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#fushiguro megumi angst
chuluoyi · 3 months
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LOVER'S QUARREL
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- fushiguro megumi x reader
“i can't do this anymore.” you and megumi are just too different; he's stoic, you're bubbly, he prefers solitude, you love being social. it starts with fights, words you don't mean, and ends with an event that would haunt him for a long time to come.
genre: angst, breaking up, post-breakup feelings, mentions and description of injury and blood, hurt/comfort, fluff in the end (you make up!)
note: dear god i’m finally getting this out of my drafts. loosely inspired by real life events i’ve seen around my friend’s relationship sooo it might hurt a bit 🤏🏻 but who can say no to angst to eventual fluff? tagging @lees-chaotic-brain and @kasumitenbaz (as per request in the ask!), you two are always here for my megumi works, thank you!! :3 and thank you for dropping by for the event!
a part of 1K MILESTONE EVENT
series masterlist | oneshot masterlist
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Everyone pointed it out as a joke, that you liked him way more than he did you.
And you used to never let it ruffle you. To you, Megumi’s sternness and silence meant that he was comfortable with you. You never wanted him to change his ways just because now you were seeing each other.
But when you thought it over now, as you stood before him with an aghast expression and knives stabbing your kind, soft heart, you couldn’t help but do a double-take.
You were the one who confessed first. Most of the time, you were the one who initiated dates. You always texted him first, asking about his day, and even when he brushed you off, you would keep being this ball of sunshine and wished him a good day.
You never realized it before… that through everything, it has always been you. Unfailingly.
So how dare he spout this now?
“I can't do this anymore.”
"You... can't?" you spat out, feeling the first tendrils of anger course through you. "What exactly it is that you can't do? What do you even mean?"
"Look," Megumi stared at you squarely, and you thought now, that it was the coldest of eyes, straight and true. "It's always been like this between us lately. It's only right that we end this."
This, he said. He didn't even want to define your relationship anymore.
You scoffed. "And why do you think we always end up this way? Have you ever considered, even once, that it's because you make no effort at all?"
"I'm trying," Megumi quickly replied, almost in a hiss, and you almost recoiled. "But I just see that we'll end up nowhere, that's why I'm bringing this up now."
Oh, that freaking hurts. You boyfriend had just told you that this relationship would go nowhere. Right in your face.
Your eyes stung with tears, yet you fought to hold them back, fixing your gaze on the lamp overhead and inhaling deeply.
"You're... selfish," you stated, filled with ire. "You're always walking around eggshells around me, never telling me what is it that you really want—"
Megumi's unclouded eyes fixed on your trembling form. "We just disagree on a lot of things. You know it and it bothers you. It bothers me too. Rather than forcing our relationship, I think it's better—"
"It's always me!" you yelled then, lips quivering and eyes watering, unable to hold your emotions back any longer. "All dates, lunches—everything!" you locked your eyes with him, in mocking disbelief. "How can you say you're trying when, in truth, I'm the one putting in so much for us?!"
In that very second, Megumi thought that he hated seeing you like this. You were supposed to be the cheerful one in this relationship, and when he agreed to go out with you, he made an unspoken commitment to himself that he would at least not make you miserable.
And yet...
"...I'm sorry."
Came his reply, and you were sure that this was it.
And to rub the salt in your wound, he added, "I can't lie to you and say I haven't thought this for a while too."
As tears welled within you, you wondered and questioned what you lacked that led to this. However, the overwhelming sense of betrayal consuming your thoughts ultimately prevailed over any other emotions.
Now he could've appeared before you as a stranger and you wouldn't bat an eye, as the cold steel in his tone said, "And if blaming me is what it takes to make you feel better, then so be it."
You couldn't pinpoint the source of your sudden boldness, but in the next hot minute, you marched past him, your shoulder harshly colliding with his in a deliberate, almost spiteful manner—which, indeed, was your intention—and then you ran.
Which led to the next scene: you found yourself bawling your eyes out in the girls' lavatory.
Yuji and Nobara saw everything unfolding right before their eyes. They hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but you and Megumi were literally breaking up right the middle of their shared classroom, and it was hard not to follow the discourse until the end.
"Are you okay?" Nobara had come to your side, ensuring privacy by locking the restroom door out of your consideration. You were a sobbing mess, attempting to wipe the overflowing tears away while letting out all your emotions.
"He's..." Your voice faltered amid sobs as you gazed at your steadfast friend, your throat clogging up. "He said... he's been wanting t-to... break up with m-me..."
"That's okay, that's okay..." Nobara brought you to her arms, patting your back in reassurance. "Fushiguro is insensitive like that... don't cry over him now. He's just a wimp, okay?"
"Why is it me?" you asked her, voice brittle, still shaking with tears. "I t-tried everything! Being the supportive girlfriend..."
"If he can't appreciate what you did, then the problem lies with him," your friend stated, traces of irritation brewing in her resolute gaze. And as she firmly grasped your wrist, her next words resonated. "Not you."
. . .
"Do you really have to break her heart like that?" Yuji fidgeted with his hoodie, staring at his best friend with a blend of confusion and sympathy.
Megumi sighed, finally ruffling his hair into a mess, as if expressing his own state of mind. “This is for the best.”
Yuji’s eyebrows visibly creased. “How is this ‘for the best’? She’s miserable, and you…” he assessed him, scanning him from head to toe, “it doesn’t seem you’re faring any better too.”
“The longer she is with me, the unhappier she will be.” Megumi glanced at the bathroom’s direction. “She can deserve better.”
He was always too quiet, too boring, not able to match your energy too. He couldn’t fault you for expecting more, whereas he was just not exactly built for your expectations.
Megumi really thought he wanted it to end. At one point, it even felt like a chore, but…
How strange. Why did it feel like something was clawing at his chest?
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Time heals. Megumi knew that by theory, but he really did see it firsthand when he saw you all giggling and happy again three weeks after he initiated the breakup.
With Hakari.
“Yo, what are you glaring at?” Panda asked, but Megumi didn’t pay him any mind.
An upperclassman, Hakari Kinji, was naturally cool and talented. He was laid back, knew how to have fun—all in all, a total opposite of Fushiguro Megumi altogether.
Three weeks. It’s only been three weeks since then.
“Megumi?”
Wait… Aren’t three weeks too fast to get over your ex?
“Megumi!”
“Huh?” he turned to the sentient panda with a jerk. “Oh, what is it?”
He looked at him with a concerned gaze. "Why do you look so scary? It's almost as if you're about to punch someone..."
But who was he to argue? He had no right to be upset now.
"Is it Kinji?" Panda gasped, finally putting two and two together when he followed his line of sight. "Oh Megumi... but you—"
"Just shut up, please," he blurted then, a hint of annoyance in his tone. With that, Panda didn't pursue it further, leaving him with his thoughts.
From where he was at the field, he could clearly see your radiant smile for Hakari. It was clear that the two of you shared a degree of friendship, but Megumi never knew that you two were that close.
...huh?
Why did the sight irritate him so suddenly? Why did his chest twinge again?
What a fool. You're the one driving her away, you idiot.
Suddenly these memories popped up one by one—
Of you suddenly hugging him from behind in an attempt to surprise him.
How he pressed his lips on the crown of your head when you fall asleep on his shoulder.
How you would give him that dopey smile when he pulled you close.
But on harder days after missions gone wrong, he’d ignore you altogether— the slight disappointment in your smile then. How your expression fell when he told you to go. How you slumped and looked back in hopes of him changing his mind.
“Haaaah.” Megumi turned away, unwilling to keep watching you any longer. Why? Why hadn’t it occurred to him before now?
Why did he long for you now? Why not before, when you were still his?
They were right. It seems people tend to desire what isn't meant for them.
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What could have been more painfully awkward than being sent into a mission with your ex-boyfriend?
You would kill Gojo for this. Or at least give him the lowest possible score in his teaching evaluation for the year. How could he? Your breakup was an infamous public spectacle, so this setup was undoubtedly intentional!
You were losing your head over this, and yet your ex-boyfriend...
"Keep your guard up," Megumi reminded curtly, in a warning tone. He looked as vigilant and straight as always, as if he wasn't even bothered.
You threw him a dirty look, offended. "You don't have to tell me twice."
This just cranked up the discomfort to an excruciating level. The mix of unresolved tension and memories—okay, you might be an emo, but how were you supposed to be cool with all of these hanging in the air?
Your site of exorcism was an abandoned warehouse, and the cursed spirit in question was supposed to be a grade 3. You two were grade 2 sorcerers now, so you were a perfect fit to exorcise it. But there was indeed this unease in the air that you couldn't put your finger to.
"Isn't it awfully too quiet?" you unwittingly muttered, staring at the darkness of the wall. You couldn't feel any cursed energy belonging to any possible malevolent entity, and that was what unsettled you the most.
Megumi frowned at your line of sight. "It is. Stay close."
You blinked at what he said, and before you knew it, the familiar scent of him being near to you made your entire body burst with this equally familiar warmth. When you looked up to him, seeing the solid sharpness in that dark eyes of his and his jaw set, dead butterflies in your chest rose back to life again, against your heartbreak and better judgement.
Stay close, he said... So he is worried...
And in an attempt to hide how flustered you were, you looked down.
You walked a few good steps, when suddenly he asked, "So, are you with Hakari-senpai now?"
"Huh?" You spun around, your expression a mix of surprise and confusion.
"You two seem close."
Seem close? Seem close... wait, so Megumi had noticed...?
Suddenly, you felt incited and it made you angry. "That's none of your business," your voice carried a sharp edge, hissing. And you knew you were being a bit mean by adding, "You broke up with me, so why do you even care?"
In that moment, Megumi could've sworn his chest throbbed. Your cutting tone pierced directly into his heart, lodging itself there.
You had all rights to be annoyed, and he knew that. Why did that question even slip out of him?
"Nah, nevermind," he mumbled in response, looking away.
Awkwardness lingered afterwards. You hated this, but no, you weren't above being petty. He had broken your heart and it still stung even now. If your intentionally biting words did to him even a fraction of what he made you feel, then you would find a small sense of satisfaction in it.
But you weren't able to ponder about your mess of feelings further when Megumi abruptly yanked your arm, his voice soaking with urgency, "It's here!"
Sure enough, the grotesque cursed spirit with the shape of a giant bee broke through the walls with a bang. The two of you immediately readied your fighting stance. Megumi was ready with his divine dogs, while you with your cursed weapon.
For a while, you engaged the cursed spirit with all you had. You were trying to focus on the enemy, but you couldn't help but notice the way Megumi always looked at you every few seconds, checking for any signs of injury or harm.
Frankly speaking, he trusted your strength and knew that you were a capable sorcerer. You had been paired in a mission before and he knew both your potential and shortcomings. It was just there was something about this place that had his senses on high alert.
And his fears were proven true when you yelped and were flung onto the grimy floor. "Y/N!"
"I'm fine!" you shouted in a rush, scrambling to your feet. However, as you spun towards him, your scream tore through the hall as you caught sight of the bee lurking behind him. "Megumi!"
He got distracted. The bee quickly latched onto him and almost stung him, until he wrestled it off and summoned Nue and exorcised it.
You went to his side that instant. "Are you okay?!"
"I am." But then he winced and almost fell on his knees if you didn't have a secure grip on him. He savored your touch and breathed a sigh of relief, thinking that now you two were safe.
"Megumi! Oh god!" Panic surged through you as you pulled him close. His side was bleeding, and you widened your eyes at the sight.
"I'm okay, I promise," he rasped, looking you in the eyes. "What abo—"
Then you saw it, the flicker from deep from that corner of platform, and suddenly, you grasped the source of the unease that had been lingering within you all this time. It wasn't the bee Megumi had just exorcised—
At that moment, there was no room for thought, one thing was certain: you didn't want him to get hurt more.
He didn't manage to finish his sentence when suddenly you pushed him away with so much force he never thought you had. Everything crashed so suddenly, he didn't have the time to brace himself or grab you with him, as another cursed bee appeared out of nowhere and—
Reality flashed before his eyes as he stared at you in sheer horror. At how the cursed spirit tore your body, sinking its hollow stinger in you.
You didn't really know what happened next. Everything was muffled—the frantic movements around you turned into a blur, along with Megumi's yells. Otherworldly pain coursed through your entire being and your ears rang, then everything in your line of sight became distorted and faded, along with your consciousness. Next and the last thing you knew was Megumi's battered face, a final imprint before you succumbed to the void.
Megumi had exorcised the remaining cursed spirit and staggered to his feet—falling a few times, but he made his way towards you through gritted teeth. You are hurt. He forced himself to get to you and pull you into his arms.
And suddenly, suddenly, nothing mattered anymore as overwhelming terror consumed him upon seeing you. Blood streamed from your abdomen so much that it made a continuous pool.
"You stupid—!" He choked out, voice hitching. You were no longer conscious and it devastated him even more. "Hey, hey? Wake up—hells—"
You, who did everything you could to save your relationship. You, who cried tears for him when he blatantly broke your heart. And you, who put himself first—and now facing the consequences.
It crashed upon him in that very second, the clarity. What was he thinking back then? He still loves you.
"If you die on me, I won't forgive you."
Megumi scooped you in his arms, pressing you close to his chest, the blood seeping from his wound be damned as he looked at your serene face. His heart shattered in the worst way possible and he almost wheezed at the sticky sensation of your blood—and how lifeless you felt in his grasp—but he willed it away.
"Don't," his broken rasp echoed the walls as he took each step to get both of you out of this hellhole. He winced and hissed at his own injury, chewing his lip in frustration, at how helpless he was.
"Don't leave me."
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It was like a distant, hazy memory.
Was it a memory though? No. It seemed far too real for that.
The throbbing headache pounding through your skull and shivers that wracked your body pulled you back to reality. There was a heavy pressure on your abdomen and any movement sent sharp pain shooting through you.
You gradually opened your eyes, squinting against the brightness. You were in a hospital gown, an IV was injected on your arm, and the sterile scent made your stomach twist, as nausea creeping through your guts. Your vision was still blurry as you tried to look around to find someone who waited for you. As you slowly turned your head to the side, you saw him, sitting in the chair right next your bed.
Megumi was sleeping in such uncomfortable position, his head resting on the edge of your bed. He appeared peaceful, almost childlike, devoid of his usual stoic demeanor.
Your heartstrings were tugged at this rare sight. He also sustained injuries and yet... he was waiting for you to wake up, here.
Your chest swelled with warmth, which was quickly followed by a sting of heartbreak. Still, you two broke up...
You jolted, and the inadvertent movement sent a wave of pain that seemed to paralyze your nerves, causing you to whimper. The noise woke Megumi from his slumber, as he shot his eyes open in alarm, catching your hand in his.
"Hey... Are you okay?" Megumi worriedly looked down at you with a visible frown, and the grimace of pain on your face, accompanied by trembling lips, was enough of an answer. He hastily scrambled out in slight panic, "I'll get Ieiri-san."
When Shoko came and got you the painkillers, your pain receded somewhat. Through it all, Megumi stood there, casting concerned glances in your way.
"Bedrest for the week," Shoko stated firmly, assessing your wound with a no-nonsense expression. "Your injury isn't minor—it's serious enough that you're strongly advised against excessive movement."
You could only nod in response. Megumi bowed. "Thank you, Ieiri-san." Once the doctor departed, silence settled over the room once more.
“Why did you do that?” he quietly asked then, referring to what you did for him. And when you turned to him, you saw it clearly.
He looked pale, and there was this haunted look in his eyes. It broke your heart a little.
"You were hurt." Your voice came out dry, and you realized firsthand just how parched you were. Seeing Megumi looking down never quite sat right with you. He was meant to be an unwavering presence, someone strong enough to sway your convictions.
However, a pang struck when he countered with stern eyes, "You didn't have to do that."
...he was right. You didn't have to. What he didn't know was that you were still holding on these stupid feelings, which drove you to shield him. It made you ponder: if your roles were reversed, would he not step in to protect you at all?
"Why are you here?" You weren't sure if the bitterness in your tone was evident, but you continued anyway. "You don't have to be here either."
"Don't have to?" His gaze bore disbelief, as if not believing your words. "I'm—"
"If it's because I saved you, Megumi—"
“Do not even think, even for a moment, that I won’t be concerned over you.” His voice, deep and hoarse, struck you to the core, silencing your words. “Never. I always, always want you to be safe.”
Your mind became a blank slate. Suddenly, all that mattered was his voice.
"Don't you realize how terrifying it was? Seeing you like that?" Megumi spat, his green eyes shining with intensity, teeth gritted and fists clenched. "How could you even think that I wouldn't be here—" his breath hitched, and then his lips trembled slightly, "—for you?"
You blinked quickly, a feeling stirred within you—stemming from that cursed, fragile heart of yours to be exact, evident from the rapid thumping in your chest.
You dumbly uttered, "But we are—"
"Oh, Goddamnit." Megumi cursed, and honestly you were taken aback. It wasn't really in him to swear, so this really bugged him. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, and despite the situation, your heart skipped a beat at the sight. Even a mess in a hospital gown, your ex-boyfriend was still undeniably attractive.
He stared at you squarely in the eye, unflinching, steadfast and true, the very image of Fushiguro Megumi you admired from afar and fell in love with in the first place half a year ago. "You don't have to... say anything, if you don't want to. Right now... just hear me out."
And the things he said next... all of them, you could say, caught you entirely off guard.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not trying hard enough, and—damn it, for making you sad. I never, ever wanted to see you that upset."
Megumi drew in a sharp breath, averting his gaze. "And for days, I've wondered if you and Hakari-senpai are now a thing... and you know what? I hate it so much. I know I have no grounds to feel this way, after what I did, but..."
And like a train wreck, his final words hit you hard. Tears welled up in your eyes in immediate response.
“I'm a loser, and a coward too, maybe,” he shrugged, a tinge of self-deprecation in his tone. “And I suck at telling people my feelings, but I love you. I still do.”
A sob slipped out of your throat and you hastily pulled the blanket over your face, much to his surprise. He thought he had worsened things, with the way you were turning away from him.
But then, from beneath the blanket, in a croaky voice, you proclaimed, "Fushiguro Megumi, you're a complete and utter idiot."
And Megumi didn't know that he had been holding back his breath as he chuckled heartily, relieved that you would still take his ass back after this prolonged mess. He knew he still had a lot to make up for and was determined to show it through his actions.
"Maybe I am, yeah."
"That's possibly the longest shit you have ever spouted in one breath."
"Yeah..."
But he got his chance back, and he knew that you would be alright. Both of you are.
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On one sunny day...
"Hey, are you alone?"
Megumi glanced up from his phone, only to be met with a random girl standing in front of him, batting her eyelashes with an ambiguous intent. He blinked at her curiously.
"No. Can I help you?"
The girl twirled her hair suggestively. "Ah, you see... I see you all in your lonesome and I think you're quite cute—"
The hell? Megumi frowned, and he was really about to give this bimbo a piece of his mind when—
Oh, oh. Forget that. Megumi's attention snapped to you on the opposite side of the crossroad. All pretty and dolled up with that crop tee and miniskirt he once mentioned would look great on you by a slip of tongue—that accidental comment earned him your teasing quips for weeks already.
"Sorry, I'm here for my girlfriend. Bye."
Abruptly dismissing the girl, he didn't catch how comically offended she was for being turned down in a span of 20 seconds. He took big strides towards you, as you crossed the street, and you immediately beamed when you caught the sight of his face.
"Megumi!"
Ah, this is going to be a good day, he thought. As he gazed at your pretty face, and caught your hand in his, clasping it tightly, reveling in your scent and the warmth of your presence beside him—
He was content, and once again it dawned on him, that he likes you so, so damn much.
"Let's get started on our date, shall we?"
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rinhaler · 4 months
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Alexa, play - WUSYANAME - by Tyler, The Creator
✧˖*°࿐: 18+ only, no minors.    ✧. ┊ boyfriend!Yuuji Itadori x f!reader x bully!Megumi Fushiguro
Yuuji Itadori = the love of your life and best boyfriend you've ever had. He loves giving head and he's a total sweetheart. You thought his best friend Megumi would be just as sweet when he joined your art class. But, ugh, he's the worst!
disclaimer: this series is a re-upload from my old blog @fuwushiguro ! warnings will be added accordingly per chapter ♡ I'm going to upload chapters weekly until they're all moved from there to here !
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chapter one: What Is Your Name, What Do You Bring?
18+, consensual sex, oral, face sitting, aftercare, disrespecting sex workers.
chapter two: Drown In Some Syrup
18+, consensual sex, oral, disrespecting sex workers, bullying.
chapter three: We Groove and We Dance
18+, dubcon/noncon, consensual dry humping, bullying, fingering, drugging, choking, degradation, bladder failure (NOT piss kink), vomiting, marking??? clubbing.
chapter four: Think Slow, ‘Cause I Move Fast
18+, exhibitionism, semi public, fingering, bullying, drugging mentions, bladder failure mention, vomiting mention, praise kink, brief fainting (ish).
Chapter Five: The Root Of The Apple
18+, panic attack, mental health issues, alcohol consumption, drug taking, bullying, drugging mention, bladder failure mention, marking mention, family drama.
Chapter Six: Smell Some Perfume, Head In The Wind
18+, (kinda) panic attack, cocaine use, familial issues, handjob, misogyny, dry humping (a little??).
Chapter Seven: We Can Sit and Talk, Baby, Get It Off
18+, consensual sex, sleepy slow sex, praise kink, water infection mention, sleeping difficulties, alcohol consumption, smoking, panic attack mention, drugs mention, family drama, arranged marriage mention, bullying.
Chapter Eight: It’ll Probably End With Me Being Forgot
18+, consensual sex, face sitting, praise kink, drug taking, bullying.
Chapter Nine: We Can Switch Off
18+, long distance relationship, slight intimidation and name calling, relationship pressure, family difficulties.
Chapter Ten: Get Your Passport, 'Cause We Runnin' Off
18+, PG chapter tbh, daddy kink mention??, attempted/thwarted bullying.
Chapter Eleven: One Minute, It's a Beautiful Scene
18+, PG chapter tbh!
Chapter Twelve: I Pick a Tail Number and We Could Be Tourists
18+, alcohol consumption, arguing, name calling, strong language lmao, PG chapter tbh!
Chapter Thirteen: I Got Your Bitch Movin'
18+, alcohol consumption, drug consumption, infidelity, gaslighting, manipulation, paranoia.
Chapter Fourteen: Bright Light, I'm Like a Moth
18+, dubcon, alcohol consumption, drug consumption, infidelity, gaslighting, manipulation, paranoia, degradation, handjob (m+f receiving), oral (f receiving), overstimulation.
Chapter Fifteen: Tell Me Where The Piece Go, 'Cause I'm Lost
18+, drinking, pining, arguing, etc.
Chapter Sixteen: I Think That I Got What You Need
18+, phone sex, praise kink, sex toys, substance abuse, pining, slut shaming, arguing, family drama??, etc.
Chapter Seventeen: I Value The Times That I Take You Out
18+, pet names, cheating, arguing, family drama, cocaine use, depression, (sort of suicide discussion), pining.
Chapter Eighteen: Call Me If You Get Lost
18+, pet names, cheating, family drama, smokin' weed!!, depression, blowjob, fingering, pining
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© 2023 rinhaler
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okkotsuus · 8 months
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COLD HANDS (megumi f.) !
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features: megumi fushiguro
contents: tw. death. major character death. reader death. character pov. blood. descriptions of wounds. is set in shibuya, but no spoilers. grief. mutual pining. hurt no comfort. angst. i'm sorry. 0.4k words.
notes: jjk angst has me in a chokehold, i'm sorry mutuals.
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megumi fushiguro wished that he had told you sooner.
he wishes he held your hand, squeezing it in his own. he wishes that he had actually given you those flowers instead of hiding them behind his back when he saw you. he wishes that he didn’t snatch his phone away with such a scowl.
megumi fushiguro wishes that you had died knowing he loves you. and he wishes he had lived with you knowing he loves you. because he still does.
even now, as she sees your body motionless on the ground of the shibuya train station, a splat of blood from your side. megumi fushiguro allows himself to delude the chance that you might live as he falls to your side, clutching your hand for the first time in his.
your hands are so cold now, nothing like he remembers. they’re sticky with drying blood, the air hangs heavy with the permeating sense of iron. megumi fushiguro holds your hand bruisingly tight, but it’s okay: because you can’t feel the pain anymore.
he wishes that he had said those three words to you, instead of turning away and pretending not to hear when you whisper them. he wishes he didn’t hide his blush in the collar of his uniform. he wishes that he had allowed himself to be vulnerable.
now, he finally is. but it doesn’t matter because you’re dead. you can’t even experience it as the words you lived life so desperately wishing to hear him say fall from his lips like a desperate prayer. “i love you… i’ve always loved you…” he whispers, voice shaking as warm, salty tears sting the cuts scattered along his face.
for just a moment, he swears your hand tightens around his ever-so faintly.
but megumi fushiguro doesn’t have time to cry, he doesn’t even have time to take your body back to jujutsu tech. all he can do is send word to the windows and hope they get there before a curse defiles your corpse.
he leaves a part of him with you, but this time, that emptiness is not filled with the bell-like sound of your laughter. only a chilling silence.
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okkotsuus 23
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piichuu · 7 months
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♡ THE ONE AND ONLY CUPID - A SHOULDER TO CRY ON
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SEPTEMBER 12TH
6:38PM
your hands are trembling as you stand outside the door to his dorm. you haven’t knocked on it yet as you’re currently contemplating to leave. where will this evening lead? is it gonna be over after all? will you see him in the hallway of the school and have to look away from him to not notice the blank stares he’ll give you as if you’ve never known one another. is he suddenly going to become a stranger?
maki has been trying to pep talk to you since megumi asked to meet last friday after his breakdown. you haven’t spoken since then, so what if he’s suddenly gotten worse and is gonna kick you out as you arrive? maybe his personality has totally changed now? you have no idea what will happen after you knock on that door and even if you would almost want to not know, you end up knocking, taking a deep breath while doing so.
it doesn’t take long until it opens by the boy your heart has come to beat extra quick for. he’s wearing a grey hoodie and a pair of sweatpants. his hair is brushed through, but the bags under his eyes makes it evident that he hasn’t sleep much, perhaps not for days. the smile he flashes you is fake, it barely even looks like a smile.
megumi doesn’t say a word and just steps to the side, allowing you to walk inside his dorm before closing the door behind the two of you. “hi,” he mumbles, looking down towards the floor as if he has lost the ability to keep eye contact. you can’t stop yourself from noticing how he’s fiddling with his fingers and how he scratches his face every now and again.
“are you doing okay?” you ask as you’ve now taken off your shoes and is waiting for megumi to say or do something else. as soon as the question is asked, his eyes slowly begin to tear up, and it doesn’t take too long for those tears to begin falling down his cheeks, but he still tries to pretend like everything is fine.
he’s quick to wipe the tears away and nods, seeming to want to be strong in front of someone he cares about much more than anyone else even if his entire world is crumbling. “i’m fine! are you okay?” he replies, but he can no longer stop the tears that keep threatening to spill.
as soon as you hear a sniffle, it doesn’t matter what has previously happened. you walk towards him with quick steps and wrap your arms around his neck, pulling him close towards you as he sobs into your shoulder, holding onto you tightly with his arms around your waist. his entire body is shaking and it takes plenty of strength to hold him up and not let him fall onto the floor.
the sobs grow louder and your heart aches by hearing and seeing him like this. it doesn’t matter if he almost ruined what you two have, it doesn’t matter if he crushed your heart as he sent those messages. none of it matters because he’s here now in your arms, crying his eyes out as the reason to those messages has been ruining him for days.
he tries to speak through the sobs, but it’s impossible for him to get any words out as only another broken sob comes out. it’s as if he’s clinging onto you for dear life, refusing to let go as tears stream down his cheeks and onto your shirt that is getting soaked.
you would’ve never expected to see him like this, being so vulnerable around you. but maybe this does mean that he cares, but that’s not important right now. what’s important is to help him, to comfort him, to reassure him that you’re here.
“i-i’m so sorry,” megumi finally succeeds to get out in between sobs. in an attempt to take deep breaths, they come out shaky instead and he almost seems to struggle to breath. “i-i ruined everything,” he mumbles but you quickly shake your head and brush your fingers through his well combed hair.
“don’t say that, you didn’t ruin anything. it’s okay, i’m here now,” you whisper into his ear while gently taking his hand and putting it against your chest, right by your heart. he glances up at you from your shoulder and tries to keep focusing on the feeling of your heartbeat against his hand. “i’m here and i’m not going anywhere.”
megumi sniffles and nods. he tries to take a few more deep breaths, some are interrupted by sobs but some are successful. “you…you’re not going anywhere?” “i’m not going anywhere,” you stroke his hair and give him a reassuring smile. his cheeks are wet from the amount of crying, but the sobs slowly die down, now only leaving him sniffling.
you begin to gently wipe the tears away from his cheeks as he looks at you with wide eyes as if he cannot believe you’re actually there, as if you weren’t real. your hands are cold against his warm skin, but the look you give him is warmer than anything else he’s felt or seen. “i’m sorry. i wasn’t going to cry but when i saw you i just-i was so relieved but worried at the same time and i wish i’d never sent you those texts or acted like that. i don’t know what’s wrong with me, but you shouldn’t have to deal with any of that, i don’t want to hurt you,” he whispers as his hold on you grows weak, most likely from exhaustion.
you wrap your arms around his waist to hold him up, beginning to walk towards the bed in a slow pace. he’s completely drained by all of his feelings, they’ve become too much for him to handle at this point in time, so you help him sit down on the bed, moving to sit beside him so he can put his arms around you again.
“you won’t hurt me again because now i know why you acted that way. i’m not gonna leave because you have depressive episodes, megumi. i wouldn’t truly love you if i just left like that,” you stroke his arm as he holds you close, using his last bit of energy to have you near him.
he looks at you with wide eyes. “you love me?” you nod and take one of his hands to intertwine your fingers with his. “of course i love you. i know it’s early and all, but how can i not? you make me so happy and i always feel so safe around you. i can’t stop thinking about you and i just want to make sure you’re okay, i don’t want you to hurt either,” you admit, squeezing his hand lightly.
megumi squeezes right back and now reaches his free hand up to cup your cheek. he strokes it with the pad of his thumb as his eyes are covered in hearts. “thank you for loving me,” he whispers, keeping eye contact with you. “and thank you for staying with me, even if i’m not myself and even if gojo has had to take care of me for the last couple of days.”
you smile softly at those last words and lean into his warm touch. “i can take over for him now, if you want. let’s just stay here tomorrow and cuddle all day, maybe go on a few walks as well to get you some fresh air,” megumi nods in agreement, finally leaning in so his lips are only mere millimeters away from yours.
he looks into your eyes for confirmation, but it’s not needed as you press your lips against his. they taste like salt due to the amount of tears he’s been shedding, but they’re soft and warm against yours. it’s a little slow, but it is almost better than the first one you had a week ago.
he’s so careful around you, treating you as if you were made out of glass. his kisses are gentle but filled with more love than anyone else could ever try to give. “thank you,” he mumbles as his lips leave yours and he instead wraps both of his arms around your waist to pull you close to his chest. “thank you for staying.” “i’m always gonna stay ‘gumi. always.”
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TWENTY THREE | MASTERLIST | TWENTY FIVE
PAIRING: fushiguro megumi x f!reader
SYNOPSIS: itadori yuji is behind the account “the one and only cupid” where others in tokyo can anonymously ship two people they think should get together. what happens when you’re suddenly shipped with fushiguro megumi whom you’ve never talked to before and why do you all of a sudden have to see him in the school hallway every single day?
WARNINGS: megumi has a breakdown
TAG LIST (CLOSED): @krissyoxox @kaitfae @kitorin @mysuperrainbow @tojirin @hanmasdolly @kasumitenbaz @yuzurins @tsukishimarawr @stardusthyuck @satoruskitchenrag @lvryeager @hellothere9597 @pumpkindudeishere @dailyghosting @chillichopsticks @jaynawayna @mave-in @hisheadismountfuji @whatamidoing89 @flwrdia @livelaughloveisagiyoichi @usermins @marga-j @kennmaii @rintarousgirl @moonmalice @matchablossomsss @saiewithakatana @adhdduckie @bluekryptonitepatrol @saturn-alone @theweirdfloatything @7haze @buggy-cj @giannitaa @itoshiexx @aeongiies @becsmarvel @sukisprettyface @haitani-22 @mellozhi @satoryaa @ris-krispie @coastalll @jjkwritingss @rijhi @nerdybananabeliever @yourmumsthings @jtoddwife
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rewh0re · 25 days
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—968 words, angst, death, deep talks about life, cemeteries. yea ig that's it. yea also wrote this at 3 am guys i am mighty sleep deprived
a/n; atp I'm doing everything BUT studying or writing my gojo fic :D (gojo fic someday you'll see the light till then this megumi angst has to compensate for it) REBLOGS + FEEDBACKS ARE APPRECIATED!!
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megumi can never truly forget that memory.
he remembers clear blue skies and the occasional chirping of birds along with the flapping of their wings. white clouds slowly drifting in the air and dragonflies hovering over the grass. the trees were green and lush, the leaves gently rustling due to the cool breeze which could mean one thing alone—the advent of spring. there was a silence that washed his body with a strange type of peace, a peace he had never quite known, that he had just allowed himself to feel. and there was a presence—you—standing beside him, looking at the unknown grave, head tilted slightly and hands deep in your pockets.
he couldn't help but think—there was so much life bursting amidst a place that housed the dead.
megumi never liked cemeteries. they made him sad, unhappy, gloomy in a way. but you found a certain peace in them. to walk in silence, looking at the many graves—you had said it calmed one's soul. made one think. made one feel grateful for their life.
"it's almost amusing, don't you think?" you had asked, breaking your silence.
"dead people amuse you now?" megumi looked over at you to find you still looking at the grave. how could it ever be amusing to look at a stranger's grave? he swore that sometimes even you didn't understand what you were saying.
"no idiot," you shook your head, a little chuckle bursting out of your throat as your eyes locked with his.
"what i mean is," you sighed "that these people, they were people, like you and me. they had dreams and hopes and aspirations. they worked hard for their passions and hoped to achieve so much through their efforts. isn't it awful how many of these people might never have reached their dreams? their lives cut short as they were snatched away from their own loved ones?"
you ruffled your hair before crossing your arms, "i find it unfair. isn't it unfair? how you never know what will happen? how you, me—all of us—will just become another memory to be forgotten? how we'll just become dust, become one with the earth? our names, just some carvings on some stones and even then—everything will just go on as it is. life will go on. we're just lone stars burning out in the massive universe."
megumi could only look at you. you had that effect on him, rendering him speechless through your words alone. a few seconds passed before he finally found his voice again.
"well," he began, tone laced with a certain gentleness that only showed itself in your presence. "i see it more like the beauty of life. we're here and then we're not. we live and we love and we thrive and we falter. it's the way of life, or the rule of life, whatever you call it. i think that's why we have to make sure we make the most of it. life is unpredictable and that's what makes it so thrilling."
"i think you're right—well—in a way at least. i've learnt to cherish my life. i think with you by my side, i can stand strong and proud and i can live. i'm glad you found me and i found you and i'm glad that we're always by each other's side," you smiled up at him, nudging his shoulder.
"always?"
"always."
wasn't that the promise you made?
it was like looking through a glass window, so vividly was that day's image imprinted on his mind. he wanted to break that glass and take a hold of that memory and relive it again and again and again if it meant he could have you by his side. he definitely would do that if he could.
life is not really beautiful he learnt after he started visiting the cemetery more often. it was cruel, it was ruthless, it filled one with agony and suffering and pain. oh, so much pain.
he never looked at random graves anymore like he did before with you. no, he looked at just one. the name etched on the stone with a few leaves scattered at the base—l/n y/n.
it hurt, it truly did. through you, megumi learnt love and loss, he learnt heartbreak and grief and what it felt like to cry in the middle of the night wishing for you to hold him close and whisper i'm here. you never were though, you wouldn't be there anymore, you wouldn't cradle him and card your fingers softly through his hair or wipe his tears or kiss his worries away. you wouldn't and that was reality and he had to live with that reality.
megumi learnt through you how promises were only made to be broken—knowingly or unknowingly.
but you taught him how to love and to be loved, how to find beauty and peace in the mundane, how to dream big and how to care, to be kind.
he loved you but he had to let you go. alas, you wouldn't want him to be stuck, frozen in a place where darkness loomed and nothing but sheer heartache reigned supreme. maybe it was true that a part of him was gone. maybe it was true that he would never feel truly and completely whole again. but he could swear your ghost would curse at him if he didn't at least try to move forward.
so he laid a bouquet of white carnation at the base of your grave, uttering a silent prayer.
"always." he brought his index and middle finger to his lips and then placed it on the top of the headstone before standing up, burying his hands deep in his coat pockets.
"always." he whispered, letting his words get carried by the air before turning around to walk away.
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fuwushiguro · 1 year
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Call Me If You Get Lost
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part seventeen | masterlist | part nineteen
Yuuji Itadori x f!reader x Megumi Fushiguro
Genre: Smut & Angst Notes: University AU, all characters aged up. The reader is getting on my nerves a lil oops<;3 Warnings: 18+, pet names, cheating, family drama, smokin' weed!!, depression, blowjob, fingering, clit kissing, tit sucking, degradation, pining, lmk if i missed any! Words: 6.9k
Synopsis: You’ve been dating Yuuji Itadori for nine months. He’s the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, he cares for you deeply and he’s amazing in the sack. When new boy Megumi moves to town and joins your art course, you are shocked to discover he isn’t the quiet introvert you suspected him to be.
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You don’t think highly of yourself anymore. There was a time you thought you were a good person, at least a better person than your parents, but that time is a mere memory. There couldn’t possibly be a more perfect person, a perfect boyfriend, a perfect lover, than Yuuji Itadori. But somehow you found a way to fuck it up.
The fucking Fushiguro’s.
“You think you’re fucking smart, kid, but you aren’t as smart as you think.” Toji tells his son. The statement is met with nothing but a huff and an eyeroll. He knows what he did was wrong, it wasn’t meant to pan out the way it did, he even apologised. Isn’t that enough? “I don’t believe for a single fuckin’ second that you didn’t tell him to come so you could fuck with her head.”
Megumi sighs, again, not even bothering to hold eye contact anymore. Instead, he’s staring pitifully at the ground.
“Got nothing to say for yourself, you little shit?”
“What do you want me to say? I said I was sorry!” he tries to defend himself, knowing it’s futile. He is completely in the wrong, there is nothing he can say to justify what he did. “You’re so fucking obsessed with her, it’s weird. It’s sick, actually.”
“Jealous? Fuckin’ sounds like jealousy to me.”
“I’m not fucking jealous of you! You’re a fucking—!”
“Woah… dad? Megumi? I could hear you yelling from outside… I got some extra groceries for our guest staying, where is she?” Tsumiki questions, carrying the bags filled with food and toiletries to the kitchen before approaching her family.
“Probably fucking fingering herself ready to bounce on this old pervert.” Megumi crudely announces to the room. Tsumiki gasps, astounded that her precious little brother could be so vulgar about someone she thought to be a friend of his.
“You better watch your fucking mouth. I’m sick of you, I’m really fucking sick of you talking to me like I’m dirt on the bottom of your shoes, same for her. She’s done nothing to you, and you know that!”
“I- I’m gonna be late for work… try and keep the noise down, please.” Tsumiki requests, picking up her car keys and heading for the exit.
Toji sits down on the nearest sofa, crouching forward and interlocking his fingers to rest his chin on as he thinks. There’s a black spot on the wall that he can’t tear his gaze from. Looks like one of Megumi’s art supplies found its way onto the alabaster wall in the kitchen. It is such a perfect stain, he thinks. The way it is so obscene and bold in contrast to the white wall it is infecting.
He can’t think about it anymore, though, Megumi is pacing back and forth in front of him. His eyes are red, bloodshot, and puffy. He’s raking his fingers through his hair, messing it up so much he almost looks like Toji’s doppelgänger.
“You know what your problem is, kid?”
“Oh, please, enlighten me. There is an abundance of things wrong with me for you to pick from.” He doesn’t stop pacing, still a ball of nervous energy as he tries to find the simplest spot to simply exist in his own home.
Toji rises from his feet, grabbing his son by his shirt and throwing him down into the nearby armchair. He lords above him, green eyes fighting each other intensely, both of them refusing to look away or even blink to seem weak. Whoever blinks first loses, they both think.
And of course, Megumi blinks first.
“You’re always coked up to your fucking eyeballs. I thought you only did it now and then, are you addicted?” Toji questions. Megumi tries to push him away, but he can’t. “Answer me, if you need professional help I’ll—”
“Stop. Just fucking stop.”
“I’m trying to help you!”
“Throwing money at my problems isn’t gonna fucking fix me, okay?!” Megumi yells. “I’m not addicted, I’m not stupid. It’s just… It’s just fun, alright? Makes everything… fun.”
Toji laughs, though it’s more like a scoff. He moves away from Megumi, allowing him to leave if he wishes. But his son seems paralysed, afraid to make a wrong move in case Toji yells at him again. Something he said has earned a disapproving laugh, but he isn’t sure what he said that’s so funny.
“You sound like… me.” Toji sighs, covering his eyes with one hand as he furrows his brows and massages his temples. “When your mother died, you’re acting how I did. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I taught you that this is okay.”
Megumi is quiet, unable to answer. It sounds genuine, a real apology. But is it real? Or is it just a trap to get him to submit?
“I don’t know how to be a good dad, or any kind of dad. I’m shit, I know that. But I swear everything I’m doing is for you. I’m trying for ya, kid.” Toji tells him, honestly.
Neither of them has heard you come out of your room, eavesdropping on their private conversation. You’re sitting at the top of the stairs, doing your best to be as quiet as possible. You feel bad for Toji, and Megumi, too, in a way. They don’t know how to be around each other properly. To be a real father and son. But you can tell how hard Toji is trying to make an effort. It’s all down to Megumi, you think. Whether or not they can move forward in their relationship is up to Megumi.
“I— I know…” Megumi sighs. “Thanks… I’ll try too.”
“Can you lay off the coke?”
“Yeah, I mean… I’ll try.”
Toji ruffles his hair and pulls him into his arms. Megumi doesn’t expect it, his eyes almost bulging out of his head at the embrace, they gloss over completely with tears when he feels his dad kiss the crown of his head.
“I love ya, Megs, I love you.” Toji tells him.
Megumi’s eyes begin to vibrate, unsure of where to look. He clears his throat and decides to close his eyes to prevent any tears from spilling over, he allows himself to be held by his father, embracing the warmth of his body.
“T-Thanks, dad.”
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You’ve been locked in Toji’s room almost all day, only leaving for a trip to the bathroom. It’s been nice to spend some time with yourself. Playing your favourite music and doodling in your sketchbook. You have some solid plans sketched out, and part of you is excited to go to class again and start painting.
“O’Keeffe?” Megumi speaks after a quiet knock on the door, but you don’t hear. Your music is playing full blast in your ears and the only thing on your mind is your art. He assumes you don’t want to be disturbed; but his curiosity gets the better of him.
You still don’t notice him when the door begins to open, due to your back facing it. He can hear your music playing now; and it makes sense why you hadn’t told him to go away. His conscience is chiming in, telling him to turn around and leave you alone.
But that isn’t Megumi’s style.
Instead, he throws a piece of gum over your head and on the mattress in front of you. It startles you, and you pick it up to examine it. And when you turn around and see him standing in the doorway, he can’t help but snicker at the sight of you jumping.
“What do you want?” you ask him, pausing your music.
“I came to say sorry, again, I wasn’t thinking straight.” he tells you. His eyes almost glitter and his cheeks redden as he awaits your response.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes, okay. I’m busy right now so… leave, please.”
His head tilts and he can see a little bit of the sketch in your hand. “Can I see?” he wonders. You quickly close the book and tuck it under your pillow. “Okay, sorry, I get it.” he nods.
“Megumi… I’m tired. You are draining me. Is there anything else you wanted to say?” you ask him again. He shakes his head. “Okay then. Goodnight, Megumi.” you stand up, hoping to incentivise him to walk away. But he stays put, holding the door against the wall so that you can’t close it.
“I was wondering if you’d like to go somewhere… with me.” he tells you, and it knocks you slightly. You’re taken aback, unable to move an inch. All you can do is stare at him.
“Where?”
“I don’t know.”
“You can’t drive, it’s late… were you going to ask your dad to drop us off somewhere and pick us up later?” you query. It comes out meaner than intended, and you can tell the comment has annoyed him from the way his jaw is clenching. But you’re surprised that he manages to hold his tongue.
“No.” he pulls a joint from behind his ear. “I was thinking we could go for a walk and smoke.” he informs you.
“You know I don’t do drugs; I’ve never smoked before.” you remind him. “And I don’t think it’s a good idea to walk around with that in public… it reeks… I can smell it from here.”
He sighs, but isn’t afraid to keep eye contact with you. “Is the issue smoking? Or going outside?”
“You’re the issue, Megumi.” you tell him sternly. “You know what happened last time, I don’t want to do that again.”
“Tsumiki doesn’t like it when I smoke in the house, but she’s asleep and we can open a window… weed always makes me feel creative. We can draw together, if you like. It was fun when we were colouring on the bus.” he smiles, thinking fondly of the memory.
You can’t help yourself from smiling, too. “Yeah… it was fun.” you nod, agreeing. “Fine, hurry up before your dad hears you. Don’t make me regret this.” you whisper to him. You don’t notice it, but the subtle change in his expression is Megumi doing his best to contain his excitement.
Before he returns, you quickly throw one of your boyfriend’s hoodies on over your pyjama shirt. Not that you looked particularly provocative, you just want to make sure you don’t give him the wrong idea.
He returns, his sketchbook in hand and an additional three spliffs.
“Open the window and pick some good music.” he smirks.
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Your back is against the wall, as well as the crown of your head. There is a glass ashtray in your hand, tilting between your crossed legs. Megumi keeps glancing at it, making sure he gives himself time to grab it in case you get ash all over Toji’s duvet.
“I feel like I’m better than everyone else right now.” you tell him, wistfully.
“Huh?” he smiles, “What do you mean?”
“You too, we’re both better than everyone else. Aren’t you feeling this?” you giggle, “I feel like we’ve done this thing, and we’re better now. Like… I feel like a higher being.” you tell him.
“Are you high?” he bursts out laughing, he begins to cough on the imaginary smoke in his throat.
A whine that turns into a whimper traverses through you. “I was supposed to be sketching!” you almost yell, earning a hush from Megumi, encouraging you to lower your volume. “I feel too tingly and tired to do anymore drawing.” you explain, adjusting your head so you can look into Megumi’s eyes.
“Tingly, huh?”
“Mhmm, tingly.” you pout.
He puts down his ashtray and leaves his joint inside of it, uncrossing his legs from his seat on the ground before standing up. His eyes resume observing yours as he gets closer and closer to you. Your heart is pounding, and you instinctively begin to close your eyes the nearer he is.
And there he is.
You can practically feel his nose touching yours. His breath on your lips. And you hope he can’t hear the way your heart is racing because of him. Your lips start to purse, and you can’t undo it because everything within you right now is screaming that you can’t. He’s going to kiss you again, and your mind doesn’t want that.
But your body does.
“Y-Yuu—”
You can’t say anymore, the end of a blunt between your lips and a clicking sound reigniting it.
“Breath in, O’Keeffe, don’t fall behind.” he smirks, watching as you do your best to obey him despite being so under the influence. With that cute smile on your face you’ve had all night, it makes you look like you’re on another planet. “Can I draw you?” he whispers, the vibrations of his voice rushing straight to your clit. And you gulp; you can’t help but gulp as you see the real depth of his intense stare.
“Okay.” you nod.
He helps you get the ashtray comfortably on your thigh so you don’t have to think about it anymore. Megumi’s hand takes one of yours so that you can hold the blunt on your own. You feel the breeze of him moving away from you as he moves quite quickly. You’re so worked up; you can feel your heart still pounding and you begin to worry that something is very wrong.
“M-Megumi? My heart hurts.” you tell him, a tear rolling down your cheek.
“Guess how many girls I’ve sketched.” he demands, barely looking at you before scribbling in his book again.
“W-Wha? Um… uhh… two hundred?” you wonder.
“Tch,” he chuckles. “You think I know two hundred people? Let alone two hundred girls.” he tells you, giving you the slightest hint.
“Half of that?” you furrow your brows.
“Less, O’Keeffe, way less.”
“Don’t tell me… ‘I’m your first?’” you put on a brooding, disgruntled Megumi impression as you ask him the question. His nostrils flare, with an almost unperceivable smile. But again, he shakes his head. “Fine, you win, I give up.” you sigh, a little peeved that you couldn’t figure it out.
“You’re my second.” he smirks as he does an impression of your impression. He turns the sketchbook so that you can see his quick drawing. It’s rough, really rough, barely even looking like you at all. It could be any girl in the world with the addition of some devil horns coming out of your forehead.
“You’re such a dick.” you can’t help but laugh at the poor drawing. “Will you draw me, for real?” you ask, and he nods. You can’t stop yourself from smiling, again. Realising he was trying to distract you from thinking there was something wrong with your heart. Just your mind playing tricks on you.
He changes his seating position as he finds a more optimal way to draw you.
“Megumi?”
“Mhmm?”
“I did have phone sex with Yuuji.” why the fuck did you say that? This is the longest time you’ve managed to spend alone with him without arguing or hooking up. You close your eyes, hoping somehow that will make it so he didn’t hear what you said.
He did hear, obviously, each word felt like a pinprick against his skin. But he didn’t let it deter him from sketching. Holding the façade that it doesn’t bother him. He’s never liked sketching women. He never truly learnt how.
He thinks they can’t stay still for long enough.
“Why are you telling me about that, O’Keeffe?”
“Do you hate me, again?” you pout, opening your eyes.
“No, I don’t hate you.”
“I don’t want you to hate me.”
“I don’t.”
“You don’t? Doesn’t what I just said make you hate me?” you ask, genuinely curious as to what he will say. It doesn’t sound right; it doesn’t sound like the Megumi you’ve come to know. Especially after how furious he was when he suspected it before.
“Why do you care if I hate what you do with your boyfriend in your personal life, O’Keeffe?”
His question stumps you and you have no idea what to say. Is there a reason? There’s something deep down that’s screaming at you that there is. But you can’t acknowledge it, not really. You can’t begin to let yourself believe what you’re feeling deep down. There has to be another reason. There needs to be something else that you can say.
“Well… I need to know what about me makes you so angry. What things I say might make you hate me.” you tell him, your head lolling a little as you let yourself relax.
“I’m just a bully, O’Keeffe, mean ol’ Megs. Right?” he grins, still sketching. You don’t answer him, unsure of what to say. All you can do is stare and wait until he decides to continue. “Keep your head up f’me, princess.” he demands, and you respond perfectly for him. “Me being a dick to you isn’t… your fault. It’s mine.” he tries to assure you, though you aren’t sure if you believe him.
“Are we friends? Will we ever be friends?” you question him.
“You want to be friends with me?”
“That’s all I ever wanted, from the very start.” you try to remind him. “Knowing that you and Yuuji were best friends made me want to be friends with you. I tried to be kind to you, and you were just…”
“I know.”
You have no idea how angry he is. With you. With himself. But mostly Yuuji Itadori. His own heart is thumping, now, knowing the hatred he feels is down to plain simple jealousy. He can’t stop thinking about his night out with Gojo. He can’t actually believe he told Satoru that he loves you.
Maybe he just likes you a lot, as a friend.
It’s not like he’s in love with you.
You can love your friends, right?
“I’d like to be friends, Megumi… I like being around you when you’re like this. A-And on the trip, you bought me my plushie… you were so sweet to me at times.” you tell him, each word you speak laced with longing. It’s emotional enough to make your eyes leak, a detail he wastes no time in drawing onto your portrait.
“Let’s be friends, then.”
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The sky is black and so is the room that you’re in. Neither of you have the energy to turn on a light, and it would only attract the insects from outside in here anyway. The music stopped a while ago. There are only two sounds filling the room right now.
Your breathing.
Megumi’s breathing.
“I’m cold.” you confess. “I think I’m gonna sleep now…”
Megumi doesn’t say a word, instead, his breathing becomes heavier for a beat. Like he’s trying to inhale a feeling of vigour so he can leave you in peace. But he can’t. He begins rubbing his eyes and making them even heavier than they already were.
“You can’t stay here, Megumi, you have to go to your own room.” you whisper, fluffing your pillow before resting your cheek down onto it.
“I know.”
“I don’t want your dad to find you in here and—”
“I know, O’Keeffe.” he grunts, picking up his things and resting them in his lap as he tries once again to summon the energy to stand up. “I’m fucking exhausted.” he groans.
“Me too…” you agree. “Can… Can I see?”
“The drawing?”
“Y-Yeah… before you leave.”
And suddenly, a wave of stamina courses through him. The strength to stand enters him and soon enough he’s turning on the bedroom light.
“Megumi, the bugs will come in…”
“I’ll kill them for you.”
He sits beside you on the bed, flipping slowly through the pages of his book. There are so many drawings and paintings of his dad. You can’t bring yourself to look him in the eye, but you rest your head on his shoulder as he turns over each and every page. He really is so ridiculously talented. And you can see how much he loves his dad from all of this artwork alone. Toji is his muse, you suppose. Each and every piece is so eerily beautiful but also… sad.
“Has Toji seen these?” you speak softly. He just shakes his head. Your question makes him flip through the pages faster. You feel sad, sad that he doesn’t want to open up and guilty for hitting a nerve with him. “You should show him.”
“He doesn’t like art.”
“But he loves you. And he loves himself.” you giggle, “I think you should show him.”
He smiles at your joke but doesn’t answer you with words. Instead, he keeps going through the book until he finds your portrait with the horns that took him a few minutes. It makes you laugh again, and he can’t help but laugh too when you call him a dick for the millionth time.
He turns the page once more, showing you the sketch that he spent the entire night on.
“Sorry it’s… I don’t know. I’m not used to feminine faces.” he tells you modestly.
Your eyes begin to shimmer as you look at it. He is majorly downplaying how amazing this sketch is. It’s so detailed. So realistic.
It’s so you.
“Is this how I look to you? W-When I cry?” you can’t help but look at him now. Forcing his face to turn and face you while you look into his eyes. “You’ve made me look beautiful, Megumi. Really beautiful.”
“That’s… that’s just how you looked in the moment. I just drew what I saw.” he can’t hold eye contact with you. An overwhelming sense of shame and embarrassment rising from his toes to the tips of his ears. He can only pray that he doesn’t blush again, it’s so fucking humiliating how bashful he’s been around you lately. “It’s no big deal, keep it if you want.”
“Megumi…” you sigh, looking out of the window and then at the light switch in the room. “Can you shut off the light, please?” you request.
He grins, finally standing up to actually leave the room. “Goodnight, O’Keeffe.” he tells you quietly after turning the light off. The room is plunged into silence and darkness again. And he’s sure that he can genuinely hear how hard your heart is pounding.
“S-Stay.” your voice squeaks. “Stay here, with me.”
Megumi is frozen for what feels like a lifetime. All he can see in the darkness is your silhouette. The way you’re sitting upright and resting your body weight on one arm as you are assumedly staring at him. Waiting patiently for him to come to you and be with you.
“For how long?” he gruffly speaks.
“All night.”
“What about Toji?”
“I— we’ll wake up early so you can sneak back to your room.” you suggest. It hurts, a little. Thinking that you’re ashamed of him and you don’t want his dad to know. But the reality is that it makes perfect sense. He’d probably give you both an earful. He’d get the wrong idea. Jump to conclusions that aren’t even there.
He doesn’t say another word as he approaches you. Megumi sits next to you again; and even in the dark you can see the glittering of his emerald eyes.
“Come here.” he instructs as he gets into a comfier position. His head resting comfortably in the pillows as he lies flat on his back. He welcomes you into his arms, your head settling on his chest. You can hear his heart.
It’s electric.
Neither of you say anything, nothing of value, anyway. Both of you have your eyes closed. All either of you can hear is the sounds of life outside of the window, your breathing, and your hearts.
“Why did you tell me about you and Yuuji?” his voice sounding close to a hum as he plays with your hair. He needs to know why you brought it up. He needs to know why you wanted him to know, the real reason.
“I don’t know.”
“You’re lying.”
“No… ‘m not lying, Megumi. I— maybe I just wanted you to know how much I love Yuuji. How serious we are. How much I miss him.” you answer wistfully, you feel his body tense under you and it makes you panic. “F-Friends talk about this kind of stuff.” you inform him.
“About their sex life, you mean?”
“Mhmm…” you nod against his chest. “But we haven’t been friends for long, have we? Maybe that kind of conversation is something we should build up to.”
“Do you want to tell me about your sex life with Itadori? What you did on the phone? Would you like me to tell you about other girls I’ve fucked?” he asks all of these questions incredibly calmly. It’s a little worrying, you’ve never known him to be as relaxed as this before. It’s weird. Because the words he’s saying seem like they should be sarcastic. But the way he’s saying them… it’s like he truly wants to know.
“Do you want to know about it?” is all you can think to ask him. He isn’t sure. The idea of you being so in love with Yuuji that you had phone sex to quench your thirst is pissing him off immeasurably. And yet, he can’t deny how much he needs to know the details.
What gets you off?
“Yes.”
“It was… romantic. He asked to see my whole body… ‘n he asked me to use my toys.” you start.
“You have toys?”
“Yes.”
“Did you bring them here?” he wonders, excitedly.
“No.” you shake your head.
“What toys did he ask you to use?” he decides to be his final question, and he is met with nothing but annoyance when you hide your face in his chest and begin to giggle shyly. “Tell me, O’Keeffe.” he demands.
“A dildo… a-and a vibrator.” you admit. The idea of seeing you splayed out on your bed as you fuck yourself makes his cock twitch. He can’t think about it anymore or he’ll lose his mind. But he can’t help it. He can’t get it out of his fucking mind. He already knows how unbelievable you look as you cum. He can only imagine the difference with a multitude of toys pleasuring you.
“Okay.” he practically chokes out. “Let’s… we should sleep now.” he closes his eyes again, unable to stop himself from playing with your hair.
“A-Are you hard?” you ask him. He doesn’t say anything, and neither do you. Your hand is splayed across his chest, his heart is battering against it. He does all he can to keep himself composed as the sensation of your fingertips gliding down his body drives him to the brink of insanity. And the little gasp you emit as your hand finds his cock. When you feel how fucking hard you’ve made him. “Because of me?” you finish questioning.
“Yes.” he replies, bluntly.
“I’m wet…” you mutter. His ears prick and his eyes shoot open as he looks down at your head on his chest. Did he hear you right? You aren’t saying anything else. It’s definitely possible he could have misheard you. But it definitely sounded like he heard you correctly. “Thought you were going to kiss me earlier… and I got wet.”
His snickers, chuckling quietly to himself as he thinks back to earlier. He knew he’d riled you up. He knew exactly what he was doing, but he hadn’t expected you to confess it to him so confidently.
“Princess… can I touch you?” he asks, no trace of a whisper in his voice. He speaks proudly, but quietly as not to wake his family. “I wanna finger you.”
Your mind, again, is screaming no. But your body… your stupid worked up body is crying for his touch. You’re not even sure if you’re high anymore, you don’t think so. But you’re wriggling around, and it isn’t subtle enough for Megumi to ignore how riled up you are for him. You can’t do this again, can you? You can’t cheat on Yuuji again. You’ve already done this with Megumi. And you kissed his fucking dad last night. You need to stop.
This time you need to stop.
“Yes.” you whisper, your heartbeat echoing off the walls in the room and into both of your ears.
You’re staring at each other like you’re mythical beings. Are you really here? Is this really going to happen a second time? If you do this, you know there’s no going back. Yuuji is kind-hearted enough that he might forgive only one indiscretion. But there’s no fucking way he can get over two of them.
“I need you.” you confess, a trembling breath carries your voice to him, and you can’t stop looking at each other’s eyes.
Your lips.
And he can’t help but to succumb. His lips crash against yours as soon as he registers your willingness. You hook a leg over his hip, immediately grinding yourself into his thigh as his lips travel to your neck.
And he sucks.
He sucks between shaky moans, his breath drying where his mouth had dampened.
“Fuck,” he pants, “I need you, I need to fuck you.” he admits, still aiming to bruise your neck to sign his name. And you can’t help but to let him.
“C-Can’t, you can’t.” you tell him. There is a small, ignorant part of you that thinks you and Yuuji can move past this. But to go all the way and sleep with Megumi? That is the ultimate red line.
“I know.” he responds. Because he does know. He knows what you’re thinking, and he hates that you might be right. Even after this, all of this, he still might forgive you. “I just wanna finger you.”
You nod again, looking up above at his lustful face. His body feels scorching in comparison to yours. You’re still cold, afraid maybe. Scared of what this momentary submission to temptation will lead to.
But you spread your legs for him like a whore.
But to him, they’re spreading like an angel’s wings.
He’s seen you before. Your bare-naked self. And it’s so beautiful. So wonderful. What resides at the apex of gorgeous, silky legs is your vulnerable petalled flesh. He feels it under his thumb, beneath your cotton sleep shorts.
“Your shorts are so thin… your pretty pussy drenched ‘em.” he coos, kissing the shell of your ear. And you mewl for him like the perfect girl you are.
His thumb slowly circles your cotton-clad clit. It’s so slippery and swollen.
“M-Megumi, kiss me.” you plead. He responds favourably, bending down to kiss you as he carries on teasing your clit. He loves the way you moan into his mouth when you kiss. Even when you pull away to moan with your lips barely touching. He thinks every time you do it you add another century to his life span.
“You’re such a good girl. My perfect fuckin’ girl.” he praises you, kissing down your neck and between your chest. You feel him move your shorts into the crease of your thigh, but he hasn’t attempted to touch your slick folds.
A sharp gasp leaves you as you feel him kiss your clit. Your legs quickly shut, clamping around his head.
“Open your fucking legs right now.” he demands, twinkling jade eyes staring up at you. And you do as he says, once again, slowly opening your legs for him as your body breaks out into goosebumps. He pushes two fingers inside of you with ease, your drooling cunt making it easier. His thumb returns to massaging your swollen clit.
“I— I wanna cum.” you lie. It feels amazing, and you’re sure it won’t take you long. But hearing him talk down to you like that has made you discover something you didn’t know about yourself.
“Already?” he questions, sounding disgruntled. “This slutty little cunt wants to cum f’me already?”
“Y-Yes.”
“Knew you were a slut. Guessed it the second I saw you.” he reminds you of the first day you met. He’s telling the truth, he really has thought that about you since then.
He picks you up like you’re weightless. He’s sitting on his knees and he positions you so that you’re straddling his thighs. He pulls your silk top apart so hard the buttons scatter across the wood floor. Not a single second is wasted, once your chest is revealed to him he fixates his eyes on yours as he takes one of your nipples into his mouth.
The way you throw your head back is involuntary. His fingers are still pummelling your insides in the best way possible. His thumb is massaging your clit just right and now he’s suckling your tits perfectly. You really are gonna cum.
You fucking are.
“Megumi—!” your voice cracks, you’re breathless as you look down at him. He doesn’t let up on your tits until you start clenching around him. His neck cranes back so that he’s looking up at you, and you kiss him as best you can. Moaning against him as you ride his fingers until you’re shuddering against him.
“Fuck… You are so—”
“Can I blow you?” you are practically fluttering your lashes in hopes he’ll say yes. He wasn’t sure what he was about to say. Something embarrassing, probably, he’s thankful you interrupted.
He’s shocked, stunned, even. He hadn’t expected you to be the type to enjoy giving head. Truthfully, he expected you to be nothing more than a pillow princess he could easily influence.
“I don’t do it much; I think I’m good at it though.”
“Are you asking me to decide whether you’re a good little cock sucker, princess?” he patronisingly speaks. It makes your pussy throb to hear him talking to you like this. A little mean, but with the slightest praise to balance it out. You hadn’t realised how much you liked being degraded. Is that why you keep forgiving him every time he picks on you?
“Yes.” you nod, kissing him again.
“Off the bed, on your knees.” he breaks the kiss to tell you. “Now.”
He leans over to grab a pillow as you slide off the bed and onto the ground. The wood flooring feels awful on your knees, but you soon understand that’s what the pillow is for. He drops it between his feet and instructs you to rest your knees on it.
“Will you kiss me?” you meekly ask, and it’s so pathetic. How desperate you sound and how shy you are about it. Just fucking kiss him if you want to kiss him, don’t ask. Don’t give him the satisfaction of turning you into his quiet little door mat.
“So fuckin’ needy.” he chuckles and makes out with you messily. His tongue begins exploring the inside of your mouth, and you’re a puddle at his feet. He’s so fucking sexy it’s driving you insane. You still can’t believe how ripped he is as he throws his t-shirt to one side. He grabs a fistful of your hair and forces you to kiss him again, and you’re more than happy to.
He pulls down his sweats just enough to free his cock, still kissing you as he jerks himself off. You want to please him, desperately. But his fingers are laced through your hair to keep you in place as you struggle to breathe between sloppy kisses.
However he grants your wish, yanking you away from him and pushing your head towards his length.
“Suck.” he orders.
Your jaw drops for him as you let him slot himself inside of your welcoming mouth. Immediately you begin to gag, unable to cope with his monstrous length and the way he’s pushing your head onto it.
“Thought you said you were good at this? C’mon, you can do better f’me. Suck like a good girl, breathe through your nose.” he patronises you. His sultry voice rushes straight to your cunt, and your willingness to obey overcomes you as you begin to breathe heavily through your noise. “Thaaaat’s it, fuckin’ perfect, baby.” he praises you.
Perfect? Really?
You aren’t so sure, but hearing Megumi say it encourages you to live up to his expectation. It’s in this very moment you realise how much you’ve let yourself go. Usually painted nails are now stress bitten and stubby. You’re glad the lights are out so that he can’t see them. Something is telling you that he’d be disappointed with how your hand looks as you wrap your hands around his cock, twisting them while you lick and suck his blushing tip.
“F-Fuck, jus’ like that baby. Such a good slut f’me…” he moans, his breath shaking. You can feel his body tensing beneath you, his fingers tugging your hair at the roots. “Pretty little cocksucker, aren’tcha?”
“Mhmmpf…” you answer him as best you can as he fills your mouth. He’s leaking uncontrollably, the tangy taste overwhelming your tongue.
You can’t get enough.
You do all you can do give him the best head of his life. Bobbing your head quickly and gripping his cock just harshly enough to drain him of his pre. He practically yells when you lick it up, your tongue swiping over his slit. He grits his teeth and hisses as you lick up and down the underside. His eyes almost roll out of his head when you alternate between sucking each of his balls while jerking him off with the perfect grip.
“Shit, baby, ‘m gonna cum. I’m f-fucking—”
You giggle as you take him back into your mouth, doing your best to take him as far down your throat as you can. He moans loudly, biting his lip to stop himself from waking anyone as his seed spurts down your throat. You moan, too, as the taste of him floods your senses. But like the good girl you are, you swallow every single drop.
He pulls you up from the ground once he’s completely finished, letting you straddle him again. His arms fully wrap around your back and he kisses you deeply, allowing himself to lie back on the bed as you do.
“M-Most guys don’t like kissing after head.” you whisper. He silences you with another kiss.
“I’m not a fuckin’ pussy,” he tells you, kissing you again. “You did so fucking good, princess, course I want to kiss you.”
He tickles your back delicately as he holds you, still kissing you the whole time.
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You don’t even remember falling asleep.
But you did, together. You’re still in Megumi’s arms as the daylight breaking into the room starts to wake you up. And once you begin to stir, he starts to wake up too. He kisses your exposed shoulder, and then your neck again, admiring the deep purple bruise that’s etched into your skin.
“Good morning.” he mumbles against your pulse point.
You giggle, “Good morning, Megumi.” you begin to squirm as he lets his hand wander to your protruding, exposed nipple. He can’t decide where to touch you, his fingers roaming your entire body as he leaves soft kisses on your shoulder.
“W-We can’t,” you laugh a little, “We have classes.” you remind him.
“Don’t care, we have time.” he mutters. You try to object, but can’t as his touches become more and more arousing. You’re losing yourself to him again. And for whatever reason, you can’t find it in yourself to care. “Turn onto your stomach and lift your ass a little for me.” he tells you. He gives you the space to do what he asked.
“F-Fuck,” you gasp as he slots a single finger inside of you again.
“Still so wet.” he teases you. He pushes your shirt upwards so he can kiss along your spine while he fingers you.
You’re moaning into the pillow, unable to control yourself so early in the morning.
“Megumi!”
You both freeze, paralysed by fear. What time is it?
You pick up your phone to check.
“We forgot to set a fucking alarm!” you tell him, completely panic stricken.
You hear the sound of Toji opening Megumi’s bedroom door, assuming he’s sleeping in. But not long after it slams again, the two of you begin to scramble.
“Pillow! Pillow!” he whisper shouts at you. You throw one to him. “Pretend you’re asleep!” he commands. You tuck yourself beneath the duvet to hide your body. There is not a single reasonable explanation to tell Toji about why you’re practically naked whilst in the same room with his delinquent son.
Megumi throws the pillow onto the ground and lies on the floor uncomfortably to make it look like he dozed off there.
And the door swings open.
Your heart is pounding, adrenaline through the roof and into space as you can feel Toji’s presence in the doorway. You can hear the sound of his nostrils sniffing. And you can only hope to whoever is listening that he isn’t picking up on the all too recognisable smell of sex. But he looks down at Megumi, unable to believe that you have both managed to spend extended time in a room together without screaming.
“What the fuck, Megs?”
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© 2023 fuwushiguro
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haikyuuhoo · 2 years
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2:17am
Megumi opens the door to his bedroom and immediately feels the fatigue hit him. He’s dead tired, and coming back from a mission when everyone else was sleeping was not something he enjoyed.
Well, everyone is sleeping except for you.
You’re sitting at his desk, hunched over an assignment that isn’t due until the next week — just to give you something to do — and you immediately look up when the door opens. A smile blooms over your face, but the sight makes Megumi frown.
“Why are you still up?”
You don’t even roll your eyes, standing from his chair and making your way over to him. You wrap your arms around him and his circle you in automatic response. “I’m leaving in the morning. I wanted to make sure I got to see you when you came back.”
Megumi groans and buries his face in your hair. Recently, the two of you had been like ships in the night, rarely seeing each other between missions before one of you was sent out again.
“You should be sleeping then,” he scolds, but it makes you relax in his arms. You missed this, the way he would scold you that you knew was his way of showing he cared.
“Seeing you is better,” you whisper, and you have to hide your yawn against his chest. You don’t have the heart to add I can barely sleep when I’m waiting for you to come home.
He sighs. “Let me go shower—I’ll be back in a couple minutes. You should get in bed.”
You reluctantly let go of him and nod, standing up on your toes to place a gentle kiss on his lips.
His grip tightens on you and he sighs against your mouth, pulling you closer in an attempt to deepen the kiss.
Now it’s your turn to scold him, though it doesn’t hold much weight with the way you’re smiling that tired grin up at him. “Go shower, ‘Gumi.”
And he grunts out a quiet fine before letting you go and moving to retrieve his things.
You watch him go before flicking off the desk lamp and rooting around in his dresser, picking out one of his shirts at random in the dark and changing into it. You then settle into his bed, taking a deep breath and letting yourself be consumed by the smell of him on his sheets. It’s like a cloud envelops you, holding you when he’s not there, making you feel warm and comforted and safe. It’s the only way you’ve gotten to sleep the past three nights without him.
By the time Megumi returns from his shower, he can tell you’re barely able to keep yourself awake with the way you sleepily open your eyes to blink up at him. You’ve got the blankets pulled up to your chin and a sleepy smile on your face, and the sight causes his cheeks to tingle with heat. He’s suddenly glad for the darkness as he climbs in beside you.
You’re nuzzling against him before he can even wrap an arm around you and pull you close, and though the action is gentle his fingers grip the back of your shirt — no, his, he realizes — like he’s afraid to let you go.
Because while he’s sure that everything is going to go fine — Gojo may have an interesting style of supervision, but surely he wouldn’t put you in any situation you couldn’t handle, right? — Megumi knows that nothing is certain.
He knows this life is hard, dangerous, unpredictable. He’s glad he’s able to go through it with you.
But if he’s being honest with himself, sometimes he’s scared.
And so he holds you closer, finally giving into the ache in his bones, wishing that the morning didn’t have to come.
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we all knew this day would come — my first jjk post. ngl I didn’t think it was gonna be for megumi but I love him so here we are
hi jjk peeps i hope i do your favs justice <3
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shisnhou · 2 years
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adore you
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out of breath, you run down the stairs of the train station, praying with baited breath as you hope for some kind of miracle that you make it down there in time.
you softly bite your tongue, flying off of the last three steps and thankfully landing on your feet. so with your last muster of power, you run into the doors of the train and just as soon as you get in the doors behind you shut close causing you to yelp in surprise.
your eyes are wide open, a bit rattled by the sudden shut of doors that could have been the potential cause of your death whereas the people buzz around you. but your surprise it dies quick when the train moves in an instant causing you to move somewhere else with closed eyes and be pressed up against something.
"shit." a quiet curse is what you hear right infront of you when you get pressed up against something, potentially someone. you open your eyes to look at who cursed, and when you do open your eyes, your eyes instantly meet with ocean blue eyes.
awe is written in your hues as you look at the dark blue lashes that adorn these ocean eyes. you‘re captivated like a criminal behind bars in these eyes. it’s beautiful like the sky on a clear summer day, making you feel like you’re being rained by sunshine and happiness. however, your adoration is cut short when the beholder clears their throat and looks away.
you finally snap out of it and realize how much you‘ve been staring. you mutter a low apology underneath your breath, looking away. however, you look once more and see the whole face of the person who stands before you. you study their features quietly, marking them one by one and adoring how much they compliment each other. from the blue eyes, dark blue lashes, pointed nose, red lips, perfect jaw, he definitely looks like a model. much like the man who had been occupying your mind these days.
it surely does look like him. maybe next time you see each other you‘d tell him about this person who looks like him. you smile to yourself hoping that you’d see him again, though you hold that though and look at the person once again.
wait a minute.
"… fushiguro megumi?"
surely it‘s him. you cannot be mistaken. how could you be? it‘s the infamous fushiguro megumi from your wednesday and friday math class, the one who got assigned as your project partner for the last semester‘s project, the very same man who has been in your head all day long.
"hi," shyly he responds to the uncertain call, his eyes avoiding contact with yours. you raise a brow as you wonder what could be wrong with him. just a few weeks back, both of you would have been chatting at a nearby café, yet here he is looking away, not even greeting properly.
"how‘re you?" you strike up the conversation starter, hoping to talk with the pretty boy before you leave for your stop and never see him again. yet your attempts fall in vain when he does not even speak a word to you, simply nodding and muttering silently to himself; not even to you.
a frown makes its way to your face as you wonder what had happened between the time you weren‘t together for him to not even speak a word to you. had you doke something wrong? or something to upset him? you do not know.
as thoughts clog your head, you don‘t notice how a certain dark haired man looks at you. he too, is mesmerized by the way you look. it hasn‘t been too long since you haven’t seen each other, yet megumi thinks it‘s been centuries.
after having spent time with you, he can‘t seem to forget the way your eyes glimmer when you look at him. or the way you purse your lips and furrow your brows when you make a mistake, and most especially the way your eyes shine bright like stars when you‘ve done something right.
and it doesn’t help that earlier this morning he had thought about bringing you your favourite sweet— that you had mentioned before— to class tomorrow, and here you are right in-front of him in the most awkward position possible.
"‘m sorry if i‘m cursing to much," he can‘t help the apology that falls past his lips. meanwhile you don‘t know what he‘s apologizing for. so with a cocked brow, you look up and show a confused face.
"i‘m a bit too close and this train is too tight, so— uh— our situation really isn‘t the most comfortable one."
"wait, too close?"
and then it dawns upon you. you look down and around to see the amount of people around, it actually is crowded in the train. but that is not where your attention lies at. you attention lies in the proximity between you both.
you hadn‘t noticed earlier, but now you have. you‘re back up against the door with megumi standing right in-front of you. you‘re caged between him and his right arm and left as he tries to back up a bit to not be so pressed against you, but it does him no justice as the train moves too much, and with every little movement the more he is pressed against you.
"oh." in realization of the situation, you mutter. megumi can‘t help but chuckle at the face you make as your cheeks heat up and so does the tip of your ears. suddenly, you‘re hyper aware of what is going on. "haha.. don‘t— worry.."
"i hope its fine—"
"more than fine!" you say, albeit too loud. your eyes go wide once more and then you finally realize what you had said, immediately you start to ramble every excuse that pops into your head. "i mean— it‘s okay. don‘t worry like it‘s natural the train is packed, like don’t apologize really! there’s nothing to be sorry for, this proximity does not disturb me. in fact, we can even go like to a date after this—"
"you want to go on a date with me?" megumi cuts you off mid ramble and you look up at him, meeting his eyes as you once again realize you had spoken without filtering your words. but now, there is no taking it back anymore, you‘ve gone to far in and there‘s no way of return.
".. i meant what i said.." you nod slowly. and then, when you least expect it, a smile makes its way to his face. there‘s a glint in his eyes as he nods at your words, leaning in a bit more as he presses his lips softly against your cheek.
"i‘d love that."
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i didnt edit this.
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satoujo · 7 months
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!disclaimer none of the works featured on this blog belong to me. all reachable creators were asked for permission to have their work linked on here
main directory
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FUSHIGURO MEGUMI
➵ series: story consisted of multiple chapters
➵ one-shot: a single piece of standalone work; can be any length, such as from 1k to 80k words
➵ drabbles: short piece of writing; typically under 1k words and usually around 100 words
➵ blurbs & others: small short description, headcanons, etc.
❀ = fluff ⋆˚ ✧ = angst ⋆˚ ♡ = smut ⋆˚ ✄ = crack
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SERIES
sweet lies ft. ryomen sukuna (❀ ✧ ♡) by @sukirichi
warnings/notes: toxic! megumi, drinking, fwb dynamics, bartender! sukuna, rough sex, oral (m and f receiving), public sex, multiple orgasms, orgasm denial, dirty talking, praise kink, slight angst, titty sucking, fingering, filits with a dose of fluff
ONE-SHOT
cats & compromise (❀) by @augustinewrites
warnings/notes: none
shikigami can't keep secrets (❀) by @augustinewrites
warnings/notes: none
DRABBLE
3:10 PM (❀) by @sukirichi
warnings/notes: none
BLURBS & OTHERS
tba
updated: dec 23, 2023
15 notes · View notes
nanaslutt · 9 days
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jjk characters reactions to you being hit on/ harassed
ʚ incl: gojo, geto, nanami, toji, choso, sukuna, megumi, yuuji, yuta, shoko, uraume, higuruma
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ʚ cont: comfort, creepy guys, crack, fluff
MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS DNI
°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*:・°❀⋆.ೃ
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5K notes · View notes
chuluoyi · 4 days
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UNHOLY MATRIMONY — 13
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✩°。 ⋆ seize your happiness
- fushiguro megumi x oc/reader - oc/reader's character name is hara sena, pronouns still refer to “you” and i won’t mention it often—just for the sake of aesthetic rather than repeatedly writing "y/n"
in another life, in which fate is still screwing his life over, Fushiguro Megumi finds himself in an arranged marriage―with you.
genre/warnings: arranged marriage au, angst, hurt/comfort
notes: i know i said this chapter will be the last... but apparently i still have a lot to say so... :') don't worry. chapter 14 will be the last chapter for real. pls bear with the angst one more time! and this turned out as a whopping 5k too oops
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✩°。 ⋆ unholy matrimony (masterlist) | chapter twelve : the most twisted curse <- previous ✩ next -> last chapter : to the one i love
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What does happiness mean to you now?
When you finally woke up from your long dream and saw Megumi, you thought you were the happiest because for so long, you defined being with him was enough to make you forget all the shit you had been through in this horrible life.
"Sena...?" You heard him before you saw him. His voice cut through the blur that veiled your vision and you could barely discern his figure.
Megumi immediately got a hold of your arm, eyes wildly focusing on yours as you fluttered your eyes open. And when you blinked, his voice almost broke― "Sena!"
You felt rigid, like a broken doll. Megumi grasped your left hand tightly in his, intertwining your fingers.
"You woke up..." he muttered with a strained, choked voice. He was still out of focus but you could hear him very well. "You really woke up... Thank god..."
And through his voice, you recognize pain. Several things ran through your mind then. Why is he here? Is he safe?
What about Kurusu Hana?
Yet then all of them didn't seem to matter. He is here. Whatever happened, he is really here. He didn't leave you after all.
Still, a part of you suddenly harbored suspicions that he might abandon you once again, and so you didn't dare to hope, and you were even convinced of it when you felt a lump in your throat—
You clawed on the skin of your neck in utter panic when you found that no sound came out of your vocal chords. Megumi obviously noticed your distress― "Hey, what is it? What do you feel―?"
But then you were gasping for air and Megumi didn't think anymore. He hit the nurses' call button and held you as you trashed on the bed. "Sena, hold on―hold on! I've called the doctor! You're going to be okay, you hear me?"
The heart monitor connected to you was blaring, your whole body was now shaking, and you turned to him helplessly like a fish out of water, mouth gaping to let out any sound but unable to. You couldn't speak― it felt as if someone had stolen your voice and tightened a vice around your throat.
In that moment, Megumi caught the sheer terror in your eyes, and he bent over to pull you in an embrace. "I'm here. I'm here. Focus on me. Let's take a deep breath together―"
He coached your breathing, and gradually, you started to calm down. The heart monitor in your room no longer blared like a siren, and your fingers clung to his shirt with a grip stronger than you intended.
"You're okay..." Megumi whispered in your ear, disregarding his own thundering heartbeat by reassuring you. "You hear me, Sena? You're going to be alright."
Right in this moment, nothing else mattered. You got him back. And he was here, with you. You were certain you had never felt such a profound mix of happiness and relief in your entire life.
The doctor and several nurses then swarmed the room and took over to check on you. Dizziness washed over you—their voices merging into a cacophony that made your feel exhausted, and before you knew it you fell back asleep.
. . .
"After experiencing trauma, it's not uncommon for a patient to develop a post-traumatic mutism," the doctor explained, and Megumi was listening intently. "In most cases, the patient will regain their ability to speak after attending several therapy sessions, so you don't need to worry, sir."
Megumi let out a long sigh. "Is there any long-term side effects from this?"
"No. If the patient made full recovery, then I'd say there's a low chance of any further complications."
Once the doctor left the room, Megumi resumed his post next to your bedside once again, observing your sleeping face.
His heart broke under the weight of the reality laid to him. You had endured a trauma so severe after your duel with Naoya it left you mute. Ultimately, he saw it as a reflection of his own failure to protect you too―he was supposed to be the one to go against him. And yet, you...
Seeing you struggle to breathe like that was terrifying. As your chest heaved with every breath, Megumi felt a slight relief wash over him.
At least you're now truly safe. At least... nothing more can harm you here.
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Megumi is always here.
Days after you first regained consciousness were slow and idyllic, and Megumi was always ready to attend to your every need. Though you supposed that he had to, as your guardian, since you had no one left.
With your voice still not returning, communicating with him proved to be a little challenging.
"Do you want some water?" he inquired, approaching with a glass and the pitcher in hand. You shifted your gaze away from the boring magazine the hospital had supplied and nodded.
"Here." Megumi handed you the glass and you took slow sips, before fixing your eyes on him.
It's been days. But neither of you had talked about what happened. Before now, the last you'd seen Megumi was when he left you during Zen'in's last hearing, when every bit of your dirty secret was exposed before him.
The memory of that day still made you shiver. The absolute hopelessness you felt, the way Megumi looked at you, his cutting words―
"Hey, Sena―" Megumi's got a grip on your shoulders, face contorting in worry. "What's wrong?"
You looked right into his dark green eyes, and saw nothing but concern. None of the Megumi who was so ready to cut all ties with you back then.
You were flattered that he was here, but still, you needed answers.
Reaching out for the notebook and pen Megumi had gotten you for your temporary communication, you scribbled your burning question.
Why are you here?
Megumi wouldn't admit it, but his heart sank upon reading your inquiry. The fact that you felt the need to ask it was just heartbreaking.
"You were badly injured. How can I not be here?" he responded, shoulder sagged. "I should be the one asking you―how could you have gone to Zen'in Naoya in the first place?"
Then it dawned to you. Your letter. He dropped everything to get you.
I have to end him with my own hands.
"Still! That's not―!" Megumi almost raised his voice before he caught himself. "That's not any reason for you to face him in a duel!"
He would have gone after you if I didn't.
"That's what should have been. You should've let him gone after me." There was something inside him that was this close from bursting and he was trying his hardest so it wouldn't. "At any given chance, you should've prioritized your safety first. And back then, even I―!"
I've left you. Megumi let out a sharp breath and looked away. He couldn't bring himself to say it.
You blinked at him, getting a sense of what he meant, and reached for your pen again.
I also did it for myself. He murdered my mom. I just wanted to end it with him.
"What do you― why do you have to―?!"
In that moment, Megumi felt as if he had been slapped in the face. He made you think that way. It was dreadful that you chose that self-destructive path because these unfortunate chains of events.
He was still grappling with the overwhelming guilt when you presented him with your next question.
Aren't we getting a divorce?
"No." His response was swift and resolute, his gaze boring straight into you. "Never."
You looked at him questioningly because you could still vividly recall the divorce papers you tearfully signed and left with Kurusu Hana. And seeing your confusion, Megumi thought he had to set it straight.
"It's my fault," he began. "I shouldn't have― I shouldn't have left you back then. And I should've never left you with the divorce papers. I wasn't in the right mind."
You looked down, pondering his words. Sure, he wasn't in the right mind―but at one point, that was what he wanted.
It still made you a bit uncomfortable.
Megumi held your shoulders again, sincere eyes piercing into your heart. "I regret it all. I really do. If I could turn back the time, I wouldn't leave you as I did."
Your eyes widened, wonderstruck, when a tear trickled down his cheek.
"You stupid." He brought you into his arms then, voice thick with emotion. "I'm sorry― I'm sorry for making you feel that you are alone. I'm sorry for leaving you. But even so, please, do not ever, ever put yourself in that kind of danger again. If something happens to you, I―"
His body was now trembling, and you put your hands around him. "How... could you scare me like that...? H-how could you just leave me with that letter... and tell me not to find you? Don't you know how frightened I was...?"
You didn't really know what you were feeling right now, feeling the dampness in your shoulder as he cried for you. Touched, sad, happy―all these emotions swirled within you at the same time. But still, the irrefutable truth was...
You are in love with this man. You were sure of it.
But...
"Me...gumi..."
Almost faint, but he heard it. Your voice that he had missed so much. Megumi pulled away from you, searching your face, and greeted by your soft smile.
You reached out for him and wiped his tears with your thumb. "Don't... cry..."
"Ah..." He pulled you into his embrace again, this time tighter. He buried his face in your neck, the ache in his chest almost made him burst as he shook with tears. "I'm so... so glad...! Sena, I―I'm really glad you're s-safe..."
And you are glad that he is too. That he is this concerned about you. That he loves you still.
. . .
And in the weeks that followed, you really thought you could sweep it under the rug and forget everything.
You thought that you wouldn't want nothing more now that he was back to you, as yours. You thought you'd be content with everything, even if you had to pick up the shattered remains.
But that wasn't the case. Not really.
Because every now and then, you still remembered how you betrayed him, and also the searing ache of heartbreak of when he left you.
...and so long as you still felt this way, you thought, it would be hard for you to be truly live the happy life your mother had wished for you.
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Something about you had changed.
Megumi supposed it was the effect of the trauma you had experienced, and so he never brought it up―it wouldn't be fair to compare the current you with the you before the incident.
You two were back to living in his apartment after you were discharged. Your voice had come back, although sometimes you still experienced trouble in speaking. But despite it all, Megumi didn't really care, he was ready to weather it all with you.
His sense of guilt intensified whenever he caught you touching your throat. Thoughts like "I should've been there." or "I should have never let her so unprotected" popped up in his head more often than he would have liked.
Both of you had gone back to the way it was supposed to be. Neither of you should have any prolonged worries... After all, Zen'in fiasco, from the unethical mass massacre and Naoya's doing afterwards, had been sorted out by Gojo― both of you were essentially free of them now.
So... why do you still look like you are on edge?
"I'll make breakfast today," he said on one morning after waking up. "Stay on the bed longer. I'll call you when it's ready."
You still looked positively sleepy as you pulled up the covers to your face and it warmed his heart. You were adorable, yawning and mumbling, "Thank you, Megumi."
He openly smiled, and went to the kitchen. A simple breakfast of beef and bacon would do, he concluded, and that was what he did. Afterwards, he did call and lead you to have breakfast with him.
You were still rubbing sleep off your eyes when he said it―
"Look, it's done―"
Suddenly you stiffened. Perhaps you were hypersensitive because it was still morning, but the way he said it reminded you of his words from that day.
“It’s done. We’re done. I don’t want to see you ever again.”
You tried not to let it show, as you sat in front of him. You really did, because Megumi seemed particularly happy this morning, you couldn't bear to burst his bubble.
"I personally prefer scrambled eggs over sunny side up, so that's what I made," he explained, motioning towards the plate with two servings of scrambled eggs with hints of a grimace. "Are you okay with it? Do you want me to make something else for you?"
"Ah, no, no... it's fine," you replied almost instantly, forcing a smile. "Thank you."
His lips curved into a gentle smile as he said, "You're welcome. Let me get that for you."
And that was when it happened. His hand brushed against yours―and in response, you retracted your hand away too quickly as if scalded.
Megumi was stunned. "Sena...?"
He looked at you, and noticed the faint tremor that passed through your body. In that moment, everything around him crashed once again.
Why?
"Are you..." he was almost in disbelief saying it. "...afraid of me?"
"Megumi― sorry," you blurted out, not looking at him. "I―I don't feel too well. I'll have breakfast later... I'll go lie down for a bit."
Before Megumi could respond, you had already risen and exited the dining room. Adding to the weight on his already heavy heart, you didn't head to your shared bedroom but instead, to your old bedroom from before you moved in with him.
Suddenly he felt hollow. Memories of the past months flooded into his mind like a fast-paced train wreck.
Leaving you. No contact at all. Finding you in that pool of blood.
Everything that happened then, both of you couldn't possibly pretend that any of them didn't exist. At least, not anymore.
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It has been awkward few days ever since then.
This gnawing feeling inside you― the ache, it's still there. The guilt. The nightmare. It's still there. You just want all of them to disappear.
You love Megumi and you want nothing more than being with him. But at the same time, you don't want to be with him― not like this.
They said let bygones be bygones, but it was impossible for you to pretend you were content and everything was fine while you were haunted by the nightmares of the day you made that deal with Gojo and Megumi leaving you with nothing to say for yourself.
To be happy, you need a clean slate. Or at least a time for yourself to think it over.
And so you reflected hard on yourself. What you wanted for yourself, what you thought was best for both of you.
You felt bad for Megumi too. He was visibly shaken ever since that day, and yet you were only there, feeling numb and at a loss for words, only able to mutter nothing more than apologies.
In the end, it boils down to this. You couldn't run from it any longer. Even though it'd most definitely bring both of you pain and sadness, you very well know that if you survived this, then...
"Megumi, I'm sorry for... the other day."
A week later, on that particular evening, he had just returned from headquarters and you met him at the living room.
Megumi looked startled, before flashing you a warm smile. "Ah, that again? Don't worry, Sena. It's fine." Glancing at the clock, he turned back to you. "Oh, have you eaten yet? I bought takeout on the way home."
His smile looked off. You tried to push the uncomfortable feeling in your chest away.
You steeled yourself and looked at him right in the eyes. "Megumi, I... I want to talk to you. Can you... sit here with me?"
It was hard to pull this on him. Really, really hard. But you swallowed the weight and bit down your lip when he took a seat in front of you.
"What is it?" he inquired with concern. "Don't be that tense... you can talk to me about it, alright?"
So be it then.
"I... think we should consider having a divorce."
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Megumi never imagined he would find himself confronted with this very question a second time.
His first reaction was a blink. Then his heart sank to the pit of his stomach. And then a frown, before he exhaled sharply―
"Why?" his voice came out way harsher than he intended. For the life of him, he didn't understand why. He felt hurt. So hurt, in fact, you had no idea. "What is it that you're feeling this time? Why did you never tell me before this?"
"I―" Your voice faltered, caught off guard, yet your sincere eyes remained steady. "I'll tell you now."
Megumi could see how strained you were. You were clearly trying hard to keep yourself together. He wanted to hug you, but not before you explained yourself.
"Megumi, first of all... I want you to know that I love you." Your voice began to tremble. "I love you... and I'm sorry for using you and taking advantage of your feelings. And I'm happy being with you... That hasn't changed."
"I know it already." He clenched his fists tightly, wiling the pounding of his heart at bay. "Then why―"
"I feel like we've been avoiding this, I don't know―I'm sorry. In the end, it's more of a me thing―it's not your fault at all."
Megumi closed his eyes, suddenly he felt overwhelmed by it all.
"This guilt I've been carrying with me... and you..." you took a sharp intake of breath. "Maybe something is wrong with me― I kept telling myself that now you're with me and everything will be okay... I tried to convince myself, but then I can't forget the way you look on that day―"
"If it's that, then I'm sorry―"
"No," you quickly interjected. "You had every right to be angry. I don't blame you for that, Megumi. I'm not upset, not anymore... the problem is... it doesn't make it any less hurt."
Those words suddenly seemed to ring in his ears.
A sob broke finally through your lips. "And s-so long as I'm still not over all of this... then I-I don't think I... ―we... can be truly happy together."
God, why must your fate be this complicated?
Your unholy matrimony was not expected but falling in love was a blessing, and still, you ended up hurting each other. If you still feel hurt, then the same also goes for him―he too still carries the guilt for letting you face Naoya alone, regardless of how the circumstances justified his actions.
Megumi gritted his teeth in frustration. "And so, you suggest that we're better off having a divorce?"
You cried a little harder, unable to give him an answer.
“Can’t I do anything to make it better for you?” Megumi felt like a knife just lodged itself in his chest as he looked at your tear-streaked face. “I’ll do anything—everything you want me to do, just not this—Sena, please—”
“I… w-want to be happy, Megumi,” you managed to say amidst tears. “As much as I love you… I also want to love myself too… just the w-way my mother wanted me to.”
His heart was crushed, hearing you.
“I want us… to m-meet again in better circumstances,” you forced out the words. “With no one to force us or make us choose anything… a day w-when… we can freely choose each other…”
“I’ll always choose you.” Megumi’s voice wavered as he held back his own tears. “You don’t need to wait for that because I always will.”
A tearful smile formed in your lips in response. “Thank you, but I just… want more t-time… for myself, Megumi. To sort my life—my f-feelings... and everything else out.”
He let out a grunt, as the first of his tears slid down his cheek, before he squeezed his eyes shut and covered them with his hand. Pain throbbed in his head and chest. It was too much.
“Do you…” is this it? is this how it ends? “Can you… at least tell me… what you’re going to do from now on?”
Before, when he asked you this, you had no answer for yourself. But this time, you didn’t flinch.
“I want to go back to Kyoto,” you immediately replied. “I… want to start anew there. And honestly… I don't want to continue doing jujutsu any longer so... I think I’ll start a new business to get by.”
A new start. Leaving jujutsu sorcery behind. That life honestly sounds so nice to Megumi’s ears too he was tempted to follow your footsteps.
“That’s good.” His voice was thick and heavy, and you were on the verge of sobbing once again. “That’s… really neat..."
He didn't want this. He couldn't bear to let you go. He was desperate to find a way to make you stay with him.
"Is this... really, truly what you want, Sena?"
You sniffled. "...Yes."
It seemed as though the knife in his chest had been twisted and made his insides bleed. He still couldn't make sense of it. His vision kept blurring with tears.
But ultimately... you have to be happy. After all of shitshows in this screwed up life you two share... you deserve to be happy the most.
It was difficult for him, it pierced through the most tender part within him to utter these words—
"Then... let's do it. If it's want you want and you're sure of it... then I'm willing to let you go." Lies. All of them. "Just… —please just be well. Don’t get sick, don’t stay up too late, and don’t push yourself too hard—”
Your sniffles turned into sobs.
“And— know that…” Megumi willed himself so that he wouldn’t break down in front of you completely, taking a deep breath. “I want only the best for you. I love you— that’s why.”
You were sobbing again then, utterly heartbroken. You felt really bad, and yet you knew this was necessary.
As your parting words, you just wanted him to know—
"Megumi... f-for everything these past eight months… thank you," you managed to say, your voice choked with tears. "I’ve been happy with you… and I... I don’t regret meeting you even for a moment."
The knowledge that you did feel that way was like a consolation for him. Megumi was thankful too that he had met you.
. . .
. . .
. . .
And just like that, in that winter, your divorce was finalized, and you moved to Kyoto.
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Six months later
The idea of a fresh start seemed appealing. Living in Tokyo had become suffocating. She reckoned it was finally time to move forward and put everything to rest.
“Oh, Hana-chan! Where are you going?”
Kurusu Hana put her duffel bag on the floor, looking back to find an elderly woman—her neighbor in this apartment building, as she locked the door to her unit one last time.
“Ah, granny,” she greeted with a friendly smile. “You aren’t usually awake this early.”
“Nevermind that— are you moving out, Hana-chan?”
“Oh yeah… Granny, haven’t you heard? The landlady is about to double the pay rent. It’s too much for this shabby place. I don’t want to live here anymore.”
“Really?! That conniving woman… I’ll talk to my husband and find another place soon too!”
“Hehe, please do.”
“Best of luck for you, Hana-chan.” The granny said. “I’ll miss having hotpots with you... You have been a really bright presence here.”
Something inside Hana lurched at her kind words. “Ah… me too, granny. Please take care of yourself too…”
Someone would miss her even when she was gone. This notion, simple as it was, once seemed impossible to Hana. Living all alone by herself all her life, she had grown accustomed to such thoughts.
And in her first time falling in love too… the man in question didn’t even return her feelings back.
But as they said… life goes on. Even when Megumi never looked at her way, then it just meant that they were never meant to be. She couldn’t wallow in this ridiculous one-sided love forever.
“Yosh! Hana, it’s okay! It’s going to be fine!”
As she stepped outside, she realized that summer was here already. And with that she was even convinced— with the new season came a new beginning, and this time, she was determined to find her own happiness.
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“Ahh! It’s hot!”
Yuji stretched his arms in the air, scrunching up his face as he had a look around him. “Kugisaki, do you have any idea where we’re going next? Seriously, I can’t with all this temples.”
Nobara threw him a dirty look. “You are so useless. The very least you can do is look at the maps.”
“Well, it’s too hot here! And these view of temples and shrines are giving me goosebumps—”
“Hey! What you said counts as blasphemy you know! Kyoto is cultural heritage!”
Yuji then looked around. “Come to think about it… Where’s Fushiguro? Wasn’t he with us after checking in the hotel just now?”
“Ah, he said he wanted to go out a bit before we go to the exorcism site… He didn’t say where though.”
“Wha? Wait, we can’t go without him!”
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[Nov 21] Megumi: Sena, have you arrived safely? I hope you’re not having a rough time. If you do, you can tell me
[Nov 23] You: hi megumi! sorry for not replying—i’ve been so busy with moving in here, it’s been hectic. and yes, i’m good here! :)
[Nov 24] Megumi: That’s good then. Well, take care
[Dec 10] Megumi: I’ve heard there’s an earthquake in Kyoto. Are you alright?
[Dec 10] Megumi: If you see this… Please answer me. I’m worried
[Dec 10] You got 8 missed calls from Megumi
[Dec 10] Megumi: Are you hurt? I’m trying to find a bullet train ticket to Kyoto but none are available
[Dec 13] You: gosh i’m so sorry for answering now! it’s been chaotic. internet and electricity are affected by the damage :(
[Dec 13] You: but no worries! you don’t have to come here, megumi! i’m fine! i evacuated safely and my building is still standing!
[Dec 13] Megumi: That’s a relief… Do you need anything? I can get you some things. Bullet trains to Kyoto will run again tomorrow, I can go there
[Dec 13] You: no no! really, thanks, i’m totally okay! most of buildings here are earthquake-resistant so don’t worry!
[Dec 13] You: still, thank you for worrying about me, i really… really appreciate it
[Mar 15] Megumi: It's been a while. Have you been well?
[Mar 16] You: hiii megumi! haha, you don’t have to be that formal, really. it’s been good here. cherry blossoms have bloomed, they’re so pretty!
[Mar 16] You: what about you? are you busy these days?
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You had left everything behind in Tokyo—your life as jujutsu sorcerer, tears, nightmares, and sadness, or as much of it as you possibly could, at the very least.
Starting over was hard. You almost regretted it several times especially when the lonely nights were too much for you, or when earthquake shook Kyoto and left you reeling.
But at the same time, it brought you satisfaction. When you successfully opened your own small cafe just last week, it felt like all your efforts had finally paid off.
It felt good to stand on your own two feet. To do things you want. With no one to dictate what you should do. By all means, this is the dream life you've wanted... you just wished that your mother could’ve seen this too.
Spending time for yourself has been healing. And life is far better here, but still...
You miss Megumi. How could you not, especially when he occasionally sent you a text? You were touched that he was still trying to stay in touch at all, and also how he showed his concern for your well-being.
But it was now May... and he hadn't replied to your text since March.
You tried to brush it off. After all you got the divorce for this very reason. You wanted to regain your sense of normalcy again— "normal" as in before everything went down with Zen'in mess.
But perhaps someday, when you're ready, if he would still have you... then maybe...
Brushing off your thoughts and maybe, longing, you left your phone to attend new patrons when the bell to your cafe jingled.
Unbeknownst to you, after unconsciously waiting for him this long, your phone buzzed and its screen lit up with new notifications—
[May 3] Megumi: Today, I'm in Kyoto
[May 3] Megumi: I miss you, Sena. I really do
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✩°。 ⋆ next -> last chapter : to the one i love
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some of you can't be tagged bc of the settings! :(
i'm so sorry for repeated mentions, it's not showing in the tags and i'm trying to fix it :(
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rinhaler · 4 months
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What Is Your Name, What Do You Bring?
CHAPTER SUMMARY : The day started off so well, (with Yuuji's face buried between your thighs). And a new student joined your class! Yuuji vouches for him, he should be fun, right?
boyfriend!yuuji itadori x f!reader x bully!megumi fushiguro
WARNINGS : 18+ only, consensual sex, oral, face sitting, aftercare, disrespecting sex workers.
WORDS : 2.8k
notes: back by popular demand ! very excited to be revisting this series hehe ♡
               MASTERLIST ┊ NEXT CHAPTER
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It’s impossible to say no to your pink haired lover. Seeing his pastel locks between your thighs is one of the greatest pleasures in your life. Any chance he gets, he likes to lick at your soft folds so gently. He’d do it every second of every day if he could, he’s told you so. It never ceases to amaze you that someone so hyperactive and energetic can spend such a long time down there, being so delicate and sensitive too. He loves to hold your hands while you grind against his face, linking his fingers with yours to keep you stable. You cum, hard. He wants to praise you, tell you how wonderful you are and how delicious you taste.
But he can’t.
Because that would mean he has to stop.
“Okay… Yuuji okay.”
Your eyes are rolling back into your head again. It isn’t an exaggeration that he would quite happily live with his face against your slick heat if he had the choice. He can’t bring himself to pull away, it’s not enough, he wants more. You clamp your thighs around his head, but that's just more incentive to stay put. As a last resort, you lightly slap the side of his face.
“Yuuji we’re going to be late for class!” you chastise.
He finally finds the inner strength to pull himself away from your swollen bud. He wipes the lower half of his face with the back of his hands, his spit and your juices look so lewd on such an innocent looking, pretty boy. But he grins, so satisfied and so elated with this start to the day.
“It was good, right?” he questions, lovingly peering into your stare.
“Of course, always Yuuji.”
He crawls over your body, caging you in beneath him so he can kiss your lips. He travels from your mouth, to your cheek, to your jaw, neck and then finally settles by nibbling on your ear.
You moan softly, and your cunt can’t help but throb when he tells you he needs you to sit on his face after class.
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You’ve only been with Yuji for nine months, and yet, you’re often gossiped about on campus. Because it's so perfect, he told you. He walks by your side, an arm wrapped around your shoulder as he holds you close, and you walk in unison. He always offers to walk you to class. You can’t help but smile and accept. He’s usually late to his own classes because he can’t help but tower over you against the nearest wall, kissing you deeply and too intensely to be socially acceptable in public. He can’t help it, and neither can you. You can’t get enough of each other. You’ve had boyfriends before Yuuji. You’ve had sex before Yuuji. But you may as well have been a virgin, being with him was a true sexual awakening. He cares about your pleasure above anything else, his stroke game is phenomenal and he eats you out like it’s his sole purpose on earth.
He forces you to hook a leg onto his waist, his body almost falls into yours as he lets his tongue explore yours outside of your classroom. He squeezes your ass and bites your lip as you pull away. He raises an eyebrow and bites his own lip at you as he walks backwards down the hallway.
He leaves you panting, desperate for more of him. You’re so riled up you’re not sure how the hell you’re going to get through this lecture.
“I’ll bet you wish we were late for class now.” he smirks. You flip him off and he blows you a kiss before he rushes to the PE building.
Your cheeks puff out as you exhale, trying to collect a sense of serenity before you go to your class. Your teacher smiles at you as you enter the room and take a seat at your desk, you instantly pull out your sketchbook since he said he’d be collecting them all for marking today.
You hear whispers amongst two female classmates. These particular students were thick as thieves since they attended the same high school. They were nice enough girls, but they weren’t your type of friend. You did have friends, but none in your class. It’s probably better that way, you need to focus on your grades.
You’re staring expectantly at your teacher, waiting for him to explain what you’ll all be doing today. He steps up from behind his desk, circling around until he’s standing dead centre in front of all of you. You’re worried you won’t hear what he’s saying, the girls are starting to irritate you with the way they’re whispering and giggling to themselves. Something about ‘he’s moving here’ And ‘he’s back in town’  You do your best to tune them out as your lecturer finally finds the words to speak.
“We have a new student joining us today, everyone do your best to make him feel welcome.” he announces.
Right on cue the boy in question enters the classroom. The girls squeal embarrassingly. Just loud enough for the few students directly surrounding them to hear. Who is he? They were acting as if he was some kind of celebrity. He was pretty, you could admit that. He looked incredibly moody. He did not want to be here, that much was obvious. Your lecturer looks extremely downtrodden as the boy instantly goes to find himself a seat rather than taking a few minutes to introduce himself. He was very predictable, instantly making a beeline for a seat as close to the back as possible.
One of the annoying girls taps the end of her pen onto your desk to get your attention, you smile as you turn to face them.
“What do you think of him?” she asks. You shrug your shoulders, you don’t know him. You think he looks grumpy, maybe a little sad, but you don’t think anything of him. You tell them as much, and they look at each other with widened eyes. “But shouldn’t you—”
“We went to middle school with him. Before he moved away with his sister. His name’s Megumi.” she interrupts. “He was the cutest guy at school, I think it’s fate that he’s back. I’m totally going to ask him out.”
They instantly begin arguing with each other at her final sentence. Which one is more worthy of being his girlfriend and who he would actually say yes too, tedious things that didn’t matter. He didn’t look like the girlfriend type. You couldn’t help but look at him over your shoulder. Megumi’s head was sunken into one hand as he stared out of the window.
He really didn’t want to be here.
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He’s the first to scurry out of the room when class is over. He has his phone in his hand and he’s texting furiously, a lightning pace in fact. Maybe he’s telling his parents he doesn’t want to attend this particular university anymore.
It’s none of your concern, the girls are hurrying after him but you already know he’s going to sprint as soon as he has a clear path. You don’t care. You’re thankful for Thursday’s, you and Yuuji both finish for the day after your first and only class. So, you’re waiting patiently by your boyfriends car, you’re very excited to get back to what you were doing this morning. You’re surprised to see Megumi here too, he’s not standing too far from you, but not close enough to start a conversation.
You almost jump out of your skin when Yuuji wraps his arms around you from behind, attacking slobbering kisses into your bare neck. It’s embarrassing how ticklish you are. The raucous laughter bellowing from your throat catches the attention of Megumi. He turns his body to face you and you’re very disturbed when he starts walking towards you.
Is he about to chastise you, or just plain insult you both for public indecency?
You almost want to push Yuji off of you, but you know it’s in vain since he’s way more athletic and stronger than you.
When he pulls himself out of the crook of your neck, his eyes widen when he spots the raven-haired man in front of you.
“Fushiguro?!” he screams, instantly letting go of you and running towards him. Megumi can’t get a word in when Yuuji wraps him in a tight hug, his face beaming with excitement.
So, they know each other, you think.
Megumi doesn’t hug him in turn. Instead, he pats his back a few times with an uncomfortable smile on his face. You smile patiently, wondering if Yuuji will explain how they know each other.
They both come closer to you. And Yuuji, of course, wraps a possessive arm around your shoulder.
Of course he introduces you as his beautiful girlfriend, he worships the ground you walk on.
You wave meekly at his friend, who offers his surname as an introduction and doesn’t ask you any further questions. Yuuji is who he was texting frantically when he was leaving the classroom, your boyfriend didn’t see the messages as he was so excited to pick you up and take you home. But now that you're all here, Yuuji suggests you go out to eat. Megumi declines however, saying he’ll have to see him another time, his sister is waiting for him at home. He doesn’t even accept a ride home when Yuuji offers, he just waves and leaves.
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“Yuuji! D-don’t – shit, baby – don’t stop! I’m close, s’fucking close…” you moan as you ride your boyfriend's face. You don’t need to tell him to stop. He knows you. He knows your body perfectly and the secrets to make you cum. You moan loudly and your legs begin to twitch. He knows you. He knows that when you cum while riding his face you try to get away from him because you’re too sensitive. So he wraps his arms around your thighs and pulls you closer to him. Yuuji gently strokes them with his thumbs as you begin to squeal, an incentive to relax you slightly. He knows you. He knows when he lets you go and he looks into your pretty eyes they’ll be wet with tears, he makes you feel so good… too good. You can’t handle his tongue even though it makes you wetter and cum harder than anything you’ve ever known.
He eventually sets you free, you collapse onto the bed and your chest heaves. Yuuji pulls you closer into his arms, wiping the tears from your face and kissing the crown of your head.
"You’re so beautiful when you ride my face."
"I love you so much baby."
"You were amazing."
"You’re such a good girl."
All mere whispers in your ear as you begin to drift off in his arms. He kisses you endlessly as you do, he can’t get enough of you. You are perfection incarnate, to him, he wants to give you everything you deserve.
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You both wake up the next day, and you have to insist that he can’t go down on you today. You’re both running late for class again and you do not have time for him to feast on your flesh. Your heart stops a little when he tells you he’s picking up Fushiguro.
You’re late enough.
But he won’t be deterred. Before you get to his house, Yuuji asks you a question you never thought he’d ask.
“Do you mind sitting in the back?”
You were already sitting shotgun. Why should you have to move? What made Megumi so special he should be able to sit front and centre instead of you? But when Yuuji gave you his cutest puppy dog eyes, you couldn’t refuse. Before Megumi stepped foot outside of his house, you jumped in the back and pouted miserably.
“I’ll make it up to you.” Yuuji said as he poked his tongue out in the mirror.
“Shut up.”
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You are practically running to class while the boys are lagging behind you. Yuuji picks up the pace when he realises how panicked you are but Megumi clearly has no intention or desire to get to your art class.
Instead of the usual public display of affection, Yuuji gives you a quick peck before rushing to the PE building again. You don’t wait for Megumi, you enter the classroom just in the nick of time.
You suspect your teacher decides to excuse Megumi for dawdling since he’s new.
Your new acquaintance smiles into his pencil as he sits down.
"What are you smiling at?" you ask him, his expression seeming to be contagious as you find yourself smiling with him.
He points his pencil to your left. When you turn around, you see the Megumi fan club staring daggers at you.
And then, it clicks.
When that girl was cut off by her friend...
“But shouldn’t you—”
But shouldn’t you know who he is? Shouldn’t you know he’s your boyfriend's childhood best friend? They didn’t want you to know so that you wouldn’t strike up a conversation with him. They didn’t want you to know so that they could have him all to themselves.
Pathetic.
He opens his sketchbook, and you catch a few of his drawings. He’s extremely talented. His attempts to shield them away from you were futile, his speciality seems to be portraiture, and you compliment one particular drawing. It’s a man, he has short black hair with a scar on his lip. He looks very pained in the eyes but with a cheeky smirk that would make you believe he’s fine.
“That’s a beautiful drawing Megumi.” you whisper.
You notice him tense up and freeze. He slams his book shut and scoffs at you.
You were only trying to be nice…
Your sour mood from his nasty attitude is cut short when your lecturer hands you your sketchbook. He compliments you on your latest work, telling you he’s excited to see what else you produce.
You have a huge silly grin on your face as you flick through your book, admiring all of the post-it notes he’s left on each of your gouache paintings. You hear Megumi scoff, again, your vision is twisted to face him and you see him looking at your art and shaking his head. You don’t entertain him, but he feels the need to comment, regardless.
“You’re proud? You painted some flowers. Not exactly Georgia O’Keeffe, are you?” he spits.
“What's your— you know what? Leave me alone. I’m in too good of a mood to care about what a miserable little stranger has to say about my art.” you ramble at him.
You’re sure you hear him scoff yet again, but it’s actually a soft sigh of amusement. He steps out of his seat, his chair squeaking against the floor grabs everyone’s attention. You lose interest immediately when you think he’s just making a scene to make you uncomfortable, but when everyone turns back to what they were doing, he stands up. He looms above you, one hand on your desk and one on your thigh.
You’re speechless. You physically cannot bring yourself to tell him to move away or call for help. His face is mere inches from yours, his thumb gently rubs into your thigh. It reminds you of Yuuji, such a sensual act from a man with a face filled with malice. He’s getting close, too close. You know he wouldn’t, but you think he’s trying to get up your skirt. You think, for a split second, he’s searching for the folds between your thighs.
Instead, he moves his face, so his mouth is level with your ear. The words he whispers to you have your skin pinching together, and he’s proud of himself for intimidating you so much. You’re covered in goosebumps and still too startled to breakaway from him.
“You’re my best friends little flavour of the month, so don’t try and bond with me over my fucking drawings. I don’t want to be your friend, so keep out of my way.”
“I—”
“Shut up, I’m not finished. You’re a good for nothing slut, and your paintings are shit. I’d practice getting your mouth in an ‘O’ shape since that’s all you’re good for. You’ll never make it as an artist, but maybe someone will take you as a low pay whore.”
You were in a state of shock. No one had ever spoken to you so cruelly before. He softly laughs into your ear, before striking your thigh and bringing you back to reality.
You’d known of this boy’s existence for less than twenty-four hours.
He was your boyfriend’s childhood best friend and they had nothing in common.
Yuuji was warm and loving while Megumi was cold and callous. You think back to yesterday. Back to those girls asking what you thought of Megumi. You didn’t think of him, but now you do. You haven’t known him for any significant amount of time, but you think of him.
You fucking hate Megumi Fushiguro.
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© 2021 fuwushiguro | © 2023 rinhaler
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510 notes · View notes
rinslutz · 8 months
Note
pleasepleaseplease may i request where reader and gojo get scared of megumi when hes out of the shower and he has his hair down since its wet and they have some sort of ptsd from fighting toji in the past!!
ᥫ᭡ “REFLECTIONS” — GOJO SATORU
ㅤꞋꞌꞋꞌ fem!reader, megumi calls reader “mom”, megumi calls gojo “dad”, angst, hurt/comfort, megumi is a few years older than canon (18?)
a/n : not sure if this is exactly what you wanted, but i tried
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“can i have a kiss?” gojo mumbles against your neck. you tried to escape him leaving your shared bed and taking refuge on the living room couch. unfortunately for you, gojo follows you like a lost puppy. he had immediately flopped his body on top of yours. now you’re uncomfortable engulfed in his arms.
“mmm no.” gojo frowns against your neck, tickling your skin. you flinch and pull away from him.
“that tickles.” you jab your finger against his shoulder to push him away from you. you immediately notice a flash of mischief in his eyes. your eyes widen in realization.
“don’t even think about it satoru.” of course he’s thinking about it. his slender fingers inch towards your sides. you slap them away but that only makes him laugh. you jump up and hold your hands up in defense.
“stop!” you squeal playfully. as gojo stands up, wiggling his fingers playfully you decide to make a run for it. you start off running down the hall. gojo is right on your heels and you’re sure he’s going to catch you.
unfortunately, you don’t see the bathroom door open and megumi stepping out. you almost crash into him but you're able to stop before you reach him.
his hair still drenched, droplets of water dripping on his freshly cleaned shirt. the loud screaming that he heard before exiting the bathroom seized. he watches as the playful look in your eyes is replaced with a look of pure terror. for a second he thinks that he’s startled you by existing the bathroom, but when his eyes shift to gojo’s he realizes that it’s something else.
the look in gojo’s eyes matches yours. pure shock and terror. neither of you move from your spot. megumi’s worried eyes shift back to you. he doesn’t like how you’re looking at him. you’ve never looked at him with anything other than love.
“mom?” he reaches his hand out to rest on your shoulder but you step back, startled. he snatches his hand back as if he’s touched an open flame. he feels as if his heart has fell into the pit of his stomach.
“mom? dad?” he calls again. he refrains from touching you this time. he looks at gojo again. the look in his eyes has seemed to return to normal.
“what’s wrong with you both?” megumi asks. his voice is bare above a whisper. he’s startled by your lack of reaction. gojo sends him a sad look before grabbing you and turning you towards him. he places his hands on your cheeks and stares into your eyes. this is when he notices that your shaking.
“it’s okay. it’s okay.” gojo whispers. his fingers caress the apples of your cheeks. the relentless pounding in your chest seems to slow. you swallow the lump that’s formed in your chest. his soft voice pulls you from your deep emotional state.
“mom? are you okay?” you hear megumi speak again. this time, now out of your trance-like state, you turn to him. his eyes are a little watery, making your heart hurt. you didn’t mean to scare him and you’re sure he didn’t mean to scare you.
megumi notice that the love has returned to your eyes. he reaches his hand out to touch you but he hesitates, afraid that you’ll flinch away from him again. you notice so grab his hand into yours. you place your other hand on top of his
“yes, i’m okay.”
“what happened? did i- did i do something?” your heart crumbles at the fact that he thinks he’s done something to warrant your reaction.
“no, no. it’s not you. i just had a bad memory.” megumi sends you a questioning look and then shifts his eyes to gojo. gojo sends him a look. he knows that look. he’s telling him not to ask you any more questions about it. and because megumi never wants you to look at him that way again he leaves it at that.
“well i’m glad you’re okay now.”
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©rinslutz
5K notes · View notes
piichuu · 7 months
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♡ THE ONE AND ONLY CUPID - CANCELLED DATES
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TWENTY | MASTERLIST | TWENTY TWO
PAIRING: fushiguro megumi x f!reader
SYNOPSIS: itadori yuji is behind the account “the one and only cupid” where others in tokyo can anonymously ship two people they think should get together. what happens when you’re suddenly shipped with fushiguro megumi whom you’ve never talked to before and why do you all of a sudden have to see him in the school hallway every single day?
WARNINGS: mentions of depressive episodes, cursing
AUTHOR’S NOTE: i’m aware of depressive episodes being different for everyone, this is just from my own experience
TAG LIST: @krissyoxox @kaitfae @kitorin @mysuperrainbow @tojirin @hanmasdolly @kasumitenbaz @yuzurins @tsukishimarawr @stardusthyuck @satoruskitchenrag @lvryeager @hellothere9597 @pumpkindudeishere @dailyghosting @chillichopsticks @jaynawayna @mave-in @hisheadismountfuji @whatamidoing89 @flwrdia @livelaughloveisagiyoichi @usermins @marga-j @kennmaii @rintarousgirl @moonmalice @matchablossomsss @saiewithakatana @adhdduckie @bluekryptonitepatrol @saturn-alone @theweirdfloatything @7haze @buggy-cj @giannitaa @itoshiexx @aeongiies @becsmarvel @sukisprettyface @haitani-22 @mellozhi @satoryaa @ris-krispie @coastalll @jjkwritingss @rijhi @nerdybananabeliever @yourmumsthings
211 notes · View notes
nana-gumi · 27 days
Text
devoted f.toji
pairings: fushiguro toji x fem! reader
cw: heavy angst, arranged marriage, illness, inaccurate descriptions of heart disease (just did some research lol), megumi is 5 years old, mentions of abuse, some kissing, mentions of pregnancy, drinking, toji is giving mixed signals, suggestive themes, lots of cursing, happy ending. wc: 18k
a/n: this was a filo au that i posted on tiktok, but due to problems posting on tiktok, the story wasn't finished and now here it is with an ending!! sorry for the long wait my tiktok readers 🥹 i'm sorry if the ending did not meet your expectations :') will post the angst ending soon
despite the years his past wife died, he still couldn't move on. it's up for the fate to decide if you could change him.
happy ending | alternate angst ending
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being an outcast in your family is the worst. you were forced to marry someone who's like you.
toji fushiguro, an outcast in his family and both of you were forced to marry each other. you've heard rumors about him. mostly bad ones. his father's company is famous after all.
toji have a son from his deceased wife. the time you met his son, megumi, you thought the kid will hate you but it was the opposite. he welcomed you, even told you that he was happy he finally has a mother.
you and toji never really interacted with each other that much, only if needed, like family gatherings or when megumi is around. who would want to show a kid that you're not interested with each other, right? but when it's just the two of you, both were completely a stranger to each other. there were times were you wanted to start a conversation because sleeping in one bed was awkward especially when there's no conversation at all.
you did start a conversation at some point but toji's presence was intimidating enough to shut you up. as time passes by, you're getting used to his presence. he seemed to be scowling at all times but you noticed that, that's just how he is. you continued to interact with him until you and him finally got comfortable with each other, where good morning and good nights were exchanged. but then you've grown attached to the man, especially his son.
when you asked toji why his last name is fushiguro, he told you that it was his deceased wife's last name. toji still refused to bring back his last name which is supposed to be zenin. he told you that his family once forced him to use zenin again but toji simply ignored them. even though toji was an outcast, none of his family couldn't argue with him so he kept the last name fushiguro while you stick with your own last name.
being an outcast, you didn't feel any love from your family and the simple things toji showed you made you feel loved. that night he let you borrow his jacket when it started to snow unexpectedly, those times where he makes extra coffee for you, he would even let you hug him if you have nightmares and most of all, he defends you from your family.
that's what you loved, no– love about him. but you wonder, does toji feel the same? and the answer was already obvious. toji only accepted the marriage because he doesn't have a choice. they will remove him from the business his family owns and he doesn't want that because he needs money for his son, megumi. he promised his deceased wife that he'll take care of megumi after all.
and you adore toji for that. sometimes you think, will toji cherish you the same way he does with his deceased wife? even if his wife died many years ago, he still have the love he has for her, as if she's still around to feel it.
-
you were currently laying on the couch as you hug yourself for warmth. it wasn't an argument with toji, but you just want to be left alone for now. the words "i love you" accidentally slipped out of your mouth, and you didn't mind if toji doesn't reply and you just hoped he didn't reply to it at all.
"i love you, toji." you whispered, enough for him to hear and his eyes looked guilty as he looked away from you.
"you shouldn't." toji replied. "you'll just hurt yourself."
"i know."
"you know we're married only in papers, we already decided to be just friends." you already know that, but you couldn't just hold back anymore, and of course he would say that. toji thinks no one could replace the love his deceased wife showed and gave him. she was there at his lowest point, she comforted him, told him the words he doesn't know he deserves to hear and toji just couldn't open his heart to love someone, at least not anymore. his wife was enough, megumi addressing you as his mother is enough, even a part of toji doesn't want it.
you glanced at the ring he's caressing on his finger. it should be the ring you placed on his finger on the wedding day but instead, it was the promise ring his wife had gave him. your heart couldn't ache anymore. you're so used at the empty feeling that it doesn't hurt you anymore.
"i'm sorry.." you mumbled as you excused yourself, deciding to just sleep on the couch. there you've grown to realize that being attached with toji fushiguro was the biggest mistake you'll ever done but you'll never regret.
-
you woke up with a shuffling beside you. you opened your eyes and saw megumi with his small blanket on his hand as he frowned at you.
"mama, it's cold." megumi said as he hurriedly draped his blanket above you.
"it's fine, megumi." you smiled at him as megumi tucked his small body on your arms.
"mama, did papa make you cry?" megumi asked and you pinched his nose as you disagree with his question.
"no megumi, mama fell asleep here while watching." you said.
"okay, i love you mama." megumi said and it has been minutes since he said those words and you were still silent that it made megumi look up at you.
"mama, i love you." he repeated with a hushed tone.
"i―" it was as if you choked on something as you embraced the child. "i love my baby too." you muttered.
after that conversation with toji, everything feels weird as if it's reminding you of your place, that you were forced to marry toji to strengthen your family's bond with the zenin's.
"papa loves you too." megumi mumbled and you just hoped it was true.
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toji's mother suddenly visited that day without a notice and toji wasn't around. his family doesn't really hate you but there's always a weird atmosphere around when you're close with them. just when his mother asked where toji was, he suddenly came back from work.
you knew he went here in rush, and the way he wrapped his arms around you as his lips came in contact with your forehead made your heart flutter. but you reminded yourself that it was only for a show. his mother smiled at the scene as toji sat beside you on the dining table.
"what brings you here, ma." toji asked in an annoyed tone.
"i just wanted to visit my grandson." you excused yourself a bit as you made your way towards the kitchen to make them something to eat and drink, and when you came back, the question you and toji were avoiding got asked by his mother.
"when do you plan on having another child?" she asked.
"no plans yet, we're to busy to have another child running around. megumi is enough."
"it's been a year since you're both married. why not give it a try?"
"ma―" you cut toji off before he could say something harsh to his mother.
"we did try it, ma, but it didn't really work so we decided to just wait for the right time." you answered, lied for toji and his mother seemed to buy it.
"ok.. but i am getting old, toji. we need to see a female granchild too." she said before excusing herself to go to her grandson who was playing. toji huffed at her mother's response as he stood up from the chair.
"i am sorry about that, toji." you said because as much as possible, you wanted to avoid answering that question too. toji sighed as he left the kitchen to get changed and when he went back to the living room, his mother was about to leave.
finally. he thought.
"just give it a try." toji's mother told you as she went inside her car.
"why'd she go here without informing me." toji muttered as megumi sat between you and him on the couch, showing the chocolate his grandmother gave him.
"i was surprised too."
"that's fine, thank you for covering up for me." he said as he stood up from the couch and took the chocolate on megumi's hand while carrying him. megumi whined in surprise as his father carried him like a sack of rice as you slowly followed behind.
"papa!" he exclaimed, kicking and punching but it was no use.
"come on, we don't want mama to get mad for eating to much sweets at night." toji said. he wasn't talking about you, you know that.
he placed megumi down beside the refrigerator as he placed the chocolate inside.
"too much sweet is not good for you." toji said as he carried megumi once again.
-
you just finished washing the dishes as you walked past megumi's room, and their muffled voices made you eavesdrop at their conversation, and you maybe you just didn't.
"megumi, why are you being so stubborn? you don't want mama to get mad right?"
"mama doesn't get mad at me!" megumi yelled as you smile a bit at his words.
"megumi, did you already forget your real mama, hm? she'll be sad in heaven. you want that?" toji said and his words was like a needle that was continuously poking at your chest.
"huh? but mama is here." megumi said, pointing at the door.
"look, (name) is just a replacement for your mama, but your real mama? she loves you, her love for you couldn't be replaced by someone."
"even (name)?" megumi said, and the way he addressed you by your name, you admit hurts. you took a deep breath as you felt a sharp pain in your chest. but that's fine, you're already used to it.
"yes, now go and sleep okay?"
"okay."
-
megumi started acting awkwardly towards you the next day, he was trying his best to avoid your gaze, maybe even you. he would stutter through his words between calling your name or 'mama'.
"bye bye, (name).." megumi looks away at you as he held toji's hand.
"bye bye." you replied as you forced a smile and megumi looked back once at the front door as they finally left the house.
-
"papa, i don't want to see mama sad." megumi said as toji placed his seatbelt. megumi might be a kid but he can clearly understood human emotions. when he called you by your name earlier, he saw how your smile disappeared but then you covered it up by a forced smile, and you just let him call you by your name.
"she's not sad-"
"yes she is."
"you don't understand, megumi." toji said and megumi only kept quiet because he knew arguing with his father is useless.
-
megumi jolted awake. he fell asleep after being in school the whole day as he searched for your presence. he had a dream, a really bad one and he found you in your and his father's room, talking to someone in your phone. megumi heard a sob coming out of you. you said something that megumi couldn't quite hear as you finally ended the call. he watched as you wiped your tears with your palms and took a deep breath. megumi silently close the door as he went back to the living room, sitting patiently as you appeared on his view.
"oh, megumi. how was your sleep?" you asked as you kneeled infront of the boy. megumi observed your eyes, they were a bit red.
"it's fine, mama." you were taken aback. he's calling you mama again. you smiled as you cupped his chubby cheeks.
"are you hungry?" you asked and he nods as you guided him on his feet. he didn't let go of your hand.
"mama, i love you. you're my one and only mama." you felt megumi's small hands squeeze your big ones, as if he's reassuring you of something.
"i love you too, my one and only baby. now let's go and prepare dinner!" megumi noticed that your mood shifted, and he was proud of himself that he was the one who brought a smile on your face.
-
it's unusual for you to wake up with toji's arms around you. you knew toji didn't do it on purpose, he was drunk last night and you just want to indulge the moment, even just for a minute or even seconds. you felt toji moved and you immediately stood up from the bed.
why do you feel guilty? it's not like you and toji were cheating on his wife. but that's how you felt. toji was still sleeping as you sighed, placing the blanket above him as you went out of the room.
"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he closed his ipad off.
"morning, 'gumi. what do you want for breakfast?"
"anything you cook!" he answered as he sat on the kitchen stool, watching you prepare the ingredients you needed.
"pancakes or rice?"
"rice!"
"okay." you laughed at his energetic response.
"mama can we buy art materials later? my teacher said we'll do arts on monday."
"sure, let's go out after we eat."
-
toji heard you and megumi talking as he arrived the living room. and just as he was about to enter the kitchen, your body bumped on his chest.
"oh, i was about to wake you up. breakfast is ready." you said, about to went back to the table but toji held your arm to stop you for a moment. he placed his other hand behind his head as he looks away.
"did i said something weird? last night." he asked as you look at him for a moment before you shake your head left to right. toji sighed in relief as he let go of your arm, both of you sitting on the kitchen stool. you look at toji, and he looks at you, but you couldn't meet his eyes as you smiled at megumi and place the food on his plate.
-
you just finished brushing your teeth as you were disturbed with a loud thud outside the bathroom.
"toji? are you there?" you called.
it was as if your soul went out of your body for a second, toji appeared infront of you. a curse slipped out of your mouth as toji's weight fell on you.
this was your first time seeing toji drunk, even your first time encountering a drunk person and you really don't know what to do so you tried your best to pull him with you in the room since he was so heavy.
once you opened the door of your room, you and toji fell on the ground. does his wife encountered this event a lot of times? if so what did she do?
toji was whispering something. you couldn't quite hear him as you placed your ear close to his mouth, the smell of alcohol getting stronger than it was and he was apologizing. you were confused as you move away from him.
"toji, i can't carry you anymore." you said, trying to wake him up as toji's eyes slightly opened.
"my wife." he whispered, you don't know if that certain beat in your heart was because he called you his wife or maybe because he mistook you of his wife.
and the next words he uttered is what you didn't expect as he suddenly placed his hand on your cheek and you were completely frozen in your spot as he continued to speak.
toji's hand finally slipped from your face as his head fell on your shoulder and you sit there, processing the words he said just a minute ago
he didn't mistook you as if wife, he indeed called you his wife and it warmed your heart.
"mama?" you were out of your thoughts when you felt megumi's hand above yours. "are you okay?" he asked as you look at him and then at toji.
"i'm fine, what was it again?" you asked, facing megumi as he smiled at you.
"papa will go with us later!" he said.
"oh? is that so?" you said as you look at toji, waiting for his answer.
he laughs at your reaction.
"looks like you don't want to?" he joked.
"it's not like that! it's always just me and megumi, since you're always busy.." you responded.
"yeah, today's a day off." you cursed internally. you have an appointment to the doctor today, you thought taking megumi with you would be fine, but toji? what reason should you tell him? you couldn't possibly say that you have a family meeting. no, you don't even have someone you can call a family, except for this two. plus toji would be updated if there's a family gathering.
maybe you'll ask the doctor to move appointments.
-
"are you sure? though i'm not sure when my schedule's gonna be clear again, (name)."
"it's fine choso, i can wait, just update me."
"sorry about that, i'm busy these days plus yuuji's been wanting attention too."
"is that so?" you said as you smile. "i want to meet him soon! looks like he's a good kid."
"soon, i'll bring him to the hospital with me."
"okay, see you next time then?"
"yeah. and (name), don't stress yourself too much, it's bad for the heart." you smiled at his words.
"of course, thank you. bye."
"who's choso?" startled by the voice, you immediately hid your phone behind you.
he was eavesdropping.
toji raised his eyebrow at your reaction as he opened his cabinet.
"a friend of mine."
"really? didn't know you have a friend." toji said in a voice you couldn't recognize, it was as if he's mocking you. you scoffed at him, deciding to just ignore his words.
you were about to leave the room but toji's voice stopped you.
"if you're starting to date someone, don't inform megumi about it. or he'll be sad." he said, mumbling the last sentence as you left. did toji really thought you were dating someone even if you're married already?
sure everything is one-sided, but you just don't have it in you to date someone, not when toji already has your heart, your everything. even if he doesn't know it. but you think it's better for toji to assume that choso is something in your life than choso just being an appointed doctor.
-
toji was too drunk when he got home and he think he just saw his deceased wife, but when he approached the person, it turned out to be you.
toji noticed that he was at the bathroom and felt your hands on his arms as you place it on your shoulder. he felt drinking that day, he wanted to forget everything or maybe when his wife appeared on his dream last night, the words he told her. he didn't want to wake up that night.
toji already forgot her face, her voice, how her hands felt on his. he already promised that they will meet again. in next life or in another universe. it doesn't matter where, as long as he could meet his wife again. but his wife told him in his dreams that he should move on, and he couldn't just do that.
toji did saw your efforts. he saw how you care for him, especially megumi. but he couldn't just stop himself from comparing you to his wife on his mind. no one could ever replace his wife. toji squinted his eyes, he saw you trying to pick him up.
"toji, i can't carry you anymore." but your words was a blur to him.
toji's hand twitched and moved on its own as he sat up from the floor.
"i'm sorry, i can't." he muttered as he placed his rough hand on your cheek, observing your eyes as he leaned his forehead on yours. "i can't love no more. i can't love you the same way. i'm sorry."
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toji was the man of your dreams.
he might not know it but toji saved your life, he saved you from the hands of your greedy parents.
"i can't love you the same way, i'm sorry." the way he said those words were filled with guilt.
sometimes you put yourself on his place. if you were the one that has a past lover who died, of course it'll be hard to move on, especially when that person made you feel love and gave you the world.
toji was miserable back then, not until he met her. she fixed him. just like you and toji, you met him and he fixed you. the only difference was they loved each other. she loved him and he loved her, while you love him but he was stuck in the past.
there were times where you watch him sleep, not in a bad way, but just want to admire him where you whisper your love for him. he won't hear it of course. his dreams must be more entertaining than the words you're whispering to him.
toji's words that night made an impact to you. everything he does for you, you started viewing it as him just doing it for kindness and not for love. maybe toji just doesn't want to hurt you further because he knew how badly your family treated you back then. you were on the same page after all.
now you realized that maybe it was bound to happen, that being married with toji is enough, being a mother figure to megumi was enough. he already did enough for you, for taking you away from your hell life. you'll just pay him back by doing what you should for him and megumi.
you'll just love him silently. you'll bury your feelings deep inside your heart that only you, yourself knew. maybe wait for him to finally acknowledge you. but you knew it wouldn't happen this time around.
for now, you'll just watch him love someone who wasn't even around anymore.
-
toji was showing you a picture of his past wife because you asked him to see her. she looked a lot like megumi, but a female version. now you know why toji fell in love with her. even in the picture, it was already obvious that his wife was kind and a loving person. but you're kind and a loving person too, aren't you? the universe is so unfair.
"this is when she was 7 months pregnant." toji said as he pointed a specific picture. you smiled at his words as you continue to listen to him. but toji suddenly went silent all of the sudden and closed the album as he cleared his throat.
"why, did you want to see it?" he asked as he placed the album back inside his drawer.
"just curious, she looked a lot like megumi." you said as you lean your head on your knees, facing him. "how did you meet her?"
"it was an arranged marriage too." he said. "i wasn't really favored with it but i don't have a choice." toji smiled. how can a person like her make him smile like this when you can't? "she was simple, i suddenly fell in love with her." toji said with adoration in his voice as he looked at you.
you sighed as you lay flat on the bed and started stretching your arms.
"ah, i wonder if someone would love me that way too." you sighed as you turned your back on him.
"you will, but that couldn't be me." he said straightforwardly as if reminding you that you couldn't change his mind anymore and it made you curl yourself on the sheets.
"are you and that choso dating?" toji asked as you turn to face him. he was leaning his back on the headboard with a laptop on his lap.
"no? why'd you assume we're dating?"
"you've been going out a lot these days, i just thought."
"are you okay with that?" you asked.
"of course." and he didn't even hesitate which hurt you more. "i mean, maybe he's the one you're looking for?" toji said as he closed the laptop, the surroundings being engulfed with darkness, the bright moon outside being the only source of light.
but you're already here. you wanted to say those words but you already knew what he'll respond to it. toji lay flat on the bed as he placed his arms behind his head while you were still facing him.
"not gonna answer my question?"
"oh? what was it again?"
"i said maybe choso is the one you're looking for."
"toji-"
"i just want what's best for you, y/n. you know, i can't really.."
"toji, i already know that. choso is just a friend, nothing more, nothing less." you said followed by a sigh. "at least just let me be by your side." you whispered, hoping that he heard even just a bit of it.
"if you insist, but i already warned you." toji said.
"i know.." toji was just beside you, but he's far within your reach. has it always been like this? every night, you and toji always ends the day with a conversation, same question with the same answers and toji will end up with his back facing you. every night, you couldn't sleep. only whispering those three words to him hoping and praying that he'll hear it and say it back.
every i love you's that was whispered were left hanging on the air. sometimes it was tiring, thinking of the words toji said that maybe he wasn't really for you and you weren't the one for him.
"good night." you mumbled.
"good night." he replied and everything was dark.
i love you, toji.
those words you utter to yourself every single day and night, hoping that he'll say it back, maybe just once, and it might heal the void inside your heart. but not a single day he said it back.
-
toji felt guilty but he shouldn't be feeling this way. you were just married on papers and already agreed that being friends was enough. yet he couldn't help but watch as you curl yourself, as if seeking for a comfort he knew he couldn't give you. he apologized on his mind, he couldn't say it out loud because he knew how it would hurt you more, so he just stayed silent.
toji switched off the lights as he lay comfortably to the side with your back facing him. he doesn't know how long he's been closing his eyes but sleep just couldn't take over him.
"i love you, toji."
he froze on his spot and his body tensed as he heard you whispered those words. he then felt your fingers caress the scar on his lips.
"i'm sorry if you ever feel guilty for not returning my love for you. but always know that i understand you." you whispered and your touch disappeared on his skin as he felt your warmth get close to him. "i'll keep waiting, maybe someday.." minutes passed, toji was still waiting for you to say something but you were already silent.
he opened his one eye and the first thing he saw was your back, there were a space between you and him.
is it always this far? are you always this far from him? toji doesn't know. he tried to reach for you but he stopped himself. and then again, another apology had slipped on his mind. he couldn't say it back, not when he swore to only say those words to the person he loves.
toji finally closed his eyes as the sleepiness take over his body. he knew that the one for you, who'll cherish you, love you like how you deserve it will eventually come and toji was already certain that it wasn't him.
it was really true that first love never dies now that you've experienced it and toji was enough proof. you couldn't stop loving him the way he couldn't stop loving his past wife. how can you even wish someone to just die when they're already dead? it was weird but were you too cruel for that?
you just hope that someday, toji will look at you the way you've always been wanting and craving. you'll wait, even if your and his hair turns white or even if you only have enough time to live.
-
"just this once?" you whispered as toji held your cold hands as he placed it on his cheek.
toji closed his eyes as he placed your hand back on the bed, hospital bed.
"i'm really sorry.." he whispered back and it was enough for you to hear it.
a small laugh left your lips. it's so hard even to laugh now.
"that's fine, at least thank you for being here."
"i'll say it if you want."
"don't say something you don't mean, toji." you smiled at him.
"yeah, i guess so."
-
you sit up from the bed as you wake up. it was just dream, but it felt to real for it to be a dream.
you couldn't help but cry as you cover your mouth as you felt a hand on your back.
"what's wrong? another nightmare?" toji asked. even in your dreams, in your death bed, toji still didn't love you. even in your deathbed, toji still couldn't love you the way you wanted it. maybe it was sign that toji doesn't have to know your condition.
he doesn't need to know.
"it's nothing, let's go back to sleep?"
-
you went out again. toji heard you talking to someone on the phone, he guessed it was choso. he didn't mean to follow you but he still did.
toji ended up following you on a hospital and he was confused. are you sick? toji asked himself, but you always looked fine.
he anxiously tap his finger on the steering as he waited for you on his car and it took you more than 30 minutes to finally come out of the hospital again.
why does that doctor have to send you out? even placing his hand on your back.
toji watched you enter your car. he waited for you to leave before going out of his car to enter inside the hospital.
he was hesitant as he finally arrived the front desk.
he cleared his throat as he faced the lady infront.
"is there a patient named (name)?"
"(name)?" the nurse repeated as she looked down the lists but your name wasn't there. "i'm so sorry but there is no patient named y/n here."
"ah, mr. fushiguro. did (name) send you here?" toji turned around at the voice and he was met with the same doctor he saw outside the hospital. toji's eyebrow furrowed as he fully faced him. "i'm choso by the way, y/n's doctor. i guess she already told you?"
-
"mama?" you heard as you enter the front door.
megumi approached you as he embraced you.
"did you just woke up?" you asked as both of you went back to the living room.
"a while ago.."
"where's your papa?"
"i woke up when he left."
"he left? but he said it's his day off today." you mumbled as you recalled his words. "anyway, what do you want for breakfast, gumi?"
-
as toji entered the house, yours and megumi's muffled voice can be heard at the front door. it looked like you and megumi is having fun. toji finally entered the kitchen and saw you with megumi baking a cupcake.
"papa!" megumi exclaimed as he jumped down the stool to approach his father, the icing on megumi's clothes being transferred to toji's clean ones.
"welcome back, toji. where have you been?" you asked and it suddenly smelled like cigarettes.
she looks fine. toji thought, but he was trying to stare at you as if it'll reveal something.
"toji?" you called him with concern as he snapped out of his thoughts.
"just went out. who's that for?"
"mama said she wants to try baking!" megumi answered.
"is that so?" toji said as megumi hummed in response.
toji looked at you once again, but his stare was making you uncomfortable. there's something weird about the way he looks at you and it was scaring you.
"i'll rest for a bit." toji said as he left the kitchen.
"mama, did you and papa fight?" megumi asked as he approached you.
"no megumi, he's just tired." you smiled down at megumi to reassure him and he warmly returned your smile.
toji didn't left the room that day.
you lay down beside him, still minding the space with both of your backs facing each other.
you heard shuffling behind you but you paid no mind to it. and when you turned your body to the other side, you were surprised to come face to face with toji.
"hey." you started as you slightly move back to create more space. "are you not hungry? there's still left over from the kitchen.
"i'm fine." toji replied with a low voice as you nod at his words.
"good night, toji." you said as you went back to face the other side again.
you were waiting for his reply but minute passed, he was still silent so you took a deep breath and sighed while closing your eyes. but the moment you closed your eyes, you felt him move close to you. he tucked his arms below your body and then the other above you as he easily pulled you close to him.
"good night." he replied as you look up at him with shock. did he just initiate a physical touch? he's not drunk, right?
"mhm." you simply replied, still surprised. toji didn't move away after that, he stayed still and so were you.
"are you drunk?" you asked that made toji open his eyes.
"i'm not. why asking?"
"well, it's- is this okay with you?" you asked and your voice was too small that toji almost didn't catch it.
you were out of words. it was weird for toji to act this way, especially when he's not even drunk. does he need something from you?
it hurts to think that he's only being affectionate because he needs something from you. either way, you'll still do what he'll ask you because you love him.
"are you not comfortable with it?" the way you immediately stopped him when he was about to remove his arms around you was a desperate move, but you didn't want to lose this chance because it might not happen again.
"no, i like it.. it's just, we've never done this before, shouldn't you be the one who's uncomfortable with this? i mean-"
"shh, let's just stay like this." toji murmured as he pulled you a little more close to him. his warm breath fanning on your neck.
you smiled but if felt like something was missing. you felt complete but at the same time you're not. you placed your hands on top of toji's that was around you as you give it a light squeeze.
"toji." you called his name in a whispered tone as you heard him hummed in response. "i'm not her, toji."
you didn't know why you even said those words. toji was hugging you but there were possibilities of him thinking his wife on you. because why would he suddenly do this if not for that?
as those words left your mouth, the warm presence that was comforting you suddenly disappeared. you weren't even surprised when he did that, just a tiny bit of ache in your heart.
heh, i knew it. but it's fine, i still loved it. you thought to yourself as you ended up curling your own body again, seeking for the comfort that was there just a while ago.
maybe someday, toji will hug you again, but that time, you hope he'll do it as him thinking of you, not while thinking of his deceased wife.
-
"i'm choso by the way, (name)'s doctor. i guess she already told you?"
"hah?" toji rasped in confusion as he looked at choso. so this was choso and he's a doctor.
not bad. toji thought.
"then why are you here, mr. fushiguro? your wife left just 5 minutes ago."
"i know." toji replied.
choso raised his eyebrow at the man in front of him.
"do you perhaps need something from me?" choso couldn't help but ask because the way toji looked at him was different.
"yes, i want to talk to you."
both of them ended outside the hospital where there were no people around.
-
toji slammed his hand on the wall, slightly embarrassed as he watch the doctor laugh in front of him.
"what's funny." toji rasped.
"sorry, sorry-" choso replied as he pants, he never had a good laugh these days. "mr. fushiguro, are you assuming that your wife is having an affair with me?"
"i didn't mean it that way, i was just asking if you and (name) have something."
"mr. fushiguro, ms. (name) is just my patient, i'm sorry if it came off that way." choso said as he leaned his back on the wall. "plus i know my boundaries, i wouldn't go with a married woman, y'know." toji calmed his body as he leaned his back on the wall like choso did.
"she's always talking to you on the phone, that's why i assumed."
"(name) told me a lot about you."
"i'm hoping it's the good ones."
"not even once your wife badmouthed you, mister." choso replied as he offered toji a cigarette to which he declined.
"she's not sick, is she?" toji asked.
"mhm, your wife was diagnosed with arrhythmia."
"arrhythmia?" toji faced choso at his words.
"her heartbeat is irregular, mr.fushiguro. are you not taking a good care of your wife?" choso tried to joke him but he didn't expect toji to stay silent. "well, i hope she's not lying when she said she doesn't smoke and drink?"
"no, she doesn't." toji said.
"anxiety or any emotional distress can cause this. are you perhaps having a lot of fight? her condition has been like this for a long time now."
"no, we don't fight." toji said "is it harming her that much?" toji asked
"for now, it's not. but if she doesn't take a good care of herself, it may lead to a heart failure."
"how to avoid this?" choso looked at toji in disbelief. did you seriously kept it a secret to your husband?
-
"toji." you called him as he was about to leave the house. "i'm sorry about last night." you said.
you frowned as you heard the front door close. toji was ignoring you. you felt guilty for saying those words last night but you just couldn't hold back anymore. it was hurting you. why would you say that when toji only wanted to be close with you?
you sighed in defeat as you turn around, continuing the dishes you were doing.
you knew how toji hated it when it's about his wife, yet you still brought it up.
-
"toji!" you scolded.
it was yet another night where he came home drunk, you're almost starting to get used of this scenario.
"i said don't touch me!" he yelled back as you stumbled back a bit from the force of his push.
you were getting scared. not even once toji had yelled at you, this was the first time. was the words you said really did have an impact to him? now you feel more guilty than you were. you were scared that toji would start looking at you the way your family did.
only because of the stupid words you said.
"toji." you said in a more calmer tone as you guide him on his feet.
"let go." he mumbled.
"i will. let's go to the room first, okay?" you sighed in relief when toji did what you said without saying anything.
"mama.." toji's voice must've woke megumi up as he look at you with concerned eyes.
toji shrugged his shoulders to remove your hand on his shoulders as he kneeled infront of megumi.
"megumi, mama's not here anymore." toji said.
you were taken aback but megumi was more surprised than you were that he started crying.
he was pushing toji away from him as he cry.
"i hate you!" megumi yelled as he finally free himself from toji and hugged your leg.
"it's okay, 'gumi. go back to sleep." you said as you kneeled on megumi's level while he cried in your shirt.
toji stood up by himself as he entered your shared bedroom, closing the door with a force as you flinch in surprise.
"mama." megumi cried.
"it's fine now, he's just tired."
"you say that a lot of times." megumi said as he wiped his tears. "let's sleep together, mama." you look at your room door as you nod at megumi.
maybe toji needs to have his time alone for now.
-
you were humming a lullaby as you sing megumi to sleep.
you already sang the lullaby 3 times already and just like you, megumi couldn't sleep at all. he knew you were crying but he decided to not talk to you.
megumi pretended to be asleep as you finally stopped humming.
he heard you took a deep breath as you pulled his small body close to you.
"night night, 'gumi." he heard you whispered as he felt the dip on his bed beside him disappear.
megumi squinted his eyes and saw you walking out of his room as the door finally closed leaving him inside his now dark room.
megumi sat up from his bed as he silently followed you.
he was tiptoeing as he followed you to the kitchen.
you were sitting there, a glass of water between your hands as you stare at nothing.
you were too drained as you wiped the remaining tears your eyes could release.
megumi was lost in his thoughts and didn't hear you walking on his way, but before you could caught him, he showed himself to you.
"megumi?" you called him, slightly surprised at his presence. "what's wrong?"
"um water, mama." he said as he noticed you smile a bit before giving him a glass of water.
-
"all good?" you asked as megumi tucked you and himself on the blanket as he hug you. he nods in response as he sighed in content.
"mama, i will tell papa tomorrow to say sorry." he said.
"it's fine, 'gumi. he's just tired and mama understands." you said as you brushed megumi's hair with your fingers.
"okay, i love you mama."
"i love you too, now go back to sleep you have school tomorrow."
-
when megumi woke up the next morning, you were still sleeping beside him. he kissed your tear stained cheek as he went out to start his day.
he found his father on the kitchen counter, holding his head with his hand.
toji noticed megumi's presence as he immediately approached his son.
"where's your mama?" toji asked as he placed his hands on megumi's shoulders.
megumi noticed that his father was restless, but he deserved it for yelling at you last night.
"say sorry to mama, papa." megumi said.
"ha? where's she?"
"in my room. mama was crying because of you!" megumi yelled, he almost wanted to cry as he recalled your unreadable expression last night. "i saw mama drink so many medicine, papa." megumi muttered.
toji massaged his temples as he made his way to megumi's room with megumi following behind.
toji slowly opened the door and sighed in relief as he finally saw you.
megumi's small blanket couldn't even cover your whole body as toji approached you and gently carried you to the bed, transferring you to your shared room.
"let's not wake up mama for now." toji said as he pats megumi's head. "i'll drive you to school."
-
"papa." megumi called as he fixed the seatbelt of the front seat. toji hummed in response as he waited for the street lights to turn green. "do you hate mama?" megumi was hesitant at his question.
"no." toji responded plainly.
"but you always make mama cry." megumi mumbled. "you always say that she's not my mama and it's hurting her. i always see mama cry, i just stay quiet." toji ignored his son as he started driving.
-
toji went back home after sending megumi to school and you were still sleeping.
he sat on the bed as he tried to recall anything that has happened last night but he couldn't remember anything.
he felt you moved as he look at you. you were finally awake.
you saw him as you sit up from the bed.
"good morning." you greeted as you rubbed your eyes.
toji was waiting for you to say something about last night but you didn't and instead smiled at him as you stretched your body.
"megumi!" you exclaimed as you realized that you were supposed to send him to school.
"i already drove him to school."
"ah really? thank you." you said as you finally relaxed your body. "then, what do you want for breakfast?"
-
has it been always like this? toji asked himself as he watched you prepare breakfast.
is it always like this the next day when he came home every night he's drunk?
you were all smile but this was the first time toji noticed that it was forced. is it really always like this?
toji wasn't the one to get nervous but when he recalled the nights he came home drunk, he couldn't recall anything.
he must've said or did something hurtful to you that you do not wish to tell him the next morning.
megumi was always a witness to it but you always tell him to stay quiet.
"i'll go out later." you said as he snapped out of his thoughts.
"okay. want me to accompany you?" toji noticed the way you immediately declined his request and there, he exactly knew where you're headed.
toji watched you drink the hot chocolate in your mug.
"(name)." he called.
"mh?"
"i'm sorry. if i ever did something last night."
not just last night, every time he comes home drunk, toji would say something hurtful and you were even convinced that he means some of it.
the first time he came home drunk, he told you he couldn't love you the way you love him and that was fine for you. but second time he came home drunk, he said the words i love you, but it wasn't for you. he said i love you but not your name in it. the third night he came home drunk, he compared you to his wife saying that you couldn't replace the role of being megumi's mother and you know that.
megumi was there and he cried with you saying that he loves you and don't listen to what his father said to you. but then it happened again. he watch his father get mad at everything, including you, his mother who just wanted to help him get to bed. he knew his father wasn't in his right mind because he was drunk. he cried with you again that night.
megumi got used to seeing you hiding your sobs from him. he already saw you cry silently or sometimes you just sit there to stare at nothing. megumi once caught you breathing heavily on the bathroom and there was a blood on the sink. you told him that it was nothing and megumi was just a kid, of course he would believe you that it was just nothing.
but as megumi continues to grow, he's starting to think that his father hates you. he started observing the two of you and there was nothing wrong with your relationship, except when his father is drunk. don't get megumi wrong, he still loves her real mother but you were the one who raised him. he haven't seen his mother once, only in pictures.
"(name)?" you snapped out of your thoughts as you looked from your plate to toji.
"i said i'm sorry." he said.
"it's fine, you were drunk."
"so i did said something, huh." toji cursed under his breath as he heard you laugh.
"don't worry, it's not that deep."
it was. but remembering it will only hurt you more.
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you've been having nightmares these days and you don't know if it's a sign for something. every dream you had was weird. there were times where toji would appear in your dreams. sometimes he hates you and sometimes, he loves you that you don't even want to wake up anymore.
you were currently sitting inside a hospital room as choso stood meters away from you.
"are you even taking a rest like i told you to?"
"yes."
"then why is your condition getting worse?" choso's words made you look at him, he was writing something on a paper.
"really?"
"really. (name), i am telling you this now, you'll suffer the consequences if you don't listen to me."
"but i do take rest."
"taking rest isn't enough, you should avoid your heart from getting tired. have you experienced panic attack these past few weeks?"
"n-no."
"you're lying."
"i'm not."
"your husband's worried, you know." you don't know why choso words made your heart clench, but you just hope his words were true.
"really?" you said as if you weren't convinced. choso looks at you and back at the paper as he sighed.
"i'll add another medicine, make sure to take it on time."
"why do we have to do these things?" you said as choso looked up from the paper to you.
"what do you mean?" choso asked as he raised his eyebrow at you.
"i mean, isn't better to just wait until it's over?" choso got silent, clearly surprised at the words you said. you noticed his reaction as you released a nervous laugh. "what am i even saying.." you said as you laughed at yourself.
"are you even hearing yourself?"
"i know what i said, choso. but don't worry, i was just joking."
"not a funny one. you just don't know it (name) but your husband's really worried."
"if you think your words would calm me, it's not working."
"huh?" you stood up from the seat before choso could say something.
"i guess we're already done here?" you said as choso nods.
"(name). take a proper rest."
-
you fell asleep the moment you got home and when you went downstairs, it was messy.
the television was on full volume and megumi was nowhere to be seen. toji was on the kitchen sleeping, there was a consumed bottle of liquor beside him.
"toji." you shake him to wake him up but it didn't work at first try so you did it again.
he was awake all of the sudden as he look around the kitchen. toji was drunk again as you thought of the things that happens every night he came home drunk. you hope he would just stay silent and wouldn't say anything anymore.
"let's get you to bed." you said as you helped him stand up but before you and toji reached the room, you fell on the floor as you entered the room. and the scene was so familiar to you.
"(name)." he called as you snapped out of the memory. "(nameee)." he called again.
"i'm here." you said.
"you're here?" he said as he touched your face as if he doesn't believe you. "you're really here." he said as he smiled and embraced you.
and you, you were taken aback, but you just let him.
"why did you leave me?" he said.
there he goes again.
"hey, look at me." he said as he held your cheeks with his thumb and pointer finger.
why does looking at him hurts.
"don't ever think that i don't love you, okay? i'm so grateful that you're here.." you were waiting for it. for him to call his wife's name but you didn't expect that he'll say yours. "if i started loving you, are you going to stay?" he said and you were speechless. "i'm sick of people leaving me." he mumbled as he embraced you. "i don't want you to leave. i promise, i'll love you like how you want it. i'll do it, i'll move on from her but in exchange, don't ever leave, okay? we'll heal you, you'll be fine."
what was he even talking about? it's not like your leaving or something, right?
you sighed, brushing off his words as you placed him on the bed.
"don't force yourself to love someone, toji. go to sleep, i'll look for megumi."
-
you were about to leave the house as you heard sobs coming from the house. and when you followed the sound, you were surprised to see megumi who tucked himself at a kitchen cabinet.
"mama!" he said as he embraced you.
"megumi, what are you doing inside the cabinet?"
"i'm hiding." he frowned as you wiped his tears.
"from who?" you said with a soft voice to calm him.
"mama.." megumi mumbled as his voice slightly cracked. "papa said you'll leave us."
"he said that?" you said as you kneeled into his level and he nods at your question. "he's lying." you said as megumi sighed in relief and embraced you once again.
"papa said you'll leave just like my real mama." megumi pulled away from the hug as he saw your surprised expression. "it's not true, right? mama."
your forced a smile as you pinched megumi's cheeks.
"of course, mama won't leave. never."
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"toji, can you drive megumi to school today?" you muttered as you saw toji who was about to leave the room.
"what was that?" toji asked as he closed the door once again and approached you. you sit up from the bed and your vision started to spin.
"bring megumi to school." you said followed with a small cough.
"yeah sure." he hesitantly said.
"thanks." you mumbled as you lay back down on the bed.
"you okay?" toji asked as you felt him sit on the bed.
"i'm fine, must be a fever." you said but toji wasn't convinced and placed the back of his palm on your forehead to your neck and you were burning. toji was about to say something but he felt your cold hands on his.
"i'm fine, don't worry." you assured him with a smile as you let go of his hand and faced the other side. you were burning but your hands were too cold.
"i'll be back." toji said, immediately leaving the room as you heard the doorknob clicked.
-
toji was back after sending megumi to school. megumi insisted on seeing you before leaving but if he found out you're sick, toji knew megumi wouldn't want to go to school anymore. you weren't in the room when toji entered.
he started looking for you around the house and the kitchen was the last place he expected to see you. he sighed in relief when he saw you sleeping on the table with a glass of water in your right hand. toji's eybrows furrowed as he silently approached you. he can hear your soft snores as he went closer and closer.
"(name)?" he said in a whispered tone and you woke up within a second as you look around.
"oh?" was the only word you let out as you felt toji's hands on your shoulders. "i fell asleep."
"what are you doing here?" he said as you tried to stand up but you failed. you don't have the energy even to stand up.
"i got thirsty but i got tired before i even drink water." you said as you finally drink the glass of water.
"you should see a doctor." toji suggested.
"i'm finee." you said as you let toji guide you back to the room.
slowly, you sit from the bed as toji helped you to lay down. he placed a blanket above your body and went straight to the bathroom inside the room. he went back with a wet towel and a bucket of water as he started wiping your face with it.
"thank you." you whispered, even your throat was hurting. toji didn't respond as he continued on his task and after that, toji took another towel and placed it above your head.
"toji." you called as he stopped at the door he just opened.
'can you stay please?'
how badly you wanted to ask him to stay with you, but the dreams you had before started replaying in your mind. maybe you shouldn't. "it's nothing." you said as you pulled the blanket above your chin.
toji seemed to notice your distress as he silently closed the door and approached you again.
"i will be back. i'll just buy you food." he said as you covered your whole body with the blanket.
"okay." you said and you couldn't stop yourself from smiling.
do you have to be sick for toji to look out for you? maybe being sick is not that bad after all.
toji came back after five minutes, it's not that you're counting though, you were just bored.
"where did you go?" you asked as he sat on the edge of the bed.
"i'll just order, what do you want- i mean, you can't eat anything for now, let's just order a soup." toji looked at you as he heard you laugh at his words.
"there's no need, toji. it's not that hard to cook a soup." you said as you sit up from the bed, only for toji to push you back down on the bed as you let him place the blanket above you.
"don't be stubborn."
"toji, don't tell me you can't cook a soup." you said.
"it's not like that, okay? i just-" he paused for a moment before turning his back on you. "you seemed like you want a some company, that's why i am here." he said.
speechless, that's how you describe yourself now.
"is that so?" you said as you watch him scratch his head.
"i'll do this on my own way, okay?"
"okay. but let me, i know exactly where to order a good soup."
-
"this looks plain as hell." toji said as he opened the soup you ordered.
"but it's delicious, and why are you complaining?" you said as you raised your eyebrow at him. "i'm the one who's gonna eat it, not you!" you exclaimed as toji huffed in response.
toji started pouring the soup on a bowl before placing a chair beside the bed. and for a moment, you look at him and he looks at you.
"it's fine, i can do it myself." you said, trying to reach the bowl on his hand but he moved it slightly away from your reach. he hesitated for a moment before taking the spoon on his finger.
"ahh." he instructed.
"toji, this is embarrassing." you muttered as you move away from the spoon.
"how are you gonna get better if you're being stubborn?"
"just let me!!"
"tch, let me handle this." he said as you, again, tried to take the spoon from him but it was useless so you did what he said as he slowly placed the spoon with soup in your mouth.
it was quiet as toji continues to feed you, until it's the last spoon of the soup, you suddenly let out a cough as the soup dripped from the corner of your mouth and to the duvet.
"oh." you mumbled as toji reached out for the tissues. "sorry." you mumbled as you started to wipe the soup on the blanket and then the corner of your mouth. "we have to change blankets, i guess."
it was too sudden that you didn't have time to process everything when toji leaned close to you. you can feel his hot breath on your cheek as he pressed his lips on the corner of your lips, with him tasting the soup he just fed you.
you were sure you were losing your breath as he pulled away as if nothing happened.
"ah, sorry." he said as if he just didn't kiss you. he started to gather the paper bag of the soup earlier and took the blanket on your hands. "i'll get a new one." he said as he finally left the room.
-
why is he acting so normal when you're there sitting on the bed, trying to calm your speeding heart at the moments earlier.
you cursed under your breath as you hide your face with your palms.
why are you even embarrassed when kissing is normal to a married couple? it was normal but it was unusual for toji to act like that, you haven't even hold hands with him but a kiss? that's way more unexpected.
-
toji gently closed the door of the room as he leaned his weight on it.
"fuck." he muttered as he clutched the blanket on his hand.
seeing you wipe the soup on the blanket with that smile on your face urge toji to do that. he himself didn't expect it too. he cursed once again before proceeding to the task in hand.
-
you were startled when the door opens.
it was toji carrying a new blanket.
"i'll pick up megumi soon." he said.
"what about your work?"
"i took a day off." you hoped he did because you were sick. "you can't be left alone." he said as if he just read your mind.
"oh. thank you."
"not a problem. make sure to do the same when i got sick too." he joked, but it didn't fail to put a smile on your face.
"of course, i would love too! but i'm not saying that i want you to get sick!"
-
"mama!" you can hear megumi's voice from afar as he finally entered your room, throwing his lunchbox bag somewhere as he approached you.
"megumi, don't get to close." you said.
"mama! are you okay?"
"megumi, stop yelling." toji said as he entered the room, picking up megumi's lunchbox bag he threw minutes ago.
"you said mama is not sick!"
"megumi, don't yell at your papa." you said as megumi finally faced you, his face turning into a frown as he faced his father once again.
"i'm sorry, papa." he muttered.
toji was impressed that you could make megumi easily obey you. a thing he couldn't do when megumi was 3 years old.
"come on, change into your home clothes." toji said as he carried megumi like a sack of rice.
"i'll be back, mama!" he said before he and toji disappeared from your view and toji came back after a minute before closing the door with a sigh.
"come and rest." you said as you pat the empty space beside you.
toji sat beside you as the surroundings became quiet. he cleared his throat as he took the plushie megumi bought you and squeezed it.
"i'm sorry." he said.
"why?" you said, completely confused at the apology he just uttered.
"earlier. i didn't mean it."
oh.
"w-well, it's fine." you said as you conceal your stutter with a cough. "it's not like i'm complaining.."
"ha?"
"i mean- don't get the wrong idea!" you said, trying to find the right words. do you say it's okay, i liked it? or it's okay, i enjoyed it? "but.. did you regret it?" you asked, and the tension suddenly became heavy.
he was quiet and must be thinking about it.
"i did-" he paused, and that small pause sure made you nervous. "not?.." toji said in a questioning manner. you felt nervous and relieved at the same time.
"what about you?" he asked and you were more than confident at your answer.
"no. if i'm being honest, i really.. liked it." the last sentence were whispered.
"was that your first kiss?" he asked and you only hummed in response. it was true that toji was your first kiss, even if it was just a peck, his lips still touched yours.
you felt toji shift on the bed as he faced you.
"come closer." he said and you hesitated for a bit as you finally faced him and crawled a bit closer to him.
you were looking anywhere but his eyes as he tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear. and then he's leaning close again.
"tell me to stop and i will." he mumbled, forcing you to look in his dark blue eyes.
"toji, are you sure about this?" you mumbled as you clutched your pajamas under the blanket. "don't do something you'll regret, toji."
he cuts you off by finally kissing you and it wasn't just a peck like you expected it.
he continued and deepened the kiss, until you're laying on the bed and when he finally pulled away, his hands was between your head as you clutch his clothes on his shoulders.
"toji-"
"shh.. i do not regret any of it."
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"i need to confine you for 15 days, so i could monitor you properly."
"but i am resting!"
"yes you are, but it's not enough. it's better if it's being observed that you're taking a rest."
"is there another way?" you said as you clutch your phone in your hand. "i actually don't know how to tell my husband." you said as choso looked at you.
"but i already called him. he said he's on his way here."
"huh, what do you mean?" you said, completely surprised that it made you stand up from the chair. "he doesn't even know that i am sick." you said. "choso, i told you to keep it a secret right?"
"i'm sorry, he accused us of having an affair. i needed to." and then there was a knock on the door, and you knew who exactly it is. toji entered the room and you look away from him.
"take a sit, mr. fushiguro." choso said as he instructed him to sit beside you. you weren't looking at him but you can feel toji's burning gaze at you. choso left the room for a moment and being alone with toji became suffocating right now.
you suddenly felt his hand above yours. you thought he would judge or even get mad at you but you but he didn't.
"we'll talk later, okay?" he said as choso finally came back.
-
"15 days? if that's enough. as long as you treat my wife." toji said. he's doing all the talking while you sit there in silence and.. he really did call you his wife.
toji thanked choso after that as he held your hand and pulled you with him. you gave choso a last glance, a glance as if he just betrayed you and he was looking at you with his apologetic gaze, and there, you and toji left the hospital.
"when did you found out?" you asked.
"a few weeks ago. i followed you." toji said as the signal lights turned red and there was a faint sound of music in the background. "why didn't you tell me?" he asked and you hesitated for a moment as you sit up straight on the front seat.
"choso said it wasn't that life threatening, that's why i thought i don't have to tell anyone." you were mumbling that toji almost didn't understand your words.
"not life threatening but now you need to be confined for 15 days?" toji said and you went silent. "do you not trust me?" he suddenly asked and you immediately disagreed at his words.
"no!" you said. "sorry, i just don't want to be a burden and.. i thought you wouldn't care." you said, whispering the last sentence as you wait for his response. and he didn't respond anymore, until both of you reached the house.
"toji, i'm really sorry." you said and he finally looked at you.
"we're in this together, why would you think i wouldn't care?" he asked and you frowned.
"i'm sorry toji. i just didn't have enough courage to tell you because.. it's because of your wife."
"my wife?" he scoffed, raising his eyebrow as you nod.
"i don't know how to tell you because all you could think of is your wife!" you were frantic as you explain, trying not to say the wrong words because it might trigger him in some way as your emotions get the best of you. "i thought you wouldn't care because i'm not her." you said as you look down on the ground, trying to hold the tears that was eager to come out.
"but i do care, this is not about her. this is about you."
"you don't understand it, toji." you said.
"then i apologize if i came of that way, that you thought i wouldn't care because all i think of is my wife." toji said, emphasizing the words with sarcasm. "but you're my wife too, my wife now." he said, the sarcasm dropping on his voice.
"but i'm not the presence you've been wanting for, i know my place, toji. you reminded me a lot of times already." you said.
when did talking about your illness turned into fighting over his deceased wife?
toji sighed at your response and you took a step back when he stepped forward.
"i'm sorry, i want to be alone for now." you mumbled as you went to your shared room.
you and him were fine just last night? what happened now? it was all because of your stubbornness. it was obvious that toji was worried and cares for you but you're pushing him away.
you couldn't help it, you aren't used at him caring for you. you're mistaking his kindness into something, that maybe he's saying all of it out of pity or guilt.
that's right, now you realized why toji was weird the past few weeks. it's because he already found out and he just didn't tell you.
-
toji forced the door open with a key and he saw you sitting at the edge of the bed. you didn't even notice him until he sat beside you.
"i'm sorry." you said at the same time.
"sorry, i involved her again." you said as you felt toji's hand at your back.
"i didn't know you felt that way." he said.
"it's okay. i know how hard it is to move on from someone." you said as you held his free hand. "this will be the last time, toji." you said.
"what do you mean?" he asked.
"i'm not dying." you said with a laugh. "what i mean is this will be the last time i'll involve her. i finally realized it, toji. that no matter what i do, i still couldn't do anything for you to love me the way i love you." toji was about to say something but you cut him off. "but it's fine! like you said, we're married only in papers. i think i'm getting it now."
he was silent and you felt his touch disappear on your back.
"i just want to sort everything out before i stay in the hospital for 15 days." you mumbled as you sighed deeply. "sooo, friends then?" you said, the same exact words he told you before you two got married by force. but you saying it hit something in him, it made his chest ache.
he felt your hand take his and shake it, as if both of you just had an agreement. you didn't even wait for his reply as you finally sit up from the bed and started packing some clothes you'll be needing and he could only watch.
-
"don't worry, it'll only be 15 days. mr. fushiguro can still visit everyday but only around 10 AM to 5 PM." choso said as he glanced at your way.
"choso, did you know there was a theory that being hospitalized will only worsen your state. what if that happens to me?" you said.
"that's a lie, you're here not to worsen your state but to heal you."
"but what if? you know, everything is unexpected."
"why'd you even ask?"
"i don't know. i guess i'm ready?" you said and choso was looking at you with his judging expression. "just kidding." you said as you laugh.
"think of the people who cares for you. be strong for them because they're waiting for you to come home." choso said and megumi was the only person you could think of.
"my son." you said with a smile.
"yes, megumi's waiting for you so stop with your negative thoughts."
"ok, i will."
-
"mama!" your mood shifted as you heard megumi and he finally entered the room.
he was on his school uniform as he approached you, his upper body leaning on the bed as he tried to reach for you. you leaned close to him as megumi's small hands held you by your cheeks.
"mama, why are you here?" he asked as he frowned.
"mama needs to stay here for now but don't worry."
"why?"
"megumi, don't ask too many questions." toji said.
"it's fine." you said.
toji was watching you and his son interact.
megumi was still mad at him but megumi just didn't show you. toji mentally slapped himself as he recalled the happenings yesterday.
it was megumi frantically looking for you around the house.
-
megumi was running around the house as he call for you.
"where's mama?" he asked toji as he pants.
"she'll be staying at the hospital for now." toji said.
"why? is mama sick?" megumi said as he approached his father who's ignoring his question. "papa!"
"megumi, you won't understand. and yes mama is sick. now stop asking."
"why is mama sick!" megumi yelled, asking questions, eager to know the answers.
"she needs her heart to be healed. there, now go to your room megumi, you have school tomorrow."
"heart?" megumi muttered as he forced himself on his father's sight as toji sighed. "it's all your fault!" megumi yelled and toji ignored him. "you always make mama cry! now her heart is sad because of you! you always get mad at mama when you come home drunk!"
"what did you say?" toji said as he held megumi by his shoulders.
"i hate you! i wish it's you in the hospital not mama!" megumi said before he could even realize his words as toji let go of megumi. toji sat back on the couch and megumi ran out of the living room.
megumi cried to his sleep as he craved for your presence.
-
megumi was laying on top of you as you lull him to sleep.
"say sorry to your papa later, okay?" you said as megumi sniffed before nodding.
toji went to buy foods outside as megumi told you everything he said last night.
"it's not your papa's fault why i am here. remember that."
"mama get home soon, okay?"
"of course." you said as you pinch his nose. "stop crying now."
after some minutes, toji finally came back as you and megumi ate the food he bought.
-
megumi sat at the back seat as he hug his knees.
"i'm sorry, papa." he mumbled. "mama told me what i said is bad. i'm sorry." toji kept quiet as he drives.
he carried megumi who fell asleep at the back seat to his room, giving him a kiss on the forehead before leaving.
toji thought megumi was right, that maybe it was better that it was him in the hospital and not you. he didn't want to lose anyone anymore and toji hoped that he isn't too late.
he was blaming himself.
he already considered himself as a curse, because if he started to love someone, something bad will happen to them. worst is they disappear from his life.
is it a right choice to finally love you?
maybe not.
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first week of your stay in hospital wasn't that boring as you thought it would be.
toji would visit you at the starting hours and will bring megumi from school at the last hour, though megumi always sleep on top of you since he wanted to be close to you.
toji would sit there in silence as you hum megumi a lullaby he once heard his son humming while doing his assignments.
toji knew megumi were attached to you but he didn't knew he's that attached to the point that megumi always cry every night, looking for you and will end up sleeping beside toji occupying the space you usually lay at.
"mama, i counted and it's 8." megumi said as he sat on the hospital bed beside you.
"that's right, 7 days more and mama can go home."
"but 7 days is too long." megumi said as he frowned.
"it's not if you stop focusing on it."
"okay, i will not!" you and megumi laughed at the same time and he kneeled towards you as he started wiping your under eyes with his thumb.
"mama, are you sleeping enough?" megumi asked.
"i am. it's just so boring here when i'm alone." you said as megumi embraced you.
"don't worry, mama. i will pray so you can go back home."
"thank you, 'gumi."
"mama." megumi whispered after a minute of silence as you hummed in response.
"papa is not sleeping well." megumi said as he look around as if someone was there to listen but it was just you and him since toji left when someone called him.
"why?" you asked.
"papa misses you, mama."
"he does?" you said as megumi frantically nods.
"he said it to me!" megumi exclaimed excitedly.
-
megumi was sitting on the kitchen stool as he stared at the cereal on the table.
he hates cereal, he loves the food you cook for him but since you weren't around, he needed to eat it for now.
"stop crying megumi. she'll be back soon." toji said as he drink his black coffee.
megumi wiped his tears as he sniffed.
"i miss mama." megumi mumbled followed by another sniff and toji sighed as he sat beside his son.
"i miss mama too but don't worry, okay? let's have faith and be strong for her too."
"okay. but papa if mama is back you better not make her heart sad again." megumi said as he waited for his father's response and minutes passed, he noticed his father was spacing out. "papa?"
"oh?" toji snapped out of his thoughts as he smiled at megumi. "of course."
-
"bye bye mama." megumi said as he look away from you and you knew he was holding his tears back.
"come here." you said as he slowly approached you. "don't cry, you'll be back tomorrow, right?" megumi nods as he wiped his eyes with his sleeves. "bye bye." you said as you kissed his forehead before he went back beside toji as he held toji's hand.
you made an eye contact with toji "see you?" you said and he only nod in response.
why are you expecting something when you and toji already settled everything as friends.
toji looked at you for the last time before he and megumi left the room, leaving you alone again.
what are you even expecting? it's not like he would do something.
you just hope that he did something though. maybe a kiss on your forehead? or just a simple words of affirmation, but nevermind.
you sighed as you hug your knees, you should stop thinking about something that'll hurt your own feelings, you didn't want to worsen your state more, do you?
as if it was a coincidence, choso entered the room with papers in his hand.
"hi." you greeted as choso entered the room.
"how are you feeling?"
"nice, i guess?"
"good job, there's a lot of progress." he said.
"wow really?!" you said excitedly.
"yes, you don't have to stay for another 7 days. did your husband left already?"
"they just left."
"call them back so you could finally go home with them."
-
"mama, do you hate papa?" megumi suddenly asked as he looked up at you, both of you laying on the couch with book in your hand.
"why are you asking that question? of course i don't."
"really? but why do you and papa always fight?"
"we aren't fighting, megumi. that nights you saw him getting mad was because he wasn't in his right mind and he was drunk."
"oh, okay." megumi said as he lay down back on your chest as you started playing with his hair again.
"i love your papa so much, 'gumi. more than i love myself." you whispered as you smile.
-
toji is currently helping you with the laundry since he couldn't force you enough to take a rest.
"take a rest." toji said for the nth time as you wait for the laundry to finish.
"i'll just finish this." you said.
toji sighed, another attempt to force you failed and he could only wait for you.
he was getting impatient as he stand just at the door. he couldn't leave you alone, he's worried something might happen if he lose sight of you.
the same lullaby you're humming for megumi can be heard at the background as he watch you attentively.
but a sudden gasp left your mouth, your humming getting interrupted as you felt him hug you from behind.
"just take a rest." toji said.
"i'm almost finished." you said, an unexplainable feeling stirring in your system. it was as if you're uncomfortable at the physical touch he just initiated.
weren't you craving for his touch? now that he did it, why are you complaining?
"come on. i'll finish that. listen to your doctor, will you?" toji said as he held you by the wrist and pulled you going to the room.
"do you know what you'll do?"
"yeah, i do the laundry before." he said.
"okay, let me know if you're done."
-
you've met toji before, back when you were in middle school. maybe he doesn't remember you but you remember him.
that time when someone was making fun of you, he involved himself and protected you. it wasn't really a fight, it was just him pushing them away that made them run away from the scene.
"thank you." you mumbled and when he looked back at you, you noticed a band aid on the side of his mouth that was already red in color. he only looked at you as he walked away. but before he could get away, you held him by his hand. he made an irritated expression that scared you for a moment as you stutter through your words.
"i have a band aid here." you said as you look at each pocket of your clothes until you found it in your hoodie. toji was watching with an unimpressed look as he stand awkwardly. he hissed in pain when you removed the band aid from his lip and replaced it with a new one.
"there." you said. he didn't even thanked you as he left and when toji saw his reflection on a random store, the design of the band aid was really, embarrassing.. a hello kitty design.
-
you were at the middle of college when your parents told you to stop. they had arranged a marriage for you that you didn't even want. you didn't want to stop college, you wanted to be free but they wouldn't let you. when you met your soon to be husband, you thought he was familiar but couldn't place your finger with. you were sure that you saw this man somewhere, you just couldn't recall where.
the scar on the side of his mouth made you curious as you stare at it and it suddenly made toji self-conscious.
"ah this scar?" he said as your eyes shifted from his scar to his eyes. you were on your first 'date' with toji. the one both of your parents said to get to know each other more.
"i got this from abuse." he said straightforwardly as you laugh nervously.
"um.. did it hurt?" you asked.
"no." he said as he placed his hand near his scar and as if something slapped you mentally, toji's current position reminded you of someone. that kid from the playground, the one who defended you from the bullies, the one that you gave the band aid you just bought because you accidentally scraped your knee, but you gave it to him. toji noticed you genuinely smile at him followed with a wholehearted laugh.
"what's wrong?" he asked and you only shake your head in response.
what a coincidence. who would've thought that the kid you kept on searching for, the reason why you stayed at the playground for who knows how long, hoping to see him again was being married to you? what an unexpected turn of your life.
-
getting to know each other means getting to know everything in your life. personal or not. it was as if that 'date' made your heart full and ended up being broken in the end. toji was the kid you've been looking for, for a long time now but then he suddenly told you that he was already married and they had a son together.
he clarified that he only accepted the marriage because he didn't have a choice. he told you he just didn't want to disobey his parents and megumi just need a presence of a mother.
"being friends will do." he said as you hesitantly nod.
-
you didn't even know why you suddenly remembered the past.
"(name), where did you put-" the words died in toji's throat as he opens the door, only to find you standing at one of his drawers, a folder in your hand as you continue to stare at the paper.
the folder was immediately snatched at your hands as toji placed it back on his drawer.
"that's–" you gasped.
"no, listen–" toji mentally cursed himself. he forgot to throw the divorce papers he requested back when it's the first month of your relationship. he forgot to throw it when he was cleaning his drawers the day you were at the hospital
you looked at him, and he hated that look in your face as another curse left his mind. what should he say? how should he explain it.
"well, if that's what you want."
"no." toji said as he moved close to you but your instinct told you to step back and you did. "that was, that wasn't.." he was stuttering through his words as he heard you sigh.
your heart was aching but you have to ease the pain. you didn't want to go back to the hospital again.
"it's fine, toji. you don't have to explain." you said as you sit at the edge of the bed.
"that was before. first month of us being married." toji explained and the small shift of your mood got unnoticed by him.
"is that so?" you said, looking up at him. "maybe i did something you didn't like to ask for divorce papers, huh." you chuckled as you recalled the first month of your marriage. it was megumi finally addressing you as his mother.
toji admitted that day that he didn't want megumi calling you 'mama' but he didn't want to wipe the genuine smile on his son's face so he just let him call you his mother.
"i'm sorry." he said followed by a strong curse.
"why?"
"fuck, i'm sorry. i didn't- that was before. i don't want a divorce now." toji said and the ache in your chest suddenly disappeared as you gave him a teasing grin.
"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you joked and it was clearly just a joke, but the tension suddenly changed. he wasn't laughing at your words but was looking straight in your eyes with something in it.
"i'm just joking.." you said as toji finally looked away from you. he couldn't stop cursing mentally. he was lost in his thoughts and didn't feel you moving close to him and when you were about to place a hand on his shoulder, to simply get his attention, he suddenly held you by the wrist.
"toji, what's wrong?" you asked. he started gripping your wrist tightly and both of you were interrupted by the knock on the door.
"papa! lala wants to talk to you on the telephone!" megumi yelled as you look at the door but when you look back at toji, he suddenly leaned close to you, giving your lips a peck, as if it was to reassure you and suddenly he was at the door.
you were frozen in your spot as you watch him close the door, your hand flying to your lips and caress it and instead of an ache, your heart was beating with happiness.
-
it was one of those nights where toji couldn't sleep again. it happens when something is bugging his mind. he was staring at the ceiling with a deadpanned expression and your shifting caught his attention. both of you were surprised when both met each other's eyes.
it suddenly became awkward.
toji sat up from the bed as he leaned his back on the headboard. you stayed at your position as you stare at the ceiling. there are questions that wanted to be answered, but you think staying quiet would be the best option for now.
toji side glanced your figure, and there were space enough for another person to fit. has it always been like this? now toji is sure that it has been always like this.
toji doesn't know what to do as he continuously stare at you until you finally look at him. (his gaze was burning holes into you.)
there, you sat up from the bed too, doing what he did as you cleared your throat to ease some of the awkwardness that was around.
"can't sleep?" he asked.
"yeah, what about you?"
"can't sleep." you chuckled at his response as you bend your knees close to your chest. why is it starting to get cold?
"about the divorce-"
"i already told you that it was before.. i have no intention in pushing the divorce."
"why?" you asked and toji thinks he doesn't even know why. you were itching to know the reason when toji could've pushed through the divorce long ago.
"why? don't tell me mr. fushiguro is finally starting to love me." you recalled those words you said last morning and to your side, it was clearly just a joke so you removed that as one of the reasons why.
"was it because you found out i was sick?"
"no." he felt embarrassed on how quick he disagreed with your question. "i mean-"
"hm, what could be the reason.." you mumbled as if you're talking to yourself and toji couldn't help but observe you.
"it's best if we sleep for now." toji said as you hummed in response and started tucking yourself at the duvet, facing the wall. you weren't even surprised when you felt him pull you close to his chest. it was as if you're expecting him to do that. and he really did and there, you faced him as you wrapped your arms around his figure with your face hiding on his chest. toji inhaled your shampoo as he sighed in satisfaction.
"will this help you to sleep?" you asked as you look up at him. toji looked down at you with that stupid smirk on his face.
"i could ask you the same question." he said as he chuckled when you went back to hide your face on his chest.
"it will." you whispered but toji surely heared it clearly.
"then that goes the same for me."
-
"mama loves to cuddle." megumi said as he looked at toji's plain expression. megumi copied his father's expression after looking away from him, continuing the assignment he was doing.
"that's all?" toji said as megumi scoffed at him.
"you asked me what mama likes the most!" megumi argued as he fully face his father. "that's the most, mama loves cuddles!"
"okay okay, stop yelling." toji said when he heard your footsteps approaching them.
"good morning, mama!" megumi greeted as he ran towards you to hug you.
"good morning, megumi." you said, looking at toji as you nod at him.
"morning." he said as megumi pulled you on the table at the living room, showing his little drawing to you and toji.
"what's that?" you asked as megumi smiled.
"this is mama," megumi said as he pointed at you. "this is papa and this is 'gumi."
oh. it was a family drawing. your heart started beating through your ears as you look at megumi.
"my teacher said our assignment is to draw a family!" megumi exclaimed excitedly as he faced you and toji.
family? could you even consider yourself as one of their family? megumi could've drawn his real mother, why did he have to-
your thoughts were interrupted when you felt a hand on your back. you looked back and saw toji looking at you, it was different, the way his eyes calmed you. you awkwardly smiled at him as he pulled you close to his side while placing his other hand on megumi's shoulder.
"what's this?" toji asked as he pointed at a drawing which is color white and black.
"it's my dream dog! i want white and black." megumi said. your heart was racing as you feel the warmth of toji's palm on your side.
"why is mama carrying a stick?" toji asked as megumi huffed.
"so she can beat you when you hurt her again." megumi said as you laugh, finally joining in their conversation.
"that's cruel, megumi. i couldn't hurt your papa." you didn't even feel when toji already removed his hand on your side as he watch you and megumi, a smile making its way on his face.
-
"there.." you said as you dropped the pencil at the table.
"wow!" megumi exclaimed as you revealed some changes in his drawing.
"what are you holding, mama?" megumi asked.
"roses, mama loves roses." you said as you pat megumi's head.
"oh okay! then 'gumi loves roses too." megumi said as he grinned at you.
"but there are many types of roses." you said as you fixed megumi's disheveled shirt.
"really? what's your favorite among them, mama? megumi asked.
"the purple one!" you said as megumi nods at you.
"why not red, mama? red is famous one right?"
"yes, but i love purple more. because it means love at first sight." you said as you bump megumi's nose with your pointer finger.
you watch him look to the side as you follow his line of sight. he was looking at his father. you forgot that toji was even there as you look away with embarrassment. clearing his throat, toji stood up from the couch as he brushed his hair with his fingers.
"i'm gonna prepare for work." he said before leaving as megumi watch his father disappeared from his sight.
"mama, is papa your love at first sight?" megumi asked when his father wasn't around anymore. you smiled as you recalled the very first day you laid your eyes on him.
"he is." you said with admiration in your tone. "did you know i met your papa when he was a kid?" you said.
"really? what's he like?!" megumi asked with excitement as he leaned close to you.
"hm, he's still the same.. but he saved me from bullies." you said as megumi kept quiet, wanting to know more. "i scraped my knee but i gave my band aid to him because his lips were bleeding."
"is that why papa have a scar?"
"i guess?" you said as you ruffled megumi's hair. "it's just a secret between us, okay?" you whispered as megumi nods at you.
unbeknownst to you, he heard everything you told megumi as he recalled that day where he first got the scar on his lip, that hello kitty band aid. so it was you, huh.
-
toji left after eating breakfast and it was past lunch when you heard a knock on your front door.
but you weren't expecting visitors, who could it be?
you were surprised when you're met with, no one. but there was a bouquet of purple roses on your doorsteps.
you picked it up as you read the note.
'this is for you, i hope you like it.'
you bit your bottom lip to suppress the smile but it couldn't be helped.
you inhaled the scent of the roses as you finally went inside the house.
-
"thank you for the roses, toji." night finally approached as toji looked up from his laptop and to you.
"what roses?" he asked as you look at him in disbelief.
"that- you, weren't you the one-" toji suddenly laughed as he closed his laptop.
"i'm just kidding." he said as you glared at him.
"not funny!" you said, almost embarrassed when you stammered with your words just a minute ago.
"did you like it?" toji asked as he started preparing the duvet.
as if it was already planned, you move close to him as he finally covered both of your bodies with the duvet. "i love it."
toji's arms automatically made its way to wrap securely around you.
"how's your check up with choso?" toji asked as he switched off the lamp.
"he recommended me another medicine."
"huh? why? i thought you're getting better?" toji asked as you silently laugh at him.
"yes i am, it was just a vitamin, i mean."
"ah, is that so?"
"mhm."
"sleepy already?" toji asked in a teasing tone and you only further hide your face on his chest. "goodnight." he mumbled.
"i love you, toji." you mumbled against his chest. "you can say it back when you're ready." you said as you look up at him and toji lightly smiled at you.
"i'm almost there.." he mumbled.
"i can still wait.." you said as you looked at him with glint in your eyes. toji let you kiss him on the lips before you went back on hiding your face. he chuckled as he pulled you closer with his hand behind your head.
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it was a random night, a random song that was being played on the radio can be heard as you sit down on the couch of the living room. the lights were all closed, the street light outside being the only source of light inside your home.
toji wasn't home yet and megumi is already sleeping in his room.
your head almost fell on the couch when the click of the door woke you up.
toji sighed as he closed the door.
"i'm home." he muttered, but didn't expect to see you approaching him in the dark.
"welcome back." you greeted as you took his bag on his hand, guiding him on the living room.
"have you eaten?" you asked.
"ye-"
"let's eat together, i'm hungry!" you exclaimed as you held him by his hand, guiding him to the kitchen. well maybe eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt. toji thought.
"megumi?" he asked.
"already sleeping." you replied with an almost sleepy voice as toji sighed.
"you didn't have to wait for me." he said as he stand beside your almost sleeping form. "let's get you to bed." toji said and carried you in a bridal style.
"toji.. let's sleep." you said as he unbuttoned his almost tight polo.
"yeah, i'll just changed my clothes."
"hurryy."
"did you drink?" toji asked as he lied beside you.
"no."
"why are you being clingy?" he asked.
"miss you." you mumbled, wrapping your arms on his figure. "did you miss me?" you asked and toji couldn't help but smell you.
you didn't even smell like alcohol.
"i'm not drunk, i'm just sleepy." you said as if you just read his mind.
"alright."
"you didn't answer me yet."
"i did." he said as you squealed in happiness.
"okay, good night. i love you." you mumbled.
toji gaze softened as he pulled you close to his chest.
"good night." i love you too.
-
it was late at night again and toji was still not home. megumi was sent back home by a school bus last afternoon.
you haven't eaten yet. you were waiting for toji so both of you could eat dinner at the same time again and the door clicked as you stood up from the couch.
"i'm home." toji mumbled.
"welcome back!" you exclaimed.
if yesterday you were sleepy, today you have a lot of energy. you took the bag from toji's hand as you walked ahead, only to be pulled back when toji held your wrist, placing a kiss on your forehead as he loosened his tie.
it sure caught you off guard as toji walked past you as if nothing happened.
"well, have you eaten?" you asked, almost stuttering.
"yes." he responded and you mentally frowned.
"okayy." you said as you help him remove his blazer.
"what about you?" he asked, but before you could answer, your stomach growling did it for you. embarrassing.
"well, i guess eating dinner for the second time wouldn't hurt, right?" he said.
-
"hi, welcome back.." you slowly said as you took toji's bag in your hand.
"i'm home." he muttered, walking past you but suddenly he went back and give your forehead a kiss before removing his watch.
"bad day?" you asked, helping him remove his blazer.
"yeah, i think i couldn't eat dinner with you tonight." he said with a frown.
"it's fine! you go and rest." you said, giving him a smile of reassurance.
toji frowned once again when you made your way to the kitchen. you were humming a song but you were stopped when you saw toji sitting at his usual spot. you blinked twice at him as he sighed.
"well, i got hungry." he said, not looking at your way.
"okay! i'll re-heat some more then." you exclaimed with a smile and toji couldn't help but mirror it.
"thank you for the food."
-
another bad day.
you noticed it the moment toji entered the house with a slumped shoulders.
"welcome back." you greeted, doing the same routine.
"i'm home." he responded, hooking an arm around you before placing a kiss on your.. lips? "what's dinner for today?" he asked as he started unbuttoning his polo. "(name)? what's wrong?" he asked.
"w-well, i made your favorite." you stammered as you made your way infront of him, helping him remove his blazer.
toji made his way first at the kitchen, taking a mug from the cabinet and it caught your attention.
"coffee?" you asked as he nods and suddenly, you placed a hand on his back.
"take a seat. i'll make you one." you said.
"i can do it myself."
"just let me take care of this, okay? you're tired from work." you said, turning on your back to make him a black coffee when you suddenly felt his weight behind you.
"thank you." he mumbled before going back to sit and it made you proud of yourself.
-
"welcom-" you were cut off when toji harshly kissed you, his hand flying at the back of your head as he pushed you, until your body collided with a wall. "toji-" you mumbled through his kisses as you pat his shoulder. "can't breathe!" you said as he finally pulled away, with him leaning his forehead on yours as both of you catch your breaths.
"bad day again?" you asked but he only clicked his tongue, continuing his task on you, the food you made being forgotten as he carried you and made his way on the bedroom, and also not forgetting to lock the door.
-
thank goodness it was saturday today.
your whole body was aching and toji was out of sight as you sat up from the bed.
"mama?" megumi's voice can be heard at the door as he knocked three times before opening, only to see you on the ground. "mama!" megumi exclaimed as he approached you. "papa help!" megumi yelled as he struggled to help you stand up.
"megumi look out for the food in the kitchen." toji said as megumi followed what he was instructed.
"it hurts." you said as toji easily carried you, placing you back on the bed.
"guess i went rough last night." he mocked.
"shut up!"
-
"i'm home." toji said as he entered the house. you smiled as you approached him.
"not a bad day anymore?" you joked as he laughed, hooking a hand around you as he placed a kiss on your lips. you were used to it now.
"yeah." he replied as both of you did the usual routine.
after the dinner, you were quiet. it was unusual for you to be silent.
"toji-"
"what's wrong?" he asked, cutting you off. the night you both shared was 2 weeks ago, you were supposed to have your period 2 days ago but none came.
"i'm late." you said, starting to get stressed. "i'm scared, what if i ended up being pregnant-"
"then that's good. megumi will have a playmate. is it not?"
"but-"
"it's okay." he said, taking your hand on his and you were surprised when he removed the wedding ring on your finger, placing a new one. "wear this from now on." he said, placing a new ring with a rare design on it.
"thank you.. i love it but, why?"
"i want to get married again." he said, looking straight in your eyes.
"but we're already married." you said as you frowned.
"but for real this time." he said with a smile. "you know, before, i wasn't-" he paused, he couldn't say it but you already understood what he was saying.
"i understand." you said as you laughed.
"will you marry me again?" he asked and you couldn't contain the big smile that was on your face.
"i would love too!" you said as you embraced him, with him spinning you around.
"i love you (name).. thank you for staying with me and megumi. thank you for not giving up on us.. on me." he said and you couldn't help but tear up.
finally. it's finally happening.
"i love you too." you responded with a shaky voice as he wiped your tears with his thumb before finally connecting his lips with yours.
it was worth all the wait.
1K notes · View notes
fuwushiguro · 2 years
Text
Bright Light, I’m Like a Moth
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part thirteen | masterlist | part fifteen
Yuuji Itadori x f!reader x Megumi Fushiguro
Genre: Smut & Angst Notes: University AU, all characters aged up. This one made me feel some type of way... emotional damage 🤧 Warnings: 18+, dubcon, alcohol consumption, drug consumption, infidelity, gaslighting, manipulation, paranoia, degradation, handjob (m+f receiving), oral (f receiving), overstimulation. Words: 7.3k
Synopsis: You’ve been dating Yuuji Itadori for nine months. He’s the best boyfriend you’ve ever had, he cares for you deeply and he’s amazing in the sack. When new boy Megumi moves to town and joins your art course, you are shocked to discover he isn’t the quiet introvert you suspected him to be.
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Even if you were wearing nothing at all you’re sure you would have still felt like you were vacationing on the sun. It was difficult to tell where you were while still under the influence. You weren’t sure if you’d been high for minutes, hours or days. Megumi couldn’t stop telling you that he loves you and he was going to get you home. He wouldn’t have let this happen to you, though, if he really loved you. He was just as boiling as you were but you were clearly suffering the worst of it. Completely dehydrated and out of your mind. You could only hope things would feel better when you got into your room.
He managed to carry you in his arms all of the way to your room. Your heart rate rising by the second the more you lost yourself to your paranoia. Your head lolled and the speed of his strides dried the tears on your face as the air hit you. You were set down as he struggled to open the door; but he wrapped your arm around his shoulder to keep you upright.
“’m so thirsty, Megumi, I can’t—”
He helped lower you down onto your mattress. Your body collapsing into the cloud-like softness as tears silently roll down your eyes. He isn’t in the room anymore. Your brain is challenging you, questioning you, bullying you. He’s left you alone to deal with this all by yourself. To suffer. To stress. His grand plan to finally drive you to complete and utter despair.
“Can you sit up for me, O’Keeffe?” you hear him say. You don’t move anything except your head, managing to see him between the valley of your breasts resting on the balls of his feet and holding your thigh with his hand. There is a strange sensation throughout your body. Like you’ve sat on your foot for too long and it’s gone dead. Your whole body is tingling and your lip is wobbling as you sit up and face him. Your face glittering like the crystal chandeliers he remembers gawking at in your parents manor home. “I got you water, drink it slowly.”
His instruction goes in one ear and out the other. You drink every last drop quicker than he can blink, a lot of it spilling out of the corners of your mouth. It isn’t enough. You feel as if you’ve swallowed a bag of sand and had your throat cut. More. You do your best to stand to your feet and rush to the bathroom. He follows you in and watches you drink the water directly from the tap. He lets it happen, for a little while, before pulling you away and back to bed.
“I’m gonna die, aren’t I?” you ask him. He just laughs and shakes his head.
“No, princess, you’re not. Not gonna let that happen, alright? I love you.” he says. You get up again and try to get back into the bathroom, but you’re intercepted. He pins you against the wall and cages you in. Your chest is swelling with emotion, mainly fear. But anticipation, too.
“Stop saying you love me.”
“Why? I just, I love you. You’re so lovely, I love you.” he blabbers and you shake your head in anger.
“You don’t bully people you love. You don’t peer pressure or blackmail people you love. I’m just a fucking project to you. Y-Yuuji would never do this to me.” you stutter, trying to stop yourself from giving him the satisfaction of your tears. He grits his teeth and looks away for a split second, and then his focus is entirely on you.
“Fuck. Yuuji.”
“I’d love to, Megumi. But unfortunately I’m stuck here with you instead of him. And I’m— I—” your voice gets caught and disappears entirely in your throat. He tilts his head and moves his face closer into yours. So close you think he might kiss you again. So close your noses are almost skimming off each other.
“Say it,”
“I’m so— I’m so… lonely. I miss him. I miss being loved.” you explain as your voice cracks. Your eyes are beginning to swell with tears and he can’t resist but wipe them away for you. His thumb wanders and catches on your lower lip. The fat, puffy flesh follows his digit and then springs back into place. Divine, he thinks.
“I’m telling you I love you and you’re telling me to stop.”
“You don’t love me, r-really,” you whimper as you try and find a way for each of you to see sense in such a hopeless situation, “you’re just high and— you couldn’t ever love me like he does.”
“How do you know?”
“I’m going to die because of you. Tonight, like this, in this shitty hotel room. I’m not gonna make it to the morning and I’ll never be loved by him again. By anyone. I’m dying and I’m broken. And it’s your fault.”
“I love you.” he whispers, his lips hovering just above yours. You turn your head to force him to kiss your cheek instead. You can’t do this again.
“Stop it.”
“I love you, I really love you.”
“You broke me and you’re gonna kill me, you still won’t stop.”
“Because I love you.”
“Stop!”
“Baby,”
He mutters into your supple skin. And for some reason, it breaks you even more. You face him head on; and he smiles because you’ve lost. He, as always, is the winner. You’re letting him take advantage of you because you’re just so God damn gullible. Maybe he does really love you. Just because he’s on drugs it doesn’t mean he can’t speak his truth. He doesn’t know his truth himself, honestly. All he knows is that he has a lot of love to give, and he wants to give it to you. His lips are so soft but so strong. Yours are weak and feeble which is why you’re allowing him to take the lead and kiss you however he likes. There is a small amount of tongue but a whole lot of passion in the heat of this one intimate kiss. What are you doing? You don’t fucking know. Is it so wrong to seek companionship when you’re lonely? Yes, when you have a boyfriend, of course it is. But you can’t think about that right now. Not when he’s lifting your leg onto his hip and grinding into your core.
“Megumi,” you mewl, pulling away from the kiss but reattaching yourself to him instantly after speaking.
“What is it?” he asks, concernedly. He begins to kiss down your cheek, your neck, your collarbone, and atop your breast as he waits for you to tell him what’s on your mind. You can hardly form a thought let alone tell him what you want to say.
“We shouldn’t— we shouldn’t do this, I’m scared, Megumi,” you tell him quietly. It doesn’t deter him, though, he can’t stop now. He didn’t know anyone could be as soft and pliable as you. How could he have let himself waste so much time hurting you when he could have been controlling you instead? “But I’m so lonely.” you sigh, unable to stop the words from falling out. Each nick of his teeth on your skin and delicate soft peck on your body is like a combination code to unlock more secrets from you.
“Do you want me to make it better?” he wonders, softly. It’s almost a secret confession between him and your tits. He doesn’t look into your eyes as he asks. Too enamoured by your breasts as he cups one and kisses the other.
Such simple words equate to such a life changing question. If he were Toji asking that question, you assume he’d suggest something like scolding Megumi and taking you to a drive thru for a burger and fries. If it were Yuuji asking you think he’d buy more snacks and watch The Shining with you for the millionth time. If it were your parents they’d probably offer to have Yuuji shipped off permanently to some foreign country and throw money at you.
But you aren’t with any of them right now.
You’re with Megumi.
And no matter what situation you find yourself in with him, you can’t help but dwell on the past. He’s never tried to make anything better for you before. He’s actively pursued every course of action that would ultimately make your life worse. In the time you’ve known him, he’s only been truly kind to you in the last two days. Yesterday his idea of making you feel better was to let you sit next to him on the bus rather than with those horrid girls. It was going bowling and to the aquarium and buying you a shark plushie. But, today, he’s gotten you high. He’s made you someone you doubt you’d recognise if you were to look in the mirror. He’s had his tongue down your throat and lips all over your body. He’s showing love to your body in the way that only a true lover should. The way Yuuji should. His way of making you feel better isn’t right. It isn’t something you should even be considering. But you’re too foolish to realise what you are now.
You wouldn’t hesitate to slap him in the face before getting to this point. You would have scoffed and told him where to go when he offered you drugs. You wouldn’t have crawled into bed with him because you were cold.
But, for now, you aren’t you. You aren’t your own person.
You’re Megumi’s.
“Help me, Megumi.” you whisper in a desperate, begging tone. He looks up at you then. Glimmering green eyes searching for any ounce of doubt in your facial expression. It isn’t there. His body presses against yours, pushing you further into the wall as he kisses you deeply.
Had he secretly wanted this all along?
Had you?
He turns you around so that your ass is against his crotch again. He’s kissing into the crook of your neck as he guides you in the direction of your bed. Your eyes are closed, softly, as you allow yourself to melt into the false sense of romance you’re feeling from his kisses. But they spring open again once he pushes you down onto all fours on the mattress. He flips your tutu up and grabs two fistfuls of your white fishnets. You gasp when you hear the dramatic, tell tale sound of him ripping them apart. Once he can perfectly see your panty-clad mound, he runs a finger up between your lips.
“W-Wait, Megumi wait.” you protest. He stops and helps you roll onto your back. He climbs on top of you and kisses upwards from your belly button to between your breasts. “I don’t feel comfortable.” you confess. He smirks into your skin, giving you a lengthier kiss against your sternum.
“I’m high, babe. Goin’ too fast for you? What can I do?” he mumbles clumsily against you. You wriggle beneath him until he pays attention to you properly.
“I’d like to change. Could you, um, help me again?” you ask him hopefully, fluttering your eyelashes like butter wouldn’t melt in your knickers.
You’re greeted with a simpering smile as he rises from above you and helps you sit upright. You watch him as he sits on the ground and begins to untie the laces on your platform boots. He tosses them over his shoulders, not caring where they end up. He reaches under your tutu and starts to pull down your fishnets.
“Panties off too, yeah? Do you want me to look away?”
“Um—”
“I think… you want me to see your body anyway, right?”
“I don’t want you to look right away… could you get my—”
He’s already standing up and searching for your fluffy pyjamas. Once again he avoids looking as he pulls your underwear down for you, concentrating solely on the ground as he helps you step into your shorts. He manages to help pull your tutu down over your shorts to preserve a little bit of your modesty. You stay still as he moves behind you. You’re sitting between his legs as you feel him fiddle with the hook of your bra. He pulls it off for you like he had the prior evening. But this time, neither of you are in a rush to cover your flesh. Your vest is by his side, and you’re looking over your shoulder. Not for the garment, no, you’re looking for him. Unlike last night, you want him to grope you.
He does.
He’s nibbling on your earlobe as he massages your naked breasts. You can’t help but groan when he takes your nipples between his finger and thumb. The way he tweaks and pulls them is so erotic, you can feel your brand new shorts become ruined as you can’t help but become wet from him touch.
“I want to touch you, down there.” he whispers into your ear, it rushes immediately to your cunt and you’re arching your back against his body. You want him to touch you there, too. Badly, in fact.
“M-My vest, please.” you request. He pulls away from your ear and you’re both fixated on your vest as if it’s an unwelcome observer to your private party. There is nothing in the room except you, him, your breath, and the vest. Both of your movements have stilled as you stare it down. A limp puddle of purple intruding on a good time; the shed skin of a snake who is about to be reborn.
“I don’t think you need it,” his hums hushed carefully into the nape of your neck. You bite your lip and close your eyes, the crown of your head relaxing against his shoulder. “I think… right now… you just need me to make you feel better.”
You do.
Though you’re certain anyone could be saying the same to you right now and you’d agree with them. Whether it be Megumi, his father, or even Gojo. The pain your feeling and the high your flying are a deathly mixture of sin and punishment that you can’t seem to escape. There’s only one answer, one cure, and Megumi is the one offering it to you. You move your forehead so it rests against his as he waits for you to answer him. It’s wrong, you know it, but not really. All you know is that Yuuji isn’t here and you’re paralysed with misery. Megumi is giving you a solution. You’re both in a hellish paradise with so much love to give and each are desperate to receive it, and there’s only two of you here.
You nod against him and your lips slot together like they belong against one another. Like he really is your boyfriend and not Yuuji. It’s ridiculous, though. Megumi is evil and Yuuji is so perfect. He’s so perfect that you can’t help but cry thinking about him even while Megumi’s lips are on yours. He pulls away, only a little, to hold the sides of your head as he kisses you harder. It’s more urgent, an apparent desperation behind each suction of lips pulling apart.
He guides you down onto your back. His hands move down your chest, along your curves and underneath your thigh. He pulls your leg up so that it’s wrapped around his waist. Lazy yet emotional ruts of his hips stimulate your already sopping heat. No matter how badly you want to pull away from him so that you can breathe, he doesn’t let you. All you want is to pant out a soft, breathy moan and earn a moments reprieve from his actions, but he can’t let you.
The knowledge that you’re with him and he’s with you and you’re just as pathetic and needy as each other is mind-numbingly intoxicating. You’re so good but just look how bad you’re being. You want him just as badly as he wants you. And yet, neither of you know why. As far as you’re both aware, you despise each other. You are worlds apart and there’s nothing between you but anger, contempt, and disgust. But maybe that isn’t the whole truth after all.
Maybe he’s had feelings for you since you first met. Since you complimented his art. It was nice, kind, sweet, that you paid attention to what he was doing and tried to make him feel good since he was the newbie. Perhaps he wanted to push you away and make things impossible so he knew there would be no chance for anything to ever happen between you. Why would anything have happened? You’re with Yuuji. You’re with Yuuji. And that hasn’t stopped you from being in bed with Megumi right now. Neither of you are sure if this was ever going to be the avoidable outcome. Would things have worked out better if you tried to be friends rather than enemies? Or would that have lead you down the same path?
He isn’t sure if it’s true. He isn’t sure if he had feeling for you from that very first moment or if that’s just the hidden romantic in him trying to create a love story that isn’t there. He isn’t sure if he has feelings for you at all other than hate and lust. He wants to fuck you, now, because he’s aroused. Because he’s drugged up to the eyeballs and it seemed like the right thing to do despite how wrong it is. You hold no feelings for him, he’s sure. You hate each other but you’re about to do something only lovers do.
“I— Megumi, I don’t want to have s-sex.” you speak almost assertively. It’s powerful to hear you talk, he thinks. And so confidently too. Do you think he loves you, for real? Is it the prospect of sex that has turned you into someone entirely new or is it the possibility that you’re beneath someone who loves you?
He pulls away, perplexed by your words. What did you think he meant by helping you? Admittedly he was more interested in helping himself, but it seems you’ve come to your senses.
“You want me to stop?” he asks, somewhat concernedly. His eyes widen excitedly when you shake your head. Now he knows what you want. What you were expecting. Is this some sort of compromise in your deluded little mind? His dominant hand slithers down your stomach and tickles you as his fingers trace along your body. You gasp when his fingers breach the waistband of your shorts. He’s stunted, for a moment. Your eyes focused on one another asking ‘is this happening?’ he licks his lips as your lungs expand and collapse with each passing moment. Yes, it is happening. “Fuck, you’re so wet.” he whispers. Immediately your face burns hot with shame and embarrassment as you feel him toy with your slippery folds.
“I’m so— please, I just wanna— I need to feel better.” you beg wantonly. He smirks as he begins circling around your little pearl but not quite touching it. Legs shaking and heart beating rapidly.
“You will.” he assures you.
It’s always embarrassed you to receive pleasure from a partner. Not because you don’t like it, you just have no idea where to look. Yuuji thinks it’s cute when you hide your face from him when he fingers you in this position. It’s bizarre to him that you’re so shy even after so long, especially considering he eats you out on a regular basis and has made his face your personal throne. He lets you, though, whatever you need to do to be comfortable is alright with him. No matter what, he thinks you look beautiful.
But Megumi, as you well know, isn’t Yuuji. The minute he sees you trying to hide your face behind your hands he stops touching you. When you come out of hiding, you look to see him sucking his fingers clean of your mess. It’s hot, you think, but you aren’t quite sure why he felt the need to stop.
Air is knocked out of your lungs when you feel him grab each of your wrists. He pins them above your head with a furious look in his eye. A strict warning.
“Don’t do that again. Got it? I need to see your face so I know what I’m doing.” he explains. You nod quickly, understanding him perfectly. He grabs a fistful of your hair so that you can’t move your face, forcing you to stare at him as he searches for your clit yet again. He goes slow at first, finally touching it instead of teasing around it. You think you might burst into flames because you’re so humiliated. He isn’t letting you take your eyes off him and he’s staring at you like an animal in the night. The only indication that he’s still human is when his eyes twitch and eyebrows falter whenever you release a heavier breath. He picks up the pace and you can’t stand it. Fingers grasping into the pillows by your head as he draws more pleasure from flicking over your throbbing clit. Your mouth falls open to moan and he copies you in faux sympathy. His mouth turning to a smile as he laughs at your whimpering state. “There we go. There’s your little slut button.”
You bite your lip in an attempt to keep your cool. But it’s useless. Your legs open wider for him and even with his fingers laced through your hair you can’t help but throw your head further back into the pillows beneath you.
“I’m so— I’m so h-happy, Megumi. You’re so good— at this.”
He’s almost insulted that you thought he wouldn’t be good at giving pleasure with his fingers. With anything, actually, as he recalls your comment about him cumming in thirty seconds if he fucked the store clerk he was thinking about bringing back to the room. It lights a match under the ball of hot air which is Megumi Fushiguro as it makes him feel somewhat threatened. He knows he’s good. And by God, he’ll make sure you know it too.
Your toes begin to curl as you feel his lips latch onto one of your nipples. It’s a dirty trick that manages to bring you that much closer to your orgasm each and every time. With that and the way he’s expertly rubbing your clit you know you’re soon to be a goner.
“M-Megumi, please slow down. I’m tryin’ to hang o-on a bit lo-onger, here.” you request. He holds your nipple lightly between his teeth and smiles, shaking his head in refusal. You groan when he sucks at your teat and releases it with a pop.
“Stop hangin’ on. If you wanna feel better, let go.” he demands. He begins to pay the same attention to your opposite nipple as he carries on stimulating your pulsating bead. He yanks your hair tight as your hips begin to buck wildly against his fingertips. Your pussy desperately searching his touch to help you along quicker than he’s delivering.
Your vision turns to a starry night as you begin singing his name in approval. Each wave of orgasmic pleasure gushing through your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes again and again. You feel him kiss your breast softly at plummet from the never ending high. The kindness doesn’t last, however, as he stands on his knees and hooks his fingers into your shorts.
“Lift your fuckin’ ass. I want these off, now.” he tells you stringently. You obey, as always, raising your hips so he can rip the purple shorts away from your body. For some reason you instinctively press your knees together as your body goes into high alert. They don’t stay like that, of course. He places his palms on your kneecaps and pries your legs apart. “Don’t close your legs unless I say so. Until I’m done with you. I’m not finished yet, you haven’t even let me look at your pussy properly.”
He looks down to see your slippery, shimmering cunt. It’s intoxicating. So little and perfect and pink. So cute, like you. He holds your mound and uses his thumb to pull back the hood of your clit. He grins, watching it throb and pulse because of him. He bends down to spit on it which makes you moan. You’re even louder when he attaches his lips around it and begins to suck.
“Oh fuck! Megumi, please, I can’t. I’m too sensitive I can’t cum like that—”
“Do you ever shut up?” he asks as he raises his face from between your legs. “Just having a little fun with you, I’m not an idiot. But since you want to rush…” he trails off, a menacing tone behind his words.
You jolt when you feel him grab your entire face in one hand and pinch your cheeks. Your lips pucker and he can’t help but grin at how truly ridiculous you look. How can you look so fucked out and drunk from his fingers but still have a glimmer of craving behind your twinkling eyes?
“Open your legs. Wider.” he instructs. You spread them as far as they’ll possibly go, an overwhelming desire to please him overcoming you. He pulls back a little, and at that point you notice a string of drool pooling on his lower lip. His mouth hangs open as he slides a finger inside of your entrance. You squeak at the intrusion, you squeal at the unrelenting thrusts he delivers as it batters you g-spot. “You’re so fucking tight.” he informs you, making blood rush to your ears in an attempt to block out his words.
“T-Think ‘m gonna cum. I think—”
“Already? Fuck, it’s ‘cause you’re tight baby. Like a little virgin cunt. Bet you can’t even take more than one finger, can you?”
“N-No. I mean, no. I ca- I can’t take— two is— fuck, too much f’me.” you tell him, and he snickers.
“Knew it. You’ve got a princess pussy. Nice ‘n tight and she creams like a dream when you treat her right. Gonna show me how you cum on fingers for doing a good job? Gonna give me my reward for makin’ you feel better?”
“FUCK, Megumi. You’re so— hnngg—!” you cut yourself off as he brings you to yet another small death. He bites his lip as he watches you squirm and whine in pleasure. His fingers still not giving up their assault on your sensitive insides and gummy interior. “I love you—” you breathe shallowly. Almost imperceptible, but he hears you. When he said it earlier, he didn’t mean a fucking word of it. He’s high, and so are you. So once again, you’re just devils telling tales.
“You look like you’re feeling better, O’Keeffe.” he jokes, you begin to giggle once he pulls his fingers out of your pussy. “I wanna sleep but I’m still so wired. Are you sleepy?” he questions.
“Mm-mm.” you hum, shaking your head. “I wanna… I want you to feel better, too.” you inform him.
“How are you gonna do that?”
You smile cheekily at him as you raise your leg between his. You press around his crotch area with your toes. It was already apparently just how hard he was from your dancing and then hearing you moan for him. But apparently he hadn’t expected you to be so brazen. He lets your fingers explore his upper body. Grazing over his pecs and abs as you continue to torment his cock with your foot.
“Are you gonna get me off properly? I’m not super into feet, babe. Willing to try if you’ve got the talent for it, though.”
“No, ‘m not using my feet. Wanna hold you in my hand, take it out f’me Megumi.” you tell him. He scoops you up in his arms and sits you upright at the top of the bed. He sits beside you and begins to unbuckle his jeans. You can see the agonising strain in the form of his bulge in his boxers once he pulls the zipper of his jeans down. It’s scaring you, the bulge. You know immediately he has an impressive size and you aren’t quite sure if you’re confident enough to deal with it. Yuuji is big too, though, so maybe you’ll be okay.
He groans when he moves his underwear enough to free his cock. It’s heavy and craving, thick and full of lustrous desire. Your mouth is more or less watering at the sight of him. Perfect, you think. Perfect size. Perfect shape. Perfectly defined. Perfect.
“Are you scared?” he grumbles, his speech is so relaxed it’s almost idle. You can’t answer, because you aren’t sure. You aren’t scared, but you feel like you should be. It’s just a dick, after all. Yuuji has one. Yuuji wasn’t your first, either. But this is Megumi Fushiguro bearing himself to you. He’s willing to let you hear him at his most intimate and vulnerable. And you’re crossing another line. Everything you do with him, every second you spend with him, is another betrayal against Yuuji.
“Show me how you like it.” you tell him.
He takes your hand in his and wraps it around his cock. His hand holds tightly onto yours as he demonstrates how tight he likes it and how fast he likes the strokes. He lets go and allows you to take over, hoping you’re capable of doing what he’s taught you. A slight whimper leaves him as you swipe your thumb over his dripping slit.
“Mmm, leaking s’much Megumi.”
“I won’t last long, been needin’ to cum since I felt you on me last night.” he alerts you.
It only spurs you on. You use his precum to your advantage and lube up his cock with it. You even drool all over him for good measure. It’s so erotic and lewd sounding as you begin to pump him furiously. The way his chest rises and stutters with each rub of your fist is so God damn dreamy. Seeing him so helpless and at the mercy of your touch is heavenly.
“Keep going, a lil faster,” he tells you. It doesn’t go unnoticed how his hips start grinding into you. It’s nice to know you’re equally as impatient when it comes to reaching your climax. ‘Unhh’ and ‘ahh’ language escape him as you don’t let up. Allowing him to fuck your fist as you meet his thrusts with ten times as much vigour.
“Fuck, are you close? You look so pretty when you moan.” you tell him.
“Shut up or you’ll put me off. Tighter, squeeze it tighter. Ah— f-uck oh, hnng.” he finishes. He squirts a copious amount of white, viscous cream which you’re more than happy to milk out of him. Every last drop as his cock flexes and shoots it out. It splashes up his abs and all over your hand. He uses his free hand to push your face into his by the crown of your head. You straddle him as you kiss, uncaring of the mess between you as his cock begins to soften. It’s a messy, drool filled kiss as your tongues tangle and you breathe against each other. Into each other.
He carries you into the bathroom, still kissing all of the way there. He sits you down on the counter next to the sink as he undresses. As you wash your hands, he starts up the shower. He stands beside it for a while until it reaches a perfect temperature. Right after you turn off the taps, he grabs your wrist and pulls you towards him. He leads the two of you into the shower, allowing the water to warm the two of you. He lathers shampoo and conditioner through your hair as you wash your body. You do the same for him, with great difficulty, as you stand on your tip toes so that you can wash his hair properly. You kiss under the water as the shower rinses away all of the suds.
He gets out before you, wrapping a towel around his waist and then holding one open for you to step into. You spend time with him sitting on top of your mattress with nothing but your towels protecting your bodies. He brushes your hair for you. You want to do the same for him, but you start falling asleep.
“You can’t sleep in your towel.” he reminds you. He walks away and returns just as quickly, the mattress sinking behind you once he takes his seat again. “Here, lift your arms,” you do, and you’re greeted to the soft texture of your purple, fluffy vest. “You’ve ruined your shorts. Were those the only pyjamas you bought?”
“Uh,” you pause for a moment as you think, “yeah, they were. But I bought some sweatpants to travel home in. If Gojo is picking us up in the morning, I’ll just wear what I sleep in for the car ride home.” you explain. He gets up, rifling through your shopping bags until he finds them.
“Up.”
You stand to your feet, allowing the towel to drop and pool around your feet. This time, you don’t care if he looks up while he dresses you. You step into the grey sweatpants one foot at a time and wait for him to pull them up your legs.
“Thank you.”
“Get into bed, I need to get ready.” he almost snaps at you. You get cosy under the duvet and hold tightly onto Gerald. You don’t look at him while he changes his clothes. He has once again decided to forgo his t-shirt and wear matching sweatpants with you to bed. The sound of his bed creaking is like a stab in the heart. You aren’t sure what you had expected. He isn’t yours and you aren’t his. You’re just classmates in a bad situation sharing a hotel room. He has his own bed and you have yours. You have a boyfriend, but he isn’t here. It doesn’t matter, though. You should only want what’s yours. You shouldn’t want anyone else. You shouldn’t crave another man’s touch. And yet—
“I need you, Megumi.” you speak quietly.
The words are simple and bland. Room for interpretation and nothing too specific. Do you want to fuck? Do you want a hug? It doesn’t matter. You shouldn’t need Megumi. But he knows exactly what you want. He gets out of his own bed and you feel a sense of relief when he joins you in yours. His arms wrap around your torso and he nuzzles his nose into your freshly washed hair that smells like cinnamon and toffee.
This town is a horror setting. This room is a mystery. Four walls that you hope will keep your scandalous secret.
It’s all coming to an end, tomorrow.
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The levels of regret you both feel are infinite. You think he’s been awake longer than you, but he didn’t want to let go. You woke with his arm still wrapped around you, holding you close. Once you stirred, he rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling. You did the same, endlessly entertained by the disgusting popcorn ceiling.
You didn’t utter a word.
Nor did he.
You took turns using the bathroom to brush your teeth and get ready. The atmosphere is foul. Impossibly awkward and uncomfortable as you shuffle around each other and still can’t find it in either of you to speak. He doesn’t even fill you in on what’s happening with Gojo. He declines his calls and texts him instead so that he doesn’t have to break his silence. He doesn’t tell you when he arrives. He simply walks towards the exit and assumes you aren’t dumb enough to stay behind.
Your hair is thrown into a messy bun and you are painfully aware of what a mess you are. You’re holding Gerald under your arm and carrying your shopping bags in your hands all while struggling to close the hotel room door behind you. Megumi is way ahead of you, and you aren’t sure whether you should bother trying to catch up.
You hand your room key to the receptionist. There’s barely enough energy in you to smile and say goodbye. It’s even worse when you step outside. Gojo is standing with a cheesy grin on his face as he leans against his car.
“Good morning, you two. Let’s get you kiddos home, huh?” he smiles. He unlocks the trunk, and you’re appreciative when he rushes over to grab your bags for you.
It doesn’t surprise you at all that Megumi takes shotgun. You’re more than happy to sit in the backseat and watch the sky. There’s a generic, mundane radio station playing. Maybe even Gojo has a limit on energy in the mornings. You’d half expected him to be playing something annoying just to piss you both off.
“How was your weekend?” he asks the two of you.
“Awful, obviously.”
“Aw don’t be like that. This is a nice town, I bet you found something to do. You’re just being sour because both Toji and I have lives outside of you. But I’m here now, aren’t I? We’ll be home in no time. Or maybe you’re just tired... up all night? Take a nap, Megumi.”
“W-What are you implying? I—”
“He knows I do drugs, O’Keeffe, relax. Couldn’t even do that in peace because of princess buzzkill back there.”
You swallow your tongue and decide to keep silent for the remainder of the journey from that point on. Your eyes are watering but you just about manage to hold it together. You’re sitting directly behind him, it seemed like the lesser of two evils. But he can see you in the side mirror of the car. You’re wrestling with your conscience and the enormous mistake you made together. You jump a little when you hear your phone ping. You hadn’t expected to hear from anyone today and you began to pray that it wasn’t one of your parents. Hopefully just a stupid spam email.
It's Megumi.
You don’t remember giving him your number. He must have done it when you were sleeping, or high.
Megumi: Why did you make things weird?
You: I didn’t. You gave me the silent treatment.
Megumi: Sure. What now?
You: Don’t.
“Are you texting Yuuji? I haven’t heard from him since he left. I know it’s only been a week but it’s weird.” Gojo speaks directly to you.
And that’s what does you in. The fact that your boyfriend hadn’t even been gone an entire week before you decided to fool around with someone else. Someone worse. Someone who used to be his best friend. Gojo looks alarmed as you burst into tears, almost slamming the breaks to figure out what happened. Megumi just huffs, though, making him think it isn’t that serious.
“I’m sure I’m wrong but, I’m picking up an odd vibe. I’m usually pretty perceptive but—”
“Gojo shut up. I’m not in the mood and she’s fucking crying, whatever you wanna say just say it instead of doing your annoying step-dad shtick.” Megumi barks, eyes scrunching as he immediately faces the window to avoid making eye contact with Gojo.
“Alright, alright. Grumpy. I wasn’t going to say anything. Sorry for making you cry, sweetheart. I shouldn’t have assumed it was him. It’s gotta be tough being without him. I’m sorry, really. And I’m still around for whatever you need.” he tells you.
“T-Thanks Gojo, appreciate it.”
It’s silent for a while. A surprisingly long time given that you’re in a car with someone as insufferable and annoying as Satoru Gojo. He’s a nice guy, you think. But God does he know how to press people’s buttons.
“Though I’m sure you two hooking up probably took the edge off missing him so much.”
“Megumi, you told him?!”
“You just told him, you idiot.”
Your eyes hold shut as you replay what you just did. The oldest trick in the God damn book and you fucking fell for it. So much for your secret staying between those four walls. You aren’t sure if your heart has stopped beating or is beating too fast for you to register. It’s all over, now. He’s going to tell Yuuji and you’re going to lose him. You’re going to lose everything.
“Oh-ho! That actually worked, I can’t believe it. I knew you had a thing for one of the Fushiguro’s. So you guys… did you fuck?”
“No!” you objects instantly.
“We gave each other handjobs.” Megumi tells him.
“Megumi!”
“You opened your big mouth so may as well set him straight,” Megumi snips at you. “I convinced her to get high and the E made us stupid. She loves Yuuji, it was a mistake on both parts.”
“Gojo, please, I know Yuuji is one of your closest friends but—”
“It’s really none of my business. You’re both fun to annoy so I play around. But secrets aren’t mine to tell. I’m not going to interfere with your relationship, it’s not my place. I’m sure each of you had your reasons.”
“He’s good at keeping secrets, one of the best things about him. Unless they’re about my dad, any chance to get him into shit.”
“That’s because I hate Toji,” he laughs. “And he hates me. That, however, is irrelevant. I’ll take this to my grave for everyone’s sake. I’ve never done drugs so I’m inclined to believe you both were acting out of character because of it. Especially if it’s new for you, sweetheart.”
“I can’t— I really can’t thank you enough, I—”
“That being said,” he interrupts, holding up a finger to silence you both so he can speak. “I don’t believe for a second there isn’t something brewing between you. Tensions are high, I could hear it through the phone when you called me. You’ve opened Pandora’s box and whether it was a mistake or not, there’s a connection between you now that will keep bringing you back together. Deny it all you like, but what happened won’t be a one-time thing. Just be careful, there’s gonna be some heartbreak down the line.”
A deathly silence fell upon the car. Neither you nor Megumi knew what to say to him. Your eyes found each other in the side mirror but you quickly averted your stare as you focused on the clouds in the sky instead. There’s no way you can let yourself fall into a pattern of seeking comfort in Megumi while Yuuji is away. It was one mistake. People make mistakes all of the time. People bounce back from their mistakes, too! You can’t be with him again. Maybe you need to cut him off for good. It’s not like you can’t trust yourself around Megumi. But being near him knowing what you did is going to be a heavy burden of guilt to bear.
Of all of the things he’s done, this has got to be the worst. You know it’s your fault too. You know you could have said no at any point. But you’re sure if he didn’t insist on getting you high it wouldn’t have happened.
You hate him.
You fucking hate him.
He’s like a tornado going above and beyond to destroy everything. How you could let yourself see humanity and kindness in him is embarrassing, honestly. It’s humiliating that you let yourself trust him. You fell for him this weekend. You fell for the idea that he could be something he isn’t. Normal. He’s evil, plain and simple. This was a calculated move. A pre-planned scheme to really destroy you in the worst way possible. And you only have yourself to blame.
You’re the one who let him.
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