Let it Out
(Gally x Reader)
Requested by my beloved @ultraintrovertedgryffindor, so in a big way this is her fault ♥️ Hope everyone has their tissues at the ready! But not to worry, it ends well. Enjoy! Gif credit: @gabriella0807
A forlorn bleakness reflected in your eyes as you peered through the small window of your and Gally’s shared hut not too far away from the beach.
He was there again.
The rock, the designated memorial, etched with a plethora of names of the ones who didn’t make it to the Safe Haven, the ones people would never see again in this life but would forever hold dear to their hearts.
It had been about three months since your arrival, and Gally still visited it every other day, even if just for a few minutes. You understood that it was something he needed to do by himself, so you never came up to him when he was there. However, the few times that you had caught glimpses of where exactly his somber gaze lingered, you had noticed… it wasn’t Chuck’s name he was looking at.
It was Newt’s.
Newt… Without a doubt, the most heart-wrenching loss for your group. The one person everyone wished had survived and everyone mourned, greatly.
Thomas, Minho, Fry, Brenda… You had seen them all cry over him, and it was a good thing for them. It was a way of letting it out as all humans with feelings deserved to, and they all seemed to know that.
Except for Gally.
After three months, he was the only one left who still had barely said a word about it to anyone or shed a single tear.
Not even you, the girl he loved and would trust with anything and everything, had a clue what went on in his mind when it came to that.
Normally you chose not to press it. At first you thought Gally was just dealing with it in his own way, that he just needed more time and eventually he, too, would open up about it. But as of late, it was starting to feel more and more like that day might not be coming at all. It was as if he was suppressing it, keeping it all bottled up inside him and securely locked for it to slowly eat away at him in silence.
You struggled to understand why. Newt was his friend, too, and you believed Gally had every right to grieve just like the rest of you, but it appeared as though he was deliberately avoiding it, not allowing himself to feel an ounce of it.
It wasn’t good for him, something needed to change. You loved him, you wanted to help him… you didn’t know how, but you had to try.
You stepped away from the window as Gally had turned and left the memorial rock, slowly making his way back to your hut. It was late, slightly past the time you two would usually head off to bed for another night of unpredictable sleep.
It wasn’t long before his tall form entered, the door closing behind him with a slight thud.
“Hey, baby…” Gally managed a small smile at the sight of you, already coming closer and pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead.
You smiled in response, momentarily bringing your hands up to squeeze his upper arms in affection before standing up on your tippy-toes and pecking his lips.
“Hey… I was starting to wonder if you were going to sleep on the beach tonight.”
Gally released a hushed chuckle “I’m sure I’d be a very generous offering to the mosquitoes, but no, I’ll pass.”
A soft giggle escaped you as two more kisses were pressed to either one of your cheeks, Gally’s fingers lovingly tracing up and down your waist.
The two of you began getting ready for bed and as silence overtook the room, your eyes kept flickering towards him, subtly taking in every little detail of his expression.
You quickly noticed how the second his eyes left yours, a distinct dullness pervaded them, draining them from anything resembling happinesss.
It was clear that it was nothing you had done wrong. He was in his head, more than likely plagued once again by something glum and heavy hovering over him.
He didn’t deserve it… Whatever it was weighing him down, you needed to get him to release it. Carefully, without any pressure, with only the gentlest of nudges.
As Gally discarded his t-shirt, you gingerly sat down beside him, on his side of the bed, placing a delicate hand on his warm shoulder.
He didn’t seem to notice at first, his eyes fixated on the opposite wall, submerged in his own thoughts.
“Gally…?” You frowned, softly squeezing his muscles as you moved closer to him “Are you okay?”
That worked to promptly bring him out of his inner turmoil as he glanced over to you, mustering a strained half-smile.
“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
You weren’t buying that. Though you knew he wasn’t lying to you for any hurtful or selfish reason, it couldn’t carry on like this.
Before he could look away again, you cupped the side of his face, keeping his eyes where they needed to be. On you.
“You know…. It’s okay if you’re not.” You prodded, gently, brushing your thumb over his cheek “You don’t have to be. Something’s clearly bothering you and I think I know what it is…”
As soon as you said that, you felt his body tense up, that same somber glint from before crossing his irises once more as he looked at you.
He didn’t want to talk about it… or maybe he did, he just couldn’t bring himself to. Though he may have endeavored to have it remain buried in his mind, he had to know that he could only outrun it for so long. It wasn’t going to be easy, but it was important. For him, first and foremost.
With a wistful sigh, you tilted your head to the side, holding his gaze “Gally, you don’t have to keep going like this… I know it hurts, it hurts for all of us. It’s okay to let it out.”
Gally fought the instant urge to try and act like he didn’t know what you were talking about. The slight twitch of his mouth indicated how difficult it was for him to focus on the subject, let alone discuss it, even with you.
“Who would that help?” He frowned, dejectedly, his voice barely above a whisper.
You furrowed your brows, concern brimming your tone “You. It would help you… I know he meant a lot to you, too.”
Gally’s features seemed to have frozen, not a single muscle quivering on his face as he stared at you, months worth of repressed misery pooling in his eyes. As strong as he was in all aspects, this was one of the few things capable of making his inner strength diminish.
Your heart clenched at the torment radiating off of him in waves as you tenderly stroked his face.
“Gally… people grieve the ones they lost, it’s what they do. It’s painful and it’s hard, but it’s also necessary, because we’re all humans and we need it.”
You released a huff of air “I don’t believe it every truly goes away, but at least it gets easier to live with, over time. But the only way that has a chance of happening, is if you let yourself feel it and actually go through it… Otherwise, it will never let you go.”
Gally’s jaw clenched as he stayed silent for a moment, taking in your words before responding.
“Maybe it shouldn’t get easier. Not for me. Not after what I did in the maze.” His gaze finally lowered, engulfed with palpable guilt he couldn’t shake to this day.
Your eyes widened at what you were hearing. Realization washed over you, bringing you some much-needed clarity along with utter disbelief. So that’s what was ailing him. The reason he’d been keeping it all in was right there on the surface.
Gally didn’t think he deserved to feel better or to properly mourn Newt like the rest of you, because he wasn’t like rest of you.
All of you had at one point or another done things you wished you could take back, but Gally’s case was the heaviest of all. And although everyone else, including Thomas even, had long forgiven him for the mistakes he’d made before, it became clear in that moment, that there was still one person left who was yet to forgive him for it, and that was Gally himself.
You shook your head, vehemently, cupping his face with both hands.
“He never blamed you, you know… Not once. He understood that it wasn’t your fault, he knew exactly what happened… He knew you were still his friend.”
Gally released a bitter huff “Did he?”
You winced at the pensive tone of his breathy voice.
“Of course he did. He could see it. And with everything you did for us in the city-“
“Doesn’t really matter what I did, I still couldn’t help him in the end.” He quietly interrupted as he couldn’t bring himself to meet your eyes again.
All of the raw anguish coursing through him was steadily seeping into you as well. You could already feel the incoming tears, joined by a slight tremble to your voice.
“You tried… Gally, you tried so hard, I know you did, I was there. There wasn’t anything more you could’ve possibly done!”
Gally shook his head, finally looking up at you. You let out a soft gasp upon witnessing the redness stinging his eyes.
He didn’t know if he could accept that. There had to have been something. He could’ve stayed with Newt, that way he would’ve been there to hold him back, to break up the fight, maybe that way he would’ve survived…
He tried, rapidly, to blink back the forming tears “What if there was? Maybe if I hadn’t left him alone with Thomas…”
“You didn’t “leave him”, you needed to help get the serum! For him.”
Gally’s shoulders slacked as he finally moved away from your gentle hold, his head dropping as he held it in his hands, his breath escaping him in short, broken gusts.
You bit the inside of your lip in worriment, placing your hand on his broad back and rubbing up and down in hopes of bringing him some comfort. You didn’t know if you could find the perfect thing to say to him that would make it all better, so you decided to keep quiet. At least until Gally decided to speak again.
After a few moments and a few attempts at composing himself, he did, the words he uttered causing your heart to plummet.
“He should’ve made it. He deserved it… He deserved it more than I did.”
You flinched, stifling a whimper as you immediately wrapped your arms around his shoulders, burying your head in his neck and holding him as tightly as you physically could.
“Don’t say that… Please, don’t ever say or think that. I don’t want you to, and Newt definitely wouldn’t want you to either.”
Something between a grunt and a sob escaped Gally as he wrapped his arms around your waist, returning your tight embrace. His shoulders slightly quaked, and though you couldn’t see his face, you could feel what was happening.
You stayed like that for the next couple of minutes. You didn’t say a word, you merely held him and he held onto you. You caressed his short sandy hair, the back of his neck, kissing the side of his head and offering all of your warmth and every bit of your closeness up to him.
When you felt Gally’s breath begin to even out and his muscles relaxing, you finally spoke again.
“If you could say something to him and you knew he’d hear you… what would it be?“ You whispered softly, still keeping a firm grip on his strong body.
Gally took a deep breath, his hands involuntarily balling into fists as he pressed his forehead into your shoulder.
“I’m so sorry… I wanted to help.”
Your eyes closed as you swallowed a sob, silent tears rolling down your cheeks.
Your heart wept with him, your mutual pain circling you and pulling you even closer into each other.
Yet, as agonizing as it was, something about it felt thoroughly right. Like a new path slowly revealing itself and shining its beckoning light on you.
You pressed your lips to Gally’s temple, fervently tightening your hold on him.
“He knows…”
Your soft whisper resonated within Gally, a shuddery breath leaving his parted lips.
You had to loosen your grip as he suddenly pulled you into his lap, instantly encompassing you in his arms once again and hiding his face in between your neck and shoulder. His favorite place. His own personal safe haven.
You knew that wasn’t the end of it. Gally still had a long way to go before he could fully move past it, as much as it was possible for any of you. But it was a very promising start. And maybe someone, from somewhere beyond what you could see or hear, could help guide you and him through it all.
Tags: @obsessivelycapricious @magnoliabloomfield @ultraintrovertedgryffindor @maraudersimp @abundantxadorations @izzymultifan @willseyebrows @annoyinglythoughtfuldestiny @anniemylennox @gallysonegoodlung @joemomma2121 @lattsgocaps @sherbertscarrothead-2 @lullabaesstuff @crazysheeplyca @thesuitkovian @lefreyja @blanknamed
426 notes
·
View notes
Fiction is Fiction - Actions are Reality
-I'm tired of feeling like Jane Eyre on the stool with the sign on her neck saying she is a liar. I'm tired of other people deciding who I am based on what other people say about me. I'm tired of my interests being used as some psychological profile of what kind of monster I am.
Fiction:
I'm a reylo fan, so I'm a supporter of abusive relationships and an abuser apologist. This also means that I am racist and hate John Boyega.
I'm asexual, so I'm prejudice against sex and romantic relationships. I'm basically an incel.
I'm half white, so I'm racist against people of color.
I'm half Japanese, so I'm racist against other Asians.
I'm in college, so I'm a sjw snowflake who doesn't understand the real world.I'm clinically depressed and have an anxiety disorder, so I'm sensitive about everything. I cry all the time about things that aren't real and I expect everyone to just hand me things.
Reality:
I am a college student working hard to get a degree which is taking way too long. I write fanfic sporadically in my free time. I like watching cartoons and movies. I work in the IT department for my university to support my younger brother and myself. I cook all our meals and help him with his coursework when I'm not busy.
My father is a Japanese National who has been living in the country since he was eight years old. My mother is from the midwest. None of us are racist. My family is very liberal and none of us share the same religious practices. My dad is Shinto. My mom is Catholic. My brothers are atheist and Budhist. I am undecided.
We supported the BLM movement in out small town in Michigan and marched in our town's first pride parade. One of my brothers went to homecoming with a nonbinary friend as their date.
I'm a fan of gothic romance novels, nonfiction biographies, fantasy novels, and classic literature. I like literary structure and storytelling. I write as a hobby because it is my first love. I am in the STEM field and creative writing is my outlet.
My interest in reylo is in the dynamic of enemies to lovers. It is by no means a well written or good example. The canon is a mess. My best friend and I rewrote TROS as a fanfic because we were so angry with how the trilogy ended. We are not racist. We adore all of the sequel characters and feel there is a place for them in this series.
I don't know how else to tell you all this, but I'm not the monster you think I am. I'm not even close. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm a very boring person. I just happen to like things that you don't.
For every pervert and toxic person in the fandom that you want to punish, there are hundreds like me who just are here to share something we enjoy. It is not your job to "save our souls" or "punish the wicked". You are just reflecting the behavior that you find so objectionable. It's a feedback loop of anger and pain which is hurting everyone.
Fiction is Fiction
Actions are Reality
@lordsofthesithpodcast @f3dorafangirl @gabriella0807 @burnt-kloverfield
11 notes
·
View notes