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aannonn · 7 months

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Opinion: My own view on HanaNeneTsuka ship because- why not? lol

Finally done with the TeruAoiKane post! ...Now moving on to (Ama)HanaNeneTsuka!

First things first; No. I do not ship Tsukasa x Amane, nor do I support incest in fiction or in real life. This post will be mostly about me analysing the TsuNene and (Ama)HanaNene relationship, and Tsukasa & Amane's fraternal (platonic) relationship. And my final opinion about this trio in a both romantic and platonic way. Lil' notes: this post may contain sensitive topics.

That's it for the notes! Now, let's start with...

TsuNene!

To be honest with you guys... I don't even remember when did I even start shipping those 2 lol Like- I seriously do not remember. Not even a vague memory of it. I just know that, one day, I got tired of HanaNene and started to ship TsuNene. And soon they become my Top 1 favorite ship. I don't know if it was the fanarts, the manga itself, the official AUs of them together, the fanfictions, or something else. I just started to ship them and that's it.What I do know, though, is that there is something that made me continue shipping them, regardless of what happened in the manga between them.. lol

Just like in my last post about TeruAoi; The way both Tsukasa and Nene are so similar is what kept me shipping them.

Like- They both are so similar to each other in so many ways. They have so much in common!

Both wish to know more about Amane.

Both are kind of interested in romance in their own ways. (Read this analysis if u wish to understand what I'm talking about!)

In many official arts and even bonus pages, we can see them both parallelling each other in their own different way. (this. And the fact that Tsukasa is singing Over The Rainbow while Nene is wearing Dorothy's dress- I found it a nice similarity lol Also, singing duo.)

They are both equally chaotic. (In basically all official AUs, too! Especially in monster nursery AU, where Nene it's basically a Tsukasa 2.0 lol)

Both seems to really like puzzles games.

It may not really have much relevance, but I really love seeing how similar they are.

Their dynamics in each different official AUs is pretty nice to see, too! We have Father and Daughter dynamic, Rivalry dynamic, Friendly? dynamic, Friends? dynamic; Each different dynamic in each different AU. It's always interesting and fun for me to see them interacting!

Though, I have to admit that this ship wouldn't really work out in canon, since Tsukasa still have that demon inside him and both him and Amane are dead, while Nene is still alive.

Besides, Tsukasa sexually harassed her. I know that Nene apparently doesn't seem to think too much about it, but it was still sexually harassment.

Honestly, I feel like if Nene and Tsukasa had met under different circumstances with no demons or supernaturals in the mix, I feel like they would have be really good friends; Maybe even a sibling dynamic!

I just love to see my 2 favorite characters of all time interacting together.

Now let's go to... (Ama)HanaNene!

Honestly, do I even need to explain? They are canon. They are perfect.

Hanako's first love was Nene. Nene finally found someone who loves her for who she is. Nene is Hanako's first ever friend (most likely). They both genuinely love each other. They are absolutely perfect

It's practically canon, too, so I feel like I don't have much to say about them- But I'll try to say how do I feel about this ship!

Honestly, this is one of my top 2 favorite- Literally my comfort ship.

Their personality matches each other very well, and the way their relationship slowly gets their development through out the whole manga is actually really adorable!

I absolutely screamed and giggled like a lil' kid when I first saw their panel of them officially kissing; If u were there, you could clearly tell how happy I was when I saw them kissing after waiting for literal years. ❤

They feel mutual care, respect and love for each other; They would do anything for each other and that's clear.

Nene ran away with Hanako the moment they met again - She felt practically devastated when Hanako fell apart before her eyes. You can tell she cares a lot about him.

And Hanako literally sacrificed everything in his power to see Nene happy and alive, even if it meant trapping her in a fake world or sacrificing her own best friend.

Besides, the way they act around each other really feels like a really clingy and touch-starved couple. I love them.

I feel like I've never shipped a canon ship as much as I do now. HanaNene was definitely the first canonical ship in the whole world that I genuinely wanted to for them to be together and work out, and I never ever gave up on the ship even after years of shipping them.

They just make so much sense and I love them so very much. ❤

Though, this ship does has its flaws. I can see why some people doesn't really ship HanaNene.

Hanako already sexually harassed Nene. Even Nene herself said that many things that Hanako did to her was sexually harassment.

And Hanako is pretty possessive that even Nene noticed it; Whenever he feels jealous about Nene, he throws water at her or even threatens to turn her into a fish. He even trapped Nene into a fake world.

The thing is; Hanako himself said that no matter what Kou or the others say- He wants to be the one who saves Nene. Not Kou nor anyone else, just him being the one who changes her future.

The jealousy and possessiveness he feels around Nene could soon become a problem in the future.

Though, Nene also has her own flaws in this ship..

She often slaps him and, as much as Hanako often deserves a slap of reality to learn not to be selfish when it comes to saving Nene's life without thinking about the consequences of his actions for it, I don't think violence is the answer.

She also, for some strange reason, still chooses to admire Teru's presence even though she knows what he did to Hanako and what he planned to do to Hanako.

I understand that she doesn't feel any kind of romantic attraction towards him and all she feels is just admiration, but still... Nene, are you sure you don't feel any kind of resentment towards Teru after finding out what he planned to do with Hanako? Like, not even a little bit?

Although, if I'm only blaming Nene in this case, I would be being unfair, because Kou also doesn't seem to hold any kind of grudge against Teru even after seeing what he did to Hanako. What he almost successfully did to Hanako.

But then again, Kou and Teru are brothers; Nene and Teru are just friendly acquaintances...

I can't say anything either, since no matter how hard I try, I can't hold a grudge against anyone even after so much has happened. (I can dislike them, I just cannot hold a grudge nor hate them.)

Nene may just really have a heart of gold and be too naive for her own good, but still…

Welp- This ship has its ups and downs, its flaws and its goods; But, in my opinion, I still think HanaNene is still a pretty adorable ship. They still need some development on their relationship, though.

Now let's move on to... (Hanako-kun) Yugi Amane & Yugi Tsukasa! Not a ship btw!. Just analysing their relationship.

Honestly- I don't even know what to say, I just know that i love their sibling relationship so much.

Ofc, their sibling relationship isn't my top favorite, but I definitely love to see them interacting in such a healthy and normal way. Just them being the adorable twinnies they are.

I was always a sucker for healthy siblings relatioship, so you can tell how much I love those 2 dorks even though their relationship isn't my top favorite.

You can tell how much they love and care for each other; Of course they do, they are brothers after all! Though, I feel like their relationship is more deep and unhealthy than it actually seems...

Tsukasa seems to think that Amane hates him, which most likely explain his apathyness in leaving his family just so his brother could live.

Also, I can't be the only one who thinks that Tsukasa may hold some kind of grudge against Amane, right...? I mean, think about that;

Don't get me wrong, it is pretty clear as the sun that Tsukasa and Amane both mutually and equally care for and love each other, but I feel like that there are so many misunderstandings between them that they may have some negative feelings between them.

If u have/had a sibling, wouldn't you be mad if, even after everything you did for your sibling, they still decides to kill you? I think it would be a bit unrealistic if Tsukasa didn't feel even a hint of resentment against Amane for killing him.

The fact that it is revealed to us that Tsukasa is a yorishiro, and that Sumire - as a human yorishiro herself, had to experience her death in a total loop for God knows how long...

Tsukasa, for also being a yorishiro, probably had to experience his death in loop, too. And without any visits from his brother, either.

It's already bad enough that he was 'trapped' in the red house for decades, but he also had to put up with experience his death over and over again without even a single visit from his brother.

I don't blame Amane; He was probably too scared to face the brother he killed. Probably afraid of hurting him again.

But still.. Tsukasa had to endure all of that for decades, all for Amane. Tsukasa was willing to endure being without his family for decades, to endure having to experience his death over and over again, to endure all of this, just for Amane.

No wonder he went insane, especially with a demon inside him.

Amane also has his negative feelings towards Tsukasa; Imagine if you had killed your loved one without actually meaning to kill them? You didn't want to kill them, but you still killed them.

Amane probably feels immense guilt, so much so that it's probably why Tsukasa says it's been "10 or 20 years" since they've seen each other, implying that Amane hasn't come to visit him in decades simply because of the fear he feels.

There are a lot of people saying that Amane is afraid of Tsukasa, but honestly? I think Amane is afraid of himself. (Based on an analysis that I'm too lazy to try to find right now lol)

Amane is scared to face Tsukasa; Not because he is afraid of him, but of himself. He's afraid of hurting his loved one again. He's afraid of having to see Tsukasa's reaction; The person behind Amane that we saw in the opening (in 0:36) is not Tsukasa, but rather the immense guilt he feels.

He feels like someone is holding him, a person whispering all the bad things he did when he was alive, a shadow making him relive the memories of what he did to his little brother.

Basically; There are a lot of misunderstandings surrounding them that still need to be resolved, and there is their past for us to unravel, too.

Based on AidaIro's old works, it seems that they both really like complicated sibling relationships in fiction lol

I'm not sure if Jibaku Shounen Hanako Kun will have a happy ending for these two, but let's wait and see. xd

Now.. All of them together!

Alright... Honestly, I don't view those three in a poly relationship. More like a love triangle where both of the twins are in love with Nene and Nene is in love with them (sounds cliché, I know lol). I really feel umconfortable with the incest, honestly. - Saying that as someone who has also has a brother.

Honestly, I feel like they could be a really chaotic trio. They would get into every lil' adventure and trouble, honestly- lol

I don't have much to say about them, just that I really love their friendship. Like I said before; I feel like Nene and Tsukasa would be such good friends if met in different circumstances, and the platonic AmaNene/HanaNene is really underrated tbh lol

To be honest, there were times where it felt like HanaNene would be better off as best friends... And the platonic TsukaNene is such an concept that it's understandably loved by the fandom xD

In a platonic matter, I like to think that Nene would be a like a big sister or like a 'lost' triplet for them. They are all so similar to each other and I really love the friendship/sibling dynamic potential TsukaNene have, while platonic! AmaNene/HanaNene is such a reaaaally underrated concept.

For me, it's adorable to see all three of them just happily bonding like the chaotic trio they are. I love romance but I would choose the found-family trope over it anytime.

They would be the all time besties fr

In my personal opinion, I think the platonic! HanaNene/AmaNene is much better than romantic! HanaNene/AmaNene... I still like the romance between them tho lol

In a romantic matter, however, I like to think that the twins are inlove with Nene only and not with each other, since it makes me highly umconfortable when that's the case.

Though, I prefer much more the platonic! HanaNeneTsuka. It just holds so much more power. lol

In a HanaNeneTsuka fic, I like to see the twins ready to fight each other for a girl's attention, but still willing to die for each other at the end of the day. They are twinnies and they love each other, no one, not even the girl they both like, can surpass that.

Final opinion; Platonic! HanaNeneTsuka solos. okno- Xd I love both HanaNene and TsuNene, in a both platonic and romantic way. HanaTsuka/TsukAmane makes me umconfortable, though I won't hate on people who ships them.

They all gives me chaotic good vibes, and I love it.

Platonic! HanaNene is underrated and I wish the fandom would stop with the romance for five seconds and appreciate the platonic.

Romantic! TsuNene have its potential to be a really nice and fun dynamic, I'm still wishing the fandom could be open-minded about it instead of losing their time in trying to force people into stop shipping them.

Weell.. I think that's it-? lol lmao i spent the whole day trying to finish this... Only for the HanaNeneTsuka part to look like it was rushed😭

Well, what can I do... I think i've rambled too much about TsuNene and HanaNene that my energy has gone down...

Cya u all in the next post! Bye-bye! <3

lil' reminder; Feel free to add your own thoughts into it or correct me about something! Just be respectful about it, please. <3

lil' update; Edited! Had soo many grammatical errors omg- Welp. Also added and fixed some other things even though this opinion of mine is kind of outdated by now lol

#jibaku shounen hanako kun #toilet bound hanako kun #jshk #tbhk #manga spoilers #tbhk official art #jshk official art #ship dynamics #have a good day!#have a good afternoon!#have a good night!#⋆୨୧˚

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millimononym · 2 months

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TAG GAME!!!

tagged by @cerisia76 thank u 4 the tag!! I didn't know who i should tag so I'm just gonna be answering this one

3 ships:

this is gonna be hard I'm in so many fandoms lol I'm gonna try to be diverse. Also this is super long

1. Eritav (Homestuck)

OUGHHH where do i start with these 2. Ok so tavros is my fave troll so naturally during the period i was reading Homestuck a lot i stared having dreams about him. And for some reason one time Eridan was also there so i was intrigued and looked into their ship tag on AO3 and found the best fic ever with like the best characterization, writing etc... Before i literally didn't give 2 shits about eridan but it made me love his character as well. It's called "Black sails, Black romance" by mtjester and it's about Tavros and Eridan developing a kismesissitude(which is basically hate love, for those that don't read hs). The reason i put a pic of them down there as moirails is because i can honestly see them in any quadrant, despite them never talking in canon.

For moirallegiance, i feel like it would start out rocky but eventually develop into something better. Tavros would actually be allowed to speak his mind and develop more confidence since i dont think Eridan would shut him down constantly like Vriska, as Eridan is desperate for his quadrants to actually work. And Eridan would obviously benefit from having someone to keep his ass in line.

I can see them developing into matesprits later from that as well.

And as for kismesissitude, well it's already getting too long and i already gave a fic rec for it.

image by urfavsarequadranted

2. Toxic4Toxic/Socket/Rocket x Sinedd whatever they're called (Galactik football)

Must i say anything. They give each other undiscovered mental illnesses and are horrible for each other and i love that for them. Rocket is my favorite character and so his arc in season 2 was most interesting to me, which includes his relationship with Sinedd. I feel like they could have done more with them in s2, but i already made a post about that.

3. Hinadam (Super Danganronpa 2)

AHHHH THEM. Contender for fave rarepair of all time and fave Danganronpa ship overall. Best fics on ao3. 0 fandom toxicity surrounding them. Should be shipped more than k0mahina. Is more canon than k0mahina(I'm gonna get torn apart for this opinion but idc!!!)

like the entire freetime events with Gundham ends with him letting Hajime hold his hand, which he never let ANYONE do due to his touch aversion. He never develops a relationship this strong with anyone, not even Sonia who is his friend in the game. Hajime is the only person he feels safe and comfortable letting down his walls with due to Hajime's genuine effort to understand him better and be his friend. It's genuinely touching to me idkk i think i cried a bit first time i saw it. I'm not going to go into spoilers but good god man...the chapter ....if you know you know

and also in the island mode ending, Gundham asks Hajime if he wants to live a quiet life with himself and his animals. How is this not shipped more they're literally so in love it's not even funny

And NO i do not ship it because gundham is the best character and Hajime is the character i relate to most. but that could be part of it

IDK who made this artwork I'm sorry

Last song:

Okay it's technically not these ones but its the ones i remember listening to most lately. It's rainbow factory and Terrible Things. Fun fact a childhood song of mine called Erase The Underground (undertale fansong) just. Straight up used rainboe factory's music and i never knew so when i listened to RF i got the biggest jumpscare of my LIFE

youtube

Last movie:

The last movie i remember watching fully was Howl's moving Castle bcz my sister forced me and i enjoyed it even though it's not one of my favorite ghibli movies or anything. It was cool

Currently reading:

Still reading Watership down! (I have no time for anything lately otherwise i would have finished it) and if Manga counts I've also started reading NANA !! and i love it tbh my favorite thing is the fashion i could feel myself getting more cultured while reading it i think

Currently watching:

There's nothing im really focused on atm but i have a list on my pinned. The big ones i would say are Adventure Time and MAR (for nostalgia purposes). I'm also watching the justice league cartoon but tbh I don't really enjoy it that much despite people saying it's great. It just doesn't hit the same heights as BTAS or have as enjoyable of a superhero team as LOSH 2006. To me. But idk maybe it gets better later

Currently drinking: waterrrrrr baby

Currently craving: school to end to end tbhhhh

#Tag game #homestuck #galactik football #sdr2 #danganronpa #Eritav #toxic4toxic #Hinadam #Rarepair #shipping #Long post #milli's monologuing #gif

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my-memed-tw-adventures · 10 months

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So I have 3 twst OCs, 2 that have yet to see the light of day. I figured, after much anxiousness, it's about time I actually put them out there. And if y’all have any questions or anything, feel free to throw them at me. I'm happy to try and talk about them lol

Also here’s the picrew I used because I can’t draw ✌️

My Twst OCs Introduction

Mayumi

My Yuu-sona

90% a self insert

Very Gen Z child

Disney child: grew up watching a lot of Disney, knows all the villains in twst, most songs, and can recite a handful of scenes from heart (her favourite is Lion King, followed by my own favourite: Beauty and the Beast)

Horny: this is actually a defining character trait if you can believe it. She saw Malleus walk out of those bushes one night and now won’t shut up about how hot “the bush man” is and how desperately she wants him. She is also down real bad for Leona but we blame that on his severe lack of man tit coverage and the fact that he growls.

She’s usually in desperate need of grass touching

Decently social, but awkward and anxious

What is sleep

Pretty clingy and easily emotionally attached to things and people

Does not get along with Sebek, especially once the whole her desiring Malleus carnally gets out (typical must fight Sebek for Malleus shit)

Has real bad home sickness and crippling separation anxiety from her family and is prone to 3 am panic attacks about being in this random world with seemingly no way back home and the possibilities of dying without ever seeing them again

Exists in the same universe as @my-multi-fandom-blog’s Yuu-sona. Pray for them cause they have to share a room with Mayumi’s endless horniness

Visual

Tiny human child

She’s 5’2 or 158 cm (don’t even talk to me about height difference with Malleus man 🥲)

She’s has medium length dark brown hair, dark brown eyes, and has pretty light skin (the lack of sunshine ain’t helping)

Freckles. Not a lot and they’re light, but they’re there

Doesn’t have much fashion sense. If it’s comfortable, it’s going on. She sometimes dresses in rainbow and Vil hates it

She likes to wear t-shirts or crop tops and pretty short shorts. There is no way her ass could ever pass as a boy when she lands in TW like that

Aziza

Leona’s girlfriend

She is a lioness

She’s not a mage. In fact, she really doesn’t use magic at all

She and Leona are childhood friends (their relationship gives heavy Simba Nala vibes)

She’s not royalty, but grew up in his kingdom. Leona being royalty has had a significant impact on her life

Since Leona refused to tell us how he got his scar in canon, I decided to have fun making shit up. Basically both her and Leona went off somewhere dangerous and almost died at like 11 years old, leading to her getting in massive trouble and getting banned from both the castle and Leona for putting him in danger

Leona’s parents don’t like her. They’re pissed she almost got their son killed

Her parents aren’t on the best terms with her either cause they’re mad she fucked their relationship with the royal family. They still get along decently tho

Leona wasn’t taking that ban shit tho so he decided to start sneaking out of the castle to see Aziza. They then spent all their teenage years being friends in secret and then falling in love. They figured out all their feelings just before Leona left for his first year at NRC and they’ve been dating ever since (still in secret cause their parents would not be happy)

They’re both clingy and nap times are good

Leona is soft around her (especially in private) but don’t ever tell that to him cause he will rip your face off

She wants kids. Like really wants kids. And we know how Leona feels about kids sooo. It’s like the one wedge in their relationship

Visual

Obviously being a lioness she’s got the ears and tail

She’s 5’8 or 173 cm with golden eyes

She’s not much lighter than Leona in skin colour, but her hair is much lighter. It’s brown that borders on blonde and is short, straight, and messy.

She has a pretty big scar on her upper back from the near death experience. It’s worse than Leona’s, but easy to hide under clothing

She also has a tattoo that matches Leona’s, just on her opposite arm. They got them together in a teenage rebellion fit

Ariel Thorn

Jade’s girlfriend (eventually)

She’s newer than the other two so there’s a lot more fleshing out to do with her

She is named after the Little Mermaid Ariel, much to her dislike

Her parents are weird cause they don’t particularly like the great seven/villains and whatever (hence being named after Ariel we don’t ask how they know this information we just accept it). This lead to a bit of a rift in their relationship

She’s a mage who attends the NRC sister school (that I decided is a thing now). She is in Octavinelle

As for her personality, I literally had sat down and just thought “Jade’s perfect girlfriend” and went from there

Essentially she’s Jade… but better. She does Jade better than Jade

She comes off as a sweet and caring person that Jade didn’t think anything of when they met first

Turns out she wants to see the world burn just as much as he does but she’s made it so like no one can read her that way unless she wants them to

Jade never even realized she was hiding anything until she basically outed herself to him as this top tier con not even he saw through. And once she revealed her true colours to him, he was genuinely shocked by her ability to fly under his radar and is immediately invested in her

The two of them don’t actually start dating like normal people, even when it’s fucking obvious they like each other. They know, yet choose to communicate and flirt using mind games instead of talking about their feelings properly

It’s essentially a battle to see who’s gonna cave in first really

She’s only oc with a last name just so she and Jade can aggressively call one another by last name with threatening undertones in a not flirty way at all

She’s touchy. But only with Jade. She’s not super into being touched unless it’s Jade and she will absolutely touch him unnecessarily. Like fixing his tie when there was nothing wrong with it just as an excuse to be close and touch him

Visual

She’s 5’5 or 165 cm with orange eyes

She has light skin and chin length, straight red hair

When not in her uniform, she definitely prefers to wear tight and/or revealing clothing

Both her and Jade give me sexy, sleek suit and dress vibes. They simply radiate hot and sexy criminal when they're together

Bonus fact: since Floyd and Riddle end up together in our world, both Leech twins end up with a red head. I just think that’s fun. They certainly have a type

#throws into the void and runs #ahhhhhhhhhhhhh #the anxiety lol #hope y’all like em #twst oc #twisted wonderland oc #mayumi #aziza #ariel #ariel thorn #twisted wonderland #twst #twst wonderland

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give-grian-rights · 2 years

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my team’s on the way home from cmp (we live like two days away from houston driving) and it keep on hitting me that i’m a first alum now. saturday was the last time i’ll ever be in the pits as a student. what the fuck. frc’s been one of if not the most important thing in my life for what feels like forever, even though i know it’s only been like 3.5 years since i joined my team on kickoff 2019, but somehow i’m both completely ready and so so far from ready for it to be over. it’s so wild that in 2019 we made it to detroit cmp off of ei and now we’ve competed for chairman’s in houston! i’m so so proud of our chairman’s team for all of the crazy amounts of work they’ve put into this and i can’t even begin to describe how happy and proud i am of my team and every other team from my district that competed! i’m at least glad that i and the rest of the seniors (and one of our juniors who’s moving super far away next year) had the opportunity to go to cmp and see all the amazing teams (some of us+our robot even got a picture with the NUTRONs AND one of our stickers ended up on the Cheesy Poofs’ robot cart, which i mean holy shit)! it was also amazing to see how ubiquitous queer acceptance has gotten in FIRST, even from 2019/2020! i think i only saw a handful of people who didn’t have the little pronoun badge ribbons and i ended up with so many they/them pins and buttons from just wandering the pits! it’s truly amazing to see and i’m even more excited to see where things go in the coming years when i come back to volunteer! i just love robotics so much and it was exciting to see someone else on here that did it too!

amazing post, and congratulations on getting your sticker on the Cheesy Poofs cart omg!!! We sadly didn't make it to Champs, when it was still two, they were in Houston, weren't they?

I'm glad you had a great time. FRC is life changing. I've been involved with the team and had my family involved since 2009, when I was about 8. When I turned 9 i started my own FLL team.

Even with all that, it's still not enough. there is NOTHING in the entire world that compares to being a student in FRC. running around the pits meeting all sorts of people, handing out prizes and buttons and stickers. the jaw-dropping robot designs, the amazing and fun mascots. Meeting dozens of people while being surrounded with hundreds, if not thousands of kids with interests like yours.

i'm looking forward to volunteering, hosting events and trying to start new teams. It won't be the same but it's something that will carry on.

and I agree! In 2019 I only saw pronoun pins and ribbons at Worlds, this year I saw SEVERAL custom pronoun buttons being given out by teams, pride pins, etc. The worst part for me was not having the guts to put on a pronoun pin but I was running around with the rainbow pins I could find.

but fun fact I was in Detroit 2019! If you were a safety person there's a likely chance I talked to you.

#frc #im sure my mutuals and followers are like WHAT are you talking about #but i am a nerd .#omg robots #omgrobots #first robotics #first robotics competition #mika-posts #off-topic

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live-love-laugh-lesbian · 1 month

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helloooo how are youuu!!

omg so real with rainbow dash and aj?? i saw this poll and she was the least liked and i was appalled how can someone NOT like applejack???????

im sure your gift receiver will love theirs!!

i mainly drink coffee for the caffeine andnrnsnf but i like the flavour too! id much rather drink a coffee with good flavour and not as much caffeine rather than one woth bad flavour but pure caffeine yk?

and fun fact!!! electric violins are a thing (but maybe you already knew that and i misunderstood?) theyre really cool sounding anything electric sounds awesome to me tho so maybe im biased akfjjrsjfj

okay three careers: id be a games designer, animator and an author! i want to pursue all of those in my one life but that seems unrealistic ajdjrjsjf i really wish i did have three lives to pursue each of them!! and your careers seem so cool!! my mums a teacher and she respects the ta's that help special needs kids so much!! and honestly i do too!! ooh medicine!! medicine was fascinating to me as a child i always either wanted to be a fashion designer or work in the medicine industry!! and we are SOOO twins with animating ajdjejsjf i love art and also yours is sooo good omg your velvette art>>>>>>>>>> akkdjejsd

for me!! dogss but im biased bc a) my mum had three dogs and my aunt has dogs and dogs in family so im used to being around them <3 and b) a dog didnt try to kill me!! (i will not elaborate ajdjrjsjfn) and omg your cats sound sooo cutee and i love how so many cat owners i know are like 'yeah shes unhelpful but shes cute!!' because honestly thats so valid ajdjrnsjfjr

oh yeah i totally get warm colours sorta stuff! my fav colours are either grey or lilac ajdjrjsjd so aksjdjsjd

hmm see this is hard because id love to control fire just bc itd look cool ajdjrjsjfj but also i think mainly air? bc if i hate someone i can just mess their hair up /j ksjdjejsjd but i think airs cool! but also lile fire because it looks cool but im biased bc im a fire sign so i think im supposed to be loyal to fire ajdjrnsnf but if i had to choose one, probably air! what about you?

and my question to you: what is the best compliment youve ever gotten and whats your fav way to spend a day off?

byeee!!!! this is so long sorry ajfjrndnf

-swiftie spring exchange anon

So first you don't need to apologise for length!! I love long messages XD

I think people like her the least because she's like..."normal"? She doesn't necessarily stand out as much as the others do, and I get the impression that makes people pay less attention to her :( But she's lovely!! She's a loyal friend, hardworking, and I love her family relationships too!! I'm super close to my siblings and love seeing those bonds in media XD

That makes sense!! I imagine coffee is like tea, wherein some is just like...a better taste. Okay sure I only do herbal tea, but some herbal teas are better than others XD

I did not know electric violins were a thing!! Worldview changing news right there. (sincere in a mildly hyperbolic way) I need to know what other electric instruments exist now however...I want an electric saxophone. Do those exist? I need to find out. (Okay turns out YES oh my god I love it. Some of them feel faintly cursed but that's ok I love a cursed instrument.)

It's cool how much we have in common X'D If you wanna keep talking post exchange I'd be up for that! Tbh at one point I too wanted to be a games designer...I tried to make a visual novel once. I did not have the patience for it. (It's funny cause my job requires a lot of patience, but then often I do not have patience?? I joke that my job uses up my patience but tbh I think it's just a different type of patience. Explaining concepts to a child repeatedly feels different from learning to code or play an instrument. I imagine there's many people who have the patience for the latter who would not for the former.)

I ALSO at one point wanted to go into fashion design - specifically, wedding dress designs!! I basically went from STEM careers to art careers then settled in education XD If I could do all three I would. But for now I'm satisfied with art as a hobby and education as a job. My mum also works with kids, but like, early years so before school aged XD I guess I sort of take after her in that regard.

Re: dogs and cats! My uncles both have dogs XD I think I'm kinda wary of dogs because I know many poorly trained dogs. But then like...one of my uncles has the most chill dog ever? Kinda a dumb dog too. They got burgled once and on camera they found that the dog had been awake and the burglar just stepped over the dog. She's just a very docile dog that doesn't feel a need to get worked up over things XD

I am very sorry about the cat trying to kill you tho!! Some cats can be vicious, to be fair. My two are very sweet thankfully - a black and white one who is 5 in October, and a tabby who turns 2 in May! The older one is generally more chill, she just likes to sleep and cuddle and judge others. And then the younger one wants to run around and cause trouble (nothing major, to be fair, worst she does is steal my post) and play all the time lol. She also wants to cuddle a lot, but she finds it hard to sit still long enough.

Fun fact I am making a pair of lilac trousers atm XD They're corduroy and I'm gonna add sequined hearts on afterwards.

Ooh which fire sign? I'm a scorpio XD I'd probably go for water. As a kid I wanted to do earth because I was a fan of Toph from ATLA, but I think I'd find water easier...am I looking at ATLA to decide? Yes. Yes I am. But yeah I think water! Also if I could control water I could swim maybe...

My favourite way to spend a day off is basically art, time with my sister (and friends, but usually I have to text because we live a few hours apart), and then a date with my gf. I like a bit of gaming too (found out Stardew Valley updated so been on that today after I finished work). It's also less energy consuming, so it's nice to use light gaming as a break inbetween art stuff. Providing it's single player games. I am extremely competitive when it's multiplayer, woops. My family and I once ended up contacting a monopoly helpline because my uncle and I got into such a debate over one of the rules lol. And as for compliment...not really sure? Sometimes I have people ask me where I got my clothes, or ask if I got them from specific brands, and that feels like a compliment because it means I made something that looks at least vaguely professional XD Honestly compliments on my art always make me happy. Oh, and compliments professionally - whenever a child or parent has positive things to say about me I'm like :D. I think I just like to know that others appreciate the things I can do? What about you??

My turn for a question...do you have a "bucket list" of sorts? Like are there any things you wanna do in life in particular? And do you think you'll get those things done?

#swift spring exchange anon

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imspardagus · 2 months

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A Good Man

Eight years ago, I was walking alongside him in the final, Spanish, stages of the Camino de Santiago. He was carrying a lot of weight and much slower than he had been, but his spirit seemed indomitable and his company uplifting.

It was not our last outing, but Graham’s walking days were coming to an end. In 2017, we managed a coach trip to the Somme, nights spent in a ghastly motorway service area hotel in France in a heatwave, where the air con had failed and opening the windows was not an option. In 2019, we had our final trip to Bruges, taking in Antwerp and a huge quantity of Belgian beer. Not walking far but still managing to have an enchanting time full of unforgettable nuggets of pleasure, not all liquid.

But it was about 30 years ago that Graham and I embarked on our first long walk together. That was St Cuthbert’s Way, from Melrose in the Scottish Borders down to Lindisfarne in Northumberland. I had been going through one of my worst bouts of depression, exacerbated by grief from the loss of my Mother. Graham asked me if I fancied the trip. It would be about 70 miles long and would take 6 days. I had never done anything of the sort before but somehow it felt the right thing to do.

I remember that we stopped off twice on the way up. Once to visit the Black Sheep Brewery in Masham and once to visit Durham Cathedral. Graham’s two loves (apart from his family), beer and Christianity.

I say “loves” but the word does not do justice to either. As far as beer went, Graham professed himself to be in search of “the perfect pint”. As with the quest for the Holy Grail, or the Irishman’s expressed expectation to find the pot of gold “at the end of the rainbow” (a place that he, of course, knows is unreachable), I think that Graham understood the impossibility of his search producing a definitive answer, and that, in fact, was the point. It is a journey and there will always be another brew waiting to be enjoyed.

But as far as his Christianity was concerned, he was not “in love” with it, either. Rather, it gave form and meaning to his life and his unquenchable love of those around him. It fuelled his desire for fairness and justice. It stoked his loathing of hypocrisy and indecency (his contempt for the selfish and soul-destroying money-grubbing of latter day Tories, and, more recently, of the crook, Trump, and his zombie disciples, was the only anger I ever heard him express).

No, Graham was not a Christian groupie, pretending to be “holier than thou”. He was a true Christian. By his acts you knew him.

Both of us were amazed, each in our own way, by Durham Cathedral. To be fair, I would challenge anyone with a functioning brain not to be. It truly justifies that overused word “awesome”. And we saw where St Cuthbert was said to be interred, this being the purpose of its inclusion in our trip.

At Melrose we had time to visit the ruined Abbey and then set off south. At this point, I had not known what to expect. What would we talk about? How fast would we be expected to walk? Would we have time to stop and stare? I need not have worried. The pace was comfortable with plenty of pauses to enjoy the peace and the magnificence of our surroundings. This was, for Graham, what the journey was truly about. And our conversation was interspersed with periods of benign silence as if we both knew when nothing needed to be said.

As we climbed into the hills that straddle the border between Scotland and England, I felt my mind ease, relaxing its grip on the misery I had been feeling and allowing proportion and perspective to re-enter my life. I was breathing more deeply now, free from Hertford’s polluting traffic. The depression was lifting.

On the flat plateau, surrounded by the mist of clouds, Graham pulled out two monks’ habits and asked if I would mind wearing one. This was not some gross attempt at conversion but, I realised, a part of his sense of fun. This was, after all, the pilgrims’ way, the route taken by St Cuthbert and his monk mates all those centuries ago as they sought to bring what they saw as the civilising effect of Christianity to the pagan and backward English. And so we strode on for a mile or so, the wet grass soaking the hems of our dung-brown robes. God alone knows what some hapless walkers might have concluded if they had glimpsed our shrouded shapes through white, swirling fog.

At some stage we crossed a stile with a signpost pointing back the way we had come simply stating “Scotland” and I felt a pang of regret that we would be reaching the end of what Graham had made not merely an adventure but a restoration. But there was still so much more in store.

Passing St Cuthbert’s cave, pausing to think that, if we had been in the US, this humble indentation would have been turned into a theme park with a ticket booth controlling entry, we caught our first sight of the Isle of Lindisfarne, the “Holy Island”. It was still two days’ walk away. A message in itself.

But the adventure was not over. When we reached the coast, Graham suggested – of course he would – that instead of walking across the Causeway to the island (the easy way), we should take the monks’ path, which meant walking across the sands at low tide, barefoot.

I think for each of us this was a challenge similar in nature to Moses’ shepherding of his people across the parted Red Sea. But for me there was a deficit of faith to overcome. Of course, your rational mind knew that the tide would not come roaring in when you were halfway across but, no matter how hard you tried to remember that, you felt you were, quite simply, somewhere you were not supposed to be and at any moment the sea would punish your effrontery.

The rain, as we crossed the wide, wet channel, was at times horizontal, adding to the sense that this was Biblical in its foolhardiness. It seemed to be taking forever but I put what faith I had in Graham and eventually we reached the other side and collapsed onto a rock laughing like children. Then we fought with our socks and boots and went in search of a café where a cup of tea and a slice of lemon drizzle cake tasted like the food of the gods.

The magic had worked and for months afterwards I felt renewed, rebooted, secure. Graham’s gift to me.

After that came many other long walks with him and Ron. The West Highland Way, the Great Glen, Hadrian’s Wall, the Northumberland coast. And each time I came back feeling as if I had been washed clean of all my pain.

Graham never once used his position to try to evangelise me. He knew I had difficulty believing. And his dear, kind heart saw my pain and wanted only to relieve me of it. I don’t think it occurred to him to take advantage of it. He was a good man.

And I came to see how it must have always been this way for him. His faith, simple as it may have seemed to some, his affectionate habit of calling his God “the Old Man”, his pleasure at ringing the bells at his local church and latterly offering sermons of down-to-earth good sense and compassion, came from a profoundly good heart and a certainty that required no convert scalps to make it real. He simply lived as he believed.

But let’s go back further. Forty years have passed since Graham and I met in Blackpool to represent the Certification Office at the Trades Union Congress there. It had been an uneasy start, Graham, a civil servant who had worked his way up from the bottom to the position of Assistant Certification Officer, and me, a relatively green lawyer, wedded to formality in dress and behaviour, afraid of stepping out of line, afraid of everything, basically. But over the few days in that gaudy town, we both learned about each other and I learned a lot about myself. On the last day, Graham insisted on our riding the Log Flume and engineered it so that I would be in front. I, and my carefully pressed clothes, were drenched, of course, and Graham roared with laughter. A baptism of fun. And then I found myself laughing too. Then we went and found a pub and a decent pint.

As we parted, Graham had broken with his workmanlike diffidence to make a personal statement. “I didn’t think I’d like you. I thought you’d just be some stuffy lawyer. But you’re alright.” I went home with that heartfelt endorsement singing in my head. I knew now I had a friend in Graham.

Today I find myself hoping that there is a heaven, for if there is, Graham will surely go there and Jesus will welcome him in like a brother.

Rest in peace, Graham.

#Graham #Christianity #Love #Kindness

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bahrmp3 · 3 years

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tagged by (the talented, brilliant, incredible etc etc.gif) fra @cindyfelicia 🥰🥰 to post your lock screen, most recent song you listened to, and the most recent picture you took!

lockscreen is art by @dappermouth, photo is the rainbow i saw two weeks ago and the song i didnt know if kai’s ride or die counted bc it wasnt the full version so i added the last song from spotify which was bree runway’s ain’t it.

tagging: @thatlittlemouse, @steveachilles, @therukurals, @cinemaisgay, @rarepower, @halalgirlmeg @nerd4music

#-#--#---#----#-----#tag games #personal #ish?#fun fact that rainbow is the first rainbow i ever saw in my life #and it was a double rainbow too!#as always no pressure to do this

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fu-yao · 3 years

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@mdzsnet get to know our members event

↬ the most un-lan to ever lan

ru – ‘98 liner – western european – lan jingyi enthusiast

i first got introduced to mdzs when netflix asked me if i wanted to watch a historical chinese drama about two swordfighting gays, and ever since it’s been a wild ride. it took me about a month to finish cql and then i immediately started reading the novel, which i finished just three days before new years. i couldn’t stop thinking about mdzs and eventually i caved and made my mdzs sideblog (under the url lanzhanis) in february of 2020. this was a month or so after i first picked up giffing and i didn’t really start giffing for cql until april as i was primarily focused on making kpop gifs on my main blog. but there wasn’t a lot of cql content on my dashboard and i wanted to change that. i initially searched for a mdzs related network but i couldn’t find anything so eventually i said fuck it and started mdzsnet on april 13th, 2020. through the network i have met an abundance of wonderful people, especially my two co-admins hope and hanyi. running the network has been a comforting constant in my life and it gives me great joy to see so many people started connecting with each other because of it.

other danmeis i have read include tgcf (my url is based on a popular side ship from this novel), svsss, 2ha, tbc, and fake slackers. there’s a lot of danmeis on my to read list (spl, golden stage, modu, yuwu, tattoo, guardian, etc.) and i’m currently reading guide at how to fail at online dating!

outside of danmei i am also a kpop and anime fan. my ult kpop group is stray kids and my ult bias is lee know, if you’re interested you can catch me screaming about them 24/7 over at @minhho. as for anime, you can find me over at @nangojo. some of my all time favorite animes include sk8, jjk, given, yoi, banana fish, and aot.

you can check out my carrd or find me on twitter. i also (try to) write fics on archiveofourown! (i have a lot of fengqing and some wangxian fics in my drafts but i haven’t gotten around to finishing any of them)

fun facts

i am trying to drag my three irl friends who are all kpop stans into the danmei hellhole but so far i have not yet succeeded (one day i will)

i decided to rewatch cql when i saw a girl with a wangxian totebag at a day6 concert and it blew my mind

i have a fic recs page on which there’s currently 39 wangxian fics which you all should read

the reason i chose lan jingyi for this introduction post is not only because he’s my favorite mdzs character, but because i feel like i found my family on here just like lan jingyi did with the other juniors and the twin jades

i chose a rainbow flag color layout because as a pan-ace i’m part of the lgbtq+ community and i have a strong feeling our dear boy lan jingyi is as well

#mdzsnet #fytheuntamed #fymdzs #cqledit #lan jingyi #lan sizhui #cql #mdzs #*gfx #*cql #*gdc #ngl i'm kinda proud of this one :D #consistent coloring who though #(yi city was a Nightmare™ to color)#anyways #lan jingyi best boy #2k

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scuttling · 3 years

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Happy Accidents

Fandom: Criminal Minds Pairings: Aaron Hotchner/Female Reader Word Count: 6,300 Tags: 18+, NSFW, Art, Neighbor Hotch, Shy and Oblivious Hotch, Flirting, It's soo sappy I'm sorry, Oral sex, Unprotected sex Summary: Aaron's new neighbor is out of his league for so many reasons: she's young, beautiful, artistic, unique, free-spirited, the kind of person who turns heads when she walks down the street. It's no wonder he ends up falling in love with her. *Requested by anon Link to A03 or read below! Against all of his better judgement, Aaron is kind of creeping on his new next door neighbor.

He is absolutely the type of man, any other time, to approach a woman he’s interested in and introduce himself, look for a way to connect, some common ground, but this is no ordinary woman.

She is out of his league in so many ways: young, beautiful, unique, free-spirited, the type of person who turns heads when she walks down the street. There’s not a chance in hell she would look twice at an old, stuffy, monotone suit with a seven year old son and perpetual bags under his eyes. That’s not him feeling bad about himself, it’s just the way the world works.

The first time he saw her, she was getting on the elevator while he was getting off of it, and they’d bumped into each other; she was wearing a short, flowy dress, and she’d smiled at him, apologized, eyes sparkling, smelling like she’d spent all day in the sunshine. It was the only time since Haley he’d ever entertained the idea of love at first sight.

She keeps to herself most of the time, gives off the air of being really cool and mysterious; their paths have crossed a few times since then—at the bank of mailboxes downstairs, in the hallway they share, once during a false alarm fire alarm—but he enjoys watching her paint more than anything.

They have balconies next to each other, and one night when he was tending to his herb garden—Jack enjoys watching the plants grow, and picking the herbs, Aaron likes to eat them—he spotted her standing on hers, facing away from him, in cut off jean shorts and a baggy t-shirt, barefoot. She’d been painting the city, the sky, with the sunset glowing behind her like she was the work of art, and he actually felt an ache in his chest, the feeling of missing someone he’s never really met.

Since that night, he’s started taking his work outside in the evenings after Jack goes to bed, and sitting in near silence while she paints, hums—sometimes songs he knows, sometimes songs he doesn’t. The first time he goes out before she does, she says hello when she drags her easel out, so he starts to say hello to her when she beats him there, too, but that’s pretty much the extent of their interaction. One evening when Aaron and Jack are getting home from dinner, she is lugging a canvas bigger than she is through the hallway and Jack almost runs headfirst into it; when he looks up, he exclaims about how big it is, and pretty—it’s covered with colors, something abstract and cheerful, and even if he’d seen it on the side of the road, he would have just known that she painted it. (That may be a good indicator that he’s getting in a little too deep.)

“Wow, that’s the biggest painting I’ve ever seen! And so many colors,” Jack says, awed. Aaron puts his hands on his shoulders to keep him out of her way; they’re already bothering her enough, when she’s clearly trying to get that giant thing home.

“It’s pretty cool, isn’t it? I carry bigger pieces around at my studio, believe it or not,” she says to him, poking her head around the side to look at him.

“You have a studio?” His eyes are wide with interest; his favorite subject has always been art, as evidenced by their refrigerator, which is covered in drawings. She offers him an even brighter smile.

“I do! It’s not far from here; it’s called Live in Color. There’s a big rainbow painted on the side.”

“That’s so cool; it must be awesome to have your own studio.” Aaron loves that Jack seems to be so passionate about this, but the way they are obviously holding her up has him feeling awkward; he tugs gently on Jack’s backpack.

“That is really cool, bud, but we should let her go. I’m sure that’s heavy.” She smiles, shrugs.

“It’s no trouble. Hey, actually, we have some children’s art classes at the studio, and you look like you’d fit right in with the Green group—ages 7-9?” She looks up at Aaron, who nods. “Maybe we can talk dad into bringing you down sometime. We do painting, drawing, and crafts, it’s really fun.” She’s still looking right at Aaron, gives him a little wink, and he swears to god he gets butterflies in his stomach.

He’s a grown man. A federal agent. With butterflies. It’s insane.

“Oh man, dad, please? Can I take classes at her studio pleeease?” Jack tugs on the sleeve of his suit, and he nods, smiles down at him.

“Yeah, absolutely, Jack. We’ll go down and get more information tomorrow?” he offers, to both placate him and finally free the poor girl from the conversation; he nods excitedly, and she smiles, looks sweet, genuinely happy Jack is so excited to take the class.

“Cool, I look forward to seeing you guys there. Actually, if you give me one sec, I can grab my card for you.” She passes them, carrying the canvas and looking effortless while she does it; she props it up against the wall to get her keys out, unlocks her door and heads in, pops back out with a business card in a vivid watercolor yellow. “It has the address and phone number for the studio on the front, and I put my cell on the back; I figured it couldn’t hurt, considering we live next door to each other. Now you know who to call if you ever have an art emergency.”

He takes the card from her fingers, flips it over just to see the handwritten name and number; he knew her script would be lovely, and it is, easy and flowing and natural. It suits her. He tries not to grin, or flush, or otherwise be awkward about the fact that she just gave him her phone number, however innocently.

“Thank you. We’ll see you tomorrow.” They turn to head for their apartment, and she clears her throat; he smiles a little, turns back, and she’s leaning casually up against the canvas with her arms crossed.

“You know my name now. What’s yours?” She’s just being polite, but he gets the goddamn butterflies again.

“Aaron.” She smiles, something beautiful and a little wild.

“Okay, Aaron. See you outside.” From then on, most of their free time, be it evenings or weekends, is spent at the studio. Aaron isn’t the only parent who sticks around—it’s an art class, not a daycare, he doesn’t feel right just dropping Jack off and leaving him there—and he’s also not the only parent, it seems, who is aware of his beautiful young neighbor.

“She’s incredible, right?” another dad says to him one evening, over by the coffee. Aaron looks him over briefly—it’s a job hazard, he sizes up everyone, but he already has a weird feeling about this guy. “I’ve been bringing my kid here for a month just to look at that little ass running around. My wife just thinks our daughter is just really into art.” He says it with a laugh, like that’s a ridiculous concept. Aaron feels himself start to boil.

“You shouldn’t be disrespectful. She’s doing a great thing here, for the children; she’s not doing it for you to ogle her.” He feels a little hypocritical, because he is also looking, but not like this guy. He knows guys like this. He puts away guys like this.

He glances over at Aaron, looking a little taken aback that someone actually commented on his behavior, then rolls his eyes.

“She doesn’t need you to defend her honor, buddy. She wouldn’t run around here in those overalls if she didn’t want us looking. It’s job security.” She’s wearing the overalls tonight, denim shorts with one of the straps unhooked, a t-shirt underneath, but it’s not as if she’s performing a striptease. She just looks like an artist, covered in drips of paint, smiling as she looks at the kids’ pictures over their shoulders. Aaron really, really hates this guy.

“In my experience, women usually dress for themselves; they probably have pockets, easier to keep things at hand that she may need, and it’s warm in here, so she’s likely dressing for comfort. She’s certainly not dressing for you.”

As if she can sense the tension, she looks over at them, flicks her eyes over Aaron, then the other guy, and walks over with a soft smile on her face.

“Hey, Aaron, Jack really wanted you to see what he’s working on.” She reaches out a hand, wraps it around his wrist and guides him over to Jack’s table. “I figured I’d save you,” she says when they’re out of earshot. “That guy sucks. He’s always saying creepy things to me and Alaina.”

“You should ask him to leave if he makes you uncomfortable,” he says, looking down at her with worry. “I can do it.” She shrugs.

“I would, but his daughter really does enjoy the class, and it’s not fair to her that her dad’s disgusting. It’s nothing we can’t handle.” She squeezes his wrist lightly. “Thanks, though. Hey Jack, show dad your project.” He peers over his shoulder, and it’s a pink and orange skyline, much like the one he saw her painting that first time on the balcony. “I asked the kids to paint my favorite thing today, and that’s sunset.”

“I saw you painting this one night,” he says, and then he feels abruptly like an idiot. She just smiles at him though, nods.

“Yeah, I’m a sucker for a beautiful sunset. It makes you feel like, just because the day ends, it doesn’t have to mean things are over; it’s just one of life’s beautiful natural transitions. And the colors are to die for: peach, coral, jasmine, rose, tiger’s eye.” He finds himself unexpectedly touched by her description, smiles softly to shake himself of the emotions.

“The way you see the world is extraordinary. To me it’s just kind of… orange.” She returns his expression, but softer, and squeezes his wrist again; he didn’t even realize she was still holding it.

“Sounds like you need some art in your heart. I give lessons for adults, too; you could even come over and paint with me on my balcony, some time. Special neighbor privileges.”

The thought of being with her on her balcony while she paints is almost overwhelming, which he finds funny, considering he currently sits no more than twenty feet away. There is an intimacy about it, while they both do their work in the cool, quiet breeze, but standing like this, close enough to touch, with the late day sun on her face while she talks about colors… he’s not sure he could handle it without falling in love.

She pats him on the back, moves on to another child, and he tells Jack what a great job he’s doing; his face is lit up, so happy, and regardless of the neighbor, he’s glad they stumbled upon this hobby.

When they pack up to leave, the jerk from earlier comes up to him, leans in to speak in a hushed voice. “You should have just told me you were fucking her. I would have backed off.” He blinks, but the guy and his daughter are walking out the door before he finds himself able to do more than that. About a week later, he goes over for that lesson almost by accident. Jack is at Jessica’s for the night at his request, and Aaron was planning to order takeout and have a paperwork cramming session, but when goes out onto the balcony, phone in hand to place an order, his neighbor is standing on hers like she’s waiting for him.

“Hey. I saw you don’t have Jack; I made some pasta with vodka sauce, if you’re hungry. I always prepare too much.” He sets his phone on the table, walks over to the railing to get a little closer.

“Uh. Sure. I have fresh basil growing here; trade?” She smiles, nods.

“Yeah, sounds delicious. I’ll be right back.” She ducks inside, returns a few moments later with two dishes of steaming, saucy pasta, sets one down on her table and gets right up against her railing, hands the other over to him across his. “That one’s for you,” she says, handing him an orange plate, and he sets it down, picks a few good looking leaves from his basil plant and tears them up, drops them on top. “And this one’s for me.” She reaches, holds a green plate over the gap between their porches, and he adds some basil to it before she pulls it back, takes a deep sniff. “God, it smells so good and fresh. Thank you, Aaron.”

“Thank you, it looks great.” He goes to sit at his table with it, but she scoots her chair closer to the railing, closer to his balcony, so he does the same. They make easy small talk while they eat, mostly about Jack, a little about her studio and his work.

“FBI, huh? I can definitely see that, with your suits, and your… neutrals.” She cringes when she says it, and it makes him laugh.

“I’m sorry I can’t wear paint covered overalls to the office,” he teases, and she shoots him a playfully affronted look, grins.

“You love my paint covered overalls—and for the record, you’d look great in them. You should find a pair. Preferably not black.” He flushes a little at that, but she doesn’t notice, just finishes up her pasta with a sigh of contentment. “That was so good, thanks again for the basil.”

“You’re welcome; thanks for feeding me something other than the takeout I planned to have.” He stands up, gestures to his apartment. “I’ll wash the plate and then hand it back over.”

“Why don’t you just bring it over and come paint with me for a little while? If you want,” she tacks on, and for the first time she seems a little nervous. “I’m not trying to be pushy, I just think it would be fun.”

It’s not that he doesn’t want to; it would be amazing to watch her paint up close and personal. He’s just also afraid he’ll pass the point of no return if he does it, and he can’t handle any more heartache. He only very recently got to a place where just waking up in the morning no longer causes him agony.

It’s the look on her face, though, soft and sweet and open, that makes his decision for him.

“Yeah, okay. I’d like that.” She grins.

“I’ll unlock the door.”

She’s dragging out her easel when he walks through the door; her apartment is stark white walls with vibrant furniture, artwork, canvases propped up against every bare spot along the wall, paints and brushes and charcoal and pencils on every surface. It’s exactly what he would have expected, warm and lived-in and comforting, very unlike the mostly black and gray interior of his own apartment. She smiles when she sees him.

“Hey! Can you grab that tray of paint on your way out?” she asks, and he picks up what looks kind of like an ice cube tray filled with many different colors, carries it out to the balcony with him. She has a canvas propped up, a little larger than a computer monitor, and she’s gotten started, but he can’t tell what it’s going to be just yet. When he hands her the paint she looks down at it, peers around the edge of the canvas like she’s comparing something. He’s so intrigued, curious about the way her mind works, what she’s thinking.

“What are you painting?” he asks when she picks up a brush, sets it down, picks up another. She smiles at him.

“Well, we’re painting that.” She points to the street, where there’s a rusty, pale blue antique car parked—he says that loosely, because it looks broken down—in the alley. Aaron chuckles softly.

“We’re going to paint that? It’s a little… grim.”

“Yes. It’s part of a series I just decided to create: ‘Beauty in the Ordinary.’” She sighs, and he’s surprised to see that her eyes are a little wet. She wipes the back of her hand over her eyes. “You know Bob Ross, right? Everyone knows Bob Ross.” He nods.

“Yes; the guy who paints the happy trees on PBS.”

“Right. I used to watch him growing up, and I vividly remember something he said once, about needing both darkness and light in life and in painting. ‘You have to have a little sadness once in a while to know when the good times come. I’m waiting on the good times now.’” She sniffles, exhales softly. “I’m waiting on the good times too. Sometimes looking at things like this car, and forcing myself to find something beautiful in it, is the easiest way to get through the day. Does that make sense?” He swallows hard when she looks up at him, because aside from Jack, she has been the lightest part of his life since the first time they passed each other on the elevator.

“Yeah, it really does.” She shoots him a soft, slightly sadder smile, and then explains about the paints a little, shows him the difference in the brushes, lets him feel the weight of them, the textures of the bristles.

She starts painting the car—the background is mostly finished—and he’s more than happy to watch, to hear her talk about her process. She asks if she can use his forearm to mix paints, and he turns it over, wrist up, tries not to smile too hard when she puts some dark blue on him, then white, mixing them and then comparing them to the car on the street. He looks down at her, the concentration on her face, the softness in her eyes, and is met with the sudden desire to brush a line of paint over her nose and make her laugh and kiss her breathless.

“Okay, your turn,” she says when she’s about halfway done with the car. She puts her hands on the backs of his arms, pulls him in front of the canvas so she’s between him and the railing. “You’ve been watching me, so you know what to do.” He has been watching her, but not necessarily for her technique, so he’s a little nervous; he dips the brush in the blue paint but hesitates to make a stroke. “I have faith in you, Aaron. Here.”

She wraps her fingers around his hand, guides him toward the canvas, and together they make a wide, curved line, rounding out the bumper. It doesn’t look half bad.

“It gets easier once you understand the relationship between specific paint, specific brushes, and your hands,” she says softly, and she helps him paint another line. “Are you having fun? You look stressed,” she teases, and he makes it a point to relax his face.

“I’m having a lot of fun,” he says, looking down at her; they make eye contact for a long moment, and she leans a little closer, and he leans a little closer, and then he accidentally dabs a blob of blue onto the canvas. He pulls back, grimaces, deflates. “I made a mistake. You can’t erase paint, right?” She laughs softly, takes the brush from his hand.

“No, you can’t erase paint, but as Mr. Ross would say, ‘There are no mistakes, only happy accidents.’” She gets her fingers close to the tip of the brush, makes a few quick movements, then grabs another brush, dips it in green. When she pulls back, there is a little blue flower growing out of a patch of grass where his blob used to be. He exhales, a little amazed.

“If only the mistakes we make in life were that easy to fix,” he says, and she nods.

“Yeah, that would be nice, but a lot of the time we find a way to turn them into beautiful things eventually. Are you willing to give it another shot?” He says yes, and she guides his hand for a while, then just hovers near it, then just instructs him on what to do. It’s dark before their painting is finished, and she carries it inside to dry, then takes him to the kitchen sink to scrub the paint off of his arm.

“Thanks for having me over; I had a really good time,” he murmurs as she dries his clean skin. She looks up, smiles softly, nods her head.

“I had a really good time too. I’m glad you came over; you’re welcome to join me any time.”

He says goodbye, heads home, looks at his stack of work with a groan, and brews a pot of coffee. He’s in for a long night, but he wouldn’t change his evening for anything. Life is much the same for the next few weeks: school and work, Jack’s art class at the studio a couple times a week, painting on the balcony on the weekend, with and without Jack. When Jack joins them for the first time, she pulls out a big box of markers and thick sheets of paper and he draws elaborate scenes while they talk and paint together. When Aaron makes mistakes, she’s never upset, just turns them into perfect little details that end up being his favorite parts of the paintings.

“What ever happened with your ‘Beauty in the Ordinary’ series?” he asks one evening while they’re painting some ocean waves. “Did I cause you enough trouble with the car to give up?” She looks down at the ground, looks a little shy, then shakes her head and smiles.

“No, you didn’t make me want to give up. I’ve been working on it at the studio. You’ll see it when it’s all done, I plan to hang them there.”

“Looking forward to it,” he tells her, and then Jack tugs on her shorts, shows them the picture he drew of the ocean, too.

Later that week, the team takes a case, and on the day he’s set to come home, Jessica drops Jack off at the studio with the plan that Aaron will pick him up when his flight lands. Due to some weather between where the team is and home, they get a little delayed; he doesn’t want to make Jessica head back out that way almost immediately after dropping him off, but he’s not sure who else he could ask to pick Jack up. It’s almost a stupid length of time before it dawns on him to call the studio.

“Life in Color, this is Alaina.”

“Alaina, hi, this is Jack’s dad—” He has his whole spiel prepared, but she cuts him off.

“Oh, sure, hang on a sec, she’s right here. It’s Jack’s dad,” she says, but it sounds further away, like she’s trying to cover the receiver. After a moment, his neighbor picks up.

“Aaron, hi. Jack said you were working.”

“Yeah, I was, and I’m supposed to pick him up after class, but our flight was delayed.” He doesn’t know how to ask for help with Jack; even with all the time they’ve been spending together, she still makes him a little nervous. Luckily, he doesn’t have to figure that part out on his own.

“Hey, that’s no problem. If it’s okay with you, I’ll just take him home with me. I’ll order pizza, we’ll draw, and you can just stop by when you’re home and pick him up.” He breathes a sigh of relief, runs a hand over the back of his head.

“That would be perfect. Thank you—I’ll owe you one.”

“You don’t owe me anything. Hanging out with your mini me is reward enough; he’s painting something special for you today, won’t let me see it.” That makes him smile, and he feels so warm at the prospect of picking him up from her bright apartment, seeing his artwork, her smile. After a long, draining day like this one, it’s exactly what he needs.

“I’ll have to remain in suspense until tonight, I guess. Can you let him know I said hi? And thank you, I’ll see you later tonight.”

“Of course. We’ll see you then.”

It’s late, after nine, by the time he makes it home. He doesn’t even take his bags inside, just drops them outside his door and knocks softly on hers. She answers with a smile, ushers him in, asks him if he’d like a drink and gets them each a beer.

Jack is in her room, asleep, so they have a little time to chat; she asks about his flight, his case, and he asks about the studio, and she gets a little shy when it comes to that topic, clears her throat.

“Um. I have Jack’s secret project, if you want to see it. He said I could show you.” He’s not sure why that would make her nervous—at least, until he sees it.

The background is all watercolors, a gradient of rainbow colors starting with pink at the top and ending with a soft purple at the bottom. Over that, in black marker, he’s drawn the three of them, with a big heart around them.

“Tonight’s theme was the thing that makes you the happiest, and he said he’s the happiest when the three of us are on the balcony together. It was… really, really sweet.” She looks up at him, brushes a hand over the crown of her head. “If I’m being honest, that’s when I’m the happiest, too.” He takes the picture from her hands, runs his fingers over it, and smiles, feeling a warm ache in his chest—not like before, not like losing someone he’s never really met, but like finding something he never really planned on.

“That’s when I’m the happiest, too,” he agrees, and when he looks up, she looks determined, like she does when trying to find just the right shade of paint. She takes Jack’s picture out of his hand, sets it on the counter, and then pulls him down by the lapels of his suit, kisses him long and slow. His hands move to her waist, keeping her close, and eventually she pauses for breath, looks at him again, and then wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him some more.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the first time I saw you—tall and dark and serious, striding out of the elevator. So intriguing, mysterious,” she breathes when they separate again. “I wanted to know everything about you.”

“Are you kidding?” he asks, huffing a laugh. “I’m boring, but you are so vibrant, so full of life; I felt like you were everything I wasn’t, and I wanted to know you so badly.”

“You know me now; would you like to keep getting to know me?” It’s one of the easiest questions he’s ever been asked; he nods, and she beams, and he lifts her into his arms and carries her to the couch, drapes himself over her while she leans back against the cushions, pulling him closer.

They make out like neither of them have a care in the world—god, how long has it been since he’s made out with someone?—her fingers scraping through his hair, his hands on her bare waist when her shirt rides up, and she’s in the process of pushing his jacket off his shoulders when they hear a sound from the other room that startles them apart. Jack.

“I’ll go check on him,” Aaron says, and when he goes into her room Jack is still snuggled up on her bed sound asleep. It looks like some canvases fell over, though, and he stoops to pick them up, then spots the car they painted together. He turns and she’s right behind him, skids to a stop. “I thought you said these were at the studio?”

“They were,” she says, and she looks nervous again. “But I changed my mind about hanging them there. They felt too personal.” He runs his hand over the car and sees where she’s coming from; this one feels personal to him, too.

“Can I see the rest?” he asks. “Only if you want to show me them.”

“You’re the only one I want to show them to,” she says with a soft smile, and she grabs a few more canvases, carries them into the light of the living room. “Beauty in the ordinary, remember.” He remembers, could never forget.

She turns one over, and it’s a kitchen sink, and in the kitchen sink is an orange plate with a fork resting on it—like the plate she’d given him with the pasta on it. She turns one over and it’s a man’s hand, holding a paintbrush, with pale blue paint on his forearm. The next one is a little herb garden on a balcony; the next one is a view from above, of a sandy haired boy with markers all around him. The last one is an open elevator—ripe with possibilities.

When he looks up at her, she’s got tears in her eyes, and one slips down her cheek.

“So, I think I’ve found my good times.” She smiles through her tears, and he takes her face in his hands and kisses the salt from her lips. “I love you,” she says when he pulls back to wipe her face with his sleeve, and he kisses her softly, again and again, and tells her he loves her, too. The next weekend, Jack is at Jessica’s for a sleepover, and Aaron has been enlisted to help with an art project. He walks next door, knocks lightly, and enters the living room; he is met with a very deep, passionate kiss and a smile, and instructions to help move the furniture out of the way.

“I’m really curious what kind of art requires this much floor space,” he says, shoving her couch back against the wall, and she sinks her teeth into her bottom lip, a move he has been unable to resist since she did it the first time they had sex. She knows it’s a weakness, exploits it, and he loves every minute of it.

“You’ll see, but I promise you’re going to like it.” When they clear the floor, she grabs a large, rolled-up fabric canvas and lays it out in the middle of the room, then drops three bottles of paint—one is yellow (jasmine), one is orange (peach), and one is kind of pink (coral? He’s still not sure.)—onto it. “You can obviously say no if you want, but I wanted something over my bed with the sunset colors, and I found this…” She steps closer to him, runs her hands down his chest, guides him down for a kiss so delicious he loses his train of thought. “It’s sex art; we put the paint on the canvas, and on ourselves, and… you know, go at it. What do you think?”

He thinks he really, really loves art now, even more than he thought possible.

“So we have paint-covered sex and then you just hang it on the wall? Like regular art?”

“Yep, I got the supplies I’ll need to hang it; letting it dry will probably take the longest. I figured we could shower while it’s drying, maybe go for round two, if you’re up for it.” She moves her hand to his waist, slips it inside his shorts, and he pulls her closer to his body. “Are you up for it, Aaron?”

That is an understatement.

Undressing happens extremely fast, because this is really sexy and they’re kind of in a phase where they can’t keep their hands off of each other anyway. She pulls her hair up onto the top of her head to try to minimize the amount of paint in it, and then she pours paint on the canvas, turns around and drizzles some on his back and tells him to lay down.

“I think we should probably change positions often so we get a lot of motion on the canvas; I apologize to your old knees in advance,” she teases, but she soothes the sting of her words by pouring paint on herself and then laying between his legs and licking at his dick. “Do some stuff with your hands; I want to see those big handprints on my wall,” she murmurs, and he groans, puts his palms down in the paint and drags them through it.

She leans up a little, sliding her knees through some yellow paint, sucks him fully, deeply into her mouth for couple of minutes, and then stretches forward and puts an orange hand right in the middle of his chest; the look in her eyes is playful, and he reaches out with one finger, hooks it under her chin, and guides her off and up so they can kiss.

“Your turn,” he says with a smirk, and then he gets her onto her back and ducks between her legs, hopes she doesn’t grab for his hair like she usually does. He rubs his pointed tongue over her clit, waits for the mmm it always elicits, and looks up at her, covers each of her breasts with a paint-covered palm and squeezes. “Leave handprints for me,” he leans up and reminds her, kissing her stomach, and she plants her hands, then presses up and grabs his shoulder, smearing pink down his back. “Oh, you wanted more of that?”

“Don’t tease me, the paint will dry,” she whines, and he spreads her thighs wider with his elbows and licks her pussy quickly, until she’s squirming against the canvas and panting for more. “Come here, come here.”

He’s not ready for that, though, paint or not, wants her to come from this; he takes his hands off of her, dips them in the paint again and presses down, then puts his hands under her ass and brings her closer so he can fuck her with his tongue, quick and deep and slick.

“Aaron, Aaron, god.” She slides her hands down his arms, over his neck, digs her nails in when she comes moaning like music.

While she catches her breath, so gorgeous, she sticks her arms out like she’s making a snow angel, and he catches her while she’s off guard and turns her onto her stomach, puts his hands on the smears of paint he’s already left on her ass, and slides inside.

“Oh my god; I was trying to impress you with this sexy art project, but you’re rocking my world.” She’s breathless, pressing back into his thrusts and painting with her entire body. God, he loves her mind.

“You know I always take your projects very seriously,” he says, leaning forward to whisper in her ear, and she groans, laughs.

“Yes you do. From the side? Let’s lay diagonally.” They shift, and he hooks his chin over her shoulder, kisses her neck and huffs hot against her hair. “Hmm, love it like this,” she sighs, and she reaches back to press her hand to his hip, holding him while he moves inside her. “I love you.”

“Love you. I want you to finish on top of me,” he instructs with a wet kiss to her throat, and she nods against his lips.

“Yeah, next; I’m getting close.” A few more strokes and she gets up onto her knees, lets him lay back, propped up on his arms, and climbs on top of him; she kisses him slow and dirty and then runs her hands over him, sits back on his dick and glides up and down. “You wanna come like this too? I owe you a little world rocking,” she says with a flick of her tongue over his bottom lip, and he nods, squeezes her thigh.

“It’s the least you can do after making me move all the heavy furniture.” She rolls her eyes but kisses his chin, down his throat, and bounces harder on him, all delicious eye contact and moans. “Mmm. Just like that, baby, come for me.”

“Fuck. I will, I will.” She wraps a hand around the back of his neck, kisses him kind of rough and with lots of tongue, and then tips her head back and climaxes, clenches, wrings his orgasm out of him so quickly it’s almost jarring. “Oh, yes Aaron. So good,” she mumbles, and then he lays back, out of breath, and she slides out of his lap and lays beside him, out of breath too.

After a moment, she looks over at him, smiles, and swipes a pink fingertip over his cheek.

“This is the hottest thing I’ve ever done with anyone. I’m glad I got to do it with you.” He rolls on top of her, presses a kiss to her nose, and nods.

“Me too. You know,” he adds after a moment, “my bedroom could use some artwork, too.” She grins, wraps her arms around him and squeezes tight.

“You’re right; I think we should do yours in blue: liberty, that’s dark blue; periwinkle, that’s light blue; maybe steel gray, too.”

“You’re the expert. I’m just your paintbrush.” Her hands smooth up his back, and contentment washes over him like a warm breeze.

“Hmm. I like the sound of that. Want to get cleaned up?”

Cleaning up is almost as fun as making the mess, because they’re well and truly covered, and when the canvas dries, the sunset colors are almost as beautiful as the ones she used the first time he ever saw her paint. Taglist ❤️: @arsonhotchner @mrsh0tchner @ssahotchie @sleepyreaderreads @mintphoenix @meghannnnnn @disgruntledchowchow @azenpal @g-l-pierce @my-rosegold-soul @ssamorganhotchner @heliotropehotch @angelhotchner @qtip-blog @gspenc

#aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic #aaron hotchner x reader #aaron hotchner x female reader #hotch x female reader #hotch x reader #ask answered #anon #prompt

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mayyourshipsbewithyou · 3 years

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Things I loved about In the Heights

-The sounds of the city are part of the music of the opening song

-The frame story is the only way this story should be told; the story only works if it shows the results of Usnavi's decision to stay

-Anthony and Lin shaking hands

-Yay to random mixed race couple asking for directions

-“I hope you’re writing this down I’m gonna test you later” only makes sense with kids

-Showing different residents of Washington Heights provides scale

-I’m not sure about the decision to cut Camila, but if it means less Nina drama, then I love it

-I love how Usnavi has his friends’ orders all ready to go

-LOVE how Usnavi announces Benny’s entrance

-Everything about Vanessa in this movie is perfect=> she’s given so much more depth, her beauty is downplayed, she’s kind of a nerd, but has a beautiful smile

-Nina’s heels=> metaphor for her reaching for the stars

-I love the actress that plays Nina; she’s the right age and her singing voice is so sweet

-Nina’s hair is straight when she’s at school; as soon as she comes home, it’s curly=>she can be herself at home

-When Nina turns around and sees the crowd of people counting on her=> I felt that

-I love seeing Nina get her acceptance letter; I remember what that was like for my brother

-Camila must have died while Nina was at college in this version; Nina lost her mother recently which helps explain her different reason for dropping out; she feels lost

-I don’t know why Sonny is using this deep voice, but I love it!

-Whoever decided to have 96,000 take place at the pool is a genius

-The graphics at the beginning of 96,000 are good for helping regular people understand the rap

-Pete just put his arm around Sonny=> are they dating?

-Sonny yelling 96,000 as he enters the pool=> the sound design

-Pete nodding along to Usnavi=> sucking up to the family

-Usnavi is such a proud cousin-uncle during Sonny’s part in 96,000

-Vanessa making her “I'll be downtown” walk down a ramp

-The dancer doing flips is now a diver doing spins into the pool

-On stage, the lighting was dark; in the movie, it’s underwater

-The circles of people in the pool reflect the zeros in 96,000

-Lin and Chris being rivals is perfect; their bromance is everything

-Nina and Benny being together before the events of the movie means they are the beta couple and have less drama than Usnavi/Vanessa which is how it should be

-Benny joins in during “on that fire escape”=> like West Side Story

-Benny’s “Let me in” against the fence is hilarious

-Nina and Benny are FUN, not angsty like in the original

-Nina following the little girl=> following herself, following her dreams which eventually lead her to the sea; all of this is done while she’s talking about her past

-Nina and Benny instrumental™ part 1 in the middle of “When You’re Home”, Benny interrupts=> their story isn't complete yet

-Benny says he believes in her without discounting her feelings

-Everyone loving Nina=> I finally get it

-Nina is home geographically and with people who love her

-Benny is Nina’s home

-In the Heights is about how dreams are great, but the life you have now can be so beautiful

-Nina’s hair during the dinner/club scene is great

-Usnavi is wearing his dad’s hat for his date with Vanessa; he knows that she is to him what his mom was for his dad

-Family dinners are the same in every culture

-Awkwardness of long-time friends going on a date

-Vanessa offers Usnavi his first drink of the night; he thinks that’s what she wants; because why would she want him and only him?

-Usnavi whispering in Vanessa’s ear is so sexy

-Love that Benny is on Nina’s side instead of being mad at her

-I wonder if they thought 5 years of Benny working for Kevin was too much or too little since they changed that line to "all these years"

-Benny’s reactions to Vanessa dancing at the club are hilarious

-Vanessa laughing at Usnavi dancing with someone else

-Nina is always smiling and laughing at the things going on around her; not as self centered

-Nina and Benny dancing at the club=> all of the yeses

-Usnavi is too nervous about being alone with Vanessa that he un-dated himself; he wasn’t quite ready

-Love that they consciously cut all the “Usnavi, help me” parts=> Vanessa is not a victim

-Fireworks are a romantic setting for Sonny and Pete, just saying

-Usnavi/Benny/Nina talking about the fourth member of their square gives me feelings; I need more of these four in fanfic, my dreams

-“I got to wait for Vanessa”=> the stuff dreams are made of

-Benny is such a good person; he’s even better than the original which is what he deserves

-Usnavi is relieved to have Vanessa call his name

-“Don’t walk away from us tonight”=> great addition

-To give Usnavi and Vanessa some of Nina and Benny’s original lines is to see the face of God

-The first time I saw this, I’m ashamed to admit, I thought Benny was going to steal money from the dispatch; I was a fool

-Dancer with fireworks on his shoes

-Benny is smart and good; he isn’t doing this for Kevin or Nina but for the people of New York

-Abuela was able to see stars again on the last night of her life

-I’m sad Blackout isn’t exactly the same but the orchestral parts that cover up what is unsaid is so beautiful it makes up for it

-Abuela’s family is her “fireworks”; they are what light up the Heights

-Sonny came to Usnavi instead of being with his dad during the blackout; his real family

-Abuela’s smile as she looks at her family while reflecting on her childhood is the most beautiful thing there will ever be

-Paciencia y Fe as a dream sequence is how it was meant to be

-The transition on the subway from reality to memory

-Paciencia y Fe is a mixture of cultures; like Abuela’s memories

-“Wide awake”=> stepping off the subway

-The same actress played Abuela on Broadway and in the movie

-Abuela may be in a musical, but she’s still an old woman

-“As I feed these birds”=> back to the present

-Calor means heat in Spanish but in English it sounds like color

-Abuela dying during the night of the blackout is perfect

-Usnavi saying “she was just here” twice: when she was literally just there and many years, maybe a decade, after the fact

-Usnavi’s daughter is the life that goes on after Abuela is gone

-Usnavi and Nina crying together

-Those closest to Abuela are inside and everyone else is outside

-Iris was sitting on the outside and now she’s in the middle; needed comfort from her friends

-“Should we take a break?”=> we’re past the point of an intermission

-“No daddy, keep going”=> does this look like a stage production to you? It’s a fucking movie

-There isn’t a clear point for an intermission; the action stays strong over where the intermission should be; this is a movie, not a play, and movies don’t have intermissions

-Everyone’s holding candles; like the stars Abuela loved so much

-Iris called Usnavi Daddy for the first time because that was the point in the story where he needed to hear that the most

-“I thought about the people I care about the most, I thought about you”

-Anthony makes Usnavi sexy in a way Lin never could

-So many people love Vanessa, but no one better than Usnavi

-Abuela paid to have Camila's napkins cleaned after all

-Usnavi is the kind of parent that doesn’t sugarcoat life

-Vanessa listed no emergency contacts even though she had people

-“That’s senorita to you”=> yes girl, get it

-Love Daniela for getting everyone out of their asses

-“Tonteria” means foolishness=> the more you know

-How fast Carla says no to “ask me why” shows how quickly she wants to please her love

-Usnavi’s Nueva York t-shirt=> I need it

-Daniela’s first effect being on a woman whose hair is terrible

-Carla pushing that man away from her woman with a bullshit excuse

-My friend was laughing at the parts that were meant to be jokes

-Usnavi’s entrance being announced in Carnaval del Barrio; just like Benny in the opening song

-“There’s nothing holding me down”=> assuming he was rejected

-The different communities dancing with their flags

-Nina being part of Carnaval del Barrio is great

-Even Kevin, kind of an old man, can get down

-Since Nina and Benny sex scene wasn’t shown on screen (praise Jesus), I have to assume Nina told Daniela even though she knows she’s a huge gossip

-Everyone stops because Sonny, a kid, starts singing

-Vanessa and Sonny are so powerful together

-Vanessa’s hand on Sonny’s shoulder

-A kid providing Usnavi with the “flag I’ve got in my hand”

-Usnavi and Vanessa dancing together is muy romantico

-Everything about Nina’s appearance in “When the Sun Goes Down”

-“Let me just listen to my block”=> peak Nina

-Abuela wrote “for Usnavi” on her lotto ticket 😭

-They cut so many songs but kept Champagne=>I love their priorities

-The pause before “you outta stay”

-Everyone has such great chemistry; especially Usnavi and Vanessa

-The choreography in Champagne is what I’ve always imagined

-Usnavi didn’t have time to cash in because Vanessa came over

-Vanessa and Pete friendship for the win

-“Best days of my life” is said thrice=> good things come in threes

-Usnavi staring at the room where Vanessa kissed him

-Iris knows he stayed; she loves her dad so much

-Usnavi looking out his window in Washington Heights and seeing his friends on his dad’s beach

-When Usnavi talks about Kevin at the dispatch, the camera flashes to an abandoned building

-“Vanessa at the salon”=> Usnavi sheds a tear

-Vanessa being front and center during Usnavi’s decision to stay

-Hearing the sounds of the beach during the unveiling

-It’s all about Vanessa=> perfection

-Lin being at the ending is perfect no matter the context

-“Say it so it doesn’t disappear”=> the sad reality is your neighborhood probably will disappear

-Usnavi telling his daughter “you’re it” is everything

-Iris understanding all of the little details of her father’s store now that she knows his story

-Iris is the goddess of the rainbow like the light that appears when water appears on a sunlit day

-“Man, you talk forever”=> that’s so “How I Met Your Mother”

-Iris has a necklace of seashells, like the islands

-Vanessa would sooner get wet than let go of Usnavi’s hand

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atinyidea · 3 years

Text

Heartworm | Choi San

n. a relationship or friendship that you can’t get out of your head, which you thought had faded long ago but is still somehow alive and unfinished, like an abandoned campsite whose smouldering embers still have the power to start a forest fire.

⟶ college!au, best friend!san, brother!seonghwa, friends to lovers!au, kinda very spicy but there’s no actual smut, there’s mentions of underage drinking and sexual encounters, everything is consentual!

⟶ appellation series masterlist

⟶ 5.7k words

600 special prompt for my lovely soul partner @san–shine, its like 50 years late and I know she no longer is active on this blog but I wanted to keep this.

42: “Exactly how drunk was I?”

49: “Good morning, sunshine.”

☞ When you were younger, you knew you were one-hundred per cent in love with your best friend, Choi San. However, because he was also, in fact, your brother’s best friend and you were a sixteen-year-old rebel adamant to never admit your feelings, you had to watch as he got his first girlfriend during a party Seonghwa had thrown for you. Now, years later and in the middle of college, you find yourself in a familiar setting: a party thrown for you by your brother and Choi San looking as breathtaking as he always does.

☞ moodboard

Just to be clear, when you woke up, you hadn’t expected your brother to announce that there was going to be a party held at your house for your twenty-second birthday. Your brother, being the kind and loving brother he was, had yet again used your birthday as an excuse to throw a house party, even though it wasn’t even your birthday until tomorrow. Seonghwa liked to use your birthday, the date falling in the last week of the summer holidays, as a way to gather all your combined friends as some sort of final summer get-together before the school year began again. You weren’t particularly against them, the end of summer parties becoming a little tradition after the fourth year running, and the fact that they were held at your house meant you could just go to bed any time you wanted. [ thank you sound-proofed home as per your mothers request due to your fathers’ noise-making habits from his job as a musician. ] Though it wasn’t like you knew anyone who would be throwing a house party you couldn’t just walk home from.

You did not know how many drinks you had consumed, alcoholic or otherwise, but the setting you found yourself in was giving you very explicit pangs of nostalgia to the first time you and your brother had thrown one of these parties. Your current situation was not unlike the situations you had been in before. You weren’t ashamed to say that you liked to have fun with your relationships: romantic, platonic or the just-once ones. It wasn’t unusual for you to be found in someone’s lap around midnight; the last party happened to be a beautiful girl named Soojin, the party before that was a guy whose name you hadn’t bothered to remember. However, the person’s lap who you sat in usually was not your best friend, Choi San’s. Not the San you spent the better half of your life burying romantic feelings for because he was Seongwha’s friend first. Not the San, your eyes couldn’t help watch whenever he was near. You made a promise to yourself since that one time when you had just turned sixteen, the one time you found yourself on his lap. [ A promise you made to deny your feelings because the very next day, he had gotten a girlfriend who was definitely not you. ]

At seventeen years old, San knew he was still a stupid and hormonal teenage boy. He practically got nose bleeds anytime he remotely saw a girl's lower back or tummy, their exposed thighs or neck: he knew he could be a perverted little shit. Still, having a girl for a best friend meant that he also knew what was respectful and what was just disgusting – thinking back on it, he was grateful for his friendship with you for teaching him from a young age how to treat girls with proper respect. [ Mainly because you would whack his head or punch him in the balls whenever he said something inappropriate or did something stupid. ] But, also at sixteen, San knew that he was also sorta-kinda-probably in love with his best friend’s sister. [ Who was also his best friend… was it possible to have more than one best friend? ]

During the summer of your sixteenth, Seonghwa’s eighteenth and his seventeenth birthdays, San and his family had gone overseas for an extended holiday. His father had received a promotion, and his mother struck lucky in her weekly lottery draw, so he hadn’t been there to witness the gradual changes to your body. It wasn’t like San wasn’t attracted to you before [ not that either of you knew what the fuck attraction was before ] but when you came to the airport to pick him up with your father, he was sure he wouldn’t be able to look at another girl ever again. [ Of course, that was an overdramatic thought since he proceeded to have girlfriends that weren’t you but the thought of you truly never left his mind. ]

The day of your sixteenth birthday party was something he would always remember clearly. He remembered the way you hugged him for a solid five minutes when he got to your house in the early morning, complaining about how your parents would still be away for another few days, and your brother refused to even hug you on your birthday. [ Seonghwa’s excuse was that it was your birthday tomorrow, and that was when you could claim the birthday hug. ] Secretly, he wished you would tell him you hugged him simply because you wanted to have him close. He remembered how Seonghwa had launched into a story from his last house party (one for the seniors that only he was invited to, but the stories were fun nevertheless) as he attempted to make pancakes at your request. You had bounced your way to your favourite countertop space and jumped up to sit there, right in front of the fridge, because it was the only place that was both cool and warm [ “exactly the right temperature” ] in the entire kitchen. He remembered the way his body slotted between your legs, his back to your chest as the two of you shared a vodka-and-coke at ten-in-the-morning. His mind was restlessly deciding if it was okay to lay his hands on your knees or calves, inevitably switching between the two places every five minutes. It hadn’t felt weird but natural as all three of you shared hearty laughs and then partially burnt pancakes.

[ He remembered when he had given you the small-and-terribly-wrapped box that held your present, egging you on to open it a day early. The way your face lit up as you lifted a thin silver chained sunflower charm bracelet into the air would forever be imprinted on his eyes – your eyes sparkling and lips twitching up into a wide grin as you thanked him seven times. The gentle tone of your voice as you asked him to help you put it on because for some reason, you couldn’t put clasped bracelets on for the life of you, was saved like a voice note in his brain. “You remembered,” you had whispered once he was settled back between your legs, “that sunflowers were my favourite, I mean.” The brush of your lips on his cheek lined the walls of his heart as it threatened to shatter through his ribs. ]

As a sixteen-year-old San knew that you probably shouldn’t’ve had as much alcohol as you had that night. However, as a seventeen-year-old San also didn’t care as long as you were having fun. It was not the first time you consumed alcohol, but it was the first time you’d had enough to get drunk from it. It was your sixteenth birthday party after all, and neither your brother nor your best friend had any objections when you grabbed the first vodka-and-coke at ten in the morning while you got ready. So now, at almost eleven at night, you had had more than ten of those drinks, and you could honestly say you weren’t sure if you’d remember anything from this night at all. The hours went by in a blur, and soon three drinks had turned into eight as you dragged San to your room to decide on an outfit for the night. He remembered the way his throat constricted as you strolled out from your bathroom in a neon green crop top and the pair of flare jeans you always wore. Ultimately San thought he would’ve preferred that outfit to the one you settled on – a black denim mini-skirt with a matching jacket on top of a simple t-shirt with a neon rainbow painted across the chest. The sliver of skin showing from the crop top was way less tempting than the muscle of your thighs, mainly since that was your exact plan for the outfit.

“You look good,” he had said, swallowing gulps of air and saliva when you asked, “you’d still look good in a potato sack,” he complimented you as you twirled on the spot and gifted him with a brilliant grin that simply took his breath away.

“We match!” You all but squealed when you took note of the black denim jacket San wore over his t-shirt with a neon rainbow across the chest.

He hadn’t even noticed.

His memory started to get hazy around drink number thirteen. He couldn’t remember how or what events had led to the current situation, [ or which room the two of you were actually in that was both not your bedroom and also not inhabited by literally anyone else ], but he certainly was not complaining. You were so close to him he could smell the faintest scent of your vanilla and cinnamon shampoo and conditioner you had used the day before, the slightest whiff of your jasmine scented perfume [ the one you always wore, the one he bought you your first bottle of ] and the sweetly bitter smell of cherry coke and vodka on your breath. His hands seemed glued to your lower back and hips, palms almost moulded to your skin like he were a sculptor, and you were his latest masterpiece. Your legs either side of his own, wrapping around him possessively, like he was yours and only yours, and he let you, using his hands to pull you closer to him like you were his and only his. Your faces were so close he could feel each hot exhale of breath hitting his lips, and when they stopped as you shivered and whined, he couldn’t help the way his lips tilted upwards into a smirk. The way you attempted to wire your mouth shut not to make a sound wasn’t effective, seeing as he heard all three of your whines, each one getting more prolonged and higher in pitch as the two of you continued your ministrations. His hips wanted to jut up into you. Still, he forced his movements to be as slow and smooth as possible, wanting to feel every way you would come undone above him, but when his gaze flickered across your face. He spotted the small trickle of blood falling from your lips; it was like everything that had just happened had disappeared.

From your recollection, you only remembered specific parts of that night. Your legs had been situated on either side of his thighs, your arms wrapped around his neck as his palms slowly pushed up the small of your back to pull your body closer to his. Your faces were so close you could physically see the connection between the two of you, yet neither of you pushed forward enough to make that connection real and tangible. [ You wanted to, God, you wanted to kiss him right then more than anything. Why didn’t you kiss him then? ] San’s hands felt hot against your skin, his fingertips slowly moving to draw a masterpiece on your back. You shivered slightly as a slight breeze floated around the sliver of exposed skin where your shirt had ridden up. Your eyes were drawn to San’s lips as they twitched up into a slight smirk; his own eyes flickered to watch you watch him. Neither of you had said a word to each other for almost half an hour, drunkenly pushing at the limits between your friendship with nothing but burning touches and delicate twists of hips.

You subconsciously sucked your bottom lip into the confines of your teeth, but you willingly bit down harshly to stop a sly whine from escaping your lips as San had the cocky idea to roll his pelvis into yours as he held you in place with his hands on your hips. Apparently, you had bitten down way too hard because the next thing you knew was that San’s playful smirk had evaporated into a concerned frown. He lifted a hand from your hip – the sudden rush of cold where his hand previously was leaving you feeling a sense of loss – to your lip, his thumb tugging your lip back out.

“You’re bleeding,” he mumbled, thumb coming away with a smear of blood moulding into his fingerprint. The taste of blood in your mouth was unexpected and had sent you reeling. You almost flew off of his lap and practically ran to your bedroom’s bathroom to inspect the damage. There was a tear in the side of your bottom lip. [ The side of your lip you always bit out of habit, so the skin was thinner there than the rest of your lip. ] Against your better judgment – the rational part of your brain was too drunk at that moment – you settled your tongue against the fresh cut. Finching away from yourself at the unexpected [ which really should’ve been expected ] pain, you decided that there was nothing you could do to help soothe it. After twenty minutes, that felt like two, of staring at yourself in the mirror, you finally shrugged and made your way back into the heart of the party.

As an almost sixteen-year-old, you knew you were just coming into figuring out your body and the emotions of more physical relationships as you grew into it. You knew you had grown up a little (a lot) over the summer, your chest filling out from a b-cup to a c-cup, your lanky figure could no longer be considered lanky as your limbs gained muscle, fat and tone, creating a new full and curvy figure. Your mother had been ecstatic when you came to her asking how to style clothes to fit your ‘new’ figure as it meant the two of you could go shopping [ one of her favourite activities ], and you could find your style that both suited your body and personality. You did have to admit that your style didn’t change much; you still loved a sturdy flannel shirt [ always oversized though, now you tended to wear it open with a form-fitting crop top or spaghetti-strap top underneath to show off your chest and waist ] and you still loved your favourite pair of flare jeans enough to wear them almost every other day, [ the one with the painted sunflower over the back pocket. ] You also loved pleated mini skirts and knee-high socks or a simple loose-form-fitting dress with lycra cycle shorts underneath. You didn’t like the emotional side of your summer changes, though and, while you were new to the whole attraction thing, the one person you definitely didn’t feel anything remotely romantic for was your best friend. [ Well, maybe you did, but he was Seonghwa’s friend first, and that was a no-go… and perhaps you wanted to reject the way your heart turned into butterflies when you saw him at the airport… and maybe you just weren’t ready to put those feelings into words, so you denied them instead. ]

Your best friend whose lap you were just sat on, grinding your hips into his with your noses touching. Your best friend who was now kissing another girl [a beautiful girl who was named Hyemi, she was in Seonghwa’s class and also happened to live across the road… she was always nice to you and you couldn’t find it in you to dislike her even as your stomach knotted and twisted into something green with envy ] in the middle of the kitchen. You wouldn’t remember how long you stood there, watching the two of them kiss like a complete and utter creep, and you wouldn’t remember the look San gave you as he noticed the sway of your hair as you retreated out of the kitchen with a frown on your brow.

You did not fancy your best friend, and you definitely did not care that he was kissing Hyemi in front of the fridge. [ The fridge he stood between your legs in front of literal hours ago. ] Lastly, you definitely did not feel like crying as your mind reminded you about two different memories of earlier that day – one of you sat on the counter opposite that exact fridge with San leaning back into you as he gave you the sunflower charm bracelet that wrapped around your wrist, watching Seonghwa attempt to make you birthday pancakes. The second the memory of his hands burning up your skin, the way his lips tilted into a smirk when you shivered under his hold and the way you inflicted pain to yourself in an attempt not to whine with pleasure at the way he moved his hips.

It was too raw, and now you just wanted to forget.

San’s brain refused to calculate time because one minute his hand was reaching for your bloodied lip and the next you were gone, and San was back in the kitchen getting you a glass of water [ and then he was kissing another girl in front of the fridge he rested between your legs literal hours ago. ] San wouldn’t remember what their conversation had been, only that this girl, Hyemi, was older than him and had just asked him out. He wouldn’t remember the exact way her grin turned a little too malicious to be sincere. He would, however, remember the way your hair flew over your shoulder as you spun away from the scene involving him; he would remember the way his eyes followed your figure all the way into the embrace of your brother as you shallowly smiled and stole his drink [ and he would remember the way his chest seemed to ache at that simple action. ]

Hyemi became his girlfriend at that same party; you didn’t even know they knew each other. He didn’t even know why he said yes.

And here you were, on the penultimate night before your twenty-second birthday, in the lap of your best friend. His relationship with Hyemi had lasted six months, and he had gotten six more significant others in the seven-year gap from then til now but, right then, he was single, and you were in his lap. You had flopped down over the side of a two-seater couch; eyes screwed shut with laughter, so you didn’t realise who was sat on said couch – or that anyone was – until your head made contact with their thigh. [ Their thigh was very comfy to lay on, which was the first thing your brain commented on. ] When you looked up and met eyes with San, a small [ tiny really, in no way visible to the person who knew you best and where to look for a blush – finding it immediately ] blush was growing warmly over your cheeks.

“Hey there,” He grinned, setting down his plastic cup, [ more like throwing it over his shoulder, not caring that it hit someone since it was mostly empty anyway ] and poking your nose gently just to watch the way it would scrunch up. His fingers were moving from your nose to his ear to make sure the roll-up cigarette that was balanced there hadn’t fallen.

“Hi,” you giggled, your legs curling up to your chest, making you look like a contorted cat as your feet still dangled slightly over the arm of the chair. After a few seconds, your fingers started twitching and settled on playing with the fabric of his shirt. It was the same rainbow one he wore to your sixteenth party, matching the one you were wearing too. The both of you had grown out of them, San settling on cutting it into a crop top and you doing the same, [ since you were the one who had actually cut San’s shirt and decided to continue and do yours, so you matched again. ] His shirt gave little to cover, showing off his abdominals and tummy [ and the slight happy trail peeking out from the waistband of his jeans ] proudly and only just covering his pectorals. Your own shirt was cut higher, stopping just above the curve of your breasts. Still, your own torso was covered in a neon green fishnet bodysuit [ not that it left anything to the imagination, your torso was still on show ] that was tucked into your signature flare pants which now rode a little low on your hips and the sunflower on the back was more than a little faded.

“What are you doing?” He asked with an amused grin, [ complemented with the subtle raise of a singular eyebrow… Gods, why was he so attractive? ] one hands fingers starting to twist in the loose strands of your short hairstyle. It was nice. [ The touch of his hands against your hair was excellent, the slight tug of the strands against your skull felt really nice. ]

“Taking a break. Siyeon, Minji and Yunho broke out the karaoke machine, and they're playing the song shots game.” You replied as if it explained everything. [ It actually kind of did, San recalled you once telling him that the chaotic energy of that particular trio and the song shots game gave you awful headaches. And you hated having headaches when you were drinking because it made you nauseous. And when you were nauseous and drunk, you tended to go have a smoke, which you were trying extremely hard to stop doing for the sake of your father, who also used to smoke and now had lung problems. So, San understood your meaning. ] “What about you?”

San had to take a minute to think. Just what was he doing? Why was he so out of it today? In his heart, San knew the answer, but he hadn’t unlocked that treasure chest just yet. [ He was tired of watching you be semi-intimate with people that weren’t him… Which he refused to admit. Because both of you were pinning assholes in denial. ] Finally, even though it had only been a minute, he replied with a simple “I’m just… sitting.”

“Oh?” You asked, now it was your turn to raise the amused eyebrow, “just sitting?”

“Sitting... and thinking.”

“About what?”

“You.” The word was out faster than San’s brain had time to process what he’d said. However, now he had said it, he wasn’t going to deny it. Was it the small amount of alcohol in his system? [ It was the way your eyes widened a little as you looked up at him from your place in his lap, fingers twisting in his shirt and lips falling open ever so slightly. ]

“Me?” Your pitch ascended as the volume of your voice diminished.

“Yeah, you!” He grinned, tone equally as quiet but still showing enthusiasm, moving his free hand to boop your nose.

“What about me?”

San’s fingers in your hair froze at your question, his mind whirring with any kind of answer that wouldn’t cross the line into confession territory wherein he would lose your friendship indefinitely, but after one look at the serious longing look in your eye, he decided he would ‘man up’ [ the phrase making him cringe as soon as he thought it… the connotation of the word being so outdated and, for someone who grew up with a very stubborn girl in his life, San wondered why society hadn’t come up with a suitable alternative to the phrase ] and just tell you.

So he did.

“Do you remember what happened between us at your sixteenth party?” He asked, seemingly changing the conversation topic. Confused but going with it, a slight blush warming your cheeks, you nodded, and he took that as permission to continue, “I can’t stop thinking about it.” His voice was nothing louder than a whisper, you should’ve had to strain your ears to hear him, but at that moment, it was like all other sounds and distractions faded from the scene. Your breath hitched as you simply stared up into his eyes, his pupils dilated, almost taking over the beautiful swirling colour of his irises [ making his eyes look darker than usual, more intense than expected, and for a second, you swore your heart stopped ].

“What about it?” Your question was innocent enough, but the way you said it gave way to other ideas. Your voice was soft and breathy, like you weren’t getting enough oxygen, and like San, the words weren’t said above a whisper. Afterwards, you bit down softly on your bottom lip [ unintentional on your part, it was just a habit of yours, to be honest ], minutely sucking it in, and San’s focus shifted to watch your lips specifically.

“I’m thinking about how much I’d like to do it again.”

“You want to kiss me?”

“If you’d let me.”

“Please kiss me.” You whispered, more a statement rather than a question or demand. And so he did, leaning forward to reach you, head still in his lap, [ it felt like a slow-motion scene in a movie, but it couldn’t have been longer than two seconds before his lips were flush against yours ]. It was not the first time the two of you had kissed, but it was the first time you had kissed since becoming official adults — it felt different.

It felt good.

His lips were soft, and his kiss was gentle, at least it was at first. As the seconds ticked on, the kiss grew more intense, the soft brush of his lips pressed harder into you, his hands running over your body to pull you up to him. Your arms threaded around his neck, stretching out your torso [ if you were honest, it hurt a little… not that you were lucid enough to be aware of it ] and arching your back. He bit down on your bottom lip, tugging at it a little when your fingers twisted through the hair at his neck, pulling him to you with a new sense of desperation.

And then the two of you fell off the couch. You slid off his lap and landed on your back [ though it was more like you were on your side than your back ] while San rolled over on top of you. Both of you froze in your positions, eyes wide, [ pupils dilated but that was most likely due to the desire flowing through you ] lips parted as you just stared at one another for a second. San was the first to crack the silence, lips pulling into a grin and eyes crinkling with joy as his laugh sounded out around you. He flipped off from on top of you, landing next to you on the floor but his smile never dimmed and his laugh hadn’t faded. You rolled slightly so you were actually on your side as you continued to look at him. When he looked back at you your heart skipped a beat, his smile was so pretty and it made his dimple so deep but it wasn’t long before his laughter simmered and his expression faded as he looked back at you.

Biting your lip once again you made an executive decision [ the only decision you could think off, since all thoughts were now preoccupied with San at the moment ] to lift yourself to hover over him this time. You swallowed and let out a breath as your eyes met, searching for any sign that you should stop. Your shaking breath cut out into a soft gasp as San’s hands caressed over the small of your back to pull you down so that your chests touched. Your right hand lifted up to take hold of the cigarette tucked behind his ear, [ a small giggle leaving your lips at the thought that it was still there even after all that ] and twisted it between your fingers a little. Was it a nervous habit or just a neat trick, you couldn’t distinguish at the moment. San’s own hand came to hold yours, two sets of fingers now playing with the home-made roll-up gently. Soon enough San took it from your shallow grip and flicked it across the room, using the same hand to cup your jaw to cirect your gaze back to him.

Meeting his eyes made you want to shy away from his gaze but you let him keep you there. He looked at you with such a strong emotion you though you’d possibly be able to taste it from his lips. “I have to tell you something…” You whispered, close enough to not have to raise your voice.

“What is it?” He whispered back, the fingers on your back drawing small circles as the hand at you jaw left to curl a strand of hair around his fingers in the opposite direction. [ how he did that subconsciously and not mess it up would’ve made your head spin in wonder ].

“I love you.” You began, still whispering. “I have for a long time, though in the beginning I tried rather hard to deny it. Mainly because you had a significant other and I didn’t want to ruin that for you. And then, in a rather dick move, I got a significant other in the hopes of stopping it but that didn’t work so I stopped getting into romantic relationships altogether and now-”

He cut you off, pulling you into him to kiss the words from your lips [ which you appreciated because your inner thoughts were beginning to panic because your mouth wouldn’t stop talking ]. When you separated his smile was back, albeit not as wide as before. His eyes were as soft as his smile as he kissed you once more, resting your foreheads together. “I love you too,” he said against your lips. At his words you surged forward, pressing into him with fierce emotion as your kissed him.

You had wanted to hear those words from his lips for so long. You had wanted him for so long. And here he was, right in your reach, his hands on your body and yours tugging gently at his hair. Before all the breath in your lungs had finished and you lost your conscious nerve to a blur of desire those word had repeated at least thrice as you made your way to the comfort of your bed and the warmth of his body.

The next day when you woke up, you woke up earlier than usual and feeling unusually chipper as you took a hot shower. The subtly sweet scent of pancakes met you as you made your way through the house and into the kitchen.

“Good morning, Sunshine, you’re up early,” your brother grinned over his shoulder, both hands currently busy holding a pan and spatula. “I made pancakes.”

“Yes, I can see that.” You returned his grin with one of your own, a teasing smile lifting to your lips as you took a seat. Your head was clear of any headaches or lingering pain from a hangover since you were better with your alcohol intake as a twenty-two-year-old, and your reckless youth had lined your stomach with a fair amount of tolerance.

“Exactly how drunk was I last night? I don’t remember anyone leaving.”

“Oh boy,” Seonghwa sniggered, a sly grin taking over his features, “the party was two days ago, you slept all day yesterday. Really freaked San out.”

“What?!” You exclaimed, a piece of pancake falling from your fingers back onto your plate, bouncing off and onto the side sadly. [ It went ignored as you stared down your brother. ]

“Yeah. And he’s been ramble-muttering about you for a solid ten hours now. He’s really not subtle at all.” Seonghwa grinned. “So now that you two have slept together, are you two actually together?”

If you had liquid in your mouth, you would have spat it out. “He told you?!” You exclaimed, heart racing at the thought of your best friend and your brother discussing your sex-life.

“No.” Seonghwa denied immediately, face scrunching up in disgust at the mere thought, “I definitely don’t need to know details about that. It’s just San isn’t subtle at all when he’s mutter-rambling. He was oblivious to the fact he was thinking out loud about how to move forward after your… time together… while I literally sat next to him.” Seonghwa then grinned at you, again, the stretch of his lips becoming a little too mischievous for your liking. “Pretty sure he passed out on the couch half an hour ago.” He hinted, motioning over to the living room with his head as his eyebrows wiggled up and down suggestively.

A puff of air exhaled through your nose as a small smile climbed over your lips. You opened your mouth to talk, but he cut you off with a gentle pat on the head, “I’m happy for you two,” was all he said but it was enough. [ Your heart soared at the approval of your brother. It was not that you nor San needed Seonghwa’s approval, but it was nice to know he wouldn’t oppose it. ] Then you made your way to the couch San was asleep on.

You sat next to him, in the space unoccupied by his body. His brow was furrowed, which you frowned at. You lifted a hand and gently pressed on the juncture between his eyebrows, smoothing them out. His face instantly relaxed under your touch [ a part of your mind daydreamed that it was because he knew it was you ] and a small smith lifted upon your lips. Your hand moved down to cup his cheek and then his jaw before you raised it to gently wipe away the hair that had fallen in his face. You bit down on your lip, confused on whether to wake him up or not but life had chosen for you as one by one San’s eyes opened and slowly focused on you.

His eyes widened, and in a flurry of limbs suddenly he was laying on his back on the floor while you had balanced yourself with your knees over his waist. After a second of shocked silence [ as the two of you came to terms with what the fuck just happened ] a grin spread across his lips, eyes crinkling in delight, as his hands came to grip your hips gently.

A silent confirmation washed over the two of you as your lips spread to mirror his grin. The two of you would be alright as the next part of your relationship bloomed, the embers of your crushes were now burning bright.

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