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I have given up and made my own gender (and a system of other genders like it)

So if you know me irl or from somewhere other than tumblr you know I’ve been trying to figure out my gender for a year and a half at this point and I finally said “Fuck it, I’ve looked everywhere and I can’t find anything that fits me exactlly”

and so I made my own gender

and then hyperfixated on the topic a bit and so here is the cryptidic gender system.

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would anyone be interested in reading about the development and consideration of gender identity in quarantine? I’ve been really fascinated by the topic and doing some extra study outside my sociology course this quarter, so I’d love to consolidate some of the research I’m doing into a possible series of posts.

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Girl Best Friends

Let me just put something out there before I begin this rant: The friend zone isn’t a horrible place. So many people think, “oh god, I’m in the friend zone, things are over!” Um… no. That just means that she values your friendship and doesn’t want to screw things up by getting with you a lot of the time. Or, and stay with me now… she knows you’re a mindless creep that wants to fuck her and run. Yeah, shocker, right? Girls have these things called… feelings and standards.

So, I am a bisexual 19 year old man and I have been reading so many comments about, “guys can’t be friends with girls! they just wanna fuck! when a guy gets the chance, he’ll fuck her!” First off, that is a disgusting mentality. Who the hell came up with that? Sigmund Freud? No, if you are a normal functioning human being that isn’t trying to fuck everything that moves, it is possible to be friends with the opposite gender. Most of my best friends are from the opposite gender! Does that make me gay? Weird? No. It just means that I get along better with those from the opposite gender. That’s it.

Seriously. Grow up, people. This is life, not middle school.

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Okay, I need help. I’ve been thinking about it a decent bit here and there over the past few months and I think I’m finally ready to find someone who actually knows what the hell they’re talking about.

Basically, I’ve been wondering if I’m agender (or something other than cisgender at the least. I’m not that knowledgeable here). A while back my boyfriend had me try on some different clothes marketed for girls. It surprised me how excited I was to try it and how much i enjoyed it. He also got me into other things that would be more associated with women, like painting my nails for example. Well after a while, I realized that i don’t really have any sort of connection with being a guy other than the fact that I’ve grown up as one and I’m used to it. How I worded it to my boyfriend when i first really started thinking about it is “If I grew up as a girl but somehow ended up with the exact same mindset I have right now, I would have absolutely no problem with it.”

Does that put me somewhere along the line of being agender? Or even really anything else? Thank you anyone who is willing to try and help me out!

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“that gender is made up” my guy literally all gender is made up. gender is literally something people made up. that is not an opinion that is literally a scientific fact. sex is a real actual thing that occurs naturally. gender is literally something people made up. so like stop giving people shit for making more genders literally that’s what we did in the first place oh my god. 

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me: from 0 to 100, how much girl am i today?
brain: *shrugs*
me: oh, come on
brain: dragons are pretty cool
me: ugh, fine i’ll just wear this shirt i know i love
brain: no, that’s too much girl

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Does anyone else really struggle with matching who they are inside with what they look like?? I mean obviously tons of people do, but like, I’ve tried SO MANY different ways of dressing, changing my appearance and style in every different way, and I’ve yet to have that moment of looking at my reflection and being like “oh my god, that’s it! That’s me!”

I think I’ve had moments where it’s almost been that, but it never sticks, and then I end up feeling… wrong again later, and need to change it up again. It’s like I’m constantly looking for myself, and I’m always just on the verge of finding it, but then it slips away. I just want consistency and to feel sure of myself. I constantly feel like I’m broken or wrong for being my age and not knowing yet.

There’s also this struggle between masculine and feminine that I bounch between. I have a very feminine shaped body, like pretty curvy, so I almost feel like I’m obligated to dress feminine? Which sometimes I like! But then I’ll see pictures or my reflection and go, “hm, no that’s not quite right.” So then I switch it up and go for more androgynous/masculine, but then I see the way my very obviously feminine body looks in that style, and it’s like “nope, this isn’t right either. You’re just wrong now matter what you do.”

And anyway! There is my ramble. I don’t know what I’m looking for here, but maybe someone will understand.

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i can literally connect my attraction to men to my need to be provided for and taken care of, all of which goes hand in hand with my need to provide and take care of women im attracted to. all this can be traced back to my perception of the male gender and the gender roles that are assigned to us from birth, thus making me feel inadequate in wlw relationships unless im playing the role of the provider and protector, aka the “male” role. in this essay i will

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I want to talk a little bit about the power of gendered language - for good and for ill.

Let me preface this by saying I am among the privileged cis, and I speak in recognition of that privilege and with love for trans and nonbinary folks of all descriptions. If I put a foot wrong, I will learn and do better.

That said, my central point: Back when Elliott Page was going by another name, and we didn’t know they were trans, I never called him an actress. I don’t generally use that word. I mean it is a real word, but let’s be real here - it’s outmoded af. A woman who sews needn’t be a seamstress; tailor will do just fine. A woman who writes hasn’t been called an authoress in *forever*; anyone can be an author. Gendered language can be powerful. Giving a trans or nonbinary person the pronouns they prefer costs you $0 and is a kindness. Using an archaic, needlessly-gendered word to describe a professional in whatever capacity doesn’t seem empowering to me, it seems exclusionary and limiting.

I also want to echo an excellent sentiment I read recently on Tumblr, although I can’t find the original post anymore: when we write and create our own worlds, our treatment of sex and gender are *choices we can make*. Some people insist on including sexual violence, bigotry, and archaic, hateful language and acts for ‘verisimilitude’ or whatever the excuse du jour may be. That is also some Nonsense that can Just Go. Unless we are portraying Real Historical Events That Literally Happened That Way - if it’s fiction, especially fantasy - *we make the rules*. Our works don’t have to perpetuate a culture of fear and hatred. Our works can be used to analyze, to elevate, and to heal. Fandom is a place for growth, discovery, and joy. There’s a difference between writing something dark to exorcise your own demons, and writing in such a way as to slap the chains back on your wrists or someone else’s.

I wish you all a peaceful and joyous holiday season. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

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Im literally just sitting here, watching Super Robot Monkey Team Hyper Force Go and thinking I might be non-binary cause i feel such apathy towards my gender

I don’t care if im called a girl, or a guy, or just they. And i honestly feel a weird comfort when I think of myself as non-binary. Like an excited tingle in my stomach

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to have figured out sexuality, been out to almost everyone for a couple years only to be hit by a truck



now that’s an L

I have decided gender is a type of feeling in my chest I have and not a definable thing. I am feeling the gender™️ today. but good gender™️ feels.

anyone else feeling the gender? what is the gender? who is gender? gender?


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