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are-you-still-writing-that · 7 months

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Yandere Alphabet: Nicolas Brown

Guys! Guys! This was so self-indulgent you wouldn´t believe it. I just, I just love that dude!! I mean go and take a look at him. He just everything! I love him so much! But the show - It´s "Gangsta." btw - never got that much attention, and yet I adore it so much!!

Nicolas Brown

He is someone that was always heavily ostracized, barely seen as human, and most of the time, the way people treat him also reflects that. Sometimes, he sees himself only as a rabid dog on a leash, because nothing else could justify how others interact with him. Get ready for some angst, because this man is riddled with trauma, and will definitely bring it with him.

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

One thing, he always manages to do, without fail, is to be close to you when you need him. It makes you wonder, if he just that attuned to you or that sensitive for when some ones mood is about to drop. You always hope, that it´s just the former, but know, that the latter probably already saved his life before. He can soothe your fears with ease. It doesn´t matter if he just standing a bit closer to you, his presence comforting you or if he gently touches your arm. Still, he gives you space when you need it. It what makes his presence never feel overbearing. His affection shows itself in the way, he pays attention to you. The way he tries to make you smile, and shoots one of his own crooked smiles back at you. His affection show itself in him being kind.

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

Even though Nicolas is on the smaller side, he is still able to draw an imposing figure. He also has a mean face, and he knows it. For him, it´s easy to chase people away. He know how to be intimidating, and he isn´t afraid to be as well. One thing, that will always be true, is that he will match the aggression level of the other person, if he won´t be worse than the other person. He won´t shy away from a little blood or a good fight. Sometimes he even enjoys it. He grew up as part of a mercenary group, he kills for a living nowadays. And quite frankly, it is Ergastulum. It´s almost expected in a place like this, from a guy like him.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

No matter what happens, he will not mock his darling. Not for their tears, not for their fear either. Though, he is a bit clueless, why they are so suddenly afraid of him. It happened before with other people, sure, but he never expected them to be like this. Especially, because they already knew him from before. But he can be patient. He is willing to simply wait it out. There a quiet a few difficulties communicating, but nothing that can´t be figured out. It´s not like topics like these came up in conversations between you two before. He tries to be as kind as possible, because he doesn´t want to scare you further. Especially because there is no need for that. Though, he will be annoyed, when he is attacked by you. And because of his gruff nature, annoyance may quickly look like rage.

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

He is awfully familiar with how it feels to be treated like something lesser. Because of that, he will try his best to avoid these actions, these mistakes in getting your affection. Though there are still some things, that he deems too important to get your counsel on. He will lock you up. He will hide you away. Because he is afraid. He knows what kind of people he interacts with. There is no way, that you would be safe. He is afraid that someone would kill you. He doesn´t mind being out with you. But the thought of you being alone out there, is absolutely terrifying for him. Because of that he will teach you how to fight. It doesn´t matter to him, if you want to learn or not. He will make you. Also expect to learn how to sign. Because while he still understands most of what you´re saying, and he can still talk. Well, he likes sign more, and quietly frankly, that´s enough reason for him to teach you.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

While he finds it incredibly difficult to open up to you, he still tries to. Sometimes, he has trouble expressing himself in a way, that you both will understand. He doesn´t know the words, and because he learned to sign so lately in life, it sometimes doesn´t feel quite right either. There will always be a language barrier between the two, even when both of you try their best to understand. In the end, he just wants to lean against you sometimes. Sitting close to you and holding your hand. Taking the same comfort in you, that you sometimes take from him.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

If he is to be honest, he is disappointed by your reaction, but also never expected anything different either. Though he does get annoyed by your continued aggression towards him. It´s not like you did that before, so he doesn´t understand why you´re fighting him on everything now. Over time he will get short and kind of snappy with you, because he just can´t stand it, that you seem to suddenly fight him over everything. He expects it at this point, yes, but is doesn´t mean that he becomes suddenly okay with it.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

This could never be a game for him. He will break with the knowledge, that you try so hard to get away from him. It destroys him. He tries so hard to make it good for you, and to see it all so quickly disregarded, hurts him deeply. Even with all of his sharp edges, he tries to be soft with you. He breaks down before you, apologizing to you, over and over again. Please, never try something like this again.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Probably, the one time he couldn´t shield you from his reality. When he couldn´t hide you any more, from the bloody desperation he comes from. When he couldn´t keep you away from the truth any more, from his fate, that would haunt him till the end of the time. When it slipped his notice, when he was telling you about his weakest points in his life. About that time, where society had beaten it into him that he can never defend himself. The realization of it all, the recognition of his behaviour, hurts more than anything else.

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

He knows, that he already is living on borrowed time. His days are counted, and he doesn´t has much more in him. Add to that his constant abuse of Celebre, and he has a situation on his hands were the chances of his continued survival grow slimmer each day. One day the constant overdoses might actually kill him. He knows all of that. He knows. Because of that, maybe even in spite of it, he only wishes for a bit of peace with you. He greets every day, as if it might be his last, because for him, it very well might be.

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

While he does get jealous, and that very easily on top of that, he doesn´t lash out. A lot. He has a bit of self-control, but him losing it in a jealous fit, might be dangerous to the people he loves. Because of that, he tends to internalize most of his emotions, only to let them run freely, when he actually gets into a fight. And when he fights it gets ugly quickly. Usually though, he will still shout something, that will make it clear, that the two of you belong together. Pulling them closer towards himself.

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

Nicolas around his darling is gentle and quiet. He is nonintrusive, and generally finds ways to organically introduce himself into your life. In the end, he never tries to insert himself in any aggressive way. It almost seems like you met him someday, and he became a really good friend over some time. Most of the time, it´s quite obvious, that Nicolas seems to enjoy your attention. Or rather, that he enjoys your company.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

He is someone, that watches from a far. He acts like a shadow, that can´t be quite shaken off. Persistent and focused. Sometimes, you can see him in your peripheral but never directly. This can be quite unnerving. In the end it will be Worick, that has to introduce Nicolas to you. After that, Nicolas tends to flirt with you, though with his face you can never quite tell if he truly means it. Somewhere in the distance though, you´re sure you heard how Worick let out a little despaired filled sigh.

Mask: Are their true colours drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

He tends to be a lot more closed off in public. A permanent scowl etched onto his features. He is quick to become snappy and easier to bring to rage. At home, or rather around his few loved ones, he becomes quieter. He seems to loose his sharp edges, as he becomes softer. Gentle and kind. In general it´s very easy to see how the stress seems to leave him, as soon as he steps into a safe space. How his face relaxes and his posture slums. As soon as he comes home, he steps out of his constant defensive stance. The hard shell falls away to reveal a bleeding heart.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Nicolas isn´t really a fan on the whole punishing thing. While he tends to get a little snappy, when you annoyed him for long enough, he never outright does something to you. He becomes a bit shorter with you than usual. When he is angry at you, he tends to show you the cold shoulder, leaving the room, shorter answers than usual. The distance he keeps in that moment, is meant to keep you safe from him. He doesn´t want his temper to boil over at the wrong moment. He is very aware of the fact, that he could easily kill you and it wouldn´t even take any real effort for him. He will stay like this, till you apologize, but only for the very specific thing, that annoyed him. Only then he will be able to calm down again. Don´t worry, he will tell you what it was beforehand. He wants you to make it clear when something bothers you, and he will do the same.

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

He confines them out of what he perceives as necessity. No matter, where he goes, he´s bound to have enemies. Not only does he put himself into a dangerous situation with his job, but he is also a twilight. There a far too many people out there, who would come after them alone for that. The moment, he started to associate with them, their life was in danger. You may not know these things, but he does.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

Nicolas has the patience of a saint for this specific instance only. He can wait. Over time though, he will get anxious, because he knows, that his own time is running out. Still, he can´t bring himself to forcefully push things along with them. He enjoys how peaceful live can be, when he is with them. Just living for once. Not in a hurry.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

No he will not move on. No matter what happens he is caught up on them. He would still search for them, not to be close again, just to see them. While what happened hurt him, he will still accept this very clear rejection for what it is. It´s not like he does have the time for falling in love again anyway. He would always still cling to them. Sooner rather than later you should expect a blond to knock at your door, that can´t stand to see his best friend moping around like this and a gun to your face, a threat spoken with a voice like silk and a charming grin to match. It never really was Nicolas one had to watch out for anyway. Not when it came to you.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

There is one thing you should know. Be aware that his health is declining. It´s getting worse every day. His body is slowly deteriorating. There is no way he isn´t aware of that as well. It also becomes clear that, he will always suffer for you as you do. All of this means, that he would let you go in a heartbeat if this was truly what you wanted, but can´t bring himself to regret grasping at what little joy he has in the world. At least just for a moment longer.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Just one look at his life will lay the blame firmly in his childhood. His father wasn´t great by any means, and it really didn´t help, that he was treated like property. Still is, in some circles. Nothing Nicolas has ever experienced taught him a healthy outlook on anything. Love has always hurt him, so isn´t that what it´s supposed to do? He wouldn´t know a good coping mechanism if it bit him. Another factor is, that Worick is shameless in enabling him.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

He doesn´t feel comfortable seeing his love wearing themself out like this. Somewhere, he thinks he can almost recognize himself in them, and it scares him. He knows, that these fits are a sign of your mental health declining, and he is helpless in watching it happen. Because of that, he will rope Worick in to help. His friend managed to help him, surely he will be able to help them as well. He doesn´t know what to do any more, and he is afraid of what might happen next.

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

Something different about him is that he absolutely aware of his own mortality. He is also very careful around his darling, because he can´t see himself treating them badly in any capacity. Another thing is, that he waits to pursue then in an unhealthy way, till he gets the confirmation from someone, that it would be okay. Nicolas absolutely gets encouraged by Worick half of the time.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

He always wants what it best for them. No matter what. This is the only way out for you. Only if you keep playing from the angle how it would be so much better to apart from him, you can escape him, while he still lives. Another thing you should keep in mind is, that you will outlive him. Nicolas doesn´t has that much left, and he knows that the people he loves will outlive him.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

With Nicolas it will be an accident, when his darling gets hurt. He really isn´t a fan of hurting them at all. Even would prefer if it never happened at all. Still, sometimes accidents will happen regardless of what everybody wants. Maybe you got targeted because of him or he underestimated his own strength. Regardless, he will feel guilty about it.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He likes his love quite a lot, and is most of time content to just watch you from the shadows for a long time. He doesn´t need to hang all over you all of the time. Small conversations are fine with him. Meeting every now and then, as long as can still see you. All is fine. It has to be fine. In the end it´s Worick who gives him a push. To finally act upon what he is feeling all of the time. He is trying. Oh, he tries so much.

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

He is quite capable of pining forever. Nothing you do will make him snap. He can wait. He can be patient. He can, painfully awkward the whole time, dance around the subject with you. Sometimes, he is even so good at it, that you won´t realize that you spent hours with him, even though you just met on the street. He snaps, only when he sees, that even though he is willing to stay away from you, people still come for you. When he unknowingly puts you in danger. It also doesn´t help, that Worick, also none the wiser, is enabling him at every opportunity. Reassuring Nicolas, that he indeed „deserve nice things in your life! Stop being such a stuck up, and get ´em, tiger!“, and will hide a body, or several, when it comes to his best friend.

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

People, especially his father, have tried to break Nicolas before. He would never inflict the same cruelties onto his darling. He wouldn´t even be able to do it. It would be too much for him. He strongly believes, that the ones he loves, should never have to experience the same pain, that he went through. He will always do his best, to shield them as good as he can. They should never have to bear the same scars. Not on their body. Not on their mind. Not on their soul. He will personally see to it, that it can never happen.

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