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echo-three-one · 3 years

Text

Chapter 28

The boys are back... (High School Musical, probably)

THE ROAD SO FAR

Docked and Loaded

Alexander "Alex" Collins

MacTavish Residence, Glasgow Scotland

Alex loved the idea of sleeping beside his significant other. It felt great to be loved, especially after all those months when he couldn't stop thinking of her.

Yet today was different, he woke up alone. He turned to the bathroom door to check whether Samantha took a shower, but it was too quiet. So he decided to put on his grey tank top and sweatpants to go look for her.

He pulled the door open to see Samantha carrying a tray containing two meals, one was a fluffy pancake with maple syrup and the other one was a meaty sandwich.

"Hey, you. Good Morning." She greeted, her voice was always angelic in Alex's ears.

"There you are…" he sighed as he stepped back, letting her in.

"I was only gone for a few minutes. You don't have to worry that much." She grinned, guiding Alex back to the bed, teasingly pushing him as he plopped on the soft mattress bouncing as he slowly backwards crawled until his back hit the headboard.

"I'm just not used to waking up without you in my arms." he grinned as Samantha placed the tray on his lap, grabbing a slice of the sandwich and pointed it at his mouth.

"I thought the pancake was mine." Alex said, looking puzzled.

"No, that's mine. What you're supposed to be eating is this very healthy, dietician prescribed meal." She emphasized. Alex frowned.

"I want the pancake." he complained playfully.

"Too much sugar is bad for you." she teased as Alex finally surrendered and opened his mouth wide. He wasn't a huge fan of the wheat bread.

"Say, aside from Alex. Did you use any other names while undercover?" Samantha slowly plopped herself beside him, locking her hands against his and leaned on his strong biceps.

"Oh hmmm.." he hummed, softly chewing and finishing his sandwich.

"I had a few… like James, Chad, Mike or Michael…" he said.

"Okay. Which was the most sophisticated?" Samantha asked. Alex looked at her in the eyes and saw that she was really interested in his answer.

"Nathaniel." he chuckled and Samantha looked confused.

"What's funny?"

"I don't strike as a 'Nathaniel'. I just used it once." Alex defended despite not being attacked.

"Now that you say it… yeah." she laughed as soon as she realized the content of his words.

"What's the funniest? And why?" her eyes sparkled, or has it always been that way then he looked at her eyes. Alex never knew, but he liked it.

"Ummm.. I once went by 'Ray'. It's funny because… it just is. It's too short and I often mistake someone thinking that they're calling me. It has a lot of rhymes you know…" he answered, her eyes never left her stare.

"Ray's a nice name." Samantha mused, this actually made Alex a little curious.

"You're making me jealous over my previous name." He sneered playfully.

"Oh don't be. Alex is a very perfect name. It sounds... handsome." she said, making Alex smile in excitement. This was it. He was truly madly and deeply in love with this woman.

Alex leaned for a kiss to which Samantha eagerly accepted, but as soon as their hands started to roam around, a knock on the door was heard.

"Oi, Alex! Price wants us for a briefing." Soap's muffled voice roared from behind the door.

"I'm coming!" Alex shouted as she gave Samantha one quick kiss before leaving the bed.

Alex felt underdressed for the briefing as Roach and Soap were wearing collared shirts. So he hid behind them and listened eagerly to Captain Price.

"Alright boys, Laswell left us a gift. There's a port near the English Channel, where a lot of cargo ships are suspected to be operating under Shadow Company's name, and it might lead us to Shepherd.

The plan is simple. Sneak in, gather everything we can using our cameras and sneak out. This place will be swarming with hostiles and all we have are pistols with few ammo. Soap, you take care of our ride and comms. Alex and Roach, you're with me." They all nodded in agreement.

"There are about approximately three ships and the Shadow Company shipment is mixed along with civilian cargo. We have to be there before 3 am tomorrow as it's scheduled to be unloaded that day." Price sprawled printout of the cargo's travel ticket along with other solid intel.

It was official. They're back in the grid, a wave of excitement and fear overwhelmed the former CIA. Excited because they're one step closer to ending this thing and scared because he knew Samantha's going to worry about him.

Port of Dover, London UK

1734HOURS

They were too early for the transfer but as they say, "The early bird gets the worm." The team positioned themselves on a rooftop of a nearby building, Price scanning the area with binoculars.

"Three huge cargo ships and one party packed cruise ship." he muttered. The rest of the team sat patiently waiting for the perfect opening.

"Hm. This is odd." Price added, noticing the convoy of expensive cars slowly parking themselves near the ship.

"It is. There's a party here tonight… and it says here SC Security Services was hired as the events' security team." Gary added, scrolling through his phone.

"SC. Shadow Company. Sneaky Bastards are using the party to cover their real agenda!" Soap pieced the puzzle together.

"And we're here to stop em on their bloody tracks." Price nodded and resumed scanning.

"How are we going to get in?" Alex asked as trucks of Shadow Company troops flooded the area. It looked like they had good reason to swarm the place. It was a sneaky yet effective tactic.

"I got one ticket." Gary raised a QR code from his phone. Price looked at the black and white blotches of squares in question.

"What's that supposed to do?" Price asked.

"It's a digital pass. The DJ performing tonight is a good ol' friend of mine." he said.

"It's going to be a semi-formal party with a masquerade theme." He continued, scrolling through the e-invite.

"Then you're going in there. See what's up. These cargo ships may just be decoys. We take one ship each. Always stay on comms. Once Roach successfully gets in, he'll find a shortcut from the inside." Price planned and everyone had no objections.

"Wait. Maxine told me that she brought something useful." he scoured the contents of the duffle bag.

"Is it food?" Soap asked innocently as everyone looked at him.

"Bingo. Three Shadow Company Uniforms from Russia." Gary grinned and everyone looked delighted.

"Guess we're taking the easy way in." Price muttered as they put their plan to action.

Roach stopped at a local thrift shop for his attire. He wore an awkwardly tight tuxedo with rubber duck printed tie and a magenta masquerade mask. It wasn't too shabby and it did the job, as the rest of the group were already inside the premises.

"Stay on comms, Roach. Keep us posted." Price muttered as the team split to each of their ships. Walking casually like regular guards, except they didn't have guns.

"Aye aye, Captain." Roach muttered as slow booming could be heard from the distance. He was approaching the party.

Alex's ship was the farthest from the cruise ship but that didn't mean it was the least guarded. For a party, the place was overcrowded with security. Alex confidently nodded at every 'ally' he passed along the way, overhearing conversations of a supply drop around 3 am tomorrow, confirming Laswell's speculations.

"Hey!" Someone called from behind and Alex turned cautiously.

"You left your rifle at the office?" he asked and Alex nodded. The man pointed to the cargo ship and it gave Alex the free ticket to investigate it. He was lucky enough for an easy pass.

The cargo ship was indeed large, he didn't know where to start, but as soon as he claimed his issued rifle, he immediately looked for the ship's logs.

"I'm in. Got myself a gun." Alex reported.

"Good. I'm also in. Trying not to get tempted by the buffet." Gary replied.

"They're looking suspiciously at my haircut." Soap muttered, frustrated.

"My ship's empty, but I could feel footsteps. I'm being followed." Price warned.

"Mine's full of stuff. It's impossible to look through these without a shipment log." Alex sighed, opening another door that contained useless stuff.

At the last door of the hallway, Alex heard a bizarre noise, he carefully crouched and checked on the room. A Shadow Company guard was snoring loudly, a computer monitor showing a live feed of the rooms in front of him.

"Ahem! Sir, you are needed on the cruise ship!" Alex roared, surprising the sleeping guard as he quickly got up to his bearings and exited the room.

"Alright guys. I got eyes on the whole thing." He told comms while scanning the thick book of the ship's cargo.

"Good one." Gary said.

"Finally, these muppets stopped talking about my hair. I'm Oscar Mike." Soap muttered while Price's end remained quiet.

"Just what is Shepherd up to…" Alex mused, fingers scrolling through the ship log. He doesn't have all night but he's doing his best to look for it under pressure.

Next Chapter : Docked and Loaded - Part 2

Notification Squad my Beloved

@enderio @samatedeansbroccoli @smokeywhalee @whimsywispsblog @beemybee @ricinbach

#horrayfic #codmw #alex echo 3 1 #john soap mactavish #john price #simon ghost riley #gary roach sanderson #whateverittakes

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worldserasingandcreatinginmymind · 4 years

Text

Trust | Doctor Who

Pairing: Doctor x Reader (readers choice as to which regeneration this is, I personally had a mix of ten and eleven in mind when writing)

Word Count: 4383

Warning: gets super angsty at points, very tiny mention of blood, possible death? and some very cheesy fluff

A/N: okay so this has been sitting in my drafts for months and I’ve been reluctant to post it but then I thought what the hell I’m just gonna do it. I thought about splitting it into parts but decided to just stick it up as a oneshot. And as always spelling and grammar is not my strongest skill so please be kind :)

- - - - -

“Finally, you’re here! I’ve been waiting for hours, you really need a more comfortable sofa you know..” The Doctor says lounging on your sofa, staring you excitedly waiting for an answer.

“What did I tell you about letting yourself into my apartment?” You say, dropping your bag to the floor.

“I know” he continues, ignoring your question “I could have just jumped in the TARDIS, travelled to the moment just before you got home and spared myself the agony but I didn’t know exactly how long you would be out and quite frankly that feels like more effort than I feel like taking part in today. But anyway enough about me..” he takes a deep breath ”how did it go?”

“How did what go?” You respond blankly

“Your date”

You take a sharp intake of breath, trying to keep your expression blank to hide any emotion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about”

“Oh come on y/n, this is me you’re talking to. You know you can’t keep secrets from me”

“I’m not keeping any... what makes you think I’ve been on a date?”

“It’s obvious. Your hairs down, you never wear your hair down unless its a special event or you’re trying to impress someone. Your clothes are far too fancy for work, too risqué for a family occasion. And your face, there’s a glow to your face like you’ve been blushing. Soooo, how was it? I want to hear everything” he leans forward, resting his chin in his hands staring up at you with hope.

He reminded you of an overexcited puppy. Ever since your last boyfriend had dumped you via text while you were off on a TARDIS adventure, the Doctor had been trying to set you up with every potential candidate he found. You, on the other hand, had just wanted to forget about boys all together and focus on having fun with the Doctor. That was until you met Jack.

“look, I just... we don’t have time for this right now. Isn’t there some planet that needs saving or something?”

“Ah, they can save themselves” batting his hand away like he was trying to hit a fly ”this is more important. You had a date!”

“Just leave it, please”

“No I will not, until you tell me everything”

“There’s nothing to tell”

“Sure there is, why wont you talk to me?”

“BECAUSE HE STOOD ME UP, OKAY?” You suddenly explode and the Doctor just watches you silently. “He didn’t come. I waited in that cafe for two and a half hours and he didn’t come. No phone call, not even a text. Two and a half hours I sat on my own, watching the door, trying to ignore the pitiful looks from everyone else. ‘Oh look at that poor sad girl, cant even get a date.. pathetic...’” you start to break down before you can finish your sentence. The Doctor jumps up and pulls you into a tight hug. “What is wrong with me? What did I do wrong?” You cry.

“Hey no, shhhhh, nothing is wrong with you” the Doctor reassures, stroking your hair “you are perfect”

“Why didn’t he show? Am I that dull to talk to? Did he spot me in window, take one look and run the other way? Or maybe he had no intention of ever coming, he just set me up as a joke. And i fell for it like the fool that i am?”

“NO” the Doctor says firmly, taking your face in his hands and staring into your eyes “look at me. You are NOT a fool. Okay? You are one of the smartest, bravest, funniest, kindest, most interesting people I’ve ever had the pleasure of travelling with. Honestly. You amaze me every single day. Don’t you ever speak about yourself like that”

He kissed you on the forehead and you show him a weak smile.

“I just don’t understand why he wouldn’t come. When we spoke on the ohine this morning he kept saying he was so excited to meet.”

“Ah” The doctor suddenly remembers, taking a step back and looking to the ground like something was bothering him.

“What is it?”

“I think that maybe this might have slightly been my fault..”

You don’t say anything, you just look at him with confusion.

“I may have accidentally on purpose bumped into Jack on his way to meeting you and accidentally scared him off... accidentally...”

Your mouth drops open as the realisation of what the Doctor has done sinks in. Your face switches through confusion, to disbelief, to anger.

“You did WHAT?!”

“I just wanted to check him out, ask him about his intentions. You know how I feel about people called Jack! Look I just needed to make sure he wasn’t, you know, some sort of insane axe murderer type”

“YOU’RE the one who’s insane!” You shout back, now pacing around the room, hands up in your hair “I cant even look at you right now... you know not all men are like Captain Jack Hark- wait..” suddenly you stop pacing, turning to look at him “how do you know his name? Come to think of it, how did you even know I was going to meet anyone?”

“You, you left your phone on the TARDIS console the other day while you ‘popped to the loo’” he says, making air quotes with his fingers as he quoted you, trying to make a joke lighter but actually just pissing you off even more. “It kept doing the buzzy buzzy thing so i picked it up to shush it and saw all these messages from Jack talking about looking forward to meeting you and I thought-“

“What? You thought anyone who would want to go on a date with me must be insane?!”

“No, no no no of course not no I-“

“Then why? Doctor, why would you do this to me?”

“Because I love you” he blurts out. You fall silent, eyes fixed on his face. “I love you y/n, and I couldn’t stand the thought of you being hurt again” he pauses “and I think that maybe, deep down, I was terrified of the thought that you could fall in love with someone who isn’t me”

You just stand there, silently staring at his face. You’d never seen him this vulnerable, this honest about his feelings.

“No..” you say and he looks at you confused “no, NO. You can’t do this to me. You can’t spend the last few months trying to set me up with other people, make me think that you don’t think of me at all in that way and then turn around and tell me you LOVE me?! What the HELL Doctor? You can’t just play with people emotions like that!”

“I never intended to hurt you, y/n, that’s the last thing I wanted and I hate myself for hurting you. But bad things seem to happy to the people I love, and I think I thought that if you were with someone else then, you’d be safe? I, I don’t know. Just, please y/n I need you to know that I am so sorry.”

You just look at him. It’s hard to see the man who is usually so cool and calm actually starting to panic.

“Please say something.” He pleads but you continue to look at him silently, your thoughts racing a million miles an hour in your head.

“Y/N?” He says again, stepping forward and reaching out to you but you take a step back and look down at your feet.

“I trusted you...” you voice comes out quiet and full of hurt “...with everything. I put my life in your hands.” You pause, look up at the doctor and take a deep breath “I don’t think I can do that anymore”

“You can-“ he steps towards you again but you turn away and close your eyes.

“I need to be on my own”

The Doctor takes a step back and nods silently.

“well, you know how to find me when you're ready” he sighs sadly.

He turns and walks to your bedroom where the TARDIS is parked. As he reaches for the door he stops to take one last look at you, willing you to turn around and run into his arms. But you don’t. He leaves.

You hear the sound of the TARDIS leaving and you drop to the floor, finally letting out all the emotion you had been trying to keep in.

The Doctor watches you from the screen in his TARDIS as tears fall from his eyes.

- - - 6 months later - - -

“RUN!” The Doctor shouts as he turns and starts sprinting. You immediately follow as you hear guns firing behind you and the Daleks shouting “EXTERMINATE!”

Together you run down winding corridor until finally the TARDIS is in sight. The Doctor gets there before you, opening the TARDIS door and holding his hand out to you

“almost there y/n, keep running” he encourages but suddenly a Dalek appears infront of you. Before you can do anything a laser shoots from the end of the Daleks gun and hits you.

- - - - -

Your eyes shoot open as you sit upright in bed breathing heavily. Just another nightmare.

You leave your house and head towards the bus stop as you do every morning to get to work since you went back to your mundane TARDIS free life. It’s been six months since the Doctor told you he loved you and you hadn’t seen or even spoken to him since. But you couldn’t help but think about him every day. Part of you wanted to pick up the phone and call him to come back, but the other part of you was still hurting and confused.

After the Doctor had left Jack had messaged you apologising for not showing up to your date and told you about the man who had scared him. You made up a story about him being an overprotective family member of yours and that he wouldn’t have to worry about him anymore. You and Jack dated for a couple of months but when you discovered he was still seeing other girls you called it off. Maybe the Doctor was right to scare him away.

You reach the bus stop just as your bus is puling away. You tried running to catch up with it but you were too late. You slump down on the bench to wait for the next one and again your thoughts drift to the Doctor. Wondering where he is now, what planet he’s saving or what new aliens he’s meeting. You wonder if he’s found anyone else to travel with and your heart sinks at the thought. You take out your phone and scroll down the contact list till you reach ‘Doc’. Your finger hovers over the call button. What if he has moved on? What if he doesn’t care about you at all anymore? He told you he loved you and you turned him away.

You pushed your anxiety aside and hit the call button but just as it stared to ring you heard screams coming from the park over the road. You hung up the phone and crossed the road toward the park. People were running towards you, presumably away from whatever was cause the screams but you ran towards it. Your time with the Doctor had definitely made you brave.

You continued to run through the park until you heard a noise that stopped you dead in your tracks. A noise you hadn’t heard since your days of travelling. A noise you hoped you would never hear again.

“EXTERMINATE!”

You felt your body freeze in panic. This is just another dream right? You pinch yourself but you don't wake up. Okay so this is real. But how could the Daleks be here on earth? The Doctor banished them last time-

“EXTERMINATE!”

The sound pulled your attention back to earth and you looked up just in time to see a Dalek shooting straight at you. You dived out the way and ran as fast as your legs could carry you towards a woodland area over one side of the park. You ran through the woods, mind racing as fast as your feet until you tripped on a root sticking out the ground and skidded across the floor cutting your knees pretty bad. You get up, hobble over to lean against a tree and pull out your phone. You need the Doctor.

But before you can press call you hear another familiar voice behind you that sent chills down your spine. Another one of the Doctor’s rivals you had unfortunately met on your travels, probably the most dangerous of them all.

“Hello y/n” he says and you turn around slowly to see the Master standing behind you grinning maniacally.

“Long time no see” he chuckles but then his face turns dead serious “give me the phone”

You stare at time, full of panic.

“GIVE ME THE PHONE!” He shouts which makes you jump. You immediately hand your phone over and he grabs your wrist tightly, pulling you in so your face is close enough to whisper “see, that wasn’t so hard was it?” Before smiling again and letting you go. You take a step back, holding your wrist in your hand. The Master starts walking slowly around you, making you feel like a dying animal being watched by a vulture.

“Where is the Doctor? Why are you alone, I thought you were his new pet?”

You look down at the ground.

“Not anymore” you reply but your voice is barely audible

“Speak up little pet!” He says in your ear from behind you before continuing the circle around you

“Not anymore” you say slightly louder and the Master stops in front of you again.

“Oh? What happened? Lover’s tiff?”

“It’s complicated” you shake your head dismissively.

“Complicated huh? Well let’s see what if we can clear things up shall we?” He takes your phone from his pocket and puts it on speaker you can hear the ringing tone and then the voice you’d missed so much...

“Y/N?” He sounds worried

“Guess again lover boy” the Master laughs changing the call to a video call so the Doctor can see him grinning.

“What have you done?! If you’ve hurt her-“

“She’s safe” he interrupts, walking over and putting his arm around you to pull you into the Doctor’s view “for now.. You see, I’ve invited some old friends of yours to this planet you seem to care so much about and well, they’re making quite a mess.”

“Master!” The Doctor tries to speak.

“DON’T INTERRUPT ME!” He shouts and you flinch. “As I was saying. The Daleks are having a field day with your humans, they are extra trigger happy today I tell you.” He laughs as he let’s go of you and reaches into his pocket “but so I am”

He pulls a gun and his face changes again to be completely serious.

“So it seems Doctor you have a choice to make. You can stop the Daleks...” he puts the gun to your head and moves the camera so the Doctor can see the fear in your eyes “or you can stop me.”

“Master please, please don’t do this-“ he begins pleading.

“Oh I love to hear you beg! So what will it be? The girl or the earth, its your choice Doctor” the Master hangs up the phone, dropping it to the floor and stamping on it.

You close your eyes and try to steady your breath but you’re shaking so much that you can’t focus on anything else. You feel the gun move away from your head and you open your eyes cautiously. The Master sits on the floor, back leaning against a tree. He gestures for you to come sit by him, but you don’t move.

“Oh come on, I’m not gonna shoot you yet. Relax”

You slowly move to sit near him, but not too close, and cross your legs. You stare at the ground, twiddling your thumbs nervously as you work up the courage to speak.

“Why are you doing this?” You ask, tears in your eyes.

“Because I’m BORED-UH!” He replies, emphasising the ‘D’ at the end like an impatient child.

“Because you’re bored?” You ask in disbelief, feeling rage build up inside you “you’re killing people, innocent good people who don’t deserve any of this because you’re bored? You’re insane!” You shake your head.

“Thank you” he smiles and does a little bow from where he’s sat and you roll your eyes.

“so tell me, what happened with you and the Doc huh? Why’d he leave you behind?” The Master asks and you pull your knees up in your chest, hugging your arms around your legs.

“its complicated” you say, really not wanting to get into this conversation with him.

“so you keep saying, tell me anyway”

“why do you care?” You look at him getting fed up.

“I don't really, just being nosey” he says dismissively putting his arms behind his head and leaning back against the tree.

Thinking the conversation is over you decide to also lean your head back against the tree so you can look up and the leaves and sky above you.

“did he run over your cat?”

You look at him in confusion.

“what? No he-“

“did he kiss your mom?

“no-“

“did he break your phone?”

“you just did!” You point to your broken phone lying on the floor a few feet in front of you.

“ah yeah, oops” he shrugs “did he-“

“he told me he loved me!” you interrupt, fed up of all the questions. The Master looks disappointed, and then confused.

“I don't get it. Why’s that a bad thing? what, you don't love him back?”

“no I do.. I did.. I, its compli-“

“if you say it's complicated one more time I'm just gonna shoot you now” he glares at you and you bite your lip. For a moment you had forgotten you were talking to one of the most dangerously unpredictable beings in the universe. “if he loves you, and you love him then what’s complicated?”

“yeah well, you're not capable of love so you just, you wouldn’t understand” you sigh

The Master brings his hand to his chest and fakes hurt at your comment

“no need to be so mean, I'm sure lover boy will be here soon”

You shake your head “he might not. I was horrible to him. He told me he loved me and I told him to leave me alone. And that was 6 months ago. He owes me nothing”

“thats not true y/n” you hear and turn to see the Doctor standing there. Your heart feels like it skips a beat as you let out a small sigh of relief. You go to stand up but the Master beats you to it, suddenly holding the gun and pointing it at you again

“you stay! Down!” you kneel down, wincing at the pain from where you cut them earlier “thats a good little pet” he lowers the gun but still has that crazed look in his eyes which fills you with fear.

“are you okay?” The Doctor asks and you give him a small nod.

“well isn’t this sweet, the lovers reunited once more” he put his hands to his heart “I could almost cry.. shame I'm not capable of love eh y/n?” He drops the act glaring at you and you gulp.

“leave her out of this Master, this is between you and me. And call off the Daleks too, this planet doesn’t deserve this”

“this planet, Doctor, deserve everything thats coming to it” he’s getting angrier by the second “now I gave you a choice. The earth, or the girl?”

The Master points the gun back in your direction and you feel the panic rising, your heart pounding. You look to the Doctor and he gives you a reassuring glance.

“you chose wrong” the Master pulls the trigger and time seems to slow down.

Through the ringing in your ears you just about hear the Doctor shout NO and you feel pain right in the middle of your chest. You clutch your hands to your chest and look down to see them covered in deep red. As you fall onto your side you look back up at the Doctor who goes to run at the Master but is stopped when points the gun at him. The Master says something you don't hear then turns and calmly walks away. The Doctor stands for a second watching him, thinking about following but looks down at you and runs over to put pressure on your wound.

“no… you have to… go after him” you say breathlessly

The Doctor shakes his head “i’m not leaving you-”

“you have to.. the Daleks-“

“we’ll stop them together y/n, look at me” he puts one hand on your face, thumb rubbing on your cheek trying to keep you awake “stay with me”

“i’m sorry” you cry

“you have nothing to apologise for” you can see tears forming in the Doctors eyes and you know this is the end

“I love you” and one last breath leaves your body as everything goes dark.

The Doctor remains crouched on the floor cradling your body as finally the tears stream down his face. He takes a deep breath and his face changes from sorrow to determination.

- - - - -

Your eyes shoot open as you sit up straight taking frantic breaths. The Doctor runs over, crouching down next to you. He takes your hand in one of his and uses the other to hold the back of you neck, trying to focus your attention on him.

“y/n, its okay. y/n, you’re safe. Look at me, you’re safe. Just breathe with me okay. in, out, in, out..”

You take deep breaths with him and slowly feel yourself start to calm down a bit. Thats when you realise you’re on the floor of the TARDIS control room. The Doctor presses his forehead against your own and you close your eyes still taking deep breathes. Once the Doctor is satisfied that you’re calm enough he moves his head away, takes off his jacket and puts it around your shoulders. You pull in tightly around you, finding it comforting.

“how are you feeling?” The Doctor asks cautiously, watching you closely.

You think for a moment before responding. The Doctor moves over to look at one of the screens on the central console.

“confused. Ive been having really weird dreams lately, I don't know what’s real anymore.” You look up at the Doctor hoping for answers.

“What do you dream about?” He asks, still studying the screen.

“You” you respond shyly, embarrassed of your answer. The Doctor looks surprised as he looks at you “travelling with you” you clarify.

“And what happens in the dreams?”

“Well, we’re running. Always running” you laugh and he smiles “usually away from something terrifying. Then every time we’re almost safe, whatever it is that’s chasing us finally catches me. And then I wake up in my own bed-” you stop suddenly, realising something. The Doctor watches you.

“Doctor, how did I get back here? Back in the TARDIS? I don’t remember...” you trail off. The Doctor crouches back down in front of you.

“y/n tell me about your last dream” you sit, staring at the floor shaking your head. Why can’t you remember coming back to the TARDIS

“Y/N look at me” he places a hand on your shoulder “tell me what you just dreamed”

“Um, I was, I was in the park and the Daleks were there. Shooting at people, killing.. and uh, I ran just like I always do. And then the Master was there, and he caught me. And he, uh...” you place your hand on your chest “he shot me”

You look up at the Doctor who just looks back at you, studying your every move and facial expression. “And then I woke up. You must think I’m mad”

The Doctor moves his hand to hold the hand which is still covering your chest. You look down at his hand and watch as he gently squeezes it affectionally.

“You’re not mad y/n. All of that... it really happened.” You look up at him. “The Master shot you” he pauses, finding the next part hard to say “and you died. I was there, I held you.” He takes a deep breath “I brought you back.”

“How?”

“I did something I’m really not allowed to do.” You look at him confused “I transferred some regeneration energy into you. I wasn’t even sure it would work but it did. You started breathing again, but you've been unconscious for 3 days.”

“3 days?!”

“That’s why your memories a bit... fuzzy. But I can fix that, if you want me to. And I can stop those nightmare too.”

“Thank you!” You throw your arms around the Doctor and squeeze him tight. He smiles, he’d missed this.

“Oh..” he pulls away but keeps hold of your arms “sorry, about you know, leaving you on the floor. I needed you close to the console so I could monitor your heart rate.”

“Look, you brought me back to life. You could have left me asleep in a bin and I still couldn’t be angry with you” You laugh and he looks relieved. “Wait, what about the Daleks?”

“Oh they’re gone, don’t worry about them. Now, how about I sort out those memories for you?” He asks and you nod. He goes to put his fingers on your temples, but you move your head back slightly stopping him.

“BUT, there’s something I really need to do first?” You say, taking his face in your hands and kissing him. You pull away and smile shyly.

“I should have done that 6 months ago” you say, he smiles. “Right, now I’m ready”

He puts his hand up to your face.

“Remember, you can close any doors to me if there’s things to don’t want me to see” he says.

You look him in the eyes.

“I trust you”

#doctor who #doctor who oneshot #doctor who fanfic #matt smith #David tennant #ten #eleven #tenth doctor x reader #eleven x reader #eleventh doctor x reader #ten x reader #doctor x reader #angst #master x reader #the master #nicolasfam

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fanfictionisliteraturetoo · 4 years

Text

Love Day Surprise

Summary: The reader is bummed out on Valentine’s Day because it’s a reminder of the life she will never have. Dean tries to help her feel better by throwing a Valentine’s Day movie night at the bunker.

Pairings: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Mild angst, lots of fluff.

Word Count: 2,640+

A/N: Happy Almost Valentine’s Day! If I have time over the next few weeks, I’ll post some other Valentine’s oneshots about other characters.

I walked towards the kitchen following the smell of bacon wafting through the halls. I smiled when I found Sam sitting at the table, reading something on his laptop, and Dean standing over the stove cooking.

“Morning (Y/N),” Sam mumbled with his head still buried in his screen.

Dean turned toward me and smiled, “Hey sunshine, Happy Love Day!” Mornings were not my favorite, but these two could always get a smile out of me, even if I felt like a zombie.

“Happy Valentine’s Day to all of us single people,” I said. Sam laughed and Dean turned back to the pancakes.

I sat down next to Sam and yawned, stretching my arms up towards the ceiling. Dean always looked so happy when he was cooking. It was funny to watch him. He would sometimes hum his favorite rock songs without even realizing it. Today he was humming AC/DC as he poured the pancake batter.

“Need some help rockstar?”I teased.

“Nah groupie I’ve got this covered” Dean quipped, shooting me an ‘I’m the funniest person ever’ look. I shrugged, smirking at Dean’s comment, as I poured myself a glass of milk. Like I said, they could always get me to smile.

A few minutes later Dean brought over a steaming plate of bacon and heart shaped pancakes. Sam finally looked over his screen to see what Dean had brought to the table.

“Hearts huh?” Sam raised his eyebrows at Dean.

“It’s Love Day Sammy, I couldn’t resist.” Dean sat down across from me and began to fill up his plate. Sam and I soon followed, although Sam avoided the bacon.

When I was finished I took my plate to the next room over where the sink and dishwater were located. The boys were still busy stuffing their faces. I turned on the water in the sink and watched as it swirled around. Valentine’s Day always seemed like a bust for hunters. Sure you could always pick up someone at a bar, but having someone to call your Valentine was basically unheard of. That meant no boxes of chocolate, no cute cards, and no flowers. I knew living the life of a hunter meant romance was unlikely, but that never made it suck any less.

“What’s on your mind groupie?” I jumped and dropped my plate in the sink with a loud clattering sound. Dean had crept up behind me while I was lost in thought.

“Oh, uh, nothing.” I stammered, picking up the plate and scrubbing off the last bit of grease.

“You practically just jumped out of your skin, clearly it’s not nothing. But if you don’t want to talk about it that’s fine.”

“It’s just your average hunter angst, don’t worry about it” I shrugged, taking my dish over to the dish washer.

I heard Dean turn on the sink behind me so he could rinse his dishes. “Come on this is one of the best days of the year, cheer up a little bit.” When I finished loading my dish I went and leaned against the doorframe. I wasn’t sure what so say so I just watched as he finished rinsing his dishes.

Finally I gained the courage to speak. “Yeah it’s nice if you have someone to spend time with.” I watched Dean’s back tense slightly at my words. He shut off the sink and turned to face me.

“We can always go to the bar later tonight. I’m sure there will be someone there who would love to spend time with you on Valentine’s Day.” His words came out slow and nonchalant.

“Dean that’s not what I meant. I know this job doesn’t compliment romance, but sometimes I wish I had someone special. Valentine’s Day is just a reminder of the life I’ll never have.”

Dean walked over to me and stood by my side. He placed his hand on my shoulder and I looked up at him. “I tell you what. I’m gonna head to the store. I will pick up some good food for dinner and some snacks. We’ll force Sammy to watch a chick flick with us. It will be a great! That way you’ll have someone to spend Valentine’s Day with.” He smiled and I couldn’t help but smile too.

“Thanks Dean, you’re the best.” He patted my shoulder and walked out of the room. I heard him, call out to Sam letting him know he was headed to the store.

After loading Dean’s dishes into the dishwasher I went to join Sam in the library. Sam was taking a book off one of the shelves and blew a cloud of dust from it. He waved the dust out of his face and coughed.

“What is that?” I asked.

“It’s a history of vampires. I decided to brush up on some lore since we don’t have a case at the moment.” Sam waved the book so I could see the cover.

“Do you have any recommendations for me?” I asked staring at the overwhelming amount of bookshelves. Sam walked up to a shelf in the far corner of the room and grabbed a book.

“This one is on mermaids. We haven’t encountered one yet and we aren’t sure if they exist, but it should make for an interesting read.”

“Cool thanks.” We both picked a chair and sat down. We read in silence for a while, until I heard Sam’s book shut. At first I kept reading but when he sat there not doing anything for a while I peeked over my book. “You finished?” I asked.

“No, I was just thinking.” Sam replied.

“About?”

Sam hesitated for a moment then cleared his throat. “Well I don’t understand what’s going on with Dean. He never wants to stay in on Valentine’s Day. Has he said anything to you?”

“Oh Dean’s just being nice. He went to the store to grab stuff for a movie night. I was upset earlier, because Valentine’s Day was making me feel lonely. He volunteered you and himself to spend time with me tonight so I wouldn’t feel alone.”

Sam nodded to show he understood the feeling. “Being a hunter is brutal on relationships.” We went back to reading after that, until Dean came home. We heard the bunker door open and Dean sprinting down the stairs.

“(Y/N), Sammy, I’m back!” Dean called out.

“We’re in the library Dean,” I hollered back.

Dean strolled in with one arm behind his back and the other carrying a grocery bag. He had a mischievous grin spread across his face and he couldn’t seem to keep still. Dean set down the bag and walked towards me, still carrying something behind him.

“What are you doing Winchester?”

“I was at the store grabbing the stuff for our stay-at-home party and I saw these and figured why not.” He pulled a bouquet of red roses from behind his back and held them out to me. “Since hunters don’t usually get gifts for Valentine’s Day I figured you might enjoy flowers for once.” I reached up and took them in disbelief. My eyes got a little watery, I couldn’t help it, this was one of the nicest gestures someone had ever done for me. I stood up and wiped a tear away from my face.

“Come here.” I opened my arms and Dean met me in an embrace. “This is awesome Dean, thank you. I’m going to go put these in some water.” I let go and sprinted towards the kitchen.

Of course we didn’t have any vases in the bunker so I grabbed an empty whiskey bottle off the counter. I rinsed it out and put the water and roses inside. I took them into the TV room for some seasonal décor for our party tonight. I stared at them for a moment, soaking in the beautiful petals and the lovely aroma. Dean always knew how to bring my spirits up.

***

Around seven I heard a knock on my door. I had been busy reading the book Sam recommended to me, waiting for the party to start. I hadn’t realized how late it was until I looked at the clock on my bedside table. “Come in.”

The door cracked open and Dean peeked his head inside. “Dinner is on the table. Are you ready to party it up?”

“You know it. I’ll be down in a minute.” Dean gave me a thumbs up and shut the door behind him as he left. I hopped up and went over to my closet. I had been wearing a worn out t-shirt all day and decided to get a little dressed up. It was Valentine’s Day after all, or at least that’s why I told myself I was doing it.

The roses Dean got me had my mind spinning. I had feelings for Dean, but I pushed them down because I didn’t want to complicate the life I had here. The Winchester’s had been kind enough to take me in when I was on the run from a nest of vampires. After we teamed up to gank that nest, the Winchesters said I could stay if I wanted. Ever since then we lived and hunted together. Telling Dean how I feel could ruin everything and I wasn’t willing to risk it. Although he did buy me flowers, and was willing to stay in on his favorite day of the year…for me. My mind kept going over the day’s events, trying simultaneously to convince me that he felt the same and that he did not feel the same.

I grabbed a blouse out of my closet. It still had the tags on it. I bought it for hunts when I would have to pretend to be some kind of professional figure. It was silky and red like the roses Dean bought for me. I smiled as I looked at myself in the mirror. It fit perfectly and was appropriate for the holiday. I paired it with some cute black jeans and headed out my door.

I met Sam and Dean at the dining table. Both their eyes widened at the sight of me in my new outfit. “What? People usually get dressed up for Valentine’s Day, especially if they’re attending a party.” I stated as I took my place next to Sam and across from Dean.

“It looks nice.” Sam said.

“Thanks Sam.” I smiled. I turned to look at Dean. Our eyes met for a moment before he looked away.

“In honor of this special event, may I present you grilled steak and twice-baked potatoes.” Dean lifted tin foil off the dishes, displaying the delicious meal.

We ate, joked, and laughed just like we always did when we had dinner together. However, I could feel something different in the air. I caught Dean gazing at me a few times. His face would get a slight flush of red each time we made eye contact.

After dinner we made our way into the TV room. I plopped down on the couch and Sam soon followed. Dean threw some frilly heart shaped boxes on the table from the grocery bag he had stashed away. He looked like a child with how excited he was. He sat down next to Sam and flipped on the TV.

“What will it be? Do we want to make this a real Valentine’s party and watch some kind of chick flick, or should we just stick to our usual Sci-Fi picks?” Dean asked.

“You already promised me a chick flick,” I reminded him. Sam rolled his eyes, even though I knew he secretly loved romance movies. I couldn’t quite read Dean’s facial expression, but I think he was excited?

“Alright, take your pick (Y/N).” Dean passed the remote to me then turned off the lights. I picked a classic eighties romance, I had seen many times before. I wanted to watch the boys reactions when something good would happen and watch their shock when something dramatic would happen. As I predicted Sam was invested the whole time. Dean acted like he didn’t care for about the first half of the movie, but towards the end he was on the edge of his seat with a box of chocolates in his lap. I couldn’t help but feel happy watching the two of them. Call it luck or fate, but this was our little family.

The movie ended and the credits began to roll leaving the room in dim glow. Sam stood up leaving an empty space between Dean and me. “I’m going to bed, it’s getting late.”

“Alright grandpa see you tomorrow.” Dean teased. Sam ignored Dean and made his way out of the room.

“Night Sam!” I hollered after him.

“Night (Y/N).” Sam called back.

I leaned back and watched the TV lights flicker across the roses on the table. This was the best Valentine’s Day in a long time.

“How’s that ‘hunter’s angst’ going?” Dean’s voice broke my train of thought.

“I think it’s safe to say it’s been remedied thanks to you. I really appreciate all this Dean.” I motioned around the room, towards the roses and chocolates.

“What can I say? I am the master of Valentine’s Day.” Dean smiled.

“Oh yeah Casanova you sure are.” I rolled my eyes, he could be so ridiculous sometimes. We sat there in silence for a moment soaking in the happiness that filled the room. My mind began to ponder my conversation with Sam in the library. “So why didn’t you want to go out tonight? This is your favorite night of the year.”

“Well….” Dean paused, licking his lips. “I may sound like Sammy but I think I’m getting too old for that lifestyle. Barhopping and finding some girl who I’ll never see again isn’t what I want anymore.” My mind swirled with his words. I didn’t want to get ahead of myself. Could he be implying what I thought he was implying? I had kept my feelings for Dean hidden the best I could. I was too afraid to tell him since he was one of my best friends. I never wanted to jeopardize the relationship I had with him. But if he felt the same then maybe, just maybe, we could make this work. He seemed lost in thought staring at the floor. I moved closer to him, so we were sitting next to each other.

“What do you want Winchester?” I elbowed his side, which made him smile. “You’ve already got everything you need.” I pointed at the box of chocolates in his lap. He laughed and threw the box on the table next to my makeshift vase, then turned to face me.

“You know you’re right, I do have everything I need,” Dean placed his hand on mine. It felt like electricity ran up my arm and through my entire body. “I’ve got a beautiful woman, who is also my best friend, by my side every day. I really hope I’m not going to mess anything up by saying this because I would hate to lose you, but –” I cut him off with a kiss. Dean seemed shocked at first and to be honest so was I. This had all happened so fast. I never expected Dean to feel the same way about me. After the initial shock, our lips softened into a tender kiss. Dean’s hand traveled from my hand to my waist, pulling me in close.

After a moment I gently broke the kiss placing my forehead on his. “Happy Valentine’s Day Dean.” I smiled.

“Happy Valentine’s Day (Y/N).” Dean said before placing a kiss on the top of my head. He wrapped his arm around me and we sat there enjoying each other’s company, and the fact that we both lifted the secret of our affection for one another off our shoulders.

#dean x reader #dean winchester x reader #dean x you #dean winchester #supernatural valentine's day #spn valentine's day #supernatural fic #spn fanfiction #supernatural #Love Day Surprise #spn oneshot #valentine’s day

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moviestorian · 4 years

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Im glad the asks helped! I have anxiety and depression and can understand what youre going through. My ask today is what are your thoughts on Bo Rhap as a movie?

Thanks! :) I’m above all extremely happy to see people on this site being so kind and supportive in time of need, it’s a human quality that will never get enough praise! I’m also really sorry to hear about your problems. :( I send you lots of love, I can imagine how difficult it must be for you, but I’m sure you're strong and coping❤️

As for your actual question - that’s some truly excellent and interesting timing, considering that I rewatched BoRhap (with @incblackbird) literally three days ago. :P It was already my third rewatch, and while I enjoyed the movie overall, I liked it quite significantly less than upon the last time I saw it. Of course, there’s been gazillion discourses about BoRhap, whether it’s genius, extremely evil, etc., but since it’s such a broad topic (and I think some of my opinions could potentially outrage certain parts of the fandom), this time I’m going to stick to purely cinematic terms.

Needless to say, the soundtrack is excellent - with music such as Queen’s you don’t really have to do much, but they made a good choice of songs, alternating between their best known hits (We Will Rock You, Somebody to Love, Bohemian Rhapsody) and songs to fit the narrative (Doing All Right, Now I’m Here, Who Wants to Live Forever, Love of my Life). It’s practically impossible to leave the screening of BoRhap without at least one Queen song stuck in your head.

The cast was overall very good, too. My personal favourites in terms of acting were Gwilym Lee (who I liked even more than Rami), Rami Malek, Lucy Boynton and Allen Leech - I think they did a great job with their roles as they were written (whether their characters were well written or not is a subject for a whole another discussion). All the side characters were well acted, too (Mike Myers, Meneka Das and Aaron McCusker, for instance, I found particularly memorable), but I must admit I wasn’t a big fan of Joe Mazzello and Ben Hardy, but even they weren’t bad. So, acting is definitely one of the strongest points of the film.

Moving on, I also think they did a great job when it comes to costumes (Brian lending some of his old clothing definitely helped) and make-up (except for Roger’s wigs, perhaps); the choreography and stage movement for the characters were super well done, too - and it definitely wasn’t an easy task!

Now, let’s discuss cinematography. I will talk about editing in a separate paragraph, so for now I’m gonna stick to other aspects. The composition of shots struck me as rather mediocre, nothing particularly exceptional in either good or bad way, it was pretty basic but rather correct. Of course, there were some shots I really liked, but if I were to start adding screenshots the post would become way too long. XD The colours I really liked, especially in the musical scenes - they were vivid and lovely, and they used a combination of colours that I tend to appreciate in cinema, like various shades of blue and red. Finally, the camerawork - for dialogue scenes it was correct; again, rather average with some use of handheld camera which served no particular dramatic purpose, but it wasn’t nowhere near very bad, also it’s quite a common thing in modern biopics I would say. Handheld camerawork isn’t bad in default, but my comment largely comes from my personal preferences: in most cases I don’t really like it, especially when it’s particularly shaky. Then, there are scenes in BoRhap which display excellent camerawork, namely Live Aid and We Will Rock You scenes. If most scenes were filmed like that, I would give the movie a higher rating.

Before I move to the worst (imo) cinematic aspects of the movie, let’s have a look at writing. It is probably the most divisive thing in the fandom - people seem to either adore or absolutely loathe it; my stance lies somewhere inbetween. The first time I saw the film (I’m gonna remind you that I’ve seen it four times), I had certain objections, but the script didn’t bother me all that much; I was mostly simply having fun in the cinema. With every next watching, the experience was getting gradually worse, but even now I don’t hate the movie. Yes, some of the dialogue is cheesy, trite and makes me cringe a bit - certain parts of the script definitely end on an “overly sentimental” territory, I can’t deny that. Knowing quite a lot about Freddie, Queen and their stories, I generally think they deserve a better script; some characterisation was a bit offputting and chronology was all over the place. Having said that, I understand where some of those narrative choices come from, as scripts for mainstream movies require oversimplification of events, archetypes, and patterns. And quite frankly, I don’t think BoRhap differs any drastically from most modern biopics; it’s not a masterpiece, but - in my opinion - it’s also not bad overall. Regardless the flaws of the script, the movie still managed to emotionally affect a huge, if not major, portion of viewers, entertain and move them, and honestly? I think that was pretty much the point. Btw, there were some lines that I really loved, like “Puritans in public, perverts in private”, and I still think that their decision to cut from Live Aid performance to Ray Foster’s grim face during We Are the Champions was the funniest shit ever. XD Would BoRhap’s script benefit from sticking to historical accuracy? I’m gonna say yes, I think so - the scenes that were the closest to actual events are definitely the strongest - but this approach would require tons of changes, including narrowing down the narrative scope and probably the characters, too. Also, a lot of people keep forgetting that this is not an arthouse, niche film and therefore resorts to narrative and cinematic choice that compromise between satisfying the fans and the newbies; it’s meant to tell a (simple) story and entertain, not educate and provoke existential and philosophical debates. Still, I think the script could have been done a bit better, because some scenes (the tour “Now I’m Here” montage) feel a bit...random?

Finally, the infamous editing. I totally agree that it was one of the most undeserving Academy Awards that year, because some scenes were simply atrocious, with their unmotivated and overly fast cuts and unreasonably ridiculous face that doesn’t fit the dialogue scenes, and those are honestly the worst when it comes to pacing and editing. I think the editing is the worst aspect of BoRhap; but even here, I could point at some examples of pretty amazing editing (Oscar-worthy? Not necessarily, but definitely very good); again, I’m gonna bring up Live Aid and “We Will Rock You” scenes, especially the latter, because less people talk about it. I already mentioned that it has some really nice camerawork AND colours, but also the editing is actually really cool, because it’s cut to the music! Which makes me think: “what a shame!”, because if they went with different editing choices, the movie would be affected in a positive way. The way we have it, it’s either a hit or miss (sadly, mostly miss), and the badly edited scenes are pretty striking, so the ones that are done nicely are unfortunately a wasted potential.

Okay, this is already waaay too long, so I’m just gonna finish with a few general remarks. Well, despite BoRhap’s flaws, I still like and enjoy it. With every screening slightly less, but enjoy it anyway. I don’t think any amount of discourse will ever take away my positive experiences and memories from seeing it twice in cinema. It sparked my previously dormant love for Queen and united me with some people in the fandom and in real life; making this movie made Brian and Roger happy; as a result, I like this movie. It brings back a lot of positive recollections, which sometimes is more important than critical discussions. And boy, do I adore those - I’m often critical and I adore analysing stuff academically; but I think that not all daily interactions require those and depending on who’s asking and what about, I’m capable of switching between the two options. If somebody asks me in 25 years whether I remember the times of BoRhap’s release, I’ll be far less likely to say “yeah, the editing sucked and writing was cringy, I remember the discourse on tumblr and instagram” than “Yes, I remember that chilly evening in December when I had a really fun time and ended up with 10 Queen songs stuck in my head”, because the latter is the experience I want to remember.

Thank you for this ask! Hope it wasn’t overly exhausting to read, I didn’t proofread this, sorry! xx

#answered #anonymous #is this my #the film anon #?#wera talks queen #borhap #welll this ended up longer than i even expected XD #i was trying to be as objective as possible but it's possible that i sneaked some unpopular opinions in there :P #wera talks film

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edge-lorde · 4 years

Text

hp update: its been a long time, boys. ud think that with this plague outbreak id have more time for shitty phone games, and ud be right! however, the time i normally might use to make tumblr posts has been taken up by reading lotr orc fanfiction non-stop for at least 1 full month. id still be in the thick of that obsession even now if only the fics would update. that is how i find you today folks, for the first time in many weeks i am staring at a screen with nothing to do. so come with me friends, theres no better way to fill the soulless void we are all in than reading a nice long tumbler post.

disclaimer, first of all, a lot has happened, i prefer to keep these updates as plot spoiler free as possible but do to extenuating circumstances i feel like it is necessary to say, [SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER SPOILER BELOW]

that rowan fucking died,

i wont say exactly how, but i will say that her death was animated as were animations of myself and a few others reacting to our friend fresh corpse. obviously meant to be serious moments but the animations made it seem almost comical.

i saw at least one post going around right after this update that was like ‘how could the game devs do this to us..... how could they hate rowan so.... this is punishment from on high’ and its like.... u guys do know what a story is right? the events of a story are not typically done to punish less faithful fans, im pretty sure they were planning to kill rowan off from the beginning. this isnt disney im pretty sure the writers are not writing each chapter the night before its released by popular vote.

that little “are we drifting away..?” scene with rowan makes more sense now. there was a bit in one of the scenes where the kids all reminisce on rowans life and the mc talks about it being the last real one on one time they had with rowan. a nice bitter sweet moment. i dont hate this turn of events. its a good reminder that actions have consequences and we are way past they days of “should i wear a hat or scarf?” its YA time now.

i did manage to take 1 screenshot from this time, i had commented that before that when rowan said she didnt have many friedns that barnaby seemed to be hanging out with her without be there as a friend buffer and here was his reaction to her death:

;_;

the funniest part in all of this however, was of course cedericks reaction to rowans death “but she was so young....” LOL fuckin RIP.

lets see... what else.... i forget a lot of what happened but i think there was a time sensitive quidditch event in there somewhere? if so i dont remember it. what i do remember of the quidditch pals is that im gonna play beater now, skye is being weird and cagey about it, andre is involved.... the others are there.....

sidenote, i love the shitty b characters they throw in to be like yes you know this person but no they are not cool enough for u to even think about befriending. the first one of those is face paint kid, and now we have another, who is a former beater girl with horrible bangs named bean who didnt go to any classes for a whole season so she could just play ball 24/7 and got kicked off the team. this is a character who only exists to provide an explanation as to why there would be a beater position open but i love them on principle.

right now im in the midst of another time sensitive event, this one is a bother-your-brother-at-work-day event where recent hogwarts graduate bill weasley is bullied by myself and his younger brother charlie into letting us go with him on one of his curse breaking jobs.

so for those unfamiliar, bill works for the magical bank of england.... and his job seems to be “retrieving treasure” for said bank. in the books, there is a bit where he takes his family on one of his trips to egypt, where his job seemed to have been tomb plundering indiana jones style for the posterity of the english bank :X. i wont explain here why thats bad but its bad.

the game devs however in this instance, at least SEEM to be doing what jkr couldnt do by attempting to salvage what is left of gringotts bank and form it into not a super shitty implications factory run by horrible jewish caricatures. bills mission is to retrieve a goblin made artifact that was taken by dragons, so no going to foreign countries to steal things from other people! only going to a dragon reserve to rifle through animal nests. they even appear to be providing us with a likable goblin character, egad!

my hope for this event is that we get a plotline about how maybe, goblins arent shifty human haters for no reason, and in fact they hate magic humans for very understandable reasons, like being forced to go into hiding with the rest of the magical world even though only the humans wanted to do that, and maybe despite running the bank in england they still dont have a lot of political sway in the world of wizards and witches, and have to rely on the faith that said wizards and witches wont fuck them over at every turn, even as they see how they treat other non-humans, such as house elves, which they desperately dont want to end up like. and maybe they DONT only care about gold... maybe thats a human stereotype based on the fact that theres a long history of humans not respecting goblin ownership customs.... which i could get into..... but i wont.... i just....... very badly dont want them to suck ;__________;

i know i said its ok to still like a piece of media as long as you recognize the problems with it, and i do, but once this game is done im gonna stop hp posting all together. ive been feeling more and more uncomfortable making these posts lately.

GENERAL GAME NOTES; theres been some new layout changes and such.

most notably the stairs screen has been changed from a bulleted list of all locations to a screen with tiles picturing an image of each location along with the name + icons of all classes at each place. there is one additional location that is new and yet to be unlocked, and the dragon reservation is appearing temporarily as its own tile as well. i prefer this method of getting in and out of a temporary location to how they did it with car during the last christmas special. the stairs icon also now stays in the corner when you scroll through locations, allowing you to open the stairs menu without scrolling all the way back to the left.

they also moved a few of the buttons down into the lower left corner rather than the left side & combined the story button and sidequest button. they added a little camera button as well, just like in the dormitory, that makes all the icons in a location disappear and look better for screenshots.

the daily special add offer thing now has its own button in the top right corner of the screen, and idk if i mentioned it before but now there are daily challenges that appear in the sidequest screen that offer small rewards for completing 3 tasks per day + a better one if u get all 3. the prizes are things like 4 energy, 75 coins, 3 monster food. the better rewards are usually either more coins, 8 energy, 3 gems, or 1 notebook. i think that it does all the different color notebooks but i cant remember for sure if i ever saw the gold one up as a reward. i like this addition in any case. if you dont pick up ur reward by the end of the day, the next time u log on it will force u to stop and accept them, and if one of the rewards is energy and ur energy bar is full, it does not seem to stack beyond the bar so watch out.

the character stats page is now more zoomed out so you can see your full character instead of just from the waist up. no change to the leaderboard. rowans face in the friendship roster is now a still black and white image that says ur friend may be gone but friendship is forever u-u.

rowan has been removed from all classes. in the classes where the minigames involved her, those minigames have passed the mantle onto other friends in the class. in potions that person is now liz helping u find stuff off the shelves and in tranfiguration that person is badeea. bless these girls for helping mc get through it. touched my heart.

theres been a few fun little “i know u have more free time now so uhhhh have some energy” prizes like they do sometimes when they dont update on schedule so thats been nice. just a few days ago they gifted us 3 gold notebooks the same way. :O.

theres also been a few instances of a energy happy hour where for a limited time energy takes less time to refresh. normally it takes 4 mins for 1 energy to do this but during happy hour its like 2:30 mins. :U its all very interesting.

and that will have to do it for tonight my friends, ill do a post for the dragon event when its done because i do like it so far and i do like getting to bully bill with charlie.

until next time, remember.......

#hp #harry potter #hphm #harry potter hogwarts mystery #bill weasley #goblins #charlie weasley #sirius business #rowan khanna #rambling #Thoughts #so sorry im still making these posts #i just want to see them through to the end now

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #248

“i was unprepared for fame, then everybody knew my name.”

Are you more positive or a debbie downer? I don't think I'm either, honestly. I'm realistic. How many meals do you eat a day? Since getting a calorie & macro counting app, I try to aim for three, but sometimes I only manage two. I have to be conscious of how I'm spacing out what I eat. If you could have any talent in the world what would it be? Be realistic. Draw exactly what I see in my head. Do you brush your tongue with your tooth brush? Bitch you better brush your goddamn tongue. I didn't know until I saw this as a survey question a while back that there were people who didn't. How many times do you brush your teeth a day honestly? Once. What are you favorite type of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore, but aesthetically, dark, skinny, torn jeans. Do you pop your bones, crack your knuckles? NO it disgusts me omg. There's this girl who sits in front of me in Women Writers class who cracks her back ALL the time and I have to fight cringing so, so hard. Do you eat your nails? YO NO. I may peel my nails when they get long (to me, anyway) but who the fuck eats their nails. Do you eat the ice in your drink? If it's that good cronchy type, fuck yeah. What do you order at Chic-Fil-A? I used to just get the classic sandwich and fries, but I stopped going there forever ago due to their connection to anti-LGBTQ organizations. By now I can't even stomach the thought of eating something from there. Damn are their sandwiches good, but I'm not giving them business. If you had to go to Mcdonalds what do you order? "Had to" lmao. I have no problem with McDonald's, honestly; you couldn't make me go, because I'd be quite willing. I love their cheeseburgers and, of course, their fries. But because I'm a fatass I have to at least get a double cheeseburger. Have you ever been addicted to cigarettes? No. Which do you use more? Facebook or Instagram? Facebook. Are you a student? If so, what classes will you take next? Yes. "Next," I don't know, considering I haven't chosen classes for next year. Currently I take Painting, Women Writers, Psychology, and Biology. Are you a good kisser? I don't know? How many real bf/gf have you had? Two. Did you enjoy your past relationships? Sure, save for the one with Tyler. That was pointless as shit. Would you ever get back with your ex? Sara, if certain conditions were right. Jason, I honestly don't know and hope I'm never put into the position to need to decide. Other exes, no. Do you like 80’s music? Rock and metal, absolutely. It was a great decade for the genres. Name a comedy that you like. Rush Hour 2 popped to mind first because we mentioned it in school yesterday. Do you like homework? ??????????? WHAT IS THIS QUESTION???????????????? NO??????????????? Something you want to buy real bad? Ugggghhhhh a lot. Being unemployed is a BLAST!!!!!!!!!! Something you would buy a friend as a gift? It depends on the person, of course. I try really hard to give very personal gifts, so what it would be would greatly vary. What is something that would be a good birthday gift for you? Donate Big Bucks to my tattoo fund and I'll give you smooches. Something you would gift yourself? Still tattoos lmfao. Favorite candle scent? Cinnamon rolls mmmmmmmmm. Do you watch beauty videos on YouTube? So here's the tea I genuinely love Jeffree Star and I'm digging NikkieTutorials lately LOOK idk I guess because I find makeup to be an art, I like watching that stuff. My YouTube interests have become seriously diverse lately. Have you ever questioned your sexuality? Ha ha obviously. What is the best thing about life? Man, that's a loaded question. I suppose having people in it that make it worthwhile and a true privilege to simply be here. What do you think will happen when you die? YO, HONESTLY, I don't know, man. I've even questioned reincarnation lately. I 100% believe we are not hollow bodies meant to just decay after death, but creatures with spirits that live on in SOME form or way afterwards. I don't believe in the concept of a "Hell," but I don't really think I accept there being a true "Heaven," either? I think there's just... something. What, I don't know, but guess I'll figure it out at some point. Are you superstitious? No. What kind of surveys do you like the most? Random ones, especially the ones that make you think. Do you go to church? No. Do you like Christian music? No. I get frustrated from just bad memories/associations. Have you ever skateboarded and failed at it? Never really tried. What show/concert have you went to that you didn’t like much? N/A Is sex a must in your life? Nah. Could you wait until marriage for sex? Lol I was the abstinent one years ago, so obviously I could, because I understand it. What do you think about weed? Medically, it's fantastic. Too much evidence of it being so to argue it anymore. For other use, I feel the same way about it as I do cigarettes: bad idea, but whatever. I personally don't care if it's made legal for recreational use or not, so long as it's treated similarly to alcohol, ex. illegal to drive while high. If you found a baby turtle on the side of the road, would you pick it up and keep it? With it being a baby, I'd probably take it to an animal rescue or something. Did you and your mum ever have a big fight that caused you to move out? I stayed at Dad's for a handful of days. Has the last person you kissed ever been to your house? Yes. Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? My sister has my initial, anyway. Who did you last see shirtless? My mom. Do you like to make the first move? NONONONONO I'M SHY. Do you think you will ever be married? Probably. If the last person you kissed saw you kissing someone else, would they be mad? I don't think she'd be mad, no. Do you understand football? Nope. Who last called you beautiful? Probably Mom. If you fell pregnant to the last person you kissed, what would you think? We're both female so like- Do you think the body is the most beautiful thing that was ever made? No. Name five things you did today? Stayed at the hospital for my beautiful niece to be born :'), slept far too little after getting home, and that's... kinda it. What kind of phone do you have? It's literally a Tracfone, BUT WAIT! I actually wanted it, ha ha. Mom has one and it is *genuinely* a good phone, so I got one for my birthday. Hell, it's cheaper than paying monthly, so I'm fine with it. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? 5 in the morning when we were all still with Ashley. Do you like fire? Sure, I like watching it. Have you ever been to a spa? Noooo, not my jam. Do you know how to do a cartwheel? No. Who’s the funniest drunk person you know? Ehhhhh. When he drank, my dad was either hilarious when drunk or hateful and short-fused as fuck. 50/50 shot. But yeah, if you got Version 1, he'd crack anyone the hell up. Now that he's sober and happy he's always like that. What would you do if your partner still kept pictures of their ex? Well, I'd say it depends on the picture's context. Like, a picture of you two kissing, then I'd be uncomfortable as shit. If you have prom pictures or stuff like that but don't like go looking through them regularly, idc. It was a special event. What if your partner went through your cellphone? BYE, CUNT. What if your partner was flirting with another girl/boy? BYE, CUNT. Is there really a difference between Coke and Pepsi? YES. I can absolutely taste it. Pepsi sucks. Are there any mistakes with your recent ex you wish you could have changed? Stupid and/or impulsive shit I'd said, sure, but for the most part, no. We had a good relationship. Has anyone ever been with you while you were throwing up? My mom always is if she's present. I am terrified of vomiting and even at my age still want her there, even though she can't do anything, obviously. I turn into a baby when I'm about to throw up. Background on your computer? My favorite picture of Teddy. Who has hurt you the most? Jason. Or hell, my own head, idk. Are you happy with where you are relationship-wise now? Sure. What language do you want to learn? I wanna be fluent in German. Who’s the last person that came to your house? A family friend. Is there anyone you would like to fight? God no. I'm not a fighter. Who did you dance with last? Sara. Who is your best friend(s)? Sara. Song playing? "It's A Raid" by Ozzy feat. Post Malone. The album's out T O D A Y , B O Y S. Who is your arch-enemy? I don't have one. What's the most attractive thing on the opposite sex? GODDAMN shoulderBLADES Do you want platinum or gold for your wedding band? Not normal gold, I know. Rose gold is my ideal one, but I really don't care much. Have you ever paid to have your eyebrows waxed? I mean my mom has, seeing as I didn't have an income then, either. Got that done regularly in high school. Not because I asked, but because it was just "normal" since my two sisters did it, too. Do you think that the tobacco companies should pay for people’s medical bills? No, it's not their choice to use the product. Sure, they're making it, but it's really too late to cease production of tobacco. It'd be catastrophic in terms of the job industry. Do you curse in average conversations? Yes; I have to actually make an effort to not curse if needed. Have you ever bought a shot glass? No. Do you have a therapist? Not anymore after my previous one that I loved and trusted gave me every reason to break her jaw. I kind of want another one, but also don't. I'm supposed to, considering my history and that I'm on a lot of medication, but I just do nooooot want to go through the whole trust process again. Do you ever fall for spam mail? No. What color do you wear the most? Black. Do you only eat cough drops because you like the taste? No. Have your parents ever walked in on you having sex? No. Do you like getting stoned? I've never been so and aren't interested in ever getting there. Have you ever gotten a bloody nose from snorting cocaine? YOIKES THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY lol no, I wouldn't touch coke with a ten-foot pole. Red, white, yellow, or pink roses? Pink. What’s the worst name your mom has ever called you? I don't know. She hasn't called me anything too awful that I know of. Have you ever done acid? No. Were you at a rave? Never been, definitely not my scene. Do you post pictures where you look good but your friends look bad? Well, I don't hang out with like... anyone, so, lmao. But I wouldn't. Are you friends with any of your exes? Yes. Would you ever dye your hair pink? ACTUALLY! Pastel pink is on my list. I tested some soft colors out in Photoshop on me and it actually looked really cute. I think I wanna be a smaller size first, though. Do you ever masturbate? I haven't since I came off that godawful birth control that drove me batshit insane in terms of libido. I still don't think it's a bad thing, my interest in that is just, gone. Are you embarrassed about your sex life or lack there of? No. Who’s the last person you said I love you to? My sister. Did you like your life when you were in middle school? Actually fuck middle school with a maul. If you went on American Idol, do you think you’d go through to Hollywood? Nope. Have you ever received an anonymous gift? No, I don't think so. What kind of laugh do you have? A loud and obnoxious one. Do you hoard anything? "Hoard" isn't the right word, no. Are you afraid of flying? I am, but I feel it's only a realistic apprehension. Especially going back and forth to Sara's a few times, you kinda have to get used to it. Most recent Facebook ‘like’? Shit man idk, I "like" a load of stuff. Have you ever camped out somewhere for an event the next day? No. Do you do anything regularly that could damage your body? Can someone please eliminate soda from the face of the earth???? What do you love most in the world? Those closest to me. What woke you up this morning? Ugh, the sun. I need to put my curtain back up after Roman tore it down. Who was the last person you rode in a car with? My mom. Is anything bothering you? There's always *something* bothering me to some degree, but nothing seriously at the moment. Are you in a good mood? My niece was born overnight and is gorgeous and healthy so I have to be. :') When were you the saddest in your life? 2016. Do you own more than one cell phone? Ha ha, I have two old ones. One I used for pictures because the camera was good, and the most recent old one, I just need to get some pictures and contacts from... but I'm lazy. Have you ever had a song written about you? No. What songs make you happy? Depends on what I'm feeling. Next concert? No clue now that Ozzy had to cancel his, bless his old heart. As a child, did you ever get the chance to go to Disney World/Disneyland? Yes. When was the last time you fought with your significant other, if any? I’m single. Do you know anyone, personally, who is in an abusive relationship? Are you? No, thankfully. When was the last time you were on a boat? Where did you travel on it? Not since I went fishing with my old best friend a few years back. We were just in a pond. Are you planning on going anywhere with someone, some time today? Probably not. Do you like cereal? What would you consider your favorite kind of cereal? Hell yeah. Cinnamon Toast Crunch is *maybe* my favorite? Idk, I like a lot. Are there any people you don’t like for your significant other/crush to talk to? This doesn't apply to me, but even if I had one, they're not my damn child. I'm not gonna police whom they talk to. I mean I guess there are exceptions, like, talking to a drug dealer to name one, but talking to most people, that's their business. Just don't hide it from me. Have you ever forgotten your birthday? Did you soon figure it out? No. What color are the curtains in your room if you have any at the moment? Maroon. Is there anyone you are currently trying to get out of trouble? Why? No. Have you ever wanted your significant other to get rid of a friend? Well, calling back to that other question, there was one in a previous relationship that I really couldn't stand, but it wound up working out. If you have siblings, have they moved out or do they still live with you? It's just me and Ma now. Do you ever go to Blockbuster? How frequently would you say you go? WHAT A CALLBACK!!!!! Omg did I love BB. Went like every weekend to rent a game, and sometimes we'd go there Fridays before a sleepover to grab a movie. Do you ever listen to music so you can actually change your emotion? Sure, sometimes.

#survey #quiz #questions #random #bored

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working-on-becoming-a-better-me · 3 years

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Day 253—Mar. 23, 2021

Okay, so the numbers for my previous consecutive posts were off by a day (like a day ahead) and February 7′s math was way off, but I googled this! so from here on out, we will be accurate! let’s go bois!

BIG UPDATE BOIS! Essentially? I’VE GOTTEN BETTER! Mental health is better, habits are better, outlook on life is better, productivity... isn’t as high as it was when I first started the blog, but it’s doing MUCH better than November and even January.

coping with minecraft:

So, I’m still addicted to the dream smp minecraft fandom. my friend got me a dream hoodie, bucket hat, and a georgenotfound hoodie for my birthday. but! I’m coping better. I’m behind on streams, and am now catching up during Spring Break. For a while, I was pushing back school work to watch and catch up on streams. I promised myself that during free periods I would work since I was catching up on streams at home, and then... yeah. ANYWAY! I’ve gotten a lot better at that recently by noticing that even fanart accounts (accounts dedicated to mcyt-ers) were talking about how they didn’t watch a phasmaphobia stream because they weren’t interested in it, or talking about how they were behind on streams... it really helped me accept the fact that I can be a real fan and not watch every single stream.

cultural convention:

My international school does events with other international schools but because of covid, we can’t travel. I act and made varsity drama (we call it a different name, but yeah!) and we had virtual conferences. I was incredibly friendly and loud and there were tons of zoom calls. Our schools kinda known for being... uh, stuck up? and kinda elitist. Not like I was being fake, but I was making an effort to talk during calls and be active on group chats made. I joke-flirt a lot and focused my attention on one person. A whole thing ensued, but some of the other actors in my school (there were only 11 of us) were joking abut sending me to “horny jail” and one girl kept apologizing for me. During “lounge sessions” I would interject with what I thought were funny comments and she’d say “again, I’d like to apologize for her behavior” and... uh... I cried at school. Cuz I’ve heard way too many times from too many different people about how I’m embarrassing... BUT.

What really helped was the fact that there were late night zoom calls and I was one of only three kids from my school the first night on a call with around 25 people. Other people said I helped give them a really good first impression of our school, especially considering all the things they’d heard previously. The guy I joke-flirted with (I previously dmed him asking if he was okay with it and he said he was) said on a call that I was one of the funniest people he’d met in a while. It was a huge confidence booster in knowing that the efforts I was making were paying off :)

confidence:

Since starting this blog, I’ve been trying to be nicer to myself. I’ve been practicing more positive self speak and have recently realized the difference between the way I speak about and to myself and how some other people do. Being nicer to myself out loud has helped a lot in feeling better and more comfortable.

I wanted to try wearing black masks, but my mom bought the wrong kind. They had patterns and I was really nervous because I didn’t really want to stand out. I used to not care, but... I dunno. Teenagehood and whatnot. We wear uniforms too, so the only differences are in accessories, hair, etc. I’m not sure why, but I was really nervous to wear the new mask patterns to school. But I told myself it was an experiment, to force me to be more confident. I actually forgot I was wearing it until I saw myself. And since I’d posted on my private story saying I was doing this to try and be more comfortable, some of my friends came up to me and told me it was actually cute. Shows that I really had nothing to stress for. Not that it was really self-expression, but for me, and anyone else who needs to hear this, no one cares. Maybe they even wish they had the courage to wear different things as well.

mcyt mantra:

I have a mantra now! adapted from something drunk Wilbur Soot said during Quackity’s livestream, I think. I repeat it when I’m happy and when I’m nervous or scared and I guess... I dunno, I’m like classically conditioning myself? Except not really since I’m doing it out of order. But yeah! get yourself a mantra!!!

character day:

more with confidence! spirit week is just an excuse for kids to not wear their uniforms, but I put a lot of effort into an Ace Ventura outfit I put together. I only saw around two or three other people actually dressed up as characters, but I had so much fun and thought I looked amazing. I was proud that I wasn’t a normie ;]

Also... it’s so humid in this country and the rubber bottoms of my boots actually stuck to the pavement and fell off. I spent the day without the bottoms of my shoes and it was so funny. Even my mom laughed after (she laughed for so long, it was adorable) and she said only I could pull it off and that the friend I walk to school with everyday is lucky to have me as a friend. My mom was telling me about how she never had a friend like me growing up, just so weird and goofy. And it made me happy to think that I can bring so much... zaniness to people’s lives

ao3:

been writing a lot more recently! haven’t been posting on my writing blog since it’s all fanfiction, but it’s helping me write! I update one of my stories every two weeks. When I feel like I’m not doing enough, it’s a nice reminder that I actually can be consistent. I may be getting better... who knows :)

nehs:

been editing lots of papers even though I don’t need to anymore since I made vp of my school’s nehs chapter. but it’s helping me learn too! I’m very instinctual when writing, but obviously when I’m editing I can’t just ask them to change something because “it doesn’t sound right”. So I google explanations and then tell the people who’s papers I’m editing. It helps both them and me!

ipad/drawing:

got a new ipad for my birthday. been messing around with procreate. been doodling in class (only dream team characters so far lol). might be getting better... hopefully I am!

also have a sticky notes app on my ipad and been creating to-do lists! yay!

teaching:

been teaching students in cambodia! last year I had a teaching partner who guided lessons mostly. this year I’m the leading teacher. It’s helping with my fear of leadership and responsibility.

social:

still not the most social, but more active on snapchat now with keeping in contact with some of the cultural convention kids. covids made it harder to keep in contact, and I’ve been trying to reach out more to my closest friend who I’ve not hung out with in a while. not that we don’t see each other at lunch every other day, but I walk to school with, share a class and after school study hall with another friend. so comparably, I’ve spent less time with my closest friend.

recently had a spa day with my small neighborhood gang! my friend painted my other guy friend’s nails! yes! we used face masks as well :)

general update:

- went to the pool the other day and now I’m hecka burnt

- yesterday I wrote letters for honor society points, caught up on math hw, wrote a reflection and plan for a class, reviewed chinese with my mom, met up with my “mentor” for a class

- have been helping a lot of people! am currently a part of two people’s pieces for their theater class and I have a rehearsal later today!

- was doing a lot of work as an officer of thespian honor society—I’m likely going to be on the officer team again next year and, until a few weeks ago, I hadn’t felt like I’d been doing much and was feeling unworthy. but then I was proactive about something and updated our sponser (school’s drama director) on what we as officers decided. felt... prettyyy goooodddd :)

- !!! yesterday I went on a walk and brought money and my student ID, ready to buy bubble tea, but then... I mustered up what little willpower I had and then didn’t buy it. Instead, I bought surprise lilies for my mom (and some groceries she asked me to get) - been trying to cut out unnecessary sugars and foods. if I’m not hungry, I shouldn’t eat, but also... I listen to my body and if I’m feeling really snacky, I’ll indulge - recently been craving ice cream, but not the flavors in my fridge so instead I’m just not eating ice cream at all and ate an apple once as a substitute :D

- not sure if I’ve been sleeping more, but it kinda feels like I have been?

- started taking pictures of the world when I think it’s pretty one sunny afternoon when I was laughing lots with a friend... especially right after cul con, I was taking a lot more pictures...

- just been more active (not physically... though occasionally, when bored, I’ll stretch some... but I should try and get more active (I mean... the walk yesterday?))... creatively speaking (ao3, with art), socially online (cul con kids), in person (making plans over spring break!)...

- I just feel like I’ve been putting more effort into life

of course, there are the down bits, like for one project based class where the end product is due in May-ish and it focuses on the “process”... I’m just... not... process-ing. I chose a writing project (why). I’m focusing a lot on my side projects, but not my class writing one :/ as well as that, when assignments pick up, I do too, but when I get down time I feel like I deserve it (which I do!) but I don’t work ahead. I’ve been really busy though. Teaching got cancelled because the school in Cambodia shut down unfortunately due to covid. But before spring break, I was teaching, editing papers, writing my own for lang, doing cul con and then catching up on work I missed because of cul con, studying for tests, attending rehearsals... there’s a lot going on and I need to recognize that I am doing so well, especially compared with a few months prior when I was in a much darker place.

mostly stress has been my plague, but yeah! also in the span of one week, two classes bumped up a grade (or half a grade... we have letters and + system (no -)) so my previously low gpa became slightly less low! It gave me confidence that I can end the semester strong!

procrastination: another plague. I keep delaying setting up college counseling meetings and have delayed this update for a while now... and the project-class...

also have babysitting jobs again so we gon get some monnaayyyyy! (job is not from people we met at the pool, but we did meet people at the pool and their kids liked me so much they asked me mom to get me to babysit them... another boost to confidence! yay :) I’m a likeable person :] )

thanks for sticking around! I’m glad I’m getting this update in because I’m doing... really well :D hope you guys are also doing well or that it gets better!

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microsoftpowerpoint-edits · 6 years

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I had a blast at Vixx’s concert

I saw Vixx a total of three times in a day (press conference, rehearsal, concert) and the experience was so surreal...I remember wondering if it was all real or just a dream...I kept telling myself that the Vixx whom I’d been seeing through screens was actually alive and standing in front of me, breathing the same air as I did.

I am going to write a fan account of what I experienced for memory’s sake:

PRESS CONFERENCE

(After they were seated on stage) We were indoors and behind the glass panels (under the blazing sun I'd figure it'd be hard for them to even spot fans indoors from the outside) but Ravi still managed to spot us and he bent down and went like “hmmm?” and smiled it was so cute!

Ken also smiled cutely at us.

CONCERT

(Rehearsal pass) It only lasted a 10 minutes. Vixx appeared and danced to two songs, after which they had a short conversation with the audience. I remember them asking us to raise hands if we were seeing them for the first/second/third time.

During a part of dance when the focus was on three members (N and two others), Ken and Hyuk were playful in the background.

Ken was really enthusiastic.

Ravi was really playful - he used his really low voice to imitate the translator's English words.

(Actual concert) Hyuk opened with impressive English lines and was really hyped, but for the rest of the concert he did quieten down a bit.

Leo was more reserved throughout, only becoming goofy towards the end during the encore stage, being the late-at-opening-up type he always has been. There were some Keo moments then.

Hakyeon and Ravi were the most talkative throughout. Hakyeon kept repeating his dry-ice-boom gesture for fun throughout the concert (especially directed at Ravi).

Hongbin was also more talkative and involved than I'd expected. He was really energetic.

Ken was out of breath for quite a long time after the end of one of the stages. He was still panting when he talked, so I was a little worried.

Because Ravi's mic was louder than everyone else's and his pictures kept getting displayed on the screen, Hakyeon insisted that the event director was obsessed with Ravi. Hakyeon asked if this was Ravi's solo concert or Vixx's concert. When the next picture on the screen showed Ravi's mixtape album art, Hakyeon and Hongbin got fed up and left the stage They eventually returned and the group introduced themselves as Vixx again.

*Hongbin's picture shows on screen* Ken: Handsome boy! Hongbin: Thanks Ken: Good boy! (All in English)

They were asked to pick questions posted by fans (the questions were written on post-it notes pinned on a cork board). Hongbin was the first to be done and he returned to his seat. He said "Welcome to Hongbin's solo concert!"

They got Ken to dance to Red Flavour along with another member whom he was to pick. When he got near Leo, Leo threatened him with a boxing/wrestling stance. Eventually they used scissors-paper-stone to decide the member, who turned out to be Ravi. Ken's dancing was really good.

Ken, Hyuk and Leo also reenacted the orangemin VNL crazy dance.

Leo tried to stop one member (I think it was Hyuk) from going to the questions board and choosing more questions but he kept getting interrupted by his own cries as that member /inflicted pain/ on Leo. So it went like "blah blah blah OUCHHH" twice and both times Leo cried in the same pitch. So Ken imitated that exactly and it was really accurate and funny.

Hongbin was asked if he had forgotten his SNS password since he was so inactive. He denied being inactive and eventually Hakyeon got him to promise uploading something about today's concert either that night or the day after. Hakyeon had a specific idea in mind for the post caption but I forgot what it was

The most funny part was Hakyeon being requested to "back-hug the members and say something nice to them". He kept saying he didn't wanna do it but that “he'd do it for the fans”. His first target was Leo. While he hugged Leo (I forgot what he told Leo) the other members scrambled to the side to pour water on one another's back to wet their backs they then stood back-to-back and locked arms in pairs to prevent Hakyeon from separating them and doing the same thing to them as he had done to Leo.

Eventually Hakyeon still back-hugged Hyuk and Jaehwan. He hugged Jaehwan for a really long time and thanked him for always being so cute. When he released his grip from Jaehwan Jaehwan gave a face of ultimate relief it was so funny omg

Hongbin had escaped to someone else's seat but when Hakyeon demanded that he go back to his seat to be hugged (he said "Lee. Hong. Bin.") Hongbin complied like a child. Hakyeon was wondering why Hongbin's back was so wet. Hongbin said it was because it was hot in Singapore and he was sweating.

The last one was Ravi. That was the funniest. While Hakyeon was busy with Jaehwan?? (Or someone else) the rest wrapped Ravi's neck in towels and set towels atop his head to shield him from Hakyeon's imminent back-hug. When Hakyeon arrived he threw away the towels with sass and even took a gulp of water (then threw/released his bottle with confidence), cracked his knuckles and neck, then approached Ravi who had dread written all over his face. He hugged Ravi and said some stuff for REALLY A LONG TIME and throughout Ravi either tried to keep a poker face or the look of 'when will this be over'. When Hakyeon finally released his grip Ravi appeared shaken. Someone (I think it was Hongbin) came and gave Ravi an understanding pat on the back as the two turned away in sadness. When Ravi returned to his seat he was holding his mic with trembling hands.

Bonus: When the members were supposed to give a few words as the concert ended, Ravi said that the concert went well despite a few 'hiccups' in the middle that were the 'back-hugs' and he told us to 'focus on only the good memories tonight and not the bad ones'.

At the encore stage, Leo went to Hyuk and leaned on him for a while. Hyuk seemed indifferent but Leo was really high/jubilant/ecstatic, jumping around the stage.

Leo also jumped around Ken and tried to get him to bow longer (during their final bow) by placing his arm against Ken's back.

Hyuk told us in English "you may be far away but you are always in my heart".

P.S. If I had recounted anything incorrectly please forgive me! (Post-concert depression has started to kick in. Yesterday was the best day of my life. No regrets.)

#vixx #kpop #vixxinSG #hakyeon #sanghyuk #hongbin #lee jaehwan #taekwoon #wonshik

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aurimeanswind · 6 years

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The ExtraLife 2017 Write Up

I’ve been in a pretty terrible mood all day.

It took me a while to realize why. To realize I didn’t want to talk to anyone. To realize I was being short with folks.

Part of it is definitely I feel quite sick. My throat hurts, my body aches, and I feel a bit awful across the board. Also my house is a mess and I need to deal with it. I’m also just endlessly tired still since I haven’t slept well since Friday night (but boy did I sleep real good on the most important night of the last week).

But it’s that depression. That post-event depression that I’ve definitely seen and experienced before. But not like this. Never this bad before.

I had the supreme honor of hosting ExtraLife 2017 for Irrational Passions in my very home, where all of my very best friends from across the internet actually flew from their respectives states, and in Ally Mushka’s case, respective country, to sit in my far-too-crowded home and to not only spend time with me, but to physically exhaust themselves for the sake of entertainment and charity. For some reason, when I asked, they answered. They showed up.

Part of this weekend was frustrating because of the twelve or so people that told me I should be proud of what I’ve built, or be proud in general, and to take a minute to look around and enjoy what you’ve built and brought together. I don’t mean frustrating insofar as I disagree, or even that I was already doing it, it just, never felt like that to me? It was never about that for me. Writing the review was never about the views, it wasn’t even totally about using it as a stepping stone to get to the next thing, it was about sharing something special. About having an emotion, or an experience, personified and delivered.

ExtraLife was never about bragging about what I made, it was about living life and sharing it with the people I cared about the most. And boy do I sound dumb, or pretentious, or on some high horse here, but those who know me, specifically those who attended ExtraLife I’m sure, know I’m being as sincere as I can muster when I say it.

Thank you. For the kind words of how proud I should be of this. I am. I’m humbled. I’m beyond honored, beyond thankful. But past all of that, I’m grateful. Grateful to be a part of all of your lives. Grateful that you’d even spend time on someone who genuinely spends most of his time alone, playing video games, and writing in his basement, like a living stereotype.

It’s difficult to put into words how low your self-esteem is sometimes, and it’s a bummer to hear and say at times but it’s also a part of me. But it’s very difficult for me to feel in any way special. Even in a weekend where I felt so eye-of-the-storm-y as this last one, it’s still hard for me. But I’m trying. Trying to appreciate what I helped make.

I love people. Above that, I love good people, and I always try and be the good guy at the end of the day. It’s silly, at times, and it makes me a goody-two shoes and a try hard way too much of the time, but it is, to some extent, sincere. Mostly. Sure I do it for the cookie points sometimes just like everyone else, but I mean it.

I, much like all of us, am a reflection of the incredible people I surround myself with and bring together. Bringing people together and seeing the friendships blossom and flourish is two parts for me: one part incredibly satisfying because you help share the love you have for that person with someone else, and another part selfishly depressing because you know that this new bond you helped engineer is different than the one you have already established, and you will never have that different bond, only the one you’ve already made, and you endlessly and selfishly crave all the types of friendship, and love, and closeness that you’ve seemingly auctioned off to everyone else, while still trying to balance what you already have and appreciate it, and not take it for granted, and be good, and follow that good path.

(Whoa nelly that’s a very deep look into the inner recesses of my mind and thought processes real quick.)

I want all of you to be proud too, because without you, there would be nothing built. There’d be no result. You all took a shot on me and tried to go along with something fun and cool, and because of you, there is now something special in the world. A new event that happened, that occurred, that you got to be a part of, and no matter what I did to bring it together, you got to make it happen. You got to view it. You got to take part in whatever small portion of it there was.

Now I’m a little pissed because Roger Pokorny went and did what I was going to do and made a nice thank you list of special messages to wonderful people so I hope he forgives me for doing the same, but I swear I had this idea since earlier today. It was private, and for us, but here is my rendition, for the world to see on my dumb blog.

Jazz.

Man, what did I tell you? You’d have a great time and make great friends and everyone would love you.

Nailed it.

Got ‘eeeeem.

Yup.

Finally everyone else gets to see why I fucking adore you so much. Why you’re maybe my favorite person in the world. I’m really fucking bad at making and having platonic female friendships, and yours is so damn important to me and to maintain, and I’m so thankful I have you. Moreover, I’m glad a little slice of the world gets to see why I am legitimately the luckiest human in the world to have you, for some wild reason, consider me your best friend. To know how lucky I’ve been to have you in my life these last three years.

Cheers, J.

Ally.

Like I said, platonic female relationships are a big problem with me, and especially when it’s with someone who is just endlessly driven and brilliant and intimidating. But you also take the time to listen to my silly opinions and hear me out. You even were cool with flying from Canada in a last-minute trip to stay at my house for a rawkus party. You must be crazy, and I’d almost think so, if you weren’t so damn brilliant.

A true professional and an asset to any living person’s life. Seeing your blossom a friendship with Jazz this weekend is maybe the greatest accomplishment of my entire career.

Joey.

Shoutout to the female friends.

Joey, you’re so joyous, and fun, and happy, and sweet, and caring, and funny, I can’t believe you wanted to come to this thing in the first place. You’re insane for fitting it into your schedule, but I’m so happy you did, because sharing the madness with you was a supreme honor. You just make me comfortable and happy and smile. I adore you, and your ability to drink, be merry, and make friends is a skill that inspires me and everything I do.

Please. Keep killing it.

Gen.

I’m glad I finally got to feel like I got to know you this weekend. You jokingly suggested you would cook for everyone when I had dinner with you and Greg back in June, and yet, instead of just living up to the line, you blew it out of the water. You acted as a real Most Valuable Player and fed a bunch of picky, mushroom-hating nerds like us. Not only that, but you kept things light and moving, and held a great and simple conversation with me in my kitchen at 10:30 in the evening, after standing on your feet all day, like a real fucking trooper.

You’re an inspiration, and getting to see a cook as incredible as you in my kitchen was an honor in itself.

Greg.

You know I’m a sap. You know you’re the reason I write about games today. You know becoming your friend has been maybe the biggest honor in my upcoming as a nobody games-writer.

And I know you’re probably sick of hearing it hahaha. But I fucking love you dude.

I hope you asked Andy Serkis that dumb question I told you to ask (but not really it’s super NSFW, or NSFAS (Not Safe for Andy Serkis).

Thinking about you flying from San Francisco to Maryland with your wife just to hangout in my house and play games with a no-name like me is crazy. You’re crazy dude. And I love it.

Also, your unending energy and enthusiasm for everything kept me going so hard. Just having you was such an inspiration I simply had to step up my hosting game. You kept me strong and charging forward, like always.

Portillo.

Why’d you scare my cat dude?

Troll.

You’re a one man production team and you should be unendingly proud of yourself. I put you through all the hell I could this weekend, and instead of wincing and screaming, you took a deep breath and did incredible problem solving and barely broke a sweat.

Well, actually we sweat a lot because it was very warm in my house from all the bodies.

But I am so unendingly thankful for your production talent. You killed it.

John.

You’re so funny. I’m so glad I got to see you bond with all these new kids and make so many friends. People love you and your charm and your ease of putting a non-sequitur into literally every sentence that leaves your mouth. You did incredible.

Tony.

I give you a lot of shit, and some of it rightfully so, but you know I fucking love you. You know you took up the torch and fucking owned it when Troll had to get some sleep this weekend. You know you are a rock under pressure and did great, and made the bits work, and helped us all have fun.

Scott.

Fuck dude. Seeing you grow and change from Episode 1 to Episode 353 has been incredible. You’re the funniest person on Irrational Passions Podcast and no one even knows it. This was your weekend to shine, and I fucking love you man. You killed it.

Nabeshin.

No words of thank you will be enough to accurately surmise how much you were my rock this weekend. You held me up and anytime you saw me cracking you stepped in and took a little load off. You’re literally incredible, and a walking superhero, and you know it, and you’ll never talk about it as much as I never will talk anything positive about myself. I love you man.

Andrew.

My Colombian meatball. I adore you and your quietness, and I fucking hate you too because you’re so funny and have so many incredible things to say but are too content sitting quietly in the corner and having a good time. But you’re so great. Thank you for coming, for making it happen, and for being cool with us playing Africa for you 1000 times (AKA the best song ever).

Jarrett & Jacob

My double-entenjays. My sweet boys. My grown ass adults. The two of you together are like an actual, ltieral dream team of hilarity and fun. The two of you are two parts real, and two parts incredible laughter, just rolled up into the most fun duo a party could ever ask for. I love you two, but moreover, I love that the two of you keep hanging out with me, for some fucking reason, because you’re two of the best and tallest, and most beautiful dudes in the world, inside and out.

Fuck.

How did I get so lucky to have the two of you come on to Irrational Passions?

Logan & Jurge

Once again:

Fuck.

How did I get so lucky to have the two of you come on to Irrational Passions?

Jurge is a walking stressball of incredible talent, and took more off my shoulders this weekend than almost anyone else just with his sheer willingness to do social media stuff. Logan taking the chair and helping keep the party alive, and most of all, the positivity alive always was incredible. The two of you are so much more talented than me, and I know the minute the two of you actually realize it, you’ll be off to the races.

It seems counterintuitive to my master plan of world domination, but I’m endlessly excited for that day to come.

Justin.

I know I didn’t get to spend as much time with you this weekend as I have at previous ExtraLifes, and I’m sorry. I did a bad job in that regard. I wanna do better. But I’m glad you got to be a part of the the incredible group of people I’ve built around me as a protection against my dumb inner thoughts that hate myself. You’re positive, and love shit I don’t love, and we got to talk about The Evil Within 2, and I’m sorry I don’t like it as much as you, but I swear I like it.

Cameron.

You’re like a walking parody of the esoteric bullshit I have pouring out of me at all times in every facet. You appreciate everything so much that you make ME feel bad that I’m not appreciating everything as much as I could, and this post is up to 2247 words!

That’s fucking skill.

I love you dude, and you’re a loving guy who gets way to angry about superhero movies. What if they all suck? Man, that’d be a bummer if that were true.

Tell shorter stories, and keep hugging people. You’re so good at both, you’re making us all look bad.

Trevor.

We call you the dad a lot but you’re just out here caring about all of us so much, that’s all. There is a generosity and inquisitiveness in you that is pretty much unparalleled by most of us plebeians. We’re just trying and failing to show you up.

You went with every bit and had a good time this week, and finally shaved your damn head. It was great. I miss your locks.

You’re a great human with an even greater heart, and even though you go hard in on everyone (and boy do you look like you do too now) you’re just trying to cover up what a loving sap you are. I know it. You know it. Let’s just never talk about it ;)

Roger.

Hey fuck you Roger. Not for any particular reason, just because you apologize too much. And call me a racist too much. I fucking love you so much. I’ve never really known what it’s like to have a little brother, but you’re a surreal balance of mentor, friend, brother, and lit-420-69-bro.

You do need to choose your words better sometimes, because I think you use lit too much. Oh, and you apologize too much. Like me. I’ll never give you too hard a time on it though because I’m the same way.

In fact, I’m sorry you think I’m actually being mean to you sometimes when I’m just trying to get a good joke in. Around you, it’s really hard, because being funny when you’re in the room is almost impossible. You’re too good. Too funny. Too talented.

Keep it up. Just don’t keep talking to losers like me for too long, I’ll only bring you down.

And goddamn I will bring you down with me if ever I fucking can you talented motherfucker.

And last but not least.

Alex.

Yeah, you.

And I know this is going to be weird for everyone else to see you write some weird positive-encouragement shit to yourself, but it’s also definitely been weird for everyone to have all this sappy shit you’ve been writing about them posted so that like, everyone else can see, and all the other people who attended ExtraLife can see, and— well... Anyway.

You killed it. You know you did. It was lit. Remember that part when Danny O’Dwyer showed up and you didn’t have a panic attack? It was rad. He said you did a good job. The Irish never lie dude.

Oh and when you did an impromptu interview with him and Greg Miller in your kitchen after and during ExtraLife respectively? Yeah that was fucking cool too. And you know it was cool because everyone suddenly just showed up and got quiet and just watched you. And you had like an ego-boner the whole time but you’ll never tell. <_<

I know you feel bad because you gave Jazz a bad promo at the end, didn’t thank Troll AT ALL for producing, and didn’t thank your cohosts at all, like some fucking asshole. But like, in your defense, you were legit very tired.

You hosted your ass off. You Jeff Gerstmann’d, Greg Miller’d, Danny O’Dwyer’d, and most of all, Ryan Davis’d your fucking ass off.

Pat on the back. It was lit.

___

That’s all I got.

I fucking love you all. I miss you all. I’m so so so so lucky to have you all. Thank you for giving me the time of day. Don’t you dare ever let me take any of you for granted. You’re incredible, and all only deserve the best.

GG y’all.

Keep it real.

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userlando · 7 years

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Taste The Sweet (Grayson Smut)

Summary: You’re a Youtuber, hanging around the H&M tent at Coachella. Grayson is your biggest fan. Word Count: 2,861 Warnings: Fingering. A/N: Thank you to the anon who sent this idea in! This is all your idea, I’m just writing it out. I didn’t want to post the request because it contains “spoilers” but this imagine is basically what the anon requested. Hope you like this one! (title from Don’t Be So Shy by Imany)

“Turn your head a little to the side...” The photographer gestured with her hand, cocking her head to the left so you smiled and complied. “Perfect. Now smile.”

The flash went off a few times as she snapped her photos, and you tried to stay still and let her do the work but you were feeling too excited. Earlier today you had arrived in Palm Springs, ready to head over to the festival and show off your outfit that you had spent three weeks planning beforehand.

You didn’t know how you had gotten so lucky. One minute you had been uploading your pictures on instagram and it had blown up, gaining over a hundred thousand followers the first few months. By the time you had reached five hundred thousand, you had started up a Youtube channel, and a year later you had gained over two million on your channel and been invited to numerous events. Coachella being one of them.

“Thank you, Y/N.” The photographer smiled at you and you thanked her back, shuffling to the side so other’s could occupy the couch and have their pictures taken.

You whipped out your phone, bringing out Snapchat so you could record a bit for your fans to see. But just as you were about to press record, you heard your name being called out. You turned around in confusion, smile breaking out on your face as you spotted a familiar face.

“Ethan!” You exclaimed, watching the twins walk up to you. “Wow, you guys look amazing.”

And they did, with their bandanas tied around their heads and the vests showing off their toned stomachs. This was the first time seeing them in real life, only having talked to Ethan about a possible collab in the future. Ethan hugged you quickly, bringing you out of your thoughts.

“Y/N, this is Gray.” He gestured toward his brother that was standing beside him, smile on his lips and hands in his pockets.

“Hi, I’m Y/N.” You waved with your hand, feeling your stomach do a swoop as he made eye contact with you.

You refrained from frowning, not really knowing where that feeling had come from. Grayson had followed you on Instagram a while back, liking every picture you posted and you’d done the same. This didn’t go unnoticed by the fans from both your parts, speculation and arguments rising as they started bombarding you both with shipping comments. It was cute and you wished that it could’ve been true, but looking at Grayson now, it didn’t seem like that would be the case. You didn’t know whether he was nervous or just completely uninterested.

“Did you have your pictures taken?” Ethan went on to ask, breaking the small silence between you three. He glanced at the photographer who had just finished snapping photos of Tyler Posey.

“I already have, yeah.” You answered, just as the photographer approached you.

“Can I get a photo of the three of you?” She asked and you nodded eagerly.

The three of you set off after her, you and Ethan making small talk as she came to a halt in front of a large hedge, directing you to stand in the middle and the twins at either side of you. You put your hands around their waists, trying to ignore the way Grayson clutched his hands against your side, fingers stroking your rib. You didn’t know whether to curse yourself for deciding to wear a bralette or to thank yourself for doing so. Just for this sole purpose.

“Feels weird, doesn’t it?” Ethan asked with a small laugh and you giggled.

“I’m definitely not used to it just yet. It’s gonna take some time.” You answered, raising your head slightly to get a better angle, trying not to blink as the flash went off over and over again.

You stood there with your arms around each other for quite a while, having H&M take photos for the press and for Instagram.

“I have to go meet up with my friend, but I guess I’ll catch you later?” You asked as you untangled yourself from their holds, stepping back.

“Absolutely. Have fun, Y/N.” Ethan shot you a grin and a small wave.

You glanced at Grayson, not knowing what to expect but all you got was a small smile and a wave. So you nodded at them and bid them goodbye, turning to walk out of the tent. Your friend was standing a few feet away, looking around as she waited for you. She slung her arm around your neck as you approached her, smacking a kiss to your cheek and you laughed when the smell of alcohol reached your nose.

“Hello, miss.” She greeted you, steering you in the direction to a foodtruck not far from you. “Did you have fun?”

“I did, took lots of photos and I talked to Tyler Posey.” You smirked as she pulled her arm back and stared at you in shock.

“Oh my God, no way? I so regret not going with you now.” She pouted and stomped her foot on the grass like a child.

You laughed and hooked your arm with her, leading her over to a truck that sold ice-cream. As you paid for your treats, you could hear whispers behind you, so you turned around and came face to face with three girls.

“Oh my God, it really is you!” One of them gasped, her hands flying to her mouth to cover it.

“Hello!” You greeted with a laugh, stepping to the side so you wouldn’t hold off the line. The man in the truck grunted out a thanks and you smiled sheepishly at him.

“Can we get pictures with you? If it’s not a bother.” One of them asked and you nodded. “Thank you!”

You posed with the girls, ending up talking to them for a few minutes. And as you started to round up the conversation, one of the girls said something that made you stop.

“I really love the picture of you and the twins, by the way. You look so good together!”

You opened your mouth and closed it, not really knowing what to say. What picture was she talking about?

“You and Grayson would have the cutest babies.” The third one said and her friends giggled. “Best genes ever.”

You blushed furiously, laughing awkwardly and thanking them. The girls left eventually and you were left standing with your friend who was now frowning.

“Twins?” She asked in confusion and you saw the exact moment when realization dawned on her face. “Holy crap! You met the Dolan twins?”

You winced, because you knew the interrogation was coming. If you would rate the hardcore shippers, then the fans were a seven and your friend was an eleven. She loved to gush about Grayson, teasing you about how he’d like every picture you posted on Instagram. The funniest moment was when Grayson had mentioned you during one of their videos, deeming you as his favorite Youtuber. She wouldn’t shut up about it for weeks afterwards.

“So, how was it?” She asked and you laughed.

“It was... weird,” You frowned, thinking back on it. “Ethan was a sweetheart. We took pictures and talked for a bit. Grayson was really quiet though, it didn’t seem like he wanted to be there at all.”

Your friend frowned, disappointment written all over her face. And then she smiled as if she’d had an ephiphany, reaching for her satchel to fish out her phone. You watched her in confusion.

“Oh God, he actually posted a picture of the three of you!” She gasped and your eyes widened. “The fans are going wild!”

You stepped up so you could get a look at the picture and sure enough, Grayson had posted a photo of the three of you. One of the many selfies you had taken, his head tilted your way with a gorgeous smile on his face as he posed. The fans really had no filter in his comment section. You read the caption, trying not to smile at what he’d written. “Met the gorgeous Y/N today! Was so nervous, haha #coachella”

“You know what you should do?” She asked, tone mischievous and you shrugged. “Comment on his picture with something cryptic.”

“Cryptic? Like what?” You asked, reaching for your phone in your backpocket.

You typed in Grayson’s name in the searchbar, bringing the picture up on the screen. A giggle escaped your lips as your finger doubletapped it, liking the picture.

“Hmm,” Your friend narrowed her eyes, finger tapping her bottom lip as she mulled over the thought. “Oh! Write ‘See you later’ and then a winkey face.”

You ignored the nervous pounding in your chest as you typed what she’d told you to, biting back a smile as you pressed send. The fans were quick, already catching your comment and writing in all capslock. You locked your phone before you could read any comments, feeling giddy.

“Good girl, now let’s go dance.”

After dancing through three sets of performances from different artists, you emerged from the crowd drenched in sweat. It was past eleven but the festival was still in full swing. By some weird miracle, you had bumped into Cameron Dallas and his group of friends, so it was only natural that they decided to head back with you to a tent where a VIP party was being held.

A few drinks later and you were dancing, goofing off with Cameron’s group and your friend. You had the time of your life, feeling like you were on top of the world as you danced against Cameron, laughing when he pulled a silly face.

“Y/N, look.” Your friend shouted in your ear over the music, gripping your arm to get your attention.

You slowed your movements and looked over at her in confusion before following her stare. There he was, by the small bar, standing with his brother and nursing their drinks as they talked to some people you couldn’t care less about. Your movements halted as you realized that Grayson wasn’t even paying attention to what was being said in the ongoing conversation, hazel eyes locked on you. A rush of heat surged through you as you stared at each other and you felt your face grow hot when his lips pulled into a small, subtle smirk.

“I’m gonna get a drink.” Cameron’s voice in your ear caught you off guard and you watched as Grayson’s lips pulled into a tight line. You turned your head toward the brunette in front of you.

You nodded mutely and watched him walk away before turning your attention back to Grayson. His eyebrow cocked and he put down his glass on the barcounter without breaking eye contact, turning to walk out of the tent.

Your throat dried up as you watched him walk off, turning to your friend who was giggling at whatever Cameron’s friend was whispering in her ear.

“Hey, I’ll be right back, alright?” You said in her ear and she nodded in confusion. But one glance over your shoulder and she smiled smugly.

You rolled your eyes, not bothering to hold back your smile as you turned around and walked out of the tent.

It was deserted outside and you looked around, not really sure where Grayson had gone. A gasp fell from your lips as a hand gripped your hand, pulling you into a secluded area where you wouldn’t be seen. You opened your mouth to scream but a hand was placed ontop of your mouth, silencing you as you were pressed against a toned chest. Your heart was speeding up and you were about to struggle when you heard the person chuckle, his breath hitting your exposed neck.

“It’s me, calm down.” Grayson whispered and you instantly relaxed, willing your heart to slow down as you breathed out through your nose. The hand over your mouth traveled down your front and you held your breath as his fingers touched your cleavage, fingers dragging over your sunkissed skin.

His hand touched the skin of your exposed stomach, stopping right underneath your bellybutton. It was quiet between you two, the only sound coming from the tent a good few feet away from the both of you and the sounds of you both breathing. You held your breath in suspense, not believing what was happening.

“Tell me to stop and I will.” He murmured lowly against your neck, lips grazing your skin and you shivered, barely able to hold back a gasp.

“Don’t,” You swallowed. “Don’t stop.”

As if on que, his hand worked the beltbuckle of your shorts and you watched in amazement as he undid it with only one hand, the other one still gripping the side of your waist. You marveled at how big his hands looked on your body and squeezed your eyes shut as his hand dipped inside your shorts, inside your underwear.

“Oh,” You gasped, arching into his touch as he ran a long finger between your slicked folds. “Gray.”

He hushed you, pressing a kiss to the crook of your neck.

“So wet for me, baby.” He muttered quietly and you gasped once more when his finger snubbed against your clit, a surge of dizziness hitting you as he felt between your folds.

You kept your eyes squeezed shut, mouth dropped open in a small ‘o’ as he brought a finger and pushed it inside you, feeling the heat and slickness that he had caused. You arched your back and pushed into his hand, silently begging him to touch you where you needed it the most.

He complied with a low hum, his wide thumb drawing small circles over your clit. You hissed when he pushed a second finger inside you, gripping his arms as you arched your back even further.

“Yeah? You like that?” His voice sounded thick with lust and you almost felt like falling over, feeling grateful that he was holding you up.

He pressed the front of his body against you and you pushed back when you felt his erection against your ass, giggling when you heard his sharp intake of breath. However, your laughter got stuck in your throat and you moaned out loud when he proceeded to curl his fingers inside you, hitting you just right; the nail of his thumb touching you just right.

“Shhh...” He hushed you, hand on your waist coming up to press against your mouth. You moaned out against his hand, feeling your body burn as he touched you just right. “Quiet baby girl.”

It was only then that you heard something not far from where you were standing. Voices. They seemed to be getting closer as people entered and got out of the tent, talking loudly. You held your breath, willing yourself not to make a peep as Grayson continued his ministrations with his hands.

The voices faded eventually, and that’s when you realized how close you really were to reaching your high. Your fingernails dug into Grayson’s arms, almost breaking the skin as you arched your back.

“That’s my good girl,” He murmured in praise and you could almost hear the smugness in his voice as he drew circles over your clit, curling his fingers even further inside you.

Your vision went white and you gasped against his hand, body writhing against his body as you exploded. The blood rushed to your ears and you could faintly hear Grayson praising you, but you were too busy twitching and moaning to even acknowledge anything. He drew his fingers out when you whimpered from the sensitivity, hand leaving your shorts but still holding your body against his until you could find your footing again.

When it felt like you could breathe normally, you finally turned around and met his eyes for the first time since you stepped outside the tent. He was smirking, face flushed and eyes darker than they’d been before.

You could almost feel the twitches from your orgasm, still wracking your body and you placed your hands on your shoulders to regain strength.

“Those are some magical hands you’ve got there, Grayson.” You whispered with a small laugh, sounding out of breath.

Grayson grinned, bringing his hand that had been inside you to his mouth. Your mouth dropped open as he popped the fingers inside, sucking your juices off of them with a hum. His eyelashes fluttered against his flushed cheeks as he closed his eyes, opening them again when he heard your disbelieving laughter.

“You’re insane.” You laughed and he smiled at you.

“Tasted just as good as I’d imagined.” He said and stepped forward, pressing his lips against yours before you had time to even react to what he’d said.

You kissed back, arms going around his waist as he cupped the side of your face with his hand.

“There’s something about you,” He whispered against your lips and you felt your heart flutter. “You make me so nervous but you also make me feel so brave at the same time.”

You responded by pressing your lips to his once again, this time fully intending on never stopping.

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woodworkingpastor · 4 years

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Can I get a witness?--Romans 12:9-21--Sunday, September 6, 2020

One of the great benefits of my time at Eastern Mennonite Seminary was having the privilege to meet and study under our dean, George R. Brunk, III. George is a spiritual giant in the Mennonite Church. An introverted, scholarly follower of Jesus, Dean Brunk took great delight in training up the next generation of preachers and pastors, especially in the two classes he taught—Interpreting the Biblical Text and Greek Exegesis, a class where students were introduced to the wonderful nuances of the Greek text of Paul’s letter to the Galatians, work from which George’s commentary on Galatians was eventually published.

We all knew, however, that there was one particular thing that really frustrated George: he couldn’t stand it when seminary students would apologize for sermons. Preaching in seminary chapel can be an intimidating thing; every student knows that the faculty understand the text better than they do, and even though the faculty come as worshippers and not evaluators, the tension is real. So inevitably a student would begin their sermon with an apology. “I was up late studying for an exam, or writing a paper, or getting a reading assignment done, and I didn’t have as much time as I wished to prepare for the sermon. I hope you’ll extend grace to me.”

It only took a time or two of this before the inevitable would happen. Grace from the Dean came with a lecture that I’ve come to call the George R. Brunk Rule of Preaching: “Never apologize for your sermon. Stand there and proclaim the word as if you have something profound from God to say—because you do!”

After graduating from seminary, I moved to Patrick County to begin as pastor of New Hope Church of the Brethren. Soon after that I was elected to the Church of the Brethren General Board, where I met my friend and colleague Frank Ramirez, currently the pastor of Union Center Church of the Brethren in northern Indiana. Frank is a fantastic writer and preacher and from him I’ve learned to modify my preaching rule to with the Frank Ramirez corollary to the George R. Brunk Rule of Preaching: “Never apologize for your sermon…but you might want to leave the engine running in your car.”

There were no cars in 1858 when Brethren elder Samuel Garber was invited to travel from his home in Illinois to preach in a Presbyterian Church in eastern Tennessee, but for all the trouble his sermon got him into, I wonder if he might have left the engine running in his car. The circumstances of the invitation to preach are largely lost to history; what we do know is that Brother Garber was invited to preach on Isaiah 58:6:

Is not this the fast that I choose: to loose the bonds of injustice, to undo the thongs of the yoke, to let the oppressed go free, and to break every yoke?

Brother Garber gives this report on his experience:

I attended at the time appointed and found a large concourse assembled. I took the…text and delivered a discourse. I spoke of the yoke and the bondage of sin in general terms, and of temperance, justice, and judgment to come, and particularly against oppression in every shape and form. I held forth the law of love, mercy, and truth; showed that there was a time coming when every yoke of sin would be broken, intemperance banished from our sphere, oppression cease, contention, strife and wars would be at an end; love, peace, good-will, union, and fellowship would universally prevail throughout the whole earth, etc.

About the close of my discourse, I said that among the yokes and oppressions might be named that of slavery…

As I mentioned, this was Tennessee in 1858, and it was here that Brother Garber’s troubles for preaching the Gospel began. Another minister immediately announced that he would preach a sermon to show that Isaiah 58:6 had nothing to do with African slavery. Garber was condemned for preaching an abolitionist sermon in the presence of a master and slave, threatened with lynch law, of being tarred and feathered, and being ridden out of town on a rail. Ultimately, he was fined $234 for an illegal sermon.

I share this rather lengthy illustration this morning neither as an apology for my sermon nor an indication that I’ve left the engine running in the car. But it is to invite you into a conversation around how willing Brethren today are to proclaim a specific Gospel. How willing are preachers like myself to stand on the Gospel when it leads us to culturally unpopular places? How willing are church members to follow the Gospel to these same places, and share in the sufferings and controversies that will come when we pray “your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven”? Brother Garber’s sermon was acceptable until he made application to the cultural hot-topic of the day—whether or not White people could own Black people.

The times in which we live

There is no question that these are challenging, uncertain times. Many people are struggling, and there are as many kinds of struggles as there are people who are struggling.

Covid-19 brings anxiety about catching the virus and frustration with job insecurity, loneliness, and social isolation. Both of your pastoral families have had to quarantine recently. Your concern for us has been expressed with a more serious tone of voice than in other times we’ve been sick.

Social unrest is constantly with us in a variety of forms: Black Lives Matter; police shootings-protests-violence; child sex-trafficking; abortion; immigration; 2020 Presidential election happening in a political context that pits people against one another. One of the funniest and saddest things I heard about the recent political conventions is that there is one thing both parties agree on: if the other guy wins, the world will probably end.

To all of that I will add the way social media—especially (but not only) Facebook—continually stirs the pot in the form of “gotcha” types of posts that assume that anyone who thinks differently is a bad American, bad Christian, or both; quotes attributed to public figures offered with minimal or no awareness of the fuller context of those quotes; outright conspiracy theories that would require the collaboration of law enforcement, both political parties and all news media in order to be true. For my purposes, there are offenders of all political persuasions in this.

To risk putting it simply, we are living in the midst of an unsustainable level of anxiety and outrage. Like Covid-19, we don’t need to have the virus to be impacted by the virus.

Let risk a personal story. About 10 years ago I had a panic attack while telling a Cougar River story on Christmas Eve. It was the strangest thing: I could feel it coming on, and even as I was telling the story to the congregation, I was telling myself, “Calm down. You’re fine. You know this story backwards and forwards. There’s no reason to be anxious.” But I couldn’t do a thing in the world to stop it. Several in the congregation knew something was up when they saw how white my face became. Finally I asked the organist and music minister to lead a hymn, and I left the room. Even though I eventually got myself under control, the whole thing was terribly embarrassing.

About six months later I spoke about this with a friend who is a psychiatrist and asked him what I could do if it happened again. He told me that everyone has an anxiety threshold that, when crossed, will push us into a panic attack. On that particular Christmas Eve, I was already a bit anxious (for whatever reason), and something happened that caused my anxiety to “spike” past that threshold.

Because we can’t control the events that cause our anxiety to spike, what we have to do is lower our overall anxiety so that when the spikes come, you can recover from them.

I want to be very clear about my point this morning: How do we understand our calling to be the church in a culture that feels as if it is constantly on the verge of a panic attack? How do we lower the threshold so that when the inevitable spikes come, we are prepared to handle them in a theologically, relationally, and emotionally healthy way?

You know that I enjoy beginning the sermon before we read the Scripture—although I doubt I’ve ever waited this long. But after all that has been said, let’s call our attention to today’s text and read Romans 12:9-21 in unison.

Let love be genuine; hate what is evil, hold fast to what is good; love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor. Do not lag in zeal, be ardent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. Do not repay anyone evil for evil, but take thought for what is noble in the sight of all. If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave room for the wrath of God; for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." No, "if your enemies are hungry, feed them; if they are thirsty, give them something to drink; for by doing this you will heap burning coals on their heads." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good

Two weeks ago I needed to be at home under quarantine, and Brother Greg graciously came and preached an excellent sermon on how Jesus calms the storms in our lives. Of the many helpful things he said in that sermon, one particularly stood out to me: “The presence of Jesus does not mean the absence of difficulty.” There was literally no safer place for the disciples to be than in the very presence of Jesus, and yet the storm came anyway.

I want to riff on that statement this morning this way: the presence of the church does not mean the absence of conflict. Where better to work these things out than in the presence of the church? Romans 12:9 tells us specifically:

“Hate what is evil, hold fast to the good.”

Brother Garber’s 1858 sermon did just that. What is more, it was the sermon on abolition that caused the anxiety in East Tennessee to spike almost beyond the point of no return. Make no mistake, Brother Garber publicly took sides in the most contentious social and theological controversy of his day. He was not neutral. He did not see it as his job to preach a generic Gospel that soothed all and offended none. The threats of lynching had to be taken seriously.

So how did the Brethren respond? We might say they lived out Paul’s words in Romans 12:10:

love one another with mutual affection; outdo one another in showing honor.

The Brethren of east Tennessee sent Brother Garber home and said, “We’ll pay your fine. You’ve done your job, now let us do ours.” Copies of The Gospel Messenger from 1859 are still available to read online. You can read the appeals made by Brethren asking the entire denomination for financial help.

I wonder sometimes if such unity exists in the wider church today. I watch the way that Brethren have largely divided themselves up in ways that feel like they too closely resemble the divisions of our political parties and I wonder how we would respond to a sermon and fund raising appeal like that of Brother Garber’s day. Sometimes I see members of our congregation having conversations on important matters like these on Facebook. Generally we behave ourselves pretty well. But there are moments when I want to say, “Why are we not having these conversations in Sunday School, where we can open our Bibles, be honest about our opinions and how we’ve formed those opinions and have a rigorous theological discussion on what it means to follow Jesus in the presence of contentious issues?” We are people whose theology is shaped by 2,000 years of Christian tradition and 312 years of Brethren tradition. We are not the first ones to face challenging circumstances. As we seek knowledge and understanding, do we value our own heritage?

There’s no sense in pretending we’re neither bothered by nor discussing these matters. Is our commitment to one another something that is stronger than our politics, or is there some part of ourselves that we’re holding back behind a filter of sorts? This is the kind of struggle that Paul knew; he planted congregations filled with people who questioned other’s theological correctness. Still he labored to show them that the Gospel was more powerful, and had the ability to transform even the most entrenched theological position, bringing all things together in Christ.

Paul could be this way in part because he was a great believer in a stranger-centered faith that proclaimed the Gospel in the midst of evil times. He knew that the missionary focus of the church had certain things to teach us about the Gospel. So he challenges us to

Contribute to the needs of the saints; extend hospitality to strangers. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly; do not claim to be wiser than you are. (Romans 12:13-16).

I am convinced that part of the problem with our collective outrage is that we think we know more about other people’s situations than we really do. It is easier to criticize someone for weeping than it is to enter into their circumstances and weep with them. What might we learn by expanding our own set of relationships to include the sufferings and struggles of real people so that instead of having a weapon available to win a Facebook argument, we have a fuller understanding of the challenges people face, so that we might more effectively bear witness for Christ in the midst of our anxiety and outrage driven culture?

There is much more that can be said on this subject, but at some point we simply need to stop. Two more very brief points.

First, about those rules of preaching I mentioned at the beginning. I hope Dean Brunk would be satisfied with what I’ve said here today and not heard any hint of an apology. As to that part about keeping the engine running in your car, well, my car keys are right here. I’m not going anywhere, and I certainly invite further conversation.

Second, on those days when my own anxiety gets a bit higher than is helpful and I’m feeling particularly homeless in the midst of our culture, I find my soul nourished by several Christian singers. Michael Card is one of these. He is a masterful poet with an incredibly insightful way of proclaiming the Gospel in the midst of these times. His song God’s Own Fool reminds us that if we are serious about following Jesus, then we had better be prepared to be misunderstood. That was Jesus’ experience, and it will be ours.

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mrtroy · 5 years

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The Joy Thief Detox

I have long prescribed to the idea that comparison is the thief of joy. This school of thought argues that when we compare ourselves to others, we ultimately rob ourselves of some of the intrinsic joy that we would enjoy on our own if not for engaging in the practice of comparison.

Before I get too far into the greater point I’m going to make in this post, I do think that some amount of comparison can be healthy, and some of it is unavoidable. I think healthy forms of comparison can be used positively for motivational purposes.

However, what I’m going to write about today is what I believe is an unhealthy, and avoidable form of comparison. And maybe, for some people, it’s not as big a deal. But, for me, it has become a bigger deal than I’d like to have present in my life.

And so, I’m going to take some steps not to have it impact and thieve me of any more joy.

The source of the thievery of which I speak is social media. And so, as of today, I’m going to take a break from social media.

I feel like social media has become a joy thief in the way I compare myself to others based on the content I see, and the way it projects about the lives other people are living in comparison to mine.

I’m going to be somewhat self-deprecating in this post. I’m not super ‘down’ at this moment, but many of the thoughts I’ll share here represent a composite of ways I have felt, or feelings that I have had on this topic at different points over the last few months.

For many, what they share on social media becomes the online representation of who they are, where they’re at, and what they stand for.

At any given time, if you participate in social media as an observer, you’re likely to see a lot of pictures and posts about many spectacular things. Vacations, wedding announcements, birth announcements, birthday celebrations, people buying houses, cars, stereo systems and many more.

I found myself flipping through photos on Facebook the other day, and I saw Bob was in the Bahamas, Pat bought a Porsche, Abby and Andy’s kid, Addie, was adding a sister at the end of April, and Karl had just PR’ed in a 5K.

As I saw these alliterative examples play out, I felt myself comparing my life to those of my online friends.

No trip I had ever been on looked as bougie as Bob’s Bahamian beach-capades. The likelihood of me ever purchasing a Porsche like Pat barely seemed precipitous. How would I ever add a sister for Addie, if my Andy could never even find an Abby? And maybe it was Karl’s 5k that really pushed me over the edge, but as I looked at the medal hanging over his neck, all I could think about was what a vein act it was for someone in their mid-thirties to flaunt their success in an event that was over in roughly the same amount of time as a short-block sitcom.

I could feel bitterness and jealousy just emanating from my being as I closed a browser window on my phone.

Why did my friends and acquaintances have things in their lives that made them seem like they were doing ‘better’ than I was?

What had I done wrong in my life that I hadn’t been able to enjoy rewards with a similar level of richness as I was witnessing in the lives portrayed by my friends’ online profiles? Obviously, they were smarter, more well-adjusted, better able to ‘play the game’ to build lives that were pleasing to them.

Meanwhile, I was taking a train to a sleepy town, to plod my way through another day in a sleepy office, working for a company nobody’s heard of, doing things that most people would never see. Twelve hours later, I would return home to my one bedroom apartment, do laundry, make my 15th trip of the month to the grocery store, eat a frozen dinner that was exorbitantly high in sodium, and go to sleep. Tomorrow, I’d get up, and aside from doing the dishes instead of laundry, and paying bills instead of going to the grocery store, the day would have a very high likelihood of being nearly identical to many before it.

At the same time, it was also highly likely that the next time I opened Twitter, or Instagram, I would be barraged with 100s more examples of people doing more and more cool stuff that made my life seem more and more below average with every further example.

Two Sundays ago, it finally smacked me upside the head what I needed to do. My phone sends me ‘screen time’ reports that summarize how often, and on which applications, I spend time on my phone over the course of the previous week. It adds up all the screen time and breaks it down into a daily average. Then, it allows me to see which programs comprise the total time spent on my device. My total for the previous week had averaged out to more than six hours per day looking at my screen.

Six hours.

I was usually only awake for sixteen hours per day. Eight of those hours were spent working where my screen time is limited. That only leaves another eight hours to be awake each day. And so, of those eight hours, I was spending 75% of my free time staring at my phone. Of that time, Instagram was a huge percentage. Then Twitter, and Facebook.

Good grief.

I reflected.

What was it that was happening on these platforms that was so interesting? I barely ever post on Instagram. I never post on Facebook. And while I read a lot on Twitter, a lot of the content I see on it just aggravates me.

Instagram and Facebook breed jealousy in me. Twitter seems to have turned into a cesspool of recycling different forms of hate from different points of view to make yourself feel smart, and make others look dumb.

I looked further down my most commonly used apps in my screen time report.

My Bible app only accounted for 2% of my screen time. My Audible app – the audiobook service I love – was only 1% My baseball app was only 3%. Golf was only 3% as well.

The things I love, I was spending less than 10% of my time on them.

What a terrible balance.

This past Sunday, after a week of trying to make a conscious effort to re-direct my screen time, I again looked at my weekly report. This past week, my average daily screen time was up over eight hours per day. It was Masters week, and well, the Masters App was just too good not to get lost in.

But as I thought about it, eight hours of screen time represented nearly every waking hour I wasn’t working during the week.

Sigh.

And despite having witnessed a great golf tournament, as I thought back through my week, none of the highlights happened on my phone. Last Saturday, I drove two hours to play golf with friends I hadn’t seen in ages. Saturday night, I made bread to take to a breakfast party my friends put together to watch the final round of the Masters. I walked at lunch with two of my co-workers and we enjoyed two days that felt like Spring.

Nothing on those walks was really ‘social media worthy.’ It was me and two old guys walking around town commenting on the construction progress of the new library.

My own golf game was so unspectacular, I posted my worst score since middle school. And yet, it will forever go down in my mind as one of the funniest time I’ve ever spent with this group of guys because of the unsalted peanuts that one of the guys brought to snack on during the round.

The Masters breakfast was amazing, but the bread I made never really leavened correctly, so any picture I may have posted would have just looked like a gross attempt at fulfilling my social obligations of attending an event.

As I spent Sunday afternoon thinking about the week, I realized it had been a great week.

I like taking the train every morning. I like the walks with my older co-workers. I love walking to the grocery store in the evenings. I feel accomplished when I get my laundry folded and my dishes washed. My blueberry bread may not have been IG worthy, but I was happy that I tried to make it.

The larger issues with jealousy and malcontent with some of the larger things that are either happening or not happening in my life are still issues I need to work through. No doubt. But it has become pretty obvious that comparing my life to the lives of others on social media isn’t helping at all.

And so, I’m going to leave the space.

I realize that in almost every instance of something that’s happening in life, you can’t always just leave, or run, or avoid your way out of a situation.

At some point, there are bigger things going on for which social media is an outlet to try to explain them. And those things need to be met head on.

If I wanted to dive down a few levels, I could probably surmise that my jealousy and longing that I’m feeling from social media are the result of other needs that aren’t being met in my life, but at least in this post, that’s as far as I’m going to go on that part of the topic.

What I will say, is that I want to try to stop comparing.

By every measurable, and immeasurable metric, I live a life that is blessed beyond compare. I’m healthy. My brain works, my family loves me. Anything you could possibly ask for on a macro level, I have it in spades.

As I look at a lot of the things that the world deems as being valuable – and a lot of the things I see on social media that I either don’t have, or am not partaking in – a lot of those things aren’t really my style.

Truthfully, if I were to go lay on a beach in the Bahamas for a week, I’d get bored. The sensible (and cheap) side of me would never want a Porsche. I have at least three options of where I could live, and I love Oak Park. I love my apartment. If and when I have kids, I don’t foresee being that person who will post everything they do for the world to see.

The more I look at it, the things that are getting me bent out of shape, they really aren’t even things I want in the first place. I just think I do because I have exposed myself to such a high saturation of other people who do like those things.

And so, I’m signing off. For a bit at least.

Here we are, it’s the day after Easter. Lent just finished. For 40 days, people observe Lent as a way to prepare their hearts for Easter. I’m going to do things in reverse. I’m going to stay off of social media for at least 40 days in recognition of all that I have, and as a way to recognize that life is going on all around me, and that my joy need not be impacted by comparisons to others.

I will miss certain parts of what social media does have to offer – updates from far away family, significant happenings from friends I don’t talk to on a regular basis, etc.

But, for now, those benefits don’t outweigh the overarching benefit I hope to gain from taking a step back.

Until then, I’m working on another book, Gramps’ birthday is soon, Mother’s Day in STL, hopefully some good golf, and lots of prayers.

And undoubtedly, a lot of joy.

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genesiselijah-blog1 · 6 years

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The Story Of The ‘I Ain’t Even Charging Bruv 2′ EP. How Everything Went Wrong. . .

Ok. It's Friday night (Or it was when I originally posted this on facebook) and if you're reading this you're either home and bored out out and bored. I'm gonna tell you a story. A story of when I really realised that the music game is not about talent or quality of music. Ok so you ready? I'll take that as a yes. It all started in 2012. Early 2012. I was at a high point musically. Painkillers & Pilkington (https://genesiselijah.bandcamp.com/a…/painkillers-pilkington) had just dropped and had done really well. Radio 1 play. Psalms (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQrYMQ0Cf98) was my highest viewed video at the time. Life was good. So now it was time to drop new music. This time I was gonna go all out. Heres what happed. . .

So my idea was to drop an EP so good people would really notice. First I'd have to have it hosted on a big platform. At the time SBTV were killing it and I'd just done a warm up session that summer so Jamal was cool with that idea. . .https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYN_JdsLwaM

Track 1: Underground King. My goal was to drop 7 of the best tracks I'd ever done with the biggest artist I could get at the time and really make some lasting music that would push me to that next level. So the first track was a track called 'Underground King'. This track was actually written in Brighton a few weeks before the first Boom Bap Festival. I was up there shooting a video for another artist and all though I was aware that the festival was happening I wasn't really aware who was on the line up. All I knew was I wasn't. As I was going around Brighton I saw one of the flyers and saw the names that were on it. I got pissed. How the fuck can you have a uk hip-hop event like that and not invite me?? I went off on twitter. You know how I do. I think either Dike or Gizmo inboxed and told me to chill but I was too far gone. Then I reached for pad (Yeah I was still writing bars at that time). I had to remind people who I was. So this happened. . . https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z-s2BHEeN3Y

Track 2: What I'm On. This was a track I did with Boris Berlin. We had previously done an EP (https://genesiselijah-beezwax.bandcamp.com/.../civil-unrest) together and as far as modern sounding beats in UK hip-hop he was way ahead of his time. I wanted something that would really bang and this beat had that feel. The flow is fire. The hook is big. I love it. We filmed the video at English Frank's Hip-Hop Ain't Dead night and had a bunch of cameos. I loved this vid cos it really gives you the vibe of the night. Unfortunately SBTV but a Mic Righteous Xmas advert before it which is just fucking annoying (Sorry Mic I still love you bro haha) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2g3W-zmjoJM

Track 3: Alive. Ok so now we're getting serious. So I had this beat from the amazing Anton Nutty P Flanders. First of all I have so much love for Nutty P. Not just because he's top 3 producers in the country but for some reason he's always been up for giving me beats that he could have sold for thousands to bigger artist. I'm so grateful to even be one that guys radar. Anyway so yeah I have this beat. It's fucking hard as fuck. Now a little while before I'd built up a really good relationship with an MC called Context. I'd jumped on a bunch of his tracks and then he'd got signed and whatever and was doing really well. I asked him to drop a verse and his brother Well Read to jump on the hook. I wrote the hook with his brother voice in mind. I really wanted a crossover record. Like a pop/dubstep/grime rap track. Once it was done I knew it was gonna be a smash. It just sounded so radio ready. Anyway all it needed was a video. I hollered at Context to do the vid but he wanted to rewrite his verse. . .WAIT WHAT??? Bro. . .the track is done. It's out. It's on the SBTV Bandcamp page! I have a camera NOT A FUCKING TIME MACHINE!!! FFS. . .I was gutted. I still love Context but I was so pissed off at the time. I felt like my chance to have a hit was dead before it even had a chance. . .But hey. Life goes on. https://genesiselijah.bandcamp.com/.../alive-feat-context...

Track 4: What We Do. Fuuuuuucking hell!!!! Ok this track is fire. First of all some how I managed to get a beat off Teeza Musič. That in itself had me so gassed! I asked Polly Yatesto jump on the hook and she came through and smashed it. The beat was just so next level and her voice on it just gave it a different feel. I loved it. Then it gets mad. So hollered at Loudmouth. he came through with fire. I mean some of the funniest punchlines. Man had me cracking up! But I also got a verse from Swiss. He is one of my idols. A So Solid legend. We all know he's nice but when e sent me the verse I was in shock. Yeah me and Loud did our thing but he killed us and every MC within a 10,000 mile radius. Fucking hell. Fucking hell. Listen to this. . .https://genesiselijah.bandcamp.com/.../what-we-do-feat...

Track 5: Coming Up. Damn. Even I forgot how sick this is. Hiram O'Connell is a PHENOMENAL producer. Like world class. He's one of the only producers I would ever do a full project. he's incredible. So hollered at 2 of my favourite MC's for this one. Pyro Rapper Barz to me is a flawless lyricist. Go check his music. Every verse. Flawless. He's one of the only rappers I would ever do a full joint project with even though he'd kill me on every verse hhahaa. But yeah he came through and killed it. So at the time Dream Mclean was about to go clear. He was signed to chase n status and as there's no way the label would have cleared the verse we had to keep it hush. That meant no video. No radio push. Again I was gutted. But this is the game. he killed that verse too. Pure flames all round. . . https://genesiselijah.bandcamp.com/.../coming-up-feat..

Track 6. Army. This was another mad one. Ok so this was produced by Sibling who is Little Donatella's (Love & Hip-Hop Hollywood) brother. For some reason they have always shown me love. He was another producer that has worked with some massive artist but chooses to work with me and always goes out of his way to tailor make beats for me. It's not like "yo I got these beats" it like "Yo I've made this track with you in mind and think you should come at it like this". I got so much love for him. Any way he hits me up with a concept. I love it. He then gives me a hook! He smashed it. I was blown away. I remember Emmy Williamson telling how much this song meant to her. It made this song mean so much more to me and one of the reasons I had to put her on my album 2 years later. But yeah I went hard on this one. . .https://genesiselijah.bandcamp.com/.../army-feat-sibling...

Track 7: Yuck. There was no way I was gonna put out an EP without a Dead Man Walkn beat. These might be two of my best verses. I went hard. I went over hard. I went so hard that one time I performed this in a club full of metal heads and they went so crazy we couldn't even finish the song. The beat is. . .Yuck. It's just nasty. The bars. . .Nasty. I don't even know what more I can say. As for the video. I was so much fun making it. It's very disturbing also. . .You'll love it. Well actually that's not true. No one really did love it. Today it has only 6652 views. And what makes that sadder is that the video dropped almost a year before the EP hahaa. Fucking brutal. Again. That's life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9y8AvyqbyA

So there you have it. A project that I put so much blood sweat and tears into that pretty much just got ignored but everyone apart from the SBTV staff and my core supporters. Someone tweeted me yesterday and said "Your bars have got so much harder" If we had been face to face I would have laughed straight in to his. My verses on this project and all the ones before it were so fucking hard. I dropped so much knowledge and insight and did it with so many patterns, multis and punchlines it would give your average baggy jean backpacker a chubby just in the first 2 bars. But it was never really appreciated. To date it has only been downloaded from my band came 344 times. I'm not sure what it did on the SBTV Bandcamp but I'm guessing way less. To put that in to perspective How To Loose Friends And Alienate Listeners is on 857 and has only been out for 3 months. I'm sure there's a moral to this story but for the life of me I can't find it. But yeah. Support the music you love and the person who makes it will make more of it. . .Have a great weekend. 5AM In Wakanda is out now. . .https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x16oAp8-WF4

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massmurdera · 6 years

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Best/Worst of 2017

Objectively speaking, 2017 was a tire fire of a year in America and I knew that going in. I’ll leave out the Trump bullshit and how I feel. Americans/people like being outraged, but it gets old to wake up every day in a panic. I did when Deflategate was happening to Tom Brady, but that had no real-world implications. Everyday, I was waking up to check Twitter to see what bad shit was happening. I think I did a solid job cutting it out as best I could and not letting it make me go mad.

It was a mostly boring year and then it picked up towards the very end. I might not feel good about America and where we’re I think we’ heading while holding out hope that this ends soon (I’m naïve and think we’re completely/totally fucked) but I guess I feel all right about where I’m going and how I feel about those close to me in my life. I’m controlling what I can control. Things could be better, but I’m all right.

TV Funniest go-to show: Desus and Mero Late Night/Politics: John Oliver Favorite TV show (non-Game of Thrones): American Vandal TV SHOW (non-Game of Thrones): 1) Legion 2) Stranger Things 3) Godless 4) Dark 5) Sneaky Pete 6) Mindhunter 7) Marvelous Mrs Maisel 8) Better Call Saul 9) the Deuce 10) Fargo 11) Ozarks 12) 13 Reasons Why 13) Lethal Weapon 14) Riverdale 15) Mr Robot 16) This is Us TV Comedies: 1) American Vandal 2) Big Mouth 3) Nathan for You 4) Rick and Morty 5) GLOW 6) Veep 7) Brockmire 8) Atypical

I’m biased that a family friend of mine co-created American Vandal and his brother is on the show too in a minor role but it REALLY is great. It sounds stupid that older family members scoffed at or were bewildered by, but it’s far smarter social commentary than it appears. It nailed high school so well.

BEST NEW CHARACTERS Funniest: Hormone Monster/Monstress (Big Mouth) Best Jeff Spicoli that should get a spin-off: Dylan and the Wayback Boys (American Vandal) Best Philip Seymour Hoffman: Edward Kemper (Mindhunter) Most fun/crazy role: 1) Aubrey Plaza (Legion) 2) Susan Sarandon (Feud) Perfect role: Marc Maron (GLOW), Nikki Swango (Fargo) Best drunk: Brockmire Sorely Overlooked: Clayne Crawford in Mel Gibson’s role (Lethal Weapon) Star-Making: Katherine Langford (13 Reasons Why); Rachel Brosnahan (Marvelous Mrs Maisel)

DISAPPOINTING FROM GREAT SHOWS: Curb Your Enthusiasm; Fargo; the Americans; Game of Thrones; Silicon Valley; Veep Shows I half-watch but could give up on: Big Little Lies; Feud; Preacher; Runaways; Shameless; the Sinner; SMILF; SNL; This is Us; White Famous WORST Shows: 1) Twin Peaks 2) the Leftovers 3) the Defenders 4) Taboo 5) Top of the Lake Didn’t work but should have: Vice Principals -had moments Absolute Worst: any and all political panel/news shows (Fox News, CNN, MSNBC). Burn them all to the ground.

Still need to watch: American Gods; BoJack Horseman; Brooklyn 99; Carmichael Show; Catastrophe; Good Place; Halt and Catch Fire; Handmaid’s Tale; Master of None; Punisher

Overall: the new shows were damn good, but the established great shows were all letdowns.

MOVIES 5 STARS: CLASSIC: 1) Get Out 4 STARS: 2) Free Fire 3) John Wick II 4) Dunkirk 5) Star Wars 6) Logan 3 ½ stars: Brawl in Cell Block 99; Good Time; Logan Lucky 3 STARS RENTALS: WATCHABLE: Atomic Blonde; Baby Driver, Babysitter, Big Sick; Blade Runner 2049; Fate of the Furious; Okja; Shot Caller, Spiderman, Split; War for Planet of the Apes; Wind River; Wonder Woman 2 STARS-DIDN”T LIKE BUT DECENT PARTS: Girls Trip; Guardians of Galaxy 2; Ingrid Goes West; Lego Batman; War Machine Most boring/dumbest critic favorite: Personal Shopper Cool twist made up for okay movie: Split Coolest soundtrack/score: Good Time, Dunkirk Most Over-the-Top Violent: Brawl in Cell Block 99 Overrated: Baby Driver, Wonder Woman Disappointed: Lego Batman

NEED TO CHECK OUT AFTER I READ BOOK: Lost City of Z; It HAVEN”T SEEN: Call Me By Your Name; Coco; Columbus; Darkest Hour; Disaster Artist; Florida Project; Justice League; Lady Bird; Molly’s Game; mother!; Mudbound; Phantom Thread; the Post; Shape of Water; Thor; Three Billboards Outside Ebbing Missouri

I’ve got catching up to do. But I think the year in movies wasn’t good.

Best Documentaries: 1) the Defiant Ones 2) Get Me Roger Stone 3) the Keepers 4) Jim & Andy BEST NETFLIX STAND-UP SPECIALS: 1) Dave Chappelle 2) Patton Oswalt 3) Ali Wong 4) Marc Maron 5) Neil Brennan 6) Bill Burr 7) Rory Scovel 8) Mike Birbiglia

Burr’s my favorite comic and seeing him live he is the best comic alive but it didn’t translate live. And he cut out so much of his best stuff. Chappelle might be more natural and have a sense of the moment though. Overplayed controversy -outrage over Chappelle’s jokes. Yeah, I don’t think they actually saw his act and just listened, out of context, to the jokes. He’s still as good as it gets. People just want to be outraged and have things be PC. Comics maybe hype that up, but it’s true. Underrated/Lost moment no one saw: Def Jam 25th Anniversary Special wasn’t good but Chappelle’s 7-minute improv off-the-cuff bit is secretly funnier than anything he did in his 2 specials. I don’t think any other comic alive or ever could have pulled that off as smoothly/naturally.

Worst special: Amy Schumer (like her, but she wasn’t ready to be released and nothing worked: felt like she wanted in on Netflix $ guys like Chappelle/Seinfeld were getting. I get the fairness, but uh, Chappelle’s specials felt like an event.

OTHER SPECIALS (comedy album/non-HBO) SOLID: TJ Miller; Joe DeRosa; Kurt Braunholer; Brian Posehn Didn’t totally work for me but I like them: Jerrod Carmichael, Tiffany Hadish

STILL NEED TO CHECK OUT: Ari Shaffir; Jerry Seinfeld; Brian Regan; Jen Kirkman; Judd Apatow; Hasaan Minaj; Michelle Wolf; Chris Gethard

Just loaded with too much good comedy. It’s never been better with podcasts, Netflix.

Favorite Podcasts: 1) Chapo Trap House 2) Pardon My Take 3) Frotcast 4) Bill Burr 5) Fuck the Chargers 6) Inactives 6) Revisionist History 7) Dollop 8) My Favorite Murder 9) Hound Tall Best Dollop Episodes of the Year: 1) Falling Pilot 2) Falling Pilot 3) Uber 4) Trump 5) Trump part 1 & 2 5) Enron 6) Phantom of the Open Dollop can be hit-or-miss. But the hits? Are as good as podcasting gets for history, comedy, and understanding the times we live in now. They would make for classic movies/docs. but specializes in overlooked, ridiculous stories that may have had massive historical ramifications (Dope Lake, Falling Pilot qualify for that except the ramifications part). Every once in a blue moon, they nail something timely (Enron) or current (Opium; Uber; Trump). They are the calm in the eye of a storm of utter insanity. Best individual episodes: -Bertcast (#217: Dave Anthony/Gareth Reynolds)-funny stand-up stories -Joey Diaz on Rogan/Bertcast -Tom Segura/Bert Kreischer Weight Loss Challenge (Joe Rogan) first episodes of the year)-funny/strangely inspiring. They did another challenge later in the years -Revisionist History-Miss Buchanan’s Period of Adjustment (Brown v Board of Education)-the unintended and disastrous consequences still felt today of why the decision was awful in a way you didn’t consider. It’ devastating to hear -Crabfeast #292 (Gareth Reynolds) talks about being hired to entertain kids birthday parties for 5 years as a side job while trying to make it in comedy. I love stories of failure/struggle at shit jobs Funniest podcast: 600 Dollar Podcast-bummer it ended Frotcast is my next favorite for humor (Best of 2016/2017 episodes are most accessible rather than just being dropped in). Bill Burr always. Best guest on a podcast: James Adomian as Gorka (Chapo Trap House) Best political: Chapo Trap House (and, yes, I am a Grey Wolf) Best Sports: Pardon My Take Best fan hate/schadenfreude: Fuck the Chargers Most underrated: Butterfly Effect (Jon Ronson)-only 6 episodes 3 hours 30 minutes; does what Malcolm Gladwell does but more long-form on the porn industry History: Dollop (over Common Sense/Hardcore History) Best local radio show/podcast: Matty & Nick Overrated/Lukewarm/Forgettable: Crimetown; S-Town; Pod Save America, Larry Wilmore Crimetown and S-Town’ are basically just accents. I didn’t like them the way other people did. Pod Save America is for boring people who don’t listen to podcasts and don’t know or bother for better alternatives. They are inoffensive dudes: it’s VERY basic. I think ‘Lovett or Leave It’ is better depending on the panel. Worst: Missing Richard Simmons Other podcasts I enjoy-Binge Mode, Bodega Boys, Dumb People Town, Emotional Hangs, FOFOP, Handsome Rambler (Hannibal Burress), Lovett or Leave It, We’ll See You in Hell Need to check out more-Crab Feast, Cum Town, In the Dark, Mogul Listen to if they have a good guest -Bertcast, Joe Rogan, WTF, You Made it Weird BEST EVENTS: 1) Pats-Steelers AFC Championship 2) Pats-Texans AFC Divisional 2nd half 3) Chance the Rapper: Boston Calling 4) 1975: Boston Calling 5) Thrice/Circa Survive: House of Blues sadly I couldn’t see Thrice or the stage at all in the mezzanine but I wasn’t mad 5) My Favorite Murder: Wilbur 6) Turnover: Royale 7) Hannibal Burress: Boston Calling 8) Frightened Rabbit: Boston Calling 9) Norm MacDonald @ Wilbur Theatre: Netflix taping 10) watching my friend mosh to Converge while I held his sweatshirt

WORST EVENTS: 1) My cousin at Boston Calling -just a disaster I won’t explain, but it was the probably the most disappointing thing that I experienced all year and shit on my weekend with my friend from LA. I basically had to become a babysitter and ditch my friend. 2) Pats-Texans AFC Championship Game -freezing 0 degree cold January game (expected) in the upper 300-level section and ours was the ONLY one not standing for a playoff game. Sat next to two kids under 8. Then someone brought in a newborn fucking baby that, no hyperbole, could not have been more than a month old. Insane. We snuck into the 200-level section at halftime and it ended up being a fucking party and playoff atmosphere that I wanted, expected, and had enjoyed before. 2) Migos -last minute replacement for Solange: just looked/sounded completely unprepared and they knew it. Crowd didn’t seem to be into it (Boston is mainly white) and didn’t know the lyrics to chant back: when they did so, it failed, and they were laughing it off but knowing it wasn’t a good setting for them. 4) Bon Iver -I liked his new album but doesn’t translate well live and to festivals. Super boring. Watching white people LOSE their shit to lukewarm Kenny G-esque saxophone solos (5 people playing the sax) was ridiculous.

MUSIC 1a) Brian Fallon-’If Your Prayers Don’t Get to Heaven’ 1b) Brian Fallon-’Forget Me Not’ 2) Menzingers-’˜Lookers’ 3) Lorde-’Perfect Places’ 4) Carly Rae Jepsen-’Cut to the Feeling’ 5) Turnover-’Breeze’ 6) Vallis Alps-’Fading’ 7) Kendrick Lamar-Humble’ 7) Calvin Harris/Frank Ocean/Migos-’Slide’ 9) Night Game-’the Outfield’ 10) Kesha-’Praying’

Album: Menzingers-’After the Party’ New Artist: Khalid Late pass: Turnover Late pass song: Lord Huron-’the Night We Met’

WORST POLITICAL: the chaos that comes with Trump-Waking up everyday in anxiety to check what happened on Twitter in America with politics/everything. It was, objectively, a trainwreck tire-fire. There’s too much news (which he obviously likes, even if it’s bad: he likes the attention and is a cable news addict). So, yeah, I don’t want to just be overloaded with it all the time, so fuck you forever. A year’s worth of shit is dumped every week. Thing is, I don’t hate Trump the most. He’s a stooge and he’s only doing everything the Republicans want anyway. It’s just that he’s such a dunce.

Worst music moment: 1) Katy Perry dancing w/ Migos, her music videos 2) Taylor Swift album rollout 3) Eminem’s cringe-y Trump freestyle that sounded as bad as Hamilton

Favorite debacles: Uber, Juicero, Fyre Festival Only because I can’t enjoy the Trump presidency debacles since it’s everyday life. Favorite Online Writer: Drew Magary Best health choice: switching to shoes with arch support -I can’t wear any of the major shoes like Nike anymore. I’ve got super flat feet. I was walking around for 2 months feeling like my foot was broken. I was in agony. Instant relief when I got better shoes. Most Confused thought: How the hell is Martin Shkreli the only evil rich asshole to go to jail? Sweetest/Coolest: Remember, Remember the 5th of November and beyond (super dumb inside joke to only person that might read this BS). I’ll leave it at that. I mean, I totally want to write about it, how awesome/funny it is, a phone call I made to my friend that was 12+ years in the making that he didn't expect. But yeah. I’ll just say it’s really sweet and just not jinx it.

Look ahead 2018 MUSIC: 1) Brian Fallon 2) Thrice 3) Chvrches 4) Wonder Years 5) Arctic Monkeys 6) Carly Rae Jepsen 7) 1975 8) Bruce Springsteen 9) Justin Timberlake NEW HBO: 1) Barry-Bill Hader as an assassin 2) Confederacy 3) Mosaic NEW NETFLIX SHOWS: 1) Maniac 2) Altered Carbon OTHER NEW SHOWS: 1) Corporate 2) the Terror 2) Counterpart 3) the Alienist 4) Waco 5) Good Girls RETURNING TV: 1) True Detective 2) Atlanta SHOWS ENDING: the Americans BOOKS: 1) Stephen King-’the Outsider’ 2) new Game of Thrones? 3) Michelle McNamara Gillian Flynn is overdue for a new book MOVIES: 1) Death of Stalin 2) Incredibles II 3) Soldado: Sicario II 4) Bodied 5) First Man-Chazzelle 6) Where’d You Go Bernadette-Linklater 7) Predator -Shane Black 8) Halloween -David Gordon Green/Danny McBride 9) Widows -Gillian Flynn/Steve McQueen 10) Creed II 11) Deadpool II 12) Hold the Dark 13) Scarface-Coen brothers 14) Black Panther 15) new ‘Cloverfield’ NEW COMEDY SPECIALS: 1) Bill Burr 2) Chris Rock 3)Tom Segura 4) Bert Kreischer, 5) Mike Birbiglia

Biggest bummer: no Game of Thrones until 2019, but I’d rather they not fuck it up

LOOK AHEAD TO 2018: -moving out of parent’ place in 2 weeks while still saving up to buy a house/condos -uh, I just turned 31, so that took forever. I have a decent amount of $ saved up to secure a house, but I want a decent one. -brother’s wedding in April -and bachelor party -cousins getting married and engaged -happening in droves -Pats playoff run and maybe the last best stand in the Belichick-Brady era. Brady could easily play 3 more years, be a top 3-5 QB (he still is the best, most durable/toughest, consistent), break every record, but something to be said about going out on top. -Shows/Tours Hoping to see: Boston Calling, Bill Burr, Brian Fallon, Bert Kreischer, Thrice, Chappelle, Pats -Gaslight Anthem reunion shows for 10-year anniversary of ‘the 59 Sound’ AND hopefully coming back again

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