#genderplural

[shyocean]

Written in 2018. So this conversation has been going on for a long time, I guess.

We've got a word for the particular blend of problems that binary transwomen have--transmisogyny. We've got words for the problems sets faced by transmascs, like transandrophobia or transmisandry. At this point, I don't know which one is more accepted.

Is there actually word for the problems faced by people who are genuinely operating outside the binary?

Because the current discourse feels akin to biphobia in a lot of ways, especially if people aren't medically transitioning.

#theyfab discourse #trans discourse #transphobia #transandrophobia #transmisandry #nonbinary #genderplural

[shyocean]

I'm a white, non-medically transitioning, tme, afab non-binary person. I made up my own micro label within nonbinary and use they/them pronouns. In my regular life, I present as a mildly GNC female. I even have long hair.

I describe my attraction pattern as queer, not pan or Omni, because I am primarily attracted to people who display a mix of gender characteristics. Essentially, I am gay--I am attracted to people who are like me in some way.

And I have never felt less like a part of the queer community than today.

Between the discourse on here, and Twitter, and TikTok, it's just really clear that the queer community hates me. They have decided either that

my identity is not a real thing and I am just using it to feel special, or

That it's something I am opting into to try to escape my position as an oppressor, or

Since I am someone who doesn't face the same kind of oppression that other people do, any misgendering or cruelty is punching up and justified, any expression of sadness or hurt on my part is whitewomantears™ or transmisogyny, any desire to take up space on my part is morally wrong, and honestly, my whole existence is kind of cringe.

And it just feels like.

It feels like the moment when a group with relational bullying is choosing a new target, has decided which member of the in-group they are going to push out, and make suffer for wanting to belong.

I mean, the whole queer community is ripping itself apart anyway. Terfs and transphobes against trans people. New puritans against anyone slightly not respectable. The ace discourse. Transfemmes and trans women against anyone who is TME. And the un-deconstructed or under deconstructed white supremacy and racism/colorism, misogyny, ableism, classism, and american-centrism that everyone is carrying around in their heads. I shouldn't be surprised.

Maybe it's just privilege to surprised that the queer community decided to push /me/ out. That the trans community is comfortable misgendering *me* after all the talk about how it's important to gender people correctly.

People have mental structures and social agreements that tell them who it's ok to be cruel to. And then they are cruel to them.

And once someone has decided to make you a target, nothing you can do or say matters.

You will never be enough for the people who hate you.

But I really, really want to believe it's just a vocal minority that think white people can't be non-binary, or that non-transitioning non-binary people aren't trans, or that afab people are so privileged they can't be hurt by trans women.

That we aren't actually getting pushed out, the way the queer community reacted to terfs, and acephobes, and transmeds, and new puritans before, to say nope, trans people and ace people and all trans people and kinksters belong here.

I think I am hoping to be told that all trans people belong here.

#nonbinary #genderplural #transphobia #trans discourse #trans

[shyocean]

Descalating Syscourse

According to this article, the best predictor of DID is a disorganized attachment style. You can get one of those with no outright abuse or neglect. Maybe getting stuck in the hospital, or isolated from family, or having a parent have to leave or have major anxiety. It happens in the first few years of life, when you might have no memory of it.

So what?

So people who can say with perfect confidence that they didn't experience childhood trauma can have DID.

Because what happened is far outside the usual definition of trauma. And it's before conscious memory.

So when you are attacking self described endos, some of them are also DID systems.

And attacking them for being honest doesn't help them get help. Requiring that someone remember or acknowledge trauma to get help is literally deadly.

Please stop punishing people for being different than you.

But it does also support the idea that DID is traumagenic, if you change how you define and understand trauma pretty dramatically, and remind us that neurogenic is traumagenic in the same way a bi girl can be sapphic.

The article was published in this

Which is an incredible source for actually getting a handle on some of the science and controversy. Obviously, the field is really young and they are still figuring things out, so newer scholarship is good, but it decisively refuted the iatrogenic model and pointed out a lot of key problems with the DSMIV as well.

Of course this doesn't address spiritual systems that the DSM recognizes but doesn't pathologize, because they are trying not to be cultural chauvinists and there's not enough research to know what to say.

Please understand, the scientists know they are still learning and don't have solid answer either.

Any way. Be kind.

#actually did #syscourse #discourse #cw syscourse #endogenic #quiogenic #neurogenic #genderplural #plural community

[shyocean]

I remember when I was in high school, and bisexuality was a pretty new concept.

I thought part of being a bisexual was feeling like a boy sometimes. Like, yeah, you are around a girl you like, and your whole relationship to your body changes, even your hips feel different.

And sometimes you just feel like that not around a girl. Like, you are hanging out with your guy friends, and you are like, here we are, just bros.

And sometimes when you are around the boy you like or whatever, you are definitely a girl. Or when you have a swishy skirt.

And that's just what bisexuality is, I thought, having no one to compare notes with until college, and almost no one then.

The 90s were a decade.

#genderplural #trans #system pride #and they were headmates

[shyocean]

Genderplural.

We are coining genderplural to describe being plural and how that affects gender. It's our word for us. (We don't know of anyone else describing this as anything more specific than neuroqueer, which is very broad, or genderfluid/bigender/trigender, which are inadequate.)

Any kind of plural or system can use this term.

Essentially, it describes the idea that there are multiple, distinct genders linked to distinct identities associated with the body.

The flag is not a set of colors. It's overlapping circles in the colors that fit best with your system priorities. I'm going to upload some pictures in the next few days.

#genderplural #queer #trans #systematicpride #system #actually did #osdd #pluralpride #actually plural

[shyocean]

As promised, genderplural icon. Your system can customize which colors are meaningful, use inner and outer loops to indicate body presentation vs. internal identity, and even switch them up based on who is fronting.

Still playing, but they make us happy.

#genderplural #genderfluid #trans #genderqueer #bigender #trigender #system pride #pluralpride #actually plural #actually did #actuallymultiple

[shyocean]

stop being transphobic

I'm unaware of what I might have said to make @oatplant assume I am a transphobe. I am sorry if someone was hurt by something I said, and I am willing to listen to why.

Let me give some insight into my position though.

It's true that I have a very complicated relationship with gender and transness. For one, I have been reading queer theory on and off for a couple of decades, so I tend to have nuanced theoretical structures to my thinking.

On a personal note, as a system with members that include men, women, and multiple types of different nonbinary people, there's clearly a very complicated personal relationship with transness and gender. It's inextricably tied to disability and mental illness for me--and a whole lot of people!-- and that doesn't make our experiences of gender invalid or bad.

I will admit, this makes it difficult for us to really understand those trans people for whom trauma and mental health played no role in their identity development. But I do believe that they exist, that there are several types of them, and that they are also valid in their experience of identity and gender.

I think there's a real problem with gatekeeping though. There are several very different, very real ways to be trans, and people want to pick a definition that fits their experience, which is okay. The problem is when they negate others' experience.

As I understand it, what's required to be trans is to have at least one fully fledged identity with a sense of gender that doesn't match either with biology or with assigned gender at birth. Under this definition, there's no problems with people who are intersex, enby, agender, genderqueer, genderfluid, genderplural, people who do and don't experience dysphoria, people who do and don't want to transition the body, all fitting comfortably into the T in LGBT if they want. They might all wind up taking steps to alter their body at some point, and that decision is valid.

To people invested in defending their own smaller definition of transness, this might sound threatening. Calling for more kindness, more inclusion, a much bigger table and a much smaller fence--that can make it sound like taking resources away from people.

And as a pacifist, a person who is invested in trying to learn never to act harmfully, who is invested trying to learn never to act abusively even when one has a valid complaint, I might say some things that don't match up with your politics. There's no excuse in my book to verbally abuse anyone, not even terfs and transmeds.

You can set your boundaries. You can say that a person's beliefs and actions are dangerous and wrong. But no level of victimization justifies becoming a victimizer. No one gets moral immunity. This is not a position that I believe to be transphobic, racist, sympathetic to the actions of pedophiles, or any other such thing. But I know that other people don't see it that way.

For example, there's no excuse in my book to say anyone should kill themselves. That's you acting out with verbal violence because you are triggered. I have DID, I fucking sympathize with acting out because you are triggered. But that doesn't excuse the behavior, and it is dangerous to you as a moral person.

If you don't learn to change your response to being triggered, you become an abuser. That's just how that cycle works.

Which, God knows, probably most of this is not what oatplant was concerned about. I might have accidentally misgendered someone or said something hurtful or had an old post that was less thoughtful and genuinely need to apologize.

This is just what is on my mind. I really need to learn more about setting boundaries without being harmful, myself. It's hard. So yeah, please let me know what I did, and I will try to listen.

#discourse #trans discourse #trans #actually did #system #my writing #actually dissociative #syscourse #tw #abuse #no one should be verbally abused