thinking about how Humans Are Space Orcs stories always talk about how indestructible humans are, our endurance, our ability to withstand common poisons, etc. and thats all well and good, its really fun to read, but it gets repetitive after a while because we aren't all like that.
And that got me thinking about why this trope is so common in the first place, and the conclusion I came to is actually kind of obvious if you think about it. Not everyone is allowed to go into space. This is true now, with the number of physical restrictions placed on astronauts (including height limits), but I imagine it's just as strict in some imaginary future where humans are first coming into contact with alien species. Because in that case there will definitely be military personnel alongside any possible diplomatic parties.
And I imagine that all interactions aliens have ever had up until this point have been with trained personnel. Even basic military troops conform to this standard, to some degree. So aliens meet us and they're shocked and horrified to discover that we have no obvious weaknesses, we're all either crazy smart or crazy strong (still always a little crazy, academia and war will do that to you), and not only that but we like, literally all the same height so there's no way to tell any of us apart.
And Humans Are Death Worlders stories spread throughout the galaxy. Years or decades or centuries of interspecies suspicion and hostilities preventing any alien from setting foot/claw/limb/appendage/etc. on Earth until slowly more beings are allowed to come through. And not just diplomats who keep to government buildings, but tourists. Exchange students. Temporary visitors granted permission to go wherever they please, so they go out in search of 'real terran culture' and what do they find?
Humans with innate heart defects that prevent them from drinking caffeine. Humans with chronic pain and chronic fatigue who lack the boundless endurance humans are supposedly famous for. Humans too tall or too short or too fat to be allowed into space. Humans who are so scared of the world they need to take pills just to function. Humans with IBS who can't stand spicy foods, capsaicin really is poison to them. Lactose intolerance and celiac disease, my god all the autoimmune disorders out there, humans who struggle to function because their own bodies fight them. Humans who bruise easily and take too long to heal. Humans who sustained one too many concussions and now struggle to talk and read and write. Humans who've had strokes. Humans who were born unable to talk or hear or speak, and humans who through some accident lost that ability later.
Aliens visit Earth, and do you know what they find? Humanity, in all its wholeness.
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I have been making this breakfast sandwich once a weekend for like... 5 weeks now? It's REALLY good! Read below for my BDG breakfast sandwich tips ✨
First things first, all of the ingredients for this freeze and thaw really well so if you're worried about buying like a bunch of sausage and not getting enough use out of it just cut patties and throw it in the freezer :) I've been keeping the buns, sausage, and bacon in the freezer and then thawing what I need the night before I plan to make it (the frozen hash browns just go straight in the pan, the bacon could too but I'd recommend thawing the sausage). The official ingredients list is:
Buns
Sausage
Bacon
Egg
Frozen hash browns
Cheese
Ketchup
⚠️ INGREDIENTS ALERT ⚠️: There's quite a bit here and you can use less sausage and hash browns especially than you think you might need. This sandwich is quite heavy for me so I think less can be more for this one. Of course this varies person to person so measure with your heart 🫶
I don't have a nice long flat pan like BDG has in his vid, but I managed just fine with a standard nonstick skillet and had my smaller skillet on another burner be the "warming zone". I can confirm that after a few times this sandwich only takes about 30 min to put together (even for two people) + clean up. Just start with the bacon and sausage to get the juices flowing, then throw down the hash browns and finish off with the egg and toasting the bread.
HASH BROWN TIPS: Easily the hardest part of this is getting the hash browns correct so here is some advice:
Get em in the pan early and let them sit. They will take the longest out of all the items if you want to get em real crispy since you're probably taking them straight from the freezer
DON'T MESS WITH THEM. LET THEM SIT. Even with this advice though I had a hard time getting them to stick together in a patty (maybe it's the brand I'm using? 🤔) so...
If you're having trouble getting them to stay together, use a bit of egg or melt cheese on top to force them to stick :)
If they do end up falling apart, you can still use them on the sandwich: put the ketchup on the bottom bun as glue and sprinkle your hash browns on top and they won't fall off the sandwich, then top with the other ingredients.
My personal modifications: The best part of cooking is doing whatever you want so here's my personal shake ups:
Pepper jack cheese cause it's the best cheese
I don't scramble my eggs cause I love a runny yolk - the technique to still getting a "patty" out of the egg is to have the pan real hot then crack it at the edge of the pan and carefully flip it over itself so you cook the whites around the yolk, tilting the pan and using the wall to help maneuver the egg. Yes this results in a far messier sandwich. No I don't care.
PEPPER!!! Crank that shit babyyyy (for context I have a pepper grinder)
Genuinely don't remember if BDG does this in his vid but I like to toast both sides of the bun and kinda squish it down a bit. Due to the egg this has the potential to be a tall sandwich so this helps reduce the height
Overall an excellent breakfast sandwich to me as someone who is a breakfast sandwich connoisseur. I was skeptical about the hash browns and ketchup but they really do add some good flavor to the sandwich. I recommend making it once or twice matching BDG's recipe before getting silly with it (I think it's important to start from the beginning if you can to learn what YOU think works and what doesn't before making a bunch of changes. I would not have used ketchup if the recipe didn't call for it but it's a great addition and I always use it now). I think he also has some great tips - the one about letting the sausage patty cook a bunch on one side, then flipping and using the crispy to flatten it out is so genius. I ❤️ lazy cooking
FUTURE RESEARCH: I have some ideas for what to do next with my sandwiches personally. I'm looking forward to trying these and you should like this post if you want to hear about my future endeavors:
Using cheap croissants as the bread. I love cheap crappy croissants, they're SO GOOD on breakfast sandwiches so I need to try them here
Removing the bacon or sausage. Like I mentioned, I think this is a pretty heavy sandwich and I don't think both are needed (though they are REALLY good). I might get just as much enjoyment without both personally
Adding avocado. I love avocado + bacon + egg sandwiches so this would be perfect for me personally with the has browns
I should possibly try thawing some hash browns to see if they stick together better when thawed first...
(unrelated to the sandwich) I now have a massive bag of hash browns in my freezer cause these don't come in small amounts. I've personally never been a big hash brown person... but making them real thin and crispy for this sandwich has opened a new door for me. I will be cooking them more to see what else I can do with em
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DO NOT BE AFRAID
this is combining Ovid's Heroides and the Excidium Troie because I can't stop thinking of Hermes telling him not to be afraid. what the fuck!! Ares is wearing the crown that Paris gave him.
I have. thoughts. about Paris. he's almost got this Troilos parallel in my mind, that the event that defines him in detail exists in a lost narrative that we don't have (the Cypria), but everyone else knew. the event that defines Troilos is his death (murdered, butchered by Achilles, the violence of which haunts everything after. Achilles, child killer, you can't escape that!), and the event that defines Paris is the Judgement. what's a lost text but a kind of grave!!
idk I don't think that Paris before the Judgement would recognize himself after bc when you become god touched, it rearranges your guts. you become transformed in the worst way possible! how could you recognize yourself! but I also think that all the Parises after the Judgement would recognize each other because that event is so locked into the trauma of war and the scar it leaves on the land, it's like a scar on the narrative too. it exists like this forever, over and over again, so you exist like that forever too. Troy collects grief and despairs.
Troy as trauma: Reflections on intergenerational transmission and the locus of trauma, Andromache Karanika
and Paris is like. a miserable little god/corpse-puppet or something, like a match for the gods to throw onto gasoline.
The Excidium Troie + Ovid's Heroides:
Excidium Troie, trans. Muhammad Syarif Fadhlurrahman
Ovid, Heroides 16 (trans. Harold Isbell)
a collection of things regarding Paris that made me go 😬 but under a cut bc this is getting. very long.
The Divine Twins in Early Greek Poetry, Corolla Torontonensis
Iliad 24 and the Judgement of Paris, C.J. Mackie
Elegy and Epic and the Recognition of Paris: Ovid "Heroides" 16, Elizabeth Forbis Mazurek
Ennian Influence in "Heroides" 16 and 17, Howard Jacobson
Paris/Alexandros in the "Iliad", I. J. F. de Jong
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i do just have to say though.................... i feel like people who really really loved the movie's portrayals of the characters are adding aspects of the show characters onto them? you know what i mean? like i see people say that adrien and marinette were more likeable in the movie than the show, when movie adrien didn't perform a single act of kindness in the entire 2 hours despite kindness being a core trait of adrien in the show? marinette was normal and not particularly weird at all and just kind of a generic protagonist? were adrien and marinette actually more interesting in the movie than the show, or are you just cherrypicking the aspects of them you like the from the show and putting them on the movie characters to make your favorite amalgamation?
marinette fell for adrien not because he showed vulnerability and forgiveness and kindness and opened his heart up to her.... but because he awkwardly tried to help her up after being kind of weirded out by her? so like i guess she thought he was hot and that was basically it? chat noir fell for ladybug not because she was strong and confident and showed determination in the face of fear... but because she begrudgingly helped him up in the middle of a battle? so like i guess he thought she was hot and that was basically it? they fell for each other over just the bare minimum interactions? most of their relationship was a montage? like, did the movie do the work to convince you of lovesquare's romantic potential, or did you go into the movie already shipping them because the show had already convinced you?
thats totally a valid way to enjoy the movie ftr! i'm just saying.... idk it's weird to see people praising the movie for being "better" when i feel like a lot of the enjoyment of the movie actually hinges on watching the show as context for their characters. and i guess im just a cringe slow-burn enjoyer but i find it weird that people are using "faster" as a synonym for "better"
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