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queer-triple-a · 1 year

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A Victorian Scheme

Introduction

Hello and Happy New Year!

This is going to be a little different than the other stories I’ve posted. Not only was Chitra the one who found this story (by searching her name in an archive), but it is significantly longer than the others. Because of that I’ve decided to make this two posts. You’ll find out how this story ends when part two is released in two weeks.

This story is told through the letters exchanged between two women whose families belong to English nobility. Their correspondence surely stretches beyond these letters, but these were the ones which made their way into a museum’s collection. They are said to showcase the friendly bond between women at the time...

Anyway, here’s a Victorian Era Love story.

Content warnings are located at the bottom and apply to both parts, so they contain minor spoilers.

Chitra and Nancy's Letters

Dearest Chitra,

Forgive my writing you this letter so soon after the last. You must think me dreadful for not even giving you a chance to reply. I waited but one day after sending you my last letter before I penned one anew. I trust once you have read what I must say to you the purpose of such an act will be clear. As I lay in bed I thought of you (as I often do). More than this I thought of us and our futures together.

We often speak of our future without a sense of reality. We joke of sharing a home (and perhaps a bed). We talk of this future as if it is not just possible, but likely. Chitra this may sound bleak but do not retire from this letter before its completion for it will return to you the hope of these fantasies. The facts of our lives and our families lead me to conclude that we will be discouraged from a life without the influence of a man. I have not expressed any interest in men, yet my mother has made plans that I may engage several at our home this season.

I do not yearn for a husband, Chitra. I yearn for you. Yet I know of no women who have escaped age 25 without their fathers intervening. I do not wish to have my future determined by the man who would not call the doctor as my late sister Elizabeth wilted in bed. He agreed to let Richard have my sister Victoria; each time I see my sister, she seems to regret it more. I fear my other sisters’ matches have been no better. I do not wish these fates for myself. Therefore I’ve come to know I must choose for myself which bachelor I’ll entice with my family's promise of higher rank. I trust you too could win whichever man you wanted for none which we know are blind and therefore shall be honored to have the hand of a woman as beautiful as yourself.

As these thoughts arranged themselves in my mind last night the solution came to me. I trust your memory to recall the Marshall family. You and I danced with both the eldest sons at the wedding of your brother Earnest. The heir to the land is Samuel and his younger brother (who is but two years our junior) is also single.

My Chitra, should we be women of enough stature, beauty, and spirit to win the hearts of these men then our lives will be entwined. I do not recall much of Samuel or Jacob, but their brotherly bond was clear. They do not seem likely to behave as your brothers have. There would be little risk of a fight so great as to cause a rift in the family and in their title and property. I asked my mother of their prospects this morning. She ensures me the Marshall family is well enough endowed to guarantee an easy life for the wife of Samuel and of Jacob. It seems the perfect solution.

How often does my father’s brother come to stay at the family home? I know your uncle would visit your father with much greater frequency if there were not such a great distance between them. We shall be destined to remain in each other’s lives and at what little cost! Since we must marry (and it must be a man), why not marry these men we’ve chosen?

Though I eagerly await your response I shall admit I caught the attention of my mother when asking after them this morning. They will be invited to dine with us as the month ends. I asked my mother to extend your parents an invitation as well. I hope you will join us. Please write.

With all my love,

Nancy Robinson

Dear Nancy,

To receive two missives in quick succession brought me delight. The harsh look at reality with which your letter began did naught to encourage this delight. I did gather joy from the rest of its contents, but I admit to feeling something akin to despair at the reminder. It is true, we likely will not get the joy of living our lives alone together, but I find value and peace in that dream. As you lay awake in search of solutions my sleeping mind crafts images of two brides promised to each other for life in a blending of traditions. The word “wife” brings your gentle smile to my thoughts. My Nancy, does your mind do the same? You speak of our world as it is, but do you ever dare to imagine what we would do if it were different?

Nancy, I do appreciate your solution. In fact, I believe it could be the answer to the problem we face. If Simon and Jacob are men of good character then we have a plan which shall succeed. I trust your mother’s knowledge of their financial standings. This shall be enough to satisfy my father in his quest to marry me well. My Nancy, do you know much of these men? Will they make tolerable life partners? You mentioned your sister’s husband and her ill fitting match. Do you think our matches to Simon and Jacob hold more promise? What of our match to each other? Will these men grow jealous if I have more interest in your enchanting charm than I will ever show to their modest beauty?

I do trust your plan Nancy, but to commit to a life with anyone but you, daunts me.

I have spoken to my mother. We shall dine with you and the Marshalls. I wish to make a good impression on these men. You have seen me in every dress I own. Which do you find me most stunning in?

Before I set down my pen I must clarify one thing. Which man shall we take? Do I know you well enough to predict you will want the eldest son and heir? Have no shame if I am correct, for I wish you this honor as well.

Love,

A. Chitra

Dearest Chitra,

In response to your inquiries:

My mind does long to place the words “my wife” before your name. I would marry you if that path was available to us. Let that never be in doubt in your mind again. You ask if I often imagine the world if it were different. I do with some frequency, but I find dwelling on the fantasy of marrying you makes it more difficult to know I never will. However, if these imaginations bring you joy, I hope you dream them every night.

I inquired after my sisters about the nature of Simon and Jacob. This information shall occupy much of my letter. First I shall answer the other questions you asked of me.

I do not worry that our charm for each other will be a cause of jealousy in the eyes of men. You have lived a lie much like mine. Men pay no heed to the friendships women hold with each other. Why, I could kiss your mouth in the presence of my brother-in-law, and he would still think us silly young girls who know each other through the friendship of our fathers.

Chitra, I trust you know what you are doing when in your letter you ask me to choose an outfit for the dinner. I lost much of an afternoon’s embroidery work. How am I to focus on daisies for this cloth when my mind is full of images of the dresses which hug your waist and adorn your arms? You wear fine things well, Chitra, and I can do nothing but imagine your beauty. It will not shock you to read my recommendation. The jade green dress which holds your deep brown chest high and which has the train with fabric embroidered by my own golden thread. It shall stop my breath to see you in this again. I shall wear my golden dress with green embellishments to match. Let our beauty and grace shine before these men that they will have no wants but us.

My answer to your final question will not shock you. I would prefer to be with the heir to this fortune. Do you truly not find this greedy of me? I expect you too would want the land to yourself. Will your brothers not receive your father’s full inheritance? Do you not also long to exit the shadow of your family? Though as I write this I know your answer. I know you’ve nothing to prove. In your family's eyes, you are special because you are a girl. You need not prove your worth to them through a righteous marriage. Chitra, know that I see what you have done for me in allowing me to woo Simon. I see what this means for you as you see what it would mean for me. I hope you do not grow to regret your kindness or resent my fortune should our plans come to pass. You are the one in my life for whom I am most grateful.

Now I shall tell you of the men you will meet (likely before your next able to send me a letter).

I shall spare you the history of their family. Needless to say, the Marshall home and land have been owned by a Lord Marshall since 1650. His father was the eldest of two sons, and from the gossip my sisters have heard, his wife hasn’t shared a bed with him since Jacob was born. I have heard nothing to suspect the boys had anything but a normal upbringing.

Both boys are white with tawny brown hair. They are regarded by many within our family circles to be attractive. Simon is two years our elder and therefore, as you may expect, his father is desperate to see him married so that he may have children and heirs. None of my sisters nor my mother knew why he was still a bachelor. They have heard no unsavory rumors about his temper, yet I myself have witnessed his cold behavior at balls. He does not attract women because he does not engage in conversation or dance with them. No woman has yet been desperate enough to marry a man who holds little interest in her. My Chitra, you make me desperate enough. Perhaps his lack of interest is similar to our own. I hope that his behavior is not with ill intent.

Now to Jacob. I know less of him in some ways and more in others. He is two years younger than us and slightly taller than his brother. He has spent less time in social events than his brother, yet he has made an impact. I have heard he is kind, and though I have not yet danced with him, I have seen him dance. He does not seem to have the same aversion to the act his brother exhibits. I do not know anything else of Jacob except that he is kind. He is but 23, yet already there are whispers of why he is not yet wed, for he is a man whom many women find endearing. My sister speculates he is either picky, effeminate, or of too low of status and thus one party in any relationship may deem it unwise to continue.

In short, I do not think they will be intolerable, but I do not promise you a life of marital bliss. I will say the signs I saw in Victoria’s husband do not seem present in Simon and Jacob. Neither is known for their temper. Temper can be hidden though. When they come to visit I shall have my lady’s maid enquire upon any gossip of the true nature of these men. Perhaps you will think this action an invasion of their privacy. I hope you will not judge me too harshly. I am only doing this to ensure our future contentment. If this reason is not enough for you then I shall have to ask for your forgiveness. You, my Chitra, have more care for the secrets of others than I do. I believe I inherited my mother's need to inquire about the business and relationships of each person we meet. I struggle to hold back from these questions as you do so gracefully. If my desire to know this information about these men and to ask it of the staff creates discomfort in you I apologize. I do believe there is enough chance that you find my actions acceptable that I will move forth with my plans. I need to ask them before we shall see each other at dinner, for I must give my maid time to make inquiries while the Marshall’s staff is still with us (which will only be for two nights).

My darling I do not ask you many questions in this letter for I shall speak to you in person soon. Until that day, know my heart aches with memories of your simple smile and your wondrous gentle hands.

All my love,

Nancy Robinson

My love Nancy,

Radiant breathtaking Nancy, boisterous and charming Nancy, elegant and sure-footed Nancy, gentle and reassuring Nancy, how was I to focus on Jacob Marshall when you were by my side.

It is a shame your mother's room is so close to your own, and her sleep is so delicate. I would have loved to slip into your chambers after dinner. We might have had this conversation quickly between ourselves instead of over mail which takes at least a day to deliver. Alas, I had to suffice to see you only in situations where others were present, therefore I shall lay out my opinions of the evening for you now.

Jacob shall suffice. I engaged him in conversation for much of the evening. I did not find him lacking. From his smile, I believe it is not vane to say he enjoyed my company too. This match appears to have every chance of ending in a marriage.

He is not you though. When he speaks I am intrigued. He is smart, and the words he says have value. However, when I speak to you I am on the edge of my seat to hear what thoughts you choose to share with me. More than this you remember to include me in the conversation. I am not trained in speaking of myself. I am so used to listening to the thoughts of others, of men. You are one of few in the world who finds value in my simple thoughts. I cannot yet say for certain whether Jacob values my input. I do not think he knew how to ask for it. The closest he came to asking about my life was asking where in India my parents are from. When my answer gave him no new insight (he does not seem to know much of the country) he quickly moved on.

I will not blame him if he does not come to me for opinions though. He speaks well of what he does know, the business of owning an estate. It was good of him to speak to me about such things at all. That I understood him is a testament to his communication skills. I think he appreciated my interest as well. I hope he did. If our plan is to succeed I will need to make him happy enough to marry me. Nancy, from what you observed of us do you think I made him happy? Do you think I am capable of making any man happy? I have so little practice in this endeavor.

I do not worry about your ability to make Simon happy. Not only did his eyes light up when he looked at you across the table, but I heard him laugh at what you said. I could tell from your demeanor the conversation did not bring you equivalent amounts of joy. Was Simon unkind to you Nancy? Did he treat you poorly? You deserve more than someone who will not make you happy. Please do not remain in an ill matched relationship on my account. I trust you to inform me of how you wish to proceed in your next letter.

I also hope to hear the gossip you learned. You do not need to beg for my forgiveness on this matter for I hold no anger. It is true I do not seek out these rumors myself. I do not like the way I feel when I do such things. In the past, it has upset me because you asked me to inquire after this information. Now that I know you may have this information, I am ever so curious about it. Please write soon, my beautiful love.

Yours now and forever,

A. Chitra

My heart Chitra,

You speak of me with a kindness that brings a blush to my cheeks. Know that when I think of you the same emotions come to my heart, even if my words do not hold the same elegance.

None of the questions you asked of me have short answers, so their response shall take the whole letter. I shall tell you the gossip first, that it may frame my opinions about Jacob and Simon later in my letter.

Most importantly the gossip revealed neither violent pasts nor skeletons in the closets of these men. This is not to assume they do not have secrets. No one is without their secrets, but whatever these men cannot hide from the staff did not warrant a warning in their maid’s eyes when she spoke to my lady's maid. Take relief in this my Chitra. These men, whatever their flaws, seem unlikely to inflict us with pain.

There was little gossip of Jacob, and all of it was kind. He knows the names of the staff and treats them with dignity. He is kind at home as well.

There was more said of Simon. Though he is not violent he is known by the staff to be sharp of tongue. He grows lazy and irritable some days, yet he is forgiving and active on others. The staff was hesitant to speak ill of him. My maid said she suspected there was a secret that they would not spread outside their household. I do not know what to do with this knowledge.

I shall return to Simon in a moment, but first, let me address your concerns about Jacob. You claim to have no experience in making men happy, yet your whole life has been spent as an observer of the conversations and ramblings of men. In addition, I think you are capable of making most people happy. Your dedicated attentiveness to the passions of those around you brings light to the lives of those who know you. I feel certain in my claims that Jacob is not immune to your charm. He seemed to enjoy his conversation with you and was pleased by your company. I do hope in time he grows to value and request your input. You, as always, underestimate yourself. Your thoughts on every topic I’ve discussed with you have been intelligent and meaningful. You do not speak without purpose as I often do. When you contribute I am frequently reminded of your singular mind and your daring optimism. I hope in time Jacob will come to treasure these things as well. I am so glad you found Jacob an amenable partner. I hope your prediction of a content marriage comes to pass. I do truly wish you every happiness with Jacob.

Now I shall speak to his brother, Simon. The evening was fine. Your intuition was accurate. I believe it is accurate to say Simon enjoyed my wit and charm. He does not have a laugh which causes my heart to quicken as yours does, but it will suffice. Despite my attempts, he bore no responsibility for the topics of conversation. I not only led the conversation but upheld it with my own trains of thought. He did laugh with me and seemed interested in what I had to say, but he was not providing me any insight into his own thoughts on the matters discussed.

I spent several minutes telling him the story of when my sister Martha thought her husband brought home a dog when in fact it was a rather large cat.

He did, as I said, seem to appreciate the story. He laughed and asked questions, inquiring at the end if they still had the cat, but when I asked if he ever had pets he responded “My family has always had a dog.”

He then waited for me to pick up the conversation again. I asked what it looked like.

He told me it was a black hunting lab.

I asked if he hunted.

He just said, “not often.”

My darling Chitra, you are often quiet during a conversation, but you do not make me feel as though I am required to say twenty sentences to gain a hint at your personality or interests. I tell you all of this, so you see what I mean when I say I am not as certain of Simon as you are of Jacob. Perhaps he will open up to me in time. But this is a hope, not a prediction. If I had your optimism I would be excited for the invitation I received to dine at the Marshall’s home next week. As it stands I do not look forward to meeting him again. I fear his quiet demeanor hides an irritable man. The gossip from the maids does naught to quell these nerves.

Do not take my hesitancy with Simon to mean our plan is in jeopardy. You seem well suited for marriage with Jacob. I have no desire to pull you away from this contented future you have before you. If things do not fit between Simon and myself we shall find another way. Perhaps I shall be a spinster. I could find a cause to be the patron of and make myself useful to society in a way other than rearing the child of an heir. This plan, of course, includes a space for you in my life. No matter whether we marry these brothers it is not unseemly for a woman to remain in close contact with her childhood friend. The world does not need to know that I remain single because I will not suffer any match that is without you.

I’m sorry Chitra. Forgive this flight of fancy. I know as well as you that to be a spinster and to live my life with only you by my side is not a route forward. I know my mother has a list of men vetted by my father whose status is agreeable. I know Simon is on that list and even if I do not grow to enjoy his company I may still be married to him. I know these facts, yet at night I dream only of you and I.

I let my mind wander before dreams take me. I follow your lead as I imagine the hope you’ve described and the dreams you spoke of where we get to call each other “wife.” as sleep becomes me I maintain this fantasy in my nightly journey to unreal worlds. A life with you composes my waking and sleeping dreams. All dreams of my life include a future with you. You are my dream girl.

All my love,

Nancy Robinson

End of part 1

Outroduction

Content Warnings:

Period typical homophobia (background)

Discussions of and fear of abusive relationships

Miscarriage (mentioned)

Ablism (background)

Tune in in two weeks to see what these BFF’s get up to!

Thanks again to Chitra for finding this story!

Notes

Thank you so much to @intricaitly for the doodles on these letters!

You're legally required to ignore the grammatical discrepancies between the images and the text... I forgot to grammar check before I sent them to intricaitly to do the doodles, and editing them now is too much effort.... sorry about that

#an assumptive anthology #fiction #lgbt #queer triple a #epistolary #historical fiction #lgbtq history #lgbtq+ story #queer story #lesbian #lesbian story #letters #victorian romance #pining #gay beards #love letters

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queer-triple-a · 1 year

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A Victorian Scheme (Part 2)

Introduction

Hi Lovelies,

I hope your Friday the 13th wasn’t too spooky (or I suppose I hope it was spooky if you like spooky). As promised, here are the rest of the letters between Nancy and Chitra.

Content warnings in Outroduction.

Chitra and Nancy's Letters

My Nancy,

I shall begin this letter with good news, for it seems your heart could use lifting. I, too, shall dine with the Marshalls on the night you will be there. Let this news bring a smile to your face as you prepare to spend another evening with Simon.

Though I am grateful Simon was not unkind to you, I am sorry to hear how poorly your conversation went. It is a shame he is so poor in his social graces but is it not also curious? It is not the case that he finds you of no interest, for he was engaged with your stories. We have both spoken with men who held no interest in what we told them. I trust your ability to have recognized this if it was happening. It is odd then that Simon offered so little.

I admit you have made me curious with your stories. Perhaps he falters when he speaks. Could it be he does not know how to speak to a woman as beautiful as you are? I will be shocked if he has ever laid eyes on someone as enchantingly beautiful as you. Your hair upon that night shined in its curls. The emerald pin which it held glimmered in the candlelight and brought focus to the stitching done by your own hand upon the neckline and hem. You were a sight I was honored to behold, Nancy. Perhaps this beauty stole the words from Simon’s mind. Do you think this is a possible explanation?

I am so grateful for your kind words about my prospects with Jacob. Your flattery has served to bring me confidence as I prepare to see him again soon. A vain part of me also hopes he will grow to see value in my thoughts. I will not expect this of him, though. I am far less educated than he is. It will be enough for me to be valued by you. I am convinced no one will ever see me the way you do.

Nancy, you apologized for your wishful images, but they warmed my heart. When I sit on the lawn, distracted from the book in my hands, I often imagine you by my side. I have spent many hours imagining what it would be to hold your hand as we strolled through the garden. Your pale, gentle skin against the soft brown of my own. Basking in the knowledge that the smoothness of your skin is in part due to the lotion I gifted you for your most recent birthday. I would stand close enough that no one could doubt the shape our love takes.

Nancy, I trust your judgment of the situation we find ourselves in. If remaining with Simon seems to be the path of least resistance toward a future which, if not the one we dream of, is spent together, then perhaps he is worth the strife. But perhaps you deem it worth the fight to withstand your father’s pressure to be married. I do not believe this is an easy decision, and I shall be your most dedicated supporter no matter what path you choose. I trust we will remain in each other’s lives, whatever you choose.

Dreaming of you as well,

A. Chitra

Dearest Chitra,

I write to you with good news. After our dinner at the Marshall’s house, I have much to report on Simon and have come to see his kinder side. I shall begin where the night began.

All throughout dinner as I sat beside my one true love. I spoke with you and my mother, and I kept my ear open for the sound of Simon’s voice. I expected to hear his laughter, as he was willing to laugh when in my presence. I did not expect the long winded tales he appeared to be telling our fathers and his brother at the other end of the table. I admit it was unladylike, the amount of rage which filled me. It was also underserved. Simon did not owe me a good conversation. However, I believed this proof that Simon did not care for me. Your theory that he was made silent by my beauty was flattering, but he does not seem the type to be frightened from his wits by a pretty woman in a golden dress. I tried to sit tall and behave unbothered and ladylike as we ate despite my irritation. I hope you will tell me whether this was successful or not. My mother would be quite disappointed if she found my mood was poor during dinner.

I was happy to hear the other women speak when we left the men for the drawing room. They were not distracted by Simon’s voice over dinner and were, therefore, able to properly appreciate the looks Jacob was apparently giving you from across the table. It brought me joy to hear you’d gained an admirer in him. To hear your mother and Lady Marshall discuss it, there is every prospect of a suited match. It was an extra relief to hear his previous hesitancy to marry had no secret reason but was due to his own insecurities. That his mother calls him shy, yet you were able to draw him from his shell speaks wonders of you.

It is with some shame that I admit I had no focus on you and Jacob when the men joined us. I hope I may assume from your contented smile as the evening ended that your evening also went well. Please let me know, my Chitra. I hope he remained the kind gentleman you thought him to be.

I shall make you wait no longer. I shall report what occurred between Simon and me as we sat in chairs in the corner of the drawing room, speaking in conspiratorially hushed tones. Simon entrusted me with a secret which I shall now entrust with you. He began by apologizing for his behavior the last time we spoke. He told me he was incredibly grateful for my conversation as it distracted him. He complimented my good sportsmanship during our previous talk and spoke of my character, voice, and appearance in a kind way which would be immodest to repeat. Suffice to say I have only before been made to blush quite so furiously by letters from your own pen.

Simon did not pause his words for even a moment as he switched from talking of my traits to talking of himself. As it turns out, Simon is afflicted by a strange curse-like malady. As he explains it, he may feel nearly free one day and wake up feeling trapped in place the next. His entire body becomes afflicted with pain such that even small movements require significant energy and patience. He told me he was in the midst of such pain at our last meeting. To move through dinner and to walk from room to room took much effort and caused him much distress.

As he told me this, I tried to interject with my sympathies as it felt appropriate, but he kept talking. At one point, he said he must finish his apology before “my beautiful voice could distract his heart again.” He explained that, as I spoke with him last time, it took much for him not to request to leave the room to go to sleep and hope for a better tomorrow. In the end, he remained because he enjoyed my stories so much. He apologized for his lack of engagement, the very thing I complained of in my last letter to you. I accepted his apology and offered one of my own for dismissing his poor conversation skills as rudeness. He dismissed my apology as unnecessary with the grace of a true gentleman.

Oh, my Chitra, you were right. His demeanor which frustrated me did, in fact, have an explanation. His conversation on this most recent evening was extraordinary. We moved on to lighter topics, and I found him to be thoughtful and witty, a clever storyteller yet a detailed listener.

As the night wound down, he asked if I was not put off by his announcement of his ailing body. I asked if I should be, and he shrugged and said women in the past have thought it was an excuse or a risk to future children. I asked if it was either of these. He laughed at this and said all he could say is he wishes it were but an excuse. When I asked again about children, he shrugged and said his father and mother do not suffer these pains, nor does his brother, yet he cannot be sure of anything. I thought of Martha’s two babies, god rest their souls, and of my dear sister Elizabeth who left us as she gave birth to her daughter. I took his hand and told him we could never know what will come for the children of any couple. He smiled and left me with a kiss upon my hand and a promise to write me.

Oh, Chitra, the candle wax has all nearly melted, so I shall save my excited poetic words about the chances of our future for a further letter or meeting. Let me only say I believe I could have a happy life with Simon now. I understand him more fully, and I thoroughly enjoyed our conversation tonight. I have room only for you in my heart, love. But marriages have been built on worse foundations than friendship.

With all my love,

Nancy Robinson

Lovely Nancy,

Such relief filled me when I read your last letter. I had hoped to receive such news from you. It seemed as though Simon was more engaged and involved with conversation when I saw you last. I am so glad to hear this was true. It is unfortunate to hear the reason for this discrepancy brings suffering to a kind man, though it is refreshing to hear you believe him to be a kind man.

I am grateful not just that your conversation was more tolerable but that Simon appears to see you as someone special. He is wise enough to recognize a fine woman when he speaks with her. It also impresses me to know he began your conversation with an admission of wrongdoing, an explanation of the circumstances which allows you to better understand his character, and an apology. His level of humility is, I believe, seldom seen in men. He seems truly kind, and given you found his conversation stimulating beyond his confession, he must also be interesting. Your news of him gives me hope for our future.

My Nancy, I cannot help but worry if it is kind of us to marry these men when we do not love them, as a wife is meant to love her husband. I ask not just for Simon but for Jacob as well. Are we depriving deserving men of love? Is this ploy of ours unkind? Both of us recognize we do not have a desire for men, which other women seem to have. What right have you or I to marry a kind man?

I beg you to respond with haste, my Nancy, for Jacob will visit my home in three days' time. In a letter I received from him this morning, he requested this visit. He sent along a man to return the response to him today. In his letter, he requested to speak privately to my father as well. I showed my mother, and we sent back an affirmative reply. I trust you understand what will happen, my Nancy.

If I do not hear from you in time, I shall accept any offer Jacob puts before me. He is kind and has made interesting, pleasant conversations both times I dined with him. I do not wish to marry any man, but I would marry a man much worse than Jacob Miller in order to live my life with you by my side.

Yours and yours alone,

A. Chitra

My Chitra,

I apologize so sincerely for my delayed response. While delivering your last letter the carrier was taken quite ill. Unfortunately, your letter was misplaced for at least a day while we assisted him and I suspect it will take another day to find a suitable replacement. Do not worry after the mail carrier. He is recovering from his illness well. He merely requires rest and recovery before we send him on his way.

Now that I’ve explained the delay in my response, I shall answer your inquiries:

I, too, was and remain excited by the man I have found in Simon. I am hopeful for what may come from our mutual enjoyment of each other.

I believe my letter will reach you after you are already engaged. I hope you feel no guilt over this action, Chitra. It may be true that we will never love them as your mother loves your father, but it is safe to say we are beginning a marriage with better intentions than my parents, one of whom wanted money and the other land. If we did not marry these men, then who is to say they would find a match of love? I do hope my words have quelled your guilt. It is not the right of a good man to marry for romance. It is not his right to marry at all. It is not our right either. Some days I feel that marrying is our punishment.

We are not stealing a future from these men but giving them one. Take heart in your value, Chitra.

Congratulations,

Nancy Robinson

Dearest Nancy,

I am grateful for your report upon the wellbeing of the mail carrier Thomas. My staff had become quite concerned when he did not appear for several days. I hope by the time I next receive word from you, he will be healed.

I also appreciate your kind reassurance about marrying the Marshall brothers. I suppose my own parent’s romance holds such attention in my home that I forgot it is not a guarantee. How foolish of me. I still feel some guilt at the deception of love I am portraying to Jacob, but I shall attempt to take comfort in your words.

Nancy, have I upset you? Your letter was shorter than any I have ever received from you. It is true I am now engaged to be married to Jacob Marshall. I suspect the formal announcement of this will soon arrive at your home. Are you so hurt by my engagement that it has injured your feelings for me? Are you so upset that you cannot bring yourself to write more? My heart, I wish to know what ails you that I may fix it. I am more anxious about you than I am about my wedding.

The wedding is all that has been spoken of in my home for several days. There is nothing else for me to tell you about in my life, and I do not wish to upset you further by continuing to discuss this.

I love you, Nancy. I wish so desperately I could come to your home to discuss these matters with you, but alas, my eldest brother has returned home to live in the main house for several days in celebration, so it would be rude of me to leave.

I do love you so, Nancy, and I fear it needs repeating. I ache with love for you, and I have become engaged to Jacob Marshall because we believed it best for us. If you have changed your mind, please tell me. I will face a broken engagement if it would bring you peace of mind.

Love,

A. Chitra

My Chitra,

I am not upset with you or with any of your actions. Please take comfort in this knowledge. I am glad you have secured a man to marry who is kind and who you were able to choose. I am also so glad he is the brother of the man I am courting. The shortness of my letter and my lack of celebration at your news was not displeasure at the steps we have taken to ensure a future together but despair at the world for making these the only steps available to us. There is nothing you could say or do more perfectly to quiet these thoughts in my mind.

Chitra, do you remember the ball at the Bell’s house during our first season in London? There were more young women than men, so many dances would have several girls standing to the side of the room gossiping with each other. For one of the final dances, we were both without a partner. I did not want to stand still, so I sought you out and wrote my name on your dance card. I knew how to lead from our hours of practicing dancing in your family hall. You blushed as I took your hand at the start of the next song and pulled you to the dance floor. You told me people were watching, and I told you they were just jealous of me because I was dancing with you. I believe it was a waltz which I danced with you in that room. I would later learn from my mother that there were whispers of how young and foolish we were, but I didn’t notice then. We smiled and danced together. I held the bodice of your dress close to mine and was impressed with how fresh you smelled after a night of dancing. Your hands were soft, and your footwork was excellent, and though I had eyes for no one but you, I am certain we were the most beautiful dancers on the floor.

Your gown that night was a vibrant blue with bronze trim. Your mother had her sister send the fabric over from India, and I know it’s one of your favorite dresses. You wore it well, and it hugged your bodice wonderfully, its skirt beautifully pleated. Your grandmother’s earrings dangling from your ears swung gently as we stepped. We wore gowns which allowed us to stand close to each other. Our bodies pressed together as our feet took steps, and we turned in unison. I have never danced so close to another, for men are too likely to step on my feet. I knew you would not misstep, though. We had danced before, and we would dance together again.

You are a skilled and elegant ballroom dancer Chitra. When we danced that night, I thought naught of the scolding I would receive from my mother. I scarcely even recognized our act for what it was: unusual and rebellious. I only thought of you and me and our dance.

I wish we could live in the world of that dance. When we were on the ballroom floor, no one would stop us. No matter their thoughts, they stayed on the sidelines and let us dance. If people held their tongues as well in other spheres of life, I would whisk you away and spend my life with you and you alone. I do not care what others think, for it is not a love for them which courses through my veins. If they stayed quiet, what does it matter what they think of how we dance through our lives together?

But they do not stay silent. And our mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and friends are among those who would object to us.

If I was short and upset, it was not with you but with them. Your engagement marks the end of a fantasy, and this ending is painful for me.

I am deeply sorry for the distress my tone caused you. I hope you will enjoy your time with your family. Perhaps I would visit, but Simon is to visit tomorrow night. My father is away, so I do not expect news from this visit, but it and my brother’s birthday the day after leave me with no time to visit you in the near future. I am excited for when we do meet again. Please let me know what plans have been made for your nuptials so that I may begin to celebrate this new story in your life.

Love,

Nancy Robinson

Dear Nancy,

Oh Nancy, the movements your letter took my heart through are a dance of their own. I am quite relieved not to be the cause of your distress, but it brings me pain to see you in distress at all. I hope through the course of this letter, I can alleviate some of this anguish.

Firstly, of course I remember that ball. I have not worn that gown a second time, for I want it to only remind me of your light purple bodice pressed against my own. I could feel the dark magenta ruffle of your dress's wrist upon my own skin. It was also made from Indian fabric. You had loved my own dress of that color so much I had my mother send you the scraps that you may have it added to your own wardrobe.

I, too, became lost in a fantasy as we danced. I, too, wish we could live that dance our entire lives. I share this longing with you alongside our love. You need not feel alone in your disappointment when I am by your side - and I will always be by your side.

My heart, my Nancy, it is true our fantasy of a life lived as each other’s partners has ended. Allow me then to paint us a new fantasy of our future together. The image of this possibility has formed in my mind as family and friends ask if I am excited to be wed to Jacob Marshall. I think of our next few years. I shall be the wife of one man and you the wife of another. We will treat our men kindly and, in time, bear them heirs. Through this process, we shall rely upon each other, as women often do. When we become mothers and as our children grow, we will have every excuse to see one another. You shared a tutor with my cousins, and your aunt often accompanied her children to your home. We will be in each other's lives in this way for many years.

As our children grow, so will we, and with maturity comes freedom and respect. Perhaps, by the time our children marry, we shall be able to share a bed from time to time. No one will question us because no one will dare. No matter what privacy we are permitted, we may attend dinners, luncheons, and social functions at each other’s homes with more frequency since no more will we live below our parents’ roofs. I may not be able to make you my wife, but I have every intention of making you the person around whom my world revolves.

Nancy, one day I will sit beside you as we watch the sunset. I will rest my head full of silvering hair upon your shoulder. We will reminisce about our lives and be happy for what time we have together. You will take my hand into yours, and we will talk of all of the fantasies we crafted together over the years of our lives. Perhaps we will remember this letter and laugh. Perhaps we will remember our dance, and you will insist on once again sweeping me off my feet. Perhaps we will talk about joys which I cannot yet imagine. No matter the topic, we will be happy, and we will be together.

I will not sully this love letter to you with plans for my wedding. Come to me after your brother’s birthday. We shall celebrate and plan. When we are no longer in the presence of others, I will convince you of the magic of this new fantasy.

With Love and Hope,

A. Chitra

Outroduction

Content Warnings:

Period typical homophobia (background)

Discussions of and fear of abusive relationships

Miscarriage (mentioned)

Ablism (background)

Thank you so much for reading this story! I love Chitra and Nancy so much and I hope they got to live out all of their wishes!

Another thank you to my friend Chitra for locating these and reading through them enough to send me a text which read “I found more lesbians!”

In two weeks I’ll have another story for you all; in the meantime stay queer and take care of yourself.

Chrys

Notes

Shortly I will begin posting these on a new site (hosted by wix cause I’m basic) so that I can send it to people I know IRL. I’ll add that site to this blog when that happens.

Thank you again to @intricaitly for the doodles on these letters!

Again, please ignore the grammatical discrepancies between the images and the text... I forgot to grammar check before I sent them to intricaitly to do the doodles, and editing them would be quite the hassle. I appreciate you all!

Mars

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