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#funny quotes
book-quotes-daily · 6 hours ago
“Jesus Christ, it's like they can see into your soul. Cornbread knows my sins, Henry. Cornbread knows what I have done, and he is here to make me atone.”
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imgayerthanthefrogs · 8 hours ago
day 1 of snippets of stuff ive said in chats :
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magetsa · 21 hours ago
Baby Stalker Tim be like
Tim: My talent's include becoming emotionally invested in vigilantes and celebrity lives, being socially awkward and getting philosophical before bed or near death experiences.
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alilbharbie · a day ago
Tudom. Mindenki szereti magát erősnek, s megbánthatatlannak tenni, viszont ez nyilván valóan nem így van. Azért mutasd magad mindig erősnek, mert ha gyengének mutatod magad, a nálad gyengébbek támadni fognak.
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sithgriffin · a day ago
The most savage thing I’ve ever seen happened last year in my Spanish class. We had to take turns writing something in Spanish on the board and this one guy was kinda reluctant to go. Finally, he sighed, got up, and wrote on the board “I prefer men” and then sat back down. The whole class erupted into applause and everyone started freaking out.
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words-from-my-wife · a day ago
Wife quote #32:
Wife: “I mean, he is huge, but I guarantee you; he is still fitter than me!”
Because apparently @beths-space is “made out of pastry”.
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Levi: “your pretty stupid huh?”
Y/n: “thank you”
Levi: “why are you thanking me? I just insulted you?”
Y/n: “all I heard was, your pretty. I’m focusing on the positives in life”
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Y/n: “I made tea”
Levi: “I don’t want tea right now”
Y/n: “I didn’t make it for you, this is my tea.”
Levi: “then why did you announce that you made tea?”
Y/n: “it’s a conversation starter”
Levi: “well then, it’s a horrible conversation starter”
Y/n: “oh really? What are we doing right now? Huh? We’re conversating”
Levi, wordlessly. glaring at y/n:
Y/n: “checkmate”
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Y/n: “there is no i in team, but there is an i in pizza”
Sasha: “so your not going to share?”
Y/n: “I’m not going to share, no.”
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puppetmaster13u · a day ago
Mumbo: I have no fears 
Iskall: What if one day you woke up and Grian was taller than you? 
Mumbo: I have one fear
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thebitterflamingo · a day ago
“You’re not sick. You’re American, fight back and get what you want. Plus you’re a woman so you always get what you want.”
my friend’s brother
His political views may need a little work.
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trickybrothers · a day ago
10-10 samosa challenge full masti ful Mazaa,crazy experiment, food challenge, fun and masti
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rhyolight · 2 days ago
Tim/Masky: Hey! Ben! Pay attention!
Ben: No can do, my attention span is shorter than I am.
Tim/Masky: Yet you play games for hours without taking a break.
Ben: Sorry but I didn’t hear that. I wasn’t paying attention.
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shadowwater · 2 days ago
You know something is seriously wrong with you when you start researching about executioners.
A certain someone who is researching about executioners
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'So we're both working very hard in damp places and just cancelling each other out?'
Aziraphale to Crowley, Good Omens. 2019
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puppetmaster13u · 2 days ago
Hels: We have ways to make you talk 
Ex, sharpening a knife: *cuts cake* 
Scar: Can I please have some cake 
Ex: Cake is for talkers
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