leaving Beel and Lilith into a play room went to check in on Lucifer and saw that sight; and then proceeded to grin and take multiple photos of said sight from multiple angles to use as blackmail on his little emo twin brother Lucikins on a later occassion, then that was Michael’s business and Michael’s business alone. And Lucifer's business when Michael didn't want to do the dishes when it was his night to do them, of course.

But if you ask, Belphie'll tell you that visiting the human world is what got him interested in that type of music.

Because he's a stinky smelly little liar and should be locked up in an attic.

On a side note he bullies you for being 'emo' :(

Bro is such a hypocrite.

But to be geniune, Belphie loves that he can share his music with you. He's happy you can bond over this with him.

Not that he'd ever outright tell you.

But you can tell in the way he gives you albums and vinyls as gifts, and makes you little playlists of ballads to sleep to. (He's gotten you into the habit smh.)

#me: "lads asks + reqs r gonna b answered slowly bc i have v important exams in less than a month :( #the same day: so i completed this req😇😇 #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me x reader #omswd #obey me mc #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me asmodeus #obey me beelzebub #obey me belphegor #requests #asks #if anyone saw this with my outline still on the post no u didnt

[xoxominghxe]

“Emo Core” X.M

Emo!Xu Minghao x Preppy!Reader 🤍

[Synopsis] : Minghao is known as the popular emo kid around the school but all it takes is one girl for him to fold

[CW] : Minghao is lowkey a hoe, reader is horny, mentions of sex toys (reader buys them from Spencers), innuendos, foul language, fluff as hell, Minghao is whipped for the reader

[WC] : 3k

[A/N] : This was supposed to be smut but I’ll just make a separate oneshots for that but enjoy this cute little story, lmk who you wanna see and alway feel free to request members <3

There’s a myriad of questions you’re asking yourself right now. One of them being “why am I at the back of Spencers on a Tuesday night at 7pm?” But, you were too well aware of the answer to that one. You had come to Spencers looking for a butt plug, simply wanting to test out the waters of a new sensation. Why? Because you’re bored and have nothing better to do.

Why yes, of course you’re such a cute and preppy girl, wearing bows and skirts of lighter colors, but you weren’t boring. You knew the ways around sex, though you were a fresh non-virgin. Your past boyfriend taking your virginity, albeit disappointing, you still knew the way around your body, so why not try something new.

As you looked through the array of kinky toys and products, passing up rainbow dildos, bullet vibrators, and lingerie, you finally reach the section for butt plugs.

You look through the selections and find a light pink set with hearts. Opting to stick to your lolita core values, you pick up the set and decided it would be nice to try. Before you leave the aisle you pick up some lube and make your way to the front. That idea is soon interrupted by you colliding with a tall figure as you turn around, your face slamming into their chest.

You look up to apologize and your face turns from an apologetic frown to a wide eyed state of horror. The person you bumped into was Xu Minghao, the popular alt kid who went to your school, a grade above you. He was knows as The8 at the school, because every girl who’d supposedly gotten in his sheets said he was packing an 8 incher. You never really cared about it because you didn’t talk to him, but damn was he fine now that you’re seeing him up close.

He was about 5’10 with a lean figure, broad shoulders and long arms and hands. He wore an AC/DC shirt with layered jeweled belts, bracelets, and necklaces with black torn skinny jeans and platform chunky boots. He had a mullet that was black at the top with a platinum blonde peekaboo and dark guyliner around the perimeter of his eyes. You stood frozen in shock for a couple seconds, praying he didn’t know who you were before apologizing.

“So sorry, sir! I didn’t see you there!” You squeak, trying to get this awkward interaction over with. He looks you up and down and quirks his eyebrow before muttering a small “Do I know you from somewhere?” Your eyes widen in horror as you’re quick to say no in hopes he won’t realize your lying. “Hm? No, I don’t think I’ve seen you from anywhere!” You’re quick to exclaim, realizing you sound so embarrassing. You feel like crumbling into dust under his piercing gaze as he shrugs his shoulders and moves to the side.

You start walking and quickly realize the register is empty, fear flashes through you as you realize… he’s the fucking cashier. “Did you find what you’re looking for today, miss?” He asks while walking with you to the register. You couldn’t be more embarrassed as you hold your items close to your chest, keeping your eyes on the floor. “Uh, yea I found everything perfectly fine..” you mumble as you both get up to the register. He steps behind the desk and holds his hand out for you to place the items. You quickly place the items in his hands looking away as this is extremely uncomfortable. He takes a look at the items and confusion passes through his eyes as he rings them up and placed them in the bag.

“Cash or card?” He asks, tapping buttons on the register. You look back towards him and he takes another look at your face. You notice him looking a bit too hard and you panic. “By any chance is your name Y/N?” He inquires. Your heart drops to your ass, not only does he know your face, he knows your name. The worst possible scenario is playing your right before your eyes. Taking your silence as an answer he lets out a chuckle, placing his elbow on the table and covering his eyes laughing.

You sigh and look towards him, “Wow didn’t know this was a comedy show, a girl cant buy butt plugs?” You state as you roll your eyes and pull out a fifty dollar bill. He looks up at you still slightly chuckling. “My bad cuz just didn’t know Princess Peach could even catch herself buying a sex toy, let alone a butt plug” he teases, examining the package of the plug itself before taking your money and putting it in the register.

“Princess Peach is real funny coming from you, Bowser.” You tease back.

“Damn, you got me good on that one,” he begins, starting to count your change, “just didn’t expect you to be buying something like this when you look as pure as snow.”

“And that means a girl can’t have fun? Isn’t it prime time for that typa stuff?” You question.

“I mean yea but like…you look like your favorite song is by Lana Del Ray, not exactly butt plug buyer vibes.” He quips, handing you your change and your bag. “My favorite song is actually Everywhere I Go by Hollywood Undead, thank you very much.” You retort, grabbing your bags, walking to the exit of the store hearing his laughs as you take your leave. You make your way out of the mall, kinda enjoying the encounter with the boy. Of course it was embarrassing, but at least you now knew Minghao wasn’t some asshole who would curse you out.

_______________________________________________

It’s been two weeks since you saw Minghao, and you cant lie and say he wasn’t on your mind. Though you had a lighter color pallet, you also cant lie and say the dark alt aesthetic didn’t do him justice . His tall stature and lanky body fit the black clothes and dark makeup he wore perfectly.

You had seen him around school campus very few times after your encounter, neither of you ever talking to the other. You had successfully used the butt plugs and you cant say they were your favorite. The foreign feeling didn’t aid you much pleasure, so you thought to go back to Spencers for something else to try, maybe new lingerie or a dildo.

Walking back into the Spencers you hadn’t spotted Minghao, so you just thought it wasn’t on his shift. You headed to the back and upon reaching it you saw all of the different selections of pleasure toys from last time. You looked at the lingerie seeing an array of options. For someone who dresses in pink clothing, you often opt for darker lingerie choices that leave nothing to the imagination. Seeing a black strap piece that shows all of your boobs and privates catches your eye and you instantly pick it up. Strolling around for dildos you find a hot pink glow in the dark dildo, and opt to get it as well because it’s your favorite color.

Finishing looking around you head up to the front and lo and behold, Xu Minghao is at the only register. You don’t know where the hell he came from, but you muster up the courage to get in the line again, making as little eye contact with him as possible praying another register can open up before you become first in line.

Unfortunately your prayers aren’t heard and you’re right in front of Minghao once again. “Hey Princess, nice seeing you here again” He smirks, reaching his hand out to scan your items. “Princess? Nickname basis now Bowser?” You smile and hand him your two items. He looks at the lingerie peice and looks back up at you, sporting a raised eyebrow and a smirk. “You sure you picked up the right lingerie, sweetheart? The pink maid cosplay is on the rack over there.” He points to a rack in the back. You chuckle and look back at him, “Nah I meant to grab that one, ‘s cute.”

He shakes his head and laughs, scanning the lingerie. He picks up the dildo and his eyes widen. He looks up at you again and you meet him with a smile. You find his bewilderment funny. “Damn Princess, never knew you could take all this” He smirked, checking out the box before looking up at you. “You know I could make you feel a lot better than this thing right?” He said, scanning the dildo.

“That what you tell to all your hookups you find in here, The8?” You asked, pulling out your wallet. He laughs at his notorious school name, letting you see his smiley piercing hanging in his mouth. “I see you’ve heard about me, but don’t worry, I don’t even know half of those girls names.” He smiled. “Worry? Why would I worry about your sex life? Not like I’m trying to fuck you.” You quip, handling him your card to scan.

He pauses and looks up at you with a slight smirk on his face before scanning your card and handing you your bag and your card. Before he gives you your receipt he writes something on it. You take your receipt and walk out of the store, looking down at the bottom left corner where he wrote “text me, princess” followed by his number. He watched you as you eft, your hips swaying in your light brown skirt and your tits slightly bouncing in your deep cut cardigan.

_______________________________________________

That night you had contemplated what you would text him, opting for a simple:

Y/N: Hey it’s Y/N from Spencers

Minghao: Hey princess :)

Y/N : Your serious about this princess agenda huh?

MInghao: You couldn’t tell?

Y/N: I mean no, you call me a princess but I’m not seeing a lot of princess treatment 😕

Minghao: Do you want the princess treatment?

Y/N: it’s better than you not talking to me after I bought a dildo in front of you 💀

Minghao: you got it princess ;)

Y/N: What is that supposed to mean?

Minghao: don’t worry about it princess

Y/N: Minghao omg what does that mean 😪

Minghao: Awe she’s finally calling me by my name :)

Y/N: of course dummy is that not your name

Minghao: I mean it is but you could call me yours 😚

Y/N: stawp I’ll blush 🤭

Minghao: lemme see :(

Y/N: bet

*calling Minghao…*

*call accepted*

You didn’t expect him to actually pick up. You’re laying in bed in a pink silk tank top and spandex shorts with no bra on so you’re not exactly presentable. The line connects to a screen of Minghao with a game controller, his TV lighting up his bare face and lanky body. His black and blonde hair tied into a half up-half down style. He looks to his phone and waves at you while smiling.

“Hey princess” he says in a low voice, smiling at you. “Hi Minghao” you say, smiling back and waving before setting your phone up on your dresser and sitting up. “I don’t see you blushing, pretty.” He says, slightly disappointed in your lack of a red tint . “If you keep calling me names like that I just might” You smile. “What are you playing, pretty boy?” You ask, holding your head up using your chin as you watch him play his game. He smiles and looks at you, “Playing as your man.” He says, winking at you.

“Okay smooth operator I see you, doesn’t mean you’re getting in these panties anytime soon.” You say, side eyeing him knowing damn well that’s a lie. “Whatever you say, cutie. Just know by the end of this month I’ll be taking you on a date” He chuckles, switching off his game and grabbing his phone. “You have my full attention, sweetheart, how was your day?” He asks you, smiling at your red face.

“Damn, you making me feel special~” you say, kicking your feet. You start to ramble about your day, talkin a bout how you found a book to read and a new pen set that came in pink, backtracking and retelling all the moments of your day. The whole time you failed to notice how Minghao never took his eyes off of you, listening attentively to any and everything you said as if it was the Holy Bible.

“Oh sorry am I talking too much?” You ask, realizing you’ve been rambling for the past 15 minutes. Minghao looks at you, smiling scarcely before shaking his head no and asking you to continue. “No I’ve said too much about myself, how about you tell me about your day!” You retort. “I guess I could tell you…” he begins, “So today was just a normal day, so I just get through school and then I head to my shift. At work there’s a couple customers, a slow day today to be honest. But then this girl walks in, and she’s so beautiful. I saw her once but I couldn’t really take in how she looked because she was gone so fast. She had on the cutest brown skirt on and a deep v-neck sweater.” He explains, looking at you.

Your checks start to go red as he continues. “I don’t think she saw me at first, but once she came up to the counter she had this cute embarrassed look in her face, trying not to look at me. She ended up buying some lingerie and a dildo…. caught be by surprise a little bit..” He recalled, unknowingly smiling.

“She sounds sexy.” You joke, flipping your hair. “She was. If she gave me a chance I would show her the best time. Cant wait to make her mine.” He murmurs as he plays along with you. Your face turns red at his remark, mind going completely blank. You catch him laugh at your flushed face and hang up the call.

*call ended*

_______________________________________________

Minghao: What’s wrong princess ;)

Y/N: I’ll mentally princess this in the morning, goodnight Minghao 😭

Minghao: Goodnight princess ❤️

_______________________________________________

For the next few days at school Minghao has growing to acknowledge you at school, waving and saying hi to you when you usually pass him instead of quick waves. You both still text over the phone and the tension is basically palpable.

After two weeks it went from waves and quicks greetings to him walking you to class and holding your bags, with full blown conversations. Sometimes after school you would head to the mall with him while he worked his shift and you shopped around in the mall, having him drop you off back house afterwards. He would slightly tease you by grazing your thighs when your wearing a skirt or touching your hand while you walk to class.

He started giving you his jackets, albeit they were larger on you compared to him, they smelled like him and they were soft. Rumors started that the two of you were dating, some thought he just wanted to get a quick fuck out of you. He had grown to be a close friend within the span of 3 weeks and you still found yourself folding for him. Sometimes he would call you shirtless, toned torso on display as you tried desperately not to stare at the camera for too long.

One day after school he offered to drive you to the mall with him, and of course you accepted. Later on into the drive you realize that the road he was taking didn’t lead to the mall. “Minghao you missed your turn there.” You inform him. “I know. Change of plans, we’re not going to the mall.” He smiles, placing his hand on your thigh. “Okay, then where are you taking us? You won’t kill me right?” You ask skeptically.

“No princess, I won’t kill you.” He chuckles, squeezing the soft flesh of your leg for reassurance.

After 15 minutes he pulls up to a deserted park, not a soul in sight besides the both of you. You ask him questions but he just leads you out of the car, reassuring you that you’re okay . He covers your eyes as you walk and you can’t say you were all for it, threatening to scream if he tried to kill you.

After 5 minutes you both stop walking and he uncovers your eyes. The sight before you is beautiful. He hung up lights and set the picnic table with all different foods you mentioned you liked. On the table was also a basket of Hello Kitty and Pink items. Minghao pulled you to the table so you both could eat together.

Soon after Minghao pulled out his laptop from his bag and told you to watch a show with him. Instead of your generic show playing like Euphoria or an anime, it was a video he had tittled “ 15 things I love about you” with pictures and videos of the two of you he had taken throughout the few weeks he had known you.

You nearly cried as the list went on, so appreciative of the sweet gesture and ready to kiss the boy beside you at any moment. After the video ended he pulled out a letter from his back pocket and grabbed your hand.

“Dear Y/N” he began, “You’ve been plaguing my mind for the past 4 weeks, your smile, your scent, your eyes, your everything. I’ve never felt like this before until I saw you. I know it’s corny as hell and this isn’t usually expected of me but I wanted to ask if you’ll let me be your boyfriend. I promise to care for you as much as possible and never make you cry. Your so precious to me and I want to have the permission to call you mine.” He read, putting down the letter and looking you in the eyes. “So?” He asks, waiting for an answer.

You look up at him, raising form your seat to reach across the table and kiss him softly. “Hi, boyfriend” you answer, smiling. He smiles back at you before taking your face and kissing you deeper. He comes across the table to you and lifts you up, holding your body and peppering kisses all over your face. Who knew the emo kid who works at Spencers was such a romantic?

#xu minghao #xu minghao fluff #xu minghao fanfic #svt minghao #minghao #minghao x reader #minghao fluff #seventeen fluff #svt the8 #the8 #svt fanfic #svt fluff

[stupidfuckingwindow]

Drivin' Me Insane // Ken

Content/warnings: light smut, singer Ken alluded to, rubbing Ken through his pants. Cliffhanger because I'm a bastard.

Notes: Just a short little blurb before I actually write a few bigger things for Ken. Thank you again RG for saving my life with your gay little performance and guyliner.

Word count: 188

“I've gotta go out there soon..” Ken squirms with every kiss, a mix of excitement and nervousness jolting through his veins. The wall he's been backed into may just be the only thing keeping your doll from falling on his ass. His legs wobble under your weight, and a soft whimper is choked out of him when your lips leave a trail about his cheeks and jaw. Under his breath, you hear him stutter out the word ’Oh’, followed by a sharp gasp and the feeling of him needily pawing at you through your clothes.

Ken ruts against your hand when you tease his cock through the bedazzled pink fabric. “So good,” He mutters out under his breath, neatly combed hair already beginning to come undone the more his hips jolt and buck. Needily, he whines when denied a quick orgasm, leaning forward to follow your hand but catching himself once realizing.

“Fuck you,” he hisses, lowly and unlike himself. Slow piano keys, however, bring pause to his frustrations. His cheeks and ears flush red, and Ken's shoulders tense. “I'll get you for that when I get back.”

#ryan gosling #n.sfw. #ken #ryan gosling x reader #ryan gosling's ken #ken smut #ken x reader smut #ken x reader

[justalittleficsideblog]

latte art

Choso x Reader coffeeshopAU!

Just a lil meet cute where Choso sees you enter a cafe and decides to use some of his new skills to impress you...

work count: 1.2k

“I see you layered your guyliner on extra thick today, Choso.”

Rolling said eyes, Choso dug through the counter and grabbed a bag of decaf beans to hand over to his pink-haired coworker.

He caught his reflection in the metallic of the espresso machine. It wasn’t that his eyeliner was layered extra thick, it was more a matter that he had never removed it from the night before.

And that he might’ve fell asleep while studying.

On his desk.

In the library.

“I never took it off.”  

Yuji blinked at him, taking the coffee and getting to work on another customer’s order. Choso had made it a habit to watch over the semi-new hire when he was assigned to the latte art and more complex orders. He had a tendency to overfill the cups.  

A chime sounded, indicating someone had stepped into the café.

Brows furrowed, he glanced at the clock. It was fairly late in the evening, not so close to closing as he’d hoped which meant they’d hit the “students getting shit done before midnight” crowd of the Sunday evening.

Rolling his neck, Choso adjusted his apron and walked over to the front counter.  

His eyes raked over you for a split second before speaking. “What can I get for you?”

You beamed brightly up at him, and he quickly glanced down at the screen in front of him as he waited for your order. You were a student, that was apparent by your bookbag and sort of worn out exterior. He hadn’t seen you around here last semester, and suddenly he was glad that the rotation of classes made you wander into the shop.

“Oh! And could I also get it with a cup of soup?” He nodded along, brushing a stray hair out of his face as he finished typing up the order.

“For here or to go?” His eyes flicked up to yours, examining your features.

“Here please!” you exclaimed enthusiastically. “I need a change of scenery that isn’t in the library,” you gestured to your backpack.

He nodded, gesturing to the card reader in front of you as you waited to pay.

 Having paid, you found a quaint spot by the window to set your bag down and pull out your ecosystem of electronics, he noticed.

How much could you fit in that bag?

“Hey, Choso. How do I make this again? Don’t I pour the creamer—”

The formerly mentioned male took the label out Yuji’s hands, realizing it was yours.

“I got it,” he grumbled. “Watch the register.”

Yuji sticks his tongue out at him but walked obediently over towards the front, working on the next person’s, much simpler, coffee.

He couldn’t help but glance over at where you were sitting, entirely engrossed in whatever you were doing. He watched as you shuffled through papers, brows furrowed in concentration.

A sudden burning shocked him out of his staring. With a hiss, he reflexively took his hand back that had been in the way of the espresso machine, causing the coffee to pour onto him, rather than into the cup.

He sighed. He’d have to do it again.

Reaching into the cupboard with his now throbbing hand, he grabbed a new cup and slapped your label on it. Now waiting for the drip (from a safe distance), he leaned back against the counter, debating what sort of art he should do in the coffee…

You seemed like the type to appreciate it.

Now determined, he grabbed the creamer, glancing in your direction as he did so. His eyebrows raised as he met your gaze, watching as you shyly glanced back down to your laptop.

Ok, now he had to make this perfect. Not the usual run of the mill that the regulars looked forward to from the other employees.

No fuck ups, Choso.

Squaring his shoulders, he rolled up his sleeves, adjusted his frame, and began to pour.

Carefully holding it in his hands, he swung open the miniature gate that separated the customer and employees sections of the front.

“Hey, what are you—” Yujis eyes snapped to the direction Choso was headed towards. “Ah, oh uh, never mind then.”

Moving into your field of view, Choso gracefully plated the mug in front of you, careful of your papers strewn about the small benchtop.

You gratefully looked up towards him and smiled.

Gahh…

He clenched his jaw subconsciously. He really liked the way the sides of your mouth quirked up when it was directed at him.

“Oh my gosh!” you gasped, cooing over the arguably very adorable cat’s face that was plastered in the middle of your cup. “I literally cannot drink this.”

He nodded silently in approval, his chest lightening a bit that you reacted positively towards it.

Glancing down at his name tag you blurted, “Choso this is the cutest thing that’s ever been added to my coffee order.”

Deciding against the rapid beating that was thundering inside his chest, he replied in kind. “If you’re around again, I’ll give you another one. The older folks don’t care much for that.”

Bullshit, he never did this sort of art on the coffee except for a select group of his employees and friends. He doesn’t know why he even did it for you in the first place, something just drove him to it.

“I hadn’t realized this café did it, I would’ve been in here last semester if I’d known about it” you laughed lightly, hand swishing in the air as you rolled your eyes.

“Why don’t you advertise it? I’m sure people from all over the campus would flock to get it done by you.”

He scrunched his nose. No, he hated making something personal to him so commercialized, the idea of having to do it over and over killed his enjoyment of it.

Shifting his weight, he admitted, “I don’t care much for it to be… marketed. I like the challenge to make new ones out of enjoyment.”

Had he come off as harsh? He admitted he hadn’t talked to a customer like this in well… ever. He didn’t want to come off as a creep, oh no, did he seem like a creep?

“Alright,” your voice cut through his thoughts. “I don’t think you’d know how to do a rose, would you?”

Your smile was enticing, and he licked his bottom lip absentmindedly. Folding his arms, he replied. “You’ll just have to come back and see.”

Eyes narrowing, you stuck your chin out in challenge. “Alright, you’re on then.”

Smirking, he walked back to the counter and shut the swinging door behind him. Yuji quirked an eyebrow at him, “What did you give her?”

“A cat.”

“Holy shit!” He stopped drying a mug, giving Choso his full attention. “Didn’t you just learn that one?”

He shoved his coworker playfully, nodding as he did so. “I’m taking my break.”

Staring blankly after him, yuji’s face broke out into a smile, looking from him to your table.

Tossing the apron onto the stool beside him in the back room, Choso eagerly pulled out his phone and typed into the search bar.

Megumi, who was now clocking in to take over for his pink-haired classmate, secretly peeked over his shoulder.

How to do flower latte art

#choso x reader #jjk x reader #coffeshopau! #lmk if you weant a continuation of this #choso with buns and guyliner making coffee brrr

[splatooshy]

a peek into my notes app.

file: 🧛‍♀️😜

tvdu oneshots mixed with opinions. completely different from my ‘tvdu opinions’ file and my ‘bloody hell! silly oneshots’ files. this is only 1/4 of the file.

damon in guyliner

y’all the witches go on about how vampire evil vampire must be stopped and then they take away someone’s magic for stopping said vampire

Damon just licked his lips in anticipation. "Oh, you know how I like having things pushed inside me, don't you?"

“You can’t avoid me forever, Damon!” Elena warned. “Maybe so,” he admitted, “but I’m still gonna try.” He darted around her, blurring towards the staircase and sliding down the banister, mentally shouting ‘parkour’ in his head. Damn. He’d been spending too much time around the little Gilbert. And teenagers in general. “Parkour!” Jeremy cheered from the couch, cradling a bowl of cereal like it was a newborn. Yup. Too much time around teenagers, Damon thought as he rolled his eyes.

“I just don’t get it,” Matt grumbled confusedly as Caroline walked away. She wanted to talk to him. Now she was walking away? First Stefan yanked Elena from him and now Tyler had taken Caroline. He and Elena had been on the verge of getting back together until Stefan showed up and stole her away. And just when he was seriously reconsidering his breakup with Caroline, Tyler was suddenly swooping in and taking her from Matt. It wasn’t fair.

ok but the locker rooms at the batting cages in denver 🤭

“Pretty boy?” Stefan spluttered. “Well, you are kinda pretty.” Elena shrugged into the mirror as she applied eyeshadow. “She's not wrong, brother.” Damon piped up from the doorway. “You’re a little bit pretty.” He patted his brother on the cheek and went to join Elena at the mirror, snatching her eyeliner with a triumphant grin. “I'm not pretty!” Stefan denied with a small whine. “Not compared to me, no.” Damon smiled sweetly, turning to reveal those blue eyes, now rimmed with black kohl.

s1 damon / eternal teenager verse: “Why is it she’s always telling you to leave her alone when she’s the one seeking you out?”

damon: “My father used to say I had the devil in me, but really it was just my riding instructor.”

someone (jeremy) gets runic tattoos with elena’s doppelganger blood because they want to be the avatar.

“Oh my god, it’s a room full of Elijah’s.” “I had that exact same nightmare once.” OKAY but put that line in tvd and Damon then goes “Really? I had a sex dream about that.”

“you really are quite the little slut, aren’t you, Damon?” The velvety croon of Elijah’s cultured voice makes it sound all the more dirty, and Damon can’t help but let out a small moan as he nods. “Very good,” the Original murmurs, and oh fuck. Elijah can do whatever he wants with Damon as long as he keeps talking like that.

“That’s so hot.” - Damon, every day. Alternatively: “Anyone else a little turned on right now?” // any time he gets pinned to a wall, he whispers “traitor” to his dick.

sassy elijah vs sassy damon except they kiss.

“Now, what am I going to do with you?” “Something terribly naughty, I hope.” delijah.

dabekah are essentially cats. very sassy ones. like a slinky black cat and a fluffy white one

idk some wedding, kol gets confused with american accents and brings a bear trained to carry rings

compel the president to make random holidays

kol and rebekah watch the hunger games and decide to do a real life version, compelling the tributes

“Klaus and Stefan pulling another devious act,” Klaus gleefully mumbles, high on the wolfsvain(™️) joints Damon and Kol had invented. Stefan just stares at him for a minute, silence filling the room as they blink in tandem.

 elijah walks into the boarding house, kisses the girls on their hands. damon holds out his expectantly, and smiles deviously when elijah actually kisses it.

#this is so unserious #tvd #tvd fanfiction #rebekah mikaelson #stefan salvatore #kol mikaelson #damon salvatore #klaus mikaelson #elijah mikaelson #delijah #elena gilbert #bonnie bennett #caroline forbes #alaric saltzman #jeremy gilbert #the vampire diaries #bi damon salvatore #slutty damon salvatore #klefan #matt donovan #tyler lockwood

[never-shouldve-come-here]

Okay so we got the LDB dying on our blorbos but what about the LDB becoming the next big bad? As last anon said, they are practically a demigod. Who would take them down? Who would join them because well, surely the LDB has a reason for this?

OOOH I LOVE THIS

Kaidan: I'm a bit conflicted because on one hand, he's generally very "I don't have a right to say anything about this because of what I've done" but I also think he has to draw a line somewhere. I don't think he'd have the heart to take them out, though.

But do I want to see him become the evil right hand to the ldb? Lean into the "I'd kill for you, I'd die for you without question" trope? Absolutely, I think that would be very sexy of him.

Rumarin: He's along for the ride. He's wearing guyliner and black leather for the vibes. He's pretty much avoiding the bad parts of the arrangement and thriving.

To the public, he kind of seems like the ldb's jester of the dark court and an irrational attachment. The ldb clearly has a soft spot for him, and honestly, that could be their downfall.

Inigo: He'd join at first- have a little fun, play along like Rumarin and whatnot, but I think he'd turn depending on how they acted and how he was treated. If the ldb becomes this full-on tyrant that acts cold towards him, I think he might try to take them down. He'd be devastated, but if he felt it was the right thing to do, he would do it.

Lucien: I honestly think he'd just leave, but I'd give anything to see Evil Lucien. Like, imagine the ldb offering him the chance to gain infinite knowledge and power and he decides fuck it and takes it.

The wicked court mage with all the ldb's resources to do whatever he wanted. Quickly, he'd become one of the most powerful and notorious mages in Tamriel. He'd make a name for himself, not in the way he would have ever imagined, but he'd like it.

Caryalind: Evil Cary would be so fucking cool, but I can't see it happening. If he saw the ldb literally turn into his father before his eyes, he wouldn't stand for it. He's trying to separate himself from that life and do good. He'd do anything in his power to prevent another tyrant from existing, even if it meant having to take down someone he loved.

Nebarra: He encouraged this, he's having the time of his life. His maniacal laughter can be heard throughout the ldb's castle all hours of the day.

He'd be one of those evil advisors rubbing their hands together behind their ruler and whispering "let me kill them, my liege" in their ear.

#EVIL LDB GANG IS SO COOL I LOVE THIS ASK #tes skyrim #skyrim custom followers #kaidan 2 #inigo skyrim #lucien flavius #rumarin 3dnpc #nebarra #caryalind thallery

[bringbacktim]

imagine doing shlatts makeup 🙁 hed just be squirming around while you try to apply lipgloss but he starts putting it on you nd kisses you "there. now i have it on."

I love this sm omg

Guyliner-jschlatt

There is no eyeliner in this , I just thought it'd be a funny title

Synopsis:above

Warnings: none

Not edited or proofread

Wc:480 words

Y/n and Schlatt were filming a YouTube video for her channel and she combined her love for annoying her boyfriend and makeup content which her subscribers loved

It took a lot of convincing him to let her do his makeup , but they made a compromise that she would go on one of his streams so he could bully her

That didn't stop him from squirming in his seat any time she put any makeup anywhere near him

"You're going to stab me in the eye with that thing" he said looking at the mascara wand in her hand as he tried to stop her from putting it on him

"I'm not going to stab you in the eye , I do this everyday" she laughed as he almost jumped out of his seat as she got closer

"Yeah, on you not me . You're going to blind me with that thing" he fussed with a huff

"Stop being such a baby" she said holding his head steady

"Okay next is lipgloss which is harmless and can't hurt you" she said standing up to show the camera then looking over her shoulder at the big man baby sat on his chair

"That feels like reverse psychology"

"It's just lip balm but liquid , quit crying"

"It comes it a fucking test tube , that shit is probably radioactive" he said holding her wrist and moving her hand with the lip gloss tube in it up to the camera

"I wish I would've asked ted or someone , you need to stop squirming or you'll probably swallow the applicator" she said sternly pointing an accusing finger

"Ted would never get this close to a woman" Schlatt laughed looking at the distance between them

" can you shut up and sit still" she grew agitated as he would not stop moving

"How is it fair that you can put this on me , but you don't have any on" he questioned taking the tube from her hand

"Fine , but this is the only thing you're putting on me" she said giving up

He held the product in his hand and tried to apply it as neatly as he could , taking his time as he'd never done this before laughing after he was done at the idea that popped into his head

So he leaned forward and connected their lips in a kiss as an apology for being a wimp, but also just cause he wanted to

"There. Now I have it on" he said all smug

"Didn't realise we were filming the chapstick challenge" she laughed trying not to believe she just fell for that

"New video idea?" schlatt said looking towards the camera knowing the comments would be full of people agreeing

#charlie slimecicle x reader #jschlatt imagine #jschlatt smut #mcyt tag #schlatt #schlatt x reader #ted nivison #jschlatt imagines

[jadedbirch]

The Three Musketeers (2023) - Part 1: d'Artagnan

Directed: Martin Bourboulon

Starring: Vincent Cassel, Eva Green, François Civil 

First of all, you do not know the struggle we had to go through to even get our eyeballs on this movie! Only die hard Dumas idiots like me would have even bothered 🤦🏻‍♀️. Finally, we had to buy it from AppleTV. Anywho, below is my live blog of the latest French nonsense! I make a point of tutoring myself watching as many 3 Musketeers adaptations as possible, regardless of the psychological damage, and I kind of have high hopes for this one despite the fact that I can already tell they cast more for 20 Years After than for The 3 Musketeers. But I'm willing to pretend there are no good, young actors in France (because there's no other way to explain these casting choices) for the sake of my own sanity. The rest of my babbling and movie spoilers will be below the cut!

I see we start the movie in 1627, which already makes me laugh 🤣. The book famously starts in 1625 and then they time skip a year and a half into the future because I guess Dumas remembered that the war starts in 1627. Alex was the king of inexplicable time skips and I see the movie has chosen to stick to history rather than literary canon 👌🏻.

Everything is cold, dark, and wet. I have no idea what's going on, or who this blond woman is, or why d'Artagnan is coming back from the dead. But I'm always in favor of immortal abominations 😈.

It does entertain me that Eric Ruf, who played Aramis in an earlier French adaptation, plays Richelieu in this one. Nice touch.

LOL d'Artagnan gate crashing the musketeer headquarters all "I'm not Soviet, the French do not stand in line!" Anyways, he's authentically obnoxious, which I like, although clearly also 20 years too old.

I feel like this is an AU that takes place before they invented soap and also dyes, which is hilarious because if they're going for historical accuracy, this is just what the plebs think looks "authentic". Why are these men all so dirty and old? At least they make fun of Athos being a thousand years old in the movie, but why is Jussac also so ancient? And still serving in the guards? Life expectancy back then was like 25, but surely no one would be serving in the army past the age of 50, which was like Ancient for the 1600s, even among nobility.

I must laugh at the fact that Athos straight up introduces himself to d'Artagnan as Athos de Sillegue, le comte de La Fère. So, I see we are just going to go there 🤭🤭🤭. This changes his story arc completely though, stay tuned for my whinging. 🤦🏻‍♀️

Absolutely incredible, legendary , A++, 11000/10: bisexual Porthos waking up in bed with a lady and a dude after a night of debauchery! Chef's fucking kiss! I forgive the fact that there are no young people in France.

Aramis, so far is very Murder Kitten. I do wish he'd wash his face more and do something about his guyliner (I feel like he should have just committed to MORE MAKEUP frankly because the guyliner alone is odd), but c'est la vie, I guess.

Plus one point for Athos getting wrongly arrested, minus twenty points for making Athos a Protestant WTF? And in what world would a nobleman of Athos' lineage get sentenced to death for stabbing an unknown woman? This is all so silly! (I do have to give Milady points for just like fucking with him so fantastically. Plus one revenge point to Milady.)

Aramis torturing a guy to save Athos is honestly 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 11/10 Murder Kitten, automatic plus one point.

This is all incredibly Dramatique, as much as it strains credulity. I love it when modern directors decide that they can write better "action" than Dumas himself. I'm just sitting here screaming "Why would you have that conversation where anyone can hear you!" Minus one point.

I must say Constance and d'Artagnan have a much more believable romance here than in the book. Plus 5 non-creeper points.

(Please I can't stop looking at how old all these Musketeers are 😅😅😅)

Okay so they've also given Athos a BROTHER. Who is part of a Protestant conspiracy. This is all so fucking crazy, I don't even know what to say. Am I watching the musketeers or La Reine Margot? 🤔

Incidentally, the King also gets a brother! Everyone gets a brother! J/K at least the King really did have a historical brother. Athos just gets fucked with in this movie a lot. Automatic minus one point for unnecessary siblings.

WHY must you all insist on having these super SECRET conversations in the middle of a public square where literally anyone can hear you? Minus one dumbass point.

And now d'Artagnan must go to England.... Alone? Because it's more heroic this way? Ambushed by ghost squirrels in the woods? Oh no, that's just Athos, lurking in the woods, as one does. "All misery comes from love." Thanks, Old Man Lush.

This revisionist tale of Milady's past is all very convenient but I FUCKING HATE IT every single time they try to do this in modern adaptations. Let Milady Be Evil 2023! But I see that you will not. Listen, it's not "feminist" to turn the villain into the victim. I'm so tired. 🤦🏻‍♀️ These misguided attempts at feminism really do not do her any favors, she has a lot more agency as simply the Really Bad Girl who just wanted money and power. Minus 5 points for not letting Milady have any fun and minus another 10 points for giving her an abusive ex-husband!

As for Athos, IMO it's always much more compelling to let him be the guy who tried to kill his beloved wife for betraying him, than to make him the spineless man who turns her over to the authorities for Handwavium. Yes, it's pretty fucked up. But it's much more humanizing and makes him a darker, more interesting character. And I will always maintain that.

(This movie is so fucking dark, all the scenes take place at night or in some cthonic tunnels or prisons ffs have mercy on my eyes!)

Oh dear, here we go again. Milady taking a Dramatique - and completely unnecessary - dive off a cliff. Only this time, we know she doesn't die because.... She can swim? And definitely will not have all her bones broken by that 1000 ft fall. Minus 20 points for lazy writing.

(My God, everyone is so dirty, you would think they never did their laundry in France 🤦🏻‍♀️)

Ironically, the only well lit scene takes place in what looks like the Notre Dame which is just very silly as that place is a sepulcher.

(Once again, we are advancing the plot by having super secret conversations conducted in the middle of the palace with an open door where anyone can see and hear you plotting 🤦🏻‍♀️ Minus one petty point.)

Okay, so poor Constance has been kidnapped, and our young hero (who is already a Lieutenant because he and his pals conveniently saved the King's life in a plot twist that was very necessary in other to return Athos to favor in this version) lies unconscious in the streets. They probably didn't even try to kill him this time because they know he's immortal. And speaking of people who just won't die, in a mid-credits scene, it is confirmed that Milady is indeed, very much Not Dead Yet. Surprise! The scene is now set for war in The Three Musketeers: Part 2: Milady.

In summary:

I tallied up my totally random points and ended up with a score of -51, which is Not Good, my friends.

Okay, so I've seen much worse? It's better than Atrocity in 3D, for example, which was just barely watchable as a film and as an adaptation. But they changed so much about the plot and some of the main characters, that it doesn't really feel true to the spirit of the book at this point, which is my main criteria for measuring whether an adaptation is successful. And the main reasons for that are because it's much darker and grittier and less fun than the novel. Which - Quelle domage!

I know that as an unrepentant Athos fangirl, I tend to be biased, so I was trying to be on guard (heheh get it?) for my own biases while watching this. But it's really difficult when Ya Boy is such an integral part of the novel as well as this particular adaptation. And so I must regrettably come back to what a shame it is that they've cast a 60 year old Athos (Vincent Cassel is 57 and he's a fabulous actor whom I've loved in many of his worlks), and I feel like they had to rewrite his character to be more age appropriate and less of the drunken asshole he is in Dumas' first d'Artagnan book. But that's the asshole I fell in love with, and will stan forever. Without him going around beating his servant, indulging his gambling addiction, and being a sarcastic pain in everyone's ass, it's just a completely different story.

Pros:

Hot Eva Green!

bisexual Porthos!

d'Artagnan is given a much less creepy love story with Constance (and I assume he will also not be nonconning Milady in this adaptation)

The King and Queen are much more humanized and sympathetic here.

Cons:

Visually really drab, everything is brown, everyone is dirty.

Very little humor unlike in the novel and some other adaptations.

EVERYONE IS WAY TOO OLD, which changes the feeling of the story significantly, and IMO for the worse, because these people are just not allowed to have fun, and subsequently, neither is the audience.

I will still absolutely be here for Part 2 because I am a masochist!

Grade: B- as a piece of art, but a C as an adaptation of the Dumas classic.

#the three musketeers #2023 the three musketeers #alexandre dumas #the three musketeers: d'artagnan

[evilfloralfoolery]

(plz do not reblog my absolute idiocy lol.)

SO. This is the most ADHD Snzfucker rabbit hole ever and I had to share. I watched a movie about a fictional rock band. I think to myself, "GODDAMN, that singer is HOT."

Stay with me.

I find out he's a REAL singer for a REAL band. I check the band out. I instantly love them. I'm developing a stupid crush on this man who is an actually adorable human. And hot. He's fucking beautiful. It's been such a LONG TIME since I had "The Feels©️" 😂

I listen to their music a bit more and YouTube shows me a "hey, guess what! They're playing a few hours from you!" message under a video.

Whaaaaattt.....

I immediately get tickets. I get a VIP meet and greet so I can meet this insanely gorgeous man who writes powerful, soulful lyrics, has longish black hair, icy blue eyes, wears guyliner and spiked leather, and giggles like a shy child when people compliment him.

✨But wait! There's more!✨

On a whim, I Google his name plus "sneeze."

The first 3 results are literal videos of him doing the snz.

There are pictures of him doing the snz.

There's a thing where he says that he "sneezes violently" whilst looking at the sun.

His snz is also FUCKING ADORABLE and I am absolutely BESIDE MYSELF at 3am, feeling higher than a fucking kite.

What. The. FUCK. Just. Happened.

🤣🤣🤣🥴

#No names given because this is Fumblr #And i do not want to be perceived #DO NOT PERCEIVE ME XD #But! What in the snzfucker hell...??? #WHAT IS HAPPENING 😂😂 #I'm in love. Bye.

[rhymingwithpurple]

Looked at jennifer's body gifs for too long and was like ugh I should've dated emo boys in high school when I had the chance

1. There WEREN'T any, dumbass. There were no guyliner boys!

2. You DID date the one goth guy and that went fucking BAD

#i still got a little soft spot for him i do #but he fucked his life up is my understanding

[rumbelle-scream]

ive decided to just fuck-all awful OUAT scenes and remember the best ones.

like this Hook & Neal scene:

godd i loved how Killian worked his eyes when he's being mischievous. WORK that guyliner and thick brows! WERK!

my boy baelfire... i still miss you.

#baelfire #neal cassidy #killian jones #hook #ouat #once upon a time #nealfire #hook & neal #Youtube