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commander-rahrah · 7 months

Text

Firsts

Pairing: Astarion (non-ascended) x GN!Reader Word Count: ~1200 archiveofourown: here

masterlist: here

Summary: Post ending of BG3, established relationship. GN!Tav/Reader having a bit of self doubt and worrying that Astarion fell for the very first person he met once he realized he was free from Cazador and that they would understand if he someday decides that he wants to go explore or meet new people or fall in love more then once. Astarion’s reacts to this worry.

Note: I haven't posted any BG3 fics yet, but I just couldn't resist writing this little scene that's been bouncing around in my head this past week! I wrote it originally for my Tav named Olympia, a tiefling bard, but I changed it to second perspective for this post.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·..·:*¨༺ ༻¨*

Astarion’s eyes were trained on your fidgety movements. You were picking at the blanket as you sat on the edge of the bed, your hand shifting anxiously back and forth as your brow was crumpled in thought.

Something was eating away at you. He just wasn’t sure what. You two had a seemingly normal day, not starting until well past sunset (your new adopted routine just for him). The both of you had done some research and shopping before returning to the tiny rooms you were calling home for the time being to relax for the remainder of the night.

But now that he thought about it, you had barely touched your meal tonight. And were much quieter than usual, not as optimistic or positive during the research that had once again been futile. Perhaps you were being plagued by nightmares again — images of the horrors the party had faced just a couple months ago were resurfacing.

A flash of anger coursed through him at himself for not noticing sooner. Taking a breath he didn’t really need, he strode over to you and joined you on the edge of the bed — the mattress sinking slightly with his added weight.

“Copper for your thoughts, my sweet?” He asked with a tilt of his head, before tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear.

“I— I was thinking…,” You were quiet, and stumbled as you opened your mouth. He’d very rarely seen you like this — you always had a way with your words. You could be more poetic and flowery than even him. “And— and I understand if you do end up feeling this way.”

Confusion spread across all of Astarion’s features, “What in the hells are you talking about?”

You finally looked up at him, your eyes big and crinkled with worry, “I was the first person you met when you realized you were free… from him.” The pair of you had silently agreed to never mention that name again. “The first person you’ve been with. If you… if you decide you want to go see the world, experience new things, new people… I would understand.”

His jaw clenched together, “What?”

“I feel selfish keeping you all to myself. When there’s so much of the world you’ve not seen, so many other people you could be with that I—“

His red eyes blinked at you, before his lips turned downward, “You’re being serious.”

“I—“

He cut you off abruptly, waving his hand dramatically and pressing it into his chest, “Do you think that’s what I want? Have I told you that’s what I want?”

You shook your head, lips creasing, “No, I just want you to know that it’s ok if—“

“What, if I want to leave?” He stood up from the bed, looming in front of you as he spoke, “If I want to go galivant around to meet mysterious strangers, have a tryst or some torrid affair? I know that I am capable of making my own decisions. I know that darling, and I chose you. I choose you. And you reciprocated that.”

“I did. I do, I choose you. But I’ve—“

He interrupted you again, “Let me ask you something. Do you love me?”

“Of course. With all my heart.”

His heart still swelled with your answer. It did every time you admitted it to him. To hear it put out into the universe. That a tiny corner of it was indeed intended for him and you.

He pursed his lips before asking, “Have you loved people before me?”

“I—yes.” You admitted, looking down to your fingers that had become a twisted knot on your lap now.

“And did it feel the same? The love you shared for those other people.” He asked quietly, stepping closer and leaning down to undo the knot of your fingers. Instead threading them through his own pale, cold ones. “Did your love for them feel the same way you love me?”

Your throat bobbed as you swallowed, squeezing his hand in confirmation. “No. Not even close.”

“Exactly. You explored and experienced… and it still led you here, to me now. To your version of a first, yes?”

You nodded, the bottoms of your beautiful eyes starting to form with water as you tried to keep your tears at bay.

“I don’t need anybody else, or anywhere else.” Astarion sank to his knees in front of you, keeping his hands intertwined with your own. He dipped his head so he was looking up at you, his red eyes soft and tender. “Look… yes, you may have been the first person I stumbled upon after that damn ship. The first person I met once I realized I was free from his grasp. But you are also the first person to treat me with kindness and compassion. Respect. You’ve fought for me, protected me, fed me, been patient with me. You were the first person whose touch doesn’t make me feel ill, the first person who’s brought me to a blissful euphoria. You’ve given me peace. Autonomy. Safety. And love. No one has ever done that for me, not in my whole existence.”

His half dead heart was thundering in his chest. He had already declared himself to you once before, yet his whole body was shaking with emotion right now.

“And how dare you think so little of yourself. You aren’t just some notch in my belt, not a stepping stone in my life. You are everything.” Astarion used his thumb and finger to push your chin up, forcing your eyes to stare up into his. “I love you. No on else. And there will be no one else.”

The tears that were welling in your eyes finally broke free, rolling down your freckled cheeks. “I love you too. Irrevocably so.” Your voice was a raspy whisper.

“Oh my lovely moon, I wish you could see yourself how I see you.” Astarion’s voice was a gentle whisper.

He pressed a soft kiss onto your lips, both of his hands moving to grab the sides of your face. His pale thumbs wiped away the tears. “I surely hope these are somewhat happy tears now?”

You nodded profusely in his hands, a breathy laugh escaping you. “Happy, relieved.”

“Good. Now, no more of this talk alright? There is only room for one person to be filled with self doubt in this relationship and that position is currently filled by me.”

You frowned, “Starry, don’t jest about things like that.”

“Old habit.” His smirk pulled up enough that his fangs poked out. “No more stewing with your anxious thoughts. You’re going to come and join me on the balcony. Come on,” He stood up and held out his pale hand for you before he gently tugged you to the small balcony attached to your rooms.

The pair of you looked up at the inky black sky, glittering with the sprinkling of stars you could still see in Baldur’s Gate. They were blinking and swirling around the glowing, full moon. A sigh of contentment left you both as you stood in comfortable silence and basked in the light.

“What would the stars be without their moon?” He whispered in your hair, wrapping his arms around your waist as he gathered you into him.

#bg3 astarion #astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion fanfic #astarion x reader #astarion/reader #astarion x tav

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multifandomlover01 · 4 days

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Not Technically Mine…But Still Unequivocally Mine

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (not AFAB specific)

WC: ~2.9k

Warnings: reader is undercover bait, very scummy suspect, very uncomfy situation and dialogue, touching, Spencer is concerned for her safety, biological male reaction mention, strangulation mention but not depicted, the b word is used to describe the reader, he spits on her too

Summary: (based off a post by @hereforhalstead and fic semi-requested by @ribbongrll) Reader has to go undercover as bait to lure in a suspect, and Spencer is not happy about it. He’s very protective and almost caused the mission to not be completed

Note: I envisioned post prison Spencer for this so it’s like S13-15 (JJ and Luke are in here), also third person and idk what’s happening with the tenses. Also a bit repetitive? Bit annoying?

Spencer absolutely fucking hated it whenever he had to be in a club or a bar for a case. It didn’t matter how much time he had to spend in the building. He got anxious and overstimulated very quickly. The only thing that made it worse was when some guy flirted with his equally as anxious female coworker (who was also his best friend who he was also in love with). Every time a guy would flirt with her while she just stood there, uncomfortable and silent, his heart broke. He’d glare at the guy and if he still didn’t take that hint, say something. Luckily, this usually took care of any further interaction.

Apparently the only thing worse than some guy flirting with his best friend/crush was her being bait for a suspect. She was his exact type, physically speaking and personality wise. Spencer almost immediately objected when he saw the form fitting and revealing dress that JJ had helped her pick out. But he doubted he’d be able to convince Prentiss and Rossi to ditch the plan. It was the best one they had. At least Spencer got to go undercover with her as her date…although he didn’t know if this actually would make the situation better or worse.

He didn’t even notice that his hand was brushing against hers the whole ride. He also didn’t notice that he was sweating a little bit.

“You’d better not do that in the club…you’ll give us away.” She teases and he doesn’t know what she’s talking about until he is suddenly physically aware of the perspiration.

He chuckles. “I won’t. Don’t worry.” He takes a handkerchief out of his pocket and dabs his face and neck.

They arrive at the club. He gets out of the vehicle and helps her out. He suppressed a groan when she tugs on her dress to futilely get it to cover more of her thighs. He gingerly grasps her hand and leads her inside.

“Remember…be your shy sweet self but not too reserved and reluctant because we need-”

“The suspect outside, yes, I know, Spence. We’ll be ok.” She chuckles as she looks at him.

“I just don’t want you to get hurt.” He frowns.

“You think I want to get hurt.” She furrows her eyebrows.

“Of course not.” He shakes his head, smiling some. “But it’s my job to protect you and…I don’t wanna fail.”

“I have to let him get me outside, isolated and alone so that JJ and Luke can apprehend him. You can’t protect me once I’m on my own with him.” She states what he was trying not to think about. She was right, though, of course.

“Just…be careful, ok?” He squeezed her hand.

“I will, don’t worry.” She squeezed his back. “Hey, I’ve done better for longer on my field training that you have, remember?”

“I remember when you had to help me pass my test to still be qualified to carry a gun and be in the field.”

“And now you don’t even need my help. You’ve gotten better and I’m proud of you. There’s always room for improvement…even for me. I’ll be fine. I promise.”

Spencer still wasn’t sure about this whole situation as they took a seat at the bar at the club. There was only one seat available. Spencer thought about letting her take it as the lady while he stood but then an idea he liked struck him. He sat down on the bar stool, took a hold of her waist and hoisted her up into his lap. He held her tightly to him as he had his arms wrapped around her waist.

“What’re you doing?” She asked, slightly confused by his behavior.

“I’m your date. I’m being…friendly.”

“That’s not why.” She huffs slightly.

“Alright…I’m protecting you, then.” His breath tickles her ear.

“Do I have to be in your lap?”

“I would say that…yes, you do.” He said rather definitively.

They ordered drinks (he made sure to order her a virgin cocktail so she had no actual alcohol in her system, not only was this regulation for an undercover agent, but he knew the last thing he wanted was for her cognition to not be at 100%). They sipped their drinks as she remained in his lap.

Spencer remained vigilant to his surroundings when she had to be more subtle about it to maintain her “oblivious” undercover role. He was grateful that it made sense for a girl’s date to want to ward off any potential girl stealers. He was not so grateful that the suspect did not care about that (even if the whole point of being bait and undercover as a couple was to lure him in to apprehend him).

It didn’t escape her notice that he’d tighten his grip around her whenever any guy got particularly physically close to her for whatever reason (even if it was as innocuous as standing beside her at the bar to order drinks) even if they didn’t even glance at her, let alone talk to her.

“You can relax some, you know. The suspect is going to be much bolder. You don’t have to spike your poor heart rate over every little thing.”

“I care about you. I won’t have you getting hurt.”

“We went over this. I’m perfectly capable of-”

“I know, I know you are, ok? It’s not…it’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s-”

“Excuse me…” An overly charming and soft voice says, cutting Spencer off.

Their eyes immediately flit over to the man that had suddenly appeared. Spencer’s blood runs cold when he realizes that this is the man that matches the descriptions that the bartenders and patrons had given.

Spencer tenses, gripping her hips tightly as he holds her to him.

“I was just at that table over there and couldn’t help notice this…vision of loveliness right here.” He smiles as his hand rests on her knee. She cringes. Spencer’s blood boils.

“Don’t touch her.” He says in a dangerously low tone.

“Oh come on…I’m not gonna hurt the little lady. I’m merely…admiring her.” He steps ever so closer.

“Back off.” Spencer says, or rather…he grits it out. His grip on her hips tightens and she’s starting to wonder if they’ll bruise if he grips any tighter or if he does so for long.

“Oh come on…don’t be such a hard ass. What do you say, darling? How’s about…you and I…ditch this guy and I’ll show you a real good time.” Spencer wishes he could punch that stupid smirk off his face and break his hand as it slides further up her thigh. She’s squirming in his lap, pressing back into him (which doesn’t help another situation).

“You won’t. She’s clearly uncomfortable. You should take a hint and piss off.”

While she is in actuality very uncomfortable around this man, she knows she needs to get him outside.

“Well I…” She forces herself to scoot a bit off of Spencer’s lap and closer to the man. Spencer doesn’t loosen the grip on her hips and pulls her back against him.

“See? The lady here does seem interested.” His smirk hasn’t disappeared as his fingers are now at the hem of her dress.

Spencer has to fight between his instinct to get her as far away from this man as possible and his recognition of the mission. He just glares at the man. Reluctantly, he keeps his mouth shut.

“That’s it…listen to your girl here. Come on, honey. He seems like a real fun guy but…I promise to show you a night you’ll never forget. You’ll feel things you’ve never felt before.”

She scoots off Spencer’s lap a bit and he reluctantly loosens his grip. The man wastes no time sliding an arm around her waist and pulling her closer to him. She lets him lead her away. Spencer’s knuckles turn white against the bar counter as he sees the bastard caress her and then sees his hand move lower and squeeze her ass.

He just prays that she can keep herself safe with her training. She couldn’t wear a wire or anything. But he had one to inform JJ and Luke that they were on their way out to them. All he had to do was wait. He heard the confirmation that they’d made it outside and had been spotted by the agents placed there in the alley.

“Guys…tell me what’s going on.” Spencer murmurs into the mic.

“She’s fine. Just sit tight, Spence.” JJ tries to calm him down. It doesn’t work.

“Don’t tell me to just sit tight, JJ. I…I can’t just sit tight knowing she’s out there with that monster. You’ve got eyes on her. Please tell me she’s ok.” Spencer says pleadingly.

“She’s handling herself, man, ok? She’s capable.” Luke now tries to assuage Spencer’s fears. This also is not successful.

“That’s also not what I asked, Luke.”

Spencer hears Luke sigh. “He’s got her up against the alley wall, ok?”

“Well what’s he doing to her?”

“Spence-”

“What’s he doing?” Spencer insisted.

“Well he’s…fondling her…kissing her neck.”

“Jesus Christ…when are you guys gonna apprehend him? What if he hurts her?” Spencer is starting to get very concerned.

“We have to wait.”

“For what?! For him to strangle her?!”

“We need to wait until there is probable cause for an arrest. She’ll fend him off and he’ll push too far.”

“But how far? Does her dress have to be ripped? Does she have to be humiliated coming back in here?” Spencer was getting angry at his friends. They knew how much he cared about her. He didn’t often get like this.

“Just another minute or so, then we’ll go, ok?” Luke says, hoping again that this’ll calm him.

“Ok…only that…no longer. You can’t leave her with him for longer than that. Please…please protect her.” Spencer says softly.

“We will, Spence. We promise.”

“Thank you.” He sighs in relief.

It is indeed only another minute or two before go time, with JJ and Luke revealing themselves to the suspect. He is startled when two FBI agents with guns come out of the shadows. But before he can get angry and lash out at them, he turns that anger towards his potential victim.

“You…bitch!” He seethes, spitting in her face, causing her to gasp. This causes Luke to push him against the wall as he handcuffs him.

“Alright. That’s enough, buddy. We’re taking you in now.”

“You set me up? This was a set up?! I didn’t do anything! You pigs set me up!” He yells as Luke wrestled him over and into a squad car down at the end of the alley.

JJ comforts her briefly as she stands shaking slightly against the wall.

“Go back inside. Spence is quite anxious to see you.”

She chuckles. “Yeah, I bet.”

She wanders back inside the club, tugging her dress to get it back in place, wiping her smudged lipstick off, wiping the spit off as well.

Spencer is out of his seat like a rocket and bounding towards her the second he sees her enter the door she’d exited out of. He doesn’t say anything as he engulfs her in a tight embrace.

“I’m so glad you’re ok.” He whispered softly in her ear.

“I’m always ok.”

“You don’t have to be. It’s ok to not be ok.” He caressed her back.

“I know. But I’m ok.”

“What if…what if I’m not?” He holds her tightly to him. He buried his face in her neck.

“Why would you…not be ok? I’m…I’m fine.”

“You don’t understand, hon. This whole thing…has been near torturous for me. Watching that man…talk to you…flirt with you…touch you and knowing he was…” He’s shaking now and he doesn’t even realize it.

She caresses his back. “Hey…hey…it’s ok. I’m ok. It’s all over now.” She whispered softly.

“I just didn’t want you to get hurt. If that monster had hurt you…”

“Why don’t we get out of here, huh? I think we should go.”

“Fucking finally.” He groans as he wraps an arm around her waist and swiftly makes his way with her to the front exit of the club. He takes a nice deep breath once he’s exposed to the cool night air. He didn’t even realize how suffocating that environment was to him.

He helps her back into the vehicle as it’s brought around and still keeps her close to him as they head to the hotel to decompress for the night.

Once in the calm peaceful safety of the hotel room, he grabs his sleepwear from his bag and then gets hers for her as well. She had retreated to the bathroom to remove her makeup and take the dress off. Spencer enters the bathroom without knocking. He gets an eyeful of his best friend in her underwear and his face turns red.

“Oh um…I’ll just…leave these here. Sorry.” He puts her sleep wear on the counter and turns quickly to leave, shutting the door behind him.

He changes outside the bathroom in the room, still very embarrassed about his faux pas. He should’ve knocked. He just had so much on his mind at that moment that he’d completely forgotten to do it.

He occupied himself with a book as he sat up on the bed. His head lifts when he hears the bathroom door open. As beautiful as she’d looked in that dress and makeup, she looked infinitely more comfortable in her sleep wear and with no makeup. And because she seemed so comfortable and relaxed now, she somehow seemed even more radiant to him.

“Hey.” He says softly as he smiles at her. “Feeling better?”

“Much better. Thank you.” She smiles back at him as she sits on her own bed.

He looks over at her as she gets her own book out to relax. She goes to put her earbuds in her ear and he stops her. He knows she’s going to listen to music.

“You don’t have to put those in. You can just…play it from the phone.”

She looks over at him. “Really? You’re sure? I dunno how you’re gonna feel about some of the music.”

“It’s fine. I’ll listen to whatever you wanna listen to.” He shrugged. He very much wanted to relax and listen to music together with her instead of it seeming like they were doing it separately.

“Ok. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though.” She chuckles as she puts her earbuds away and turns the volume up on her phone to prepare to play her music.

“It can’t be that bad.”

“You say that now.” She smirks as she presses play.

Classical music starts to play.

“What do you mean you warned me? That’s just Mozart!” He exclaimed.

“For now.”

“Oh for now.” He chuckles, shaking his head. “What’s next…Wagner? Don’t get crazy now.”

“Oh you just wait, Reid…just you wait.”

“Don’t tell me you have Hans Zimmer on there. That’d be really crazy.” He joked.

“Something wrong with movie and tv soundtracks?”

“No, not at all! I love them too. I’m merely amused at what you consider crazy.”

His smile falls when metal music starts playing. She laughs at his confused expression.

“I told you I warned you!”

“Now I’m concerned about what you consider relaxing.” He raises his eyebrows.

“I can always put my earbuds in.” She offers, pointing to them.

“No…no. It’s fine. Then I’d just be concerned for your hearing.” He shakes his head.

“You’re awfully concerned about me a lot of the time.” She notes, pausing the music.

“Of course I am. You’re my best friend. I care about you.”

“Well yeah but…how much?” She queried.

“What do you mean?” He cocks his head.

She scoffs. “You know what I mean, genius. Now answer the question.”

“Well…um…I suppose that…the answer is…a lot.” His gaze is averted from her.

“Spencer…look at me please.” She requests softly.

He obeys and his gaze lifts to meet here. “Yes?” He asks softly.

“Enough to almost blow our chance of catching that scum?”

He chuckled sheepishly, remembering what he’d done. “Yeah…that much.”

She puts her book down and stands up, going over to his bed. He looks up at her as she stands in front of him. She smiles down at him as she reaches up to cup his face. He smiles back up at her, letting her touch him. He wasn’t bothered by her touch.

“You were really scared, weren’t you?” She asks softly.

“I was terrified.”

“Even though I can handle myself?”

“I know you can. That wasn’t the issue. The issue was…” he trails off and his gaze averts briefly.

“Yes?”

“I couldn’t rationalize it in my mind. I knew you could handle yourself but that didn’t seem to matter. I was still scared. I couldn’t calm down. All of my nerves were on edge.”

“But why? If you knew I’d be fine…why worry?”

“Because…I care about you…because…because I think I love you. No…that’s not…I-I know that I love you.”

“You love me? Really?” She smiles.

“Oh absolutely.” He smiled back. “I think I have for quite a while now, I just…I just didn’t know how to express that to you. I could never…find the right words.”

“You couldn’t find the right words?” She chuckles lightly.

“Believe it or not, no. But I’ve…I’ve never been very good at expressing my feelings.”

“Well…the great thing about feelings is…you don’t necessarily need words to express them.”

“You don’t?” He looked at her quizzically.

She shakes her head. “No. You don’t. Actions work just as well.”

“Act-”

She cuts him off for the first time ever by leaning down to kiss him softly. He smiles softly and presses into the kiss. He’s waited so long to feel her lips against his. And it’s just as wonderful as he imagined it would be.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid fanfic #criminal minds fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fanfiction

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cemeterything · 1 month

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i would love to hear more of your thoughts on michael shelley!!! 🌀🚪✨

you're in luck because i've sat on thoughts about him for years and i finally feel like i can articulate them. because michael shelley is such a well written case of tragic horror in the horror tragedy podcast. and, despite my criticisms of season 5, it really did do an excellent job in concluding his character arc with the gertrude backstory episode. in a podcast where a common in-universe theme is that knowledge, and the pursuit of knowledge, is dangerous, michael is a subversion in that his ignorance of the horrors of the world he lived in not only didn't save him, but was intentionally engineered to make him vulnerable to exploitation and harm (which, on a broader scope, emphasises the futility of the world of the magnus archives - regardless of whether you participate in or turn a blind eye to the systems at play, involved or uninvolved, you are not safe).

furthermore, i really appreciate the subversion of traditional tropes of the sacrifice as a typically female figure taken advantage of by a male father, brother, or lover, whose tragic and horrible death is used to motivate him (whether to greatness or self-destruction), with michael being a son sacrificed by his mother (or grandmother) figure, who never actually loved him and whose 'frail' and 'nurturing' qualities were weaponised incompetence used to gaslight and manipulate him - and who continues to operate successfully (at least in terms of what can be said to be 'success' in a world like the magnus archives) without being haunted by any apparent doubt about the decision she made, or any hesitation to use others in similar ways, following this betrayal. which makes the fact that he's sewn into the fabric of a being that represents lies in their most insidious form, used as a weapon to devour people and destroy their lives, all the more abhorrent in hindsight - he is forced to not only relive his trauma in an endless loop (or spiral, if you will), but to become the mechanism which enables it. michael is taken to the edge of something evil (at least from a human perspective), and pushed over the threshold with no hope of recourse. there's almost a reverse orphic quality to it - he descends into terrifying other world, one which exists side-by-side with but fundamentally seperate from his own, against his will, and looking back will only cause him pain as he's assaulted by memories of a life he will never be able to reach.

i think a lot of people forget to look past the surface with michael, despite there being an entire episode dedicated to doing so. which is understandable, he's a very outwardly expressive character - but this is intentional obfuscation to hide an incredibly damaged victim whose hatred of this part of himself is integral to his entire reason for being, and which the rejection of causes him to be unmade, incapable of existing as this contradictory nightmare any longer. it's a mercy killing, and yet it is violent and painful, because michael cannot and should not exist, and excising that graft used to muzzle the distortion is as agonising as latching it into place was in the first place. when michael-the-distortion says about michael shelley "he was born. he was pointless. and he should have died." there is an implicit longing there, a rage at the way he was used, his decisions made for him and used to imprison something else instead of ever being allowed to exercise any measure of free will. because michael shelley probably would have died for the archivist, given the opportunity, but he never got the choice.

#🐉#michael shelley #tma

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cannellee · 6 months

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Will you be sharing any yandere omega Tokyo revenge?? 🫣🫣

TOKYO REVENGERS YANDERE OMEGAVERSE ★

୨୧ alpha!yandere! Tokyo revengers x omega! Reader (pairing : mikey, draken, mitsuya, taiju, kokonoi, hanma, izana, sanzu)

— what is it like being in a relationship with them

cw : sex, manipulation, red flags 🚩...

(I'm not doing baji here but later since I got a separate request for him! enjoy!)

౨ৎ my other yandere work : baji

౨ৎ my masterlist : ☆

MIKEY

it's safe to say yandere alpha mikey is a bit protective, to say the least.

always questioning whether his omega will be safe or not, the all consuming fear of losing his relatives is so strong he can't help it.

you can't go out on your own obviously, mikey needs to keep you under his watch and make sure you're not in danger.

that's why he's almost always keeping you inside, only allowing you a brief taste of fresh air once in a while and only if he's with you.

he can't risk losing you.

alpha mikey is proud and possessive, a look your way and he's throwing hands and sending anybody to the hospital.

you learnt the hard way it's better for your safety and everyone's that you listen to him, because once he's set his mind on something, there's no going back.

will actually restrain you if you ever try to leave without his consent. why can't his omega stay still? he knows better than you, he knows what is safe and what isn't, so why are you so adamant to disobey him?

yes he prevents you from going out, yes he's the one who gets to decide what you can wear or not and yes if he tells you to strip, you strip. but, at the end of day, isn't he doing all that for you?

he knows how tough the outside world is, his sweet omega wouldn't last a day. he needs to shield her from the ever so unfair world and show her that mikey is the only one you need.

he can provide, he'll work hard just for you and he'll make sure you're always fed and have a roof over your head.

in exchange, you need to promise you'll stay right by his side.

your delicate self can't handle the roughness of the world.

TAIJU

yandere alpha taiju is violent, you can't change my mind.

he's obsessed with his omega and thinks the only way for him to protect her is to scare her enough she'll never think about disobeying, hence doing stupid things.

taiju is very sure of himself and he knows exactly what an omega like you needs.

you're weak and vulnerable, taiju is going to be your only support in life, be grateful.

wants pups and you'll give it to him. he has a predefined image of the perfect mate : a submissive omega, devoted to her alpha.

and that's what you better be if you don't want taiju to beat you into being a good little pet.

he has no problem using his pheromones to force you into submission either. you can plead and beg all you want, taiju will only stop once you've sworn you'll never upset him again.

you need to initiate pda, he acts like he doesn't like it when you do, but if you don't expect a grumpy taiju. he'll doubt your affection for him. why aren't you clinging to him like any lovesick omega would?

you're too dumb for your own good in taiju's eyes, omegas like you need an alpha in their lives otherwise they're lost and putting themselves in constant danger.

useless to mention, but you can count on taiju to never let you see the sun again. the only thing you need to focus on is him, your alpha. other people are futile.

MITSUYA

now mitsuya is smart and sweet. a great combo which makes your dumb omega brain so oblivious to his manipulation.

treats you like his doll, so delicate and precious, you need his care and attention. his omega is so needy :(

tells you what to wear, scolds you like a child when you misbehave, controls what you eat and your sleep schedule.

you can't handle yourself, mitsuya knows that, and that's why he's here<3

but you won't notice him slowy cutting off your contacts or progressively keeps you more and more inside his house until they point it out to you.

and you realise they're right. it's been so long since you've last went out, you're getting bored. but mitsuya is quick to reason his gullible mate.

how cute of you to think about going out when you have him right next to you! you don't like being with him? even though he des all those things just for you? how ungrateful:(

but mitsuya is so understanding, he knows you're just overwhelmed. don't worry, as your alpha mitsuya will make you feel better<3

now go and make a nest for the both of you, like the good omega you are!

mitsuya will soon come to cuddle you, he knows how needy you are for him<3 he'll praise you for doing so well to please your alpha and you'll thank him for being so kind and reliable. that's the perfect scenario in his head!

DRAKEN

now alpha draken is patient but he makes sure to keep you in line.

while mitsuya can be a bit lax on how you behave, draken will make it clear from the beginning he doesn't tolerate disrespect.

he loves you, he really does, that's why he's so strict when it comes to your relationship.

as his omega, you have your own role you need to follow. draken will follow his, keeping you safe and happy.

in the mean time, you listen to his words without any complaints or he'll have to punish you, and you know he hates that:(

he isn't too rough when it comes to punishment, he'll most likely scold you really harshly, scare you a bit and cuddle you. all of that to put you in your place a little and remind you that, while he can protect you, he also has the power to hurt you really bad.

but he doesn't! because he loves his omega, and you should thank him for that<3

when he's stressed, present yourself to him without a word and let him fuck you until he's satisfied. as a thank you, he'll buy you plushies, nest items... name it and it's yours!

if you obey well, a relationship with draken is actually really great!

KOKONOI

alpha kokonoi is dominant and tends to mock you when you don't listen.

he wants to make you feel dumb, so you don't tempt anything by yourself.

what do you mean you can decide on your own? of course you can't, that's what kokonoi is here for.

now shut up and listen to your alpha for once. you think you can actually be smarter than him? he's sure you're lost if he's not here to guide you.

kokonoi is absolutely delighted by the fact that you're financially dependent on him. and he makes sure it stays that way : not letting you work and cutting all of your ties with the working world.

now he's your only support and he feels so much pride and happiness to know he's that needed by his precious omega.

he will buy you tons of gifts, money doesn't matter when it comes to you. praise him and show him your love, that's all he wants as a thank you!

he is possessive, don't get mistaken by his soft tone and gentle smile.

he'll probably never really get into a fight ; he'd rather ruin someone's life forever. either by using his money or his connections, you know kokonoi can do great things.

he lets your relatives alone though, he knows you would never forgive him. but that doesn't mean he won't threaten you to hurt them if you were to misbehave. of course he wouldn't touch a hair, but you don't need to know that<3

HANMA

worst alpha ever. I hate him sm

alpha hanma has a laidback behaviour, which could trick you into thinking he actually doesn't care about your whereabouts.

but you find out soon enough that you can't escape him.

he's a scent lover, and really possessive. this combo makes him super clingy in an unbothered way (if that makes sense).

always groping you lazily while inhaling your flowery scent, his grasp appears soft but it tightens the more you try to wriggle out of it.

mocks you like you're the stupidest omega on earth, he makes you feel so small and helpless that you sometimes don't even talk back.

and while he gets off the fun it gives him to have a bratty omega by his side, he also loves it when you're submitting yourself to him, never challenging his authority over you.

expect hanma to be absolutely shameless when it comes to sex. he's touching you anywhere anytime, flicking up your skirt and bending you over when you're cooking, pushing you down to your knees when you're out in a dark alley... hanma doesn't care and neither should you.

but your embarrassment, unable to retort anything at all because he's your alpha and he can do whatever pleases him, makes him want to ruin you even more!

IZANA

as his omega, you're not leaving anytime soon.

he probably has you shackled and locked inside a beautifully decorated room, meant for his omega's use only.

it's full of nest items, plushies he precociously chose himself, tons of clothes that smell like him and the food he brings you when you've been good.

the sight would be very pitiful to any outsider, but to izana you looked so perfect, throning over his apartment like a delicate princess.

you can't get out of this room and only izana is allowed to come inside. that means he's the only person you can talk to.

he's so scared to loose you, the only person he loves so much that he's being extra careful!

he actually hopes his vulnerable omega will come to love him as much as he loves you if he's the only one in contact with you.

surely you'll grow desperate for human touch and throw yourself in his arms, right?

forcefully scents you and uses a system of privilege to push you into acting good.

actually thinks he's the reason why you're being a bad omega with him and is reviewing everything he's done so far.

misbehave and he's leaving you on your own for days or even weeks, you won't know for how long and you also won't know if he'll at least come back to feed you.

now you're left in the dark and silence of your room, with nothing to do but overthink and sleep. your brain quickly becomes hazy and cloudy, your mental state not helping at all.

once he's back, you better apologise and beg for him to never let his dumb omega alone again. show him just how much you need him, he relishes on your neediness for him.

your anguished whining and pleading, along with your sad scent is enough of a proof that you don't need any more punishment.

he loves that his method worked on you and that you've grown to become so dependent on him<3 he'll have to be more careful in the future though, it seems his omega is more vulnerable than he thought:(

SANZU

now sanzu probably is the worst alpha actually (I was a bit harsh with hanma😒)

is 100% drugging you. he can't have his omega disobeying him and being so trashy with him when he's only trying to cuddle.

you become so docile once you've swallowed a couple of pills sanzu can't help but abuse it.

he's making you gulp down the strangest of drugs. they now messed with your head and you never complain at all!

you've become the most clingy omega and he's not complaining! your glossy eyes and blurred speech is just so cute, you messy but sweet scent is like a drug on its own, he can't resist you<3

sanzu is one to drag you basically anywhere with him. but of course you're not allowed to speak or look at anyone beside of him.

that why you keep your eyes glued to the ground. and when you're at one of his club and you're left all alone for a few minutes, it doesn't matter if you're being bothered or harassed : shut up and wait for your alpha. he's not far away anyway.

the alpha that was being annoying is shot dead the moment sanzu sees him within a perimeter of 10 metres from to you.

by now, everyone is accustomed to his antics and know to never talk to you.

he has so shame as well, and will force you to have sex basically anywhere if he feels like it. especially if someone was about to threaten his claim on you.

you're his, nobody should even look at his property wth.

now he's fucking you on the couch of the vip room of his club, the music blasting outside making you dizzy and his pheromones forcefully wetting your entrance.

sanzu will never let you go, he'd rather die than doing so<3

693 notes · View notes

forever-rogue · 1 year

Note

So I have this idea for a peter x reader. basically reader is really quiet and shes friends with Peter. anyway, she develops feeling for him but doubts that he'll ever feel the same and tries to hide it as much as possible. eventually when Peter tells her his feelings she laughs and thinks it's a joke like "how would u like me?" and Peter slows down sadly and is like "why would u think I'm joking?" and ends with just fluffy fluffy confessions and comfort <3

AN | Oh yes, one of my favorite tropes, aka Peter Parker confesses his love but you’re not buying it❤️

Pairing | tasm!Peter Parker x Fem!Reader

Warnings | Language

Word Count | 3k

Masterlist | Main | Peter

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

You’d known Peter Parker for the latter part of twenty years.

You’d known that you were in love with him for the last five years. You were pretty sure you’d been in love with him much longer than that, but realization hadn’t dawned on you just yet.

The revelation had come to you out of the blue one evening when you were at home in your shared apartment, the two of you watching a movie. He didn’t even really do anything special, it just hit as you listened to him comment on random scenes throughout the movie. You were in love with him.

But just as quickly as you had your breakthrough, you decided to push it to the side, compartmentalized to the back of your mind to decay there. You might have been helplessly in love with him, enamored and enraptured by him, but you would never tell him.

There was absolutely no way that Peter would ever return your feelings, not even remotely. No, nope, nah. You were his best friend, and that’s all you would ever be. That was your destiny, and while you hated it, you hated the idea of a life without Peter even more.

So, like some kind of self professed martyr, you decided to live with your secret.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

“Are you even paying attention?” you weren’t, not until Peter was waving his hand in front of your face, but he didn’t need to know that. You turned your attention back to him and gave him a tight lipped smile and even weaker nod. He laughed, sugar sweet and syrupy, “you’re lying!”

“Am not,” you huffed petulantly, poking around the food that was on your plate. Admittedly you’d lost your appetite and zoned out when Peter started talking about Kim from work and how she’d asked him out again. He insisted that he’d turned her down, again, but it didn’t cause that nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach to go away, “I couldn’t listen to another word out of your mouth, Parker. The sound alone could put me right to sleep.”

“Oh honey,” he took a sip of his drink, leaning back in his chair as he appraised you. You felt warm under his intent gaze, avoiding his eyes as you practically stared holes into the table, “we both know that’s not true.”

“How?” you snapped your gaze back to him, and found the most satisfied little smirk on his face.

“You wouldn’t have been friends with me for so long if you really thought that,” he leaned forward and shot you a wink, which caused you to almost melt into a puddle, “right?”

“You’re the worst,” there was nothing but an affectionate lilt in your words, “the absolute worst.”

“But you love me,” you knew it was meant as a friendly comment but you felt like your heart had just plummeted into your stomach. Did he know? He couldn’t know.

“Whatever,” you took the cloth napkin off your lap and tossed onto the table. You were out at a nice restaurant, both of you dressed to the nines; it would have been easy to assume you were a couple on a date. The waiter had made a comment about what a lovely couple you were, “hurry up so we can get out of here and get home.”

Home. As in your singular home. That’s right; not only were you a fool, you were an absolute fool. One that lived with her best friend that she was secretly in love with. It made things…interesting. But, if anything, it was a good exercise in futility.

“Pajamas and ice cream?” he asked, as if it was really any question. At least one night a week included a lazy night in watching movies in pajamas and lots of ice cream. You loved that you were able to enjoy such simple things, along with the finer things.

“Duh,” you teased, “now come on, before someone mistakes for a couple again.”

“Would that really be such a bad thing?” there was a look of genuine curiosity in his eyes that almost made you spill your deep, dark secret then and there.

“Yes,” you lied, biting the inside of your cheek, “the worst!”

Peter said nothing but you could feel him watching you. You were afraid that somehow he would learn all your deepest, darkest secrets.

You hoped he wouldn’t…you weren’t sure how you’d survive that.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

When you woke up the next morning, it was to something that smelled extremely delicious. You groaned as you rolled onto your back, rubbing the last of the sleep from your eyes, stomach gurgling loudly. You slipped out of bed and pulled on a discarded hoodie - it used to be Peter’s but was now yours - and socks as you padded out into the hallway.

Noise was coming from the kitchen and your brow furrowed as you walked towards the commotion. Peter’s bedroom door was open which meant that it was definitely him that was the source of all the commotion. Odd. He was usually not an early riser.

“Pete?” a large vase of daffodils, tulips, and daisies sat on the small kitchen table. Your favorites. The boy was in the kitchen, in a t-shirt and gray joggers (damn him), and moved around to make sure everything was ready at the same time, “what’s all this?”

“Hey babe,” the pet name flowed from his lips like it was a no brainer, like this was all so natural between the two of you. You supposed, in a way, it was, “I’m making breakfast.”

“I can see that,” you raised an eyebrow and gestured around, “what’s the occasion?”

“Nothing,” he shrugged lightly, “just wanted to do something nice for you.”

“Peter, that’s…really sweet,” yeah. You weren’t even going to attempt to deny that much, “it looks and smells delicious. And the flowers-”

“Also for you,” this time a sheepish expression crossed his features along with a pretty pink blush, “I just thought you deserved something nice.”

“Is there…it’s not my birthday,” you mused out loud, “it’s not a holiday. So…am I missing something?”

“No,” he considered you for a moment before swallowing thickly, “I just…let me do something nice without the whole interrogation thing!”

“You’re Spider-Man, you should be used to interrogations.”

“Not from you!”

“Well, consider it practice.”

“No, listen, I-” he groaned lightly, swiping a hand over his face, messing up his already roguish hair, “I-I-I-”

“You can’t get all flustered!” you teased, “can’t let the enemy know you’re weak!”

“I’m not-”

“Petey,” you laughed softly, enjoying the little back and forth banter, “I’m just teasing. No need to get so worked up. Look, I’m going to go-”

“I’m in love with you.”

“And shower before breakfast,” the two of you spoke at the same time, but you heard each other loud and clear. You opened and closed your mouth a few times, feeling the heat rise up in your cheeks, flustered and wanting to disappear, “w-why would you say that?”

“What?” he looked confused. Your heart felt like it was about to burst out of your chest, “what do you mean?”

“I was just teasing you, but you don’t have to be cruel,” you felt tears already welling up as your lip trembled with effort to keep from crying, “why would you be so mean?”

“How? I don’t…what?”

“Why would you tease me and say you loved me?” despite your best efforts the tears had welled up and rolled down your face, “I was just messing around, but that’s…hurtful.”

“Wait - what do you mean?” a look of pure panic crossed his features as he shook his head, “why would I just say that? I would never say something like that if I didn’t mean it. Honey-”

“You don’t love me,” you threw up your hands in exasperation, “not like that. You’re my best friend!”

“You’re my best friend too,” he took a step closer and you took one back, “and I do love you as you my best, but you’re so much more than that. I’m in love with you.”

“You’re lying,” you insisted, unable to wrap your head around the fact that he might be telling the truth, “why would you be in love with me? I’m just…me.”

“That’s why I’m in love with you!” he wasn’t sure what your reaction was going to be, but he wasn’t fully expecting this one, “I’ve been in love with you for years! Have you really never noticed?”

“You’re just being a good friend,” were asking him or telling him? You weren’t entirely sure, “you don’t love me! You could never love me. I’m nothing.”

“You’re everything,” but you weren’t listening to him anymore. You were shaking your head, absentmindedly brushing your tears out of your face as you stumbled towards your bedroom.

“No, please just stop,” you insisted. You ducked into your bedroom and slammed the door shut before locking it. Realistically, if he really wanted to get in it would have been a breeze for him.

He called your name a few more times before you heard his retreating footsteps go back to the kitchen. All you could think to do was to climb into bed and get under the covers. Dealing with anything - what he had said and what you had said - seemed like the last thing you wanted to think about.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

At some point you woke up from the stress and sadness nap you had taken and found that the sun was shining brightly into the room. You looked at your phone with a groan when you saw that it was the middle of the afternoon.

Hesitantly you dragged yourself out of bed, again, and slinked towards the door, sticking your ear to it and listening for any signs of life, also known as Peter Benjamin Parker. This would be one of the times it would have been handy to have his enhanced senses, but even with your regular old human abilities, you were sure he wasn’t home.

With a sigh of relief you opened the door and walked back into the crime scene; the kitchen looked exactly as it had when you’d found Peter in it earlier. He must have left to give you space after your little - okay big - freak out. He’d always been good with boundaries and giving you space when needed.

Part of you almost wished he was here. The flowers on the table were almost taunting you, and you walked over to them, gently touching over their petals. Of course he knew your favorite flowers, he got them for you…kind of a lot now that you were thinking about it. He knew you inside out, better than anyone else, and sometimes you were convinced that he knew you better than you knew yourself.

You stepped into the kitchen and started to clean things up, putting dishes in the sink and other stuff away. The thought that Peter had touched each and everyone of these things provided a sense of relief.

Peter often did these sorts of things. He doted on you, you would absolutely admit this, but you’d always chalked it up to his friendly nature. But then…he wasn’t like this with his other friends. He was openly affectionate, yes, but with you it was different. You thought about the fact that he never went on dates with anyone - he would always turn them down, including Kim from work. The few times you’d gone on a date he always seemed upset, even if he tried to suggest otherwise. Huh.

People often asked if the two of you were dating, but you always gave them the same answer: platonic friends with a capital P. It sucked sometimes, especially when you knew that women, and men, practically threw themselves at Peter.

You thought back on all the things he did for you, all the days, nights, and weekends you’d spent together through the years and oh. Oh.

“Oh,” you whispered the singular word out loud to yourself, halfway through washing a plate when it hit you.

Peter hadn’t been lying; he was telling you the truth. The truth had been so obvious and right in front of you the entire time.

You wanted to curl up and vanish. Not only had you accused him of lying and only loving you as a friend, you’d run out on him and refused to talk to him like a stubborn child. All you could do was hope that you hadn’t ruined everything.

When you were finished cleaning up the mess from earlier, you made a mental plan. Maybe he wouldn’t believe you or forgive you, but it was worth a shot like a sort of romantic hail mary.

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Peter spent the better part of the day out of the apartment, opting to go and work in his office. His mind was reeling and the only way he could think to get it to quiet down was to throw himself into his work. He hoped that by the time he got home you would be willing to talk to him, or at the very least you wouldn’t run from him.

Needless to say, he wasn’t expecting you to be in the kitchen making dinner as you sang along to whatever record you threw on the vintage player. You’d gifted it to him a few years ago on his birthday after you’d seen him eyeing it about a hundred times. It was just one of the many ways you showed him love. He’d fallen even more in love that day.

“Hello?” he asked timidly as he kicked off his sneakers by the door. On the table next to the flowers he’d gotten for you, was another vase, this one filled with daisies and sunflowers; his favorites…because they reminded him of you.

At the sound of his voice you slowly turned around, bracing yourself for about a million different possibilities.

“Hi Pete,” you held up your hands in a meek little wave, feeling your flush furiously, “listen-”

“I’m sorry,” the two of you said at the same time.

“W-wait,” a pretty pout settled on your lips. He wanted to kiss you until it went away and was replaced with a smile, “what are you sorry for?”

“For making you uncomfortable,” he shrugged nervously, “I didn’t think what I said would come across so…like it did. I thought you knew, or at least kind of knew, how I felt. I thought maybe you felt the same and it was finally time to tell you. That didn’t land well obviously.”

“Peter,” whenever you said his name like that it made him want to melt into a puddle.

There were a million things you wanted to say, but couldn’t think of anything. Nothing seemed quite adequate or strong enough to convey the amount of love you held for the man in front of you.

You walked the few remaining steps over and stopped right in front of him, both of you staring at each other intensely.

You reached up to touch his face, your hand resting on his cheek. You leaned up and closed the little bit of remaining distance, pressing your lips against his. It only took a moment for his brain to catch up to what was happening, and when he did, his hands settled on your waist, and pulled you ever closer into his body.

Kissing Peter left so natural, so right, like you’d been doing it forever. There was no learning curve - the two of you already know each other so well - no awkward fumbling or misses. It just…was.

And kissing him was addicting. Now that you knew what it was like, you never wanted to stop. You wanted him all over you, all the time, forever.

But eventually you needed a breath of air and reluctantly pulled apart. You found him watching you like you were the most wonderful thing he had ever seen (you were).

“I’ve been in love with you for a very, very long time,” you admitted softly, causing his eyes to lit up, “I just never thought…you’ve always been my best friend and I was convinced you’d never want more. So I never said anything.”

“I’ve always wanted more - I want everything,” he took your face in his hands, cradling it delicately as he studied, “it’s always been you.”

“I thought that I was just me, and I’d never be good enough for you. And then I thought maybe you found out how I felt and you were teasing me,” it seemed really silly saying it out loud.

“I would never do that,” you knew he wouldn’t. Your own self doubt had you convinced of all the wrong things, “I meant it all. I’ve always meant it.”

“I thought about it while you were gone,” it was a soft confession that had you giving him a shy smile, “and I realized it was always so obvious.”

“It’s been terribly obvious,” he agreed as you exchanged soft laughs.

“Terribly,” you agreed, “will you forgive me for how I acted earlier?”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” he insisted, sweet and saccharine, “can I kiss you more?”

“I would-”

Before you could finish what you were saying, you smelt something burning and turned around to find your pain on fire. You panicked while Peter fell into action, taking the pan off and setting it in the sink before getting the fire out. It was just one of the many ways in which you complimented each other perfectly.

“Anyway, you were saying?” He had the biggest, silliest smile on his face as the kitchen filled with the smell of burnt food. You couldn’t help but break into a fit of giggles at the absurdity of it all...and then the smoke alarm went off.

“You can kiss me anytime,” you finally got to say what you had wanted to, shouting slightly over the alarm before the two of you dissolved into laughter, “I love you, Peter Parker. Really.”

“I really love you, honey bee.”

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker x you #andrew garfield #andrew garfield x reader #andrew!peter parker x reader #andrew!peter x reader #tasm!peter parker #tasm!peter parker x you #tasm!peter parker x reader

2K notes · View notes

ebbaskz · 7 months

Text

are you bored yet? | h.hj x reader (a,f)

masterlist

pairing : hwang hyunjin x reader (y/n)

content : established relationship, insecure!y/n, cutest bf ever hyunjin, lots of self-doubt, angsty with a little fluff at the end

word count : 1.7 k

“but i can’t help from asking ‘are you bored yet?’ ”

The cold pattering of the shower onto your skin has not encouraged the effect you had been hoping for.

You had hoped that the ice-cold water would bring you back to Earth for just long enough that you could do some chores that needed to be done, but in reality, you were now stood under the running water, zoning out into an infinitesimal space of self-destruction in your mind.

The last few weeks have consisted of a constant battering and bruising of your self-worth. But all of it was caused by your own insecure thoughts.

Hyunjin has been nothing but the best boyfriend you could ever ask for, carrying you in his heart so gently as if you are the most precious thing that has ever existed. He has cared for you these past few months of dating in ways nobody else has ever even attempted to care for you.

It’s honestly a picture-perfect relationship in everyone's eyes,

except for yours.

While dating someone who might as well be considered an angel who has fallen from the sky, the floods of insecure thoughts multiplied as the months passed.

He could do better.

They are all looking at you two differently. They think you don’t deserve him.

Why would he pick someone like you?

These thoughts have led to your current predicament in the freezing shower, a useless attempt to bring back any sanity to your discouraged self. You see how this attempt is ultimately futile, and you turn off the water stream, quickly drying off and stepping out of the shower just to plop down on the floor of your bathroom, leaning against the wall.

You haven’t seen nor really talked to Hyunjin in 12 days, an insanely long time considering how often you two would call or have coffee dates together in the early mornings of the day.

He has sent a few questioning messages about where you have been or how you are, to which you would respond with such a false sense of happiness, saying that you were ‘okay, just busy’ in the least amount of words possible.

That was bullshit, and even you knew that, but the thought of facing him now after spending hours lying in bed thinking about how horrible of a partner you are for Hyunjin sounds excruciating.

Avoidance isn’t a forever option, but right now, it’s the option that works best for you.

Until the ringing of your phone begins to sound. The unique chiming is one that you had specifically set for Hyunjin so you would know to always answer that call.

You think you would rather do anything than answer that call right now.

The ringing continues to go on. You are not even making a single movement towards your phone, just letting it ring and ring up on the bathroom countertop.

You close your eyes and rest your head back up against the wall, silently praying for the ringing to finally end so you can go back into your delusional fantasy land where you will never need to talk to Hyunjin.

The phone eventually stops ringing, but it is replaced by an erratic knocking on the front door of your apartment.

You slowly stand up, still wrapped in your towel, and walk towards the front door, carelessly letting the water fall off your body to form a trail following you to the door.

You stand in front of the door, not moving to open it, as you already know who’s behind it.

If you were wrong, then you would have no clue who it-

“Y/n? Are you home?”

Your guess was right. It’s Hyunjin.

You knew that this little game of hide and seek wouldn’t last long considering the type of guy that he is, caring about you so deeply that he would take the subway at 11 pm to make sure you were okay.

Yet, you still don’t open the door. You don’t know what you would say to him.

He still deserves better. Ignoring him is for his own benefit.

“Baby, I know you are there. Please just open the door. I want to see you…”

Shit. You thought you would be stronger than this but the next thing you know you are opening the door at the sound of his pleas.

The sight of him kills you. His face is flushed a deep red and his hair is tousled due to the extremes of the late autumn weather. A quick look to his hands shows a small bouquet of flowers and a small bag from a local bakery, likely containing your favorite pasty that they make.

He quickly throws himself into you, almost dropping what he’d been holding. The hug he envelopes you in makes you feel so incredibly guilty for ignoring him.

“Why are you here?” You ask while moving a little away from the hug to see his face clearly.

“I missed you so much. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He lifts his free hand up to gently cradle the side of your face, “I just haven’t seen you in so long so I figured a surprise visit with some of your favorites would help relieve you from some of the stress of your busy schedule.”

Honestly, you wish you would just get swallowed up by the floor right now. Hearing him care so much after you have been lying to him for almost two weeks was a wild punch in the gut for you, the guilt almost unbearable.

And because of this, you move out of Hyunjin’s hold as tears start to stream down your face.

His face morphs into one of confusion and concern as he figured you would be happy to see him rather than sad.

“Hyunjin, i really think you should go home. It’s late,” you say, barely able to say this without your voice entirely failing on you.

“What? Are you okay? I’m not going home,” He steps further into your apartment closing the door behind him and setting his gifts on the floor before approaching you, waiting for you to seek comfort in him as you normally do.

But this time, you don’t move toward him. Rather, you take another step back as you avoid eye contact with him, not being able to deal with the hurt in his eyes. “I’m just not feeling well right now, Hyunjin. Thank you for coming to check up on me, but you should leave.”

“Stop calling me Hyunjin,” he says while walking further toward you so he can lift up your face so you will meet his eyes, “You never call me Hyunjin. Please tell me what’s wrong. Did I do something, baby?”

God, you wish he wasn’t the absolute sweetest soul in the world. Of course, it wasn’t because of him. He could never do anything wrong to you.

“No, it’s not you,” you quickly spill out, not wanting him to delve any deeper down that hole, “but it’s definitely because of me.”

He gives a confused quirk of his eyebrows and a sort of sad look in his eyes, “What do you mean? You haven’t done anything.”

“That’s exactly it, Jinnie. I haven’t done anything. I just don’t understand why you are here to see me when I’m just me. How are you not bored of me yet?” This comes out straggled through your sobs, and you are practically unable to get out the entire thing.

A quick look into his eyes immediately calls out every one of your idiotic insecurities to be horribly wrong as his care for you is reflected back to you.

“What are you even saying, baby?” He starts to tear up at your admission of conscience, feeling horrible himself for not treating you better (as if he wasn’t already treating you like a goddess beforehand). “I will never get bored of you. You are my everything, Y/n. My happiness. My comfort. My love.”

“But Jinnie-“ You try to speak out to stop him from continuing.

“No. There are no ‘buts’ here. I am here for a reason, baby, because I love you so much that I was worried sick that work had been stressing you out too much with how busy you’ve been. I hated thinking about you being miserable, so I came to see you. I missed you, and I wanted to talk to you. I love you, Y/n. Does that really seem like I’m ever going to be bored of you?” Hyunjin proclaims this with his full chest, reaching and holding onto your hands so tightly just to get his point across.

You don’t think you have ever been loved as well as Hyunjin loves you. He truly, unconditionally loves you with everything that he is able to give you.

You shatter the glass pane of insecurities, pushing past those insignificant thoughts to realize that you are more than lucky to have this great of a man here to love you. You run into his arms, holding him in the tightest hug you could give. “I’m so sorry, Jinnie. I love you, too, so so so so much.”

Hyunjin breathes out a deep, relieved sigh as he reciprocates the hug. He knows you have struggled in your past with feeling insecure, but he never thought you would ever feel that way when being with him.

He gives you time to get what you need from this hug until your grip on him loosens a little. He takes the initiative this time and pulls out of the hug, transferring his admiration for you from a hug into a deep kiss that takes you by surprise.

It’s a long kiss, one that you both need. It’s a shared sign of your love for each other as you both sigh into this kiss, revelling in the affection and warmth of the other.

After breaking the kiss when needing to breathe, you and Hyunjin look at each other. This is when you truly realize how enamoured you are with him, which you can see in his eyes is exactly how he’s looking at you, with only pure love.

“Thank you, Hyunjin. You are my prince.”

He laughs airily at this but responds, “Anything for you, my princess.”

You know that these insecurities will eventually come back, but now you know that your prince will come in to swoop you up and take you away from that evil into a land of happiness and love.

a/n : i’m sorry but hyunjin is just so boyfriend-coded that this needed to happen. this song is so good that i just had to use it as inspo. as always, requests are open and lmk how i did! - eb

#Spotify #stray kids x reader #skz x reader #hyunjin x reader #hwang hyunjin x reader #skz fanfic #straykids fanfic #hyunjin angst #skz angst #hyunjin fluff

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wishfulfilled · 1 year

Text

some neville goddard quotes i find helpful:

❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅

“You are already that which you want to be, and your refusal to believe this is the only reason you do not see it.”

“I know of no clearer definition of the means by which we realize our desires than to EXPERIENCE IN THE IMAGINATION WHAT WE WOULD EXPERIENCE IN THE FLESH WERE WE TO ACHIEVE OUR GOAL.”

“The best denial is total indifference. Things wither and die through indifference. They are kept alive through attention. You do not deny a thing by saying it does not exist.”

“By imagination we have the power to be anything we desire to be.”

“To reach a higher level of being, you must assume a higher concept of yourself.”

“Although you may now seem to be what you do not want to be, all you need do to change it, and to prove the change by circumstances in your world, is to quietly assume that you are that which you now want to be, and in away you do not know you will become it.”

”Man must firmly come to believe that reality lies within him and not without.”

”Whatever the mind of man can conceive and feel as true, the subconscious can and must objectify.”

“As soon as you succeed in convincing yourself of the reality of the state sought, results follow to confirm your fixed belief.”

“As soon as man assumes the feeling of his wish fulfilled, his fourth dimensional Self finds ways for the attainment of this end, discovers methods for its realization.”

“Through your ability to think and feel, you have dominion over all creation.”

“Capture the feeling associated with your realized wish by assuming the feeling that would be yours were you already in possession of the thing you desire, and your wish will objectify itself.”

“You are that which you believe yourself to be.”

“Everything we do, unaccompanied by a change of consciousness, is but futile readjustment of surfaces.”

“Humanity is a single being in spite of its many forms and faces, and there is in it only such seeming separation as we find in our own being when we are dreaming.”

“As soon as we succeed in transforming self, our world will dissolve and reshape itself in harmony with that which our change affirms.”

“That is; you say silently but feelingly to yourself, “I AM.” Do not condition this 'awareness' as yet. Just declare yourself to be, and continue to do so, until you are lost in the feeling of just being – faceless and form- less. When this expansion of consciousness is attained, then, within this formless deep of yourself give form to the new conception by FEELING yourself to be THAT which you desire to be.”

“It does not matter what it is you desire to have done, or whom you select to do it. As soon as you subjectively affirm that it is done, results follow.”

“Failure is always due to an antagonistic auto-suggestion by the patient, arising from objective doubt of the power of medicine or relic, or from doubt of the truth of the theory.”

“Imagination and faith are the secrets of creation.”

“You have nothing to do but convince yourself of the truth of that which you desire to see manifested.”

“Our subconscious assumptions continually externalize themselves that others may consciously see us as we subconsciously see ourselves, and tell us by their actions what we have subconsciously assumed of ourselves to be.”

“Do not question the how of these things appearing, for no man knows that way.”

“Become indifferent and begin to feel yourself to be that which would be the solution of the problem.”

“You do not visualize yourself at a distance in point of space and at a distance in point of time being congratulated on your good fortune. Instead, you make elsewhere HERE, and the future NOW. The future event is a reality NOW in a dimensionally larger world and oddly enough, now in a dimensionally larger world is equivalent to HERE in the ordinary three dimensional space of everyday life.”

“Every dream could be realized by those self-disciplined enough to believe it.”

“Life does not care whether you call yourself rich or poor; strong or weak. It will eternally reward you with that which you claim as true of yourself.”

“The reason most of us fail to realize our desires is because we are constantly conditioning them. Do not condition your desire. Just accept it as it comes to you.”

“Creation is finished.”

“The reason men condition their desires is because they constantly judge after the appearance of being and see the things as real – forgetting that the only reality is the consciousness back of them.”

“Begin now to mentally see and feel yourself as that which you want to be, and feast upon that sensation morning, noon, and night.”

“Consciousness is the one and only reality.”

“Instead of trying to change others through argument and force, let me but ascend in consciousness to a higher level and I will automatically change others by changing myself.”

“Because consciousness is the only reality I must assume that I am already that which I desire to be. If I do not believe that I am already what I want to be, then I remain as I am and die in this limitation.”

“Assume the feeling of your wish fulfilled and continue feeling that it is fulfilled until that which you feel objectifies itself.”

“The future dream must become a present fact in the mind of him who seeks to realize it.”

“Feed the mind with premises that is, assertions presumed to be true, be- cause assumptions, though false, if persisted in until they have the feeling of reality, will harden into fact.”

“That God exists in us and we in him.”

“The Bible gives it as three days; the duration is three days for responsein this world. If I would now assume I am what I want to be, and if I am faithful to it and walk as though I were, the very longest stretch given for its realization is three days.”

❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅ ❅

#neville goddard #law of assumption #feeling is the secret #wishfulfilled #at your command #loa #self concept #void concept

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kaizokuniichan · 4 months

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Attention Part 4 - Beef

Pairing: Roronoa Zoro x Afab Reader (referred to as she/her) x Trafalgar Law

Summary: Law and Zoro finally face off in a slightly heated discussion about you

CW: Brief mentions of slavery and violence, slightly toxic male “Bro” like behavior. You are the prize after all.

Previous Chapters: Part 1 Part 2 Part 3

Next Chapter: Part 5

Word Count: 2.2k

MDNI. Even though this chapter does not contain any explicit content, the rest of the story does. Please respect this disclaimer.

I was originally going to present this chapter as a two-parter because I didn’t want to leave it as a cliffhanger, but the first part is completed and I’m still working on the second part and I wanted to finally release something for this story. I hope you’ll enjoy this little snippet and I will try to complete the next part soon. Happy Reading!

(Divider by @/cafekitsune and banner by @/eelnoise

Law couldn’t be more thrilled. Somehow, blessedly, you would be staying with him.

More simply, it would be you and the other remaining Strawhats on the journey to Wano, but the details of your failed rendezvous were irrelevant. For now he could at least continue enjoying your company.

Re-coordinating the plan was difficult, though having dealt with the Strawhat captain made Law more skilled at adapting to irritating deviations. His crew was a godsend for they were practiced in anticipating his needs before even being asked. Their reunion had filled him with the realization of how close he’d been to never seeing them again. Would they have forgiven him? Would they have even cared? Would they harbor any resentment for him abandoning them? It took great difficulty to prevent himself from falling down a rabbit hole of self-loathing, but it was combatted with his gratefulness for having such dedicated and devoted people in his life. He’d also internalized your guiding words which reminded him that there wouldn’t even be a dependable and trustworthy crew of his if there weren’t a great captain to lead them.

His mind and heart had been a jumbled mess on the days leading to Zou. A shard of his heart was being taken away, and he feared it would make the rest of him collapse in a way his own Devil Fruit wouldn’t be able to fix. He’d dreaded the moment he’d leave you behind—even more so when you’d clung to him, rendering him frozen with your unshed tears, a suffocating lump lodging in his throat. He’d never seen you look so small and defeated, shriveled as your vivacious essence was drained. Any doubts of your feelings for him were wiped clean when you’d whispered softly how guilty you felt for wanting to stay with him.

Despite your anguish over your blasphemous confession, a part of him— more mountainous than he cared to admit—was delighted that he’d somehow nestled himself within your heart. He’d kissed you so fiercely, pilfering the breath from your lungs, and uttered thankful praises against your lips for painting his world a little brighter—saturating it with your sweetness.

Now that your time together was extended, he had the luxury of hosting you within his domain. Almost daily he struggled with the task of remaining discreet and careful not to further exacerbate the brewing tension between you, him, and Zoro. Not so secretly Law wished the mossy-haired swordsman had joined the others in their rescue of their cook, though he soon realized how futile that would have been given Zoro and the Cook’s contentious relationship.

What was even more concerning was Zoro’s audacious hovering—the man never let you out of his sight. Evidently you and him had engaged in some sort of tryst and now he’d magnetized himself to you and was digging in his heels. Law had taken for granted the minimized scrutiny he’d had aboard the Sunny and how greatly it’d worked in his favor. Now back on the Polar Tang he was forced to maintain the veneer of a respectable host. Ultimately he found himself lying awake at night, wishing to carry you back to his quarters and lavish you with his mouth and body every second of every day it took to reach Wano.

The question now was: where would everyone sleep? How would they divvy up the common areas? The Polar Tang was quite large, but it was uncertain if it could comfortably house 8 guests. The easiest solution was to drag in the spare cots from the infirmary and send all of the men to the men’s quarters.

With strained indifference he’d sent you and Robin to stay with Ikkaku, whose keen eyes took notice of him lingering in the doorway as you settled in. Between her and Robin he felt far too exposed, but it was understood that they’d never mention anything about it. Not to him anyway.

As the sun dipped into the horizon amongst brushstrokes of apricot and magenta, the mighty sub made its descent, hurtling deep into the ocean’s depths. While the Heart Captain sat in his office a soft knock wrapped at his door.

“Hey Captain,” popped Bepo’s head from the doorway as Shachi squeezed past to join him, “that one Strawhat guy was looking for you earlier.”

Massaging his temples, Law prayed that no one else had tampered with anything else of importance.

“If it’s their shipwright tell him we’ll arrive at the next island in a few days’ time, so he can get the materials to fix that tank Long Nose-ya busted.”

Bepo scratched his head as Shachi struggled to hold in his snicker—he’d been complicit in pranking the sniper after all.

“No, it’s that green-haired swordsman who’s been wandering around all day and knocking things over with those swords of his. I think he’s lost but he won’t tell anyone where he’s trying to go.

He’s probably looking for you, Law thought to himself, remembering how you’d spent most of the day sleeping.

“Figures. Bring him and his astronomically pathetic sense of direction in here.”

“Who’re you calling pathetic,” came a grunt from the other side of the door before Bepo stepped aside.

“Actually Captain he’s right here.”

“Yes I see Bepo, thank you. You both can leave. And Shachi, stop encouraging the Strawhats from wreaking anymore havoc. We have too long of a journey together. We can’t afford anymore repairs.”

“Aye aye sir,” Shachi saluted, failing to wipe the shit-eating grin from his face as he ushered Bepo out of the room and closed the door.

Law and Zoro were finally alone, which had never actually happened before they’d arrived at Zou. Much to their surprise they’d formed a delicate alliance, one that stemmed from their disdain for the ludicrous mourning over Kanjuro’s crude drawing and their shared excitement for meeting a ninja. They’d become tentative acquaintances—save for the awkward chill that surged between them whenever you squeezed in to link your arms with theirs. Side-glancing each other over the top of your head, they reluctantly folded as you guided them along.

Zoro leaned against the desk a few steps from where Law sat, who frowned as the force of the other man’s weight knocked over his lamp.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking anything but.

“What is it that you want Zoro-ya.”

Taking a moment to answer, he ran his finger over the hilt of Wado Ichimonji.

“Where’s she sleeping tonight?”

Setting down his pen, Law swiveled around to face him.

“Somewhere you’ll never be able to find.”

The perilous edge in Zoro’s eye made him snort.

“Relax Hercules. She’s with Nico-ya in Ikkaku’s room.”

Blowing out a breath, Zoro shifted on his feet. “Surprised you didn’t drag her to your lair.”

“Are you saying I’m Hades?”

The genuine befuddlement crossing Zoro’s face prompted Law to trudge neatly along.

“I might’ve thought about it but i figured it would be inappropriate to grant her the privilege in front of everyone.”

Zoro smirked and Law relaxed, leaning back in his seat.

“I would if I could though.”

Zoro glanced aside to the disorganized pile of books stacked in a corner.

“Everyone knows you know. Even your crew.”

“I know.” Law laid his hands over his stomach, drumming his fingers. “But I can at least maintain the illusion that we’re all keeping it professional.”

“Speak for yourself. I’m lookin grab her right now and take her to that...observation aquarium-thingy she likes so much. Makes for a very romantic setting.”

With a scoff Law turned back to his desk. “Good luck finding it.”

A bark of laughter whisked the tension aside as Zoro removed his katanas to lean them next to him against the desk. Carding a hand through his hair he turned to face Law properly.

“I can see why she likes you so much.”

Law’s brow twitched as he was unable to tamp down his confusion.

“She likes people who give it to her straight. Bet you’ve said things to her that most people would consider rude.”

He was momentarily stage-hooked to his first encounter with you and smiled.

“One day I basically told her she looked like shit. Like she hadn’t slept for a week.”

“I see,” Zoro replied, concealing his laugh with a fist over his mouth. “Did she...ever tell you why she has so much trouble sleeping?”

Of course you had. It’d been one of the very first offerings of yourself you’d entrusted him with.

“Almost every night for weeks on end, without even breaks sometimes, they forced me to participate in those underground fighting rings under the threat of being sold as a slave to a Celestial Dragon. All thanks to my shitty parent’s debts. And ever since, I’ve been like a prisoner in my own mind. I don’t think you realize how much you’ve helped me.”

“Yeah, she told me.”

Zoro scratched his jaw.

“She still has those nightmares you know, even now. But I imagine you’ve provided the perfect late-night distraction for her.”

Law’s eyes widened in bewilderment.

“I thought she was with you during all of those late nights. You both seem so close after all.”

“Well. Shit,” Zoro shook his head, “I guess we were both missing our opportunity.”

“I guess we were,” Law affirmed with a wry smile.

A blanket of comfortable silence settled before Law turned back to re-open his book.

“Looks like I’ll have to work harder to find a way to steal her away.”

Zoro’s head snapped back to him, eye gleaming with careful warning.

“She’s not going anywhere.”

Law’s face gave away nothing as he flipped the pages of his book.

“You sure? I can be very convincing. My crew seems to like her already. I’m sure she’d fit right in.”

“She’s not the type to abandon us just because she fell a little for your pretty boy charms,” Zoro muttered, leaning closer.

“Well it seems your Mr. Cool act hasn’t been enough to keep her full attention, so you never know.”

Zoro’s mouth curled in a taunting sneer.

“I definitely had her attention a few weeks ago in our kitchen. And I was also smart enough not to cut it short by the way.”

Law snapped his book shut, bristling as he stood up.

“She told you about that?”

“Not directly. I could just tell. She said it was good though.”

His body eased with relief. He’d been worried he hadn’t given you enough during your last encounter. It was good to know you’d at least liked it. He’d give you so much more if you let him.

“Well luckily I have ways of bringing her to me discreetly, if she wishes. And we’ll have plenty of privacy for me to service her properly.”

Zoro leaned closer, not quite touching his nose to Law’s but close enough to feel the heat from his body.

“Don’t think it’s gonna be that easy to take her just because you made her cum.”

Law countered with unwavering eyes, “I don’t know if you’re trying to offend me Zoro-ya, but this thing between us is much deeper than just satisfying her sexually, and I think you’re underestimating that.”

“I’m not underestimating shit. That’s why I’m telling you. I won’t back off, and I’m guessing you’re not either, so this ain’t personal but I’ll fight you for her if I have to.

Their aggressions squared off until Zoro shifted back to tuck his katanas safely back into his haramaki.

“You’re lucky you’re too noble of a guy to play around with her heart, otherwise I’d have to slice you up just for wasting her time.”

Law remained stood at his desk, arms folded.

“And I know you’re too honorable of a man to sacrifice the greater good of our alliance for some non-beef with me. It’s nothing personal on my end either.”

Fully finished with the conversation, Law sighed and held out his hand. “I’m sending you back to the men’s quarters now since I do not trust you to find it on your own.”

“You’re just trying to get rid of me so you can-“ but his reply was cut short as he was teleported out of the room, replaced with a dirty sock that flopped to the floor.

Collapsing back into his chair, he threaded his fingers behind his head. Considering Zoro’s accusation he now considered actually teleporting himself to Ikkaku’s room and stealing you away. Before he could talk himself out of it he focused on a discarded hairbrush and landed softly on the carpet. You were still sound asleep in your bunk, tightly wrapped in your blankets. As he approached your bed he considered an item inconspicuous enough to swap himself with without being too obvious that his presence had been the reason for your absence.

Settling on a pen, he bundled you up in his arms and swiftly warped back to his room, setting you down on the bed just as your eyes cracked open. His heart fluttered as you gave him a dreamy smile.

“I was wondering when I was going to see you.”

#myfic #Trafalgar Law x reader #Law x Reader #Roronoa Zoro x Reader #Zoro x Reader #This is kinda short and sweet but the next chapter will be from the reader’s perspective which was super fun to write #Trafalgar Law x you #Law x you #Roronoa Zoro x you #Zoro x you #attention series

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55sturn · 1 month

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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ SNAP OUT OF IT CHAPTER 0.03

↳ series masterlist! ↳ main masterlist!

↳ summary: in which tensions still run high, even after a week, and matt’s actions have frustrated y/n to the point of nearly snapping, so in a futile attempt to clear and ease her mind, she and jocelyn decide to attend a party, however she only leaves even more confused.

↳ pairings: college student!matt sturniolo x college student!fem!reader

↳ warnings: swearing, drug usage, nicotine usage [both reader and matt smoke cigarettes], alcohol consumption, parties, vomiting, implication of people hooking up, physical violence, verbal arguments, random guy being a creep, unwanted advances, i think that’s it!

↳ important things to note: the part of the song that this chapter is heavily based around is “every time you try to forget who i am, i'll be right there to remind you again, you know me.” and you’ll see why !! also, povs will be changing again, starting with third and then it switches to reader’s pov, and back to third! each pov switch will be shown with a red header!

THIRD PERSON POV

for the most part, things in the dorm shared between y/n and matt, were tense. the air was thick every time the two of them were in the same room. it was a bearable feeling when jocelyn was acting as a buffer of some sort, but the second she left, it became palpable. it left a sour taste in both their mouths, but matt ignored it and preoccupied his mind with countless girls.

y/n was losing sleep over the constant sound of moans and curses leaving the space beneath the floor and bottom of matt’s door. she felt stressed, because between matt having very little concern for y/n at all hours of the night, he refused to acknowledge what had happened the first night there, or even in the past.

as the door slammed shut, y/n scoffed and left her room, stumbling into the kitchen with bleary eyes, grabbing a bottle of water and a muffin from the counter. as she peeled the paper from the muffin, matt stumbled in.

“damn, why don’t you wear clothes like that more often?” matt snickers, gesturing to the cropped, and thin, tank top and short silk sleep shorts y/n wore, making her roll her eyes.

“maybe next time you decide to blow out some bitch’s back, can you keep her from squealing like a dog in heat? some of us are actually trying to sleep.” she spits, throwing her muffin wrapper in the trash, turning to walk to her room.

“hey bug?” matt whispers, loud enough for y/n to hear, causing her to stop dead in her tracks, sending her heart shooting up to her throat.

“you do not get to call me that. you lost any right to call me that the night you called me a dorky fucking loser and that you could never be with someone like me, all because janae broke your heart.” she seethes, returning to her room, letting her door slam shut, making matt jump from the noise.

“i miss you.” matt whispers to himself, his heart twisting in his chest as he retreats back to his room.

following that day, the two didn’t talk much, nor did they even really spare a glance in the other’s direction. y/n was baffled at matt’s level audacity, she couldn’t wrap her head around him calling her “bug”, as if he hadn’t ripped her heart from her chest back in high school, as if he hadn’t tormented for four years, subtly trying to prove her self doubts.

matt wasn’t an idiot by any means, he was just as smart as y/n, if not smarter. but he was arrogant and he was ignorant. and he was an asshole. he learned a lot about her in a short time, the summer they met. but after he broke her heart, he acted like she was a stranger. he resented her because he fell in love with the moment they met, but then he met janae, and slowly forgot about y/n. until she confessed her feelings to him. he was angry about janae rejecting him, but he was angrier about y/n realizing her feelings too late. so he returned the pain janae inflicted upon him because it felt right.

he knew who y/n was from the moment he got his dorm assignment, he just felt that acting like he didn’t recognize her would prove something.

what would it prove?

he didn’t know. he spent so long acting as if she was a stranger to him, that if he kept it up, it wouldn’t give them any room to reconnect but his plan faltered the moment he saw how badly him pretending not to know her, hurt her.

matt was smart. he knew that. everyone knew that. but he also knew he was being stupid treating y/n the way he has when she didn’t even do anything. but he was as prideful as he was smart. and swallowing his pride was not something he was familiar with. every time she got an amazing grade, he felt proud of her, but he felt prouder of himself, he knew he could top her grade, and so he did.

what he didn’t actually know was that every time he topped her grade, it killed her because she thought she had finally accomplished the best she could do, and he blew by her without remorse and with ease, making her feel like she was never going to reach her best potential.

but she was sure that once her film and visual studies course started, she’d be the best in the class. but boy was she in for a rude awakening.

every time she tried to forget what matt meant to her, and who matt was to her at one point, it was as if he'd materialize out of thin air, reminding her that he was always going to be there, in the back of her mind, haunting every decision and thought she made. she felt like she couldn't breathe because of the memories shared between the two, the way he made her feel, because he was like a ghost that attached himself to her, feeding off her self doubt, and reminding her that she'll never be as good as him.

and for matt, she was a parasite in the depths of his mind. clinging to everything that reminded him of her. he couldn't see the colour yellow without thinking of her, no matter how badly he wanted to attach something else to it. he couldn't watch the movie, perks of being a wallflower, without thinking about how every time she watched it when she hung out with nick in high school, the two of them quoting the movie together. every thing he knew about her, stuck to the walls of his mind, unrelenting to let go, permanently altering the way he viewed things.

READER’S POV

i sighed as i called jocelyn for the fourth time, silently cursing her for always having her phone on do not disturb.

"hey it's joce, leave a message after the beep, and i'll get back to you when i can!" her voicemail message hums, followed by the aggravating beep.

"bitch can you please let me know if you left yet? there's a party tonight and i need to go, i need to get out of this fucking dorm." i groan, hanging up after leaving the message, and throwing my phone on the counter.

"since when did you become a party girl?" matt chuckles as he rounds the corner into the kitchen, adjusting the red fitted cap sitting on his head as he leans against the counter opposite to me, his arms folding across his chest, the low lighting hitting his face perfectly, showing off his deep features.

"since when does it matter to you what i do?" i spit, grabbing my phone and an apple, turning to leave when matt speaks up again.

"it always has, you know that." he whispers, his voice sending a shiver down my spine as i spin around, watching as he holds eye contact, trying to gauge my reaction as i scoff.

"i don't know what you are trying to get at here, but these mind games need to stop, matt." i snap, needing him to get over himself, and leave me the hell out of whatever his endgame was.

"alright, princess."

"can you stop being such a cocky douchebag for two minutes and take me seriously?" i groan, watching as he grabs the apple i held onto, his eyes never leaving mine as he takes a bite before placing it back in my hand.

"whatever you say, princess." he hums, winking at me before grabbing his cigarettes and lighter off the table, and heading out the door.

i stand there in the same spot, blinking a few times as i try to ignore the heat building in the pit of my stomach, trying to work through the shock of his actions. and more importantly, the shock of why his actions turned me on. my phone starting ring pulls me out of my shell shocked daze, looking down i see jocelyn’s contact picture flashing across my screen.

“hello?” i hum after sliding my thumb across the screen, waiting for her to speak.

“hi sorry my service has been shit all day but i’m here and i’ve got some shit for you, so can you come help me?”

“yeah i’m on my way.”

after a while of catching up, jocelyn and i began getting ready, wanting to stop by a restaurant a block away before hitting up the party that i was invited to by some random girls in the hallway.

“so where’s matt?”

“probably hooking up with some bitch.” i grunt, pulling up the red leather miniskirt that jocelyn had gifted me, followed by tugging up the zipper that lined the back. i tug the laces through the last few holes of the corset halter top i wore, tying them into a tight bow before turning to facing jocelyn.

“oh my god you look so hot!” jocelyn beams, tugging up the black leather pants she decided on, turning to check out her own ass, giving it a nice slap before laughing. she pairs her pants with a satin-esque strapless corset top, wanting to match with me but made sure we weren’t too matchy-matchy. she chose to pair her outfit with a pair of extra chunky platform boots, while i chose a pair of red platform sandals.

once we finished putting the final touches on our hair and makeup together, we made our way to the restaurant, deciding on walking because it wasn’t too far, and jocelyn insisted i get used to being in heeled shoes before partying in them.

as we sat at the table, waiting for our dinner, she kept looking at me oddly.

“what’s up joce?” i hum, taking a sip of my iced tea as she sighs.

“do you ever miss matt? i know you tell me that you don’t but i know you like the back of my hand, bug, i know you’re not telling me something.” she murmurs, watching with a concerned state as i sigh,

“bee, it’s not that i miss him, i just wish things happened differently i guess, but the more time i spend with him right now, the more i realize that i’m actually glad things turned out the way they did.” i mumble, fiddling with my straw.

“y/n m/n, i see the way you watch him sometimes.”

“jocelyn, let’s just drop this okay.” i snap, not meaning to get so angry but talking about matt always brought forth a visceral reaction, maybe it’s because i wasn’t as healed from everything as i tried to say that i was.

“you’re a shithead.” she laughs, knowing to take my anger with a grain of salt, she knows it comes from me not processing and healing from it the way i should be, and that i’m not actually angry at her.

the waiter brings the appetizer plate we had ordered, both of us giggling as picked our favourites and put them on the smaller plates, like we had done many times on many nights out with our fake IDs, making a mental note to always have some sort of food in our stomachs before getting drunk.

as we eat, we talk about all the party stories we could remember from high school, laughing as we recount every stupid drunk thing we did. after about an hour and a half, we decide it’s time to head to the party, seeing as it’s nearly ten already.

as we approach the fraternity that was hosting, we both snort at the scene in front of us, giggling at how it looks like something out of project x. we slowly make our rounds, spotting some people we went to high school with, as i’m looking around the crowd, i spot matt who briefly makes eye contact with me, smirking and turning back to the girl in front of him, before quickly snapping his attention back to me, his eyes trailing up and down my body, a mix of a shocked smile and smug grin toying at his lips before he looks away again.

despite that his attention was the last that i wanted on me, him doing a double take starts to fuel my confidence. i continue toward the kitchen, grabbing the vodka, a redbull for jocelyn’s drink, two red solo cups, a sprite, and some peach juice that sat on the counter. i begin to pour the vodka into both cups, and i’m about to pour the peach juice when i feel hands on my waist. i turn to find some guy i don’t know, he seems a bit older than most people here and a weird feeling begins to stir in the pit of my stomach.

“hey pretty girl, you got a boyfriend?”

“yeah i do, he’s over there.” i mutter, jerking my head in the direction where matt stood, watching as the guys nods, deciding to back off as matt watches from the corner.

i return to finishing the drinks, both of them basically being the same except that an entire 250mL redbull went into jocelyn’s drink. i throw my trash into the massive recycling bin before grabbing the cups, and bringing them back over to jocelyn who was talking to chris. i hand jocelyn hers, watching as she downs nearly half of it before staring at me, wanting me to do the same.

“hey chris.” i nod, quickly downing half of my drink to be on the same level as jocelyn, who laughs and claps like a proud mom.

i catch up with nick, while jocelyn and chris dance nearby, the two of them finally giving into their tension, both nick and i grimacing at the two of them shoving their tongues down each other’s throats. i began people watching, my eyes trailing back to matt, who’s already staring at me. i roll my eyes as he smirks, pulling the girl beside him so that she stood in front of him, the two begin making out and yet, matt’s eyes never leave me, causing another shiver to run down my spine.

“hey love.”

i look at nick with wide eyes i hear the same voice from before, i begin to feel uneasy again as i turn to face the guy, who seems to be unable to take a hint.

“hi?”

“come dance with me.” he grunts, his hand around my wrist, tugging me to the makeshift dance floor, his grip tightening around my wrist, causing me to wince as he spins me around, pressing my back to his front. i let him move my hips side to side stiffly as he forces me to grind against him, i can’t shake the uneasy feeling stirring inside of me, i let him take control, terrified of what he might do. after the song finishes, i pull away from him, letting him know i was going to find my friend before ducking into the crowd, hoping to make a clean break away.

as i stand outside on the deck, i begin to shake, i lean against the side of the house, watching the people in the yard, as i’m about to make my way back inside when the same guy steps outside, his grin turning sinister as he spots.

“got nowhere to run now, baby.” he chuckles, placing both hands on either side of my head, boxing me in, and the reality of everything begins to set in as i watch his eyes trail around my face.

“buddy, you should back the fuck off.” matt scoffs from beside us, causing the guy to pull back, momentarily knocking his focus, which gave me the opportunity to push him back and run toward matt, hiding behind him as matt stares the guy down.

“the fuck you looking at? i’ll kick your scrawny ass.” the guy spits, watching matt as he shrugs, flicking the cigarette between his fingers into the lawn before turning his hat around so that it sat backwards atop his head. the guy lunges at matt, which he dodges, swiftly landing a punch to guy’s stomach, causing the guy to double over in pain, which gave matt the upper hand.

matt knees the guy in the face, sending him flying back, and matt was quick to clamber on top of him, sending blow after blow to the guy’s face. my feet moved before my mind did, and i was quick to seek jocelyn out, grabbing her wrist and chris’ as well, dragging them over to matt as he kept beating the shit out of the creep that wouldn’t leave me alone.

“this guy started hitting on me and wouldn’t take no for an answer and matt was here and he got mad and starting kicking his ass, i don’t know what to do.” i sob, leaning against chris as he wrapped his arms around me. jocelyn was pissed as she hooked her fingers in matt’s collar, dragging him off the creep and pushing him back against the railing.

“matthew! fucking snap out of it, you’re making shit worse for y/n. she doesn’t need you playing hero when you won’t leave her the fuck alone or stop tormenting her.” jocelyn yells, slapping matt’s shoulder, causing him to scoff as he looks at me.

“a thank you would be nice, bug, i just saved your ass.” he laughs, causing jocelyn to slap him across the face this time.

“you don’t get to call her that, matt. quit trying to hurt her more than you already have.” jocelyn seethes, her voice low and thick with anger as she shoves matt towards the steps of the deck, watching as he stumbles down them.

i feel my breathing begin to pick up and tears prick my eyes, i look matt, watching as he lights another cigarette, shoving his hand in his pocket as chris and nick berate him for acting so stupidly on impulse. and as i walk ahead, i can’t stop the sob that’s forcing its way up my throat from escaping. i stop in my tracks, feeling jocelyn’s arms wrap around me as she leads me down the sidewalk, murmuring sweet nothings against my hair.

“why couldn’t he just leave me alone?”

“cause he’s a fucking creep, babe. i’m sorry this happened, you didn’t deserve that.”

“bu-y/n, i know you’re mad at me, i get that but i’ve told you once before that i’d protect you, and i still mean it.” matt hiccups, facing me as he walks backwards, his words slurring slightly causing me to scoff.

“please just stop matt. you’re just drunk, you don’t mean the shit you’re saying. and frankly, you’ve done nothing but make shit hard for me since we got here, so please just stop. we’re not friends. we’re not even acquaintances. we’re nothing but two people who used to be friends that now hate each other, because your actions, might i remind you.” i spit, brushing past him and briskly walking to our dorm building, need to put this night behind me once and for all.

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smallpeniscollective · 3 months

Note

Sending this BG3 idea to a bunch of different blogs to see what they do with it: Tav uses edging and/or orgasm denial on Raphael to get him to give her the hammer without giving him the crown. (I hope you enjoy!)

I personally feel like he doesn’t really let other people control him sexually, he’s pretty much an established control freak (like even when he bottoms for haarlep, he’s still in control of the situation)

BUT!! this did inspire me to write this itty bitty blurb for u guys, in which raphael uses your attraction to him as means to get you to sign his contract ;)

Content: pov/2nd person, afab body parts, use of Tav in place of Y/N, some fondling

*~*~*

He stalked around you, stopping somewhere outside of your peripheral view. Your heart was beating out of your chest, thunder in your ears and sedative in your veins as you stood inhumanly still.

There was no doubt that he was aware of the effect he had on you; he picked up on your telltale signs of attraction the second you laid eyes on him on that bridge near the goblin camp. Your flushed cheeks, your unsteady breaths, the way your eyes never left him when he was in the presence of your group.

Being part devil required the ability to detect weakness in potential clients; it was his duty to notice the way your thighs clenched when he spoke. Truth be told, he would add a heavier hint of gravel to his tone when speaking with you. All to his benefit, of course. Since you had declined his first attempt to strike a deal when he originally offered to remove the tadpole, he had no choice but to play into your dreadfully mortal game of hopeless romanticism.

But undeniably, this game was certainly entertaining.

And now, you stood alone with a devil in quite the romantic scene that was the Devil's Den in the Sharess' Caress, trying so hard to not give in to his offer. It was almost cute the way you so obviously denied to yourself your attraction to him.

When he finally spoke again, you gasped at his closeness, that deliciously low voice rumbling in your ear. Goosebumps raised on the delicate skin of your neck, your head tilting in an automatic movement to create some semblance of space between his lips and your ear. "Perhaps it is more than just the Hammer that you desire from me, hmm?"

"I don't want anything from you," you replied. Your attempt to sound calm and collected was futile; you spoke breathlessly, lips remaining parted as your breathing became heavier.

"Even if you refuse to admit your desire, your body gives away your secret," he murmured, letting his nose brush against the highly sensitive skin behind your ear in a calculated move to further crack your already-fragmented sense of self-control. He smirked to himself when he received his desired reaction, the faint scent of arousal blossoming from your frail, easily-overpowered human body.

"I—"

His hands on your body interrupt your train of thought, landing on your clothed waist with a teasingly gentle caress. How he wished he was in his true cambion form, to loom over you and rake his claws across your malleable skin, of which no doubt would leave his marks on you. The thought of marking you as his own brought out something possessive in him, something that started to blur the line between this carefully crafted game and his own personal desire.

Yet, his eyes remained on his well-deserved prize. He must have you contracted to give him the Crown. He must.

"Make the deal, sweet pet. And in return, you will have the Oprhic Hammer and what we both know you desire most." He spoke into the skin of your neck, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. His hands, large and oh-so-warm hands, crept underneath the layer of your shirt, setting your nerves ablaze wherever his skin met yours.

You had so bravely battled against unimaginable foes, yet when it came to desire, your strong will was mere putty in his devilish hands.

As soon as his ascending touch brushed against the underside of your breasts, your body acted of its own volition, arching into his touch, your back finally making contact with his broad chest. Heat radiated from him, even through his clothes, even in his human façade, and the feel of it was addicting.

The way you shivered against him had his own mind beginning to reel, filling with plans upon plans on how he'd make you squirm so desperately beneath him. But with a forceful squint of his eyes, he banished those thoughts. The only thing that mattered to him now was the deal.

"Just sign the contract," he almost-whispered before laying his open mouth against your neck, gently swiping his hot tongue on your soft skin. As his mouth made work of your neck, one of his hands fully cupped your breast and swiped a thumb over your stiffened nipple, eliciting a breathy whimper from you.

"R-Raphael..."

His tool to obtain his power, his little mouse, whimpering his name so tenderly burned into his mind, almost overpowering his need for control, almost making him lose control of himself. Giving in just a little, his other hand dropped to the waistband of your trousers, tracing patterns in the heated skin above the place you craved being touched the most while the rest of his arm held you tighter against his chest.

You began to piece together his budding mutual desire for you as well when you felt a clothed growing erection against your backside.

Perhaps there was a way to get what you needed and what you wanted without signing away your soul.

#baldurs gate 3 #bg3 #bg3 raphael #raphael bg3 #raphael baldur's gate 3 #raphael the cambion #raphael x tav #raphael x reader

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cryptictongues · 4 months

Text

To Kiss is to Hunger

pairing: Joshua Rosfield x Fem!Reader rating: Mature word count: 5.0K summary: You are terrified to kiss Joshua. Joshua has an idea to remedy that.

warnings: practice kissing, grinding, touching, intimacy, mutual pining, insecurities and self-doubt, just straight up romance

Author’s Notes: Ngl I know I said it would be a little frisky, but just so happens I made it just a little bit friskier because Joshua is just a touch starved man. Just a heads up, please read my pinned post before following me! Minors and ageless blogs will be blocked as this blog’s content is NSFW.

[AO3 link]

You couldn’t fathom why you are in the Shelves this late into the night. ‘It’s silly.” You think, walking around, trying to find anything to help you with your little dilemma. You tried to put your brain to rest, to calm its ravenous thoughts of anxiety, but the efforts were futile. And it is all because a teasing strawberry blond tried to kiss you.

You and the young Lord got quite close after his arrival to the Hideaway. You help out as a barmaid for Molly in the Ale House, and the first night of Joshua being out of the infirmary after the fall of Drake’s Tail had been all the talk. You would overhear conversations about how charming he was, how he was very knowledgeable about the lands of Valisthea, and how he is the brother of the leader of the Hideaway. He piqued your curiosity, as most newcomers do, but you didn’t think anything to come of it.

There was one night, however, where service wasn’t off its rig, and you had decided to take that time to practice your reading. Reading and writing are forbidden practices for Branded, and you were only able to learn reading due to old, scribbled writings thrown into the trash bins. You would rummage through for every written scrap in the dead of night and return it before your enslavers came to. To you, it was a piece to the puzzle of your freedom. But only a piece.

You were reading an old children’s fairytale: a prince in search of the long-lost princess who searched day and night to find her. You were immersed, so much so you hadn’t noticed the presence in front of you, seemingly still but present all the same.

“Ah, I read that story many times as a child. A true classic.”

Your head had snapped so far back you thought you would’ve fallen backwards. Your eyes jumped until they landed on the man before you, and you remember how wonderstruck you felt. He was the most beautiful man you had ever seen, and the way he was looking at you had your stomach producing butterflies. You felt a sense of embarrassment, however, as the book you were reading was adapted for children. You knew those born with a silver spoon were highly educated, so to have someone as handsome and surely intelligent as he watching you read made you nervous to be a laughing stock.

“Yeah, but it’s more of a watered down version of it. I’m sure I’ll get to read the original someday.” You had awkwardly explained, waiting for him to make a joke of your lack of ability to read at a level that matched your maturity. That joke, however, never came. He stayed and asked you questions, such as who your favorite character was, what your favorite part of the story was, and so on. That conversation led beyond the book, and it is a fond memory of the golden boy.

It wasn’t long after that he offered to tutor you and made an extraordinary effort to give you books about topics you liked. Hell, he would even bring books back from long expeditions that him, Clive, and Jill would go on. “I found this story about sea fairies that I thought you would like.” “I saw a merchant selling a copy of this book I think you’ll enjoy.” “This book made me think of you.”

After many nights and days passing, it had become apparent that your heart had let him in, and you were relieved to know that his heart blazed for you also. However, unlike you, he is very evident about how he shows his feelings for you. He initiated the first hand holding, the first embrace, every tender moment you both have shared has been started by him. It makes you nervous, he makes you nervous, but in a conflicting way because you want everything he has to offer, yet your life of being treated less than for so long has put in the fear of not being enough. You fear you will misstep, embarrass yourself, he will realize he can have someone better, and let you down gently. He is a gentleman, after all.

All of the insecurities and doubts you hold have led you to the shelves due to this past evening's events.

A gathering of many members of the Hideaway was taking place, enjoying each other’s company, exchanging stories from the road, and eating and drinking so good that spirits were at an all time high. About halfway through the evening, Joshua and Clive had returned from their mission that had kept them away for well over a week, and joined everyone in the festivities. You could feel Joshua’s eyes on you constantly as you worked, soft gazes in your direction as you brought over more ale. You hadn’t seen each other since he had left, and you could see from the look in his eyes that he wanted you close, longing for your time.

And you weren’t the only one to sense it.

“Go on.” You heard Molly speak as you polished the cups.

“Hmmm?” You turned to see her smirking at you, nudging her head in the direction of the young Rosfield.

“You are free of your duties. You spend some time with everyone, especially you know who.”

You shook your head, your cheeks flushed. “I appreciate it, but Molly there is a lot to clean up. I can’t ask you to do this all by yourself.”

“Nonsense.” She scoffed, walking to you, taking the scrub and cup out of your hands, only to set them aside to grab your own. “We all deserve a little down time. Please, I insist.”

You hesitated, and her eyes softened. “In these troubling times, every moment counts; for anything can happen at any time. We must be selfish with our time.”

That alone had set you into motion. You had walked over to sit beside him, hip to hip, his arm draped around your side with his head leaning slightly against your own as Clive shared his and his brother’s adventures.

You could tell Joshua was more touchy than normal, not that you minded. You would feel him squeeze you from time to time. If you shifted slightly, he would adjust so you were still close to him. You would feel him turn his head to bury his face into your hair, gentle caresses of his lips against your scalp. No words were spoken between the two of you, just enjoying the night together with everyone. But even nights like these had to end.

You called it a night, telling everyone that you were going to head to the bed chambers, but not before Joshua insisted on walking you there. The two of you had bid goodnight to the others, and with your hand in Joshua’s grasp, the two of you walked to the bed chambers, small talk between the two of you as you both headed there slowly.

“I can’t believe you let Clive do that.” You giggled, Joshua’s story about his older brother shoving a carrot into his mouth to make him sick.

“He had reason, for we were in an unfortunate situation. We needed a reason to slip away.” Joshua grimaced, vaguely remembering the taste of the raw carrot. “Besides, I have always had a soft spot for my brother. I’d do anything for him.”

“I know having him back in your life has been a gift.” You smiled, waving his arm back and forth as you both approached the bed chambers. He pulled your arm back gently, causing you to turn into his arms. The way he was looking at you left you speechless; a thousand words being spoken through one look.

“Why yes, it has truly been a gift by the Founder to be reunited with my brother.” He brings your hand up to his chest, right above his heart; the thumping gingerly warming up your palm. “It has also been a gift to have the honor of being allowed your time, my lady.”

You shook your head, but before you could’ve said anything, Joshua had spoken once more. “On the topic of gifts, I have something for you.”

He slipped his free hand into the large pouch of his belt and pulled out what you can see is a book. He placed the book in both of your hands, grazing them before allowing you to inspect it. You recognized the artistry of the book: hardbound leather, intricate gold lining, and a sturdy weight in your hand. You looked at the title and you found yourself releasing a shaky breath.

“I thought you said there were no more copies.” You whispered, in disbelief as to what you were seeing. Enchanting thy Fair Maiden. It was a copy of a book Joshua has praised over. He would recite lines to you from what he memorized as a child, and you would ask him to retell them to you over and over again, never tiring from hearing his smooth voice telling you a tale.

“It took some bartering, but it was worth it if it means I could grant you a copy.”

Snapping from your mind, you looked to him, shaking your head in disbelief. “Joshua, I can’t accept this. This is one of your favorite stories. You should keep it.”

You tried pushing the book back into Joshua’s, but not before him grasping both of your hands and gently pushing it back into your vicinity. “My lady.” He begged. “I can reassure you that nothing would please me more than you accepting this gift.”

You stayed silent for a moment, a brief pause in the timeline aside from you and him, before smiling shyly, looking away from him in a flush. “I will cherish this for all days, Joshua. Maybe you can read it to me properly sometime.”

“Anything for you, dearest.”

Your gaze stayed down, not knowing how to bid farewell for the night, before you felt Joshua’s hand lightly touch your cheek, lifting your face for him to look upon. You sensed a certain hesitancy, his eyes seeking for something on your face before landing back on your own.

“May I try something?”

Everything started to go slow and fast at the same time, your mind racing and hyper focusing on every detail. You focused on how much closer Joshua had gotten to you, how his body heat had your body melting tenfold, how his face leaned down to yours, his hand stroking your cheek. You realized what he was asking to do: he was asking to kiss you.

Sudden flashes of self-doubt came crashing down onto you, Joshua’s hand on your branded cheek making you feel self-conscious. What is he doing? How can he want to kiss me? Oh, Greagor be with me, I have never kissed anyone. I am going to make a fool of myself!

Out of reflex and fear, you stepped back and away from Joshua’s reach. He looked startled, not expecting your reaction, and all you could do was stare at him as you calmed your heart down. You felt embarrassment shudder down your spine, but you knew that it would have been worse if you had attempted to kiss him.

You tried to shrug it off, chuckling awkwardly as if that would erase the last few seconds of shame you felt. “It is late. I’m afraid I must turn in. Goodnight, Joshua.”

You flung the chamber door open and closed it just as fast without a glance in Joshua’s direction, your back hitting the wood as you worked your anxieties down.

Now you’ve really done it stupid stupid STUPID!

So here you are, looking for a kissing manual that doesn’t exist.

“I can’t believe it has come to this.” You moan, shaking your head at how pathetic you currently feel. You want to kiss him; of course you want to kiss him! But the thought of kissing him and making a complete fool out of yourself has strung itself high in your head. You will do anything to ease your anxieties, and if finding literature that will help you is the way, then so be it.

You keep searching the shelves, and finally you see something that catches your attention. You see a book with a deep red spine, and immediately you become curious. Red means romance which maybe means kissing, right? you think and go to reach for it, your tippy toes giving you an extra inch that helps you grab the old spine of the book. Once the book is grasped, you give it a once over and what you see is nothing at all. The book has no title, no author, no nothing. Just hardbound leather that looks as if it had been dyed with blood.

You move to sit at a table, the kissing debacle hiding in the back of your skull as a new curiosity peeks. You stare at the book intently, like it was going to open up for you to tell you all of its secrets. A book with no visible identity, no mark.

The curiosity killed the cat as you finally flipped it open, the crackle of the pages singing, showing its age. The first few pages are barren with no offering until you reach the first official page. You read, smiling because you can read everything on the page in comprehension, but also because it’s a love poem. You never have had the chance to read poetry thus far, so this was a treat for you. Just the thing I need to ease my mind.

You continue reading the poems, most being about love, companionship, and things in the realm of romance. As you read them, you picture Joshua and yourself, like the two of you were living in the reality of this book full of lovely prose. In a way, it makes you recognize that maybe what Joshua sees in you is what you are imagining right now: a lover, a partner for life. You feel a sense of confidence swell in you, so you read on, addicted to the words written out.

Until you get to the next page.

What you read next halts your breathing, slowing it down to stop fire from growing in your chest. This poem is about the same things previously stated, love, romance, companionship, but in a much more intimate form. The words strung together formed the most erotic sentences, words of longing for the senses. They make you blush hotly; they make you antsy in your chair while locked in, but most especially they make your mind run wild with fantasies of you and him.

Oh, you and him.

You mind wanders as you read, zoning out into a reality where you exude the confidence to give into Joshua’s desires and more. The words dig into your skin, warming you up that your thin nightgown felt like plenty of layers on this cool night. You are so immersed that you don’t hear the large doors open, and the calling of your name feels like a figment of your imagination. It’s not until you feel the warmth on your shoulders that you are brought back, feeling like a bucket of cold water has been dropped over your head from the cold sweat.

You slam the book shut, turning so quickly that the room starts to spin before the warmth on your shoulders grows firm, steadying you in your seat. You look to see Joshua staring at you, worry showing on his face seemingly from your reaction. “I deeply apologize, my lady. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

You breathe a chuckle, seeing him here at a time like this would be your luck. You cross your arms, becoming extremely aware of your lack of clothing under his gaze. “What are you doing here?”

“I could ask the same of you.” He retorts and pulls out a chair to sit facing you. “Truthfully, I couldn’t sleep much. I came here to see if doing more research would tire me, but it seems fate has chosen a more direct route to my restlessness.”

You see why he can’t sleep, and sigh because this is from your doing. “Joshua, you have nothing to fret over. You did nothing wrong.”

“But I’m afraid you are wrong, my lady. I shouldn’t have been so forward, and to know I put you in an uncomfortable position upsets me greatly. I would never dream of making you uneasy, and for my mishaps I must apologize to you. I cannot bear the thought of you keeping your distance because of my foolishness.”

You watch him as he apologizes for his directness, which internally makes you laugh because that isn’t the issue. You love his directness, just as he is being direct with you right now. It’s you. It’s your cowardice for wanting something more and not having the courage to pursue because of the what ifs, the buts, the howevers. It’s your fear of rejection because of your lived experiences. It’s you, not him.

“Joshua.” You state, moving to grab his hands within your own. “You did nothing wrong.”

“My lady, please I-”

“Shhh,” you hush. “Let me speak.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, and I apologize for making you feel you need to.” You exhale, preparing to open yourself up for display. “It’s all me. I’m inexperienced, and I’ve been viewed as nothing for so long that I’m fearful that one misstep will set you away; that you can have someone who knows what they are doing and have the confidence to show for it.”

“Is that really what this is about?” Joshua asks.

You nod, looking down at the two of your intertwined hands. You see Joshua’s hands pull away from yours and your breath shakes. This is it. He is going to leave. That’s until you feel the heat that only the Phoenix could exude on your cheeks, your head being brought up to see him smiling. “My dearest,” Joshua whispers, as if talking any louder would damn him. “You are my everything, for you have captured me: mind, body, and soul. Also, your inexperience mirrors mine, I can assure you.”

Your eyes widen. ��There is no way that can be true. You are a Lord.”

He’s laughing now, shaking his head as his hands go back to you, grasping them with care. “I was only a child then. Besides, the Undying were very protective of me under their care. There was no time nor place for such things. Even then, the only person that was always allowed in my vicinity was Jote, and we have never viewed each other romantically.”

“So, there really has been no one?” You whisper, your mind stuck between disbelief and credence.

“No. Not until now.” He squeezes your hands. “My heart belongs to you, and you alone. There is no one else I’d rather give myself to.”

You shiver, the idea of experiencing forms of intimacy together for the first time spreads a raging fire in your stomach. “You sure have a way with words, Joshua Rosfield.”

“You can thank all of the romance novels I read in my youth.” He chuckles. “Speaking of books, what were you reading?”

“What?” You ask, forgetting about the erotica sitting inches away from you.

“The book you were reading. I don’t believe I have read that one yet. May I take a look?”

You are panicking, knowing the contents of the book and who is asking to take a peek. You go to grab it, reacting as fast as you could, but alas you reacted too late. Joshua now has the book, opening the page you had left off on, and starts to read. You see his eyes go wide, his pupils dilating, his fingers fidgeting against the page he is holding. You freak out, going to reach for the book before he reads further. “Okay Joshua, that’s enough.” A smile creeps up slowly on his face, humming as he moves to stand up before your fingertips touch the book, backing away slowly as he continues. You stand up, walking up to him to get that god forsaken book away from him.

“Oh Joshua, please give me back the book!” You panic.

“By the Founder, what possessed you to read this smut?” Joshua smirks, seamlessly avoiding your grabby hands as he reads the pages. “Especially in the middle of the night?”

He wasn’t meant to see this! He wasn’t meant to see you reading the abhorrent words you were consuming. He wasn’t meant to see you like this in your flimsy gown. Damn me! Why did I not cover up more?!

“To taste the lips is to be fulfilled, for the instinct of man is to claim, conquer, and revel in the midst of her flesh. To kiss is to hunger, to feast among the softest of petals that call to him, beckoning for his return to get both of their fills.”

You are internally screaming now. You can’t believe he is tormenting you like this. You are still reaching for the book, desperate for this nightmare to end, before you hear an “oomph” as Joshua’s back collides into one of the shelves. You snatch the book from him, running back to put it back where it came from. “Okay, enough please!”

“Forgive me.” Joshua says, although it is said with a devilish grin. “I just didn’t know you had such… exquisite taste.”

“I didn’t even know what was in the book when I pulled it.” You say defensively, hands waving manically in front of you like they would make you more convincing. “I was just trying to find something that would help give me the courage.”

As if that isn’t as embarrassing, or even more so.

“What if we do something that helps us both gain courage? A practice session if you will.” Joshua says from the other side of the room, keeping his distance to see what tone you will take.

“What do you have in mind?” You draw out nervously, twiddling your thumbs in anticipation.

Joshua walks back over to where you both had sat, moving the chair so it was facing you before sitting down. He rubs his thighs a little as if he needed to warm them up, before patting his lap. “Come take a seat.”

Instinct has you taking a step forward before a hitch finds itself in your feet, stopping them all together.

“Do you trust me?” He asks sincerely.

“Of course, I do.” You quickly blurt out, as if answering a second later would draw doubt.

He smiles, his hand reaching out to invite you over. “Then please, my dearest, come to me.”

You take a deep breath and walk over till you stand before him. You grasp his hand, tingles running up your arm as he pulls you to him and guides you onto his lap. Your hands move to steady yourself on his shoulders, while he places his hands on your lower back to support you. Your legs dangle on either side of the chair, your gown riding up your thighs which you are all too aware of. However, you note that Joshua is only looking at you, gauging to see where your head is. “Is this okay, my lady?”

“Mhmm.” You hum, trying to calm your rapid heart. This is so intimate, too intimate, but you want it. You want him. You want to create every kind of intimacy with him, and this is a start. You knew that it is time to take that leap, especially since he will take that leap with you.

“Joshua,” you murmur, eyes still on his. “Will you kiss me?”

“As you wish, my love.”

You close your eyes, leaning in slightly to show that you aren’t backing out. You feel one of Joshua’s hands move to your left cheek, your branded cheek, tracing it with his thumb gently. Soon you feel him move forward, his forehead sitting against yours, his breath hitting your lips in puffs. The anticipation was killing you, your hands squeezing his shoulders to urge him on, and before you know it his lips are against your own. The kiss is light, a sweet peck before pulling away slightly, only to go back to give one more. You both are testing the waters, giving into each other slowly until the two of you start to grow peckish.

The kiss is gradual, pecks graduating to long lip locks and more movement. Your hands have found homage in Joshua’s hair, gripping not too hard but enough to show him how much you are enjoying him. His hands found their way to the crease of your hips, gripping the flesh to keep you in place. You can feel yourself growing restless, needing more of him within your senses.

It’s like he can read your mind as his hands bring your body closer. A gasp leaves your lips as his groin settles against your heat, leaving your head spinning. His kisses become feverish, his hands roaming up and down your thighs, your nightgown receding higher in the process. You sense satiability is nowhere in sight, the movements of his body proving to you that the absence of intimate touch has turned him into a depraved man. Because even though Joshua Rosfield is a gentleman with a heart of selflessness, he is still a man with selfish desires and needs.

Your hands go back to grip at his shoulders, trying to calm yourself from his ministrations. A wetness hits your lips, and your mouth opens willingly, needing to taste him further. Your tongues melt together, creating a unique taste between the two of you that’s so addicting you don’t know how either of you will stop. You lean more into him, your hands going back to his hair to control his movements, causing him to groan in the most sinful way. You pull away, giggling knowing you got him to make such pretty sounds. The confidence from it goes straight to your head, going right back in for his lips to have him make more delicious sounds.

A deep feral groan is released from Joshua’s throat, causing him to pull away in heavy breaths. He looks at you with hazy eyes, smiling deliriously. “You will be the death of me, my love.”

Your hands are now trailing from his hair to his chest, your hands running up and down the fabric of his tunic, feeling the toned body beneath it all. Your head leans back against his forehead, both of your breaths heavy on each other’s lips. “Then shall death keep us together, never parted.”

Joshua leans up back to your lips, kissing you hungrily, your declaration causing him to hunger for more. You still had the high ground, you being on top giving you more opportunity to take the lead. You knew this could be too soon, a little risky, but your sureness that Joshua feels the same hunger as you do is enough to convince you. You start to grind down slowly on top of him, your undergarments and his matching tunic pants the only barriers.

“Fuck,” Joshua draws out breathless, his arms coming up to wrap around you to ground himself.

“Does that feel good, my Lord?” You smile, feeling over the moon that you are making him act this way.

“You have no idea.” Joshua gasps. “You have turned me into a new man.”

You giggle as you continue your movements. “Is that so?”

“By the Founder, yes!” He groans loudly at a particular movement of your hips. “How about I show you.”

Suddenly you are being lifted up, your butt settled onto a hard surface, legs spread apart by Joshua’s hips, and warm lips ravishing your own. Your nightgown is definitely way past your legs now, bunched up at your hips with Joshua’s hands right under the fabric. This new side of Joshua has you addicted, the push and pull the both of you are playing at exciting you more. You release his lips and lean up to his neck, nipping at the skin at the juncture of his neck and jaw. His breath hitches, leaning into you as you nip and kiss his neck. It’s as if he is hypnotized by your love bites, casting a spell on him. Your legs wrap around his waist, pulling him closer to you, but in an instant everything stops.

You open your eyes to see Joshua breathing hard, his hands gripping the table. Your hands go to his face, worry etching into your brain. “Darling, did I do something wrong?”

Joshua laughs, his eyes opening to look right back at you. “Absolutely not.” His hands go to yours on his face, holding onto each one as he brings them down. “I just don’t want to accomplish everything in one night, especially here in the Shelves.”

He pulls you up to your feet, your hands still in his as he looks at you with the brightest smile on his face. “I want to have time to savor you when the time is right.”

Even after all of that, he is still ever the gentleman.

“I agree. I’m sorry if I went too far.” You chuckle, a tinge of embarrassment in your tone.

Joshua embraces you, his head tucked into your neck. “You have nothing to apologize for. I hope you don’t think I had ulterior motives.”

“Never,” you say quickly, squeezing him to you.

“We should head back to our respective beds before people notice we’ve disappeared.” Joshua hums.

You hum in agreement and pull back, so you are now under Joshua’s arm. Both of you head out the doors of the Shelves into the cool night air. You shiver, and Joshua brings you in closer to shield you from the cold. He walks you back to the bed chambers, and before he departs, he places a light kiss on your lips, causing your eyes to flutter close at the bliss you feel in the moment.

“Goodnight, my dearest. I shall see you in the morning.” Joshua says after he pulls away.

“Goodnight, Joshua. But before you go, may I request something?”

“Anything for you, my dearest.”

“Can we practice some more later? You are my tutor after all.” And my lover, my partner for life.

Joshua beams at you. “I would love nothing more.”

#joshua rosfield x reader #joshua rosfield fluff #joshua rosfield smut #ffxvi x reader #ffxvi #joshua rosfield #joshua x reader #my fics #final fantasy xvi

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hrefna-the-raven · 7 months

Text

The devil you (suddenly) don't know

Masterlist - BG3 masterlist

Part 1 - Part 3 - Part 4

Words:501

Warnings: smutty stuff mentioned but technically no actual smut, at least not in the usual amount

Summary: You're having doubts on what happened between Raphael and you. Raphael seems to have his very own issues with the feelings he's harbouring for you.

Raphael reclined on his bed, his legs casually apart and his gaze fixed on the ceiling, lost in deep in his own thoughts. Haarlep eagerly dragged his tongue from Raphael's chest downwards, teasingly twirling it around the tip of the semi-hard cock.

"My, oh my", the incubus chuckled, "is my dear master preoccupied?", giving the devil's cock frustratingly slow lick.

Raphael hummed absentmindedly, closing his eyes in a futile attempt to block out the world around him, desperately seeking the solace and structure his troubled mind craved since the discussion he had with you.

"I didn't think it possible but here you are, being even less interested and reactive than usual", Haarlep continued shamelessly, "not even able to get it up this time."

"You contemptuous creature!", Raphael spat as he hurled the incubus aside and on the bed, his hands closing around Haarlep's throat, squeezing tightly with a vengeful intensity, "don't forget your place, slave!"

Haarlep's eyes were glowing for a brief moment before the corners of his mouth twisted into a vicious smirk causing Raphael to loosen the hold on his throat.

"It's all about her, isn't it?" he croaked, his voice still hoarse from the choking yet carrying a subtle trace of mischief, "maybe I should take her form then, to please you more, master."

Raphael remained silent, simply waving his hand to dismiss Haarlep. If he had to deal a minute longer with this insufferable incubus, he would surely end up flaying him or worse. He would never confess that Haarlep was correct in this matter, not in front of him, nor anyone else. He was the offspring of Mephistopheles, a cambion fueled by grand aspirations and a reputation to uphold and this was Hell after all. In this realm, he couldn't afford to possess or exhibit emotions - love included. Revealing even the slightest hint of vulnerability would subject him to ridicule, exile, and ultimately, death. A defeated sigh escaped his lips as his hand wandered down, gently stroking his length, closing his eyes in a shameful attempt to experience that kiss once more. You might truly be the death of him.

The eerie silence of the mausoleum hung heavy in the air as you fought through its dimly lit corridors, facing justicar avengers on your way to the Orthon while constantly feeling the weight of your companions' scrutinising stares piercing you.

When Raphael brought you back, they bombarded you with questions, seeking answers that you weren't sure you were ready to give.

You found yourself wrestling with your very own doubts, awash with conflicting emotions. The charming but usually self-absorbed cambion's actions had left you questioning everything you thought you knew about him. Were Raphael's feelings genuine or were they merely a ploy to manipulate you further? Or did you just imagine the hint of a tender gaze and the subtle trace of concern in his voice? The weight of uncertainty pressed upon your chest, making it difficult to focus on the task at hand.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #raphael #raphael bg3 #raphael x reader #hidden feelings #almost love confession #raphael tries to hide his feelings #haarlep #haarlep x raphael #dangerous teasing #almost smut

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netherfeildren · 5 months

Text

The Cassandra Complex : Interlude : Tartarus

Series Masterlist

(Din Djarin x F!Reader)

Content Warnings: Graphic depictions of violence; Torture; Murder; Blood and gore; Self harm; Suicidal ideations; Depression; Unreliable narrator; Alcohol and drug use; Overall very dark themes

A/N: The chapter is what the tags warn. Please, heed them carefully. Short because it's only an interlude, but the next chapter is almost done!

Rating: Explicit 18+

Word Count: 3.5K

Read on AO3

INTERLUDE : TARTARUS

Can you eat winter? […] Can you live six months inside a frozen pear? […] Can you punctuate yourself in silence?

Anne Carson, Plainwater: Essays and Poetry

You are captured at the start of the cold season.

The first man you ever killed had been old. Weathered and beaten down by the galaxy and life, and forgotten or absconded to a decrepit and abandoned planet. Once thriving and rich, it had been bled dry and starved by the Empire, and now remained to stand only as a reminder to others as what not to be, a warning of how you’d end up if you did not submit.

Your master had hunted him for months, a mania about the search that was mouth slicked ravenous and vicious. Something sick about the way he’d obsessed about the man, murmuring his name over and over again at all hours until you were sure you knew the vowels and consonants of it better than your own. You’d never discovered the root of the obsession, the reason for the killing, and when you’d finally found him, he was not at all what you’d expected; brittle boned, white of hair, skin soft and folded over so that it sagged and drooped around his frame, seeming to hang around him out of mere sheer habit.

You’d swept into his mind, pilfered and pillaged and violated it; his past, his whole life, his family, cradled in the blink of your eye. You’d pulled his joints from their sockets, his fingernails from their beds, and his eyes from their cavities. You’d taken him apart piece by little piece, a slow going saturation of pain until little remained of the creature. Until the final piece you’d pulled from him was his breath, his very life, swallowed and settled heavy into your own soul.

You had been very young when you’d killed him, a girl of only seven years old.

You’d once heard that stars are made of a different matter than the four worldly elements – a quintessence – that also happens to be what the human psyche is made of. Which is why man’s spirit corresponds to the stars. You’d swallowed so many souls thinking they might be stars during that time. Perhaps, in an attempt to take some light within you, infuse yourself in the goodness of another’s quintessence. Young and naive and untried. You’d learned eventually how wrong you were. The damage you’d unknowingly wrought upon yourself. And when you remember it all now, the unending reaping, you think: I was young once, and you wish you could cling to that child, beg her to forgive you, beg her to run earlier.

Perhaps, that had been the beginning of the end, and everything after that had been nothing more than one eternally futile battle towards inevitable failure.

For some idiotic reason, you return to Corellia after you part ways with him. Idiotic or desperate, who can really tell, but without a doubt, bitter and angry and devastated. Filled with a keen missing and a fury and an outrage that he’d left you, that you’d allowed yourself to be left. That you’d pushed him away. That really, the destruction of everything was your fault. The day it had suddenly hit you that you’d destroyed everything for nothing, that you’d destroyed the two of you for no real reason at all except for petty and inconsequential fear, had been a monumental sort of devastation. You’d not been able to make it out of your dingy rented bed for days afterwards. And so you’d chosen to believe that this was the end of destiny, rather than the beginning of what had always been fated to you. For choosing to believe that you’d destroyed it yourself was better than the truth, that he had never really been meant to be yours in the first place. And if it were anything else, you’d finish it, destroy it to completion. It if was something less, you’d smash it like a rock, tear it as if it were a piece of parchment, but it is not, for it is your heart, your very heart, your memory.

The only thing left.

While you’d been with him you’d thought that you were healing, that you were healed. That you’d been made whole in his image. That after everything, after so much darkness, one single silver flame to illuminate the night would shine a light on your newfound completeness. But you’d realized, later, when it was too late, how wrong you’d been to think so. Love does not mend the torn seams back into rightness – it fractures the whole thing wide open, splits you down the middle.

And you’re so full of the most poisoned sort of regrets, a living, breathing, fire filled thing that seemed to exhume you from your own misery and would not let you exist peacefully in the deathlessness you’d have chosen for yourself. But it was impossible to go backwards now. Like any unloved thing, you’d not been sure if you really existed until he’d put his hands on you, and now, to have been forced to return to that half life, to be forced to exist in the purgatory of his aftermath – it was fury inducing, rage awakening.

All my hurts hurt worse now, and there is no escape and no reprieve, and it always feels as if the sky seems to peer down on me in a strange and pitiful way. How did that feel? It asks. I’m sorry I caused harm, I reply.

Time no longer exists, and so all you know is that it’s been an unknowable amount of nothing since you’d last seen him.

You ache all the time, try and forget, can’t help but remember

You’d always known exactly how it would play out. Step by step the course your life would take – the Force guided you, and yet, you were still lost. You were still confused. You’d known that he would leave, you’d always known. Just as you’d known you would be the reason he left. You’d waited for it, and yet, when the moment arrived for him to go, you were shocked. And hurt. You were hurt that he would leave you even though you had pushed him away, even though you had always expected it to happen, even though you were the perpetrator of your own abandoning and had always known that you would be.

And so, perhaps, you’d continued to return to Corellia despite knowing it was dangerous for you there, that there were whispers of a dark creature scurrying along the planet’s underbelly, that they’d seen your face all that time ago and rumors still abounded. But it had been the last place you’d found each other, and so some idealistic, stupidly desperate part of you thought that, perhaps, fate would look upon you kindly once again. That dark red thread of fate woven into action one more time, ringing taut with purpose and destiny.

Perhaps, you return looking for a fight or a beating or some form of punishment, certain that you’d find it in that cesspool of vice and crime and corruption. In that place that knows what sort of creature you pretend not to be.

Eventually, however, you get more than you’d bargained for. Or maybe, precisely what you’d wanted.

You’re betrayed by a slippery little Twi’lek. One who’d pretended at being interested in some easy, fun drinking and debauchery. One who you were not aware had awaited the return of a prize such as you for a long, long time. One who’d held the image of your face and your power in the cradle of her mind, ravenous for the moment when she’d finally be afforded a taste and a pay out.

If you could not lose yourself in anything else, him, or even something worse – the dark called to you again so often now, it frightened you – then you’d lose yourself in a bottle, a game of Sabacc, even, on occasion, or when things were particularly dire, a little bit of Spice, just to take the edge off. To make you forget. The smell of the past is everywhere, the smell of too many illusions, too many truths, and you try and resist all the time, you feel yourself actively resisting. But you lie in the awareness of it so often, in the miserable hold of rented beds where no comfort and no warmth is ever to be found on so many nights, that at any moment something terrible could happen. It’s not gone, that coldness inside of you. It’s not gone, the dark side, and it calls to you louder now that he is absent.

You consider yourself in new and strange lights now. A miasma of girl and power and tragedy and myth, always, always the myth of you. You are aware of yourself, of that myth, in so many lights.

Violence has changed me; my body has grown cold. Now there is only mind, cautious and dim, with the sense it is being twisted. I have never loved being alive, and it is difficult to remember that I should.

Din has changed me; my heart is half stone, half devoured. The sun has gone away, tucked inside of him, and I am always cold now, and even though I can't see it anymore, him, it’s comforting to know he’s still out there, somewhere. That the sun still exists.

And so, in need of credits, the Twi’lek finds it easier to sell you off to the highest bidder when she first captures you – that being a league of fanatics who had, at the height of the Empire, venerated the Sith as lords – Gods even – who bent the knee to the dark side in hopes of a power greater than they even really knew the truth of.

Drugged and cuffed after you’d been too stupid or uncaring to even try and defend yourself, you let them take you. You let them take you. You remember that first night in the hole in the ground you’d sentenced yourself to, before she’d left you to your fate with your captors, arm broken, bone jutting grotesquely from your skin, she’d looked down at you from her great height as you lay limp and ready for more breaking on the dirty ground of the cell deep in that Tartarean pit, brow split open and drooling crimson, glassy eyes wide and unseeing, filled only with the memories of gleaming metal, she’d called you a monster with the greatest of contempt and hatred in her eyes. And you’d laughed and laughed and laughed at the reality of you now, sanity gone away, only a little bit, only a little bit; after all, there had always been more madness than goodness anyways.

And you’d wanted to cry: I am not a monster! I am not a monster! But you knew she would not believe you.

This is only what you deserve, creature. Spit from her mouth like venom. You think of the Thalassian crone, all that time ago, or only yesterday: How does it feel to be nothing? She was kinder to you than you know this will be, and for a brief moment you pretend to miss her, fantasize with the idea of him coming to save you once again.

You’d wanted to lie and say that you were not a monster any longer, that you’d changed, that you were better, different, but that would have been a lie, for at your core you knew there would always live within you something of a slightly monstrous countenance, no matter what you did or made of yourself. And what you wanted to say, even more than that, was that perhaps a monster was not such a terrible thing to be. Perhaps, if you’d ever been given the chance, you could have served as a shelter and a warning, all at once, for a family you’d never been allowed to have. Perhaps, if you’d ever been given the opportunity to have been that, nothing much else would have really mattered.

You want to tell her his name. To let it serve as proof of the only goodness that has ever lived inside of you. But you do not. And you let them keep you for far too long, lying in that dark, damp hell, letting them hurt you.

She returns often, the pretty, purple Twi’lek with the sharp teeth. She takes Din’s earrings from you, that first day, and if you’d still had tongue and teeth and voice to thank her for the chance to look upon them, you would have.

They pull your skin from your bones and your bones from your skin, over and over again, and you try and lie that you don’t know what you did to deserve this, but you do. You do know. You remember the old man, the very first one, you think of all the countless others after him, the flash of shrieking beskar. You remember every single crime and sin and face and scream. Every scream, but loudest of all, your own.

You exist only in thousands of agonies.

And they’re creative in their torture and punishment, caring in the imagination of it. They burn the flesh from your bones only so that the Force can heal you back to strength. Slowly, excruciatingly, keeping you drugged and chained, diminishing your connection to yourself. Beaten and flogged and savaged over and over again. You think, or you tell yourself, that you feel little of it, or none at all.

More than anything, you feel so acutely how little it all matters.

Why have you done this to yourself? You’re sure you should ask. I don’t know. What is this all about? Be honest. Anger. Are you angry? Yes. You already knew this.

Perhaps, your mind has finally broken and fragmented in a real and irrevocable way. Perhaps, this is finally destiny finding itself.

You lie in the dark and let it hold you as it did when you were a child, alone and enslaved. You watch the water snake through the cracks of the stone walls, and you are so small, and suddenly, there’s a hole in your cheek and you heal and heal and tear apart again; taste the outside air with your newly grown tongue, and the blood that pools in your mouth reminds you that you’re still alive and made of nothing but regret.

You hold one single comfort like a newly blooming flower in your mind, the only thing that remains: We were together once. I forget the rest, before, now, it no longer matters. We were together once.

For an interminable age, you allow yourself to be poked and prodded, cut and flayed, experimented on – the silly notion these cultists hold that perhaps they could harness your power for themselves, bottle it. Hurt, you allow yourself to be hurt for too long. They never break you beyond repair, but they get very close, many times, and sometimes, you hope it’ll be too much, it needs to be too much just once, and then it could, perhaps, all end.

Your bones ache and wounds open where the too sharp edges of you abrade against the too hard stone, and you relish in the healing and reopening, relish in the suffering. You remind yourself that you chose this, that you continue to actively choose this, that all your choices are yours now, even the losses, and you caress that secret piece of you in the furthest, darkest recess of your mind, your lifeline, and it feels so good to finally be in control of the things that hurt you. Even if it is a false sense of control, even if it’s all only a reality of your mind's own making.

And sometimes, when the delirium has sunk its fangs in you entirely, and you almost don’t know who you are, you think: surely he’ll come to get me. He doesn’t know you’re here. Surely I didn’t fall in love with him just for this. He doesn’t know you’re here. If he knew, he’d come, he would, he would.

Two years is a very long time to be away from a thing you need so much.

I no longer care what sound it makes when I am silenced.

Two years is a very long time to forget.

If I die, it is not this life I will miss, it is him I will miss.

But an even longer time to remember.

How to forget? How to forget? How to forget?

Eventually, you lose yourself, and the brightness of torture becomes the brightness of night, and you’re gone within it.

You consider yourself: the myth, the archetype, the soul, me, me, the Cassandra, the Cassandra.

[Scream] [Scream] [Scream] [Scream]

Din.

You cling to him through the night, through the brightness, through the nothing. You dream of his hands and his hair and the vividness of him. You dream of that pure, golden heart. You dream of beskar and space and being loved.

You dream of being loved.

You do not choose the way you live. You do not live; you are not allowed to die.

You don’t know how long you allow yourself to be held within this womb of punishment, but you know that it is a very long time.

And then one day, unbidden and unexpected: one moment, you’re hungry, a strange and cold and gnawing hunger like something you’ve never felt before. A hunger of the soul. Your mind, so hazy that sometimes you don’t know if you remember your own name, that at certain instances the only image you can recall is the gleam of beskar – you smell vetiver and sweat and blaster smoke and the leather oil of his gloves. You hear his voice. The feeling of his hand in yours the second before you wake, and for a single moment before your eyes open, you’re somewhere else besides this damp Tartarus you’ve condemned yourself to, somewhere green and alive with him.

The third time you meet: You blink, and it’s all darkness and steel bars, and then, a dim light far in the distance? No. A blade of silver beskar.

He’s here. Near.

She had said to you once, your now made sweet Twi’lek: You’re going to die here. Surely, not soon. But one day, we’ll pull your life from you. Once we’ve pulled everything else, taken all we can, we’ll take your life too. And then you’ll be nothing, erased from memory, erased from myth. Nothing at all forever.

You’d taken her words with consideration. You felt strongly that you could not die any longer in any way that truly mattered. If nothing more, than for the memory of him, the memory of that togetherness could never be taken from you, it would always exist and could never be killed, and so what more mattered after that? Nothing really. They could take your life, your power, but they could not take Din, they could not take the myth of what the two of you had created together.

And always the myth, always the myth. You understand now, after an age in something worse than darkness, that you are yourself the creation of myth, and myth is indestructible.

She is made sweet and venerating in the end, and she dies so beautifully, your Twi’lek, and in the singular instant before you pull her heart from her chest, you recall her words from before, how like the Thalassian she’d seemed, nothing at all forever, and you tell her the second truth you’ve now come to understand more surely than anything else: “Only a Sith deals in absolutes, and I am no longer a Sith.”

You free yourself from the cruel and unforgiving hands of the dark for the second time in your life.

You’d thought once that you’d never again let yourself be captured, never again enslaved, and to have let yourself end up here like this of your own volition, your own wanton stupidity and miserable desire for punishment, this is the lowest a creature has fallen in a millenia, surely, and he’s on the same planet as you now, and you’re filled with the sudden blinding terror that he’d somehow know you’re here. That he’d find you. And that he should see you like this, brought so low and so broken, it would be worse than anything, any pain or suffering or torture you could have ever endured.

And so you call to that dormant tether you’d held this entire time, to the Force, to yourself, and you kill your captors. All of them. In one fell swoop. Without much of even a single thought on your part. And you thank her, when you pull his stolen, blood splattered earrings from her ears, for teaching you so much, for reminding you that power without conscience is a terrible thing, and that you know this better than anyone. And you walk out into the cold and dark night, silent and obscure as a shadow can be, even more so, if possible, prepared to make your unnoticed escape from him.

But of course, he finds you anyway.

Chapter IX

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chosos-mascara · 1 year

Text

girl

𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙞 𝙯𝙚𝙣'𝙞𝙣 𝙭 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 - after maki arrives in your home riddled in self-doubt, she learns your true feelings toward her.

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 - aged up!maki (25), making out, thigh riding, fem bodied reader.

1.8k words

"I hate her."

When rage seized Maki, it had done so vigorously. She hadn't learned to handle the burning anger within her, though mostly due to upbringing. Although she'd found the strength to leave her family home while only 15, her twin had not forgiven her deep down. Another failed attempt at making amends with Mai, while Mai had only wished for retribution. Maki had tried her best at reconciling ten years on, but each attempt at forgiveness had been futile.

The fact Maki had hidden a wavering voice yet could not mask the defeated expression and glassy eyes had meant that she had not been angry. Even if she'd attempted to come off with a strict hate and displeasure, you'd been able to see through the facade. Deep down, Maki was heartbroken.

Rambling about the events just passed, she kicked her shoes at the door and made herself home. A small detail that made your heart melt; knowing Maki saw your house as a safe-haven. A place of comfort for her wounded heart.

The truth had been, your love for Maki had been far beyond platonic. Although you hadn't been able to pinpoint a where and how, you'd been left to live through an infatuation with your best friend. Your caring nature had been reciprocated by her protective one, a dynamic in which you'd wished would stem into romanticism, yet wouldn't push the boundary of friendship. Time spent alongside her had your skin prickling and heart racing, nights alone picturing a future in which you'd find the confidence to confess the sin of love.

When she'd paused in speaking, you'd realised you'd become lost in thought. Maki had awaited your response to her venting. Green eyes stared at you through desperation. "I'm sorry, I know you wanted to make it work."

Only a feeble attempt at reassurance had left your lips as the kettle came to boil, the click of the switch and bubble of water filling a heavy atmosphere. When pouring the liquid over tea, steam danced within the porcelain mugs. A temporary reprieve.

You brought the mugs to the table, seating yourself beside her defeated form. She rested on a knee, foot placed on seat, the other leg in a natural dangling position. Once settled into the worn out wooden chair, a cup before both of you, she continued.

"I just thought this time would be different." Her gaze dropped, fingers wrapping around the handle. "My own sister hates me."

"You don't need her." Spoken with brisk pace, you made sure to snub the flames of self-doubt from her mind. Of course, her pain had been valid - a deep cut loathing bestowed so clearly from the Zen'in's had to harbor negativity within her core, but you wouldn't allow the seeds to grow into anything more. If Maki needed to be reassured of her worth, you would provide. Even if that had meant daily, or hourly, you'd be willing to support the girl you'd loved.

"Hm." Her hum of uncertainty had bene voiced into the mug of tea, a sip of warmth and exhale of relief, appraising the beverage's comforting tone. "How are you, anyway?" Her question had ended in reluctant eye contact, a flutter of heart beneath rib as you'd stare back into her soul. "I'm fine, you know me." A nonchalant response, shrug of shoulders.

"That's it? Fine?" Maki sighed, a shake of her head. "I haven't seen you for weeks, and you have nothing to say?" She scoffed, a smirk of annoyance curving lips. "Don't act so humble. There has to be something you want to vent about." The sudden annoyance spurred on panic within you, mouth opening as your brain had attempted to throw together a response. "There's..." You trailed of in thought, grasping at straws. "A company party next week?" The raise of your voice had made the unsure statement more of a question, though Maki latched onto the topic, relieving you of stress.

"That's it?" Her exhale had mimicked a laugh, shake of her head. "Why are you being so timid?" Uttered under her breath, she ignored the confusion and instead pushed you further. "At least tell me something more, what about that hot manager - Nanami? Did he make any more moves?"

You giggled, tilting your head. "I'm not really interested." "So, what? You're gonna be single forever?" Her pressure had been unwanted, an awkward position she'd twisted you into without comprehending the complicated emotions plaguing you. Opening up about a love life would result in honesty - that being the only person you'd liked in over a year had been her. Though, even before now, past relationships wouldn't work out, lovers seeing through doe eyes and softened expressions directed not to them, but instead your best friend. There was no way you'd find value in someone that hadn't been her.

"I don't mind so much." Brushing off her accusitory tone, you glanced to the mug cupped between palms, debating on whether to take a sip. "What about Kugisaki?" She questioned you, eyes fixed on your defeated expression. "No, I like someone else."

Shit.

"Really? You like someone? Are they a real person?" Maki smiled teasingly, brow arched in both disbelief and excitement. "Well, who is it?"

You sat in silence, staring into the drink below you. Dying sunlight no longer reflected within the liquid, an orange glow cast over skin. You felt guilt toward Maki's enthusiasm, because you couldn't give her the answer she'd desperately wanted. Even if glancing to her expression had you considering telling the truth. She looked so pretty, after all.

"It's no one, really."

"I see." Maki's words were spoken quietly, a somber tone of defeat woven throughout her submission. She slumped back, finishing her tea while you'd been left to stare at your reflection within your untouched mug. "I want to tell you, I just-" Closing you eyes, you curse your own childish behaviour. "I can't."

Maki let out an exasperated laugh. "You're making it sound like it's me."

For a second, you'd doubted that her words had been the ones you'd heard so clearly. The desperation of wanting to tell her, mixed with the beaten-down expression and your need to comfort her had seemingly created confidence. From your perspective, her crossed arms holding her own body so tightly had made it look as if she'd been hugging herself. Perhaps, she had been.

Instead of sinking down further, denying the feelings you'd had and the ones she'd seemingly displayed if not a part of your own madness, you leaned toward her. Where words wouldn't suffice, you would still speak, fingers ghosting her cheek, face inching closer. There was some form of restraint as you'd grown only a centimeter away, a chance to allow her to voice disdain and push you away. Though, she'd only closed the gap.

Your lips had locked with hers, a gentle kiss and quiet smack of lips echoing through the kitchen. You'd supported the questionable position you'd contorted yourself into in order to lean over and kiss her - an arm on the table and the other the back of her chair while squatting to hover over your own seat. You'd pulled yourself from her in order to apologize, however two burning palms cupping each cheek had brought you back to her.

You'd been somewhat startled by the surge of courage she'd displayed, yet as you'd allowed the passion between you with lips molding against one another, movements became a frenzied show of affection. The controlling grasp she'd had set over your features had been brought rather aggressively downward, a tug over your sides to pull you atop her lap as lips parted further. Maki's tongue glided across your own shyly at first, a few flicks as if to test the waters between sloppy pecks. Though, spurred on by a limited taste of you, she'd been greedy to take more. Deeper, haphazard and messy kisses with an exchange of drool between both you and her had Maki's thighs clenching under yours, hands groping over your body as a desperate attempt for more contact.

She'd rested her grasp over your hips to guide you into a rocking motion, a hum lost in her moth when you'd felt friction in the place aching for it the most. Somewhere between smooth skin gliding over hers, the phrase bedroom had been uttered, lips parting and reconnecting before parting once more to allow movement. With fingers laced, you rushed toward plush sheets, though once through the door, hunger met with you first.

Her hands roamed you when kissing you again, slipping beneath the hem to clutch at clothes that needed to be discarded. T-shirt first, then the slip of waistbands, before the mattress sank with nude bodies intertwined. Maki straddled over one thigh while keeping on of her own pushed to your core. When leaning forward to place a kiss over your neck, her slick had rubbed over your leg, stifled moan lost against the curve of your shoulder. You'd felt every detail of her bare folds, wetness coating the fat of thigh as she ground her clit over you once more.

A buck of desperation on your own part had suddenly relieved the ache within your abdomen, a throbbing need of friction. As Maki moved against you, back arching, her chest pushed against yours. With each movement, her nipples grazed yours, a lewd action of intimacy that had both you and her clenching over the other. You'd let a louder moan at the sensation, and she'd smiled into the kiss. A breathy laugh fanned over your cheeks as if to call you needy - something she'd done many times before, less so in this context.

You'd whined over one another, drool coating glossy lips and pouring to surrounding skin. Kisses had become more an action of sucking over tongues, increasingly languid when focused on the rest of your body. Your hips juttered with less rhythm as you'd found yourself closer to release over her thigh, encouraged by the feeling of her cunt over your skin.

"Maki..." Against her lips, a warning spoken. As your stomach sucked inward, you'd tried to hold out a little longer. "Come with me." The whispered instruction had wavered on the last word as her mouth had widened, allowing tensed muscles to spasm when feeling your slick roll hurriedly against her, strangled moan echoing from your mouth.

Maki allowed her release alongside yours, hums of appraisal shared with each roll and buck, a squeeze over the sheets with each wave of pleasure.

Only when she'd left the warmth beneath her to instead lay beside you, blanket pulled over each body and chests finally rising and falling at a normal pace had words been spoken. The weight of actions setting in, a small laugh as you'd commented.

"I guess this means you like me too?"

not proof read,sorry!!

#maki x reader #jjk x reader #maki smut #maki zenin smut #maki zenin x reader #maki zenin x you #zenin x reader #jjk smut #jjk gay smut #jjk women smut #girl x girl smut #jjk drabbles #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #maki jjk x reader

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