Introverts assemble 🐝
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“as much as i love having my anxiety medication, i actually think i’m funnier when i’m mentally unstable”
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things i’ve heard college professors say pt. 12
-go home and enjoy your second nap of the day, because you just took your first one in my class
-i would just like to point out that I went a whole hour and 15 minutes talking about a piece where a girl castrates her father and didn’t mention Freud once
-genre is such a pretentious word. Probably because it’s French.
-the thing that intrigued me the most about the alien erotica,,,
-(student) I’d say that the Constitution is an institution
(professor) uh oh
-god, I think I have a fever
-today we’re going to be talking about *eerie noises* critical race theory
-(professor) When was the California gold rush?
*silence*
(professor) San Francisco…
(everyone) 49ers!
(professor, muttering) Jesus
-I wasn’t as concerned with the age gap discourse as I was with the god gap discourse
-the problem that is called Mitch McConnell,
-we’re going to talk about food. Because I like food.
-eighth time is the fucking charm
-*is reading aloud and gets to the word “peculiarities”* shit shit shit
-adjusting to the realities of real circumstances sucks
-doesn’t it feel good to blame people?
-(student) what was your research process like for writing this book?
(professor) I don’t know man, I was drunk, I can’t remember
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just imagine:
peter finds out that tony doesn't know vines and makes it his personal mission to educate him.
in the lab
peter: lOOK AT ALL THOSE CHICKENS
tony:
tony: are you talking about the spanners-
at lunch
tony: have you decided about what degree you're doing yet
peter: i don't need no degree to be a clothing hanger
shopping in gucci (bc tony a material gworl)
tony: that looks like a good suit
peter: it's the dollar store how good can it be
tony: ... did you just call gucci the dollar store
in mission meeting with avengers
steve: there's only one thing worse than a terrorist
peter: a child
tony: NO
in the lab part 2
tony: peter can you read out what's next on my notes
peter: no i cannot
tony: excuse me?
peter: what's up, i'm jared, i'm 19, and i never fucking learned how to read.
tony: first of all-
during mission
tony: *blasts enemy*
peter: oh my god he on x-games mode
during mission part 2
peter: *gets shot*
peter: mother trucker, that hurt like a buttcheek on a stick
tony: you have tWO BULLETS IN YOUR LEG
after mission
peter: i like your accent, where you from
shuri: i'm liberian
peter: oh my bad
peter, whispering: i like your accent where you from
tony, crying: what the F U C K
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every day i wake up and discover a new health problem that i have
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Job: treats me badly
Me: “if you don’t change I’m gonna leave*
Job: doesn’t change
Me: leaves
Job:
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feeling bored, might fuck around and devout myself to an ancient mythological god later idk
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Anxious People assemble 🤝
also fuck negativity in any (human) forms!🥂
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the church really be like "being gay is a sin"
my brother in christ He put that cum button in your ass for a reason
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having adhd means that i am simultaneously the smartest and dumbest person in the room at any given time
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“why can’t we just sacrifice the billionaires”
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things I’ve heard college students say pt. 19
-my major is doing your mom in the mouth
-at least when my exams fuck me it’s not in a twin xl
-parking in faculty parking from now on since I seem to be teaching myself everything
-all the freshman walking to the bars reminds me of the mii plaza
-why am I awake and not wasted
-my toxic trait is that business majors are my type
-nothing more demeaning than getting handed doordash by yourself in broad daylight
-i’m telling FAFSA y’all grocery shop at whole foods
-went to dunkin and asked for avocado toast and they took me out back and shot me
-choosing not to do the reading once is like a gateway drug
-Everyone talking about how hard their midterms are gonna be, while me, a psych major, is wondering what color I’m gonna paint my nails when I get home
-i think I need someone to rail me until I can’t walk. That should cure my depression, right?
-let's skip the chocolates this valentine’s day and get right to breaking my back
-i’m just very upset that I didn’t wake up as an Italian aristocrat today
-i don’t want to say the people, because that sounds populist–
-at least the anorexia stopped the alcoholism
-to the guy who was staring at me as I bought ultra size tampons in target, you fucking wish
-should i watch the notebook and become suicidal
-“you have a nice smile” okay so cum on it
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The holy trinity:
“Dude” but like romantically
“Babe” but like platonically
“Sweetheart” but like rivalry
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Just meow meow
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