#fwb!tom holland | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marvelouspeterparker · 3 years

Text

just can’t get enough

pairing: fwb!tom holland x reader

summary: you and tom have been doing this friends with benefits thing for a while now, repressing your feelings, playing this twisted, toxic, jealousy fueled game. but when will you both just accept the truth and be honest with each other?

request: tom tying you up and edging you because you were flirting with other guys and then after he make you come until you can't take it anymore–– by anonymous

word count: 10.3k

warnings: smut, spanking, overstimulation

notes: i got the idea to make this a friends with benefits story then i started writing this and two sentences in, i knew i wanted to make it a full fic dfhskjh + so there’s more than just smut in this + the title is inspired by the song by the black eyes peas

You and Tom weren’t exclusive, you weren’t even really together. But that doesn’t mean you guys didn’t get jealous. The both of you got really jealous. You liked bringing it out of each other––it was the only emotion you weren’t afraid to show to each other.

Your relationship, or lack thereof, was complicated and most likely the textbook definition of toxic and immature. You and Tom were definitely into each other, in a loving type way, you just didn’t know the other felt the same. Typical. Even though you would ask each other to stay over after hooking up. Even though you would hold each other after every night you spent together. Even though you looked at each other as if you were the other’s world. You had no idea.

Part of you wanted to deny your feelings. This was Tom. He could have anyone he wanted, it wasn’t safe to get attached. Your feelings for him were borderline scary because of how strong they were––and you weren’t even sure he felt the same way about you which only added more issues into the mix. He thought the same things about you, but you of course, didn’t know that.

So your go-to response to each other was to deny, deny, deny. Even though it hurt you. It was safer.

Although you didn’t show each other your true feelings, you liked to get a rise out of each other. And you’d like to say it’s because of the sex it leads to––but deep down, you know that’s not true. You like to feel wanted the way that you want him. You like to see him angry on your behalf, to see him upset because of the way some other guy is looking at you, kissing you, holding you. Just like he loves to see you annoyed every time he has a girl attached to his hip at a party, her teeth leaving marks on his neck the way you like to, the way only you should be able to.

––❊––

The music was blaring through the speakers when you walked in with your friend Mia, the both of you were ready to get fucked up and have fun. You quickly made your way to the kitchen to get some drinks, eagerly sipping from your red solo cups as you started to sway lightly to the music. The house was packed, sweaty, drunk bodies everywhere, shouting and dancing on each other. The couches were filled with people, passed out and making out, either or.

Just as you finished your cup, you felt a pair of eyes practically burning through your body. You turned and immediately caught his eyes, looking you up and down with a smirk on his face as he barely listened to Harrison and Harry having what seemed to be an intense conversation––but knowing them it was probably just banter.

You and Tom were friends, since it is in the title of what you guys supposedly are––friends with benefits. But were the benefits supposed to come with mixed feelings and overwhelming amounts of repressed emotions?––So far, that’s unclear. But you and Tom and Harrison and the whole bunch were all friends. You and Tom were always a little bit closer than you were with the others, but not by an obscene amount. This whole arrangement between the two of you had started by accident, basically. You slept together one night after a party, you were both only a little tipsy so it wasn’t a mistake––and then again after he spent the night at your place for one of your usual sleepovers, and then it just kept happening.

But along with this intimate cycle came this push and pull you and Tom would do with each other. It seemed that every time you got closer, you would end up taking a thousand steps back away from each other afterwards. It was tiring, but you never let it show.

You saw Tom walking towards you, a glint in his eyes. But right when he was about ten feet away from you and you could feel your heart pounding out of your chest, he swerved to the side, his eyes lingering on you while he talked to some other girl. You felt your heart drop to your stomach but you swallowed and picked it right back up, not letting his antics get to you. This was what happened every time. It was a game. But neither of you seemed to ever win.

You filled your cup again with something a little stronger and gulped it down, wincing as it burned it’s way down your throat.

“You okay?” Mia asked, looking at you slightly concerned. “That was a pretty aggressive swallow.” She joked.

You shook your head, “I’m fine.” You turned to her and plastered a smile on your face, ignoring the stares of the brunet who was only a few feet away from you, a blonde girl’s hand on his shoulder, sliding it’s way up to his neck. “Let’s dance.”

You marched your way into the scattered group of people in the living room, finding a nice spot for you and your friend. You easily got comfortable, having danced with Mia many times before. She stepped behind you, swaying as you grinded on her, losing yourself in the music. Soon you were sweaty just like the rest of the people in this party and you could feel Tom sending glances your way every now and then, despite the girl trying to climb him. You were dancing seductively but freely, only barely paying attention to the other people in the room. Sure, you were hoping that Tom was watching, but you were also dancing for yourself. You just wanted to have fun.

You managed to dance for about two songs until someone came up to you. He was attractive, a little taller than Tom, dark brown hair, and what seemed to be hazel eyes in the dark lighting of the room. He seemed nice enough. He approached you with a sincere smile on his face. “I don’t mean to bother you. I just couldn’t help but notice you and I’ve been watching you for a bit––in a totally non-creepy way.” He prefaced, making you laugh. He was cute. “Do you wanna dance, maybe?” He held his hand out. “If not, I totally understand.”

You paused for a moment, looking at him. You weren’t going to mess around with someone if they seemed like a total dick––but he seemed genuine. You turned your head to check with Mia to find that she was already walking off with some girl. She gave you a thumbs up and a wink and you laughed, looking back at the boy.

“Okay,” you smiled. “Let’s dance.”

He smiled and you took his hand and pulled him behind you, continuing the dance you were doing before with Mia, grinding on him lightly. He placed his hands on your waist, his fingertips digging into you softly. This next song was more sensual and you couldn’t help but feel yourself a little bit. You knew you looked good. You turned your head over your shoulder to get the boy’s attention. “I should probably know your name since we skipped the formalities and went straight to third base.”

He laughed, his hands still on your waist. “Liam. And you?”

“Y/N.” You lifted one of his hands and shook it, making him chuckle and step closer to you, wrapping his arm around your waist.

“You’re cute.”

You smiled, “I know. So are you.” You took his hands and brought them up to your breasts, making him squeeze them just as you looked straight ahead and made eye contact with Tom. His jaw was clenched as he squeezed the girl’s ass, her lips marking him up. You smirked and tipped your head back, biting your lip. You could feel yourself getting turned on, from the dancing, from Liam, from Tom.

He looked mad and it was only spurring you on even more. He practically snarled before grabbing the girl’s hair and pulling her head back. You could see her moan even from several feet away. He looked at you as he licked along her bare neck, his eyes teasing and taunting you. He knew you would rather it was him standing behind you, holding you, feeling you-–just like you knew he would rather you be the one moaning in his ear. He bit the blonde’s neck and grabbed her ass roughly, pulling her into him as he marked her up.

You were in a room full of people, but when you looked at each other, it felt as though the whole room went dark, a spotlight on the two of you, your shadows behind you hiding all your hidden truths about how you felt for one another. The both of you were just waiting to see who would snap first. Last time it was you, and the time before that it was him. You were determined for it not to be you this time.

You brought a hand up and slid it along Liam’s neck, making your way to his hair before tugging it softly and bringing him down to kiss your neck. You tilted your head and he eagerly took the hint, kissing and sucking softly. His touch was more gentle and more hesitant than Tom’s, you couldn’t help but compare the two––not when Tom was staring you down.

You turned your head and pulled Liam up, looking at his lips then back up to his eyes, grinning when you saw his gaze was focused on your mouth. You pulled him close and crashed your lips together, leading the kiss. It was bold for a first kiss, and you hoped he didn’t mind, but by the way he was grabbing you and pressing into you, you figured he was fine with it.

By the time the song was over, your mind was far from Tom. You were facing Liam, your hands around his neck as he grabbed your thigh, pressing himself into you as you made out. When he pulled away from you, you looked up, confused as to why he stopped. You saw another boy talking to him. He let your leg down gently and you let your hands slip down to his chest.

“We gotta go man, the uber’s here. We said we’d be back by…” he checked his phone. “Two hours ago.”

“Shit, alright.” Liam looked at you then back to his friend, “I’ll meet you outside.” He turned to you, apologetic. “Looks like our time is up.”

You smiled a little sadly and let your hands fall to your sides. Sure, he wasn’t Tom. But he was alright, you liked him as a person. “Seems like it.”

He sighed, seemingly thinking about something. After a moment he spoke up. “Can I get your number?”

You looked up at him. “You know what? Sure.” He smiled and handed you his phone. After putting your information in, you handed him back his phone.

He held it up. “I will be sure to use this.” You smiled and he leaned in to kiss you on the cheek before leaning to whisper in your ear. “See you soon hopefully, Y/N.”

He walked away, still facing you and you laughed when he bumped into someone, almost falling and looking back at you, embarrassed. He waved and was soon on his way. You found yourself smiling absentmindedly at the door he’d just exited and were soon snapped out of your daze when you heard a familiar voice behind you.

“Your date ditch you?”

You turned to face him but your smile soon dropped when you noticed he wasn’t alone. The girl was still on his arm, smiling up at him, clearly wanting all of his attention.

“No.” You said as a matter of factly. “I actually got his number.” You couldn’t help but smile when you noticed his eye twitch. “He just had to go home or something.”

“Hmm that’s a shame.” He licked his lips, shamelessly checking you out.

You easily forgot where you were with the way he was looking at you until a voice pierced through your bubble.

“Can we go find a room? Please Tommy?”

You noticed Tom wince and look over at you when he heard the nickname and you couldn’t help but grimace. That was your name for him. You were the only one who called him that.

He swallowed awkwardly and turned to her. “Babe.” He lowered his head to look at her, talking to her like a child and you scoffed. “You’re this close to being plastered. You need to find your friends and go home.”

She pouted like a child throwing a tantrum. “But you said you––were gonna fuck me.”

Your brows raised and he looked at her, confused. “What? No I didn’t––”

She nodded her head, “Uh huh, you said–––” She mimicked a posh british accent. “M’gonna fuck you so hard, love.”

He cursed silently when he realized he’d said that out loud when he was watching you grind on that boy. “That––That wasn’t,” he looked over at you and you smirked, crossing your arms. “You were just hearing things.” He spotted one of the girls she came with and pushed her towards her. “There you go, run off now.”

You laughed but it quickly died off when he turned back to you, his eyes dark. You bit your lip and his hand came up to hold your jaw, his thumb running over your lips. You parted your lips and took his thumb into your mouth, swirling your tongue around him as you would his cock and he groaned, “Fuck, love.” You bobbed your head and popped off of him, biting the tip of his finger gently and winking at him.

He slid his hand down to grasp your neck and tilted your head up, leaning in closer to you, his lips barely grazing yours. “My place or yours?”

You had a feeling Mia would be coming home tonight with that girl. And the girls she brought home were never quiet, not with her. “Yours.”

He nodded and took your hand in his, pulling out his phone as you both walked out of the house. “Uber should be here in two minutes.”

You raised a brow and he could practically hear you watching him quizzically. He looked up at you and you asked, “Was that uber for the blonde?”

He rolled his eyes. “Called it as soon as I saw that bloke leave.”

You smirked. “How ambitious of you.”

He stepped closer to you, “Love don’t act like you don’t say yes to me every time. I always have you begging for my cock and we both know it.”

Your jaw dropped but before you could even think of a response, he walked forward, pulling you along. “Let’s go.”

When you both got settled in the car, you greeted the driver and Tom subtly pulled you closer to him. He placed one of your legs over his, his hand rubbing along the inside of it teasingly soft as he made small talk with the driver, because, ever the charmer, he had to talk to everyone.

You looked out the window, tuning out their conversation as you focused on the lights outside as the car drove by. You were honestly so out of it, you almost jolted when you felt Tom’s hand slide under your skirt to graze your panties.

You turned to him in shock, and he simply smiled, still talking to the driver. Were they talking about golf? You grabbed his hand and he turned his head, looking at you with a look that said don’t test me. You let him go and he rubbed you through the fabric, pleased to see how wet you were. But when he remembered what you’d been doing all night, his face quickly formed a grimace.

“Who’s this for, baby?” he licked his lips, whispering to you as the driver went on. “Me? Or that div you were grinding on for show? Hm?”

He was jealous. Good.

You shrugged, enjoying the dark look that overtook his features. “What if I said both?”

He leaned in to whisper in your ear, his lips grazing your skin. “Then I’d say that’s the wrong fucking answer, love.”

You shivered from the tone of his voice and when he pulled away, the smirk on his face was anything but sweet. He slipped his hands into your panties, audibly gasping to himself when he felt how wet you really were. He wasted no time, rubbing your wetness over your clit and you gasped, letting out a whine louder than you would have hoped to. Luckily he spoke over you, but he pinched the bundle of nerves, silently scolding you and you whimpered quietly, leaning into his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around you and pressed his cheek to your forehead, making it seem as though you were simply cuddling in the backseat. If you weren’t distracted, you would have thought about how nice it felt to be in his arms like this, but then again, you had other things on your mind.

He rolled his fingers over your clit, kissing your forehead when you let out a shaky breath. He slipped his fingers inside of you and you arched into his touch, rolling your hips to fuck his hand. “Such a needy little slut.” He whispered to you, only making you roll your hips harder. He let out a small fuck and tried his best to focus on his conversation with the lovely man who was driving you both home, but the way you were breathing heavily into his neck as you grinded onto his fingers was making it hard for him to even breathe properly.

He sped his hands up as best he could in this awkward and compromising position, pressing his thumb down to your clit, making you sigh as you bit into his neck, quickly approaching your high.

“You gonna cum all over my hand, baby?” He whispered into your hair. You nodded desperately, but your heart dropped when he chuckled. “Funny how I didn’t give you permission to.” You lifted your head and looked up at him, begging him not stop to but he simply stared you down and pulled his hand away from you and out of your panties, making you almost buck forward from the loss of stimulation.

Your eyes were wide and hopeful and he simply kissed your cheek, bringing his hand up to his mouth to suck on his fingers. Luckily for him, his conversation with the driver had died off gradually, so he was free to tease you as much as he wanted. “Fucking delicious.” He licked his lips, “You want a taste?” You nodded, already leaning into him, but he brought a hand up to your hair and tugged your head backwards, exposing your neck. “That’s too fucking bad. You don’t deserve to taste my pussy yet.” He leaned forward and kissed your neck possessively, somehow picking the spots that were already sensitive. You soon realized he was covering the marks that Liam had made and making them his own.

He spent a good while marking you up, only pulling away when the car came to a stop. Realizing you’d made it to his place, you both thanked the driver and got out, quickly making your way into the flat.

It wasn’t long before the two of you were stripped naked, Tom on top of you as he kissed you possessively as if someone were watching. His tongue was tasting yours, sucking and licking it’s way into your mouth, making you lose your breath. He pulled away and grinned when you whined, helplessly trying to pull him back, biting your lip sensually.

He got off of the bed and pulled out the box from underneath and your breath hitched, knowing exactly what was in there from all the times you’d spent over at his place. He pulled out the padded handcuffs and the trusty vibrator he’d used on you and watched you use many times, setting them on the bed as he closed the box and shoved it back to it’s spot.

He looked at you steadily, “You up for this?” When you nodded he smiled. “That’s my girl.” Though you knew he most likely meant it sexually, you couldn’t help how flustered it made you feel. And was it just your mind playing tricks on you or did it seem more sincere when he said it this time?

You put your hands in front of you and he put on the restraints, raising your hands above your head, attaching the cuffs to the bedframe and settling down between your thighs. He ran his hands up and down your torso, his fingers lightly grazing your nipples and your breasts, down your stomach and then back up again, making you squirm in anticipation.

He pressed a lasting wet kiss to your lips and trailed his lips down, sucking one of your nipples into his mouth as his fingers tugged and teased the other. Your back arched under his touch but he was quick to pin you back down, smiling as he continued to tease you.

He slid further down the bed, grabbing your breasts then spreading your thighs wider as he settled between them, finally seeing the mess he’d helped make. Without saying a word, he watched the way your walls clenched around nothing, clearly aching to be filled. He spread you open and buried himself in you, your moans and gasps only spurring him on even more. He could tell you were still sensitive from earlier, your pussy practically pulsing under his tongue.

He licked through your folds, sliding his tongue in and out of you teasingly as he properly made out with your pussy, moaning and groaning into you, enjoying himself in the pleasure he was giving you, as he thrusted his hips into the bed absentmindedly. It wasn’t long before your hips started bucking into his face and he had to press them down with his hands.

Your wrists strained against the restraints as you buried your face into your arm, your brows furrowed, your lip caught between your teeth.

“So close, Tom.”

He hummed and sucked your clit harshly, waiting until whines started spilling from your lips, your tell that you were about to tip over the edge, to pull away completely.

You let out a broken no and looked down at him, a pout on your face.

“That’s what you get for teasing me all night.” Yeah, he was being hypocritical, but as we established before––toxic. “Grinding up on that idiot right in front of me.”

You lifted your head to try and look at him properly. “His name is Liam.”

Based on the look on his face from your response you could tell––that was the wrong answer.

“You see darling,” He thrusted his fingers into you abruptly, making you drop your head back and moan loudly in surprise. “Look at me.” His voice was sharp and you lifted your head immediately, your walls clenching around him from the tone of his voice. “I don’t give a fuck what his name is. All I know is that I’m going to have you screaming my name until it’s the only bloody one you know.” Your mouth was open as you looked at him, clearly turned on and in utter shock. “Got it?” You nodded almost mindlessly and he clenched his jaw, taking his fingers out to slap your pussy, making you whine and buck your hips. “Got it?”

“Yes, Tommy.”

“Good.” He slid his fingers back into you and leaned forward to suck on your clit. “Now moan for me like a good little slut.”

He put his mouth back on you, licking and slurping you up like you were his last meal, pulling a gasp from you. One of his hands was holding your hips down, fingers splayed out across your abdomen, the other thrusting into your wet opening, while his mouth lapped and sucked your clit.

You felt like you could barely breathe or even process anything but his touch as he pleased you. He edged you three more times, each time, your whines becoming higher pitched, longer and breathier. Your whole body felt like it was floating, every time you were dragged away from the edge before you could tip over it, it felt as though you were being pulled down from the air, roughly, just for the cycle to restart all over again.

Tom licked his lips as he watched you, your body completely spent as you lied there, panting, desperate to cum. He swiped his fingers through your folds before bringing them up to your lips. “Think you’ve earned it.” You opened up eagerly and his eyes were hypnotized as he watched you, his lips parted. “How’s my pussy taste, darling, hm?”

Your eyes fluttered shut from his words and you moaned around him, making him smirk. He pulled his fingers almost all the way out before thrusting them back into your mouth, your tongue swirling around him and sucking him eagerly. He took his fingers out of your mouth and passed them over your lips, smearing your spit over them.

“Such a messy little thing, aren’t you? All for me.”

You nodded, your throat croaky. “Only you.”

He hummed. “You wanna cum now baby?”

You looked down at him, your eyes pleading. “Please Tommy. Wanna cum for you.”

“Yeah?” he cooed. You nodded as fast as you could, tired from all the edging. “Okay love. You can cum.”

He wrapped his lips around your clit again, sucking just the way you liked as his fingers pressed against that special spot inside you. Your body lurched forward as best it could, your mouth dropping open as your eyes rolled back. “Fuck, fuck, fuck––”

Tom’s eyes were focused on your body, one hand coming up to play with your nipples and squeeze your breasts making you moan loudly as your body convulsed under him. “That’s it. Let go for me, darling.” He kept sucking on your clit and thrusting his fingers into you as you came, your body tense as your breaths came out short and hard.

“Oh my god––” You gasped when he didn’t stop, his lips and his fingers still going after you reached your high, going even faster than before. He was humming into you, his movements frantic but calculated as he pushed you further. Your eyes rolled back as you came for the second time, still sensitive from your first orgasm.

When he sat up on his knees, you thought he was finally done, but you were sadly mistaken. He simply got into a more comfortable position, licking his lips clean to savor your taste as he brought his hand down to rub at your clit quickly, his other hand still furiously fingering you. Your eyes were wide, mouth hung open in shock, overwhelmed by the stimulation. Soon, you felt yourself approaching the edge again, but this time felt more intense, almost like you needed to––

“Fuck––” Tom groaned in awe as you squirted all over his hands, his fingers still going at it, trying to prolong the feeling for you and maybe even make you do it again. He was mesmerized by you. Your hands were restlessly pulling at the cuffs, your body trembling and shaking as you came, overstimulated. Tom pulled his fingers out of you and rubbed over your pussy quickly, making you let out a mix between a moan and a yell. He switched from thrusting his fingers into you roughly, to rubbing your clit, slapping it quickly as you kept squirting all over him. “So fucking wet, oh my god.”

Your eyes were shut as you panted, your head turned to the side, tucked into your arm, your stomach flexing and tensing every few seconds as Tom tortured you. Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, you heard your toy switch on and without warning he pressed it on to your sensitive clit, making you scream.

As he promised, you were screaming his name, your body shaking under him as he slid himself inside of you, the vibe still on. He was thrusting into you fast and hard, moaning and growling obscenities like ‘my fucking pussy’, ‘that’s it take that cock just the way you like,’ which only made your head spin even more. You were barely able to function, only saying his name over and over again while he used you like a toy.

With all the time he spent playing with you, teasing you, edging you, making you cum––which he was still doing, he was super sensitive, so it didn’t take long for him to get close. “That’s it baby. M’gonna cum in my fucking pussy and you’re gonna clench around me while you cum one more time, okay?”

You whined loudly, your head thrashing from side to side as he held your thigh, fucking into you roughly while he pressed the toy to your clit, putting it at the highest setting. “Tom!––”

“Be a good girl and cum on my cock. I know you can, that’s it. Gonna cum in this perfect pussy. Fuck.” He grunted as he released into you, your walls clenching around him tightly as you came again, your eyes shut tight as you trembled around him.

He switched the toy off and threw it aside, thrusting into you a few times slowly to see your releases mixed together on his cock. He bottomed out, filling you to the hilt and you whimpered, your legs still shaking. He leaned down and kissed your cheek, reaching up and undoing the straps of the restraints. You sighed softly and let your hands fall down to his shoulders, barely able to move them yourself.

He looked down at you, fondness in his eyes. “How was that, darling?” You simply mumbled a few sounds in response, the only intelligible word being his name. He smirked, kissing your forehead. “That’s what I thought.”

You both stayed like that for a while, you tucked into Tom’s chest while you caught your breaths, his cock still inside of you. After a while, he pulled out, earning a whimper from you and got up to get a towel to clean you up, since you definitely couldn’t walk on your own. You’d just wait to see how you felt in the morning.

When he finished cleaning you up and settled under the covers with you after giving you one of his shirts, he pulled you back into his arms and you sighed happily, nuzzling into him. His hand was tracing patterns on your side, lulling you to sleep as you listened to his heartbeat.

“You know,” he whispered. You hummed quietly in response. “I really liked tonight. With you.” He winced, realizing that sounded stupid but he held his breath when you responded softly.

“Mm I did too. Always do Tommy.” You were practically mumbling into his shirt, you were really fucked out.

He waited a few moments before speaking up again, but you had already drifted off halfway through his sentence, only hearing a faint I really like––before you fell into a deep sleep.

––❊––

When you woke up, Tom was out of bed and you could smell tea boiling in the kitchen, along with breakfast cooking. You rubbed your eyes with your knuckles, squinting from the sunlight that was peeking into the room. You sighed and sat up, raising your arms for a much needed stretch. You then reached for your phone that you’re guessing Tom must have put to charge sometime last night or this morning since it was at 100%.

You grabbed it and tried to stand up, yelping at how sore and wobbly your legs felt. Tom walked in just in time and laughed, rushing over to your side, “Woah love. You alright?” You let out small mhm signalling that you really weren’t alright. You couldn’t walk properly for Christ’s sake. “I really fucked you good didn’t I?” He smirked smugly and you rolled your eyes.

“Yeah yeah. To the bathroom please.” He nodded and helped you along, his hands delicately holding you.

“Do you need me to set you down on the toilet too?”

You turned to him about to scowl, when you noticed the sincere look in his eyes. Oh. “Um––No I’m okay.” You turned to hold the door. “But um, can you wait until I’m finished.” You looked up at him sheepishly and smiled.

“Sure. I’ll just wait on the bed okay?”

You nodded and closed the door.

You peed, brushed your teeth and washed your face, refusing to look at your disapproving reflection in the mirror. Yeah, this was a little fucked up that you slept with your best friend all the time and basically acted like a couple until you stepped out in public––but what else is new. Well for one, Tom had never been that intense before––he was really determined, possessive last night. Was it because you got Liam’s number?

You guess it was an unspoken but unofficial thing between the two of you, but you never went past making out with other people, let alone getting their numbers and hanging out with them afterwards. Should you feel guilty? No, if he wanted to say something and tell you how he feels, he would, right? Funny.

You sighed and waddled over to the door before opening it and Tom perked up immediately, eyes finding you. You walked out of the bathroom and he watched you take a few steps, a small pout on his face. “You know I think I can walk better now.”

He shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.”

You frowned. “Does it look that bad?”

He looked up at you, a cheeky but hesitant smile on his face. “No I just want an excuse to hold you while you walk.”

You rolled your eyes but let him hold you anyway as you made your way over to the kitchen. He helped you sit at the counter and went to the stove to continue preparing breakfast.

You crossed your legs at the ankle and sat up, fiddling with your phone in your hands as you remembered last night just before you fell asleep. It sounded like he was confessing something to you and you couldn’t help but be hopeful. It sounded like the next word in his sentence started with a Y and you wanted to clarify, to assure what you heard, to soothe your heart.

“I um.” He turned, when you paused, looking at you curiously, a small smile on his face. “Before I fell asleep last night,” You noticed his eyes widened slightly but he quickly tried to mask it. “I think I heard you say something?”

He just looked at you, mouth closed, biting the inside of his cheek.

“I think I heard you say you really like...and then I passed out.” You laughed quietly to ease the tension, “Um, what––what did you say?”

He took a moment before biting his lip, obviously nervous, looking down at the floor. “Uh nope––Sorry I uh don’t think I said anything.”

Your shoulders drooped. “Are you sure?” You pressed, not even hiding the disappointment in your tone.

He laughed awkwardly, turning to put sugar in his tea. “Nope I uh––Didn’t say anything. Must be hearing things.”

You nodded tightly, pursing your lips. “Right.” You pulled out your phone and scrolled through your notifications to distract yourself from the metaphorical sharp pain in your chest, seeing the dms from your friends on insta, twitter notifications, random game updates, but your eyes paused when you noticed a message from an unknown number.

Hey :) told you I’d put your number to good use

You smiled.

Maybe: Liam: It’s Liam, by the way. From the party.

You laughed at how awkwardly cute he was and sent a reply. Not even two seconds later, you saw the three chat bubbles appear.

Tom perked up from the other side of the counter, thankful for a topic change and came up behind you, resting his head on your shoulder as his arms wrapped around you tight. “What’s so fun––” His brows furrowed as he read the text, his arms loosening their hold around you.

You tensed and you could feel the air around you shift. You swallowed nervously, straightening yourself out in your seat. It’s not like you and Tom were dating or anything. You didn’t owe him anything.

“It’s Liam––”

“Yeah I can read.” His tone was sharp, but unlike yesterday, it didn’t have a positive effect on you.

You both looked at the phone when a new message appeared.

Maybe: Liam: So I was wondering if we could get food or just chill tomorrow afternoon? I’d really like to see you :)

You took a sharp inhale, feeling butterflies in your stomach. With all the frustrations you’d been feeling and with how lackluster and clearly dishonest your last conversation was with Tom, maybe it’d be good to have a distraction. Try to move on.

Just as you thought this, he spoke up, bursting your Tom-free bubble that you were forming. “You gonna go? On the date?” His voice was almost accusatory, offended, even.

You sighed and he stepped away from you, looking at you in disbelief. “Yeah I think I will.”

His jaw clenched as he stared at you. Come on, Tom. Say something, anything. He nodded and walked back to his tea, making you roll your eyes.

You called an uber and waddled off to the room, feeling his eyes watch you as you walked off. You quickly got dressed, in your own clothes and grabbed your things, not wasting a single second. When you stepped back into the kitchen, you grabbed your phone and made your way to the door. You spared a glance in Tom’s direction, noticing that he not only looked upset but hurt?

You looked down at your phone, seeing that your ride was approaching and shook your head, “See you, Tom.” You didn’t wait to hear a response before you stepped out of the door, but you’re not certain that if you had stayed longer, you’d have gotten one anyway.

––❊––

The next afternoon, you had agreed to meet Liam at a cafe halfway between your place and his. You both also agreed that this was a casual hangout, maybe not even a date, just a time to see what happens, how you vibe together. So you dressed comfortably but nice, you weren’t going to go so far as to show up in sweats. That would be rude.

He got there a little earlier and insisted that you tell him your order so it could be ready for you when you got there. This boy was really sweet. You met him about ten minutes later. He looked up from his phone when he noticed you walking towards his table, a smile on your face. He kissed you on the cheek after making sure it was okay and even pulled out your seat for you.

“I’m really glad you wanted to meet up.” He seemed shy, it was cute.

“Me too.” You smiled, taking a sip from the drink he got for you. “It was nice of you to order for me by the way, thank you.”

He waved you off, “My pleasure.”

The conversation progressed gradually, staying in the typical small talk stage for a while when you first meet someone. How was your day? Tell me about yourself. And you wanted to be present, you really did. But your mind couldn’t stop thinking about how wrong you felt to be out with someone else that wasn’t Tom. You were shifting and fidgeting as you stared at the boy in front of you, a strained smile plastered on your face as you tried to focus.

Ever so perceptible, he noticed that something was off and looked at you concerned. “Everything alright?”

“Sorry,” You looked at him apologetically. What was wrong with you? You had a perfectly sweet boy sitting in front of you but all you could think about was Tom. “I just can’t focus today. There’s just––some things on my mind.” More like someone.

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with that brown haired guy from the party, would it?” He asked gently.

Your eyes widened slightly. You briefly thought about denying it but wasn’t that what got you in this mess in the first place? You weren’t going to lie to him. You grimaced. “How did you know?”

“He couldn’t keep his eyes off of you.” He laughed. “Which I understand. But it felt like there was some tension.”

You nodded, swallowing, trying to process everything.

He shrugged, “I hoped it was nothing, which I’ll admit was a bit selfish of me.” He gave you a kind smile, pausing before going on. “Were you guys together or is it complicated?”

“Definitely that last one.” You groaned and hid your face in your palms, resting your elbows on the table in frustration. “I’m really sorry.” Your voice was muffled behind your hands. You slid your hands off of your face and looked at him, giving him another apologetic smile. “I really wanted to hangout with you and move on because you seem really sweet and like the perfect guy, honestly.”

He waved you off again, clearly flustered, only proving your point.

“I just don’t think it’s fair for me to try and pretend I’m fully here when you deserve nothing but honesty and someone who’s able to give you all their attention.” He nodded, disappointed but understanding.

“Well I hope he figures his shit out because he has no idea what he’s missing.” You sighed, you and me both.

“Thank you, Liam.”

You both got up and hugged. He kissed your cheek again, this time as a friendly and comforting gesture. “Don’t be afraid to call me okay? As friends.” You smiled gratefully and you both went your separate ways.

––❊––

That night, there was a pounding at your door. Mia was out, so you were left to see who it was yourself. You got up and looked through the peephole to find Tom standing there. You sighed and opened the door, blinking when he stormed into your apartment without saying a word.

His fists were clenching and unclenching at his sides, his brows furrowed as he tried to contain his emotions and prevent an overwhelming outburst in your otherwise quiet apartment. The whole way walking over here, he could feel his stomach drop, his throat ready to hold back the bile that was threatening to come up.

“Did you fuck him?” He spat out venomously and you glanced up at him in shock as you closed the door. Normally he’d joke about it, make a few passive comments, but he was never this direct.

“Well hello to you too Tom. Nice to see you.”

“Answer the question.”

“That’s actually none of your business.” You bit back, your brows furrowed.

“Bullshit. Did you or did you not fuck him?”

“Again. None of your business. But you really think I’d do that on the first date? You must think really highly of me.” Your voice was sharp and clearly offended. He opened his mouth again but you spoke before he could. “Why does it even matter?”

He looked taken aback. “I––It just does.”

“Why do you care, Tom?” your eyes were piercing him, begging him to say what you both wanted to. You were sick of playing the same game, hoping for a happy ever after when you kept seeing the same outcome every time. You were tired of being hurt and disappointed. So you finally just decided to give him a chance. To see if what he felt for you was the same––to see if it was real.

When you were met with silence, your eyes started to water. “Why?” Your voice was small, aching for him to put an end to all of this, to be honest for once.

His eyes lowered to the ground and he bit his lip nervously, his arms limp by his side. When you spoke up his eyes jumped to yours, wide and scared.

“I––I can’t keep doing this.”

“What––What do you mean?” His voice was frantic and a part of you felt guilty, but you shut your eyes, frustrated with how much of an effect he had on you.

“This, Tom.” You gestured between the two of you. “Whatever the fuck this is. We––We’ve never even talked about it! We just fuck with each other and then fuck each other like everything’s okay but it’s not! I’m tired of it!”

He reached a hand out but you took a step back and he dropped it back to his side.

“Unless you have something worthwhile to say, just go.” Your voice was small, tired as you looked down at the floor. Your shoulders sunk when you were met with silence again.

“Get out, Tom.”

“Darling––”

“No, you don’t get to call me that.” Your eyes were glued to the ground.

“Darling look at me. Please!”

You could hear that his voice was shaky, and if you looked up, you’d probably see tears in his eyes. But you knew that if you did that, you would just give in like you always do. And you couldn’t keep doing that to yourself.

You wrapped your arms around yourself. “Get out.”

He scoffed, sniffing as he backed away. “Right.”

You stayed in your spot, stiff as a statue, wincing as you heard the door slam on his way out. You waited for a moment. A long, painful moment. To see if he would come back. To try and fix things. But he never did. Sure, you had told him to leave, so maybe it was a good thing that he respected your wish. Or maybe he just couldn't bear to be in the same room as you anymore. Either way, a part of you wanted him to fight for you. To want you enough. But he apparently couldn’t tell. Once you accepted that, you let out a deep sigh.

Only then did you sluggishly make your way to your room. Once you turned off the lights and got under the covers, the tears started to fall and it felt like they would never stop. Your breathing was uneven, hiccups jumping from your throat as you wet your pillow with tears. Your eyes were blurry, your body shaking, and your heart felt heavy.

You cried, your tears flowing down your cheeks as you squeezed your eyes shut, your whole body feeling like it was aching from the inside.

––❊––

As soon as Tom closed the door to your apartment, he cursed, shoving his face into his palms as he leaned against the wall of the hallway, trying not to scream. His whole body felt unstable, uneasy and unsatisfied with the way things ended. After letting out a shaky breath and straightening up, he took the elevator down and sulked all the way home. He was frustrated and upset. Couldn’t you see what he was trying (poorly) to say? Couldn’t you see that he just wanted you to himself?

When he got home, Harrison was lounging on the couch, his eyes concerned when he noticed Tom’s demeanor. “What’s wrong with you?”

Tom stepped further into the flat, silent, still processing everything.

“Mate what happened? Didn’t you go to see Y/N?”

He swallowed, his brows furrowed as he looked down at the ground, making his way over to the couch. He slumped down in the seat, leaning his elbows on his knees as he hunched forward, rubbing his face listlessly. “Yeah, I uh––She kicked me out.” He still wasn’t looking up, his eyes not even focused on anything in the room. Sure, he was present, but his mind was far from it.

He could hear the confusion and concern in Harrison’s voice. “Shit, man. What did you do?”

“Well uh…” Tom explained, his head hanging in his hands as he recounted everything––how he was so wound up he could barely breathe as he burst into your home, immediately asking about the date, how you put him on the spot, how he froze up, how devastated you looked when you looked him in the eye. When he finished, the room was silent for a good while, the only sound heard being Tom’s shaky breaths.

“Are you fucking dumb?”

Tom looked up at his best friend incredulously. “Dude?––”

“You basically called her a whore!” Harrison practically shouted, getting more and more aggravated.

“There’s nothing wrong with fucking on the first date! And I never called her a whore! I just––” Tom countered, getting frustrated as well.

“Well that’s what you implied, dipshit!” Haz took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers, resisting the urge to slap his best friend. “Why were you so upset in the first place, Tom?”

Tom opened his mouth and closed it immediately. He swallowed, suddenly feeling small and unsure of himself. “I––I don’t know.”

Harrison looked at him deadpan. “Mate, you know why.” His eyes softened as he looked at his friend with pure intentions, wanting to give him honest guidance. “You need to be honest with yourself and her. It’s not fair to her that you keep playing this game, man. I’m surprised it lasted this long, honestly.” He shook his head, lying back in his seat. “You need to go fix this.”

Tom sighed, “I know.”

Harrison looked at him expectantly. “Like immediately.”

“Dude, it’s late.” Tom looked at the time, it was almost eleven.

“I sincerely doubt she’s asleep after what you did.”

Tom winced, slowly letting out a puff of air as he gathered his thoughts, getting up from his seat. “Right. O–Okay. Shit.”

Harrison got up as well, eyes focused on his friend. He could practically see the thoughts flying around his head as he processed them all.

Tom looked up at him, his eyes suddenly clearer. “Thanks man.” He stepped closer to his best friend and wrapped his arms around him.

Harrison immediately reciprocated the gesture and patted him on the back a few times. “Go get her, mate.”

––❊––

You groaned when you saw the notification from the absolute last person you wanted to hear from right now––at least that’s what you told yourself, anyway. You couldn’t sleep, obviously and understandingly restless with your thoughts. So you picked up your phone to distract yourself, but of course, he found a way to intrude your thoughts again.

Tom: open the door please.

Are you serious––

You turned off your phone and put it face down on the bed as you stared at the ceiling. Fuck.

You slowly got out of bed, throwing the covers off of you, though your body was almost dragging you back down, as if it was warning you to stay put, to preserve your heart. But your mind pushed through and took control of your body, you had to know why he was here. You padded over to the front door, your socked feet cold against the hardwood floor. You looked through the peephole to see Tom there, desperately waiting for you to open the door. He looked as though he would stay out there no matter how long it took.

You took a deep breath and opened the door. Time froze for a few seconds as you just stared at each other, taking in each other’s appearances. Tom’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes and nose red as well, and you could tell it wasn’t just from the cold. You were sure you looked just as fragile as he did. He looked scared, but also like he had something that he was aching to tell you.

You cleared your throat and even that small sound felt too loud for the space around you, for the silence you were both clinging too. You stepped aside, “Come in.”

He gave you a quick smile and moved past you, his actions way more hesitant than when he first came over tonight. He really was nervous.

You closed and locked the door and turned around to face him after taking another deep breath, this one more shaky than the last, your heartbeat starting to race. You wrapped your arms around yourself, shifting from side to side as you both stood there in front of each other. You had both calmed down since you last met, both your energies very different. He was anxious, desperate, aware. You were tired, hopeful but wary. But there was a distinct feeling of longing between the two of you.

“I um––” He swallowed, rubbing his hands nervously. “I have something I need to tell you.”

You bit your lip and looked up at him before moving past him and sitting on your couch, your knees pulled up to your chest as you watched him come over and take a seat as well. “Okay.” You muttered, eyes wide as you watched him.

He sat down on the other end of the couch without taking off his jacket, the distance between the two of you seemingly getting larger and larger. He scratched the back of his head, looking down at the carpet and taking a deep breath to prepare himself to speak. “I just––I’ve never been good at...communicating when it came to you and––I was never really sure why. Or at least I was scared to admit the reason. I would just watch you and hold you when you let me and then get jealous when you walked away. I always felt empty when you left me, Y/N.” He looked up at you and you sucked in a breath, suddenly realizing how intimate and vulnerable he was being.

“For some stupid reason I found myself pushing away the one person I wanted closest in my life. I was just so scared by how much I care for you, for how much I––love you.” He licked his lips and looked down again and you shifted on the couch, your heartbeat now pounding in your ears.

“I acted like a dumbass. I’m sorry. And I know that I don’t deserve your forgiveness, hell I don’t even deserve you––” He sniffled before making eye contact with you again, a small smile on his face. “But I just wanted to tell you the truth for once. I’m in love with you, darling. Have been for a while now.” You could see his eyes tracing your face, almost as if he were taking it all in, preparing for if this were the last time he would get to see it. “That’s all I wanted to say.”

There was a small silence between the two of you once he finished. You took a deep breath and slid over to his side of the couch, making his eyes widen curiously as he watched you. His breath hitched and he looked up at you, without a word.

“You’re an idiot.” You whispered. But before he could retort you grabbed his face with two hands and pulled him in for a kiss. At first he was in shock, but he soon reciprocated, his hands finding their way to your waist as he held you, your lips moving together in sync the way they should.

You pulled away and when you opened your eyes you saw him looking at you in awe. You ran your thumbs over the soft skin of his cheeks gently as you looked into his eyes. “I love you too Tom. Always have.”

He laughed and you both sighed, happy, relieved as you finally got what you wanted. “I guess we’re both idiots then, huh?”

You tilted your head, a small smile on your face. “You’re definitely the bigger idiot.”

“Hey!” He pinched your waist playfully making you yelp and climb into his lap.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and looked down at him with an adoring smile, but your expression became serious for a moment. You bit your lip nervously, looking between both of his eyes. “Don’t ever hurt me like that again. Okay?”

He answered immediately, not hesitating like he was before. “I promise, love. I never want to hurt you again. Ever.”

You kissed delicately and pulled away. Once your eyes met, there was an unspoken understanding between the two of you, you needed each other.

Your lips reconnected more passionately this time, but still gentle. Soon you were slowly pushing the jacket off of Tom’s shoulders, letting it lay on the couch. You both got up and made your way to your bedroom, still sharing kisses as you walked through your apartment, your hands holding each other along the way.

Within no time, your clothes were off. Your body was resting comfortably as you lied in your bed, Tom hovering over you, his lips slotting with yours as his fingers stretched you out. You were moaning and sighing into his mouth, and he could feel the blood rushing through his body from the sounds.

His touches were tender, and familiar as his fingers worked you up gradually. His thumb rubbed at your bundle of nerves and your lips pulled away from his to let a breathy sigh part through them. He smiled fondly as he watched you get close, your hips starting to buck into his hand, but you brought a hand down to hold his wrist, making him halt his actions, eyes searching yours.

Your eyes were closed as you breathed out, trying to calm yourself down. You looked up at him. “Want––I want you, Tom. Wanna feel you.”

Tom nodded, biting his lip at the whine you let out when he pulled his fingers out of you. His eyes were taking you in as he slipped the two fingers, wet with your arousal into his mouth, sucking them clean and letting them go with a pop before positioning himself at your entrance.

You were spread open for him, legs around him as he slid himself in slowly, inch by inch. “Wanted to feel me, love. So I’ll let you feel all of me.” He bottomed out and the both of you moaned as you clenched around him.

You brought your hands up to his shoulder and pulled him into you, letting him rest some of his weight on you as you held each other, every part of you that could be touching, doing so. Your lips met again, the two of you still moving languidly, but desperately as you yearned for every part of each other. Tom bit your lip softly, slipping his tongue past your lips to tease yours.

He pulled his hips back and pushed them back into you deeply, making you let out a breathy moan and he trailed his kisses from the corner of your mouth, along your jaw to your neck as he started thrusting in and out of you. One of your arms slid across his back, pushing him into you, as the other hand found comfort in his curls, tugging and making him groan into your neck, his lips not letting up.

His hips were slowly pounding into you, gradually picking up the pace. Everything about this was soft and loving, like a brand new start for the both of you. In a way, it felt like your first time all over again.

Tom squeezed a hand between the two of you to play with your clit, his hips still thrusting into you relentlessly with purpose. His face was buried between your shoulder and your neck, his lips leaving soft kisses, and sucking marks onto the smooth skin. You were both breathing heavily, consumed by the feeling of one another.

“Fucking love you darling.” He was grunting as you both approached your highs. “Love how my pussy feels too. My good girl.”

Your hands were desperately clawing and grabbing at his back and his hair as you felt yourself moving towards the edge, your body aching for a sweet release. You needed that relief. You needed to let go now that you knew Tom would be there to catch you, to hold you.

“M’Yours, Tom.” You whined breathlessly as you whispered into his ear. “Make me yours. Cum with me.”

He groaned loudly and bit into your shoulder, the two of you soon releasing together, your bodies curving in on each other as you held each other tightly. Your back arched underneath him as his thrusts slowed, his hips pulling almost all the way out before he slammed back in, reaching the hilt, making you gasp as he came inside you.

He raised himself up on both hands and you pulled him in for another kiss, your tongue finding its way into his mouth, your teeth tugging at his bottom lip. The kiss was fierce and wanton as you pulled each other impossibly closer, almost as if you wanted to merge into one.

When you both pulled away you were breathing roughly, panting into the quiet air of your room. You bit your lip and brought a hand to his cheek to hold him lovingly. He turned his head and gave your palm a lasting kiss, pouring all his emotions into the small gesture. You smiled up at him.

“I love you.”

He kissed your palm again, then your wrist, and made his way down, kissing along your arm, then your chest and finally looked into your eyes, responding before kissing your lips yet again. “I love you too. So so much. I don’t think I’ll ever stop saying it.”

You laughed warmly, pulling him closer so that your lips were grazing his. “Good. Because I don’t ever want to stop hearing it.”

He smiled, licking his lips. “Deal.”

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